MONSTERNEXTDOOR, Chapter 22: A Relationship That Gradually Develops, Allowing Us To Absorb Good Feelings For A Long Time.
“Phii Godt”
“Hmph.”
“Actually… I’ve always known what you’re like.”
The cool breeze brushed against my face, the faint scent of cologne from the person beside me still distinctively noticeable. I buried my nose into the soft head of the turtle plushie that someone had bought for me.
“I know you’re a social person… someone who’s loved by many… so I often ask if you’re okay… honestly, I don’t want you to change yourself… but in the end, I have to thank you for changing… because you changed yourself… that’s why I let you into my world.”
Since the day we first talked, I’ve felt every day how much he’s tried for me.
Both from what I’ve seen myself and what I’ve heard. Whether it’s quitting smoking because I didn’t like the smell or not going out to drink as often as before.
Can one person really change so much for another?
“I… am so happy.”
“Yes… your efforts have paid off… from now on, you don’t have to force yourself anymore… you don’t want me to force myself… and I don’t want you to force yourself either.”
Before we could talk further, Phii Godt sneezed again.
“Do you want to go back and rest?”
“I want to sit here with you for a bit longer. Plus, with this mask on, it’s safe. I definitely won’t get you sick.”
I’m not worried about that, I’m worried about you.
“Let’s name the turtle,” he placed his large hand on the soft head of the turtle, in his typical playful manner. Phii Godt squeezed the turtle’s head until it looked all squished. I looked down at the droopy-eyed turtle in my embrace.
“Do you want to name it?”
“If you let me name it, it’ll just get a bad name.”
“Like what?”
“Young Miss.”
“Stop it.”
The tall man laughed with delight, and hearing his laughter, I couldn’t help but smile.
“Smile.”
His hoarse, sore throat voice made me, who was smiling, turn to look at him. Phii Godt was already staring at me. There was some kind of attraction at that moment, an attraction that pulled us closer together. His warm hand gently touched my cheek, tender and caring.
I could clearly feel the warmth from his body.
“The name is Smile.”
Smile, which means a smile, fitting for a young-master who is shy.
Just like he once said. I smiled sweetly.
I sent a closed-eye smile to the person in front of me, intending to show I liked the name, but as Phii Godt’s face moved closer, I thought…
I shouldn’t have smiled like that.
Every time I smiled at him, he would always make a soft, coaxing sound.
Because Phii Godt really loves my smile.
The Ultraman mask moved close enough for me to look through the eye holes, and the first thing that imprinted in my memory were his beautiful brown eyes hidden behind it.
The color was like polished wood under the sunlight.
His slender fingers touched the back of my neck to keep me from turning away, sending a rush of warmth. I wasn’t sure if it was because he was embarrassed or if it was due to the fever forming from his cold.
And then… the plastic mask slowly moved down to touch my lips.
My eyes widened in shock. Even though the mask was smooth and hard, the area where my lips touched, behind that thin plastic, was his lips. Phii Godt’s action made me momentarily hold my breath, my wideopen eyes gradually closing in response to my instincts.
My free hand didn’t push him away but instead, awkwardly twisted my smile.
I don’t know how much time passed; I only knew that when I started to run out of breath, I moved my hand to rest on Phii Godt’s arm, squeezing gently to warn him that if he didn’t move back, I might die first.
It was as if Phii Godt had just realized what he had done. He quickly moved away, lifting his right hand to hold the mask.
“Sorry, it’s just… I couldn’t help it when I saw it.”
“It… it’s okay.”
I avoided his gaze, looking at Smile instead. The atmosphere was getting more awkward, but it was an awkward that leaned towards giddy because of what had just happened.
Until Phii Godt sneezed again, and we both burst into laughter.
The first kiss was strange but filled with warmth.
“I have a bento box… Have you eaten yet?”
“Not yet.”
“Do you want to eat something? So you can take your medicine after.”
“What do you have?”
Then Phii Godt and I walked into the room, opened the fridge to look at the 7-Eleven bento boxes I had bought in bulk. There was sausage fried rice and grilled pork with salt rice, and I knew Phii Godt would definitely go for the grilled pork with salt rice because it was more substantial.
I put the bento box into the small microwave, watching the person who was sniffling under his mask.
“After taking your medicine… you should go to sleep.”
“I’d say no, but I’m scared you’d scold me.”
I looked at him sideways.
“But there’s a football match today…”
My eyes went even more sideways, almost popping out of their sockets.
“Okay, I’ll sleep.”
Sometimes you have to scold people.
After the rice was heated, we sat down to eat back to back. For others, it might be strange, but for me and Phii Godt, this wasn’t strange at all.
“Diew.”
“Hmm,” I mumbled softly while scooping rice into my mouth.
“I think I understand now why you didn’t want to see my face.”
“…”
“Facial expressions and eyes can convey a lot of emotions. Words can lie, but facial expressions and eyes can’t… right?”
“Yes.”
“I only realized this when I started wearing the mask. Before, I never paid attention to anyone’s expressions or eyes. Now I understand why Beert used to say that Wan’s words don’t always match his feelings; his mouth might complain, but his eyes are all soft.” He spoke with a light laugh.
“When I met you, I finally understood what it means to care for others. I started noticing other people’s expressions and the looks in their eyes, and I realized why you didn’t want to see me.”
“Because when you look sad, my heart really breaks, and I want to make you smile again as soon as possible. But when you smile like that at Wan…”
He paused for a moment.
“I can’t think straight anymore.”
“Phii Godt!”
You pervert!
At first, I just didn’t want to see you, didn’t want to expect anything, but as time passed, my feelings changed. I wanted to get closer to you, to see your face, to be with you every day.
I stared blankly at the night sky without stars, only the street lights adding some color, making the sky seem brighter.
“I know… you might feel uncomfortable wearing the mask, it’s hot and stuffy… even when you’re unwell, you still have to wear it… but can you please bear with it a little longer?”
“I’m not rushing you.”
“I… if I ever get the courage to look at your face for real, that means
I’m absolutely confident that… I can handle your feelings…”
“Because if I’m not confident… one day I might get scared and retreat back into my own world… leaving you to hurt. I don’t want that…” I don’t want to be selfish again.
Phii Godt leaned his heavy back against mine, making me bend forward a bit. I glanced slightly at the person behind me.
“I’m not suffering at all, and I’m starting to get used to this mask.”
“That much?”
“Yes, no matter how lecherous my face looks, you can’t see it.” I moved my head to bump the back of his head with a soft thud.
Bad habit, you old lecher.
…
I couldn’t go to pick up young-master.
With both hands pressed against my temples, there was a large textbook in front of me. It was past 9 PM, and I still couldn’t leave the lab because the professor had called for a make-up session today.
Skipping class wasn’t an option as I had to stay for group work.
In the end, I had to beg Wan to have Phii Godt pick up the young master from the vet, even though he was sick and lying in his room.
I had promised him that once class was over, I would rush directly to the animal hospital, but all those plans crumbled when it started pouring as soon as class ended.
I wondered if Phii Godt had left his room yet; if he got caught in the rain again, he’d surely catch a fever.
Instead of messaging, I decided to call Phii Godt, thinking he wouldn’t check his messages, but he didn’t answer the call either. My worry intensified, especially since he was supposed to pick up the young master for me, something he would always prioritize when it involved me. Now, he might be stuck in the rain at the vet or have returned to his room drenched. But why wasn’t he answering his phone?
“Please call me a taxi.”
I told the guard at the faculty building, and it didn’t take long for a green-yellow taxi to pull up in front.
I hurried to the university’s animal hospital first, even though it was already 10 PM, nearly closing time. While in the taxi, I tried calling the person who wouldn’t pick up.
Is he still there? Why won’t he answer his phone?
The taxi stopped in front of the animal hospital, which was now dark with all lights off. I looked around, but there was no sign of anyone, let alone Phii Godt. The area was enveloped in darkness, with only the sound of the rain.
Where could he have gone?
Finally, I decided to go back to wait at his room, not forgetting to stop by 7-Eleven to buy some food for him.
I knocked on the white wooden door of Phii Godt’s room for a while, but there was no response. My worry grew until I finally messaged Phii Beert, Phii Wan, and Phii Ton. In the end, no one could reach Phii Godt.
No one knew where he had gone.
Where are you? If you picked up the young master, you should have been back by now; the hospital has been closed for a while. Where have you wandered off to, especially when you’re sick? If you knew it was raining, you didn’t have to go out.
Why are you being so stubborn?
I didn’t go into his room, sitting and hugging my knees, waiting for him to return in front of his door. I didn’t care who was coming in and out of the rooms on this floor or how they looked at me. My mind was full of worries.
I feared Phii Godt might have fainted somewhere, worried that he might get seriously ill from being out in the rain like that.
Because that man really doesn’t like carrying an umbrella anywhere.
An hour passed, and Phii Godt still hadn’t returned, two hours, three hours. There was no sign of him.
Until I began to fear that my thoughts might become reality.
I called, but he still didn’t answer, no reply messages on Line, as if suddenly Phii Godt had vanished.
I sat like that for a while until I had to close my eyes to rest because I started feeling a headache. Today, I had just managed to take my eyes off the books, planning to shower, eat, and then go to sleep once back in my room.
In the end, all my plans fell apart because I was worried about the person who hadn’t returned to his room. I knew before he often came back late, sometimes even at three or four in the morning, but this time he went out to do an errand for me, and more than that, he was sick. It made me feel guilty for asking Wan to go pick up young-master for me.
I spent some time dozing off until a warm hand touched my head, his soft cough making me slowly blink my eyes open. I saw the long legs of someone squatting in front of me, his black flip-flops wet from stepping in the rain, and his hoarse, sore throat voice sounding out.
“Waiting for me?”
He… had come back.
I didn’t look up at Phii Godt but let out a soft sigh, feeling relieved to see him back here. He hadn’t passed out somewhere.
“Where have you been?”
“I went to pick up young-master for you. But then it started raining, I couldn’t find a taxi, so I had to find shelter from the rain on the way.” My lips tightened automatically. He really did get caught in the rain.
I felt guilty.
“Want to come inside first?”
Phii Godt opened his door and walked in, and as I followed, I saw he had put on a new Ultraman mask.
The person in front of me looked no different from a drenched puppy, his wet hair plastered to his face, his white shirt soaked through, clearly showing his honey-colored skin, and more than that, the square box he had placed on the bed, with young-master walking back and forth inside, looking lively and safe, reinforcing my guilt.
“The doctor said to feed young-master on schedule, don’t overfeed him…”
I didn’t listen to what Phii Godt was saying, only knowing that I was starting to get angry at him for making me worry.
“You didn’t answer your phone…”
The tall man was silent for a while before turning to see Wan doing something on the wide bed. Then he picked up his phone, coughing softly, realizing he must have left his phone in the room.
Sigh, people are worried sick about you.
“Sorry, I forgot my phone. That’s why it was unusually quiet,” he said, scratching the back of his neck, feeling guilty.
“I was scared you might have fainted somewhere… you’re sick, and with the rain, you didn’t have to go pick up young-master.”
“It started raining right when I was coming back.”
I didn’t know what to say; I was both angry and worried.
In the end, I had to push him to take a shower because I was worried he’d get a fever.
I returned to my room to prepare some food and fever reducer for him, then sat idly, gazing out at the rain hitting the glass door. The clear raindrops sticking to it, watching the shimmering raindrops at night by the window, still one of my top favorite things to do. It gave me a sense of relief, comfort, helping to clear my cluttered thoughts.
After sitting there for a while, I heard the bathroom door open. I looked at the reflection in the large mirror, seeing the vague silhouette of the tall man walking out. He adjusted his large t-shirt, coughing softly before stopping about an arm’s length away from me. The reflection in the mirror wasn’t clear enough to see his face.
“Diew.”
“Hmm.”
“I have a headache, and my throat hurts.”
“Have some food and take your medicine first… then go to sleep.”
Phii Godt slumped behind me. He pulled the bowl of rice I had prepared towards him.
“Sorry for making you worry.”
“Just that you’re back… that’s enough.”
“But I really feel guilty. Did you wait long?”
I checked the time on my phone; I had waited for him for over three hours. Before seeing him, it felt like an eternity, but knowing he was okay, that he hadn’t collapsed somewhere, those three hours seemed so short. I could wait for him all day.
“I can wait for however long… as long as you’re safe and back.”
“Sorry.”
A cough sounded from behind along with the clink of a spoon against a bowl, indicating he wasn’t going to continue eating, even though he had just picked up the rice moments ago.
“I can’t eat anymore. Can I take the medicine now?”
“How many bites did you take earlier?”
“Two.”
“Can you have another five bites?” At least let something go into your stomach before taking the medicine.
“Can I be stubborn just for today? I feel like I might throw up.”
“Then, if I turn around now… will you eat another five bites?”
“Wait… don’t turn around yet.”
Phii Godt hurriedly grabbed the mask from the table to put it on, as if he was afraid I would see his face if I turned back.
The one strict about promises had become him now.
I wanted to see his face, that’s why I was going to turn around. It was my well-thought-out decision. Having waited for hours outside his room, worried to the point of almost going mad, I was now absolutely confident that I could share and alleviate his feelings and stories.
I slowly turned my body back towards Phii Godt, looking at the person who had put on the mask properly.
“Phii Godt.”
“Hmm?”
“Can you… take off the mask?”
“Huh! Wait.”
“Please… I don’t want you to wear it anymore.”
“But…”
“Please.”
Without waiting for his answer, I moved closer to Phii Godt, my hands touching the Ultraman mask. Even though my arms felt heavy as if weighed down by a large stone, removing Phii Godt’s mask this time was a significant decision for me, stepping out of my comfort zone.
I slowly lifted the mask from his face, my hands trembling so much that Phii Godt had to gently hold my wrists for a moment. Soon, the Ultraman mask was in my hands, revealing the face of the person who was looking straight at me.
Taking off the mask was more thrilling than anything else; both I and Phii Godt were tense. When our eyes met, his beautiful eyes framed by his well-shaped eyebrows, I felt a shiver run through my entire body, especially my heart, which was pounding in my chest.
Although I felt awkward facing him like this without the mask to hide behind, I had already made my decision.
I… wanted to see his face, to talk to him like normal people, without him needing to hide anything anymore. Whether it was his gaze, his eyes, or his expressions, I wanted to see it all – his smile, his mischievous face, the spark in his playful eyes, the expression of someone who thinks he’s so handsome that others can’t help but be captivated, or even when he’s troubled or sad.
I’m ready to share that burden with you now.
Enough with the promise of just being friends before sleep.
Since I was the one who set this rule,
I’m the only one who can break it.
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