MONSTERNEXTDOOR, Chapter 15: Attention Can Conquer Everything, Including Matters Of The Heart.
Creak, creak, creak
What’s shaking so much?
I moved to sit up on the bed in confusion, my hands groping around to find my phone because last night I fell asleep while playing with it, so it ended up tucked under the blanket near my legs.
I picked it up, opened the screen to check the messages from Phii Wan.
Wann: Are you asleep yet?
Text me when you wake up.
Wake up, come on!
Wake up!
OnlyOne: I’m awake.
Wann: Someone took a photo of us with Godt.
*Sending photo*
I furrowed my brows looking at the picture Phii Wan sent, it was a screenshot from an account on Twitter named “maboyfriend.” The tweeted photo was of me standing with Phii Godt, with a purple flower tucked behind my ear, looking at the Ultraman mask.
OnlyOne: Was it taken secretly?
Wann: Yes, should I ask him to delete it?
OnlyOne: If it can be deleted, that would be good.
Wann: Okay, I’ll ask him to do it now.
Then Phii Wan disappeared, leaving me to stare at that picture in silence, with a growing sense of anxiety. Even though no one knows who I or the other person are, I didn’t like my photo being on a Twitter account followed by thousands of people, especially since the photo was taken without my knowledge.
I looked at the picture of myself and someone else, my eyes in the photo fixed on the Ultraman mask at that moment. What was I thinking?
“How can I not overthink it? You’re important to me, aren’t you?”
“It suits the flower well.”
My lips tightened, my hands gripping the phone. The wall I had built around this important person had now completely crumbled, leaving no trace, until I felt it wasn’t even a wall anymore. It was just a thin curtain that was torn down without care, leaving only the clear truth that I had fallen for Phii Godt.
I dropped my phone onto my lap, covering my face with my hands while rubbing my eyes slightly. My face felt hot every time I thought of him, the fluttering feeling in my chest when I was near him, clearly indicating that I liked him, not just as a friend, not as a brother, not as a father, but more than just someone important.
It could be said that he’s more special than just an important person.
Liking him secretly, like the way Phii Biu put it, liking everything about him, his actions, his voice, his attentiveness, his thoughts, his words, the scent of his body when I can smell it, the sound of his voice when I hear it, the times I get to be his important person, including when he defends me.
Even though I was the one who initiated the friend chat agreement, confident that we wouldn’t cross the boundary of friendship, in the end, I’m the one breaking that promise. I don’t like myself for being this way, but what if Phii Godt doesn’t feel the same? What if everything Phii Godt does is just general care, like he does with everyone else? What if I betray his feelings, which are those of a brother for me?
Then I’m no different from those seniors, aren’t I?
But… Phii Godt also said that I’m an important person to him.
His important person… what kind of important? Important like a friend, a junior, or something special?
I don’t know.
I was lost in a thousand thoughts in my head before I was startled by my phone vibrating again, but this time it wasn’t a message from Phii Wan, it was from the living being next door who seems to wake up earlier every day.
Godzilla: Morning
The auspicious color for today is pink.
He also attached a picture of strawberry-flavored Pocky with a Post-it note that read:
‘So sweet!’
Did he eat it to say it was sweet? Someone who hates strawberries but ate the strawberry Pocky because I said it was delicious, someone who doesn’t like bingsu but ate melon bingsu because I told him to try it.
He didn’t have to force himself like this.
I got up from the bed, went to wash my face and brush my teeth in the bathroom, prepared to shower and change clothes for university as usual. After getting ready, I sat at my computer to check on the project that’s due in a few days, and while at it, I checked Twitter to see if the account, maboyfriend, had deleted the picture yet.
When I checked, the picture was still up; it had been about ten hours since it was posted, since I got back from the concert, it had been retweeted over a thousand times, and that made me even more worried. Where has this picture gone to?
Besides that, there were long, kite-like threads of mentions. I tried to look away from those mentions because I knew the first rule of the internet is not to read the comments.
But it was really hard to resist.
I clicked to read the mentions under my photo. Just the first few mentions made me furrow my brows.
Katy: Nong Diew studies international chemistry, so cute.
JenJen: he’s arrogant.
Youmine: Really, Jen?
NanaMoo: That’s bad, he’s quite cute, though.
JenJen: Yes. He doesn’t talk much, maybe he thinks he’s very good-looking.
Jobs: What a pity, the junior looks so cute.
Youmine: Oh, that’s bad.
Bastard: I heard he doesn’t even attend the freshman orientation.
Minnie: @Bastard, internationals aren’t forced to attend.
Nithan: In the department he studies, there are only a few people.
No need to attend.
Trixtor: Just a moment, we study the same major, the junior isn’t arrogant, just not good at socializing.
Katy: Is not being good at socializing considered arrogance, or is it just because the junior doesn’t talk to you that you think he’s arrogant?
FastandNine: How would the junior feel if he saw this? Just sitting there and being called arrogant, do I have to talk to everyone in the world?
Mity: Isn’t it because she already dislikes the junior, Jen? I heard it’s because he refused to do a product review for her, so she’s badmouthing him.
JenJen: Others don’t seem to have this problem, he is the only one making it an issue. Is it so hard to just do a product review?
MissKim: Your logic is so sick, isn’t it?
Aliss: Even friends get it. He didn’t review the bag for her, and she got all mad about it.
OfferK: Isn’t it his right to choose what to review?
Why review a bad product, anyway?
Bell: Oh, the secret’s out, @Biw, @Tonton, @Wann
Nana: I study the same major as him, Diew isn’t arrogant at all.
He’s just not good at talking, but if you initiate a conversation, he always smiles in response.
Biw: He won’t talk if you’re not close friend, @Bell
Bell: I don’t talk to strangers either, oops.
Tonton: Who says Nong Diew is arrogant? Come on, man.
Biw: Dear person, have you ever talked to him directly? He’s just not good at socializing, not arrogant.
JenJen: I doubt it, maybe he only smiles at guys, right?
With a face like that, he might not even be a real man (straight).
Biw: Hey, why are you messing with his appearance?
Bell: You never stop talking trash, why not let the junior sue you so you learn your lesson? You’ll be out of business selling bags, and it will be over.
Inndra: I don’t understand why you would attack him.
Tonton: Think before you type, please. When you can’t win by calling him arrogant, you start attacking his looks, that’s just awful.
Wann: Please delete the photo, the person in the photo asked for it.
I closed the computer screen with a sigh, picking up my phone to check the latest message from Phii Wan.
Wann: Don’t look at Twitter.
Too late. I’ve seen it all, including what that woman wrote, and how Phii Biu and others defended me.
I tried to ignore those messages, turning back to my normal life. They’re just words from people who don’t know me well. Plus, Jen is the senior who mocked me in the elevator for not reviewing her bag. She even took it to Twitter. She must really hold a grudge against me.
I adjusted my tie slightly while checking my reflection in the mirror. I looked at my own face reflected there.
This face doesn’t look very masculine.
I knew I’d encounter comments like these. I wasn’t born with the sharp, masculine features others have, because my father has a sweet, soft face, so I inherited traits from both parents. I was teased by friends since childhood for looking like a girl, and they used to hide my pants and give me skirts to wear instead. I remember my dad stormed into the school and scolded the parents of those kids.
It’s strange, isn’t it, that our own bodies can cause so much trouble for others?
I closed the door to my room, grabbed the Pocky bag hanging outside, and smiled a little. At least on bad days, there’s still something good. I carefully opened the Pocky box, took one, and bit into it while looking at the message on the pink Post-it note.
‘So sweet’
Thank you for being a source of happiness on such a bad day.
I went to university like every day, entered the lab like every day, had lunch like every day, then went back to class in the afternoon, and in the evening, I ordered a strawberry yogurt smoothie to take back to the dorm.
Phii Godt sent me a LINE message in the afternoon saying he would wait for me behind the building, as he didn’t want others to fuss over his Ultraman mask. He didn’t want to attract too much attention.
It’s too late for that, though; wearing it has become his signature. An Ultraman walking around the university, who wouldn’t look?
“Strawberry yogurt is ready.”
I took the cup of strawberry yogurt, paid, and walked toward the emergency stairs to go down, but on the way, I ran into Jen, who was coming up. She and her friends looked at me with clear disapproval. I didn’t look at her, diverting my gaze elsewhere, trying to remove myself from a situation that seemed to promise trouble.
I’m not that surprised to run into Jen. We often cross paths since we study on the same side of the building. Even though I tried to squeeze myself against the wall to pass her, Jen moved closer and pushed me against the wall, causing the lid of my strawberry smoothie to fly off, spilling all over my shirt. I looked at her with displeasure.
“Why, can you look at me now?”
“Jen… don’t mess with him.”
“Annoying, don’t let me see your face again.”
I looked down at my shirt, stained with strawberry smoothie. Just thinking about how to wash it back to its original white color made my head feel hot. I tried to chant “shrink and expand” in my mind, attempting to be someone who doesn’t hold grudges, because I didn’t want any trouble, so I looked away to ignore it, but if I thought I could just let it go without saying anything, that wouldn’t be right either.
Do you think you’re the only one annoyed?
“It’s a bit bad… I guess we’ll be seeing each other’s faces until graduation.”
I hope you choke on your own words.
Not waiting to hear her loud complaints, I quickly walked downstairs. My left hand, holding the now sticky strawberry smoothie cup, was almost half-empty from the spill, but I didn’t want to throw it away.
So, I kept drinking it.
“Diew!”
Phii Godt’s voice came from behind. I, who was waiting for him at the back of the building, turned to see Khun Godzilla wearing an Ultraman mask. Besides Phii Godt, Phii Ton was also there, frowning at me with curiosity.
Why are you so stained?”
I looked down at my white student shirt, now smeared with pink stains, all sticky.
“Someone… just bumped into me.”
“I doubt it.” Phii Ton walked closer, grabbing my left wrist which had a cut on the back, visible because I was wearing a short-sleeved shirt. The fresh red blood stood out against my pale skin. It happened so fast that I didn’t realize what had cut me; it must have been the edge of Jen’s folder when she rushed into me, causing this cut.
“Who did this?” With Phii Ton, it was one thing, but with Phii Godt, once he saw the cut, his voice became low and intimidating. He looked like the real Godzilla now.
“It’s… nothing.”
“Don’t lie to me.”
“Was it Jen?” It was Phii Ton who asked.
“Which Jen?” The tall guy turned to ask his friend. I didn’t know if Phii Godt was aware that we had been secretly photographed and the pictures posted on Twitter, because besides his friends who went to defend me online, it seemed like Phii Beert and Phii Godt knew nothing about it.
The one I told you about, the one who was badmouthing the junior.”
But it seems like Phii Ton had already told Phii Godt everything. So, I could only give them both a strained smile.
“Did she really do that? You could report it, you know.”
“I… I’m fine.”
“Fine what? Did she bump into you causing the smoothie to spill?” I nodded hesitantly in response.
“That’s too much, too much. She’s already got a sharp tongue, now she’s physically attacking too.”
“Calm down, man.” Phii Ton squeezed his friend’s shoulder, “Let’s hang out here for meals more often, so we can keep an eye out, right, Nong Diew?” The playful one sent a sweet smile my way. I avoided his gaze, not used to it.
“Yes… but I… I’m really okay… no need to worry.”
“How can we not worry? If she does anything more…”
“She… won’t dare.”
“Why do you think so?”
Because… I have you.” I smiled at the person whose expression I couldn’t read. Phii Godt, who had been squeezing my shoulder, slowly let go, the tall man letting out a big sigh.
If Khun Godzilla is around, anyone who dares to do anything would surely be thrown out of this world.
“Let me know if anything happens, okay?”
“Yeah.”
Thank you for worrying about me.
I pushed the door to my room, putting my bag down on the desk. Meanwhile, Phii Godt sat on the floor next to the bed. Phii Ton had gone to find Phii Beert before we returned to the dorm, so now it was just me and Phii Godt alone.
This was the first time Khun Godzilla from next door had officially entered my room. Not counting the time he barged in to help chase away a spider, even though he was afraid of spiders too.
Once in my room, I excused myself to shower because I was sticky all over, leaving Phii Godt to hang out in my room. When I came out of the bathroom, I rushed to get my young-master, excited to introduce him to Khun Godzilla. We’ve talked for so long, but he’ll meet young-master in person today.
Young-master was waving its arms at the edge of the fish tank. I picked up young-master and placed it on my palm, introducing it to Phii Godt who was sitting cross-legged, hugging a turtle pillow.
“Here… this is young-master.”
“Hello, young-master. I am young madam.”
I rolled my eyes with a weary heart.
“Does it bite?”
“No, it doesn’t bite.”
“Diew, will it bite me?”
“Do you want to be bitten?”
“Come on, go ahead and bite.” He said jokingly, even extending his arm in front of me in a teasing manner. I shook my head gently, stroking young-master’s shell before letting it wander in its square box, then sat down in front of Phii Godt.
“Thank you… for caring.”
His large hand touched my hair.
“You’re okay, right? Not too bothered by the comments?”
“Yeah.”
Tell the truth, don’t lie to me.”
“Well… a little bit… I was bullied when I was younger, so… I’m not very confident about my looks… I’ve been told… I look like a girl… and I was teased by friends.”
This is somewhat of a secret and not a pleasant memory to revisit, part of the reason I don’t dare make direct eye contact with others, because if you do, you can see how they are looking at you.
“Is that why you stay in your room?”
I shook my head slightly in response to Phii Godt.
“The reason I like staying in my room… isn’t related to being bullied…
I do it because… I genuinely find happiness in it.”
“If it makes you happy, then that’s good. I don’t want you to feel negative about the outside world just because of one outing.”
No, I don’t hate the outside world that much, because going to listen to music with someone I like, it’s very enjoyable. Walking back to the dorm together, talking along the long path, I am truly happy.
“But the concert… I really enjoyed it.”
Yes, you know, I’m really happy that you like it. At least it’s something to be proud of, taking you out of your room and you not hating me.”
I don’t hate you at all. Even if you’ve been through this before with an old friend who ran away, you might feel it’s a scar on your heart. You’re afraid to take an introverted human out of their private world, but because it’s you, because you’re patient and caring, it doesn’t feel forced.
“As for the comments, don’t read them next time.” Phii Godt rested his head on my bed and looked up at my ceiling, “If it affects you emotionally, just ignore them. Don’t care about what anyone says, let it all go.”
“Yeah.”
“But I want to ask one thing.”
“What?” I raised my eyebrows at him, and Phii Godt turned to look at me, grabbing my left wrist, revealing a red scratch mark on the back of my hand. The little bit of blood had already dried up.
“Don’t lie to me.”
I pressed my lips together, looking down at young-master, who was also looking up at me.
If you encounter anything, you must tell me. If you feel anything, you must say it. Whether you like or dislike something, you must tell me, okay?”
I nodded in response, even though my heart wasn’t in it.
Sorry, young-master. We can’t make that promise to him.
Because right now, I’m lying to him that he’s an important person.
But I’ve actually started to like him.
“As for the looks,” Phii Godt’s slender fingers touched my cheek gently. He brushed some hair behind my ear. Just the touch of those slender fingers against my ear sent a rush of heat through me.
“You’re this cute. Anyone who messes with you, I’ll slap their mouth shut.”
Heh.
He truly lives up to the name Godzilla, the fire-breathing one. That’s him.
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