WHYARU, Chapter 13:
“Phii Fai… you know what you just did, right?”
“…”
“…”
“I know,” Fighter answered the person in front of him. Though his eyes were filled with confusion at first, they eventually settled, as if he’d decided to believe what he wanted to believe for now. “I… I was just caught up in the moment, or maybe I just wanted to mess with you, that’s all.”
The awkwardness that was already there only grew heavier after Fighter finished speaking.
“Is that so?” Tutor barely noticed the hint of disappointment flickering in his own eyes.
He didn’t know how he should feel. He couldn’t quite explain what it was.
Maybe it was like Phii Fai said… just the atmosphere pulling them in, or his senior just teasing him. Everything aligned at the perfect moment, leading to this.
But deep down… Tutor still believed it wasn’t just that. Still, since Fighter chose to brush it off, fine, whatever.
“If you want to believe that’s all it was, then suit yourself,” Tutor said with a sense of resignation. He stood up, intending to walk away, but he didn’t get far because Fighter stepped in front of him, blocking his path.
“And what do you think it was?”
“…”
“You think I’m into guys? You think I’m into you?”
“Or maybe not?” Tutor asked back.
“No way.”
“I figured you’d say that,” Tutor replied.
“What about you, Tor?” Fighter said with a mocking tone.
“When you let me kiss you, did you ever ask yourself why?”
“…”
“Do you like me?”
“No… I don’t like you,” Tutor denied immediately, without even thinking. He stared into the sharp eyes in front of him, their gazes reflecting different emotions. Tutor didn’t know what Fighter was thinking, but for himself, he was certain he could never feel that way about Phii Fai.
Perhaps it was because of one thing that always anchored his feelings: Hwahwa, his childhood friend of over ten years. Even though Tutor now knew the truth—that Hwahwa and Phii Fai weren’t dating—they still talked. Lately, Tutor had noticed some changes, but… whatever.
He didn’t need to find answers. He already knew how things were.
“Hmph,” Fighter let out a frustrated huff. “You can deny it for yourself, so why can’t you think I could be the same, Tor?”
“Because if you knew what you really liked, you’d stop messing with my friend.”
“Is that so?”
“…”
“So everything you’ve said boils down to wanting me to stop bothering your friend,” Fighter’s scoffing tone didn’t match the wavering look in his eyes as he stared at the person in front of him. “Your friend, who you might not see as just a friend.”
“Think what you want.”
“How about this, Tor? If you really believe I’m what you think I am, prove it. Prove it so I stop being confused, so I know for sure who I am.”
“…”
“Or are you scared?”
“I’m not scared!!” As soon as he spoke, Tutor pushed the person in front of him down onto the bed. He climbed on top of the larger figure, his mind filled with nothing but anger and a desire to make Fighter understand his own feelings.
Of course, the older one’s gaze, directed straight at him, was filled with confusion.
Yes… Tutor didn’t understand either.
He didn’t understand why he was so angry.
He didn’t understand why he was so upset with Fighter.
And he didn’t understand why he leaned down to kiss Phii
Fai—a kiss that wasn’t soft or sweet like the one Fighter had given before. It was fierce and intense, their lips crashing together.
“Tor, you—”
“…” But he wanted Fighter to know, to stop being confused, to finally understand his own heart.
This was all he felt…
“Phii… Fai,” Tutor let out a soft moan of the name, the earlier intensity somehow softening without him noticing when. Fai’s large hand—Tor’s too—was raised, gently threading through his hair, stroking it slowly. The tongue that slipped through the sweetness into his mouth felt tender, too gentle to ignore.
Even though he’d told himself a hundred times in his heart that he just wanted to prove something to the guy in front of him.
In the end, it was he who couldn’t resist the feeling.
In that kiss, he felt something special.
He could even hear the loud thumping of his heart right now,
but…
“Enough,” Fighter said softly, pushing Tutor’s shoulders away. “I think… it’s not just me who’s confused anymore.”
“…”
“You need to find the answers to the questions you keep asking me. What do you really feel?”
With that, Fighter got up from the bed, grabbed his phone and wallet from the Japanese-style table, and walked out immediately. Phii Fai didn’t even glance back at the person lying on the bed.
Bang!
The door slammed shut, and the room returned to silence once more.
Tutor rolled onto his back. He stared at the ceiling calmly, a stark contrast to the storm of questions swirling in his heart. The exhaustion flooding in was nothing compared to the feeling of being left behind by Fighter like this.
Tutor closed his eyes slowly. He tried to forget everything clashing in his mind.
Forget Phii Fai’s words.
Forget the kiss…
Forget the good feelings that came when their lips touched.
And forget… the confusion now stirring in his heart.
A burning sensation welled up in his eyes as his pale hand rose to wipe his lips forcefully.
“You think I wanted to kiss you that badly, huh… You think I…” As the emotions surged to his throat, Tutor grabbed a large pillow and hugged it tightly. Right now, only this pillow could hold his feelings together.
Rrrrrrrrrrrrr
Suddenly, the sound of a ringing phone interrupted. Tutor reluctantly reached for it.
‘Phii Tong’
The name on the screen was his only older sister. Tutor quickly sat up and answered the call.
“Phii Tong!”
(Yep, it’s me.)
“Why’s you calling?”
(Do I need a reason to call my little brother?)
“Not at all!”
(I’m in front of your dorm.)
“What?”
(I’m right outside our dorm. Come down and meet me.)
“No way!” Tutor’s voice was soft, filled with disbelief. He rushed to the balcony and looked down. There was Phii Tong, waving at him with a wide smile, just as a car drove off.
Tutor pushed aside some emotions and hurried downstairs.
The first sight was Phii Tong standing there, beaming at him.
“Phii Tong!!!” No matter how much bigger he’d grown compared to his sister, he was still her little brother, running to hug her tightly. Phii Tong wrapped her arms around him, reluctant to let go, overwhelmed with affection. She patted her stubborn little brother’s shoulder, shaking her head lightly.
“What’s up, you little pup? All grown up and still clinging to your big sis?” Tutor didn’t answer. He just closed his eyes, soaking in the warmth from his sister as much as he could.
“It’s so great you’re here, really great.”
“What’s with you? Got something you wanna tell your sis?”
“Nope.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah… I just missed you Phii Tong a ton, that’s all.”
“Better be true.” Tutor didn’t say more. He looked up at his sister, pouting playfully. Though his face wore a bright smile, the look in his eyes—the only little brother’s eyes—told a different story.
What’s going on with my little brother?
Phii Tong wondered silently. Though she didn’t say it out loud, she could sense that Tutor’s smile hid a heart that wasn’t smiling at all.
She could only hope that during these four or five days together, Tutor would open up and tell her what had happened.
She hoped he would share, and she hoped… she could help him feel better somehow.
The room’s a bit messy, Phii Tong. I’ve been studying,” Tutor said, then started picking up the scattered books and study sheets from the floor to place them on the table.
“Doesn’t look messy to me,” Tongtaa replied, walking around the room for a bit before sitting on the bed and beckoning Tutor to join her. “Tor… come here, let’s talk.”
Tutor nodded and sat beside her. Tongtaa kept eyeing him with a scrutinizing gaze.
“What’s up, Phii Tong?”
“You look worn out.”
“Do I?” Tutor glanced at himself before looking up at his sister. “Maybe a little.”
“Are you tired?” The question, paired with Tongtaa’s concerned look, carried so much care that the one being asked could feel it.
“Not at all,” Tutor answered with his widest smile. “I’m doing great, Phii Tong. Tor’s actually having fun.”
“Yeah, right. If you’re tired or can’t handle it, just tell me.”
“I know.”
“You know, but you never say a word, you stubborn kid.”
“I’m not stubborn,” Tutor pouted, making his sister want to pinch his cheeks.
“Fine, not stubborn then.”
“By the way, what brings you to Bangkok, Phii Tong? Are you thinking of taking a full-time job?” Normally, Tutor’s sister worked as a freelancer, taking on projects from home. She had quit her full-time job to help their parents with the family business when they moved to the countryside. But thanks to Phii Tong’s skills, freelance work kept coming her way.
“Yeah, a full-time job with a great salary, overtime pay, travel allowance, and awesome benefits too.”
“Really? That’s awesome! Tor doesn’t really like you doing freelance work. It’s exhausting, taking on so many projects. I’m worried you’ll get sick. Are Mom and Dad okay with this?”
“They’re totally fine with it. I’m the one who’s worried. But I can’t turn down this job. If I work here, it’ll help our family pay off debts faster.”
“If you’re working full-time in Bangkok, you could stay at my dorm, right? Is your workplace far? Where is it?”
Tongtaa didn’t answer. She just smiled a little.
“Why that face, Phii Tong? Wait, you’re not working in Bangkok?”
“Mm,” Tongtaa nodded. “The head office is in Germany.”
“What do you mean?”
“Just what I said. Phii Tong is going to work abroad.”
“When is Phii Tong leaving?”
“This Saturday.”
“Phii Tong…” Tutor called his older sister’s name, his voice instantly tinged with sadness, prompting her to reach out and gently ruffle her younger brother’s hair.
“But going to work abroad like this, you must’ve known for a while. Why didn’t you tell me, Phii Tong?”
“I’m really sorry, Tor. After I passed the job interview, I got caught up with visa and work permit stuff. Once that was done, the company set the flight date right away.”
“…”
“Don’t make that face, Tor. It’s breaking my heart.”
“Sorry,” Tutor said softly, letting out a heavy sigh. Was he reluctant? Very much so. This time, if he missed Phii Tong or wanted to see her, he couldn’t just take a bus back to their hometown like before.
But oh well. No matter how much Tutor didn’t want his sister to go work abroad, he had to let her go without making her worry.
“I’m happy for you, Phii Tong, for getting to work abroad like you always dreamed. Have fun with your work,” Tutor said, ultimately offering only his heartfelt congratulations to his
sister. He hoped she’d be happy there, working her dream job and collaborating with talented people, just as Phii Tong had always wanted.
“It’s bound to be fun,” Tongtaa’s laughter was as bright as ever. Tutor hadn’t seen his sister in months; they usually only talked on the phone, mostly brief chats—asking if he’d eaten, what he was doing, and a bit more before hanging up. But today was different. They sat and talked face-to-face, catching up on everything, and the happiness from Phii Tong eased some of the bad feelings in his heart.
Not entirely, though. Whenever he was alone with his thoughts, certain things about certain people kept circling in his mind.
The hydro exam went well. Tutor thought he did alright, despite moments that made him think of other things. For this quiz, he expected a decent score.
“Hey, Tor, want to grab lunch at the alley behind the uni? Zon invited us.”
“Hmm, Zon, huh?”
“Yeah,” Saifah nodded.
“You two are getting close, huh?”
“We see each other every evening—how could we not get close? Anyway, you’re coming with us, right? Zon wants to talk to you anyway,” Saifah said, recounting what Phii Tong had told Zon a few days ago. He mentioned that Tutor seemed stressed lately, likely because Phii Tong had to go work abroad. So, Zon suggested inviting Tutor for dinner after the hydro quiz.
“Alright, I’ll go,” Tutor nodded.
“What about you, Day? You coming?” Saifah turned to ask his close friend standing with them.
“Too lazy. I was gonna nap in the library,” Day said, his face looking glum. He’d been like this for three or four days now. Even Saifah wasn’t sure what was up with him since Day didn’t say, and Saifah didn’t ask.
“What’s with the grumpy attitude, Day? Come on, join us. The afternoon class won’t give us an easy break, man. Just come,” Saifah patted Day’s shoulder, urging him to walk along. Day sighed but reluctantly followed.
The lively chatter in the restaurant clearly showed how many people were there. It was a popular spot for students, probably because the food was tasty, not too expensive, and close to the university. Those tired of cafeteria food often chose to eat here instead.
Zon had reserved seats for the three of them. They chatted for a bit while waiting for the server to take orders from other tables. During the conversation, Zon asked about Phii Tong. Tutor shared with a slightly dejected tone, making it hard for others not to feel for him.
“Stop making that face, Tor. It’s stressing me out just looking at you,” Zon said with a concerned tone. “Your sister’s just going to work, make money, chase her dreams. You can’t keep moping like a sad puppy and acting all irrational.”
“Exactly. Let Zon be the only irrational one. Don’t add to the chaos,” Saifah, sitting next to Zon, chimed in.
“You talking about me, Saifah?”
“Yup.”
“You… wanna get poked in the eye with a chopstick?” Tutor watched Saifah and Zon bicker, shaking his head wearily. Even though they’d gotten closer, they still argued over pointless stuff.
“Why are you guys fighting so much? Just order already,” Day said irritably, prompting Zon, sitting across from him, to nod quickly and open the menu almost immediately.
“Saifah… I want pork curry.”
“Order it.”
“But I also want crispy pork with kale.”
“Picky much?”
“Why you gotta call me out? I just want two dishes,” Zon whined with a slight pout.
“Fine, order the pork curry. I’ll get the crispy pork with kale.” “You’re ordering the kale because you’re nice enough to share, right?”
“Nope, I just want it.”
“Ughhh!”
“Haha!”
“You’ve got the nerve to laugh? I ordered kale, but I’m eating your food too, deal?” Zon didn’t wait for Saifah to agree, quickly scanning the restaurant for a waiter to order food. But something caught his eye first, and his gaze, initially searching for a waiter, suddenly lit up.
“Guys, isn’t that Fai and Hwahwa?”
As soon as Zon spoke, both Tutor and Day turned to look in the direction he was staring. Fighter and Hwahwa were walking into the restaurant together, seemingly looking for a place to sit, but every table appeared full.
“They’re probably looking for a seat, man. Should we call them over to join us? Squeeze in a bit. What do you guys think?” Zon asked the table, but both Tutor and Day stayed silent, offering no opinion. “What’s the move, Saifah? Should we call them?”
“Just call them.”
“You sure? I saw Tor and Day’s faces, and I’m not so sure about calling them. Don’t know if their grumpy looks have anything to do with those two.”
“You’re overthinking again, Zon.”
“I’m serious, I’ve got a gut feeling.”
“A gut feeling for drama, you mean.”
“Saifah, why do you always gotta argue with me? Is your dad a pot scrubber or something?”
“Bringing my dad into this, Zon?”
“You started it, jerk. So, what’s the call? Invite Phii Fai and Hwahwa or not?”
“Phii Fai! Phii! Over here, come sit with us!” In the end, it was Saifah who shouted to Fighter and Hwahwa. Zon grinned and gave him a thumbs-up, earning a light head-shove from Saifah, who couldn’t help but think Zon was such a nutcase.
“Zon, Saifah!” Hwahwa approached first, flashing a smile at them. “Mind if I join? It’s super crowded, and other places are even worse.”
“Sure, sit! You can sit next to Tor.”
“Oh… Tor’s here too? Mind if I join, Tor?”
“Of course not. Why don’t you sit next to Day? I’ll take the head of the table instead.” Tutor stood up to switch seats with Hwahwa.
As he moved to the other end of the table, someone was blocking his path.
Fighter stood there, not budging an inch.
“Phii Fai, can you let me through?” Tutor called out, looking up to meet his eyes. But the look Fighter gave him…
The message you sent left him stunned, almost unable to function.
In those eyes, a mix of emotions reflected back—anger, confusion, and sometimes a lack of understanding about himself. But none of it compared to the final look they shared.
Longing…
Tutor pursed his lips tightly, because this feeling shouldn’t even exist between them.
“Day, you are here too?” Hwahwa’s voice snapped them both back to reality. Tutor sidestepped Fighter and walked to sit at the head of the table, while Hwahwa glanced at Day again, thinking he hadn’t heard her call. “Day.”
But, as expected, Day’s response was the same silence, leaving Hwahwa with a sad expression instead.
“It’s… kinda weird, isn’t it?” Zon muttered to himself. He sensed the awkward atmosphere, picking up on something off. Naturally, someone like Zon would try to lighten the mood— chatting, asking about this and that, anything to keep things lively. But nothing went as he hoped, so he ended up whispering to Saifah, who was sitting beside him.
“Saifah, you thinking what I’m thinking?”
“Nope.”
“You never notice anything about them, do you?”
“I’m not as picky as you.”
“I’m not picky! I just care about our friends, man.”
“Same thing.”
“It’s not!” Zon snapped, throwing his chopsticks at the person next to him, causing them to fall to the floor.
“Pick them up.”
“I know, I know,” Zon grumbled but bent down to retrieve the chopsticks. It would’ve been fine, except he noticed something odd.
Zon saw Hwahwa’s hand reaching for Day’s, again and again, only for Day to pull away each time.
And when Zon looked up from under the table, the sight of Fighter and Tutor staring at each other made him even more surprised.
Because the relationships around him now seemed tangled and chaotic, and if left unresolved, things would only get worse.
“Saifah… I think I have a plan.”
“Keep your plan to yourself and let them sort it out.”
“But…”
“Don’t meddle too much, Zon. Shouldn’t you focus on memorizing your guitar chords first?”
“I can do it, I’m awesome,”
“Your face like that, do you even remember anything when you wake up in the morning? Work’s starting in just a few weeks, how many chords can you even recall?”
“Alright, fine,” Zon shrugged confidently, while Saifah, sitting beside him, could only shake his head lightly before turning to look at the other four friends at the table.
It’s not that he didn’t notice something was off.
Whether it was Day and Hwahwa, or Fighter and Tutor, the only thing Saifah could do right now was offer support.
Because someone’s problem is theirs to solve.
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