MONSTERNEXTDOOR, Chapter 23: When He Became A Part Of My Life, Sharing Our Feelings With Each Other Became Important.
“Sorry.”
I looked at him with concern as he coughed continuously, placing the Ultraman mask beside me and stepping back slightly. The person in front of me was covering his mouth with his fist because he suddenly started choking.
The face that had been hidden behind the mask for so long, today I finally saw Phii Godt’s face.
I had never imagined what he looked like before; all I had seen was that dot-eyed Ultraman mask, so I didn’t have any expectations about his appearance. However, I couldn’t deny that his well-defined features, with his eyes, nose, and mouth all fitting together perfectly, made him someone you would turn to look at twice if you saw him outside due to his striking appearance.
Even though his dark hair was slightly wet and disheveled from washing, and it was pointing in all directions because it hadn’t been combed yet, this messiness didn’t diminish his attractiveness at all.
Now I understand why so many girls are fans of Phii Godt. He really is very charming.
But for me, the first thing that captured my heart was his beautiful eyes, a deep, glossy brown like a vast, intriguing universe. They were captivating, with no escape in sight.
His eyes sparkled just like young-master’s.
This was the first time we had looked at each other’s eyes directly like this. Though it wasn’t for long before I had to look away first, because Phii Godt wouldn’t stop staring at me. He seemed surprised by my action, the sudden removal of his mask without any warning.
“Phii Godt… don’t be silent.”
“Diew…”
“Yes?”
“I… wasn’t prepared.”
“…”
“Suddenly taking off the mask like this… I’m embarrassed, damn it.”
I looked up at the person fidgeting in front of me. The tall man covered part of his face with the back of his hand, his gaze averted elsewhere. He took a few deep breaths before he could turn back to face me, but even then, he only managed to meet my eyes for a brief moment before turning away again, repeatedly raising his hand to cover his face, scratching the back of his neck or fidgeting.
This is it, the behavior that Phii Wan often commented on, saying,
“He’s flustered.”
Embarrassed, not knowing what to do, speaking haltingly.
Because if I hadn’t taken off the mask, I wouldn’t have known that the honey-colored skin of his ears turned as red as mine.
“You seem more excited than I am… even though… you’ve seen my face for a long time already.” I mumbled, my hands playing with my trouser legs because I didn’t know where else to put them. Having something in my hands also helped to calm my nerves a bit.
“Well, yes, but I’ve never looked straight into your eyes like this before.”
My lips tightened; his response made me want to turn around right then, not because I felt awkward, but because I could feel myself turning into a round tomato for him to mock soon.
“Okay with this?”
“I’ve decided… for a while now.” Even though I felt a bit jittery.
“And how is it? Am I as handsome as you thought?” Even when he’s sick, he’s still full of himself.
“Handsome.”
I didn’t want to compliment him much, but in the end, I couldn’t deny that the person who always praised himself was indeed as handsome as he claimed.
“Am I more handsome than Charcoal?”
The question from the fever-stricken man was sent out, demanding an answer because he was so serious about the response he would get, to the point where I was starting to think he might be jealous of Charcoal, the black dog at the dormitory who often hung out with me. He had compared his skin color to the dog’s fur before, and now he was comparing his handsomeness to the dog.
“More handsome.”
As soon as I said that, the tall man scratched his ears and neck, turning bashful like he was about to transform into a jam roll.
Finally, he outdid the dog. That must have satisfied him.
We sat in silence for a while until I gently pushed the rice bowl towards him. When Phii Godt is sick, he’s quite the whiner.
“Can you eat five more bites?… I’m worried the medicine might upset your stomach.”
“Can I do three?”
He was bargaining like it was a marketplace.
“Three big bites then.”
“You’re good at negotiating.”
Although he grumbled, he complied by taking three big bites of rice quite easily, chewing quickly and swallowing before taking his fever reducer. I knew that when you have a fever, your body doesn’t crave food, and swallowing can make you feel like vomiting due to the increased body temperature, but I wanted him to force himself to eat a little.
I watched him, his eyes half-closed as I blow-dried his hair. The chill from the air conditioner mixed perfectly with the warmth from the hairdryer, transforming Godzilla into a big, fluffy Golden Retriever.
Once he’d eaten and taken his medicine, it seemed like his body was starting to shut down. His head kept nodding, not nodding; after getting caught in the rain like that, I wouldn’t be surprised if his fever spiked.
Thinking that, I slowly placed my hand on his cheek. As soon as my hand touched his cheek, he looked back at me almost immediately. The heat radiating from his skin indicated he had a fever.
“You’re running hot now… You’d better go to sleep.”
Before I could pull my hand back, Phii Godt grabbed my wrist. His eyes, full of various emotions, stared at me.
His eyes were all red and swollen.
“Phii Godt…”
“Do you remember when I said that if one day you break the promise…”
I remember, I remember it very clearly…
“Yes… you would allow me to say one word… but if that word isn’t good enough… you would stop talking to me.”
Phii Godt smiled a little.
“And do you have that word now?”
That word, huh…
Phii Beert once told me that when the time comes, I would know what to say, and here, in just one night, I broke two promises at once. So, I had prepared a word, but when it came down to it, when I met Phii Godt’s gaze staring back at me, I suddenly felt like I’d gone mute, as if there was a rock stuck in my throat, unable to speak, my face burning hot like I was sitting in an oven.
“Uh… l…”
“Hmm?”
“lo…”
“Yes?”
“L…”
“L what?”
No…
The person who was listening intently smiled, and that was enough to make my heart melt. From being confident about saying that word, my tongue was now all tied up.
“I… I mean, I…”
Phii Godt’s smile faded. He didn’t say anything after that. He just placed his hand on my head and walked off to brush his teeth in the bathroom. Once he came out, he flopped down onto the bed without speaking to me anymore.
If it were any other time, I would have thought he didn’t want to make me feel uncomfortable, but right now, I felt like…
Is he… angry?
“Are you going to sleep now?”
“Ugh,” the tall man groaned on the wide bed, leaving me to sit with a sense of discomfort, my lips pressed tightly together, my hands damp with sweat.
It’s really bad, Diew. Why can’t you just say one simple word?
I awkwardly walked over and sat down on the floor by the bed, looking at Phii Godt who was lying with his back to me. My hand, which was about to reach out to touch him, hesitated out of human fear.
I had promised myself that if I dared to face him, it meant I was confident.
So why be afraid now, Diew?
This man isn’t scary at all, is he?
Summoning my courage, I placed my hand on Phii Godt’s shoulder and turned him to face me. The tall man met my eyes silently before I moved closer and pressed my lips against his forehead.
A gentle kiss to tell him…
I accept him now.
I allow him into my world now. I let him be a part of my life.
“Love…”
The faint word slipped from my lips, probably loud enough for him to hear.
His reaction wasn’t to jump out of bed and shout from the balcony, “He said he loves me!” or to grab his phone and type, “Shit, he said he loves me!” It wasn’t the usual loud, nerve-wracking noise he often made. Phii Godt just stared at me silently, and the more he stared, the more awkward I felt. I pressed my lips together, unsure if my words were clear enough.
Or maybe the person who always made such loud noises suddenly went deaf.
The air conditioning hummed loudly, the temperature in the room had been raised because the room’s occupant was sick, but for someone feeling fine like me, it was hot enough to make me sweat.
After a while, I got my answer that Phii Godt indeed heard it. The tall man pulled me by the neck closer, his soft lips touching mine. My body tensed automatically, surprised by the unexpected kiss, but his gentle kiss, the soft strokes of his hand on my neck, changed my fear into something else, as if I were floating on a big cloud. The light, lingering kiss, and the breath being taken by someone with a cold, started to fade away little by little.
So this is what kissing is like, huh? Awkward, breathless, feeling like there’s a lump in your chest, your ears and throat burning as if you just finished a workout, but after a while, it feels like the whole world has lightened up.
When I started to protest because I was running out of breath, Phii Godt slowly pulled his lips away. He lingered close like a big cat unwilling to move away, and I could feel his breath blowing against my cheek. The heat enveloping my body right now was a mix that I couldn’t distinguish between his fever and my own embarrassment that almost made me suffocate.
“Let me hear it again.”
I gripped his t-shirt so tightly it was almost tearing in my hands.
“Love.”
He, who had kissed me until satisfied, now hugged my head.
“I’m sorry.”
“…What for?” I whined at him.
If you’re going to apologize, apologize for possibly giving me your cold instead.
“Sorry for kissing without asking, and sorry for making you break the promise yourself.”
“Uh,” it’s okay. This promise was something I created myself. I set the rules myself without Phii Godt’s involvement. His only duty was to follow the promise, so if it’s to be broken, it would only be by me.
“I’m such a mess. Just the thought of you wanting to run away from me, being annoyed by me, makes my heart all messed up. So, I’m really happy that you dared to break your own promise. I’m so happy.”
I know, because you, you want to go slow.
Don’t worry anymore; you’ve done your best.
My hand, which had been resting on his arm, slowly moved to his hair. Even though his hair was curly, it was so soft that I didn’t want to move my hand away.
“You can sleep now.”
“Thank you, my little turtle.”
“Yes.”
“I love you too.”
Thud
My heart was beating so fast it felt like it might drive me crazy.
“Uh… yes.”
Phii Godt released my body, and soon after, he drifted off to sleep due to his fever. I slumped down beside the bed, burying my face in the bed sheets that were scented with his usual cologne. My body, now burning hot, was no different from a volcano ready to erupt.
I’m… glad too, that I dared to make this decision.
Thank you for everything, my Khun Godzilla.
“Good night.”
…
“Achoo!”
Great. I really caught Phii Godt’s cold.
A light blue handkerchief was handed to me, the same one I had once given him. I took the neatly washed handkerchief, looking up at the person who had moved to sit beside me after he had recovered. No fever, just the occasional cough and sniffle.
Last night, after I had put him to bed, I had fallen asleep beside his bed until morning, waking up around eight with a blanket covering me, and him lying next to me.
“You caught my cold.”
I gave him a slight glare, receiving a dry smile in return from his sharp face.
Who knows, someone couldn’t control themselves; knowing they had a cold, they still kissed someone else, and breathed on them too. If I didn’t catch it, then so be it.
“Oops.” His large hand came down on my head, ruffling my hair gently.
I couldn’t even get angry if I tried, as usual.
“I’m sorry about the kiss. I really couldn’t help it then.” He made a woeful sound, his face also showing guilt with drooping eyes and a pouting mouth.
“I’m not talking about the kiss…”
“But Diew, you’re angry with me.”
“I’m not angry.”
“And why did you glare at me like that? One more glare and you’d be like Charcoal when he’s denied sausages.”
“Do you think I’m a dog?”
“No.”
I’ll send young-master to bite your face off.
Speaking of young-master, I haven’t properly thanked him yet. He went out of his way to pick up young-master, and he got a fever because he got caught in the rain and couldn’t get back to the dorm.
It’s totally my fault.
“Thank you… for picking up young-master for me.” I said, looking at young-master who was waddling around in his box.
“No problem, I was happy to do it.”
“Actually, just saying thank you… might not be enough… because young-master means a lot to me.”
Young-master is almost like a significant friend in my life. Whenever I’m alone and feel the need to talk to someone, even if that someone doesn’t need to respond, young-master is always there to listen. Even if young-master doesn’t understand what I’m complaining about.
“Diew, you are also very important to me.”
I smiled a little, pulling the blanket closer to me, turning to look at the other person who was staring out the glass door. Who would have thought that the people who talked every night on the balcony would end up sitting next to each other like this, the ones who always avoided looking at each other, now looking at each other like this.
“Feel good… not having to wear the mask anymore?”
“It’s good, but I also like wearing the mask.”
“Isn’t it hot?”
“Want to try it?”
Without waiting for an answer, Phii Godt got up to fetch a new Ultraman mask from the drawer under the desk. He sat back down in front of me, gently placing the mask on my face, his slender fingers adjusting the elastic band at the back of my head as if afraid it might pull my hair. He used his other hand to hold it in place, and after fitting it, he ran his finger along my ear to tuck away any stray hairs. Not letting them stick out like when he first put on the mask. When he touched my ear, it tickled so much I had to pull my neck in like young-master.
The view was obstructed, limiting my sight to just behind the eye holes of the plastic mask. When I wore it like this, I could feel that to look at something, I had to focus on one specific point.
“It’s hard to see.”
I looked at Phii Godt’s face. Just one person’s face filled my entire field of vision.
At first, I thought Phii Godt might feel bad about having to wear a mask every day like this, but wearing the mask wasn’t as bad as I thought. Perhaps because it was a thin plastic mask, it didn’t make him feel stuffy, and it was easy to put on and take off. And most importantly, behind this mask,
you can make any expression you want. There’s no fear of being
teased.
“With the mask off like this, Diew, you can see how much I’ve been smiling.”
“I… want to see your smile.”
Phii Godt fell silent, then moved closer, pressing his lips against the mask I was wearing. I was so surprised that I held my breath for a moment. When he got close, all I could see were his beautiful eyes, clear in my sight.
He didn’t even close his eyes when he kissed me.
The tall man pulled back, with a small smile at the corner of his mouth, and his gaze showed how pleased he was.
“Diew.”
“Yes,” I responded, my voice trembling as much as my heart.
“Since we’ve come this far…”
“…”
“Do you want to go out with me?”
The serious tone from the person in front of me had no trace of jest; he was always catching me off guard when he got serious.
I, who was hiding my face beneath the mask, met his gaze with those sparkling, beautiful eyes, his captivating smile. I felt regret for seeing it so late, but I was also glad that at last, I could see his warm gaze that looked at me every time.
Even though I felt a bit worried because I had never been in a proper romantic relationship before, I thought Phii Godt would be someone I could rely on. Besides… I had already confessed. Naturally, what follows would be to build a relationship or to change our status from what it was before.
“Uh-huh.”
The person who was trying to hide his excitement with a restrained smile started to act awkwardly. Phii Godt leaned in closer, his large hands carefully removing my mask as if afraid it might scratch my skin. He was about to kiss me again, but I suddenly felt a blockage in my nose that I couldn’t control.
“Achoo!”
“Diew!”
I sneezed right at him.
“Uh… sorry.”
I hurriedly got up to wipe his face with a handkerchief. Even though it wasn’t a strong sneeze, he had leaned in close beforehand.
After wiping his face for a while, Phii Godt started laughing, his face, hidden for so long, when he laughs, it makes my world feel a hundred times brighter…
And it also accelerates my heartbeat by a hundred times.
I held the handkerchief to his lips, which were smiling happily, allowing us to lock eyes longer than we ever had before until he sneezed into the handkerchief again. “Achoo.”
It looks like neither of us will recover from this cold anytime soon.
Leave a Reply