WHYARU, Chapter 15:
Phii Fai, the tattoo artist, is it today that you mentioned? By the way, Phii Tong is leaving for abroad today. If you have time to meet, but if you’re not free, it’s okay.
I understand.
Tutor stared at the LINE message he’d sent just a few minutes ago. It took him a long time to muster the courage to send it to that other person. Maybe the time spent apart had dulled his confidence to talk to him. Even though he was starting to understand his own feelings better, he wasn’t sure what the other person was thinking.
Deep down, he believed Fighter felt the same way, but there was still a part of him that wasn’t certain.
“Did he reply?” Tongtaa, sitting on the bed, asked while placing her hand on her younger brother’s head. She tilted her head, watching her brother’s worried expression. “Well? Has he read it yet?”
“He read it, but he hasn’t replied.”
“Maybe he’s just busy and can’t respond yet.”
“Probably,” Tutor replied half-heartedly to his sister.
“I’m sorry, Tor.”
“Why is you apologizing to me?”
“For making you send that message to tell him I wanted to meet.”
“It’s fine, Phii Tong. This is good,” Tutor gave his sister a wide smile, thinking to himself that this was actually for the best. This way, he’d know which direction to take if Phii Fai didn’t show up. In the end, all he could do was…
Whatever, Tutor told himself as he got up and walked to the kitchen to heat up food in the microwave.
“By the way, Phii Tong, have you finished packing? I will heat up the food, and after we eat, we can head to the airport.”
“So he’s really not coming, huh, Tor?”
“Probably not.”
“Still no reply to the LINE message?”
“Nope.”
“Well, forget it then. Let’s eat,” Tongtaa said as she walked over to Tutor, who gave a small nod. She affectionately ruffled her brother’s hair again before turning to help him prepare dinner.
The two of them spent a good while talking, eating, and running personal errands. Only then did they start bringing things downstairs. Phii Tong had arrived from upcountry with just one bag, but somehow, when it was time to head to Germany, two more bags appeared out of nowhere. Well, it made sense—she was going to be there for a while. Most of what she packed were dried goods like instant noodles to keep her going. The only worry was whether the taxi they were about to call would even take them with all this luggage.
“Phii Tong, I’ll call a Grab car. There’s too much stuff,” Tutor said.
“Okay, go ahead and call it,” Phii Tong nodded. Tutor started to tap on his phone to book the ride, but his gaze caught someone standing nearby, and his hand froze mid-motion.
“Phii Fai,” Tutor’s voice was soft. He looked up, meeting the eyes of the older guy, his lips pressed tightly together. Tongtaa glanced at her younger brother with a surprised expression before her eyes shifted to the other person.
“Is this the one called Fighter?”
The voice that echoed didn’t pull Tutor’s focus away from the person in front of him. Maybe because every moment their eyes locked made his heart race faster.
So many times, Tutor tried to keep it steady, but yeah… who could ever control their feelings or their heart?
No one could control how much they missed someone.
No one.
“Does you always drive to uni?”
“Yeah, my place is pretty far,” the driver answered Tongtaa, who was sitting in the back, without a hint of annoyance— though he probably should’ve been, considering how many questions Phii Tong was asking. Even Tutor, sitting right there, was starting to get irritated. Why did she have to ask so much?
“Where do you live?”
“Phutthamonthon, Phii Tong.”
“Wow, that’s quite a distance. Doesn’t commuting like that wear you out? I think you should find a dorm, Fai,” Phii Tong went on, showing no signs of stopping. What to do?
“I’m used to it, Phii Tong. I’ve been driving back and forth like this for four years.”
“True,” Tongtaa nodded in understanding. “But if it were me, I’d definitely choose to live in a dorm. I hate waking up early, and dealing with traffic is such a headache.”
“Well, that’s you, Phii Tong.”
“What’s that, Tor? I wasn’t talking to you. I was talking to Fai.”
“Well, I want to join in.”
“Join in with me or with someone else?” Tutor didn’t answer. Tongtaa, watching her younger brother, couldn’t help but smirk mischievously before turning back to Fighter. “So, Fai, let me ask you something…”
“Yes?”
“Fai, do you think my little brother is cute?”
“Phii Tong!” Tutor immediately snapped at his older sister for asking such a random question out of nowhere.
“What?” She had the nerve to act clueless. “Does you have something to say to me?”
“That’s such a pointless question, Phii Tong.”
“If it’s so pointless, why’s you getting all worked up? I was asking Fai, not you.” Tutor pouted adorably, making his sister unable to hold back a smile. Especially when he got sulky like this—it made him even more fun to tease.
Tutor often showed a childish side when he was with close friends or family. It was normal to let this side out with people you trust. Tongtaa wasn’t sure if Fighter had ever seen it, but if he hadn’t, she wanted the person her brother liked to know this side of him too.
“So, Fai, is Tutor cute or what?” Phii Tong pressed on, undeterred. In the end, all Tutor could do was glance at the driver and subtly signal him to ignore her. But instead, he got a response.
“Cute.” The first word from Phii Fai came out like a whisper, his lips barely moving, as if he meant it just for him rather than anyone else.
“…”
“Very cute,” Phii Fai repeated, emphasizing it, as if making sure Tutor knew exactly what was flooding his heart at that moment. Tutor cursed himself internally for making eye contact with Phii Fai, because that look made his heart race even faster.
“And do you like him?” It wasn’t Tutor who spoke, nor Fighter who asked, but Tongtaa who chimed in.
“Phii Tong!” Tutor shot a glare at the person in the back seat, his eyes narrowing in warning. But Phii Tong didn’t answer his unspoken question; she just gave him a sly, knowing smile.
“So, what’s the verdict, Fai? Do you like him?”
“Well…”
“Phii Fai, the light’s green,” Tutor reached over to turn
Fighter’s face back to the road. “Don’t listen to her chatter.”
“Wow, Tutor, getting feisty now? Calling me a chatterbox?”
“Well, Phii Tong you are being extra chatty today, and talking nonsense too. Ouch, did you just push my head?” Phii Tong was such a tease sometimes, going so far as to reach from the back seat to playfully shove his head.
“Yeah, that’s right. That’s the second time today you’ve called me nonsense, dear brother.”
“Because you are being nonsensical, that’s why!”
“That’s the third time, Tutor.”
“So what?”
“You’re gonna get it big time, you know!” The siblings bickered the whole way. Fighter watched the scene with a twinge of envy. Maybe because he didn’t have a sibling to argue with or lean on like Tutor did. But this was fine too, because seeing Tutor’s whiny side was quite eye-opening. The only other time he’d seen it was when Tutor was sleepy and dozing off on his bed at home.
Honestly, he wanted to see this side again.
He wanted to see Tutor being whiny and clingy with him directly, wondering if he’d be able to handle it when that moment came.
“This is far enough,” Tongtaa said after the luggage was sorted. They all stood at the escalator leading to the departures area. Tongtaa took the small bag her younger brother had been carrying.
“But there’s still an hour left. Should we find a place to sit and talk first, Phii Tong?”
“Nah, I’d rather go wait inside.”
“But…”
“Tor,” Tongtaa interrupted, placing a hand on her taller younger brother’s head. “This is far enough.”
“…”
“I’m just going to work. No need to look so sad. I’m not dying or anything.”
“Don’t say stuff like that, Phii Tong. It’s bad luck.”
“Fine, fine, I won’t. But I’m really just going to work, so don’t give me that sad face, okay?”
“Okay, I won’t,” Tutor nodded, forcing a wide smile. It wasn’t that he didn’t understand, but he could feel it would be a long time. He didn’t know how many years it would be before they’d meet again. He wasn’t even sure if Tongtaa would come back during holidays or breaks. Knowing her, if she hadn’t achieved success or paid off her debts, who knew when she’d return? “That’s my brother,” Tongtaa grinned, her eyes crinkling, before turning to the person standing next to Tutor. “Fai, I’m leaving Tor in your hands, okay?”
“Got it.”
“And about those things you’re unsure or confused about right now, I hope you’ll figure them out before it’s too late. You get what I’m saying, right?”
“I understand,” Fighter nodded. Tongtaa glanced at Tutor again. At first, she planned to smile and ruffle her “puppy” brother’s head one more time, but it didn’t happen. Before she knew it, her empty arms were filled with her tall younger brother’s embrace. This warmth was about to disappear, wasn’t it?
But yeah, it wouldn’t be gone for long. Because in the end, she’d come back—back to reclaim this warmth from her family again.
The sky today looked gloomier than usual. The tiny lights signaling an airplane slowly vanished into the clouds. Fighter had once wondered what it would be like to be in Tutor’s shoes, facing a moment like this. Would he cry his eyes out or stay completely still? He figured it’d probably be the latter.
“Wanna eat something?” Fighter asked, knowing full well he probably wouldn’t get an answer, but he still wanted to ask, to show the other person he cared, that he was still standing right there.
“Phii Fai,” the trembling voice calling his name made the listener feel awful, and it got worse when he turned and saw the smaller figure with their head bowed low, looking utterly tormented.
It’s not that he didn’t understand.
Fighter understood perfectly. He knew Tutor had tried so hard, tried not to be sad, but in the end, he couldn’t hold it back.
“You okay?” he asked, looking at the younger one.
“…”
“You okay or not?”
“Sob… I’m not okay…” It was the first time he’d heard Tutor say he wasn’t okay, the first time he’d heard a voice so broken it shattered his heart, and the first time he’d seen the younger one lift his face, stained with tears.
He didn’t like it at all.
He’d confess right there that he hated seeing Tutor’s tears, not even a bit. The Tutor he knew was strong. Even when exhausted or discouraged, he’d never spoken words like these.
“Phii Fai.”
“…”
“I… I didn’t want to cry, you know, but I…” Tutor tried so hard to wipe his tears with the back of his hand, but the more he tried, the less it seemed to work.
“Sob… I didn’t want to cry.” Fighter didn’t say anything more. He just pulled the smaller figure into his arms. All he could do now was hold the person in front of him tightly. One hand rose to stroke their head, as if to comfort them that he was right there. His lips, near their temple, murmured that it was okay. The sound of sobs and the warmth of tears on his shoulder were enough for him to know Tutor was in pain.
You’re feeling awful, aren’t you, Tutor?
Feeling… like you can’t handle it, that one day the person you love most has to be so far away like this.
But I’m still here with you, right here.
“It’ll get better.”
“Sob… mm,” Tutor nodded and tightly hugged his waist with both hands. He didn’t know if his words would actually make the younger one feel better, but this was all he could do.
Truly, just this.
The entire car ride was silent between them. No music, no one even spoke first. Tutor was lost in his own thoughts, while Fighter could only drive him to his destination, stand by his side, sit there. Every time Tutor looked his way, he hoped the younger one would see that he was still there.
At first, Fighter thought that taking Tutor out for a meal, a walk, or a movie might cheer him up soon enough. But looking at the situation, it seemed the best he could do was bring him back to that small, cramped, stifling room. Going in there while still feeling heavy-hearted might only make things more stressful. So, in the end, he took Tutor up to the rooftop of the dorm instead. When they got into the elevator, Tutor didn’t even know where they were going—probably only realized it when Fighter tugged his arm and led him up the stairs to the rooftop.
“Phii Fai.”
“Let’s stay here for a bit before going to your room,” Fighter said, leaning against the rooftop railing. He looked at Tutor, who seemed hesitant at first but eventually broke into a smile, resting both arms on the railing. He watched the younger guy tilt his head back, eyes closed, feeling the cool breeze. Tutor’s mind was probably a mess of thoughts right now. Fighter didn’t ask what he was thinking, figuring that Tutor would come to understand soon enough.
Understand that weakness teaches us how to be strong.
Understand that even if we’re sad today, the end of that sadness is a new beginning.
A new beginning in life—for Tongtaa, Tutor, or their parents.
Fighter wasn’t sure how long they’d been standing there. Maybe an hour, maybe less than ten minutes. He wasn’t in a rush. He didn’t ask the other guy how he was doing, not until those puffy eyes finally opened and looked at him.
“How’re you feeling? Better now, right?”
“Mm,” Tutor nodded.
“I’m okay now. Thanks so much for staying with me,” Tutor said with a smile, turning to look at the view ahead again.
“When I really think about it, there’s no need to be sad, you know? What Phii Tong is doing—she’s doing it because she loves us, and more than that, she’s doing it for me, for our family.”
“Exactly. Pretty smart, figuring that out so quick,” Fighter teased, making Tutor turn and pout adorably. God, he really wanted to pinch that mouth.
“Let’s head downstairs then. It’s late, and it’s getting cold.”
“In a hurry?”
“Or you can stay up here alone if you want,” Tutor said, making a move to walk away. But it was Fighter who grabbed the smaller guy’s arm first.
“Hold on, let’s stay a bit longer,” Fighter said, sounding almost whiny, like a dog begging its owner for a head pat and to be called a good boy. “What’s with that smile?”
“Nothing.”
“Sure about that? Not thinking anything bad about me, are you?”
“Not at all.” Just thinking you’re like a big dog, that’s all. “So, what’s the deal, Phii Fai? You want me to stay up here like this? Phii Tong told me to give her a reason why I should.”
“I’m still not sure if saying this now is a good idea, especially since you just went through that thing with Phii Tong,” Fighter said, looking at the person beside him with a hint of hesitation. “Phii Fai, just say whatever you want to say. I’m okay now.”
“…”
“Really, I’m okay.”
“Alright then,” Fighter nodded. “It’s not a big deal, just something I wanted to ask about the feelings we talked about that night. What do you think, Tor? Do you still feel the way you told me?”
“And what do you think?”
“I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking you.”
“But I think a person’s feelings are something they have to understand for themselves, don’t you?”
“But I don’t understand, that’s why I need you to explain it to me again. Don’t let me get it all wrong,” Fighter said. Tutor wasn’t sure what the guy in front of him wanted. Sometimes it felt like Fighter already understood but was acting this way for some reason. Tutor couldn’t help but wonder if he was being teased. “Why are you looking at me like I’m up to something?” Because you’re not exactly trustworthy.”
“Not trustworthy? In what way?”
“In every way.”
“…” Tutor went silent.
“…” Fighter fell silent too. They stared at each other, neither willing to back down.
“Okay,” Fighter finally gave in. “I won’t argue anymore.”
“Then let’s head downstairs.”
“Not arguing doesn’t mean you can dodge the issue, Tor.
“Right now, what I want is for you to tell me how you feel.”
“…”
“Just say it like you did before. What’s so hard about that?”
Tutor’s expression faltered. He felt it was unfair and that Phii
Fai was teasing him. But then again, part of him thought maybe Phii Fai was just genuinely clueless. In the end, he leaned toward the latter.
After all, if he could bomb English class that many times, he was probably just as clueless about matters of the heart.
“Alright, how about this,” Tutor said, stepping back to face Fighter again. “I’m not sure if you’ve heard this before, but I read a book once that had an interesting theory about liking someone. Want to hear it first?”
“Why drag it out with some long-winded theory? Just tell me how you feel. It’s simpler.”
“I’m getting to it, but if you don’t listen…”
“Listen up, what’s this theory?” Fighter softened, causing the person in front of him to smirk like Zon. “Don’t just stand there smirking, spill your theory already.”
“Alright, alright. No need to push my head,” Tutor rubbed his head gently, having been nudged by the taller guy for smirking earlier.
“You’re so stubborn.”
“Am not.”
“Just spit it out already.”
“Someone once said that people can’t reject someone they like.”
“Who said that?”
“Phii Fai?” The look on his face was like he was ready to push someone off the rooftop.
“Okay, go on.”
“So, if we stare into each other’s eyes for ten seconds and you don’t look away first, it means you don’t like me. But if you do look away, it means you do. I don’t know how true this theory is, but wanna give it a try?”
“…”
“Well?”
“Let’s try it.”
“Okay,” Tutor nodded and stepped closer to the taller guy.
“Let’s start here.”
Tutor reached up with one hand to cover Fighter’s eyes. His other hand, free, grabbed onto Fighter’s shirt as if it were an anchor. In that moment, he wanted to wrap his arms around Fighter’s waist to settle things once and for all, but in the end, he could only stand still, waiting for the younger one to finish laying out his theory.
“Ready?”
“Mm, ready,” Fighter said. Tutor then moved his face closer to the older one, close enough for their eyes to lock onto each other. The breath brushing against their faces told them they were near enough. Before he knew it, Tutor removed the hand covering Fighter’s eyes. The view became clearer, and the soft lips in front of him began counting down.
“10…9…8”
They locked eyes.
“7…6…5”
Their gazes held something special.
“4…3…2…”
The sound of the countdown matched the rhythm of his heartbeat.
“1…” A forced smile appeared as Tutor reached one, perhaps thinking his theory was wrong or that Fighter felt nothing for him. But then… “Mm.”
It didn’t matter whether Tutor’s theory was true or not. Because if Fighter had to look at him for more than ten seconds, he’d keep looking forever.
It wasn’t about what it meant to look at someone you like and then look away.
It was about the feeling while looking… what you wanted to do in that moment.
Like now, when all he wanted was to kiss, to express his feelings through his lips to the other person.
Fighter couldn’t even remember how many times they’d kissed, but this time, he felt more than ever before. Maybe more than the longing poured into the kiss.
More than yearning.
More than anything he’d ever felt.
The first time Fighter tried to get Tutor to say how he felt, it was because he wanted to tell the younger one that yes, he really liked him. But when Tutor wouldn’t say it, all his plans fell apart spectacularly.
“Phii Fai…” Tutor called his name as he pulled back from the kiss, his pouty face saying, You kissed me again, huh? But that was just it—the more he made that cheeky face, the more Fighter felt the urge to tease him. He leaned in for another kiss on those soft lips, this one lasting a bit longer, ending with a gentle nip on Tutor’s lower lip, earning him a playful smack on the shoulder. “Jerk.”
“Was it good?”
“Annoying.”
“Why don’t I feel that way?” Fighter’s sparkling gaze locked onto the slightly shorter guy. His index finger gently brushed against Tutor’s cheek, soft and tender. But when Tutor met those eyes, all he could do was look away. “You look like you’re still confused, Phii.”
“Well, I…”
“Whatever.” Tutor sidestepped the topic, maybe because he was tired of asking, tired of seeing the confusion Fighter was showing. In the end, he chose to lean his arms on the railing again, staring at the view ahead, taking a deep breath as if to calm his racing heart. But, yeah, it didn’t calm down at all. The taste of that kiss still lingered on his lips, its softness anchoring him, making it hard to walk away. But he had to act like he didn’t care. “I get it.”
He understood that things like this take time.
“But, Phii Fai, want to hear what Phii Tong told me? It might help you understand things better.”
“Mm.”
“Phii Tong said that love is just love. Gender doesn’t define it, status doesn’t either—it’s the feeling…” Tutor said, turning to look at the guy staring back at him. “The feeling is what decides what love is.”
You have to get used to it.
“But feeling confused takes time to sort out, doesn’t it?”
Yeah, it takes time. But Phii Fai’s smile seemed like it was asking for more than just time.
“So, you’ve got to keep proving it, to be sure, right?” The mischievous grin from the older guy made Tutor suspicious, unable to stop himself from looking at him curiously.
So, this confusion, this lack of understanding—was it really not getting it, or was it something else?
“Prove it how?” But Tutor was like someone walking right into a trap again. He shouldn’t have asked, but he wanted to be sure he wasn’t misunderstanding.
“Whatever you’ve done to prove it before, you just do it more often.”
“…”
“You kissed before.”
“…”
“So, kiss more often.” Fighter raised an eyebrow, smirking, glancing at Tutor as if checking his reaction. “And the things you haven’t tried yet…”
“Enough.”
“Enough what? I’m not done explaining.”
“I don’t want to hear your explanation anymore. I’m going downstairs.” With that, Tutor turned and headed straight for the rooftop exit. He didn’t stick around for more explanations because the more Fighter talked, the more it felt like he was playing right into his hands.
Shouldn’t have asked in the first place.
“Hey, why’re you running away so easily?”
“…” Tutor didn’t respond, but the person following him chose to place a hand on his shoulder.
“Just prove it to clear up the confusion.”
And yes, Fighter now had a new plan forming in his head.
“Prove it to your face, huh?”
“Prove it to a face, sure, but to your lips instead.” Fighter raised an eyebrow and tapped his finger on Tutor’s lips. His index finger brushed lightly, as if claiming ownership. “Ouch, what are you, a dog? Biting people’s fingers?”
“Yeah, I’ll bite till it bruises.”
“How about switching from biting fingers to biting necks then?”
“Enough, Fai. I’m done talking to you. Just go home.”
“Chasing me off?”
“Yup.”
Fighter’s laughter trailing behind was infuriatingly smug, but what could Tutor do when he was the one who fell into the trap today?
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