NORTHHOWMUCHISYOURLOVE, Chapter 24 part 2

“What?” I said, confused.

“What do you think about this, North? I’m ready to write it down, considering you work to support yourself through school.” Palm asked, pen ready to note down my thoughts. Why choose such a headache-inducing topic?

“What topic are we even on? Hold on, there’s too much going on.” I swore as I got killed in the game, and after a while, that game round ended.

“So, let’s focus on the point about people who are rich because of their parents not being considered rich.”

“Oh.” I paused for a moment, “What would you call it if not rich? Does wealth count by the amount of money or not? It’s not about whether you earned it yourself. If I won the lottery and got ten million, would they say I’m not rich because I didn’t earn it? But I’d have ten million, man.”

“Okay, got it.” Palm nodded in understanding and jotted it down before looking up to continue, “And about being born rich, from a wealthy family, where you don’t have to do anything.”

“What am I supposed to do about that?” I said, picturing it, “I’m rich, what should I do? Should I cut ties with my parents and go wash dishes to support myself? That’s crazy. What parents would want their child to suffer? If they have money, they want their children to spend it.”

“North, calm down, why do you sound so passionate?”

“I am passionate, especially about money stuff, I’m super passionate.” I admitted, laughing at myself, “So, what do you want me to do? I’m rich, you know?” I said, still laughing, “Man, I get passionate about this stuff so easily. I wish I could say stuff like this in real life.”

“Yeah, I get it now. You get into it way too easily.” the person next to me laughed again, though not too loudly because there were others around, “So, about not having to do anything because you’re born into wealth?”

“What should they do then? What do you want them to do?” I countered.

“Yeah, I don’t know about that one.”

“Just saying ‘rich kids’ makes it sound bad, but they’re people too, right? Everyone has asked their parents for money at some point. You’ve asked, I’ve asked sometimes too, and my money runs out mid-month, it’s sad.”

“But when you’re born into a wealthy family, it’s already comfortable. You don’t really have to do anything, you don’t even need to study, don’t need to work, right?” Palm raised an eyebrow.

“Um, that’s true, but being born rich doesn’t mean they lack ability.”

“…”

“We use the term ‘your parents are rich’, and we overlook a lot of things. They might have their own pressures, pressures that we don’t understand. Being rich means they have social expectations, right? Not to mention the comparisons. Life isn’t easy no matter what. They might be trying hard but no one notices, which can be really discouraging.”

“North, you’re giving me chills.”

“Why…did I say something good?”

“No, I just feel like I need to go to the bathroom.”

“You’re a bastard, always with crude jokes.” I said before letting out a small laugh, “So, any more questions? Hurry up, I want to continue my game.”

“There’s one more. What about people who just keep using their parents’ money without caring about anything else, spending it until they die or something like that?” Palm looked down at the report again, reading the question.

“Honestly, I think that’s their business. But are they really okay with living like that?”

“And if they are?”

“Then it’s fine, they should just keep doing it.”

“Don’t you ever think the world is unfair? Like, being born rich means you’re born successful. People like you work so hard.”

“The world has never been fair, has it? What are you going to do about it? Just keep complaining without doing anything, cursing the rich won’t make you rich. It’s annoying.” I said, before diving back into my game. I was starting to get a headache. Why did Palm choose such a hard topic? “If the world isn’t fair, we just have to try harder.”

“So that’s why you work part-time jobs?”

“Partly, but honestly, I just wanted to help my family a bit. Using money you earned yourself feels much prouder, you know? Deep down, it feels better than, say, those rich kids you mentioned. If they want to use their parents’ money until they die, it’s not wrong, it’s their right, but deep down, don’t they feel a bit worthless? Do they really feel okay being looked down upon like that all the time?”

“…”

“Why not improve your life even more when you’ve already got a good start? From rich to super-rich, so rich that those who love to gossip and envy you drop dead, slap them with your own money, is there a problem with that? Slap them with a wad of thousand-baht notes, make their head burst.”

“Damn, slap them with banknotes until their head bursts, how big should that wad be?”

“Exactly, but I think it would be damn satisfying, really. Look down on me, huh? I’m rich, so what? This is my money. Keep talking, I’ll buy the world and kick you out to Mars, so you’ll know what the power of money is like,” I said.

“Damn, that’s brutal, man, I’m scared now.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty damn cool,” I said, holding back laughter along with the person sitting next to me.

♣♣♣

The words of that soybean milk kid kept spinning in my mind, even though hours had passed. I was out for my usual night out, the music in the bar was loud, along with the noise of the crowd. I held a cigarette in one hand, bringing it to my lips again, inhaling and then blowing out the gray smoke.

“But being a rich kid doesn’t mean they have no skills at all…”

   “They might try hard, but no one sees it until they give up.”

   “The world has never been fair, has it? If the world isn’t fair, we have to try harder.”

   Those many phrases echoed in my mind like someone was replaying a tape…The world really isn’t fair, but all we can do is try harder. But the idea of effort never crossed my mind. I’m already rich, after all. Everything seems so easy, I could live like this until I die.

“If they want to use their parents’ money until they die, it’s not wrong, it’s their right, but deep down, don’t they feel worthless? Do they really feel okay being looked down upon like that all the time?”

Yes…deep down, I’m not that happy with who I am, because of the words saying that without my parents’ money, what would be left of me? The answer is nothing.

No one is okay with being looked down upon like this all the time.

“Why not improve your life even more when you’ve already got a good start?”

   “Using money you earned yourself feels much prouder, you know?”

   That’s right, that kid earned his money by himself, even though he’s younger than me. Not from a well-off family, but why does he think like that?

“Joe.”

“Hmm?”

“What are you zoning out about?” James asked as he set his drink down, moving his other hand to wrap around the waist of a woman sitting nearby. “Which girl are you eyeing tonight?”

“Nah, I think I’ll head home.” I said, putting out my cigarette in the ashtray with a sigh, feeling quite bored. The conversation with that kid had been stuck in my head all evening, making it a less than fun night.

“Oh, leaving us just like that?”

“Sorry, see you later.”

“Sure, sure.” I walked out of the game shop, got into my favorite car, and drove home before midnight. Grandma would surely be surprised to see me back so early. My mind was still replaying those words.

Damn, it’s so irritating.

“James, do you remember that kid who sells soy milk?” I asked James while we were at school during lunch break. That kid had kept me up almost all night with too much thinking.

“Yeah, I remember him, but you, you don’t. Why?”

“Tell me about him.”

“You mean…North, right?”

“His name is North?” I raised an eyebrow, questioning.

“Yeah, North is a cute kid, lives near our place, Joe. Why don’t you know him? You drink his soy milk every day.”

“The soy milk that makes Joe here wants to go inject himself with insulin.” Frank interjected, “I didn’t think it was sweet.”

“It is sweet.” I argued, “Continue, James.”

“Why the interest?”

“No reason, just heard him talking to a friend yesterday.”

“Ah, got his heart, huh? I figured. Too bad you were there to hear it, it was clearly about you.” James said, chuckling a little, “I felt a bit choked up for him, but he was right, wasn’t he?”

“If it didn’t hit you in the heart, you wouldn’t think this way, right, Joe?” James asked again, making me sigh slightly, “Seriously, that kid is completely different from you, polar opposites. I heard his dad passed away a long time ago. He lives with his mom and aunt, I guess, because his family isn’t wealthy, so he does parttime work too.”

“Really?” Frank raised an eyebrow in surprise, “He’s in high school, right?” “He’s been working since middle school.” James said, “Now look at you, Joe, born into a rich family but doing absolutely nothing, you’re the opposite.”

“Yeah, damn it.” I cursed in frustration.

“Oh, now you’re irritated.” Frank teased slightly.

“North is an optimist, he’s super laid back, so much so that anyone around him feels at ease.” James said, “He’s also very understanding.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

♣♣♣

“Today, can I go stay over at a friend’s house?” I said cheerfully into the phone, talking to my mom about not coming home tonight because tomorrow was Saturday, and I was still playing games at the shop.

“What about your homework?”

(What work?)

   “Group project, need to help Te and Ball with it.”

(Okay, okay, what time will you be back? Should I pick you up?)

   “Not sure yet, but North can get back on his own.”

(Okay, son.)

   “Yes, mom.”

♣♣♣

“Is that really okay, North? If your mom finds out, you’re in big trouble.” Tae, who was sitting next to me, said with a worried look. These guys knew well how strict my mother could be.

“It’s fine, I’m at your place for a group project, right?”

“But the work is already done.” “Yeah, but I really want to play this game all night, can’t do that at home.” because I don’t have a computer, T^T, and so me and my two friends, Tae and Ball, stayed at the shop playing games late into the night.

My girlfriend was stuck reading books. Normally we don’t talk much because she’s quite the bookworm, and I’m not complaining; I let her read while I play games with my friends.

After more than an hour, suddenly the door to the game shop opened with a loud bang. A woman stood at the doorway, looking extremely angry, holding a stick of star gooseberry in her hand.

Mom…

Damn.

She’s here.

“Mom…” I called out to the person walking in with a mix of fear and apprehension, swallowing hard, feeling a chill run down my spine from the weapon in her hand. My knees felt weak.

“North, oh shit, what do we do, we’re all dead.” Ball nudged me, his voice trembling as well.

“Start praying.” I whispered, feeling terrified, oh no, T^T.

“North!! Didn’t you say you were doing group work? Tae! Ball!”

“Yes, ma’am!” my two friends responded immediately.

“I’ve already called your parents, they’ll be here to pick you up soon.” my mother said kindly to my two friends, though her voice was cold enough to freeze hearts. Their faces turned pale instantly – they had lied to their parents too about group work, “As for you North…”

“Yes…ma’am.” “Come here!” “Ouch, ouch, Mom, don’t pull, Mom.” I cried out loudly when she yanked my ear to make me stand up. Thank goodness the shop was empty late at night. I glanced over to see James watching with amusement, what’s so funny, Phii? T^T

“Were you lying? Huh!”

“Ouch!” I yelled when the gooseberry stick struck me. Why does she hit so hard? It hurt so much, T^T, and then she struck several more times.

“Group work? Lying to your mother now? I never minded your gaming, but to not even come home, do you know how worried people at home were? Don’t be so reckless!”

“Ouch, ow, it hurts, Mom, please don’t hit me, it really hurts, I promise I won’t do it again.” I begged for mercy, but to no avail. The gooseberry stick came down again, this time it broke.

Tears are flowing now…it hurts so much that tears are coming out.

And so, the tears of this grown boy just came out, T^T

“Sniff, Mom, it hurts.” Since the tears were already flowing, I just went ahead and cried, hoping my mom would feel sorry for me.

“Why are you crying!”

“Ouch!”

“Are you a man or not! Hold it in, the more you cry, the more I’ll hit you!”

“Ouch! Mom!”

“What, why are you calling me?”

“Uh, I love you, ouch!”

“Don’t try to cover it up with ‘I love you’, the old tricks don’t work anymore!”

“Ouch!”

I watched the scene before me in astonishment because it was late, and I was planning to go out to a club, having spent the whole day in James’s shop. But when I stepped out and stopped at the corner of the stairs, I heard a commotion. What’s going on?

Did someone;s mom come to take their kid back home?

I saw the soybean milk-selling kid being hit by a woman who I assumed was his mother. He probably stayed out late playing games and didn’t go home. James, who was with us, seemed to find it amusing.

Good grief.

If my mom came looking for me while I was out, I wouldn’t be too happy about it either. That kid must feel the same, getting hit in front of friends like that – isn’t it embarrassing?

“Uh, Mom, if you hit me too hard, you’ll complain about your hand hurting again.”

“Oh dear, this is love. If not, I wouldn’t care, my hand is all red now.”

“See, I have realized my mistake, let’s go eat something nice instead, so you’ll be in a good mood, right?”

Why is he still in such a good mood? What James said about him being easygoing might be an understatement; isn’t he even a little angry or upset?

“I understand you’re worried, I apologize. I promise I won’t do it again, okay?” I said, making a cute pleading face to appease my mother, hoping she’d stop being angry. Eventually, she couldn’t help but laugh.

“There you go, you’re smiling now, right? Let’s go get something to eat instead, let’s go.” I said my goodbyes to my friends and walked out awkwardly due to the pain from the beating.

Even after being punished like that, why wasn’t I angry? Because I understood she was worried, right? If that’s the case, then maybe James was right when he said being with someone like North would make you feel at ease. ♣♣♣ Just hearing a few words from him…

   Words like, ‘doesn’t mean they don’t have any ability at all.’ I don’t know, it was something no one had ever said to me before. Because all my life I’ve only heard things like, ‘You were born rich, you don’t need to do anything.’

   Those few sentences from that day made me rethink things over and over until I decided…I wanted to try doing something on my own.

   And that was the small spark that made me start taking an interest in him.

   The first thing that surprised me was…

   Why does this person look so bright and cheerful? Can someone really have this much positive energy? He smiles a lot, whether he’s selling soy milk, at the game shop, or just talking to others.

   And I found myself getting more and more addicted to that smile.

   “Joe, aren’t you going out to the club anymore? I hardly see you.” a girl from my school walked up to ask, wearing her school uniform, “Do you know that I miss you?”

“Oh, I still go out. Haven’t you seen me?”

“Go to club my ass, Joe.” James chimed in, “You haven’t been out for days, didn’t you notice?”

“Really?” I raised an eyebrow at the other, “Do you really miss me?” I then turned to ask the same girl.

“Yes, I miss you a lot.”

“Then we’ll meet up later, okay?”

“Uhmm, call me, I’ll be waiting.” She whispered softly into my ear, giving a sweet smile before walking away. She had a nice smile, but it didn’t compare to his.

“Joe, seriously, what’s up with you?” Frank asked with a serious tone, “You haven’t been going out for days now, is something wrong?”

“Yeah, I was going to ask the same. Usually, you go out every day, but since last week came around, you’ve just been playing games at my shop and then going straight home.” James added.

“I don’t know, I’m just bored.” I said, expressing how I felt, “No matter how beautiful the women are, I start to feel bored with all of them.”

“The saturation point of a playboy, huh?” Frank asked.

“Probably, I need a break.” I said.

“Sure, do whatever you feel like.” James said, shaking his head slightly in disgust. Yeah…I kind of don’t understand myself either. It’s boring, everything is just boring. No matter how beautiful, sexy, or cute a woman is, I’m bored with it all. Maybe I’ve reached the saturation point as Frank mentioned.

But there’s someone’s smile that makes me want to see it every day. No matter how much I look at it, it’s never enough, to the point where I want to buy it just so I can look at it alone.

I don’t really understand myself right now either, but sitting at the corner table of the shop playing games has become my daily evening ritual, just to see that one smile, to listen to what the junior talks about with friends. I don’t know why I’m so drawn to one person’s laughter, and to see the same person selling soymilk from the cart in front of the market every morning, smiling at everyone who comes to buy, no matter how tired he might be.

But I still wonder when this junior will understand the phrase, ‘no sugar’, for once.

“James.” I called out while the three of us were sitting in the innermost room of the game shop. The shop wasn’t crowded yet since it was still daytime.

“What’s up?” “I’ve got a question for both of you.” I said, turning towards Frank. “Sure, go ahead.” “If I like someone, but they’ve never done anything for me, would that be weird?” My question made the other two look at each other in surprise immediately.

“Huh, what kind of question is that? It’s not weird, why? Who do you like?” James said.

“Really? Someone like you, Joe?” Frank asked, with a look of disbelief.

“Why, what’s wrong with someone like me?” I asked back.

“What the hell.” Frank said, “And then what? Who do you like? Do you really like them?”

“I don’t know, but I know I like them. Not sure if it’s serious or not.” I said it according to my feelings. It’s a-like, but I’m not sure if it’s serious, because I’ve never been serious with anyone. I don’t even understand what ‘serious’ means.

“Who is it?”

“It’s the kid.” I answered.

“The kid? Oh, the one who sits opposite you at my shop all the time, I thought so, I’ve seen you looking often.” James said, “I was wondering, so in the end, you’ve fallen for him.”

“Nong North, huh?” Frank raised an eyebrow. I nodded in confirmation, “Well, that’s good. If you like him, just say it, be straightforward.”

“And why do you like him?” James asked.

“I’m not sure myself, that’s why I asked if it’s strange. Liking someone who hasn’t done anything for me.”

No, saying he hasn’t done anything for me isn’t entirely accurate. If I say he’s like a motivational force that makes me want to change myself, that wouldn’t be too strange, I guess.

   As for North, he’s just being himself…and that’s why I like him even more.

   “It’s not strange. What do you expect him to do for you, jump in front of a bullet like in a drama? That’s foolish, this is real life. You don’t need a reason to love someone, you just do, right?”

“Yeah.”

“And how do you like him, explain it.”

“Well, I like him. I want to see him smile, want to keep it for myself, don’t want him to be cute for others to see, damn, I want to buy him and keep him at home just for me.”

“That’s not just liking, Joe, that’s being smitten, you animal.”

“Yeah, he’s the one who makes me feel like I want to stop fucking around, the first person who made me feel this way.”

“So that’s why you’ve been going out less lately.”

“Probably, something like that.” I answered.

“Would you call this being serious, Joe?” James furrowed his brow, “But for someone like you, who’s never been serious with anyone, this must feel unsettling.”

“It does.” I said.

It felt like I was losing my balance more and more, to the point where I didn’t feel like myself, constantly thinking about how great it would be if he was by my side. But another part of me wondered if someone like me could take care of him.

“I think.” James started, with a slight smirk.

♣♣♣

“North.” I turned around at the call from behind to find James calling my name before he sat down in the chair next to me. Today, I was back at the same game shop. Although the hourly rate is a bit expensive, the system where you can accumulate points for free play is great. I’ve been getting a lot of free hours lately. “Yes?” “I’ve got something to ask.”

“Oh, sure, what is it?” I turned my attention to the person beside me immediately, wondering what was on his mind.

“Well, one of my friends really likes you.”

“Huh?” I raised an eyebrow, surprised by his words, “Yes, and then?”

“Honestly, he probably wanted to tell you himself, but I thought I’d ask first. Do you have anyone special yet?” James asked. Who could it be? One of James’s friends likes me? I don’t even know any of his friends.

“Oh…I have a girlfriend now, sorry about that.”

“…” James looked stunned for a moment, “Really? You have a girlfriend now? Seriously? Why didn’t I know about this? You’ve always said you were single.”

“We just started dating yesterday.” I said, offering him a shy smile.

“Damn it.” James muttered softly while holding his forehead, “My friend really likes you, you know. At first, he said he wanted to court you himself, but I said I could definitely talk to you, so I took the initiative.”

“Oh…but I have a girlfriend now.”

“Hey, seriously, when are you going to break up?”

“James, that’s not nice.” I said, making a sour face at the person beside me, “We just started dating yesterday, why would we break up?”

“Just break up, trust me, my friend is way better.”

“What? That doesn’t matter. I have a girlfriend now.” I reiterated, noticing how James seemed uneasy. Would his friend be very disappointed?

“I’m sorry.” I apologized again.

“North, my friend is really rich, super handsome, perfect in every way.”

“James, what’s this? Are you trying to persuade me?”

“Yes, I’m cheering for my friend. Why not give it a chance?” “But I already have a girlfriend. Talking to someone else would be cheating, and I wouldn’t do that.” I said, shaking my head slightly in refusal, “I’m not the type to cheat on my girlfriend.”

“What’s her name?”

“Her name is Jaja, why do you ask?”

“My friend might love North more than this someone named Jaja does. He might take better care of you. If you close yourself off like this, you might miss out on someone who loves you more, don’t you think? Won’t you give it a chance?”

“Uh…” I was silent for a moment, swallowing hard. I get what James is saying, but still…”Even if that’s the case, he’s come at the wrong time, I guess. Maybe he’s the right person, but at the wrong time.”

“Wow, North, when you talk like that, it breaks my heart. My friend is quite the playboy, but he’s thinking about stopping for you.”

“Really?” I said softly. If what James is saying is true, then that guy must really like me, right?

“…”

“But…he’s still too late.”

“…”

“I’m sorry.”

 

   NORTH HOW MUCH IS YOUR LOVE CHAPTERS HOME

NORTHHOWMUCHISYOURLOVE, Chapter 24 part 1

   Chapter 24: The Other Side

   About three years ago…

   “Umm, ah…” The sound of moaning from the person in front of me ceased. I slowly withdrew, pulling off the condom and tossing it into the trash bin beside the bed, then got up and walked into the bathroom to clean myself up before returning to the bed in just my pants.

I glanced at the beautiful, fair-skinned woman lying on the bed without any clothes, her face flushed and breathing heavily from our earlier activity. “Joe…” She called out softly, then propped herself up and hugged me from behind. “That was amazing, it was really good just now.”

“Was it? Want another round?” I asked, turning to look into her eyes. She looked back for a moment before averting her gaze.

“Don’t look at me like that, I’m embarrassed.” She said with a slight embarrassed look, then let go of the hug and sat next to me on the bed instead. She looked at me with a flirtatious gaze, her hand touching my chest and slowly running down to my stomach.

“God, you have an insane body.”

I didn’t reply, just gave a small smile, then picked up a cigarette from the pack, placed it in my mouth, and lit it with a lighter, inhaling deeply until I felt the coolness in my throat, then exhaled the grey smoke.

“Smoking again.”

“Don’t like it?”

“No, not at all. As long as it’s you, I like everything.” She said with an embarrassed smile, but I felt nothing for her words or her actions. I took out my phone to check the time, seeing it was almost 2 AM, and there were several messages from different people.

I thought about replying to the messages first, but had to put the phone down when she moved closer.

“Who were you talking to?”

“No one.” I said, placing the phone down beside me.

“Hmm, really?” She said in a low voice, making a slight pout, “Johan.” calling my name again, before looking up, her eyes fixed on my face.

“Hmm.”

“You’re so handsome, whose boyfriend are you?” She touched my cheek softly and caressed it, “Am I the only one?” “Indeed, what do you think?” I said half-jokingly, then lifted my hand to gently remove hers from my face.

“That’s right, so can it just be me? Can you break up with the others?” The slender, naked figure leaned into me for another hug, trying to be coy.

It’s not just her; every woman who gets involved with me knows I’m not serious with anyone, yet they still choose to come to me. Some think they can stop me, others come for different reasons, but I don’t care, as long as I can have fun day by day.

“So, what do you want to do?” I asked, before she moved to straddle my lap, wrapping her arms around my neck, her seductive gaze and smile something I’ve seen so often it’s almost tedious. The person on my lap shifted slightly, the light scent of perfume wafting up, “Perfume?”

“Yes, new Gucci scent, do you like it?”

“I do like it, but I prefer your natural scent. Next time, no need to wear any.” I said, my words making her smile broadly with satisfaction.

Not really…

Because the perfume would stick to me, and others would smell it too.

“Do you really like it? Then I’ll go take a shower.” She said, leaning in to whisper in my ear, “We can go for another round.”

I gave a slight, amused twitch of a smile at her words.

But now…I’m getting bored.

“We need to leave soon.”

“Aw, why?”

“I’ll go ahead.” I said, moving my hands to her waist to lift her off my lap, despite the touch of her soft, bare skin. I saw her pristine, unclothed body, but I felt no desire anymore; after just a few encounters with the same person, I get bored.

“Wait, no!” “Kiss me, please. Ever since we’ve been together, all we do is have sex. We’ve never kissed.” She said, making a pleading face again, leaning in close, her lips lightly touching mine, but I didn’t reciprocate.

“I don’t like kissing, sorry.” I said, gently pushing her away, standing up and putting my shirt on, leaving her alone on the bed with a disappointed look. Yes…I don’t kiss my sexual partners.

And I’ve never kissed anyone before.

I can’t even imagine…if I would ever kiss someone out of love.

“Joe, are you really leaving?”

“Yeah, I have to go. See you later.” I said, heading towards the door. This room was in a hotel that I had rented, and I paid for it. It’s more accurate to call it a love hotel, one where they don’t check your age in the tourist area. As long as you have money to pay, it’s fine. She can check-out herself in the morning.

“Wait…just a second.” She quickly put on a robe and followed me, grabbing my arm, “Joe, tell me you love me, before you go, can you? You’ve never said you love me since we’ve been together.”

“Sure.”

“…” She looked like she was waiting for my words.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Joe.” She said, smiling happily. I patted her head lightly before leaving the room. Those ‘I love you’s when I don’t actually love…I’ve said them countless times, as long as they want me to say it.

Even though I know deep down it’s all lies…

“Johan is so lucky, born with everything, handsome, rich, living a luxurious life without needing to do anything.”

   “With that much money, who wouldn’t like it? Plus, he’s incredibly good-looking, any woman would want him, it’s only natural. Who doesn’t like rich people?”

   “I’m jealous, seriously, he doesn’t even need to study. The money his parents make now could last him lifetimes. If I were him, I wouldn’t study either.”

   “Born rich, that’s the good life, huh. Doesn’t have to do anything, born into comfort with money to spare.”

   Hah…idiots.

I cursed under my breath in frustration, exhaling cigarette smoke to ease the irritation inside. At this late hour, the annoying words of people often resurface in my mind, even when I try not to think about anything.

And it always manages to piss me off.

What made it even more irritating was that what they said was true.

I was born into a family that could be described as well-off, involved in electronics businesses and many other ventures. From birth to adulthood, everyone treated me like I was special because I was the only son of the owner of one of the nation’s largest companies.

“It’s because of your good looks and money, so how can you tell who’s really serious about you if you had nothing left? Just see who would still like you.”

The words of a childhood friend echoed in my mind as I stepped into my car, started it, and drove back home.

Am I not thinking straight?

If you had nothing, who would like you?

I’m not a womanizer because I think like that, you know, like ‘no one takes me seriously, so I don’t have to take anyone seriously either.’

No, I’m a womanizer purely because that’s my nature.

I’ve never been serious about it when someone says they like me because of my money or looks. It’s not strange for people to like someone for such reasons.

I parked the car at the large house’s driveway, my grandmother’s home, who owns all the land around here. I moved in with her since high school because my parents rarely had time. This kind of neighborhood is quite peaceful, but the downside is that the school I attend is far away, and so are the places to hang out.

I went up to my room, took a shower, and then flopped onto my bed. Tomorrow I’d have to go to school again…oh well.

“Young Master…Young Master, it’s time to wake up.” I was roused by the voice of the butler uncle, waking me up. It was late again, wasn’t it? I quickly got dressed into my not-so-neat school uniform, didn’t tuck in my shirt, and my socks and shoes were out of regulation, but who cares?

“You’re late again.” Grandma said as she walked me to the car.

“But you, you look beautiful again.” I teased a bit before going in for a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

“Always flattering, you little charmer.” Grandma said, gently pinching my cheek. “Now hurry up. You never have time for breakfast. Rong, make sure to buy food for Joe as usual.”

“Yes.” Uncle Rong nodded. I looked at him with a slight annoyance.

“Can’t I drive myself for once?”

“No, later in the evening, if you go out, make sure to come back for dinner before going out at night, understand?” Grandma said with the same old phrase. Uncle Rong drives me to and from school because if I drive myself, I’ll sneak out and not come back for dinner at home.

At the very least, I have to come home for dinner, then I can go out wherever I want. Grandma is very indulgent with me; she never opposes me, especially not about money.

I sat in the back seat of the car while Uncle Rong drove past the market in front of the village before stopping.

“Can’t we not eat that?” I asked, irritated, glancing outside. This car has tinted windows, so people outside can’t see in. “No, Young Master, Khunying has instructed.” Uncle Rong replied.

“Don’t let that kid make my milk again.”

“That would be rude. We can’t choose who makes it.”

“Then tell him I don’t want it sweet.” I reiterated a phrase I’ve said countless times.

“Yes.” Uncle Rong agreed before closing the car door and heading to buy soy milk from the market stall. Since I always wake up late and miss breakfast, Grandma usually tells Uncle Rong to stop for soy milk for my morning meal, saying it’s good for health.

Really?

I might die of diabetes at this rate.

I sighed while glancing out, the old man selling it does a good job, but that kid makes it ridiculously sweet. No matter how many times I say I don’t want it sweet, every bag is sweet.

After a while, Uncle Rong returned with soy milk and Chinese donuts in hand. I reached out to take them.

Sweet…

Again.

I frowned at the overly sweet taste filling my mouth. I don’t like sweet things, especially something this sweet, but I have to drink it every morning. What a fate.

“Why did that kid make it again?” I grumbled slightly.

“I can’t tell him not to make it, that’s not right, Young Master. He’s quite nice. He even threw in extra donuts.” Uncle Rong said before starting the car, “I guess he remembers that I come every day. He really pays attention to his customers.”

“It would be even better if he paid attention to my blood sugar levels too.” I said with a sigh. “How should one feel when a friend steps out of a Ferrari, but he’s carrying a bag of soy milk to drink at school every day?” ‘James’ , one of my friends, came over to greet me as I got out of the car in front of the school, because I hadn’t finished it, so I had to bring it to school to continue eating.

“Why not? Can’t I drink it?”

“Are you that fond of the soy milk vendor? Why do you have to drink it every day?”

“No, but I have to drink it, don’t I? Where else can I choose from?” I grumbled.

“It’s not that sweet, right? From what I tasted when I tried it last time, it was delicious.” James said.

“It’s insanely sweet. I have to take insulin after drinking it.” I sighed, then tossed the empty soy milk and doughnut bags into the trash, walking into school with James.

“But the one who sells it, do you remember him? The senior who often comes to my shop.” James asked. He runs a game shop near my neighborhood, but the school I’m at is really far from the neighborhood, though it’s better than the schools closer to home.

“I didn’t.”

“You drink him soy milk every day and still can’t remember?”

“Do I have to remember?” I turned to ask the person beside me.

“You can’t even remember the name of the girl you slept with last night, can you?” James teased. I didn’t argue because I really couldn’t remember. “I’ve got something new. Want to try it out?”

“Really? From where?”

“From England.”

“Have you tried it?”

“It’s top-notch.” James said. “Sounds good, let’s go this afternoon.” I agreed. As I mentioned, I’m not that good of a person; drinking, chasing girls, and other not-so-great things. James and Rong are the same. This ‘new thing’ he’s talking about is a vape from overseas.

“You two.” a voice called out from behind, making us both turn around immediately. It was the discipline teacher we’ve encountered often enough to recognize, “Your shoes are against the dress code, why isn’t your hair in the proper style, why isn’t your shirt tucked in properly, and your socks are too short again.”

“Oh, come on, teacher, it’s just these things.” James said with the mischievous tone we often use when dealing with strict teachers. We’ve been caught so many times it’s practically routine.

“Who told you to wear sneakers to school? Inside the Nike ones, limited edition or not, the teacher will confiscate them all. It’s against school rules. How many times do I have to say this? You three are the worst.”

“But there’s only two of us here.” I said, “Did you see anyone else besides us?” Then I looked around the room, feigning ignorance, which only made the teacher angrier.

“I meant your friend Frank too, you three are the most frequent violators of the school rules.” the teacher said with a displeased look, “Go to the disciplinary room now.”

“Wow, this is easy.” I said, “Better to sit in the cool air-conditioned room than to study, huh, James? We don’t have to go to class.”

“Yeah, that’s right, I agree, Joe, right? We can even go get some coffee from the teacher’s room. Teacher Sukontha’s coffee is the best. Last time, I snuck in to make some.”

“Hey, you all!”

“Oh, but you told us to go to the disciplinary room.” I questioned, “Or do you want us to go back to class?” “Oh, my head hurts, just come during lunch break then, go line up for the flag ceremony now.” the teacher said, exasperated, before leaving. Me and James exchanged a small laugh before heading to the lineup.

At lunch break, me and my two friends headed to the school gate, planning to sneak out.

“The teacher was really annoyed, why didn’t we go when we were supposed to?” James said.

“We’ll go apologize later, teacher.” I said before throwing my backpack over the fence, then climbing over with the other two following. It didn’t take long before we were outside the school.

“Are we going to your shop, James?” Frank asked while starting the car. I and James were sitting inside.

“Yes.”

“Did you get new stuff? That was quick.”

“Just the usual, VIP customers get first dibs.” James said proudly, raising his eyebrows. We then headed back to James’s game shop, where a friend was helping to open it for us. We entered through the front, which was just an ordinary game shop, but further inside was our hangout spot, with a sign that said ‘No Outsiders Allowed.’

We often hung out here when we had nowhere else to go; bars and other entertainment spots aren’t open during the day. If you ask why we don’t stay in school, I’d just say we’re bored of it. And it’s not just us; many of our friends like coming here too.

“Hey, what’s up?” a friend from another class greeted us as we walked in, “Joe, heard you were out with a kid yesterday?”

“I don’t know, not really a kid anymore, I guess.” I said, slumping down on the sofa. “How was it? Give us a review.”

“She’s not that bad.” I said, taking the vape from James, “She’s sweet like animal feed, but smooth.” I added after trying the new vape that James recommended.

“Not that bad, really? That’s the school star of the girls’ school, man.”

“Well, it’s not that bad, even when she was on top, I wasn’t in the mood.” I admitted my thoughts. Everything about my words, actions, and thoughts clearly shows I’m really a bit of a jerk, and people with similar attitudes tend to stick together like all of us here.

Living life for daily fun without caring about tomorrow, doing whatever we want, everything we desire can be bought with money.

Yes…no need to try hard at anything.

Just being born rich already judges you.

My phone rang, and I saw it was my dad calling. I let out a small sigh at the sight of the caller ID before stepping away to answer the call, still holding the vape in my other hand.

(Johan)

   “What?”

(Skipping school again? The teacher called to complain.)

   “Oh, right, then why ask?” I grumbled back, then took another drag from the vape.

(Why aren’t you attending classes?)

   “I’m lazy.”

(When will you stop acting like this? I won’t say anything if you don’t want to study, come work with me then. Don’t just spend your days drinking, smoking, and chasing women. You’re smoking right now, aren’t you?)

   “…” (I’ve never minded you spending money, you can spend however much you want, but don’t just waste your days like this, can you?)

   “…”

(Stop acting like a loser.)

   “How many times have you said that now? Aren’t you tired of it?”

(Of course I’m tired, I’m tired of nagging.)

   “Then stop nagging. I’m hanging up now.”

(Hold on, Joe, I still want to talk to you about…)

   I hung up, not in the best of moods, the same old words my father keeps pouring into my ears almost every day when we’re in the same house. Now that I’ve moved in with Grandma, he still calls to say the same things. Why does it have to be so annoying?

Is he allergic to dogs or something?

Hah, and so what?

I walked back inside just as James was coming out of the room.

“Did your dad call again?” James raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah.”

“Let’s go play some games to cheer up, shall we? I’m about to go watch the shop, it’ll get busy when school lets out.” the other suggested. I nodded slightly before heading outside.

♣♣♣

I rode my motorbike to the front of the tutoring school and parked. When the bike stopped, the person riding behind me slowly got off, glancing back at me.

“I’ll go up first, remember to pick me up at half past six, okay?”

“Sure.” I smiled in acknowledgment, watching Jaja walk into the tutoring school. Jaja is the only girl I’m currently talking to, or rather, trying to court, but we’re not dating yet. I had about two and a half hours to kill before she was done, and the usual place I go to pass the time is James’s game shop.

“You’re late today, North.” James remarked when I walked into the shop.

“I had some errands.” I said, “I’ve completed my hours, right, James? You said after I play for a certain amount, I get two free hours.” I handed over the game time card. James is a senior to me by one year, we go to different schools, and his school is supposedly very posh with high tuition fees.

“You’re a regular customer now.” James teased a bit before looking at the card, “Ah, okay, free play for two hours, same table as usual?” I nodded. I like sitting at the table in the corner; the place is very spacious, and each table has its own partition, offering a lot of privacy.

I took the activation code and sat down at my usual spot.

The smell of cigarettes…

I frowned slightly at the faint smell of cigarettes drifting from the person at the table opposite mine, definitely. The partition is too high for me to see who it is, and it would be rude to peek.

After playing on the computer for a while, my phone rang. It was a friend from the neighborhood calling. I answered immediately.

(North. Are you at home? I want to come over.)

   “I’m not at home, I’m at the game shop, what’s up?”

(Homework for Research class, my group has to submit it tomorrow. Can you help?)

   “Come over, I’m at James’s game shop.”

(Can I come? I need to ask you some questions. Will it bother others?)

   “Probably not. There aren’t many people right now, hurry up.” I said, before Palm hung up. It was around 4 PM. Normally, I’d be here earlier since my school finishes early. It’s not a very strict school, just a small one.

But lately, I’ve stopped coming to the game shop first thing. I have to drop off my girlfriend at her tutoring session first, and after she’s done, we eat together, then I take her home.

I was already into my game when Palm walked in, sat down at the table next to mine, and pulled out his research report.

“Alright, let’s start then, North.”

“Hold on, Palm, I’m focusing.” I said, eyes still on the computer screen in front of me, “What’s your group’s topic?”

“It’s about people’s perceptions of wealth, like the rich versus the poor.”

“Wow…” I said, sounding impressed, “Your group’s topic seems meaningful. Look at mine, asking what brands of kibble different dog breeds prefer, how am I supposed to know that? It depends on the individual dog’s taste. Not every Beagle likes Pedigree, you know.”

“Who chose that topic, seriously?” Palm asked, laughing.

“Asshole Tae.”

“I knew it. That’s so pointless.”

“It’s useful information for people just starting to own dogs.” I explained, “So they can choose the right brand of kibble for the breed, to make sure the dog likes it. But in the end, if the dog says it wants to eat pork larb, then that’s it.”

“North, you’re something else.” The person next to me called out my name and burst into laughter, holding his stomach, “You’re in a good mood today.”

“Isn’t that normal? And have you asked others already? Why do you have to ask me?”

“Well, the target for the survey had to be from our school and the same grade. We’ve asked a few people, but I thought it’d be better to ask you directly, especially since you’re pretty knowledgeable about money matters, North.”

“I’m really into the money talk.” I said while clicking my mouse to play the game, listening to Palm through one ear, while my brain tried to process two things simultaneously, “What about the others, what did they say?”

“Well…” Palm went silent for a moment as he opened the report, “I asked something like, what do they think about rich people? They all pretty much said they’re jealous, especially of those born with a silver spoon, you know, born rich. They don’t have to do anything and they’re comfortable.”

“Oh, right, go on.” I said, having listened but not really processed it because I was focused on the game.

“People who got rich on their own are more respectable, those who are rich because of their parents aren’t really considered rich.”

“Why’s that?” I inquired.

“I asked around a lot, and that’s what I wrote down. They also said the worst are those who just spend their parents’ money day in and day out, like they were born to make their parents struggle, leeching off them, even though they themselves don’t do anything, just waiting to spend the money.”

 

   NORTH HOW MUCH IS YOUR LOVE CHAPTERS HOME

NORTHHOWMUCHISYOURLOVE, Chapter 23 part 2

“Phii Prang.” Phii Joe called out as he walked back into the kitchen, “Are you free?”

“I have something to do next, why?”

“Could you stay with the kid for a bit? I’m going out.”

“Business?”

“Uh, at the faculty.”

“Are you going to the faculty?” I asked when I heard Phii Joe was going out. He nodded slightly, “Why are you going there, sir?”

“To help Hill with the Sport Day meeting, and also about Arthit not wanting to come back.”

Phii Arthit still hasn’t come back…

“Can I go too? If Phii Hill is going, Ter will have to go too, right?” I asked.

“Ter is going, but you stay here. You can’t go.”

“I can go.” I said. Phii Prang mentioned she had work to do. I didn’t want to bother her to stay with me, and I didn’t want to be alone either. It would be better to go with Ter, “Can I go too?”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Alright then.”

Before leaving, we thanked Phii Prang for the food and clothes she bought, and then Phii Joe and I went to the medical faculty. I wore a hoodie zipped up to my neck and a face mask as usual. My hip pain was gradually improving, and I could walk normally now, though it still hurt a bit.

The luxury car pulled up at the medical school parking lot. Earlier, when we left the condo, I noticed an Audi and a Jaguar belonging to Phii Johan parked nearby. How many cars does that guy own?

Upon arrival, there were a few people around, and importantly, eyes were on us. I didn’t quite understand it, but I felt slightly uncomfortable with the attention. We took the elevator up to the medical building, where there was a coffee shop on the fifth floor. Once inside, we found a private room where Phii Hill and Ter were sitting.

“What’s up?” Phii Joe asked right away.

“You’ll be meeting with me about Sports Day, then wait for Far to come, and go talk to the dean about Arthit. Otherwise, he’s definitely getting suspended.” Phii Hill said.

“Damn.”

Phii Hill stood up, causing Phii Johan to follow suit, and then both of them left, telling me and Ter to wait in this room. I still wondered why there’s a shop like this in the medical building. It’s too luxurious, and the sofa is incredibly comfortable.

“Wow, North.” Ter said softly, looking a bit uneasy, “So…you guys became a couple yesterday?”

“Ter, stop teasing, please.” I said. Just being teased by Phii Prang earlier made me want to crawl into the ground out of embarrassment. Or just vanish completely, T^T. “And you, how did you manage to get my rubber duck dirty while you were with Phii Hill?”

“I just stopped by the dorm to get some stuff, was holding cocoa too, and then I spilled it.” Ter said. “Oh my god, you messed up my nong rubber duck, and did you finish washing it?”

“It’s done. It’s dried too, just waiting for it to dry completely, your nong dries easily.”

“You calling it ‘nong’ is so cute.” I said, letting out a small laugh at his words, “And hasn’t Phii Arthit come back yet?”

“Not yet.” Ter shook his head, “He’s been gone longer than Phii Joe, who almost died filling out leave forms. Phii Arthit didn’t even apply for leave or anything, just said he was going with Phii Joe. The dean called them back, all three of them, since as friends, they should know what’s going on.”

“Wow…”

“About the Medical Faculty’s Sports Day, there’s been some trouble.”

“What kind of trouble?”

“Money used for the activities was embezzled, and almost half of it was under Phii Joe’s name. Since Phii Hill is the class president, he had to call Phii Joe for a meeting.” Ter explained. I had heard some rumors about the Sports Day in the medical faculty; they have a huge budget for these activities, I heard there’s nearly a million baht in there. Every year, the stands, the parade, everything is just spectacular.

And now, half of that money had something to do with Phii Joe…

Cut to my engineering faculty, T^T

The medical faculty has a very high budget, so everything is luxurious. From the buildings, the educational equipment, to the shops around the faculty, they have everything in abundance. The medical side seems like it’s already developed. One thing that bothers me is the medical school building, which has four elevators per building, but our engineering faculty doesn’t have a single elevator. We have to walk up the stairs every day to get to class, no matter which floor. The students’ knees are all worn out.

Engineers are the ones who build elevators…

So why doesn’t our faculty have any elevators? I’m confused.

“From what they were discussing earlier, I heard Phii Joe say, ‘I’m too lazy for meetings, just let it go, let them embezzle it.’“

“Hold on, you can’t just ignore half a million baht.” I said, making a face of disbelief. How could bro just brush off half a million like that?

“He said he wanted to spend time with you more than going out today.”

“…Really?” I just said that. Oh my, why is he always like this? T^T After a while, someone walked in. I turned to see it was Phii Tonfa. We all greeted him with a wai, and he returned the gesture with a smile.

“Are Hill and Joe in a meeting for Sport Day?” Phii Fah asked.

“Yes.”

“Then it should be over soon, right?” Phii Fah said, “And Nong North, so you’ve decided to date Joe now?”

“Uh…yes.” I answered, nodding to him.

“Congratulations, may you both have a long relationship. If you need any help, just tell me, since you’re dating my friend.” Phii Fah said with a warm smile.

Phii Fah…T^T

What’s with this aura of kindness? It’s hurting my eyes.

“Fah.” Phii Hill called out, and then both seniors sat back down in their original spots.

“How did it go?”

“Joe, man.”

“What happened, are you pissed again?” Phii Fah turned to ask Phii Joe, who seemed to be in a less than good mood judging by his expression. “Yeah, that idiot is annoying. I’ve said not to talk to fools. It’s just a few hundred thousand, what’s there to cheat about? It’s easier to just ask me for money.”

“It’s not about the money being cheated, but having to come to this meeting because of it, damn it.” Phii Hill said, looking resigned as he placed some documents on the table, “The issue isn’t the amount of money. I know you’re not serious about it, but the faculty is. If you keep letting it slide, it’ll become a bigger deal.”

“I know. That’s why I’m here at the meeting, isn’t it?” Phii Johan said before letting out a small sigh.

“Getting over anger easily means you’re in a good mood today, huh?” Phii Fah commented. Phii Joe shrugged indifferently before pulling me closer to sit between his legs and hugging my waist, letting me lean against him in a way he usually liked.

But this is…

We’re not alone here…

!!!

“U…uh, Phii.”

I widened my eyes in shock when suddenly he pressed his nose and lips against my cheek, then turned my face away slightly, which made the other person somewhat displeased.

“Stay still.”

“Sigh, I want to take back what you said to me.” Phii Hill spoke up, “Joe, can you see us?” Phii Hill’s words made Phii Johan burst into laughter.

“Smitten with the junior, and now even more so since you’ve become a couple.” Phii Fah teased lightly, causing my face to flush even more before I tried to squirm away and return to my original seat.

“Come sit here.” Phii Joe ordered. “No. I’m good.” I said softly.

“Poor junior, he’s all bruised up now, Joe.” Phii Fah said, “Take it easy on him, it’s only your first day as a couple.”

“He’s not just a boyfriend anymore.” Phii Johan said, raising one eyebrow and giving a slight smirk.

“Wow. Look at you smiling, are you trying to annoy us?” Phii Fah said with an exaggerated annoyed expression, “What about Arthit’s situation? My dad said he’s free in half an hour, we’re going to get it hard.”

Phii Fah’s words made Phii Hill and Phii Joe look at each other and sigh in resignation.

“Have you transferred the money to him, Joe?” Phii Hill asked as if he just remembered.

“I’ve transferred it. Right after you called.”

“How much? Enough for the ticket?”

“I transferred millions. It should be enough for him to know, I even added for his travel expenses and food.” Phii Joe said with a bit of irritation, “Why hasn’t he come back? What is he doing with my money?”

“I think it’s like when he went to Mongolia.” Phii Hill said.

“Oh…” Phii Johan nodded, then laughed again, “Is he getting into the local lifestyle again? Why does he always get into it so easily?” His words made me laugh as well.

What does it mean to get into the local lifestyle? Has Phii Arthit gotten so into it that he doesn’t want to return to Thailand?

   “Has this happened before?” Ter turned to ask Phii Hill.

“Yes, Arthit is the type who gets bored easily, loves to try new things. Once he goes, it’s hard to get him back, especially when he goes with Joe. He won’t come back. No one can stop him.” “Why stop him? If he’s happy doing it, let him. The problem is it’s my money.” Phii Joe complained, “Probably used my money to marry someone there, and in another year, he’ll send a picture of the kid back to show off.”

“That can’t be, but when it comes to Arthit, yeah, I think it might actually happen.” Phii Fah said, still laughing at what Phii Joe had just said, suggesting that in a year, Arthit would send a picture of his kid saying the money transferred that day was spent on marrying someone in Brazil. He’s not coming back to Thailand. Is that how it is?

“Have you tried calling him?” Phii Joe asked.

“I called, but it didn’t connect. Try it, maybe he’s waiting for your call to get more money.”

“Oh please.” Phii Joe said, shaking his head slightly in disgust before pulling out his phone to make the call. After a while, Phii Arthit picked up, and the speaker was turned on for everyone to hear. As usual, there was only background noise.

“Arthit.” Phii Joe called out.

(Yeah, Joe, what’s up?)

   “Where are you?”

(Manáus)

   “Still not leaving Brazil, huh?”

(Not yet)

   “What are you doing in Manáus?”

(Fishing for piranha) The voice from the other end made everyone at the table laugh again. Why is this so entertaining? Why can’t he just let go of piranha fishing?

“Manáus? Fishing in the Amazon?”

(Yes)

   “How’s it going?” (Pretty good)

   “Good then, come back with my money now. We’re in trouble because the dean called us about you.”

(Really, why’d they call?)

   “Because you won’t come back, do you want to get suspended?”

(Yeah yeah, I’ll come back today…maybe. Don’t know if they’d let me go back.)

   “Who?”

(Hold on, I’ll put it down. It’s my turn now.)

   “What turn?”

(The nurse is calling.)

   “Are you at the hospital? Arthit?” Phii Johan asked seriously.

(Yeah, I’m at the hospital.)

   “What happened? Why do you need to go to the hospital?”

(Piranha bit me.)

   Everyone at the table burst out laughing at the words from the other end of the line. What is it with this guy, with Phii Arthit, how many times do I have to say “What’s with you?” He got bitten by a piranha, presumably while fishing in the Amazon alone.

“What’s with you, man? How many stitches do you need?”

(Probably seven stitches, my hand is covered in blood now.)

   “Okay, okay, just hurry back then.”

(Yeah, I’ll go get stitched up first.)

   And then Phii Johan hung up amidst the laughter at the table. What kind of person is Phii Arthit really? It’s like he lives life without any plan, just doing whatever he feels like. Phii Hill said he gets bored easily, but how bored does one have to be to go get bitten by piranhas in the Amazon? Then the conversation at the table shifted as we waited another half hour for the Dean, as Phii Fah had mentioned. Once the half hour was up, everyone left, leaving just me and Ter in the room.

“North, do you want some brownies?” Ter asked, pushing the brownie tray towards me. Ter really loves sweets. As for me, I’m indifferent; I can eat them, or not, but being around Ter makes me feel like my blood sugar is going up just from looking at them.

“It’s okay.” I shook my head in refusal. Not that I didn’t want to eat, but my mouth hurt, so I couldn’t, T^T.

“Is your mouth cracked again?”

“Yeah.” I nodded, because right now I had a bandage over my mouth, but Ter could probably guess.

“That’s intense, I was so excited when you guys became a couple yesterday.” Ter said excitedly, “Did you ask to be his boyfriend at the viewpoint on the hill?”

“Yes, because I once said I wanted to go there.”

“Fantastic, and your caption was super sweet, both of you. Didn’t you update your relationship status on Facebook or take a couple photos or something?”

“I don’t know, but should I update my relationship status on Facebook again? I already get a lot of friend requests just from this. It’s like when you first started dating Phii Hill, everyone got famous, right?” I asked, although I already knew the answer. Indeed, everyone did get famous.

“Well, yeah, and have you figured out why Phii Joe likes you?”

“I don’t know.” I shook my head, “He won’t tell me.”

“Oh, that’s frustrating.” It’s not that he won’t tell me, but the conditions for asking questions are so unfair. After talking with Ter for a while, the seniors came back and then we all parted ways.

The strange thing was Phii Joe was taking me back to my dorm. “Are we going back to the dorm?” I asked the person in the driver’s seat. This route clearly leads back to my dorm. Usually, Phii Joe would have me stay with him.

“Yes.” Phii Joe simply replied before looking ahead at the road. I noticed Phii Hill’s car following behind, so Ter was probably heading back to the dorm too. I, who had nearly had heart attacks multiple times being with Phii Joe, desperately needed some time to breathe, T^T.

“Oh, why are you parking here?” I asked, surprised. Normally, Phii Joe drops me off at the front of the dorm and drives off, but now he had parked inside the parking lot under the dorm. He then got out of the car, which meant what exactly? Was Phii Joe coming up to my room?

“Is Phii Hill coming too?” I heard Ter ask, turning to see Ter looking confused at Phii Hill, and then he looked at me with the same expression.

The four of us went up to the dorm, still puzzled about why Phii Hill and Phii Joe were here, and then we were surprised to find my room door open.

!!

Wait…

Why are my and Ter’s things moved outside?

“What’s going on here?” I immediately turned to ask Phii Joe.

“You’re moving in with me.”

“Ha! How is that possible!”

“I told you already.” Phii Joe said before walking into the room. I followed him inside, finding the room noticeably emptier. There were about three movers packing our stuff into boxes. “Why is this room so small?”

“I told you.” Phii Hill said as he entered the room, “You’ve been here before.”

“I didn’t notice at that time.” Phii Joe said before slumping down into the chair at the computer desk. “Ter, what’s going on? Did Phii Hill tell you?” I moved closer to whisper to Ter, who turned to shake his head at me, looking equally confused. He probably didn’t know either.

“Phii Hill, but me and North can’t move out yet. Otherwise, we won’t get our dorm deposit back.” Ter spoke up, doing well. We have to argue back sometimes; we can’t let ourselves be pushed around like this in every situation, T^T.

“How much is it?” Phii Hill asked back.

“Five thousand each.” Ter replied.

“Hill and I can give ten thousand each.” Phii Johan offered.

“Phii, but you can’t just force North to move out like this.” I said, making a sour face. The janitor glanced at us briefly before continuing to pack things away.

“Why not?”

“Because this is my room.”

“Oh, but now it’s a dorm room.”

!!

Why does this always happen, T^T

“Excuse me, do you want to pack your personal belongings yourself, or should we do it?” one of the janitors asked.

“Uh, we’ll pack it ourselves.” I and Ter said almost simultaneously, then started packing our things out of necessity. I packed my personal items and clothes into boxes. So, this is the extent of my packing, what else can I do?

So, they really bought the dorm and are kicking me out…

It’s quite disheartening, TT

“North, what about this table?” Ter asked me about the desk we had bought together. Now that we’re going to live separately, what should we do with it?

“Yeah.” “Do you want it, Hill? The stuff on it.” Phii Joe asked the person sitting next to him.

“I don’t.”

“Then just throw it away, just take your personal stuff.” Phii Joe said. It’s easy for him to say. At first, I didn’t think I’d have to move, and now I can’t even imagine what it would be like to move in with him.

Once everything was packed, the movers started taking things downstairs, separating Ter’s and my belongings. Even the bed sheets had to be discarded, those beloved pig-beds of ours, T^T.

“North, the duck toy is still outside, it should be dry by now.”

“Right, right.” I said. How could I forget the duck toy? It’s really important. I had to place it at the head of the bed. I went out to the balcony to pick up the duck toy that had been left there; it was a small plushie, not even big enough to hug.

“Short-legged duck.” Phii Joe remarked when he saw me walking back into the room with the duck, the same way he criticized it when he first saw my profile picture, T^T. “Just throw it away. No need to bring it into my room.”

“No way, it’s important to me, it’s cute too, give it a chance.” I said, waving the duck in front of Phii Joe.

“Important?” Phii Joe raised an eyebrow slightly.

“Yes.”

“How so?”

“Well…it was a graduation gift.”

“And then?”

“Uh…well…how should I put it, it kind of saved my life.” I looked at the plushie in my hand, reminiscing about that day, the day of the high school graduation when my ex-girlfriend broke up with me. I remember how that day felt like the world was falling apart. Instead of celebrating with friends, I spent half the day in a daze until someone gave me this duck, saying it was sent by someone else.

It was a duck with a cheeky face, accompanied by a note that read:

‘Smile a bit, :)’

   Seeing that message, I smiled without realizing it, as if someone was waiting for my smile. Looking at the duck made me feel comforted. I don’t really understand why. I tried to find out who gave me this duck, but no matter how much I searched, I couldn’t find them. I really wanted to tell them, thank you so much for turning what was a really sad day into a better one.

“Can I keep it with me?” I asked him with a pleading tone.

“You like it that much?” Phii Johan asked back.

“Yes.”

“Please?”

“Sigh.”

“…”

“All right then.”

“I bought you so many things, why do you have to like that stupid duck too?”

 

   NORTH HOW MUCH IS YOUR LOVE CHAPTERS HOME

NORTHHOWMUCHISYOURLOVE, Chapter 23 part 1

   Chapter 23: Waiting for You

   Ugh…

   It hurts.

   The first feeling was pain…pain all over, especially in the waist and hips, and then my mouth. I could already tell that my lips must be chapped again. I grimaced with the pain that shot through when I moved slightly, and soon after, I started to feel a headache as if I was coming down with a fever.

I opened my eyes with difficulty, looking around the somewhat familiar room, but there was no sign of the room’s owner. When I looked down at myself, I found I was wearing Phii Joe’s shirt, but no pants; the shirt was large enough to cover down to my thighs.

Ah…last night.

I tried to shake off those thoughts, but couldn’t. The events from last night replayed in my head, from when we returned to the room, to the images of Phii Johan. Oh, my, him…

Ugh. No, I won’t think about it. How am I supposed to face him now? Just thinking about it makes my heart race. I understand why so many people like him.

And why is my throat so dry?

I tried to get up from the bed but couldn’t. I had no strength to stand, and my hips hurt terribly. He’s so mean, the meanest, it was my first time, why wasn’t he gentle at all?

“Why are you trying to get up?” Suddenly, I heard Phii Johan’s voice. I turned towards the sound to see Phii Joe walking into the bedroom, freshly showered and not wearing a shirt.

Why isn’t he wearing a shirt?

I quickly turned away. It wasn’t just that I couldn’t face him; I couldn’t look at him either. It was embarrassing…too embarrassing. I had seen him without his shirt once before when he changed at the gym, but seeing him like this now…

“What’s wrong?” Phii Johan asked after I turned away, then sat down on the bed next to me. I wanted to move away, but I couldn’t move.

“Ugh. I don’t want to talk to you anymore.” I said softly before burying my face in the blanket to hide my red face. At least could he put on a shirt first, T^T?

!!

I was surprised when suddenly pulled into a hug from behind, my back pressed against his bare chest. Before Phii Joe pressed his nose and mouth to my cheek and whispered softly in my ear,

“What are you sulking about with me, hm?”

iii

I bit my lip tightly before releasing it because of the pain, instinctively trying to move away because his deep whisper near my ear made my heart skip a beat. Good grief, why does he love teasing so much? Seeing me embarrassed only seems to please him more.

“Can you…put on a shirt first?” I asked with a soft voice, still held in his embrace, feeling my face flush again. Being embarrassed to the point of wanting to cry is definitely a thing…

“Why?” Phii Johan asked before nuzzling my neck, which scattered my thoughts even more. I didn’t know what to say next; last night had almost driven me mad. Now he’s teasing me even more without giving me a moment to breathe? “If you want something, just ask.”

“…”

Why is it always like this!

I protested slightly in my mind before slowly turning around to face him. Phii Johan loosened his arms to let me move. I looked at his face before averting my gaze again, seeing it only reminded me of last night, making me even more unable to meet his eyes. I closed my eyes, then leaned in, touching my lips to his gently, just for a moment before pulling back.

“Just that?” Phii Johan raised an eyebrow, looking not quite satisfied.

“Phii…my lips hurt.”

!!

“Uh.” Suddenly Phii Johan reached out, pressing the back of my neck to bring me closer, kissing me deeply until my lips hurt again, his hot tongue flicking in slightly. Due to the pain, I tried to push him away with my hands. After just a moment, he withdrew from the kiss. I tasted a faint metallic taste of blood from my own lips.

“You’re…so cruel.” I said, pouting at him, and Phii Johan gave a slight smirk. “Do you want Phii to be kind too?” “…” “Be cute to Phii then.”

“…”

“But if my North being cute has the opposite effect, don’t blame Phii.”

!!!

No! I absolutely won’t give in, the result has to be the opposite. Why does he tease me so much? Especially when Phii Johan refers to himself as “Phii” I really can’t resist. Normally he would use the word like Ku/Mung but hearing him call himself “Phii” and using my name, I just melt every time…

My face was so hot it spread to my ears, my heart was beating fast. He slowly let go of me and put on the T-shirt that was nearby, and I saw the tattoo on the side of his waist peeking out from his pants.

Oh, my.

As I said, I’m definitely going to go crazy because of him someday.

Before being pulled into another hug. This time, he let me lean against his chest, and then Phii Joe leaned against the headboard. It seems like he really likes it this way, and I like it too. It’s very warm, and Phii Joe could rest his chin on top of my head perfectly.

“Does it hurt?” the person behind me asked.

“Yeah, it hurts.”

“I’ve applied medicine. It’ll get better soon. And the fever will go down.”

Applied medicine…

T^T

“Th…thank you.”

One of his hands let go of my waist to hold mine. I really like his hands; they can completely envelop mine when we hold hands. I’ve noticed for a while now that Phii Johan has a tattoo on his arm too, but I’ve never really looked at what it said, until now. I’m a realist, dreaming the impossible.

   I am a realist, dreaming of the impossible…

Is that what it translates to…

“The tattoo…” I said, touching the tattoo on Phii Joe’s arm with my finger, “What’s the impossible dream?” I asked.

“I don’t know. Just liked the phrase.”

“…” I didn’t respond, just stared blankly. Phii Joe’s arm had visible veins, indicating strength. I found it very charming and quite attractive; it’s something girls would really like.

Phii Johan has everything women like: handsome, rich, smart, and a good physique. Why does one person have it all like this?

“Why did you end up liking me?” I voiced my thoughts, still not understanding why it had to be me until now. I know it’s good for me, but why? When there are so many better people out there, and it’s not like Phii Joe doesn’t have good people interested in him.

“…” Phii Johan was silent, not responding.

“It’s almost unbelievable, you know.”

“Why?”

“Ever since you started liking me, it’s been strange. So many people like you, why does it have to be me? I still hardly see any good points in myself.” I said with a dry laugh, I mean, I’m just an ordinary person. What about me would someone like you like? But I’m not overthinking it, just a bit puzzled.

“Sigh.” the other person let out a small sigh.

“…”

“I’ve loved my dog for a long time now. Why does it matter?” !!! And…why does that make me irritated, T^T? “Oh…” I bit my lip slightly to hold back the overwhelming feelings inside. I might not be someone who overthinks, but he never lets me overthink anyway, “Tell me about it, will you?”

“About?”

“Why do you like me?”

“If I tell you, what do I get?”

“…” What’s with this crafty tone? “Uh…never mind.”

“Then I won’t tell.”

“Really…what’s this about?” I said, slightly frustrated, “Just give me a brief explanation then.”

“One kiss for one answer.” Phii Johan said. I could almost see him smiling, teasing me must be that fun.

“Uh…well…”

“Why? Don’t you want to know anymore?”

“You tease so much.” I said, slightly sulking, making a face at him.

“You don’t want to know anymore?”

“…”

“If you don’t want to know, Phii won’t tell.”

Oh, why does this man…!

Can you stop addressing yourself as “Phii” with that tone? I can’t take it anymore. I’ve really given in, why does Phii Johan have to be like this, knowing I’m weak to it just makes him tease more, my heart feels like it’s about to burst.

“Uh…So, Phii, how long have you liked me? How long has it been?” I asked the first question I was curious about. Initially, I thought about asking why he likes me, but it’s better to ask gradually, while turning slightly to look at him. Phii Joe just smiled slightly at the corner of his mouth, looking at me without taking his eyes off. “What was the offer from before?” Phii Joe asked.

“Exchange…one kiss for one answer.” I repeated his words in a soft voice, why do I have to say it…Don’t tell me I have to kiss before he’ll answer.

I hesitated for a moment, as he didn’t continue speaking, seemingly waiting for me to make the move. So, I decided to slowly sit up, pressing my lips against his slowly. Phii Joe responded slightly to the touch. I cautiously slipped my tongue in, and his hot tongue flicked back, deepening the kiss. He pulled me closer by the waist, our lips locked for a while until I felt numb and tasted a faint hint of blood before Phii Johan pulled away, looking slightly regretful.

“Your lips are cracked again.” I touched my lips, finding a bit of blood. And why doesn’t he feel guilty at all? My lips are cracked, and he still wants me to kiss him?

“Yeah, because of you. Now answer the question.”

“A long time. Maybe three years.”

“Three years? That’s when I was about in my fourth year of high school. Since when?”

“That counts as another question.”

“You…” I said, sulking, I can’t take it anymore, my lips really hurt. If he’s going to count questions like this, I’m definitely going to die, “I don’t need to know then.”

“Hmm, is that so?” The person in front of me raised an eyebrow slightly but still had a slight smile.

“Well, if you set conditions like that, it’s cheating.”

“If you want to know, ask again later. Just know that I’ve liked you for a long time, that’s enough.”

“Wait…hold on.” I interrupted first, “You…said you’ve liked me for a long time. But why were you so flirtatious with other people?” “Another question?” “Uh…yes.” Before he leaned in for another gentle kiss. This time not forceful at all, the slow and tender touch made my stomach flutter. It took some time before he finally pulled away.

“The answer then?”

“Umm…”

“…”

“Well, you were the one who kept rejecting me, weren’t you?”

I looked at him, puzzled, my mind trying to catch up. Oh…right, because in high school, I was dating Ja. So I rejected everyone who approached me, no matter who asked, I always told them I had a girlfriend, meaning I never gave anyone a chance to pursue me. So, because I had a girlfriend, Phii Joe didn’t pursue me back then, right?

Phii Johan pulled me into another tight embrace. I leaned into him, setting that matter aside for now. Being together like this made me so happy; the familiar scent always comforted me whenever I was close.

“Thank you, Phii.”

“For what?”

“Well…for still liking me.”

“Umm, I’ve actually tried to give up on you several times too.”

“And why…”

“Because I couldn’t let go in the end, that’s why I’m still here.”

“The person who made me feel like I want to stop flirting around with someone. In the end, it’s still you.”

“…” I felt my heart swell with the words I heard. Whether by actions or words, Phii Joe always made it clear. I turned to him with a smile, then tightened my embrace around him. “I love you.” “Hmm, I love you too.”

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door, and Phii Johan released me from his embrace and got up. I could move a bit now; it wasn’t as painful as when I first woke up. I immediately looked for my phone, remembering that I had left the booth unattended yesterday. Would there be any trouble?

I was shocked by the numerous notifications, especially on my seldom-used Facebook. Usually, my profile was pretty inactive since I preferred using LINE to chat with friends, but now there were lots of friend requests and messages. Most of the messages were like, “Are you dating Joe?” or “Are you the one from the Gear Lawn?”

Phii Joe is really famous, huh.

And then there’s…

The kiss…at the Gear Lawn.

It’s bound to become university-wide news, and there might even be photos. I heard the university’s “Cute Boys” page has been revived, version two, but I’m not interested anymore. I used to follow it to check out cute guys, but now there’s no need for that.

I dismissed the notifications from my Facebook without much care before opening the LINE app, chatting briefly with Kyu. Kyu said everything was fine yesterday, just some trouble tallying up the money. Duennao got a major scolding because he was the one counting the money, and there was quite a bit missing, but Tiger ended up covering the shortfall.

Tiger…you really are a good person, T^T

   Easter: North

   Easter: Where are you?

   North♣: At Phii Joe’s place, why?

   Easter: When are you coming back to your room?

   North♣: Probably evening.

   Easter: I’m sorry, T^T

   Easter: sends image

   Easter: I’ll wash it for you.

   I furrowed my brows slightly when Ter sent an image. Why the apology? I understood immediately once the image loaded.

North♣: You’re the worst.

   North♣: Why did you do this to my stupid duck, TT^TT

   It was a picture of my duck, a silly-looking duck toy that I found cute. It’s the duck toy I’ve photographed and used as my profile picture. It’s my only toy. I really love it, why did Ter spill cocoa on my stupid duck like that, T^T?

Easter: It’s been washed.

   Easter: Gave the stupid duck a bath.

   Easter: Sends image

   The image was of the stupid duck lying in a bucket full of soap suds.

North♣: Don’t forget to powder it too.

   Easter: Sure, sure, lol.

   North♣: Sends Tiger sticker

   Before I could put down my phone, I heard what sounded like people arguing outside my door. Who’s here? I couldn’t hear clearly. So I decided to get up from bed to check. As soon as I stood up, a sharp pain shot up from my hip, but I could still stand, so I slowly made my way to the door.

“Phii Joe…” I called softly to the person in front of me. The person turned around immediately, frowning slightly at me before showing a look of mild displeasure.

“Why did you get up?” he asked sternly, then moved away from the door to come to me. “…” “What if you fell, what would you do?” Phii Johan extended his arm to support me. It hurt, but I could manage to walk; the pain had lessened a bit. But seeing his worried expression, I didn’t dare argue or say anything.

“North, Joe won’t let me in…Oh!” Phii Prang peeked from the side of the door, and seeing me and Phii Joe, she quickly covered her mouth, “What’s with this sweet scene?”

“You can leave now.” Phii Joe said.

“Oh come on, I brought food, can’t you let me in for a bit?” Phii Prang said with a resigned look, her gaze sweeping over me from head to toe, then she covered her mouth again, “Oh my, darling, why are you so sexy like this?”

I looked down at myself in confusion. I was wearing Phii Johan’s shirt, which was big enough to cover my thighs. No pants, and I assumed there were red marks all over my neck.

“ Phii Prang.” Phii Johan called out, his voice low and spine-chilling, making Phii Prang’s smile vanish instantly.

“Okay, okay, no more teasing.” Phii Prang immediately looked dejected, before Phii Joe scooped me up and carried me back to the bedroom. I could hear Phii Prang shouting after us, “So, can I come in or not? I promise I won’t look at your North.”

“Uh, come in.”

I slowly walked out of the bathroom. Initially, Phii Johan offered to bathe me, but I absolutely refused. In the end, I showered and put on clothes that fit perfectly, as Phii Prang had just bought a few sets in my size, saying Phii Joe had ordered them.

“Can you walk?” Phii Johan asked as he helped me to the kitchen area, “If you had let me bathe you from the start, this would have been over.” “No thanks. Not necessary.” I replied softly, making a slight frowning face. I was afraid I would die of embarrassment if Phii Johan were to bathe me.

I sat down at the dining table with Phii Joe next to me and Phii Prang on the other side. Phii Prang had bought takeout. The person sitting opposite me kept covering his face with his hands, looking embarrassed, alternating his gaze between me and Phii Johan.

“…”

“Oh my, Johan, at what number did you unleash on the kid that the kid would not be able to walk?”

Phii Prang’s words made me lower my head to hide my blushing face. So much for not teasing. Glancing sideways, I saw Phii Joe watching with a slight smile, clearly enjoying my embarrassment.

“North, you can handle it, right dear? Your face and ears are all red.”

“ Phii Prang…” I called out her name with a long drawl.

“Well, I know you’re cute and fun to tease, it’s just too tempting, but he was not being gentle at all, was he?” Phii Prang continued her teasing while serving porridge, “Oh my, I’m embarrassed. Can’t take it anymore. My son is all shy now. Can I take Nong North back from you, Johan?”

“No way.” Phii Joe interjected quickly, lifting his chin slightly to look at the person in front of him.

“Oh, he’s completely shy now.” Phii Prang said, reaching over to pinch my cheek gently with a teasing grin. I winced a little, not from the pinch, but because it hurt my already split lip.

Before Phii Johan could pull Phii Prang’s hand away, she looked back with a mischievous smile.

“Well, very protective, aren’t you?” “Well, he’s my wife, isn’t he?” Oh…what’s with you, Phii? You didn’t have to be this direct, did you? Think about the listener’s feelings a bit, T^T. And you said it so nonchalantly too!

“Annoyed yet, the one who’s smitten?” Phii Prang said with a hint of annoyance before handing me a bowl of congee. “Do I have to eat this congee with difficulty again? When my mouth hurts like this, nothing tastes good.” My lips are cracked again.

Phii Johan raised his hand and gently touched my lips with his thumb.

“Does it hurt?”

“Yeah, it hurts.”

“I’ll be gentler next time then.”

I didn’t reply, just continued eating the congee with my head down. Is his idea of gentle really gentle? I somehow feel skeptical, but I’m still swayed by these warm words. After a while, Phii Joe’s phone rang. The person next to me took out his phone, glanced at the screen, sighed slightly, then answered and walked outside to talk.

“North, Phii has something to tell you, just remember it.” Phii Prang whispered softly when she saw Phii Joe leave. She leaned in a bit closer.

“Yes?”

“About the kissing, I just remembered when it came up earlier.”

“Yes, why?”

“Joe doesn’t kiss his bed partners.” Phii Prang said. Her words made me raise my eyebrows in surprise. “You’ve heard of those who are flirting all over the place, right? Some of them don’t kiss their bed partners. If they do kiss, it means they’re serious. As for the other matter, that’s just the nature of the body.” I nodded in understanding. I’ve known someone like that too. He said sex is natural for humans, but kissing isn’t necessary unless there’s love.

“…” “North, you might be Joe’s first kiss, you know.”

“Hmm, yes.” That’s all I replied before scooping more congee into my mouth, feeling my face heat up again. My heart started beating faster thinking about Phii Prang’s words over and over.

If that’s true, it would be great.

But even if it’s not, it’s still good…

 

   NORTH HOW MUCH IS YOUR LOVE CHAPTERS HOME

NORTHHOWMUCHISYOURLOVE, Chapter 22 part 2

“I heard they went to secretly pick lemons from behind the agriculture faculty. It’s pathetic, why doesn’t our faculty have any funds?” I said, shaking my head slightly.

“Nao, watch your hands!” I shouted, feeling a shiver down my spine every time Nao raised the knife. Hey, Tiger, come help your wife before she chops her hand off! “Nao.” I turned around because I heard someone calling, only to see Tiger carrying a KFC bag full of food. He set the bag on the table, “Brought some food for you, how’s it going?”

“Thanks, it’s tough, my arms hurt like hell. What are you guys selling?”

“Meatballs.”

“It’d be nice if we sold something simple like that.” I said. Each department was selling various things because we needed lots of booths throughout the event. I heard that Tiger’s group was selling meatballs, which is great because you just buy them and steam them to sell, unless you have to make the meatballs yourself, which is hard.

“Are you guys selling cool drinks?” Tiger raised an eyebrow, “Do we have to make it ourselves?”

“The girls ordered it.” Duennao answered, “Good thing we don’t have to grow them ourselves.”

“The Agriculture Faculty grows them for us. Our job is just to go and steal them.” I said.

“Damn, that’s good, do you want me to help?”

“Come on then.”

“Isn’t it just you, North, who squeezes the lemons?”

“What do you mean by ‘just’? I’ve squeezed so many that my hands are all wrinkly. Look.” I said, showing my hands, which were indeed wrinkly. I’ve never squeezed so many lemons in my life that my hands got like this.

“Wow…” Tiger looked at my hands and then burst into laughter, “Your boyfriend will be upset when he finds out, how will you explain that?”

“Probably not.” I said. Suddenly, the faint smell of cigarette smoke wafted over; someone must be smoking nearby. Just like Phii Joe had told me, whenever I smell smoke, I should think of him. And I did miss him, truly. Phii Joe had tried to quit, and he was serious about it, but there were times he couldn’t resist and had to smoke. I never really minded because he was trying to cut down, and every time I smelled smoke, I would think of him.

Especially now when I was already missing him, it made me miss him even more.

And when I missed him, it was specifically when we…kissed, because that’s when I usually smelled the cigarette smoke from Phii Joe.

Sigh…

“North.”

“Huh!”

“Spacing out again.” Duennao said, “You do that a lot, missing him again?”

“It’s not ‘again’, I’m always missing him.” I said, letting out another sigh before standing up to wash my hands, dispose of the lemon peels, and place the lemon water cups on the table. I turned to see Tiger sitting there, peeling coconuts instead of Nao. It was quite a sight.

The cool engineering student from that day was the one peeling coconuts for his girlfriend today.

Tiger was really cool, especially during the Moon and Star. contest. I voted for him because I thought he was the best, whether it was during the Q&A, his performance, or the fashion show.

“What do you think?” Tiger asked.

“What do you mean by ‘think’?” I asked back.

“What are you talking about? Come sit here.” Tiger said. I then sat next to him as instructed, with Duennao on the other side. I hope Nao doesn’t misunderstand and think Tiger likes me again, especially after this conversation. “When you say you miss someone, how do you miss them?” “Well…” I paused for a moment to gather my thoughts, “I just miss him, want to see him, talk to him, see his face. Wondering what he’s doing right now, if he’s eating all his meals or just working. I’m really worried, I wish he was here right now. If we were together now, what would it be like?”

“Just like that?” Tiger asked.

“Yeah, something like that. Why?”

“So you really miss him a lot.”

“A lot, indeed. But why do you ask?” I repeated my question, what’s going on?

“Did you hear that?”

“Huh?” I looked at Tiger with confusion as he took off his earbuds and put the phone on speaker, allowing me to hear the voice from the other end.

(Yeah, I heard.)

   Phii Joe!!

That jerk!!!

“Phii…” I called out instinctively, my heart pounding again upon hearing his voice, and feeling even more embarrassed realizing that Phii Joe had heard everything. What’s wrong with you, Tiger, T^T

(Miss me that much, huh?)

   !!

“Phii…why are you…talking to Tiger?”

(Yeah, I had a little business with him.)

   “Oh…I see.” What should I do now? What should I say? “Phii…are you free now?”

(Not free, I have to hang up now.)

   “…”

“Man, you’re all droopy.” Tiger said, chuckling a bit at my demeanor. Do we have to hang up already? I wanted to talk more. Can’t we talk a bit more? (Let’s hang up for now.)

   “Uh…okay.” And then the line was cut off. We only managed to exchange a few sentences. This just makes me miss him more. “Why didn’t you tell me you were talking to Phii Joe?”

“So you could say you missed him, of course, you went all out.”

“What are you talking about?” I said, trying to hide my embarrassment. I had told him I missed him before, but not to this extent, it’s super embarrassing, isn’t it? Plus, I said it without thinking. Damn it. What did I just say? “You’re terrible, you made it seem like I could talk, but we barely spoke before hanging up.”

“It’ll make you miss him even more, right?”

“Yeah, you devil.” I said with a frustrated look. You said if I heard his voice, it would make him want to come back to me, so does he feel like coming back to me now?

While I was lost in thought, the engineering faculty’s event started gearing up. People from both inside and outside the university began to stroll by, continuously buying various things. The coconut water sales went through the roof when girls found out that the engineering department was the one peeling the coconuts himself. Tiger’s arm muscles were about to pop.

As evening set in, the crowd grew even larger, mostly for the concert. The lights illuminated the entire gear yard, creating a really nice atmosphere. I love this warm-toned lighting.

“Tiger, someone asked for your LINE.” Duennao whispered, discreetly pointing at a group of girls standing near the booth, “The one in the white shirt.”

I glanced over, she’s really beautiful. Just like Nao said, Tiger is always surrounded by pretty and cute people…

Phii Joe is the same, isn’t he?

   “No.” Tiger said, turning back to continue peeling coconuts. “Really not giving it? She’s cute, though.”

“Tell her I’m not giving it.”

“Okay.” Nao nodded before walking over to tell the girl. She looked disappointed before leaving with her group of friends. Tiger really does reject everyone for Duennao.

“Hey, Nao.” I called out, “How’s the game streaming going?”

“It’s going well, really well actually. More and more people are following and donating, so I’ll have some money saved to go see Dan.” Oh, Dan…that’s his brother, he always talks about wanting to visit him.

“And those two people who always donate to you, are they still around?” I asked. It was my turn to play crew member. If I couldn’t ask about Tiger, then I’d ask about his ‘Phii Kant’.

“Oh, yeah, they’re here almost every time. Why?”

“No reason, but those two seem to really like you, especially the one named Kant, he pays a lot.”

My words made Tiger look up at me immediately.

Tiger, you better watch out, quality crew member, strong brew without milk.

“Oh…” Duennao said hesitantly with a forced smile, “They just like watching the streams.”

“No, no, they really like you. Otherwise, why would they pay so much?” I insisted. From Duennao’s expression, it was clear that Nao wasn’t oblivious to others’ feelings, just like me. I can usually tell when someone is interested or approaching. If they show it, that is. Tiger doesn’t count because he never shows anything.

So that means…

   Nao knows…but pretends not to, because he doesn’t feel the same way.

   Just like how I act with Phii Tharn.

   “Well…they just see me through the screen, but when they meet me in person, they might not like me.” Nao said casually, not seeming to care or be upset.

The situation with Tiger and Duennao isn’t just about Tiger being totally dense. He just doesn’t express anything. For Nao, his relationship with Tiger might be like mine, just normal friends. No one would suddenly think their friend has a crush on them, especially if they’re both guys, because it really seems like a regular friendship.

Nao isn’t feeling anything towards him. If I was Nao, I wouldn’t know either. Tiger is really good at hiding it, but he has his reasons. If you step out of the friend zone and can’t go back, who knows. If you try to move beyond friendship and can’t go back to being friends, and can’t be lovers either, you might just get ejected from all zones. Having a crush on a friend is genuinely tough, even if I don’t really understand it since I’ve never experienced it.

But I’ll continue to be this small crew member because no one loves Duennao like Tiger does. There must come a day when it’s our turn, Tiger!

“And why do you think they wouldn’t like you in person?” I asked.

“I don’t know, maybe I’m not that nice in real life.”

“Yeah, I agree with that.”

“North, you’re not comforting me at all, saying they won’t like me. You’re supposed to say nice things like ‘You’re a good person’.” Duennao said.

“Come on. I don’t want to lie. How can I say you’re good when you’re not?” I said, following my thoughts, “Maybe there are people who like your kind of shitty personality, you know, not necessarily being good.”

“Why does this hurt so much?” Nao said, touching his chest as if he was really hurt, “I don’t know. It would be nice if there were someone who could handle my shitty personality.” The “shitty personality” of Duennao here refers to his hot temper. Nao is easily irritated, which is the only flaw I see in him, and I’m the same way.

   There’s Tiger, who deals with Nao’s crap every day, and he even says it feels like being tickled by a cat’s paw.

   “And if there really is someone?”

“There isn’t, forget it, let’s work. Go and get the ice bucket.” Duennao said, before sending me to fetch the ice bucket. He uses me like he’s paying me thousands. Well, all the profit goes back to the department anyway, yet he still talks about sales targets. Hah, did I get even a single baht for squeezing lemons until my hands get wrinkly?

“Damn it.” I muttered with annoyance after placing the ice bucket down, “How much do we need to sell?”

“I saw in the group chat they said two thousand.” Kyu told us.

“Are you crazy? Water is twenty-five baht per glass, how many glasses do I have to sell?” Duennao complained, “The concert is about to start. I want to go watch, heard that the head hazer is performing, they’re the first band.”

“Really? That’d be cool to watch.” I said, wondering if the head hazer would need a microphone with his already powerful voice. Seeing that the concert was about to start, Duennao and I asked if we could go watch, and Kyu said it was fine, he and Skater would watch the booth.

“North.”

“Huh.” I turned towards Tiger’s whisper.

“I want to watch the concert with Nao, just the two of us.”

“…”

“Fine, Tiger, you treat me like this.” I said, feeling annoyed. Why do I feel like I’m the third wheel? At home, I have to deal with Ter talking to Phii Hill, and now here, I’m being excluded again, T^T “I’m so jealous of couples.” “When your boyfriend’s not here, you’re a bit sad, huh?” Tiger said with a raised eyebrow, annoyingly, “Just go mix with the crowd when we get there.”

“Man, you’re harsh to me.” I grumbled quietly, “Alright, alright, then buy me food.”

“I already bought you food.”

“Ugh, fine, okay, single people are like this, right?” I said, feeling down.

“Single? Still not dating?”

“Here we go again. You too.” Why do people keep asking? It must seem strange, and after being asked so often, it’s starting to feel bad. I’ll ask him when he’s back.

“Then follow this plan. When you get into the concert, quietly sneak out.”

“Alright, Tiger, since I’m the crew member here. I’ll help create a moment for you two at the concert.” I said, sacrificing myself to watch the concert alone. How much am I doing for you, Tiger, T^T?

The three of us entered the concert area, which was more like a performance on the Gear Lawn. The stage lights and surrounding lights made the atmosphere very beautiful. There were a lot of people, and the closer you got to the stage, the more crowded it became. Duennao, who wanted to see up close, squeezed through the crowd, followed by Tiger trying to keep up. And me…

I’m fine right here, TT.

I stayed in the middle, not too close or too far, so the crowd wasn’t pushing as much, allowing me to breathe easier. I could see the seniors performing on stage, but I was mostly just listening to the music.

   I was so jealous of those two, getting to watch the concert together. Ter said he would come with Phii Hill and visit our booth. Everyone seems to be in pairs. If Phii Joe were here, it would be nice to invite him too. Would he like this noisy atmosphere? Maybe not, but being here together would still be good.

   I shook off those thoughts. There are still five days until he comes back, and thinking about it just makes me feel lonely all the time.

   While I was focused on the concert, or rather, just listening since I couldn’t see much, suddenly someone’s hand came down on my shoulder, turning me around.

   Phii Johan!!

   How…why…

   “Ah!!” Suddenly, I was pulled close, one hand pushing my nape up, and his lips pressed against mine before I could react. My eyes widened in shock, seeing everyone around looking at us, all equally surprised. There was a collective gasp because there were so many people around, before his large hand covered my eyes, as if to say there was no need to look at anyone else, and his other arm pulled me even closer.

The familiar touch and scent that I missed made my heart swell as if something was about to burst out. The heat spread across my face as the kiss deepened, just a slight flick of his tongue, another heavy press of his lips before he pulled away.

I was so confused, not knowing what to do, with hundreds of eyes on us. My heart was beating so fast it felt like it might explode at any moment, my arms and legs numb.

“What’s wrong?” I heard the voice in front of me ask, but I didn’t dare make eye contact, even though the person I missed to the point of nearly crying every day was standing right in front of me, yet I couldn’t do anything.

“…”

“What’s wrong? You were missing me, weren’t you?”

!!

Phii Joe lifted my chin, making me look up. I stared at the face that often floated into my thoughts, but now it wasn’t just in my thoughts anymore. Phii Johan looked back at me without looking away, revealing… A faint smile.

“Phii…”

Before Phii Johan switched to holding my hand, pulling me along with him. As we walked away from the gear yard, people were watching us the whole way, but he paid them no mind. Meanwhile, all I could do was keep my head down and follow him.

After being in Boston for several days, now back, and…he kisses me right in the middle of the gear yard like this?

Good grief…

We arrived at a luxurious car I wasn’t familiar with. Not an Audi or a Jaguar like before. He released my hand and opened the passenger door for me.

“Where…are we going?”

“Just for a drive.” I didn’t respond before getting into the car. Phii Joe walked over to the driver’s side, and the luxurious car started moving away from the engineering faculty, driving along until we reached a hill that was quite dark but didn’t seem too dangerous. I thought he might be taking me to a viewpoint on the hill since it’s open late at night.

And I was right…

The car stopped at the viewpoint on the hill. After getting out, I felt the cool breeze. We walked a bit to where they had set up a fence, and I sat down on a bench with him sitting next to me.

Being higher up, the view of the city below was clear. I had never been here before; the sight of the city at night with all the lights was so beautiful that I stared at it without looking away. There were only a few dim lights at this viewpoint, making the city lights and the soft glow from the moon above even more prominent, along with the stars twinkling across the sky, clearly visible, different from when viewed from within the city. “Do you like it?” the voice from beside me asked.

“Yes, it’s very beautiful. Thank you for bringing me here.” I said, smiling at him, though I thought it was too dark for Phii Joe to see it.

“Didn’t you say you wanted to come see this?”

Oh…

Yes. I just mentioned it casually because I was scrolling through Instagram and saw friends posting pictures here at night, while he was working. I didn’t think he would remember.

“Thank you.” I said, “Why are you back so early? Weren’t there still five days left?”

“Well, someone said they missed me, wanted to see my face, wanted to talk. If we could be together, it would be nice…right?” Phii Johan asked, and I was grateful it was dark here because I was sure my face must be very red. My heart started beating heavily again, and I clasped my hands tightly together. I didn’t understand the feeling that was swelling up in my chest, and it seemed to be overflowing steadily.

“Yes. Being together would be nice.” I replied softly, feeling many things stuck inside, but not knowing what to say or how to continue.

Before we both let the silence envelop us, a cool breeze passed by, making it feel a bit cooler. I intended to keep both my hands clasped, but one was pulled away and held instead. I just noticed that Phii Johan still had the gear bracelet I once put on him on his left wrist.

   He never took it off, huh.

   That’s really nice…

   It’s so warm, his hands are always warm.

   “And how was Boston?” I finally decided to ask, “You didn’t just drink coffee instead of eating, did you?” “Ah, no, I didn’t. You told me to eat properly, didn’t you?” Phii Johan said in a calm tone. Yes…I had told him he needed to eat meals, not just drink coffee.

“Good. I was really worried.” I said, then broke into a broad smile for the person next to me. Saying this out loud somehow felt embarrassing, “I wanted to call and tell you to eat every meal, but I was afraid to disturb you. I kept thinking it would be nice to be with you, but I was also scared you might not feel the same.”

I really felt this way, wanting to be with him every day. No matter how good or bad that day might be, I didn’t know if he wanted to be with me too.

“Do you know…the work in Boston…”

“Yes…?”

“It wasn’t that hard, really, but when I turned around and didn’t see you next to me, everything seemed difficult. What I want to say is…having you by my side really makes things better.”

“…”

“So, can you stay with me forever?”

“…”

“Be my boyfriend.”

Before he gently kissed the back of my hand, the warm touch and the words I heard made my chest feel warm, then I felt the heat at the corners of my eyes as if all the feelings I had been holding back were pouring out.

“Okay.” I agreed with a soft, tearful voice, tears I didn’t know where they came from streaming down my cheeks. I bit my lip tightly, then lunged forward to hug him out of longing and yearning, letting the sobs come out, not caring about anything else.

“Okay, hic, I will be, I will be.” I repeated my agreement because saying it once didn’t feel like enough. Phii Johan pulled me into a tighter hug, gently stroking my head. “I know, I know.”

“Phii…why do you do this? I missed you so much I could die, you cheater.” I said, my voice barely coherent, hugging Phii Joe even tighter. I missed this warmth so much, I missed his scent.

“You said you were busy, asked to hang up again, did you know how much I wanted to talk? How much did I wanted to hear your voice?”

“I know. But at that time, I was already at the airport.”

“See, you’re a cheater.”

“Hmm?”

“A cheater, you made me addicted then disappeared, do you know Ter curses at me every night? Lately, he’s even made me sleep on the floor.”

“You’ve been burrowing into Ter again?”

“Yes. All because of you.”

“Then I’ll take responsibility, okay? I’ll hug you to sleep every night.”

“…”

“Yes, okay.”

I looked up at him with a slight pout. After a while of sobbing, Phii Johan released his embrace, wiping my tears away with a quick, clumsy motion. I didn’t understand myself, how I could be like this, but I missed him, really missed him. I tried not to cry, but in the end, I did, feeling like a little kid.

“Such a crybaby.”

“Don’t tease me.” I said, feeling sulky.

“We can go back now.” Phii Joe said before leading the way to the car. At first, I thought only a short time had passed, but when I checked the time, I realized we had been up there for quite a while. I think I really like this place. It’s where Phii Johan asked me to be his boyfriend. Plus, it’s incredibly beautiful.

Boyfriend…

   We’re boyfriends now.

Really?

Oh my, why does thinking about it make me feel so embarrassed?

I got into the car, and Phii Johan sat there for a moment, fiddling with his phone before putting it away and starting the engine. I didn’t dare say anything on the way back, and neither did he. Then suddenly, my phone notification sounded, and I saw that it was from Ter on LINE.

Easter: Hey, this is not just anything, ><

   Easter: Congratulations, by the way.

   North♣: What?

   Easter: Oh. You’re dating now, right?

   North♣: How do you know?

   Easter: Phii Joe posted a picture.

   Easter: Wait.

   Easter: sends image

   Easter: Here you go.

   I opened the picture Ter sent. It was a screenshot from Phii Johan’s Instagram. The latest post was the view from where we were just now, just the beautiful cityscape. It wasn’t in black and white either, probably the only colored photo on Phii Joe’s Instagram.

The caption read, “He said, ‘YES’“

   I couldn’t help but smile at the picture. Should I post a picture too? Because I also took a photo of the same view.

I went ahead and posted the view I had taken, it was a similar shot from the same angle.

And I captioned it, “A million times, YES’ :)”

   “And how was the work in Boston?” I asked as we were walking up to the condo. In the end, I had to stay here again because I couldn’t refuse, and Phii Joe said that I would have to move here anyway.

“It was good.” Phii Joe answered simply before tapping the keycard to open the door.

“Did you come back early because the work finished quickly?” I asked. There were so many things I wanted to ask, really. The person in front of me opened the door and walked in, so I followed. Before I knew it, I was pulled towards the sofa, ending up straddling his lap. Without much time to think, his lips were on mine again.

“Ah!” I gasped in surprise, Phii Joe kissed me more intensely, his hot tongue exploring and tangling with mine, his hands gripping my waist tightly and pulling me closer. I responded to the touch with a mix of boldness and fear, closing my eyes tightly, my heart beating fast like it was about to explode again.

His warm hands began to roam, lifting my shirt. My stomach fluttered instantly, his touch alone making my body react, our warm breaths mingling. Phii Joe used one hand to pull my shirt off without warning, and with the other, he slipped into my pants.

“Ah, uh!” I let out a muffled cry because Phii Joe hadn’t moved his lips away, I placed both hands on his chest, gripping his shirt tightly. His hand that had taken off my shirt now moved between my waist and stomach, slowly moving up to my chest, gently pinching and circling my nipple, making me moan again.

“Phii…ah.”

Phii Johan slowly pulled his lips away, his eyes fixed on mine, the feeling of emptiness in my stomach and the flush of heat on my chest intensified as he squeezed my hips. My heart felt like it was about to burst…

He leaned in to whisper softly in my ear. “The time for patience is over.”

!!!

“Uh.” Before my mind could process anything more, he nuzzled my neck, biting down hard enough to leave another red mark. I winced in pain before he dragged his touch down to my chest.

“Ah, Phii…Phii Joe, ah.” when his hot tongue licked over my nipple. I clenched my fists, arching into the sensation without realizing, he bit down a little harder, making my whole body jerk, before the hand that was gripping my hip slowly began to pull down my pants.

As for the belt, I don’t know when it got taken off…

Phii Johan pulled me into another kiss, our tongues intertwining, creating embarrassing sounds. He pressed his lips down heavily, turning into a familiar rhythm of kisses. I jolted when his hands roamed my thighs, because I was sitting on his lap, and this position was…too close, too intimate.

My pants’ zipper was slowly undone by Phii Joe, who hooked his fingers into the waistband before pulling them down. I wanted to close my legs out of embarrassment, but the position I was in wouldn’t allow it. Phii Johan lifted me slightly with both hands to make it easier to take off my pants, and the throbbing ache intensified to the point of being almost torturous.

“Ah, uh, Phii…ah…”

While he hadn’t yet broken the kiss, his hot tongue still flicked all over, causing my heart to beat so hard it felt like it might burst. No matter how fast I breathed, it wasn’t enough, feeling like I was drowning as usual. He was also breathing harder, indicating his growing arousal.

Our warm breaths mingled. I jolted when his warm hand suddenly touched my now awake manly part, his fingers pressing softly at the tip, another finger touching the base and moving back and forth. “Oh, oh, ah…” I could hardly form words, Phii Johan didn’t give me a moment to catch my breath, biting down hard on both my upper and lower lips before moving his kisses down to my neck, sending shivers through me, and even more when the hand on my core started to touch more, gripping and moving slowly.

“Uh, ah, oh, Phii…” His other hand held my waist, caressing my back as that hand quickened its pace little by little, driving me almost insane. I’d never felt like this before. I was panting so hard my chest was heaving, feeling like all the energy was being sucked out of me. I slumped forward, resting my face on his shoulder, unable to help it.

“Ah, ah, Phii, uh, please…”

“…”

“Uh…I can’t…ah…”

“Hmm?”

“No…no, ah…” When his hand moved faster, I was practically losing my mind, trying to clench my fists but had no strength. My legs move involuntarily, my hips twisting with the sensations from the person in front of me. A warm flush spread from my stomach down. My breathing got even heavier as I was about to reach my peak.

“Phii…oh, ah…”

“Why call for me, hmm?”

“Oh. I…I’m going to ah…” I couldn’t breathe fast enough with my heart beating too wildly, my whole body feeling hot. Phii Johan seemed even more pleased seeing I was about to reach my limit, his warm breath caressing my neck, his deep voice whispering by my ear as if teasing.

And when I couldn’t hold back anymore, I, already drained of energy, gave out completely, leaving a white smear on his hand. I leaned against the person in front of me, unable to move. Given just a few moments to catch my breath, I felt something growing against me, and was shocked again when slender fingers used that white smear to rub along my back entrance.

“Ah! again!” I bit my lip tightly when his slender fingers slowly entered from behind, his other hand gripping my hip firmly. I closed my eyes tightly out of fear.

It hurts…it hurts so much.

   “Does it hurt?” The deep voice whispered softly. I didn’t dare let him see my face, as I was feeling too flushed and embarrassed.

“Ahh! ah, uh!” I quickly bit my lip when my voice came out too loud, as his long fingers moved in and out. The pain gradually turned into a tingling sensation. Seeing that I was trying to hold back my moans, he pushed his fingers in deeper, “Uh!”

“Show me what you want to do.” After the whisper, the movement of his fingers became faster, adding a second finger, which made me cry out louder despite myself. I winced at the mix of pain and an unfamiliar sensation, and because of his deep voice by my ear, my mind scattered once again.

Yes…I was defeated.

Completely defeated.

I slowly reached out with my trembling hand, touching the fly of his pants, hesitating on what to do next. I kept my face buried in his shoulder and neck, not even daring to look up.

Go in.

“Hurry up.” the deep, low voice urged again, the feeling of emptiness and churning in my stomach intensified with each movement of his fingers. As my body started to get used to two fingers, he gradually added a third.

“Ugh…it hurts! It hurts. It hurts.” I cried out immediately feeling a sharp pain, but he kept pushing three fingers in, “Hic, it hurts, it really hurts.” “Just bear with it a little longer.”

“Otherwise, you won’t be able to handle it later.”

“Uhmm, uh, uh.” I bit my lip tightly, but sounds still escaped from my throat. When I unzipped his pants, my mind was too overwhelmed to process much else. I reached out and gently touched his manhood.

I was surprised by its size; my hand couldn’t even wrap around it fully, and it seemed to grow even more with my touch. Then I began to move my hand slowly, with a mix of fear and boldness.

The other warm, heavy breathing quickened as my hand moved faster. Not long after, all three fingers were withdrawn, and I instinctively moved my hips following.

Phii Johan positioned me to lean back slightly, then took off his shirt, revealing his broad chest and beautiful muscles, his abs defined with a tattoo at his waist.

He roughly pushed my hair back and licked my lips, which made me feel as if both my body and heart were being scorched by the sun.

Oh, my…

   Why is he so…

   “Ah!” I cried out in surprise as he suddenly made me sit up higher until I was kneeling between his legs. Phii Joe pushed my hips down, my back entrance touching his large core, and as Phii Johan pressed my hips down more, his large thing entered me further and further.

“Ah! more, Phii, it hurts, it hurts, oh…” I said when the pain was at its peak, even more than when he used three fingers earlier. Phii Joe himself grimaced slightly while trying to thrust into me.

“Uh, it’s so tight.” “Oh!” I gasped again, closing my eyes tightly due to the pain from behind until he was all the way in. I felt uncomfortable because of its size, feeling him truly inside me.

“Umm, relax a bit.” Phii Johan said in a lower voice, groaning slightly as he began to move my hips up and down slowly.

“Phii…ah, ahh…” As my back entrance started to get used to it, Phii Joe began moving my hips faster, the pain turning into a tingling sensation. I looked at him with blurred vision.

Why is this man so formidable…

   I must go mad because of him someday.

   “Ah, ah, Phii…Phii Joe, uh…” I called out incoherently, instinctively moving my hips to match his rhythm, it began to get more intense until I could hear the sounds of flesh meeting. When he hit a certain spot inside me, I couldn’t help but cry out louder. It seemed like Phii Johan knew which spot felt better for me, so he thrust into that point repeatedly.

“Ugh, ah! I…I can’t…can’t take it…oh…”

When the pleasure reached its peak, I released again, then felt something warm and hot being shot into my back passage, overflowing.

“Oh…” I breathed heavily through both my mouth and nose. Phii Johan wrapped his arms around my waist and lifted me without letting me rest for long, carelessly discarding his pants and walking towards the bed.

Wait…ugh?

I sat on the bed with white fluid still dripping from my back hole, staining everything. When I looked up, I could see Phii Johan clearly.

His body is really good, those abs and that tattoo at his waist…

Phii Joe gave a slight smirk as if teasing me, before he moved closer and kissed me gently then more intensely. Before I could react further, Phii Johan pressed my body down onto the bed, straddling me and slowly spreading my legs. His slender fingers didn’t go in deep, just moved back and forth, making white fluid spill out.

“Uhmm, ugh.” the large manhood entered once more. This time, it wasn’t me moving my hips; it was him taking control. I could feel it thrusting inside, moving in and out slowly then picking up speed.

“Ah, ah, ah, Phii…ah.”

“Umm.” Phii Johan bit his lip slightly before glancing at me, his eyes narrowed in a way that always seemed to mesmerize me. His thrusts were relentless and strong, the sound of our bodies meeting echoed, repeatedly hitting my sensitive spot, driving me nearly insane with each hit, my heart pounding so hard I feared it might burst.

I twisted under him.

The mix of pain and pleasure overwhelmed me. I raised a hand to cover my face when he looked at me, but Phii Joe moved both my hands away and kissed me passionately again.

My whole body trembled with each thrust, my hands gripping his arms tightly to manage the overwhelming sensations. I couldn’t take it anymore; why did I feel like I was going mad?

Before I knew it, he had me turn over, entering me again from behind. After just a few movements, I reached my climax, while he showed no signs of finishing yet.

This position allowed him to go even deeper, Phii Johan focused on my sensitive spots repeatedly. I tried to hold back my moans, but I couldn’t, letting out loud cries almost every time, then flinching slightly as he kissed my back, marking his ownership.

My entire body felt drained, my mind fading bit by bit. I tried to hold onto the last remnants of my consciousness, my hands gripping the bed sheets tightly. When I finally let go, reaching my peak, my mind almost slipped away, then I felt his body tense, warm fluid entered me again, and he withdrew. His tall frame then pulled me into an embrace.

“…”

I was still breathing heavily, my eyes blurry, ready to close at any moment. The warmth from the person next to me made me want to burrow even closer.

Phii Johan pulled the blanket over us, his thick hand holding mine tightly, kissing away my tears while whispering softly in my ear, until my consciousness slowly faded, and I fell asleep.

“Sorry for being a bit too rough.”

“…”

“I really couldn’t hold back.”

 

   NORTH HOW MUCH IS YOUR LOVE CHAPTERS HOME

NORTHHOWMUCHISYOURLOVE, Chapter 22 part 1

   Chapter 22: A million times

   I miss you so much…

It’s been almost one week since Phii Joe went to Boston. We haven’t talked at all, not even in chat. Honestly, he hasn’t replied to my messages at all. There’s no “seen” either, so I guess he must be really busy. What time is it in Boston now, I wonder? Has he eaten yet, or is he just drinking coffee instead of eating again? Phii Joe has this bad habit of overworking; he won’t rest until he’s finished, and he doesn’t like to take breaks for meals, just drinks coffee.

“You’re looking down again.” Duennao, sitting beside me, teased a bit. I didn’t reply, just glanced over.

“What?”

“You’ve been down and depressed ever since Phii Joe left, do you realize?”

“Really?”

“See, you’re too down.”

“Sigh.” I let out a big sigh, then took my hand off my chin and rested my arm on the table, propping my head on my arm instead. Right now, we’re sitting idly in front of the Gear Lawn where the freshmen are busy preparing for the engineering gear event, which is like an event for the first-years who just received their gear. There’s a stage for concerts, which is the main attraction, and stalls selling various things all over.

“Do you miss him that much?” Kyu asked.

“Yeah, I’m worried too. He doesn’t reply to my messages, and I’m afraid to call in case I disturb him.” I said truthfully. Initially, Phii Hill said it was okay to call, since Phii Joe wouldn’t be able to respond to messages much, but I still didn’t dare to call. “It’s going to be another whole week before he comes back.”

“Then he’ll miss the gear event. Oh, usually people would go to these events with their girlfriend or boyfriend, poor North.” Skater said, making a pitiful face at me, oh well.

“Yeah.”

“Poor thing, really, like a dog left by its owner, ears drooping, tail down.” Duennao said, reaching up to pat my head in a comforting gesture. Why does everyone like to pat my head? I swear, I’m going bald at this rate.

“Yeah.”

“North, at this point, just call him.”

“No, what if he’s working?”

“It’s more torturous for two weeks, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, more tortuous than during the military training camp.” I said. The hardest time was indeed those two weeks at the military camp, but right now isn’t much better.

“I understand, you miss him but you can’t see him.” Nao chimed in. “You worry about him like an animal, wondering if he’s eaten, how the weather is, if he’s comfortable, we’re thousands of kilometers apart after all.”

“Nao.” I called out in a drawn-out tone, then lightly shook his arm, “How did you know?”

“Well, my brother is in Boston, isn’t he?” “Right, how many hours ahead is it there?”

“Eleven. So, it must be around six in the morning there.”

“Six in the morning?” I repeated thoughtfully, hoping he’d either be waking up or still asleep. Not that he’s been working since last night without sleep.

“North!” I turned abruptly when I heard someone call my name, and before I could react, someone sat down next to me.

“Prim.” I called the name of the newcomer, who is a friend from the same faculty, the one I’ve talked with in the group chat. Prim is quite active in activities, and knows a lot of people all over the faculty, probably because she’s cute and thus popular.

“Why aren’t you helping out with the booth?” Prim asked.

“I’m tired. I need rest.” I said, though really, I was just being lazy.

“Really? You seem a bit off lately, not as lively. Are you sick?”

“North just misses his owner. The little dog has been left to guard the house alone.” Duennao said.

“Owner? Do you have a boyfriend now?” Prim asked, raising an eyebrow slightly, before reaching out to touch my arm. Prim often does this kind of thing, touching and being close, I’m not sure if she does this with others too. Before, I didn’t mind, but lately, it’s different. I gently removed her hand.

“See, it’s true.”

“What?”

“North, recently, it’s like you’ve got an owner now. You keep removing our hands, not liking to be touched or played with like before.” Prim said with a slight pout. “You got a boyfriend without telling me, how could you get one before me?”

“Actually, I don’t have one.” I said truthfully.

“Then why can’t we play anymore if you don’t have one?”

“I don’t know.” I said, shaking my head. I actually do know why, but I can’t explain it well, so it’s better not to try.

“Still not together?” Skater asked, almost not believing his ears. I nodded in response, “Really, why aren’t you together yet?”

“I’m not sure.”

“North, can you handle this?”

“I’m fine, why do you ask?”

“You’re looking really down.”

“Am I…?”

“Yeah, and it’s weird, why aren’t you two dating yet? Or is it that you won’t?” Skater asked again for emphasis.

“No.”

“Hasn’t he asked you?”

“Yeah.”

“Our friend can’t take it anymore, Kyu.” Nao said, letting out a small laugh. “This is what happens when you miss someone, you’re about to burn up.”

“Do we need to take him to a doctor?”

“What doctor?”

“Dr. Johan.”

“Very funny, you guys.” I said, feeling a bit annoyed. This kind of teasing has been almost constant for the whole week. “If you can’t actually take me to him, don’t say it.”

“Dr. Johan? Is he North’s boyfriend?” Prim asked with a disbelieving look. “Is it true? Phii Johan, the second-year, the really handsome one?”

“They’re not dating, North just said so, but he’s the reason North is sitting here moping.” Kyu explained.

“Oh. Not dating. Then are you talking?” Prim asked again. “Yeah. I guess.” I said truthfully, can we call it talking? “Maybe.”

“Just talking, but you already gave him the gear. I’m confused, why don’t you date already?” Kett said. I shook my head as an answer, indicating I didn’t know either, and why did it turn into a topic about dating?

“Isn’t Phii Johan dating Phii Grace from the dentistry faculty?” Prim mentioned, and that made me frown slightly. Again…this again. Why are there so many rumors about him? I’ve heard a lot since we first met, but many things I’ve seen made me believe he’s no longer a playboy, but I wonder how much of a playboy one can be.

Plus, each girl he’s rumored with is incredibly beautiful.

“The top of the dental faculty in her third year, right? Wow, she’s in top form, and she’s mixed-race too, isn’t she?” Skater said, “Phii Grace is really beautiful, I saw her in person once at a restaurant.”

“Hmm. I’ve heard she’s dating someone, but some say she’s not. It’s confusing, and you’re talking with Phii Joe, right?”

“Uh…yes.”

“It must be tough to talk with someone who’s handsome and well-off, everyone likes him.” Prim said with a playful smile directed at me, “But does he take you seriously? Be careful, okay? We’re worried about you.”

“Um, thanks.” I said quietly, why does this sound so familiar?

“And he hasn’t asked you to be his boyfriend, why?” Prim asked again. I shook my head instead of answering, starting to feel annoyed at being asked this. “Sorry, but maybe you should step back, right? If he’s not asking to be your boyfriend, it might mean he’s not serious, isn’t it? Seriously, he’s always surrounded by beautiful people.”

“Then why does he still talk to North?” Duennao interjected. Nao is the type who gets easily fired up as I’ve mentioned before. If someone says something like this about his friend, he’s not going to like it much, “Are you trying to make North overthink? I’m asking seriously.”

“No. I’m just saying what I think, maybe he talks because it’s easy to be around you, or he feels comfortable, because North is this laid-back type, but not because he wants to…uh, date.”

“…”

“Sorry, sorry, I didn’t mean to imply anything, are you mad?”

“Not mad.” I said.

“Oh…okay, sorry, then I better go back to working on the booth.” Prim said, giving me a slight, apologetic smile, looking like she felt guilty for saying what she did, maybe she spoke without thinking.

“North, are you okay?”

“I’m okay, why?”

“Then why do you look so sad?” Duennao asked with a worried expression, “ Prim, you can tell she likes you, that’s why she doesn’t want you to have a boyfriend.”

“…”

“North, why are you so quiet? Are you thinking a lot about what Prim said earlier? Don’t think too much about it, either way, he’s serious about you. If not, he wouldn’t have given you a gear.” Kyu said, seemingly trying to comfort me.

“No. I’m not thinking about what Prim said, but I’m wondering if I should go to Phii Hill, maybe he could talk to Phii Joe. I could ask how he’s doing, especially since the midterm results are out. If I ask to see his scores, would that be okay?”

“Yeah, good. I thought you’d take other people’s words too seriously.” Kyu said, letting out a small sigh.

“For what?” “The one who got paid a hundred dollars per second for a video can certainly say that.” Duennao teased again. It seems like he’s really stuck on this topic. I was also taken aback when I saw over sixty thousand deposited into my account. After that, word got out that someone gave two hundred thousand bits, and Duennao’s channel started getting a lot more viewers. Now the channel has tens of thousands of followers, I guess. Nao exchanged those two hundred thousand bits for nearly eighty thousand baht and gave it all to me.

And the one who’s been getting jealous because so many people are hitting on Nao is none other than the idiot Tiger.

“So it’s true then?” Skater asked, furrowing his brows as if he couldn’t believe it. “Too rich, damn. If you were to record a video for an hour, that’d be ten million.”

“Yeah, ten million.” I repeated Skater’s words in disbelief. Ten million…”Shit, that’s so much money, I can’t even imagine it. But he probably wouldn’t transfer that much, ten million is too much.”

“He might actually transfer it. Try it.”

“Who’d be crazy enough to film themselves for an hour? What would I even talk about?” I said. Even twenty seconds left me unsure of what to say. Then I looked down at my phone’s chat with Ter. “I’m gonna go.”

“Where to?”

“To find Ter.”

“And the booth?”

“It’s not like I’m doing anything helpful there.” I said before standing up from the marble bench and heading towards the medical faculty where Ter said he was with Phii Hill and Phii Fah, sitting under the faculty building.

I walked over and sat down at the marble bench where the three of them were. The two seniors were writing something while Ter sat across from them. So I sat next to Ter. “Phii Hill, Phii Fah, hello.” I greeted them, and both looked up with a smile. “Working?”

“Yes, for Joe and Tit too.” Phii Hill answered.

“Has Phii Arthit not come back yet?” I asked, recalling that he was supposed to just go for a couple of days, wasn’t he? Why hasn’t he returned after a whole week has passed?

“Not yet. No idea where he’s disappeared to.” Phii Hill said with a small sigh. “I knew it, with Tit, it shouldn’t have been just a couple of days.”

“Did you try calling him, didn’t he answer?” Phii Fah asked.

No, sometimes there’s no signal.

“Is he really in Miami?”

“Yeah, he is.”

“Phii Hill.” I called out, and he turned to me immediately, “Have you talked with Phii Joe at all?”

“Oh. No, not yet. Do you miss him?” Phii Hill asked, giving me a kind smile. How can he be so gentle? Compared to Phii Joe, whose smile always seems like part of some prank he’s planning on me.

“Uh…yeah.” I nodded slightly.

“Call him then.”

“I don’t dare to call, afraid I might disturb him.”

“You won’t disturb him, you can call. If he’s busy with work, he just won’t answer.” Phii Hill said. I nodded to indicate I understood. But it’s still around six in the morning over there, as Nao said, so I’ll wait a bit longer before calling.

“Oh, you could give this to Nong North.” Phii Fah suddenly said as if he just remembered something, then pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket. I took it, puzzled, “These are Joe’s midterm scores.” I looked at the paper in my hand. The exam scores were excellent, almost full marks in nearly every subject. There were some blank spaces for participation points, but overall, it was very good, much better than mine T^T.

“Phii Fah, what does this red mark mean?” I asked, pointing to the red cross.

“Oh, that means he didn’t pass.”

“English? Phii Joe didn’t pass English?” I raised my eyebrows in disbelief. Isn’t Phii Joe supposed to be good at English? Otherwise, he wouldn’t have been able to tutor me that day, and he wouldn’t go abroad for work.

“Well, Joe didn’t attend a single class.” Phii Fah explained before turning to ask the person next to him instead, “Why didn’t he go, Hill?”

“Oh, he said he felt like he was being looked down upon.”

“Looked down upon?” I repeated, not understanding.

“He was complaining that, ‘You’re teaching me grammar? I’m in university, not elementary school, this is absurd.’“

He didn’t attend English class because he felt he was being looked down upon, because the teaching was too easy for him? Wait a minute…what is this about, T^T. I wish I could feel this way too.

“Um, good. Johan is really Johan, huh? Can’t even bear a little patience. I understand it’s too easy, but you still have to attend classes, right? Otherwise, where will you get your grades from?” Phii Fah said, “It’s not like just because you got a 900 on the TOEIC, you’ll get an ‘A’ without going to class.”

TOEIC 900…

“Hill, call Tit again, I’m not sure if he wanted this part corrected too.”

“Okay.” Phii Hill agreed, then took out his phone to call Phii Arthit as Phii Fah suggested. After a moment, it seemed like the call was answered. Phii Hill looked slightly surprised. “He picked up.”

“Put it on speaker, my hands are full.” (What’s up?) Phii Arthit’s voice came through after Phii Hill turned on the speaker, there was a lot of background noise, like he was in a place with a bad signal.

“Tit, there’s some work that needs fixing, should I fix it for you?” Phii Fah asked.

(Yeah, just do whatever.)

   “Where are you? Why is there so much noise?”

(Fah, I’m lost. I don’t know where I am.)

   “Lost? You?”

(Yeah)

   “Where are you?”

(São Paulo)

   !!

Everyone seemed slightly shocked by the response. Phii Hill and Phii Fah exchanged bewildered looks.

“São Paulo? Brazil?”

(Yeah)

   “And why did you go to Brazil? You said you were going with Joe.”

(I landed in Boston, but it was cold. So I thought Brazil would be better, it’s much warmer here.)

Phii Fah raised his hand to his forehead, then let out an exasperated sigh.

“We have to sit here working for you guys. I can understand Joe because he’s working, but you, Arthit, you ran off to Brazil?” Phii Fah asked with a resigned tone. I guessed this wasn’t the first time something like this happened. Phii Arthit seems like someone who doesn’t care much, just decides he wants to go to Brazil and goes, without much planning. Decided to go to Brazil because Boston was cold when he got there, so Brazil seemed better? This guy, I admire him. I couldn’t help but laugh while thinking. Since Phii Joe refused to attend English class because it was too easy, why are all the seniors so amusing?

(I was thinking of going piranha fishing, but it looks like I won’t make it. Gotta head back soon.)

   “You should have realized you needed to come back a long time ago, and you still have the face to go fishing?”

(Yeah, I know, I’ll hurry back. I’m almost out of money.)

   “Where’s Joe then?”

“Joe is in Boston, he wouldn’t run off to travel like you.”

(Ask him to transfer me some money, I don’t have enough to get back to Thailand.)

   Phii Arthit’s words made me and Ter burst into laughter until our stomachs hurt. What’s with this guy? What does it mean to not have enough money to return until you’re asking for Phii Joe? Phii Hill and Phii Fah sighed in disgust before agreeing and hanging up.

“In that case, let’s call Joe then, so Nong North can talk to him if he’s free.” Phii Hill said before dialing Phii Joe. I was still laughing about Phii Arthit’s situation, just give me a moment to compose myself, can I?

(Speak)

   Phii Johan answered. Hearing his voice after a long time made my heart flutter a bit.

“Where are you?” Phii Hill asked.

(Boston, what, do you have dementia?)

   “Guess where Arthit is.”

(Arthit? Why?)

   “Where do you think he is?”

(He told me he was going to Miami. After we split at the airport.)

   “He’s in São Paulo.”

(…)

   “…”

(São Paulo? Brazil, right?)

   “Yeah.”

(What the hell is he doing in Brazil?)

   “Fishing for piranhas”

(…) there was no immediate response from the other end, silence for a moment before a laugh was heard. (Fishing for piranhas? What the hell is that? He said he wanted to race cars in Miami, so how did he end up fishing for piranhas?)

   “He said Boston was too cold, so he went somewhere else.”

(Yeah, go where it’s comfortable.)

   “He said to transfer him some money too, he won’t be able to return to Thailand without money.”

(If he’s out of money, what has that got to do with me, the tickets are already expensive.)

   “I don’t know, that’s what he told me.”

(Alright, alright, I’ll transfer it.)

   (Hill, how’s the junior doing?)

   Junior?

Me?

Phii Joe is asking about me…

Phii Hill glanced at me briefly before turning back to the phone conversation with Phii Johan.

“He’s good, why don’t you talk to him yourself?”

(Better not, I need to finish the work first.)

   “Don’t want to talk?” (No, but if I do, I’ll just want to come back even more. Just hearing his voice, I want to drop everything and come back. That day, I almost booked a flight back to Thailand.)

   “The junior misses you too.”

(Really?)

   “You sound like you don’t believe it.”

(No, just thought if he misses me as much as I miss him.)

   Phii Hill turned to look at me with a slight smile. I clenched my lips tight to suppress the feeling that was swelling in my chest right now. Why does just hearing his voice, just hearing that he misses me, make my heart beat so intensely?

(Hill, why are you quiet?)

   “No reason.”

(Okay, just tell him about the exam scores.)

   I remembered that the physics score, which Phii Joe had tutored me for, turned out quite bad. Usually, I don’t worry too much about grades, but because I had asked him to tutor me, I felt really guilty when the results were poor. I was afraid he might be angry, especially since he had put in a lot of effort to teach me well, but I just couldn’t remember the formulas during the exam.

“Say what?”

(Don’t worry about it.)

   (You did well.)

   !!

Suddenly, the feelings that had been bottled up inside me burst forth. I bit my lip tightly before resting my forehead against Ter’s shoulder, who was sitting next to me, as if seeking comfort. Ter gently patted my head.

It was longing. I could feel it was longing. I missed his voice, his embrace, his touch, everything, especially his kindness and warmth that I always received. Phii Hill talked with Phii Joe for a while before hanging up. Ter didn’t say anything, just let me lean on him for a bit before I sat back up.

“I thought you were going to cry.” Ter said.

“I’m not going to cry.”

“You looked like you were about to, oh dear, poor little doggy.” he said, patting my head again with a look of affection. What’s with this, does he enjoy petting people’s heads?

“Again, calling me a dog again.”

“It’s really like that, North, you are like a dog left at home alone by its owner.”

“See, all of you.” I said, making a grumpy face, wondering if they had all coordinated this, all saying the same thing. “How many more days until he comes back?” I turned to ask Phii Hill and Phii Fah.

“Oh, probably about eight more days.” Phii Hill answered.

“Wow, eight more days.” I said before letting out a sigh. By the time he gets back, it’ll be like waiting for Day’s sports event. Because I’ve never missed anyone this much before, I feel the wait is torturous. I’m not fond of feeling this way either, it’s kind of draining, but I’m not sure what to do about it, really.

“Joe wants to come back too, you can tell from what he said.” Phii Hill remarked. I gave a slight smile in acknowledgment. Right…we’ll see each other soon.

If we meet, can I get a hug, I wonder…

Three days have passed…

   Finally, the day of the engineering faculty’s gear event has arrived. It’s around 5 PM now, and the concert will start at about 10 PM. The performers include students from various years, and of course, not us. Our job is to watch over the booth. Actually, it’s a random draw to decide who has to man the booth, and unfortunately, Skater’s name was drawn. So, all four of us had to come, what a stroke of bad luck. “The event’s about to start, North, hurry up!”

“Yeah, I know. Give me a moment!” I shouted back. Currently, I was sitting behind the booth squeezing lemons. Seriously, why do we have to sell butterfly pea and lemon water? Who came up with this idea? My hands are all worn out from squeezing lemons!

“Who thought of this? My hands are sore as hell.”

“Stop complaining, North. Look at me.” Duennao called out from the other side. I burst out laughing immediately after seeing his condition. Duennao was sitting with Skater, peeling coconuts. “Where am I peeling? The knife almost cut my hand. Damn, couldn’t we sell something simpler? Why coconut water?”

“Our faculty’s girls suggested natural drinks for health and weight loss: coconut water, butterfly pea with lemon, roselle, and pandan water.” Kyu explained while arranging items, while he himself went to buy bubble tea from another department’s booth.

“Wow.”

“Yeah, how did they even come up with this idea? The ones doing the work are us. Kett, you unlucky bastard, you actually drew your own name.” I said irritably. Lemons used to smell nice to me, but now their scent just stings my nose.

“Hey, what did I do wrong? I didn’t want to sit here peeling coconuts either. At least we ordered them; they didn’t tell me to go climb trees at the agriculture department to get them. I’d really cry if they made me do that.”

 

   NORTH HOW MUCH IS YOUR LOVE CHAPTERS HOME

NORTHHOWMUCHISYOURLOVE, Chapter 21 part 2

Phii Johan went to Boston…

   He left since yesterday evening; I couldn’t go to the airport to see him off because of my exams. I heard he finished his exams earlier, and Phii Joe didn’t say much about it. Judging by the travel time, he should be arriving soon. He went with his father and several other people from the company, with Phii Arthit on the same flight, though Phii Arthit planned to travel alone for a few days before returning.

Fourteen days, huh…I figure we won’t talk much like before because of how busy the work will be, plus if he has free time, it’s better he rests.

Phii Prang told me that Phii Johan talked to his father about work, proposing to work in Boston. If successful, he wouldn’t have to work this hard anymore, just assist occasionally, and focus more on his studies because medical school is getting tougher. And Phii Prang mentioned that importantly, it’s because of me…

‘The person who truly matters to Phii Johan is the one who gets his time,’ that’s what Phii Prang told me. Honestly, I didn’t want him to reduce his work because of me, but as Phii Prang said, now he needs to focus on his studies, and after graduation, he can work seriously. I agree with that. Continuing at this pace would definitely be bad. Just studying medicine is already overwhelmingly hard.

As for when he’ll give me his time, let it be after work and studies.

“North.” I turned around at the sound of my name being called while I was walking down from the building after just finishing my midterms. This time, the exams were really over. I saw Tiger following behind me. We were now separated from other friends, and I was about to head back to my dorm too. My motorcycle had been fixed as well.

“What’s up?”

“I need your help with something.”

“Huh, what is it?”

“Nao, man, I’m going crazy here.” Tiger said with the most serious face, “Do you know about Nao streaming games?”

“Streaming games?” I raised an eyebrow, repeating his words. Oh, right, Nao had mentioned wanting to try it because it seemed fun, and he already likes playing games. I fully supported him at that time, believing he’d do well at it. “He’s done it?”

“Yeah, he’s been doing it for a while now. You didn’t know?”

“No.” I shook my head, “Just found out now.”

“Oh, he said he wasn’t going to tell anyone because he was embarrassed, but since we’re roommates, I found out.”

“So, he’s really doing it.” I said excitedly, “Wow, that’s cool, I want to see.”

“Listen to my problem first, this is why I’m asking for your help.” Tiger said seriously again, looking quite uncomfortable. “I’m already dead, man.”

“Go on.” I turned to listen intently.

“Can you talk to Nao? Tell him to stop.”

“Huh? Why?”

“A lot of people are hitting on him. As soon as they see Nao’s cute on stream, they start donating like crazy, those bastards. I’m not happy at all every time he does his show.” Tiger explained, genuinely stressed. “At first, I supported him because I saw he liked it, but now it’s just not possible anymore.” “Oh, but how can we make him stop if he likes it?” I asked back. “North, you don’t understand my feelings. Please, I’m really going crazy here.” “Alright, alright, I’ll try. But what should I say to him?” I said. Although I didn’t really want to help much, I understood Tiger’s feelings. He’s protective of his own, and Nao is my little ship too, T^T

“Say whatever you need to.”

“Then just ask Nao not to turn on the camera and not to talk to too many people commenting.” I suggested, thinking this would be the best middle ground. Suddenly asking him to stop would likely upset Nao, and it would hurt his feelings too.

“Yeah, yeah, that works.”

“Okay, but how should I approach it? Wouldn’t it be weird to just tell him without any context?”

“Just come to our room tonight, watch Nao’s game stream, and then quietly give him the heads up.”

“Alright, I’ll go change clothes and then head over.” I said excitedly, eager to see how Nao streams his games. I then rushed back to my dorm, changed quickly, and went straight to Duennao and Tiger’s room.

“Nao, hey, I’m here!” I stood at the door, knocking a few times before Tiger opened it. I’ve visited here several times; it’s quite a spacious room. Nao was sitting in front of the computer, and Tiger flopped down on the bed.

“North, come in!” Duennao waved me over. I hurried to sit beside him.

“Wow, are you on live?” I leaned in to look. Nao was live streaming a game, chatting a bit in the chat about his gaming channel. Nao mentioned he wanted to try streaming for fun, found it interesting but was shy, so he hadn’t told us yet, but now that I knew it was okay, because he planned to tell us after streaming for a while and wanted us to try playing together. He already had nearly ten thousand followers, which was impressive given he hadn’t been streaming for long. “Yep.” “Wow, that’s cool.” There were over two thousand people watching the live, the numbers at the end were slowly increasing, and the comments were scrolling up continuously.

: Who’s that, a friend?

   : Cute friend, looks just like Duennao.

   : I miss Khun Sua, Sua, where are you?

   “Say hi to the viewers, introduce yourself.” Duennao said, now it seemed like I was part of the live stream.

“Oh, hello, my name is North.” I said, feeling quite nervous. There were lots of comments interacting with me, making it feel like I was truly talking to the audience.

“Help me read the comments. Right now, I can’t play and watch the comments at the same time, I’m not used to it yet.” Nao said, before turning his attention back to the game.

“Uh, okay.”

: You play so well, I want to be good like this too.

   : Review the new tank character a bit.

   “Nao. They said to review the new tank character.” I read the comment out loud.

“I’ve tried playing it and I don’t think it’s very good yet, too thin, but I saw Sua playing it well. Not sure how he does it, I’ll try changing the gear and review it again next time.”

: Tiger so much, lol, bring him on camera a bit.

   : Miss you, Tiger.

   “Tiger, there are people saying they miss you.” I said, “Do you want to come live too?” “Uh, at first, Sua joined the live, Sua, come here.” “Nah, I’m lazy.” “Oh, not helping at all.” Nao dragged out his words. I turned to see Tiger sitting on the bed, leaning against the wall with headphones on, eyes glued to his phone screen.

: Play the game I sent you, please, I want to see you play.

   “They said to play the game they sent, what game is it?”

“What game? You’re kidding, right? They sent a horror game. I’m scared. Can I not play it?” Duennao shook his head, looking slightly grim, while his eyes lingered on the game for a bit, probably finishing up the current session.

: Your friend’s there, what’s there to be scared of? Let’s play together.

   : ♣♣♣, want to see, cheering, 100 bits.

   “Thanks for the 100 bits.” I read out, smiling. Even during streams like this, people donate or cheer with bits. A hundred bits is about fifty baht, which is nice, earning money this way.

: Aw, so cute, why are your friends so cute too?

   : Play the horror game.

   Seeing many comments asking Duennao to play the horror game, Nao had to play it, with me sitting next to him. The chaos ensued when we played horror games together, we’d be screaming until we were nearly dead.

“Shit, Nao, don’t go there, that’s a warp point.” I said, shaking Nao’s arm in excitement, both of us losing our minds. The game was really scary, we were arguing about it.

“Oh shit, I’m stuck, I’m stuck, can’t move.”

“You’re trapped, Nao. Run around, it’s coming!”

“It’s chasing me, it’s chasing me!” The chaos was real, comments kept flowing in. Why do people enjoy watching others get scared so much, T^T? But there were genuinely a lot of comments complimenting Nao’s cuteness, which made me understand why Tiger likes him.

“Phew, let’s take a break.” Nao let out a big sigh before locking the character in the bathroom to hide from the ghost. This spot was safe as long as nothing popped up.

“I can’t handle this anymore. Whoever sent this game is so cruel.”

: It’s safe to hide here, but if you stay too long, it’ll appear behind you.

   : Check the left side, there’s a lot to collect over there.

   “I looked earlier, there was nothing there.” I protested a bit, as there were many comments just messing with us, telling us to go here and there where ghosts were always waiting.

: North is so cute, do you have a channel? I want to follow.

   “Ha. Me? No, I don’t have one.”

: Start a channel then, cheering, 100 bits.

   “Thanks for the 100 bits, but I probably won’t start one. I’ll just come to play often.”

: Come often, bring Sua too, I miss him.

   : FC Phii Tiger, the handsome and kind senior.

   “See, Sua, people are asking for you. Why don’t you come?” Duennao turned to ask, there were indeed many people asking for Sua. I guessed they were mostly girls. After all, our faculty’s moon has fans even in Duennao’s gaming stream.

“No.” Tiger said in a not-so-pleased tone.

: Does Tiger have a girlfriend? He’s so handsome, and he’s the faculty’s heartthrob, right?

   : I love you, Sua, I’m about to cry, I want to see you so bad: w: ready to pay. “Sua doesn’t have a girlfriend.” Duennao answered the comment. “You can try to woo him. I’m rooting for him to get a girlfriend too.”

Err…Are you okay with this? T^T

I turned to look at Tiger, who was sitting there playing on his phone with his earphones in, seemingly uninterested in what was going on here. Or was he just pretending not to hear? Suddenly, my phone notification sound went off, and I checked it immediately.

Tg.: Bastards…

   Tg.: I’m about to cry.

   North♣: Hang in there, buddy.

   Tg.: And I asked you to stop him, why did you come to play too? My boy is getting all the attention.

   North♣: Well, they like it because Nao’s stream is fun, right?

   Tg.: You’ll see, those bastards haven’t come yet.

   North♣: They haven’t come? Are you watching the live right now?

   Tg.: Yes.

   North♣: Then why not play with us?

   Tg.: That’s my business.

   So, Tiger is just there, not joining in even though we invited him, but he chooses to wear headphones and watch us stream from behind. What’s that about?

Guitarrr: Live early today, just got out of class, Cheering, 1,000 bits.

   Guitarrr: Did you bring a friend? The friend is cute too.

   Tg.: See that, what a scumbag.

   North♣: What?

   Tg.: Yeah, just watch. “Thank you, Phii Tar, for the thousand bits.” Duennao said, as I was too busy with my phone to thank for the cheer bits. Phii Tar? That means this person must be a regular follower and cheerer, so Nao remembers him.

Tgkljhgtyuik: Cheering, 1,000 bits

   “Oh, thank you for the thousand bits.” I read the comment. But what does this name mean? It’s like they just slid their fingers across the keyboard.

Tg.: You bastard. Who told you to read it?

   Was that you?!!

“Phii Kant, thank you.” Duennao said with a smile. Phii Gant? Who’s that? Is it Tiger? Why call him Phii Gant?

“Is his name Kant? How did you know?” I asked.

“Hmm. He often cheers with bits. He’s been following since the beginning, so I asked for his name. He said to just call him Kant, so I call him ‘Phii’ because I think he’s probably older.”

Oh…

So, the sweet Phii Kant in the background of Duennao’s stream is actually the jerk sitting behind us!

Tg.: He even calls me ‘Phii,’ so cute.

   Tg.: My heart, I’m going to die.

   Tg.: Damage, +9999999

   His hands were typing away messages to me, but his face was completely impassive. I turned to look at him, pursing my lips tight, trying my hardest not to laugh. Don’t laugh, North, don’t laugh. Otherwise, the secret will be out for sure.

Damn, holding back laughter until my stomach hurts.

North♣: And why does it have to be Kant?

   Tg.: It’s my real name. Oh…Tiger’s real name is Kantanith. So he just let us call him Kant. That’s awesome, Duennao probably doesn’t know, there must be a hundred thousand people named Kant.

Guitarrr: Today was so exhausting at school, Nong Nao, you really heal my heart, I feel better now. Thank you, cheering, 1,000 bits.

   Tgkljhgtyuik: What the hell are you, cheering, 5,000 bits.

   Guitarrr: Here you are again, why do you always pick on me?

   Guitarrr: Cheering, 5,000 bits.

   Tgkljhgtyuik: Cheering, 10,000 bits.

   Guitarrr: Cheering, 25,000 bits.

   Tgkljhgtyuik: Cheering, 50,000 bits.

   Guitarrr: Cheering, 50,000 bits.

   Tgkljhgtyuik: Cheering, 75,000 bits.

   What the hell is this…

“Uh…Nao. Look at the comments for a moment.” I called out. This is just ridiculous. What are these two doing, competing to pay for Nao? Nao has set his stream not to show on-screen how many bits people are cheering, you have to look at the comments to see it, because he said it was distracting, but he’d change the settings once he gets used to streaming.

“What’s up?”

“Here.”

“…”

“Hey! Thank you both so much, I’m so happy, but don’t fight, okay? Love each other.” Duennao said, sending an embarrassed smile towards the camera. He must be at a loss too, just like I would be. Two thousand five hundred bits is like over a thousand baht. And the latest cheer from Tiger was seventy-five thousand bits, which is about thirty thousand baht.

Damn, why are they so rich?

Guitarrr: See, Nong Nao said not to fight.

   Tgkljhgtyuik: Then you go away.

   So arrogant! Yet he still asked me to talk to Nao. I turned around to see Tiger just staring at his phone, keeping a poker face, but I’m sure he’s fuming inside. Whenever someone messes with Duennao, he gets like this, but he can’t show it openly.

Captain…fight him…

Tg.: North. You, you said you’d help.

   Tg.: Damn person.

   North+: If you’re mad at someone, don’t take it out on me. What did I do wrong? T^T

   Tg.: I told you to stop him, not to play along.

   North♣: It’s super fun though.

   Tg.: Stop talking for a bit.

   Tg.: Normally, Nao doesn’t chat with comments as much as you do. Because of you, more people are watching.

   North♣: Isn’t it good that more people are following?

   North♣: Nao won’t have to steal dog food from in front of the dorm to eat anymore.

   (Read)

   Tiger stopped replying to the chat. After a while, he walked out, looking quite angry. Why does he look so scary, TT? It seemed like he was on the phone. I turned my attention back to the game.

…

“Phii, where are you?”

(Don’t get too familiar, you brat.)

   “Phii Johan, where are you?”

(Boston, why?)

   “Did you just arrive?”

(Yeah, I just got off the plane. What’s up?)

   “Have you seen what I sent you, in the chat?”

(No)

   “Go check it out.”

(Can’t you just tell me?)

   “Go look first, it’s about your wife.”

(What’s this about?)

   “It’s North, he’s streaming games with Nao.”

(I know. Why did you let this happen?)

   “I tried to stop it, didn’t I? At first, I asked North to help stop Nao, but then they ended up having fun playing together. There were so many people donating bits.”

(Tell him to shut down the stream.)

   “I was going to do that at first, but if Nao wants to stream, he’ll find a way anyway. You should stop your wife first; she’s been chatting a lot with the commenters. Plus, North is naturally talkative, and now the audience is growing.”

(Alright)

   …

: Does Nong North usually play games? He should play with Nao more often, they’re both cute, and they have great chemistry, cheering, 50 bits.

   “Me? I usually play, I play with Nao.” I answered the comment, because I talk a lot and get along with others easily. When we interact like this, it’s fun, it feels like I’m helping Nao make money.

: Here’s some money for snacks, my little one, so cute, both scared while playing a horror game, Cheering, 100 bits.

   “I told you I’m scared.” Duennao said, glancing at the comment, “Everyone keeps sending me horror games.”

: Oh, I’ll pay for Nong North, I’m going to grit my teeth and add bits, can I flirt with you? Please let me flirt with you, I’m investing a lot here, want to be with you, give you a head pat, Cheering, 10,000 bits.

   “Thank you, but you can’t flirt with me.” I said with a smile to the camera.

: Cheering, 200,000 bits

   : Can’t stay still for a moment, huh?

   : If you want anything, come get it from me.

   Two…two hundred thousand bits!

Suddenly, I felt a chill when I saw this comment, both from the amount of money and from what was written. My smile faded instantly. Even though they didn’t specify who, I think I know who it is.

“Nao, one moment.” I said before standing up from the chair and going to sit on the bed next to Tiger.

“You’ve gone silent, huh?”

“…” I didn’t respond before a chat notification popped up.

Johan: What are you doing?

   North♣: Phii, T^T. I’m just helping Nao with his game stream.

   Johan: How about I deduct money for every time you smile at someone else?

   North♣: No, please don’t, T^T

   North♣: If you don’t like it, I won’t do it anymore.

   Johan: Good.

   Johan: So why did you go there?

   North♣: I just wanted to play with Nao.

   Actually, at first, I was really excited to see my friend doing something this cool. So I just wanted to come watch, but then it turned out to be quite fun. Johan: Really?

   North♣: Yes, Nao is also earning extra income from this.

   Johan: Do you want to do it too?

   North♣: Huh?

   Johan: Send me a video. I’ll pay a hundred per second.

   Johan: Now.

   North♣: Video? Of me?

   Johan: Quick, I’m about to go to work.

   “Tiger, what’s this about?” I asked, showing him my phone screen. Tiger glanced over slightly.

“Just take a video of yourself, what’s confusing?”

“And why should I?”

“He wants to see your face, and hear your voice too, but he probably doesn’t have time to call you. A video can be watched later, and it’s quick to view.” Oh. I nodded in understanding. I’ve seen people do this before, like a video for someone you can’t meet in person, and you can’t call because you’re not free. It’s similar to sending a picture, but this is a video because it has sound.

“So, what should I do?”

“Just film and talk, say you’re working hard or something. Go out to the balcony, it’s too noisy with the game sounds in here.”

“Okay, Tiger, come with me.” I said, pulling Tiger along. I felt too shy to film by myself, so I asked Tiger to hold the camera for me.

I tried to speak but ended up laughing several times out of embarrassment. I’ve never done anything like this for someone else to watch before, and the person watching would be Phii Joe too.

“He’s already rushing you.” Tiger said, looking at my phone. “A hundred per second, huh. If you film for one minute, that’s six thousand.”

“Wouldn’t that be weird? I’m not brave enough to film, I’m too embarrassed.”

“Yeah, annoying. Just film it, he’ll like it.”

“Tiger. You bastard.”

“What? I’ve recorded it.” Tiger said, holding up my phone. I took a deep breath to calm myself before I heard the click of the recording starting.

“Uh…so, Phii Joe, go work hard. Sorry about the gaming stream, and please be careful not to get sick with a cold over there. Uh…and also.” I paused because I couldn’t think of what to say next.

“I miss you, I’ll wait for you to come back.”

Tiger stopped the video and handed my phone back to me.

“That was nice, I wish Nao would say something like that to me too, I’d pay three hundred per word.” Tiger said, letting out a small sigh of frustration.

“You already pay Nao a lot, with all those bits you cheer for him.” I said, before deciding to send the video. I’m not sure if it’ll be okay, but honestly, I didn’t know what else to say and couldn’t bring myself to watch it again because I was embarrassed, T^T.

“Did you record it for a long? You only recorded for twenty seconds, that’s a hundred baht per second, so just two thousand baht.”

“That’s enough.” Can we not say “just two thousand”? That’s a lot of money to live on. Plus, with the change I’ve saved in my pocket, I feel a bit guilty for keeping it. Maybe I should find a way to return it, right?

North♣: You have sent the video

   (Read)

   Read, but no response. He must have gone to work, right?

‘Account x676457x, You have received a transfer of 66,000 baht’

   !! “Tiger…” I called out his name, showing him my phone screen. Why did I get sixty-six thousand…you said two thousand, “You said one hundred baht per second.”

“Oh, I remember now.” Tiger looked at my phone screen for a moment before his face showed that he just realized something.

“Remember what?”

“Not one hundred baht per second, but one hundred dollars per second.”

 

   NORTH HOW MUCH IS YOUR LOVE CHAPTERS HOME

NORTHHOWMUCHISYOURLOVE, Chapter 21 part 1

   Chapter 21: So Far Away

   Several days have passed…

We’re now in the midterm exam period.

I just finished my main faculty exam, I just stood up from my exam seat, walked over to place my answer sheet on the professor’s desk, then let out a sigh of despair. I never thought engineering would be this hard. Since that day when I was sick, I’ve been with Phii Joe almost non-stop. He was only willing to let me go back to my dorm once he was sure I was fully recovered, but getting permission to return was pretty tough.

Tough.

   Really tough, T^T

   Once the exam period started, we hardly saw each other. I haven’t seen him for almost three days now. Before that, we did see each other occasionally. Phii Prang said he was preparing for work in Boston, and with exams, he’s even busier. I’m not free either, with both exams and first-year activities. My faculty’s activities are known to be the toughest in the university. Thankfully, there’s been a break to study.

Ter is lucky because he can see Phii Hill sometimes since their courses are similar. Ter studies veterinary medicine, so some basic subjects are the same as for med students, allowing Phii Hill to tutor him. However, even if they’re not in the same exact courses, Phii Hill can still help Ter study. I’m in a completely different field.

Lucky…I kind of want to see him too.

“North, how did it go?” Kyu, who was waiting outside the exam room, turned to ask me. I immediately made a face at him. Was I really the last one from our group to leave the exam room? Even after spending so much time in there, I barely managed to answer anything, T^T.

“Sigh.” I sighed, shaking my head in despair, “How about you guys?”

“I think it was okay, it was similar to what was on the practice exams.” Kyu said casually. He’s the best in our group, so we had to ask him for tutoring, but still…

“Similar, huh?” Duennao said, with a look of disbelief, “Where was it similar? Or did I just not remember correctly?” “It’s probably you then.” Kyu replied, “So, are we going to study more? Tomorrow’s the Physics 1 exam, it’s worth a lot of credits.” When he mentioned Physics 1, even though it’s just Physics 1, it’s ridiculously hard, like it doesn’t care that it’s supposed to be introductory. It’s like we’re studying all of high school physics in one semester, and it goes deeper because it’s engineering physics. To top it off, my professor said it would be in English.

While we were discussing where to go for tutoring, I turned on my phone, having turned it off and placed it in my bag before entering the exam room. When I checked, I saw a message from someone sent just a few minutes ago:

Johan: Finished the exam yet?

   “What’s with looking at your phone screen and smiling, North? Are you in love or something?” Skater teased me annoyingly. I hid my smile and shot him a glare.

North♣: I’m done.

   Johan: I’ll pick you up.

   North♣: Where are we going?

   North♣: I have to go study with friends, TT.

   Johan: Study what?

   North♣: Physics 1, there’s an exam tomorrow.

   Johan: I’ll tutor you.

   Johan: Wait in front of the faculty.

   He’s going to tutor me…

“Sorry, guys, I guess I won’t be joining you after all.” I said, looking up from my phone. If Phii Joe says to wait, he’ll be there in a few minutes.

“Going with the doctor?” Kyu asked.

“How did you know?”

“What else could it be with you? And what about studying?”

“He said he’ll tutor me.” “Really? He can tutor? That’s amazing.” Skater said, looking incredulous, “Are doctors that smart?”

“They’re already smart, and he does work in that field anyway, right? I was shocked when North mentioned it.” Kyu added, and everyone did seem shocked when I told them. I was shocked too when I found out about Phii Joe’s job, “He’s not just anyone, he’s the owner of the company, North, you’re clearly a nepo baby.”

“Hmph, well, that’s bad.” I said, feeling that Phii Joe isn’t the type to just hire anyone without merit, and Phii Prang once said he’s not one to be swayed by flattery. If you’re not truly capable, there’s no way you’d make it.

“Have you never asked him about his job? Don’t you want to intern at his company?” Duennao asked, raising an eyebrow in curiosity.

“Yeah, I’ve asked.” I said. I’ve asked Phii Joe what I need to do to intern at his company if my grades meet the criteria.

“And what did he say?”

“He said if I go to ask for an internship, he’ll interview me himself.”

“Damn, that’s awesome, the CEO interviewing you personally.” Kyu said excitedly. Why the excitement? That’s exactly why I’m hesitant to go. It’s intimidating, T^T.

“Then I’ll go first, see you.” I said, waving goodbye before heading down to the front of the faculty. I didn’t wait long before a luxurious car I wasn’t familiar with pulled up, and the window rolled down.

“Get in.”

“Oh, okay.” I nodded before walking around to the driver’s side. Is this a new car? Usually, it’s an Audi, but this one looks just as luxurious. I could smell the new car leather scent. Did he just buy it? “Is this a new car?”

“Hmm.”

“Did you just buy it? It smells brand new.” “Hmm, bought it yesterday.”

“Wow…” I said, just that. Not having seen him for a few days, I noticed Phii Joe looked slightly tired, seemed weary. “How was the exam?”

“Ha.”

Ha?

What does that mean?

Suddenly, the car stopped in front of a restaurant near the university. I was slightly startled by the sudden braking. Phii Joe still drives like a pro, but I think it’s gotten better. He drives fast but not as dangerously as before when I first rode with him.

“Are you buying something?”

“Hmm. They asked me to buy something.” Phii Johan said before handing me his phone, “You go order.” He got out of the car, and I followed suit. The phone’s screen was open to someone’s chat.

TFha: Joe. Where are you?

   Johan: Picking up the junior.

   Junior…?

Me?

He calls me ‘little brother’…Why does he call me so nicely when he talks to his friends, but when he talks to me, it’s just ‘you’? He’s only called me by my name a few times. Can I record that to listen to later? T^T

TFha: Order for me

   TFha: Two chicken steaks and two pork steaks, all lean meat.

   Johan: Are you ordering for everyone?

   Johan: You bastards.

   Johan: Fine, fine.

   TFha: Generous.

   Phii Fah must have placed an order, asking for four items, which means there are four of them, right? I bet Ter is definitely there.

“Do you want anything?” I turned to ask. Phii Joe was waiting at the sofa near the counter, the restaurant was quite upscale. The menu outside looked pretty expensive.

“Have you eaten before the exam?”

“Not yet.”

“Order then, get what you want.” I nodded in understanding. I placed the order for what Phii Fah had asked for and ordered for myself and Phii Joe too. We didn’t have to wait long before our orders were ready.

“The total is one thousand two hundred fifty baht. Um, our machine is down, could you please pay in cash?” the female staff said after Phii Joe pulled out his card. He didn’t say anything, just handed over two thousand baht notes. While the staff was counting out the change, Phii Joe took all the items and started walking out, so I took the change.

When we reached the medical faculty’s parking lot, I saw three doctors sitting under the faculty building, with Ter sitting with Phii Hill. As we approached, Phii Joe placed all the purchased items on the table.

“Starting the day with the smell of steak, huh?” Phii Arthit teased a bit before looking through the bags on the table, which were full of books and study sheets. Were they studying? I sat next to Phii Joe with Ter sitting opposite me. I was about to greet him, but then remembered we are roommates, seeing each other in the morning, at night, all the time.

“Did you just finish your exam?” Ter asked me as he took a steak box. I also thanked Phii Fah for handing me my box.

“Yes. What about you, finished a while ago?” “Oh.” I replied. When Ter studies, it looks hard too. If I had to memorize stuff like that, I’d rather deal with physics, but if I could choose, I’d prefer not to face any of it.

“Oh, Phii Joe, here’s the change from earlier.” I said, pulling out my wallet. The change was seven hundred fifty, right?

“Keep it.”

“Oh, okay.” I nodded, putting my wallet back. Phii Joe doesn’t like carrying small bills; for him, anything less than a thousand is considered small change, even if it’s a five hundred baht note. So, whenever we go shopping together, I always end up keeping the change.

“Carrying only thousand baht notes again.” Phii Fah remarked.

“It’s heavy.”

“But you still carry a lot of thousand baht notes, don’t you?”

“Too lazy to withdraw often, some places only accept cash.” Phii Johan said, sounding annoyed, “Why don’t they make ten thousand baht notes?”

Ten thousand baht notes!? T^T

“That’d be annoying.” Phii Arthit said, chuckling slightly. We then ate our meal while having small talk. I learned that the seniors also have an exam tomorrow morning.

Oh, right…

   I rummaged through my bag, remembering something. Better give it now before I forget again.

   The gear bracelet…

   Since the day I gave my gear to Phii Johan, I asked him if he wanted to wear it. I said I would find a bracelet for it if he did, but if he didn’t, it was okay. Phii Joe said it was up to me, so I went out and bought a simple cord bracelet. At first, I was worried it might not be appropriate, but then I saw Tiger wearing one, and it looked fine.

   Exactly.

   Tiger…wearing Duennao’s gear.

   I heard he swapped his gear with Nao’s while Nao was asleep, like they were trading to wear each other’s. At that moment, I didn’t know whether to laugh, feel sorry, or be dismayed; I couldn’t decide on my emotion. And if Nao wore the gear too, he’d be wearing Tiger’s.

   I asked what the swap was for since gears from the same year are pretty much identical. Tiger said it’s about the sentiment, knowing alone is enough.

   Damn it.

   I can’t take it anymore, Captain…

“Phii Joe.” I called out.

“Hmm?”

“Got the gear?” I asked. Phii Joe raised an eyebrow slightly before noticing the bracelet I was holding. He then pulled out the gear from his wallet and handed it to me.

He actually carries my gear in his wallet.

   Nice. I thought he wouldn’t have it with him.

   I attached the gear to the pendant spot on the bracelet. After a moment, I saw Phii Johan extending his left hand towards me, as I was sitting to his left. I looked up to see Phii Joe, who was watching me with his chin propped on his hand.

So, he wants me to put it on him, huh…

“Can you take off your watch first?” I asked, realizing I couldn’t put on the bracelet because of the watch. I just noticed how beautiful his watch was; it must be very expensive. I’ve seen Tiger wearing something similar. “Um.” Phii Joe said. So I started to remove the watch, but how do you do that? After I fiddled with the watch for a while, Phii Joe sighed slightly, took off his watch himself, and tossed it carelessly onto the table.

“You get the gear and just throw your Rolex like that?” Phii Tonfah asked.

“He got the gear already?” Phii Hill asked, not too surprised, “And you let him put it on?”

“Yeah, so what?”

“Nothing. It’s good.”

“It took a lot for Hill to get to this point, think about it.” Phii Arthit said, “Teaching an ox to be human.”

“You’re one to talk, Tit.” Phii Hill retorted.

“…”

“Serves you right.” Phii Joe turned to say to Phii Arthit with a hint of mockery in his voice, “You should try it, Tit. Hill is the best.”

“What do you mean, Joe?”

“Damn, enough already, Hill. Even my dad has never cursed me like this.” the guy next to me said before letting out a slight chuckle and shaking his head in mild disgust. Phii Joe in friend mode is really lively, even if his eyes still showed signs of fatigue. “One more word, and I’ll think you are jealous of me.”

“Shit, is it that bad?” Phii Tit laughed at what he heard.

“Gotta try it, that’s all I’ll say.”

“No need, guys, just keep your distance, can you? I’m already getting a headache just with Joe saying he’s going to hit on North.” Phii Hill said, sounding quite fed up. How bad does it have to be for someone like Phii Hill to complain like this?

After I put on the bracelet properly, Phii Joe put on his watch as usual, now paired with my gear bracelet. It looked better than I thought, good thing I chose black. “Johan…” Suddenly, there was a call from someone at the other end of the table. I looked over to see a short-haired girl in a student uniform with a short skirt. She gave a slight smile. I looked at Ter, who looked equally puzzled as if he didn’t recognize her either, “Can we talk for a bit?”

“…” Phii Joe didn’t reply, then he got up from the table. That person seemed to look at Phii Joe’s left wrist, then at me a few times, and then they went off to talk, not far away.

“Again? Why can’t people just speak clearly.” Phii Arthit said, glancing at the two people talking.

“Who’s that?” Phii Hill diverted his gaze from Phii Joe to ask Phii Fah.

“Anchun, law student, third year.”

“Oh, the one following the money trail to Joe, huh?”

“Tit, that’s harsh.” Phii Fah gently chided, “The junior is here.”

“The junior won’t mind.” Phii Hill said, “You won’t find anyone who understands Joe like the junior does.”

“Really? You don’t get mad when he goes out to talk with another woman?” Phii Arthit raised an eyebrow at me, surprised. I shook my head in response. Why would I be mad? He’s just going to talk, isn’t he?

“If there was someone else, would you be mad?”

“I’d have to be mad, wouldn’t I?” I furrowed my brows. Wait, what do you take me for? If it went that far, I’d definitely be upset. I wouldn’t even want to think about how I’d feel then. If possible, I’d rather that situation never happens.

“He’s not going to have anyone else, Joe. He’s already head over heels for you.” Phii Hill added, “Especially now with the gear from you. I bet he values that gear more than a three million baht Rolex.”

He’s head over heels for me…

   Phii Hill, please don’t say things like that…T^T

   That’s true, pointing at a bird and it’s actually a bird.

   Phii Arthit nodded in agreement, “Oh, she’s crying now.” Phii Arthit’s words made me turn around to look. The woman was indeed crying, sobbing so hard her shoulders shook, but Phii Joe didn’t comfort her at all.

“Not going to comfort her.”

“She’s not the type to cry easily anyway.” Phii Hill responded.

“Hmm, maybe it depends on whose tears they are.” Phii Arthit said, slightly twitching the corner of his mouth as if he remembered something, “North.”

“Yes?”

“Arthit. Don’t.” Phii Tonfah warned again.

“Why, it’s going to be fun.”

“Stop your bad ideas.”

“Nothing.” Tith said with an irritated look. What’s that, is Tit going to make me cry? What’s he made of, just talking and ending making making other people cry? T^T

After a while, Phii Joe came back to sit beside me, and the woman was no longer in sight. They must have finished talking, but Phii Johan seemed a bit off.

“How was it?” Phii Fah asked first.

“Same as usual.”

“Why was she crying?”

“She asked about the gear.” Phii Joe answered.

“What did she ask?”

“Was I serious about the owner of the gear?”

“And what did you say?”

“If it wasn’t serious, I wouldn’t have put it on.”

!!! Then there were some teasing comments from Phii Fah and Phii Arthit, which made me lower my head in embarrassment. I was happy, yes, but more embarrassed. My face was burning now, my heart started beating strongly again before Phii Joe pulled me closer, and the conversation at the table gradually shifted to other topics.

“Uh, Phii Joe. I have something to tell you.” Ter spoke up, making me turn to look at him immediately. Why did I feel uneasy? Phii Joe also turned to look at Ter with interest, “North, lately he likes to burrow into my hair while sleeping.”

“Burrow?” Phii Johan repeated the word.

“Yes, he keeps moving closer and burrowing to be hugged. If I don’t hug him, he’ll burrow again and push until I almost fall off the bed.”

“Ter! What’s that supposed to mean?” I protested, what is this burrowing he’s talking about?

“I’m telling the truth, do you know how hard it is for me to sleep?” Ter said.

“So what did you do?” Phii Hill asked.

“Uh, I hugged North. Otherwise, he wouldn’t stop burrowing.”

“Ter, are you serious?” I asked in disbelief, as I often heard Ter complain in the morning about me disturbing his sleep. Please stop burrowing already. At first, I thought he was just joking around.

“Joe, I think it’s not proper anymore.” Phii Hill said.

“Yeah, when I get back from Boston.”

“Why?” I turned to ask the person sitting next to me, puzzled.

“Move in with me.”

“No. No way.” I shook my head, rejecting the idea immediately. Phii Joe looked at my reaction, seemingly not very pleased.

“Will you move in nicely, or do I have to kick you out of your dorm? Choose.”

!!

“You really got into engineering by lottery, didn’t you?” A voice from behind made my heart skip a beat because Phii Joe said he would tutor me. Phii Joe then brought me to his room, sitting at his work desk, where…

He made me sit on his lap and hugged me from behind.

Again…

How many more times until I get used to this, T^T

But above all else, I was being scolded because I couldn’t understand Joe’s explanations. Phii Joe is really good at explaining physics in English. At first, he started with a brief explanation because he thought I had a foundation already. But when he found out I had forgotten almost all the basics, I started getting scolded, T^T

Can I go back to being tutored by Kyu, please…

The most intense study time of my life had passed. Phii Joe tightened his hug around me, resting his chin on my shoulder, and let out a small sigh, closing his eyes as if exhausted.

“Are you tired?”

“Yeah, tired.”

“If you go to Boston, will it be even more exhausting?” I asked, starting to worry more. I was already concerned about him during the exam period when we didn’t see each other, but the work in Boston seemed even more demanding.

“Mm, but after I come back, there won’t be anything tiring.”

“Susuna.” I encouraged him, “You’ll be leaving in a few days, right? Going for two weeks, right?”

“Something like that.”

“Wow…” I fell silent, taking a moment to think before deciding to express what was on my mind. “I’m definitely going to miss you a lot.” “…” “Come back soon, okay?”

“Do you know?”

“…”

“I’ve never felt that going to Boston was this hard before.”

…

 

   NORTH HOW MUCH IS YOUR LOVE CHAPTERS HOME

NORTHHOWMUCHISYOURLOVE, Chapter 20 part 2

“My friend suggested that too, but I can’t remember.” I said. I’ve tried to remember, especially after Ter kept pressing me about it. If I want more memories from my past, they’d probably have to dissect my brain. I really can’t recall, the first time I heard Johan’s name was when he was mentioned around the university.

“Maybe Joe only remembers you?”

“Huh?”

“Like…You’ve never met Joe, right? Where’s your house? Not around here, right?”

“Yes, different province, but not that far.”

“See, Joe’s grandparents’ house is in a nearby province. You must have met a long time ago, otherwise, he wouldn’t like you this much.” Phii Prang’s words made me pause for a moment. At first, I really couldn’t figure out how we could have met, since his family lives here, and my home is in another province, “Wait, hold on, I’m in a boss gossip group chat, someone who passed by Joe’s grandparents’ house took pictures and posted them in the group, and everyone was shocked at how grand the house is. It’s even bigger than the chairman’s house here.”

Bigger than that?

Might as well call it a palace, then.

“Here, this is the house.” Phii Prang scrolled through her phone for a while and then showed me the screen.

Wait a moment.

This house.

Ch…

“Do you recognize it?” Phii Prang asked.

“It’s not just familiar.”

“I pass by it on my bike every day on my way to school.” “Hey, for real?! Are your houses close, or what? And why don’t we know each other then!!!” Phii Prang exclaimed excitedly. I was shocked too. What’s this? This can’t be real, I almost couldn’t believe it.

It’s a house that’s extremely beautiful, big enough to be called a mansion, covering half the alley. It’s beautifully decorated from the gate to the front garden. When I first saw it, I was super excited, wondering why there was a billionaire in our neighborhood. There were dozens of luxurious cars parked there. I still wonder how many people live in that house, why they need so many cars.

“No, our houses aren’t close to each other.” I said.

At first, I knew there was a big, beautiful house in another alley, and everyone around there knew each other. I even talked to my friends about whether that house had any children or grandchildren, if I could go and flirt, why they were so rich. My mom said they owned all the land around there originally, and then they built a housing estate for people to buy or rent. Even now, my mom is still paying off the house. Everything in the estate belongs to them, including the market where my mom sells her goods.

Damn…

Even my house too? You can’t own everything like this, Phii, T^T

“At first, I lived in another alley.” I started explaining to Phii Prang, “I just rode my bike around my own alley, until one day Uncle Maen, who lives at the alley entrance, got a dog named Banana. Banana really hated me, tried to bite me every time, so when going to school, I had to take a detour to another alley.” And that alley was quite complex, so by going around, I had to pass by that house every day.

“Oh dear, Banana, and you never met or heard of Joe? In the same housing estate?” “No, I’ve never heard anyone talk about any children or grandchildren from that house. Even my mom, who’s a vendor at the market, doesn’t know much, maybe they only stayed there for a short time?”

“Hmm, I don’t know about that. So, do you think Joe liked you because you rode past his house?” Phii Prang asked, making a face of disbelief.

“That’s funny, Phii Prang. Who would like someone just because they ride past their house? Think about it, how many people pass by in a day? He wouldn’t notice.” I said truthfully. If so, then what he said about possibly having seen me before must be true, but I never saw him.

“Maybe you met somewhere else.”

“Must have been like that.” I said, letting out a sigh. I’m still shocked that the house belonged to Phii Joe’s grandparents. If so, then all those luxury cars I saw might have been his.

“But I remember, Khunying, she once hinted to me that during middle school, Joe was quite the troublemaker.”

“Really?” I raised an eyebrow in question.

“Yes, yes, when he was young, he wasn’t very well-behaved, like a rich kid who spent money freely. Well, he still does that now, except now it’s his own money he’s spending extravagantly. Khunying said he was a headache, but he got better in high school, especially towards the end. He started taking his work and studies more seriously, but he still has some bad habits.”

“Bad habits?”

“Like drinking, smoking, women, that sort of thing. In university, you could still see those habits, but because he’s good at his work, the chairman and his wife didn’t say much, just let him be free, as long as he was still responsible for his work and studies. But lately, work has gotten so busy he can’t go out anymore. And that’s when I started seeing North becoming a regular in Joe’s life.” “Oh.” I nodded in understanding.

“And what do you think? Do you think Joe liked you from the start?”

“Uh, if I’m honest…No.” I paused, taking a moment to think, “At first, it seemed like he didn’t like me much. I genuinely felt that, but he gradually showed more affection.”

“Like he grew to like being with you more?”

“Yeah, I guess.” I said, feeling strangely embarrassed, thinking it was right to ask Phii Prang. Otherwise, I’d never know these things about Phii Joe; he never tells me anything, not even about general stuff like this. T^T

“Aww, look at you blushing. Who would’ve thought you were so close.” Phii Prang teased slightly. I could only give a faint smile. She glanced at her wristwatch, “I’d love to gossip more, but it’s time for me to get back to work. Can you stay here by yourself?”

“Yes.” I nodded.

“Oh, by the way, Joe asked me to give you this spare key card.” Phii Prang said, handing me the key card.

A spare key card for Phii Joe’s room?

   “Thank you.” I said, taking the key card. How much does he trust me to give me a spare key card? Is he telling me I can come over whenever?

“Just so you know, no one else has a spare key card. Joe is quite protective of his personal space, like his room at home is off-limits.” Oh, right. I remembered that Aunt Da once mentioned that Phii Joe’s room at home didn’t even have a spare key.

“Hmm. Alright then, I’ll go. Don’t sneak out, or Joe will be mad when he comes back and doesn’t find you here, especially since you’re sick. Take your medicine and rest a lot. Joe should be done with his exams around three in the afternoon. So you can do whatever you need to do here.” “I understand.” I agreed. I wasn’t planning on going out anyway, and I’m too lazy to do so. I don’t know where I’d go, and I’m not up to attending classes. Even though the fever isn’t that severe, if I had to choose between studying and sleeping, I’d choose sleep. I waved goodbye to Phii Prang as she left the room.

I got up to wash the used cup at the sink, along with some unwashed dishes from the day before. Normally, there would be a housekeeper, I guess. Whatever, I’ll wash them now.

With nothing to do, I thought of messaging Nao on LINE to ask if he went to class despite being sick. When I opened Line, I noticed the engineering group chat was more active than usual, which made me think something must be up. I guessed it had something to do with the cheerleading club, but I decided to read the group chat first in case there was something else important.

Damn it.

The only word that came to mind after scrolling through the group chat messages was, “Damn it.” In summary:

Today is gear distribution day…

Everyone needs to rush to the cheerleading room before 1 PM. I guessed there must be cheer activities until evening, given the early afternoon start time. What should I do? I heard if you don’t go today, you won’t get your gear.

I really didn’t want to go out because Phii Prang had emphasized not to go anywhere, otherwise Phii Joe would get mad. But I wanted the gear, and so I decided to ask in the group chat:

North♣: If you’re sick today, can you get it later?

   Primmm: North, are you sick? You didn’t come to cheer yesterday either, you’ll really get it now.

   North♣: I have a fever, can I go another day? Primmm: Even if others have a fever, they still come. It has to be something serious like an accident for them to let you come another day.

   North♣: Does it have to be an accident?

   North♣: Should I run into traffic for a moment?

   Primmm: Don’t be silly, come first. If you really can’t, you can ask to leave early, but you have to come and tell the seniors yourself, let them see that North is genuinely sick.

   North♣: If I can’t make it, like I’m on the brink of death from the fever. Just lying here…

   Sketh: @North♣. Have you been sick since last evening? That’s why you went to the doctor for an injection?

   North♣: @Sketh, Skater, you bastard.

   Primmm: North, come first, we’ll try to talk to the seniors for you. If you don’t come, you won’t get your gear, today is an important day.

   North♣: TT

   I only replied with that. If I could go and come back before Phii Joe returns, that would be best. I could go quickly and return before he’s back to avoid getting scolded. If he finds out I snuck out, he’d be upset for sure. It’s not just about being upset; I don’t want to worry him either.

North♣: Nao, are you going this afternoon?

   ☾.: Going. Are you sick too?

   North♣: Yeah, thanks to you, the worst. You sneezed right into my face.

   ☾.: I had to get wet because of you too. Are you coming to get the gear?

   North♣: That’s right. I don’t really want to go, but if I don’t, I won’t get the gear. ☾.: I’ll drag my body there. Heard Phii Prim said to tell the seniors beforehand that we’re not feeling well and ask to leave early, then pick up the gear another day.

   North♣: Can we do that? Are you sure we can ask to leave early?

   ☾.: I think so. It would be pretty harsh if they didn’t allow it.

   North♣: Have our seniors ever been kind before? And why do we need to get the gear today?

   ☾.: It was planned long ago. The seniors have been preparing since morning, but we don’t really care about the freshman activities, so we’re not that informed.

   Yeah, that’s true. It’s not that I didn’t want to join the freshman activities, but with my part-time jobs, I haven’t been able to participate much. Even cheering, I was too lazy, so I found a way to skip like I did yesterday.

North♣: Or maybe I just shouldn’t go at all. Forget the gear.

   ☾.: Come on, at least for the first term, we agreed to participate in freshman activities for the gear, we almost died getting them.

   ☾.: Take i to your Phii Johan.

   ☾.: As a token of affection, you’ll be apart soon anyway, right?

   ☾.: Because he’s going to Boston.

   North♣: Yeah, I’ll go. Let’s hope we can really leave early.

   North♣: It’s in the afternoon, right?

   ☾.: It’s been changed. Now it’s at 12:30.

   North♣: Alright, see you there.

   ☾.: Okay. I took the liberty of wearing Phii Fah’s shirt, which Phii Joe had borrowed to cover me last night, since I was already wearing it. It would be convenient to wash it all at once. Fortunately, there was no sun outside. Otherwise, I might have passed out on the way. The air was slightly cool. I hurried out of the room, hailed a pickup taxi back to my dorm to change into my faculty’s activity uniform.

If it weren’t for the gear distribution day, I wouldn’t have gone. I’m not that eager to get the gear, especially if it means getting scolded by Phii Joe. I’d rather not go. But as Nao said, it’s something to remember each other by when we’re apart. I wanted that, for an engineering student, the gear really is a token of affection.

I planned to just go for a bit and then ask to leave. Phii Joe would be done with his exams around 3 PM. I should have enough time to get back before he’s finished.

In my engineering activity uniform, wearing a raincoat fully zipped up and a face mask to show I was sick, I made my way to my faculty. I saw my friends lining up in front of the gear distribution area, sorted by student ID. I walked over to join them.

“Junior, what’s your ID?” asked a second-year senior.

“ID 249, uh, I can’t take off the raincoat, I’m sick.” I explained. Being sick wasn’t that bad, but the marks on my neck were another story.

“Oh, you’re sick? Can you manage?”

“Uh, not really. I was thinking of asking to leave early. My friend said it was okay to leave first, but if I’m sick, I have to inform the seniors.”

“Oh, I see. I’ll go tell them. Not sure if they’ll let you, though. Go line up with your friends first, we’re about to enter the cheerleading room.” the senior said, then led me to the line. My ID was right next to Duennao’s, who was also wearing a raincoat and face mask.

“How are you feeling?” he asked. “How do you think? I caught your cold.”

“Oh, we’re friends, right? Look at us, both wearing face masks and raincoats.”

“Is that something to be happy about?” I said, “I heard the senior from just now is going to tell the head seniors that we want to leave early.”

“But I asked another senior, and they said we could go, but we have to wait a bit, go into the cheerleading room first.”

“Yeah, that’s good then.”

We walked into the cheerleading room according to our student IDs. I just learned that the seniors required us to turn off and hand over our phones, with our IDs written on them to avoid mix-ups.

“I will return your phones after the activity, please turn them off.” a senior’s voice boomed loudly, making us flinch slightly. Why do people have to be so loud? My throat hurt just hearing it.

As soon as everyone entered and sat in the cheerleading room, the cold air from the AC hit me, making me feel cold right away. Come to think of it, we didn’t even turn on the AC last night because I was cold, but Phii Johan probably didn’t sleep very comfortably, sigh, I’ve made things difficult for him again. T^T

The seniors were briefing us on various tasks that the freshmen were supposed to do, including an annual event similar to a faculty concert, with different roles assigned, and everyone had to decide who would do what. From setting up stalls in the evening to building the stage, and various performances.

After a while, there was the usual seniors’ yelling, typical for the engineering faculty. The freshmen just sat there, heads down, eyes closed. The seniors talked about responsibilities, the cheerleading room, to teach us juniors. Then it was time to receive our gear, lining up one by one on the stage.

It took nearly an hour before it was my turn. “What time is it?” I whispered to Duennao next to me since I wasn’t wearing a watch.

“It’s almost two in the afternoon.”

“I’ve got the gear. Can we ask to leave early?” I said while looking at the gear I was holding. It was the usual gear, I had to hurry and ask to leave or things would get bad. I quietly asked a senior if I could leave early because I wasn’t feeling well, but the senior said to wait until everyone had their gear, just a little more patience.

The real issue was that Phii Joe would be done with his exam soon, T^T.

“What’s the number now?” I whispered to Nao again.

“312.”

“There are over nine hundred freshmen, holy, when will this end.” I sighed, is it really impossible to leave early? If we wait for everyone to get their gear, it’ll be evening.

“Why are you in such a rush? I don’t think the room is that cold. They’ve adjusted the AC for us.”

“I’m in a hurry.” I said, feeling restless. It would take almost fifteen minutes to get back to Phii Joe’s condo, I had to get there before he finished or he’d catch me sneaking out.

“Why the rush? Going to see Phii Joe?”

“Actually, I sneaked out. Phii Joe told me not to go anywhere, just to rest at the condo.”

“Oh shit, how did you get out?”

“He went for an exam, finishes at three in the afternoon.” I said.

“It’s just two now, will you get caught?”

“Yeah, he’ll definitely be mad.” “He’s just worried about you, you’re sick. Why would he tell you not to go out if there wasn’t a reason? See, you’re being stubborn.” Duennao said, which made me turn sharply towards him.

“I’m not being stubborn. I just wanted to get the gear quickly. You were the one who said to get it as something to remember him by, right?” I argued. I’m not being stubborn at all, they wouldn’t let me get it another day.

“You’re right about that, you can say it’s for him, he might understand. Even though you’re sick, you’re here to get gear because you want to give it to him.”

“Well, but I think he’d still be mad if he found out.” It’s better if he doesn’t know, before I coughed a bit from talking too much. The fever seemed stable, not getting worse but not improving either. For me, that’s manageable, I can live normally, just with a bit of discomfort.

“Senior, can I really not leave now?” I asked the senior standing nearby for the hundredth time. My mind was not on the activity now. It was half past two. There’s no way I’d make it on time if I didn’t leave soon.

“No, you can’t. Can’t you just wait for your friends?” the senior replied sternly. What about what they said earlier about being able to leave early? “Do you see the importance of this event?”

“But I’m sick.” I said, sounding equally annoyed. What does that have to do with the event’s importance? I am sick, for crying out loud. When they turned up the AC because someone complained about the heat, it made me feel even colder, making my fever worse.

“What was that about being able to leave, huh?” I whispered to Duennao.

“Well, the other senior said we could really leave, or maybe because it’s the head senior now, they won’t let us.” Duennao said, before starting to shiver from the cold in the room, “Damn, I’m going to die from the cold, is this a fish tank or what?” “Exactly.” Where’s Tiger? Why is he letting his ‘wife’ sit here shivering like this? “What time is it now?”

“2:42 PM.”

“I’m dead, I’m definitely dead.” I said. Damn it, why does it have to be like this? It’ll be almost five before we can actually leave, and my phone is off. Oh no, will Phii Joe worry about me? But he’ll definitely be mad, what should I do? I’m sorry, I really didn’t want to make him worry.

“You said we could leave, why isn’t it like we discussed? Why lie?” Duennao said in a hoarse voice, “We’re getting gear at the cost of our lives, is it worth it?”

“Is it really life or death? Damn it, Nao.”

“Huh?”

“I’m not calling you, just mentioning the cold.”

“Asshole, do you want to go to the bathroom? Then we can make a run for it.” Duennao suggested.

“Will they even escort students to the bathroom?”

“Why would he escort me? I’m a guy, for God’s sake, that’s so cruel.” Duennao said with a slight frown. I thought it was probably to prevent anyone from sneaking out.

“Freshman with ID 249, who is it!” The senior at the front of the stage shouted, making my heart jump when my ID was called. I quickly raised my hand and responded, “Please come to the front.”

I looked puzzled for a moment before standing up and walking to the front of the cheerleading room as instructed. I shook my head slightly when Nao asked from behind what was happening.

“Yes?”

“Your guardian has come to pick you up, you can leave now.”

?? Guardian?

Who, my mom? And why was it so easy to let me out now when before it was almost impossible? I looked confused at the senior before following him out of the cheerleading room.

!!!

Phii Johan

My heart sank when I saw Phii Joe standing outside in his student uniform, arms crossed, leaning against a pillar. When he saw me come out, he looked at me with an expressionless face.

Scary…

His eyes were clearly showing anger. I didn’t know what to do as he walked towards me. I was scared…Why does Phii Joe look so terrifying when he’s angry? My hands started to sweat, my heart began to race, before Phii Joe approached and grabbed one of my wrists, pulling me towards him.

!!

“Do you think everything I do is for what?”

“Do you know how worried I was when I got back to the room and didn’t see you?”

“Can you not just disappear from my sight like this?”

I sat in Phii Johan’s car without saying a word, the atmosphere in the car filled with tension, until the luxury car parked in the condo’s underground parking lot. I followed him up to the room, still not daring to say anything. I hated it when he was angry, it was so terrifying, it made me feel awkward and unsure of what to say or do.

“Phii…ah!” I walked over to where he had slumped onto the sofa, before being pulled to sit straddling him as usual, but no matter how many times it happens, I still feel nervous and uneasy each time. His face didn’t show much emotion, but I could tell he was angry and was trying to keep that anger in check.

Phii Johan pulled down my face mask and gently touched my lips with his finger.

“Ouch.” I said, instinctively turning my face away a little, wincing from the pain. My lips were really hurting now, and he still hadn’t said anything.

“Phii…I’m sorry, today was gear distribution day. If I didn’t go, I wouldn’t get the gear.” I tried to explain, “I didn’t mean to make you worry. I’m really sorry.” I felt genuinely guilty.

“…”

Phii Johan still didn’t say anything, but it seemed like he was waiting for me to say something more. I took one of his hands and placed my gear in his palm.

“I’m giving this to you.”

“…” He didn’t say anything, just glanced briefly at what was in his hand.

“I heard someone say, for an engineering student, giving your gear to someone means entrusting your heart to that person.”

“Can I entrust it to you?”

“…”

“I like you, you know.”

“…”

“I really like you a lot, I’m sorry, and thank you for being with me. No one has ever taken care of me like you do. I’ve never had anyone do for me what you’ve done. I used to think my days were good enough. But when you came into my life, everything felt even better.”

“…”

“Thank you, really.”

“You…”

“…” “Why are you so damn cute?”

 

The song “Until You” – Shayne Ward

   Baby life was good to me

   But you just made it better

   I love the way you stand by me

   Through any kind of weather

  

   I don’t wanna run away just wanna make your day

   When you feel the world is on your shoulders

   I don’t wanna make it worse just wanna make us work

   Baby tell me I will do whatever

  

   It feels like nobody ever knew me until you knew me

   Feels like nobody ever loved me until you loved me

   Feels like nobody ever touched me until you touched me

   Baby, nobody, nobody until you

  

  

 

   NORTH HOW MUCH IS YOUR LOVE CHAPTERS HOME

NORTHHOWMUCHISYOURLOVE, Chapter 20 part 1

   Chapter 20: Until You

   “Phii…no! Ugh!” I tried to object, but my lips were pressed with another kiss, this one more forceful than any before, as if all restraint had snapped. I closed my eyes, fearfully, my heart racing, about to burst through my chest any moment, my body temperature rising due to the fever. The warm breath from the person in front of me became quicker, indicating he was getting aroused too, which made me feel like I was going crazy.

“Ugh.” The touch of the hands on my body grew more intense, the grip on my thighs tightened as he moved up my back, causing an even stronger emptiness in my lower abdomen, the pain in my core intensifying. I was breathing heavily through both my nose and mouth as I couldn’t handle the sensations anymore, the hot tongue exploring without regard for how close I was to passing out.

“Ah!” I gasped out loud again when suddenly I was pushed down onto the bed, and Phii Joe straddled me, kissing me quickly without giving me a chance to breathe. The warm touch from one hand moved up from my waist, slowly lifting my shirt, while the other hand gripped my waist, massaging around my hips.

My sanity was scattering, every touch felt overwhelming, and I couldn’t resist or oppose it. I was truly going mad.

Why does he…

“Ughh!” When he moved his lips away, sliding his face down to my neck, using the tip of his nose to press and move around. I held my breath as his warm breath played around my neck and ears, slightly startled when he bit to leave red marks, and even more so when Phii Johan started kissing down from my neck to my collarbone, repeatedly kissing my chest.

“Uh! Phii…no, please stop.” I tried to push him away, but the fever had weakened my body, and my head started to feel heavy. Even so, my body still responded to his touches. I started to feel a headache more intense due to the worsening fever. “Phii…uh. I…can’t, please stop.” I tried to say again, my voice weak from exhaustion. Phii Johan slowly stopped his actions, shifting slightly, then moving back to straddle me, leaning his face close, touching my lips gently before pulling away. His sharp gaze looked straight at me, and with the dim light, I could see him to some extent.

Strangely, this time, I didn’t want to look away like before. I returned his gaze, this wasn’t the first time I’ve looked at him this closely, but it was the first time I dared to look into his eyes like this.

His eyes are so beautiful.

His nose too.

His lips as well.

Seeing him this close made me even more sure, he looked perfect in every way.

“Do you want me to stop?”

His deep voice asked, that slight smirk making my heart skip a beat again. Everyone says they can’t resist Phii Johan’s smile like this. I never thought I’d be one of them until now.

And I guess I’m completely defeated by everything…

“Yeah…please.” I whispered.

“Hmm?” Phii Johan whispered near my ear. I flinched at the deep sound.

“What should I do then? If you want me to stop?”

“…” I looked back in confusion, before he lifted me back to the straddling position, making my eye level close to his. This felt like I was being forced not to look away, and soon I felt I couldn’t withstand his gaze, but when I tried to look away, I was pulled even closer. I found myself placing my hand on Phii Joe’s shoulder.

“Ah!” I was startled when he grabbed my waist, pulling our lower bodies even closer, making me more embarrassed, “Uh…I mean, what should I do, you mean…what?”

“…” Phii Johan didn’t respond, just looked back at me, his eyes filled with mischief and malice. I didn’t know what to do, wanting to move away because I was so embarrassed by the way I was straddling him, especially this close. My heart still hadn’t calmed down, and I was breathing heavily.

What to do…when you want to ask for something…

   I decided to lean down slightly, bringing my face closer to his, gently touching my lips to his. He responded, but unlike before when he led, this time it seemed he wanted me to take the initiative.

And I…had no idea how to do it.

“Ugh!” I let out a small sound when he bit my lower lip, but Phii Johan still allowed me to continue kissing awkwardly. After a while, I stopped and pulled back.

“Just that?” he raised an eyebrow, his arms around my waist. Looking down at him like this felt really strange, and he looked up at me with an expression that suggested he was enjoying teasing me.

“…”

“Ugh, well, I don’t know.” I said, turning my gaze away, unable to meet his eyes out of shyness.

“Again.”

“Huh…What?”

“Do it again, I’m not satisfied yet.”

!! Cute… I looked at the person in front of me, trying to kiss me while visibly embarrassed and unsure. My face, already red from fever, felt even hotter under his touch. My body temperature was higher than normal due to illness, but it seemed to get even hotter when he touched me.

Seeing that I was sick, I should be patient…very patient, ever since I snuggled into him asking for a hug. But someone like me didn’t know how long I could endure this. My mouth said to stop, but my eyes were saying something else, his soft, inviting skin all over, the faint sweet scent, the sweet voice whispering in my ear, calling out to me.

I was the one who was about to go mad.

I glanced at the red marks I had left on him with satisfaction; they stood out starkly against his fair skin. There were marks all over his neck and down to his chest, more than last time, almost without realizing how many I had made.

And they were marks of ownership too.

“Uh, Phii…can we stop now, please?” he asked softly, his hands that were clinging to my shoulders starting to lose strength, his eyes half-closed, breathing heavily and exhaling warm breath.

Every reaction when I hugged, kissed, or did more, it made me want to do even more, to the point where I said I wanted to leave him covered in marks.

Oh, but I guess he’s already quite marked up…

…

“No.” I said, before turning my gaze back to his eyes, and he looked away again. I noticed he’s never been able to meet my gaze head-on, only a few times he dared to look back, but only briefly.

He leaned in cautiously, pressing a light kiss once more. I felt the touch was hotter than usual, his hot tongue trying to slip in, but when I didn’t respond much, he didn’t dare to do more. He pulled back again, his face flushed and his lips tightly pressed together.

“Phii…”

“Hmm.”

“Uh…Phii. I really don’t know how…I’m serious.” he said quietly, still looking away.

“…”

“Phii…can’t you do it first?”

“Do what?”

“Well…”

“…”

“A kiss.”

“Ask properly.” I said, the corner of my mouth twitching into a slight smile when I heard that. I understood what he meant. I just wanted him to say it.

“Uh…it’s just that…”

“…”

“Phii…can you kiss me, please?”

“…”

♣♣♣

Ugh…

Hurts…

I woke up groggily due to the sunlight filtering through the curtains, the first feeling being a slight headache from the fever, but more than that,

My lips

And the marks he left on me last night. My lips hurt… He said if I wanted something, I should kiss him first. Even though he said that, he was always the one to initiate the kiss. When it was my turn, I didn’t know how, and it was so embarrassing. He probably wasn’t that pleased with my attempts. So, I thought it was better for him to kiss me first.

Ugh, so mean. I’m sick, why can’t he be gentle for once?

I couldn’t see Phii Johan anywhere, guessing he might have gone to the exam. It was around nine. I also had classes, but I definitely couldn’t go. The fever seemed slightly better after resting, but it would have been better if last night hadn’t…Ah, no, I won’t think about it. T^T

I slowly got up from the bed to wash my face. Even though I tried not to think about it, it was like there was a replay in my head. Ugh, why so cruel. One day, I might die of a heart attack, or worse, I might have died already. Looking in the mirror, I saw the red marks indeed covered my neck and extended to my chest; some spots still felt tender. Why was he so rough? T^T

After washing my face, I sat down on the sofa, feeling a bit dizzy but able to walk. Initially, I planned to make something to eat, but once I sat on the sofa, I felt too lazy to move. I decided to just sit here for a while, idly watching TV for about ten minutes.

Then I heard a knock at the door. I quickly got up to open it.

Is Phii Joe back already?

Why did he finish the exam so quickly?

Oh, no.

It’s Phii Prang, isn’t it?

“Wait, what does that look mean? Are you disappointed that it’s me who came to see you?” Phii Prang said with a frown, holding bags full of something. “Phii Prang, hello, uh, Phii Joe isn’t here, he went for an exam.” “I know. Joe sent me to check on you, and look, I brought some food too.” Phii Prang said, showing me the bags which contained porridge, some snacks, and various medications, “Oh, wait, dear.”

“Yes?”

“This is…” Phii Prang looked stunned for a moment, staring at my neck. “Oh my, wait, scream, my little one.” Phii Prang started to fuss in surprise. I quickly covered my neck with my hand because I didn’t expect anyone to visit, so I didn’t wear anything to cover it up. This is bad. T^T

“Did Joe do this!”

“Uh…yes.” I nodded, feeling embarrassed.

“Oh my, you’re sick, Johan, the junior is sick, why would you do this, why are you so cruel, why so intense, what’s with men like Johan?” Phii Prang said, twisting her body with excitement, “It’s so harsh. Not gentle at all with someone who’s sick…and don’t tell me…Uh, you two went all the way…”

“No, no, not to that extent.” I shook my head to deny it immediately.

“Really? Even with marks all over your neck like this?” Phii Prang said before going into the kitchen area, pouring out some porridge for me, “Really, you’re not lying to me, right? I told you not to be embarrassed with me.”

“Phii Prang, I’m not lying.” I said, dragging my words, why do I have to be asked something like this? T^T, before thanking her for bringing me porridge, but when I tried to eat it…

My mouth hurts…

“Oh, my dear, does it hurt? Can’t even eat, your lips are cracked too, why is Joe so intense?” Phii Prang said, scooting closer to sit beside me and gently patting my head, “Why do I find you so adorable, my dear?” “Wait, Phii Prang, am I now like your child?” “Uh. You’re just so cute. Look, your neck is all red, and your lips are cracked, did you guys kiss?”

I didn’t dare to answer, just nodded slightly instead.

“Oh my, oh my, I’m going to faint, kissing until your lips are cracked, does Joe have to be this intense? And someone like Johan, he doesn’t do more, oh, I admire his restraint. Kissing like this, how much self-control must he have?”

“Restraint?” I raised an eyebrow, echoing her words.

“Yes, restraint from doing more. Normally, it wouldn’t be possible.” Phii Prang said excitedly before taking a bite of the snack she bought. Wait, so the snacks are for her?

But…

He was restraining himself, huh?

So he was restraining himself. I’m already covered in marks. T^T

“And when did you start dating?” Phii Prang asked while I was trying hard to eat the porridge, it hurts, no matter how I try to eat it hurts. It wasn’t this bad last time.

“We’re not dating.” I answered truthfully, which made Phii Prang look extremely surprised.

“Wait, you guys aren’t dating yet? Why? You both like each other, right? Or do you not like him?”

“Uh…I do like him.” I answered based on my feelings. Yes…I think I’m liking him more and more, to the point where I might even call it love.

“Have you ever told him?”

Well, no.

I’ve never told him. I think he might already sense it. Even if telling him would make it clearer, I haven’t had a good opportunity.

“I’ve never told him.”

“Go on then, tell him, so you can start dating.” Phii Prang said. “Wow, dating?” I muttered to myself softly. Honestly, I can’t really imagine what dating him would be like. I don’t know if things would stay the same or change, “Probably not right now.” I said, shaking my head slightly.

“What do you mean?”

“Dating, I guess it’s not going to happen anytime soon. He seems pretty busy.” I explained. He really does seem busy, with work and exams, and then he’s going to Boston too.

“Wow, are you being too understanding? Don’t you want to ask or push a little? You’ve come this far, if I were you, I’d be freaking out, at least one of us would want to know where we stand.” Phii Prang said with a slight hint of irritation, “But, yeah, seriously. If you push or make a fuss, Joe might just get annoyed.”

“But I think he wouldn’t mind if it’s you.” Phii Prang said, then patted my head again.

“Really? I’m not worried about Phii Joe getting annoyed, it’s just…I feel like, how should I put it, it’s okay like this, whatever makes him comfortable.” I said, following my thoughts. That’s how I truly feel. With all the stress of work and study, I don’t want to add to his worries with my own issues. I’d rather be someone he feels at ease with, “But maybe when the time comes, I’ll ask.”

“Ask about dating?”

“Yes, I guess I’ll have to wait for the right moment.” As I’ve mentioned before, I want to know him better too, “Phii Prang, could you tell me more about Phii Joe?” I figured Phii Prang might know more about Phii Joe than I do. It might be good to hear stories from her; there might be things I still don’t know, like details about his job. I learned about those from Phii Prang.

“Oh. Well…what should I tell you? You know everything, about his work, the company, what else do you want to know? Joe is in his second year at medical school.” “I know about his studies, something else, anything, just tell me.” I said before taking the last spoonful of porridge, it had been the most challenging meal of porridge I’ve ever had.

“Uh, about what? One thing that really impressed me is, you know, Joe, who’s the chairman’s son and the future president of the company, he greets the security guard at the company entrance. Did you know that? I was really shocked when I saw it, it shows how respectful he can be to those he should respect.”

“Wow, really?” I said. It wasn’t that I didn’t believe it, just that it was somewhat surprising, but indeed, it’s impressive. I thought that before picking up the medicine packets Phii Prang bought to look at them.

“These medicines, Joe ordered them. I don’t know what exactly, but yeah, and also, my work is quite busy. At first, I couldn’t have come to see you, but Joe paid me to come, tempted me with a bonus. No matter how tough the work was, I managed to make time, and had to beg the colleagues next to me to help clear my work.”

“Wow, thank you.”

“That’s how it is, Joe needed to rush off for exams. Don’t be mad at him, okay?”

“I’m not mad. Even if Phii Prang didn’t come, I wouldn’t be angry. I could have cooked something myself. It’s just a fever.” I said. Why would I be mad about something like this? Everyone has their studies and exams, right?

“Wow, you’re really good, huh? And about the story I was supposed to tell, hmm, there is one, actually. Before you met him, you’d never encountered him, right?”

I nodded.

“When I was first transferred to be Joe’s secretary, Khunying, uh, Joe’s mother, she often talked to me. She’s a very beautiful lady and extremely kind, but the president is quite strict because he’s the head of the company. You know, his stern side can be really scary. Joe is becoming more and more like his father every day. I started to fear Joe more and more.”

“I see.” I nodded to show I understood, imagining how intimidating that could be. But now I’m curious about how beautiful Phii Joe’s mother must be for her son to be so handsome.

“Joe is the only son, so he’s the hope of the president, with all the pressures as I’ve mentioned before. You know, before university, Joe didn’t live here, right? You’ve been to his house before, right?” I nodded in response, “This is where the president and his wife live together, but there’s also a big house where the grandparents live.”

“During middle school, he lived there with his grandparents, and the president and his wife would visit sometimes, because both were busy with work.”

“Oh…” So, because both parents were busy, he had to live with his grandparents instead?

“And you, when did you first meet him?” Phii Prang asked.

“When I was drunk, that’s when. Before that, I had seen him a few times because he’s friends with my friend’s boyfriend.”

“Friends with your friend’s boyfriend…” Phii Prang repeated my words and pondered for a moment, “Oh. So before that, you don’t really know how things were between you two.”

“Yes.”

“Have you ever asked him?”

“Yes, but he wouldn’t tell.” and I think he definitely won’t tell the story.

“Maybe you met but you didn’t recognize him?”

 

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