SMNTCERR, Chapter 84: #2. 

   As soon as the appetite was gone, Sangwoo put down the spoon and the plate. Jaeyoung ate a little more and started collecting the dishes, and he heard the sound of the dishes clinking for a while. Jaeyoung returned from the sink and spoke.

   “Go and sleep in the room.”

   “I want to take a shower first.”

   The other party brought a new pajama set, a toothbrush, and underwear from one of many that Sangwoo had worn before. Sangwoo walked into the bathroom, locked the door, and took off all his clothes. He felt tense all over, his body smelled of alcohol, and his neck was sore from the plastered bite from the guy yesterday.

   After taking a shower, he came out and found that Jaeyoung was sitting on the sofa talking on the phone. It seemed like a serious conversation, so Sangwoo quietly went into the bedroom.

   He stood in front of the desk and looked at the bookshelf. There were books about design, magazines, novels, DVDs, movies, sketchbooks, and a box full of pens and colored pencils with pictures on them. When he saw that, he picked it up out of curiosity.

   It was a black suit. The hair was messy and the waist was tucked with a longsword. That was the image of the homeowner in the play ‘Rashomon’ from last summer. Although Sangwoo didn’t go to see it, he watched short online videos and knew what role Jaeyoung played. In the picture, Jaeyoung was laughing mischievously with his waist crossed, and there was another student doing his makeup.

   The second picture was of a middle-aged man with wavy hair smiling while holding a boy upside down, and the boy wearing shorts pointed to the sky while still smiling. Jaeyoung’s grandfather had a handsome face and a good physique. Sangwoo was convinced that when Jaeyoung got older, he would look like this.

   The last picture was taken when he was a child. In the picture, there was a blonde girl playing board games with a dark brown-haired boy who looked just like her. Although they looked similar, Sangwoo could tell which one was Jaeyoung. The person in the picture was pointing somewhere with a surprised expression, similar to the expressions he had every day, whether he wore glasses or not, wore any clothes, or how old he was. Sangwoo was confident that he remembered the other side well.

   ‘I want to steal it.’

   Sangwoo placed the picture on the table before he caused himself more charges.

   On the wide table, there was a printer on the left side, and there were documents placed on top of the printer. It looked like they were left there after printing. On the top, Jaeyoung’s name was written in English, so he picked up the paper to satisfy his curiosity. He found that it was an official document announcing the result of being accepted into a master’s degree program. The letter stated the start of the semester and the deadline for tuition payment. Although the remaining parts were just insignificant details, Sangwoo read until the last sentence before placing the paper back in its original position.

   This was the time to start the master’s degree program. Sangwoo already knew about it when he was making the schedule, and nothing had changed, except that it became clearer. Sangwoo’s mind became tense.

   “What are you doing there? Go to sleep.”

   At that moment, Jaeyoung pushed the door in with his shoulder. Sangwoo didn’t want to show any signs of nervousness, so he deliberately answered cheerfully.

   “I’m looking at the pictures. Is there no more?”

   Jaeyoung looked at the three pictures. Then he pointed to the childhood picture and asked to guess which one was himself. He correctly answered that it was the person on the left, so his big hand reached out to pat his head as a reward. Jaeyoung searched the bookshelf and found two more pictures.

   “Hmm, this picture looks strange.”

   “Can I see it?”

   The other person handed him the picture without saying anything. In both pictures, Jaeyoung was wearing a student uniform. In one picture, he was skateboarding, while in the other picture, he was eating ice cream.

   “Looks like a mischievous kid.”

   The young boy with short hair had fierce and rebellious eyes like a wild animal. The buttons on his shirt were unbuttoned, revealing a thinner body than now. He used his mouth to hold the ice cream with an expressionless face, and his gray student jacket hung on his arm. He looked like a teenager with no faults.

   “You didn’t go to school, right? You got beaten by teachers and got suspended.”

   “It’s not that extreme.”

   “Well, otherwise you wouldn’t have dropped out of university.”

   “Seeing this doesn’t do anything helpful. I’ve done everything I should because my family’s values have taught me to stay within boundaries.”

   Jaeyoung remained silent for a moment before inviting Sangwoo to watch a movie in the living room if he wasn’t going to sleep. Sangwoo had no reason to refuse, so he agreed. Initially, he thought they would sit on the sofa and watch together, but Jaeyoung instead spread a blanket on the floor and tossed a pillow down.

   “Are you going to sleep?”

   “Hmm.”

   “Can’t I sit and watch?”

   “Up to you, I’ll go to sleep.”

   Jaeyoung lay down on his side, propped his pillow, and pulled Sangwoo’s ankles down to sit on the floor in front. Then the other person turned on the TV and opened a VOD [1] tab. The movie lineup appeared. Jaeyoung scrolled through the lineup continuously, but none of the movies were familiar to Sangwoo.

   “Oh, it’s Spider-Man 6.”

   “Do you want to watch this?”

   “Yes.”

   Actually, he could watch anything, but as soon as he saw something familiar, he thought of the time they went to the cinema together and blurted it out.

   At that moment, the title appeared and the movie began to play. This version opened with a scene of a person falling into danger and calling for  Superman as usual. While comparing the scene they saw in the cinema, Jaeyoung’s hand touched his waist.

   The other person’s hand slipped into his shirt and stopped around his lower back before returning to the back and sliding up along the spine. Sangwoo, who was originally sitting, straightened his back and gradually relaxed. When he turned his head, he saw that Jaeyoung was just staring at the TV screen without expression.

   In the end, Sangwoo lay sideways, just like Jaeyoung in the scene where  Superman caught the falling train with his bare hands and saved the child. Since there was only one pillow, he used Jaeyoung’s arm as a headrest. Then the other person came and leaned against him tightly, hugging his waist firmly.

   Sangwoo could feel the other person’s nose at the back of his neck, along with the hot breath that touched his skin, while the middle part of his body that was in contact with him was firm. But Jaeyoung only lightly brushed his hair or his arm. He didn’t do anything excessive, but even so, Sangwoo couldn’t concentrate, as this movie focused on fighting, he could somewhat follow the story, but if the plot was complex even a little, he probably couldn’t understand the connections between cause and effect at all.

   Then the movie continued without him realizing it was already in the middle. It was a scene where Superman had to face a crisis because of Kryptonite, his weak point. Although Superman was in great distress, Sangwoo knew that somehow, by the end of the story, Superman would overcome all obstacles. Instead of watching a movie whose storyline he already knew, he chose to turn around and look at Jaeyoung who he didn’t know when he fell asleep.

   This side seemed more interesting than a movie. Sangwoo moved closer to

   Jaeyoung until their noses touched and examined every corner of his face without thinking of looking back at the TV screen. He moved closer to Jaeyoung until their chests were close together, hugged his waist with both hands, and left the TV screen behind, then fell asleep.

   When he woke up again, it was already three in the afternoon. The movie on the TV ended and other programs were airing instead.

   When Sangwoo turned around, Jaeyoung’s eyes slowly opened, revealing warm eyes. The other person smiled weakly as soon as he woke up, then closed his eyes again and hugged Sangwoo tightly. He didn’t know why that image was so powerful that it made his heart beat so fast. Sangwoo kissed the corner of Jaeyoung’s lips with a feeling of overwhelming emotion.

   He felt something strange, a clear feeling of the strong desire and profound sorrow that seemed to permeate his body, not a cool sadness but a passionate one. Every time his heart beat, it felt like a boiling feeling spreading throughout his body. The feeling of wanting to hug Jaeyoung tightly until he couldn’t bear it, the feeling similar to anxiety, made Sangwoo more absorbed in Jaeyoung and more attached to the other person.

   ‘Danger.’

   He felt as if he was on the verge of destroying the border that had been kept intact. Sangwoo could feel the unsafe feeling enveloping him, and because it was so overpowering, he was afraid without even knowing why that feeling was dangerous, instead of just kissing passionately. Sangwoo paused, realizing his senses.

   Jaeyoung slowly opened his eyes, revealing eyes that were shaking violently; it was clear that there was something that both Sangwoo desired and feared at the same time, and they were both trapped inside. They lay cuddling quietly, their eyes meeting.

   “Do you have something to say?”

   Sangwoo held back his impulsive questions. At the same time, he didn’t know why he asked such a question, because he both wanted to hear and didn’t want to hear the answer. Jaeyoung nodded slowly.  “I want to talk, but I’ll wait until you catch up.”

   “I don’t understand what you mean.”

   Jaeyoung just smiled, gazing at the view of the river in the park at dusk. The other had also spoken in a similar manner, saying there was something to say, but if Sangwoo agreed, he must escape because the words spoken were so terrifying. No matter how hard Sangwoo thought, he couldn’t figure it out.

   In that moment, Jaeyoung’s lips pressed down again, the body that had been lying beside soullessly didn’t know when it had risen and was now pressing against his body. Sangwoo could clearly feel the intense desire within his body, as he hadn’t been intimate with the other party for six days. “Sangwooya.”

   The purposeless call sounded gentle. Jaeyoung kissed Sangwoo’s arm and then sent his tongue to follow his neck. Sangwoo felt the urge to push the other party away, feeling agitated, but he tried to endure it while hugging Jaeyoung’s back.

   At that moment, the large hand came to touch his abdomen before moving up to his chest and groping the sensitive area there. The touch from above was softer and more gentle than before, amidst the heightened desire.

   Sangwoo felt sad.

   “Sangwooya.”

   Sangwoo couldn’t possibly know what the next words would be. At the same time, he felt overwhelmed with sadness. Sangwoo cupped both sides of Jaeyoung’s cheek, which was raised towards his temple, then separated his lips from the other’s body, and looked into their eyes, which were motionless.

   Jaeyoung had a bewildered expression on his face.

   “Don’t want to do it?”

   “I don’t know. I don’t know what this feeling is.”

   There was no way he did not want to do it, because every change that happened to Sangwoo’s body indicated sexual stimulation. If he continued like this, he would be able to deal with his desires. But Sangwoo didn’t want to do it for reasons he didn’t know. He stared at Jaeyoung’s face and looked at his messy dark brown hair above his forehead, his prominent nose, thick eyebrows, and big round eyes without eyelids before closing his eyes and planting a kiss. Jaeyoung exhaled forcefully through his nose, but at the same time, he maintained a quiet and calm posture.

   ‘I really don’t know.’ 

   He didn’t have a relationship with the other party just to kiss like kids, even though he felt some conflicts. But Sangwoo still kept his lips close to his like that.

   “Let’s call it a day for now.”

   Then Sangwoo withdrew his lips and slightly raised his voice, causing

   Jaeyoung’s eyes to slowly open and blink a few times. Then he spoke casually.

   “Am I being too harsh?”

   “I know. Both of us are in the same situation, so we can relax.”

   “The reason is?”

   “I don’t know. It’s a matter of feelings.”

   Hearing that, Jaeyoung’s face showed an unusual expression before bursting into laughter. Even without saying it, he knew where those words came from.

   Jaeyoung leaned softly to the side.

   “If that’s the case, then I have to understand you.”

   Although the other party may get up and go somewhere, Sangwoo still lies there, not understanding his own decision, because it is a decision that is quite emotional. It’s not like him.

   Sangwoo quickly got up before the sadness that had been suppressed for a while seeped back into his heart. Jaeyoung was drinking water in the kitchen.

   “I’m going back home.”

   “Stay for one more day and then go back.”

   “I want to go back.”

   Sangwoo stood up, walked over to Jaeyoung’s room, and after taking off his clothes, he went to look for his own clothes in the wardrobe and put them on his body. Jaeyoung stood leaning against the door frame, watching him change his clothes silently before speaking up.

   “I’ll give you a ride.”

   “I’ll take a taxi.”

   “No.”

   “Why?”

   “I want to see you for another minute, that’s all.”

   Jaeyoung did not urge Sangwoo to stay or force him to have sex together, but he only prepared the car keys with a calm face. Sangwoo searched the drawer, picked up the shelf, and took out all the clothes that Jaeyoung had worn and went to the front door. 

   While in the car, Jaeyoung remained silent while driving for some distance. 

   Although he smiled a little when they made eye contact, he didn’t say anything.

   Sangwoo felt grateful to the other party because silence was really necessary at this time. 

   When the car arrived at the destination, Sangwoo thought that Jaeyoung might change his mind and go up, but he guessed wrong. Jaeyoung didn’t turn off the engine and waited for Sangwoo to get out of the car. Sangwoo picked up the bag that contained several clothes, his mobile phone, and wallet, and got out of the car before closing the car door. Jaeyoung softly called his name, which made him feel really good when he heard it. 

   “Why?”

   “That outfit… suits you.”

   “….”

   “Go, don’t forget the homework I gave you.”

   “I’m going now.”

   Even though he took a small step and walked through the glass door, Sangwoo still didn’t step up the stairs. He stood and watched the car move out of the alley. return 0; 

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   [1] VOD, “Video on Demand,” is a system that provides convenience for users to choose to watch movies or moving images with sound as requested. 

    

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