WESTTHESUNFROMANOTHERSTAR, Chapter 19: Never Regretted
Arthit
I opened my eyes with difficulty, still feeling the effects of alcohol in my head. The last memory was of Jo unceremoniously throwing me onto the floor. I scanned the room, realizing it wasn’t very familiar. The air was cold, almost to the point of being chilly. Hearing some movement, I turned to see the short guy sleeping on a bed not far from me.
Oh, because I lost my key card again, so I was dumped here in the short guy’s room, huh?
Sigh. With only me, him, and the drunk one on this floor, and the drunk one not being around, there’s nothing to be done.
The dim surroundings told me it was still night. I managed to get up from the floor to use the bathroom and take care of my business. When I came out, I found the room was indeed very cold. Was this short guy a heat lover or something? Why was the AC set so low? If a room is going to be this cold, at least there should be some blankets. Not leaving me to sleep stiff on the floor.
I wanted to continue sleeping on the sofa, but it was too damn cold, and there were no blankets, and the bed was wide enough. Why couldn’t I sleep there with him?
I walked over and sat on the empty side of the bed, trying not to wake the room’s owner because if I did, I’d probably be sent back to the floor or the sofa. But even if I were told to move, I wouldn’t. I glanced at the person on the bed, sleeping all curled up. Were you cold too? Why didn’t you adjust the AC?
I lay down on the bed, trying to grab some of the blanket, but it was hard because the short guy was holding it tight. It took a while to wrestle some for myself, oddly enough, he didn’t wake up despite the struggle. But whatever. I took the liberty of both sleeping on the bed and taking some of the blanket. If he wakes up, he’ll probably just grumble and give me a displeased look. He’s not one to make a fuss. This might be the first time I’ve shared a bed with someone else. As far as I can remember, I’ve never shared a bed with Direk or my mother. If I’ve ever shared a bed, it was only for one thing, and then we’d go our separate ways. Never stayed overnight. You’re the first for many things.
First love too.
Damn…I really do ramble when I’m drunk.
Even though my head was still throbbing, I didn’t feel like sleeping. I don’t know why, but watching you sleep wasn’t too bad.
It’s a pity he was facing the other way, but the distance wasn’t much at all.
Not so much that my hand couldn’t reach.
After a while, I noticed the person next to me breathing too heavily, quick and labored, which was suspicious. I reached out to feel, finding he was burning up. This must be why he was clutching the blanket so tight; he’s sick. Here I was, taking the blanket from someone who’s ill.
I got up to adjust the AC to make the room temperature more comfortable, turned on the light, and looked for some fever reducer but couldn’t find a single pill. I wondered why someone who knows they’re often sick doesn’t keep medicine in their room, especially since I heard he gets sick a lot.
Looking at the person lying on the bed, panting, face red all the way to the ears, looking tormented, hugging themselves tightly, that condition made me feel quite uncomfortable.
Maybe he’s sick because he just came back from abroad. Whatever the reason, the problem is what to do about it.
Should I take him to the hospital? No, my car is at the bar, there’s another car but the keys are in the room, and I’ve lost my room key. Now, I only have the keys to the car at the bar.
Maybe we don’t need to go to the hospital; it looks like just a regular fever. Resting should make him feel better. I went to get a cloth soaked in water. I intended to wipe him down. Since he’s unconscious from the fever, might as well take advantage and tease him a bit.
Just kidding. I’m just wiping him down; someone sick needs to be cleaned, right?
I pulled the blanket off, placed the cloth on his neck, and wiped as gently as possible, all while wondering why I had to do this. After wiping his neck, I moved to other areas, lifting his T-shirt to wipe his abdomen.
…That short guy.
So damn white.
I won’t wipe him anymore!!
Why is he so white? No, the whiteness isn’t surprising, but why do I find his stomach and waist so damn appealing? Shit, he’s incredibly sexy, his waist is just the right size for my hand, seeing it makes me want to stroke and grip it hard, damn.
I quickly covered his shirt to stop my thoughts from going further, placed the cloth on his forehead, turned off the light, and lay back down on the bed, facing away from him, trying to calm my emotions.
Believe me, no one has ever made me this flustered before, just this ordinarylooking short guy. Or maybe it’s because I like him that it’s like this.
While I was silently anxious, I felt something touch my back. I turned to see it was the person next to me, moving closer, and his hand touched me.
Damn.
Too close!!
As I turned this way, we got even closer, his eyes half-closed in sleep, the towel I had placed earlier had fallen, the dim light made his flushed face visible at close range, his warm breath coming out rhythmically, curled up and trembling, probably because he felt cold.
Oh man, I’m going crazy!
You’re cold, aren’t you? Very cold, right?
Got it! Tonight, I’ll hug you myself!!
I reached out to pull him into a hug, extending my other arm for him to lean on and gently stroking his head with that hand, while my other arm tightened around his waist.
He’s as small as Cat’s kid, like if I hugged him a bit tighter, he might shatter. But on the contrary, I wanted to hold him even tighter.
The heat from his body made me feel warm too, but I was sure I wouldn’t catch a cold. After a while, the person in my arms stopped shivering, probably feeling warmer now. But I was the one not feeling okay anymore; how could anyone sleep in this situation, damn it?
I sighed, hoping to calm myself down. I had to remind myself he was sick, Arthit. Besides, you were going to get over him, weren’t you? Yeah, right. Normally, I wouldn’t hug you, but because you’re sick, I’ll let it slide.
A faint, sweet scent wafted towards my nose, similar to the one on the plane, but it probably wasn’t just shampoo this time, it was more his natural scent. And damn, it was so fragrant, why? I’ve never smelled something so nice from anyone unless they were wearing extra perfume, but this short one, without using any perfume, why does he smell so good? It’s a soft scent that feels oddly comforting, making me think that if I could smell this every night, I’d sleep well. I couldn’t resist pressing my nose into the nape of his neck after catching that scent, finding it even sweeter there. It made me want to eat him up, why does he smell like this? I can’t take it anymore!
I bit him!
Unable to hold back, I left a mark with my teeth between his neck and shoulder.
When I bit into that soft skin, it made me want more…
But I stopped myself right there, quickly pulling away.
I bit him because I felt itchy, yeah. He really does make me feel itchy, that’s for sure. Who could stand someone this close who you like?
I gently touched the mark I left, noticing it was starting to turn a reddish-purple on his pale, smooth skin; it didn’t look too bad. Realizing it was my mark, I felt a bit of satisfaction.
I adjusted his shirt collar back to normal, and before long, I drifted off to sleep without realizing it, and this night was one where I slept very well. I woke up when sunlight streamed through the window, surprised to feel something heavy on my arm. Looking down, I saw someone sleeping soundly in my embrace.
Last night, because he was sick, I held him while we slept, and he seemed less feverish, indicating his condition had improved slightly. I slowly pulled my arm out and sat up.
So, this is what it feels like to sleep hugging someone.
Good…
Maybe it’s good too.
I sighed unconsciously, thinking I shouldn’t be doing this. I was supposed to give up, wasn’t I? Well, at least there’s something good about it. Getting to hug you for a whole night is quite worth it, but it would be even better if we could do this more often. Yeah, it would be great if we could do this every day, really great. When he moved slightly, his shirt collar opened, revealing the marks I left last night, making me feel a bit strange. In the morning, it was even more apparent how red they were against his skin. Shit, did I take advantage of someone who wasn’t in their right mind? But even so, I don’t feel guilty. Whatever, it’s not like it hurts that much. The marks will fade in a few days.
I left the room and went down to the management office, where I got a slightly disapproving look before receiving another key card. Back in my room, I remembered I had an early class and rushed out.
Back to the same old boring routine, now that things with Mom are better, the thought of dropping out is stronger than ever, but I’m still half-hearted about it because I’ve studied this much and don’t want to start over. Or maybe not going to university would be better, just stick with Direk or find something else to do.
“How are you, hungover?” Jo asked while we were taking a break. “No, it’s strange actually.” I said, noting it was strange that I didn’t have a hangover despite drinking so much last night.
“And how was it, sleeping in that room?”
“Shit.” I said, lightly scratching my head. Now it was just me and Jo since Hill and Fah were in another ward, “Jo, let me ask you something.”
“What now?”
“Have you ever thought that one person could smell really good?”
“I have.”
“Your wife, huh? I shouldn’t have asked.” I sighed a little, “Why does he smell so good when he’s just another human?”
“Because you like him, so you like his smell.” Jo answered, sounding bored, “You haven’t really given up, have you?” He raised his eyebrows, seemingly mocking me. I made a face at him.
“I really mean it.”
“People who really mean it don’t sleep hugging someone they claim they’ve given up on.” His words made me pause immediately.
“Shit, how did you know?”
“I just guessed.” Jo said, looking surprised, “Are you serious?”
“…Yeah.” I answered shortly, the person next to me immediately burst into laughter, “He was sick, seemed cold, so I hugged him.”
“Oh, that’s how it is.”
“Johan, you bastard.” I couldn’t help but curse, giving him a look of utter disgust.
“Hill.”
“What?”
“Hill once told me not to approach anyone with half-hearted feelings, like or dislike, make it clear. Your actions and words should match, really, Arthit, you should know this.”
Jo’s words made me inadvertently scratch my head again, letting out a big sigh.
“Yeah.”
“Have you told Fah yet, about deciding to get over him?”
“No.” I shook my head, “I haven’t had the time to tell him.”
“Are you still going to tell him?”
“Damn, I’ll really get over him.”
“Doesn’t seem like you want to do that, apart from hugging, what else did you do?”
“Guess.”
“Did you guys do it?”
“Spit. Fuck no.”
“I thought it was your lecherous ways. There shouldn’t be anything left.”
“It’s already bad enough, what do you take me for? I just bit him.”
“For what?”
“I don’t know, my teeth felt itchy.”
“Is this what people do when they say they’re going to get over someone? I just learned that this is how it’s done.”
“See, you always contradict me.” I grumbled in annoyance.
“You’re just full of contradictions.” Jo said, looking equally annoyed.
“This kind of thing takes time, you know.” I argued back.
“Yeah, yeah, it’s your problem, you’ve got your whole life, no need to rush.”
“It won’t take my whole life…probably.”
…
Daotok
I’ve been looking at myself in the mirror for nearly five minutes now, but I still can’t explain the bite mark on my shoulder, where it came from or how it got there. I woke up around noon, guessing I must have been sick last night because I’m still feeling hot and have a slight headache.
Last night, I remember I was asleep and heard a knock on the door. It was North and his boyfriend, bringing the guy from the next room because he lost his key card, so they asked for help. I let him sleep on the floor, and then I fell back to sleep easily, not paying him any more attention.
I vaguely remember that before going to sleep, the guy from the next room said something about doctors, but because I was sleepy and probably had a fever, I couldn’t remember the details clearly, but whatever, and when I woke up, no one was in the room anymore.
Last night’s dream was a bit strange; I dreamed I was in a dark place, and it was very cold. I ran through the darkness for a long time before finding a white light.
When that white light enveloped me, I immediately felt warm.
After showering and getting dressed, I walked out to find a towel lying by the bed. I remembered I didn’t leave a towel there. When I picked it up, it was slightly damp. If I had to guess, it must have been the guy from next door who put it on my forehead last night.
I threw the towel into the laundry basket and prepared to go to class. Even though my head still hurts a little, whatever. As I was slinging my backpack over my shoulder, the strap brushed against the bite mark, causing a sharp pain.
What the hell is this? It looks like a human bite mark.
I frowned, not too pleased.
“If you hurt me like last night again, I won’t let it slide.” I said to whoever was in the room. If it wasn’t Phii Donat, who left a long time ago, then it must be someone else in here. We’ve been living together peacefully for so long, why suddenly want to hurt me now? Damn, it hurts so much I can’t even put on my backpack. Don’t let me find out who did this.
While leaving the room, something came to mind, and I immediately called my grandmother.
(What’s up, my grandson?)
“Grandma Puangthong, I was attacked by a ghost.”
(What! A ghost in the room? Who did it, what did it do to you!) Mrs.
Puangthong’s voice changed instantly; you could hear she was very panicked.
“I don’t know who did it either, but I was bitten on the neck, it hurts a lot, it’s a tooth mark.”
(That’s scary, did you do something to provoke it?)
“No, sir. I haven’t even been in my room for several days, we’ve been getting along fine all this time.”
(Then why, huh?)
“Oh, right, last night, it seemed like I was led by something. While sleeping.”
(Could it be he’s angry because you didn’t do any merit-making for him? Okay then, I’ll go do some merit-making, let’s say it’s for the ghost in the room who bit your neck. I’m just about to head to the temple anyway.)
“Then please do, thank you.”
(Hmm, if anything else, let me know, and take care of yourself.)
“Yes.”
I hung up the phone. I’m not sure if my grandmother going to do merit-making and specifying it’s for the person who bit my neck will have any effect, but if Khun Phuengthong says she’ll do it, you can’t stop her.
I stopped by the elevator, and didn’t wait long before it arrived, along with the guy from the room next door who was also getting on. He looked a bit surprised to see me standing there.
“Oh, it’s you, are you going to class?”
“Yeah.”
“Have you recovered from being sick?”
“Yeah, thanks.” I looked up at him and spoke quietly. He raised his eyebrows in surprise, so I explained further, “About the wet cloth.”
“…Oh, yeah, I just put it on your forehead.”
“Yeah.”
“And now, how are you getting there, by motorcycle?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh.” He only responded with that. So I stepped into the elevator, pressed the ground floor button, and closed it. But just as the elevator door was closing, it opened again, indicating someone outside had pressed the open button. I looked at him confused, “Should I take you? Since you’ve just recovered from a fever, you might not be able to drive.”
“It’s fine.”
“I’ll take you.”
“…”
Since he said that and walked into the elevator, I didn’t say anything more. There was silence in the elevator. When I remembered something, I spoke up.
“Was there anything strange last night?”
“Huh, what was strange?”
“There’s a bite mark on my neck.”
“…”
“…”
“I’m wondering who did it.” I said, turning to look at the person standing next to me. He furrowed his brows and made a strange face. What does that expression mean? “There were three people. I don’t know who or why.”
“Meaning?”
“Ghosts in the room, three not counting Phii Donat who moved out, but the one in the bathroom couldn’t come out, so probably two.”
“Definitely one of those two.”
“Yeah. Didn’t you hear or see anything?”
“Not sure, let me think about it for a bit.”
“Okay.”
And then the elevator reached the first floor. He walked out as usual, heading towards the motorcycle parking area. At first, I thought it would be a car. He got on a large black big bike and handed me a helmet to put on before I awkwardly got on behind him. I’ve never ridden or been a passenger on a big bike because I thought they were too big; experiencing it for the first time like this felt quite unaccustomed.
Suddenly, the bike took off. I was so startled that I instinctively grabbed his shirt. He was still a scary driver whether it was a car or a motorcycle, and the big bike didn’t make me feel safe at all. Especially with the guy from the next room driving, it made me feel like I could fall off at any moment. In my shock, I gripped his shirt even tighter.
“Where is your faculty?” He shouted over the strong wind.
“Faculty of Science.”
“What?” Probably because of the wind, he didn’t hear what I said. So I shouted louder.
“Science Faculty.”
“You need to speak louder. Or come closer to my ear.”
Hearing that, I moved closer until I was against his back, stretching up to speak close to him.
“Studying at the Faculty of Science.”
“Okay.” He answered like that before driving off. Since I didn’t dare to move back, I had to stay close to him as before, until we stopped in front of the Faculty of Science. I got off the motorcycle with about as much difficulty as when I got on.
“Are you scared too? I saw you weren’t scared when driving a car.”
“A little. I’ve never been a passenger before.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
“Never been on a big bike or on someone else’s motorcycle?”
“Big bike.”
“Oh.” He nodded slightly, then saw that I couldn’t take off my helmet, so he reached out to help me. It didn’t take long before he managed to take it off and handed it to me.
“Thanks.”
“What time do you finish?”
“Huh?”
“Then wait around here.”
“Are you coming to pick me up?”
“Yeah, damn it, I brought you here. How would you get back if I didn’t come to get you?”
“I could walk.”
“Is that supposed to be funny? Just wait here.”
“Okay, thanks for bringing me.” I said in my usual flat tone. He seemed slightly annoyed hearing that.
“Say it with some enthusiasm.”
“I am enthusiastic.”
“Thank you, and say who you’re thanking.”
“…Thank you for bringing me, Phii Arthit.”
I thanked him and said my name as he instructed, without thinking much about it, but the one who told me to speak went silent, looking utterly shocked.
“Oh…uh! No problem! I’m leaving!” He shouted loudly and sped off on his big bike. I don’t understand why he had to look so displeased when he was the one who told me to speak in the first place. Why be angry?
I turned around to walk towards my faculty, only then noticing that quite a few people were looking at me. I was pretty sure they were looking because of both the person and the bike that just dropped me off. The guy from the next room is quite famous around the university, and his bike is very noticeable too.
I didn’t pay attention to those stares and went straight to my classroom.
…
Arthit
I came back to my room and just lay there doing nothing since there was nothing left to do at the faculty in the afternoon. I’m not sure why, but when the professor said there was no class, I rushed back to my room. In the elevator, I ran into that short guy who was just heading to class, and if I may say, I had just recovered from a fever, but here he was, going to class, for heaven’s sake.
He asked about the mark on his neck. It’s a blessing he suspects the ghosts in the room, so I could smoothly blame them. Otherwise, I would be in big trouble. First, I’d be asked why I did it, damn. No, he probably wouldn’t be that rude, but he’d probably look at me with a poker face, hiding his displeasure, asking why I did it, and then he probably wouldn’t want to talk to me much after that.
I was worried he might faint on the way, so I acted like a good person and offered to drive him to his faculty. He gripped my shirt so hard it left marks, probably out of fear. Of course, motorcycles, especially when driven recklessly, are scarier than cars.
When I dropped him off at his faculty and asked him to say something, damn, I nearly died when he spoke. I mean, I’d never heard anything like that from him before. Even if he said it with a straight face, still, shit, I was speechless! After that, I drove back to my room in a daze, feeling like something had slipped away from me. Even now, I can’t get his face and voice out of my head.
Sigh, you’re going too far, you short guy!
I hadn’t been lying down for long when I heard a knock on the door. Opening it, I found Meen in the same messy state as the last time I saw her.
“Arthit, let’s go for a drink.”
“In the afternoon? Stop it, I told you I’m cutting down.”
“Cut down tomorrow then.”
“You said that yesterday too. I won’t ask again, but what’s wrong with you?”
“Arthit, drink with me, and I’ll tell you, okay, okay, okay?”
“Sigh. I’m done, I’ll take a break from drinking.” I said with a sigh. Normally, someone like me wouldn’t refuse alcohol, but recently, it’s been too much, I need to give my liver a rest, “You come to my room to drink beer, and tell me what happened.”
“Are you inviting me into your room? What are you thinking about me?”
“Drink or not. If not, go to the bar alone.”
“No, drinking alone isn’t fun. Okay, okay. No one else is going with me anyway.” Meen said with a hint of self-pity before walking into my room. She sat down on the sofa while I went to grab a can of beer from the fridge for her. She opened it and took a big gulp immediately, “You…want to hear, right?”
“Yeah, I want to know what got you into this state.”
“Donat, he broke up with me.”
“Huh?” I immediately furrowed my brows in confusion, “You got dumped by a ghost? Why?”
“Huh…huh.” She started to hiccup and grabbed some tissues from the table to wipe her tears, looking utterly pathetic, far from the strong Meen I knew, “Here’s the thing, we were living together normally, like husband and wife, even if he is a ghost. But lately, I’ve been approached by other ghosts more and more often, huh.”
“…”
“Donat tried to help, but it just got worse. I went to see a monk, and he said it’s because I interact too much with spirits, making it easier for them to reach me. And some of these spirits are not good, they even started to harm me.”
“Wow, that’s messed up, fuck, you said you interact with spirits, right? The short guy next door almost got hurt too.” I mentioned, thinking of a similar case where the short guy almost died in the San Francisco cemetery.
“From spirits?”
“Yeah.”
“It’s dangerous, and I’m not that strong mentally either. The only solution is to stop interacting with spirits altogether.”
“So, Donat broke up with you?”
“Yes, I told him it was okay, there must be another way, but in the end, Donat broke up with me. He said if we break up, I wouldn’t have to worry anymore. I said I didn’t want to break up, but he wouldn’t listen, he told me to go through an exorcism ritual so this wouldn’t happen again, and then he would disappear too. He said I could date someone else, not to worry about him, damn, I don’t know what
to think, huh, and…after that, I haven’t seen him again, you, Arthit, I, huh, I can’t see him anymore, I call out but there’s no reply, you, huhuhu.”
Meen burst into tears like I’d never seen before. I could only listen because I’m not good at comforting people, gently patting her shoulder. She was crying so hard her shoulders were shaking, pitiful as hell, but Donat wasn’t really to blame; it was just an unavoidable situation.
“Motherfucker, I knew it, Arthit, do you understand? When he died, I never could accept it, but when I found out he was still alive, who knows how happy I was, but in the end, dead is dead, you know, what can you do with someone who’s already dead?”
“Uh,” I only replied that before letting out a sigh. It’s true, as he said, dead is dead, what more can you expect? I understood this when I finally accepted the matter with my mother, “That bastard must have wanted you to be happy, don’t cry, he’d probably want you to smile more.”
“…” She didn’t reply. Just looked up at me, puzzled, “You talk like this too, huh, fuck, Arthit. You’re not my friend anymore, who are you being so gentle like lactase?”
“Yeah, I’m friendly with hidden spots, fuck, I remembered him again, it’s just normal words that helped me, I want them to help you too,” I said, the person in front of me nodded slightly and forced a smile.
“Yeah, you’re right, I’ll definitely smile, I’ll be happy for him, but give me some time.”
“I understand, everything takes time.”
“You seem a bit different since you came back from abroad, or am I imagining
it?”
“You’re imagining it,” I said, before getting up to fetch some water for him.
Meen cried for a while longer before she stopped.
“Stop already.”
“I’m tired of crying now, thanks for listening to me, man.”
“Yeah. No problem.”
“You seem different, not you,” he frowned. I immediately gave him a bored look,
“Not the usual Arthit. Who the hell are you, spit my friend out.”
“I am Arthit, fuck, what do you want?”
“Maybe I’m imagining it, the vibe around you…it’s better, from being so repulsive it makes you want to puke just being near, now it’s better.”
“Fuck off,” I cursed at what she said, hearing that she let out a small chuckle,
“Hey Meen, can I ask something, are you okay?”
“I guess so, what?”
“Now that Donat is gone, you’re sad, right?”
“Fucking obviously, didn’t you see me crying earlier?”
“Have you ever thought that if it would end like this, maybe it’s better not to be together from the start?” I asked about what I was afraid of right now, he should be the best one to answer this.
“No.” She answered without hesitation, making me wonder about his confidence, “Even if I knew he was going to die, if I could go back in time, I’d still choose to be with him.”
“Why? If there was nothing from the start, it wouldn’t hurt as much as having something and then losing it, right?”
“I don’t know about that, but I know that without him, I wouldn’t have been able to get through each day. Over the years, I’ve never regretted a single day of being with him. I’m even grateful to myself for choosing this path. I wanted to be with him even if one day it would break me apart, like now when I’m crying, I’ve never thought, ‘I wish I hadn’t chosen him.’“
“…”
The answer and the determined look in her eyes left me speechless. “From now on, without him, the memories we’ve had will make me happy forever.”
“…”
“Why are you asking this? It’s a strange question.”
“Meen.”
“What, looking so serious?”
“One of my friends feels like they like someone, you know. This friend has never liked anyone before, but this person is different. My friend likes them and wants to be with them forever, but they’re scared that if that person disappears one day, they won’t be able to handle it.”
“…Oh.” Meen nodded slightly, “Your friend?”
“Yeah, it’s my friend.”
“It’s not strange to be scared. Ask your friend how much they like this person. Do they want to have them in their life every day? If so, do they like them so much that they’d endure the pain of heartbreak again?” Her question left me stunned once more.
“If they disappeared right now, would it be okay? Try to imagine tomorrow without them, would it be better like that?”
I stayed silent for a while until Meen broke the silence.
“I’m going now, I’ll take a nap first, I haven’t fully recovered from yesterday’s hangover.” She said, standing up from the sofa, “Think about it carefully. Or rather, tell your friend to think about it carefully.” She didn’t forget to turn and give a sarcastic smile. I gave a slight smile back before she walked out of the room.
I leaned back on the sofa, closing my eyes as my mind was in turmoil. Whether it was last night’s events, the touch, the warmth of the body, that scent, everything was still vivid, the face and the voice. Even now, I couldn’t stop thinking about what that short guy was doing, how his classes were going, who he was sitting with, whether the classroom was cold, if his fever would return, planning to leave at 4:40 to pick him up right after class. In reality, it would take me less than ten minutes to drive to his faculty, but it’s better to leave some extra time.
Give me time…hah, for someone like me who never liked waiting for others. I’ve never even picked someone up or dropped them off, damn it!
And after that, his words and questions kept echoing in my head. I heard that question over and over, but I had no answer.
“If there’s no tomorrow with him…would it be better?” No way.
“If he disappeared now, would it be okay?” Screw that, how could it be okay?
And me…what would I do if you disappeared?
What should I do…if there’s no more you?
Go back to how things were before I met you? How could that be possible, damn it.
No. No, man. I can’t do without you anymore…
“Sigh.” I let out a big sigh, hoping it would ease the heavy feeling in my heart right now. I desperately wanted to smoke, but I remembered I ran out yesterday, and I’m not in the mood to go buy more now. Oh man, what’s wrong with you, Arthit? You’ve been so unlike yourself these past few days…
But I still want every day to be like this.
I want to drive you, sleep while holding you, look after you when you’re sick, eat with you, look at your face again, listen to your music, read novels together, teach you to play the drums again.
If asked if I like you so much that I’d endure another heartbreak…
If you disappear again, if that moment comes, I still can’t imagine how much I could bear.
But if there’s no you tomorrow…that’s when I really wouldn’t be able to handle it.
No matter what, I probably won’t fall in love again in my life. Since that’s the case, even if you’re not by my side, you’d still be in my heart, so it’s better to have you with me because…
From now on, my whole life will have had you in it.
No matter what happens, I would never regret choosing this.
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