YOURSKY, Chapter 25
[Theerak, later I will drive your car to your Grandpa’s birthday party, okay?]
“Why are you driving my car?”
[This morning, you told me that your dad is only coming to the party for a short while and will leave by the evening. I figured your dad would leave before me. If he goes back first, I can leave the car for you to use as usual.]
“Oh, that works, because my Dad probably won’t stay long. He was still complaining that he has so much work and wants to go back to finish it so he can take a long vacation next week and stay home.”
[Okay, got it.]
See you this afternoon, Phii Fah.”
[Khrapom.]
Theerak hung up the call with Muenfah before going to help Phii Babe and Phii Dom set up the dining table in the backyard. Grandpa’s birthday every year was kept simple. Grandpa only asked for the whole family to be together. Dad always made sure to come home for Grandpa’s birthday, no matter how busy he was. Like today, for instance—Dad called Mom this morning, grumbling that he wanted to stay home for a couple more days but had to rush back to finish work, so he couldn’t stay longer.
The little one spread a light gray tablecloth over the dining table and took plates from his older sister standing beside him to arrange them. Theerak looked up at Phii Dom, who was carrying chairs out from the house, thinking how Phii Dom had become part of the Niran family for a while now. He was always there for every important occasion. Grandpa told him every year to invite someone special, but Theerak would always reply… ‘I don’t have anyone special, Grandpa.’
But this year… Theerak told Grandpa…
‘Okay, I will invite Phii Fah to your birthday, alright?’
Theerak gave a small smile as he placed the spoon beside his plate. This year, he had brought someone important to join Grandpa’s birthday celebration. Theerak glanced at Phii Dom, who had only brought out six chairs, matching the number of family members in the house. So, he reminded Phii Dom…
“Phii Dom, this year we need seven chairs.”
“I didn’t forget Fah’s chair, don’t worry.”
Theerak smiled at Phii Dom, who went back inside to grab another chair, before continuing to set the table, “…”
“This year, with Fah joining Grandpa’s birthday… it feels complete, doesn’t it?”
Theerak nodded before saying, “The family, forever, is complete.”
“Even if he’s a little late… he’s here now.”
Theerak laughed at his older sister teasing his important person, “Phii Fah isn’t late. He’s been waiting for me for so long… It’s me who walked to him too slowly.”
“…” Phii Babe nodded and smiled at him before asking, “It’s been a full week today… Have you won Fah over yet?”
Theerak burst out laughing before replying, “I can’t even remember how many points he’s scored.”
“…”
“But I’m going to force the issue and ask Phii Fah to be his boyfriend this evening.”
Phii Babe chuckled softly before saying, “I hope he says yes.”
“Phii Babe, please root for me too.”
“Hmm… I’ll be cheering for you.”
After finishing setting the table in the backyard, Theerak went to help his mom cook in the kitchen. Every year, Mom makes a dish that’s a favorite of each family member. Last night, she asked what Muenfah likes to eat, so Theerak gave her the list of foods Nanny had written down. This morning, Mom said she’d make tofu and egg clear soup instead of his favorite bitter melon soup.
Mom, are you replacing my favorite with Phii Fah’s favorite?”
“And are you okay with that?”
“Yes, I’m okay with it.”
Theerak held back a smile as that conversation with his mom replayed in his mind. He chopped vegetables while glancing at the phone beside the cutting board, just in case Muenfah called so he could rush out to meet him at the front of the house.
“Chopping while staring at your phone—careful, or our important guest might end up eating your finger instead.”
Theerak turned to look at his mom, who was smiling beside him. He gave a small smile before saying, “Even if I lose a finger… he wouldn’t stop being with me.”
His Mom didn’t say anything, and Theerak only heard her soft laughter. He glanced at the side of his mother’s face; her warm smile made him want to say this…
“Thank you, Mom.”
“For what, Little Rak?”
“Just accepting who I am was more than enough…” Theerak pressed his lips together tightly before continuing, “But you even accepted Phii Fah too.” “You are Mom’s child. And he is your lover…”
“…”
“Right now, Fah is like another son to me.”
Theerak smiled widely before going in to hug Mom. “Thank you again, Mom.”
Be very happy, okay, my child…” Mom said while pressing her nose to his head to smell it. “Mom loves you.”
“I love you too, Mom.”
But a notification sound from the phone made Theerak pull away from the hug. He grinned instantly when he saw the name on the caller ID. Theerak turned to look at Mom for permission.
“I will go out to pick up Phii Fah first, okay, Mom?”
“Sure, go get Fah.”
The small figure quickly took off his apron and ran out to the front of the house. Muenfah was standing at the gate, holding a large fruit basket. He was about to slide open the heavy iron gate to let Muenfah in, and as always, the taller man stepped in to help him.
Theerak smiled at the tall figure before saying, “Did you wait long, Phii Fah?”
“I’ve been waiting for a while… but now you turned to look at me.”
Theerak burst into cheerful laughter. “Your hungry stomach, huh…”
“…”
Muenfah gave him the same familiar smile. Theerak thought he’d lean down to kiss his cheek like he usually did, but Muenfah only reached out to gently pat his head.
“…”
“I really want to kiss you so badly… but it wouldn’t be appropriate.”
Should I let you sneak a kiss?…” Theerak raised one hand to cover his mouth and spoke in a soft whisper. “A kiss at the front of the house… no one will see.”
“Hmph.” Muenfah chuckled in his throat, lightly pinching the tip of his nose. “No, I can’t.”
“…”
Theerak knew Muenfah wanted to respect him and everyone in the family, which is why he didn’t act as he usually would. He led Muenfah inside to greet Grandpa first. Grandpa seemed to love the birthday gift—a basket full of sweet fruits he enjoyed. Then he took him to say hello to Mom, who was cooking in the kitchen.
“Mom…”
“Yes…” Mom, busy at the stove with a pot of bland soup, responded and turned to look at him and Muenfah.
“Hello, Auntie.”
“Hello… just wait a moment for the soup, Fah. I’m still cooking it.”
“No problem, I can wait.”
“Rak, take him out to sit in the garden for now, dear. It’s hot in the kitchen.”
“Okay…”
Theerak nodded to Mom and gestured to Muenfah to follow. He led him out to sit in the backyard garden. Moogrob, the dog, didn’t bark at Muenfah at all, even though it usually barked at strangers entering the house. Perhaps because Muenfah didn’t show any fear. He picked up Moogrob and said “Moogrob… has Phii Rak ever complained to you about missing Phii Fah?” How could Moogrob answer that?”
“Then can this person answer for Moogrob?”
Muenfah placed Moogrob on his sturdy lap before turning to look at him. Suddenly, that familiar smile he’d grown so used to seeing made him feel shy all of a sudden.
Theerak lowered his gaze before saying, “I complain to Moogrob every night, you know.”
“Heh.”
“Darling, Mom’s calling you to help wash the vegetables…”
Theerak nodded at his Grandpa, who had come out to tell him, then glanced at Muenfah sitting beside him. Muenfah gave him a small smile and a light nod. So, Theerak stood up to go help his mom wash the vegetables. But worried that Muenfah might feel lonely, he turned back to look at him again. Grandpa must have guessed his concern because he brought out a chessboard and sat down at the long table in Theerak’s spot.
“Go ahead, Theerak. I’ll keep Muenfah company.”
“Yes, Grandpa…” Theerak nodded firmly before walking into the house, relieved.
Muenfah, seated at the long table, slowly shifted to make enough space for the chessboard. He took the box of chess pieces, opened it, and began arranging them on the board in their proper positions. Grandpa smiled faintly, pleased to see how skillfully he set it up. Muenfah used to play chess with his father often as a child, so he knew the positions and rules well.
“Kids these days don’t really know how to play chess anymore.”
Muenfah smiled at Grandpa before saying, “When I was little, I played with my dad a lot.”
Did your dad like playing chess a lot?”
“I think so… My dad loved playing chess with my Grandpa.”
Grandpa chuckled in his throat before saying, “Passed down through generations, huh?”
“Yes…”
“And how’s your grandpa doing now… Can he still play chess?”
“My grandpa passed away a long time ago… since I was still a kid.”
Muenfah looked up at the warm smile in front of him. He felt a strange familiarity with Grandpa’s smile, even though they’d only met a few times, and this was the first time they’d been this close. But after a few minutes passed, Muenfah realized that Grandpa’s smile… it reminded him of his own grandpa’s.
Grandpa moved a chess piece with his hand, shifting its position, then looked up to meet his eyes. “Your grandpa may be gone… but you still have me.”
Muenfah stayed silent, not responding. He moved a chess piece since it was his turn, but the reason he hadn’t answered Grandpa yet was because he was searching for the right words—words worthy of Grandpa’s kindness.
It should be more than just “thank you.”
“…”
“Does the name Muenfah have a meaning?”
“Mom said that ‘Muenfah’ means… steadfast love.”
Grandpa smiled faintly before continuing, “The name ‘Theerak,’ I chose it myself for my grandson.”
“…”
“Theerak, meaning… the one who is a beloved.”
“Theerak truly lives up to the name of being a beloved…”
“At first, I thought he wanted him to be loved by everyone… but as he grew up, I realized that if he could just be the beloved for someone, truly with all his heart… that would be enough.”
“…”
“As long as that person has a steadfast love for him.”
“…”
“…And I think this Theerak is a lucky boy because he’s already found that person.”
“…”
“Thank you… for being the steadfast love for my Theerak.”
Grandpa made Muenfah realize that… just those words, spoken from the heart just a simple “thank you,” was enough.
“Thank you, Grandpa.”
Thank you for kindly accepting him as another grandchild.
And thank you for letting him be the steadfast love for Theerak.
Grandpa laughed before moving his hand to slide a chess piece for him. Muenfah wanted to talk more with Grandpa. He wanted their conversation to flow on and on, but he couldn’t because the overwhelming gratitude gathered in his throat. He wanted to thank Grandpa a thousand more times, but even if he said thank you that many times it still wouldn’t be enough…
Lending such an expensive car to that little Rak… is that really okay?”
Muenfah looked up at Grandpa while moving a chess piece. He thought it over again before replying, “Its price can’t compare to Theerak, Grandpa.”
“…”
“In my life… nothing is more valuable than Theerak.”
“…”
“Everything else is worth zero…” Muenfah paused and looked deeply into the other’s eyes, so Grandpa would know he meant it from his heart, “…because Theerak is the most valuable thing in my heart.”
Grandpa nodded slowly, with a smile, “No wonder…”
“…”
“No wonder you became the beloved sky for that chubby little pup.”
“…”
“I’ll ever be the beloved sky only for Theerak.”
“…”
“But Theerak will be my entire life.”
“…”
Grandpa gave a faint smile while lowering his gaze to the chessboard, then looked up to meet his eyes again and reached out to pat his shoulder several times. Grandpa’s eyes were filled with a multitude of emotions. He nodded lightly before saying…
“Thanks again, Muenfah.”
#However Many Thousand Skies
“Phii Fah, sit here… so when Dad arrives, he can sit at the head of the table across from Grandpa.”
Theerak arranged for Muenfah to sit next to him. As for himself, he had to take his usual spot beside Dad. Muenfah nodded and sat down obediently. Dom, sitting across from Muenfah, smiled before saying…
“If you’ve made it here once… you’ll keep coming back every year.”
“…”
“Do you know why?”
Theerak furrowed his brow as he watched Phii Dom talk to Muenfah, “…”
“I know…”
“Why, Phii Fah?…I don’t even know yet.”
Muenfah gave a small smile, glancing left and right as if making sure no adults were around, before saying, “Because no one can stop loving the kids of this house, you are stuck here forever.”
“Flirting in broad daylight, huh?” Phii Babe chimed in, laughing lightly.
Theerak only just realized that being flirted with by Muenfah in broad daylight, in his own home, could make him feel a hundred times more shy. Maybe it was because everything had to happen under the watchful eyes of the adults, so they couldn’t tease each other as freely as usual. Being flirted with through words and looks again made the shyness come rushing back.
“Rak… Dad’s here, go help him carry some stuff, Nong Rak.”
“Yes, Mom…”
Theerak responded to his mom before excusing himself from Muenfah to go meet his dad. As soon as he reached the front of the house, he ran to hug the big figure carrying bags in both hands. Dad stumbled back slightly from the impact.
“You chubby little pup…” Dad said, laughing.
“I missed you so much, Dad.”
“What… We talk on the phone almost every day, and you still miss me?” Dad narrowed his eyes suspiciously, “…What are you trying to sweet-talk me into now, Rak?”
“Nothing, Dad…” Theerak pulled away from the hug and quickly took the snack bags Dad must have picked up on his way home, “I really missed you.”
“I missed you too… Come here, let me kiss your head.” With that, his Dad pressed his nose to Rak’s head with a loud smooch before asking, “Whose car is that… Did Dom get a new one again?”
Theerak followed Dad’s gaze to the frosted-colored Mini Cooper. He swallowed nervously before answering, “It’s Phii Fah’s car, Dad.”
“Phii Fah?” Dad repeated, frowning as he thought it over, “Is that Muenfah, the commander’s nephew?”
“Yes, Dad.”
Dad opened his mouth to ask more, but someone’s voice interrupted. Theerak turned to see his mom walking out of the house with a cheerful expression. When Dad saw Mom, he hurried over to hug her, clearly missing her. Theerak quietly took the stuff inside.
Muenfah’s presence might come up for questioning at the dinner table, since no one told Dad about inviting him to join the family’s important occasion. Truthfully, Theerak wanted to inform Dad beforehand because Dad placed a lot of importance on inviting guests to events. However, Mom and Grandpa suggested it’d be better for Dad to meet Muenfah at the house directly.
Theerak couldn’t predict how the situation would unfold. He knew Dad was broad-minded and fairly open, always willing to understand him since he was a child, no matter how small or big the issue. But this time, Theerak couldn’t help but feel genuinely worried.
After putting things away, Theerak returned to the backyard garden. By now, Phii Babe, Phii Dom, Grandpa, and Muenfah were seated at the dining table waiting. Once he joined them, only Dad and Mom were left to arrive.
“Has Dad arrived yet?”
“Yes…”
Theerak glanced at Muenfah, who showed no signs of worry at all. He tried to suppress his own feelings, but Muenfah must have noticed, as he reached out to gently pat his head.
“No need to worry, okay?”
Theerak pressed his lips together tightly before nodding at him. “…”
Not long after, Dad and Mom walked in to join the table. Dad raised his hands to greet Grandpa respectfully before fixing his gaze on Muenfah. Theerak felt himself swallowing hard, his hands starting to sweat profusely.
“Hello, Uncle.”
“Hello, Muenfah… How’s the chief doing?”
“He’s doing well, Uncle.”
“Send my regards to him, alright?”
“Sure, I’ll let him know.”
“Let’s eat, everyone.” Mom said.
Everyone began passing their plates for Mom to serve the rice. Theerak could tell everyone was trying to act as normal as possible. The light, breezy afternoon atmosphere started to feel heavy with something unspoken. The laughter and smiles at the table carried a hint of awkwardness.
Theerak knew something was weighing on his Dad’s mind, though he hadn’t asked yet. Theerak prayed his Dad would hold off on his curiosity for now. If Muenfah left and his Dad wanted to know something afterward, he’d be happy to explain. His Dad wasn’t the type to speak harshly, but he was straightforward with his words and actions, and sometimes his words could come across as too strong.
Theerak was trying to figure out how to balance both sides’ feelings…
Even though his Dad had never shown disapproval of his being with someone of the same gender, he’d also never explicitly said he accepted it. That’s why Theerak was most anxious about Dad. He understood everything took time… including for Dad.
While everyone was enjoying their favorite dishes and chatting cheerfully, Theerak caught a glint of doubt in his Dad’s eyes.
“What did you trouble Muenfah with this time that we had to invite him for dinner again like last time?”
His prayers went unanswered. In the end, Dad couldn’t hold it in…
“Honey!” Mom turned and scolded Dad with a sharp tone.
“Your father told you to invite Muenfah to join the event himself…” Grandpa said, before turning to smile at Muenfah.
“…”
“Even if Muenfah didn’t help Theerak, you could still come eat at our house.”
“…”
“But if we really had to treat you to a meal as a thank-you, it’d probably be for lending Theerak the car… since his schedule hasn’t been matching up with Babe’s lately.”
“…”
“But now, I don’t know what he did to upset Muenfah, since the car got taken back yesterday.”
Grandpa was the only one speaking with a constant smile on his face. Theerak had to suppress his fear and worry inside, responding to Grandpa to make everything seem as normal as possible.
“I didn’t misbehave, Grandpa.”
Grandpa’s laughter helped ease the tense atmosphere.
“Normally, our family birthday events are just for important people… Dom is important to Babe.”
But the awkwardness started creeping back in…
“So who is Muenfah here as someone important to?”
Theerak knew his father already understood who Muenfah was important to. His father just wanted a clear answer to confirm what he suspected. He was about to respond, but the thick hand of the person beside him under the table moved to hold his. Theerak shifted his gaze from his father to Muenfah, who nodded at him before speaking…
“Theerak.”
“…”
It felt like he stopped breathing the moment Muenfah answered his father. The way his father looked at Muenfah made Theerak feel like his heart was being squeezed tightly.
It wasn’t a look of disgust.
It was a look of disapproval.
It was as if everyone had fallen into a state where silence swallowed time. For the first time, there was silence at the family dinner table—an eternity where his mind went blank. Theerak tried to say something to break the awkwardness, but the firm hand holding his squeezed lightly, signaling him to stop.
“…”
Theerak looked away from his father again to Muenfah. As always, Muenfah didn’t show any signs of worry. He simply met his father’s gaze. There was no aggression in his eyes, but it was a look that made Theerak’s heart feel even more constricted.
It was a pleading look…
“Uncle…”
“…”
“Can I have a chance?”
“…”
Dad let out a sigh before lowering his head and closing his eyes. He was probably hoping that what he suspected wasn’t true, but everything he had learned left him disappointed. The fact that his Dad refused to look up and meet anyone’s eyes made Theerak realize just how hard it was for his Dad to accept this. “…”
Theerak pressed his lips together tightly while looking at his silent father. He believed everyone was rooting for Muenfah to get a chance from Dad. The situation felt like Muenfah was asking for water from Dad to nurture a newly planted seed so it could grow tomorrow. If he didn’t get that water from Dad, the young plant might not survive.
Theerak hoped Dad would give Muenfah even just a drop of water so their tree of love could grow beautifully.
Thud!
But Dad chose to stand up and walk away without leaving a single drop. It was in that moment that Theerak truly understood what it meant to have a broken heart. He lowered his head, closed his eyes, and squeezed Muenfah’s hand to comfort him, even though his own heart had already shattered into pieces. Theerak had prepared himself for rejection and could somewhat accept it, knowing everything takes time. He steadied himself and looked up at everyone. Mom got up from the table and followed Dad into the house. Phii Babe sat biting her lip, her eyes red, while Phii Dom comforted her. Not long after, Grandpa also left the table.
Theerak thought that his Dad walking away without an answer, leaving that look behind as a lasting memory, was the most painful thing. But he soon realized there was something even more agonizing: the same gentle smile Muenfah gave him. He just smiled and held his hand.
“It’s okay… Theerak”
Those words from Muenfah made Theerak feel a burning sensation in his eyes, and the stinging in his nose returned. He bit his lip hard to hold back every emotion. He didn’t feel any pain in his lip, even as he pressed his sharp teeth harder, probably because the numbness in his heart had spread throughout his body.
I won’t let Phii Fah worry, no matter what…
“I…” Theerak tried to speak, but he had to pause to take a deep breath, holding back the tears welling up at the edges of his eyes. “I am sorry, okay?”
“Sorry for not being able to protect your feelings at all.”
Muenfah shook his head gently. “You don’t have to apologize to me, okay?”
“…”
“I understand. you have to protect your dad’s feelings too.”
It was at that moment that Theerak let his tears fall. Muenfah was still as gentle and understanding as ever. Theerak couldn’t say anything because he knew he had disappointed Dad too much. It was the first time Dad had shown such deep sadness. His heart broke because…
the two people he loved most were hurting at the same time— Dad and Muenfah.
Theerak knew he couldn’t yet speak to make Dad accept this. He might need to give Dad some time. But no matter how long it took, Theerak wouldn’t give up…
Until that time comes.
Theerak wanted to protect Muenfah’s feelings by now.
#However Many Thousand Skies
Originally, his Dad had to rush back this evening, but after something happened, his Mom came to say that his Dad had called to take a vacation leave so he could stay at home for a week. Muenfah then asked permission from Grandpa and Mom to leave early. Meanwhile, his Dad still wanted to stay alone in the living room.
Theerak walked out to see Muenfah off at the front of the house. The latter didn’t show any signs of sadness or disappointment, but Theerak knew full well that Muenfah must feel just as bad.
Muenfah was always good at hiding his feelings…
“I will head out now, okay? I’ll call you as soon as I get to the shop.”
“Okay.” Theerak replied, standing there watching the tall figure walk away.
Once again, he called out to hold him back, “Phii Fah…”
“Yes?”
But this time, Theerak was the one who stepped toward Muenfah first. He lowered his gaze to the other’s large hand before reaching out to hold it. Theerak looked up, meeting the taller man’s eyes, and said…
“Phii Fah… don’t let go of my hand, okay?”
He knew he was forcing a smile for Muenfah. Theerak was certain that Muenfah would never let go of his hand, but he just wanted to make sure the other was ready to fight alongside him.
“…”
“I…” Theerak paused to take a breath, swallowing something that was rising in his throat, “I once said he wouldn’t let go of your hand.” “…”
“I meant it, really, Phii Fah.”
Muenfah gave him that same familiar smile before reaching his free hand to gently pat his head, as if comforting him. He remained the steady Fah that Theerak could always rely on.
“I want to hug you so badly… but now’s probably not the right time.”
“…”
“A kiss on the head, then, for Phii Fah’s good person.”
Theerak nodded and held Muenfah’s hand tighter. He always felt reassured whenever he heard these comforting words, but this time, Theerak felt a dull ache in his heart instead.
“…”
“When I hadn’t yet held your hand… I still managed to walk on my own.”
“…”
“Now that I’m holding your hand…”
“…”
“No matter what happens… I will never let go of you Theerak.”
Muenfah had once told him…
‘We’ll get through everything together, okay, Theerak?’
And now, Theerak finally understood the meaning of those words.
“We’ll get through everything together, okay, Phii Fah?”
Muenfah nodded while giving him that familiar smile. “For you Phii Fah…
I am more than just love.”
Theerak smiled faintly, thinking…
For him… Phii Fah is his heart.
TBC
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