SOUTHBESIDETHESKY, Chapter 31: The End of My Rope

   After our trip to Japan ended, of course, I felt a profound sense of regret. I really loved this trip. Whether it was the places, the people, the atmosphere, especially the person I went with, this trip not only allowed us to spend more time together but also created good memories for us. Although it’s a pity, since Phii Fah said he would take me traveling again, not just here, but to many other places as well.

It seems snow started falling after we returned. We celebrated New Year’s with my uncle and aunt. I was happy to celebrate with them; it was filled with simple warmth. My New Year didn’t start with loneliness like the previous years.

Just two days after the New Year’s celebration, the new semester began. I decided to drop out of university because I intended to take a gap year. I had wanted to drop out for a long time but never found the right chance, and now, with the new semester, I decided to do it. Of course, the one who complained the most was Ter, but he understood.

He was just complaining for the sake of it.

While I was studying for the entrance exam, it reminded me of the past when I was still determined to become a doctor. Because I wasn’t that good to begin with, each time I studied and tried to memorize the content, it was very difficult, and since it wasn’t for my own dream, it was even more torturous. But this time, thinking about taking the exam to study photography, I found much more motivation to study.    Just thinking about being surrounded by friends who love photography. We would talk about cameras and go out to take photos often, definitely. Just the thought of it was fun.

I have about two months until the exam, I’ve covered all the material, and now I just need to practice with past papers. I’ve been doing well on the practice tests, and wherever I make mistakes, Phii Fah is there to help.

After coming back from Japan, Phii Fah told me to move in with him at his condo, and without waiting for my answer, he had my stuff moved there. Inside Phii Fah’s room, there are now my belongings too, including the plants I used to grow on the rooftop, which I had to ask the aunt from the dorm to take care of. Some were brought to the balcony of the room, and one corner of the room has become my favorite camera shelf. Phii Fah bought a new shelf so I could store my cameras more conveniently.

Another thing that makes me very happy right now is that people have been contacting me for photography jobs. I posted some photos on a page I created and asked everyone to share it, including Phii Hill, Phii Jo, and Phii Fah. My page is gaining more followers day by day.    I’ve talked to Phii Fah about taking on photography jobs after the exam, and the contact I got recently is from a clothing store asking for promotional photos. It’s a good start.

“Why are you sitting there with such a big smile?” A familiar voice came from behind me as Phii Fah approached and gave my cheek a light kiss. When I turned, I saw him in his student uniform.

“I was just thinking about photography.”

“Did you get another job offer?”

“No,” I shook my head gently, “but I was thinking about the clothing store that contacted me the other day. I am excited to go shoot for them soon.”

“That’s good,” Phii Fah smiled warmly, “Phii Fah has to go to class now.”

“Okay, study hard, drive safely,” I said with a smile, but he seemed a bit troubled, which confused me, “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t want you to be alone.”

“Oh, it’s fine,” I replied. There’s no class for me, so I have to stay in the room, “Then I will go study outside.”

“Eh?”

“Let’s go read at the café, so when we go for dinner, you won’t have to drive back to pick me up.”

“Okay,” as he responded, I quickly got up, packed my things into my bag, changed into a t-shirt and jeans, and went outside with Phii Fah.

Initially, we planned to go to Phii Gibb’s café, but when we checked, we found it was full. Not understanding why, we had no choice but to go to another café nearby.

“It seems North and Ter finished class earlier than Phii Fah. We could meet here,” I suggested.

“Sure,” I nodded in agreement before reaching out to open the car door, but the person in the driver’s seat pulled me in first. I let out a surprised yelp before being turned to face him and kissed gently on the lips. I opened my eyes wide in shock, the soft contact lingering before he pulled away.

“Uh, um,” I was confused and didn’t know what to do. Once I gathered my senses, I felt embarrassed, biting my own lip as I still felt that sensation, my heart started beating faster, guessing my face must be red, and it seemed like Phii Fah enjoyed seeing me flustered like this.

“Study hard, if anything comes up, call me, okay?”    “Uh, okay,” I nodded slightly and quickly got out of the car, watching the luxurious white car drive away before walking into a café that wasn’t too crowded. I ordered what I wanted to eat and found a seat, arranging my books and study materials on the table.    While about to start reading, I thought of North and Ter. I immediately picked up my phone and opened the chat with Ter.

Typhoon: I’m here.

   Typhoon: Sends picture

   Typhoon: The blue café, uh, behind the university.

   Typhoon: Hurry up.

   Typhoon: I’m lonely.

   Easter: Alright, but I don’t know when the teacher will let us go.

   Easter: Lonely, huh?

   Easter: Ha!

   Typhoon: Still not over being sulky.

   Typhoon: Oh, oh.

   Easter: Enough. Not talking.

   Easter: I’ve gone to class.

   Easter: Are you studying?

   Easter: Good luck with your exam, kid.

   Typhoon: Got it!

   Typhoon: Study hard.

   Easter: sends a sticker

   I closed the chat with Ter and opened the chat with North instead.

Typhoon: I’m here.

   Typhoon: sends a picture

   Typhoon: At this sky-themed cafe, ah, behind the university.

   Typhoon: Hurry up, I’m lonely.

   North♣: Not going.

   Typhoon: Come on.

   Typhoon: Please.

   Typhoon: Please, please, please.

   North♣: Okay.

   North♣: I finish in an hour.

   North♣: If I go, I need a blended green tea.

   Typhoon: Okay.

   Then I put away my phone, focusing on studying for a long while, until suddenly there was an incoming call. I saw it was Aunt Prae, which made me smile a little because we hadn’t talked in a long time.

“Okay,” I quickly answered the call and spoke into the phone.

(Hi, are you free?)

   “I’m free, what’s up?”

(Are you near the university?)

   “I’m here, why?”

(I’m coming to see you…uh, before I knew it, I was already on my way. I want to meet you for a bit, where are you, are you free to meet?)

   “I’m at the café behind the university, the blue one.”

(Okay, I’ll come find you.)

   “Okay,” and then I hung up. I didn’t imagine it; just from the tone of voice, I could tell the other person was upset. It wasn’t long before a small figure in white clothes walked into the café and sat down opposite me. The expression on Aunt Prae’s face now clearly indicated she was not doing well.

“Uh…so,” I wanted to ask, but didn’t know what to say. Aunt Prae looked very unwell, pale with swollen eyes as if she had just been crying heavily, “Aunt Prae…how are you doing, are you okay?”    “…” Aunt Prae gently shook her head instead of answering, smiled, and waved to the waiter indicating she wasn’t ready to order anything,

“I’m sorry for coming so suddenly.”

“It’s fine, what’s going on?”

“Well…um,” she bit her lip hard and started to sob. She tried to hold back her tears. I quickly handed her a tissue, looking at her with concern and worry, “It’s just…uh, I’ve been a bit stressed during the

New Year.”

“Is…something wrong? You can tell me.”

“Phii Rati…uh.”

“Father?”

“Uh, he still won’t stop harassing me and the child. During this New Year, he’s been contacting me constantly, asking where we are, saying he wants to take the child back. When I refused to answer, he threatened to come find us.”

“…” I furrowed my brows, looking at the small figure trying to hold back tears until her shoulders shook. She looked so exhausted, which made me feel bad too, “He…won’t agree to the divorce, right?”    “Yes, sniff…because I asked for a peaceful divorce, and he wouldn’t agree. If we’re going to divorce, it has to go to court,” Aunt Prae said with a trembling voice, trying to wipe her tears with a heartwrenching look. “Of course, the one to get custody of the child will definitely be him.”

“Why is that?”

“Probably because he’s more able to provide care.”

“Ah…” I nodded to show I understood, because at this point, my father is very stable financially; not only does he hold a high position, but he’s also about to have his own company.

I took the liberty to gently squeeze her small hand as a gesture of comfort.

I can’t help with anything…

“I…I don’t want Fai to live with him, sniff, sob,” she let the tears fall uncontrollably, as if she was exhausted and could no longer bear it.

“He threatened me…he’s scary, really scary.”

“What…what did he say?”

“He said, ‘Do you think I can’t find you? Do you think you can hide the child from me forever? It won’t be hard at all for him to bring both you and the child back to him’…sniff, why, why doesn’t he go find someone else, why does he have to keep coming after us?”

“…”

“…”

Why is my father so cruel to Aunt Prae like this?

   I could only think that over and over while trying to comfort her. When they were together, my father never respected Aunt Prae’s feelings, cheating on her, and now when Aunt Prae wants to separate to start anew with her child, he still won’t let her go.

   What does that man want…

   How long will he continue to ruin other people’s lives?

   “…Are you feeling better?” I asked with concern, seeing that she had started to stop crying. Aunt Prae forced a smile.

“Mm, sorry, I must have been really exhausted,” she sighed deeply.

“Sorry for making you feel bad too.”

“It’s okay,” I shook my head slightly.

“I just wanted someone to listen to me, but no one understands me. My relatives keep telling me to go back to Phii Rati, and no one understands how much he has hurt me.”

“I’ll listen to you, Aunt Prae.”

“…Thank you, why are you such a good kid?” Aunt Prae said with a smile, reaching up to gently stroke my head, “Are you doing well?”

“Yes, I’m doing well, and how about Fai?”

“She’s very stubborn,” Aunt Prae said with a smile, her eyes showing signs of exhaustion, “It’s really tiring being a single mom, much harder than I thought.”

“Aunt Praeyou can do it, and so can Fai. She’ll grow up to be a very strong child.”

“If I were as kind as you, that would be great. I wish Fai could be like you.”

“…Thank you,” I said, smiling shyly, and then we talked about various things, catching up since we hadn’t seen each other for a while. Although we chat on LINE sometimes, it’s not that often. I learned that Aunt Prae has moved back here; originally from Chiang Mai, she’s now living with family, where her grandmother helps look after Fai when Aunt Prae goes to work. She even invited me to visit when I have time.

Aunt Prae also asked about my studies. I told her the truth, including about my part-time job as a photographer.

“And…with Phii Rati, how is it going?” Aunt Prae asked with a troubled expression.

“Uh…I haven’t talked to my father in a long time, but I keep in touch with Uncle-Kong. He’s the one who sends money.”    “Oh…do you think…could you talk to Phii Rati about me?”

“…”

“I’m just asking, but if you can’t, that’s fine. I just want to try different approaches to see if there’s anything that can help.”    “I doubt it would work,” I said honestly. Of course, if I could help, I would want to, “If I talk about this, it would just make him angrier, especially if he finds out I’ve been talking to you Aunt Prae. I…am not important enough for him to listen.”

“Sorry, I’m really sorry for bringing it up like that.”

“It’s okay,” I said, “But…we should try to do something because it seems he’s serious about this.”

“…”

“He’s angry and will act on it. He’ll definitely take Fai,” I said, furrowing my brows with a serious expression. I know how scary my father can be when he’s angry, and now that he has everything in his hands, my words made Aunt Prae look even paler.    “What should we do…does Fai have to live with him?”

“I don’t want that, but I don’t know what to do,” I said, biting my lip tightly, trying to think but coming up with nothing, and at times like this, I thought of Phii Fah.

Maybe I should consult Phii Fah…would that be okay?

But…

If I tell Phii Fah, I’d have to reveal the truth that I am just an illegitimate child, and I’ve promised myself I wouldn’t say anything to protect my father. But if I do nothing, my only sister, a child who knows nothing about this, would have to live with that man, potentially experiencing the same things I did. Should a child go through that?

“…I’ll try to do something.”

“…Oh, what?”

“I’ll try…but I’m not sure if it will be okay.”

“Sniff, Phoon, thank you, I really appreciate it,” Aunt Prae quickly wiped her tears, then gave me a faint smile, exhaling with exhaustion. “Actually, just listening to me is more than enough. You don’t have to go through any trouble.”

“It’s okay,” I said, “Fai is my sister…”

Aunt Prae thanked me countless times, even though she didn’t know if I could help her at all. But in the midst of the darkness, just knowing there might be a light was the best thing. I’ve always thought Aunt Prae was a very strong woman, and I still stand by that. No matter how tough things get, she will go home to hug her child.    We talked for a while longer and said goodbye. I walked her to her car and came back to sit where I was before. Now, my mind was full of thoughts about Aunt Prae and my father; studying further seemed impossible. I didn’t want to rationalize why my father would do such things, considering he’s been like this for so long. Aunt Prae has to work to raise her child alone, without the support she once had, and after all that exhaustion and despair, she has to deal with this too.    I rubbed my face gently, feeling tense, while reconsidering everything, when suddenly my wrist was grabbed forcefully, startling me.

!!!

Dad!?

I looked at the newcomer, not understanding.

“Why are you here?!”

“Ouch!!” I cried out in shock when I was yanked so hard that my body flew with the force. The people in the café turned to look at us before my father dragged me outside. I tried to resist, but I couldn’t match his strength, “Dad!…it hurts, it hurts!”

   Dad dragged me out of the café, stopping at a secluded alley next to it where no one was around. When he let go of my arm, my right wrist was red from his grip, and seeing his face full of anger made my heart sink.

   No matter when,

   When Dad is angry…it’s always terrifying for me.

   From when I was a child…until now.

   “…” My whole body trembled with fear before his thick hand swung down hard, slapping my face and sending me to the ground.

Smack!

“Ouch!” I screamed from the pain and the numbness spreading across my cheek, tears welling up in my eyes from the pain, then I smelled the scent of blood.

Blood from my nose…

I wiped my nosebleed quickly and tried to stand up.

“Why…why did you do that?!” I shouted back angrily.

“How do you know Prae! Ha, what did you tell her to make her not come back to me? You’ve really ruined my life, ever since you were born you’ve caused me nothing but trouble. I shouldn’t have let you be born in the first place!!” His words were full of rage, which made me both angry and heartbroken, my heart aching intensely.

Shouldn’t have let me be born, huh…

In the end, I cried because of those words.

“Then don’t have me born at all!! If you never loved or cared for me, why have I been born at all!!” I shouted back through my tears with a sobbing voice, feeling numb all over my body, as if I was about to collapse right there.

“Yeah. I wish you hadn’t been born! You’ve ruined everything for me!. I should never have gotten involved with your mother in the first place!” Dad’s voice shouted back, startling me. I bit my lip to stifle my sobs, the pain in my cheek and the trickling blood not stopping, which made me even more afraid of the man standing in front of me, “I never thought you’d ruin my life until the very end, with Prae and Fai, my daughter, you’ve done it too!! If I hadn’t followed Prae secretly, I would never have known, right?”

“Aunt Prae doesn’t want to deal with someone like you anymore; she wants to raise Fai by herself because you’re terrible, do you hear me!! Sniff…You’re such a pathetic man that she doesn’t want you touching her child…” I quickly raised my hands to protect myself when I saw the man in front of me raise his hand again, clenching my teeth in preparation for the punch that was coming.

“Oof!!” The sound of a heavy punch landed on the face, but not mine. I slowly lowered my hands and opened my eyes to look.

North!!

   Why is North taking the punch for me!

   I saw North turn his face away, probably because the punch was strong enough to make him stumble backward and he used one leg to brace himself. My father looked at us with slight confusion but before he could react, North retaliated with a punch of his own.    “North!” I called out in shock when I saw my father stumble back from North’s punch. North didn’t heed my call at all, jumping at my father and landing another punch, the sound of it startlingly loud.

North was very angry…

   I had never seen North this angry before.

   “North, stop, stop for now,” I tried to lock his arm but was easily shrugged off. Why is he so strong!

   “Why are you stopping me! this bastard was going to hit you!” Eh…bastard…?

“That’s enough!” I shouted loudly when I saw my father wiping blood from the corner of his mouth, ready to attack North again. I quickly positioned myself between them, spreading my arms wide. “Aren’t you ashamed of attacking a kid who can’t fight back like this?”    “Can’t fight back?” The man behind me, whom I was shielding, spoke up, seemingly displeased with what I said.

“Have you fallen so low that you have to fight with a kid?”

“…” My father clenched his teeth in anger before lowering his hand.    “Go back. Otherwise, I’ll scream for help, let everyone around here see what it’s like when an adult fights with a child,” I said breathlessly because my heart was racing. It seemed my father was still not satisfied, but he had to leave reluctantly.

“This isn’t over, you brat,” he pointed and cursed before turning to leave.

“Did you call my friend a brat?!” North started shouting, attempting to rush at my father again until I had to hold him back, “Get back here, you bastard! Can’t fight so you run away, you piece of shit!!”    “North, North, calm down,” I tried my hardest to hold North back, but I couldn’t overpower him.

“You tell me to calm down?! Phoon, you, you bastard, who is that guy, and what the hell is he going to do to you, what’s going on, and now you’re crying, what happened, what did he do?” North spoke so fast I could barely keep up, indicating he was just as agitated, though I was glad he cared about me so much.

“That’s my dad.”

“…Huh?”

“The guy who just punched me is my dad.”

“What!!!” North shouted loudly, his face showing utmost shock, “Your dad? Huh? That bastard from earlier, I mean, that uncle from earlier is your dad?”

“Yeah,” I nodded slightly, and North’s expression turned blank, as if his previous anger had dissipated.    “Oh shit. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know…”

“It’s too late now, he’s gone.”

“I thought you were being attacked by someone, when I came to the café and didn’t see you, only your stuff, I thought something serious had happened, damn it,” North ran his hand over his face hard, letting out a big sigh, “Phoon, why didn’t you say something before?”    “Would you have listened? You were just trying to punch him.”    “Damn it, I also cursed at him, Phoon, I hit your dad. I didn’t hold back at all,” North said, wailing pitifully, “I hit him with full force, a direct punch from the shoulder.”

“I saw, his lip was busted.”

“Phoon, I’m sorry, don’t be mad at me, oh my god, what do I do, what do I do, I’ve never punched a friend’s dad in my life, what do I do, shit, do I need to go kneel or bring a garland to apologize or what, what do I do, do do do?” It seemed like North had lost his composure, completely flustered.

“Calm down, North, you were just defending me.”

“Yeah, if you had taken that punch instead, it would have been a disaster.”

“Was it that hard?” I furrowed my brows, asking about the punch my dad gave North.

“Wow, you didn’t hold back at all, this is your kid, man! A light smack would do, not trying to kill him like that,” North said seriously. I let out a slight sigh, knowing that when he’s angry, he never restrains himself.

“And you…are you okay?” I asked with concern.

“I’m fine, but, yeah, my lip is split,” North said, touching the corner of his mouth where a bit of blood was seeping out. “Damn it, you too, your nose won’t stop bleeding.”    “Really?” I wiped my nose again.

“Damn, what should I tell Phii Jo? Can we say we fell?”

“Probably not,” I answered, shaking my head slightly, when I heard a familiar voice calling from a distance.

“North!! Phoon!!”

“Ter?” I turned towards the voice to see Ter running towards us with a panicked expression, immediately hugging us.

“Why are you guys bleeding? What happened? Phoon, why is your nose bleeding? North, why is your lip split? What’s going on?” Both North and I just hugged and comforted Ter, who was overly worried. And soon enough, the older guys, Phii Fah, Phii Hill, and Phii Jo, came running after.

Phii Fah’s face showed immediate shock when he saw my condition.

“Phoon!”

“Phii Fah.” Ter let go of me when he heard Phii Fah call my name, and I quickly ran into Phii Fah’s arms, letting myself cry without shame.

“Sniff…sob, Phii Fah,” I cried into him, and Phii Fah held me tightly. As soon as he embraced me, I felt a safety I’d never felt before. I cried because I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I was scared, really scared when my father was angry, as if it was a fear embedded in me since childhood, so afraid that I couldn’t stop shaking.    “It’s okay. It’s okay now,” he whispered softly, stroking my head in comfort. Just those words of comfort, strangely, calmed me down quickly. It took a while for me to regain my composure, then I looked up at him, and he gave me a gentle smile. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have left you alone.”

“…No, it’s not your fault,” I said. Who could have expected something like this would happen…

Slowly, he released me from the hug. I just noticed that there were stains of my blood on Phii Fah’s shirt. Phii Fah gently touched my wound, and when he saw that the bleeding had stopped, he withdrew his hand, looking at me with utmost concern. I then turned to look around at the situation.

   “Okay yet?” Phii Hill asked in a calm voice, but he wasn’t asking me; he was asking Phii Fah instead.

“Uh…” Phii Fah glanced at Phii Jo, who was looking at him with a scary look I’d never seen before, which made my hair stand on end. North also turned pale. I don’t know what happened while I was crying, but it definitely wasn’t good. It felt like the temperature around us dropped several degrees, the atmosphere was so tense I could barely handle it, why did it feel so oppressive?

   Scary…

   “Let’s talk,” Phii Jo said in a low, pressing voice, and Phii Fah nodded slightly.

“I’ll be right there, Phii Fah,” Phii Fah turned to me with the same gentle voice, stroking my head lightly, “Hill, take him back to the café to wait.”

“Uh.”

Before Phii Fah and Phii Jo went somewhere else to talk, Phii Hill led us back into the café.

   “North,” I called out to North, who was sitting beside me, with a mix of courage and fear. He looked so downcast his ears drooped,

“What happened?”

“Phii Jo is angry…really, really angry, and I’m scared, I’m shaking,” North said in a soft voice, showing me his trembling hands, “Phii Hill, will anything happen?”

“What do you mean?” Phii Hill asked back.

“About what just happened, why hasn’t anyone asked what’s going on?” North said.

Oh…right, why hasn’t anyone asked what happened?

   “We already know,” Phii Hill replied.

“Know…about…?” I deliberately left the last word out, feeling my heart beat faster. I didn’t know why.

“Phoon’s father, right?” Phii Hill said, and as soon as he spoke those words, my heart sank. Did Phii Fah already know…? “Jo is really mad that he hurt North, but let’s wait for him to talk with Fah first.”    “Will…everything be okay?” I asked worriedly, afraid that Phii Jo might do something to my father in anger. But what Phii Hill said earlier about waiting for them to talk…does that mean Phii Fah will stop Phii Jo?

“It would get even worse.”

“Because I’ve never seen Fah this angry before.”

…

Tonfah

   “Fah, you know what, I could have him killed right now.”

“Jo, can you calm down a bit?”

“Why should I calm down?”

“Calm down for my sake,” I said, trying to keep my voice as normal as possible, even though I was so angry inside that I could barely control myself. Seeing Phoon’s injuries, I admit I’ve never been this angry before. My tolerance for everything was shattered. When Jo saw my expression, he went silent, realizing I was just as furious as he was.

“At first, I was going to let you do it, but now it’s not going to happen,” Jo said, trying to calm himself down. He did calm down somewhat because if not, that man wouldn’t have driven off so peacefully.

“Understood,” I said.

“When will we deal with it?”

“Tomorrow.”

I took out my phone, looked through my contacts, and immediately made a call. It wasn’t long before the call was answered.

(Hello, how may I assist you?)

   “I heard that Khun Rati is in Chiang Mai. Can you arrange for him to meet me at the office tomorrow at 1 p.m.?”    (Sure, should I inform him of the reason?)

   “Just tell him it’s urgent.”

(Alright.)

   …

A man sat in a luxurious car driving at high speed, pressing the accelerator to vent his seething anger.

Nothing goes as planned!!

And then that damn kid shows up again!!

He was furious when he secretly followed Prae to the café and saw her talking to Typhoon. Without having to say it, he knew that kid must have persuaded Prae to stop dealing with him. Why? Because that kid only causes trouble for him! And his friend too, daring to attack him, him who is about to become the company chairman!? That kid doesn’t know his place, so it’s time someone taught him a lesson!    No, teach them both a lesson, so they’ll learn what they should or shouldn’t do! So they’ll know who they shouldn’t mess with!    Suddenly, his phone rang. He didn’t want to answer right now, but seeing that it was his chairman’s secretary calling, he had to control his irritation and speak politely into the phone.    “Yes, Ms. Krawan, what can I do for you?”

(Khun Rati, are you available tomorrow?)

   “Uh. No, I’m not. I have business in Chiang Mai.”    (Someone wants to meet you at the Chiang Mai branch, tomorrow at 1:00 PM sharp. Please hurry, don’t be late, as they emphasized it’s urgent.)

   “I don’t think I’ll be free, sorry.”

(You must go, this is an order, you have no right to refuse.)

   “Is it a client?”

(No.)

   “Then who is it?”

(The new company chairman.)

SOUTHBESIDETHESKY CHAPTERS HOME  

   SOUTHBESIDETHESKY, Chapter 30: Lost in Japan

   Tonfah

   Light streamed in amidst the cold atmosphere; within the thick blanket, I was holding the small figure. A sweet scent tickled my nose, making me unconsciously nuzzle the smooth skin several times. The person in my arms breathed in and out in a steady rhythm, indicating they were sleeping soundly. Their small arms held me tightly, unwilling to let go since last night.

I glanced at the sweet face with closed eyes. It wasn’t the first time I’d sneak a look at Phoon when he was asleep, but I never felt bored doing so.

I adjusted the collar of the shirt slightly as he moved, revealing clear red marks contrasting with his smooth, white skin, evidence of what happened last night.

I let out a soft sigh, recalling what I had done. Initially, I had promised myself that our first time would be gentle and I would be as tender to him as possible, but it seemed that wasn’t the case at all.

I hadn’t restrained myself even a bit.

With the words declaring that Phoon belonged to Phii Fah from the very beginning.

I’m not saying it’s because of what he said, Phoon is the type of person who speaks from the heart, everything he says is truly what he feels, and I know…how important I am to Phoon. He shows it clearly in every action and word, and when I’m with Phoon, I feel like I’m the most special person in the world, unlike anything I’ve ever felt before.    It’s not common to find someone who makes you feel like you’re the luckiest man in the world like this.

   I brushed away the hair covering his face, giving a gentle kiss on his smooth cheek, unintentionally smiling.

   I want him to know that he’s the most special person in my world too.

   Last night, I might have been a bit too rough, because sometimes I couldn’t control myself, but I tried my best to be as gentle as possible. Partly because I was concerned about his physical condition; the first time I saw his slender body without clothes, I felt like it needed to be handled with care. I wanted to hold him gently, afraid that even a slight touch might hurt him, but another part of me wanted to devour him completely.

To make Typhoon mine alone.

Ah…I’ve promised myself that Phoon wouldn’t know what I’m thinking.

Last night, after we did it twice, I had to calm down while looking at the small, unconscious body in front of me. His body was covered in red bruises from shoulders to chest to back, making me feel bad thinking about how much he might hurt, but another part of me thought they were insanely sexy and alluring.

I never thought I would understand those feelings, whether it’s Jo or Hill. I now understand how hard it is to control oneself, and when you’re in front of someone you love, all that restraint just crumbles away as if it was never there.

Even though Phoon had passed out last night,

I still…

Ah…damn, how did it end up like this?

After I managed to control myself, I took Phoon to soak in the onsen because the hot water would help relax his body, so when he wakes up this morning, he wouldn’t be too sore. But I don’t know how effective it’ll be; if he can’t even get up, I’d feel really guilty.

“Umm,” the person in my arms slowly opened his eyes, looking dazed.

“You’re awake?”

“Oh, Phii Fah.”

“Yes?”

“Why are you up so early?”

“It’s I who slept in.”

“Oh, really?” Phoon lifted his hand to gently rub his eyes. I stopped his hand, indicating not to rub his eyes.

“Are you okay?”

“Okay? What do you mean?”

“Well…last night.”

“…” Initially, Phoon seemed half-asleep but then his eyes widened in surprise before his face started to flush red, and he buried his face into my chest to hide his embarrassment, “Oh. I don’t know.”    No doubt he would be blushing all over when he woke up.

“If it hurts, I apologize.”

“Oh…forget it. Don’t mention it.”

“How can I not mention it when I was the one who did it?” I said, teasing a bit but genuinely more concerned, “And does it hurt?”    Phoon went silent, seemingly trying to gather his thoughts. Because we were lying close, I could feel how hard his heart was beating, almost as if it would burst out of his chest, though not as much as last night, “Well…not hurt.”

“Really not hurt?”

“…” Phoon nodded slightly, still not looking up at me, “Just a little.”

“Hm?”

“Just a little, bearable.”

“Oh…that’s bad.” I let out a small sigh, feeling guilty, then felt a pang of annoyance at the little one for saying it was bearable when it must have hurt, Phoon was just too kind to me, “I’m sorry, next time I will be gentler, I promise,” I whispered. Phoon buried his face even deeper.    “Uh.”

“What does that mean?”

“Um…well, umm,” I gently stroked his head, feeling so fond of him that I was embarrassed and didn’t know what to do, “Phii Fah.”

“Yes?”

“Is it okay?”

“Okay? You mean…”

“Um…last night,” Phoon said softly, then slowly looked up at me,

“Like…is you okay…right?”

“…” I paused, not answering right away, what does he mean by that? Is he worried that I’m not okay? Why would he think that? I should be the one worried, “Why wouldn’t Phii Fah be okay?”

“Um…well, uh, I…have never worried that you might not like it.”

So cute.

Adorably naive.

“Then should I…prove to you that I like it?”

…

Typhoon

   “Yes, yes, you aren’t teasing anymore.” I pouted in his embrace, my hand stopping its playful hits when Phii Fah chuckled and said that.

“Ah,” I remembered something.

“What?”

“You apologize.”

“For what?”

“Well…I accidentally hit you.” I apologized, feeling guilty. When I get embarrassed, I tend to react violently. North once mentioned that but I didn’t think much of it. Who would have thought I’d accidentally hit Phii Fah?

“It’s not the first time.”

“Oh…really, I apologize.”

“It’s okay. It doesn’t hurt at all.”

“…” I felt relieved that I wasn’t scolded, but it seemed like Phii Fah wasn’t mad, after all, I didn’t hit hard, it’s just that I was embarrassed, so embarrassed I didn’t know what to do!

“Can you get up?” Phii Fah slowly loosened his embrace. I secretly missed the warmth that disappeared as I sat up on the mattress. He helped me to sit, and as soon as I moved, pain shot from my hips to my lower back.

“Ugh.” I clenched my teeth to suppress the pain, but it probably wasn’t very convincing. Phii Fah looked at me with concern and guilt in his eyes.

“Does it hurt a lot?”

“Not much, just a little,” I said, remembering that it had hurt more last night. His serious expression and concerned tone made me feel even more embarrassed, trying not to think about last night’s events. Not that I wanted to forget; I wanted to remember everything, but thinking about it now would only make me blush even more, to the point where I couldn’t even look at Phii Fah.

“Is it better than last night?”

“Uh…well,” his serious tone made it hard for me to respond, like being asked about symptoms by a doctor. It was that serious, “Yes…it’s better,” I answered truthfully because I remembered how much it hurt after…well, after we were done last night.

“So, that means soaking in the onsen helped, right?”    “Onsen?” I furrowed my brow, repeating the word.

“Yes, I took you to soak in it.”

“While I was asleep?”

“Yes.”

!!!

I buried my face in the blanket, imagining what that would have been like. If we went to the onsen, we’d have to be completely undressed.

   “So…you put me in the bath?”

“We soaked together.”

“…” I glimpsed his handsome face, adorned with a smile as if it wasn’t strange at all. Why would we soak together? Together in the onsen! I thanked myself for not being conscious at the time; if I had been aware while soaking in the hot spring with Phii Fah like that, I probably would have fainted as soon as I got into the bath.    Phii Fah helped me sit on the mattress, and after a while, a staff member brought breakfast to serve in the main room, but Phii Fah seemed to ask them to serve it in our room instead.

I smiled at the female staff member who also seemed a bit puzzled by her smile, but they looked somewhat embarrassed.

“What did they say?” I asked after seeing Phii Fah talking briefly with the staff before they left, noticing Phii Fah smiling too.

“They said we make a good match.”

“Oh…really?” I smiled again at the meaning behind those words. It’s nice to hear someone say that I match well with Phii Fah, “That’s nice.”

“Yes, it’s nice, isn’t it?” He reached out to gently stroke my head again before we sat down to have breakfast together. After eating, I immediately got excited knowing that we were about to go out sightseeing. I assured Phii Fah that I was no longer in pain, although in reality, it still hurt, but as I said, it was bearable, and it seemed to be getting better gradually.    “You’re sure you’re okay?”

“I’m really okay, I am actually very strong.”

“…” Phii Fah furrowed his brows looking at me, gave me a slight smile, then gently stroked my head. I met his eyes, which were filled with guilt, making me feel uncomfortable.

“Phii Fah.”

“Yes?”

“I am really okay…really,” I said with conviction.

“Alright, you brave boy.” Phii Fah said softly, then gently pulled me closer for a hug. When his strong arms embraced me, I nestled into the warmth, the faint scent wafting to my nose, “If it hurts, tell me, okay?”    “Understood.”

“Yes, good boy.” Phii Fah playfully pinched my cheek, I really like how Phii Fah calls me that. Whether it’s ‘good boy’ or ‘brave boy’, or anything like that, it feels very heartwarming, before his thick lips touch mine in a gentle kiss, holding the contact for a moment before pulling away. I looked at him with my face slightly flushed, before Phii Fah released his embrace, and we prepared to head outside.    Because the weather was quite cold, I wore several layers of warm clothing and even had heat packs inside my jacket. Looking at Phii Fah in his dark winter coat, it felt like we were on a photo shoot trip. Besides sightseeing, I also planned to take lots of photos of Phii Fah, feeling like a photographer and model combined.    “Today, I will take lots of photos of you, Phii Fah.”    “Yes,” Phii Fah smiled, even though he had once said he didn’t really like taking photos, lately it seemed he had gotten used to it. He even mentioned that if Phoon liked it, then Phii Fah was okay with it, which made me realize how genuinely kind Phii Fah was.    I hardly felt any pain around my hips anymore, only when bending down, but if I walked normally, I was fine. We walked through the hotel lobby and out into the open.

   The first place we wanted to visit was a temple that served as a landmark here, taking the train as usual. I took photos of both the scenery and my model who came with me.    “Aren’t you going to be in the photos too?”

“Oh, I don’t like taking pictures of myself.”

“I know, but we’re on a trip after all.”

“True, it would be a shame not to have any photos,” I said, contemplating how to do it, perhaps just a selfie would do.

“I’ll take some for you then.”

“Phii Fahyou will take photos of me?”

“Is that okay? Even if Phii Fah doesn’t take as good pictures as

Phoon.”

“Of course!” I said, beaming with joy, quickly handing over the camera to him, “I am not that great at being a model like you either,” I thought aloud. Even though I didn’t intend to be the model, as a photographer, I can confidently say that Phii Fah looks good from every angle, whether he’s posing for the camera or caught off-guard.    “It feels like this is the first time I’ve taken a photo of you, Phoon.”    “It is,” I smiled broadly, stepping back to include the background in the frame. From where Phii Fah was standing, if he took the shot from here, the lighting and background would be perfect.

“Seems like the model is setting up the shot himself, huh?” Phii Fah remarked. I chuckled at his comment.

“Is it okay?”

“Yes, it’s fine,” Phii Fah said, lifting the camera. I smiled awkwardly at the lens, not used to being photographed, since I was always the one taking photos.

“How did it turn out?” I half-ran over, excited to see the photo, and when I checked the camera, it wasn’t bad at all, “Do you take photos often?”

“Let’s just say I hardly ever touch a camera.”

“Wow, then you’re really good,” I complimented. I wasn’t just saying it, I meant it, “And that was your first time taking a Polaroid for me, right?”

“Yes.”

“First time and you took such a beautiful Polaroid.”

“You’re really good at giving compliments,” Phii Fah playfully pinched my cheek, his warm hand contrasting with the surrounding temperature. I pouted slightly before he let go. While we were taking a break, I transferred the photos from the camera to my phone, wanting to post a picture of myself that Phii Fah had just taken on my Instagram.

It was a picture of me smiling broadly at the camera.

With the composition I had set up myself, you could see a bit of the background view and the sky above.

I posted it on my IG with the caption, ‘Photo by You ❤ ‘

   My Instagram used to only have pictures of the sky, all in shades of blue, but after being with Phii Fah, my IG started to have more colors because I only posted when we were together.

“Should I send the photo to you too?”

“Sure, which photo?”

“Just the one at the temple is fine.”

“Okay.” I agreed, before sending the photo. Phii Fah took the one I had captured of him, from the same angle as mine, the background was the same, the only difference was the person in the photo. Phii Fah posted it on his IG and tagged me, using the same caption.    It looked so cute. We didn’t need to post a couple-photo to show that we were together.

After that, we toured various places in Tokyo as much as we could, enjoying the beautiful winter scenery of Japan, taking lots of pictures, stopping for delicious food, and buying some interesting items until evening when we went for a walk in the park.

“It’s so peaceful,” I said to myself while looking at the atmosphere after the sun had set. There were some people walking around, but it wasn’t noisy or chaotic. Walking along the path, one side was lined with trees, the other reflected the orange glow from the city lights on the river.

I gripped his warm right hand tighter as it got colder after sunset.

“Thank you,” I said.

“Eh?”

“The one who brought us here.”

“It’s okay,” Phii Fah replied, “It’s good to travel together.”    “Indeed,” I smiled in agreement, “There aren’t many people around here, maybe because it’s getting late or something; they’ve all started to go back home, perhaps because of the cold weather. Once the sun sets, people hurry back.”    “Did you have fun today?”

“It was a lot of fun. How about you, Phii Fah?”

“I enjoyed it too.”

Before we decided it was time to head back, we grabbed a quick dinner and returned to the same hotel. It seems we’ll need to check out tomorrow because we’re moving to another city.

   If we’re checking out tomorrow, I should soak in the onsen tonight.

Otherwise, I’ll miss the chance.

   “I…I’m going to soak in the hot spring.”

“Okay.”

“And…you Phii Fah?”

“Hm?”

“Are you going to soak?”

“I’ll wait for another time, Phoon.”

“Oh, okay,” I agreed. When I told Phii Fah I was going to soak in the onsen and went to grab a yukata, he immediately left the bedroom, probably because he saw I was about to change.

Once I had changed into the yukata, I stepped out of the bedroom to find Phii Fah on the phone. After a while, he hung up. When he saw me, he looked a bit surprised.

“What’s up?”

“Mom called to ask how the trip was going.”

“Oh.”

“Uh…Phoon.”

“Sure?”

“Please wear your clothes properly.”

“…” I looked down at myself in confusion; I thought I was dressed properly, though I didn’t fully understand. However, I adjusted my collar to make sure it was neat, “Is this okay?”

“No.”

“…”

“This outfit isn’t okay at all,” Phii Fah said, sticking out his tongue to press against his cheek, then he seemed to ponder for a moment, “Sigh,” he sighed, looking away.

I furrowed my brows at him, what did he mean by that? I was already dressed properly.

   “Hurry up and soak,” Phii Fah said without looking at me. I agreed and left the room to go to the onsen, stopping in front of the bath with a slight feeling of confusion, wondering if I needed to wash up first.    I took off my yukata and washed myself properly, then slowly lowered myself into the hot spring. The moment the hot water touched my skin, it immediately made me feel relaxed.

   While soaking, my thoughts wandered, including thoughts about Phii Fah. It was nice to travel together; it felt like we were making good memories.

   Ah, why does the memory from last night keep popping into my head!

   Last night, we soaked together too.

   After that thing we did…for the first time, it really was my first time, and I gave it to someone I love. What Phii Fah said about being rough didn’t bother me at all, and even though the somewhat lewd thoughts that crept into my mind were quite embarrassing, I couldn’t deny that it felt good…every touch felt good.

   I shook my head to clear those thoughts; we’re lovers…this kind of thing isn’t strange, right? Before my mind could wander to other things while I was enjoying the soak, suddenly darkness enveloped everything.

   Huh…the lights went out!

   Dark…completely dark.

   “Phii…Phii Fah!” As soon as the light in the hot spring room went out, my heart started beating faster. Looking around, I couldn’t see anything; it was just darkness. I began to shout for the first person I thought of.

“No…please, it’s dark.”

“Phii Fah…Phii Fah…, help me!” My whole body tensed up, and tears began to slowly trickle down. Just a few seconds after the lights went out, I heard someone’s footsteps rushing towards me.

“Phoon!”

“Phii Fah…help me, Phii Fah.”

“It’s okay now,” Phii Fah pulled me out of the hot spring and hugged me tightly, even though I was wet. He didn’t care about his own state.

I just kept crying and clung to him tightly.

“Sniff…” I bit my lip to stop myself from crying harder; Phii Fah hugged me, gently stroking my head to comfort me, wrapping me in a towel to keep me from getting too cold.

“It’s okay. It’s okay, I am here now.”

“Uh-huh…” I held him tightly and buried my face into him. It took some time for me to calm down, but my body was still trembling because the surroundings were still dark.

Phii Fah carried me for about four to five steps, setting me down on a wooden shelf before reaching out to flip the switch nearby, and the lights in the room came back on.

   “Wh-why?”

“It must have just been the light switch tripping.”

“Oh…I see, that’s terrible, why did it have to trip?”

“Are you okay?” Phii Fah asked with concern in his voice. Realizing my own condition, I felt embarrassed and clutched the towel tightly around me.

“Uh…yeah, I’m fine now, thanks for helping me.”

“Well…but I think this place isn’t really okay anymore.”

“…”

Before his sharp gaze swept over my naked body. I was about to cover myself, but he grabbed my hands first.

I slowly looked up at him, and he moved closer, pressing his lips against mine fiercely. It was a heavy, intense kiss that indicated he was losing patience. His rough hands roamed over my wet body.    Breathing heavily, Phii Fah quickly removed his shirt, revealing his smooth, white skin and broad chest that always made my heart skip a beat no matter how many times I looked at it. Our kisses grew more passionate, our tongues intertwining, creating embarrassing sounds, along with our synchronized breaths. Phii Fah kissed me so intensely that I could hardly breathe.

“Ugh,” I let out a soft moan when one of his hands roamed across my chest while the other unbuckled his belt.

I don’t know what came over me, but I reached out with both hands to gently touch his belt, helping to unbuckle it. My body ached with desire, indicating that I was just as turned on as he was. When his belt and pants were off, Phii Fah lifted me up without breaking our kiss, and I kissed him back while holding him tight.

Phii Fah slowly led me back into the onsen, but this time, we were both soaking together, though it wasn’t an ordinary soak. I was now straddling him.

I looked at him through misty eyes, the steam rising from the water, our bodies heating up several degrees because of the onsen’s temperature. I wrapped my arms around his neck, his hot tongue exploring my mouth, as if wanting to claim everything.

“Ugh,” I breathed heavily, my chest heaving, my heart beating so fast it was almost arrhythmic, my legs tensing up when I felt my sensitive spot touch his erect member, indicating he was just as aroused.

“Phoon,” Phii Fah pulled away from the kiss. I licked my lips, which felt numb, still feeling like I was being kissed by him.

“Stop me right now,” Phii Fah whispered in a husky, slightly hoarse voice. His face now looked so sexy that I felt like I could melt into the hot water. I saw his broad shoulders peeking out of the water, his hair slightly wet. No, it was the steam that made his hair damp like that.    “Wh…why?”

“If you don’t, I might not be able to be gentle.”

“It…it’s okay,” I said with a throaty voice, looking into those deep black eyes with adoration, “I am…okay.”

“You should be careful with what you say…darling”

“Uh, uh,” I murmured before Phii Fah stretched up, biting my nipple hard, his hands beginning to explore my body mischievously. One hand massaged my hips, making me arch into the touch, while the other kneaded the inside of my thigh.

“Uhmm…” I arched my back as the thick lips caressed my chest, allowing him to bite and suck as he wished, leaving red marks over the old ones from last night.

“Ah, Phoon, can you do something for me?”

“Mmm.”

“Please,” that request. I thought for a moment about what it meant before I understood. I surrendered…surrendered to everything, releasing one hand that was holding onto his broad shoulder to ease the tingling from the sensitive spot on my chest, slowly moving my hand under the hot water, lightly touching his stiff member.    And I was shocked by its size…probably because it was my first time touching it.

It was terrifyingly hard…I slowly used my thumb to press on the tip.

Before I could feel anything, thick fingers gripped my core as well. “Ah!” I gasped in surprise as slender fingers suddenly traced from the base to the tip, circling there. I started to feel a hollowness in my stomach, the tingling sensation spreading throughout my body from the sensitive spot.

Phii Fah sucked in a breath lightly as I began to stroke him, the water making me move slowly, even though I was already mortified, yet I couldn’t stop.

“Uhm…”

I bit my lip tightly as he started to grip my painfully hard core, moving up and down rhythmically, and without warning, one slender finger pushed into me from behind.

“Ahhh, uh, it hurts!”

“Oh…just bear with it, good boy,” he whispered in a deep voice beside my ear.

As soon as the finger rubbed against the back passage, I felt a sharp pain, before Phii Fah slowly moved in and out. My hand continued its slow movement, starting to pick up the pace as he did the same.    “Mm,” Phii Fah groaned softly in his throat, which intensified my arousal several times over. My mind had been lost since the moment we kissed, then the pressure from behind became stronger, rocking my body with it. I leaned against Phii Fah’s chest when the force from behind was too strong to keep my balance, both my hands now clutching his shoulders tightly to cope with the sensations from both front and back.

“Ahh! Ah! Ugh!” I moaned incoherently when he inserted another finger, and the speed of his movements didn’t slow down, as I was being stimulated from both the front and the back, bringing me close to climax. It seemed he knew, because Phii Fah let go of my member.    “Ah!” I cried out when his slender fingers were suddenly withdrawn from my body, and without any warning, Phii Fah lifted my hips up, then pushed them down, allowing his large member to enter me from behind.

“Ugh,” I bit my lip tightly, the water making the sensation slightly more resistant, highlighting the friction. I could feel Phii Fah entering me slowly. When I sat down, his length went all the way in, and its size and length made me feel extremely uncomfortable.

“Do you want to try moving yourself?” Phii Fah whispered hoarsely, breathing rapidly, his chest heaving from his heart beating too fast. It felt so good when he entered me like this, and because of his whisper, I slowly started to move my hips.

As soon as I moved, Phii Fah bit his lip, moaning again in his throat, his face full of passion making him look even more intense. And when the pleasure spread, I couldn’t help but move up and down faster.

“Mmm, Ahhh, Ah, Ah! Ahh!” When my mind went blank, I focused on the spots that felt good, pressing down on them repeatedly, while Phii Fah used both hands to support my hips, moving them faster as he desired, with the mix of pain and pleasure spreading all over. “Ahhh!” I cried out in a lost voice when he thrust up to meet my rhythm, making me feel a tightness all over my stomach. Water from the hot spring splashed around, but it seemed unimportant.

“Ah! Uhmm, P…Phii Fah, I…I,” I could barely speak as I couldn’t withstand the pleasure, my body twitching slightly before releasing white liquid. As soon as I released, my whole body felt weak, as if all my strength had been drained.

“Oh, are you going to come?”

“…Mmm.” Even though he asked that, Phii Fah didn’t stop.    “Too bad, you’ve been a bad boy.” With those words, Phii Fah lifted my body to withdraw his core, turning me so my back was to him. I knelt within the bath, my arms resting on the edge, before his large core pushed into me again.

“Oh, ugh, ah! ah ah ah!” I moaned in sync with the thrusts in and out, the movements and impacts were so forceful that my body trembled with each one. Phii Fah’s hand reached under my inner thigh to pull me closer to him, and then he thrust even harder, making it more intense than before.

It was so pleasurable that I almost lost my mind…

“Mm,” I felt the sharp pain in my back, and when I glanced back, I saw Phii Fah making red marks to claim me all over my back, kissing and biting everywhere. I could hear the friction and impact of our bodies.

“Ah…ugh, harder.”

“Hmm?”

“Ph…Phii Fah, ugh, I…needs to, ugh, ah!”

“What was that? Say it again for me to hear,” Phii Fah leaned in to whisper, after slowing down his movements.

“I…need…mm, Phii Fah.”

“Yes?”

Phii Fah turned my body to face him, slowly licking his lower lip, brushing his wet hair back as if it was in the way, before resuming his intense thrusts, going in as deep as possible, pulling out, and thrusting back in with force.

“Ah!!”

I don’t know why I said that,     but it felt good,     so good I felt like I was going crazy.

   And I wanted more, much more.

   “Ahh! Ah! Ah ah ah, ugh!” I moaned until my voice was hoarse, my heart beating too fast to catch my breath, “I…I, I…can’t anymore.”

“Hmm?”

“I’m…going to come.”

“Ah, then let’s do it together,” he said in a deep, husky voice, before his body twitched slightly and he released his warm fluid inside me. I also came for the second time, and my mind almost drifted away. The large member was slowly withdrawn, Phii Fah bent down to kiss me tenderly, before lifting me from the hot spring and taking me to wash up.

My mind was completely blank; I couldn’t think anymore. Phii Fah pressed me against the wall slightly, inserting his fingers into my back passage to scoop out his own cloudy liquid, which made me feel so embarrassed because not only had he finished inside me earlier, but now he was taking it out too.

“Mmm…” I bit my lip, moaning in my throat again as the mischievous fingers didn’t just remove the cloudy liquid but also moved inside. “No…no more.”    “You don’t want me anymore?”

“Uhmm…” His thick lips kissed me again, this time with a gentle, soft kiss that made my heart melt along with the warm water from the shower that was now caressing both our bodies.    “Let me make you feel good, be a good boy.”

“Uhmm, yes,…be gentle this time, please.”

“…”

“Can you do that?”

“Yes, I promise.” Before Phii Fah slowly turned me around, bending me over to pull my hips closer, and gently inserted his core again. This time, the rhythm started slow but focused, pressing deep into my sensitive spot before slowly withdrawing.

Gradually picking up speed, but not as rough as before.

“Mmm, Ahhh…” The focus on that spot sent pleasure all over my body. I arched my hips to meet his rhythm without shame because I couldn’t think of anything else now, the gentleness making me feel like my body and heart had completely melted away.    “Ah!” Before Phii Fah turned me to face him and lifted me up without withdrawing his large core, holding me in this position felt strange, in a completely different way, but it felt incredibly good. I clung to him tightly, but his strong arms around me gave me confidence that I was safe, before Phii Fah thrust into me again, making me cry out in a lost voice.

“Ugh! Ahhh! Ahh, Uhmm…” Because of this position, he entered deeply, giving a different kind of pleasure, fully penetrating and making me feel a painful tightness all over my stomach. My whole body and both legs tensed up, the thrusting becoming gradually more intense.

“Ahh, Ahhh, Ah…”

“Do you like it like this?” Phii Fah whispered softly, nibbling on my ear and the nape of my neck.

“Yes…yes, uhmm…”

“Mmm, why are you gripping me so tightly?”

“Ahh! Ah! Ah ah ah!” I moaned out of breath as he thrust harder, my powerless body trying to hold onto him, Phii Fah hugged me tighter. Now, everything in front of me was blurred, my mind was fading, it seemed like I saw Phii Fah biting his lower lip. This time, it took longer for me to reach climax because I had already released several times, making my body weary.

“Ugh,” reaching climax and releasing for who knows how many times this night, even though I had already finished, the other still showed no sign of finishing. I tried to keep my consciousness, then felt the body in front of me twitch slightly, warm fluid was shot into me once more, and he withdrew his large member. I could feel what must have been white, creamy liquid flowing down my thighs.    Phii Fah gently laid me down, and I felt him bathe and clean me, before drying me off and taking me back to the bedroom.    In the last moment before my consciousness faded, Phii Fah raised his hand to stroke my cheek, kissed my forehead, kissed my cheek, and touched his lips to mine, holding the contact for a moment before pulling away. He gently stroked my hair, these actions made my heart feel incredibly warm.

“I think he’s starting to like this place.”

“Let’s come to visit often, okay?”

“Sweet dreams, my love.”

SOUTHBESIDETHESKY CHAPTERS HOME

SOUTHBESIDETHESKY, Chapter 29: Warmer in the Winter

   “Which one is good?”

“I like whichever one you want, just take that one then.”

“I like both of them.”

“Then take both of them.”

“No way, I don’t have enough budget anymore.”

“I will buy it for you, just pick them up.”

“No thanks, I feel too embarrassed.” I said while slightly frowning. Right now, we are shopping to prepare for a trip abroad. After I spent a long time hesitating about where to go, I thought starting with somewhere not too far like Japan might be better.

And when it comes to Japan, I remembered the gift box that was sent to my house years ago, which was addressed to:

“To ‘Ren’.” We guessed all sorts of things, and the most plausible hypothesis was that Ren was the name my mother gave me. Ren in Japanese means “lotus”. Calling it the most plausible hypothesis might not be entirely accurate; let’s say it’s the possibility I’d most like to be true.

I think I’ll go for about a week and then come back. Going to spend the New Year’s countdown in Japan might not be that great. Phii Fah can stay with his family, and spending time with family is the best way to start the New Year.

So, we’ll go in mid-December, not during the holiday season. There should still be accommodations and beautiful places to take photos without having to compete with too many people. It might be crowded, but not to the point of being packed.

“I’m starting to understand Jo, huh?”

“Hmm?” I turned to look at the person behind me. Phii Fah was waiting for me to choose a sweatshirt, “You mean waiting for a long time, right? I’ll choose quickly.”

“No, I mean about being too considerate. No need to be so considerate because I want to buy everything for you,” Phii Fah smiled, “Just pick up both of those.”

“Oh…okay, is that good?”

“Pick them up.”

“Okay…thanks.” I agreed before placing both shirts in the basket. I understand a bit about being too considerate because North has told me about it. Back then, I secretly thought North was too considerate towards Phii Jo, worrying too much might burden the other person unnecessarily. Now I understand North well, maybe because they are lovers, they become even more considerate, feeling like they don’t want to cause any trouble.

But it seems it’s hard to refuse Phii Fah, huh.

“Is there anything else you want?”

“Well…actually, haha,” I said with a dry smile to the other person,

“Besides clothes and daily necessities, I want a new lens.”

“A lens?”

“Yes, when I go traveling, I want to bring all my camera stuff, and there’s a new lens out recently.”

“Then let’s pay here first and then go look at the lens.”

“Yes,” I smiled happily. Just the thought of going to a camera shop or looking at equipment like this made me happy. If I have free time and don’t know what to do, I like to hang out in the camera section, updating myself on new things or eyeing items to save up for later.    I’m someone who always carries a camera around. Since I’ve been with Phii Fah, from our last trip to Phuket, I’ve taken dozens of photos of him.

   In the end, I got a new lens for our upcoming trip to Japan, and I paid for it myself. I absolutely wouldn’t let Phii Fah pay because I’ve already bothered him enough. After buying the gear, we went back home.

   At Phii Fah’s house, there’s not much to do, it’s like being in an ordinary home, eating breakfast and dinner together with everyone. Because Uncle and Aunt are very kind, I’ve become quite comfortable here.

   “Are you bored? There’s not much to do at home.”

“Not at all,” I shook my head gently while looking at what I just bought, “It’s really nice being here,” I said truthfully. Phii Fah’s house has everything you could need.    “Then, how about moving in together?”

“Huh?”

“I’m serious.”

“You mean for me to move in?”

“After we get married.”

“Uh, Phii Fah, wait a minute, are you teasing me again?” I turned to look at him with a slightly puzzled expression. Phii Fah burst into a laugh.

“No, but if you get embarrassed, consider it a bonus.”

“Really, what’s that about?”

“Or maybe you want to build a new house more?”

“…I don’t know.” I turned back to look at the things in front of me,

“It’s still a long way off.”

“Hmm, it doesn’t hurt to talk about it, right? Because no matter what, we’ll be living together anyway.”

“Oh…” I fell silent with a warm feeling spreading through my heart. When someone talks about a future that includes you, it’s a very good thing, isn’t it? “If you ask Phoon, Phoon would like to stay here, so

Phii Fah can be with your uncle and aunt too.”

“Hmm…have you ever thought about kids?”

“Uh…no, but I’m starting to think about it now.”

“Okay, what do you think?”

“Adopting a cute kid, maybe one, but it’s a pity that you are a guy,” I said while inadvertently letting out a sigh.

“Come here.”

“Huh?”

“Come here quickly.” I slowly got up from the floor, where I was organizing things, and went to Phii Fah, and I was pulled to sit on his lap. I let out a startled yelp.

“Ah, what?”

“Hugging an overthinker.”

“I’m not overthinking, just saying it’s a pity.”

“In another ten minutes, you will definitely be overthinking, do you believe Phii Fah?” Phii Fah said in a deep voice close to my ear, before leaning in to give my cheek a light kiss.

“It…it’s worth thinking about, if we have kids, I’d want them to be like you Phii Fah.”

“Why?”

“Don’t let them be like me.”

“Right. Not being like you is better.”

“…”

“If not, it would be so cute, I definitely can’t handle being jealous of two people.”

“Phii Fah!” I called out softly to the other person without realizing it, wanting to hit his arm because he was so annoying, always flirting and making me embarrassed, “I can’t have children at all.”

“But if we try, I think we might be able to,” he countered.

“See!” I accidentally smacked Phii Fah’s hand once, but very lightly, more like a tap, “Try what? How did you study to be a doctor?

Everyone knows men can’t get pregnant.”

“Then I will be the first one to do it, want to try?”

“Enough, I don’t want to talk anymore.”

“You get embarrassed and then run away.”

“I’m not running away at all, Phoon is going to do the laundry.”

“Let the maid do it.”

“It’s fine, I’ll just put the clothes in the machine myself, especially since I am free.” I said, trying to get up, but I was held back, “Phii Fah, I am serious, the clothes won’t dry. The sun is good right now.”

“Why do I have to miss out on hugging you for such a reason?”

“I am going to do the laundry.”

“So stubborn. I won’t let you go.”

“Ugh,” I pouted slightly before he hugged me tighter, but then I remembered we were in the living room, so I tried to get up again, worried someone might see, “Someone might see us, the maid is working too, we’ll definitely have to clean up then.”

“No one will come.”

“How do you know?”

“They probably already know,” Phii Fah said, resting his chin on my shoulder.

The relaxed demeanor of the other person made me stop struggling and just let us stay like this. Honestly, I like it, why wouldn’t I like being hugged by Phii Fah like this? I’ve heard that the scent of your loved one can make you feel comfortable, and that must be true.

   “Phii Fah.”

“Yes?”

“What do the others say about us dating?”

“Why do you ask?”

“I just want to know, like, if your friends are okay with me.”

“Why wouldn’t they be okay? They already know each other.”

“And what do they say?”

“They don’t say much, because they already knew. They just said,

“Finally, you two are dating.”

“Knew already? Knew what?”

“Knew about the person in the letter.”

“Huh? Everyone knew beforehand too?”

“Yes.”

“How…And Ter and North even helped Phoon to keep it a secret.” I said, frowning involuntarily. It seemed not just me, but all our efforts were truly in vain.

Would Ter and North feel the same as me? They must feel it, feeling embarrassed and awkward beyond words, imagining us trying to deceive them, thinking we succeeded, but in reality, we didn’t at all.

They knew everything but pretended not to.

“The whole group is full of pranksters,” I said, sulking.

“No pranking, you didn’t want me to know, right? Or did you want me to ask?”

“That would be bad too, you shouldn’t know.”

“I didn’t know.”

“Didn’t know like…really didn’t know. Not just pretending not to know.”

“Really, and knowing after the birthday party it was already late.”    “Oh. Initially, I talked with Dao, saying you might have known since the first letter was sent, but luckily you didn’t think to investigate.”

“Dao? Ah, you friend from the club?”

“Yes, I haven’t introduced him to you guys yet, but it seems Phii

Hill has talked to you before.”

“Bring him next time.”

“Sure, but he’s not really free. He’s working right now.”

We chatted casually, and by evening, Uncle and Aunt came back for dinner. After that, we prepared for bed. After I finished my shower, I sat down on the bed next to Phii Fah. When he, who was leaning against the headboard playing with his phone, saw me, he immediately pulled me into a hug.

   Not that I’m complaining. I was quite surprised to see Phii Fah being more touchy than I expected, but it was good because I liked it too. Even though I still felt very shy, I would unconsciously move closer to him because of his pleasant scent and the warmth I felt.

   Soon after, I drifted off to sleep.

   I woke up groggily to find the room still dimly lit. I reached for my phone and saw it was only 4 AM. I had set an alarm for 5 AM because today was the day we were heading to Japan. Our flight was at 9 AM, and according to the schedule, we would arrive at Narita around 3 PM, but since there’s a two-hour time difference between Thailand and Japan, we’d actually get there at about 5 PM.

   We had looked at some travel plans, but since we were going for a week, we decided we’d figure out more once we got there.    I actually wanted to get up and take a shower right then, but Phii Fah was holding me, so I didn’t dare move. Phii Fah wakes up easily, and his warm breath on my neck makes me tense up for a moment. I slowly turned to the other side to wake him up, my eyes adjusting to the darkness, until I could see the sharp features of the man who was still deep in slumber.

   I never thought I’d get to look at him from this angle.

   I couldn’t help but smile to myself.

   I lifted my hand, tracing the outline of his sharp jaw, cheeks, and nose bridge. How could one person look this perfect in every way? When God created you, did he put in extra effort or something? Lost in my thoughts, suddenly, his larger hand moved up to take mine, gently kissing the back of it, then his beautiful eyes slowly opened and looked at me.    “Ah…um…”

“Are you going to keep staring at me like this?” His voice was deeper, a slight smile appeared at the corner of his mouth, which made me flustered when I realized he had been awake all along. So, he knew I was watching him sleep…”Why didn’t you wake me up if you were awake?”

“It…it seems like it’s not the right time yet.” As soon as I finished my sentence, the alarm clock went off. I remember waking up around four in the morning, so that means I’ve been watching Phii Fah for almost an hour…oh my, that must make me look like a total creep.

“It’s time to wake up, right on schedule.”

“…Why did you pretend to be asleep if you were awake for so long?” I said, pouting.

“I just woke up.”

“Really?”

“Yes,” Phii Fah replied simply, “Good morning.”

“Good morning,” I said, watching the other person slowly sit up and reach out to turn on the bedside lamp, lighting up the whole room.

“Excited, huh? Waking up before the alarm.”

“Oh, I’ve never been this excited since I was born,” I said, quickly grabbing my phone to turn off the alarm.

“What time is it now?”

“It’s five in the morning.”

“Hmm, it’s pretty early.”

“Well, I am excited. You can keep sleeping if you want.”

“It’s fine, I’m already up.”

“Did I wake you?”

“Well…you could say that, I woke up because it felt like a cat was playing with me.”

“Oh, you were just lying there, so you got your face scratched by a cat.” My words made the other laugh, they always say they’re like a cat, ah, cat is cat, Phii Fah seemed to really like that I said that. Seeing Phii Fah’s joy made me think that playful talk like this isn’t so bad.

Even if it did make me feel a bit shy.

Suddenly, Phii Fah reached out to pinch my nose and gently shook it from side to side.

“What are you doing?” I asked, my mouth pouting.

“Teasing the cat.”

I didn’t respond, just pouted while looking at him, until Phii Fah told me to take a shower first. After I finished showering, I saw him standing out on the balcony. I walked over to stand beside him.    “The sun is about to rise,” I said, looking at the view in front of us. For me, the morning sky changing colors was more beautiful than the evening sky. Suddenly remembering, I rushed back into the room to grab my camera and took some pictures. After taking enough photos, I lowered my camera and turned to look at the person next to me, who was still gazing at the sunrise.

“Phii Fah,” I called out.

“Yes?”

“Is it okay with you if I want to take a photo?”

“Now?”

“Yes.”

“It’s not great, I haven’t changed clothes yet,” Phii Fah said, though he was already in a white T-shirt and long pants, which looked good enough as it was, needing no additional touches.

“It’s fine, I will keep it for personal viewing.”

“Really?”

“Yes,” I nodded quickly. Phii Fah gave a slight smile at the corner of his mouth before nodding in agreement. “This way, we’ll definitely have a set of photos of I from Japan.”

“That’s already plenty.”

“We can have even more, I can never take enough,” I said with a smile.

After taking the photos, Phii Fah excused himself to shower and get dressed. Then we went downstairs for breakfast and prepared to head to the airport.

When we got to the airport, I found out that Phii Fah had booked first class. Since Phii Fah made the booking, I didn’t ask questions, just the time. Being my first time in first class made me feel strangely excited and thrilled.

“Oh, I am excited,” I said, turning to the person sitting next to me with excitement. “Yes, I know.”

“Actually, you could have booked economy, this is way too expensive.”

“Oh, I never sit in economy, so I didn’t book it. Do you want to sit in economy? We’ll do that next time,” Phii Fah’s words left me speechless for a moment because I hadn’t thought about it since he never sits in economy.

“It’s okay, let’s go with what’s convenient for you,” I said, since Phii Fah always travels first class. How could I take him to sit in economy…”Oh right, Phoon hasn’t looked at the accommodations yet.”

“I already booked them. You said you wanted to explore Tokyo for the first few days, right?”

“Yes, did you book a hotel in Tokyo?”

“Yes, I booked it quickly in case it gets fully booked.”    “Uh, thank you,” I smiled broadly.

After spending several hours on the plane, before I knew it, we had landed. The moment we stepped off the plane, the cold shocked me. I knew Japan in winter was no joke, but having never experienced it, I couldn’t imagine it.

“P…p, Phii Fah, I want to go back,” I said jokingly, my voice trembling as I hugged myself tightly. Phii Fah, who was holding our other belongings, turned to look at me. Since we didn’t bring much, Phii Fah suggested we focus on buying things here because the return trip would be cumbersome with lots of stuff.

“We’ve only been here less than ten minutes.”

“No, I can’t handle it, Phuket isn’t this cold.”

“Do you want to put on another layer?”

“I am already like a Michelin Man,” my words made the other chuckle a little, “Have you ever been here when it was this cold?”

“No, I’ve only been to Japan during the summer.”    “How was the summer here?” I asked.

“It’s still cooler than Thailand, the atmosphere is great.”

“I have seen pictures, summer in Japan looks beautiful in photos,” I said, looking at Phii Fah who was wearing two layers of winter clothing and carrying a backpack, with a black mask on. That made me think of something; I quickly walked over to stop in front of Phii

Fah, “Let’s take the first picture here at the airport.”

“Huh?” Before Phii Fah could even answer the question, I quickly snapped a photo, taking one before either of us could get ready.    “Got it, thank you,” Phii Fah said nothing more, just smiled at me. Even though he was wearing a mask, I could see that he was smiling, and my heart skipped a beat.

Why does he make my heart feel so good…

   We planned to try the train. Coming to Japan means you have to ride the train; Phii Fah went to buy the tickets. Meanwhile, I stood waiting at a spot not too far away.

   “Got the tickets, the train will be here in about twenty minutes.” “Did you speak Japanese with them, or was it English?” I asked curiously.    “Japanese.”

“Wow, you can speak Japanese too?”

“A little.”

“You’re so good,” I said, impressed. The person being complimented smiled slightly, not seeming embarrassed by my praise. We waited until the train arrived. When we got on, there were no seats left, so we had to stand. I moved to the inside, with Phii Fah standing next to me.

I looked out at the scenery with excitement. Not long after, the train got crowded, but I wasn’t bumped at all because Phii Fah was shielding me. The more people pushed from behind, the closer we got, and the closer we were, the more my heart raced.

“Sorry, it’s quite uncomfortable.”

“It’s okay, are you alright?”

“I’m okay,” I said without looking into his eyes, feeling as if I was being protected by what Phii Fah was doing. Soon, I felt the scenery outside start to move, indicating the train was leaving the platform. I kept looking outside excitedly at the new views I had never seen before, until the train stopped at one station. When it braked, I stumbled slightly, and before I knew it, Phii Fah had his hand up to protect my head from hitting the pole.

“Sorry, sorry, did you get hurt?” I quickly asked, startled. The person in front of me shook his head slightly.

“Be careful.”

“Oh, sorry, does it hurt? Let me see your hand,” I took the liberty to check his hand, finding almost no redness or anything.

“It’s fine,” he said in his usual deep voice, his eyes still warm and showing concern just as before.

“I will be careful.”

“That’s good, oh, there’s a free spot over there, do you want to sit?”    “It’s fine,” I said, looking in the direction where Phii Fah was looking, because some people had just gotten off the train, leaving some empty seats.

“We’ll have to stand for a while longer, are you okay with that?”    “I’m fine,” I said, before more people got on and the train started moving from the platform. This time, I didn’t just stand staring blankly; I made an effort to be more cautious, looking around. There seemed to be many schoolchildren, probably not on holiday yet. Upon closer inspection, many of the schoolgirls were looking in our direction.    Oh…I get it now.

With someone as eye-catching as the person in front of me, it’s no wonder people would look. Plus, Phii Fah is very tall, about 183 cm if I remember correctly from when I asked before.

I’m really curious about what those girls are whispering about, but even if I could hear, I wouldn’t understand.

It took a long time to reach our destination. Honestly, I was very tired. Only after moving my arms and legs did I start to feel a bit better. As we walked off the train onto the platform, I was about to ask Phii Fah where we were heading next when I turned to see four schoolgirls in uniform talking to Phii Fah.

I stood nearby watching. They looked excited and happy, all of them pulling out their phones with smiling faces. Phii Fah listened, gave a small smile, and shook his head in refusal. Then they looked disappointed, one of them spoke again, and Phii Fah replied in Japanese before walking over to me.

“Let’s go.”

“What was that?” I asked as we walked away with Phii Fah.

“They wanted to take a photo.”

“Oh, and what did that one ask?”

“Ah, she asked if I was an actor or an artist from somewhere.”

“Ohhh,” I said with a long ‘oh’, “And what did Phii Fah say?”

“I said no, then excused myself.”

“Oh…” I nodded, being mistaken for an actor or artist by foreigners is quite something, “Have you ever thought about being an actor or something like that?” I asked.

“Why do you ask that?”

“Well, you are quite famous. Hasn’t anyone ever approached you?” “There have been some, but I declined.”

“Why?”

“It’s not what I really want to do. It’s the same for others.”

“You mean other doctors?”

“Yes.”

I nodded in understanding. With his looks, it’s no wonder people reach out, and it’s also not strange that everyone would refuse.    Now it was getting dark in the evening, making the cold feel like it had doubled for me. We hailed a taxi to go to the hotel.

   “With this cold, do you think there will be snow?”

“I’m not sure either.”

I nodded, but if you ask me, I hope it doesn’t snow yet; I’m already freezing to death. The taxi stopped in front of a large hotel. We got out, and I stood there in awe of its size, not even needing to ask about the price.

   The lobby was decorated in a luxurious Japanese style, and charmingly, the staff wore kimonos. Phii Fah went to talk at the counter. Soon, an employee led us to our room. We were on the first floor, and when we opened the door to the room, we found it was truly in Japanese style, with a wide tatami mat floor, sliding doors, and what seemed to be another small room off to the side.

   In the center was a place for dining, with a low Japanese table. Phii Fah exchanged a few more sentences with the employee, who then left. I walked around to explore. Opening one of the sliding doors revealed an empty room where I found futons stored in a small compartment inside; this must be the bedroom then.

   We would sleep on Japanese futons, just like I’ve seen in cartoons. At the other end of the room, there seemed to be a balcony overlooking a garden outside. When I walked closer to the glass door, I discovered we could also go out to walk in that garden, which was a small, beautifully decorated private garden. On the right was a tiny garden, and on the left was an onsen.

   An onsen!?

   I was taken aback by the wooden wall, quite sure it was an onsen, with orange light seeping out from inside. After walking down three steps from the balcony, the floor turned into stone, and there were prepared slippers. I put on the slippers and went inside to look. In the middle was a medium-sized hot spring bath surrounded by large stones. The washing area was off to one side.

   “Little one.”

“…”

“Little one, where are you?”

“I’m here,” I answered the call from inside, turning to see Phii Fah on the balcony. I hurried over to him.    “Why didn’t you answer when I called?”

“I was too stunned by the onsen; you didn’t tell me there was a private onsen too.”

“Just a little surprise,” Phii Fah smiled, “Come here quickly, they’ve prepared food for us.”

“Okay.” I took off the slippers, placed them back, and walked back to the main room to find two staff members arranging food on the table. I slowly walked over and sat down, smiling at one of the staff who looked at me. The food wasn’t particularly exotic, with just a few things I hadn’t seen before.

Once the staff finished arranging everything, they bowed to us and left.

“They said they’ll come back in about an hour to clear the table and prepare the beds.”

“Oh, the service here is really good,” I said, starting to eat the food on the table. “But this room looks special, with a garden too.”

“It’s the most special room they have here.”

“Wow, you are so kind, thank you.”

“You’re welcome, let’s eat first,” Phii Fah said. I nodded and continued eating the food in front of me, feeling the warmth inside increase. They must have turned on the heater. If the weather is this cold, soaking in hot water wouldn’t be bad.

Ah…but with an onsen, you have to take off all your clothes, right?

   So…do we have to soak together?

   “Phoon.”

“Ah, yes?”

“Is something wrong?”

“No, not really,” I couldn’t say it was too hot. Just thinking about it made me embarrassed enough. How could I strip down in front of Phii Fah? Plus…well, we don’t have to soak together anyway.    After we finished eating, the staff came to collect the dishes after a brief wait. One of them also brought some clothes and placed them on the shelf, explaining in English that if we wanted to soak in the onsen, we should change into these. After the staff finished setting up the beds, they left. I went to check and found it was a blue yukata.    “Phii Fah, will you soak in the water?” I asked, turning to him.

“Yes.”

“Um…well, then you can go first.”

“You should go first,” Phii Fah said while still looking at his phone screen. So, I took the yukata to change into the bedroom since it was closer. Entering the bedroom, I saw two beautifully arranged futons already laid out. After changing into the yukata, I was about to go outside, but because I wasn’t used to the outfit, I felt a bit strange. I had nothing underneath; it felt like just a robe. Since I was going to soak, there was no need for anything underneath, right? I could just take it off and soak. Suddenly, the sound of the sliding door came.

Phii Fah looked surprised when he saw me, and I was startled too.

Once the surprise wore off, embarrassment took over.

“Why are you taking so long?”

“Ah, um, I…isn’t used to this outfit.”

“You look cute.”

“Really?” For some reason, just being looked at like this by Phii Fah made my heart race. I didn’t dare meet his eyes, but then the person at the door approached, gently holding me, tilting my chin up to look at him.

“Yes, very cute.”

I was captivated by his sharp, radiant eyes. Phii Fah moved his hand to the back of my neck, slightly pulling me up, and his soft lips gently met mine.

As our bodies touched, I closed my eyes. The warm sensation invaded my lips, our breaths quickened, and our heartbeats sped up. Our tongues entwined, making embarrassingly wet sounds, my lips now moist. I tightly held onto his shirt, then Phii Fah gently lifted me, my feet leaving the ground, and he placed me on the shelf.    I sat at the high table, responding to the kiss awkwardly, my heart pounding so fast it felt like it might burst out. I was breathing heavily as if I were about to drown, biting both my upper and lower lips. Phii Fah moved closer after parting my legs, bringing our bodies even closer together.

The person in front of me kissed me aggressively, unlike ever before, but I didn’t resist because my mind was completely blank. I was wearing a yukata with nothing underneath, and the middle of my body started to ache as it was touched by the other’s warm flesh.    “Ohh…ohh,” I inadvertently moaned when a warm hand slid down to my inner thigh and gently squeezed, making my body even harder, feeling hollow all over my abdomen, becoming even more embarrassed as my yukata slowly opened.

“Ohh, p…Phii Fah,” I called out his name, my eyes blurred.    Phii Fah pulled back from the kiss and moved his lips to my neck, slowly pulling down my yukata to reveal my shoulders, sending shivers through my body as he kissed and left marks there.    His strong hands roamed everywhere; one continued to massage my inner thigh, driving me nearly insane because it was so close to that sensitive spot. The other hand caressed my body, slipping under the top of the yukata to gently touch my nipples.

   “Ah, umm,” because I had no strength left and couldn’t think of anything else at that moment, plus…because it was Phii Fah, I didn’t even think of resisting.

Because it was Phii Fah…

No other reason was needed.

“Oh…good boy,” his deep voice whispered hoarsely in my ear. It seemed like the person in front of me was also aroused, his warm breath lingering around my cheek, “I was going to wait a bit longer, but…I can’t anymore.”

“Umm,” I bit my lower lip tightly, moaning when that hand started to touch my sensitive lower tip.

“You belong to me.”

“I…have belonged to you for a long time now.”

“I take that as your answer.”

“…Yes, ohh,” his thick lips kissed me again. I kissed back, not caring about anything else anymore; all my feelings were focused on the touch of those warm hands, letting everything happen as my lover wanted it to.

“Ohhh, ahh,” due to the warm temperature from the heater in the room combined with my body heating up, my face must be bright red. I closed my eyes to receive the familiar kiss, my body unknowingly moving with the sensations that spread all over. The same hand that was gently caressing my sensitive parts moved slowly, fingertips touching and lightly kneading at the tips.

It was embarrassing, but I wanted to be touched…more than this.    “Ahh!” I moaned again when Phii Fah gently pinched my nipple, causing me to arch my chest unconsciously, feeling both ticklish and good. My current state was with the yukata loosely open, sitting on the table as Phii Fah had arranged, my legs in a position that made our bodies press close together with no space left.

The other person started to breathe heavily, and when I felt that Phii Fah was also getting aroused, it only heightened my own feelings. Slowly, my hands moved up to rest on his shoulders as I felt weak, while the mischievous hand below began to stroke my fully erect member, Phii Fah slowly pulling away from the kiss when he sensed I was nearly out of breath.

“Ahhh, ah, pa…ohhh, Phii Fah,” I moaned as his firm hand moved up and down faster, not allowing me a moment to catch my breath.

Phii Fah kissed my neck, leaving red marks that made me wince from the slight pain, licking around my ear, trailing down from my collarbone to my nipples, sucking and licking them until I felt an intense sensation. It was embarrassing but undeniably felt very good, so good I didn’t want it to stop.

“Ohhh, mmm,” I breathed heavily, my chest heaving, releasing my grip from his shoulders to hold onto the table behind me to keep from falling, as if being overwhelmed by the person in front of me. The hand stroking me sped up its rhythm, because I don’t often do this myself, and certainly, no one else has ever touched me there, making it even more sensitive.

His other hand gripped the inner part of my thigh, slowly spreading my legs wider, lifting one leg so both were on the table, the pace of his warm hand quickened. I matched my breathing to that pace, the current sitting position was just so embarrassing.

“You’re so cute,” the deep voice from the person in front of me, mixed with a hint of teasing, made me feel completely under his control. His sharp eyes narrowed, and his other hand slowly unbuttoned his own shirt, revealing his smooth, white skin and toned chest, which made my whole body feel a thrill just by looking. He gave a sly smile when he saw I was watching him.

I was completely ensnared by that seductive charm.

Phii Fah leaned in to kiss me once. I returned the passionate kiss, not resisting my own feelings at all, moaning in my throat as I was about to reach climax.

“Ohh…ohh,” the hollow feeling in my abdomen and all the tingling sensations were released as white liquid that smeared all over Phii Fah’s hand, because I couldn’t hold back anymore either. Phii Fah slowly pulled back from the kiss once more. I looked at him with halfclosed eyes, still breathing heavily, feeling drained at this point.    “S…sorry, I,” I said softly, looking at his hand stained with my fluid, then glanced away shyly when I caught sight of his rippled abs.    “Typhoon,” Phii Fah leaned in closer, whispering softly. I moved back a bit but was against the wall now. Phii Fah used the same hand to touch my rear entrance.

“Ah! umm,” I tensed up when the warm finger rubbed and gently pressed using the white residue from before as lubricant. As I tensed my legs, Phii Fah slowly caressed my inner thighs, spreading them wide.

“Don’t tense up.”

“Ohh, aaah, ah,” I moaned as one finger slowly entered, “Ohh, it hurts.”

“Good boy. It’s okay, look at me.”

“Ohhh, umm.”

“Look at Phii Fah, please.”

I slowly opened my eyes to look at him as instructed, his beautiful, sparkling eyes combined with a warm smile. Even in this situation, I could tell he was trying to be as gentle as possible.

I tried to relax, taking deep breaths despite my heart pounding wildly, letting the slender finger fully enter.

“Ohh, aaaah, ah, p…Phii Fah, ohh,” the slender finger pushed in deep and slowly withdrew, then pushed in again, repeating this to get my body accustomed to it.

The pain was only at first, then it subsided, replaced by a tingling sensation. During this gentle act that made my consciousness fade, Phii Fah kissed and licked all over my body. Since I was sitting on the high table, it wasn’t hard for him to be mischievous around my chest area; my nipples were licked by his warm tongue, bitten and sucked until they turned red, but he still seemed unsatisfied.

   “Umm…aaah,” the movement of the finger changed to become faster and he added another finger before I could prepare.

It feels so good…

   Why does just a finger feel this good?

   “Oh, Phii Fah…oh, me,” I said without really understanding, my mind completely blank, the other’s warm breath getting heavier as he added a third finger. It seemed that using his fingers on me also heightened his own arousal.

“Phii Fah.”

“…Hmm, what?”

“…I…it’s okay.”

“Hmm?”

“Okay…as you.”

“…Ah, sure.”

“Actually, if it’s you…I would give in completely,” I said, not quite knowing what I was saying, but I meant it, “No regrets.”

“Do you realize what you’re saying?”

“…Yes, I do.”

“I love you Phoon.”

“I love you too…ohhh.” Before I could finish speaking, the other crushed his lips onto mine, in a passionate kiss unlike any before, withdrawing all three fingers. I heard the sound of a zipper being undone, then felt the hot touch against my rear entrance.

“Ohhh,” I groaned in my throat as I felt the warm, thick shaft slowly start to enter, “Ohhh.” With my mouth sealed, I could only moan in my throat.

Ouch, it hurts…

   It hurts…

   It hurts so much, it’s too big.

   I felt uncomfortable because of its size, truly feeling him inside me.

   “It’s okay, I will be gentle, I promise.”

“…Yes, ahhh.” The large shaft was pushed all the way in but didn’t move yet, staying still for a while. I grimaced from the pain that shot up to my shoulders, and once my body began to adjust a bit, Phii Fah slowly started to move.

Shiver…

More intense than the fingers just now.

“Aaah, oohhh,” I placed both hands behind me, trying to support myself, clenching my teeth as the rhythm of thrusts began to speed up.    “Umm, don’t tense up,” Phii Fah whispered in a low voice, letting out a small moan, biting his lip, and glancing at me.

“Ah, ah, ah, ah, Phii Fah…Phii Fah, ah,” I moaned in sync with the increasingly intense thrusts, my arms weakening but still trying to hold myself up. I could hear our bodies slapping together, my breath coming in quick, shallow bursts through both my mouth and nose, looking at the other who was also watching me, eyes hungry like a predator scanning my body.

As some hair fell over my face, Phii Fah gently brushed it back.    With just that gesture…my body felt like it was being scorched all over.

“Aaah, more, oohhh,” Phii Fah thrust deep inside me and pulled almost all the way out, then slammed back in hard, each thrust making me almost lose consciousness, it was both thrilling and indescribably good.

“Does it hurt?” Phii Fah asked warmly, his hand gently caressing my cheek.

“No…not anymore…aaah.”

I replied, though I could barely understand myself, my mind shattered, and I felt like I might go mad again when his warm hand started stroking my hardened core.

   “Ah, oohhh, stop, Phii Fah…ooh, Fah, I, Phoon will…”

“Are you going to finish soon?”

“Oohhh, umm.”

“Then let’s do it together…good boy.”

“Aaah!” When the ecstasy reached its peak, I released once more, unable to hold back, feeling the warm liquid being pumped into my insides.

“Umm,” Phii Fah bit his lower lip slightly as he reached his climax too. I don’t know why, but that expression on his sexy face was insanely hot, before Phii Fah slowly withdrew his large member, with white fluid flowing out. “Ah, sorry.”

“I…it’s okay…,” I said, exhausted and breathless, too weak to reply properly. My whole body felt drained. I had just seen Phii Fah completely bare for the first time, his physique well-toned from frequent exercise with friends. His abdominal muscles were perfectly defined like waves, his chest broad, and his skin smooth and white, and…

I quickly averted my gaze.

Seeing him like this made me feel indescribably shy.

And it was still…hard.

“Ah!” I exclaimed in surprise when suddenly Phii Fah lifted me. “I’ll take it out for you in a moment.”

“Ah…oh, ma…it’s okay.” I was too embarrassed to do anything. I didn’t even dare to let Phii Fah look at me at that moment.    “Otherwise, it’ll be uncomfortable.” Phii Fah carried me to the mattress, positioning me to straddle him. In this position, I felt even more awkward and embarrassed when he stared at me.

“Ya, don’t look.”

“Why not? You’re cute.”

“…” I pouted slightly, “Ah, ohhh.” I buried my face in his shoulder to hide my blushing face when suddenly long fingers entered me again. This time, the fingers moved inside, drawing out the white fluid until it was all gone.

Before slowly withdrawing, he made sure our eyes met. Just looking into those beautiful eyes, I felt like I was under a spell once more. Without realizing it, his strong hand pushed my head closer. We started with a gentle kiss that deepened into a noisy, embarrassing tongue kiss.

My own member, which had just softened, began to harden again.    “Ah! Ohhh! Aaaah!” Phii Fah lifted me up and kneaded my buttocks, then moved my hips to touch his large member. As he pressed my hips down slowly, that member entered me gradually.

“One more time, good boy.”

“Oh!” When I sat down, that member went all the way. Phii Fah guided my hips to move up and down in a slow rhythm, gradually speeding up. The tingling sensation spread through my body until I bit my lip to release some tension. The feeling was slightly different from what we did on the table earlier.

I unconsciously moved my hips to match that rhythm, craving more of the thrill as I received it. The thrusting became increasingly intense, until I heard,

“Ah…umm, good boy,” Phii Fah murmured softly, indicating that he was just as thrilled. I moved faster as guided by the hand controlling my hips.

“Aaah, oohhh, aaah,” Phii Fah spread my legs apart to penetrate deeper, making the sensation even more intense.

“Oohhh! ah, ah,” Moving up and down like that, until the hand on my hips slowed down, Phii Fah gradually withdrew to turn me face down.

“Pha…Phii Fah…aaaah!” I was in a kneeling position. Before I could react, he entered me again, this time thrusting so vigorously that I could barely breathe.

“Typhoon…” His voice was low. I was slightly startled when he suddenly kissed all over my back, biting until it stung, “I am almost going crazy because of you.”

“Oohhh, ah, ooh! ah!” I groaned with each thrust he made, the sounds of our bodies clapping together were clear, my whole body trembling with the force, I could hardly keep myself up anymore. “Oohhh!” It seemed like he knew my sensitive spots now, focusing on them repeatedly until I was nearly insane, not to mention the warm hands exploring my lower body, from my weak thighs, massaging around, to my sensitive front area.

“Aaah, ah! ah! Fah…I, I no. No, can’t…can’t take it anymore.”

“Hmm, not yet, please.”

“But…” I was close to climaxing again, trying to hold on so we could finish together, but it seemed like he wasn’t going to finish easily, oh no.

I gripped the bed sheet tightly to cope with the overwhelming sensation spreading through my body, no…can’t hold on anymore, I’m going to finish.

“Umm,” I clenched my teeth as I released again. Feeling his body twitch slightly, warm fluid was shot into me once more as he withdrew his large member. I felt the liquid flowing out from behind, running down my legs.

The moment I reached my peak, I was completely drained, having tried my best to maintain my composure earlier, now I couldn’t hold on anymore, only aware of being embraced and kissed by Phii Fah who was wiping away my tears.

“Sorry, I got carried away and was too rough, even though I intended to be gentle.”

“Oohhh. No…it’s okay, because it’s you Phii Fah.”

“I told you not to be too nice, you can be mad at me sometimes.” “But I’m only nice to you.”

“Yes,” Phii Fah replied, reaching out to trace my face with his fingers and looking at me with possessive eyes, “I will only be nice to you Phoon.”

“Really?”

“Really.” He then kissed the back of my hand as a promise, “You’ll be the most important person in the world…I don’t know how to promise, but I’ll really take the best care of you.”    With those firm words, I believed him wholeheartedly.

   I felt the gentle kisses and the warm embrace as my consciousness began to fade, drifting off to sleep. Before I completely lost consciousness, I heard a soft whisper by my ear.

   “Tonight, you’re, already, mine.”

“And, I’m, yours”

“Dream of me, Sweetheart.”

SOUTHBESIDETHESKY CHAPTERS HOME

   SOUTHBESIDETHESKY, Chapter 28: Have A Nice Day

   I was quite worried as we were about to go to Phuket. I intended to bring Phii Fah to meet Fan, and the reason I felt uneasy was quite clear because I had once lied to Phii Fah about Fan, deceiving him that Fan was still alive, and even pretended to be her.

Moreover…aside from Phii Fah likely getting angry at me when he finds out the truth, what we’re about to encounter is sadness. I don’t know how much Phii Fah will be hurt, but it will definitely make him feel bad, knowing the truth about his childhood friend whom he thought was always doing well.

“Phii Fah.”

“Yes?”

“…Nothing.”

“Feeling uneasy?”

“How did you know?”

“You always just call me and then say it’s nothing.”

“Oh…well, you don’t even ask why we’re going back to Phuket.”

“Is it strange that I don’t ask?”

“Well…normally, you should ask, right?”

“Hmm…there aren’t many reasons, does it make you uneasy?” “Actually, I can’t make myself feel at ease,” I said in a soft voice, thinking about all the possible scenarios that might happen when we reach our destination, “Phii Fah will definitely be angry with Phoon.”

“…Oh, why?”

“You’ll find out when we get there.”

“I won’t be angry with you,” said the person beside me as he gently patted my head, making me turn to look at him. That warm smile made me feel slightly better, but it was because Phii Fah still didn’t know what was going to happen.

“I don’t know, but…”

“But?”

“Phii Fah, you can be angry with me, I will apologize, but we…can’t we not break up?”

“We just started dating, why bring up breaking up?” Phii Fah said, lightly pinching my cheeks in annoyance. I pouted a little, “That’s not good, should I punish you?”

“Don’t do that, I.”

“Okay. I won’t.” And he ruffled my hair again. Since we started dating yesterday, I’ve learned that Phii Fah might indeed be as playful as the senior had warned, always pinching cheeks or ruffling hair, but not hard enough to hurt.

“But I mean it. We won’t break up, okay?”

“How can you worry about this?”

“I am serious.”

“Okay, there’s no way we would break up,” Phii Fah said firmly because I was afraid he might think I was just a dishonest kid, untrustworthy, and might even think he shouldn’t have dated me in the first place, “After all the trouble to get together, I won’t give up so easily.”

I didn’t reply, just turned my face away, slightly furrowing my brows to hide my embarrassment. It didn’t take long for us to arrive at the airport, wait for our flight, and then head to my hometown. While waiting to board, I secretly chatted with my friends a bit. They tried to reassure me that Phii Fah would understand because, at that time, I didn’t intend to deceive, and initially, I planned to tell the truth not long after but was stopped by my father.

Ter said that Phii Fah is reasonable, but what I fear is that we just started dating, and then he finds out about my past misbehavior; the impression would definitely go negative.

But regardless, I have to accept that I was wrong, apologize, and ask for a chance to make it right.

“Where are we going?”

“…” Phii Fah’s question made me pause because I had been lost in thought. I bit my lip slightly before answering, “Are you hungry? Do you want to stop for a meal first?”    “We just ate before leaving Chiang Mai.”

“Oh…right.” I nodded, forgetting that. I must still feel hungry because of the stress, maybe that’s why I didn’t eat much.

“Are we going to many places today, Phoon?”

“Well…maybe two places.”

“Hmm, should we rent a car? It would be more convenient, and since I haven’t been back in a long time, I want to drive around a bit,” Phii Fah said. I nodded in agreement before he went to arrange for a car rental. Truthfully, I was still surprised why Phii Fah didn’t ask any questions. Normally, if someone invites you to another province, you’d ask where you’re going, but even now, as Phii Fah went to rent the car, he still doesn’t know our destination.

I stepped into an unfamiliar car since it was a rental, and silence enveloped us as the car hadn’t moved from the parking spot yet.

“Phii Fah.”

“Yes?”

“We’re going…to the temple near my home.”

“Okay.”

Before the car moved out, the familiar sights along the road passed by. I looked up to see that today the sky here was very clear, and the weather was just right. Not too hot, which is how winter should feel.

Not like that sweltering day when I impersonated someone to meet Phii Fah.

The clear sky, I hope today will be as clear as the sky.    As I thought…Phii Fah didn’t ask why we needed to go to the temple, not until the car parked in the temple’s parking lot.

I stopped by the front shop to buy some things, two sets for making merit, including floral offerings for praying, and didn’t forget to buy flowers too.

We talked a little as we walked inside, mentioning how the temple hadn’t changed much since Phii Fah moved away. When we were kids, we often came here to make merit and feed the fish together.    After paying respects to the Buddha, I led Phii Fah out to the back.

“Won’t you ask why I am bringing you this way?”

“Hmm…this way…” The person beside me fell silent for a moment, glancing at the array of stupas housing ashes, but his expression wasn’t one of surprise, before I walked to a very familiar spot, standing in front of a white stupa with Fan’s picture and name on it.

“…”

I knelt down and placed a small bouquet of flowers in front of it.    In the silence, tears slowly fell as I looked at the picture of the woman I missed the most, before Phii Fah gradually knelt beside me and gently wiped my tears.

   “It’s okay.”

“Hic, Phii Fah, I am sorry for lying, hic, Fan…Fan…” I tried to suppress my sobs.    “I know now.”

“…Eh,…you know?”

“Yes, I will explain later.”

“Hmm,” I sat still, letting Phii Fah gently wipe away the tears that stained my face, before he picked up the bouquet of flowers from my lap.

“Is this for me?” I nodded, and Phii Fah gave a slight smile, then turned to look at the picture of the young woman in front of us. His sharp features looked somber, his eyes full of sadness, “I’m sorry for never coming to see you, Fan.”

“…”

I looked at the person beside me with a feeling that choked up my chest.

   I felt so sad.

   His deep voice was calm and serene, before Phii Fah placed the bouquet next to where I had placed mine. He spoke a few more sentences, saying something like Fan doesn’t need to worry anymore because Phii Fah would take care of Phoon, telling Fan that we were now dating, and even declaring his love for me in front of Fan.

   “Phii Fah…how can you say that?”

“Why not? Can’t I tell Fan?”

“Even in front of Fan, you tease me,” I said, furrowing my brows.

“I’m not teasing, it’s more like a promise.”

“What kind of promise?”

“A promise to take the best care of you, so Fan doesn’t have to worry anymore,” Phii Fah said, once again gently patting my head. I didn’t know when, but my worries were slowly fading away.

We talked a little more before saying goodbye to Fan.

“We’re leaving now, Fan, we’ll come back to see you again,” I said, not taking my eyes off the picture, “I love you, always have,” I concluded with a declaration of love before standing up.    A gentle breeze blew through, amidst the relatively cool temperature, it was a breeze that made me feel warm both in body and heart, as if being embraced.

   ‘I love you too.’    “…”

‘Take care of each other well, both of you. No matter what happens, don’t let go of each other.’

   “Phii Fah, did you hear anything?”

“No, why?”

‘I probably don’t have to worry about you anymore, I’m going to leave for real now.’

   “…Leaving already? Does that mean you’ve been here with me all this time?”

“Phoon…” Phii Fah called out to me, looking confused, but I was more focused on trying to listen to the faint sound in my ear.

‘Yeah. I never left, but now I have to go. Take care of yourself.’

   “…Thank you, for everything.”

‘Thank you too.’

   And then the breeze around me stilled, a warm feeling spreading through my heart. Strangely, my tears didn’t flow. Just moments ago, I was sure I hadn’t imagined it or heard wrong, but now I felt a hollow in my heart.

   When she said she was leaving, it must mean what I heard, what I truly feared. Fan was worried about me, so she couldn’t leave, but now, with no worries, she must go as everything should be.

   “Phoon, are you okay? You mentioned a voice earlier?”

“Phii Fah, I heard Fan’s voice.”

“Huh?”

“Really, it came into my ear, saying she was leaving.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ll tell you everything from the beginning,” I said, before we walked to sit on a nearby bench. I told Phii Fah everything about Fan, starting from the day she passed away, what had happened, including that the accident Fan was in was because of me, up to the letters I wrote to Fan, how often I missed her.

“Oh…”

“You might not believe it, but I really heard it.”

“Yes, I believe you.”

“Hmm, does that mean from now on, I won’t miss or seek Fan anymore?”

“If what you heard is true, then probably so, Fan really doesn’t have to worry anymore.”

“Yes, it’s good,” I said with a faint smile. Even though deep down I

felt a bit of heartache, holding Fan back wouldn’t be right, “But Phii

Fah…why aren’t you angry that I lied about Fan?”

“I already knew.”

“…Really?” I asked, stunned. Did Phii Fah know everything from the start?

   “Yes.”

“Since when?”

“Before the term started. I helped with the scholarship arrangements. you applied for a scholarship, right?”

“Oh, yes,” I nodded because I saw there was a good scholarship available, and my grades were just right, so I applied, “Um…is this about the scholarship asking us to write about our families?”

“Yes.” Phii Fah answered, “about the details of family members.” What Phii Fah said made me understand immediately because on that form, there was a section asking for family details. I checked the box indicating that there was a deceased family member, and in the additional details section, I wrote that my sister had passed away.    “But how could you help with the scholarship management?”

“It’s from Hill’s mother’s fund, for all medical-related faculties,” Phii

Fah explained. I nodded in understanding. I didn’t know it was from Hill’s mother’s fund.

“Oh…I didn’t think you already knew.”

“Are you angry that I didn’t tell you before?”

“No,” I shook my head, “I guessed you were waiting for me to tell you myself.”

“Yes.”

“Then…when you approached me at the term opening party, that was…” At that time, when Ter invited me to celebrate the start of the term, Phii Fah came later and spoke to me. I was still puzzled about why he suddenly addressed me.

“At first, when you disappeared, I was really angry.”    “…I’m sorry,” I interjected.

“I didn’t tell you to apologize at all,” Phii Fah raised his hand to pinch my cheek again. I started to get scared that my cheek would really bruise, “So I barely greeted you, but when I found out about Fan, I got worried and thought we should talk about it. Then I went over to greet you.”

“Oh, that’s how it was, thank you for worrying about me.”    “But at that time, you were just worried about me as a younger brother.”

“I won’t ask what’s happening now,” I frowned, thinking, if I ask what’s happening now? I’m sure to have Phii Fah teasing me until my heart flutters again.

“Do you understand now?”

“Of course, I won’t lie to you anymore.”

“Hmm, is that so, what a pity,” his tone didn’t sound like he was really sorry, instead, it was filled with cunning, as if he was thinking of something fun, “Are you going back yet?”

“Right, it’s lunchtime now,” I said, looking at my watch. We went out to eat at our old regular noodle shop.

“Oh, Tonfah, right? It’s been a long time since we’ve seen each other,” Aunt Porn, the shopkeeper, widened her eyes when she saw Phii Fah walking into the shop. Phii Fah nodded, smiled, and greeted with a wai.

“Wow, you’ve become so handsome that I thought you were a celebrity; I knew you had potential from the start,” Aunt Porn praised non-stop. The one being praised just smiled in acceptance, without any sign of embarrassment, probably because he’s been complimented like this countless times before.

“Typhoon, since you moved to university, you haven’t come back to eat at my shop, is it semester break now?” Finally, Aunt Porn acknowledged me, even though I was standing right next to Phii Fah, but she seemed not to notice me at first.

“Yes, it’s semester break. I’ve been so busy, I just got the chance to come back for a visit.”

“Oh, coming for New Year’s here?”

“No, just stopping by, I’ll be going back soon.”

“Oh, then why are you two together? Studying at the same university?”

“Yes.”

“Oh, that’s good, good, it’s nice to have someone you know there, and have you ordered yet?”

“We’ve ordered,” I said, because I had ordered with the other brother earlier. We chatted a bit more before I went to sit at the table with Phii

Fah. While we were standing, I noticed that people were staring at Phii Fah quite a lot. It’s not really a big deal, but I’m not used to it.

“Aunt Porn is still in a good mood, unchanged.”

“Indeed,” I smiled in agreement. Seeing Aunt Porn made me think of Aunt Nuan, because Aunt Nuan used to bring me to this restaurant often. I still talk to Aunt Nuan regularly, we speak on the phone almost every day, but I haven’t told her about dating Phii Fah yet. I guess Aunt Nuan would be very surprised.

“Shall we go back home?”

“Uh…No, better not.”

“Hmm, okay.” Probably because he noticed my strange behavior, Phii Fah didn’t ask further when he asked about going home earlier. I accidentally made a bad face.

I don’t have a home to go back to anymore…

   What would happen if Phii Fah knew?

   About the house, my father, the fact that I’m just an illegitimate child.

   I thought about this and turned to look at the person sitting across from me, and he must have felt he was being watched because he looked back at me.

   “Will you be at home for New Year, Phii Fah?” I asked to start a conversation.

“Yes, every year I stay home, we celebrate a bit. Or do you want to go somewhere?”

“Hmm…I’m not sure, actually, staying with uncle and aunt would be nice, and besides, it’s crowded during the holidays,” I said, just before the ordered noodles were served. “What about your other friends, Phii

Fah?”

“They’re with their partners.”

“Oh, and what about Phii Arthit, is he with his partner too?”    “Arthit doesn’t have a partner,” said Phii Fah. “He’s probably left the country by now; I haven’t been able to contact him since he finished his exams.”

“Oh, does Phii Arthit like to travel? I’ve noticed he’s often gone.”

“Yes.”

“And why does he study medicine when it’s so hard to skip classes?”

“I don’t know, but I guess he must have his reasons.”

After that, we continued our journey to other places, driving around the city which brought back memories of the past, the places we used to visit together, the spot where I once got lost and Phii Fah found me, and we ended up watching the sunset by the sea, where the sun was about to disappear from the sky.

I had booked a flight for around half past ten at night, which would get me back to Chiang Mai late, and tomorrow we would go to Phii Fah’s house.

Walking along the beach made me think of the time before I moved to Chiang Mai, the last day before I was about to board the plane. I walked around here to capture the atmosphere, the difference being that back then I was about to go see Phii Fah, but now he’s here with me.

I raised my camera and snapped a series of shots of Ter while he was distracted, taking candid photos without him knowing, before Phii Fah turned around and smiled at the camera. I then frowned and lowered the camera.

“Do you know?”

“Why wouldn’t I know?”

“And you’re teasing me, huh?”

“Teasing what?” Phii Fah said with a smile. His black hair, not set with the blowing wind, and the deep red light from the setting sun made the atmosphere so beautiful that I wanted to capture every angle and pose of him.

“Enchanting,” this word isn’t an exaggeration at all.

“It feels like I’ve become your model, you only take photos of me like this.”

“Sorry. Don’t you want me to take photos?”

“Honestly, I don’t like it that much, but you are a special case.”    I smiled before moving to another angle to continue taking photos, thinking that many times Phii Fah has let me take his picture. Does that mean every time is a special case?

Then we held hands and walked slowly along the beach until we reached a wooden swing hanging from a large tree, a spot where we often played together when we were kids.

“Want to sit?” Phii Fah asked. I nodded in response. We sat on that wooden swing together, watching the sun disappear over the horizon. The sound of the waves and the sea breeze came to the shore, one of my hands gripping the thick rope tightly, the other hand holding his strong hand just as firmly.

“I can’t believe it,” I murmured, the other turned his gaze from the horizon to look at me, “We’re really dating.”    “Why can’t you believe it?”

“It seems quite unlikely, in my opinion.”

“Not at all,” said Phii Fah, before letting go of the hands that were clasped together, reaching out to hug my shoulder and gently pulling me closer. Since we were already sitting close, it ended up with Phii Fah pulling me into an embrace instead. “It’s not an unreachable sky.”    “But you are my sky,” I said, but then I remembered what Phii Fah had once said, that he didn’t want to be anyone’s sky. “Oh, but didn’t you say he didn’t want to be in the sky?”

“Yes. I don’t want to be.”

“…”

“Just be Tonfah for Typhoon.”

“…Oh, okay, be Tonfah for Typhoon then,” I echoed his words, my heart beating even faster.

“Yes, but I can be the sky for you too, I can be anything.”

“Really?”

“Really, why wouldI lie to someone a little like you, huh?” he said in a soft, low voice before leaning down to kiss the side of my head. Suddenly, being kissed like that startled me, making me jump and almost fall off, but Phii Fah caught me just in time. “Be careful, or you’ll fall.”

“It won’t hurt if I fall. It’s just a swing.”

“But it’s high, and you haven’t even reached the ground.”

“Is I teasing Phoon about his height?”

“No. I’m just saying you’d fall like this.”

“Okay,” I agreed, before regaining my composure. I looked around; there were hardly any people around as usual, with some passersby glancing our way. I quickly averted my gaze, feeling embarrassed, spending some time here before we would head back to Chiang Mai.    “I forgot to think about meeting uncle and aunt,” I said once we got back to Phii Fah’s room. It was very late now. We agreed to go to Phii Fah’s house in the morning.

“Why?”

“Well…I haven’t seen them in so long, but didn’t even go to greet them.”

“Oh, it’s okay,” Phii Fah said, not particularly concerned, unlike me who started worrying again, afraid that I might seem too childish. Besides, if we were at home, we wouldn’t be able to tell them we’re dating. I don’t know if Uncle and Aunt would be okay with Phii Fah dating me. Maybe it’s better if we just go as siblings for now.    I sat on the bed waiting for Phii Fah to finish his shower after I had finished mine. Since I had some free time, I texted my friends, asking about their New Year’s plans. I found out that Daotok was working through the New Year. As for North and Ter, they were vacationing with their partners as expected, even going abroad. This time of year, visiting a country with snow would surely be beautiful, especially during Christmas.    “What are you looking at?”

“Huh?” I let out a small gasp when suddenly Phii Fah hugged me from behind, holding me tightly, and then kissed my cheek deeply.

Why does he always come at me like this without warning?

“What’s you looking at?”

“Uh…well,” I wasn’t used to sitting there while being hugged like this by Phii Fah, until he pulled me to lean against his chest. Phii Fah then sat back against the headboard.

Oh…my heart started beating harder again. When will I get used to this?

   “Christmas photos from abroad.”

“Do you want to go?” Phii Fah rested his chin on my shoulder, bringing our faces so close there was barely any space between us. I glanced at his handsome face before quickly looking away.    “I…I do want to go, I have never been abroad, seeing snow during

Christmas would be beautiful.”

“Then shall we go?”

“…but…”

“If you want to go, I will take you.”

“Don’t spoil me too much, or I’ll become a spoiled child.”

“It’s fine, I can spoil my boyfriend with anything.”    That’s how it is…

   Why does he make my heart beat so strongly like this…

   “Will…will it be okay, with Uncle and Aunt?”

“It’s okay that I didn’t travel in previous years because I didn’t know where to go. If I wanted to go, my parents would allow it.”

“Oh…is that so? But it seems quite sudden.”

“It’s okay.”

“Hmm…” I hesitated for a while, wondering what to do. I’ve never been abroad, and suddenly being told to go without prior planning like this…

“Are you hesitant?”

“Yeah, a little.”

“Just tell me that you want to go, that’s enough. Don’t think too much about it.”

“…Okay,” I nodded in agreement. We talked about traveling during New Year for a bit longer. Not long after, I started feeling sleepy and gradually drifted off to sleep in Phii Fah’s embrace. Seeing this, he adjusted his position to lie down while I was dozing. I felt a gentle kiss on my lips.

“Sweet dreams, little one.”

We left the condo early in the morning to go back to Phii Fah’s house. It seemed that Phii Fah’s house wasn’t too far from the university; we arrived at our destination after a short drive. I looked up at the large house behind the fence, and soon someone came to open the gate for us. There was a small garden and a fountain at the front.

   When I got out of the car, I looked around and thought that the exterior decoration of this house was very beautiful. It was as big as Phii Fah’s old house in Phuket, but this one had more space.    I saw two uncles come to greet Phii Fah and help carry things, including my stuff. Even though we were meeting someone we already knew, I couldn’t help but feel somewhat nervous since it had been so long since I’d seen my uncles and aunts.

   Phii Fah reached out to hold my hand as we usually did when we were together, but I quickly let go when I realized we were at his house. When I did that inadvertently, I looked at Phii Fah apologetically.

   Oh…no, we’re at home now.

   Did Phii Fah forget? How could he hold my hand here?    The person next to me looked at me, puzzled, before he could say anything, another voice greeted us. We turned to look together.

   “You’ve arrived?”

“Yes,” Aunt Pa, dressed casually, walked in with a bright smile. She looked just the same as she did years ago when I last saw her. As soon as she turned to look at me, I quickly raised my hands in a wai.

“Phoon!”

“Hello, Aunt.”

“It’s been so long since we’ve seen each other,” Aunt immediately grabbed my hand, her excitement making me feel happy too.

“How have you been, are you well?”

“I’m well, and you?”

“I’m well, too.”

“Fah, why didn’t you tell me you were bringing Phoon?”

“I did tell you, Mom.”

“Oh, did you? So, what brings you here, on vacation?”

“Uh, no…actually, I study in Chiang Mai.”

“Oh, I see, have you just started or been studying for a while?”

“I’ve been studying for a while.”

“Why haven’t you come to greet me and your Uncle? I’ve missed you so much. we haven’t had the time to visit Rati,” Aunt said with a hint of regret in her voice.

“I’m sorry,” I apologized earnestly. How could I tell her that I wasn’t allowed to visit because my father forbade it?

   “You must be busy, it’s okay, come in,” Aunt said.

I used to love Aunt and Uncle so much because they were kind, kinder than my own parents. It might be bad to think that way, but it’s the truth. “So, are you here just to visit, or will you be staying with us?”

“I brought him to visit, and during New Year’s, I will take him sightseeing.”

“Oh, that’s nice, take him out, Fah should go sightseeing too,” Aunt said as we sat in the living room. “Where are you planning to go?”    “Perhaps abroad, but I’m not sure which country yet.”

“Hmm…we’ve decided quickly, it’s New Year and there are a lot of people.”

“And where’s dad?”

“He’s in his room; he still has to work on New Year’s.”

“And mom?”

“She has to work too, being a doctor, she hardly gets any rest. Fah, you have to work hard, son.”

“Yes.” If I remember correctly, Aunt runs a psychiatric clinic, she might close it for New Year, but at this time in mid-December, it’s probably not closed yet.

“I forgot to ask, what faculty are you studying in?”

“I’m studying veterinary medicine right now.”

“Oh, nice, and how’s your study going?”

“Well…” I gave a wry smile, thinking about how to answer, “It’s not going so well. I am about to switch majors.”

“Switch to what?”

“Something related to photography.”

“Oh, studying what you like is good. Keep it up, son. Both of you should go rest first, I’ll go clear up some documents. If you want something special to eat, just tell the housekeeper, Phoon.”    “Yes, thank you.” I smiled as the aunt got up to leave. Initially, I thought she might not agree with my decision to switch majors.    “We’ve prepared a room for you,” one of the housekeepers said to me after the aunt told us to rest. I followed the housekeeper, with Phii Fah walking alongside.

“If you need anything, just let us know. As for your room, we’ve cleaned it thoroughly.” She left after saying that. I looked at the spacious bedroom in front of me; my bag was next to the bed, probably placed there by someone earlier.    It seems I’ll be sleeping in the guest room tonight.

   “Where is Phii Fah’s room?”

“On the other side.”

“Oh…” I fell silent. Would I be able to sleep like this? Sleeping alone isn’t a big deal, but it feels strange here.

“He will sleep with me then,” Phii Fah said, and before I could respond, he had already picked up my bag and was leading me by the hand to the other side, stopping in front of what I guessed was Phii Fah’s room.

The person in front of me unlocked the door and entered. The bedroom was spacious, decorated luxuriously yet simply, and so clean that I almost didn’t dare step inside.

   “Is that okay?”

“What do you mean?” Phii Fah asked without looking back at me, then placed my bag down, sat on the bed, and pulled me onto his lap. I let out a small, surprised sound. “You haven’t paid for letting go of my hand yet.”

“Uh…well, it’s just…”

“Just what?”

“…”

“If the reason isn’t good enough, I won’t let go.”

“Well, this is your family home, right? We can’t hold hands here.”

“Why not?”

“Phii Fah…” I turned to look at the person behind me, sensing from his tone that he might actually be upset. “What if someone sees?”

“Don’t you want others to know?”

“No, it’s just that I’m worried it might not look good.”

“Ah, afraid Mom and Dad won’t approve?”

“Well…something like that…Ah!” Suddenly, Phii Fah pushed me down onto the bed and pressed his lips against mine in a forceful kiss. I tried to push him away in shock, but to no avail; his unique scent immediately filled my senses as we got close. The kiss was more intense than anything he had done before.

“Ahh…uh,” I moaned involuntarily, our bodies touching and rubbing against each other. My shirt rode up as I struggled, and Phii Fah bit my lips harder when he saw I was resisting.

In the air-conditioned, silent room, with the curtains drawn to block out light, making it dimly lit, I closed my eyes tightly, breathing heavily. It was an intense sensation that left me feeling dizzy and overwhelmed.

   Until I gave in and responded to every touch, our tongues intertwining and creating embarrassing sounds, our kisses grew softer and slower, as if the person on top of me had also calmed down. Before Phii Fah slowly pulled away from the kiss. My lips immediately felt numb.

   “…Sorry,” Phii Fah whispered an apology with a slightly hoarse voice near my ear, which made me wince due to the tingling sensation that ran from my ear to my chest. “Does it hurt?”

“A little, are you mad, Phii Fah?”

“Yes, I am mad.”

“…Oh, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t let go of my hand.” His deep voice sounded almost pleading, his warm breath brushing against my ear, his mischievous lips pressing kisses on my neck and moving back and forth. My heart, which had been pounding since the first moment we touched, kept beating hard until I felt a hollow in my lower stomach as our bodies rubbed against each other, including the lower parts, until I felt a little pain in my core.

Oh…this is bad, this is really bad.

“Yes…I won’t let go now, ohh.” I bit my lip to stifle a moan when a warm hand touched my stomach, my shirt having been lifted up, the hand slowly caressing all over. I began to tense up.

“I love you, Phoon,” he whispered softly near my ear, making my heart feel like it was floating far away.

“I love you too, Phii Fah.”

I responded with a declaration of love before we kissed again. Phii Fah lifted my shirt all the way up, slowly kissing down from my collarbone, leaving red marks on my chest. My mind started to go blank, an electric feeling spread through my body as the warm tip of his tongue teased my nipple.

“Ohh…uh, Phii Fah.”

Phii Fah slowly stopped all actions and moved back to lightly touch my lips again.

“I will tell my parents that we’re dating.”

“…Bu-but…”

“We are really dating now.”

“…Yes.”

Phii Fah reached out to gently stroke my cheek, as if cherishing it, his handsome face adorned with a sweet smile. At this close distance, it almost made me stop breathing.    “Good boy, I am losing his patience.”

“…”

“Hurry up, are you ready?”

Phii Fah said this before sitting up on the bed. I slowly got up too, breathing heavily, trying to regain my composure while not noticing that Phii Fah lifted my chin and kissed me gently, lingering for a moment before pulling away.

   I watched as the room’s owner walked over to open the curtains, letting light in. The view from here was quite nice. I went out to the balcony to admire the scenery. We talked for a while about telling Uncle and Aunt about our relationship. Phii Fah didn’t seem worried at all, which made me feel more at ease. I hoped they would understand.

   Phii Fah took me for a walk around the house. Today was almost uneventful; we watched TV in the living room, explored the garden, took some photos, and when evening came, Uncle and Aunt went out.

Later, we ate dinner together.

   “Typhoon, it’s been a while,” Uncle greeted me with the same kind demeanor as always. I quickly raised my hands in a wai to greet him and smiled.

“Hello.”

I sat next to Phii Fah and across from Uncle and Aunt. The atmosphere at the dinner table wasn’t tense; it was just me feeling a bit nervous, but Uncle and Aunt were as kind as ever.

“How’s Rati, is he well?”

“Uh, he’s well.”

“You haven’t kept in touch. You said you’d visit last time but didn’t,” Uncle said, and I could only give a dry smile. The conversation continued until…

“Oh, Fah, aren’t you going to find a daughter-in-law for me yet? I heard two of your friends have already got partners, right?” Aunt asked in a tone that wasn’t too serious, but it made me pause.

“Well, our child is too busy with studies.”

“Oh, right, I forgot about that. Or do you plan to find someone after you graduate?”

“Mom, Dad,” Phii Fah spoke up, drawing their immediate attention.

“Phoon and I are dating.”

“…Huh? Really?” Aunt quickly asked with a surprised look, as if she couldn’t believe it, turning to look at me. I gave a dry smile and nodded slowly, my hand gripping my knee tightly before feeling the warm hand reaching out to hold mine. I glanced at the person beside me; Phii Fah didn’t turn to look at me, but his face showed no concern at all.

   “Really? You’re not joking, right?” Uncle asked.

“Really, yes.”

“Oh, okay, I understand now. So, how did this come about? I’m okay with it because I’ve known Phoon since you were a kid. When did you guys start liking each other?”

“It’s a long story,” Phii Fah answered, looking at his father.

“Dad…are you okay with this?”

“Uh, oh, yeah, it’s okay, I understand. Did you think I would say anything about this kid?” Uncle replied. I immediately smiled broadly when I heard that sentence. “The world has changed, we’re not that old-fashioned. It’s even better that it’s someone we already know, so we don’t have to worry about Fah meeting someone bad.”    “Thank you,” I said with a happy smile.

“How long have you been dating?”

“Not long, just a few days ago, actually.”

“Wow, I thought you’d been dating for years without telling me,” Aunt said. “Since you’ve known each other for a long time, that’s good. Does Rati know yet?”    “Not yet,” I answered.

“Well, no need to rush, it’s such good news; we’ll talk about the dowry in advance,” Aunt said jokingly. I just smiled because I didn’t know how to respond. How could I tell my father about this? He certainly wouldn’t be as happy as Uncle and Aunt.

After that, Uncle and Aunt asked us in detail about what had happened. Phii Fah seemed to be teasing me, deliberately telling them about the letter. I couldn’t stop him because Uncle and Aunt also wanted to hear it. I got teased a lot.

   “That’s cute, sending letters. Back in our day, that’s how we courted each other,” Aunt said cheerfully, in contrast to me, who was blushing so much I didn’t know what to do.

“Embarrassed?” Phii Fah teased, gently pinching my cheek. Both people sitting across from us turned to look.

“I’ve never seen you like this,” Aunt said, surprised. “Seems like he really adores his junior, pinching cheeks, patting heads. I thought our son wouldn’t do such things anymore.”

“Indeed.”

“Will you sleep together tonight?” Aunt asked.

“I can’t sleep alone,” I replied.

“Okay. It’s not a problem. When you were kids, you often slept together,” Aunt said. After a while, we left the dinner table. When I got back to my room, I felt an indescribable sense of comfort. All the worries and discomfort I had felt, they were completely gone.

Whether it was about Fan or uncle and aunt.

During our earlier conversation, I also talked about Fan. Uncle and

Aunt had just found out too because they asked how Fan was doing, and I didn’t want to be a liar anymore. They expressed their condolences and said they would definitely visit Fan when they had the chance.

   I went out to the balcony to catch some fresh air, staring at the sky adorned with the moon’s soft glow and the few stars scattered around.

   “How are you feeling?”

“Hmm? I’m good, really good. Today has been a great day, from yesterday when we visited Fan to today when we came to see Uncle and Aunt. They’re still as kind as ever.”

“It’s good that you had a good day,” Phii Fah said, gently patting my head, his smile making me smile in return.

“Did you have a good day too?”

“A good day, yes, today and every day from now on.”

“How can you be sure?”

“I just feel that with you by my side, every day from now on will be a good day.”

“Then every day from now on I will be good too, just by having you around.”

“Then we’ll have good days forever, right?”

“Yes, it will be good days forever,” I said with a wide smile, turning to look at the person beside me, slowly reaching out to hold hands.

Yes…

   Just being like this together, it will be good days forever.

    SOUTHBESIDETHESKY CHAPTERS HOME

 

   SOUTHBESIDETHESKY, Chapter 27: And Then

   “’Phoon.”

“Yes…”

“…”

“Oh, Phii Fah, that is cheating.”

“Cheating what?”

“I wasn’t prepared.”

“It’s fine.”

“Are you going to post it?”

“Can I?”

“Well…I suppose you can,” I said in a faint voice, turning to look at Phii Fah who was pressing something on his phone as we were about to leave. I was walking a bit ahead of Phii Fah because I was embarrassed, and then suddenly, Phii Fah called out and took a photo of me as I turned around, “Where are you posting it?”

“On IG.”

“Oh…” I fell silent, thinking about how Phii Fah’s Instagram has tens of thousands of followers, “Is that okay?”    “Isn’t it okay to post photos when you’re dating?”

“…”

Why does he say that with such a cheerful smile, clearly teasing!

   Suddenly, my phone vibrated. I took it out to see a notification from Instagram, finding that Phii Fah had followed my Instagram and tagged me in a photo. One was from behind when I was walking ahead, the other was when I turned around.

   Because it was a genuine turn, not posed, it looked a bit awkward, with the caption, “And Then He Turned Around.”    “Do you have my Instagram too?” I asked.

“Yes, I’ve been looking at it.”

“…You’ve been looking at it?”

“Yes.”

I was speechless. I didn’t think Phii Fah would have my Instagram account, the one I use to store sky photos. I don’t follow anyone except my four friends, and my followers are only those four friends too, so my following and followers count is four each. But now, Phii Fah has followed me, adding one more to that number.

   The photo Phii Fah posted got likes and comments very quickly, but before I could read the comments, Phii Fah took my hand and led me away. I had no choice but to put my phone back in my pocket.

“Do you have any more errands?”

“Hmm? me? No.”

“Then, come with me tomorrow.”

“Yes?”

“I mean, you said you’d go to my hometown for New Year.”

“…?” I made a confused face, but the other person probably didn’t see it. Did I answer like that? I remember Phii Fah asked if I would go back home with him for New Year, but I hadn’t given an answer yet,

“But I haven’t decided yet.”

“Ter and Hill have already gone back home.”

“Oh…”

“North and Jo have left too.”

“…”

“Then, you have to go back with Phii Fah.”

“…Yes.” I reluctantly agreed. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to go, but there was one issue – my father.

As we walked back the same way, there were still some people sitting around at the front. I could feel that many of them turned to look at us and then whispered to each other.

   It was like with Ter and Phii Hill, or when North was with Phii Jo.

They had told me they often encountered this.

   Oh…so now it’s no different.

   We’re dating now, aren’t we…

   I looked at our clasped hands, my heart beating a little faster, the warmth from his hand making me smile.

   We reached the parking area. I got into the passenger seat, and soon after, the car started moving.

   “Stay with me tonight.”

“Stay? Why?”

“Tomorrow, you’ll be going back home with me.”

“Uh…yes.”

“And I want to be with you.”

“…”

“I want to be with my boyfriend.”

Oh…dangerous, this is dangerous, Typhoon.

   “Your face is red.”

“Well, it’s because of you, Phii Fah,” I inadvertently raised my voice a little, Phii Fah couldn’t help but let out a small laugh before I frowned and looked out the car window. Phii Fah had stopped at my dorm to help me pack. I asked again if it was okay for me to stay at his house for so long, but Phii Fah insisted that Uncle and Aunt would be happy to see me. So, I didn’t think too much about it, but the thought that really occupied my mind was about my father.

But I should ask for his permission first.

No, asking would only lead to being scolded.

…But what if my father finds out I’m dating Phii Fah, what would happen?

“Phii Fah.”

“Yes?” Phii Fah turned towards the sound of my call while he was looking at the cameras in my closet.

“Looking at the cameras?”

“Hmm, yes. I just noticed you have quite a collection now.”    “Ha ha, I guess I’m sort of a camera enthusiast,” I said, laughing at my own camera obsession. I had to save up for months to get just one camera, but it was worth it for me.

“That’s good, you look happier with cameras than when studying,”

Phii Fah said with a smile, “Do what you love.”

“I was thinking about taking up photography gigs, I’ve planned it for a long time but haven’t started yet.”

“Hmm, why not?”

“I guess I don’t know how to start.”

“Hmm…” Phii Fah was silent for a moment, seemingly deep in thought, “I can probably help.”

“Really?”

“Yes, but I want a reward if it works out.”

I was now sure that I wasn’t imagining it; Phii Fah is truly cunning.

He doesn’t even try to hide it. Just his smile and the look in his eyes are clear enough. No, just his smile and the look in his eyes are enough to make decisions for me.

   I packed my things into my bag, Phii Fah helped carry them, and then we walked back down.

   “Phii Fah,” I called out again, remembering something important I had forgotten.

“Yes?” he responded while still looking at the road ahead.

“I…uh…”

“What’s wrong?”

“If, let’s say…there’s someone like…” How should I say this, or should I not say it? No. I have to say it, no matter what, because it’s a big deal, and I hope we’ll be together for a long time. No matter what, my father would find out we’re dating, “My father.”

“…Yes?”

“He’s like…I mean, it would look bad if I said it.”

“He doesn’t want us to date, does he?”

“…How did you know?”

“I guessed.”

“Oh.”

“And am I right?”

“Yes, well…something like that.” My heart trembled with fear, my hands slowly getting sweaty. I couldn’t hide my worried expression. Phii Fah must be wondering why my father wouldn’t want us to date, and the reason would lead to the fact that I’m an illegitimate child, which I promised my father I wouldn’t tell.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to continue if it’s troubling.”

“But…but…”

“I know.”

“…Really?”

“It will be fine.”

“…”

“Trust me, little one.”

Before his hand reached out to gently stroke my head, with such tenderness that all my unease miraculously disappeared. My tightly clenched hands relaxed, and the knot in my stomach loosened.

Yes…like it always is.

With Phii Fah by my side, it will be fine.

(And how did it go?)

   “I didn’t tell him about my father.”

(As you promised your father.)

   “Hmm, North.”

(What?)

   “Do you think he’ll understand?”

(I don’t know, I’m not your father, how would I know?)

“Suppose it was your father.”

(Man, I’ve been drinking since I was three, if I had a father like that.) I couldn’t help but laugh at North’s words; talking to North always makes me feel better when I’m troubled.

“How would a three-year-old drink?”

(By stealing, of course.)

   “Oh, you were really a naughty kid.”

(Hey, that thing about Phii Fah capturing a ghost in a photo isn’t cleared up yet, so does that mean there really is a ghost?)

   “Damn, it’s me, you little devil.”

(Oh, it’s you?)

   “Yeah, it’s me, not the ghost in the photo, you scoundrel.”

(Oh, I was chanting for so long, scared that the ghost would take

Phii Fah away.)

   “Next time I see you, I’ll punch you.”

(You talk big, what do you want? I’m not messing around with you, gross.)

   “North!” I accidentally shouted his name before turning back into the room, worried about disturbing Phii Fah since I stepped out to the balcony to talk to North. I saw Phii Fah sitting on the sofa, not looking over.

(So, how did it go, how did you become a couple?)

“I already told you, what more do you want?”

(Just, you know, the turnaround.)

“Sigh, stop teasing, I’m asking for advice about my dad.”

(How should I advise you? Should I ask my mom?)

   “Last time, your mom was so angry.”

(Yeah, my mom was ready to slap you, little devil, she was furious.)

   “It’s like seeing only your mom’s side.”

(She’s my mom, this family thinks positively, ready to add up, you little devil), North’s words made me laugh again, (Do you expect him to understand this much?)

   “To be honest, I don’t expect anything from him anymore. Nothing at all.”

(That’s fair, I told you not drinking since you were three would be good for you.)

   “I talked to Aunt Prae; she still hasn’t divorce him.”    (Why|? Is he such a stubborn young dad?)

   “Yeah, he’s about to open a new company too.”

(Shit, like he’ll be the chairman or something?)

   “Hmm, life seems to be on the upswing, he’s really good. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have come this far. He said if he has a stable business, he wants Aunt Prae to come back and live with him. He loves Fai, he wants his child back.”

(Doing it for Fai?)

“Hmm.”

(And what about you, is it true?)

“A little, but I’ve come to terms with it.”

(Sigh, so your father is getting rich then.)

   “Seems like it, but he’s just about to start his company, it’s not official yet, he’s still working at the old job. He’ll need some time, lots of connections, then he’ll leave his old job.”

(Hmm, the plan to buy the company and fire him is out then.)

   “What?”

(Actually, I was secretly thinking of asking Phii Jo to buy the company and fire your father if it really came to that, but it’s probably too simple. Even if he’s fired from your father’s job, there are other jobs. Plus, if he starts his own company, it won’t be for sale, he definitely won’t sell his shares.)

   “Wow, you thought that far?”

(Just messing around with Ter. At least, buying a company isn’t a bad idea, you can make a profit from it, but nah, it would be too much trouble.)

   “Yeah, I guess so, sigh, it’s better if we live our separate lives. I don’t want anything, if he’s happy with his life, that’s good.”

(He probably won’t bother with you anymore these days.)

   “Right, but he’s busy with Fai and Aunt Prae, I feel sorry for Aunt Prae. It’s not easy being a single mother, working to earn money, carrying such a heavy burden on her shoulders, I don’t know how she doesn’t collapse.”

(In the end, it’s just her strength left.)

“Hmm, it’s all bad because of him.”

(One bad person affects so many others, let alone your mother, who knows where in the world she is. Really, your stepmother, Phii Fan’s mom, she’s quite pitiful too.)

   “I don’t want anyone to get hurt because of him again.”

And then I talked to North for nearly ten minutes before hanging up. Initially, I was teased a lot, but eventually, it turned into a consultation, more like venting since it’s not a problem I can solve by myself. At least regarding my worries about my father, I felt a bit more at ease. Partly because Phii Fah said it was okay. No, mostly because of that.

“Finished talking?”

“Yes,” I answered before slumping down on the sofa next to him,

“Phii Fah.”

“Hmm?”

“I have something to say.”

“Yes?”

“Can we go to Phuket tomorrow?”

“Why?”

“We can go and come back, I want to take you to a place.”

“Okay,” he replied with a deep voice, Phii Fah showing no sign of curiosity at all. I swallowed hard.

On the day I’m brave enough to face all truths, no matter the outcome, I’m ready to accept it because I’ve decided to protect my father from looking bad in others’ eyes. I won’t tell anyone about being an illegitimate child, but it’s different with Fan.

Fan…

   I am about to take Phii Fah to see Fan.

   “Phoon, you seem worried, are you okay?”

“Oh, well…”

“Or is it because we’re dating, does it make you uncomfortable?”

“No!” I quickly said, “Not at all, how could I be uncomfortable, I…”    “Calm down, I was just asking.” Phii Fah said with a tone that seemed affectionate. I couldn’t help but let out a big sigh, “Why did you turn around? At first, I thought that after turning around, I wouldn’t see anyone.”

“No, I have been there all along.”

“There?”

“I made a promise, from the day I walked out of this room, that I

wouldn’t go anywhere,” I said in a faint voice while lowering my head to hide my blushing cheeks. I was startled when suddenly, the other person pulled me into a hug, “Phii…what?”

“Come on, smart one, tell me why you say you’re annoyed with me,” his voice, full of mischief and playful, whispered in my ear, making me jump, trying to squirm away but failing. Seeing me struggle, Phii Fah made me sit straddling his lap instead.

   Wait, how did I end up in this position!

   No, no, too close, much too close.

   Since I was sitting on his lap, Phii Fah had to look up at me a little.

   Don’t look at me like that! I’m going to have a heart attack!

   “Please…let go for now.”

“No, I want to see if you are lying to him.”

“Not lying, I am not lying anymore.”

“Hmm, really? Bad kids need to be punished,” Phii Fah leaned his face closer and whispered in my ear again, his deep, warm breath making me lean back slightly.

“But…I can’t say why I did that,” I said with a shaky voice, trying to explain, hoping Phii Fah would understand. I really couldn’t talk about moving away because it led back to the topic of my father.

“You have a reason but can’t say it?”

“Uh…yes, sorry, I’m really sorry.”

“I think we should change the apology into something else.”    “What…oh,” before I could ask anything, my lips were sealed by his warm, soft ones. I slowly opened my mouth wider as the warm sensation invaded without permission, due to the position we were in, our bodies closer than ever. My eyes closed tightly, both hands clutching his shirt at the shoulders.

   The hot tongue danced around as if searching, I kissed back hesitantly. The warm breath caressed my cheeks and ears, our tongues entwined, creating an embarrassing sound. I tilted my head slightly to adjust the angle for a deeper kiss, the rhythm heating up until my mind went completely blank.

   “‘Uh…” I only managed to make a sound in my throat as I was kissed, every action so gentle and intoxicating, lightly biting my upper and lower lips when my heart started to work hard. I also felt a hollow in my stomach, not knowing how much time had passed, Phii Fah slowly pulled away from the kiss.

“Don’t look at me like that,” his voice was slightly hoarse. I felt my mind wasn’t fully back yet, unable to look at him clearly, before he leaned in again, lifting me slightly, kissing my neck, brushing his nose back and forth, before I felt a sharp pain.

“Ah…Phii Fah, wh-what are you doing?”

“Just marking my claim, I know you aren’t ready yet.”

“Uh…yeah, we just started dating.”

“Yes, I know, I will wait until you are ready.”

“…Okay,” I furrowed my brows slightly from the earlier action, raising my hand to touch the spot on my neck where I thought it would turn red, “Why little one?”

“Like a cat.”

“…?”

“You are small like a cat.”

“Oh…okay, little one then,” I mumbled in my throat before trying to shift off Phii Fah’s lap but was held back as before, “Uh.”

“No, be a good boy.”

“Phii Fah…” I said with a whining tone, where did he get such sweet but cunning words from? They were soothing, yet cunning at the same time.

And I was completely defeated by this man in every way.

“Do I think you have something to ask?” Phii Fah asked in a soft voice. I wasn’t imagining it, his voice was slightly hoarse after our kiss, before Phii Fah gently took my hand and lightly kissed it, touching it all over.

“Hey…don’t.”

“So good.”

“…Uh,” I let out a soft moan in my throat when Phii Fah started on my neck again, my heart was definitely going to explode.

“You smell good.”

“Uh, Phii Fah.”

“Yes?”

“Phii Fah, no.”

“Scared?”

“No, not that, I just can’t handle it,” I said, breathing heavily, “I really can’t.”

“Okay.”

“Don’t tease me anymore.”

“I’m not teasing, you really smell good.”

“…”

I furrowed my brows looking at him, Phii Fah gave me a slight smile. He seemed to enjoy seeing me so flustered, “Phoon will ask.”

“Yes?”

“Isn’t Phii Fah surprised that it’s me?”

“Not at all, actually…”

“…”

“Phii Fah, you knew it was me.”

“Huh!” I exclaimed in surprise, “How, when?”

“On my birthday, with the card you wrote.”

“Hey!” I almost couldn’t believe what I was hearing, “I didn’t write the letters wrong, really, I’m sure of it.”

“Yes, you didn’t write it wrong, but when someone writes in two styles every day, they inevitably mix. I just noticed it, that’s all.”    “Huh! Noticed?” I looked surprised again, making Phii Fah chuckle slightly, “How could you notice? It shouldn’t have been that easy to spot.”

“‘You could tell, couldn’t you?”

“So…why, oh. Back then, I made you read the letter.”

“Yes. I was thinking then that the letter writer was so cute.”

“Phii Fah,” I called out to him, dragging out the sound, why is he so cunning? I’m not imagining things. I’m now a hundred and eight million percent sure! “Why are you so good at teasing?”    “I just wanted you to be good at being cute, why not?”

“There you go, and then at the restaurant, and the video call, Phii

Fah, you…”

“Are you sulking?”

“No, I’m not sulking, but, hmph,” normally it would be sulk-worthy, but because it’s Phii Fah, I can’t sulk, “I won’t sulk, it’s because it’s you, Phii Fah.”

“That’s why it’s cute,” Phii Fah said with a smile before leaning in to give my cheek a big kiss, pressing his lips so much they almost disappeared into my cheek. Why is he like this? I never thought being in a relationship would be like this.

But…

It’s quite cute.

“So, what about me trying to disguise myself?”

“It didn’t work at all,” Phii Fah said, laughing, which made me feel embarrassed enough to want to bury myself, “I was still worried you might faint.”

“I won’t,” I said, making a face, “And why do you like the person from the letters?”    “Hmm…well, everything.”

“…That’s an easy answer.”

“Everything, really, everything,” the person in front of me said while looking into my eyes with a firm gaze, making me feel like my heart stopped for a moment. I was stunned; if we keep looking at each other like this, will my heart stop forever?

“…Thank you for liking the person from the letters.”

“You don’t need to thank me.”

“At first, my friend said it looked old-fashioned.”

“It depends on who likes it, I guess.”

“With so many people sending letters to Phii Fah, why choose this one?”

“This letter was different from the others, it showed care, concern, sincerity, and never asked for anything in return, like it just wanted to give. Just wanting to take care, and it’s the kind I like.”

“What kind do you like?”

“Yes, you are really the type I like.” Before he leaned in to rest his head in the crook of my neck. I tensed my shoulders and neck a bit when I felt the tickling sensation.

“Uh, Phii, Phii Fah, I said no.”

“I really like you.”

That soft voice whispered in my ear again. I wasn’t sure if I was imagining it, but every action Phii Fah made since we got back to the room seemed full of longing, desire, and need.

“Uh, yes, I know.”

“Phoon.”

“…Uh.” As soon as he whispered my name softly, the warm sensation caressed my ear, making me frown and tense my shoulders. He moved down to press his lips against my neck once more, as if what he did before wasn’t enough, he sucked harder to make the mark more prominent, trailing his lips down to my shoulder until my shirt was pulled aside, revealing my right shoulder completely.    “Phii, Phii Fah,” embarrassed, I tried to pull my shirt back up but failed, letting out a slight yelp when it hurt more than before.

Bite?

   “Ugh.”

“Does it hurt?”

“A little, did you bite me?”

“It’s my canine.”

“Are you a dog or what?” I said, pouting. It really stung a moment ago, but it wasn’t a full bite mark, just a red line. Before Phii Fah adjusted my shirt back to how it was.

“Dog, huh?”

“Just kidding, it’s a wolf.”

“Huh? Am I a wolf?”

“Yeah, really a wolf,” I said in a faint voice. Looking at it, he might actually look like a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

“Okay, so I am a wolf.”

“…”

“I’ll bite this cat until it’s dead.”

“Phii Fah, no.”

“Just kidding, I didn’t do it hard earlier, did it really hurt?” I started to doubt this kind smile, the faint smile that barely hides the cunning within.

“Just a little,” I said. Phii Fah still hasn’t let me down from his lap. I’ve been sitting like this for a while now, but there’s no way I’ll get used to it, sitting straddling his lap like this, facing each other. My hands, not knowing where to go, it wouldn’t be good to place them down because it would be too close to his lower half, so I just rested them on both shoulders of the person in front of me.

“Phii Fah.”

“Hmm?”

“Nothing, I just can’t believe it.”

“What?”

“Will you disappear when I wake up tomorrow morning?”    “No way,” Phii Fah said firmly, then tightened his embrace, bringing us closer together, “Phoon, you won’t disappear again, right?”

“Right. Of course not.”

After I took a bath and waited on the sofa for Phii Fah to finish his,

I sneakily checked his Instagram with over eighty thousand followers. The latest post, which was a picture of me, already had thousands of likes. Posting like this is almost like making an announcement, isn’t it?

   Because he tagged me, people started following me too. At first, I wasn’t used to having followers, but when people started commenting that my photos were nice, it made me think that maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea to take up photography jobs. I’d have to show my work first though, so I thought about making another Instagram account just to showcase my work. Daotok does the same, using only one Instagram for professional photos, to show examples of what our work is like, so anyone interested can contact us.

   I put down my phone when I saw Phii Fah coming out of the bathroom. We had dinner together and then went to bed to prepare for our journey the next day.

   It seemed like it’s been a while since I last came here, so I wasn’t quite used to it, but everything was still the same. The sofa, the table, the cabinets, the household items, everything was almost in the same place, including the hanging chair that used to be my favorite spot.

   “What about the blanket?”

“Hmm?”

“The blanket. Otherwise, I will be cold sleeping outside.”

“Sleep in the room then.”

“…?” I looked at him with confusion before realizing, “Oh, but it’s—

”

“It’s fine, I can sleep outside, but you have to sleep in the room.”

“No way, how can the host sleep outside?”

“Then let’s sleep together.”

“…”

“Didn’t you say you wouldn’t be stubborn anymore?” Phii Fah’s words made me get up and go to bed, after all. The bedroom of Phii Fah hasn’t changed much either; my last memory of this room was when I stayed up all night watching him sleep, crying quietly by myself on the floor, then disappearing with the light from Arthit.    I remember it well. I sat there, promising myself to be the Dao, shining beside you. Even if I were just Dao, waiting for the light to reflect back, now…you might see me because the light you shine is too bright.

“Are you cold? Should I lower the AC?”

“Can you lower it a bit more?”

“Sure.”

Before I slowly lay down to sleep, as the lights in the room went out, silence enveloped us, making me tense up. Sleeping in the same bed with Phii Fah, oh my, what am I thinking?

   “Ah!” I exclaimed when the other person pulled me into an embrace.

No way, how am I supposed to sleep like this!

“Um, Phii Fah, how am I supposed to sleep like this?”

“What if you escaped like last time?” His deep voice whispered, his nose touching the back of my neck before moving his nose and lips gently over my nape and back.

“Uh…” I tensed up and unintentionally moved my neck, but it seemed like that didn’t please Phii Fah much; he quickly pulled me closer and hugged me tighter.

This isn’t good at all, Typhoon, has anyone ever had a heart attack from this?

“You can sleep now.”

“Okay, goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

And then, his warm breath came out in steady rhythms as if he had already fallen into a deep sleep. Earlier, while taking a shower, I noticed the red marks around his neck and shoulders. I’ve never teased Ter or North about it, but they often have similar marks around their necks too. I never thought I’d have them one day.

   What’s with these guys! I thought, wondering how they could all be friends when Phii Fah is a wolf in sheep’s clothing!

   But…I slowly turned back towards him, nestled into the warmth and sweet scent, looking up at his handsome face, even in sleep, unwilling to look away.

   As if everything that happened today was just a lie, as if me being hugged by Phii Fah isn’t real at all.

   “I love you so much, you know.”

“…”

“Do you know?”

“Huh?” Suddenly, the person in front of me slowly opened his eyes, looking at me with teasing eyes before revealing a faint smile, which left me at a loss. Weren’t you asleep? Phii Fah leaned in close and kissed my forehead gently, “I know now, and do you know that I love you just as much?”

“Oh…” Damn it. That was unexpected.

“Let’s sleep.”

“Okay.”

It didn’t take as long as I thought; I drifted off to sleep in the warm, comforting embrace that gave me both safety and peace of mind.

  SOUTHBESIDETHESKY CHAPTERS HOME

   SOUTHBESIDETHESKY, Chapter 26: Beside The Sky

   I took off my jacket, hat, mask, everything that was making me feel hot and almost suffocated, and left them in a heap on the floor of the room. I collapsed onto the bed, completely exhausted, it was a struggle just to make it back to my room.

I buried my face in the pillow, clenching my lips tight.

I can still feel it…

“Ugh,” I groaned to stop the crazy thoughts popping into my mind, but it didn’t work. The touch, the taste of that kiss, the warm breath, the rhythm of our hearts, the sound of the raindrops, your sweet scent mixed with the earthy aroma that reached my nose, everything was vividly recorded in my memory.

   To remember our first kiss.

   What is it…the meaning of our first kiss today, because of the words of love, because it was our first meeting, because I was crying, or maybe all these were the reasons?

   Not even dating…I don’t understand at all, it was our first meeting, after all.

   And what will the person from the letters do next with this?

   “Sigh,” I exhaled heavily, sitting up on the bed, hugging the pillow tightly, frowning where no one could see, the images still replaying in my mind from the moment I stepped into the restaurant until I got off the bike.

   Your lips…

   Soft…

   Oh…Phii Fah is truly dangerous for my heart. Will I end up with a heart condition?

   My heart still hasn’t calmed down yet.

   I tried to take deep breaths to compose myself. Thinking about it, our relationship has come this far, as if I’ve torn down every wall I’ve built in the moment I decided to go meet him. No walls, no barriers anymore, just my little fear that Phii Fah has accepted.

   The foolish fear of not daring to reveal myself.

   But then…

   I touched my lips gently.

   I didn’t want that kiss to be just an accident.

   Doing this, are you sure? Kissing someone whose face you haven’t seen, are you really sure? Sure that you love the person from the letters, no matter who they are?

   Has Phii Fah ever wondered who the person from the letters is? He must have thought about it, he must have, but has he ever thought it might be me?

   Damn it…

   Am I overthinking this?

   I picked up my phone to turn it on because I had turned it off before meeting Phii Fah. I intended to message my friends, but there was already a message from someone.

…Phii Fah

   !!

I was so surprised that I dropped my phone, luckily it landed on the bed. Why be surprised, Typhoon, Phii Fah didn’t message the person from the letters.

Tfha: Have you eaten yet?

   Typhoon: I have.

   Typhoon: How about you, Phii Fah?

   I had eaten a little before going out to meet Phii Fah. Even though I went to a restaurant, I decided not to eat anything since I couldn’t take off my mask, so I ate beforehand.

Tfha: Same.

   Tfha: What are you doing?

   Typhoon: Just lying down.

   Typhoon: What are you doing?

   Tfha: Just got back to my room.

   Oh…you’re back to your room, that’s good.

Typhoon: Where did you go?

   Typhoon: Did you get wet in the rain? It just stopped.

   Tfha: Not wet at all.

   Tfha: Didn’t Phoon go out?

   Typhoon: Didn’t go out at all.

   Tfha: Do you want to study tonight?

   Tfha: I am free.

   Typhoon: Sure.

   Typhoon: How about 8 PM?

   Tfha: Okay.

   Tfha: I’ll call you.

   Typhoon: Okay.

   There’s still some time to prepare. I don’t know how I’ll manage to tutor him, probably because the exams are over and I’m free now. I let out a big sigh before going to take a shower and get ready to study with Phii Fah. Before, we would always call each other in the evening, around 8 PM; you could say that 8 PM is the time I look forward to all day.

But we don’t call every day. Most of the time, we discuss what we’ll study first.

When 8 PM arrived, there was a call coming in, and what surprised me the most was that it was a video call. As far as I can remember, we’ve never had a video chat before; it’s always been just regular calls.

What…what’s going on?

I tried to gather my composure as quickly as possible to answer the call. I didn’t know how to act normally with someone who had kissed me just a few hours ago.

But maybe it’s just me who’s nervous.

The moment I answered the call, seeing the face of the person I had just met on the screen, my heart jolted and trembled again. Phii Fah was sitting at his desk in his room, wearing headphones, with his phone set up, smiling at me.

That smile was just like the one before we parted earlier.

No, I must be imagining it.

We did make eye contact for a brief moment when I was about to get out of the car, right? Thinking that made me quickly avert my gaze.

(Phoon, are you okay?)

   “…Yes, why?”

(You don’t look so good.), Phii Fah’s voice was filled with concern, which made me look puzzled and turn back to the camera.

“Really?”

(Yes, are your eyes a bit swollen? Did you cry?)

   “…”

“…” I furrowed my brows looking at him, are my eyes still swollen?

When I checked in the mirror earlier, I thought they had gone down,

“…What? I didn’t cry, that’s strange.”

(That’s good if you didn’t cry.)

   “…Yes.”    (Phoon)

   “Yes?”

(…Uh, nothing.), It seemed like the other person had something to say but then went quiet as if changing his mind, his worried expression easing into a normal one, (Do you have any plans for

New Year’s?)

   “Uh, not yet.”

Because now it’s the break after the final exams, it’s New Year’s time when most people go back home, but as you know, I don’t have a home to go back to, so I’ll probably stay here like last year. Last year, all my friends called to wish me well, which was really nice, but at that time, I hadn’t told everyone about my family situation. Now that they know, everyone’s suggesting we go on a big trip together this year. I still haven’t decided where to go.    “But I don’t want to celebrate New Year alone.

Last year, I walked around with my camera in crowded places during the New Year’s Eve, taking photos of the atmosphere, lights, and people, standing to watch the fireworks, taking more photos, and then going back to sleep.

I hope this year won’t be as lonely as that.

“What about you, Phii Fah?” I asked.

(Going home.)

   “Oh, here?”

(Yes, do you want to come with me, Phoon?)

   “Huh? You’re inviting me?”

(Yes, my parents miss you. It’s been a long time since we’ve seen each other.)

   Phii Fah’s invitation made me feel warm inside, with him saying that his uncle and aunt miss me. I miss them and want to see them too, but my father doesn’t want me to get involved with Phii Fah’s family too much.

“Let me think about it. Actually, my friends also invited me to go out. Phoon hasn’t decided yet what to do,” I said, giving a sheepish smile to the other side.

(Okay, waiting for your answer.)

   “When will you go back home, Phii Fah?” I asked because during the holidays, Phii Gibb’s shop would be closed. We wouldn’t be able to communicate through letters for a while. We never discussed what we would do during the long holiday, and with what just happened, if we suddenly stop talking, it would be terrible.

(Maybe in a little while, there’s something important.)

   “What is it? Work?”

(No), Phii Fah shook his head slightly, (Something very important), before giving me a slight smile without taking his eyes off me.

“…Oh,” I didn’t know what to reply to. When he said it was something important for Phii Fah, not work, not exams, it must be about the person from the letters…

(Phoon, today I met him.)

   “Who?”

(The person from the letters)

   “…Oh, and how was it?”

(I was really happy that he came to meet), his soft voice was filled with joy, which made me feel more at ease, (But he cried.)

   “Uh…why?”

Phii Fah shook his head slightly. I wasn’t sure if his answer meant he didn’t know or couldn’t say.    (But I don’t want him to cry.)

   “…”

(If I could ask him not to cry again, would that be okay?)    “Uh…I don’t know,” I said in a faint voice, truthfully, when I got back to my room, I almost cried again because my thoughts were all over the place, “Are you worried?”    (Yes…very much.)

   “What are you worried about?”

(Just that he might overthink things.)

   “…Oh.”

(Everything that happened was intentional…I don’t want him to think that I am not serious.)

   “…” I fell silent because of the tightness in my chest right now, as if all my thoughts were being read. The person from the letters really is overthinking, worried that you might not have meant that kiss, worried that you might think, “I shouldn’t have done that.”

I’m glad…that you didn’t say it was a mistake or just an accident. (Sorry, I’ve gone off-topic. Should we start studying?)Perhaps because he saw me being silent for too long, Phii Fah changed the subject. I, realizing I’d been absent-minded for a while, quickly looked back at the camera, opening my book to the last section I read.

“Sure.”

(What are you reading these days?)

   “Basic math for sixth graders.”

(What chapter?)

   “Sequences.”

(Oh…this isn’t too difficult, should we move on to another chapter, or do you want me to review it for you?)

   “Can you review it for me?”

(Then let’s start with the exercises; that way, I can see where you are struggling. Do you still have the green exercise book I bought for you?)

   “Yes,” I nodded before reaching for the green exercise book from the pile next to me, then started doing the exercises as Phii Fah instructed. From then on, we began our study session seriously.    While I had my head down doing the exercises, I wondered if Phii Fah was watching me or if he was doing something else. I hoped he wasn’t looking; otherwise, I’d be too distracted.

Feeling a strange, nervous flutter in my stomach, I continued with the exercises, not daring to look up at the phone screen. Suddenly, I received a LINE message from Ter.

Easter: Damn!!

   Easter: Friend!!

   Easter: sends picture

   Since I only saw the notification, I didn’t know what Ter had sent.    (Is there something wrong?) Phii Fah asked when I picked up my phone from its spot.

“Ter sent something, I don’t know what.”

(Don’t lose focus, let’s finish the study session first.)

   “Oh, sorry.”

I put my phone back in its place when Phii Fah said that with such seriousness. It was true; while we were studying, I should concentrate on that. Time passed quickly, and before I knew it, it was midnight.

(It’s midnight already, should we stop for now?)

   “Oh…but Phoon has only done a little.”

(We’ve covered one topic today, haven’t we? Don’t overdo it, we’ve gone through all the content for the fourth and fifth semesters, right?)

   “Yes,” I nodded, “But I might not be very accurate.”

(Then I will go over it again, there’s still time, and the content of the basic subjects isn’t much.)

   “Okay.” I closed the book and put down my pen. Even though I was a bit tense with Phii Fah watching, it gave me a lot of courage. If I video call him often, would it be considered an intrusion?

(You can go to sleep now, good night.)

   “Good night.”

I wished him good night back before the line was cut, then I went to collapse onto my bed, exhausted. But what messages did Ter send?

After I didn’t reply, he kept sending messages until I had to mute him.

Typhoon: What’s up?

   Typhoon: Why the rapid-fire messages?

   Easter: Wow, finally you reply.

   Typhoon: I was busy, couldn’t reply.

   Easter: Oh, so you were video calling with someone, huh?

   Easter: Didn’t even think about your friends.

   Typhoon: Huh?

   Typhoon: How did you know???

   Easter: Check the chat above.

   Easter: The picture I sent.

   I furrowed my brows when I saw the message from Ter.    I scrolled up past dozens of stickers he had sent earlier to the most recent unread message.

He had sent one picture, I waited for the image to load, and once it was clear, I was shocked by what I saw.

Phii Fah’s Instagram story…it was a screenshot from when we were video calling, I was looking down doing exercises, and there was a small screen in the bottom right corner where Phii Fah was sitting with his chin in his hand, looking at me. In the picture, Phii Fah had his pinky and ring finger covering his face, but you could clearly see he was smiling at the corner of his mouth.

With the message beside it that read:

‘Focus, you smart one.’

   “!!”

I immediately called Ter.

(I knew you’d call.)

   “You, what, what is this, hey, what is this?”

(Well, you were video calling with Phii Fah, and he took a screenshot and posted it on his IG story, what’s going on?)    “Hey, why did he take a screenshot, and then…saying I’m smart too.”

(Go ask Phii Fah, what’s up? Does Phii Fah know that the person from the letters is you?)

   “I don’t know.”

(What don’t you know, you don’t know, or Phii Fah doesn’t know?)

   “I don’t know anything, Ter.”

(Your voice is cracking again, calm down, friend.)

   “It’s…damn, hey, we were just video calling to study. I didn’t know when Phii Fah took the screenshot.”

(Yeah, ever since I’ve followed Phii Fah, this is probably the first IG story he’s ever posted, besides the promotional photos from the university, he’s never posted anything.)

   “…Really?” I said in a faint voice. My heart was beating so hard I could feel it because I only have one Instagram account, the one I use to post sky pictures. I never follow anyone, just for storing photos. After posting, I rarely use IG, “Could you send me Phii Fah’s IG handle?”

(Oh, you don’t have it?)

   “No, I don’t use IG much.”

(Oh, your sky storage only stores skies, huh? Not interested in anyone. I’ll send it in chat, go check it out), Ter said.    I checked Phii Fah’s Instagram, which wasn’t set to private, and what was surprising was his follower count. I knew Phii Fah was popular, but not to this extent.

So that means everyone must have seen the photo in the story by now.

“You, so tens of thousands of people…”

(Yeah, they’ve all seen it, like you’re dating or something, super sweet.)

   “Hey, not a fan,” I said, but then I paused at my own words. Not a fan, but we kissed…

(Definitely a fan, looks just like it.)

   “No, it’s not.”

(How was it when you went out in the evening? You didn’t even tell me. Normally, you would rush to tell me.), Ter said.    “What about the others? Can’t I tell everything at once?”

(The others aren’t free, North and Foam have gone back home, Dao is busy, I’m the only one free to listen to you, you can tell me first if you want, do you want to?)

   “I want to, but…are you going back home?”

(Tomorrow, want to come with me?)

   “To your house?”

(Yes, my mom cooks really well.)

   “I might be intruding.”

(Always being so polite, North’s face must be red by now, he invited you last month, afraid you’d be lonely, look, being alone makes you so lonely you could die, or do you want to stay with

Phii Fah?)

   “Phii Fah invited me too.”

(Shit, okay, he invited you to his home then.)

   “Ter!”

(Yeah, yeah.)

   I slowly recounted the events and told Ter, not going into too much detail but covering all the important parts, from holding hands to the kiss, and Phii Fah’s last words before I came back, along with our recent conversation.

(Shit…shit. Nothing to say but wow.)

   “Ter, keep your voice down, shh, where’s Phii Hill?”

(Oops, damn, I forgot.), Then Ter’s voice went quiet for a moment,

(Yeah, it’s probably fine. He shouldn’t have heard, shit, a kiss, you kissed, hey, or maybe Phii Fah found out it was you so he called, captured it in the story to announce it to everyone.)

“…It’s really true.”

(Yeah, right. In the evening, he met the person from the letters, and at night, he took a screenshot of you. If it’s not like that, then

Phii Fah must like two people.)

   “…Yeah,” Ter’s words made me feel a bit uneasy, “We’ve never video-called each other, you know.”

(This, he called because he was worried you’d think too much.

Otherwise, he wouldn’t say that.)

   “Hmm, that’s true, I was thinking that, like he read my mind.”    (Damn, it’s a hot day outside of summer, I’ve been scratching my face so much I might lose skin, why do I have to be the one waiting for your love story to unfold? Since North’s time, I’ve been the only one rowing. You’re lucky to have many people. Now another couple has reached the shore, I’m proud of myself, damn, this crew, damn), Ter spoke so fast I couldn’t interject, secretly laughing at his excited words and tone.

(Should I be paid to be a crew member? Every ship I’m on reaches the shore, damn.)

   “Calm down, Ter, and why am I the one telling you to calm down?”    (I can’t calm down anymore, North has to know about this, I can’t keep this to myself.)

   “Don’t tell him yet, I don’t want to be teased right now,” I said honestly. It was good that I only told Ter for now. Otherwise, I would be embarrassed to death by the teasing tonight.

(So, what will you do next?)

   “I don’t know, do you think Phii Fah will send a letter tomorrow?”

(He might, but…it’s the holidays now.)

   “But Phii Fah said there’s something important, making him unable to go back yet.”

(Oh, he probably needs to clear things up with you first.

Definitely tomorrow, oh, I’m excited.)

   “Do you think Phii Fah knows it’s me?”

(There’s a good chance, a big one. Seriously, that’s Phii Fah. We can’t fool him for long. The reason he doesn’t know is just because he hasn’t investigated. Otherwise, the truth would have come out from day one.)

   “Yeah,” I agreed with Ter’s words, my heart full of anxiety, “If Phii

Fah knows, and he’s okay with it being me?”

(Probably.)

   “I’m scared, Ter, I’m not sure at all, what if Phii Fah isn’t okay with it being me?” I said in a faint voice, my shoulders drooping with gloom, “If I take off the mask and see disappointment in his eyes, I won’t be able to handle it.”

(You wouldn’t have gone with your face covered if you weren’t sure, we planned for you to go and feel him out, didn’t we? So, how was it?)

   “Just like I told you.”

(Hmm, good. Didn’t do anything stupid, you bastard.)

   “Come on, don’t curse, I’m easily hurt.”

(Are you that sensitive?)

   “Yeah,” I accidentally frowned a little, “What should I do?”    (Don’t overthink it, Phii Fah said not to overthink, just wait for tomorrow’s letter, go to sleep, Typhoon, it’s late.)

   “Okay, you sleep too, Easter Ter.”

(Hey, that’s embarrassing, friends don’t use full names often.)

   “Easter Ter.”

(Hey, that’s embarrassing, good night, man.)

   “Good night.”

Of course, it was a night where I couldn’t close my eyes to sleep, tossing and turning all night. I remember, near dawn, I dreamed of Fan again, something I hadn’t done in a while. I counted it as a good dream. Even if I couldn’t remember the details, at least I woke up with a warm feeling in my heart.

I spent the day reading, lounging around because I had nothing else to do, until evening when I rushed out to the medical faculty’s coffee shop to get the letter. On the way, I kept thinking about what Phii Fah might have written. When I arrived, I found that Phii Gibb was just about to close the shop, rushing to go back to her hometown, which was bad news. So, I wouldn’t be able to leave anything for Phii Fah tomorrow, and we wouldn’t exchange letters for almost a month.

I looked at the paper in my hand…the last letter before we’d be apart.

Slowly, I opened the letter to read it.

It might be a bit urgent, but I want to talk to you.

   Can you not run away from me like you did yesterday?

   “I’ll wait.

Even if it’s until tomorrow, I’ll wait.

   Please tell me the place and time…

   I didn’t think it would be a meeting, according to the appointment in the letter, only fifteen minutes left.

   I’m definitely going, but I don’t know in what state I should go.

While I was hesitating, Ter called at just the right time.

   “Ter, you, perfect timing, Phii Fah wants to meet, what should I do?”

(Oh, really? I was about to ask how the letter was, did you arrange to meet? Where?)

   “At the reservoir, in fifteen minutes. No, in ten minutes.”

(Will you go?)

   “Of course, I’m going. Just don’t know in what state I should go.”    (Go in a way that makes you feel comfortable, Phoon, I told you not to overthink.)

   “Wearing a hat and mask, won’t Phii Fah think it’s strange?”

(Hmm. No, Phii Fah knows you’re uncomfortable, if he makes you feel comfortable and confident, you can take them off yourself. It’s just a mask and a hat, you can take them off anytime.)

   “…Okay, then I’ll wear them.”

(Do whatever makes you feel comfortable.)

   “Okay, wish me luck.”

(May today be a good day for you, Typhoon.)

   “Oh, thanks.”

I hung up the call; even though the conversation with Ter was brief, I felt more at ease. I stopped by the convenience store to buy a hat and a mask, then hurried to meet Phii Fah at the agreed spot, stuffing the letter I wrote into my pants pocket. Initially, I was going to leave it with Phii Gibb as usual, but that wouldn’t be necessary now.    At half past six at the university reservoir where I used to walk with Phii Fah a long time ago. After that, I also came here often. At this time, Arthit was almost setting, with a faint sunlight accompanied by the light from the lamps that were turned on in place of sunlight.    The place was sparsely populated, usually more crowded, probably because it’s the holiday season, and everyone has gone back home. I scanned the area, looking for someone until my eyes stopped on a man sitting on a bench, gazing at the distant sky, his face framed by hair swaying with the warm breeze.

   If you looked closely, everyone around seemed to be looking at him.

   He looked so serene and captivating…

   And I was probably not the only one who thought so.

   I decided to walk around to sit beside him from behind. Phii Fah looked slightly surprised before turning to look at me and then fell silent.    “You came.”

“…”

I didn’t reply because I couldn’t speak, handing over the same notebook and pen.

“You forgot this yesterday.”

I didn’t even realize I had forgotten it…

I took it and wrote a message, handing it to him to read.

‘I’m here.’

   “So, I waited.”

‘How long have you been here?’

   “For a while.”

‘You said you wanted to talk.’

   “Yes. I want to apologize,” I could sense the fluctuation in his voice,

“For overstepping.”

‘…’

   “But everything I did was intentional. There’s nothing I can say wasn’t meant, starting from when I held your hand.”

‘Why?’

   “You.”

‘?’

   “The reason is you, so no further explanation is needed.”

‘Imitating’

   “I can’t help it, because I think the same way.”

I let out a quiet breath when I felt my heart beating too hard, before silence enveloped us. We sat watching Arthit descend from the sky until it started to get dark around us.

“Do you want to go for a walk?”

I nodded slightly in response, Phii Fah slowly stood up. I followed, putting the small notebook and pen in my pants pocket, then started walking after him.

We walked along the long path. I followed a bit behind, observing the person in front of me under the soft yellow light. I couldn’t help but take out my phone to take a picture.

“Taking photos?”

I didn’t know how Phii Fah noticed, he stopped walking to wait for me, and I quickly put away my phone and quickened my pace to catch up.

‘How did you know?’ I wrote in the notebook and tore off the page for him.

“You like to take photos.”

“Did you get me in the shot?”

‘A little.’

   “Oh…I’d like to see it.”

“But you probably won’t, right? That’s a shame.”

I didn’t write anything back, and we continued walking. Earlier, I didn’t just capture Phii Fah in the frame; I actually photographed him.

I wanted to show him too because the lighting was so beautiful.    We walked on until we reached the bridge, where there were no more people around. Both sides of the bridge were lined with decorative lights all the way to the end, the sky was still somewhat dim, the lamps casting a soft yellow glow, and the breeze was gentle.

The scenery in front of us was more beautiful than ever.

“Do you come here often?”

‘Often.’

   “Great.”

Phii Fah stopped in the middle of the bridge, looking at the view to the side. I stopped too but didn’t stand next to him, stepping back about a pace.

“What I wanted to talk about.”

‘…’

With the wind blowing like this, it made the atmosphere even more beautiful.

“Ah. I really want to see your eyes, but it’s a pity I can’t.”

‘…’

   I looked down and pulled my hat lower to cover my eyes out of nervousness. Since receiving the letter, my heart hasn’t calmed down for even a moment.

“I don’t know where to start. I’ve never felt this way with anyone else.” The person in front of me spoke with a voice that sounded nervous, which made me feel even more at a loss.    “You might want to know why I kissed you yesterday.”

“Because I wanted to kiss you.”

“Not just yesterday.”

“Right now too.”

Oh…has anyone ever told Phii Fah that words like these are forbidden? Because at least, they can make someone’s heart stop.    “When I said I wanted to cherish you, I wasn’t lying. Not just in the letters. I want to hear your voice calling my name, telling me you love me. Not just being my support. I want to comfort you with a hug. Not just sending things. I want to take care of you the best I can, as much as a man can.”

Every word was etched in my heart, clear and resonating like Kong’s voice. I felt all my emotions flowing out along with tears that started falling again. I tried to press my lips together to hold them back.

“I love you.”

“For the rest of my life from now on, can you be by my side?”

“Be with me, please.”

I couldn’t hold back my sobs anymore, letting out a loud cry without shame. Phii Fah, hearing my cries, seemed startled, making a move as if to turn around but then stopped and turned back.

“You…don’t cry.”

“Hic…sob.”

“Please, don’t.”

“Hic…hic.”

“Wipe your tears first.” His voice was full of concern and worry, undisguised. I turned my back to him, took off my mask, and quickly wiped my tears, sobbing for a while before starting to calm down.

“Are you okay?”

Crazy. Who told him to use that tone of voice? I’m so happy I could die.

   ‘Don’t turn around,’ I quickly wrote on paper, tore it off, and stuffed it into his hand because my face was all messed up, and my mask was stained so I couldn’t wear it anymore. If Phii Fah turned around now, it would be bad.

“Okay.”    “…Hic.”

“I’m afraid, you won’t be disappointed that it’s me, right?”

“Just being you, there’s nothing better than that.”

“Hic…” I was still crying, standing with my back to Phii Fah. I couldn’t describe my feelings right now; everything felt like I was in a dream, every word was so warm.

“I’m sorry for trying to pull you out of your safe zone, but as I’ve asked before, can I be in your safe zone instead?”

“It might be too soon.”

“…Hic.”

“Then, how about this?”

“In ten seconds, I’ll turn around.”

“The question I asked earlier, if you’re not ready, you can walk away, and we’ll go back to where you feel comfortable, for as long as it takes, even years. No matter what, I’ll wait.”

“But if you agree, just turn around, can you?”

“…”

“Ten.”

I was still catching my breath because I was sobbing, before the countdown began.

“Nine.”

“Eight.”

“Seven.”

“Six.”

If I take just one step forward, that’s the answer, and we would go back to how we were, to a place where I feel comfortable no matter how long.

   “Five.”

“Four.”

“Three.”

But…if I just turn around,    That’s also an answer.

Our relationship wouldn’t just be paper and words anymore; it would become something we could see and touch.

“Two.”

“…One.”

“…”

I slowly turned around, looking up at the person in front of me with a trembling heart, my hands and legs shaking, my face filled with fear, devoid of any confidence.

   But I still looked at him.

   Our eyes met.

   “Okay.”

“That was my answer.

The beautiful eyes of the person in front of me shone with undisguised joy, as if happy that I was still here, happy that I hadn’t gone anywhere. There wasn’t even a hint of the disappointment I had feared, before he slowly stepped closer, raising his hand to touch my face and gently wiping away my tears.

The wide smile he gave me made me smile widely in return.    Phii Fah extended his hand to hold mine, then gently pressed his lips to the back of my hand.

“Nice to meet you, the person from the letters.”    I couldn’t help but smile at those words.

“Nice to meet you,” I said.

“Would you like to introduce yourself as the person from the letters?

This is the first time I’ve heard your voice.”

It felt like we were meeting for the first time through the identity of the person from the letters.

   “My name is Typhoon, and you, would you like to introduce yourself?”

“Tonfah.”

Our hands were clasped tightly. We looked into each other’s eyes and smiled.

   As if the entire universe had stopped moving.

   As if a lifetime had been spent for this moment.

   To meet you.

   “I’m glad to love you.”

“I’m glad to love you too.”

SOUTHBESIDETHESKY CHAPTERS HOME

   SOUTHBESIDETHESKY, Chapter 25: Sky and Love

   I had no answers, completely tense, my breath catching while my heart kept beating stronger. The person beside me was the same. After the initial greeting, he went quiet.

I was gradually getting used to the heat from the outfit I was wearing, looking up at the sky being consumed by darkness.    There wasn’t even the soft background music, just the occasional sound of cars passing below, before the air around us turned into a humid warmth that made me suspicious.

‘Rain is coming.’

   I wrote that message in the notebook I had prepared. At first, I thought typing on my phone would be quicker, but Phii Fah might recognize my phone, so I decided to bring a pen and notebook instead, handing it to the person next to me. Look, Phii Fah seemed to glance over slightly.

“You’re good. I didn’t feel it at all.”

‘It’s humid, and the wind is picking up.’

   “Hmm…”

“The rain won’t reach here,” Phii Fah said, making me nod slightly in understanding because we weren’t on the edge of the balcony but closer to the inside of the shop, “Do you like rain?”

‘Sometimes, how about you?’

   “I like it.”

‘Why?’

   “It feels peaceful, I guess.”

‘Then I must thank the rain for coming for you.’ After I finished writing this message and showed it to Phii Fah, the rain started to fall gently before intensifying, and as I thought…the rain didn’t reach us here. I stole a glance at the other person, who had a slight smile at the corner of his mouth.

“It’s really raining.”

‘I’m the best weather forecaster.’

   “Hmm, it seems so.”

That deep voice made me feel a little surprised, it wasn’t too different from usual, but I could feel the calmness in every sentence that passed.

It seemed like Phii Fah was also at ease with us being here together, which might just be my imagination, but I hoped it was true because I felt the same way, at ease like this…

“‘I have a lot of things I want to tell you…”

Before I could finish writing the message, Phii Fah continued speaking.

“You’re going to say you’re ready to listen, right?”    Oh…yes.

That’s right. I’m ready to listen…to everything. No matter how good or bad it might be.

‘You know?’

   “I know, because you’re my safe zone.”    Safe zone…

   “Can you?”

“Can you be my safe zone?”

That voice sounded so tired that it made my heart sink, before I pressed my pen to the paper to write the next sentence quickly.

‘I can be anything.’

   “You’re too kind.”

“Too kind?”

“You don’t have to be this kind, you know?”

‘I’m not kind at all.’

   ‘I just love you.’

   “…”

I put the pen down on the notebook because my left hand was shaking too much. I didn’t dare look at the person next to me to see what expression he was making. I averted my gaze to look straight ahead, seeing the thick curtain of rain that also brought down the temperature around us.

Right now, all I hear is the sound of the rain and your voice.

“Can you say it out loud?”

“Those words.”    I didn’t imagine it.

He…must be so tired.

We’ve known each other since we were kids, spent many years together, and the Phii Fah I know has always been strong, a pillar and a refuge. Phii Fah never showed any signs of vulnerability to anyone, not even to Uncle or Aunt.

But how could that be possible? In the end, we’re all just humans. We can’t be strong and endure everything; everyone has a vulnerable side they don’t want others to see. Phii Fah must have been tired, always taking care of and thinking about those around him, carrying the dreams and expectations of everyone, always keeping everyone’s feelings in check.

But his own feelings are often overlooked.

‘I love you.’

   “It’s not the time for you to say that, is it?”

‘Sorry.’

   “It’s okay. This is good enough, thank you.”

…

“I must be…too tired.”

‘I know.’

   “You know?”

‘Yes.’

   “How do you know?”

‘Because I’m your safe zone.’

   “…” From the corner of my eye, I caught the other person smiling secretly, those sharp eyes looking ahead, “Because you’re like this.”

‘Why?’

   “You can fall in love with me over and over again.”    Oh…this is a bad, Typhoon.

   Really bad.

   My heart is beating too wildly to control, thankfully the sound of the rain covers it. Otherwise, Phii Fah would surely be startled by my heartbeats now.

   ‘You said you have something to tell,’ I wrote.

“Yes.”

“I’m just…so tired of being myself.”

“From the moment I was born, I never knew what I liked or didn’t like; I was taught to find joy in other people’s happiness. I don’t know, maybe it’s about thinking of others before yourself.”

What Phii Fah was telling me didn’t surprise me. Even though Phii Fah never showed it, I could guess. I’ve always thought about how he might feel, and it made me feel very guilty for relying on Phii Fah in the past, always waiting for him to help and take care of me.

That didn’t look like love at all.

Then, a story that didn’t have many details was recounted. Phii Fah briefly explained how he felt over time. Someone who hasn’t experienced it might not understand how painful it is to bear pressure and expectations, but I understand well.

Everyone has their own pain.

And don’t judge others, because no one is the same.

“I’ve never told anyone this, you’re the first, including some content in the letters. It’s strange, because maybe you’re my safe zone, so I dare to tell everything.”    ‘With pleasure.’

   “Are you disappointed?”

‘No. Not at all.’

   “Really? This is why I didn’t want to tell anyone, it doesn’t seem like me at all. No, really, I don’t even know myself.”

I don’t know why…I could sense that feeling of emptiness was consuming my heart.

‘You are you.’

   “…”

‘No matter how you are, you’ll still have me.’

   “Oh…has anyone ever told you that you’re very cute?”    “I don’t know, because you like taking photos, you like planting trees, you’re kind, you’re cute without even trying. What word should

I use…because it’s you, everything seems perfect.”

One thing I should worry about more than passing out because of this outfit is the fear of having a heart attack because of Phii Fah.

“You’re the first one to say this,” I wrote back.

“That’s good. Otherwise, it would mean you’ve been cute with someone else.”

Oh…

That’s bad again…

   My heart is definitely going to fail, Phoon.

   “I have something to ask.”

‘Yes?’

   “Just now, when I said my name, Tonfah, comes from my father wanting me to be the sky, and my mother wanting me to be a tree, what about you…”

“What do you want me to be?”

I paused for a moment before writing down on the notebook and slowly handing it to the person beside me. Look again.

‘Sky’

   ‘And love’

   Yes…for me, Tonfah is both the sky…and love.

   He’s the sky and the love of my entire life.

   “Love, huh…thank you. I never thought anyone would answer like that.”

“I’m glad you came into my life.”

‘With pleasure.’

   “Are you letting me read old pages now?”

‘I can’t write fast enough,’ I mumbled a bit, even though no one could see because of the mask, feeling my heart swelling more and more, somehow.

It’s good that you’re here…Typhoon.

“What about you?”    ‘Me?’

   “Do you want to tell me something? Can I be in your safe zone?”    “I’ll wait until you’re ready to tell me because I’m not going anywhere either.”

‘Thank you.’

   Because ‘safe zone’ means a place of safety, where we feel comfortable telling our stories. I also want to tell Phii Fah everything, but there’s one thing I can’t tell.

But I really liked what he said just now, that he wouldn’t go anywhere. It seems that from now on, no matter how much it rains, it’s just so that a flower like me can bloom.

“When do you think the rain will stop, Weather Forecaster?”

‘This shouldn’t last long, I think.’

   “I hope the lights around here don’t go out.”

Phii Fah’s casual remark made me pause for a moment; that’s right…last time it rained, the lights went out. If the lights go out now, it would be terrible. No matter what, I wouldn’t be able to keep my composure.

“Do you want to order something to eat?”

‘It’s okay.’

   The rain continued to fall heavily as before, and between us, there was silence again when Phii Fah didn’t start any conversation. I didn’t know what to write back, gripping the pen and notebook tightly in my hand.

The more I looked, the stranger it felt.

   It was a strange meeting.

   But you still refrain from asking anything.

   It’s a strange relationship.

   And you’ve never asked for anything in the past either.    Phii Fah once said he wouldn’t ask or demand anything from the person in the letters because he knew I would feel uncomfortable, so why this time did he…”

‘Why did you want to meet me?’

   I decided to write it down and handed it to Phii Fah to read. After a while, his soft voice replied:

“I just wanted to meet you. That’s all.”

“I just wanted to know what it would be like to be close to you.”

‘And how is it?’

   “Just as you might feel…I’ve never felt this at ease before. Just knowing you’re sitting next to me, I forget everything.”    “And you, why did you decide to come meet me?”

‘Because you wanted to meet me.’

   “By sending letters and hiding your identity from the start, doesn’t that mean you needed a safe zone?”

‘The only reason is you, no further explanation needed.’    I smiled broadly under the black mask, my heart filled with warmth, beating irregularly.

How could I dare to write something like that?

I wonder how the person beside me feels…I hope he feels the same.    And it turned out that we barely talked at all. We just sat there, quietly looking at the view. Occasionally, Phii Fah would start a conversation, or I would. Just short questions and answers, probably because we’ve already talked a lot through the letters.

“Can I hold your hand?”

That question went unanswered for about half a minute, with me confused and doing nothing. Finally, I slowly let go of the notebook I was holding and reached out to grasp the thick hand that had been waiting.

Our hands touched.

And what a warm touch that made me nostalgic.

Phii Fah held my hand, gently lifting it to his lips and lightly kissing the back of my hand, which made me freeze as if I’d stopped breathing. When I regained my senses, my heart nearly exploded.

“It smells good.”

I slowly pulled my hand back, but Phii Fah held it tighter. So, I let him keep holding my hand like that, Phii Fah lowering his hand to rest beside us, turning it into a simple hand-holding.

His hand is so warm…

Because my right hand was being held, I used my left, more adept hand to write on the notebook on my lap. After writing, I showed it to him.

‘Have you ever done this with anyone?’

   “No.”

‘Why?’

   “Kissing the back of the hand signifies respect, do you know…I’ve never felt the need to cherish someone this much before.”    I put down the pen and the notebook…

I shouldn’t have asked. I don’t know what all these mixed feelings are right now; I just know I’m so happy I could die, my heart beating so hard I’m afraid of the heat spreading from my chest to my face, and suddenly, tears came from somewhere, flowing uncontrollably.

I really couldn’t stop them.

“Hic…”

I clenched my lips to stifle the sobs, but it didn’t work.

Phii Fah knew.

“You…” that deep voice was full of utmost concern, slowly moving closer to me, but I kept my head down, avoiding eye contact,

“…what’s wrong?”

I shook my head slightly in response. Please…don’t look at me right now.

“Look up a little.”

“…”

“Sorry. Did I say something wrong?”

I shook my head again. I wanted to say I was fine, but I couldn’t, it was just the happiness and warmth in my heart overflowing.    The love I could feel, both in words and actions, I never expected to receive it back. I was just Phoon, after all. On the first day I decided to send that letter, it was only to look after and watch over him from afar.

   Thank you…thank you so much.

   Thank you for all the feelings you’ve given me.

   In the end, all that longing finally had meaning.

   “No, don’t cry anymore, look up a bit, please.”

“…Hic, sob.”

“Can I wipe your tears?”

“Sob…hic.”

“Look up first. It’s okay. I’ll close my eyes, okay? I won’t look at you.”

“…Hic.” Phii Fah’s words made me pause a little, even as I was still sobbing. I didn’t want to cry, but I couldn’t help it.

I nodded slightly in agreement, before Phii Fah released my shoulder and hand. I slowly looked up, stealing a glance, and found that the other person was indeed looking away with his eyes closed.    I then carefully wiped my own tears, pulled my mask down, quickly wiped the tears from my cheeks, and pulled the mask back up. It took nearly a minute to stop crying.

   “Are you okay now?”

“…”

“Oh, right. I’ve got my eyes closed, and you can’t answer.” Phii Fah said, “So, if you’re okay, can you hold my hand?”    I reached out to hold the hand of the person next to me.

“Is it better now?”

I squeezed his hand gently as a sign of yes.

“Then, can I check something?” I didn’t quite understand what Phii Fah meant until he slowly let go of my hand and turned towards me with his eyes still closed. I quickly looked away.

“I just wanted to know if you’re still crying.”

“…”

“‘You can close my eyes again if you’re worried I’ll open them.’    I looked at Phii Fah with a slight worry but understood why he said that, perhaps concerned that I was still crying. So I slowly extended my hand to cover Phii Fah’s eyes, and he leaned in closer, both hands reaching gently to touch my face.

The distance between us was too close…

His fingers touched near my eyes, and once he found that I had wiped them dry, he gently moved his fingers to other areas.    It felt like I was in a trance, trying not to remove my hand from covering his eyes. Our faces were just centimeters apart, I could feel his warm breath.

Thank goodness I didn’t have to look into his eyes…otherwise, I might have died for real.

His fingers moved to my cheeks, and Phii Fah slowly pulled down my mask. I was startled by the sudden action, but seeing that Phii Fah couldn’t see anything, I tried to keep myself still.

Until his thumb touched my lips, gently sliding back and forth. I felt my whole body trembling, and without warning…

Phii Fah leaned down, his lips meeting mine in a gentle kiss. The moment our lips touched, my mind went blank, my hand still covering his eyes stayed in place, before he leaned his whole body closer, trapping me against the hanging chair.

One hand slowly came up to cup my chin, making it easier to press our lips together. I closed my eyes tightly, my heart beating so fast it felt like it might burst, my other hand gripping his arm tightly, before his warm tongue slowly invaded, our tongues touching and flicking together.

I didn’t dare to breathe, feeling the warm breath caressing my ear and cheek. I didn’t kiss back because I didn’t know how. Phii Fah, on the other hand, was giving soft, slow, tender touches.

The faint, unique scent of him wafted up to my nose; I could hear his breathing mixed with the sound of the rain.

“Uh…”

I accidentally let out a soft moan in my throat when my lower lip was bitten, trying to push him away but lacking the strength, my heart beating so hard like I was out of breath or drowning, and I couldn’t hold my breath anymore, so I hit his chest with all my might.    Phii Fah slowly withdrew his lips. My mind blank, I quickly got up from the chair and ran out, but I was caught by him before I could escape.

“…I’m sorry.”

I quickly pulled my mask back up even though one of my hands was still being held, my chest heaving with rapid breaths. I didn’t turn back because I couldn’t handle anything else. I tried to pull my wrist back but failed.    “…You.”

“…”

“Okay, let me take you back.”    I shook my head quickly.

“Let me take you back. Otherwise, you won’t get home.”

I adjusted my hood, tucking my hands into my pockets, trying to stay composed but failing. I couldn’t think anymore, as if my brain wasn’t ready to process anything, just following Phii Fah outside. The same employee bowed respectfully without saying a word.

   I didn’t even notice when the rain had stopped.

   Not just my heart, my legs and hands were trembling.

   I bit my lip tightly when I realized that the gentle touch from earlier hadn’t faded, imprinted as if to be remembered for a long time.

   Our first kiss…

   It was so gentle…it almost drove me crazy.

   Phii Fah opened his car door for me to get in. I stepped into the car quietly, the luxurious car moved out. I didn’t dare look at the person beside me, just staring out the car window.

   Damn…

   My heart is working too hard.

   “Do you live behind the university?” Phii Fah asked. I nodded slightly, “Tell me where you want me to stop.”

The car turned into the area behind the university, driving along the path until I decided to get off somewhere not too close to my dorm, I could walk the rest of the way. I pointed to where I wanted to get off, and the car signaled to stop at the side of the road. When the car came to a complete stop, I immediately reached for the door to get out.

“Wait,” Phii Fah said, grabbing my arm.

I was startled and instinctively pulled my arm back, looking up at him in confusion.

His handsome face gave me a slight smile at the corner of his mouth as soon as our eyes met.

“I just wanted to say…”

“…”

“I really like your soft lips when I kiss you.”

SOUTHBESIDETHESKY CHAPTERS HOME

   SOUTHBESIDETHESKY, Chapter 24: So Glad

   Tonfah

   “Do you think Phoon will come to see you?”

“Yeah.”

“You sound so confident.”

“What do you think?” I asked back. Jo slightly raised his eyebrows at my expression before giving a slight grin.

“I knew it, Fah, you…” he exhaled softly, seeming quite pleased,

“You’ve set this up pretty well.”

“A little bit.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Just a little.”

Actually, I took Phoon to that restaurant partly because I wanted to tease him a bit, but the main reason was to create some hesitation in him. Phoon would realize that I’m not very confident about the relationship between myself and the letter writer, which would make him feel like he needs to do something. And while he’s hesitating, it’s a good time to get closer than before, reinforcing that I want us to meet once.

   “And what do you think will happen next?”

“After the exams,” I said, stating my plan because this is exam season, Phoon might postpone to give himself time to decide, citing the exams as a reason.

“That’ll be a while.”

“Not that long,” I said, just about two weeks, “What do you think he’ll do?” I asked Jo, turning to look at Hill sitting next to him, while Arthit was slumped over the table asleep.

“Why ask when you already know, Fah?” Jo said, giving me a slightly disgusted look.

“I want to hear your opinions.”

“What if they don’t match yours?”

“Why wouldn’t they match?”

“We’re discussing,” Hill interjected, “North is confident that Phoon will come to you, but Ter will go along with what Phoon wants, maybe secretly siding with wanting him to come a bit, but I’m not sure about the other one.”

“The one named Daotok?” I asked.

“Yeah, I don’t know him well.”

“I think he should come,” Jo said, “Or else, that person might be the one who planned everything.”

“Hmm,” I nodded in agreement. I thought the same, “At first, the chances of success weren’t that high, but because of North, I became confident that Phoon would come.”

“Thank me then.”

“Why should I thank you?”

“Come on, I’m your friend.”

“Yeah, whenever your girlfriend does something good, you take all the credit,” Hill said, shaking his head slightly, “North is the type who charges straight at things. I think Phoon definitely had to come see you.”

“I think at first North probably wanted Phoon to come to you directly,” Jo said, “I doubt North would have succeeded in convincing

Phoon, so there must be something else.”

“Hmm…that’s probably the main reason for everything,” I said, truthfully, I think I already had an idea. Even if I wasn’t completely sure, I thought it must be the primary reason for how things turned out, starting from a year ago.

“Aren’t you going to investigate? In case there’s something more than what you think?”

“Phoon said he was glad I didn’t know,” I said, “So, I think I shouldn’t really investigate.”

“But has that problem eased up? Otherwise, Phoon wouldn’t have come to apologize to you.”

“It might have, or it might not,” I said, the only thing stopping me from finding out the whole truth is that Phoon doesn’t want me to know. It seems like if I knew, it would make everything worse, especially for how he feels because he seemed very scared that I would find out, “But if it’s like I think, it’s not a small problem at all.”    “Ugh, how annoying,” Jo said, looking frustrated before leaning back in his chair.

“What are you going to do about it, Fah?” Hill asked.

“Well, if it’s really like what I think, Fan would want me to help, but most importantly, it depends on Phoon’s decision on how he wants to handle it.”

Because family matters are delicate, outsiders shouldn’t interfere. If it really is what I think, I will ultimately respect Phoon’s decision on what he wants me to do.

   “If you can’t talk to Phoon’s father in the end, are you going to go through with it?”

“Hmm, I’ve prepared for that,” I said, looking at Jo, who then smirked in satisfaction, “But I hope I won’t have to do it.”

“If you do have to do it, you’ll definitely feel guilty.”    I nodded.

“It’s fine, he’ll get used to it.”

“What kind of person is he, that you are saying something like ‘it’s fine, he’ll get used to it’?” Arthit, who had just woken up, raised his head to talk to Jo, “What are you guys talking about?”

“Oh, and you act like you know everything.”

“He said he felt guilty, which means he must have done something wrong,” Arthit said, leaning back in his chair, looking tired, “I told you not to talk to Jo too much, Hill didn’t stop you, what if Fah turns out like Jo?”

“Can you even say that?” Jo said, letting out a small laugh.

“So, what were you guys talking about?”

“Phoon’s problem,” I said, “I just guessed, but I might be wrong because I didn’t investigate anything.”

“You’re always right with your guesses,” Tit said, looking at me with an annoyed expression, “Just guessing but already preparing to solve the problem, you little devil.”

“I’m confident I guessed right; this method takes time, so I had to prepare beforehand. If it’s not right, then so be it. There’s no harm, and it’s even better that it’s not as bad as I thought.”

“Fah just analyzes crap from the information he knows,” Jo said,

“There’s no helping it. Didn’t even investigate a bit.”

“So, are you going to meet?”

“Yes.”

“Meeting through letters?”

“He was asleep when we were talking, but when he wakes up, he has so many questions,” Jo started to complain, “Knowing the story doesn’t help you at all.”

“And you, what benefit do you have?”

“Enough,” I interjected without much thought, our table would get chaotic if these two were awake at the same time; if one of them is asleep, the atmosphere becomes quiet instantly, “Arthit, you should go back to sleep.”

“Wow, you little devil, if it weren’t for you being Tonfah…” I let out a small laugh at Arthit’s words.

“Seriously, Fah, you use Jo well. He’s good at this kind of dirty work; he’s just about to get rich from it, damn.”

“Does the person who’s always asking me for money have the right to say that?”    “I’m going back.”

“Bring flowers too.”

“How many?”

“A hundred percent.”

“Screw you, go pick up your dad, the flowers are blooming like a garden by now.”

“If you can’t return to Thailand next time, don’t call me, go die and let the piranhas eat you.”

“I’m just kidding, man, you take things too seriously.”    “Asshole,” Jo said, shaking his head slightly, letting out a small laugh, “But seriously, Fah, I can do it for you.”

“It’s okay.”

“You’ve never done it, but I do it all the time. It’s not like it bothers me.”

“I’m not that good of a person, you know,” I said truthfully because I’m only nice to people who are nice to me. As friends, I’ve always been good to them, and since I’m quite patient, I rarely act badly towards anyone.

But people who behave badly don’t deserve good things, right?

“Gra…”

“Jo, are you cursing Fah?”

“Curse what, he said he’s not a good person, I just said I know.”    I subtly heard a sigh from Hill, who was sitting next to me. Hill is as patient as I am. If it weren’t for us, no one would put up with Jo and Arthit.

   “And what do you mean by you know?”

“If he were that good, why would he hang out with you?”

“Yeah, hey, but why does it feel like you’re insulting me?”

“You’re imagining it.”

“You too, so are you saying we’re all assholes?”

“No, the only asshole here is you, don’t overthink it.”

“Okay, I feel a bit better now.”

Sigh…I didn’t want to sigh, but I really couldn’t help it.

   “Back to the previous topic?” Suddenly, Hill, who had been quiet for a while, interjected, which was good to stop these two, “What will you do if you meet after the exams?”

“Probably meet somewhere not too crowded, because I think Phoon wouldn’t meet me directly.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know, I can’t explain it either, but I feel like it will be like that.”

I want to know too…if the little one wants to see me as much as I want to see him.

“Fah, do you realize you smile as cunningly as Jo?”

“Really?” I said with a slight tone of surprise, looking at the person next to me.

“Fah is a wolf in sheep’s clothing, don’t you know that?” Jo said, looking at me with the cunning look he often has, “Someone must have awakened something in my friend.”

“When you encounter too much cuteness, you can’t help it either.”

…

Typhoon

   I stood in the middle of the room, locking eyes with North, who was sitting on the chair, his eyes full of mischief looking at me. I’ve never felt this urge to pinch someone’s eyelids before.

   “Typhoon, you’re so foolish.”

“What should I do then?”

“Just meet directly, what’s the problem?”

“I’m not brave enough.”

“Wow, Phii Fah doesn’t know,” North dragged out his voice in an annoying way. I turned to look at Ter and Daotok who were sitting on the bed. Right now, we’re all in my room discussing…what to do.    I want to go, I want to meet him, but I’m not sure if Phii Fah would be okay if he found out it was me, plus I’m embarrassed…because Phii Fah said he loves me!

   What Phii Fah said to me when we had dinner together, that he wasn’t sure about something, and the message in the latest letter saying, “If I don’t meet you, I’ll surely go crazy,” that…kept me up almost the entire night.

   And my instincts told me that this guy is very dangerous to my heart.    If we really have to meet. Of course, I wouldn’t dare to go meet him face-to-face. There’s no way I could do it, so today we all put our heads together to figure out what to do.

   North urged me to go meet him directly; if it were him, he could do it, but it’s me! Where would I get that courage from?

   “If Phii Fah finds out it’s me and he’s not okay with it,” I said in a faint voice, dropping down onto the bed, this being the main reason for my worry. Just imagine me walking up to him, and Phii Fah looks disappointed…how should I feel at that moment?

“You’re overthinking, just go, come on, it’s better than your disguise plan.”

“Meeting him directly as a cat isn’t an option,” Daotok argued. If I have to go, I don’t want to meet him face-to-face. So, we thought of going but in disguise, meaning Phii Fah shouldn’t know who it is, just meet and leave.

   But it would look so weird…just imagining it is strange. I looked at the mask, glasses, and hat that were piled next to the bed.

   “If he doesn’t know it’s you, he’d be blind as a bat.”

“Look, you,” I dragged out the word at North, “What should I do, or should I not go?”

“You have to go,” North said firmly, “Try putting on your disguise gear.” I reached for the items and put them all on: the mask, glasses, and hat.

“Hmm…” Ter stood back to take a good look at me, “Hmm, it’s…hard to tell, but how should I put it, it’s okay, North, come look from this angle.”    North stood beside Ter.

“Should you add a fake mustache?”

“Oh, that’s terrible,” Daotok said, “Seriously, if you walk around like this on the street, no one would recognize you as a cat.”    “Really?” North widened his eyes as if he didn’t want to believe it, like he really wanted to pinch his eyelids, so annoying, “It’s Phii Fah, you bastard, are you underestimating him?”

“North, you jerk,” I cursed and hit him with a pillow, “Seriously, he might guess it’s me, but it’s not that certain.” I said, standing up to look in the mirror.

“Wear a hoodie, pull the hat down low so he can’t see your eyes,” Ter suggested, “Take off the glasses so you can pull the hat down lower.”

“Hmm, that should be good,” I said, walking to the closet to find a long-sleeved hoodie, then putting it on to see how it looks. I’ve seen Korean artists dress like this at airports often; sometimes even fans can’t recognize them.

“Yeah, this one’s good,” North said, rubbing his chin, “If you faint in front of Phii Fah, I’ll laugh at you.”

“I won’t faint, I’m fine,” I said, “I was thinking of meeting after the exams. Do you guys think that’s good? That way, there’ll be time, and we can use the exam as an excuse.”

“Yeah, that’s good,” Daotok nodded slightly, “Where are you planning to meet?”

“Hmm…somewhere with not many people would be good. If I dress like this, people will definitely be suspicious.”

“But you can’t talk to Phii Tonfah, right?” Daotok said, “Because he might recognize your voice.”

“Oh…right, then I’ll have to bring a notebook to write for Phii Fah to read.”

“It’s really just a meeting where you can only meet, huh, oh, Phii Fah,” North said, shaking his head slightly, “Don’t forget, no matter what, in the end, Phii Fah will find out.”

“Yeah,” I nodded to North’s words. Why wouldn’t I know that?

“But…how do I put it, it’s because it’s the first time meeting as the person from the letters, so I want it to be like this first. Once we meet, we’ll see how it goes.”    “Like testing the waters, huh?”

“Yeah, something like that. If we meet and Phii Fah isn’t okay with it, then it won’t hurt as much.”    “Whatever, you’ll still get hurt.”

“Better than Phii Fah finding out it’s me and not being okay with me from the start, right?” I said, thinking about my initial decision not to meet directly. At least, with the first meeting, even if he doesn’t know who I am yet, we’ll get a sense of whether he’s okay with me or not.    If I meet him directly from the start and Phii Fah isn’t okay with it, after we’ve finally reconciled as brothers, not being able to look each other in the eye would be terrible.

“I’m just worried about doing something wrong,” I said with a concerned tone.

“Like what? Burping in front of him?”

“No, North, I won’t burp,” I made a face, “Like doing something bad.”

“Worried you won’t be able to continue, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“Sigh, if this doesn’t work, we’re out of ideas,” North let out a big sigh, flopping back onto the bed, “It’s taken forever, each step of development, it’s nerve-wracking.”

“Have you written back to Phii Tonfah yet?” Daotok asked. I shook my head.

“Not yet. I don’t know how to reply.”

“It’ll be like last time if you disappear again,” Ter said. I nodded, remembering how last time I disappeared because Cupid got hit by a car, “Just tell him you’ll meet, but with some conditions.” “Hmm…okay, if I also say that, suppose when we meet, Phii Fah finds out who it is, can I ask him not to say anything? At least, if he’s not okay with it, I’d like him to try to act normal while we’re together.”

“Yeah, tell him your conditions,” North said, “No matter what, the one who’s dying to meet you now is Phii Fah. He’ll agree to anything you say.”    “North!”

“Ouch! You hit me again!”

…

   Tonfah

   Thank you for wanting to meet me. I want to meet you too.    It might seem like I’m making a big deal out of this, but I have about five conditions. Sorry if this makes you feel bad, but I’m not very comfortable myself. Thank you for understanding.    I’ll be wearing something quite unusual when we meet, please don’t mind.

   I don’t want you to try to figure out who I am, but I want you to see what I do. Whether our first meeting is okay for you or not, I’ll accept the outcome.

   If you find out who I am, I’d like you to act normal, pretend you don’t know.

   I’ll communicate by writing messages on paper, but you can speak because I want to hear your voice.

   Let’s meet in the evening at a place where there aren’t many people.

   If my conditions seem too much, you can tell me.

   Also, I’d like to meet after the exams because I have a lot of tests right now.

   “How is it?”

“Just as I thought,” I said, putting the letter back into the paper bag. I knew it had to be this way; Phoon won’t meet me directly but will come in a way that tries to keep his identity hidden.

“Because Phoon himself isn’t confident, probably afraid that I won’t be okay if I find out it’s him. But if I were to tell him directly that I already know, that might make things even worse, because Phoon wrote in the letter that even if I know, he wants me to act normally.    I need to build up his confidence without letting him know that I’ve already figured out who he is.

   Hmm…

“Meeting after the exams, right?” Hill asked. I turned and nodded in response, “The place, it has to be somewhat private, doesn’t it?”

“There are some places like that.”

…

Typhoon

   “Drive carefully. I haven’t finished paying it off yet,” Daotok said.

Right now, I was sitting on the back of Dao’s motorcycle, which North was driving.

Why, just by going to see Phii Fah…

My hands are so cold.

My heart is beating irregularly; I’m trying to breathe deeply to keep my composure, but it’s hard every time. Phii Fah sent a letter with the date, time, and location. We’ve all finished our finals now.    The meeting place is a restaurant quite far from the city center, and reviews say the view from the second floor is beautiful because there’s a balcony extending out.

“Phii Fah sure knows how to choose a meeting place, damn, it’s so far, almost to Ayutthaya.”

“North, you’re exaggerating, just focus on driving,” I said. Initially, I thought about taking a taxi, but they said they were worried I’d get lost, so they had North drive me.

“It feels like there’s a psycho riding behind, I’m not comfortable at all.”

“Just wearing a mask, hat, and hoodie, what’s so strange about that?”

“Ask where isn’t strange instead. Just a glance and people would be suspicious.”

“You little devil, the whole restaurant will definitely look at me.”

“Don’t trip and fall, revealing your hat.”

“Not that clumsy.”

“Oh, really?” And North kept talking all the way to keep me from being nervous; it helped a bit, but once we got to the restaurant, there won’t be North to help.

I’m going to meet Phii Fah…for the first time as the person from the letters.

   Damn it…I’m so excited my heart feels like it’s about to jump out, my mind is racing with a thousand thoughts, what if I trip and fall, what if they don’t let me wear the hat, what if people stare, what if the place is crowded, what if Phii Fah isn’t okay with this, my mind can’t stop thinking about these things.

   “We’re here.”

“So fast!” I said in surprise, lost in my thoughts, and before I knew it, we had arrived. North parked on the side of the shop where no one could see, it’s really quite far from the city center, and with Arthit setting at dusk like this, they turned on soft lights, making the atmosphere beautiful.    “Wow, there’s no one here.”

“Yeah, exactly,” I agreed, this kind of place should have lots of people, but why isn’t there a soul in sight? I looked inside, seeing only one employee waiting at the counter. Initially, Phii Fah said he would come pick me up so we could go together, but I absolutely refused, we had to meet at the shop.    “What about the way back?”

“I can call for a ride.”

“Okay, I need to hurry back.”

“…North, don’t go yet.”

“Oh, Phoon, what are you scared of now?”

“I’m not scared now, I’ve been scared for a long time, I didn’t sleep at all last night,” I reached out to grab North’s arm, making him jump and give me a look.

“Damn, you’re all sweaty and cold.”

“I’m sweating all over because of you.”

“Look at how you’re dressed.”

“What should I do? There’s nothing impressive about this.”    “What can we do? Just go quickly, if you’re late, it’ll be even worse.”

“Hmm,” I exhaled a big sigh, slowly turning around and walking towards the shop. As I walked, I kept glancing back at North because I felt uneasy. North, sitting astride his motorcycle, looked back and gave me a thumbs-up before he rode off, leaving me to walk into the shop alone.

The first challenge was the employee…

“Will they be okay with a customer dressed strangely coming into the restaurant?

“Welcome, someone is waiting for you on the second floor.”

“…”

I didn’t reply, just walked up the stairs. While doing so, I paused halfway, pulling my mask, hat, and hoodie tighter. Really, just the hat covers my eyes; my current attire consists of a black bucket hat pulled down over my eyes, a black mask, a long-sleeved grey hoodie with the hood over the hat, jeans, and sneakers.

   This isn’t the outfit one should wear in Thailand…

   Well…it makes me feel a bit more at ease.

   I walked up the stairs until I reached the second floor, finding that there was no one else there either, which made me realize something – Phii Fah must have reserved the whole restaurant…

   The soft lighting spread throughout the area made me look around in awe before my gaze stopped on someone sitting in a large hanging chair on the balcony.    Just from the back, I knew…

   I clenched my lips tightly without realizing it, just staring at Phii Fah from behind.

   I knew that once I stepped closer…our story would change forever.    My trembling heart was filled with anxiety, but I still chose to walk towards him.

   I slowly approached without letting Phii Fah hear or turn around, then sat down in the empty space next to the hanging chair.    I didn’t look up, keeping my head down, my hands in my sleeves, tightly clasped together. There was no greeting between us.    The silence lasted for about half a minute. I, with my head bowed, could see how close we were on the same hanging chair, just two hand-widths apart.

   Before the deep voice from beside me spoke up:

“Thank you for coming to meet me.”

🙂

SOUTHBESIDETHESKY CHAPTERS HOME

   SOUTHBESIDETHESKY, Chapter 23: Be Closer

   “Phoon”

“…”

“Phoon”

“Uh…Yes!!”

“Uh…Are you okay?” Phii Fah asked with a worried expression as I came back to my senses, my heart starting to beat wildly. The rhythm of my heart was getting stronger, faster, and shaking violently, so much so that I felt like it was about to burst out, loud enough that I could hear my own heartbeat, hoping Phii Fah couldn’t.

The feeling of heat spread across my chest and face, hot enough that I knew both my cheeks and ears must be bright red.

.. It’s like I’ve exploded and died once already.

   Phii Fah’s words…with that deep, gentle voice, were echoing in my mind like someone was playing a tape on repeat.

Even though I had lost all control inside, I still had to try not to show it, that I was both happy, joyful, embarrassed, and warmhearted, all these feelings clashing inside. I tried to control myself from breathing too heavily and too quickly to be noticeable, but it was hard because my heart was beating so fast, forcing me to breathe quickly too.

“Both your hands were sweating and tightly clenched together.    There’s such a thing as being embarrassed to the point of wanting to cry, and there’s also being so embarrassed you might die of a heart attack.

“Phoon…” Phii Fah’s voice softened a bit.

“Yes, Phii Fah! I am okay!! I, um…” I was so flustered I couldn’t do anything right, thinking I could control myself well, but I ended up doing something ridiculous, which just confused Phii Fah even more.

Of course.

He said he loves the person in the letters, Phii Fah doesn’t know at all that it’s me, why should I be embarrassed! I can’t be embarrassed, damn it!!

“I, um, I want to order cocoa,” I quickly picked up the menu without thinking, using it to hide my face.

Not natural at all, Phoon!!

   You have no trace of subtlety!!

   “Oh, okay,” Phii Fah said before looking towards the waiter to order, and the waiter approached.

“…One iced cocoa, please.”

“Got it.”

And then the waiter walked away. I put the menu down and tried to gather my composure again. Was my behavior just now suspicious? The answer was one hundred and eight million percent suspicious, and the important thing was that it was Phii Fah, Phii Fah, I mean, Phoon, oh my. I wanted to burrow into the floor right here!

   “Are you sure you’re okay?” Phii Fah raised his eyebrows to ask. I still didn’t dare to look him in the eyes much, but at times like these, it seems unavoidable.

…And it happened as I thought. Just meeting his gaze for a split second, those sharp eyes pinned me down easily, before the two sentences from before rang out again.

   To make me love this much…

   Love…

   Love!!

   I guess I won’t be able to see Fan, right…

   “You look like someone who’s embarrassed.”

“…Huh? Phoon, you mean?”

“Yes, you look very much like it, or maybe Phii Fah is just imagining things.”

“…Oh,” I fell silent, once again sensing the cunning from Phii Fah, but I guess I might be imagining it, “Oh, I am embarrassed on behalf of that person.”

“Hmm, embarrassed on behalf of someone? Is that even possible?”    Damn it…

   That smile could kill someone, has anyone ever told you that, Phii Fah?

   “Yes, embarrassed on their behalf, if he heard this, he’d be very embarrassed.”

“Do you think he would be embarrassed?”    “Yes,” I answered confidently.

“But I don’t think so.”

“Oh…why not?”

“I don’t know, maybe because we’ve never met, I can’t really guess,” said the person still looking at me, as the staff brought cocoa to serve, and I wanted to say I was full. I couldn’t even force myself to drink more cocoa. Who would try to get over embarrassment with cocoa like me?

“Maybe you can guess…at your level.” I said with a teasing tone while lifting the cocoa to drink.

“Why do you think I can guess?”

“Just a guess,” I accidentally smiled broadly.

“Then, can you help me guess?”

“How?”

“Help me guess what kind of person he is.” The other’s smile made me feel uncomfortable. I wanted to refuse, but it seemed quite difficult.

And why should I help Phii Fah guess what kind of person I am?    “‘…Can you tell me from the beginning?’ To keep things smooth, I pretended to ask for the details first, and Phii Fah began recounting from the first time I sent the letter.

Amazing…the details are so precise. He even remembers the date. I still have to write it down.

   But…how can I help Phii Fah with this?

   “I…I really don’t know either. I am not that good at this kind of thing,” I said, trying to dodge the question because I really didn’t know how to answer, “Did you try to find out who he is?”

“No,” Phii Fah shook his head slightly, “As I said, it’s enough if he’s comfortable.”

“Oh…and do you know any other information?”

“I am sure he’s in his second year.”

“…Oh.”

“He likes to take photos, loves trees, might be someone who likes to wake up early. His height shouldn’t be more than 170, left-handed, not so sure about the faculty, but since he loves photography a lot, he might be in a photography-related major.”

“…Wow.”

“That’s what I guessed.”

I wanted to ask, “How do you know all that?!” but decided it was better not to ask. After all, it’s Phii Fah, but he guessed everything right! Is it possible for one person to guess everything correctly like this?

“Wow, but that’s quite a lot of information,” I said.

“Hmm. Not really, there’s still a lot I don’t know.”

“Like what?”

“Like whether he really likes Phii Fah or not.”

I might be overthinking, but looking into those eyes of the person sitting across from me, I felt unsafe, yet I quickly shook off my strange thoughts…What does it mean by “really likes Phii Fah or not’?

“If…if he doesn’t like you, why would he send letters?”

“Well, not necessarily, because I don’t know him, he might be sending letters to many people.”    No way…

   Besides Phii Fah, who else could I send letters to?

   “I don’t think so.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“I guess,” I said, inadvertently frowning a little, “Phoon thinks he probably doesn’t have anyone else.”

“Hmm…” That deep voice made my heart feel oddly tumultuous. I didn’t understand why, “Do you think he only likes me?”

“…Uh”

I fell silent and looked down.

“Yes.”

“And do I think…he would love only you too?”

I slowly looked up to meet his eyes, my heart beating stronger again, along with my face feeling incredibly hot.

   “What do you think?”

   The repeated question, with a fading smile and sparkling eyes, told me he was looking for an answer, and I decided to give it.

   Both as the person from the letters and as Typhoon.

   Because they are the same person.

   So, I have only one answer.

   “Yes…”

“…He loves only me.”

“Are you sure?”

I let out a broad smile at the sentence I heard before moving my hand from my chin to cover my mouth slightly. I’ve never felt this way before.

   Has my heart ever beaten this hard?

   As far as I can remember, it hasn’t…never like this with anyone else.

   “…He loves only Phii Fah.”

“‘I am confident.’

…

Tonfah

   It’s such an adorable confidence, isn’t it?

   The little one sitting across from me had his head bowed, but you could still see his cheeks red up to his ears. I guessed he was probably very embarrassed by now, but for some reason, I didn’t feel like stopping my teasing even a bit.

   He’s insanely cute…

   Can’t he be this cute with someone else?

   Because I’ve known from the beginning, but he doesn’t know that I know. The sudden urge to tease him came up, and seeing his flustered behavior almost made me unable to hold back my smile.

   I want to keep looking at him like this for a long time. Whether it’s his clumsy actions, like ordering cocoa even though he was already full, or now, keeping his head bowed because he doesn’t want to meet my eyes, and that last question he asked…it’s because I wanted to hear that word.

   My confession of love…that would let him know.

   And his confession of love…that I’m hearing for the first time.    It might not be a straightforward confession, but we understand each other because he knows how I feel.

   And I don’t want to stay this close to him anymore. Even if we continue like this, it wouldn’t be so bad, but if it stays like this, I can’t pull the little one into a hug…

   So…I don’t want to just be a pen pal anymore.

   I’ve never felt this affectionate towards someone to the point where I want to pinch them until they’re covered in bite marks. If I could, I would have done it by now.

   I used to think I didn’t understand Jo, wondering why he needed to hug his younger brother in front of so many people without caring about anything. I never thought I would understand or be like him.

   But now I understand, it’s really hard to hold back.    If anyone could hear what I’m thinking right now, they would definitely think it’s not me. As I said, I’ve never been like this either. It must be because of the little one’s cuteness that makes me want to tease and pinch him this much.

   And between us, there was no more conversation. Phoon probably didn’t catch on much, probably too busy replaying what just happened in his mind, but from my perspective,

   It all looks very strange indeed.

   To tell me that person only loves me, and then just sit there, silent, with a red face…

   Do you think it’s not strange? Seeing him trying not to let me catch on only makes me find him even more adorable.

   What could he be thinking now? Is he embarrassed because he told me he loves me, or does he think he shouldn’t have said it so confidently? I just pretended that I wasn’t sure if the person from the letters only liked me, and Phoon immediately became uneasy, almost as if he was afraid I would misunderstand.

   And then he repeated the question, making it seem like I needed an answer, so Phoon quickly spoke without thinking.

   But to be honest…

   That confession just now…

   I want to hear it again.    Not just that he loves only me,     but I want to hear that Phoon loves only me even more.

   …

Typhoon

   I followed Phii Fah back to our usual coffee shop. After talking about the person from the letters, I was almost falling over myself because I was worried Phii Fah might misunderstand that the person from the letters had someone else. So, I blurted it out like that.

   And then I realized…it was like confessing love.

   Even if Phii Fah didn’t realize it…just now,    it was like Phii Fah confessed his love to me.

   And I confessed my love to Phii Fah as well.

   I rushed towards Ter so fast that he let out a loud yelp, squeezing him even though he was groaning in pain from the force of my charge. Now we were upstairs at the coffee shop, and Phii Fah had gone to sit with his friends.

   “Ouch, Phoon, ugh, you hurt me, North, help…help me,” Ter staggered towards North, reaching out for help, but North just sat there laughing.

“Ter, where do you think you’re going? Not letting you go, wahhh,” I said in a childish voice, hugging Ter even tighter.

“Ouch, my guts, my guts are going to burst!”

“Ter…”

“Help…ugh, North,” North grabbed Ter’s hand and helped pull while still laughing, “Let go of me, damn, Phoon, what did I do to confuse you?”

“Ter. Not letting go. No,” I kept trying to hold onto Ter, which made it worse for him because I was gripping him while North was pulling his arm.

“Damn, it’s even more painful now, North, let goooooo!”

“Come on, I’m trying to help here, come on, huh!”

“Damn, what did I do to you guys, let gooooo!” Ter was writhing, his face turning red, and he started rolling around until he ended up on top of me.

“Ouch, Ter, don’t crush me!”

“Flatten you, you crazy cat!”

“Ouch, ouch, ouch!” When I loosened my grip, Ter pulled my arm instead, now it looked like we were wrestling.

“Are you attacking me, huh? Now you’ve done it!” Ter pulled my arm harder from behind, North’s laughter was loud, that jerk, not even helping, “You’ve picked the wrong person to mess with, little brother, do you think the animal protection laws will save you, huh? How much is the fine for abusing a cat?”    “Ouch, ouch, I surrender, I surrender, Ter!”

“One.”

“Two.”

“Three.”

“The winner is Ter, the strong young man from Rayong!!” North’s voice announced the victory, Ter let go of me and stood up, raising his hands like a real winner. I sat up, panting from holding back my embarrassment for so long, I wanted to take it out on Ter, but I ended up losing.

“Consolation prize for the weak young man from Phuket,” North said, handing me some snacks. I accepted them while still catching my breath, “The people of Phuket must be disappointed in you.”

“I really feel bad for letting everyone down,” I said, sounding dejected, “Ter is so violent.”

“You started it!” Ter turned to say, still chewing on the snack, “Out of nowhere, you just charged at me, what the hell?”

“Yeah, Ter, North, it’s like this, um,” I suddenly remembered what I wanted to say and blurted it out quickly, but since I was still tired, I wasn’t making much sense.

“Calm down, Typhoon, you’re losing it,” North came over and massaged my temples, “Get some water, Ter, I’ll give water to the boxer.”

“Hey, no, stop it,” I quickly intervened. Last time, he spat water at me, this bastard. Is that how you hydrate boxers or something? “I’m okay, I’m okay.”

“We were just gossiping that why did you and Phii Fah have to go eat just the two of you,” Ter said. It seemed like our wrestling match earlier had caught the attention of the medical students, and if I heard correctly, there were light laughs coming our way. So, we switched to just talking normally.

“What’s going on?” North asked.

“Well, like, you bastard, you, fuck, I mean…oh, I don’t know where to start.”

“Seriously, you’re so embarrassed you’ve lost your mind.”

“How do you know I’m embarrassed?”

“You charged at me like this, you bastard,” Ter grimaced, “My stomach hurts.”

“Hey, sorry, I got a bit too excited.”

“Stop it if you can, this habit of hurting others when you’re embarrassed.”    “Come on, tell us.”

“No, no, no.”

“Come on, don’t be a pain. You said you’d tell.”

“Maybe it’s not that good yet, like…give me some time, let’s call later,” I said, “Come on, let’s study, quickly, I want to study now, Ter, where’s your book? Bring it out, North, hurry, I want to study basic physics, let’s go.”

“North, our friend’s not okay, he’s lost his mind.”

“Yeah, I think so too, he’s concerned.”

After we finished studying, I went back with Phii Fah, which is unusual because I usually go back with Phii Hill. But for some reason, I ended up going back with Phii Fah without any prior talk or arrangement. Phii Hill, once Ter got in the car, drove off even though he normally waits for me. Phii Fah, however, was already waiting for me to get into the car.

   On the way back, we didn’t talk about anything special, just general stuff, and I felt nervous the whole time. Until we got to the dorm, we wished each other good night, and I watched the same car drive away.

   That night, I talked with Ter, North, and Dao on a call for over an hour, telling them everything. Of course, they teased me to death.    (The point is, you know Phii Fah likes you, but the person in the letter doesn’t know.)

   “Right, so you have to pretend not to know, keep sending letters like this, huh?”

(Yeah, you have to do that, but the relationship has already gone far, Phii Fah even used the word ‘love’, man),” North’s voice came through the speaker. I could only lie curled up in my blanket, rolling around on the bed because I didn’t know what to do.

“Uh.”

(Love, cat, love. Not just like) Daotok’s voice clearly showed his happiness, (It’s great that we suggested the letter plan; finally, the cat has fulfilled his wish.)

   “Fulfilled his wish…us, huh!”

(Yeah, with things like this, you’ll soon be dating, I guess.)

   “Ter! You’re crazy! What are you talking about?!”

(He’s the one who gets violent when embarrassed, damn) North teased, (Phii Fah is pretty good, huh, very clear.)

   “Uh.”

(See, I told you) Ter said.

(He’s in love with the cat now.)

   “Dao…”

(Congratulations, cat, longing means something when it’s truly conveyed.)

   “Yeah…it was good to send it; if I just kept it like that, it would have only been a longing known by me alone.”

…

After hanging up, I looked at the time; it was almost one in the morning. I got up to sit at my desk, looking at a picture of Fan smiling, and I couldn’t help but smile broadly.

“Fan…I am so happy to have this day.”

“I used to think his life had no meaning without you, Fan, but in the end, I met everyone, learned many things, and realized that living is the best thing.”

“I used to think the rain would never stop, but when it did, the sky was truly beautiful. That’s right, it was worth waiting patiently for.”

“For the bright sky.”

I wrote a letter to Fan as I do every day without fail, sharing every story I’ve encountered today. I bought a new storage box and placed it next to the shelf where I keep the letters, which included letters from Phii Fah and various photos he had sent back. I clipped them in order with paper clips along a string attached to the wall.

   No matter what…photographs remain the best place to keep good memories.

   Many might think that writing letters is outdated and no one does it anymore, but there’s a charm in handwriting that you don’t get from typing chats. We can feel his emotions and remember them through the characters he writes.

   We got to know each other through sheets of paper.

   We talked, we shared good feelings.

   We took care of each other. We had time to think of each other. We waited each day for the feelings to be conveyed.

   We fell in love.

   Through those little letters.

   During the exam period, I would leave more snacks for Phii Fah than usual, and today was no different. I arrived at the medical faculty in the evening and went up to Phii Gibb’s coffee shop.

“Oh, here you go,” Phii Gibb handed me the paper bag that Phii Fah had left for me. I smiled and took it, rushing back to my dorm to open it as usual, and I was surprised when I looked inside the paper bag.

No snacks…

Just a photo and a letter.

It was a Polaroid photo of a brick-red sky that I wasn’t sure if it was morning or evening, with a message inside the letter that read:    Would it be possible,    if I wanted to meet you once?    Because if I don’t get to meet you,    I might just go crazy.

    SOUTHBESIDETHESKY CHAPTERS HOME

   SOUTHBESIDETHESKY, Chapter 22: Falling

   “North.”

“Hmm.”

“Am I small?”

“No, you’re big like a bear.”

“…”

“What?”

I looked at him until he turned his gaze away from the drawing he was working on and looked at me.

“Yesterday…Phii Fah patted my head and said I was really small.”

“…”

North furrowed his brows at me. In truth, during these art club sessions, the one who suffers the most is North because he says he’s terrible at art, and I think that’s true. North isn’t skilled in this area at all.

“North, why do you need so much concentration?” Since I had finished my drawing, I went to bother him.    “Hey, can I have some time to myself, please?”    “Do you want Dao’s help?” I suggested.

The person in question was currently painting on the opposite side.

Dao glanced over when he heard his name.

   “Why do your face look green now?”

“I’m concentrating, holding my breath to draw.”

“My friend is going to suffocate.”

“North, my friend, don’t force it,” Ter leaned over to look at North who was sitting there with a tense expression, “You might die, you know.”

“Sigh” North exhaled loudly, “I can’t do it, Dao, help me out.”

“You should just call my name.”

“Uncle Daotok.”

“Sigh,” Dao let out a small sigh before getting up to sit in North’s place and continued drawing, “Hmm…should we use a new sheet of paper?”

“You’re quite forceful, huh?’ North whispered to me while patting my back, watching Dao take away the sheet North had been drawing on and start fresh with a new one, “So, what about it, little one?”

“Uh…little one.”

“Is that a polite way of saying he is short?”

“…Did Phii Fah call me short?” I made a surprised face, “No way, right?”

“North, you’re just…” Ter spoke up, although his eyes were still focused on his own drawing, “It’s a cute way to call someone.”    “Oh?” North furrowed his brows, thinking, “And what did Phii Fah say?”

“He said, really small, too.”

“Why did he have to say ‘really’ too?”

“I don’t know,” I shook my head gently, “But Ter…he didn’t mean

I’m short, did he?”

“No, I told you not to listen to North too much,” Ter said, giving

North an annoyed look, while North raised his eyebrows cheekily at

Ter, “It’s cute, that’s all.”

“Really?” At first, it felt…how should I say it, but hearing Phii Fah say that made me blush in a way I couldn’t describe, and after that, we didn’t talk much more until we went to study and then parted ways to go home.

“Another thing you should focus on is that he patted your head.”    “…Yeah,” I fell silent, thinking back to yesterday’s event made me smile involuntarily; it still felt warm in my heart even after several hours had passed.

“Yeah, and have you talked on LINE?”

“Huh?”

“With Phii Fah, you said when you distanced yourself, you blocked him on LINE,” North’s words reminded me, honestly, I hadn’t even thought about that with all that had happened in the last couple of days. I quickly took out my phone and opened LINE.    “Should I unblock and message him?” I asked hesitantly.”

“That’s good, then Phii Fah will know you’ve unblocked him.”    “Oh…about LINE…I also blocked Phii Fah on Fan’s LINE,” I suddenly remembered. I hadn’t told Phii Fah anything about Fan yet, “Sigh, damn it, if I say I lied about Fan, will Phii Fah get angry?” I said, feeling worried. Why do my mistakes have so many angles?    “If you tell him about your sister, it’s…” North said with a serious expression, “Honestly, at first, you lied because you blurted it out, right? But when you wanted to tell the truth, your father wouldn’t let you, right?”

“…Yeah,” I nodded, “Something like that. I was going to apologize for blurting it out like that; I didn’t think about it at all, I was just scared at the time, but in the end, my father wouldn’t let me tell.”

“Then tell him the truth and apologize again.”

“I guess I’ll have to do that,” I felt a sense of gloom I couldn’t describe, as if we had just reconciled the other day, and now, after not long, I had to confess and apologize again, “It would be good if I could take Phii Fah to see Fan.”

“Why don’t you invite him?” Ter suggested, “You could do it during this break, after the finals are over.”

“Oh, right, then explain everything at once,” I said, and everyone nodded in agreement. I would try to invite Phii Fah to visit our hometown during the break, take him to see Fan, and then confess about lying that she was still alive.

I unblocked Phii Fah on LINE and decided to send him a sticker, but it still hadn’t been read. I wondered if Phii Fah still used this LINE account.

“Do you guys study every day?” I asked.

“Yes. The med students have to study every day. We study with them too. Are you going today?”

“Yeah, Dao, are you interested in joining us?”

“To study?”

“Yes, will you come?”

“I’d rather not. I have work.”

“More work? You haven’t stopped taking on work even during the exam period,” North said, ruffling Daotok’s hair hard. Dao just frowned and let North tease him like that. Once North let go, Dao slowly fixed his hair quietly, “But have you eaten anything today?”    “I have,” Dao said quickly, startling us. Why did he look so flustered? “I’ve already eaten, and it was a lot too, so don’t scold me.”    “What are you eating?” Ter asked.

“Skewered pork with sticky rice.”

“How much of each?”

“One skewer of pork, half a pack of sticky rice.”

“…” The three of us just looked at each other in silence. That’s half the amount a normal person would eat. Usually, one would eat two skewers of pork with one pack of sticky rice, right? “That’s not what normal people eat, Ter. Normally, you eat two skewers, don’t you?”

“Five skewers still wouldn’t fill me up, damn it.”

“See, Dao, use Ter as an example.”

“Ter can eat a lot. I can’t keep up with that.”

   After finishing our club work, we chatted for a while, and as usual, Dao would leave first to rush back to his job. The three of us would wait for the doctors.

   “Dao, you are diligent, huh? Are you saving up for a car?” North asked. After we sat down at Phii Gibb’s coffee shop, I secretly picked up the things Phii Fah had left for me in the morning, and I also left something with Phii Gibb. We walked in and sat at the innermost table.

“You’re so nosy.”

“Well, I’m a curious kid, so what did Phii Fah leave?”    “Here we go again with the curiosity,” I said, and North immediately pouted and furrowed his brows at me.

“Come on, let me see.”

“North, don’t push, move away,” I pushed North away when he tried to get closer to look at the contents of the bag in my hand.

“Just a little, let me see too.”

“You…”

“Hey, hey, hey, what is it? Wow, I’m excited.”

“Always overreacting,” Ter said, laughing at North’s reaction. I pulled out the item from the bag; it was a Polaroid photo of sunrise.    Phii Fah had taken this photo and sent it to me, with today’s date written on it, as if this photo was Phii Fah’s sky for today.”

   Turning around, North was already back in his original seat, next to Ter and opposite me, probably tired of teasing and squeezing. Despite this, he’s not really one to pry into others’ business.

   I put the drawing back into the bag as usual. Before I could even take out the letter to look at it, I remembered I shouldn’t open it now. What if the medical students came? So, I put the bag back into my pocket.

   And just as I thought, not even fifteen minutes later, all the medical students started coming in one by one, except for Phii Fah, who was standing at the counter at the front. I caught a glimpse of him picking up the items I had just left with Phii Gibb.

   …

Tonfah

   “Thank you,” I said as I took the items and thanked her. Phii Gibb smiled back, though if you looked closely, there was a hint of discomfort on her face, probably because of both yesterday and today. I usually come in the morning to pick up things, but now I’ve come in the evening, and both days I’ve run into Phoon, “Has he been gone long?”

“…Uh, for a while now.”

“Does he know that I came to get the stuff in the evening?”    “Oh…no, I didn’t tell him,” Phii Gibb said with a smile, “And why did you come in the evening? Were you waiting for someone?” “No,” I answered honestly. Yesterday, I didn’t plan to wait for Phoon when I came to drop off the items, but Hill told me that Phoon wouldn’t be going with him, saying he had some errands. That made me guess what those errands might be. I didn’t want Phoon to go through the trouble of dropping off things for me and then having to take a taxi to the café.

   So, I…waited for the time when I thought Phoon would have finished giving the items to Phii Gibb before I entered the shop, which seemed to be perfectly timed with when Phii Gibb was making cocoa.    As for today, I came here because everyone had made plans to meet up.

   “Oh, doctor.”

“Yes?” I was about to leave when Phii Gibb called me back.

“Ask you something.”

“Yes?”

“Have you been talking with the person from the letters for long?”    “Um…” I was quiet for a moment, calculating the time, “It’s been almost two months I think.” Because he’s been sending me letters since the start of the semester for about two months until the midterm when I sent a letter back, and now we’re in the finals.

“‘It’s been quite a while, huh?”

“I guess so.”

“And what are you going to do when the finals are over and it’s the summer break?”

“…Oh, I haven’t thought about that yet.”

I’ve been thinking for a while that if we keep writing letters like this, we won’t talk during the summer break because no one will be here, Phii Gibb’s shop will be closed, and during the break, which lasts for months, most people go back home. Phoon probably won’t be at the dorm either.

   “Fah, what do you want to eat?”

“I don’t know,” I said before sitting down on the sofa at the table next to Arthit. It seemed like the conversation at the table was now about dinner.

“You’re not giving any suggestions,” Jo said, sounding annoyed,

“Let’s just go with whatever Ter wants.”

“Me again?” Ter furrowed his brow and asked, come to think of it, ever since my birthday, when it comes to deciding what to eat, all six or seven of us just go along with whatever Ter wants, “Hmm…I feel like sushi.”

“Which sushi place?” Hill asked.

“I read some reviews the other day; there’s one that looks delicious,” Ter said, his eyes lighting up.    And so, we went to the    sushi place that Ter had found.

“Phoon, are you coming too?” Ter asked, and Phoon seemed hesitant. Usually, Phoon would go with Hill.

“Phoon can go with me,” I suggested, which made the little one pause slightly, and suddenly, his face started to turn a faint red before he slowly walked over to me.

“I’ll go with Phii Fah,” Phoon said, Ter nodded and walked out with Hill. I secretly smiled with satisfaction when the little one decided to come with me, before we got into the car.

“Phii Fah.”

I slowly turned to look at the person who had just called my name.

   Why, I wonder…it’s never been like this before.

   I’ve never been called by my name and felt that my name sounded so pleasant.

   “Yes?”

“I…uh, I sent a message to you on LINE.”

Oh…so you’ve unblocked me on LINE then.

   “Oh, what’s up?”

“Nothing, just sent a message.”

“I’ll reply when I get back.”

“Okay.”

The person next to me went silent. I handed the bag of gifts I had just received to Phoon, who looked quite flustered when he saw the white paper bag.

   “Can you hold this for a bit? I need to drive.”

“…Okay.”

I started the car and drove off, glancing at him from time to time. He seemed very tense, not even daring to touch the paper bag, because he kept looking out of the car window, leaving me to see only a glimpse of his flushed face, including his ears which were starting to turn red.

That made me wonder, why could one person be this adorable?

“Phoon, can you help me with something?”

“What is it?”

“Can you take out what’s in the bag?”

“…” Since I was focusing on the road ahead, I didn’t see what expression he was making, but I guessed he must be really nervous.

“What’s in the bag?”

“Uh…Polaroid photos, a letter, and…some snacks.”    Hearing his shaky voice made me unable to suppress a smile.

   So cute…

   “What kind of photos are they?”

“Photos…of flowers.”

“Can you read the letter to me, please?”

“…Is that okay?”

“Yes, I want to know what the letter says, but I’m driving, so you, please read it to me.”

“…”

Phoon was silent for a moment. I secretly saw that he was slowly taking the letter out of the bag and unfolding it.

   “To…to you.”

I stayed quiet, waiting for Phoon to read the letter, trying not to smile.

   The sweet, pleasant voice slowly read the contents of the letter in a low, somewhat halting tone for some sentences. The content of the letter wasn’t much different from our usual conversations.    I was curious to see how embarrassed Phoon would be having to read out the messages he wrote for me like this, but from his face and cheeks, which were red to the point of almost bursting, I could guess well enough.

   “Is that all?”

“…Yes.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Phoon said with a sigh, then put the letter back in the paper bag.

The reason I wanted Phoon to read it out loud was partly to tease him, but the main reason was…I wanted to hear the voice of the letter’s author, to have him tell me the stories in his own voice, not just read from the text.

   And now I know that

   The real author of the letter is even cuter than I had imagined.

   …

Typhoon

   I didn’t dare to even look at the paper bag that had just been placed on my lap, my heart beating so fast I couldn’t control it, glancing at the road and the view outside the window. I didn’t dare to look at the person beside me to see what expression he was making.

   Phii Fah…

   Why did you make me read the letter?”    Damn…

   I bit my lower lip tightly without realizing it, my hands trembling slightly. I didn’t know how I should feel about having to read my own letter to someone I like, and the content I wrote in the letter was like…

   So embarrassing…

   I was so embarrassed I wanted to stuff my face into the car’s air vent!

   I bet my face must have been very red, so I tried to turn away to avoid being noticed by the other person. During the drive, we didn’t talk anymore, and by the time I noticed, the car had turned into a restaurant I wasn’t familiar with.

   “This place is…” I tried to look at the sign at the front of the store, realizing it wasn’t the sushi place Ter mentioned. Did Phii Fah get lost? Unlikely, why didn’t he go to that place with the others?

“Oh.”

“This place is good, give it a try,” the person beside me said with a smile, unbuckling his seatbelt and getting out of the car. As I was about to open my door, I noticed Phii Fah had walked around to open the door for me.

…Open the door for me?

   “Thank you,” I said in a faint voice, still surprised by what had just happened, and I followed him into the restaurant.

So, it means we’re eating just the two of us…

   Oh…this is bad. I’m afraid I’ll be so nervous I won’t know what to do, like just now when I was reading, my face was all flustered, my voice shaky, and my tongue almost got tied up.

   We walked into the restaurant, which was beautifully decorated, and the staff led us to a table inside. I was a bit tense because I’m not used to such fancy places; the times I’ve been to nice restaurants were when I went out with Uncle-Kong, and he took me to good places.

   Speaking of Uncle-Kong, it’s been a while since we talked.    We ordered our food, and once the atmosphere at the table turned silent again, I felt awkward. Probably because we hadn’t talked in years, and now that we’re talking again, it felt a bit uncomfortable.

   “When do your finals start?”

“‘Oh…um, the twenty-sixth,” I said. Late November to early

December is the final exam period, and I’ll be retaking exams in March, which leaves me with just this much time. I’m not sure if I can manage it. Normally, people prepare for university entrance exams for years. I did read about it, but I’ve forgotten some of it.

“What about you, Phii Fah?”

“From the twentieth to about mid-month.”

“Oh, how many exams do you have?”

“Just three finals, because we’ve been having block exams all along,” Phii Fah explained. I nodded to show I understood; it seems like in the medical faculty, midterms or finals are tough but not numerous because they’ve been having exams spread out.    In simple terms, it’s a continuous strain because you’re always taking exams.

   We talked about how the finals were going to be. I hadn’t told Phii Fah yet that I was planning to retake my exams. I was still considering whether to tell him because Phii Fah has always encouraged me to study what I love from the start.

   After a while, the food was served.

   “Phii Fah.”

“Yes?”

“I…am planning to retake the exams.”

“Another year, huh?”

I nodded instead of answering.

“Won’t it be too late? Now you are in his second year, if you retake, you’ll have to start from the first year again while your friends are in their third year,” I asked hesitantly. Honestly, this reason is another one that worries me; it does feel bad to graduate later than my peers.

“No. Two years is a small price for a lifetime of work; it’s worth it.”

“…That’s true.”

“Where are you planning to retake?”

“I want to study photography.”

“Hmm…” the person sitting across from me drew out the sound, looking up at me with interest, “Photography?”

“Yes.’”

“Hmm…good then, Phoon really likes it, doesn’t he?” Phii Fah said. I caught a slight twitch of his lips into a smile, as if he had something on his mind, “But does that major accept art students?”

“Yes, it accepts art students,” I said, meaning I wouldn’t have to take the hard physics, chemistry, and biology exams for the science majors, just the basic ones.

“So, the content won’t be too much. Have you been preparing for a while?”

I shook my head slightly, “Not yet, I just started reading recently,

I’m a bit worried I won’t have enough time.”

“You’ll have enough time,” Phii Fah smiled, “Would you like me to tutor you?”

“…”

I looked at the person sitting across from me in amazement, all the memories I could recall from when I asked Phii Fah to tutor me were…when I was rude to him.

   “Phii Fah, what are you explaining? I don’t understand at all!”    “Forget it, even if I teach you won’t understand anyway, let’s just drop this chapter.”

   “You don’t have to teach this part, it’s fine.”

   Even though I behaved so badly…Phii Fah still offers to tutor me?    “…Yes, please tutor me” I said after pursing my lips tightly, feeling a tightness in my chest, “Thank you,” I expressed my thanks with a firm voice, although deep down, I wanted to say sorry again.    “It’s no problem, but can we do it after I have finished his finals?”    “Yes, yes,” I nodded quickly, smiling broadly.

Why is Phii Fah so kind?

   And deep down, I’m quite greedy myself.

   Because I want Phii Fah to be kind only to me.

   “Phii Fah.”

“Yes?”

“‘So…um, about the letter.’

I decided to bring up the topic of the letter since Phii Fah had me read it, indicating he wasn’t trying to hide it from me. But I had no idea how Phii Fah felt about the person in the letter. Asking subtly shouldn’t be a problem, right?

   “So…that letter, um…”

Because I was just standing there, unsure what to ask, Phii Fah, who was waiting to listen, raised his eyebrows in curiosity.

“You can ask, what’s up?”

“It’s just…like…”

If I were someone who knew nothing about the letter, if this were the first time I’d seen that letter, what should I ask?

   “Who is it?”

“Oh…” Phii Fah was silent for a moment before shaking his head slightly, “I don’t know.”    “Oh…you talk to each other?”

“Yes.”

“But you don’t know who it is?”

“I don’t know.”

“You talk even though you don’t know who it is?” I pretended to furrow my brows, asking with the most curious expression I could muster.

“Yes, he didn’t say who he is.”

“Oh…so you exchange letters like pen pals?”    “Something like that,” Phii Fah said.

“Oh…”

What to ask, what to ask, stay calm, Typhoon, be patient, keep your face as natural as possible!

   “Phii Fah, you hardly know anything about him, right?” I looked up at the person sitting across from me, who had his hand under his chin, glancing at me with a voice that seemed to carry a hint of strange cunning, but I probably imagined it.

After talking for a while, the food we ordered was taken care of, the staff cleared the empty plates and told us to wait for dessert to be served.

   But…

   What does that look Phii Fah is giving me mean?

   Damn it.

   I couldn’t even meet his eyes…

   “Hasn’t he told you anything about himself?” I asked back, trying to keep my voice from trembling.

“Hmm, he hardly says anything, doesn’t answer when asked.”

“Oh…that’s bad.”

“Exactly.”

“…” I immediately raised my eyebrows to look at Phii Fah upon hearing that because he wasn’t showing much expression, but I guessed he must not be okay with it.

Really…

   Just as I thought…

   How can someone like Phii Fah, who knows almost nothing about the other person, find stability in this relationship? Even if I say I’ve gotten close to Phii Fah, it’s probably not close enough to make him feel secure.

   “But it’s okay, this is fine too.”

“When you say it’s okay…” I said, “Is it okay to keep talking without even knowing their name?”

“If it’s a point where he’s comfortable, I’m okay with it.”

“…”

“This is as close as it gets.”

“Oh…” That word hurt, “How long have you been talking?”

“Hmm, it’s been several months.”

“How much longer can this go on?”

“‘Anytime is fine.”

“…”

Listening to it…it seems like Phii Fah really likes the person from the letters, doesn’t he?

   And there’s no need to ask for any reasons.

   My heart was beating hard, swelling up as if it might float away, creating a warmth that couldn’t be described in words.

   I’ve fallen in love with you again.

   And this must be the millionth time I’ve fallen in love with you.

   “Phoon, are you okay?” Phii Fah asked, probably because he saw me go quiet. I showed a faint smile and shook my head slightly.

“I’m fine. Just thinking it’s nice.”

“What’s nice?”

“That you and that person exchange letters.”

“Hmm, why?”

“Well…it seems, um,” because even I didn’t quite understand what I was saying, I didn’t know how to respond, “It’s kind of cute, I guess, like not many people send letters to each other anymore.”

“Right? I like it.”

“That’s why it’s nice.”

“Hmm…but there are some downsides.”

“What?”

“Like, if I want to meet, I can’t meet, if I want to hear their voice, I can’t hear it,” Phii Fah said, which made me pause slightly, “Also…if he disappears, I wouldn’t know what to do.”

“Oh…yeah, if he disappears…” I accidentally repeated Phii Fah’s words. I don’t know why, seeing Phii Fah with his hand under his chin looking at me like this made me feel uneasy, as if I were being watched.

“Right? If he were to disappear, he must be quite cruel.”

“Must…must be cruel?”

“If he makes me love him this much, isn’t it a bit cruel to just disappear?”

“…”

“If he’s going to act that cute, you should learn to take responsibility for feelings, right?”    Uh…what does that mean?

   What…what?

   Cute?

   Someone acting cute?

   That cute…take responsibility for feelings    Oh…uh…what does that mean?

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