WHYARU, Chapter 24:
“Are you full already?” the room’s owner asked, looking up at the person sitting across from him.
“But you’ve only eaten a few bites, Tor.”
“It’s bitter, Fai. I don’t want to eat anymore.”
“Ten more bites.”
The younger one fell silent.
“Tutor.”
“Five?” Tutor bargained, dropping from ten to five.
“No way.”
“Seven then?” Tutor pouted, his tone teasingly pleading, leaving Fighter flustered. It wasn’t the first time Tutor had acted like this with him, but this was the first time in weeks—since they hadn’t seen each other at all.
God, he missed him so much.
“Phii Fai.”
“Alright.”
“So, what’s the deal?”
“Umm, seven it is, but a big glass, okay?”
“Got it,” Tutor grumbled softly and started scooping porridge into his mouth again. Meanwhile, Fighter propped his chin on one hand, quietly watching the kid eat. He didn’t say anything, and the kid didn’t ask anything either—just sat there eating while Fighter watched, soaking in the sight of his face, which he hadn’t seen clearly in a month.
Honestly, if he was being real, Fighter missed the old days. The times when they were together, cramming for exams. Back then, they hadn’t admitted their feelings—whether it was liking or loving each other—but those were good times, moments of learning and understanding each other more. Even if it wasn’t years’ worth of time, the memories of those warm feelings still overflowed.
Those feelings never faded.
Not even once.
After finishing the meal, Fighter sent the sick kid to bed. He went to turn off the room’s lights, drew the blackout curtains, and returned to the small Japanese-style table to clear the porridge bowl for washing. But with every move, a pair of eyes followed him. In the end, he turned to look at the kid again.
“Why aren’t you sleeping?” The one about to clear the bowl raised an eyebrow at the figure lying in bed, as if questioning. But instead of an answer, the kid just stayed silent, staring at him quietly. In the end, all Fighter could do was pull the white blanket up to the kid’s chest. “Go to sleep.”
“But I can’t sleep.”
“Want me to tell you a bedtime story or what?”
“Not funny, Phii Fai.”
“I wasn’t trying to be funny.”
“…”
“Stop making that face and rest already. Do you know your eye bags are so dark you look like a panda?”
“I don’t look like one.”
“You do.”
“…” Tutor didn’t respond, just looked at him with a sulky expression.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong.”
“Trying to get something out of me, huh?”
“I’m not.”
“Then get some rest,” Fighter said again, urging the person in front of him to lie down. He ruffled the sick boy’s hair and was about to go back to clean up the porridge bowl.
“Phii Fai,” a voice called out, accompanied by a small hand reaching to grab his.
“Yes?”
“Phii…” Tutor swallowed hard, unsure if it was the illness or the nervous excitement stirring inside him. “Can you… lie here with me for a bit?”
“…”
“But if you’re not okay with it… it’s fine,” Tutor added.
A soft sigh escaped Fighter. Tutor couldn’t tell if it was because his senior was annoyed at his plea to stay close.
“Tor.”
“…”
“Why would you think I’m not okay with it? Every single thing about you—I’m okay with all of it.”
“But I…”
“With this, I’m more than okay,” Fighter said, slipping under the same blanket as the younger one. The heat radiating from Tutor’s body hit his skin, making him feel like he might catch a fever himself.
Their faces were mere inches apart, close enough that he could feel the other’s breath. The looks they exchanged carried emotions that made their hearts race faster and faster.
Tutor’s hand lightly gripped his senior’s shirt. He licked his dry lips before pressing them together tightly.
“Phii Fai.”
“Yes?”
“I…” Tutor didn’t know how to stop his voice from trembling. Perhaps the overwhelming longing in his heart was too much to contain. “I mean, I; Tor… I want you to kiss me.”
“…”
“Is that okay… mmph—” His last words were swallowed by the soft touch of a kiss. Their warm tongues met with a desperate yearning, their eyes locking time and again, revealing just how much they craved each other.
Yes… it was a longing mixed with a yearning stronger than any other feeling they’d ever known.
“Ugh… Phii Fai,” Tutor flinched slightly as Fighter’s cool lips brushed against his skin. Both of his hands rose to wrap around his senior’s neck, as if inviting more than just a kiss. But Fighter didn’t rush.
He didn’t even push the younger one to go further than a kiss. Right now, all he did was follow his instinct to cherish and care for him.
…though clumsy, it was gentle, as if afraid of hurting the person in front of him. In the end, Fighter pressed kisses to Tutor’s eyelids, temple, and lips.
A long, lingering kiss on the lips before Fighter pulled back, his thumb gently brushing over the swollen, reddened lips in front of him.
“You’re definitely gonna catch my fever,” Tutor mumbled.
“Let it happen. When have I ever been scared?” Fighter replied.
They locked eyes again, the overwhelming emotions too much to put into words.
“Phii Fai,” Tutor called softly.
“Yes?”
“Can you give me more than a kiss?”
“H… huh?” Fighter’s voice faltered at the inviting tone, swallowing hard. “Tor…”
“Phii Fai, Tor wants to do more than this.”
“…”
“More than a kiss… can you?” Those small eyes looked up at the larger man, thin lips bitten by white teeth as if pleading.
Seeing Fighter hesitate, the sick man in front of him mustered his courage, leaning forward to press a kiss to the older man’s chin. His lips trailed down to Fighter’s neck, his ear, and back to his chin again.
And in the end, it was Tutor who climbed onto Fighter’s lap.
“Phii Fai,” he whispered.
“…”
“Make me yours.”
The guilt of not wanting to take advantage of a sick person was cast aside as Tutor began moving his hips. Fighter shifted, guiding the man who had been on his lap to lie flat on the bed.
“Phii…” A soft, breathless moan escaped, laced with sweat soaking their bodies. Small hands wrapped around Fighter’s neck, gripping tightly as they felt something building.
Their eyes locked, as if afraid the other might vanish at any moment.
Every moment, every second, was filled with longing, a tender sweetness they both craved. They gazed at each other as if silently confessing their love—a love they couldn’t voice.
A love they couldn’t speak to keep the other from being trapped.
Tutor couldn’t say it because of the promise he’d made to the father of the man before him, a promise that still echoed in his mind.
This feeling was so painful, yet within that pain, there was still a trace of happiness.
“Hic… Phii Fai.” The first time Fighter saw Tutor’s tears, he didn’t understand what they meant. Not until Tutor lifted his arms, wrapped them around his neck, and whispered something in his ear again.
In that moment, as Tutor whispered, Fighter realized what it was.
“I miss you, Phii …”
“…”
“I miss you… so much.”
Fighter understood then that Tutor was hurting too.
Tutor was in pain from the longing he felt for him, so much that his tears came with sobs. No matter how much Fighter tried to comfort him, in the end, he could only let Tutor’s tears flow until they ran dry.
Even now, Fighter still didn’t understand why Tutor had asked him to let go back then. If Tutor was this heartbroken, what was the reason he walked away?
What made Tutor decide to do that?
…
The sunlight streaming into the room was bright enough to stir someone from their sleep, pulling them out of their dreams.
Tutor squinted at the clock on the bedside table before closing his eyes again.
Past noon already. This was the first time in weeks he’d slept so long, probably because his body, deprived of rest for so long, had finally given in without him realizing.
Tutor dozed off for almost another hour before groggily sitting up. He rubbed his eyes lightly, then looked around the silent room. No one was there. Not even the shadow of yesterday’s guest remained. Fighter was gone, leaving only the crumpled bedsheets and a lingering warmth beside him. Tutor didn’t know where Phii Fai had gone—maybe he’d left for good, or maybe, a small part of him hoped, he’d just stepped out to grab something to eat.
Deep down, Tutor still hoped Fighter would stay, even if just for one more day before letting go again.
He admitted he was confused. Was it okay that things had turned out this way? In the end, he might have to rebuild those walls, no matter how cracked they already were.
But another part of him didn’t want to build those walls again. His bloodied hands no longer had the strength to stack bricks or plaster cement. The pain was too much for both his hands and his heart to bear.
Brrt, brrt.
The phone on the bedside table vibrated softly. Tutor picked it up and saw a Line message from the person he’d been with last night. His heart raced again. He took a moment to brace himself before opening Fai’s message.
Fighter: Tor
Fighter: I remember you wanted to go to the beach again.
Truth is, I’ve had tickets and a hotel booked for us for a while now.
But I never got the chance to make it happen. This time, after the midterms, go with Zon and Saifah, okay?
Fighter: I want you to have fun on this trip.
Because it’s the gift I want to give you for my birthday.
Even if I’m not there with you, I still want you to enjoy it.
Have fun, alright?
Fighter: And about what you asked of me, I promise I’ll stick to it, same as before. Don’t worry.
Tutor finished reading Fighter’s message. He collapsed onto the bed, exhausted, setting his phone down beside him as if waiting for another LINE message to come through.
But none came.
Tutor closed his eyes. He let the tears flow freely, no longer holding them back, because in the end, he just had to accept it.
Accept the choices he’d made from the start.
Chose… to let Phii Fai let go.
Chose… to let Phii Fai keep his promise.
Even if it hurt in the end, he had to accept his own decisions and move forward… without that other person.
…
The midterm exam season was almost over. Many faculties had finished, but some still had exams today, with tomorrow being the last day. During this exam season, many students pulled all-nighters just to keep up with their studies. Tutor was one of them, except he was also tutoring Day, Saifah, and other friends from his faculty.
It was a tough time. Even though some things stirred up feelings and made him miss someone, he constantly reminded himself that studies came first. In the end, when he got through it, he felt glad every time he could set certain things aside and focus on others, even if not entirely.
Since that day he was unwell, Tutor hadn’t seen Phii Fai at all. Maybe because most fourth-year students only had a few classes left, their schedules just didn’t align. As for Phii Fai, besides his other subjects, he had to take an extra fourth-year course. Tutor didn’t know how he was doing in this exam round or if the tutoring from before had sunk in at all.
He felt both worried and missed him, wanting to see his face, but it seemed like nothing was going his way.
In the end, he had to let it go. After all, it was Tutor himself who’d set the promise for Phii Fai. So it wasn’t wrong at all if he kept the promise he’d made.
And the one hurting from their own actions just had to bear it and keep going.
“Hey, Tor, where you headed after the exams?”
“The library. I’m gonna print the journal I finished translating.”
“So, you’re not doing your part-time job at the shop anymore?”
“Yeah, it’s exam season, so I took a break from work.
Planning to finish typing this up today to send to Phii Tum,” Day nodded in understanding. He looked at his friend and smiled.
Honestly, Day felt a bit relieved seeing Tutor’s condition improve. It wasn’t a complete recovery, but Day could sense that Tutor was starting to accept certain things.
Even though Tutor still had moments of sadness, it seemed like he was coming to terms with the consequences of his actions. Day didn’t know how much his friend blamed himself or how much it hurt him to be in this situation.
But seeing Tutor act like someone trying to move forward, Day didn’t want to pry too much.
“Alright, I’m off then. Got a date with Hwa to catch a movie. See ya, Tor, Saifah.”
“Yeah, see you,” Tutor nodded lightly, waving goodbye to his friend as he left. “What about you, Saifah? Where you headed?”
“I’ve got one more exam. After that, I’ll probably meet up with Zon.”
“Oh, right. I actually have something to talk about with you and Zon.”
“Can we talk this evening? I gotta rush to another building for the exam. I’ll let Zon know too.”
“Okay, cool. Good luck with the exam!”
“Thanks, man,” Saifah said before hurrying off to the other building. Meanwhile, Tutor strolled leisurely to the library. He sat down to work on translating documents for Phii Tum, taking a break halfway through to rest his eyes by looking into the distance.
What he saw was Zon walking into the bathroom, looking flustered, as if something was bothering him. Tutor wasn’t sure what was wrong, but it seemed concerning, and he couldn’t help but wonder.
In the end, he got up from his seat and followed Zon into the bathroom.
“Zon.”
“Whoa!” The smaller guy’s startled voice echoed. “You scared the hell out of me, sneaking up like that!”
“Wasn’t my calling you just now loud enough?”
“Yeah, yeah, fine, it was loud. So, what’s up? Why’d you follow me? Or are you just here to use the bathroom?”
“I followed you, actually. Got something to talk about.”
“What’s that?”
“It’s a long story. Let’s talk this evening. By the way, are you free?”
“Yeah, I’m free,” Zon nodded. “But, uh, you and Phii Fai…”
“…”
“Alright, whatever. Let’s meet up tonight instead,” Zon said, giving Tutor a light pat on the shoulder before walking out of the bathroom with an odd demeanor. Tutor watched, curious, but ultimately decided to let it go. If Zon wanted to talk, he’d probably open up on his own.
Or so he thought.
5:45 PM
“Want to order anything else, Tor?” Zon asked.
“Nah, I’ll just have the same as you,” Tutor replied.
“Cool, we’ll go with this then,” Zon said, handing the menu back to the waiter before turning to Tutor again. “So, got anything to talk about?”
“Well, Phii Fai sent me plane tickets and accommodation for Krabi. He wants us to go on a trip together.” Normally, Tutor would’ve turned down something like this, but this time he agreed—maybe because deep down, he still hoped to see Phii Fai there.
“What’s the occasion?” Zon asked.
“His birthday.”
“So, he’s coming with us too, right?”
“I don’t know,” Tutor admitted. After he spoke, Zon and Saifah exchanged glances, both sensing something off. Zon couldn’t help but think of what his younger sister, Zol, had said.
It’s not like when I deleted my novel, your story disappeared too.
Come on, Zol, this is real life, not some fantasy.
I know, but honestly, I’m kinda bummed. Everyone loved the ending of my novel.
How’d it end?
Well, one couple got their happy ending, but the other didn’t.
Which couple got the happy ending, and which one didn’t?
You don’t wanna know, Phii Zon. Because if one couple gets their happy ending, the other has to lose out.
Could it really be like Zol said?
Zon looked at Tutor with concern, unsure if he was overthinking things. But with all the chaos in his life, too many parts of it lined up with Sol’s novel.
“Why’re you looking at me like that, Zon?” Tutor asked.
“Oh, nothing. I just remembered—when Phii Fai asked for my personal info, it must’ve been to buy these plane tickets.”
“Did he call you too, Zon?”
“Yeah,” Zon answered Tutor, then glanced at Saifah sitting beside him, as if asking whether he should share certain details. When Saifah shook his head, Zon let out a soft sigh. He understood that telling Tutor that Phii Fai already knew about that would only make him more anxious.
From what Zon knew about Tutor, the guy valued family above all else. If Phii Fai could get Tutor’s father to accept him, that’d be great.
But if not… they’d just have to let it go.
“Did he say anything about me?” Tutor asked.
“Not much,” Zon replied.
“Is that so?” Tutor’s voice was so faint it made the person across from him feel guilty. “So, are you and Saifah going?”
“We’re going. But the thing is, Phii Fai’s not gonna come after me and Saifah for the money later, right?”
“Nah, if he’s giving it, it’s for real.”
“Alright, we’re in then.”
“Free stuff, and you’re quick to jump,” Saifah teased, giving Zon’s head a playful shove.
“Free stuff, and you’re quick to jump,” Saifah teased, shoving Zon’s head lightly.
“I’m not! I’m just worried about our friend. I want Tor to get some rest.”
“Everyone’s here, right?”
“Yeah,” Zon grinned at Saifah with a cute expression, prompting the taller guy to ruffle his hair. Tutor smiled at the scene before letting out a soft sigh, which made the two who were just teasing each other feel a pang of guilt.
“But who knows, Tor, maybe Phii Fai will show up,” Saifah said.
“How could that happen, Saifah? Zol said it already—if one couple gets their happy ending, the other one’s bound to be disappointed.”
“Stop mixing novels with real life, Zon.”
“It’s true, man! You and me, Tor and Phii Fai—it’s just like what Zol writes. Since we got our happy ending, the one that’s disappointed is probably…” Zon was about to continue, but Saifah shot him a stern look and nodded toward Tutor. In the end, Zon chose to stay quiet.
“Your order’s here,” the waiter arrived just in time to break the awkward atmosphere. Zon handed Tutor his food before sorting out his own order. The laughter and playful teasing from Saifah and Zon brought a faint smile to Tutor’s face.
Even if the sight of the two in front of him overlapped with the longing he felt for Phii Fai.
If one couple gets their happy ending, does that mean the other has to be disappointed?
Maybe, just maybe, what Zon said was true.
Because he might really have fallen into one of Zol’s novels.
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