SMNTCERR, Chapter 27 Blue #2.

   Chu Sangwoo seems to be the person who is most punctual in attending school at Hankuk University, but the fact that the other side did not appear, even though the professor had started teaching, made him feel like he was being dragged beyond the lecture. Don’t you dislike it that much? He didn’t ask for hand-holding, just invited him to watch a movie, that’s all. The dignity of Jaeyoung has been crushed repeatedly, he rushed to Sangwoo’s house, acted rudely, and insulted the other side.

   Finally, Jaeyoung couldn’t be a good senior to Sangwoo. The only way to conceal the disappointment and missing sense of pride was to lock it away and pretend as if they never met, just like the first day they saw each other. Whether he could be a good senior or not didn’t matter anymore. He had had enough of everything.

   Since then, Jaeyoung never set foot in the university again except on Wednesdays when he had classes, “University Students’ Image Training.” which he didn’t want to talk about. Even on class days, he tried to avoid the places where Sangwoo often passed by.

   He drank during the day and night, played pool, bowling, clubbing, played games, and watched movies with a group of close female friends who had peculiar relationships. In the meantime, Wednesday came twice, and he had opened and looked at the pictures they took together about sixteen times already. But if this continued, the suffocating feeling towards the other party might disappear. If Sangwoo didn’t show up at the store where Jaeyoung worked…

   ‘That nerve-racking guy!’

   He had made it clear not to show his face again, but it was completely ignored. At first, Jaeyoung was so angry and annoyed that he leaned against the kitchen wall for about five minutes before calming down. When he looked at the reality, it was likely that Sangwoo didn’t think much about it. He tended to delete unnecessary information immediately, and the fact that Jaeyoung worked at this store was probably forgotten as well.

   Anyone would think that Sangwoo and Jihye looked like a sweet couple, that they had a deep relationship. They didn’t hold hands when they first came, did they? And in the next few times, they probably got deeper, and in a few more times, they might come with invitations, and in a few more times, they might be pregnant. It was believable.

   Jaeyoung didn’t plan to do anything useless, so he sneaked out of there and told the store manager that he wanted to take a break and went downstairs to smoke a cigarette. Then he received a call from a friend at the right time. He couldn’t hear clearly what the other party was saying, so he just responded as if he understood, “Yes! Got it!” Jaeyoung felt pressured, so he said he would call back later and hung up. Today’s cigarette tasted worse than usual.

   At that moment, he saw Sangwoo coming down. The other party’s face had the mask of sadness but determination. Overall, the atmosphere was like a general who came to challenge.

   “Jaeyoung-hyung.”

   Did Chu Sangwoo ever call him that? Jaeyoung wondered, today his brain seemed slower than usual.

   “I said I’m busy, so end the freaking call. I have something important to discuss [1].”

   Those words felt like a force pushing him to respond, “Yes! Understood!” Jaeyoung felt so pressured that he had to say he would call back later and hung up. He couldn’t guess what Chu Sangwoo would talk about. Maybe he would come to apologize for hurting his feelings with the gift or something. It seemed possible.

   “Why?”

   “I came down because I have something to discuss with you.”

   “…What is it?”

   In that instant, Jaeyoung felt his ears ringing.

   “I am only my older sister.”

   “My family doesn’t have any bad kids.”

   “Stop adding members to someone else’s family.” The words that Sangwoo had spoken before came to mind.

   “Let’s make a game together. I need a skilled designer.”

   On the other side, with a calm voice, acting as if saying those words was nothing, Jaeyoung rolled up his shirt sleeves and said, “Sure, great! Let’s join forces and move forward!” It seemed like the two of them being a thing didn’t even consider the possibility of being rejected. Seeing that, Jaeyoung struggled to find the right words. Chu Sangwoo seemed to not understand what would happen when two people argue, as if he had no idea how difficult it could be to bridge the emotional gap that had widened once. How could he not know?

   “I’ll do well and help you with your tuition fees. It’s an opportunity to decorate my portfolio. I’ll support everything, both the concepts you want to pursue and the designs you want to try. Just believe in my skills, that’s all. I’m confident that I can do it well.”

   And this is another direct sales advertisement, amplifying the remaining feelings.

   “Hold on a moment.”

   Jaeyoung raised his hand to interrupt Sangwoo’s rapid speech. There were some things he needed to ask to be sure. Even though he didn’t know why the other side was acting like this, he stared at Sangwoo, who stood with both hands tightly clenched, like a cool protagonist in a cartoon.

   “Hey… what did you just say?”

   “I said I need a skilled designer.”

   “What did you call me?”

   “Hyung?”

   “Calling me hyung, is that right? Am I your sibling? Did I mishear or something?”

   Sangwoo closed his tightly pursed lips, and his face was covered by the brim of his black cap.

   “I made a mistake, sorry.”

   There was a moment of silence. Jaeyoung didn’t quite understand the situation. The person who always called him sunbae suddenly called him “hyung”? The person who ran away with a disgusted look on his face was now demanding him to work?

   “Then why can’t I call you that? I’ve seen you calling me that way all the time.”

   Sangwoo raised his face again, his eyes filled with resistance. Jaeyoung threw his cigarette butt to the ground and stomped on it as if he didn’t feel anything, but his palms were sweaty, and his heart raced.

   “No, you’re not allowed to call me that.”

   ‘I’m not gentle with your heart, you brat.’

   “Understood.”

   Then a tense silence fell between the two. The other side looked away, pursing their lips. In this situation, if Jaeyoung still thought the person in front of him was attractive, then his brain must not be functioning properly. Jaeyoung glanced at the floor, contemplating the reasons why Sangwoo came to find him again.

   ‘Seems like you want me to get up.’

   If we speak from the perspective of Professor Chu Sangwoo, who has an efficient thought process, it means that he needs to cooperate with someone. Even the big fights they had before could be overlooked. If he were in that state, he probably wouldn’t feel anything, but Jaeyoung was too human. He lacked the confidence to develop a game together with Sangwoo.

   His sense of pride hit rock bottom, and his feelings became rotten, infested with maggots. Even if Sangwoo pretended not to know, pretending as if the past never happened, Jaeyoung’s heart had already been wounded.

   Furthermore, Jaeyoung was torn between crossing the line and not crossing the line, and occasional impure desires emerged for the past two weeks. 

   Jaeyoung didn’t want to let go of that time, so he should have refused…

   “Are you confident that you can finish it within this semester?”

   This was the first time Chu Sangwoo asked for something, so Jaeyoung couldn’t refuse immediately. He forgot about the times he had been bullied in the past. Wasn’t it absurd that just because the other person approached him first, he didn’t dare to do anything? Jaeyoung couldn’t understand himself.

   However, on another note, it was quite impressive that one day a robot, who only knew how to slap cheeks, came forward to initiate a conversation. Jaeyoung thought he deserved to be nominated for the Nobel Prize in Peace in the future.

   “I know that you plan to continue studying. I only ask for four months until the end of the semester. No matter what happens, I will make it happen.”

   “The development time is very short. You have to study as well, right?” “I’ll reduce the hard code [2] and use the game engine [3] as the main tool.

   As for studying, I only have a few subjects left.”

   Strength, adaptability, and determination of that magnitude, where did they come from? Sangwoo didn’t seem worried at all, so it wasn’t easy for him to speak with a resolute heart when the other party talked as if they were embarking on something significant together. Jaeyoung seemed to be swayed by that nonchalant proposal.

   The responsibility as a senior, the feeling of fault, the greed in the portfolio, the expectation of working with a capable programmer, none of these were necessary. He thought it was just an excuse to meet Chu Sangwoo again.

   “Ah… um, understood.”

   When he agreed and left, Jaeyoung immediately felt regretful. He acted without thinking, acting on impulse.

   Sangwoo paused, as if waiting for that answer. Though it was unclear, it seemed like he had a slight smile on his face.

   “We’ll be in touch… Hyung.”

   The confident face and the tone of voice made Sangwoo look like a movie protagonist. Jaeyoung could only stare at his solid back, as if the statue gradually moved away. Then, the hair on his arms stood on end! Something unbelievable happened to him, luckily it was dark in this area. If it were bright like during the day, just thinking about how Sangwoo would react sent shivers down his spine. His black cap revealed a face stained with blue. Even though it was AI, it probably knew what it meant.

   ‘I feel weird because I heard Chu Sangwoo calling me ‘hyung’.’ Then, the front image turned blue.

   ‘I want to go crazy, dammit…’

   He felt like he was doing graphic work with a low-spec computer and experiencing a blue screen [4].

   [Jang Jaeyoung – Abnormal.]

   ________________________________________.

[1]                      “I came down because I have something to talk to you, hyung.” Usually, Sangwoo calls Jaeyoung,  ”선배, sunbae” meaning ‘senior’. But in this scene, he called him ‘hyung’ “형, elder brother/close elder friend”.

[2]                      Hard coding. Writing code directly without using variables.

[3]                      Game engine. Software used for game development.

[4]                      Blue screen, or Blue Screen of Death, often occurs when the kernel or drivers malfunction, causing the operating system to crash and not recover to its normal state, such as when a driver sends incorrect values to other processes, resulting in system errors.

    

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