SMNTCERR, Chapter 66: Yellow #8.
‘Are we going to be fuck buddies?’
‘Yes.’
‘Um, well… let’s try it out.’
There wasn’t really any problem at first, but it was clear that it was too good to be true. However, when he thought about Sangwoo possibly starting a relationship with someone else in the future, he felt so bad that he couldn’t stand it.
Jaeyoung felt a strong contradiction with his own feelings, causing him to have a headache. As Sangwoo said they went back and forth to vent their emotions and drain their balls with each other, that was the reality. On the other hand, the confusion that Jaeyoung was feeling now was different, it was an error.
“Are you leaving now?”
Sangwoo looked at Jaeyoung with a puzzled expression. Seeing his face, it seemed like he was going to leave. No matter how you looked at it, he seemed like a child who wasn’t mature enough to have love. I don’t know anything about the complex emotional exchange between humans, even if Jaeyoung explained his feelings right now. The other party probably wouldn’t understand anything.
“Are you going to go?”
But as he met Sangwoo’s gaze, Jaeyoung felt like his anger was slowly fading away. Even though the other party’s words were not pleasant to hear, it was due to ignorance, so he couldn’t blame Chu Sangwoo. Besides, the other party didn’t say anything that was unreasonable.
‘Is it really possible? How can we tie one person to us?’
Generally, love is said to have a lifespan of six months before it expires. In Jaeyoung’s case, it was much shorter. There were countless relationships that ended within a month. Although this type of relationship was never experienced before, he knew that even the intense feelings he was experiencing now would soon fade away. If that was the case, it would be good for Sangwoo himself to not have any unrealistic expectations and believe that what he was feeling was a feeling that he had never experienced before, and that it was a love that fate was predetermined.
It must be calm, clear, and not cross the line.
But this is not the time to worry about others. Sometimes, people are caught up in a dream and believe that what they are feeling is something they have never experienced before, and it may be a love that fate has predetermined, even if it may be for themselves. Jaeyoung felt a bitter taste in his mouth after just brushing his teeth.
Something in the middle. Not all, proceed, or stop. A yellow light that is not green or red. Jaeyoung did not like anything that was ambiguous like that.
‘Just interested in the feeling right now is enough.’
Jaeyoung slowly lay down again before raising his hand to stroke Sangwoo’s smooth face and planting a kiss on his forehead. The other side looked suspicious.
“Don’t worry about the future, just think about the present.”
“I’m not like some people.”
“That’s funny. And I don’t know what someone like that would do to me when he is naked.”
“That’s because I was tricked by you, hyung.”
“So what. Do you feel regret?”
Sangwoo looked into Jaeyoung’s eyes and shook his head slowly before leaning in for another embrace. Jaeyoung took a deep breath and used his palm to stroke the other’s back and shoulders, instead of worrying about the future that he didn’t know how it would be, he chose to live in the present, that is
Jaeyoung’s way of life. At this moment, he wanted to do everything for Sangwoo.
“Sangwoo-ya.”
“Yes.”
“You don’t want anything? just my sneakers, watch, and hat.”
“No, just bring the hat I left in the car last Friday.”
“Or something else, graphics card, monitor, portable hard drive.”
“That’s enough. People who don’t know about computers will not be involved in anything, and the seniors don’t know how expensive it is.”
“…”
The conversation ended there. Sangwoo probably wanted to sleep.
Jaeyoung closed his eyes, his body exhausted from the intense love making.
“I want Veggie Venturer to be successful.”
In that context, Sangwoo suddenly perked up, as if it was the answer to the question of what he wanted. Jaeyoung hesitated before answering.
“Based on what we’ve done so far, the output [1] can be used.”
“That’s not enough. It has to be popular and accepted by people.”
That was a strange statement, because in reality, indie games cannot expect market results and therefore it is difficult to sell a lot. It is enough to use it to enhance the quality of the portfolio, but why does someone who never wanted anything become obsessed with gaining popularity in the market?
“Why though?”
Sangwoo hesitated to answer. He probably didn’t want to answer anymore, but he knew that if he kept being asked, he would eventually give in, especially when Jaeyoung was about to ask again. So, Sangwoo continued, “Because it’s a game that I made with you. When I think about it, I feel really good that it was a huge success and was well-received as intended. I want to feel that way again.”
“What is it? Do you think I’ll be impressed by you talking like that?”
But judging from the feeling in his chest, he was probably really impressed.
Jaeyoung already knew that Chu Sangwoo, who didn’t understand romantic relationships in the way of couples, liked him in his own way, including saving pictures, playlists, remembering eye contact and shoe sizes, as well as being obsessed with work beyond necessity, not just because of his tendency to cling to perfection.
Jaeyoung grabbed Sangwoo’s chin and kissed him on the same organ, the skin of his lips that had been relentlessly rubbed all night, still soft and moist as before. He kissed and sucked lightly, kissing, kissing, kissing. Then Sangwoo smiled and closed his eyes.
He changed his gaze to the shape of his lips, which had changed slightly. Then he kissed loudly, kissing, kissing. Once again, he found that Sangwoo’s hand was holding Jaeyoung’s cheek, and the tongues of both were intertwined, along with the changed lips. The gentle bird kiss [2]turned into a passionate French kiss. He didn’t know if it was the feeling or the desire that made the sensation that arose from the touch hotter than the body temperature. Jaeyoung was once again obsessed with Sangwoo with a confused feeling, while thinking that today’s performance left him sated, but the feeling of wanting another round with Sangwoo was still compressed in his stomach.
Sangwoo, who had spoken like that about being human and having enough sex for today, forgot his own words and set his mind to draw Jaeyoung’s tongue, and the tongues of both were intertwined, along with the changed lips. The romantic kiss lasted longer than expected. Jaeyoung pushed Sangwoo away before the stimulated emotions became too intense. The other party licked his lips with a regretful expression that showed through his eyes. He then used his finger to wipe the saliva from the corner of Sangwoo’s mouth.
“I guess I’m not human. I lack human qualities.”
Jaeyoung smiled and pinched Sangwoo’s nose with his finger.
“It’s a shame that we’ve run out of condoms.”
“Should I go buy some?”
“You won’t be able to walk tomorrow, but if you want to go, go ahead.”
“I’ll have someone at work get them for us. I’ll think about paying them.”
He had to hold onto the person who responded to the joke tightly so that the other party wouldn’t leave. Although Jaeyoung was in a state of reduced human qualities, he didn’t even have the strength to move one arm, so he wanted to sleep.
“Good night.”
Sangwoo ran his fingers through Jaeyoung’s hair before planting a soft kiss on his forehead. Jaeyoung’s lips curved into a wide smile, as if the man he was dating like to imitate whatever he encountered. Jaeyoung squirmed quietly, avoiding Sangwoo’s gaze as he lay on his back, staring at the ceiling, afraid that if he spoke what was on his mind right now, he would be kicked out of the room with just his pants on.
“Sangwoo-ya.”
“…Yes.”
The other side replied with a half-asleep, half-awake voice.
If he said what was in his head right now, he would definitely run out of the room in just his underwear. Jaeyoung curled up quietly and pulled Sangwoo, who was lying on his back staring at the ceiling to sleep, into a hug.
⌘W.
When he woke up in the morning, Jaeyoung felt a throbbing headache. He looked up at the ceiling, which was blurry and flickering, and when he turned his head to the side, he caught Sangwoo’s gaze, who had propped his chin on his arm and was looking at him.
‘I guess we should stay here. Really.’
When he looked at the clock on the wall, it was already eleven o’clock.
“Did you sleep well?”
“I’m so tired that I slept like a log and didn’t feel anything.”
“Are you feeling better today?”
“I don’t feel great, but I’m not so bad that I can’t move.”
Jaeyoung felt both nauseous and had a headache. He wasn’t in a state to worry about anyone else, so he drank a little alcohol, not much, but mixed several things together and was still energetic all night.
It seemed like he was about to faint without realizing it. Sangwoo, who was curious about his expression, asked.
“What’s wrong?”
“I have a headache.”
“Then go home and rest.”
It seemed like the other party was trying to drive him out of his own space, but he didn’t want to separate from the person in front of him. Jaeyoung pondered for a moment before finding an excuse.
“Can you buy me lunch?”
“Why should I buy you lunch?”
“I did so well yesterday, so you have to repay me, right? Yesterday, you rushed me and said, ‘Hyung’ go deeper. It was…”
Sangwoo jumped up on the bed and eagerly covered his mouth. Jaeyoung took the opportunity to hug him and speak softly.
“Look, you’re in the mood for another round again this morning. Let me find something to eat first before doing anything else. Don’t you know why the mistress gave food to the salvage[3]?”
“It’s not like that!”
Sangwoo frowned and slipped out of bed before stalking away to another corner of the room to speak.
“I understand. Yesterday… well… it was good, so I’ll feed you from now on.”
Jaeyoung smiled and walked to the bathroom, taking a quick shower before getting dressed and realizing that he had left his T-shirt behind. As for his pants, he couldn’t find them.
“Where did you hide my pants?”
“I have taken them to the laundry..”
“Really? You’re like a carpenter who stole the wings of a goddess [4], but you did nothing wrong.”
“You’re so kind, keep acting like this. What’s the difference between you and a python that ate the farmer who saved its life, right?”
The other party frowned. Jaeyoung walked to the hanger and examined the few clothes that he could wear. He felt familiar with the hanger because he had seen it often.
While he was examining the colorless clothes on the hanger, Sangwoo moved closer and spoke with a serious expression.
“If you borrow it this time, you have to return it. Do you understand?
Promise me.”
“I understand.”
Jaeyoung replied without thinking and picked out a dark green shirt and black linen pants. He looked at the tag and found that the pants were size 32 and the shirt was size 105 ‘L’ he didn’t know why the size was M, but he liked to wear oversized clothes like this.
“Don’t you have a white T-shirt?”
“I don’t buy white shirts because they get dirty easily.”
‘It would look really good on him.’
He complained inwardly as he put his legs into the pants. Once he put on the straight-leg pants, he felt like a nerd. The shirt that used to look loose and sloppy on Sangwoo now fits perfectly on Jaeyoung’s shoulders. The young man unbuttoned his cuffs and rolled up his sleeves twice. Once he tucked in his shirt and looked at himself, he realized that he didn’t look too bad.
Sangwoo pursed his lips slightly and looked at Jaeyoung admiringly. He already knew what style the other party liked. If he dressed formally or neatly without glasses, the other party would look at him like that all the time.
“You can stop staring now. You’re going to make a hole.”
“…It doesn’t look like my clothes.”
“Hope you like it. Want to go once more?”
As he moved closer and placed his hand on his waist, Sangwoo’s face turned red and he looked angry.
“No time! I have to hurry up and eat before going to my part-time job.”
“Just put it on quickly, be confident.”
“Crazy, why do that?”
As he leaned in and whispered in his ear, Sangwoo pushed him away hard before walking away towards the door.
When they came out of the apartment, the sun was shining in the middle of the sky. The weather was clear and hot like summer, they walked together on the main road before hailing a taxi.
Jaeyoung pulled Sangwoo to sit on the back seat and sat next to him, telling the driver their destination. Then he leaned back and lightly touched the hand of the person next to Sangwoo, without shaking his hand, just looking straight ahead without saying anything.
They went to eat at the Vietnamese noodle shop where Jaeyoung was a regular. Jaeyoung ordered beef noodles while Sangwoo ordered fried rice.
After drinking hot soup, he felt better.
“It’s better like this.”
Jaeyoung leaned back in his chair and looked up at the yellow ceiling before turning his gaze to the person sitting in front of him, wearing a cap like a singer, a checkered shirt that was a highlight of the engineering student’s dark jeans that he wondered when it was made. He looked past the clothing and looked at the person wearing it instead.
The other person was eating with a focused expression, closing his mouth tightly while chewing on the left cheek, then the right cheek. The person in front of him was just eating, but he couldn’t take his eyes off him. If he ate a little messily, he might have touched his cheek, claiming to wipe it off, but the other person was not clumsy, so that wouldn’t happen. At that moment, Sangwoo raised his head slightly and made eye contact with Jaeyoung.
“Why?”
Jaeyoung scooped a spoonful of Sangwoo’s bowl without saying anything and ate a bite, seeing the other person eating with a calm expression. He thought the taste was not bad, but the spicy chicken fried rice was the only dish with a good taste.
“How’s the taste?”
“I don’t know. The spice smell is too strong.”
“I mean, do you want to eat more?”
“Um… yes.”
“So it’s delicious, huh?”
“It’s not just that.”
Sangwoo spoke with his mouth full and started eating again. Jaeyoung let the other party eat, while he finished his own noodles. He had a good plan. If he wanted to act before Sangwoo went to his part-time job, he had to hurry.
____________________________________.
[1] Output. Information, product, or something obtained from the production process that is exported from the computer circuit to display on peripheral devices, such as a monitor.
[2] Bird, kiss. A light kiss that makes a “smooch” sound like when a bird pecks.
[3] Why did the woman give rice to the salvage? It comes from a vintage drama, which is about a woman who shared food among male slaves to show her interest and desire for a relationship.
[4] The Carpenter Who Stole the Fairy’s Wings. It comes from a story about a carpenter who stole the wings of a fairy in hopes of keeping her as his wife.
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