MYMOON, Chapter 19: Part 2
Panli: Phii Pi, you free to chat?
P.: Free right now~
Panli: Is the shirt with the crescent moon embroidered on the collar still in stock?
P.: You mean the one from our shop, right?
Panli: Serious question or are you messing with me?
P.: LOLOL, just messing with you.
P.: It sold out just now. The last one was bought by a girl from your uni.
Part 2
P.: She asked which collection you liked the most, so I told her this one.
Panli: K.
P.: Why?
P.: Wanna grab another one for yourself?
Panli: Nah, wanted it as a birthday gift.
P.: Ohhh.
Panli locked the phone and slipped it into his back pocket as soon as he realized one of the partners of Once in a Blue Moon was no longer useful. Initially, he planned to pick up the shirt with the crescent moon embroidered on the collar for Klaijai. From the one time he met him, he thought it’d suit him perfectly. But since it was sold out, he decided to go to the party empty-handed. After the party, though, he’d hurry to find a gift for him.
Panli strode into the Korean BBQ restaurant, following the location Fat Cheeks sent, knowing every step was steady. But no one could tell that inside, his heart was trembling, beating faster as he realized he was getting closer to Klai, someone special.
And yes… his heart could beat even faster.
When he saw the table with Fat Cheeks, Phii Dom, Phii Babe, someone he didn’t know, and KhunKlai sitting there, it’d been so long since Panli’s heart raced like this, he’d forgotten how to handle such intense fluttering. Right now, the only thing he could do was let it go wild.
Panli didn’t understand himself… why was he this excited to see him?
When he noticed the birthday boy about to turn toward him because Phii Dom said something, Panli, still unable to control his excitement, pretended to look elsewhere. He was scared his heart would pound even harder. So, he fixed his gaze on Fat Cheeks’ goofy head until he reached the table where everyone was seated.
“You’re dressed all sharp today, dog-face Li… but you still can’t beat
Eternal Love here… this guy’s way hotter.”
He said it with such a smug look that Panli couldn’t help but grin before replying, “I really wanna pinch that mouth of yours for making that face.”
The guy who manages to annoy him every day flashed a smile and scooted over to let him sit next to him. As someone still not ready to meet the birthday boy’s gaze, he plopped down quietly. But because chubby-cheeks left him barely any space, he had to speak up.
“Rak… can you scoot over a bit more? I’m about to fall off the edge here.”
“Just a tiny bit, okay? Because…” Chubby-cheeks looked worried, glancing at the space Panli thought was plenty, “because Phii Fah’s big, and there might not be enough room.”
Chubby-cheeks’ reasoning…
It made Panli realize… you, my dog-faced friend, are totally out of the game.
“No worries, Rak, sit comfortably. If there’s not enough space, we’ll just add another table…”
Panli looked up at the owner of the voice sitting across from him. He didn’t need to imagine anymore whether his voice would be soft or loud, because in that moment, Klai showed his voice was far too adorable to have ever imagined.
His voice wasn’t small or big—it was a gentle, velvety tone that, even without seeing the speaker’s eyes, let you feel just how kind the person behind it was.
That day, seeing him from that distance, Panli thought he must be well-liked by many. With his sweet face, gentle smile, and friendly demeanor that seemed to get along with everything in the world, he never imagined that seeing Klai up close like this… would make him feel so fond of him.
And that’s probably because…
Of those almond-shaped eyes that might shrink when he smiles wide.
That stubborn little nose tip that many might want to pinch.
Those pink lips that might turn red after eating spicy food.
And it’s probably all of this… that made him unconsciously smile while looking at him.
“All good, Klai?”
“Yep, all good. There are still a bunch of my friends coming, so we’ll probably need to add a table anyway.”
“Cool… no need to worry then.”
And in the next second, Klai shifted his gaze from Theerak and locked eyes with Panli. He didn’t know if they held that gaze for just a split second or a whole minute before Klai looked away, because in that moment, it felt like time had frozen.
That feeling of time just… stopping?
It’s real, man.
Even if someone tried to hold the clock’s hands still, his heart would keep racing like this. Panli glanced at the birthday boy, who was turning to talk to the person next to him—probably his close friend.
If he hadn’t noticed Klai’s ears turning as red as ripe tomatoes, Panli might’ve thought he was avoiding eye contact because he didn’t want to get to know a stranger like him. But those bright red ears and the faint flush creeping up his cheeks told him Klai was just shy. He felt a bit relieved and shifted his gaze from Klai to his close friend sitting beside him, a sudden idea popping into his head.
“Worried for real, huh? You’re waiting for nothing, Fat Cheeks. Phii
Fah isn’t coming.”
“He’s really not coming?” Phii Dom, sitting across from him, asked. Meanwhile, Phii Babe narrowed her eyes at him, as if she was onto his game.
Panli held back a grin before saying, “For real, Phii Dom. Phii Fah said traffic’s insane… he turned the car around already.”
“If you’re lying again, I’m not sharing any grilled meat with you. I mean it—no threats here.”
“For real! Don’t believe me? Go call him yourself.”
“Ugh, Li, you shameless liar. How far are you gonna take this?”
He shook his head, barely hiding his smile. Fat Cheeks is sharp—he didn’t buy the story for a second and probably knew Panli was lying on purpose. His irritation was likely because he was scared the words might actually be true.
“He’s daring you to call and check. Just go call him and get the truth, then come back and deal with Li,” Phii Babe said.
With solid advice from his big sister, Theerak waved his hand, signaling for Panli to move. He got up from the long bench to let his grumpy best friend step out to call Phii Fah.
“Poor kid, waiting for nothing.”
“Wait… hold on, Panli. If this isn’t true, someone’s gonna be crying because of that.”
He burst out laughing when Fat Cheeks pointed at him, threateningly. Then Panli plopped back down on the long bench, glancing at the paper bag placed a bit further away. But someone asking Phii Dom something caught his attention, making him look across the table.
“Where’d your love go, Phii Dom?”
“Ask Panli… he told Theerak that Fah turned the car around because of bad traffic.”
“But the truth is Phii Fah hasn’t even shown up yet, right, Phii Dom?”
“Why don’t you ask the guy who started this, Klai…” Phii Dom nodded toward him before continuing, “What’s up, birthday boy’s asking.”
The birthday boy shifted his gaze from Phii Dom to Panli. His cheeks, now even redder than before, confirmed that Klai was indeed very shy.
And shy people usually aren’t great at starting conversations…
Knowing he’d have to take the lead, Panli pulled his wallet and phone out of his back pocket to make himself more comfortable. He bit his lip slightly, placing both items on the table while thinking of something to say to ease Klai’s nerves. He didn’t mean to make him anxious too.
But he couldn’t help smiling as he looked at the shy guy, who started blinking rapidly, clearly nervous. Not wanting to seem like a liar in Klai’s eyes, Panli quickly slid the gift bag toward his close friend sitting next to him so he could scoot over to sit directly across from him. Their eyes met again, and that’s when he started the conversation with him…
“The birthday boy wants to know the truth… or would you rather guess first?”
“Uh… I think knowing the truth is better.”
“The truth is…” He gave a small smile as he looked into Klai’s eyes, then continued, “No one would turn their car around just because of traffic. Everyone will try to get here as fast as they can… to make sure the birthday boy feels special.”
“…”
“So, Phii Fah will definitely show up.”
“…”
“No need to worry… okay?”
Since Klai didn’t say anything, Panli wasn’t sure if his words eased his worries. So, he gave him a smile. They locked eyes for a few minutes before Klai gave a slight nod, as if to say, “Okay.” He smiled at Klai’s shy, adorable gesture and nodded back.
What he once thought…
That maybe he’d fall for him the moment their eyes met. It might actually be true.
“Dom, I’m gonna go check the ice cream in the freezer first, okay?”
“Okay,” she replied.
“What drink do you want?”
Phii Dom turned to Panli as soon as his girlfriend walked away from the drink station. Now it was just the two of them standing there. He handed him a glass with ice before saying,
“Eating grilled meat like this, you gotta have a beer, right?”
“You jerk, where’s the beer?” Phii Dom said, laughing.
“Coke, then.”
“Okay…” He poured soda into my glass, then asked, “Is Klai sitting alone at the table?”
I glanced at the table and saw Klai chatting with a friend, then replied,
“He’s with a friend now.”
“Oh…”
“Phii Dom, does Klai have any special likes? I’m thinking of getting him a gift.”
“Back in the day… Klai used to love shrimp a lot.”
“And now?…”
Phii Dom went quiet, then shifted his gaze from the glass of water to meet Panli’s eyes. “Klai likes you.”
The serious look in his eyes and the weight in his voice told Panli… what he said was true. Now it was his turn to fall silent, replacing Phii Dom’s stillness. The memory of Klai smiling and giving a thumbs-up to his photo, Lost in the Moon’s Shadow, flooded his mind. He swallowed hard, trying to say something to Phii Dom, who was staring at him, but the rush of mixed emotions left him speechless.
“Klai has had a crush on you for a long time…”
“…”
“If you don’t believe me… try standing on the fourth floor of the building across from Building 11. You’ll see Klai sneaking glances at you almost every day.”
“…”
“He likes to sit on the fourth floor of Building 11 because it overlooks the parking lot where you park your bike, and he sees you smoking there all the time.”
“If I hadn’t seen Klai looking at my photos in the exhibition room before… I’d think you were joking.”
“So you’ve seen Klai before… Did you know back then that he’s my cousin?”
“I knew… because Phii Fah pointed him out when Klai walked past the faculty building.”
Phii Dom nodded lightly before saying, “This kind of thing… I wouldn’t dare joke about. It’s about feelings.”
“…”
“Klai doesn’t know I know this.”
“…The reason I had Theerak invite you to Klai’s birthday wasn’t to make you aware of this. Panli, I just wanted Klai to be happy for once. Even though things at home are hectic with his Dad’s engagement ceremony to his fiancée… Klai says he’s fine, but I don’t believe he really feels that way.”
A heavy feeling settled in his chest, one he rarely experienced, and he nodded slightly to show he understood Phii Dom’s reasons.
“I thought if you came to Klai’s birthday… my cousin would be happy.”
“…”
“…And there’s another important reason I decided to tell you this, even though I know I probably shouldn’t. After today, I think you and Klai will at least know each other. If you run into each other at uni, you can say hi. I don’t know if your relationship with Klai will grow into friendship… but if one day Klai finds the courage to confess his feelings to you…”
“…”
“You, knowing this peggio, will be able to handle whatever feelings come up, and Klai won’t lose you… in any capacity.”
“…”
“I’m not hoping for Klai to get what he wants. I’m not expecting you to love him like a lover. I just want Klai to have a good friendship, like others do. I know what kind of person you are… that’s why I want Klai to know you. Because so far, my cousin has only met bad people— friends he’s had and people he’s secretly liked.”
“…”
“I know I’m being selfish by saying this without caring how it might make you feel bad or uncomfortable… but since I’m not some amazing big brother, this is probably the only way to keep Klai from losing a good person like you.”
“…”
“I’m sorry, Li.”
Panli admitted he was confused and didn’t know how to feel first. A warm breath slowly escaped his nose as he saw Phii Dom’s worried expression before saying, “You don’t need to apologize to me… this doesn’t make me feel bad or anything.”
“…”
“But the reason I’m quiet is because…” He raised his hand to rub the back of his neck while searching for an answer, but in the end, he couldn’t lift the heavy feeling weighing him down, and it suppressed every sentence he tried to say. “…I just can’t put it into words.”
“…”
“But it’s not that I’m rejecting Klai’s feelings… I can’t speak because he thinks Klai’s feelings for me are so damn pure.”
“…”
“I’ve never met someone who secretly loves from afar, watching without expecting anything in return, like him.”
“Guess it’s just my little brother who’d choose to love secretly like that.”
He pursed his lips, thinking, before saying, “Hey, can you take my glass back to the table for me, Phii Dom?”
“Where are you going?”
“I’m gonna order some shrimp for Klai… and check on chubbycheeks too. He’s been gone for a while.”
“…”
“Okay… but about the gift, you can always get him something later.”
“True, he should’ve brought a gift for the birthday boy… at the very least, he should do something for Klai today.”
“…Ordering shrimp means he’ll have to peel them.”
“Just peeling shrimp… that’s no big deal.”
Phii Dom let out a laugh, nodded, and walked back to the table with his glass. Panli headed over to the female staff member standing by to assist customers. She looked up at him and gave a friendly smile.
“Anything else you’d like?”
“I’m at that table over there…” He said, pointing to the table. The birthday boy, who was secretly watching him, quickly looked away the moment he saw Panli and the staff glancing his way. He gave a small smile before continuing, “…I’d like twenty shrimp, all in one tray.”
“Oh, alright.”
“If that table wasn’t charged for seafood, please adjust it to seafood pricing for the whole table.”
Panli watched the waitress hurry back into the restaurant, then peered outside to look for Fat Cheeks. Stepping out, he saw his best friend standing rigid, staring at Phii Fah. Even though what he’d heard was almost too absurd to laugh at, Fat Cheeks still managed to crack him up.
Right now, he’s no different from Panli—a dog. But a fat little pup cursed to turn to stone.
“What’re you laughing at, you shameless dog?!”
“Laughing at you, that’s what…”
Panli said, chuckling. Fat Cheeks glared at him, and since he didn’t want to start a fight, he walked back into the restaurant, leaving Theerak and Phii Fah standing outside.
Back inside, Panli saw the staff starting to serve food at their table. He stopped by the table, eyeing a large tray of shrimp in the waitress’s hands.
“That tray of shrimp… it’s mine.”
After he spoke, the waitress nodded in acknowledgment. He plopped down on the long bench, sliding back to his original spot, and took the white tray with twenty shrimp, just as he’d requested, from her. He set the tray in front of him and immediately started grilling the shrimp.
“Wow, you gonna eat all that, Panli?” Phii Babe asked.
What pulled his attention from the grill wasn’t Phii Babe’s question, but the person sitting across from him. He stared at Klai, wondering if he’d eat all twenty shrimp Panli planned to peel for him, or if it might be too much for him. He was about to get his answer… until he noticed something on Klai’s neck.
A necklace with a crescent moon pendant…
His eyes lowered after seeing it, and a question popped into his head:
Did Klai already love the moon, or did he start loving it because of him? Either way, it made his heart race again, and he couldn’t help but think…
If Klai loves the moon because of him…
That thought made him smile faintly as he grilled the plump shrimp. Without taking his eyes off the grill, he replied, “From the looks of it… probably not gonna finish it all.”
“Wanna share with me? It’d be a shame to waste it.”
“Don’t mess with the kid’s food. Come steal our pork instead.”
“I’m not trying to steal from him. It’s just a lot, and I’m worried it’ll go to waste and get us fined.”
“No fine, trust me,” Phii Babe said.
While he grilled large shrimp and listened to Phii Dom and Phii Babe bicker, the person sitting across from him started placing red meat on the grill. But Klai only set the meat at the edge, as if too timid to challenge Panli’s shrimp army. The truth is…
It was Klai’s army all along.
Because soon, Panli would be giving it all to him.
He picked up an orange shrimp and placed it on his plate to let it cool before peeling it. As he kept his eyes fixed on the grill, he felt like the person across from him was staring at him the whole time. The nearly burnt pork slices confirmed he wasn’t imagining it—Klai was really looking at him.
“Klai…” Panli said, not taking his eyes off the grill, before picking up a darker pork slice and placing it on Klai’s plate. “Your pork’s about to burn… better take it off the grill.”
He looked up at the person he’d just called out to. Klai nodded, then glanced at the cooked pork on his plate, his thin lips pressed tightly as if holding back some emotion.
Panli had heard that “Yawning is contagious—when you see someone yawn, you yawn too.” But he’d never heard that “holding back a smile is contagious” until he experienced it himself. Seeing Klai try to suppress his smile, he couldn’t help but do the same.
When only one shrimp was left on the grill, Panli noticed the owner of the name “Klai,” which he wanted to say again, place another pork slice on the grill. He still kept it at the same spot, far from the large shrimp lying still. So, he used his chopsticks to move Klai’s pork to the center of the grill before looking up to meet his eyes.
“Don’t keep it at the edge… it won’t cook properly.”
“Uh, okay,” he replied with a slight nod.
Panli locked eyes with Klai for a brief moment before he lowered his gaze to his plate. He picked up the last cooked shrimp and placed it on his plate to peel for him.
“Hey, you guys made it?”
Phii Dom’s loud greeting drew Panli’s attention to the last guest arriving at the birthday party, and soon a conversation between Klai and Phii Fah began.
“Hello, Phii Fah.”
“Hey… sorry I’m late.”
“It’s okay. Klai is just really grateful you came.”
“Go grab a drink first, Fah… I didn’t get one for you, wasn’t sure what you’d like.”
“Yeah, I’ll get it myself.”
Panli saw the chubby-cheeked guy, who’d just sat down next to him, stand up again and say, “I’ll go with Phii Fah to get a drink… I need to refill my lychee soda too.”
He shifted his gaze from the two of them and started peeling the shrimp on his plate. When his fingertips touched the orange shell, he realized the large shrimp hadn’t cooled down much. He thought about waiting a bit longer, but then he glanced at the pile of shrimp on the plate of Klai’s close friend sitting nearby. Guessing that friend was probably peeling shrimp for Klai too, he decided he shouldn’t wait any longer.
“Klai… they’re all cooked, but I’ll wait for them to cool a bit before peeling them for you, okay?”
“Thanks, Kant.”
Panli stole a glance at Klai’s close friend, who was showing off a plate of shrimp to him, then hurried to peel the shrimp on his own plate faster. In all his life, he’d never peeled shrimp for anyone to eat. His shrimppeeling skills might not match Klai’s friend’s, but even so… he’d do his best.
“Li! You’re eating that many shrimp?”
The loud interruption from Chubby Cheeks made Panli lose focus as he was diligently peeling. He widened his eyes, looking shocked, and plopped down next to him.
“Don’t exaggerate, Chubby Cheeks… it’s just a few.”
“Don’t be so greedy, Li. Have some respect for Klai. He’s kind enough to treat us, so peel some for the birthday boy… and share with his friends too.”
Panli turned to Chubby Cheeks, who was eagerly ruining his good image, and said, “You mean share with you, right?”
“Exactly…”
Seeing his close friend laugh heartily, he could only shake his head and mutter, “Seriously, Fat Cheeks.”
“Eat up, guys. If anyone wants more seafood, go for it. We already picked the seafood package, so it won’t cost extra,” Klai said.
“Klai is so generous!”
Yes… Klai is kind and thoughtful.
Panli realized he probably planned for everyone at the party, which is why he chose the seafood package. But if Klai hadn’t picked this package from the start, he was ready to cover the bill himself, as he’d told the staff, and sort it out with the birthday boy later.
But now, he didn’t have to worry about that. Panli’s only focus was giving the birthday boy twenty shrimp. He handed a plate of neatly peeled, large shrimp to the guy in front of him, who was chatting with Chubby Cheeks.
“Here… your birthday gift.”
He had no idea…
No idea that the person who already had a crush on him…
“…”
“Earlier, Panli asked Phii Dom what you like so he could get you a belated gift. He said you love shrimp, so I figured I’d peel these as your birthday gift for now… You’re turning twenty today, right?” Would his heart race a little?
“Uh, yeah.”
“There are twenty shrimp on the plate, one for each year. Happy birthday, and nice to meet you.”
But his heart, feeling something…
Panli didn’t know if it started the first time they met or when their eyes locked.
“Thank you so much, and I’m happy to meet you too.”
“You’re welcome.”
It’s beating so hard…
They only locked eyes for a split second when Klai took the plate of shrimp. Panli watched him break into a smile as he looked at the shrimp he peeled for him, before he picked up a big one with his chopsticks and chewed happily.
It’s crazy to think that the thoughts he had hours ago changed just from meeting Klai’s gaze. Panli tried to push away the truth Phii Dom told him, wanting to hold onto his feelings alone. And it’s even crazier that, even with just his feelings left, he still chose to feel this way…
He’s not ready for the 101st heartbreak.
And if it’s possible…
Can you stop all the pain at this one?
5:30 p.m.
The numbers glowed on Panli’s phone screen. He didn’t mean to find himself standing here at this time every day. But every time he walked to the parking lot in front of the tall building after class, it just happened to be 5:30 p.m.
Yesterday, after Klai’s birthday party ended, everyone went their separate ways. Panli stopped by the mall to look for a gift, thinking the twenty shrimp he gave weren’t impressive enough. But after wandering around, he couldn’t find anything that felt right for Klai. It wasn’t until he was heading out to the parking lot that he spotted a small plant shop.
He thought this was perfect for him.
Panli felt something calming to look at.
Even though he knew it wasn’t expensive, and his gift might not compare to the others Klai received, when it comes to sentimental value, he believed nothing in this world was worth less than another. Everything has its own value.
Panli decided to buy a cactus. He looked up the meaning of plants on his phone before choosing, and the meaning of the cactus reminded him of something Phii Dom said:
“All this time, my little brother has only met bad people—friends he’s been close to, and even people he’s secretly liked.”
While he was driving home, Panli happened to see Klai waiting for a ride. He offered to drive him to his condo, which gave him the chance to give him the gift. The look in Klai’s eyes, the tone of his voice, and the tears welling up around his eyes made him wonder what Klai must have been through. He remembered asking him something then…
“Klai… are you okay?”
“It’s just… I love this gift so much. When I’m really touched by something, I can’t help but cry.”
Klai’s response made Panli realize how much he already felt for him.
“So adorable.”
“I am sorry… for startling Panli.”
No need to apologize… it’s just a small thing.
And because he knew that…
“Then should you like this gift a little less?”
“No way… I’ll keep loving this gift a lot, just like this.”
“If loving it so much makes you cry… maybe tone it down a bit. I won’t mind, really.”
He didn’t want to be someone who made Klai cry…
Panli also remembered… they talked quite a bit while stuck in traffic. He saw Klai’s gentle smile, the kind that always felt soothing every time he saw it. He couldn’t believe anyone could hurt Klai’s heart, and he didn’t want to think about how many trials the world had thrown at him for him to become this strong.
And he quietly admired Klai in his heart…
He’s just this small person… but so incredibly strong.
When Panli drove to Klai’s condo, he had already gotten out of the car but didn’t walk inside. He just stood there, smiling at him. In that moment, he didn’t want to let Klai go. He didn’t know when they’d see each other again, and he thought someone like Klai, who loved secretly without expecting anything, would probably just keep watching from afar like always. There was no way he’d come closer to him.
Back then, Panli wasn’t sure if the flood of feelings in his heart could be summed up as “liking” him. But he chose to roll down the window and say something to the small figure standing there, smiling at him.
“Klai…”
“…”
Even though he wasn’t certain…
“If you see me at uni… feel free to come say hi.”
“…”
But Panli still wanted to make a promise…
“And if I sees you first… I’ll come say hi to you myself.”
“Mhm… I’ll come say hi to Panli then.”
“Alright, sounds good.”
And Klai’s smile in that final moment made him determined to bring himself to this parking lot right now. Last night, Panli thought long and hard about his feelings. Now, he’s certain that all those feelings can be summed up in one word: “like.” And Klai made him realize…
Panli knew sometimes, matters of the heart are incredibly simple. Sometimes, true feelings are just… Like, or… don’t like.
No need to search for reasons why he liked someone.
Right, or… not right.
That’s all there was to it.
And yes… he liked Klai.
But when Panli looked up at the fourth floor of Building Eleven, he didn’t see any sign of that someone he’d been secretly watching. Peering through the clear glass barrier, he saw only empty tables and chairs. So, he waited until six o’clock.
But he didn’t see Klai at all. They didn’t meet…
Panli decided to drive home, but while stuck in traffic, his growing anxiety prompted him to pull out his phone and call someone.
[“What’s up?”]
“Phii Dom… did you tell Klai that I’d seen him before?”
[“I didn’t say anything… why?”]
“Today, Klai didn’t show up on the fourth floor… not like you said.”
[…]
Now, he was jumping to all sorts of conclusions, scared that Klai might have changed his mind… “What if Klai stops liking me?” […]
“Yesterday, I ran into Klai waiting for a ride… so I offered to drop him off at his condo.”
[…]
“I might’ve accidentally done something wrong…”
“…or maybe when I ran into a friend at Klai’s condo, I spoke too crudely, and he doesn’t want to like me anymore.”
[Hold on, tiger… calm down.]
He nodded, even though he knew Phii Dom couldn’t see him. “…”
[Just a bit ago, I called Klai. He’s at the arts building practicing the khim because he’s performing for the seniors at the open house.]
A breath of relief escaped through Panli’s nose and mouth. “I almost turned my bike toward Boss’s bar.”
[What the… just because Klai didn’t show up to sneak a glance, you’re ready to go drown in booze?]
“…”
[What’s going on, Li?]
“…”
[Do you just want to confirm with your own eyes that Klai’s really sneaking looks, or…]
“Phii Dom, are you free? Panli wants to talk face-to-face.”
[…]
“And there’s a bunch of other stuff I want to ask.”
[Free. Can you come to my condo?]
“Yeah, I’ll head over.”
It didn’t take long for him to reach Phii Dom’s condo. The owner of the spacious room greeted Panli with a cigarette and a can of beer. He invited him to chill on the balcony. He brought the cigarette to his lips, inhaling nicotine into his lungs. As he exhaled the white smoke, he realized he was relaxed enough. It was time to say something.
The senior, who’d just hung up with his girlfriend, grabbed his beer can, took a swig, and looked at Panli with a calm but heavy gaze. Panli could tell Phii Dom was starting to worry about something.
“Who’s going first?”
“I’ll start…” Panli paused, reflecting on every feeling from the first day he saw Klai until now. “Like I told you before… I’d seen Klai already.”
“…”
“When I saw him standing there looking at my photos, I really, really wanted to go up and get to know him… I don’t know what made me feel that way.”
“…”
“But just as I was about to approach him… Mom called right then. I had to step outside to talk to her. When I came back to the exhibition room… Klai was gone.”
“…”
“…After that day, I kept trying to see him again. I waited for him outside the exhibition room, looked for him while smoking in the parking lot, but I never saw him… and I couldn’t stop feeling this way either.”
“…”
“This urge to get to know Klai… I just can’t shake it.”
“You know I’m Klai’s cousin… so why didn’t you come to me?”
“…”
“Because if you’d told me you wanted to get to know Klai, you wouldn’t have had to try so hard.”
I could guess what Phii Dom was thinking. He didn’t mean exactly what he said, and he was waiting for my response. I didn’t have some cool, novel-hero-like answer. All I had was an answer born from my true feelings.
An honesty I wanted Phii Dom to feel…
“To be straight with you… back then, I was afraid you’d be suspicious of me.”
“…”
“Afraid you’d think I was trying to hit on your little brother.”
“…”
“Because at the time, I thought I just wanted to get to know him, nothing more.”
“Ah… I get it.”
“…Until chubby-cheeks called to invite me to Klai’s birthday party, saying he’s your little brother and goes to the same uni. That’s when I realized it was Klai.”
“…”
“And it really was that guy for me.”
“Your guy, huh?”
“Not exactly mine yet…” I furrowed my brow, retracting my words to put the senior at ease.
“And then what?”
“I really don’t want to tell you this part, but if I don’t, you probably won’t believe my feelings are real…” Panli brought the white cigarette to his lips again, letting his feelings flow freely like the light smoke before saying, “My heart was racing from the moment I walked into the restaurant… and knowing I’d see Klai again, it just kept beating harder and harder.”
“…”
“And when I locked eyes with Klai…” Panli looked at the senior, who was smirking while staring at the beer can in his hand. “You probably have an idea of how I felt in that moment.”
Phii Dom nodded lightly before saying, “It’s probably like when I first met Babe at that concert.”
“…”
“My heart was pounding like a drum.”
Panli gave a faint smile and said, “Yeah… felt exactly like that.”
“And then what happened?”
“And then… I found out Klai had a crush on me because you told me.”
“At that moment, I didn’t know how to feel first. I was happy knowing we were both secretly watching each other, but I couldn’t fully be happy. You told me Klai’s dad was getting engaged to his stepmom at home, and it was his birthday that day… And then I learned he’s only met bad people in his life. When I thought about his smile, about the time Klai went to see my photo…”
“…”
“I felt so choked up…”
“…”
“Because I thought… he’s been through so much, but he still manages to smile. And he keeps giving that smile to others too.”
“…”
“How strong must he be…”
“When I was driving to see you… I thought, if I didn’t feel this way about Klai right now, but I knew he had a crush on me… what would I do?”
“…”
“Believe it or not… I didn’t have to think long.”
“…”
“Because even if I didn’t like him… after the day I learned the truth,
I’d be a good friend to Klai. I’d stay by his side.”
“I didn’t make a mistake telling you the truth, did I?”
“…”
Phii Dom looked deep into my eyes before saying, “But I want you to ask yourself again, just to be sure… because Klai is a guy, like you, and you’ve never dated a guy before. Maybe you’re just…”
Knowing what he was worried about, I decided to cut in before he finished his sentence. “Phii Dom, don’t forget… I wanted to get to know
Klai before I even knew about this.”
“…”
“My heart was racing when I met him, even before you told me the truth.”
“…”
“So, the fact that he secretly liked me first didn’t make me feel swayed.”
“…”
“I don’t usually feel this way about anyone… so I’m certain I really like him. It’s not just a fleeting feeling.”
“And the fact that Klai is a guy like me…”
“…”
Panli fell silent, then said with a firm tone, “As long as he’s the person
I like… I don’t care what he is.”
“…”
“I know everything seems to be moving fast… and you still don’t fully trust me.”
“…”
“But I’m begging you…”
“What are you begging for?”
“Let me take care of Klai.” Panli stared deeply into his sharp eyes, then continued, “I want to take care of Klai.”
The listener didn’t respond. Phii Dom reached for his cigarette pack, tapped out a white paper stick, lit it, and took a drag before looking up to meet his eyes again.
Thanks for being honest with me and Klai.”
“…”
“I used to think you were pretty different from Fah.”
“…”
“But today, I realized… the two Pisut siblings aren’t that different after all.”
“…”
“Both of you are so genuine.”
Panli gave a faint smile before saying, “I’ve told you everything… now it’s your turn.”
“I don’t know where to start, because there’s so much I want to tell you…” Phii Dom paused for a moment, then continued, “So, I’ll start with the beginning of everything. All the stories are interconnected. Once I’m done… I think you won’t have any more questions, because what I tell you will probably answer all your doubts.”
“…”
“One day… Kant, Klai’s close friend, came to wait for me at the faculty. He told me that when Klai went drinking with friends at a bar, he was harassed by some engineering kid in the bathroom. That engineering kid, Merk, had been persistently bothering Klai for a while, but Klai didn’t like him and rejected him.”
“…”
“Kant said someone stepped in to help Klai that day… so he wasn’t hurt by that guy.”
“…”
When I got the details from Kant—that his name was Merk, a second-year civil engineering student at our uni—I asked my engineering friends where he stayed. After that, I tracked him down and beat the crap out of him.”
“…”
“So he never dared to mess with Klai again.”
Panli pushed his tongue against his cheek, trying to keep his emotions in check, but he couldn’t help it and cursed, “That damn bastard!”
Phii Dom took a drag from his white cigarette before continuing,
“This kind of situation… does it ring any bells?”
“…”
“Can you remember if you ever helped someone being harassed in a bathroom?”
Panli lowered his eyes to the beer can, its surface dotted with condensation, and thought back to what Phii Dom asked. He remembered helping someone who was being harassed in a bathroom, and the images and sounds etched deep in his memory slowly flooded back into his mind.
Merk, you have no right to force me.
Those words, and the trembling voice of someone trying to stay steady while hiding from that massive jerk in the bathroom, were what made Panli decide to step in.
He closed his eyes, praying that the person he helped wasn’t Klai, begging that the events of that day didn’t really happen. But he couldn’t escape reality, and he’d have to face many more truths from here on out.
Panli opened his eyes and looked up at Phii Dom.
Klai, right, Phii Dom? …” A lump rose in his throat as he tried to say the next sentence. He forced down the heavy ball of emotions before continuing, “The person I helped in the bathroom that day… it was Klai, wasn’t it?”
“Yeah… the person you helped was Klai.”
Panli had never been punched full force in the face before—usually, he was the one throwing punches—but when he learned this truth, he finally understood what it feels like to take a hard hit to the face.
His mind went blank.
And his whole body started to feel numb.
“Klai wasn’t hurt by him, right, Phii Dom? …” Panli remembered Phii Dom already mentioned this, but he just wanted to double-check, to be absolutely sure that after he left the bathroom, leaving Klai alone, he was safe. “After I walked out of the bathroom… did that guy do anything else to Klai?”
Phii Dom shook his head before saying, “No… Klai wasn’t hurt by him.”
“…”
“And you don’t have to feel guilty either… because you didn’t know it was Klai in the bathroom, and it’s been a long time since then.”
“…”
“But the reason I’m bringing up that day is because it was the starting point of everything.”
“…”
“I’ll keep telling you…” Dom waited until Panli nodded, signaling he was ready to listen, before continuing, “Even though that jerk Merk
didn’t dare mess with Klai anymore, I was still worried about him. I was afraid Merk might harass Klai again.”
“…”
“So I secretly went to check on Klai at the faculty building… I saw him sitting at a table on the fourth floor almost every day. At first, I thought he was just finding a quiet spot to read, but when I looked closely, I noticed he was only staring down below.”
“…”
“…And one day, when Klai didn’t come to class because he was sick, I sat in that spot myself… That’s when I realized it was the perfect vantage point to see clearly.”
“…”
“But I didn’t immediately assume Klai had a crush on you… So I went to grill Kant, thinking Klai probably told him everything.”
“Is Klai really close with Kant?”
“Yeah… those two have been best friends since high school. They’ve been through a lot together. Kant’s always been there for Klai.”
“…”
Panli thought if he could choose…
He’d want to be by Klai’s side through every moment too.
“And Kant really did know about it… He spilled everything, recounting every detail of what happened that day all over again…”
Panli stayed silent while listening to Dom’s story. He spoke with a serious tone and intense eyes. He bit down on his lower lip until it stung when he learned that Merk had told Klai’s friend group about Panli singing at Boss’s bar, using it as a bargaining chip to meet Klai. And Klai’s friend, who had a crush on him, agreed to the deal… trading their friendship for just a few hours with him.
Everything Dom told Panli made his heart ache, because as someone who values friendship, he knew how awful it feels when someone doesn’t appreciate the meaning of the word “friend.”
“And in the end, Kant said… it was because of that day that Klai started secretly liking you, and he still does to this day.”
“…”
“But Kant asked me to keep all this a secret. If Klai found out he told me these things, he’d feel uneasy.”
“…”
“Kant said only three close friends know about this… Klai never told anyone else. The only reason they found out was because they caught him sneaking glances at you on the fourth floor. That’s when he finally confessed.”
“…”
Panli understood why Klai didn’t tell Dom himself. He was probably worried it would affect him somehow. He’s always thinking about other people’s feelings.
“…”
“And after I found out, I never thought about telling anyone… not even you.”
“…”
“But the day before Klai’s birthday, Kant came to wait for me at the faculty again. He told me something he’d just learned not long ago. He couldn’t help but worry about Klai, afraid he’d feel bad being alone, so he secretly told me.”
“What happened to Klai this time?”
Dom sighed before recounting Klai’s past. He told Panli about a senior who tricked Klai into confessing his feelings just to win a bet with friends, and about Thot, one of the people involved in Klai being harassed by Merk. Merk had spread the story of Klai’s confession and rejection to everyone in their department, turning it into a cruel joke. Just knowing Thot was friends with Merk already made him want to smack him with his favorite pair of shoes, but hearing what he did to Klai made his blood boil even more.
“Does one person really have to deal with such awful people and terrible things like this?”
“Now do you understand why I decided to tell you all this… and why
I want someone like you in Klai’s life?”
“…”
“If you say you want to take care of Klai… Panli wants you to know who’s hurt him before… and who’s still messing with him.”
“From now on… if anyone messes with Klai again—”
“…”
“I’ll crush them under my foot.”
“Back then, I wanted to beat the crap out of those two jerks, Shin and
Thot… but Klai wouldn’t point them out.”
“Kant, right? Kant probably knows them.”
“I already went to Kant… but he asked me to let it go. He didn’t want to make things harder for Klai. And Kant himself already felt guilty enough for secretly telling me so much.”
“…”
Dom raised the cigarette, nearly half-burned, to his lips again before saying, “But when I thought it over carefully… I decided to let them go.”
“…”
“You’re probably wondering why I’d let them off, considering what they did to our people…” Dom spoke as if reading Panli mind, slowly exhaling white smoke before continuing, “Truth is, we didn’t let them hurt our people. Because I believe if they came back to harm our people again… there’s no way we’d let it slide.”
“…”
“But by ‘let go,’ I mean… let them just be the shitty people who once passed through someone’s life.”
“…”
“There’s no way to go back in time to protect those who were hurt in the past… no way at all.”
“…”
Phii Dom smiled and looked at me with understanding. “I used to be like you… hot-headed, fearless, ready to throw punches without much talk.”
“…”
“If you ask if I’m still like that, I’d say I am, but a lot less now.
Because when I’m with Babe, seeing her smile, hearing her say, ‘Don’t go picking fights, Dom, because if something happens to you, I won’t take care of you—I’ll go to the hospital and hit you again,’… I realized I shouldn’t try to go back and protect her from the past.”
“…”
“But I’ll use the time from now on to protect her… to make up for the feelings she lost with the time I have.”
Panli deeply understood what Dom was saying, and he said, “There may be many people who made him cry… but I’ll be the only one who brings back his smile.”
Dom nodded, giving me a smile. “Exactly…”
“…”
“We just accept that… the past, whether good or bad, is already over, perfectly complete.”
“…”
“We don’t need to go back and make up for anything anymore.”
“…”
“Save your time for the person you love instead.”
“Even if I save time for him… if someone messes with him again, I can still spare some time to throw hands.”
Dom laughed before saying, “Well, that’s obvious, isn’t it?”
Panli let out a relieved sigh. He wasn’t sure what exactly eased his mind so much—maybe it was this moment, reminding him that… Klai had already gotten through that ordeal.
“Klai…” Dom spoke without looking at him, his sharp eyes fixed on a light brown ceramic plate. He set his white cigarette down on it before looking up at Panli again. “…He doesn’t like you for your looks, like others do. I don’t know why other people are into you.”
“…”
“But for Klai…” Dom shifted his gaze from him to the green beer can. Panli could sense he was trying to unload something heavy from his heart. “…You’re probably like a light in his life.”
“…”
“You’re probably like a source of strength…” Dom smiled, still staring at the beer can. “You’re everything to Klai, and you don’t even realize it.”
Panli nodded lightly, his eyes dropping to the table between them. Dom’s words squeezed his heart, making it feel tight and heavy. At the same time, a flood of emotions started welling up inside him. Everything was building up rapidly within a matter of seconds, and it felt like he might not be able to handle it unless he let out the overwhelming feelings bottled up in his chest.
But believe him… He could handle it.
Panli would hold onto every emotion. And he’d embrace them all.
He knew it wasn’t the time to stay silent and let quietness interrupt their conversation, but he couldn’t deny that silence helped him reflect on things clearly. Panli let it envelop them for a moment.
“Phii Dom…”
“You know how to take care of Klai now, right?”
Panli nodded before saying, “Yeah…”
“…”
“Even though I already know Klai has a crush on me… I won’t take advantage of his feelings to easily step into his world.”
“…”
“How Klai started… that’s how I’ll start.”
“…”
“I won’t skip steps in our relationship… I’ll take it slow, step by step.” “Slowly… we’ll fill each other’s hearts until our feelings are equal.”
“…”
“Klai won’t like me more than I like him.”
“…”
“Phii Dom, besides asking to take care of Klai… can I ask for one more thing?”
Phii Dom nodded, even though Panli hadn’t yet said what he was requesting.
“Don’t tell Klai that I know about this yet… Don’t tell him I know everything he’s been through.”
“Give me some time to do something for him first… Panli wants him to know that…” He paused, as a heavy feeling squeezed his heart again,
“it’s not just Klai watching me… I’m watching him too.”
“…”
“…It’s not just Klai trying to reach me, I’m trying too.”
“…”
“I don’t want our story to be just… I know Klai likes me, and since I like him too, I go straight in, confess, and rush to be his boyfriend because I know it’ll work out.”
“…”
“I don’t want it to be just that… I want it to be more than that.”
“…”
“…I want every time we look back… to see how precious every moment we’ve shared is.”
‘…’
“And when that time comes… when Klai realizes how I feel about him.”
“…”
“I’ll tell him all these things myself.”
“…”
“Give me time to prove myself to Klai… and to prove myself to everyone, Phii Dom.”
“At first, I thought you’d go straight to Klai, tell him you know, and confess that you like him too.”
“…”
“I didn’t expect you to think of doing something this thoughtful.”
“Because it’s Klai… that’s why I’m thinking so much about this.”
“Thanks again, man… for being so sincere and caring so much about Klai’s feelings.”
“I should be thanking you too… for letting me take care of Klai.”
“…”
“Thank you for trusting me this much.”
“Because it’s you… that’s why I trust you.”
Panli and Phii Dom’s conversation, with ‘KhunKlai’ at its heart, ended with smiles and a trust that no worldly treasure could ever buy.
After he got home, he started thinking about how to approach this kind person in a way that would make him feel the least uncomfortable and most at ease around him. Panli lay there, pondering hard for a while, before getting up to shower and stepping out to smoke on the balcony. He was stumped. It had been so long since he was the one to make the first move. But then he looked up at the crescent moon shining brightly in the dull sky, and a song came to mind: The Land of Love.
That’s when Panli knew what to do… He would be gentle.
He would be caring.
He would be honest.
And he would try his hardest to be all these things as much as possible. For KhunKlai, and him alone.
The next day, Panli planned to sneak a glance at Klai from the fourth floor of the building across from Building 11. The mirrored film on its windows made it impossible to see inside, so he couldn’t watch him from the parking lot—Klai might notice and stop coming to sneak looks at him. But while he was helping his friends carry stuff for a group project, he unexpectedly ran into the kind person, head down, hurrying out of the building. He seemed really anxious. Panli noticed a stain on his shirt and guessed he was dealing with some trouble.
And of course, he wasn’t going to let Klai face it alone anymore. So
Panli pretended to block his path, and they started talking. He found out Klai’s shirt was stained with coffee from an “accident,” but he didn’t quite believe it was accidental.
In that rushed moment, Panli pushed aside all his doubts and focused on helping KhunKlai solve the problem quickly. He lent him his shirt and let him change in his favorite car. After that, they parted ways on the seventh floor before Klai headed to present his work on the eighth.
That evening, Panli parked his car somewhere else instead of the usual lot. Today, he wasn’t going to the parking lot—he’d watch KhunKlai from the building across instead. That way, Klai would think he’d gone home, and he wouldn’t have to wait for him too long.
5:30 PM
Panli stood on the fourth floor of the opposite building. The table on the fourth floor of Building 11 was still empty—no sign of that certain someone who used to watch him. He counted down silently in his head, alone, until the person he’d been waiting for walked in with two close friends.
This was the moment Panli broke into a wide smile. Klai’s appearance made his heart race wildly, even though he already knew KhunKlai would show up today…
Even knowing that… his heart still raced.
“Thank you for coming…”
Panli pulled his phone out of his back pocket to call someone. The call was answered after just a few rings.
[“You didn’t swing by your senior’s shop today… because Klai was definitely sneaking a look at you.”]
He let out a soft laugh before saying, “KhunKlai really showed up.” [“That’s awesome!”]
“Totally!”
[“You little punk!”]
Panli laughed, then said in a serious tone, “Phii Dom, please believe me… in the future, your little brother will be the most precious thing in my life.”
[“Yeah… I believe you.”]
And yes, right now, at this moment, Klaijai Borirat, was the most precious thing in his heart. Panli smiled as he looked at all his friends still intently listening to his story. He burst out laughing because he’d never seen them pay this much attention to anything before.
“That’s it… the story of me and KhunKlai is done.”
Panli said, pulling them back from the past. Tew shook his head slightly, as if he couldn’t believe what he’d told them, before he started to say something.
“Like… where do I even start?”
“I’m speechless too… it’s overwhelming… it’s like…” Toh said, rubbing his face, before continuing, “Damn it… I’m about to cry.”
“For real… it’s beyond anything I expected. I didn’t think the story would be this complex. I just thought you guys met somewhere, ran into each other again by chance, and started flirting.”
“This story is like… damn it! If anyone tries to be a third wheel with this couple, I’ll cut their dick off and feed it to the ducks.”
“Bold move!”
“You talking about the third wheel, Boss?”
“Nah… I’m talking about you, being all bold thinking you’d cut your own dick off… because you were the one flirting with KhunKlai at first.”
“Asshole… that was ages ago, wasn’t it?”
“…”
“Cut him some slack, Boss… people can change.”
“Idiot.”
Panli laughed and shook his head while listening to them banter, then grabbed someone’s cigarette pack from the table and tapped out a white stick.
“I’m stepping out for a smoke.”
Panli said as he stood up to his full height and walked out to the front of the restaurant. he pulled out his phone to check if that little troublemaker had finished work and texted me. But there were no messages on the screen. Panli was starting to miss him like crazy, but he didn’t want to disturb his time.
What helped ease the longing was replaying the clip of KhunKlai secretly sniffing his hair. Panli broke into a wide grin before tearing his eyes away from the phone screen and glancing back into the restaurant as a song started playing.
This song…
On days when there’s no one, when my heart can’t see the destination,
In a life that’s fading, shrouded in darkness, You’re like a faint light, soothing my suffering heart,
From now on, I’ll be the one who lives for you.
When love has no blueprint, I just love you,
No matter how bad things get, I’ll still love you,
I’ll take care of you until the day your sky is bright,
As long as Merk’s storm hasn’t passed, let me be the one by your side.
I still stand by my promise to stay, even if you can’t see anyone else, No hidden agendas, I just want you to know you can always trust me. I dedicate it to Klaijai alone.
A notification pinged, and a message from the person he was missing popped up on the screen. Panli quickly swiped to open the chat. glaijai: Puppy. glaijai: I’m done with work.
glaijai: What time is Puppy coming home?
After reading the messages, Panli tapped on the keyboard to reply. P. Panli: I miss you so much.
glaijai: Puppy, you didn’t answer the question at all. P. Panli: I’m gonna hang out here a bit longer.
- Panli: But if you allow me to head back to your condo…
- Panli: I’m heading back right now, ka.
The message shows as read, but the other person hasn’t replied yet.
Then I broke into a wide smile because of the message the little rascal just sent. glaijai: I miss the puppy too, krab.
- Panli: “I miss the puppy too” means “permission granted,” right, ka?
glaijai: sent a sticker
A sticker of a fluffy white rabbit nodding enthusiastically made Panli burst out laughing. That little rascal really knows how to make him fall for him. Panli sent back a sticker of a puppy with the English word “OK” and then tossed his cigarette to the ground before hurrying inside to say goodbye to his friends in the shop.
After they heard the whole story, he figured his friends would understand him, and they’d let him go back to the little rascal, or “my love.”
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