WESTTHESUNFROMANOTHERSTAR, Chapter 22: Around You
Arthit
It was nearly 5 AM, before the sun had risen, the atmosphere outside was dim, and because it was nearing winter, it felt slightly chilly in the morning like this. I left my room dressed in my workout gear, a jacket, and sweatpants.
This morning, I was preparing to go for a run after not having exercised for quite a while due to lack of time, but whenever I had free time, I would exercise. I’ve had a habit of exercising since I was in San Francisco; this body doesn’t come from just lying around and eating snacks.
I stopped at the door next to mine, knocked a few times until the occupant opened it. He was also ready in workout clothes, which was because North had called last night. Initially, I thought he would ask about me and that short guy, but no, he invited me to exercise with Jo. Since I had already planned to go, I agreed, and he said he would invite the short guy too.
Who would have thought that after I confessed my feelings last night, the next day we’d have to wake up early to exercise together. I don’t know how that short guy was feeling after I left the room last night, but I guess he was probably fine, probably went back to work like usual.
To be honest, I like it this way. Of course, I like him. I mean it. Not letting go of his hand? Oh, whatever, I have work, I can use the other hand, if you want to hold it, hold it. This strange behavior that no one else in the world has, that’s what makes him so right.
Last night, I expressed all my feelings directly without bothering to arrange the words to make them sound good; one, because I’m not good with words, two, because I’m lazy and think it’s too complicated. If I think something or want something, I just say it straight, that’s the easiest.
I once thought about pulling him into a hug, and when I tried it yesterday, I found out that it was the ultimate feeling of comfort. That’s why I had to hug him tightly and for so long. And when I let go, I felt such regret that I didn’t want to release my grip, even to the point of sitting on the floor.
Because I’ve decided that no matter what, I’ll be with him. His rejection doesn’t mean anything to me. Even if he comes up with all the reasons in the world, it won’t affect me. If I want to be with him, then I will be. I’m that kind of stubborn, isn’t it true? Since he said he’ll be alone his whole life, it means I’m not bothering him. If he’s going to be alone, let me be the one person messing around nearby. And I’ve already said I would try not to do things he doesn’t like, I said I’d try, but in some cases, I might not be able to.
And that kiss on the forehead wasn’t planned; the situation just led to it. Consider it a small, little bonus for me. After getting back to my room, I prepared for my presentation until late at night until North called to invite me out.
I napped at three in the morning in the short guy’s room, so I woke up feeling great for exercise. North said that after coaxing, the short guy agreed to exercise and went to bed early, which is good because getting plenty of rest is something a doctor can recommend to others, but here I was, having slept only a few hours, so I might die before my patients do.
The person in front of me walked out of his room and locked it; he looked just like usual, just a bit sleepy.
“Ready?” I asked, he nodded in response, “Let’s run.”
“…Huh?”
“Run from the condo to my faculty.”
“…”
“…” He furrowed his brows, looking skeptical, which was understandable because I wasn’t lying. If you’re going to exercise by running, you’ve got to run there, not drive.
“It’s just a few minutes’ run.”
“Hmm.” He only answered that before following me downstairs. We started warming up.
“Do you exercise often?”
“I used to, a lot.”
“Not anymore?”
“Too much work.”
“North told me you work too hard, you know. You don’t have to rush it.” “The faster the work is done, the more satisfied the client is, and they’ll hire me again next time.”
He answered with a lazy tone and an expressionless face while stretching. Since I tend to wake up late, the condo I chose to live in isn’t far from my faculty; it takes only about ten minutes to run there.
I started running but slowed down from my usual speed to wait for the other person.
“Running at this speed, it should take about twenty minutes, I think.” I said when I saw the person next to me running too slowly.
“Go ahead then.”
“Leave you behind?”
“Yeah.”
“No way, then why would I run with you?”
He didn’t reply, and since we were running, I didn’t say anything more until we reached my faculty.
In reality, when I come here to run, I often meet those guys. It started with them playing sports like normal guys do, but Jo is particularly obsessed with exercise. As for Hill and Fah, they exercise for the usual reasons: it’s good for health and the brain, because studying at this faculty requires a lot of mental energy. Either Hill or Fah once complained that if they don’t exercise, their brains feel dull, somehow.
For me, I feel like my brain is dead every time I go to class or take an exam. “Did you bring your dog for a morning walk?” I greeted as I walked onto the track and saw that couple warming up.
“Do you want to be barked at by a dog?” North replied, looking annoyed, “Hey,
Phipungto. Didn’t expect you to come too.”
“North; you insisted so much.”
“Come on, exercise a bit, you’re always sitting at your desk, not moving your body, you’ll get stiff.”
“Did you run here?” Jo turned to ask. I nodded in response, “You didn’t bring a change of clothes, huh? Shower at the faculty and wait for the presentation case then.”
“Yeah, damn, why didn’t I think of that? But I can’t, I need to give someone a ride.” I said, glancing at the person standing next to me for a moment.
“Have you asked him if he wants you to take him?”
“You bastard.” I cursed and couldn’t help but laugh, “Just got here?”
“Yeah, I felt like playing basketball.”
“Okay, let’s play. Do you guys want to play?” I turned to ask the two short guys who were talking.
“Basketball? Hmm…” North looked thoughtful.
“North doesn’t play basketball, it’s just you and me.” Jo said.
“Really?” I asked, then turned to Dao, “What about you?”
“I don’t know how to play basketball.”
“Then, Phii, me and Phipungto will just run around here.”
“Okay.” I answered before walking over to Jo. Turning back, I saw North grinning mischievously, which was indeed not trustworthy.
…
Daotok
I was jogging with North around 5:30 AM. At first, I asked North why he invited me and why so early in the morning. Can’t we run in the evening? The reason I got back was that North’s boyfriend has to be at the faculty by 7 AM, and running in the morning is more refreshing. Being persuaded by him, I couldn’t say no.
One thing I speculated is that North must be on the side of that guy next door. This means North is probably supporting him because North has always wanted me to have a boyfriend, and he’s quite close to him too. Previously, he suggested I give it a try, and after his investigation, he approved.
I don’t mind who supports whom; it doesn’t make me uncomfortable or troubled. Nothing can make me uncomfortable except clothes that are too tight and anything that’s pressing down or tightly wrapped around me, like when a child ghost once sat on my chest or when the guy next door hugged me too tightly last night; that’s what discomfort means to me.
I don’t know if Ter and Cat know yet, but if North knows, then pretty much the whole world knows, unless we specifically ask North to keep it a secret. If that’s the case, the secret will remain a secret as long as North doesn’t get drunk and spill it. I think the thing about the guy next door won’t stay a secret for long; it seems like he wants everyone to know more to keep others from bothering me. If no one really bothers me, that would be great. I get quite annoyed when anyone who isn’t a client tries to contact or mess with my life, whether it’s through messages, showing up unannounced, or even sending stuff over.
But it’s not like I’m not annoyed by the guy next door. I am annoyed by him too, but as I know, there’s nothing I can do with any words I might try to come up with; he listens only to himself.
But he wasn’t entirely wrong when he said that since I’ve decided not to have anyone in my life. I hope it wouldn’t be so chaotic that I’d lose my mind from exhaustion. But from the looks of it, my life won’t be peaceful until he gives up and stops bothering me.
I don’t know how long he’ll keep this up. At first, I thought he was just curious because I’m different from anyone he’s met, but his eyes and expression were more serious than that, which made me uncomfortable. And when I said it would be better for him to find someone else, I meant it. I’m not much more than what you see; personally, I think I’m even boring. From what I know, he could definitely find someone better than me.
North has bragged about how rich the guy is, which seems true judging by the car he drives and the things he uses. He’s smart, obviously, since he’s studying medicine, and he’s quite good-looking. As for his character, I don’t like to judge anyone’s personality as bad because I’m not great myself, so let’s skip that part. In summary, he should use the time he’s spending on liking me to do something more fun.
“Hey.”
“Hmm?”
“You know what I’m going to ask, so tell me what happened last night.”
“Didn’t you already ask him?”
“No, I want to hear from you first before I ask him. So, how did it go?” “Nothing much, he just said he likes me and wants to be with me. He didn’t listen to my refusals either, so now he’s made a deal to stay with me.”
“Oh really?” North grinned broadly, “Think about it, the freest guy in the world like Phii Arthit wants to be with you.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“The fact that he doesn’t listen to you shows how stubborn he is, right? This is what they mean when they say the world revolves around Arthit. Now, the sun is revolving around the stars, which is you.”
“…Oh, is that how it is?”
“Yeah, that’s right. Even though he’s studying medicine for some reason I don’t fully understand but you probably know, he doesn’t care about anything, does what he wants, goes where he wants, he’s super free. Nothing can stop that guy anymore.”
“I see.”
“Of course, he doesn’t tie himself to anyone, anything, or any place, but Phii Jo once said he’s very family-oriented, which means you’re that important to him.” “Ah, I see.” I nodded, understanding now. We had switched to walking around the track so North could talk more comfortably, “North, you’re very clear about this.”
“What’s so clear?”
“I’m supporting him.”
“Fuck, bullshit!!, I’m neutral.”
“Your voice is so high.”
“If you don’t like him, just say it, I’ll help out.”
“I don’t like him.”
“Why? He’s not that bad, he’s incredibly good-looking, very popular too. This might help make your work more known, more people would hire you, he’s filthy rich, to boot. If there’s ever a time you don’t want to work, he can support you for life. And as for being talented, you don’t even need to check what he studies.” “Hmm, that’s quite the biased neutrality.” I said, and North burst out laughing loudly, in a good mood.
“I would mention the downsides too, okay? The obvious downside is that he talks like a dog, his mouth is terrible, his words are crude, uncivilized, rough, and rude. He doesn’t listen to others, just does what he wants. If he’s unhappy, he’ll curse you out, if he’s really angry, he’ll punch you, hot-tempered, doesn’t care about others, low patience, easily annoyed, shameless.”
“Sounds like you, North.”
“Huh? Are you saying I’m like him, Phipungto? I thought we were best friends, you asshole, go die.”
“I mean, the hot-headedness, the temper. If you’re not happy, you curse, if you’re really angry, you’ll fight, sometimes crudely.”
“I’m hot-headed?” the person beside me asked, furrowing his brows in disbelief.
“You should ask everyone North has punched in the face.”
“How do you know that!”
“Ter often tells me, North likes to get into fights with others, and can’t be stopped unless his boyfriend threatens him; that’s when he’ll listen.”
“Fuck Ter, I can’t stand him. That day he was hanging clothes on the balcony, I should have pushed him off to his death.”
“If you did that, Ter would definitely haunt you as a ghost.”
“Yeah, fuck. Forget it. Being a human is already scary enough.” North said. “North, if your boyfriend threatens you, will you comply? So you’re afraid of your boyfriend, huh?” I asked.
“Oh, don’t say that. When it’s about love, I don’t want to make him uncomfortable, angry, or feel bad. When he’s angry, it’s scary, so it’s better if we can compromise on things.”
North said this in a soft tone, which made me smile inadvertently.
“From the crazy, silly you to this, love is really strange, so hard to understand.”
“Really? I think it’s pretty simple.”
“Huh?”
“I’m someone who sees things straightforwardly, I guess. For me, love is love, everything else is just everything else. If you’re scared, it’s normal; be scared because there’s no guarantee it won’t happen. Just ask yourself if you can handle what you’re afraid of if it does happen.”
“…”
“There must be someone who makes you feel that way, makes you want to love them so much you forget your fear.”
“…”
“Oh, I’m so cool.”
“Was that how you thought when you started dating North’s partner?”
“Well, I’ve told you before, right? When I first met Phii Jo, I got into a fight with the new partner of my ex, and Phii Jo helped me out. I was still hurt by my ex, but I didn’t start dating Phii Jo to forget her. At that time, my head was clear of my ex because Phii Jo came into my life. And there were so many rumors about Phii Jo, everyone warned me not to get involved, but I didn’t listen. I liked him; I wanted to be with him, to love him. That’s all there was to it. Even if he leaves me tomorrow, I won’t regret the decision to be with him because the time we spent together was damn good.”
“…Oh, I see. Because North is the type to charge head-on into everything, right?” “Yeah, that’s right. Phii Arthit is probably the same. He’s probably banging his head against your wall right now.”
“…”
“And why am I suddenly telling my story? Whatever. It’s just a small case to let you know that for me, love isn’t that complicated. Not wanting to open your heart because you’re afraid it’ll be like that jerk, I get it. But why let that jerk keep hurting you over and over?”
“Hurting me over and over? What do you mean?”
“It wasn’t enough that he deceived you once; he’s also making you miss out on meeting good people who are ready to love and care for you. Why let someone you say you no longer care about continue to haunt you?”
“If you say you don’t care anymore, then forget everything about it, forget everything he’s ever done, isn’t it because his story is still buried in your heart that you’re still afraid?”
“…”
North’s words left me speechless. I never thought about it, but he might be right. If I tell myself I no longer care about that person, why am I still letting his story linger in my heart if I’ve said I’ve moved on? Why haven’t the wounds he inflicted healed? Why can he still hurt me repeatedly?
“What you said is true…I thought I had let go of him, but what kind of letting go is there when the wounds he left are still buried in my heart? Thank you.”
“Why the thanks?”
“If you hadn’t said it, I really wouldn’t have thought about it. And now, I’m a little upset that I realize I’m still letting him hurt me with the same old issues.”
“I never told you that, did I?” “No.” I shook my head.
“Well, why didn’t I tell you? This is basic stuff, man.”
“Maybe you forgot, you forgot a lot.”
“Is that so? And now, how are you feeling?”
“Well…okay. If I weren’t afraid of getting hurt the same way again, I’d probably feel better.”
“And will you open your heart to my brother too, right?” North asked excitedly. “But just because I’ve moved on from the old wounds doesn’t mean I can open my heart.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t like him.”
“Oh, come on! You just praised how great he is, all his annoying habits – I don’t have a problem with them. Since you accept me, accepting my senior’s low behavior shouldn’t be an issue.”
“I don’t have a problem with vulgarity or anything like that, but…how to put it. I think I’m more comfortable being alone.”
“Oh, but you’ve cleared up your feelings about that issue, right?” North raised his eyebrows. I nodded in response.
“Not opening your heart because of past wounds can’t be the reason anymore; the only reason now is that you prefer being alone.”
“Oh, I don’t know about this one, but if one day you realize that having it is better than being alone, would you open your heart?”
“Better than being alone…hmm, I can’t even imagine how that would be better.”
“That’s its job to show you how it’s better having it around, huh? Hey, Phii
Arthit, do you owe me a drink or not?”
“So, he really hired you, huh?”
“No, man! I’m neutral! Don’t you understand?”
“Oh, I see, neutral then.”
…
Arthit
“And will your wife side with me?” I asked while playing one-on-one basketball with Jo. Even though he’s the football team captain, he says he’s not bad at basketball either. Look, he’s panting, but my score hasn’t moved at all, damn it.
“Try buying him a couple of drinks, he’ll be on your side completely.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, but just this much should be enough for him to side with you, I guess.”
“Why?”
“Because he cheers for everyone.” Jo replied while trying to steal the ball from me, his eyes focused solely on the ball as he spoke. I stretched up a bit, still dribbling with one hand while using the other to wipe sweat with my shirt, “You’re too careless, damn it.”
Before he successfully stole the ball. I guarded him closely, fighting back for the ball. This situation repeated several times over the minutes.
“Can I score just one point? I’m panting like a dog here.”
“I’m panting too, but not like a dog.”
“Damn.” I laughed out loud, “What do you think about someone who still has old wounds? I’ve told you, I’m not him.”
“I don’t know. If it bothers you that much, why don’t you just kill that bastard, maybe he’ll feel relieved.”
“Good idea, I just beat him up to the hospital, it seems like it wasn’t enough. But how can I kill someone who’s already in the hospital?”
“Transfer him to Fah’s hospital and have Fah cooperate, I think it’s easy.” “Oh, damn, how did you come up with that? If this gets out, everything would be screwed.” I said, unable to stop laughing at how we were talking about such nonsense as if it were serious. Of course, it’s just for fun, you bastard. Anyone who thinks it’s real is being fooled.
“It’s fine, Fah probably won’t mind.”
“Really, will he still hang out with us?”
“He will, I guess. Just because he went bankrupt once or twice doesn’t mean we’re not friends anymore; you can consult Hill, his relative is a partner.”
“A partner in the hospital.”
“A partner in the gambling den, spit, what the hell, man.”
“But aren’t you a partner in a gambling den too? I remember.”
“Call it a casino.”
“It’s against my morals, I can’t accept that.”
“Seriously, what of the five precepts can you actually keep?”
“What are they again? Wait, I don’t follow Buddhism, so I don’t need to keep the precepts.”
“Yeah, me neither.”
“So being a shareholder in a gambling den is fine then?” I raised my eyebrows to ask.
“Correct, exactly, and you cheating on someone’s wife is fine too.” Said Jo. “That’s not quite right, she didn’t tell me she was married.” I said, displeased, recalling past events. When I fought with a local husband due to a
misunderstanding, and of course, in the end, I won but ended up spending a night in jail because of the brawl and the damage to his shop. Not wanting to be nagged by Direk, I got Jo to bail me out, and I got teased to hell, “Damn, she didn’t tell me she was married.”
“Damn.” Jo burst out laughing, “You’re a complete buffoon, the idiot who ended up in jail. You called me late at night, drunk, Jo, I’m in the cell here, come bail me out, I thought you got caught with some purple meth or something. But it turned out you beat up her husband and got thrown in jail, damn fool.”
“My meth isn’t purple, man, it’s rainbow, I told you.”
“What kind of moron has rainbow meth, you’re such an idiot, everything you talk about is nonsense.”
“Well, with a nonsensical person like you, we get along just fine.” I said, still laughing, until Jo looked towards the gym entrance. I followed his gaze to see those two walking in, looking not the least bit tired.
“Why don’t they look tired at all?”
“I bet they didn’t run, they walked.”
“Come on, you invited me to go running.”
“I admit I was walking the whole time. I only agreed to come out for exercise because you forced me to buy new shoes.”
“Oh, that’s why your miserly wife runs errands, huh? To make it worth it.” “Yep.” Jo nodded, dropping the ball to the floor. We walked over to someone who had just arrived, sitting in the first row of the stands. I sat down next to the short guy.
“Tired?” He asked, and I nodded in response, then he handed me a bottle of water. I raised an eyebrow in surprise, “Fuck, damn, is this real? You like me now?”
“Cool down, man, he just bought the water for that crazy guy.” North interjected. “North told me to buy it.” the guy who handed me the bottle replied. I shrugged indifferently before opening the bottle and taking a drink.
“And? In the end, you bought it for me.”
I said this while turning to look at the face of the person sitting next to me. He looked up slightly to meet my gaze, raised his hand to gently ruffle his own hair, and then gave me a broad smile.
“Thanks.”
“…”
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