SMNTCERR, Chapter 65: Yellow #7.
“We should be done now. I feel like I’ve lost a little bit of my humanity.”
Sangwoo wiped his wet hair with a towel and prepared the bed because right after he came the second time. Then he went to take a shower and was pushed by the other party against the wall for another round. Jaeyoung thought that he had emptied everything and there was nothing left in his balls.
“That’s it, stop jumping and egging me.”
“That is funny, we had sex together and cummed together, why do you point fingers at me?”
Sangwoo spoke boldly, wearing only pants and a patterned pajama set, ready to sleep. Jaeyoung looked at the other person before moving closer and using his thumb to trace the red mark on Sangwoo’s neck. Sangwoo didn’t like the aroused look on his face and threw a towel at him.
“Go far away.” “Just looking.”
“Don’t believe it. Earlier, you said you just wanted to help me rubbing soap.”
“Oh, did you attain enlightenment? Why do people who see the truth like this act like that in the bathroom, huh, hyung, fuck me… Faster, faster.”
“Get out of my house now.”
Jaeyoung laughed at those words. He didn’t take them seriously. Sangwoo stepped into the bathroom, put toothpaste on his brush, and held it in his mouth.
“Can I have a toothbrush?”
“Go back to your place and use yours.”
“If I don’t brush now, it’ll be dirty.”
Sangwoo just looked at the comb in Jaeyoung’s hair and continued brushing his teeth. Jaeyoung pretended to be lazy and said:
“If you don’t give it to me, I’ll just use yours. It’s no big deal.”
Sangwoo rolled his eyes with an annoyed face before picking up a toothbrush that hadn’t been opened yet and throwing it to Jaeyoung.
“Spoiled.”
Jaeyoung opened the toothbrush and put toothpaste on it before standing next to Sangwoo. Sangwoo stood straight like a soldier who had just finished training, unlike Jaeyoung who leaned against the wall with one hand. As they passed each other in the mirror, Jaeyoung playfully winked, but Sangwoo pretended not to see it. He had already switched to his “normal” mode.
After Sangwoo left, Jaeyoung was the only one left in the empty bathroom. This was the first time he had ever seen such a simple bathroom. There was only a toothbrush, toothpaste, a roll of tissue, soap, and shampoo.
Let’s think about it. Everything in this room is like this: one chair, one bowl of rice, one glass of water, and one set of spoon and chopsticks, as if to show the style of the owner who doesn’t easily welcome anyone.
When he finished brushing their teeth, Jaeyoung put his toothbrush in the same glass as Sangwoo’s. Then he felt that the bathroom looked a little less empty than before.
Exiting the bathroom, he found himself face to face with Sangwoo who was sweeping the room. On the other side, he picked up scattered rubber condom and rubber packets and threw them away before picking up the red geometric patterned Neo Prin shirt [1] that Jaeyoung had worn for consideration. The tight-necked shirt was stained with sweat and white smudges of cum.
“I guess I’ll have to throw it away.”
“I’m partly responsible, I’ll buy you a new one.”
“No need.”
“It’s okay. I’ll pay for the damages, about 20,000 won[2] right?”
That was Jaeyoung’s most beloved shirt, which was ten times more expensive. It was also a limited edition that could no longer be purchased, but he didn’t say anything. When he finished cleaning the room, Sangwoo drank a glass of water before looking at Jaeyoung.
“Can I borrow your shirt?”
Jaeyoung now only had a towel around his waist. He searched in the drawer and took out Sangwoo’s pants quietly, even though he complained about wearing the same one he wore last time. But he let it pass.
“You can’t go back like this, can you?”
“I’ll stay and go back later.”
“Who’s told you that you will be staying?”
Sangwoo grumbled and lay down on the bed. It was almost three o’clock now. For Jaeyoung, who often stayed up late, it might not be a big deal, but for Sangwoo, it was time to sleep. Jaeyoung turned off the light before slipping under the blanket.
“Are you serious?”
“Uh.”
“But this bed is for one person only, it can’t hold the weight of…”
“If it was going to break, it would have broken by now, how long have we been fucking around on this bed, come on, be quiet and lie down.”
Jaeyoung pushed Sangwoo’s neck down to rest on his arm. Sangwoo blinked as if he was thinking about something, but in the end, he turned over and lay down on his side, as if giving up his thoughts. The other side lay with his eyes closed, as if trying to see through Sangwoo’s face. When they met eye to eye, his heart raced again. On a dark morning like this, for some reason, the other side only looked at him like that and refused to sleep. Jaeyoung gently brushed his wet hair and said,
“Sangwooya.”
“Yes.”
“What are you thinking?”
“…”
“We have done even more embarrassing things together, what else do you have to be shy to say?”
Sangwoo remained silent for a moment with a gloomy expression. Jaeyoung waited calmly. Then the other approached and hugged him tightly, causing his heart to race. Jaeyoung raised his hand and lightly stroked Sangwoo’s head. “I didn’t know I had this preference.” The other tightened the embrace.
“This preference?”
“Because I’ve never felt this good before. I was scared. Sometimes I thought it would be better not to get to know men.”
Jaeyoung’s face suddenly turned into a cool smile. Not ‘Jang Jaeyoung’, but ‘men.’ It was necessary to speak and destroy the atmosphere in times like this.
But that was all. Chu Sangwoo probably didn’t know what he did wrong, and what the problem was.
For a moment, Jaeyoung thought about explaining to Sangwoo in detail why he was upset, but he gave up because if he hoped for something more than this, all he would have was a commitment called dating. Jaeyoung wasn’t sure if he could convince someone who believed that dating should always lead to marriage that dating between men was right. Moreover…
‘In the end, won’t you still have to leave things off?’
Yoona’s words flashed in his mind, and the exhaustion of looking towards the painful future made Jaeyoung uneasy. If they were ‘officially dating’, all the problems would probably be more complicated than they were now.
“What are you thinking about?”
It’s unclear how much time has passed… Sangwoo asked. Although this was the first time the other had asked such a question, Jaeyoung was too cool to feel sentimental and instead brought up another topic.
“I’m wondering what month you were born in.”
“October.”
“What date?”
“The first.”
Jaeyoung chuckled a little. It was the 1001st [3]day from among the many dates there were. He thought he would never forget it.
“It’s a good birthday for you.”
“Why is that?”
“The shape is proportional. Plus, it’s in binary.”
Then the sound of laughter erupted immediately, ever since they started playing with the other party, this was the best response.
“The way you think is really strange, hyung.”
Jaeyoung wanted to say that the word made him feel bad when he had to listen to Sangwoo. Then he hugged tighter.
“Is there anything you want as a birthday present?”
“No.”
While thinking that the other party had to answer like that, Sangwoo spoke as if it was not a big deal.
“Why ask for no reason? Anyway, you will not be here anymore.”
The arrow that he wanted to escape was still aimed at Jaeyoung’s head. Jaeyoung frowned. He did not understand why they had to talk about this after just spending quality time together, the silence that was suffocating for a long time, of course, Sangwoo probably did not think of anything special already. So it was frustrating for Jaeyoung alone, and he decided to break it straight.
“Are you sad?”
“There’s no reason to be sad. I think I should have done with the desire for men by then.”
That answer made him feel worse than before.
“Oh, do you think so?”
“But I’m not sure if I will be successful or not. Think about the reason why you and I are doing this in the first place, Qing dynasty Generals, remember?”
“…”
“But I’m not sure if it’s successful or not. I’m still worried because it doesn’t seem to decrease the desire.”
Jaeyoung didn’t know what to answer. No matter what meaningless things he heard, he could handle it well. Only this time he couldn’t solve the problem alone. When he saw Jaeyoung silent, Sangwoo continued.
“It’s probably impossible, but suppose I still can’t handle it by then… I’ll just find someone else to replace you.”
‘He is getting too much. This kid.’
Jaeyoung stood up and glared at Sangwoo. Even though he already knew that the other party was calm, cold and calculative, he knew that their temperatures were not the same, but when he heard it with his own ears, he felt like the blood in his body was freezing. ____________________________________.
[1] Neoprene is a synthetic rubber blend fabric with high flexibility. [2] 20,000 won is approximately 600 baht.
[3] 1001 comes from October 1st, because Korea writes dates in the yearmonth-day format.
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