MYENGINEER, CHAPTER 42: It’s up to you
[Bohn]
Duennhaw: Oh, come on, why do you have to threaten me? Don’t you trust me?
Bon Ss: Heh.
“Heh.” I chuckled softly after reading Duen’s message. Trust you? I trust you won’t be unfaithful, but for running away? No, I’ve never trusted you on that.
You’re in for it today, Duen, I’ll get my revenge!
…Even though I say that, honestly, I still can’t think of what to do to him. Does Duen have anything he loves very much? Anything, not something material but like a body part, just like what he did to my little hairs. I believe him…he even sent me a picture of his masterpiece, my hair coming off in sheets. I feel so sorry for myself, but I won’t pull his hair back. Duen doesn’t have much hair…in reality. He does have some, but it’s sparse, short, and thin, so let’s say he doesn’t have any.
I don’t want to do anything too harsh; he might get angry. Even though I’ve never seen him angry, Tang once said, ‘Duen doesn’t get angry often because he’s cool-headed, but if he does get angry…I don’t know what could happen.’
“What’s wrong with you, damn Bohn?”
“What else could it be if not about Nong Duen?” I really hate your knowing tone, Tang…
“I’m tired of you, you brute.” Boss looked up with annoyance. I feel like you’ve been acting more like a ‘daddy’ lately, Boss. I’m confused about what ‘daddy’ means. I don’t know either; I got it from Boss…
“Damn, Boss, what does ‘daddy’ mean?” It must be a bad word, believe me, or he wouldn’t use it to insult others, it must be some kind of curse word.
“I’ll guess.”
“I think…’daddy’ might mean to mimic the father’s behavior…right?” Tang guessed, but I doubt it.
“No, it’s much grander than that.”
“What is it then? But the word sounds as bad as ‘staggering’.” Staggering means dancing, I thought far too much when King sent me that voice clip.
“Merk, you try guessing, he’s your husband. You might guess his heart correctly.” He nudged Merk’s shoulder while resting his chin, looking at
Boss. The one being looked at blinked and blew a kiss, before Merk smiled.
“…Mimicking behavior + being vulgar + being absurd.”
“…” Yeah, right, Merk, you’re very husband-like, come give me a kiss!” The creator of the word ‘daddy’ climbed onto Merk’s lap and pouted his lips towards him.
Let’s leave them be…
I’d better think about Duen. Actually, I’m not that angry at him to the point of not forgiving him. Just a little annoyed. If it were you, wouldn’t you be angry if someone killed something you’ve been nurturing for a long time? I took good care of my little hairs, kept them out of the sun, never wore shorts, cleaned them better than a spa, damn Duen…maybe I should pretend to be angry and make him my lifelong slave.
‘I will whip you, you slave!’ That might not work.
“What’s wrong? Why the stressed look?” Merk raised his chin to look at me. Now everyone has gone back to their own business, and today our professor was sick but didn’t forget to leave us some worksheets.
“What do you think…I should do to Duen?”
“Do as in what sense?”
“To get back at him for waxing my hair.” I turned to answer the questioner. Duen said he’d open a gallery called ‘Rough Bastard Hair’ with my hair. Is this how you treat your own boyfriend?
“Fuck him.”
“That’s a good idea, but…I want him to consent on his own. I don’t want to force him.” Duen has never done it, with either men or women. If I do anything with him, I’d be his first, and I want it to be a memorable first time. I don’t want to hurt him…I’m embarrassed.
“You’re such a hero.”
“Haha.” I shrugged like Phu would. Since I was born…Duen is the one I’ve been most serious about.
“Aren’t you going to pick up Duen after class?”
“No, Duen is going to buy plants with a friend.” He said it was to buy a birthday gift for his friend’s dad. He probably likes stuff like that. I like it too; at home, we have a lot of plants and many pets. Ben’s siblings love to hang out with different species; the other day, I saw Diana talking to a lizard. I guess I’ll have to handle it myself…damn Bihn is useless, I gave him a chance to get rid of them, and he failed. Looks like a big boss like me will have to deal with it personally.
“Really? Want to go eat? I’m hungry.” Tang said, rubbing his stomach gently.
“Let’s go.”
“Does Buhn come home often these days?” Merk covered his yawn. We chose a restaurant near Ting’s hotel. At first, I didn’t know it was her family’s, but Duen had told me.
“Buhn? Yeah, sometimes, but mostly he stays at Phii Te’s place.” Phii Te is Buhn’s friend; they’ve been close since they were kids. Our parents are friends too. Phii Te and Buhn are always together, even chose the same major. Phii Te is like Buhn’s dad, not in the bossy or harsh way, quite the opposite, he spoils Buhn rotten. My brother has turned out this way because of Phii Te.
“Really?”
“Why?”
“Nothing, just haven’t seen him in a while so I asked.” Not just him, even I, his real brother, hardly see him. When was the last time I saw him…probably before Duen. Does Phii Te take better care of you than our parents, Buhn? You little heartbreaker, running off after a guy.
Speaking of Buhn…his birthday is in two days, I’ll invite Duen to choose a gift today. My brother likes things that are artificially natural, confusing, right? That means things made from non-natural materials but shaped and styled like nature, like the fake plant Bihn was watering that day. His room is full of such things: fake plants, fake animals, fake Dao, fake fish, and all sorts of fake items. I once asked why he doesn’t buy real ones, and he said:
‘Real things don’t last long, they die, but if it’s these fakes…even if they’re not real, they’ll stay with me forever.’ Great…
“Hey, isn’t that your nong-doctor?” I turned to look in the direction which Boss was pointing at a restaurant across from where I was eating. Damn, good thing you noticed, Boss, your eyes are better than mine, but how can you see so far? When I squinted to look into the restaurant, I saw it was indeed Duen, with Ting, Tang, and… [1] There are two Tangs one who is
Bohn friend and the other is Duenhaw’s friend… both are Tang
“Phii Thara…”
“Trouble’s brewing.” Tang muttered softly. They know my nature well. I’m very jealous, I like to protect what’s mine and don’t like others touching my things. Even though Duen isn’t an object, he’s…
My boyfriend.
Blink
“Bohn, calm down. Watch first.” Merk pressed my shoulder to make me sit down again. If this had happened before with Frong coming to my faculty, I might have stayed calm because back then, I wasn’t involved with Duen, but now, our status has changed.
I’m his boyfriend.
“How can I be calm? Someone is flirting with my boyfriend.” I frowned, watching Duen who was laughing with the doctor.
“If he were really flirting, Tang and Ting wouldn’t just sit there.”
“…”
“Just watch, I don’t want you two to fight.”
I sat watching the four of them talk for a while. The reason I say ‘watching’ is because we couldn’t hear them; they were across the street. I was almost tempted to use a telescope (a regular binocular wouldn’t be enough). They talked, smiled, laughed, and sometimes looked serious. What are they talking about that seems so stressful?
“Looks like they’re done.” True to what Tang said, Duen and his friends left the restaurant. Phii Thara said something to Duen, even flicking his forehead. And Duen didn’t say anything back, just pouted. How can you let someone other than me do that to you…
Bon Ss: Do you want to die doing things like this…
[Duenhaw]
“Damn…” I looked down at the message Bohn sent, shocked. Why would he send a message like this? Is he mad at me for going to the condo, or is it something else?
“What’s up, Duen?”
“Look.” I held out the screen for them to see. I was so confused, damn, the old issue isn’t even resolved and a new one pops up faster than mushrooms.
“Oh…”
“What does that mean? Does this mean he’s really angry at me?”
“I think so.”
“But what is he angry about? I haven’t done anything yet.” Or is he angry because I went to the condo late? I already told you I was buying plants with Tang, why are you so quick to get jealous, Bohn?
“If you didn’t do anything, then there’s only one reason…” Tang looked left and right before his gaze stopped at the opposite side.
“He must be jealous because we’re around here…there he is, across the street.”
It’s really Bohn, with his friends. Today, Phii King, Phii Bom, and Senior Tee aren’t here, he must have seen it…and he’s really jealous. Even from here, I can feel the murderous aura radiating from him, you brute.
Duennhaw: Jealous?
I didn’t wait for him to type a reply; both my legs took me to Bohn, who was across the street. My friends followed, knowing what to do. When I got there, I greeted the seniors sitting with him with a wai.
“Bohn, just now-”
Blink
“Back to the condo.” Before I could do anything, the brute stood up and grabbed my hand to follow him, but we didn’t get far because Tang was standing in the way.
“I don’t like it when you take your emotions out on my friend.” Tang and Ting crossed their arms, staring at Bohn with a calm gaze.
“…”
“My friend is reasonable, why don’t you ask him first what’s going on. If one person is silent and the other is naive and doesn’t understand the other’s thoughts…it won’t work out. One day, you’ll break up because of misunderstandings, but if you talk it out, he’ll understand what you’re thinking. When he understands, he can fix and explain things…and the story will have a happy ending.”
I should either compliment and be happy that you love me this much…or should I scold you, Tang? It feels like I’m being insulted in a strange way.
“Yeah, we’ll talk, but I want to talk to him alone.” Bohn said without looking away from Senior, holding my wrist not too tightly, just loosely.
“How can I know you won’t do anything to my friend?”
“I won’t promise not to do anything…but I won’t hurt him.”
“…I’ll believe you then, heh-heh.”
After Tang finished speaking, he made way for us to walk, whispering to me that he’d drive my car back home so I didn’t have to worry. Hearing that, I nodded and thanked him.
Bang
If you’re going to slam the car door like that, Bohn, it wasn’t like last time; this time he just sighed softly before casting a sharp look at me. Oh my! Phii Duen’s hair stood on end, sir.
“Do you know why I’m angry?” he asked, his eyes looking out the car window. Why does the atmosphere feel so suffocating?
“Yeah, about Phii Thara.”
“Good that you know.”
Brrrrr
Bohn said that before accelerating the car. You told Tang you wouldn’t get emotional, didn’t you! Although in my head I wanted to shout, “What’s the hurry, damn it!”, or “Are you scared no one knows how powerful your car is?”, but when I saw his stern face, I had to swallow my words.
“Are you going to explain…or let me stay angry like this?”
Bohn started talking again when we entered his bedroom. Why does it have to be the bedroom, couldn’t it be the living room? Bohn, that’s just in my head because what I showed was…I looked down.
“I’m not involved with him…at all.” I couldn’t say we were involved because Phii Thara is my cousin…or should I say, my brother? But he is my cousin…a real cousin from my mothers sister, not just a senior whom I know.
“Hey!”
I was shocked when Bohn pushed me down onto the bed and quickly straddled me. His face was just an inch away from mine. I’ve never been this close to anyone before…
“What are you talking about?! Are you cheating, Duen!” I jumped when Bohn shouted loudly, damn, I was startled.
“No, just you.”
“Then what’s going on! It’s more than just a senior-junior relationship, with him flicking your forehead and touching you like that…I’ve never even done that, huh.” But you do more than that! When have you ever just held hands without stroking, touching, or resting your chin on my shoulder?
My thoughts had to stop abruptly; my heart started racing when Bohn bent down to nuzzle my neck, lifting my student shirt high. Although I don’t quite understand this…I knew what he was about to do.
“Bohn!” I exclaimed in shock, pushing against his strong chest to get him off, but it seemed his strength was greater because no matter how hard I pushed, he didn’t budge at all.
“…” He didn’t care about my cries at all, as if my voice didn’t even reach his ears, not even a bit. The person above me traced my warm lips with his, the touch growing more intense as I resisted again.
“Bohn, don’t do this, I’m scared…”
I turned my face away, not wanting him to see the tears welling up at the corners of my eyes, my heart still beating erratically. I’m scared…very scared. I don’t like it when it’s like this.
“Sorry…I’m sorry.” He collapsed onto the bed and wrapped me in a tight embrace, burying his face in the crook of my neck. His breath was hot, making me want to pull away, but I chose to stay still, letting him do that.
“…Yeah.” I raised my arm to circle around his neck. Bohn gently ran his fingers through my soft hair as if to soothe me…it’s you who should relax, you madman.
“Sorry…I did this because my feelings aren’t just liking you, I can’t let you go anymore, Duen…I want you to stay with me here…next to me, but I don’t know how to keep you from leaving. I get jealous when I see you talking to someone else. Just you looking at someone else makes me think you like them. I’ve never overthought like this before, do you realize that makes me an overthinker?” Bohn forced a smile, his eyes starting to redden. It’s a sight I hate; I don’t like seeing anyone look like this, especially…if that person is my boyfriend.
“Have I ever told you that you think too much like an old man who’s easily offended?” I said and then flicked his prominent nose, making him yelp.
“Ouch, damn, Duen, you can flick like that?”
“It’s because you deserve it!”
“…Damn, will it bleed?” He made a face. There’s no blood, I flicked gently. It didn’t even scratch your skin, you brute!
“You exaggerate.”
“No.”
“Don’t do anything.”
“What?”
“You don’t have to do anything; I’ll stay right here, not going anywhere.” “…”
“Why are you quiet? Or do you not want me to stay?” I pretended to frown, pinching his cheek playfully, overthinking like crazy.
“I want you to.” He smiled before pulling me closer by the waist. I didn’t say anything, let’s just let it go for today. It seems like Bohn’s mood isn’t very stable today; he was angry at me this morning, and now he’s jealous in the evening.
And more…
“So, what’s going on…”
“Boyfriend, ouch! What’s wrong with you?” It was me who screamed in a high-pitched voice, damn you. What kind of person are you to dare to spank me?
“Your boyfriend!”
“Yeah, then. What are you angry about?”
“Just now, when I asked what was going on, you said boyfriend.”
“Yeah, boyf…wait. Who are you talking about?” I stopped myself before continuing because I saw his eyes. What are you suddenly talking about? No introduction, nothing? Say something so I know what we’re discussing.
“You and the doctor.” He pressed his face harder against my shoulder. I wanted to curse…but this is better than biting.
“Phii Thara is my brother.”
“Don’t lie, Duen. You only have a younger sister.”
“He’s my cousin, whom I respect like a brother…confused? Not confused, huh?” I smiled and gently pinched his cheek. Wow, so soft, I thought it would be tough. It’s like he uses makeup too. I don’t mind him being jealous; I admit I like how much he cares and is possessive of me.
“Tell me everything, why are you so close?” Are you in the interrogation unit or something, sir…
“His house is right in front of mine. When I first moved schools, I didn’t have any friends, so Phii Thara became my only friend, but there’s nothing between us. We don’t do incest.”
“Try it, I’ll kill both of you.”
“Brutal, killing Phii Thara might be understandable…but why kill me too?”
“If you’re still alive, someone else will come to flirt with you again, die already, you fool.” What a ridiculous reason. Is that why you’d kill your own boyfriend?
“Damn, Bohn!”
“I’m kidding. I can kill others…but not you.”
“You think too much, Bohn. Even if someone likes me, I don’t feel anything for them, can’t you trust me a bit?” I furrowed my brows; can someone really worry this much? I haven’t even thought much about it.
“I trust you…but I still worry a lot.” Oh! Where’s the trust in that, you noodle?
“What should I do for you to stop worrying?” I slipped my arms around him loosely. I’ll only do this today, damn it!
“Can I leave a mark?”
“Huh, what kind of mark?” I looked up, puzzled, a footprint? No way, Bohn chuckled and then poked at my neck.
“A kiss mark.”
“…”
My face flushed immediately after he finished speaking. Even though I’ve never done it, I’ve seen it in Western movies; on the internet, they say if someone does this, it means they want to show possession.
“Can’t I?” He asked while gently nudging my cheek.
“…”
“Will this stop you from overthinking?” Bohn is so petty. How does such a small mark give you that much confidence?
“Uh…maybe a little.”
“But I…ouch.” I let out a soft yelp when I felt a sharp pain in my neck. Bohn held his lips there for a moment before pulling back to look, then he bent down to lick the same spot with his warm tongue.
“It’s pretty.”
He admired his work for a while before smiling. Why ask me when you don’t care about my permission anyway! …Even if this mark makes you smile, it’s embarrassing for me!! Why not do it somewhere covered, why the neck! It’s so noticeable. I buried my face in his shoulder, feeling embarrassed.
“Stay with me all the time, come live at the condo with me. I’ll take you in the morning, pick you up in the evening, and we’ll sleep together at night.”
“Do you really want that?” I asked while still hiding my face in his broad shoulder. Why do you want me to live with you? You can see my face through video calls…but I also want to see you.
“Can you? …Can you stay with me?” Gulp…
“Don’t act cute.” I turned my back to him. I don’t want him to know how fast my heart is beating, but it seems he doesn’t get it. Bohn hugged me from behind and rested his chin on my shoulder.
“Duen…don’t you want to stay with me?” He asked with a sad tone, his prominent nose close to my ear, his strong arms tightening around me as if he didn’t want to let me go.
“Bohn, I told you not to act cute.” Or I’ll soften up…he must know that doing this will make me soften.
“Don’t you want to live together…I want to be with you, Duen.”
Kiss-kiss
The person behind me propped himself up on his right elbow against the bed and gently pressed his warm lips to my ear, his large hand brushing against my cheek which was starting to turn red.
“Bohn…don’t do this, my heart is racing…” I decided to bury my face in the pillow to hide my flushed face. I don’t want him to see it!!
“Stay with me.” He lay down again, then interlaced his slender fingers with mine, squeezing our hands together, tightening his embrace even more. Isn’t it tight enough already!
“Ask my parents first.” I said softly…I guess I’m softening up.
“I’ll go ask them myself.”
“Don’t be crazy.” I said that because I thought he was joking.
“I’m serious, this Saturday I’ll go ask, and I’ll bring my parents too.”
“Bohn…I think it’s still…” I turned to look at him, seeing Bohn’s serious face and determined gaze…are you really serious?
“I love you, you know.” He withdrew his hand to gently stroke my face.
“I really love you, Duen, I want to be with you. In the morning, I want to see your face first, before bed, I want to see your face last, I want to eat food you cook, talk with you, say goodnight, good morning, say I love you, compliment how cute you are, do everything with you, have you by my side, be there when you’re sad, see your happy face, and I want to be the one who makes you happy.”
“Is that not possible…” Bohn asked softly, guiding my hand to his face. “It’s up to you…”
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