NORTHHOWMUCHISYOURLOVE, Chapter 12 part 1
Chapter 12: How Much is Your Love?
Ugh
It hurts
Why does it hurt so much?
“Ugh.” I clamped my mouth shut with the pain shooting through my abdomen. It hurt so much, it felt like it was reaching my intestines. I slowly opened my eyes with difficulty, seeing the familiar white ceiling.
Why does this feel like it’s happened before?
I woke up at Phii Johan’s house again.
I tried to push myself up.
“Take it easy.” I turned towards the voice. A kind-looking aunt reached out to help support me. After a while, I was sitting up against the headboard. The wound hurt a lot, but it was bearable. Looking around, I realized there was no one else in the room.
“The young master just left a moment ago.”
“Young master?”
“Johan.” “Oh, I see.” I nodded in understanding, remembering Phii Johan was here earlier, “And, uh…you?”
“I’m Aunt Da, I’m the caretaker for the young master and the head housekeeper here. How are you feeling? Does the wound hurt a lot?” Aunt Da asked with a slightly concerned look.
“It’s manageable.”
“That’s good then. The doctor checked you, and it wasn’t that bad. Just external, with some ointment and medication, you’ll get better.”
“Thank you.” I said, “And Aunt Da…you were watching over me?”
“Yes, dear. Since last night, with the young master too, but he just left a little while ago.”
“Oh…I see.”
Was Phii Joe watching over me too?
What he said last night, “I told you, didn’t I, not to come work here.” meant he knew I was sneaking off to work, knew I was lying, but he didn’t say anything. And he even…
Came to help…
Last time as well, and this time too.
Why is he so kind to me?
“I had never seen…the young master this angry before.”
“…”
“Really scary, you know. Even though he’s usually quick to anger and irritable, I’ve never seen him this angry.”
“And did Phii Joe…say anything?”
“The young master didn’t say anything, but his expression was not good at all. It looked like he was worried, angry, and anxious all at once. When you started to wake up, he just walked out of the room, even though he had been here almost all night.”
“When I started to wake up!?” I repeated, puzzled.
“Yes…uh, he probably doesn’t want to see you right now.”
“…”
“I think he might be…”
“Angry enough not to want to see you, but also worried enough not to leave you alone.”
“Yes.” Now I felt fully guilty. Here he was, worried about me, and yet I lied and caused him trouble. If he hadn’t come to help last night…I don’t even want to think about what state I’d be in now.
I really was too shallow with thoughts like, ‘It’s just this, it’ll be fine.’
My heart wanted to see Phii Joe right now, to apologize and thank him, but another part of me was still too afraid to face him. He must be really angry, and from what Auntie Da said earlier, it seems like Phii Joe himself might not want to see me yet!
“Sorry, but have you seen my phone?” I asked, suddenly remembering. I didn’t go back to my room last night, Ter must be worried sick by now…but my phone, that damn Day took it.
“Here it is.” Said Auntie Da, handing me my phone.
I got my phone back, huh?
It was in pretty bad shape, clearly dropped rather than thrown like last time.
“Then I’ll go prepare some food for you.” Auntie Da said before getting up and leaving the room. Once alone, I immediately dialed Ter.
(Chill out) why does he sound so cheerful?
“Ter”
(What’s up?)
“You…aren’t mad at me?”
(Mad for what? Though I might be a bit annoyed you left me.)
“Huh? Annoyed?”
(Yeah, why?)
“Explain.”
(Annoyed because you ditched me to stay with Phii Joe last night, obviously. You say it means nothing, but hey, you didn’t even tell me you were going to sleep over there. I’m sinking, my ship sailing away again.)
“…”
Doesn’t Ter know…
“Did Phii Joe tell you that?”
(Yeah. At first, when I saw you come back later than usual, I was worried. I almost went looking for you. But Phii Joe told me you stayed with him. Wow, you’re not just anyone, are you?)
“…”
(What, why are you silent?)
“…”
(North, are you still there?)
“You.”
(What?)
“I…I’m sorry.”
(Sorry for what? It’s just this, I was just a bit annoyed, it’ll pass.)
“It’s not about that.”
(Oh? Then what for?)
“Sorry for not listening to you about working at the bar, even though you were worried.”
(…)
“Sorry for making you worry.”
(North…are you okay? Did something happen? Should I come over?)
“I’m fine, I’m okay.”
(Are you sure? Who did this to you? Is Phii Joe there with you?)
“He’s not here.”
(North)
“…”
“Uh, there’s a lot of stuff…”
(Tell me, I’m free to listen all day.)
…
(Damn, that bastard, I’m going to kill him. How could he do this? Did he come with people because he thought he couldn’t take you on by himself, so he brought friends? How could someone this evil be so close to you? This is insane, I’ve only seen stuff like this on the news, never thought someone close would get hurt.)
“Yeah, I thought the same. I didn’t expect there to be someone still in the shop when I was looking for my phone. And aren’t you mad at me?”
(Mad? Yeah, I’m mad that you’re careless, don’t look after yourself, don’t listen to others, but what happened was because of that bastard guy, right? You’re the victim here, man. You’re not to blame. Don’t blame yourself for that, and as for that bar, you should stop working there altogether.)
“Stop, who would continue working there?”
(And what about the guy who hurt you? Have you reported it to the police?)
“I don’t know about that.”
(Phii Joe must have taken care of it. When you said Phii Johan would handle it, I felt relieved somehow, probably because last time he took care of everything for you. If Phii Joe hadn’t gone to help you, I don’t even want to think about what state you’d be in now. Learn to look after yourself a bit, will you? Have you thanked him? Sorry for all the trouble he had to go through because of you.)
“Not yet, Phii Joe left the room. Auntie said he left before I woke up, probably doesn’t want to see me yet.”
(Why?)
“He’s angry. Auntie said he was very angry, a kind of anger she’s never seen even though she’s been taking care of him for years.”
(He’s angry?)
(But isn’t he angry because he’s worried?)
…
(…)
“Fuck.”
“You bastard.”
(Shy, huh?)
“Yeah, I guess. Listening to you, I feel really guilty, he knew I was sneaking off to work.”
(Knew but pretended not to?)
“Probably.”
(But he still cared for you, and had someone keep an eye on you.)
“Someone was watching me?”
(Otherwise, how could he have helped you so quickly? Maybe even quicker if you hadn’t been inside the bar. He must have been waiting outside since the bar was closed.)
“…”
“Why is he so good to me?” I said with a sigh.
(He’s really good to you, in many ways, ever since you got drunk. Don’t say that, in my opinion, if Phii Johan does so much for you, and you still say it means nothing. You might be a bit cold-hearted, huh?)
“I didn’t say it means nothing anymore…”
“I told you, I’m not a complicated person. Seriously, how could anyone not like someone who’s this good to them?”
(So you’ve opened up a bit, huh?)
“Yeah, I have.”
(Really?)
“Yes.”
(Shy, you bastard, my ship, oh, it’s sailing backwards, all the rowboats and canoes of mine are nothing compared to your yacht, I’ll crash into all the other ships, just watch, fans or fan clubs or whatever, I’ll make a vinyl banner with your and Phii Joe’s picture stuck right at the front of the university, so everyone knows whose ship is the biggest.)
“I don’t have a picture with Phii Joe.”
(Just use Photoshop.)
“Ter, you’re really something.”
(Chill out, man. Your friend’s about to get a boyfriend. Shabu, Bingsu, Korean BBQ, pick one!)
“You’re paying?”
(Crazy, if he’s rich, let your boyfriend pay for you.)
“What boyfriend? Chill out.”
(Come on, you said you liked Phii Joe.)
“But we’re not at that stage yet, right? You need to calm down first.”
(Why not just date and get it over with?)
“Too fast. I’ve said I’m open to it. If he keeps being this good to me, he’ll keep earning my affection this way. But, okay, it’s super self-centered of me to think like this if in the end he says he doesn’t feel the same way.”
(He doesn’t feel anything but acts like this? Wow, what a life. And he has stopped talking to other people too.)
“Enough, enough, let’s stop talking about this.” I quickly told the other person to stop. At first, when I said I didn’t feel anything towards Phii Joe, I really didn’t, but now I admit I do, and talking about it makes me embarrassed.
(Okay, seriously, I’ve never seen you embarrassed with anyone. He’s the first one to make a move, right? Go talk to him soon, you can show up even if you look like a dog.)
“What do you mean by looking like a dog?”
(A droopy dog, for sure.)
“Huh, but Phii Johan doesn’t want to see me yet.”
(Then go apologize. He left before you woke up because he didn’t want to see you, afraid he might lose his temper and hit you or something.)
“He’d hit me? Why so harsh?”
(Just kidding. He wouldn’t do that, but it’s up to you. You can wait for him to cool down if you want.)
“Better not, I feel like I shouldn’t do that. I’ll ask Auntie to find him instead.”
(Am I thinking too much, or do you really care about him?)
“Of course I care, what kind of person do you think I am?” I furrowed my brows in question. I’m not someone who doesn’t care about anything at all; I just choose who to care about, and Phii Johan has been good to me, so I’ll be good to him too.
(Not afraid anymore?)
“I’m afraid, but you know, I don’t know, I want to go find him. Now.”
(Okay, good job, North, make sure to tell me you’ve made it back alive.)
“Don’t jinx it like that, okay, see you.”
(Yeah, bye.)
“Bye.”
I hung up the phone with a sigh of relief. Talking to Ter made me feel much better. After a while, Aunt Da brought in a tray of food.
“Aunt Da, I have a small request. I’d like to see Phii Johan.” I said, causing her eyebrows to raise slightly in surprise.
“Uh…maybe it’s not a good idea. It’s not wise to meet the young master when he’s angry, especially not now.”
“Is that so?” I said, looking slightly disappointed.
“Normally, everyone in the house avoids bothering him when he’s in a bad mood. Especially now…it was very stressful for me watching over you last night. The atmosphere in the room was so tense, I almost got a migraine.”
“It’s okay. I want to talk. Where is Phii Joe now?”
“He should be in his room, I guess.”
“Can you tell me how to get there?”
“Are you sure about this?”
“Yes.” After talking with Aunt Da for a while, it seemed she was really concerned about me going to see Phii Johan. Her warnings made all my mustered courage vanish.
I stopped in front of the door; it was the only room on the top floor of the house because Phii Johan didn’t like being disturbed. I took a deep breath to gather my courage once more and knocked on the door.
“Phii Joe.” I called out.
“…”
No response.
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