MYMOON, Chapter 24:
“Panli… today I’m playing the khim at the Faculty of Fine Arts meeting room. Are you free to come watch?”
[What time does you start playing?]
“3 PM”
[Okay, I’ll head out from home in the afternoon, since I’m still at home now.]
“Panli… is something wrong? Why does your voice sound so off?”
[…]
“If something’s bothering you, you can talk to me, Panli. I’m always here to listen.”
[Earlier, Mom called and said Dad collapsed at the hotel…]
“And how’s your Dad doing now?”
[He’s in the hospital now… Mom said he’s doing better.]
“But you can’t help but worry, right?”
[Yeah.]
“Things like this can’t be prevented, and I get that… but at least your
Dad’s in the doctors’ hands now, Panli. He’ll be safe, trust me.”
[I trust you, Klaijai.]
“…”
[Phii Fah said he’s flying to Hong Kong tomorrow to check on
Dad. If I didn’t have an exam tomorrow, I’d probably go with him.]
“Exams are tough to reschedule, huh? If it’s a kind professor, you might get to take it later.”
[This professor’s super strict and doesn’t listen to anyone.]
“Then how about going after the exam, Panli? Finish the test tomorrow and head out.”
[I’ll have to think it over again.]
“Okay…”
[…]
“Panli… I’m serious. If you’re still feeling uneasy, you don’t have to force yourself to come to the event. Stay home and rest easy.”
[…]
“I can have Pie record a video of me playing the khim for you to watch.”
[It’s fine, really. I have to go help my friends at the booth anyway… Honestly, Theerak told me to stay home too, just like you,
KhunKlai.]
“See? Everyone’s really worried about you, you know?”
[I know…]
“…”
[Let me wait for another call from Mom first. She said she’d call around noon to update me on Dad’s condition, and I’ll visit in the afternoon.]
“Mhm…”
[…]
“Panli…”
[What’s up?]
“If anything happens, call me anytime, okay?”
[Okay.]
The morning conversation between him and Panli replayed in his mind. Klai let out a quiet sigh as he handed the last brochure to a student passing by the faculty booth before walking over to sit under a large tree nearby. He had just started helping his friends welcome the juniors at ten o’clock because Mai and Pie told him to take another dose of medicine and rest. They’d handle the duties of the head of the welcome team for him. So, Klai got a bit more rest before hurrying to help everyone at the open house event.
His almond-shaped eyes glanced at the watch on his wrist. The hands pointed exactly to noon. Klai pulled his phone out of his pants pocket to call someone he was worried about. But after waiting for nearly a minute, Panli didn’t pick up. Klai decided he’d go to Panli’s house since she had given him the address before.
The small figure stood up to his full height and strode over to Pie, who was chatting with a student at the department booth, to let his friend know he was going to check on Panli.
“Pie…”
“What’s up, Klai?”
“I’m going to swing by Panli’s house for a bit… Can you let Mai know for me?”
“Is Panli’s dad not getting better?” Pie knew about it because Klai had told him when he arrived at the university. He asked with a concerned expression.
“I don’t know yet… but Panli isn’t answering the phone.”
“Then go, go! I’ll handle everything here.”
“Thanks a lot, Pie…”
“No problem!”
“You don’t need to come find me… I’m already here for you,
KhunKlai.”
The moment he heard that familiar voice, his heart, trembling with worry, began to race even faster. Klai knew it wasn’t beating hard out of embarrassment. The reason his heart was pounding was because…
He was relieved that Panli was okay…
Klai turned toward the voice coming from behind. He saw Panli stepping forward to stand in front of him, flashing a bright smile. Klai let out a quiet sigh as a large hand reached out to ruffle his hair, as if soothing his trembling heart.
“Panli… why didn’t you pick up the phone? I was worried sick.”
“Sorry for making you worry… When you called, I was arguing with Phii Fah.”
“…”
“Can we find a place to sit and talk?”
“Mhm, sure.”
“Pie… I’m borrowing Klaijai for a bit.”
“Take him away~”
Panli gave a small smile and nodded lightly before wrapping an arm around Klai’s neck, leading him away from the area. Klai walked quietly beside the taller man, saying nothing. He stole glances at the side of Panli’s face. Even without direct eye contact or seeing the emotions in his eyes, Klai could sense that Panli was uneasy.
Because he’s the one I love.
How could Klai not notice something like this?
“Panli!”
It wasn’t just the owner of the name who turned toward the call—Klai, still in the taller man’s embrace, looked too. A good-looking guy from the architecture faculty booth was walking toward them, smiling warmly. Panli and Klai stopped to wait for him.
“Yo…”
“Heard you beat up that Merk from engineering on Monday, huh?”
Klai’s brows furrowed instantly at the question from someone he assumed was Panli’s friend from another faculty. When he looked up at the owner of the thick arm around his neck, he saw Panli pressing a finger to his lips, signaling the other guy to drop the topic.
“Pup… is that true?”
“…”
“I-I don’t know… I’m sorry, okay?”
Panli let out a heavy sigh while glancing at his friend from the other faculty. But when he turned and saw Klai staring at him intensely, he quickly flashed a wide grin. Klai knew he was using that bright smile to cover up the matter.
“What your friend said… is it true, pup?”
The puppy, now being pressed for answers, pursed his lips before nodding lightly. “It’s true.”
Once Panli admitted the truth, Klai, who had never noticed anything unusual on the other’s body, began scanning his face and arms. He spotted faint bruises on the back of Panli’s right hand, likely visible because that arm was wrapped around his neck.
Klai wasn’t surprised he’d only now noticed the bruises on Panli’s hand. From what he’d heard, the incident with Merk happened on Monday, but on Tuesday, the two of them hadn’t seen each other all day. And yesterday, when they did meet, Klai had fallen asleep for hours. By the time he woke up, Panli had to leave, so Klai hadn’t had a chance to notice anything.
“Think I’d better go… you two sort this out, then fill me in later, yeah?”
“You’re such a jerk, Pao… dropping a bomb like that and bailing.”
Panli’s friend from the other faculty gave them a sheepish smile before heading back to the Architecture booth. Klai looked up at Panli again. The latter raised his eyebrows and put on a cheeky expression, as if nothing had happened.
“I think we need to find a place to talk, Sasin.”
“Am I gonna get chewed out for this?”
“Let me hear your reasons first, then I’ll decide.”
“KhunKlai, you’re so small…” Panli paused, giving him a pitiful look, before continuing, “…but why do you seem so scary when you look at me like that?”
“Panli, you are not really scared…”
The listener’s laughter after hearing his words confirmed their truth. The smaller man shook his head slightly, then reached to remove the thick arm around his neck, instead taking Panli’s hand. Klai led the taller man toward the parking lot, where it was less crowded.
“Come on, little pup, tell me the whole story…” Klai said as he led the other to stop in front of his car, speaking in a gentle tone. “And after we’re done talking about this… we’ll talk about your Dad.”
The tall figure flashed a faint smile while looking at him. He crossed his arms and leaned his hip against the car’s hood, making Klai feel like the one about to be scolded wasn’t Panli, but himself instead. “I’ve never seen you this heated before.”
“…”
Even though you are using the same tone as always, but…”
Panli’s words trailed off as he stepped closer. Their eyes met for just a split second before Klai rested his face on the broad shoulder. He figured this was the only way to calm himself down.
Yes… Klai admitted he was exactly as the other described. Normally, he wasn’t the least bit hot-headed, and very few people ever saw this side of him. Only someone with a strong influence over his emotions could make him feel this way—like Panli, who worried him so much he felt like crying.
“…I’m really worried about you, Panli.”
“…”
“Worried about everything… whether it’s your Dad’s situation that might be upsetting you, or you getting into fights with others and getting hurt, and who knows how many other things I don’t even know about.”
Klai spoke softly, wrapping both arms around the thick neck. Panli, who had his arms crossed at first, relaxed them to return the embrace. Klai closed his eyes as a large hand gently stroked his head, and a sharp nose pressed against his shoulder.
“Calm down, okay…”
“…”
“I’m right here, aren’t I? Nothing’s wrong with me.”
“…”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the fight with that jerk Merk… but I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want you to worry, KhunKlai.”
“The less you tell me, the more I worry.”
…But when I do tell you, you can’t handle it like this.”
“Exactly… I can’t handle it. Who wants to see the person they love get hurt?”
“Hmm? What did you just say, KhunKlai?”
Klai let out a quiet sigh, pursed his lips tightly, and shook his head lightly. “I’m not saying it again…”
“You love me so much, don’t you? That’s why you’re this worried.”
Klai thought it was finally time for Panli to know the truth… the truth about how long he’d been watching him from afar, the truth that he’d been in love with Panli since before they even got to know each other.
“Panli… after the open house event…”
“…”
“Can you come to my condo? I have something to tell you.”
“Sure, once the event’s over, I’ll stop by home to handle some things quickly, then I’ll head to your place.”
“Mhm…” Klai pulled back from the hug and looked into her eyes before saying, “But first, you need to tell me how you got into a mess with Merk.”
Panli, with both arms loosely wrapped around his waist, spoke in a coaxing tone, “Can I tell you everything at the condo instead?”
“Why?”
“Because it’s a long story.”
As much as he wanted to know, Klai nodded in agreement. “But we don’t have to wait until the condo to talk about your dad, right?”
Panli gave a faint smile and nodded lightly. “Just a bit ago, Dad called and was laughing with me… There’s nothing to worry about anymore.”
“That’s a relief…” he said, letting out a breath.
“So, what time does you need to head to the meeting room to prepare?”
His question prompted him to check his watch. “In about twenty minutes, I need to meet the seniors in the meeting room. We have to rehearse with everyone one more time.”
“Oh…”
“I have something for you too…” Klai reached into his pants pocket and pulled out his car keys. The strong arms around his waist loosened, setting him free.
Klai opened the driver’s side door and leaned in to grab a lanyard from the console. He held up the orange badge with the English word “Staff” written on it, showing it to the taller figure before saying, “My senior said… if anyone wants to bring their partner to the performance, they should give them this badge.”
“…”
“Then their partner can line up to enter the meeting room as usual. When the staff at the door see this badge, they’ll take them to a seat close to the stage.”
“So the partner gets to see their partner up close, right?” Panli teased.
“No… the almost-partner gets to see me up close,” Klai corrected.
Panli chuckled softly before saying, “Not a single slip-up from this guy.”
Klai laughed, scrunching his nose at Panli. “Little pup, you are dying to be my partner, aren’t you?”
“You know… but you still torment me like this.”
“It won’t be long… maybe not even twenty-four hours.”
“For real, or are you just bluffing? If you’re bluffing, I’ll nibble your cheeks till they’re bruised.”
Klai laughed with delight as Panli pointed a finger and squinted at him. He tilted his head, watching the other try to coax an answer out of him, before saying, “Pup, you shouldn’t nibble my cheeks.”
“You naughty thing…”
Klai grinned so wide his eyes crinkled when he heard that, then handed a lanyard to the other. But Panli didn’t take it. Instead, he crossed both arms and leaned his head down. Klai smiled softly as he slipped the lanyard around the clingy guy’s neck.
“All done.”
Panli looked up to meet his eyes, then glanced down at the lanyard neatly hanging around his neck. “Gotta show this off to Pie. He won’t believe I’ve already cleared things up with you.”
Klai burst out laughing before saying, “Pup…”
“Yeah?”
He took a deep breath, locking eyes with the other, who was smiling happily. Perhaps because Klai didn’t want to see him suffer or get hurt again, he decided to say something. “I know how much we feel for each other…
“…”
“It’s probably more than just feeling good… It’s probably not just that anymore.”
Instead of staring deeply into the other’s eyes, it was Panli who tried to gaze deeply into his. Klai didn’t look away and continued, because he wanted to protect Panli’s smile and happiness. This moon…
It won’t be alone in the sky.
And it will shine brightly forever…
“Because we feel so much more than that… I want you to tell me everything.”
“…”
“Even if it’s something that makes me worry sick… or something that makes me feel heartbroken.”
“…”
“But let’s tell each other, okay? Because in the end, I believes the feelings I have for you won’t ever fade.”
Panli didn’t say anything. He lowered his eyes to look at his own palm instead. At that moment, Klai reached out to grab the other’s hand, holding it gently, and lightly traced his finger over the bruise on the back of it.
“…”
“Does it hurt?”
“No, it doesn’t.”
“But when I saw this mark… it hurt me a lot.”
“…”
“Because I was afraid it wouldn’t just be this… afraid you would get hurt even worse.”
Panli stared at him before pulling him into a tight embrace. Klai hugged him back, rubbing his hand on Panli’s back. Panli pressed a kiss to his shoulder again, then spoke in a soft whisper.
“No one can do anything to me, KhunKlai…”
“…”
“But I’m sorry for making you worry this much… I know how much you care about me.”
“…”
“But I didn’t think you’d worry so much it’d hurt your heart.”
“…”
Klai gave a faint smile before saying, “It’s real, you know… loving until your heart hurts, worrying until your heart hurts.”
“…”
“It’s not just you who has to tell me everything… I’ll tell you everything too.”
“…”
“Even if it’s something that might disappoint you in me, or something that might change how you feel about me…”
“…”
“After I told you something at the condo… I won’t hide anything from you anymore.”
Panli kept holding him like that, nodding lightly as if agreeing to something. “After tonight… I won’t hide anything from you either.” “Let’s try together, Panli… try for us.”
“Okay.”
Klai knew Panli understood the meaning of “us” perfectly. He believed they would both do everything to preserve that “us.” Because the word “us” held something vital for both of them.
The word “us” included Panli.
And the word “us” included Klaijai.
So they would do whatever it took to hold on to each other.
Panli walked Klaijai to the meeting room of the Faculty of Fine Arts, where he needed to rehearse music with others before the actual performance. After that, Panli drove out to buy flowers for Klaijai, planning to give him a big bouquet after the show. Luckily, there were several flower shops near the university.
Ding ding
The bell chimed as the tall figure pushed open the glass door of the shop. Panli quickly strode toward a woman he assumed was the owner and said,
“I’d like a bouquet of flowers, please.”
“Do you have anything specific in mind, sir?”
“Do you have any options for me to choose from?”
“Yes, we do… Just a moment, please.”
“Okay…”
Panli scanned the shop as the owner walked to the counter to grab something. She handed him a pink photo album, and Panli took it, flipping through pictures of various flower bouquets until he found one he liked.
The bouquet chosen for Klaijai was mostly pink lilies with a few white flowers sprinkled in. Panli furrowed his brow while looking at the picture.
“Would you like to make any changes, sir?” the owner asked.
“Can you make it bigger than this?” he replied.
“Oh, sure… How about twice the size in the picture? Is that okay?”
“Could you make it four times bigger?”
“Four times?”
“Yes… Is that not possible?”
“Oh, no, it’s possible! But it’ll be huge. Let me explain…” She glanced around the shop, as if searching for something to compare the size to, before continuing, “To put it simply, if I held the bouquet you’re ordering, it would completely cover my face.”
Panli chuckled softly before saying, “Okay, let’s go with that size.”
“Alright…” She smiled at him, and Panli figured she’d probably never arranged a bouquet this large before.
“How long will it take?”
“When do you need it by?”
“Three in the afternoon… I forgot to mention earlier. If a bouquet that big takes too long, you can scale it down a bit.”
“No, it’ll be ready! I’ll call in some help, and we’ll definitely get it done in time.”
“Okay… In that case, I’ll step outside to wait in front of the shop. I’m going to have a smoke.”
“Sure.”
With the owner’s acknowledgment, Panli stepped outside. He pulled a white cigarette from his shirt pocket and then grabbed a lighter from his back pants pocket. As soon as the cigarette was lit, the tall figure inhaled deeply, filling his lungs with nicotine. White smoke curled upward into the air as Panli tilted his head back, letting it drift freely.
He watched the faint smoke, reminiscent of morning mist, while recalling Klaijai’s words: “It’s real… loving so much it hurts, worrying so much it hurts.” Panli believed with all his heart that such feelings were indeed real.
Because he had felt them himself… Felt them for Klaijai.
Panli had a hunch about what Klaijai wanted to tell him tonight. But
Klaijai probably didn’t know that, besides the incident with beating up Merk, he had other things he wanted to share. Since Klaijai had asked to talk about everything today, Panli decided he would tell him everything. And he thought it was time… Time for Klaijai to finally know.
How long has Panli loved Klaijai?
Panli has loved Klaijai until his heart aches…
“Hey, Panli, what’re you doing at a flower shop?”
Panli shifted his gaze from the clear blue sky to the person calling out to him. He saw Wit, a friend from high school now studying in the same university’s business faculty, standing in front of him. “I’m at a flower shop. What, you think I’m here to buy smoky bites?”
“Haha, just asking, man!”
“Ask something creative, like, use your brain a bit. Don’t just call out for no reason.”
“Damn, you roast me so hard I’m speechless.”
“And you? Buying flowers for your boyfriend?”
“Yeah…”
“See, that’s an example of a creative question.”
“The point is, you just wanna brag that you’ve got a boyfriend now?”
“You know it, so help me out and ask, cause I wanna show off.”
Wit laughed and shook his head before asking, “Panli… buying flowers for your boyfriend?”
“Yeah… a big bouquet, too, you jerk.” For now, he could only apologize to Klaijai in his heart for claiming the boyfriend title.
“Haha, such a show-off!”
Panli grinned. He admitted he was totally smitten with his almostboyfriend, Klaijai. “…”
“Man, Panli, you don’t even need to brag. You’re practically parading around campus with that guy every day. Who wouldn’t know?”
“…”
“And with a loudmouth friend like Boss on campus? He’s been spreading the word that you’re the pup of that aviation kid for ages.”
“…”
“But since I’ve got you here, let me ask… Are you really his pup?”
“Not answering… cause you guys are jerks.” If Panli told the truth, his annoying friends would never let him hear the end of it.
“Alright, then… what’s that aviation kid’s name again?”
“Klaijai…”
“Right. So, if Klaijai asked if you’re really his pup?”
Just hearing the name “Klaijai” sent his pup instincts into overdrive.
“Absolutely, Mr. Klaijai.”
“Ugh… I’m such a damn slave to him…”
“And you? Aren’t you a slave to your wife?”
“Why wouldn’t I be, huh? I love my Cake and only her.”
“Idiot, thought you were tough.”
“I’m tough with everyone, man.”
“Except your wife.”
“Exactly… otherwise, I’d be crying my eyes out.”
Panli burst out laughing, shaking his head in disbelief. He’d never imagined he’d end up like this. “I’m done for.”
“Panli, trust me…” Wit said, snatching the cigarette from his hand. He took a deep drag, shaking his head slightly, then spoke with white smoke curling from his mouth. “…We’ll be even more done for than this.”
“…”
“When your wife acts all sweet, you’ll be like…”
“…”
“Completely out of it… ready to sell your house and car for her.”
“…”
“And when she’s upset, you’ll be like…”
“…”
“All frustrated and restless… you’ll do anything to make her stop being mad.”
“…”
“That’s the real ‘done for.’”
“…”
“You’re just getting started.”
Panli glanced at Wit, who was smoking his cigarette. Normally, he didn’t put much stock in his friend’s words, but this time, Panli believed Wit. He was starting to vaguely see his own future.
“…”
“If you fight and he tells you to sleep on the couch… you’ll be crying your eyes out.”
“You bastard! Stop hyping me up!”
“I’m not hyping! It’s from experience, dude!”
“Give me back my cigarette, you jerk!” Panli snapped, snatching the cigarette back from Wit before bringing it to his lips and taking a deep drag, fueled by emotion. Just imagining the day when they truly belonged to each other, and he accidentally made Klaijai so mad that he wouldn’t let him sleep close, his brain’s blood vessels constricted until his temples throbbed.
“You better behave yourself, Li.”
“…”
“Or you’ll end up crying like a dog.”
“I’m not like you.”
Wit chuckled softly before saying, “I’m done messing around. Gonna go order some flowers first.”
“Go already…”
Panli watched as Wit walked into the shop, laughing gleefully. But not long after, Wit came back out with a shocked expression, blinking rapidly before saying,
“That huge-ass bouquet is yours, right?”
“If I had a house, I’d sell it. If I had a car, I’d sell it.”
Wit burst out laughing at his response, placing a hand on his shoulder and patting it lightly, as if consoling him. “I don’t think you’ve just started, man… you’re way past the starting line.”
“I’m already on the moon, you jerk…”
“Haha… my friend’s completely done for.”
Because Panli couldn’t deny a thing, all he could do was stand there, smoking quietly and listening to his friend’s laughter. Wit had probably been waiting a long time to see him love someone so much he’d become everything for them.
Truth be told, it wasn’t just Wit who wanted to see it.
His other friends probably did too.
Dad, Mom, Phii Fah, even his nanny probably wanted to see it.
And Panli himself wanted to see it too.
And now, Panli had become everything for Klaijai…
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