YOURSKY, Chapter 26
After seeing Muenfah off, Theerak walked back into the house. He wanted to take a different route to avoid his Dad gaze, but since his Dad was sitting in the living room, it was hard to escape. Theerak felt that his Dad wasn’t ready to talk or face him right now. But as he stepped past the glass door, a deep, familiar voice called out.
“Rak…”
“Y-Yes, Dad.” Theerak froze mid-step before turning to look at Dad, who was standing by the sofa.
“Can I talk to you for a bit?”
Theerak pressed his lips together tightly. Truthfully, he wasn’t quite ready either, but he nodded in agreement. “Yes, Dad.”
He walked closer to Dad. Theerak could see the sadness and disappointment still shining clearly in Dad’s eyes. From childhood to now, he’d never received a look like this before. Having always been accepted, it felt heavy and painful to face rejection now.
Dad hesitated as he stood in front of him. Theerak pressed his lips together to hold back his own emotions. Dad let out a sigh before asking in a calm, steady voice.
“These days, your classes don’t line up with Phii Babe’s anymore?”
“Yes, Dad…”
“I’ll leave my car here for you to use… I can go back to using the official car.”
Theerak understood now… understood how hard this was for his Dad. “It’s okay, Dad… I can take the taxi van to school.”
“Because lately, I been too focused on work. I haven’t taken good enough care of you and Babe, so someone else had to step in instead.”
“…”
Dad turned his face away for a moment before looking back to meet his eyes again. “Return his car… and don’t use his car again.”
“…Yes, Dad.”
“I don’t know what’s been happening while I’ve been away… Normally, everyone would always tell me if something changed in our family.”
“…”
“But this time, no one told me anything…”
“I’m sorry, Dad.”
“But I know… even if you’d told me beforehand, it’d still be more than I could handle.”
“Dad…”
Theerak tried to ask for a chance from his father again, but because his father could already guess, he shook his head in refusal. In just a blink, his father’s eyes turned red. Theerak swallowed hard and pressed his lips together tightly. He felt a crushing pain that made it almost impossible to breathe.
“I’ve tried to move past these feelings… so that we could all be happy.” his father said.
“…”
“I’ve tried, Rak…” His father avoided his gaze. “But I can’t do it.” “…”
“Please, Rak… can’t you not love another man?”
His father asked in a gentle tone, but to Theerak, it felt like a sharp knife slicing through his heart. The overwhelming pain made his mind go numb, unable to function. He didn’t feel the sting in his nose even though tears welled up around his eyes. But because Theerak wanted his father to see that this love had made him stronger and more mature, he swallowed everything down… even the choking pain that rose up and turned into tears.
“Because I love you so much, Dad. You’re everything to me… that’s why I don’t want to lie to you.”
“…”
“I don’t want to promise you something I’m not sure I can do… I don’t want to make you sad because of me again.”
“…”
This time, Theerak tried hard to swallow the lump of tears stuck in his throat. It took him a moment until they faded from the edges of his eyes before he continued, “…Because just disappointing you with this is already more than enough.”
“…”
It was then that Theerak dropped to his knees on the floor and bowed down to his father’s feet. He didn’t hope for forgiveness or acceptance anytime soon, but only that his father wouldn’t feel more sorrow or disappointment. Theerak understood that his father had his own reasons, that he was doing his best as a father, and that he, too, had to do his best as a son.
“I’m sorry, Dad.”
“…”
“What I’m asking… you can’t do it, can you?”
Theerak stayed kneeling with his head bowed, not looking up at his father because he feared everything he’d held back would come pouring out. He shook his head lightly before saying, “I can’t… I can’t let go of Phii Fah.”
“…”
“I love you with my life, Dad…” Theerak paused to take a breath, “…but please let me in this life choose the one I love.”
“…”
Theerak knelt there waiting for an answer. Normally, his father never made him wait, no matter the issue. He’d get a response within minutes. But the silence that crept between them now was likely his father’s clear answer. Theerak bowed to his father’s feet once more before standing up and leaving the spot. He climbed the stairs with blurred vision, and since he was no longer in front of his father, he could finally let out some of what he’d been holding back.
The little one roughly wiped his tears with the back of his hand as he walked into his room. The moment the door shut completely, an endless stream of tears—coming from who knows where—poured out uncontrollably. Theerak slumped onto his desk chair and let himself cry as much as he needed. His heart ached for answering his father that way, and the pain doubled when he thought of someone else.
“Phii Fah…”
Yes… at this moment, Theerak needed Muenfah so much, but because he didn’t want the other to worry or feel even more anxious, he closed his eyes to recall that same old smile. Muenfah could always be his source of strength, even if it was just a vivid memory playing in his mind. Theerak placed his hand over the left side of his chest because it felt heavy and aching. He rubbed it gently to comfort himself.
Knock, knock.
The sound of a knock on the door made Theerak stop everything he was doing. He wiped the tears streaming down both cheeks, took a deep breath to steady himself, and prayed that the person behind the door wasn’t Dad.
His prayer this time worked.
Because the person standing in front of him was…
“Phii Babe.”
“Can I come inside?”
Theerak nodded in response and led his older sister into the room. He sat down on the bed, giving up the chair at his desk to Phii Babe as usual. But this time, Phii Babe didn’t try to claim his favorite chair. She walked over and plopped down beside him instead.
“It’s a bit tough, huh…” Phii Babe reached out to gently rub his shoulder before continuing, “But I believe you and Fah will get through this.”
Theerak nodded. “I hope that one day Dad will feel happy for the two of us.”
It was then that Phii Babe hugged him and rubbed his back lightly. Theerak hugged her back and nodded to let her know he felt the encouragement she was giving him.
“Thank you, Phii Babe,” Theerak tried to speak without his voice trembling.
“…I’m right here, Rak. If you want to cry, just cry. You don’t have to hold it back anymore.”
“…” Theerak tilted his face to rest on his sister’s shoulder and did as she said. The flood of tears he’d been holding back poured out endlessly.
They sat there hugging in silence, yet they understood each other without needing to explain anything. Theerak thought he was incredibly lucky to have a sister like Phii Babe—someone who was the backbone of his happiness and a refuge when he felt uneasy.
The gentle touch rubbing his back to comfort him reminded Theerak of when he was a child. Phii Babe was the only one who could stop his crying just by lightly rubbing his back.
But as we grew up…
The comforting touch from someone who understood couldn’t stop the tears anymore.
Instead, they flowed even more… to help wash away the pain inside his heart.
After Phii Babe left, Theerak went downstairs to walk in the backyard with Moogrob. Whenever he felt really down, he liked to sit and watch the chubby little pup run around until it was panting and then come lie down at his feet. Like right now, as he shifted his gaze from the night sky to Moogrob, who was lying with its tongue hanging out at his feet.
Theerak gave a faint smile before saying, “Tired, huh, Moogrob?”
While he was looking at Moogrob, Theerak heard the sound of someone opening the door. He saw both Dad and Mom walking toward the backyard with tense expressions. Theerak picked up Moogrob and stood behind the mango tree to hide.
It was the first time he’d seen Dad and Mom with such expressions while they were together.
“What did you say to our son this evening?”
“…”
“Rit…”
“I asked Rak not to love another man.”
“I begged you to give our son some time first.”
“…”
His Mom let out a sigh before raising her hand to rub her temple, then continued, “Rit… do you want to know why I didn’t tell you about this, even though I’ve known for a long time that Fah and Rak like each other?”
“…”
“It’s not because you’re not important enough… but because I knew that your past trauma would stop our son’s love from moving forward.”
“…”
“I knew that if I had told you about this from the start, you’d still end up reacting like this… Fah and Theerak wouldn’t be able to love each other like they do now, because Theerak would have chosen you over him back when his feelings weren’t yet stable. But now, his feelings are solid, and that’s why the two of them will get through everything together, even if that obstacle is the father he loves as much as his life.”
“…”
“Do you realize that you can accept our son loving another man… it’s just that you haven’t been able to move past that one thing?”
“You and your dad know how much that incident hurt me… I don’t want it to happen to our child.”
“Rit… how do you know something like that will happen to our son?”
“…”
“You can’t judge our son’s love life based on your friend’s love life…” “…”
“Babe told me that Fah has secretly loved Theerak for years. He never demanded anything, never wanted anything from Theerak… all he ever gave was kindness. Fah loved Theerak even before that day happened.”
“…”
“…As for the car, Babe said Fah didn’t just lend it to Theerak—Fah bought that car for him outright.”
Dad, who had been avoiding Mom’s gaze, turned back to look at her instantly, “…”
“But Theerak refused to put it in his name for several reasons, one of them being that family is a priority for him, which influenced his decision. Even though he could have owned the car himself.”
“…”
“Rak is growing up… but no matter how much he grows, family will always come first for him.”
“…”
“I’m not supporting Fah because he bought an expensive car for our son… but I feel for him, having to overcome all those feelings on his own.”
“…”
“…And I feel for him too, because for him to feel like, love, and accept himself, he must have gone through a lot as well.”
“…”
“The truth is, it’s not just the two of them who have to overcome all these difficult feelings… but me as a mother too, your father, Babe—we all have to come to terms with this change. No one can accept it right away.”
“…”
“But in the end, we have to manage… and do you know why?”
“…”
“Because his smile is more important than anything else.”
“…”
“I don’t know what the future holds, whether Fah will still make Theerak smile the same way… but that’s a matter for the future.”
“…”
“You once told me that thinking about the future makes us smile less because we worry about what might happen, so we should focus on the present that makes us smile.”
“…”
“As parents, we should love and take care of our child the best we can, but don’t forget that we can only care for his body… his heart and life belong to him.” Mom said before walking over to hug and comfort Dad.
“…It’s so hard, honey. I don’t know if I can accept it.”
“Please… don’t let your past destroy our son’s love.”
Theerak, standing there holding Moogrob, lowered his eyes and pressed his lips tightly together. At this moment, he realized Dad didn’t reject the two of them. It was just that some past event, unknown to him, had left a scar on Dad. Because Dad loved him so much, he feared something bad might happen to him like it did to himself. Theerak didn’t know how much pain Dad felt when recalling the past. He only knew that their love must be a sharp knife cutting into Dad’s old wounds.
Dad wasn’t hurting any less than the two of them.
And Dad was trying to overcome all these feelings just like everyone else.
#However Many Thousand Skies
After talking with his wife, Rit still wandered in the garden, mulling over everything that happened today. He let out a sigh as memories of his old friend Natee resurfaced. Then he opened his eyes to remind himself that this was the present. A gentle breeze always seemed to wrap around him whenever he thought of his dear friend. Rit let out a faint smile as Natee’s voice and words echoed in his mind.
‘Rak Niran, handsome like his father Natee, no doubt.’
‘He’s got to look like me, damn it. I’m his real dad, you know!’
‘Let me, his godfather, indulge in a little self-flattery, will you?’
Rit chuckled softly, thinking of the goofy smile of that godfather who was utterly smitten with his newborn son. He closed his eyes to soak in every feeling once more, and when he opened them, Rit felt like a pair of eyes were watching him. He stepped closer to the mango tree and vaguely saw a small figure holding a puppy, partially hidden by branches and leaves. The figure refused to show himself, trying to tuck himself deeper into the bushes. Rit shook his head slightly, thinking his son must hate him now.
He didn’t want to act that way, but everything happened so quickly that he couldn’t brace himself. Rit had never been aware of this beforehand. His whole life, he’d prayed that this kind of love wouldn’t happen with his own child, but suddenly, one day, the thing he dreaded most came true. The painful past he’d tried to erase came rushing back, as vivid as if it had happened yesterday. Shock and worry struck him with relentless speed. Rit admitted he might have made a mistake speaking to his son like that, but everything swirling in his heart turned him into someone who’d lost all sense.
Rit regretted what had happened. He was trying to move past it all for everyone’s happiness. Theerak might not realize how hard it was, but if he could see the memories Rit held, Theerak might forgive a father like him.
With that thought, the images from years ago looped back into his mind…
“Rak Niran, handsome like his father Natee, no doubt.”
“He’s got to look like me, damn it. I’m his real dad, you know!”
“Let me, his godfather, indulge in a little self-flattery, will you?”
“Get over here… the nurse has already drawn the curtain.”
Rit looked at his best friend, whom he’d known since third grade, gone to police academy with, and who was now his colleague. Most recently, Natee had become the godfather of his son. In all his life, Rit had never been apart from this friend. He thought of Natee as a part of his life as valuable as his family.
“I want to hold Theerak…”
“You can hold him tomorrow… the nurse will take Theerak to his mom for feeding soon. Come early, alright?”
“I’ll be here early anyway, because I won’t be around in the evening.”
“Don’t tell me you’re going to that jerk’s wedding.”
“I’m not going, but I want to take some time to clear my head.”
“If it’s too much, come crash at my place… my dad’s been asking about you.”
“Tell your dad thanks for worrying about me… but I’ll be fine.”
Rit watched his best friend walk over to the balcony of this floor. He sighed before reaching out to lightly pat Natee’s shoulder, offering comfort. Natee had been heartbroken just three months ago. Rit didn’t think it was just a broken heart this time—he felt it was a cold-blooded betrayal by someone Natee loved. Natee’s partner was a fellow police officer from another province, someone he’d fallen for during a temporary assignment there. Rit had always known about it and never interfered in his friend’s love life.
Natee had been with that man for years, visiting back and forth constantly. Then one day, Natee came to him with red, swollen eyes, sobbing uncontrollably in a way Rit rarely saw. He could still remember the sound of Natee’s choked voice clearly. Natee said…
“Bro… he’s got someone else.”
“…”
“He cheated on me.”
“…”
“He said he’s sorry… but he can’t go on with me anymore.”
It probably wouldn’t have hurt so much if that man had cheated on Natee with another man. But instead, he went back to being with a woman. All this time, Natee had loved that man with all his heart. He was willing to be unaccepted by his family, and Natee sacrificed his weekends to tutor his lover so he could pass the exam to rise from a non-commissioned police officer to a commissioned one. Because Natee was smart, he managed to become a commissioned officer alongside his boyfriend, though they were still stationed in different provinces.
And to make matters worse, Natee hadn’t even had time to fully process it.
He knew he still hoped his lover would come back to love him like before. But just a few weeks before Theerak was due to be born, a wedding invitation from his ex arrived at his workplace. That faint glimmer of hope, like a flickering candle, was snuffed out.
Natee probably realized by then that his hopes were no longer possible.
“Do you know why I asked you to be Theerak’s godfather?”
“Because when I asked to be Babe’s godfather, you wouldn’t let me, right?”
“Because back then, I still thought you might have a family of your own someday.”
“…”
“But now I know… no matter what you are, Theerak will still be your family.”
“…” Natee averted his gaze before nodding. “Rit… I don’t know how to thank you. I…”
“You don’t need to thank me. Just love Theerak a lot and take care of him so he grows up with a smile every day. That’s enough.”
“Yeah… I’ll watch over and protect Theerak no matter where I am.”
“Are you going back to the police flat tonight?”
“Yeah… I’ll go pack my stuff before moving back to my dad’s place for good.”
“Tonight, I have to stay at the hospital with my wife, so I won’t be able to check on work… Could you help me clear some of it up? You don’t have to finish everything, just today’s stuff is fine.”
“Sure, got it… See you tomorrow morning.”
Rit nodded at his friend. That day, he watched Natee walk away until he was out of sight, thinking that he must have started to come to terms with it. Theerak was probably the anchor that helped him feel a bit better. Natee once told him that breaking up with that man felt like the family life they had planned together crumbled to pieces. Rit didn’t know how beautifully two people could dream together but when it fell apart the whole world must have shattered.
The path they had laid out must have become empty.
In the morning, a nurse wheeled in a crib with a cute, chubby-cheeked baby into the room. Rit and everyone in the family had been waiting to welcome the new member for two days now, including Natee, who stood smiling at Theerak.
“Daddy… will my little brother love me?”
“Of course, sweetheart. He’ll love you so much.”
“My little brother…”
“You’re really smitten with him, aren’t you, big sister?”
“Grandpa, hold me up so I can see him…”
It was probably because his eldest daughter wanted a clearer look at her little brother that she asked Grandpa to lift her. Standing on tiptoes wasn’t enough to add the height she needed to peek over the edge of the clear crib that kept her from touching her baby brother.
“Let Uncle Natee help, okay…”
Natee walked over to lift Babe closer to Theerak, then gently offered blessings to his godchild as he always had. Rit noticed his friend’s reddening eyes and the trembling in his voice at times.
“Theerak… you must be a good boy for your dad, your mom, and your grandpa, okay?”
“…”
“Daddy Natee wishes for Theerak to smile every day… wishes for Theerak to be everyone’s beloved.”
“…”
“May you be a gentle person with a strong heart.” Natee paused, then leaned down to kiss Theerak’s forehead while still holding Babe, before continuing, “May you find a good lover, someone steadfast and devoted only to you.”
“…”
“Daddy Natee loves you so much… my last little heart.”
Rit wasn’t sure if it was the heartfelt words from his friend or the touching atmosphere filled with family that made his nose sting, but for whatever reason, no one would easily see his tears.
After Natee finished visiting Theerak, he excused himself to handle some business at the police flat again. Rit went down to see his friend off at the parking lot. Natee’s expression wasn’t great, likely because today was his ex’s wedding day. Concerned, Rit asked “Want to crash at my dad’s place tonight?…If you’re not ready to go back to your own house.”
“I’ll be fine… Oh, I cleared all the work for you already.”
“All three stacks?”
“Yeah…”
“You’re insane… That much work? Don’t tell me you stayed up all night doing it.”
“I didn’t have anything else to do, so I just kept at it.”
“…I want to chew you out, but I guess thanks are in order first.”
“Then I’ll head out.”
Rit nodded and stood there until his friend drove off, then returned upstairs to be with the family. Later that evening, he got a call from work asking him to check out a scene. A junior officer said the incident happened at the police flat where he was stationed. At that moment, Rit felt his heart drop to the floor. He pressed the junior for details, but they wouldn’t say more. Unable to stand it, Rit asked his wife’s permission to go check the scene as requested.
When the junior stood with red, teary eyes in front of Natee’s residence building, Rit tried to steady himself and prayed that what he feared wasn’t true. But since he hadn’t been able to reach his friend since driving here, Rit had to brace himself for the worst.
Still, he believed Natee wouldn’t do something like that.
He’d hold up… he had to hold up.
“Phii Rit, you can go up now. The captain’s waiting for you.”
“Which room?”
“The captain’s room.”
Rit didn’t hesitate and immediately rushed up to Natee’s room. The first thing he saw was several police officers collecting evidence, but as soon as they noticed him, they quickly stepped aside and nodded for him to enter Natee’s quarters. What made Rit’s knees buckle, causing him to collapse to the floor, was the sight of his friend’s lifeless body lying in a pool of blood. That bastard Natee had ended his own life with his trusty gun.
It was at that moment that Rit was so overwhelmed with grief he couldn’t control himself. He crawled over, sobbing, and wrapped his arms around his friend, repeatedly asking for the reason behind this reckless act.
“Why the hell did you do this, Natee…?”
“…”
“If you couldn’t take it, why didn’t you tell me?!”
Rit still clung to the hope that this wasn’t real, that the scene before him was just a dream, and soon he’d wake up to see his friend with his son again. But the reality in front of him served as a stark reminder that it had all truly happened. One of the officers handed him a letter. Rit took it and opened it while still holding his friend in his arms.
To Rit, my dear friend; Don’t be sad. This was my decision. I might seem like an idiot for doing this, but no one who isn’t me could understand how much it hurts. I tried to come to terms with it, but every day my heart only thought of him. The memories kept coming back to torment me. When he told me he was sorry for never admitting the truth—that he didn’t love me, that it was just attachment, and the one he truly loved was that woman—it was like I died right then and there. I’m not asking you to understand me, Rit, but I want to apologize to you. I know everyone must be devastated. I’m no less heartbroken than anyone else.
But I can’t keep living in this empty world anymore—a world where I wake up knowing everything has crumbled. Still, I’m glad the last thing I got in this life was Rak Niran. He’s the final piece of my heart I’ll take with me. Please tell Theerak I’m sorry for being a godfather too weak to stay and protect him, but I promise I’ll watch over and care for him forever. You have to love and look after him the best you can. Don’t let him go through the awful things I did. Don’t let bad people take advantage of him.
Rit… please take care of my Little Rak for me. Help him find happiness and smile a lot, just like Babe too.
Love Natee
Rit shook his head to dispel the memory of himself crying like a madman after finishing the letter. Even thinking about it now brought tears to his eyes.
He thought everything would take time.
By now, Rit had enough clarity to realize that… whether it’s love between a man and a man or a man and a woman, love always comes with risks. Natee’s decision to end his life stemmed from being with a bad lover, not because the form of love was different and caused such an outcome. The reason Rit hadn’t reflected on this from the start was that he was too focused on preventing it from happening to his own son, forgetting to consider what he’d do if it actually did happen. Since he hadn’t prepared his heart for it, his decisions ended up causing pain to everyone. From now on, he could only hope and pray…
Rit prayed that Theerak’s love this time would heal the wounds of the past.
Then he could bring back his son’s smile…
“Hey, Natee… Theerak has grown up so much now, huh? You’ve got to keep cheering him on—and me too.”
Rit spoke softly before turning to head back into the house. If he didn’t go inside, that precious son of his, hiding under the mango tree, wouldn’t come out. As he walked past the backyard garden, Rit had one thing he wanted to say…
“I’m sorry, Theerak… Dad will try harder.”
#However Many Thousand Skies
“Crispy pork, Phii Rak said not to squirm—Dad’s already walking over.”
Theerak lowered his eyes to look at the chubby little puppy wriggling in his arms. Only after he saw his father walk into the house did he emerge from his hiding spot. But a hoarse voice calling from behind startled him.
“Theerak…”
“G-Grandpa.”
“What’s with this grandkid… playing under the mango tree at night? Aren’t you afraid a snake might drag you off to eat?”
“…”
“The snake would probably be full for a whole year, getting both a person and a dog.”
Theerak gave a faint smile before setting the chubby pup down. “Did you come out through the back door, Grandpa?”
“Yeah… I saw something vague under the mango tree, so I came to check.
Thought it might be a thief breaking in.”
“It’s just me, Grandpa…”
“Why were you under the mango tree?”
Theerak looked up to meet Grandpa’s eyes before lowering his gaze again.
“Uh…”
“Want to take a walk in the garden together first?…I remember we haven’t strolled through the garden at night in a long time.”
“Sure, Grandpa.”
Theerak walked side by side with Grandpa. Unsure of what to say, he tilted his head to look at the dull sky he didn’t particularly like, then stole a glance at Grandpa’s profile. Grandpa turned and gave him the same warm smile as always before asking “What did your dad say to you this evening?”
Just thinking about his father’s words sent a sharp pang through his heart.
“Dad asked me not to love another man.”
“…” Grandpa nodded. “And can you do that?”
Theerak shook his head in refusal. “…”
“Can you stop loving Muenfah?”
“No, Grandpa.”
Grandpa nodded again. “No one can abandon their own tree of love.”
“…”
“…And no one can let the tree of love they’ve nurtured die right in front of them.”
“…”
“If you and Muenfah hold hands tightly enough, take care of it together, and support each other… this tree of love will grow beautifully and have a strong foundation of love.”
“…”
“I’ll be rooting for you and watching this tree of love grow.”
Theerak pressed his lips together and nodded. “Thank you, Grandpa.”
“…” Grandpa sighed before continuing, “Don’t be mad at your dad, alright, darling?”
“I’ve never thought of being mad at him, Grandpa. I understand everything about Dad.”
“This matter… Grandpa and your mom are partly to blame too. We knew full well how much that issue would affect Rit’s heart, but we chose not to let him know beforehand. We let him find out all at once… so Rit was like he was in shock and couldn’t accept the truth, which is why he spoke to us like that.”
“…”
Grandpa reached out to pat his head before continuing, “Your dad didn’t mean to hurt us.”
“…”
“Right now, we might see him as cruel or narrow-minded, but don’t forget that he didn’t know anything beforehand—not like your mom and me, who’ve seen your smiles all along.”
“…”
“People have different feelings and thoughts, shaped by the experiences they’ve been through in the past.”
“…”
“As long as we can’t fully understand or feel how happy or hurt he was by the past he’s lived through… Grandpa doesn’t want us to judge him as a bad person or someone narrow-minded.”
“…”
“The saying, ‘If you’re not him, you’ll never know,’ still holds true.” “…”
“Grandpa will tell you this story… so Rak can understand your dad better.”
“What story, Grandpa?”
“A story about the past your dad went through…”
Theerak fell silent, thinking about the words his mom had said while talking to his dad, “…”
“Rit had a close friend… a friend he’d studied with since third grade. Nathi was close to everyone in our family. Babe met Nathi when she was really young, but she probably doesn’t remember him now.”
“…”
“Nathi studied with your dad all the way until they both passed the police exam together. They trained together, ate, slept, and hung out together… they were together almost their whole lives.”
“…”
“Nathi had a boyfriend, but they broke up because that guy went back to dating a woman…” Grandpa paused, as if steeling himself, before continuing, “The day you were born… Nathi’s dad came to see you at the hospital.”
“Nathi’s dad?”
Grandpa nodded. “Yes… Rit made Nathi your godfather.”
“…” Theerak froze in shock because he’d never heard this story before. No one had ever told him about it.
“But after Nathi came to bless you on the second day… Nathi took his own life. That day was his ex’s wedding day.”
“…”
“Your dad was devastated… so much that Grandpa and your mom couldn’t help but worry about him.”
“…”
“But in the end, your dad got through that tough time.”
“…”
“And Grandpa believes that this time, your dad will get through it too.”
“Yes, Grandpa… Rak understands everything a lot better now.”
“Dad, Mom, and Grandpa decided not to tell Rak and Babe about Natee when they grew up because it was something everyone tried to forget… but Grandpa thinks we were wrong. Because no matter what happens in life, there’s no way to forget it. We have to come to terms with it and live with it.”
“…”
“Just like what your Dad is trying to do now… I believe Rit is trying his hardest for you.”
“…”
“Some of your Dad’s actions and words might have hurt you, but I think your Dad isn’t hurting any less than you… He might have made mistakes in some things, but he’ll always be your dad.”
Theerak smiled through tears. He understood what his Grandpa was saying and how his Dad felt now, “…”
“Just give him some time… you need to give your Dad time, and your Dad needs to give you time. We all need to give each other time.”
“Yes, Grandpa.”
“I’m rooting for you, Rak.”
“Thank you, Grandpa.”
#However Many Thousand Skies
After Theerak finished talking with Grandpa, he went up to his room to wait for a call from Muenfah, because it was almost time for Fah’s shift. Theerak sighed while thinking about what Grandpa had told him. In truth, Dad might have accepted him and Muenfah more easily if he hadn’t gone through that experience. He wanted to tell Muenfah about it so he could understand Dad better, but Theerak thought it’d be better to hold off for now. Right now, he shouldn’t burden him with anything more—just offer encouragement so they could get through this day together.
LINE ~
M.FAH: I’m at the shop now, okay?
Theerak: Okay, Phii Fah.
M.FAH: Theerak, what are you doing?
M.FAH: Are you overthinking things…?
Theerak gave a faint smile. Muenfah always knew what was on his mind.
Theerak: I’m not overthinking as much as I’m missing you. M.FAH: Theerak, you don’t miss me as much as I miss you.
Theerak now believed that Fah’s gloomy day could brighten up because of
Muenfah. He was about to reply when Muenfah called him first. As soon as
Theerak picked up, he heard the voice of a singer speaking. He guessed Muenfah must be in the VIP zone near the stage, because the singer’s voice was crystal clear.
[This song was requested by Khun Muenfah, the owner himself. I’ll sing it with all my heart.]
“…”
[Khun Muenfah said he’s dedicating this song to his beloved. He wants to give this song to you, Rak Niran.]
“…”
[I requested this song for you… Listen carefully, okay?]
“Okay, Phii Fah…”
[You are love, you are my heart, you are meaning, you are my soul, you are life, you are everything, you are the path, to the word love] Just hearing the first verse of the song, Theerak had to press his lips tightly together…
“…”
[Who decided this, that we would meet and then part, testing something with me, playing what game with you, who set it up this way, or was it because of your heart, not wanting us to meet, so you went far away]
“…”
[But I know, I know, I believe that we, both of us, still love each other, and I know, I know, I believe you had a reason for doing that, but no matter the reason, wherever you are, I’ll follow you, follow my heart back]
It was at this moment that Theerak let his tears fall even as he smiled. He heard Muenfah singing along with the singer. Theerak closed his eyes, nodding in acknowledgment of what Muenfah was trying to convey.
[You are love, you are my heart, you are meaning, you are my soul, you are life, you are everything, no matter how far the path, I’ll set out to find you, I’ll go meet you, I’ll search until I find that heart, to the ends of Fah or wherever it may be, I’ll follow my heart, yours and mine, back home]
“Phii Fah…” Theerak called out to him with a trembling voice.
[Yes, my good one]
“Phii Fah you are everything to me too.”
[I really want to hug you right now]
“I want to hug you too.”
[…]
Theerak tried his hardest not to let his voice quiver as he spoke. “I understand what you meant by ‘heart breaking’ now.”
[Kiss on the head, my good one]
“…”
[Be patient, okay… give your dad some time]
“Yes, Phii Fah.”
[my heart is breaking just as much as yours.]
“Before Monday comes… I won’t let my heart break and die.”
[Tomorrow’s already Sunday]
“I will make it through these forty-eight hours.”
[We’ll get through every hour together]
“Yes, Phii Fah.”
Theerak thought…
Muenfah might not be with him every hour But the Sky is with him every second.
#However Many Thousand Skies
On a Sunday morning when Theerak would usually sleep in, today he had to wake up early because his Dad was home, just like every time his Dad returned. He wanted to spend more time together, even though there were misunderstandings between them. Theerak still wanted to keep things as they always were. He showered and went downstairs to brew coffee for Dad.
Theerak saw his father sitting at the dining table in the middle of the house, reading the newspaper as usual. He walked into the kitchen to brew coffee for his father. Right now, it was just the two of them in the house. The others were probably out shopping or running personal errands. Sunday mornings often had this kind of atmosphere— quiet, calm, and warm.
He’d just realized that every event, big or small, required time. Theerak had also come to understand that avoiding confrontation wasn’t a good way to solve problems. It only led to more misunderstanding and distance. What he should do was keep everything as normal as possible, just avoiding topics that might spark conflict again.
Theerak thought this was the best approach— letting time guide him and his father to meet halfway.
“Black coffee, no sugar, Dad.”
His father lowered the newspaper and looked at him. “…”
“Do you want anything else, Dad?” Since his father shook his head, Theerak figured he wasn’t ready to face him yet. He thought it’d be best to step back and give his father some space.
“If you need anything, just call me, Dad. I’ll go play with Moogrob in the backyard.”
“Babe and Dom took Moogrob to get vaccinated…” His father folded the newspaper and placed it on the table before taking a sip of coffee. “Sit and chat with me for a bit, Theerak.”
“…”
“Normally, on Sundays when I’m home, you’d tell me about school and your friends.”
“Yes, Dad.” Theerak sat down across from his father. He missed his father with all his heart. He remembered it had been a while since his father last came home, and it had been just as long since he’d made this black coffee recipe for him. “Does it taste the same, Dad?”
“It does…” His father nodded, giving a faint smile as he looked at the coffee mug. “How’s school been lately?”
“It’s been a bit tough, but I think I’m doing pretty well.”
“My Theerak has always been a good student.”
Theerak smiled at his father. He could tell his father was trying to make things better, probably wanting them to go back to how they used to be.
“…”
“And your friends, they’re doing well?”
“Yes, Dad. Panli still teases me like always. Type and Joy still argue a lot, as usual.”
His father chuckled softly before meeting his eyes. “Theerak…”
“Yes, Dad?”
“Even a father can make mistakes… but when he’s wrong, he should know it.”
“…”
“Even though you’re the son and I’m the father… if I’ve made you sad.”
“…”
“A father should apologize… I’m sorry, Theerak.”
Theerak shook his head, even as clear tears welled up around his eyes. “It’s okay, Dad… I understand you.”
“Come here, my chubby little pup.”
Dad waved his hand, calling him over. Theerak got up from his chair and knelt in front of Dad. As he looked up at him, Dad pulled him into a hug and kissed the top of his head like he always did. Dad rubbed his head and then gently moved to his shoulder.
“I’m sorry, okay?”
“…” Theerak raised his hand to wipe the tears staining his cheeks before replying, “I have to apologize to you too. If I made you sad.” “You’re my pride… and you still are, even now.”
“…” Theerak hugged Dad tightly.
“Give me some time, Rak… I’m trying.”
“Yes, Dad.”
#However Many Thousand Skies
Theerak quickly packed his pen into his bag the moment the professor ended the class. He was eager to go find Muenfah because he’d been holding out for forty-eight hours already. Last night, they barely talked since Dad invited everyone to watch a movie together. The time meant for Sky had to be given to the family instead. After the movie, Muenfah didn’t have any free time because he had to take care of things at the restaurant. Their schedules didn’t align, but he still sent a goodnight message as usual.
Theerak glanced down at his phone screen while zipping up his bag.
M.FAH: I’m is done with class. I’m waiting under the faculty building, okay?
“Heading off to find Phii Fah, huh, chubby-cheeks?”
“Yeah… Phii Fah is waiting for me under the faculty building.”
“Hang in there, alright?”
Theerak, who was checking his bag, looked up to meet his best friend’s eyes when he heard those words. Panli knew what he and Muenfah were going through because after that day’s incident, Muenfah went back to stay at home. Panli could tell his older brother wasn’t himself and asked what happened. When Panli found out Dad didn’t approve of their relationship, his best friend kept sending him encouraging messages.
“Thanks, dog-face Panli.”
“Want me to drop you off under the faculty building?”
“No need. I can go myself.”
The little guy smiled at his friend before leaving the classroom. Type and Joy, who had just returned from submitting work for another subject, called out to him.
“Where you off to, chubby-cheeks?”
“Yeah, where are you rushing off to? Didn’t the professor just end class?”
“I’m hurrying to meet Phii Fah under the faculty building.”
Type and Joy, who already knew about this because Panli had told them, quickly nodded and waved him off as if to say, “Go on, hurry!” Theerak didn’t waste time, waved goodbye to his friends, and took the elevator down to the faculty building.
The moment the elevator doors opened, Theerak spotted a tall figure standing with friends at the smoking area. But Muenfah wasn’t smoking like the others. Theerak quickly strode over to him and called out.
“Phii Fah…”
“…”
Muenfah turned to look with a calm expression, but the familiar smile appeared when he realized it was Theerak calling him. He chose to walk toward Theerak as well, so they met halfway.
“Are you tired?”
“Not tired.”
Theerak smiled at Muenfah. The latter reached out to pat his head before pulling him into a hug. Muenfah pressed his lips and nose to Theerak’s shoulder, as he always did. Theerak closed his eyes and hugged the taller man back. He tried to soak in the feeling of this moment as much as possible. This time, it wasn’t a hug to stock up like when Muenfah went to Hong Kong.
It was a hug to make up for the time they couldn’t be together.
“I missed you so much it hurt…”
“Even Face Timing and seeing each other’s faces isn’t the same as hugging, right?”
“Heh.” Muenfah chuckled in his throat before continuing, “…Seeing but not being able to hug just makes me miss you even more.”
“Seeing but not being able to kiss makes it even more torturous.”
Muenfah laughed before pulling away from the hug. He moved his hand to gently stroke Theerak’s cheek and said, “I really want to kiss your cheek, but this probably isn’t the right place.”
“Then how about you drop me off at home today? Originally, I was going to wait and go back with Phii Babe, but I think if I tell Phii Babe that you will take me, she won’t mind.”
“Isn’t your dad still at home?”
“Just drop me off at the village entrance, Phii Fah. I will walk into the house myself.”
“…”
“So we can have more time together…” Theerak reached out to hold the larger hand and said, “…Even if it’s just one more minute, it’s still worth it.”
Muenfah gave him that same familiar smile, then draped an arm around his shoulder and led him to the parking lot. Along the way, Theerak stole a glance at the side profile of the taller man before saying…
“I should’ve asked you to be my boyfriend the day I confessed at the airport.”
Muenfah let out a smile and turned to meet his eyes, “Why does you think that?”
“…Because I don’t want you to wait any longer than this.”
Muenfah brought him to a stop by his car, then leaned down to press his nose to Theerak’s head. “The waiting ended the day you told me you loved me.”
“…”
Muenfah wrapped his arms around him and said, “Right now, no status matters as much as the love we have for each other.”
“I love you Phii Fah so much.”
Theerak said this while tightening the hug, but the phone vibrating in his pants pocket forced him to pull away. When Theerak took it out to check, he saw it was a call from Dad…
“Yes, Dad?”
[School’s out, right, Rak?]
“Yes…”
[I just called Babe, and she said you have to wait until evening to go back together?]
“Yes…”
[I’m out right now. Let me come pick you up.]
Theerak looked up at Muenfah, who was standing there. “Uh… I’d rather not trouble you, Dad. I can get back on my own.”
[Let me pick you up.]
“…” Theerak pressed his lips together before meeting Muenfah’s gaze. The latter must have guessed what was going on, as he gave that familiar smile and nodded, signaling him to agree with Dad. “Alright, Dad… I’ll wait at the university.”
[I’ll be there in about ten minutes.]
“Okay, call me when you arrive, Dad. I’ll walk out then.”
[Okay.]
Theerak hung up the call with Dad and buried his face into the chest of the taller man. He heard Muenfah chuckle in his throat, so he looked up at the man smiling at him. Muenfah leaned down, pressing his nose to his forehead before raising an eyebrow playfully.
“Phii Fah you aren’t sulking at all?”
“If you’re sulking, how could I possibly sulk?”
“I miss you so much… I was so excited to have a little more time together.”
Muenfah laughed before cupping his cheeks with his hands. “Your dad probably wants to take care of you while he’s still here.”
“Yeah… yesterday, Dad said that. He said he wants to be a good dad for one week to make up for the time he hasn’t been around to look after me.”
“I understand your dad…” Muenfah leaned down and kissed his lips. “I understand how it feels to love Theerak, Rak, Niran, as much as life itself.”
Hearing that, Theerak wrapped his arms around the taller man and pressed his face into his strong chest again. “Be patient, okay, my Phii Fah?”
“So clingy…” Muenfah hugged him back and pressed his nose to his head once more. “I can handle it.”
“I will be patient for you too.”
“Thank you, my Theerak.”
“…”
“We’ll get through this time together, okay?”
“Okay…” Perhaps because Theerak responded with a soft, weak voice, Muenfah gave him another encouraging kiss on the head.
#However Many Thousand Skies
While Theerak stood waiting for Dad with Muenfah, he shared stories about the past that Dad had gone through. Muenfah listened and understood Dad well. When Dad called to say he’d arrived at the university, Muenfah walked him out but kept a reasonable distance. He said it wasn’t the right time to show himself to Dad since Dad was still processing things.
“Why’d you walk out alone, Rak? Have all your friends gone home already?”
“Yes.”
“So who kept you company while you waited for me to pick you up?”
Theerak turned to look at his father, who was gazing at the road, before saying, “Uh…”
“…”
“…Phii Fah, Dad.”
“…”
His father stayed silent before turning the steering wheel at the intersection. Theerak let out a quiet sigh, thinking he shouldn’t have told the truth after all, knowing his father was still coming to terms with it. He should’ve given his father more time, but because Theerak didn’t want to lie to him, he chose to be honest.
“…”
“Having someone to keep you company is better than being alone…” his father said while driving, then continued, “But for now, Theerak, you’ll have to keep me company first. Your mom’s been helping your aunt make desserts every day, Grandpa keeps taking Moogrob out for walks, and your sibling has late classes. I’m alone at home… I feel lonely.”
Theerak gave a faint smile, reaching out to gently rub his father’s arm before resting his head on his shoulder. “I’ll keep you company, Dad.”
“While I’m home… give me all your time first, okay, Theerak?”
Theerak furrowed his brows, puzzled by his father’s words, but didn’t dare ask. He just nodded and replied, “Yes, Dad.”
After returning home, Theerak spent the whole time with his father. His father taught him how to play chess and took him to repot Grandpa’s cactus. By evening, when everyone else returned home, Phii Dom got his father caught up in a conversation about cars, giving Theerak a chance to slip away and call Muenfah from the backyard.
Theerak dialed his “Sky” and tried to deepen his voice to tease the person on the other end into laughing.
“Hello?”
[Yes?]
“Where are you at?”
[Sky’s Beloved.]
“Ugh… Phii Fah, don’t ruin my joke!”
[Heh,…sorry, I apologize. Can you ask again?]
“Where are you at?”
[…]
“Is it Sky’s Beloved?”
[Yes, this is Sky’s Beloved.]
Theerak grinned before saying, “A kiss for you.”
[Like my head kiss?]
“I think so.” Theerak said, laughing.
[You came out to call me —who’s keeping your dad company?]
While in the car, Theerak had chatted with Muenfah on LINE and told him about his father asking for time. Muenfah hadn’t texted or called to bother him since, only telling him to spend as much time as possible with his father because he’d have to return to work in a few days. Theerak thought the same as Muenfah, but knowing that Muenfah was also waiting for him, he made some time for him too.
“Dad’s talking with Phii Dom right now.”
[Oh…]
“Phii Fah, if you miss me, you can LINE me anytime, okay? You don’t have to hold back so much.”
[Okay… but if I really didn’t hold back, I would probably LINE you all day long.]
“Because you miss me every minute, right?”
[Heh,…yes.]
Theerak turned to look at the people in the house preparing to set the dinner table. He should go back and help everyone with the table too. “Phii
Fah, I have to go now, okay?”
[Okay.]
“I love you, you know.”
[I love you too.]
Theerak went back inside to help Phii Babe set the table for our dinner. Once Mom brought out all the food and placed it on the table, everyone took their usual seats. Theerak glanced at the empty chair beside him that had been vacant for a while now. He smiled, thinking…
One day, Muenfah will sit in this chair.
#However Many Thousand Skies
Over the past week, Dad had picked him up from the university almost every day. Theerak had been glued to Dad’s side the whole time. He only got to talk and see Muenfah for less than an hour each day. The longing had been building up little by little until Theerak could hardly bear it anymore. But since today was the last day Dad would be in Bangkok; he wanted to stay with Dad until the very last moment.
“Rak… want to go buy a new crate for Moogrob together?”
Theerak, who was watching TV on the couch with Dad, shook his head and switched the channel with the remote. But Phii Babe, who wasn’t usually one to nag, walked over and stood in front of the TV, blocking his view until he had to look up at her.
“Phii Babe you are already going with Phii Dom, right?”
“But I want us to pick it out together.”
“But I have to stay with Dad. Mom and Grandpa aren’t home either.”
“Go ahead, Rak. You’ve been with me all week already… Go out and see the world a bit.”
Theerak turned to look at Dad, who was smiling at him, and asked, “Won’t you be lonely, Dad?”
“Not anymore. I’ve been with my chubby pup all week—I’m starting to get tired of it.”
Theerak laughed before saying, “You won’t be lonely for sure, right?”
Dad nodded and said, “A million percent.”
Seeing Dad reply with such a confident expression, Theerak decided to go buy the crate for Moogrob with Phii Babe. He walked to the car, thinking that on a holiday like this, the pet stores near home would probably be closed.
Where was Phii Babe planning to buy it? Curiosity got the better of him, so he asked.
“Where are you going to buy Moogrob’s crate, Phii Babe?”
“I’m going to buy it at Chatuchak Market, but you’re staying here instead…”
Phii Babe said as she handed him a cloudy white card. Theerak took it from the person sitting in the front seat and widened his eyes—because what he held in his hand was the keycard to Muenfah’s condo.
“Phii Babe…”
“I’m going to buy a cage for two hours… make the most of those two hours.”
Theerak gave a small smile before saying, “Phii Fah must be so happy that I came to see him.”
“…I feel so sorry for Fah, you know. If I didn’t do this, you and Fah probably wouldn’t get to be together at all.” Phii Babe said while shaking her head. “One of you is so busy being a good son that there’s hardly any time for your lover, while the other is being such a good lover that he’s torturing himself.”
Everything Phii Babe said was spot on. He and Muenfah missed each other terribly, but because they both knew their responsibilities, they had to act this way. “Thank you, Phii Babe.”
“No problem. Dom and I understand.”
After Phii Babe and Phii Dom dropped him off at Muenfah’s condo, Theerak didn’t waste a second and hurried up to his room. He figured that on a day off like this, Muenfah would be up early watching the news, for sure.
But when he got inside, there was no one around. Theerak closed the door and placed the keycard on the counter.
He cracked open the door to Muenfah’s bedroom and saw him lying on the bed, wrapped in a blanket. Theerak walked over and stopped at the foot of the bed, where the tall figure was lying face down, shirtless. He climbed onto the bed and lay on top of Muenfah’s body.
“Mmm…” Muenfah let out a low hum before saying, “Little one… how did you get here?”
“Phii Babe and Phii Dom dropped me off…” Theerak replied before kissing Muenfah’s tattoo. He kissed it repeatedly, over and over, until the man beneath him burst out laughing. Theerak wrapped his arms around the larger figure, tilting his face to rest against his back. “I missed you so much it hurt…”
“Can I see the face of the one who missed me so much?”
Theerak shifted and got off from lying on top of Muenfah. He flopped down beside the taller man. Muenfah moved his face to nuzzle against Theerak’s chest before speaking in a muffled voice.
“Last night, I had a fever.”
Theerak’s eyes widened. “Then why did you say you were fine?”
Last night during their video call, Muenfah’s face had looked unusually pale, enough for Theerak to notice. But when he pressed him about it, Muenfah insisted he was okay.
“I didn’t want you to worry.”
“The more you don’t tell me… the more I worry.” Theerak said, cupping the other’s face with both hands. He couldn’t help but smile when he saw the slightly messy chocolate-brown hair. No matter what state Muenfah was in, he never looked any less handsome. “Especially now, when I haven’t had much time to take care of you.”
“Last night, I took some medicine… I’m feeling better now.”
“Kiss kiss, for the sick one.” Theerak said, planting a peck on those full lips.
“Careful, or you will catch my fever.”
“I am your doctor… how could I catch your fever?”
“Heh.”
The taller man chuckled in his throat before sitting up and straddling Theerak’s body. The pleading looks in his eyes from earlier vanished completely, replaced by the gaze of someone sly and cunning.
“Phii Fah…” Theerak averted his gaze from the person above him, feeling shy. “…you are sick, don’t exert yourself too much.”
Muenfah leaned down, pressing his nose to his cheek before trailing it to his neck. “Dr. Rak can’t give me an injection, you know.”
“…”
“Can this patient give the doctor an injection instead?”
“Hey!!! You pervert!” Theerak glared at the larger man. Muenfah burst out laughing and peppered his lips with quick kisses before pulling back. “I thought that after not being together for days, the teasing would tone down a bit.”
“Hmph.”
“But your hungry stomach is still as cheeky as ever.”
The taller man, laughing with delight, buried his face in his neck and said, “However much you love me… that’s how cheeky I will be.”
“Phii Fah, let go of me…”
“Don’t you miss me?” Muenfah lifted his face from his neck and continued, “How about a little kiss, my good one?”
Kiss…
Theerak gave one peck on his full lips before wriggling out of Muenfah’s tight embrace. Since they hadn’t been close for several days, his tolerance for the teasing had dropped, and now Theerak was so embarrassed he felt like he might explode. He was about to get off the bed when a thick arm wrapped around his waist, pulling him back. Theerak plopped back onto the soft mattress, now sitting with his back to Muenfah. He could feel the larger man behind him inching closer before pressing his nose to the nape of his neck. Theerak flinched slightly and turned to glare at the cheeky man lying there with a sly smile.
“Phii Fah!!”
“I want to kiss your neck.”
Theerak pressed his lips together tightly from embarrassment before asking something to change the subject. “Uh, you haven’t had breakfast yet, right?”
“Not yet.”
“Then I will go prepare some food for you ah…”
Muenfah gave him a mischievous look and bit his own lip. Suddenly, Theerak felt a strange flutter in his stomach and quickly bolted out of the bedroom. His heart, calm for so long, started pounding again. Theerak rubbed the back of his neck, steadying himself to go prepare food for Muenfah.
He decided to make instant porridge for Muenfah since it was quick and suitable for someone who was sick. Not long after, the man emerged from the bedroom. Freshly showered and smelling good, Muenfah walked over and hugged him from behind. Shirtless again, the warmth from his body seeped through the fabric. Theerak could tell Muenfah still had a slight fever.
“You’ll need to take your medicine again soon, Phii Fah. Your body’s still warm.” Theerak said while pouring the porridge into a bowl.
Muenfah rested his chin on his shoulder and replied, “If this patient could give the doctor one injection… the fever would probably go away instantly.”
“If you don’t stop being cheeky… I will throw the syringe into the duck pond.”
“Heh…” Muenfah pressed his nose against his cheek before saying, “I love you… I am smitten with you.”
The little one, being loved and adored, held back a smile until his cheeks nearly burst. Theerak told the bigger one to let go before placing a bowl of porridge on the dining table. Muenfah acted like he didn’t want to eat because of a sore throat, so Theerak had to sit and watch, forcing him to finish it.
“If you finish it all… I’ve got a reward for the good boy.”
“What’s the reward for being good?”
“I won’t tell you. It’s a surprise for when you finish eating.”
“Is it… getting to eat me for a lifetime?”
“Phii Fah!”
“Heh.”
Muenfah laughed, delighted at teasing him into a flustered outburst. He went back to eating the porridge intently, probably eager for the reward.
Finally, Muenfah finished, and before Theerak could even clear the bowl, the bigger one demanded his prize.
“I’d like my reward…”
“Go sit on the sofa and wait for it, Sky.”
Theerak took the porridge bowl to the kitchen, then went to grab some fever medicine from Muenfah’s room. He brought it to the one waiting for his reward. When Muenfah realized he’d been tricked, he sighed and took the medicine. Theerak couldn’t help but laugh at the disappointed look on Muenfah’s face. He climbed onto his sturdy lap, straddling him, and cupped the sick one’s face with both hands.
“The reward for the sick one is two fever pills.”
“Theerak you tricked me…” Muenfah said, wrapping his arms around his waist and burying his face in the crook of his neck. The warm breath against his skin told him Muenfah’s fever had spiked again.
“I didn’t trick you. I really do have a reward for you Phii Fah.” “…”
“I’ll sing a song for you.”
Muenfah pulled his face from the crook of his neck and looked up to meet his eyes. “What song?”
“The song ‘Love.’”
“…”
“Can I start singing now?”
“Yes, please.”
Theerak smiled at Muenfah before beginning, “Like rain falling in the dry season, like seeing a rainbow in broad daylight, like a cold breeze in April, like a weary heart growing strong again.”
“…”
“Like someone falling in love, like a lost soul finding a familiar face, like finding something precious that was lost, like the bad turning into something wonderfully good—just like when I met you, my life finally found…”
It was at this moment that Muenfah closed his eyes and leaned in closer, pressing his forehead against Theerak’s. It wasn’t just the warmth of their bodies that transferred between them, but also the breath they shared.
As Theerak recalled the next lines of the song, an overwhelming sense of gratitude gathered into a large lump in his chest. His eyes burned, and his nose stung, but he still tried to keep singing. Because Theerak wanted to confess his love to Muenfah through the lyrics too…
“But I don’t know how to thank you, don’t know what to do, don’t know what could be grand enough to match, what I’ve received from you—love without asking, understanding without waiting, knowing what love is.”
Theerak didn’t know when the tears started falling. He only realized it when Muenfah gently wiped his cheek with his thumb. Muenfah pulled his face away and gave him that same familiar smile.
Theerak paused briefly to swallow the lump in his throat before continuing to sing…
“Oh… you, you made me know, a love unlike anyone else’s, you gave it to me, made me have you, my heart wants you to know.”
“…”
“But I don’t know how to thank you, don’t know what to do, don’t know what could be grand enough to match, what I’ve received from you—love without asking, understanding without waiting, knowing what love is.”
“…”
“Understanding without waiting… knowing what love is.”
Theerak closed his eyes and threw himself into a hug with the person in front of him. Muenfah had shown him what love was. Theerak thought that even if he thanked and loved Muenfah—Khun Muenfah—for his whole life, it still wouldn’t be enough, because what he’d received from him was so immense.
Muenfah hugged him tightly and said, “Thank you, my Rak.”
Theerak nodded as Muenfah pressed a kiss to his temple. “Thank you too, Phii Fah.”
Thank you for letting him know what love means.
TBC
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