YOURSKY, Chapter 19
“Hey, chubby-cheeks, what’s wrong… Why are you eating so little? I even ordered your favorite lava bingsu for you.”
“Uh, stressed about your exam scores? Two more points and you’d be at the top—that’s already amazing.”
“I’m not stressed…”
“Then what’s up? You look like a dying plant.”
“Want some supplements or something? Maybe it’ll boost your appetite.
Seeing you barely eat makes me worried.”
“Joy, are you my mom or my friend? Have you figured that out yet?”
“Vitamin A or B, chubby-cheeks… My house has them all. I’ll go grab some for you to take while waiting for Phii Fah.”
“You eat stuff like that, Joy?” Type asked.
“Of course I do. Our bodies don’t get all the nutrients they need every day—you’ve got to supplement them.”
“Joy doesn’t have this vitamin…” Theerak said while staring at his phone screen, then muttered softly, “The Muenfah vitamin… no one’s got that…”
“Do you have the Muenfah vitamin? Go find it. I feel bad for my friend.” Type said.
“I think Phii Fah probably only gives vitamins to chubby-cheeks here. The rest of us just get protein.”
“Haha!”
“Don’t sulk. Phii Fah will call soon…” Theerak looked up from his phone screen at Panli, who gently rubbed his head.
“Mm… Phii Fah will call his naughty one soon, right?”
“Aw ~ I feel so bad for you.”
“Stop teasing your friend, you jerk Type. Don’t you see… the longing is hitting chubby-cheeks hard right now.”
“Then why don’t you call him?” Type asked.
“I can’t. If I call him myself, I might disturb Phii Fah’s time with his dad and mom.”
“That’s someone with consideration, Type—not just calling whenever they feel like it.”
“You jerk, tricking me into getting scolded…”
“Everyone… I just realized…” Theerak sighed, “…I just realized I’m completely hooked on Phii Fah.”
“Aw… my poor chubby-cheeks.”
“What did you just realize?”
“I just said it, you dog-faced jerk…” Theerak frowned at Panli, who was waiting for an answer. He was slightly annoyed that his friend hadn’t listened carefully and made him repeat himself. “…I’m totally hooked on Phii Fah!”
“Okay…”
“Huh?”
Panli’s sly smile made Theerak guess that he was up to something, and the word “Okay” confirmed that whatever his close friend had done had worked.
“You jerk, what did you do?” Joy asked.
“Just helped pass a message…”
Theerak glared at Panli, who sat there smirking, thinking something was definitely about to happen. Sure enough, his phone soon vibrated with a notification. Theerak broke into a wide grin and called out the caller’s name with delight.
“Phii Fah ~”
“Answer Phii Fah’s call already…”
Theerak didn’t hesitate and picked up Muenfah’s call immediately. “Hello!”
[Heh heh]
I’ve missed that laugh so much,
[Totally hooked on Phii Fah, huh?]
“…” He shot a sideways glance at Panli, who was pulling a cigarette pack out of his pants pocket, about to step outside. But Theerak reached out and grabbed his friend’s arm, pulling him back to sit down.
“I’m going to smoke…”
“Dog-faced jerk, you aren’t allowed to leave until you confess your wrongdoing first.”
[Just now, Panli sent a voice message to me on LINE… I heard little naughty you say you totally smitten with me.]
“…Uh,” Theerak raised a hand to rub the back of his neck, embarrassed.
[…]
“Panli was teasing me.”
[And when you said you’re smitten with me… were you just teasing too?]
Theerak held back a grin until his cheeks nearly burst, then said, “If I was just teasing… I wouldn’t be sulking, right?”
[Heh,…I’ll give the sulky one a head sniff.]
“Okay…”
“Completely different from that guy earlier,” Panli said, shaking his head.
[I’m is sorry for not calling or texting at all. I had to help Ma check things at the hotel too.]
“It’s fine, Phii Fah. I understand you, but I just…”
[Just what?]
Theerak looked up at his friends. Everyone turned their faces away, pretending not to notice what he was saying. “Just misses you as much as ten thousand skies.”
[Such a sweet-talker…]
“…”
[I will be back the day after tomorrow.]
“Whoa… that feels like a year, doesn’t it?”
[Heh.]
“Chubby-cheeks, you’re awful, flirting nonstop,” Theerak raised an eyebrow at Joy, who was watching him. He felt his body perk up instantly upon hearing Muenfah’s voice.
“My brother’s done for. He’s totally fallen for chubby-cheeks.”
[How was today? Were you really tired?]
“Not tired. The exam results came out great too.”
[That’s awesome.]
“Sky has to reward the awesome one by coming back soon, okay?”
[Of course. I will hurry back as fast as possible.]
“Phii Fah, how’s Pa doing?”
[Much better now. He can go home tomorrow.]
“I’m is so happy. Pa’s recovered.”
“Rak, can I talk to Phii Fah for a bit?”
“Phii Fah, Panli want to talk to you.”
[Okay.]
Theerak handed his phone to Panli, who was sitting across from him. He tried to suppress his smile, but he couldn’t manage it at all. Because Theerak was grinning so widely, Joy and Type seized the chance to tease him relentlessly.
Panli took the phone and said, “Phii Fah…”
[What?]
“Is Pa okay now?”
[Yeah, he can go home tomorrow.]
“Okay.”
[…]
“Phii Fah, do you miss Li?”
[Change the question. I’m gonna puke.]
“Haha!”
[…]
“What about the people around here—do you miss them?”
[Are you on speakerphone?]
Panli smirked slightly before pressing the speakerphone button and placing the black phone on the table in the middle.
“Nope, not on speaker.”
[I know you turned it on…]
“Yeah, Li turned it on.”
[What did you just ask?]
“I asked… do you miss the people around here?”
[…My heart’s about to break.]
“Li thinks the people around here feel the same way.”
[Heh, want me to bring anything back for you guys?]
“How about a hundred gold bars?”
[To fill up your house or what?]
“Haha… Ask Phii Fah’s naughty one instead…”
Theerak quickly grabbed the phone and turned off the speakerphone after hearing Panli say that. He wanted the conversation between the two of them to be a little more private. Theerak took a deep breath, trying to calm his embarrassment.
Just now…
That phrase, my heart’s about to break, from Muenfah…
…It nearly did him in.
[Want anything, naughty one?]
“No, Phii Fah.”
[Just having me come back to you is enough, right…?]
“…” Theerak got hit again—this time, he couldn’t even respond. All he could do was smile and nod, even though he knew the person on the other end couldn’t see his body language.
[I’m going to drive Mama around for a bit, okay?]
“Okay…”
[Theerak…]
“Yes, Phii Fah.”
[I miss you, Theerak.]
“Y-Yes… Phii Fah.”
Theerak hung up the call and slipped his phone into his pants pocket. He wanted to hide his smile from his friends’ prying eyes, but no pocket could contain the grin of pure happiness. As a result, he became the center of everyone’s attention.
“Condensed milk, Milo powder ~…none of that affects my blood sugar. If I get diabetes in my eyes, it’s definitely because of Phii Fah’s words and this chubby-cheeked fool,” Panli teased.
“Why are you smiling so much, chubby-cheeks? I asked Phii Fah if he missed someone around here… He might’ve meant Joy,” Type said.
“You jerk, Type! I’m begging you, don’t stir up trouble in someone else’s family!”
“Haha!”
“Type, you’re making stuff up!” Theerak wiped the smile off his face, pointed at himself, and said in a serious tone, “Phii Fah meant this person.”
“This person it is, then…” Panli reached over to gently pat his head, laughing.
Theerak picked up a spoon to scoop his favorite lava bingsu into his mouth. Hearing Muenfah’s voice instantly boosted his appetite. Muenfah probably didn’t realize he was the perfect medicine, saving Theerak from the crisis of missing him so much he could hardly stand it.
If it weren’t for Muenfah…
…no one else could cure him.
Because his heart only responded to Muenfah.
#However Many Thousand Skies
The small figure, who’d tossed and turned in his sleep until he ended up pressed against the textured wall, slowly opened his eyes as sunlight streamed through the window and hit his face. His egg-yolk-colored eyelids blinked rapidly to adjust his vision. Theerak raised one hand to rub the corner of his eye before propping himself up to sit. The first thing he did after waking was grab his phone to check the time.
10:30 a.m.
And the next thing he saw below the time was…
M.FAH: I miss you.
Theerak grinned widely when he saw Muenfah’s message. Judging by the time, Muenfah must have woken up really early. Knowing Theerak had no classes today, he’d chosen to send a LINE message instead of calling— probably to avoid waking him up.
Muenfah was always like this…
He often said he wanted Theerak to rest as much as possible.
Theerak typed, “Even more, ” in reply, hoping the other would understand what he meant. He wasn’t saying it just to make Muenfah feel good—he truly meant it.
Every feeling that welled up inside him…
It was so overwhelming it spilled beyond his small frame.
After replying, Theerak got out of bed to shower and prepare to go downstairs. He figured Muenfah had probably left a message for him to see when he woke up but didn’t have enough free time to wait for a response all day. So, Theerak went about his daily routine without lingering for a reply from the other side.
We both have our own space and time Theerak thought that these two things were the foundation of understanding.
If we understand each other… we’ll feel happy every time we think of one another.
“You’re awake, huh, dear? I made crispy pork basil for you—it’s in the kitchen…”
“Thank you, Mom…” Theerak scanned the living room for Grandpa, who usually sat watching TV, but he wasn’t there this time. “Mom… where’s
Grandpa?”
“He took Moogrob for a run in the backyard garden. That dog kept circling his legs, begging to be taken outside.”
“That Moogrob, honestly…”
“Rak, come eat first, dear. I’ll scoop some clear soup into a bowl for you.” “Sure…”
Theerak plopped down onto a chair at the dining table. His mom walked over with a bowl of his favorite bitter melon clear soup and placed it in front of him, then handed him a plate of steaming white rice.
“Mom, I can do it myself. You don’t have to do it for me.”
“Let me do it. It’s my happiness. Because once you grow up more… I probably won’t get to do this anymore.”
“I’m already grown up now. You shouldn’t have to do this for me…”
“I mean when you might have your own family someday. By then, I probably won’t get to do this often.”
“Aw… Mom, where would I go? I’m staying right here with you…”
“One day, you’ll see for yourself that you can’t stay with me forever.”
“I know, but I’m not going anywhere. I’ll hug your legs tight.”
His mom smiled faintly and reached over to ruffle his hair. “If you hug my legs that tightly… which hand will you use to hold that person’s hand?”
“Huh, which person, Mom?”
“The one who makes you smile every time you look at your phone…”
“You saw that, Mom?”
“Of course I did… I see you smiling at your phone all the time. Whoever’s in there must make my son really happy, right?”
“…” Theerak swallowed hard. He wasn’t sure how his family would feel if they knew the person who made him smile was Muenfah, a senior who was also a guy. Theerak had been preparing himself for this since the day he realized he was starting to feel something for Muenfah. He thought everyone would probably accept it, but it might take time for them to come to terms with it… especially his dad.
But since I’ve already chosen…
…Since I’ve already felt this way Theerak had to face it.
“You got quiet the moment I brought this up.”
He pursed his lips before asking, “Mom, have you ever imagined the kind of person I’d be with?”
“You mean what they look like?”
“Everything about them…”
“I’ll admit I’ve imagined it. Probably a cute girl with a good personality…” “…”
“After you broke up with Mew… I saw you in a bad state for a while. Back then, I couldn’t do anything to help. Since then, I stopped imagining or expecting anything. I just thought… I just want someone, anyone, who won’t make you feel that bad again, someone who can take care of your smile.”
“Whether it’s a woman or a man, Mom?”
“Yes…”
After finishing lunch, Theerak went out to walk alone in the backyard garden. He wanted some time to reflect on things. As he stepped across the grass, Theerak realized something. Being accepted by others felt so good and brought so much happiness that it was hard to describe. But on the flip side, he wondered how much sadness and pain there’d be if that acceptance wasn’t there. Realizing this, he started preparing himself for those feelings that might come in the future.
And Theerak realized something else too. In our happiness and good feelings, there’s a hint of sacrifice mixed in. But that sacrifice doesn’t come from the one being accepted—like him. It comes from those who are ready to understand and accept others. Understanding and accepting something that doesn’t meet expectations isn’t easy. True acceptance isn’t just about forcing yourself to overlook things—it’s about opening your heart and giving time to something too new to fully grasp.
In the end, Mom accepted it…
In the end, the one who sacrificed was always Mom…
“Moogrob, ugh… stop squirming so much. I am an old man, and I am tired, you little rascal.”
He turned toward the familiar voice. Grandpa was sitting in front of the house, bathing Moogrob. The dog must’ve been rolling in the dirt all day to get dragged into a bath before being allowed inside. Seeing Grandpa struggle to handle the chubby little pup, Theerak stepped in to help.
“Let me help, Grandpa.”
“Good idea, Rak. I can’t deal with this naughty dog anymore,” Grandpa said as he sat down on a small chair.
Moogrob was the most stubborn and mischievous pup, but those traits couldn’t compare to its cleverness. Moogrob loved coaxing Grandpa to take it running in the garden every day, and Grandpa always gave in to the little pup. He even tired himself out bathing it when it got filthy, afraid Mom would scold and make it sleep in the outdoor kennel.
“Moogrob… wanna sleep with Phii Rak tonight? Phii Rak won’t be on the phone tonight, so you can sleep with him.”
“Moogrob, don’t get too excited. If your big bro goes back to talking on the phone, you’ll be a real stinky dog,” Grandpa said.
Theerak smiled as he watched Grandpa laughing, then turned back to continue soaping up Moogrob. “…”
“Have you ever seen him, Grandpa?”
“Huh, what’s that, Rak?” Theerak couldn’t hold Grandpa’s gaze for even a second before looking down again. He didn’t know what Grandpa knew to ask something like that. If he had to explain a man-loving-man relationship to Grandpa, Theerak was afraid he wouldn’t understand.
“The person I talk to every night… Have you ever seen him, Grandpa?”
The hands covered in soap bubbles slowed down until Moogrob turned to look at him. “…”
“…”
“He’s been to the house before. You probably seen him.”
“The only woman who’s been to the house is Joy. Everyone else has been guys.”
“…With Joy, we’re friends.”
“…”
“Grandpa…” Theerak met his grandfather’s eyes before speaking, “I don’t know how to explain this love to you in a way you’d understand. It’s not so complicated that it can’t be explained, but I think it’s a delicate matter.”
“…”
“I know it’ll take time for everyone to understand and accept it.”
“That might be true, for some people who don’t understand love.”
“…”
“Rak, answer me this… Is this really love?”
“Yes, Grandpa…”
Grandpa smiled before saying, “That’s all I need. Just saying its love is enough. You don’t have to explain anything to me. If it’s real love, then I already understand it—it’s like what I felt with Grandma.”
“…”
“As for the complexities of the younger generation, I’ll learn about them little by little.”
“…”
“I can tell this love makes you anxious, Rak, because you’re afraid everyone will be disappointed in you. Being a good kid who rarely disappoints or saddens your parents has made them place high expectations on you. They hope you’ll always be someone they can admire and be proud of, and you’ve carried a lot of that expectation…”
“…”
“I’m not telling you to stop listening to your parents or to break free from the mold you’ve always lived in. You’re fine the way you are… The term ‘good kid’ suits you perfectly.”
“…”
“But what I’m trying to say is… love comes from two people. It doesn’t come from anyone’s expectations. So, Rak, you need to let go of everyone’s expectations… and decide this for yourself.”
“…”
“Even if this love doesn’t match what your mom and dad expect, I want you to decide for yourself. Trust your own feelings.”
“Don’t let your heart only want to love but be unable to. You have to let your heart love, Rak—love as much as it can.”
“…”
“No matter what happens, I want you to remember that everything takes time, and soon it’ll pass… I’ll always be by your side, Rak.”
Suddenly, Theerak felt a sting in his nose and lifted his soap-covered hand to rub it lightly. “…”
“You’ve got it all over yourself now, Rak…” Grandpa said with a chuckle, reaching out to wipe the soap bubbles off his nose.
“Thank you, Grandpa.”
“Just wiping off some soap bubbles… No need to thank me for that.”
“Thank you for always being by my side, Grandpa…”
“Can’t bring myself to abandon you, so I’ve got to stick around,” Grandpa said with a laugh.
“…”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Yes, Grandpa.”
“What is that person to you, Theerak?”
Theerak gave a small smile. He didn’t even need to think about it. “…to the sea; he is my sky.”
“…”
“I am the sea, he is my sky.”
#However Many Thousand Skies
Theerak watched the crispy pork—aptly named “Moogrob”—run with its tongue out toward his older sister, who was sitting and watching TV. He walked over and sat down on the sofa next to Phii Babe. She scooped up Moogrob, who now smelled delightfully clean, into a hug.
“You smell so nice, Moogrob. Who bathed you?”
“Theerak did.”
“Have you thanked Khun Phii Rak yet, Moogrob?”
“He thanked me by shaking water all over my face.”
Phii Babe laughed before continuing, “Fah’s coming back tomorrow, right?”
“Yes.”
“Dom said Fah will arrive in the evening…”
“Yes, Phii Fah said the same thing.”
“…” Phii Babe nodded and went back to playing with Moogrob.
Theerak looked at his sister, thinking… Phii Babe wasn’t one to talk or ask much, but she always seemed to know everything. He guessed she knew how he felt about Muenfah. Her words from that day, urging him to do his best, still lingered in his mind.
He knew his sister had paved the way for this love, but he didn’t understand why someone as tough and protective of her little brother as Phii Babe had let go so easily. Theerak figured she must have seen something in Muenfah to give her approval.
But above all… today, Theerak wanted his sister to know what was in his heart. He wanted Phii Babe to understand that he’d chosen a new path and taken a step forward…
“Phii Babe… I have grown up a little more now.”
His sister turned to look at him and gave a faint smile. “Even if you grow up more… you’ll still be my eternal two-and-a-half-year-old Theerak.”
“When will you finally forget about me at two and a half…”
“How could I forget? That was when you first said my name, even if it wasn’t very clear.”
“Mom said you was so happy you cried because I could call everyone in the house except for you.”
“Hmm…” Phii Babe replied before going back to playing with Moogrob. Theerak knew his sister wasn’t good at talking about these things. She liked to act indifferent even though her heart was overflowing with emotion.
“If I don’t love a woman, if my love doesn’t fit the usual mold…”
“…”
“But I want to love in my own way… Will you be okay with that?”
Phii Babe set Moogrob down on the floor and turned to look at him. Those same eyes he’d seen since childhood, now gazing deeply into his own. “If this love doesn’t make you, Rak Niran, sad… I’m okay with it.”
“…”
“Rak… love isn’t about right or wrong.”
“…”
“Loving another man isn’t wrong, you know that, right?”
“I know.”
“You can love whoever you want… but I’ll keep loving you like this.”
“…”
“Because you’re my little brother.”
“…”
“Nothing can change the fact that we’re siblings.”
“…”
“I love you, Rak.”
“I love you, Phii Babe too.”
The last time Theerak heard the word “love” from his sister’s mouth was when he was ten. As they grew older, Phii Babe stopped saying things like that. He never thought he’d hear a declaration of love that made his eyes burn with warmth again.
Phii Babe once said that the word “love” gains more value when we choose to use it at the right time.
Rak believes it now…
:]
After talking with his sister, Theerak excused himself to go shower, with Moogrob following him upstairs to nap together. He flopped onto the bed and grabbed his phone from the bedside shelf to check it.
…No messages…
Even though Muenfah hadn’t replied at all, Theerak could still smile because he trusted him and knew the other probably missed him just as much—just didn’t have enough free time. Smiling, Theerak thought back to the conversations with his mom, grandpa, and Phii Babe. He’d once thought that telling everyone about this would bring him a sense of relief, but when the moment actually came, he didn’t feel that way. Instead, his heart felt heavier than before…
But that added weight was filled with love and understanding.
Those two things pressed down on his worries until they sank deep and disappeared.
It was a heaviness he could bear…
The only one left he hadn’t told was his dad, but Theerak believed his father would understand like the others. His dad was always ready to understand him, no matter how delicate or complicated the matter was. All he could do now was wait for his dad to come back.
But there was one more person Theerak wanted to let know about this. Even though he knew that person might already have an inkling, confirming it clearly would be better than letting his friend guess on his own.
Theerak: Panli… what are you up to? P. Panli: Watching soccer.
Theerak: Watching soccer at home?Panli: No, I came to check out a friend’s room.
Theerak: Oh.Panli: You okay?
Theerak: Are you free tomorrow morning?
Theerak: Before Phii Fah gets back to Thailand.Panli: Honestly, I’m not free, but I can reschedule.
Theerak: No worries, no need to reschedule. I can talk to you another day.Panli: Can you come talk at my place tomorrow?
Theerak: Sure.Panli: Okay, see you tomorrow.
Theerak: Yep.
Theerak smiled faintly, then grinned wider when he saw a message from someone pop up.
M.FAH: See you tomorrow, okay?
Theerak: Yes, Fah.
##However Many Thousand Skies
TBC
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