MYMOON, Chapter 1:
A small figure dressed in the signature navy suit of an aviation business student walked into the photography exhibition room, a joint event between the Faculty of Communication Arts and the Faculty of Digital Media. Klai chose to come here in the evening, thinking there would be fewer people. As expected, he was the only one in the spacious room filled with photographs.
His almond-shaped eyes glanced at a large sign on the wall. The word “Shadow” on the sign revealed the concept of this exhibition: every photograph conveyed the theme of shadows. However, there was one image that Klai liked the most.
He stopped in front of a particular photograph… Klai gazed at a full moon prominently floating in a dull sky, its soft yellow light casting a reflection on the sea, creating an illusion of another moon in the water. But in truth, it was merely the moon’s shadow.
The moon… there is always only one.
Klai gave a faint smile before shifting his gaze to a small white information plaque next to the image. The photographer was a student from the Faculty of Digital Media, majoring in Graphic Design, and the photograph was titled…
Lost in the Moon’s Shadow
He thought the photographer was quite creative and highly skilled to produce such a beautiful image. Klai didn’t know how academically accomplished the photographer was, but because of an event from that day, he had a sense that…
The person who took this photograph… was kind-hearted.
And because of the kindness of the creator of Lost in the Moon’s Shadow, it made him recall that day once again…
KantHimself: It’s almost 9 p.m. Have you reached the place yet? glaijai: Just turning at the next intersection, and I’ll be there.
KantHimself: If I didn’t have to help my mom with shopping early tomorrow, I’d have gone with you. glaijai: No need to worry, Kant. After we cleared things up that
day, I think all three of them have become much nicer.
KantHimself: They haven’t become nicer. They’re just trying to act nice to you because you’re useful to them. The one who’s genuinely good to you is Mai. She’s been good to you from the start. KantHimself: I know you know who’s truly good to you.
glaijai: Like I said, I want to give everyone a chance to adjust one
more time. But if things go back to how they were, this time I’m done.
KantHimself: If they act like that again, you really should be done. For real.
KantHimself: I get you.
KantHimself: I understand that everything’s tough for you right now, but I believe you’ll get through it.
glaijai: Thank you so much, Kant, thank you for always being by
my side.
KantHimself: Anyone who could abandon you must be crazy. glaijai: sent a sticker
KantHimself: That cute smiling rabbit sticker, it really suits you. glaijai: Kant, we’re almost at the place, let’s talk later, okay?
KantHimself: Okay, take care of yourself.
glaijai: sent a sticker
Klai sent a sticker to say goodbye to his close friend, whom he’s known since high school, before glancing at the taxi meter. He pulled out his wallet from his pants pocket to prepare the fare. When they arrived, he handed the driver some money, told him to keep the change, and got out of the car.
Today, his friends invited him to celebrate at a bar after a grueling exam period. Honestly, Klai isn’t too fond of places like this. He doesn’t drink alcohol and isn’t into nightlife at all. Lately, though, his relationships with his friends haven’t been great. Last week, Klai gathered everyone to clear up some issues within the group. Since then, everyone has been trying to adjust, and their relationships have been improving.
Klai admits his lifestyle is quite different from his friends’. They love regular get-togethers, but he always declines their invitations. This time, though, he agreed to come because he wanted them to see he’s trying to meet them halfway.
Even though he wants to maintain these friendships, Klai hasn’t forgotten to stay true to himself. This adjustment, he thinks, has to be something he can handle. It’s about meeting each other halfway, like what he’s doing now. He’s chosen to join his friends for a night out, even if he doesn’t drink or come out often. At the very least, he gets to spend time with them outside of university.
This is Klai’s way of adapting.
“Klai, over here…”
And this must be his friends’ way of adapting.
Klai, now inside the bar, nodded to the group waving at him. He quickly walked to their table, pausing to notice two empty chairs next to Kant.
“Klai, sit!” Mai patted the wooden chair loudly, inviting him to sit beside her.
Klai raised an eyebrow slightly as he looked at the group. Everyone was here, yet there were still two empty chairs. He figured it was normal to have extra seats and sat down without asking anything.
“What’s you drinking? I’ll order for you…” Mai asked.
“Got any Coke, Mai?”
“Yup, we do!”
“You’re at a bar and only drinking Coke, Klai? Seriously?”
Klai, who was pulling his phone out of his pocket, looked up at Thot, the only guy in the group and someone he wasn’t particularly close to. “I don’t like drinking alcohol.”
“Have you even tried it?”
“I’ve tried it, but I don’t really like it.”
“Thot… if he doesn’t want to drink, he doesn’t have to. Why are you pushing him?” Mai chimed in.
“Why are you pushing him? Mai, you’re making me sound like a bad guy here!”
Klai let out a quiet sigh as he watched Thot and Mai lock eyes, neither backing down. The two often bickered, their opinions rarely aligning. Even though Mai was a woman, she never showed the slightest fear of Thot. Back in the day, Mai used to hang out and drink with New and Or a lot. But once Thot joined the group, she started going out with friends from other faculties instead.
Klai’s group consisted of five people: himself, Mai, New, Orn, and Thot. They weren’t all close, having only formed the group at the start of their second year. Initially, Klai had two close friends, but they transferred to another faculty, leaving him to find new friends. Many others faced the same issue—friends in the group transferring out— because the aviation business program came with strict rules and regulations. After a year, some realized it wasn’t what they truly wanted.
Those who stayed and continued in the program had to find new friends, almost from scratch. During the first week of the semester, Klai met Mai. They hung out for about a week before meeting New, who later brought Orn into the group, followed by Thot.
The group’s dynamic took a hit when Thot joined. Mai and Thot frequently clashed, largely because Thot often shirked his responsibilities. But it wasn’t just him—lately, New and Orn had been dodging work too. The worst part, which Klai and Mai couldn’t stand, was that the three would agree to do their share of the work but then, when deadlines loomed, claim they couldn’t finish. This left Klai and Mai to pick up the slack to meet submission deadlines.
Because of this, Klai decided to call everyone together to address the issue. He was blunt, stating that if they continued to be irresponsible, he couldn’t work with them anymore, and they might have to part ways. Mai, unable to hold back, let loose a tirade, nearly getting into it with Thot, though Klai stepped in to stop it. The three, knowing they were in the wrong, apologized and asked for another chance.
Klai decided to give his friends a chance to change, and he also gave himself a chance to adjust to them. After all, they’d only known each other for a few weeks—maybe they just needed more time together. Klai figured no one enjoys starting new relationships over and over, even if it’s just friendships.
Because no one wants to walk back to the starting point when they’re already halfway there…
Klai knows this well… that’s why he’s trying to keep our relationship steady like this.
“Right now, you guys argue as much as you want. But when Panli comes out to sing, no more fighting, got it!”
“…”
Klai glanced at New, who was sitting and staring at the stage. New had once mentioned having a crush on Panli for months, but Klai didn’t pay much attention to it. He’d heard the name Panli before, especially during the university’s annual contest when everyone was talking about him.
And because his cousin is close friends with Muenfah, Panli’ older brother, Dom had shared some stories about Panli. Dom said Panli is studying in the Faculty of Digital Media, Graphic Design major, just like Dom and Muenfah, but he’s in the same year as Klai. That’s all Klai knew, but he’d never actually seen this Panli that his friend was so obsessed with.
“Last week… I heard New asked you to get Panli’ LINE for her, right?” Mai asked softly.
“Yeah… New saw me talking with Dom and Muenfah in front of the faculty. She probably thought I knew Panli too.”
“…”
“So I turned her down… and told her I don’t know Panli. I wouldn’t dare ask for his LINE anyway.”
“And did New believe you?”
Klai sighed, recalling New’s expression at the time, then shook his head slightly. “Doesn’t seem like she did.”
“Are you serious? … Just because you know the older brother, does that mean you have to know the younger one too?”
“…”
“New’s logic is so weird.”
Klai let out a soft laugh, watching Mai down her drink with an annoyed expression. Mai always spoke her mind, which made her seem a bit intense, but Klai liked that about her. It showed she was genuine— what she thought was what she said.
He shifted his gaze from Mai to the stage. Klai felt a pang in his chest when New brought up Panli. He suspected this drinking night wasn’t just about relaxing, as his friends had claimed. So he asked Mai to confirm he wasn’t overthinking it alone.
“If Panli is performing at this bar, doesn’t that mean New didn’t invite everyone here just to relax like she said?”
I just realized it too, same as you…”
“…”
“At first, I thought we were just here to drink and have fun, but turns out it’s all about chasing Panli.”
Just as he’d thought.
Klai gave a faint smile to comfort Mai, who looked visibly annoyed, before saying, “Come on… think of it as sitting down for drinks to bond.”
“New gets all the profit, doesn’t she? The bill gets split among friends, and she even gets to meet the person she likes.”
Klai let out a soft chuckle before scanning the atmosphere of the bar.
However, he noticed a tall, good-looking guy walking toward their table. Klai quietly sighed and lightly nudged Mai’s arm.
“I can understand them inviting Panli, but inviting this guy without telling us? I’m not okay with that.”
“Who did they invite now?” Mai asked. Klai nodded toward the new guest who had just reached the table. Mai looked up at the tall figure standing in front of Thot, her friend, and let out a heavy sigh before muttering in a displeased tone, “That jerk, Merk.”
“…”
Klai glanced at the empty chair beside him. Now he understood that this chair had an owner from the start—it wasn’t just an extra seat as he had thought. Merk was a friend of Thot from a different faculty. Merk had been pursuing him for almost a week, but Klai wasn’t interested and had rejected him. Yet, Merk kept persistently chasing him. So, Klai had been avoiding Merk whenever they crossed paths at the university.
He figured Merk was bold enough to pursue him because Merk likely knew that he was attracted to men. And the person who probably told Merk about this was Thot. Back in his first year, Klai had confessed his feelings to a senior, a guy, but was rejected. Quite a few of his peers knew about his confession to Phii Shin, and Klai suspected Thot was one of them.
That’s why Merk wouldn’t stop pursuing him.
But even though Klai was attracted to men, it didn’t mean he would fall for just any guy.
“I’m the one who invited Merk because he said Panli would be performing at this bar. You guys don’t mind, right?”
“How could we mind? We should thank Merk for getting Thot to tell us.”
“Thot said New has been into Panli for months. Since a friend of ours is friends with Panli, we heard that Panli was performing at this bar… so we quickly had Thot tell New.”
“Thanks a lot…” New said, then pointed at the empty chair next to
Klai. “Sit down, Merk. That chair’s next to Klai.”
Merk nodded at New and took the seat beside Klai.
Klai didn’t even glance at the person next to him. He looked at New, who was smiling at Merk. The situation felt like a setup, as if Merk had used the information about Panli as a bargaining chip to see him. And New was willing to go along with it just because he wanted to meet the person he liked.
Klai hated how this felt.
It was like he was being tricked…
Klai, come sit here… I want to sit next to Merk,” Mai said, grabbing his arm. Klai stood up, following Mai’s tug to switch to her chair, while Mai moved to sit next to Merk instead.
“Why do you want to sit next to that jerk Merk?”
“I just want to be in the middle for once, Thot… but don’t worry, a middleman like me won’t make things awkward for friends.” “…”
“Mai, don’t overthink it,” Orn said.
Klai understood what Mai meant. Her sharp words must have hit a nerve, causing Thot to show his displeasure. At that moment, Kant’s words flashed in Klai’s mind, and he realized he’d been wrong—his friends hadn’t changed at all.
They were still using him, completely disregarding his feelings.
“Overthinking is better than not thinking at all.”
“Mai…” Klai gently touched her arm, signaling her to stop. He didn’t want her to argue with everyone over this. Leaning closer to his friend, he said, “I’ll handle it.”
Mai let out a heavy sigh, nodding in response without saying a word.
“…”
“Panli’s here…”
Right now, Klai didn’t care about anything. He was so frustrated he wanted to leave the table, but he was still worried about Mai and wanted to address the fact that Thot had invited Merk without telling anyone. However, a loud scream drew his attention to the stage. Their table wasn’t far from it, so he could clearly see the person on stage.
Klai saw a tall, fair-skinned man, about 185 cm, walk onto the stage. With golden blonde hair styled to show off his face, he had long, almond-shaped eyes, a sharp nose, and full, heart-shaped lips. Klai thought everything about his face complemented his sharp, elongated features perfectly.
So this is…
‘Panli.’
Seeing Panli in person, Klai wasn’t surprised at all that so many people liked him. Beyond his handsome, Chinese-Thai features, his playful demeanor—sparkling eyes and a cheeky smile—made him even more charming.
Panli seems like such a flirt.
So different from Phii Fa…
“Panli already looks hot in his student uniform, but in casual clothes, he’s even hotter,” Mai said, raising her glass to drink.
Klai glanced at her, saying nothing.
Since he had never seen Panli at the university, Klai had no idea how much better he looked now. He glanced at the stage again. Panli was wearing a short-sleeved white shirt with small green leaf patterns scattered across it, the top three buttons undone, the hem tucked into black jeans. He wore a burnt brown leather watch and black sneakers. Panli probably did look much more handsome now than when he wore the student uniform, just as Mai had said…
“Hey, I’ll be right back, guys. The table in front is blocking everything!”
What, you can’t see Panli? I think he’s pretty clear from here, New,” Mai said.
“I can see him fine, but he can’t see me! Those people in front are completely blocking me.”
New, who cared about nothing but his own enjoyment, got up from the table to stand by the stage. Klai lowered his eyes to the glass of Coke in front of him, thinking that the chance he had given his friends might have been wasted. He never imagined he’d feel disappointed with his group again.
Klai was sincere with everyone and always ready to adjust to his friends. But what he got in return… was so different.
“Today, our regular singer, Phii Nut, had some business and couldn’t perform. So, I’m here to sing instead,” came a playful voice from the stage, snapping Klai out of his bad mood for a moment.
He looked at the tall figure holding a microphone, one hand wrapping the black cord around itself to shorten it.
“The bar owner is a close senior of mine, and he forced a terrible singer like me to perform for you all,” Panli said, earning laughter from the crowd. He didn’t seem nervous or stiff at all, joking with the audience naturally. Klai figured he must have performed on stage often, as Panli showed no signs of stage fright.
“If I sing off-key or mess up… please forgive this makeshift singer,” Panli said in a charming tone, prompting another round of screams. Klai realized it wasn’t just New who was smitten with Panli—many women in the bar seemed to feel the same.
Klai shifted his gaze from the stage to take in the bar’s atmosphere. But he felt a pair of eyes staring at him. He briefly met the sharp gaze of their owner for a split second before looking back at his Coke.
Merk was watching him the whole time…
Klai knew he couldn’t keep avoiding Merk’s gaze by staring at his drink forever. So, he found a new place to rest his eyes, letting them wander further out. But the best focal point was, without a doubt, the stage in front of him.
He saw Panli laughing with the bassist, nodding to the drummer behind him before the heavy sounds of guitar, drums, and bass kicked in. Panli opened with a rock song. Klai thought someone with a constant smile on their face chose a great song—a catchy hit everyone likely knew.
And when the playful smile’s owner began to sing…
“Just one look from you, just you passing by. Just standing by your side, hearing your faint voice, it makes my heart tremble.”
The screams Klai already thought were loud grew even louder…
“But you let me down when you told me there’s no way we could ever be together because of my story.”
“…”
“Some say I’m this kind of guy, some say I did that. They say I’m no good, but they’ve never even talked to me.”
“…”
“In the end, I seem no good, though you never looked. When I challenged you to see, you somehow knew who I am from others’ gossip.”
This was Klai’s first time watching live music. He hadn’t expected much, but Panli exceeded all expectations. He probably didn’t know he was making someone like Klai, who wasn’t a rock fan, want to keep listening.
Klai thought it wasn’t just Panli’s beautiful voice that captured everyone’s attention, but his movements to the rhythm and that playful smile that kept the audience spellbound.
“Strange but true, that you’d leave me behind for that reason. Strange but true, that we judge each other like this.”
During the guitarist’s solo, Panli pulled the mic from its stand and walked over to stand beside him, teasing the guitarist with a familiar smile before moving to the front of the stage to sing the next verse.
“Some say I’m this kind of guy, some say I did that. They say I’m no good, but they’ve never even talked to me.”
“…”
“In the end, I seem no good, though you never looked. When I challenged you to see, you somehow knew who I am from others’ gossip.”
“…”
“In the end, I seem no good, though you never looked. When I challenged you to see, you somehow knew who I am from others’ gossip.”
Screams and applause erupted as the singer finished the song. Panli grinned widely, wiping his face and neck roughly with one hand. Klai thought he was wiping away sweat before he started chatting with the audience at Klai’s table near the stage.
A real man—
No handkerchief, no tissues.
“Klai, Panli is amazing… singing with such charisma. He’s no ordinary guy,” Mai said with a tone and expression full of admiration. Klai smiled. In all the time they’d known each other, this was the first time he’d seen Mai so genuinely impressed by something. “Even though I’ve never watched live music before… I think Panli did an incredible job.”
“Really incredible, Klai. I’ve been to a lot of places, but Panli is toptier… the band played well too. Everything was just perfect,” Mai continued, praising Panli and the band nonstop. Klai let out a soft laugh, watching his friend, who was clearly very impressed.
However, his smile faded instantly when he noticed someone smirking at him from the corner of their mouth. Merk laughed when he saw Klai’s expression turn blank. If Mai weren’t sitting between them, Merk would probably have found a way to act overly familiar with him. At the university, Merk often took liberties, like putting an arm around his shoulder, hugging his neck, or grabbing his hand. Klai had shown his discomfort and called him out multiple times, but Merk kept repeating the same behavior.
Mai and Kant knew how persistent Merk was, so they both worked to keep him at a distance from Klai. Merk always got visibly upset when Klai’s friends intervened. There were several instances where he spoke or acted rudely toward them. Because Klai didn’t want his friends to have issues with Merk, he chose to avoid him whenever they crossed paths at the university.
Klai’s dislike for Merk was purely because of his behavior.
“Klai… can I get your LINE?” Merk asked.
Klai shook his head, rejecting the request immediately.
“Won’t you at least give me a chance, Klai?”
“I don’t like you, Merk. I’ve told you that multiple times.”
“You’ve never even tried opening your heart to me, man.”
“I know exactly who I should open my heart to… and who I shouldn’t,” Klai said, shifting his gaze from Merk to Thot. He felt it was time to clear things up with everyone. “And stop trying to force your friend on me, Thot. You should know by now that doing this only makes our relationship worse.”
“I’m not forcing Merk on you, Klai. Don’t misunderstand me,” Thot replied.
“Not forcing? Then why did you invite Merk without telling Klai? You all know he doesn’t want to see him,” Mai interjected.
“Can you stop stirring things up, Mai?” Thot shot back.
“Me, stirring things up?” Mai retorted.
“What’s with the fighting again?” New, who had just returned to the table, asked.
“Your friends are about to kill each other. Why are you only showing up now, New?” someone said.
“You’re sitting right here at the table—why don’t you stop them? I’m tired of playing peacemaker,” New replied.
Klai sat silently, his eyes scanning each friend one by one. He was furious to the point of breaking, realizing none of them felt even slightly guilty. Thot kept lying, scrambling for excuses to dodge responsibility. Though Klai disliked conflict, he wouldn’t let anyone deceive or take advantage of him anymore.
“New, Klai is misunderstanding me.”
“…”
“Klai thinks we deliberately invited him to run into Merk from the start.”
He’s not misunderstanding… it’s exactly what he thinks.
They’re just stalling, trying to come up with excuses.
“Klai… that’s not it. We genuinely invited you to chill and drink after exams, like we said. At the time, we hadn’t even invited Merk. But then Merk overheard that Panli was performing at this bar… so we switched from the original place to this one.”
“…”
“And…” New glanced at Thot before continuing, “Thot said Merk really wanted to see you, but you’ve been avoiding him. So Merk asked to come along, and me and Thot just…”
“So, in the end, you all planned for me to meet Merk anyway…”
“…”
“If you’d been honest from the start about Merk coming, I wouldn’t feel this hurt.”
“Klai…” Mai gently touched his arm, sensing he could no longer bottle up his pain.
“I thought you all would change, but no…”
“…”
“With the project stuff, I could still forgive you. But this… I really can’t take it.”
“Klai, you’re blowing this out of proportion. We…”
“Thot, I’m not misunderstanding anything,” Klai said, staring directly at Thot, who, for the first time, avoided his gaze. “After we finish the presentations for the last two subjects, let’s go our separate ways.”
“Klai… we can’t let something this small ruin our friendship,” New said.
“You’re the one ruining the friendship, New, not Klai,” Mai snapped.
“Mai, can you not make things worse?”
“I’m the problem here… I’ll leave.”
Klai turned to look at Merk, the person he’d always avoided. From now on, though, he wouldn’t run anymore. Instead… “Merk, you stay here. This place is yours. Everyone here cares more about your feelings than mine. So… I’ll go.”
He would walk away…
Walk away to a place that was truly his.
“Klai, we’re sorry. Sorry for not thinking it through,” New stammered, apologizing.
“Klai… can we go back?”
Klai nodded at Mai before turning to face the others, who looked worried. “The two remaining group projects we have to do together… we’ll get them done. No one needs to worry that we’ll abandon you. We can separate personal issues from work. But we ask that everyone takes full responsibility for their own parts.”
“Klai… can’t you forgive us just one more time? I told you, I didn’t mean to invite Merk in the first place,” New said.
“But after you invited Merk, did you ever think to tell us he was coming? Or did you intend for us to find out like this?”
“…”
“If I hadn’t brought this up, would everyone have just let it slide like nothing happened?” Klai pressed his lips tightly before continuing, “My feelings probably aren’t as important as what everyone else wants… am I right?”
“…”
His friends avoided his gaze, and Klai took it as a clear answer. He wasn’t demanding that they prioritize his feelings, but he just wanted them to consider each other’s feelings a little. Klai understood that in the real world, everyone puts their own feelings first.
But he believed everyone should realize that making themselves happy shouldn’t come at someone else’s expense. When we’re happy, someone else might be suffering.
Taking advantage of someone brings happiness to one person.
Being taken advantage of causes suffering to another.
Klai knew that in reality, it’s hard to avoid such situations. No matter how much you try to steer clear, you’ll eventually face it yourself. And when you do, you should take it as a lesson.
Remember to protect yourself from being taken advantage of.
And remember not to do this to others.
“Don’t do this to anyone else. Because if it were someone other than us, you might not even get a single chance.”
“…”
Klai glanced at Mai, who was looking at him. She nodded subtly, signaling for him to leave the table. He reached for Mai’s arm, and they stood up together. Mai followed him quietly until they reached the restroom, where she stopped and gently held his arm.
“You okay?”
Klai nodded. Perhaps because Mai was slightly taller than him, she easily pulled him into a hug.
“Mm…”
“We tried… we did our best, Klai.”
“We weren’t too harsh, were we, Mai?”
“Protecting your own feelings might make others see you as heartless… but don’t forget, the person you should be kindest to is yourself.”
“…”
“Be kind to yourself sometimes. Don’t let yourself get hurt too often… who cares if others think you’re cruel?”
“…”
Klai nodded as his friend gently patted his back to comfort him. He took a deep breath and told himself, “I tried. I did my best.”
Telling himself… as Mai had said.
Comforting himself… as he should.
Mai let go of the hug and asked, “How’s you getting home? Did you drive?”
“I took a taxi here…”
“I’ll drive you back.”
“No need, Mai. I can get home myself. You should head home too… it’s late.” Klai’s condo was in the opposite direction from Mai’s house. If he let her drive him, she might get home very late.
“But you drank too… are you okay to drive?”
“…”
“Should I drive you instead, then take a taxi back to my condo?”
Mai laughed before saying, “Klai… I only had two drinks. I can drive home… just hope I don’t run into a checkpoint, that’s all.”
“If you hit a police checkpoint… what’ll you do?”
“Pray, that’s it… pray I don’t get caught.”
“I’ll pray for you too, Mai.”
“Alright… wanna walk out together then?”
Buzz~
Klai was about to nod in agreement when his phone vibrated, interrupting the conversation. He pulled it out of his pocket, and the name on the screen made his eyes burn.
KantHimself
Kant always showed up when he was feeling down. Klai swallowed hard before looking up to meet Mai’s eyes, who was waiting for his response. He nodded to her and said,
“I’ll walk you to the parking lot.”
“No need, I can go myself… Want to take that call first?”
“It’s Kant… I’ll walk you to the car and call him back after.”
“Kant’s probably worried… Go ahead and take the call.”
“Alright…” Klai nodded and pressed to accept the call.
Truth be told, Klai had a reason for not wanting to take Kant’s call while with Mai.
[“How’s it going… no one’s making my friend feel bad, right?”]
Because he didn’t want Mai to see the tears welling up in his eyes when Kant said certain words— “…”
Words he could always predict his friend would say.
[I’ll stay up and talk with you tonight.]
Like that sentence…
Klai lowered his head to stare at the floor. He tried to swallow the lump in his throat. As if sensing he was hiding his emotions, Mai gently patted his shoulder and spoke in a soft, kind tone.
“Go find a quiet place and talk to Kant first… I’ll walk to the car myself.”
Klai, still holding the call with Kant, said, “I’m worried. Let me walk you to the car, Mai.”
[You don’t have to hang up. I’ll wait.]
“I can go by myself… trust me,” Mai said, giving him a reassuring smile before waving goodbye. “Text me when you get to your condo, okay?”
“Yeah… drive safely, Mai.”
“Okay…”
Klai watched Mai walk out of the bar. He let out a sigh, finally allowing the clear tears to flow freely. Now, with only Kant on the line, Klai no longer had to pretend to be strong.
[Same thing again, huh?]
“Yeah…”
He nodded, even though he knew his friend couldn’t see his response. Klai wiped away the endless stream of tears with his hand. A staff member near the exit glanced at him occasionally, so Klai slipped into the bathroom. He thought he’d wash his face before leaving the bar.
Klai didn’t want anyone to see him as a crybaby.
Once inside the bathroom, Klai let out a relieved sigh—it was empty. He walked to the sink and said to the person on the call, “Kant, hang on a sec. I’m gonna wash my face first.”
[No need to wash it. When you tell me everything, you’re just gonna cry again.]
Klai, standing at the sink, froze. He looked up at his reflection in the mirror, thinking… he didn’t want to keep seeing a Klai with red, swollen eyes.
[You ready to tell me what happened?]
Not entirely ready, he closed his eyes and walked into an empty stall. Klai shut the door and locked it securely. He lowered the toilet lid with his hand and sat on it. Through tears, he began recounting the events to Kant. As he poured out the story, it felt like an old movie was replaying in his mind.
A movie Klai didn’t enjoy watching at all…
It’s the story of a boy who often encounters insincere friends and gets taken advantage of. No matter how cautious he is or how much he tries to avoid people, he keeps facing the same situations. If you had to pick the saddest scene in this movie, it would probably be during his final year of high school. He poured his heart into his friends, hoping for genuine sincerity in return. But it wasn’t what he expected at all…
“Klai is only good at studying, not at socializing.”
“True… otherwise, why would he only hang out with us?”
“Sometimes he’s just so boring. His life has no color, no excitement. Talking to him is all about school. Sometimes I’m so fed up I could puke.”
“But he helped us get into uni, didn’t he?”
“That’s partly because we’re smart too, right? Otherwise, no amount of tutoring would’ve gotten us through.”
“I say keep him around for school stuff, but as a real friend to hang out with? Nah, that won’t work.”
“Exactly… all he does is read books. I don’t know how Kant puts up with him.”
“Kant’s probably bored too but doesn’t say it because Klai keeps lending him money.”
“Poor guy… it’s like all his friends are just using him.”
The boy, the protagonist of this movie, is… Klaijai Borirat.
The conversation he overheard from his friends two years ago replayed in his mind, along with vivid memories. Klai stared at the gray door in front of him, thinking how the current situation felt so similar to back then. He was sitting alone in a cramped bathroom, but this time, the difference was that he didn’t have to listen to those piercing words that left him bruised and aching.
Now, there was only silence and the sound of his own sobs. Klai paused to catch his breath after recounting the story. He roughly wiped away his tears once more before taking a deep breath. Every time he faced something like this… He would tell himself:
“It’s okay to cry… but not for long.”
He had to smile again as soon as possible.
Not for anyone else… but for himself.
The lessons life threw at him made Klai stronger. But no matter how strong he became, today he still shed tears. That taught him that no one can be strong all the time.
Klai believed that even the strongest people… have cried alone too. So, he had a phrase to comfort himself whenever things got tough: “Some days, the world is cruel to us. Some days, it’s kind. In the end, that’s just how the world is.”
[“Finish those two projects and get out of the group, Klai.”]
“Actually, I’ve already left the group. But I think I’ll still have to see and talk to them a bit since we’ve got these two projects left.”
[Once this project is done, I won’t have to see or talk to those selfish jerks anymore… They dumped their work on you, making you stay up all night—that was already selfish enough. But this?
This is next-level.]
“I’m so hurt, I’m speechless…”
[Hug, dude.]
“Mm… hug.”
Kant’s comforting words always made him feel better…
[You heading back yet?]
“About to head back… I’ve stopped crying now.” Creak!
Klai heard the sound of the large bathroom door opening. He glanced down at the gap beneath the door and saw the shadow of someone walking inside. He quickly said goodbye to his friend on the phone, ready to head back to his condo.
“Kant, that’s it for now. I’ll message you on LINE once I’m in the taxi.”
[Okay, cool.]
Klai ended the call with his close friend and stood up to his full height.
He slipped his phone into his pocket, preparing to leave the bathroom. But the sound of footsteps approaching made him glance at the gap beneath the door again. His throat tightened when he saw a pair of white sneakers.
“Klai, are you in there?” Merk?
“…”
“Klai, is that you?”
Merk must have recognized his voice, especially since he’d just mentioned Kant, who everyone knew was his best friend. Klai didn’t respond. He took a step back, then flinched in shock as Merk pounded loudly on the door. It felt more like he was slamming it than knocking.
Bang bang!
“Klai, I know you’re in there.”
“…”
“Klai, can you come out and talk to me? I really want to talk.”
“…”
“I really like you, Klai, damn it… Why won’t you give me a chance?”
“…”
“Does you still like Phii Shin?”
At first, Klai planned to stay silent, waiting for Merk to give up and leave. But when Merk brought up Phii Shin, it stirred a question he’d been wondering about for a while. Though he could guess the answer, he still wanted to hear it for sure. “How did you know I like Phii Shin?”
“That jerk Thot told me… but don’t be mad at him, Klai.”
It was exactly as Klai had suspected, but he wasn’t angry at Thot. He was used to it. Klai knew it wasn’t just Thot who gossiped about his confession to Phii Shin and the rejection that followed, treating it as a fun story to tell. Almost half the department did the same. Klai once wanted to know who first spread the story among his peers, as that person caused him to be stared at and whispered about throughout his first year. But he got through it.
Now, Klai no longer cared who that person was.
He just wanted to thank them for making him stronger than before.
“Is that why you won’t open your heart to me, Klai? Because you still like Phii Shin?”
“I don’t like you, Merk, because of you… not because of anyone else.”
“…”
“And I don’t like Phii Shin anymore.” That day, Phii Shin looked at
Klai differently and asked him to stop liking him. Klai had to move on. It was incredibly hard at first, but now he’d done it. “I see Phii Shin only as a senior, just like he sees me as a junior.”
“Really?”
“Really.” That love had hurt him the most… so this answer was the truest in his life. Klai prayed he wouldn’t fall in love again. He wasn’t afraid of being disappointed in love, but he feared his secret feelings might make someone uncomfortable.
“Then come out and talk to me for a bit.”
Klai shook his head in refusal. For some reason, he didn’t want to face
Merk right now. “Go back, Merk. I don’t want to see you yet.”
“How long are you gonna avoid me, Klai?”
“…”
“Can’t we just talk properly, just once?”
The voice on the other side of the door grew harsher. Merk often used this tone with Mai and Kant. Klai vividly remembered Merk’s fierce glare when he was irritated.
Bang!
“Don’t keep hiding like this, okay?! I hate it.”
The smaller figure flinched in shock as the door was pounded, making a loud noise. Merk spoke in an annoyed tone while yanking the bathroom door open. Klai understood Merk was hot-tempered, which explained his bad behavior. So, he decided to go out and talk to Merk to settle things before his temper worsened.
His slender hand reached for the door lock but pulled back to his side. Now, Klai admitted he was starting to fear Merk, though he’d never been afraid of him before. Maybe it was because he was alone in an unfamiliar place. The smell of alcohol, likely from Merk, hit his nose, making Klai freeze to reconsider his decision… Bang!
“Klai!”
“I’m not coming out…” Klai said, pulling his phone out of his pocket to call someone. He was certain this person could help him. Klai scanned the phone screen, scrolling through his contacts with his finger.
‘Phii Dom’
He was about to call his cousin to ask him to pick him up from the bar since Dom’s condo wasn’t too far away. He hadn’t asked Dom to come earlier out of courtesy, but now Klai had to set that aside.
Creak!
The sound of the large bathroom door opening echoed again. Klai glanced at the gap beneath the stall door. He could still see Merk’s white sneakers; the guy hadn’t moved. Klai assumed it was someone new entering, and Merk’s sudden silence confirmed that someone else was indeed in the bathroom.
Klai stayed quiet, listening to the faint sound of running water for a moment. He lowered his phone to his side, deciding to open the stall door since there was at least one other person present—it wasn’t just him and Merk. But it seemed the world was particularly cruel to him today. Just as he was about to unlock the door, the sound of footsteps grew fainter, signaling that the other person was leaving. Klai realized he’d be alone with Merk again.
That person was about to walk out of the bathroom.
He looked at his hand gripping the lock. The other person had probably already left. If he opened the door now, Klai might have to face Merk alone.
Bang! Bang!
“Come out already… don’t make me more annoyed than I already am.”
“…” Klai let go of the lock. He stared at the door as a large hand pounded on it repeatedly, creating loud thuds.
“I told you to come out!”
“Merk, you have no right to force me.”
“Yeah… you’ve got no right to force him.”
Klai stepped back again upon hearing an unfamiliar voice. He glanced at the gap beneath the door. Now, he didn’t just see Merk’s white sneakers—there was also a pair of black sneakers belonging to someone else. Judging the distance with his eyes, Klai figured the owner of the black sneakers was standing face-to-face with Merk.
The owner of those black sneakers…
It must be the person who came into the bathroom earlier.
The one he thought had already left.
“And why the hell are you butting in?”
“I don’t usually meddle in other people’s business… but when I see someone acting tough like you, I can’t help myself.”
“…”
“I’ve suddenly become super nosy.”
“I don’t want trouble with you… Panli.”
Klai stared at the black sneakers again. That’s when he realized…
The owner of those sneakers… was really “Panli.”
“You know me?”
“…”
“Then why don’t I know you?”
“…”
“But, well… with that kind of attitude, I wouldn’t hang out with you anyway.”
“You bastard!”
“…”
“I’ll deal with my boyfriend. Stay out of it!”
Klai frowned before speaking, “I’m not your boyfriend, Merk. Don’t talk nonsense.”
“See? Always stirring up crap,” Panli said, laughing.
“Getting cocky, huh?”
“Not as much as you… but I can handle it. Wanna go out back?”
“Damn jerk!”
“If you’re gonna fight me, you better knock me down. Because if I don’t fall and start hitting back, you won’t get up.”
Klai swallowed hard as Panli’s playful tone turned flat and serious. He guessed Merk must have made a move to hit him, prompting Panli’s response. Knowing Merk wouldn’t back down easily, Klai reached for the door to stop them. He didn’t want anyone—Panli or otherwise— getting into trouble because of him.
“Keep that in mind, you jerk…”
“I don’t hold grudges. Take your pathetic self and go.”
Klai stood blinking rapidly in the bathroom, unable to believe Merk had backed off so easily. The absence of the white sneakers under the door gap confirmed that Merk had really retreated. Klai took a deep breath and reached for the door handle.
Knock knock
A soft knock made him freeze. Klai pursed his lips, glancing at the black sneakers through the gap below. He wanted to open the door and thank Panli, but a growing sense of nervousness stopped him.
Klai thought Panli was nothing like Merk…
“The person in there… you okay?” Really, not at all alike.
“…” Klai nodded, knowing Panli couldn’t see him. It was all he could manage, as his rising nerves left him speechless and his body stiff as stone.
“He’s gone… you can come out now.”
Klai nodded again, the gentle tone of Panli’s voice making him feel safe. He was about to open the door to leave, but he froze when he heard the large bathroom door being pushed open. He prayed it wasn’t Merk.
“Hey, Li, let’s go already… Didn’t you say you were just washing your hands? Sneaking off to smoke again, huh?”
“Alright, I’ll head out in a sec.”
“Cool.”
Klai let out a sigh of relief, realizing it wasn’t Merk.
“I’ve gotta go. Hurry out before he loops back,” Panli urged.
“…” Klai nodded in response, his eyes dropping to the black sneakers that began to move. Once they were out of his line of sight, he opened the door.
He stole a glance at the tall figure pushing open the large door. As Panli stepped past the threshold, Klai caught a glimpse of his profile, a familiar playful smile still lingering on his face. But soon, that smile was obscured as the heavy door swung shut.
Every time Klai recalled that day, a new movie starring the owner of that playful smile played in his mind, replacing the old one he didn’t much care for.
Klai gave a faint smile as his eyes shifted from the photo to the name of its owner. He realized he’d misunderstood the world a bit that day. He thought the world was cruel, but in truth, it wasn’t that harsh to him. If it were truly cruel, it wouldn’t have sent Panli to help him that day.
And because the world wasn’t excessively cruel, Klai found himself falling in love again, despite promising himself he wouldn’t. This round, sometimes cruel, sometimes kind world taught him that happiness was possible… even if it meant only watching from afar.
Because the person we watch affects the heart… not the distance.
Since that day, Klai had been quietly observing Panli from a distance, collecting glimpses of his smile from afar. But now, it felt like he was a little closer to Panli, standing in front of a photo of…
Panli or Sasin Pisut
Klai knew that “Sasin” meant “moon.” He thought Panli intentionally tied this photo to his real name, and likely no one else realized he was alluding to the word “moon” more than “shadow.”
Because how many people would bother to look up the meaning of someone’s name?
…Probably only someone like him, who was in love with the moon, would do that.
🙂
‘The Moon’, more than just the word, “Shadow.”
Because how many people would search for the meaning of someone’s name…
…probably only someone who ‘fell in love with the Moon’ like him would do.
🙂
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