MONSTERNEXTDOOR, Chapter 14: The Admiration I Have For Him Keeps Growing.
Godzilla: See you at the event.
OnlyOne: Sure.
I shook my shirt because of the hot evening air, sitting on the university tram that slowly moved along the route before stopping by the roadside. After that, I had to walk along the pedestrian path to reach the football field where the big concert for the engineering faculty was being held. The sight of students passing by wasn’t something I was used to. Normally, I never walked around the university in the evening, so I didn’t know if this was the usual number of people or if it was due to the concert.
Both my hands were sweaty, anxious every time I had to be around so many people like this, but because Phii Godt promised not to force me and not to make me feel uncomfortable, I decided to come. Just to listen to the music, and leave right after it was over.
Pat
As I stood looking around for Phii Godt’s group, I flinched when someone tapped my shoulder. Turning around, I saw a wide smile from Phii Biu, the only woman in Khun Godzilla’s friend group.
“Hey.”
“Uh… I’m good.”
“Godt went to buy water, he’s on his way.”
I nodded in acknowledgment and sat down on the curb a bit away from the entrance. Today, Phii Biu was dressed comfortably in a T-shirt and long jeans. Her dark, long hair was tied in a ponytail, making her look quite agile.
“If it gets too much, just tell Godt, he’ll take you back to the dorm. I know it can be uncomfortable with so many people, and it’s damn hot today too.”
I gave a small smile to Phii Biu, who seemed genuinely concerned for me. I wasn’t sure if I was forced to come, but being with Phii Godt’s friends didn’t make me feel uncomfortable at all, or maybe it was because the atmosphere of Phii Godt was still around, giving me the sense that if anything happened, Phii Godt would be there by my side, making me feel at ease.
“Thank you.”
“No problem. We’re friends, right?” Phii Biu winked at me. At that moment, a thought crossed my mind that she looked very cool in my eyes.
“Speaking of which, why do you like talking to Godt?”
I was playing with my hands. There’s no need to think of a reason why.
“Because… I like it.”
“Like it, like how? As a friend, a brother, or something else?”
Something else… I turned to look at Phii Biu, who was smiling at me, my mind slowly processing one word that popped up:
‘Like him or it…’
Wait, it’s not like that…
“He’s… an important person.”
“Is that so? Is there a chance he could be more than just an important person?”
I shook my head.
“No chance?”
“I… don’t know.”
Phii Biu didn’t ask further; she changed the topic to something else, like how hot it was today, or which bands were performing, and also told stories about Phii Godt and her group of friends, until ten minutes had passed.
“Oh, there they are.”
A clear voice accompanied by a round face nodding towards a group of four men, one of whom was a tall guy wearing an Ultraman mask, walking unsteadily with a bag of water bottles.
Besides him were Phii Wan, Phii Beert, and someone else I didn’t know.
“Where’s Bell?” Phii Biu asked for someone who wasn’t standing there, so the man standing next to Phii Godt wasn’t Phii Bell. If I had to guess…
“That’s Ton.”
It was Phii Ton, the friend Phii Godt had told me about, describing him as quite mad.
“Isn’t that your husband, Biu?”
“My husband is a ghost now!”
“Seems like you’re flirting with Graph at the event.”
“You’re bad, leaving your friends,” the only woman in the group grumbled, snatching the bottle of water from Phii Wan’s hand before leading the way into the event.
“And who’s this?” Phii Ton pointed at me, who was blinking, watching the seniors. I bowed my head slightly to him, avoiding eye contact by looking at the concrete floor, before someone’s back blocked my view. The familiar scent of cologne indicated that the owner of the broad back was Phii Godt.
“Not telling.”
“Is this the kid Wan was talking about, Godt?”
“None of your business.”
“Don’t mess with the junior, damn Ton,” Phii Wan snapped at his friend, but Phii Ton seemed not to listen. He grabbed Phii Godt’s arm and leaned in to look at me, greeting and introducing himself in a friendly manner, flashing a white-toothed smile typical of a friendly person.
“Nice to meet you, I’m Ton.”
“Uh… yes, sir.”
“Are you interested in planting Ton’s love with me?”
I shook my head rapidly at him.
“And are you interested in planting Ton’s love with me in hell?” Phii Godt exuded displeasure towards his friend. “Get away from him.” Plus, the big man’s heavy hand tried to push his troublesome friend’s head away.
“Why so violent with him, huh?”
“Because you’re being an ass.”
“You’re so mean!”
“Go far away,” Phii Godt pushed Phii Ton away again.
“Don’t touch, don’t touch, don’t mess with the baby.”
“Go away!”
“Junior, my friend here is…” Phii Beert’s hand covered his friend’s mouth while trying to drag him into the concert. Phii Ton struggled until he was free, “Godt is just…”
“Ahem! Cough! Oh, something’s stuck in my throat, it’s so itchy, ahem!”
Before I could even hear the sentence to the end, Phii Godt let out a loud cough that made me look up at him, the person hiding his face behind an Ultraman mask, who managed to attract quite a bit of attention from the people around. Sometimes, I wonder which would draw more eyes, his real face or the Ultraman mask.
I looked down at my toes and then at Phii Godt’s, before the honeyskinned man extended a cold bottle of water towards me.
“It’s hot today, better to bring some water with you.”
“Thank you.” I took the bottle, feeling the cold drops causing me to shake it off a bit.
“Are you ready?”
“Yeah.”
“If you feel uncomfortable, just tell me, I’ll take you for bingsu instead,” he said softly. Why does Phii Godt turn into a warmer Khun Godzilla whenever we’re face to face? Back at his balcony, he barely gives me a moment’s peace.
We walked into the concert area. I didn’t know where the other seniors had gone, only Phii Ton was left, leaning against a corrugated iron wall built to keep outsiders out. Phii Godt led me to stand at the very back, looking out at the large crowd standing in the dark, with occasional flashes of light from mobile phones.
“The Toys are going on early. No need to wait long,” said Phii Godt. I nodded in understanding.
For nearly an hour as we listened to other bands, I occasionally glanced at Phii Godt because of the heat. He was still wearing that mask.
Wouldn’t he suffocate in this heat?
“Phii Godt,” I said softly, but the music was too loud, and the person enjoying the music didn’t hear me.
“Phii Godt!”
Even when I shouted, he didn’t hear, so I touched his arm, making him jump slightly. Phii Godt moved his ear closer to my lips, an action that seemed normal but made my heart beat faster… too close.
Too close.
“What’s up?”
“Aren’t you hot?” I whispered into his ear, but he didn’t respond. He just placed his hand on my head and gave a gentle rub, shaking his head slightly before turning his attention back to the stage.
Again…
His touch
It made what was already hot become even more scorching.
Why does he like to do this so much?
I tried to shake the thoughts out of my head, turning my attention to the stage instead, focusing intently. It seemed like Phii Ton noticed I was sweating profusely from the heat. He handed me a small fan. I looked at the fan for a moment before Phii Ton shouted at me:
“Take it and fan yourself; your face is all red from the heat.”
Ah… I quickly bowed to thank him and took the fan in my hand, looking at the Hello Kitty pattern and smiling slightly.
Phii Godt’s friends, they’re all so kind.
It wasn’t long before The Toys came on stage to sing. After being distracted by those around me, once The Toys started, I couldn’t take my eyes off the stage. Even though I was far away, even though the singer looked like a tiny green bean, this was the first time I heard him perform live.
At that moment, it felt like I was disconnected from the outside world, disconnected from everyone around me because of his sweet voice.
I’ll take you floating into space, where there’s only you, you, and no need to be afraid.
I’ll take you floating into danger, there will only be you, you, but no need to be afraid.
Think of me a little each day while you still can, just a little each day is enough.
Love won’t fall into a hole, love makes you fall in love.
Are you tired? I want you to rest before I take you floating.
I saw the crowd moving together, saw people smiling at each other in front, saw couples and groups of friends who turned to each other, smiling and singing happily.
People living in the outside world, each happy in their own way. When I looked back at the person next to me, leaning against the corrugated iron wall, his face directed towards the stage.
If it were before, my happiness would have been listening to music quietly in my room, in my own private world, but now, I want to bring someone else to sit and listen to music with me. It feels good to be standing here, quietly listening to music next to Phii Godt, without having to push into the crowd.
At that moment, I didn’t realize I was being watched. I didn’t even know that Phii Ton was planning something with Phii Biu, who had just squeezed through the crowd with Phii Bell. My eyes were fixed on the large crowd in front. I was absorbed in listening to the music, soaking up the good feelings and the soft voice of the singer.
By the time the second, third, fourth, and fifth songs had passed, someone stumbled into me, causing me to bump into Phii Godt who was drinking water. The impact from the right made the tall man’s arms wrap around me to steady me. Besides that, I inadvertently stepped on his foot with full force, making Phii Godt yelp, and the bottle he was drinking from fell to the floor, accompanied by shouts from Phii Ton and Phii Biu.
“Why bump into us when there’s so much space!”
“Don’t push!”
“Are you okay?” Phii Godt’s voice rose as the song ended, silencing the previous murmur of the crowd, my ears ringing momentarily.
“Diew.”
The silence was replaced by a sound that was terrifyingly loud.
Thud-thud.
My own heartbeat.
“Diew, are you okay?” Phii Godt crouched down, gently holding my wrists as I looked down at the Ultraman face just right. I couldn’t tell if he was concerned, but his voice sounded worried about my strange condition. I shook my head slightly, then managed to speak with difficulty.
“I’m okay… but can we… go back?”
The tall man didn’t reply. He stood up and shouted over the music that was starting again.
“Hey, I’m taking him back first!”
Phii Godt immediately led me out of the concert, as promised if I felt uncomfortable or wanted to leave. The heat in my body gradually subsided as we got outside into the fresh air.
But even so, my heart, beating like a drum inside my chest, wouldn’t calm down.
“Do you want to go back to the dorm, or do you want to eat bingsu first?”
It was so hot, so bingsu would be good.
“Eat… bingsu then.”
“Alright.”
We walked along the quiet, deserted paths of the university campus at night. Phii Godt didn’t say anything since we left the concert. He just walked ahead silently, and I looked at his broad back.
Usually, he talks non-stop, so why is he so unusually quiet today?
Before my eyes turned to notice the path lined with purple flowers.
So beautiful.
I’ve never walked this way before, so I never knew the university had such purple flowers. It drew me closer, and it seemed like Phii Godt knew I had stopped to look at the flowers. He walked back towards me.
“Do you like them?”
“I… I’ve never seen them before.”
“Beautiful, aren’t they?”
“Yes, beautiful.”
The tall guy crouched down to pick up a fallen purple flower from the ground. He brushed off the dust from the flower, played with it for a moment before standing up.
“And what about the concert today… did you like it?” I looked up at the Ultraman mask with its bright eyes, trying to sense the silence that had built up.
“Are you… worried?”
Phii Godt was silent for a bit. He raised his hand to touch his own neck.
“Yes, I was worried it would make you uncomfortable. I just wanted you to hear the band you like.”
A wide smile spread across my lips.
“Thank you… I’m not… uncomfortable at all.” I wanted to leave earlier because I was too close to him; once I had some distance, it was okay.
“Good that you liked it. Just for today is enough, we can sit and talk on the balcony next time; it’ll be more relaxing.”
I shook my head at the tall man in front of me.
“Being next to you is comforting… you… don’t have to overthink it.”
“How can I not overthink it? You’re important to me, aren’t you?”
After saying that, Phii Godt moved his hand closer to my hair. I didn’t know what he was doing, only that he was tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear, and when he withdrew his hand, the purple flower was gone from his hand.
“It suits the flower well, doesn’t it?”
My lips were tightly pressed together as I looked down, avoiding those eyes. My face felt hot, these feelings becoming clearer and clearer along with the fear.
Why has it become like this?
Shouldn’t he be yelling, scolding me? … Why does he have to act like this?
The more he acts like this, the more the wall I built around the important person crumbles.
Soon after, we found ourselves sitting in a bingsu shop near the dorm. Phii Godt, who doesn’t like sweet things, didn’t order anything. I initially wanted to order strawberry bingsu but changed my mind to the recommended melon bingsu because I wanted the other person to try it.
When the melon bingsu was served, I handed him a metal spoon and held onto mine.
“Huh,” Phii Godt grunted, as if questioning.
“Want to eat?”
“I don’t eat sweet stuff, Diew, you eat it.”
“Have you… tried it before?”
He shook his head slightly.
“Want to try?… It’s not that sweet.” I said, scooping up a small green melon ball into my mouth, chewing it. The aroma with a hint of sweetness was just right, giving a refreshing feeling.
Seeing him scrutinize the bingsu for a while, I understood not to force him to eat something he didn’t like. So I didn’t insist, but just wanted him to try it since it wasn’t as cloyingly sweet as the chocolate he dislikes. Eventually, he scooped up a ball, slightly moved his mask, and put the melon into his mouth, chewing for a moment.
“It’s delicious.”
I smiled at Phii Godt.
“Told you.”
“But it’s still sweet.”
“Melon… is sweet?” I looked at the ball in my spoon, or maybe because I’m used to eating sweet things, it didn’t seem that sweet to me.
“Melon isn’t that sweet, but other things are very sweet.”
Other things…
“Then… don’t put… condensed milk in it.”
I quickly moved the cup of condensed milk away from him as if it were forbidden, hearing a faint laugh from him.
“Want to eat here again?”
“Yeah.”
“Do you want to go eat anything else? I can take you anywhere.” He asked while scooping another piece of melon into his mouth, chewing until his mask moved, making him accidentally laugh.
“Anything… I’m easy to please.”
“Grilled mouse?”
Uh… I don’t eat that.
And our conversation shifted to the weird foods he had encountered, like grilled mouse, alligator meat, frogs, fried insects, and many more. I sat listening while finishing off my bingsu.
It was a conversation that was pleasant and never boring.
After we finished eating bingsu, we both headed back to the dorm. Phii Godt stopped in front of his door after unlocking it. I looked at the person next to me, who stood still.
“Thanks for coming out today.”
I gripped the doorknob tightly, looking at the white door that hadn’t been pushed open yet.
“Thank you… for inviting me.”
“Hmm… Goodnight, little turtle.” The tall guy pushed his door open. I noticed something, it was his hesitation, like he wanted to say something but didn’t dare to, even though normally he would say whatever he wanted.
“Phii Godt…”
“Huh?” The person who had walked into his room quickly stepped back out, making me jump.
“Well… if you’re free tomorrow… would you like to meet youngmaster?”
He was silent for a moment, making me feel awkward, even though we had agreed to be chat buddies before bed, but here I was, inviting him out. I just thought that since we could meet outside now, I wanted to introduce him to young-master.
“Then, I’ll rush back to my room after classes.”
Khun Godzilla said with a cheerful tone, seeming happy that I had invited him into my room.
Does he enjoy me inviting him into my room?
The silence, the hesitation, because he wants me to invite him into my room?
Thud-thud
My heart beating rapidly under my chest made me quickly wish the person in the room next door a good night.
“Good night.”
Before rushing into my room and closing the door, I sat down on the floor, hugging my knees tightly, heat rushing to my face.
This is bad, really bad.
“Young-master…”
“I…”
“Do I really like him?”
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