SMNTCERR, Chapter 76: <1001> #4.
Sangwoo’s eyes flickered while he was in Jaeyoung’s embrace, and the feeling of annoyance was useless and something that was far from rational people like him. Besides, this wasn’t a situation where that word could be used.
“It’s not like that.”
“What is it then?”
“I said it’s not like that.”
“Oh, I see.”
Jaeyoung hugged Sangwoo tightly, causing the other person’s body temperature to rise above 36.5°C. In the midst of the heat, Sangwoo had a question in his head.
What did JangJaeyoung gain from overlooking a healthy woman who was ready to get married and instead pursue a relationship with him? He pondered for a moment, but couldn’t think of any reason other than the same one he had for himself. Jaeyoung easily stimulated Sangwoo’s sexual desire, and effectively relieved it. Sometimes, Sangwoo himself might have the same meaning for the other party.
“Hey, Jaeyoung.”
“Yes?”
“Why did you come to me?”
“There are many reasons, should I tell you all of them?”
“Sure.”
“First of all… you have a beautiful neck.”
The fingertip that used to stop behind Sangwoo’s ear traced down to his neck.
“You have a cute face. The more you smile, the cuter you are.” The hand gently held the side of Sangwoo’s cheek.
“You have fair skin, and your body is in great shape…”
“You like the outer shell. I understand.”
“Why are you so hot-headed? I just started. I could give you a hundred reasons.”
Jaeyoung lowered his hand. Sangwoo still wanted to bury his face on the other person’s shoulder, but Jaeyoung slowly held him back.
It seemed like the other party had something to say. In the midst of the darkness with a view of the night sky in the background, their eyes shone like stars. The big hand firmly held the back of his neck, not allowing him to look elsewhere. Then, the faint voice whispered in his ear.
“All of that is not necessary. There is only one main reason.”
“…”
“But if I tell you, you might run away. So, I can’t tell you.”
Sangwoo was very nervous for no reason, struggling to open his mouth.
“Please tell me.”
They didn’t do anything, just talked to each other, but their palms were sweaty instead of answering. Jaeyoung looked at Sangwoo seriously, and then his face moved closer. The soft lips pressed against his forehead for a moment before sliding down to the left eyelid. Then, they moved to the right eyelid, followed by both cheeks, and the destination was the corner of the lips.
Sangwoo anticipated a kiss would be followed by the removal of clothing, but Jaeyoung instead lingered with his lips pressed together before returning to his own spot. As he lifted his gaze once more, Sangwoo was met with a face that was difficult to read.
“Why won’t you just tell me?”
“I already answered.”
“I didn’t hear anything at all.”
“You’re such an idiot.”
Sangwoo had almost never heard words like these before, but today he had heard them twice. His eyes, now almost black from the shadow of the moon that was slowly setting, carefully surveyed Sangwoo’s face.
“Sangwooya.”
“What is it?”
“Why do you have to concern yourself with those things? It’s not appropriate for you. I’m stuck with you, and I know that as long as you’re sitting next to me, you’re mine and I yours.”
His already heated body burned even hotter in response to the lewd words. Sangwoo tried to find an answer to Jaeyoung’s question. Although he felt the desire that made his consciousness fade away, he knew that it was an important question that could not be overlooked.
The winner who took control of the control room in this war was sanity, the reason why in the studio he was not in a good mood, and the reason why at the restaurant he was so angry. Sangwoo quickly analyzed his own strange behavior and came up with a cause.
‘We often take out insurance to prepare for illness.’ He then looked at the gear and continued.
“You might find someone you like more than me. And you probably won’t see me again.”
As he spoke, the real body of dissatisfaction became clearer, and the anger he felt at the studio and the restaurant returned. At the same time, the desire slowly subsided.
“It’s normal, isn’t it, that I’m confused because I didn’t prepare myself to deal with that kind of situation?”
Jaeyoung looked at Sangwoo with a neutral expression, and there was a moment of silence before the other side responded dryly.
“There’s a reason for what you are saying.”
The other side accepted it easily before moving a little closer to Sangwoo, placing his elbow on the armrest, and looking into his eyes with restraint. As he looked closely at Jaeyoung’s face, he realized that the other side was both alert and unemotional.
“So go ahead and tell me. ChuSangwoo, what do you want me to do?”
Jaeyoung asked a strange question with a slightly broken voice. Sangwoo looked at the trembling eyes of the other party with overwhelming emotions and almost answered that he wanted the other party to wear a mask when going somewhere, but fortunately, he restrained himself from violating human rights with rude language.
The brain that regained control began to analyze the situation ahead. Is there anything Jaeyoung did to him? The other party is someone who is about to leave in two months.
“Just focus on your work. As for dealing with me, I’ll find a way to handle it myself.”
Sangwoo returned calmly and confidently. Although the desire had become more intense than expected in recent days, he thought there must be a way if it was too difficult to overcome the spirit alone. He thought about seeking psychological counseling, receiving treatment for addiction, going to a temple, or trying to find something to do during the semester break.
Forty-two days have passed since he kissed Jaeyoung at the liquor store and started an inappropriate relationship. Although there were many ups and downs during that time, compared to the long life, it was just a short period of time, a small mistake that could be corrected someday. Sangwoo was a developer who was confident in debugging.
“Deal with it? Deal with what?”
At that moment, a cold voice pierced his ears. Sangwoo slipped out of his palace of thought-palace and turned to look at Jaeyoung, who had been staring at him.
“If the milk runs out, do you have to change your eating habits or go buy it from the supermarket yourself? It’s something I have to deal with myself.”
“Oh.”
Jaeyoung just laughed lightly, looked up at the ceiling as if he couldn’t say anything, and then turned back to look at Sangwoo again.
“Forget it, just like that pile of garbage.”
“What do you mean?”
Sangwoo frowned as he suddenly heard the curse word. Jaeyoung leaned back on the sofa and didn’t answer anything. His gaze that looked out the window was very scary, a hostile mode that he hadn’t seen in a long time.
Sangwoo looked at Jaeyoung who picked up a cigarette from his pants pocket and smoked it confusedly. He knew the other party was angry, but he couldn’t know what he did wrong.
“Are you angry?”
Instead of answering, Jaeyoung opened the window and exhaled cigarette smoke outside. Sangwoo looked at the cold face beside him and sighed. “Why are you angry at me?”
“What am I to you?”
“Why ask such a thing?”
“Why did you come to me then? No, it’s fine, you don’t have to answer.”
“Don’t just be angry like that. If I say something wrong, please let me know.”
“You’re right, you never say anything wrong.”
“So why are you angry?”
Jaeyoung didn’t answer, he opened the door forcefully and got out of the car to stand by the railing and smoke. Even after a long while, the other person’s gaze remained cold.
Jaeyoung started the car quietly and drove all the way to Sangwoo’s house, or until he got out of the car with his backpack. The other person still didn’t say a word.
return 0;.
Saturday, May 26th.
Jang Jaeyoung was really angry and didn’t show his face, even his phone that had never been silent before was this time. Sangwoo set the sound to be turned on, thinking that the other person might call, and even left the window open wide, hoping that the other person would come back suddenly and find out, but it was useless.
He tried to think of something good, so he could focus on his homework and work, but it wasn’t easy. His eyes just kept looking out the window. In his head, the image of a cold face kept popping up and wouldn’t go away.
“What did I do wrong?”
Before going to bed, Sangwoo tried to organize yesterday’s events with a diagram, but he couldn’t find the reason why Jaeyoung was angry. It seemed like the other person was starting to get angry while they were talking, but Sangwoo didn’t say anything dark or give any wrong information to the other person.
Jaeyoung had always been aggressive towards him in the past, so now, whatever he didn’t like about the other person, he would just ignore it and pretend not to see it, and why did he have to be so hesitant now? Sangwoo wondered about that and fell asleep.
return 0;.
Sunday, May 27th.
Continuing from Saturday, his productivity is now at its worst. Whenever someone is nearby, they distract him by playing, teasing, chatting, bothering, clinging, and tempting him every day. And suddenly, he is cut off, making it a problem.
Throughout the two days, Sangwoo feels like he is being tested, tested by setting conditions to check whether the familiar experimental subject will respond without stimulation or not, testing for adaptability to see if the experimental subject can maintain the same condition when the familiar variable is removed, and testing for resistance or withdrawal symptoms by removing the substance that the experimental subject seems to be addicted to and researching the side effects.
‘Miss you.’
The only conclusion is that Jang Jaeyoung has infiltrated his life too deeply.
Although he opened the Jang Jaeyoung folder and looked through it from beginning to end, it was not fruitful, and because he kept doing it, it was just a waste of time.
Whenever he has a meaningless thought, Sangwoo grits his teeth and focuses on his work even more. Although he can’t concentrate very well, since he has plenty of time, “09:00-24:00, excluding meal and three-hour break.” The amount of work he gets done is not bad, he finishes the group work in the morning and sends it to the members. Then in the afternoon, he successfully completed a major error correction. return 0;.
Monday, May 28th.
The next day, he read a book at the library for only two hours and went to the office room before the time arrived at 4:46 PM, but no one was there. Sangwoo worked on and off, and after a few hours, he couldn’t take it anymore. He called Jaeyoung, but the other party didn’t answer. He was in the office until 4 AM as usual, but the amount of work he got done was quite pitiful.
[Can you explain why you’re angry?_ 6:36 PM]
[Don’t you want to see me anymore?_ 7:41 PM.]
[But I miss you. Can we meet today?_ 9:00 PM.]
That night, Sangwoo couldn’t sleep and couldn’t separate his feelings from his thoughts, making everything chaotic. He used to not care about the past and couldn’t change it, or the present that was just an illusion. Sangwoo always looks towards the future.
‘I am stupid.’
It seems that going back and forth with Jaeyoung would make him forget himself. It’s strange that he doesn’t plan to deal with anything related to the near future. I don’t know why he doesn’t try to make a real hypothesis, imagine a situation where there’s no one to help alleviate his needs, think about the times when the other party is gone, simulate a situation where he can’t find what he needs no matter how much he looks for it.
Sangwoo’s life was destroyed and burned to ashes within just three days. Even though the fuel he used in his daily life was running out on time, why didn’t he prepare for such an important matter?
‘I am really stupid.’
Sangwoo tried to calculate the quantity of Jang Jaeyoung’s necessity, even if it was excessive. How many times do they have to kiss in a week, how many times do they have to have sex to fulfill their desires? Time passes by continuously during this period, but Sangwoo still can’t close his eyes. Then he discovered the truth that He met Jang Jaeyoung too often.
They have kissed more than 100 times.
They slept together and had the wildest of sex at home 4 times in 19 days.
The interval between the rounds he had to meet the other party was getting shorter and shorter.
And the limitation he found again was that
[The other party is going away in July.]
The quest to solve the sexual desire that should end in one attack has limited time. Sangwoo thinks there is not enough time to create a game, but he does not really think that the time to meet the other party is running out because they keep releasing their desires, so it is easy to think that when time passes, the symptoms will improve on their own. It is a hope that is like a superstitious ritual that lacks analysis and is illogical.
In the midst of darkness, Sangwoo felt a strong fear, he had to come up with a backup plan, but he felt so bad that he couldn’t come up with a good plan, his heart felt like it was being squeezed, he could only curl up under the blanket to make it deeper.
Sangwoo wants Jaeyoung, but Jaeyoung is not by his side, and what’s worse is that he is about to leave and go abroad. No matter how he tries to calm down and not be angry, someday in July, supply and demand will clash again. Sangwoo bears the strong remaining problem and decides to solve the problem in front of him first. He thought that today, no matter what, he would drag Jaeyoung out and ask him why he was angry.
return 0;.
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