SMNTCERR, Chapter 45: Magenta #4.

   Sangwoo stared at Jaeyoung silently and then turned away. As he reached out to grab his arm, he was forcefully pushed back, causing the young man to stumble backward. Seeing that the other party was about to go back into the bathroom, Jaeyoung lunged forward and slid his arm through the door, preventing Sangwoo from closing it successfully. Not knowing what else to do, he escaped to a narrow corner and covered his face with his hand, pressing his forehead against the wall. It wasn’t just tears welling up, but tears streaming down his cheeks.

   ‘Ah… you cheat.’

   Jaeyoung lost his fighting spirit for a moment, the sharp thorns that had protected his heart tightly now shattered, and the words he had kept hidden became weapons turned back against Sangwoo. In terms of human morality, does crying during a fight go too far?

   Jaeyoung allowed Sangwoo to stay like that, overwhelmed with fear and pity. In the quiet and intimate space, only the sound of irregular breathing could be heard. It was unclear how much time had passed. The other party eventually turned on the water.

   “Is it getting better?”

   Fortunately, it was clear that Sangwoo’s aggression had subsided, he walked past Jaeyoung straight to the bed, tightly wrapping the blanket from his neck down to his feet. Then he sat huddled in a corner of the bed, like a trapped prey, showing only his eyes amidst the pile of blankets.

   Jaeyoung discreetly clucked his tongue and reached out to pull a couple of tissues from the table, placing them at Sangwoo’s feet. Then he sat at the end of the bed as far away as possible from the other party and let time pass.  “Hyung, you don’t know anything.” Suddenly, Sangwoo spoke up.

   “No matter how I try to help myself, I can’t solve any problems… It just keeps getting worse. And I’m lacking self-control.”

   Jaeyoung made the decision to listen to Sangwoo instead of interrupting by saying, “I feel the same way.”

   “All I think about is sex. My life is not going well lately. Hyung, you may think it’s easy, but for me…”

   Sangwoo explained in detail how difficult things were and how damaged he was because of Jaeyoung. Even though the words about wanting to inject drugs to numb himself sounded a bit scary, Jaeyoung remained silent. Not a word inserted, but the more he listened, instead of understanding the other person’s situation, he became more agitated.

   He didn’t know how to speak properly. Would the other party believe that it was normal, a human experience, a general feeling of distress that everyone encounters in life? Jaeyoung tried to carefully arrange his words in his mind. Sangwoo was someone who chose to listen to other people’s words, but at the same time, only listened superficially, so he had to be cautious in speaking.

   “Sangwoo-ya… or are you still a virgin?”

   “No, I’m not.”

   “Then why did you act like an overacting character? Like a primary school kid experiencing his first erection.”

   Failed. Jaeyoung didn’t spend enough time deliberating on his words.

   Sangwoo sniffed and reached out from under the blanket to pick up a tissue. Then his hand emerged again near his throat and he ordered a tissue.

   “I’ve been able to control my desires well all along. Even though emotions have come up, I’ve never felt this choked up before. It’s all because of that weird brother of mine.”

   “Am I weird?”

   “You look sexy… If I did everything I imagined when I looked at you seriously… I would definitely end up in jail for life.”

   “There’s nothing wrong with you. What’s wrong is just my worthless self. Why did you make me like this? Everything has fallen apart because of you alone.”

   ‘So are you going to blame me or tease me for it?’

   Speaking like that after listening to Sangwoo’s explanation, Jaeyoung finally understood what Sangwoo was trying to convey so clearly. In summary, it was ‘sexual desire,’ which used to be apathetic towards others but now had a strong reaction towards him. It was an unexpected story that led to creating a movie plot, but it was a pity that it had been used as an unpopular term. What are those arthouse film directors doing, why haven’t they come to take Chu Sangwoo yet?

   “Then try it on me once, let’s see how it goes.”

   That was the struggle of a young man who couldn’t abandon the soul of a wild animal. This kid sat there, sniffling and crying right in front of him. No matter what, he should have touched him at least once, and committed a crime like this. He might turn into ten liters of trash, but Sangwoo shook his head wearily.

   “How can I do that to you? Even if I have emotions. I myself hurt you… I can’t handle it anymore. Moreover… I’m not confident enough to insert my stuff into your organ for excretion. You must have had high expectations,

   I’m sorry for disappointing you.”

   Somehow, Sangwoo-ya  is still the kind of person who puts himself at the center and only thinks of himself as a man without considering that I am also a man. And then Jaeyoung understood on his own that he was the one who was to be the one who gets to be penetrated 100%.

   Jaeyoung exhaled heavily automatically.

   Chu Sangwoo lacks social skills, lacks empathy for fellow human beings to the point where he cannot express it in words, as if the world consists only of himself. For the past fifteen years, he has never had deep relationships with people around him and has only associated with others out of necessity or convenience.

   ‘I’m tired. I’m exhausted.’

   Jaeyoung was emotionally drained and felt too much just to try sleeping with the other party again. I don’t know how many times he had to spin his head like a roller coaster because of that doctor.

   ‘Damn it, I am clearly on the losing end.’

   Jaeyoung raised his hands and closed his eyes, sitting there quietly.

   “Okay, I understand what you’re trying to say. Let’s sleep now and talk tomorrow because right now neither of us can think straight. I have to wait for you to get sober first.”

   “Why aren’t you responding?”

   Jaeyoung turned back, thinking, ‘This damned kid is driving me crazy,’ before closing his mouth because at that moment Sangwoo had already fallen asleep against the wall.

   ‘I’ll kick this guy later.’

   His serene sleeping face made his frustration surge. Jaeyoung clenched his fists but didn’t know where to put them, so he finally turned his face away.

   He hunched forward and sank into thought. This is the time to gradually decide what to do next. If they’re going to color each other and end it like this, it’s better for him to withdraw from the game project now. Even though he had done a lot of slave-like work, once the prototype game was finished, the workload would increase even more.

   “Damn… Why does it have to be so complicated?”

   The simple principle is, if interested, proceed. If not interested, stop and things break down. A sharp triangle composed of work, desires, and relationships is tormenting him. Sometimes stopping from now on might be the smartest choice as Sangwoo said.

   Jaeyoung took a deep breath and got up to wash his hands and face in the bathroom. Then when he came out, the computer, which boasted the biggest display in this area, came into view.

   ‘Don’t look at the computer! Absolutely not.’

   It’s clear that the more he forbids, the more urgent it becomes for Sangwoo to make him leave the house. Jaeyoung approached the CPU case, which was clean and shiny, and pressed the power button. Although his body was wearing only a messy black shirt, the CPU lit up with lights, LEDs, and rainbows.

   The high-spec computer booted up in the blink of an eye. Since it was a computer used by only one person, the owner didn’t set a password. The system immediately ran into the desktop with a black and white checkered background, resembling a large chessboard spread out on the screen, and there were only three icons.

   This PC, trash can, and…

   ‘Huh?’

   Jaeyoung thought he was being naive, so he leaned closer to the screen, but the folder was named ‘Jang Jaeyoung.’ Definitely not wrong.

   What is that folder? He couldn’t guess at all. Is that folder collecting vulnerabilities or gathering documents for a lawsuit? Jaeyoung doubleclicked on the folder nervously.

   ‘What is this?’

   The folder was filled with pictures of Jaeyoung. It recorded dozens of pictures and more than ten video clips. There were pictures from his high school days that he couldn’t remember when they were taken, up until the most recent picture he posted on social media, organized by date, month, year, location, and source.

   ‘“I never thought you would use my own pictures, damn psycho kid.”‘

   Other folders were even bigger. Jaeyoung’s preferences, including belongings, style, athletes, and hobbies, were meticulously arranged in document files, judging from the update playlist on YouTube, which seemed to have been checked by the other party just this morning.

   This situation was unbelievable, like a scene from a sitcom, but the warm feeling between the intense heat and warmth gradually spread from the bottom of his heart. He felt his flesh trembling and his heart beating fast, a smile forming at the corner of his mouth.

   ‘Chu Sangwoo, is this… Are you sure it’s just a general interest on your part?’

   He closed the Jang Jaeyoung folder and continued exploring Sangwoo’s computer. Sangwoo had installed all the games recently released as a selfproclaimed game developer. Not only online games but also offline games were talked about, and as he was browsing here and there, his cursor subtly entered the download folder.

   He vaguely remembered that when he was in the car, Sangwoo said he paid to purchase videos for study, and in the folder, there were indeed five video files that were just downloaded two days ago, as he honestly claimed.

   When he saw the file names, Jaeyoung frowned.

   Big objects, using devices, or using dildos… But why is there sex with relatives? Rape? BDSM? Bondage?

   He double-clicked and played the videos in order.

   The first video showed two men wearing gowns with their eyes closed, leaving the naked bodies exposed. The atmosphere looked like a research study, starting with dripping tears or arousing with a vibrator. And in the end, it concluded with bodies shivering.

   The second video, when opened, started with that guy fucking a small, thin, helpless-looking man. If it ended there, it wouldn’t be too bad, but no, it played sadistically until the other party’s eyes rolled back and blood dripped out in the end.

   The third video involved swinging, the fourth video involved assault, and the fifth video was too violent to describe.

   The characters in the video, “although it looks like just acting”, all scream and cry with painful voices.

   ‘So its videos like these.’

   It is clear that Sangwoo, who believes in the manual, thinks sex between men is horrifying after watching all five videos. Judging from his behavior, he probably chose to download the top five popular files, but it seems that the website he accessed for downloads only has hardcore videos.

   Jaeyoung sat still for five minutes. Sangwoo looked at him eagerly, but he just pushed him away and said there was something to talk about. And then he said he needed to prepare himself. Then he said he couldn’t do it.

   When he understood all those refusals, his thoughts became clear.

   Each person has a speed that suits them. If you rush too fast, the boat may capsize. Now he knows what to do next. He’s not too late.

   Jaeyoung deleted all the video files and got up from his seat. He walked to the bed and stopped in front of the sleeping Sangwoo, who seemed uncomfortable. So he untangled the tightly wrapped blanket around the other side and gently laid it on the bed. After arranging the blanket properly, he sat down and stared at the face in front of him.

   In the waking moment, if he doesn’t roughen up, arguing shouldn’t be so calm while asleep like this.

   “You crazy kid.”

   There was no response.

   “Today I saw everything you dug up. Very impressive.” Jaeyoung spoke indifferently.

   “I have given up on the plans to give up or let you go. Just know that.”

   Despite being crazy, it’s strange that the other side still looks attractive.

   “What we did today…”

   Jaeyoung used the back of his hand to stroke Sangwoo’s cheek. Then he slid his thumb to the corner of the mouth.

   “Next time I’ll continue, so remember this feeling well.”

   Then Jaeyoung thought of leaving in a cool way, but he couldn’t resist. He had to press his lips against the other’s forehead, lingering in mourning, and before getting up, he whispered in Sangwoo’s ear. “Today, no matter what, you have to dream of me.”

   ________________________________________.

      SMNTCERR CHAPTERS HOME

 

SMNTCERR, Chapter 44: Magenta #3.

   Sangwoo continued to keep his eyes closed, allowing the silence to pass for a while.

   “Do you want me to come inside?”

   The other side of him became more sensitive.

   “Don’t you want to?”

   The other side’s symptoms seemed strange since earlier… Jaeyoung understood that there must be some resistance, but it didn’t seem so straightforward. However, what they both wanted was right in front of them now. The young man had no time to pay attention to Sangwoo, and even now, even though he had cummed once, the headless trunk of desire remained erect as before.

   “First… Please  back off first. I have something to say, but I can’t say it in this situation.”

   The other side probably meant the disheveled state of clothing. The clothes were damp, his cheeks stained with milky white spots. Moreover, the cock was still standing there. Jaeyoung glanced down at Sangwoo, who suddenly showed a fluctuating mood, but then returned to the driver’s seat.  He managed to put on pants, opened the console of the car and grabbed the prepared condom bag to put in his pants pocket. As for the clothes, he thought he would have to take them off before putting them on properly.

   In the meantime, Sangwoo got out of the car and walked quickly towards the building. Why did he look like he was trying to escape? Jaeyoung quickly got out of the car and chased after him.

   Yes, that’s right… The other party was fleeing because Sangwoo’s unbuttoned shirt fluttered as he ran up the stairs, two steps at a time. Jaeyoung followed him and managed to catch up with Sangwoo on the thirdfloor stairs. He wrapped his arms around his waist from behind, causing him to turn around.

   “Why are you running away?”

   The staircase in the apartment building was dark, so Sangwoo’s eyes reflected the light from the street that shone through the window. The eyes that were once emotionless upon first sight now contained hidden hatred and annoyance. When he looked beyond the bindings that covered him, he would encounter a certain intense heat. However, Jaeyoung also saw the trembling turmoil behind that intense heat.

   Why? It wasn’t enough to have moments of happiness. Why was it so difficult to put on a calm expression on his face? It seemed like there was something to say. He wondered if he was being too indifferent, but Jaeyoung didn’t want to hear anything at that moment. He tightened his arm around Sangwoo’s waist.

   ‘There’s a better way. And why do we have to speak?’

   He was ready to use his body to express the emotions that were tightly packed in his heart and inject them into his bloodstream. He leaned Sangwoo’s body against him and closed his eyes, pressing his lips against the base of his neck. His fingertips slid along his back and the edge of his lips moved upwards.

   Sangwoo’s body was feverish, like someone with a fever, and Jaeyoung’s fingers moved from his back down to his waist, moving up slowly along the side, touching each rib. While feeling a shiver under his arm, the sleeve of the shirt was pushed off, and his fingers trailed down the muscles on his arm until they reached his hand and intertwined.

   As soon as their eyes met, Jaeyoung’s chest was forcefully pushed back, retreating two steps until his back touched the cold wall, and he felt a menacing presence approaching him closely.

   “But… it’s making it impossible for me to speak.”

   The two pairs of lips were just inches apart. Apart from the smell of alcohol. It was clear that there were hormones spreading out, stirring them up. Otherwise, it would be impossible to explain this turbulent state of mind.

   “Why… Do you enjoy tempting people and making them suffer?”

   Sangwoo’s forehead touched Jaeyoung’s forehead. When the other party used his hand to cover his eyes, Jaeyoung’s vision became dark, his heart beating as if it would explode. In an instant, Sangwoo’s lips touched

   Jaeyoung’s neck. Jaeyoung felt as if he was being forced to do the same

   thing again, biting down on his neck bone, his tongue hotly caressing the skin. Even though his consciousness was blurred by the teasing, the stairs leading up to the quiet building were filled with the sound of footsteps.

   Jaeyoung couldn’t bear it anymore and held Sangwoo tightly in his arms. Then he pushed the other party up the stairs until they reached a small area less than one pyong [1], pushing him against the wall. At that moment, Sangwoo grabbed Jaeyoung’s wrist and pushed him into the corner.

   “Now it’s my turn.”

   Sangwoo continued from where he had stopped a while ago, without saying anything, and held Jaeyoung’s hand tightly, afraid that Jaeyoung would escape. Jaeyoung let Sangwoo do as he pleased, but staying indifferent was too difficult. His body was not satisfied, he wanted to take off all of Sangwoo’s clothes, to hold him tight, and merge into one. How narrow would the space inside Sangwoo be? How aroused would the other side become? He kept thinking about these things until his head felt dizzy.

   “Go into the room first.”

   Jaeyoung grasped Sangwoo’s wrist that had slid into his waist and slowly stepped forward. He didn’t know why he felt like unlocking the door took too long. Jaeyoung thought that he couldn’t bear it any longer, but sometimes, if he touched Sangwoo’s chest and kissed him, it might make time stretch even further. Sangwoo entered the wrong code three times before the door finally opened.

   As soon as they entered the dark room, Jaeyoung hugged Sangwoo’s body and pushed the other side to the back. He quickly found the position of the bed and pushed the other side down, immediately climbing on top. Just when he was about to kiss, Sangwoo turned his face and pushed Jaeyoung away.

   “I need… some time to prepare.”

   Jaeyoung ignored the words of the other side and held the chin of the person beneath him to make him turn back and looked at him, then pressed his lips down. Sangwoo used force to push Jaeyoung’s face away.

   “I told you I need to prepare… Ah, hyung, please…”

   Jaeyoung unbuttoned Sangwoo’s pants and pulled them down. At that moment, Sangwoo’s body stood up and tensed with an angry expression.

   “Please wait! Just stop for a moment and give me some time to prepare.”

   While being shocked by the unexpected turn of events, Jaeyoung heard a loud door closing. He turned to look at the bathroom door. Then he stood against the wall for a while before sitting on the floor feeling empty.

   “What is it?”

   “Please wait a moment. Just for a moment.”

   Then came the sound of water, but it didn’t sound like the sound of a faucet. Jaeyoung thought the other side was probably washing his face in the bathroom sink. He stood leaning against the wall before finally sitting on the floor.

   When the overwhelming emotions subsided a bit, he thought of drinking a glass of water, so he stood up and felt around for the light switch. When he turned on the light, he found a studio room separated from the kitchen area, clean and sparkling like new, with few pieces of furniture, giving a sense of spaciousness.

   Apart from the bed, two desks, a bookshelf, a clothes rack, and a small cabinet, there is no other furniture in the room. In the kitchen, there is a gas stove, wall shelves, and a refrigerator. When I tried opening the refrigerator, there were seven cans of coffee, two or three eggs, one pack of milk, and two bottles of water.

   He opened a bottle of water and walked back to the room. There was no chair in the room, so he leaned against the bed, on the white bedsheet.

   There was a blue blanket neatly covering the corner.

   ‘He sleeps here every day.’

   That organ that defied him to calm down felt like it had blood flowing through it again. Jaeyoung looked away.

   The bookshelf only had big programming books; there were no regular novels at all. On the top of the hanging rack, there were hangers for shirts and jackets, while the bottom had trousers, six shirts, and two pairs of pants. They all looked familiar; there wasn’t a piece he hadn’t seen before. He secretly thought that the other party must have clothing criteria because it looked like they were arranged in order.

   There are two tables in the room. One table only has a lamp, probably for reading. The other larger table is a work desk with a large desktop computer and a dual monitor, UHD, forty inches, which seems to be connected to a clear CPU case. Just by looking at it, you can tell it’s highend. In addition to this, there is also an expensive mechanical keyboard, gaming mouse, and speakers.

   “It might cost around three million won [2[.”

   The computer on the table looks more expensive than all the other items in the house combined, judging from the difference between the hanging rack and the computer… Jaeyoung thought that it suited Sangwoo well and couldn’t help but smile silently.

   “Jaeyoung-hyung.”

   When he heard that sound, he jumped up as if he was startled and ran to the bathroom.

   “Oh, why? What’s wrong? Are you not feeling well somewhere?”

   “I’m a bit sober.”

   Sangwoo spoke calmly, feeling that it was strange and not good to reach this point, so he probably wouldn’t say that he didn’t like it. Jaeyoung’s heart was in turmoil, and while he was waiting, he heard a loud noise coming from behind the door.

   “I’m trying to make it better… I’ve been trying… I’ve studied a lot, really…  but I’m not confident.”

   “…”

   “Please go back.”

   “Ha?”

   Jaeyoung was speechless. If he felt uneasy about having a relationship with a man, he understood. Moreover, he knew that Chu Sangwoo’s personality was many times more severe than that, but until just now, the other party had still clung to him intimately and seemed happy. After hearing this, he was simply shocked, after thinking about what to say and deleting it several times. Jaeyoung finally opened his mouth.

   “Did I force my way in? Were you not okay with this?”

   He could sense the coldness in his voice. After a moment of hesitation, the other side finally replied.

   “I know you, Sunbae will be angry, but still…”

   “I’m not angry, I just don’t understand at all.”

   “I couldn’t do what was in the video, just that.”

   It was a polite way of saying that his expectations had turned into mere scraps of paper for Sangwoo, while Jaeyoung’s breathing became heavier and his heart was on the verge of exploding from happiness, now overwhelmed by anger.

   “Does this mean we won’t meet again? Not even for games or anything?”

   “I guess I’ve gone crazy myself, please help me by leaving.”

   “Are you crazy or something?”

   He exploded with anger, his voice cracking. Even though Sangwoo acted nice, there were times when he deliberately stirred up trouble, and this time it turned out to be the worst.

   “Why are you so thoughtless?”

   “I asked you to go back, how can I not ask for that?”

   “Come out, stop hiding, you animal! If you’re going to talk like that, say it to my face.”

   The other side remained silent. Chu Sangwoo must have some problems. Just when things were going well, he found a way to make everything chaotic again, and this time it was the worst.

   Jaeyoung cursed and slammed the door, feeling like a frustrated person who couldn’t have sex and felt disgusted with himself, but he had no intention of apologizing anymore. Even though he cursed before, his feelings didn’t improve at all. Sangwoo remained silent for a while. Then there was the sound of the door closing, bang.

   “It’s easy for you, isn’t it? Just stay indifferent, that’s enough!”

   “Stop talking nonsense. I can’t go on like this. Come out and speak so I can understand. If not, then I won’t go anywhere.”

   “If we go out, what then? We’ll kiss…touch each other…like there’s no tomorrow. Without holding back. Isn’t that what you want?”

   “If you can’t hold back, let it be. And don’t pretend to be cautious!”

   “How can you say something so easy like that? Because I can’t do anything at all!”

   “Why are you saying things I don’t understand like that!”

   Jaeyoung screamed and banged his head against the back of the door before slumping down to sit on the floor. Sometimes, just thinking about what to do with this guy would be foolish. This stubborn person who only looks ahead on the path he knows. Never taking a step towards suspicious paths, always doing what he’s used to.

   “You’ve been living like that your whole life, doing what you used to do, wearing the clothes you used to wear, eating the things you used to eat. It’s not deviating from your grand life plan even a bit.”

   “I’ve been living a good life all this time. Until you hyung interfered.”

   Now it’s the same as before. He didn’t do anything wrong, everything is his fault. Jaeyoung felt a throbbing headache. Just when he thought that the matter that intruded and disrupted both their lives was a real thing, he felt even more of a headache.

   But it’s not a one-sided relationship. If Jaeyoung is destroying Sangwoo’s daily life. Sangwoo himself wouldn’t be any different. Jaeyoung cared for Sangwoo, devoted time and effort to playing games with him, and both sides were affected by each other. But that brat never realized that it was a matter between two people. In Sangwoo’s thoughts, there are only perpetrators and victims, and he gets heated because he wants to protect his daily life.

   Jaeyoung couldn’t tolerate that.

   “Let’s talk first, you brat.”

   “No.”

   “Come out when I’m still talking nicely.”

   “Just go away for now.”

   “Don’t provoke me. If you don’t come out within ten seconds, I’ll do something you won’t know about.”

   “You jerk. Just try…”

   “I will try, what next? Do you think I can’t break this door?”

   “Well, try it then. I’ll wait and see if you can make it to the police station without any doubts, big brother.”

   Chu Sangwoo seemed like he was born to provoke Jaeyoung. Jaeyoung looked around the room with an annoyed face before speaking.

   “The computer looks expensive.”

   “Don’t look at the computer! Absolutely not!” Sangwoo replied in a mocking tone.

   “Ten.”

   “Oh…I already refused, didn’t I?”

   “Eight, the wire is gone. You should have said something before I entered this room.”

   “At that time, I wasn’t in a state to make decisions. I drank too much, and you hyung just kept serving me more…”

   “Don’t listen, seven.”

   “Hyung, you wouldn’t force anyone to have sex against their will.”

   “Five… Get out. I’ll talk to the kid in your pants myself.”

   “Now it’s calm.”

   “Just three seconds remaining.”

   “Oh, damn… damn it.”

   Though he spoke like that, Sangwoo quickly opened the door before the time ran out. Jaeyoung evaded the preemptive attack and leaned against the wall, looking at Sangwoo who exhaled heavily with a flushed face. His shirt on top was neatly buttoned with three buttons, while the bottom had no buttons, making it slightly disheveled.

   “I’m speaking from the bottom of my heart. I’m so stressed because of you, hyung. It might make me feel worse.”

   ‘What’s wrong with him?’

   Jaeyoung blinked at the other side and remained silent for a moment. He was surprised by how straightforward Sangwoo was—how he suddenly came to find him at the restaurant and waited there, saying there were things to talk about after pushing him away coldly, including when he calmly said they should sleep together. Therefore, he thought this time they would really do it. Even though he was the type of person who would proceed firmly if he agreed, why did it turn out like this all of a sudden?

   “Explain it properly, don’t forget that I’m a person. No, not an NPC.”

   “…”

   “It’s not something that can be easily spoken out like that?”

   Sangwoo looked down at the floor with a sullen face, but when he heard those words, he raised his eyes to look.

   “Easy… is that so?”

   “And isn’t it true? You immediately cut off contact as if you were closing a website, thinking that human relationships are as easy as that.”

   “Everything must be easy for you, hyung! You are so skillful and experienced… to the point of not feeling anything. I don’t even know what situation I’m in.”

   “Then just say what you are worried about, because all I see is that you’re doing well and carefree.”

   “I’ve been trying to speak since earlier. But in my mind, it’s all blank and confusing, and the feeling is strange…”

   “So just forget about it. What’s the problem?”

   “I told you not to send such provocative words!”

   Sangwoo’s voice cracked. Jaeyoung slightly recoiled, while the other side’s posture seemed aggressive as if ready to strike. Both locked eyes for a while, and it seemed like Sangwoo was genuinely angry—his remaining eye gleaming sharply. If he were stabbed, it would hurt to watch.

   After who knows how long, those pairs of black eyes turned watery, and Sangwoo’s face gradually twisted each time, making him flinch.

   “Sangwoo?”

   Jaeyoung shifted his legs automatically and stood up. When they were at eye level, he could clearly see the tears welling up in those eyes, the trembling muscles on the face, and the clenched lips. Jaeyoung reached out to touch the cheek of the person in front of him unintentionally, but of course, he was rejected.

   “Sang… Are you crying?”

   ________________________________________.

[1]     1 pyeong = 3.3058 square meters.

[2]     3 million won, approximately 2250 USD.

      SMNTCERR CHAPTERS HOME

SMNTCERR, Chapter 43. Magenta #2.

   The sound was caught between a scream and a moan, Jaeyoung’s lips swallowing Sangwoo’s sound. Sangwoo hesitated for a moment before thrusting his tongue out swiftly. Jaeyoung had previously thought that the other side was like a vacuum cleaner. It was just a simple suction, but he didn’t know why it made him yearn to follow along like this. Jaeyoung greedily sucked and pulled at the edge of the other side’s lips forcefully and eagerly, with no time to spare.

   Sangwoo’s fingers slipped behind Jaeyoung’s neck and held his hair, while his other arm wrapped around Jaeyoung’s back and pulled him closer. During this time, Jaeyoung willingly let himself be pushed and pulled, lifting his left knee above Sangwoo’s thigh, shifting the center of gravity to the driver’s seat. Then he sat down on Sangwoo’s lap before leaning down to kiss.

   “Mmm…”

   Sangwoo pushed Jaeyoung’s face away and took a breath. Jaeyoung himself was panting heavily as well. Was this human or animal? He felt momentarily guilty, but when he saw those eyes looking back at him, he felt reassured. In Sangwoo’s eyes, there was an intense passion burning. Jaeyoung didn’t feel the need to suppress his desires anymore. Even in the time spent gazing at each other, he regretted that he couldn’t catch his breath properly. The lips of both parties once again came close to each other.

   In his heart, Jaeyoung felt the urge to bite and devour, to leave marks on the other’s skin and carve his own name. Affection? Love? He didn’t see the necessity of separating those feelings for even a moment.

   Jaeyoung climbed up onto Sangwoo’s leg, slipping his left hand under the seat and pulling the lever. Then he leaned back, his body resting on the support. Sangwoo’s body trembled, and he let out a groan. Sprawled out on the support, Sangwoo only looked surprised on his face, but it seemed like he intentionally teased Jaeyoung because the other party was lying beneath his body.

   After a moment, Jaeyoung leaned close to Sangwoo’s chest, using his fingertips to trace the twisted, scared face. Then he dragged his finger in a curved line from the shoulder to the neck. Finally, his desire became a reality as he pressed his lips against the base of the neck before feeling the force of Sangwoo’s hand on his shoulder.

   “Are you crazy?”

   The young man didn’t answer and continued to nibble at the same spot, teasing the visible mole on the pale white skin as if it were the target of his assault. He felt that Sangwoo shrank back, so he used his tongue to provoke him further. Then he bit down again. And he licked and repeated, doing it over and over again.

   Why does genuine human skin smell so sweet? What’s so special about you, to be this fragrant?

   Jaeyoung used his tongue to trace the path from the neck to the collarbone. When he reached the cheek, he kissed it multiple times. Then, when he reached the ear, he used his tongue to explore the narrow path and lightly nibbled on the ear, causing Sangwoo to let out a low moan. Jaeyoung kissed Sangwoo’s lips for a long time and used his right hand to encircle the waist hidden under the blue shirt like a snake.

   It feels just as he imagined—no excess fat but not too thin, lean but flexible. Jaeyoung slid both hands along the other side’s back with a lost feeling. His hands, which were warm and slippery, moved from the flat abdomen straight to the chest and accidentally brushed against a small nipple before gliding up to the neck once again.

   When he pulled away from the edge of the mouth, Sangwoo breathed a sigh of relief. Jaeyoung began unbuttoning the shirt without warning the other side to breathe through his nose. He wasn’t clumsy, but he didn’t know why their hands ended up entwined like this. The shirt had too many buttons. He managed to undo three buttons, but then he accidentally pulled all the remaining buttons off at once. One white button bounced and rolled on the seat before disappearing into the dark shadows. Originally, he thought he would be scolded, but Sangwoo didn’t seem to care at all. He grabbed Jaeyoung’s wrist and pulled him closer.

   “Hyung… didn’t you hear… what I said?”

   “…Oh.”

   “I’m drunk… I can’t make any decisions… So…”

   “That’s not a problem. Take off your shirt.”

   The one drinking alcohol was Sangwoo, but the one who seemed intoxicated was Jaeyoung himself, Jaeyoung. He felt dizzy as he pressed his lips onto the bare body, sucking the warm skin and using his tongue to explore the collarbone. Sangwoo twitched his legs and exerted a strong grip on the arm that held him. Jaeyoung grabbed the hand that was trying to push him away and held it tightly, then continued to gently lick the other side.

   “Ah… Ha, why… did you ignore… what did I said?”

   It seemed like Sangwoo had lost his language skills… Jaeyoung didn’t understand what Sangwoo was saying at all. Sangwoo was still trying to push Jaeyoung away, but maybe it was because he had just been drinking or he was in an emotional state, his strength was not as strong as usual.

   “Why do you have to speak? Your body can talk enough.”

   The corners of Jaeyoung’s mouth descended onto Sangwoo’s chest without him realizing it, while on one side he sucked with his mouth. On the other side, he fondled his hand, pulling and tugging at the strands of hair, revealing that the other party was enjoying it. Every time he licked with his tongue, Sangwoo’s body writhed. Jaeyoung understood that the other party would escape, so he firmly held his waist, with his spine pressed against his sweaty back.

   Sangwoo pulled up Jaeyoung’s clothes around his neck unknowingly as well. The sweater and undershirt that Jaeyoung had worn underneath were removed simultaneously and thrown onto the back seat. Meanwhile, the glasses were also taken off, and in the slightly blurred vision, he found Sangwoo lying there, his eyes filled with a burning fire, as if devouring Jaeyoung entirely.

   “Sangwoo-ya.”

   “Yes.”

   The response was like a normal call, making him chuckle. Despite being in such a vulnerable state, his face was filled with genuine desire.

   Jaeyoung’s gaze fell between Sangwoo’s legs, which protruded until almost piercing through the thick denim pants. Jaeyoung thought that the other party enjoyed undressing—just an ordinary person in plain black clothes, clean and simple, and…

   “Who would have thought you’d have a black dog hiding inside.”

   “What are you saying, you pervert?”

   Jaeyoung reached out to undo the tightly fastened belt buckle and unbuttoned the jeans.

   “Wait.”

   Sangwoo firmly grasped Jaeyoung’s hand, causing Jaeyoung to respond in annoyance.

   “Why? I’m busy.”

   “I… have something important to say.”

   “Say it.”

   “You’re just making it hard for me to speak, hyung.”

   “Then don’t say it.”

   Jaeyoung leaned down again, using his mouth to cover the other’s lips, emitting a loud sound. At the same time, he hurriedly moved his hand, sliding down the zipper and pulling down the pants urgently. Even though his eyes were closed, he could feel from the touch of his hand that what was inside was boxer briefs made of satin fabric. When Jaeyoung touched the center point that no one had ever touched before, Sangwoo forcefully bit Jaeyoung’s lip.

   Just by looking at the flushed face, the wandering gaze, the trembling voice, and the intense kiss, the truth that he had anticipated became clearer— that the possession of Sangwoo himself was also craving release, just like what was inside Jaeyoung’s pants. Jaeyoung didn’t think about whispering sweet words gently. When he covered the wet fabric first…

   Sangwoo tensed up and let out a moan.

   “Why are you acting like this, Sangwoo?”

   “Stimulating certain points… Blah blah… Male genital tissue… Blah blah…

   Increased blood flow….”

   The other party said some things that he sometimes listened to, and up until now, Sangwoo hadn’t resisted much, but when he was about to make a move, the other party began to resist fiercely, protecting himself between his legs. Jaeyoung had to brush him off and push the other party’s hand away.

   “Ugh… No…”

   “You won’t let me anymore.”

   ‘My heart wants to turn you over and penetrate you right away, but I see that your butt is narrow, afraid that you’ll get hurt.’

   Jaeyoung held Sangwoo’s wrist and looked into his eyes, which were half closed with reluctance, and his body, which Sangwoo saw, also seemed reluctant.

   ‘Damn it, you’ve been resisting for too long.’

   The young man had been in pain for a long time because that thing only signaled that it wanted to be released, but he couldn’t touch it. Jaeyoung unbuttoned his pants and pulled them down, revealing a poorly shaped bulge. He didn’t know how much fluid had leaked out. The front was soaking wet.

   Jaeyoung pulled down both of their undergarments at the same time. Then he pressed his body tightly against Sangwoo, lower part against lower part, upper part against upper part. And then they moved together.

   Sangwoo grabbed Jaeyoung’s hand.

   “If it’s like that, I’ll go home… and do it myself.”

   “This is a chance for me to look at your face and be done with it, right?”

   “Anyway… I’ve been doing it like this all along.”

   “What does that mean, what you said?”

   “I don’t want to… Uh, uh, oh!”

   Jaeyoung held onto both their cocks with one hand and began to massage them gently, wanting to look at the other party’s face and continue, but the strong stimulation made him collapse. Jaeyoung buried his face in

   Sangwoo’s neck and took another breath. He felt the heavy breath hitting his ear, the warm fingers on his back, the scent of the body and sweat stimulating his nose, and the hot skin pressed against his body, causing his emotions to surge.

   “Ah… Ah… Sang… Woo.”

   His movements became stronger and faster. When it came to his own body, Jaeyoung knew well, but he had never aroused two people at the same time before.

   “Chu Sangwoo, Uh… What are you doing?”

   It doesn’t matter because the responsive body of the other party quickly responded to the fast movements of his hand. Their firm bodies collided, releasing fluids until their hands were wet. Jaeyoung’s hand started to hurt, but he continued to increase his speed.

   “What are we doing now?”

   Sangwoo lifted his hips and quietly twisted his body.

   “I want to hear your voice.” so Jaeyoung initiated a conversation.

   “Ah… Uh…”

   Unable to overcome the overwhelming pleasure that overwhelmed his brain, Jaeyoung leaned his upper body down onto Sangwoo’s body, moving his hand faster. One of Sangwoo’s arms wrapped around Jaeyoung’s neck, while the other slid down to rest on Jaeyoung’s lower hand, adding pressure.

   Jaeyoung turned his face to kiss and bite Sangwoo’s lips and neck.

   “Who… am I?”

   Jaeyoung’s mind became intoxicated with the powerful stimulation, turning white and blurry. He struggled to lift his upper body and placed his chin on Sangwoo’s chest. The other party tightly shut his mouth, leaving marks on his chin. Jaeyoung then used his free hand to pry open the tightly closed mouth.

   “Ah, Ha! Ha… Ha…”

   Suddenly, a loud moan burst out. Jaeyoung tried to maintain his composure as he started to lose control, slipping his fingers into Sangwoo’s mouth to prevent him from closing it.

   “Ah, Uh…, Uh…, Huh….”

   The sound of Sangwoo harmonized with the wet sounds. If it was like this…

   “Sangwoo… Uh, if we were really doing it… you would cry, right?” Jaeyoung moved his hand faster, pressing Chu Sangwoo beneath him. Just this action alone quickly pushed him to the peak, and the overwhelming pleasure made the young man not even feel the pain of being bitten by Sangwoo.

   “Sangwoo… Y-You, who am I?”

   “Shut… your mouth.”

   “Sangwoo… Why are you speaking like that? Uh…, Who am I…”

   “Ah, Ha… Jang Jaeyoung, Damn… Hyung…”

   As the excitement increased from hearing clearly, he tightened his grip and closed his eyes tightly. Then, as the train engine descended down the slope and floated in mid-air, it arrived. Jaeyoung felt like he was falling into a weightless state, an explosive burst of accumulated emotions, a black image in front pierced with red patterns, the color of physical ecstasy. Sangwoo seemed to bite Jaeyoung’s finger, causing a sudden shockwave and an explosive sound.

   Two flesh-colored sticks were tightly pressed together in the palm, yielding results. Jaeyoung collapsed onto Sangwoo’s body and breathed heavily, feeling dizzy as if experiencing a new life, as if being in someone’s hands. He felt his body shivering.

   “Ha… ha… ha…”

   The overflowing happiness that made his hair stand on end gradually disappeared, replaced by a gentle fatigue that made him feel good. His raised hand reached to pull the still trembling shoulder and gently hugged it with the milky fluid that oozed out.

   “I never thought you were mentally ill… this much.”

   “…speaking of yourself like you are normal.”

   Jaeyoung struggled to lift his body, holding Sangwoo’s dirty cheeks, using the back of his hand to wipe away the tears lingering at the corners of his eyes before pressing his forehead against them, unintentionally pressing the edge of his lips.

   And then, a moment of calmness and tranquility passed. Both of them took a deep breath, their chests touching, but there was no improvement. The suffocating feeling in the pit of Sangwoo’s stomach signaled that he, including Jaeyoung himself, could not fulfill their desires.

   The narrow space in the car felt suffocating. When he lifted himself up and let out a sigh, the skin that had been in contact still retained a faint sensation… Sangwoo raised his arms to cover his face and mouth as if he had just done something he shouldn’t have done. Jaeyoung pulled up his inner layers and spoke casually.

   “I can’t stay dirty like this anymore.”

   “…”

   “I guess I have to go to your place… and  we can take a shower together.” ________________________________________.

      SMNTCERR CHAPTERS HOME

SMNTCERR, Chapter 42: Magenta #1.

   Jaeyoung washed his face clean and looked up. In the mirror, there was a man with drops of water running down his face, gazing back with a complex expression. He raised his hand to wipe away the moisture with a towel. Then, the fluctuating emotions that had persisted throughout the day subsided slightly.

   The elusive expectations, surprises, anger, embarrassment, confusion, and ultimately, the bewilderment. It’s not easy to encounter such a variety of emotions within a single day.

   “Hey… What am I doing?”

   He groaned bitterly and picked up the shopping bag containing his clothes. As he stepped out of the Faculty of Humanities, a warm breeze blew against his cheeks.

   Jaeyoung knew well that Chu Sangwoo didn’t see him as a target of love, just a side position left for the opposite party, something “normal.” While

   Jaeyoung was only the target of “abnormal sexual desires.”

   Jaeyoung thought that sometimes a relationship based solely on the physical with Chu Sangwoo might be better. Even if it felt strange, like an 18+ cartoon drawing with characters like Teletubbies, no matter what, he was easily bored with everything. After sleeping with Sangwoo once, the fun would naturally diminish, and he didn’t want to complicate things by pursuing a senseless emotional development afterwards.

   While wearing vampire costumes and carrying signs around the university, they came across a couple taking pictures together under a blooming tree.

   After that, Jaeyoung was overwhelmed with anger.

   ‘Having sex with me, but dating Ru Jihye?’

   He deceived me by calling me ‘Hyung’ and invited me to play games together. He even sat next to me in the office and made others uncomfortable. He would suddenly come close and give me a kiss, followed by a passionate kiss as if sucking souls, but he insisted that we were not dating. And in the end, he showed up at the festival with Ru Jihye?

   “Hey, do you think it’s okay to look down on me like trash?”

   The rising anger made his heart beat faster. If the act of checking off names instead of Jaeyoung was equivalent to putting a liter of garbage into the trash bag, then Chu Sangwoo was no different from a sewage treatment plant. Jaeyoung realized this and snatched the mask from his junior and chased after them, disrupting his rhythm.

   As he walked back with a wireless keyboard, Jaeyoung was confused. He couldn’t find any reason to be angry, even for a moment. If their relationship wasn’t defined as a couple, then it was just a matter of satisfying their desires. It didn’t matter if anything else was involved.

   Regardless of whether Chu Sangwoo had the same mentality as a garbage incinerator, he had to let it go. With that thought in mind, he returned and thought, “Let it go.”

   However, tonight… there will be sex, satisfying desires, and it is over.

   There was sex, satisfying desires, and it was over.

   He repeated those words in his head, but the moment Sangwoo entered the tent, that thought collapsed. He intentionally created an empty seat for the other person to sit in, so that he wouldn’t go to sit with someone else, the work he planned to do only during the restaurant’s opening, he stayed until it was finished, and it became like that.

   The young man sitting opposite him at the table under the dim light looked suitable, a gentle man with a hidden cuteness, and a passionate and charming woman with flickering eyes and softness. Although it was clear that Sangwoo didn’t care about Ru Jihye even a bit, he still couldn’t help but feel unsettled.

   ‘The complex biological mechanism of humans has evolved into a form of sexual attraction to produce the next generation, though I think it’s an inefficient method, it is true that the human race survives and reproduces through mating and the intricate process of pregnancy.’

   It’s possible that if I hadn’t intervened, Chu Sangwoo would have had relationships and love with the opposite sex. That very thought was the cause of his frustration.

   Ru Jihye seemed to be trying to claim victory at the end. Every time we met, she would dress up and wear beautiful outfits. Today, she appeared in a green pea costume with a waistband, wearing Enamel sandals [1] and a hair accessory decorated with pearls.

   ‘What do you think of yourself as Dorothy, being dressed like that, going here and there?’

   Even though he felt it was excessive, the young woman looked cute and fresh. Jaeyoung didn’t like how Sangwoo looked at the other party, so he…

   ‘Seohyun, we haven’t taken the menu to table three yet.’

   ‘Ah! I’ll bring it right now!’

   ‘Hyung-jin, the kids at table three look bored.’

   ‘We can’t let that go on! I’ll go right now.’

   ‘Jin, send the service to table three.’

   ‘Yes! I’ll go right away.’

   ‘Seohyun, table three…’

   ‘Yes, I’ll go right now!’ ‘Hyung-jin.’

   ‘Yes. I’ll go right now!’

   Recently, without saying a word, the siblings took the trays and served themselves to Galbi and Soju. They really acted like horses with blinders on because of the wax.

   Jaeyoung returned to pick up the belongings at the tent. Then, he took a few pictures together, said goodbye to the siblings, and went to the car.

   ‘What a waste it is to be like this.’

   Jaeyoung stood in front of the parking lot and smoked three cigarettes in a row.

   What exactly is Chu Sangwoo? He follows one man to tease him, copies his own notebook to gain favor, becomes a slave working day and night, secretly stalks like a stalker, participates in game activities that he himself is not interested in.

   ‘I fucking hate everything red. I’ve thrown away red shirts, red jackets, red beanies, and red underwear. Damn it since the first day I wore those my life has been wrecked.’

   Is it regrettable? It’s regrettable that Chu Sangwoo didn’t know his name and didn’t acknowledge his existence at that time. After about a year, it’s regrettable that the other party still doesn’t know how cool he is, and now it’s regrettable that the other party doesn’t see him as a target of love.

   He tasted the bitterness of the cigarette. As he looked up at the black sky, he automatically exhaled. They hadn’t slept together. Why would he hold on to something like that, wasting energy for what? No matter how much he tries to seduce himself, there are no answers.

   Jaeyoung threw away the half-smoked cigarette, opened the car door, and got in. Then, he was violently shaken.

   “…”

   Sangwoo was lying in a deep sleep, leaning against the car door, so Jaeyoung’s long, slender white neck, which was his weak point, was clearly visible. ‘Actually, even if it weren’t like this, the situation would still be intense.’ Jaeyoung tensed up, held his breath. In his head, thoughts brewed that if he were caught, Sangwoo would accuse him, but then he closed his eyes and remained still. Then he adjusted his breathing to normal. No matter how quickly he woke up, he wasn’t a despicable person who would take advantage of a sleeping child.

   ‘Stay calm, calm-calm.’

   When he raised his gaze again, his heart calmed down slightly. Jaeyoung took a deep breath. Then he looked at Sangwoo again before extending his hand out in that provocative manner.

   ‘Just adjusting the buckle, nothing else.’ He had no other intentions, really.

   He moved closer to Sangwoo, stretching his arm out to grab the safety buckle. Then he leaned down and pulled the buckle to fasten it. Sangwoo’s hand rested next to the red button, with short, clean nails as if they were just cut yesterday, and visible knuckles.

   Tense.

   Jaeyoung inserted a lock plate into the safety buckle before lifting his upper body and intentionally turning his face towards the man. His face was about ten centimeters away from those slightly parted lips. He didn’t know when the smell of alcohol had started affecting his mood like this, making Jaeyoung dizzy. The young man licked his white throat with his eyes and slowly pulled his body back to his own place. While fastening the safety buckle, the force of his twist was sucked out completely.

   Jaeyoung took a deep breath and started the car. Once he was settled in his seat, he didn’t know the meaning of serenity anymore. He wondered if something was attached to his ankle or not, as everything around him felt like it was in a state of constant agitation. It made him feel like he was back in his high school years when he first opened his eyes to sexual matters. Everything on this planet seemed to be viewed as male and female parts, making him feel erect solid all the time.

   Jaeyoung stepped on the gas pedal without glancing around. He didn’t know what would happen, so he drove to Mr-Sangwoo’s house nearby first. The front apartment had no parking spots, so he parked randomly. Then he turned off the engine.

   “Chu Sangwoo, wake up.”

   ‘It’s time for us to do something. You stubborn kid.’

   Jaeyoung kept the sentence in his mind. After sitting quietly for a while and feeling a bit calm, he calmly unfastened his own safety buckle, took a deep breath, and turned sideways.

   “…”

   That drunkenness is becoming a problem again. Jaeyoung pinched and shook Sangwoo’s shoulder, but the other side didn’t wake up.

   “I’ll unfasten… the buckle for you.”

   After whispering to Sangwoo for a while with a sense of guilt, Jaeyoung supported him with his right arm. Then he stretched out his left hand to hold the door handle before leaning forward without necessity until his nose was close to Sangwoo’s cheek.

   The other side’s skin reflected the moonlight in the midst of darkness, appearing pale. Everything was black or white like in a black-and-white film, with the desire to see Sangwoo’s face. So, Jaeyoung took off the other party’s hat and threw it on the backseat.

   The high-contrast image content made Jaeyoung’s heart beat faster, including his nose and eyelashes, the shadow figure created by the edge of his lips, the black patterns on his cheeks caused by smudges on the glass. Every component made Sangwoo the protagonist, his sleeping face seemingly innocent, but when he woke up it looked so worn out that he had to lick his lips, feeling sinful at the same time.

   ‘What should I do with this kid?’

   It’s a perplexing desire because the other party, unlike anyone Jaeyoung has ever been interested in, lacks any distinguishing features. This man in front of him was quiet, inflexible, and not versatile. Sangwoo may be an expert in some things, but he’s foolish when it comes to relationships.

   Jaeyoung, who has had his fair share of relationships, shouldn’t pursue someone who doesn’t like him. There are plenty of people in this world, and he doesn’t think he needs to exhaust himself seeking someone during their highs and lows, except for Chu Sangwoo. He doesn’t know why he acts so cool and indifferent, unable to hold on.

   At that moment, Sangwoo raised his eyes and blinked slowly before opening them wide like a 500-won coin [3].

   “No, I can’t do anything.”

   Jaeyoung hurriedly spoke as if he were about to kiss. The other party shouldn’t believe him at this point. Sangwoo’s chest moved up and down. Jaeyoung raised his hand to show that he didn’t have a weapon like a robber caught during a bank heist.

   “It’s a misunderstanding. Sorry, wait.”

   Then, Jaeyoung slowly lowered his right hand.

   “Okay, look, I’ll just do it differently.”

   When Jaeyoung pressed the red button, the safety buckle attached to Sangwoo’s chest loosened and was quickly sucked back up. Sangwoo lowered his eyelids and took a long breath. In this situation, Jaeyoung should retreat to his own place, but he can’t move.

   “I… have something… to say.”

   Jaeyoung felt the air in the car grow hot like a sauna. No, it’s not just a feeling. Condensation covered the windows completely, and the breaths were heavy and hot.

   “What I want to say is… Ah, damn…”

   “When you drink alcohol, you like swearing, don’t you?”

   This is the second time Jaeyoung has heard the other party speak vulgarly.

   Sangwoo made a muffled sound, raising his hand to cover his face, then sat in that position for a moment. Shortly after, he opened his eyes again, and those tired eyes looked exhausted.

   “What I want to say is… Ah… fuck, I’m going crazy.”

   “You’re really annoying, you little brat.”

   Just now, he thought the other party seemed indifferent, but now even breathing feels like a melodramatic film. The uncertainty between R-rated and all-age ratings makes it difficult for him to focus. Jaeyoung could only swallow his saliva.

   “I… I… Me… It’s me. I studied it…”

   I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to listen to what you were saying. Jaeyoung only looked at Sangwoo’s moving lips, fascinated by their provocative movements.

   “With the legal process… “blah blah blah” Pay… “blah blah blah” Download… “.

   ‘What is he saying?’

   “By force… “blah blah blah” Violence… “blah blah blah” Male victim…”

   And then the sound system went silent. There was only a moving mouth, but no sound could be heard. In that moment of intimacy, he felt like he became a deaf person. Jaeyoung lost his composure and leaned towards Sangwoo.  “Ah!”

   ________________________________________.

[1]                 Enamel shoes refer to leather shoes coated with enamel, giving them a glossy appearance, also known as “glass shoes.”

[2]                 Contrast, or the difference in comparison, refers to contrasting elements such as black and white, or light and dark.

[3]                 A 500-won coin, approximately the size of a 10 Thai baht coin.

      SMNTCERR CHAPTERS HOME

SMNTCERR, Chapter 41 <110> #5.

   “It’s okay, you can take it.”

   “No, I can’t accept it.”

   Sangwoo took a hesitant step back. Jihye held a Super Nintendo CX gaming console in her hand, but Sangwoo had nothing. Despite their agreement to exchange prizes, his repeated failures left him with no face to show.

   “It’s okay, really… What am I going to do with this old gaming console? I can’t even play it properly.”

   “Sell it online. I’ve already taught you how to buy and sell second-hand items.”

   “Then let me sell it for you.”

   Sangwoo perked up immediately. It was the best way to be Ru Jihye! The perfect plan quickly formed in his mind. Sangwoo spoke with excitement in his voice.

   “Today, you’ll sell it at the “Secondhand Kingdom” café. I’ll go to your post and contact you. Don’t sell it to anyone else, only sell it to me…”

   “Are you crazy, or what?”

   Jihye burst into laughter and patted Sangwoo’s shoulder. He flinched, causing her hand to drop. Jihye laughed for a moment before she handed Sangwoo a shopping bag with the gaming console inside.

   “Here, consider it a direct transaction.”

   “Uh…”

   “The game console doesn’t cost any money, but can you treat me to dinner tonight instead?”

   “This price must be more than a hundred thousand won.”

   “If you’re not satisfied with the terms of the purchase, you can return it.” Jihye reached out with a serious face. Sangwoo was surprised.

   [NonPaddler 3: I’ll pick you up at four tomorrow_23:09.]

   When he thought about the message he received yesterday, his heart raced and he felt dizzy. Originally, he should have separated from Jihye by now and returned home to prepare himself… At that time, when Sangwoo was confident in himself and met Jaeyoung on Friday, he disappeared without a trace after conquering the stages of theoretical homosexual intercourse.

   ‘It’s probably impossible.’

   However, no matter what, he thought he would apologize to Jaeyoung and change his mind. Sangwoo pulled out the game console and hugged it tightly before answering.

   “No, let’s go eat together.”

   “Okay.”

   Jihye closed her mouth, giggled, and made another smirk.

   The atmosphere around him suddenly darkened without warning. He was dragged by Jihye towards the Faculty of Humanities. Along the way, the fluorescent lights turned on in various colors, making his eyes dazzled. The popular stalls organized by various clubs such as the empty liquor stall, the aquarium food stall, the dog cafe, the board game liquor stall, and others were bustling.

   “Oh! Let’s go there, right there!”

   Jihye jumped up excitedly and pointed to a crowded shop where people gathered in a special way, forming long queues. The shop sign said “Liquor Spirits.” creating a dark and eerie atmosphere, and at the entrance of the tent, there were ambassadors and ghost girls standing there, scaring passersby.

   “I’m sorry. It’s already full now. Even if you make a reservation, you still have to wait for another hour and a half.”

   A female student dressed as a dokkaebi repeatedly.

   “Ah… it looks so fun. I guess we won’t be able to get in.”

   Jihye looked disappointed. Sangwoo didn’t care about those spirits, but because he owed Jihye, he didn’t want to stay indifferent. The weight of the game console in his shopping bag was the responsibility he had to listen to the desires of the young lady. Sangwoo told Jihye to wait and squeezed into the crowd.

   Inside the dark restaurant that resembled a cave, decorated with strange decorations, all ten tables were occupied with customers sitting at each table. The staff in the store were fully dressed as zombies, wizards, mannequins, angels and demons, vampires, Frankenstein, providing entertainment to customers. Among the staff, Sangwoo felt a bit dazed by the vampire’s figure hugging and leaning down on one side.

   ‘Don’t tell me…’ 

   The final challenger who defeated him in the arcade game competition dressed the same way. At that moment, the vampire turned around, and their eyes met instantly, like steel clash.

   “…”

   While Sangwoo took a step back feeling as if his head had been struck, he collided with dokkaebi, who spoke immediately as if following a script, prepared like an automated response.

   “Sorry, there are no tables available right now.”

   “Alright, I’ll leave then.”

   Sangwoo quickly responded and turned back. At that moment, he heard the loud voice of the vampire coming from behind.

   “Can you add a table?”

   “There’s no space for additional tables now, oppa.”

   “Some people have finished eating and will leave, then.”

   Sangwoo hurriedly ran out of the tent. He then explained to Jihye that there were no seats available and they had to go somewhere else. The other party heard it clearly and made a disappointed face. As Sangwoo was about to step away, a dokkaebi came running out of the tent.

   “Hey, student with the hat? There were just enough seats available a moment ago. Come in quickly!”

   “It’s alright. I saw very clearly that there were no seats. I’m leaving now.”

   “Come when I am still speaking nicely.”

   The voice that sounded coolly through the mask made Sangwoo stop walking unconsciously. While he was hesitating, Frankenstein and the giant zombie-like zombie came out of the tent like baseball players, and they grabbed both arms of dokkaebi firmly.

   “Alright, let’s go!”

   “Let me go. Are you a gangster or something?”

   While Sangwoo fought with the guys, Jihye was talking to dokkaebi.

   “The big samchun, he said there were just enough seats inside. That’s really lucky!”

   The girl laughed and walked into the tent like that. Sangwoo was left behind, alone, like a duckling in the water without its mother on the Naktong River [2]. He struggled to free his hand from Frankenstein’s grip, but this time there were zombies pushing from behind, these people were too strong and unconscious. Sangwoo was dragged into the tent without being able to resist.

   “Welcome!”

   Then they encountered the vampires who welcomed them with scowling faces. On the other side, someone had their hair styled like a horse’s mane with wax, revealing their forehead, painted black eyeliner, and powdered their face white, while the edges of their lips were painted with deep red instead of blood. Although it was an odd appearance like the other staff members, they looked unbelievably good and stood out. At that moment, there were several students swirling around them, waiting to take pictures.

   “Hello, Jaeyoung!”

   “Long time no see, Jihye. I guess I have to compensate you heavily.”

   “Wow! Really? Thank you in advance. But you look amazing with your makeup and outfit, it suits you so well, incredible! You look like Count

   Dracula, so cool!”

   “With Sangwoo… Are you two here on a date?”

   “No, not a date! Haha! It’s just… because Sangwoo owes me a little, so he promised to treat me to dinner.”

   “Is that so? You have fun on your outing then.”

   After speaking, the vampire disappeared somewhere. Sangwoo didn’t eat anything but felt a knot in his stomach.

   “The decoration is really nice, indeed. The quality of this drama club is… excellent.”

   In contrast, Jihye swept her gaze around, captivated by the golden decorations hanging from the ceiling and took photos with a happy expression.

   “Actually…”

   Jihye put away her phone and lowered her voice.

   “If I knew it was organized by the drama club, I probably wouldn’t have come.”

   “Why not?”

   The young woman looked around to make sure no one was there before whispering.

   “Because I think Jaeyoung doesn’t like me, that’s why.”

   “Why do you think that?”

   “Well… it’s just a feeling.”

   “There seems to be no reason for him not to like you.”

   “Yes, that’s right. From what I’ve seen today, it seems like I was overthinking things, so I feel better now. I was a bit uneasy before.” Sangwoo remained silent with a puzzled expression on his face.

   “Well then, sunbae…”

   Suddenly, Jihye shifted her body and approached the table, speaking in a secretive whisper. Sangwoo instinctively leaned forward to listen to her voice.

   “I have something to tell you today.”

   The flickering candlelight reflected in her eyes. It was the first time Sangwoo closely examined Jihye’s face, realizing for the first time that there was a faint smile on her cheeks.

   “Wingardium Leviosa!”

   Just then, a man dressed as a wizard rushed in and presented them with a menu, cutting off their eye contact. Sangwoo returned to his seat and glanced at the menu.

   Sinister Rolled Egg Aged Alp[3] Chilled Yakisoba Soup. Although they were quite expensive, they paled in comparison to the gaming console Jihye had just acquired.

   “You can order anything you want. Budget is not exceeding 130,000 won.”

   “Yes!”

   Jihye pondered heavily and ordered, ‘Odung Coated Fried Dumplings,’ while Sangwoo ordered, ‘Kimbap Ramyeon Combo’ and ‘Plain Rice with Silkworm Pupae.’ After the wizard left… Sangwoo caught Jihye’s dissatisfied expression.

   “Are you about to say something?”

   “Oh… no, I’ll tell you later.”

   “Okay.”

   Silence fell over them. Sangwoo sat still, but his ears were attentive to every sound in the tent, as they had to go through this ordeal because he wondered what Jang Jaeyoung was doing, who he was talking to, and the voices he heard from that spot. The other side conversed with an unfamiliar person, took orders at the table, and provided service, causing Sangwoo’s heart to beat faster.

   “Oh, oppa! Would you like to hear a fun story?”

   “Hmm? Oh… sure, go ahead.”

   “So, I was walking down the street with Tuna Kimbap and Cheese

   Kimbap. Then we encountered a head floating in a jar, but…”

   “Brew~voo!”

   “Yikes, you startled me!”

   Just then, Frankenstein extended his spiked head towards them. Jihye seemed to levitate thirty centimeters in surprise. Although Jihye wore an angry and annoyed expression, lifting customers was the concept of the ghost tavern, so she could only be dumbfounded without being able to do anything.

   “The staff members are all mischievous, aren’t they?”

   “Do you like being here or not?”

   “It’s true, I don’t know what to say…”

   Then the conversation stopped again. Jihye moved her fingers for a moment before asking an unpleasant question.

   “Hey, I’ve been wondering for a long time… Do you have a girlfriend?”

   “No.”

   “Oh, really? Well then, hypothetically speaking… would you consider dating someone?”

   Sangwoo intended to answer that he was busy with studies and didn’t have time to think about it, but the vampire suddenly appeared, casting a curse and leaving in a grand gesture. It seemed like a made-up act. Then he disappeared.

   “What did he say?”

   Sangwoo sighed, leaning back in his chair. While Jihye remained silent for a while.

   “Shall we finish eating and leave?”

   “Take your time.”

   “Well… it’s too noisy here. I guess we won’t be able to talk.”

   At first, Sangwoo thought the young woman was just being timid, but the longer it went on, the more he understood those words. It was strange that as soon as Jihye said something, food would be served one by one. As they started talking about something, drama club members would show up and disrupt the rhythm. It might have been a coincidence, but it was clear that this wasn’t a suitable place for a talk.

   However, no matter what, Sangwoo’s attention was fixated on someone else entirely. Even as the other party was constantly taking pictures elsewhere. Having not been around here once, he didn’t even have the opportunity to see the other party’s makeup clearly.

   ‘Are we fuck-buddies?’

   Although he was now thinking of saying no.

   Sangwoo took a deep breath and leaned back on the chair. The more he imagined having sexual intercourse with Jaeyoung, the more he became confused. Sangwoo did not have the courage to penetrate his own genitalia into Jaeyoung’s ass. Furthermore, he was not confident that he could see Jaeyoung suffer from pain and agony like a person in a visual media perspective studying information.

   Jaeyoung kept his promise to provide full service by giving them three bottles of soju, dried squid, and egg rolls they had not yet ordered. Even the one who said she was leaving soon. Jihye. While still eating free food and drinking free alcohol, he even picked up a chopstick.

   “You’re really good at drinking, oppa.”

   Jihye also drank as well, but mostly the soju went into Sangwoo’s mouth, perhaps because of the stress he had accumulated over the heavy SaturdaySunday, he wanted to get drunk and forget it all.

   His state of mind resembled a computer that encountered hundreds of lines of error code, unfamiliar sadness, limited fear, conflicting feelings about intimacy, overwhelming anxiety, and lingering desires. Even the feeling of failure that came with losing in games didn’t bring him to press the keyboard; all of it was a mixture of negative and entangled emotions. If alcohol could make one forget everything, he would drink as much as he could.

   “Oh… the alcohol and glasses have arrived. Oh…”

   “Again? Thank you so much, is it too much?”

   “Meh, you foolish humans…”

   “Oops, it’s falling. And here’s the buttered corn, I’ll hold it myself.”

   At first, Jihye had a positive impression of Frankenstein, but then she started to get annoyed. No matter who came from the other side, she no longer felt surprised.

   They sat quietly for a while, eating with glasses and a free bottle of Soju. Jihye’s face turned red with the power of alcohol, and the young woman swayed along with the music. At the same time, they burst into laughter.

   Sangwoo blinked slowly, feeling his heavy eyelids.

   “Oppa… I said I had something to tell you today, right?”

   “Hmm, go ahead then.”

   Jihye smiled, raised her hand to fix her hair, and pulled a chair closer to the table. Then she spoke with a serious expression.

   “I might be a little drunk… I might say something wrong, so I’ll tell you next time, okay?”

   “When will that be?”

   “There will probably be another chance, just remember that today we went out together, read comics together, played games together, drank together, got it?”

   Jihye smiled and extended her hand as if receiving a gaming console. Sangwoo remembered the time she smiled like that before, and he raised his right hand. Then their hands touched, making a loud sound.

   “…”

   She was confident that he reached out his hand all the way to his arm, but for some reason, the hand that touched was a vampire’s hand. It wasn’t Jihye’s hand; it was a hand firmly holding Sangwoo’s finger.

   “It’s a shame, but it’s time to close the store, kids.”

   Jaeyoung placed Sangwoo’s hand on his own knee and spoke. Jihye had an indescribable expression as she still held her hand in the air. Jaeyoung gave a smile to the young woman.

   “It’s late now. Did you call home?”

   “I have freedom at home, no curfew. It’s okay.”

   “So, you have to hurry back. Your parents will worry, and I don’t know where your house is, but you should be able to catch the last bus.”

   A meaningless conversation. Sangwoo couldn’t overcome his drowsiness, feeling confused and scattered. And when he heard Jaeyoung’s voice above his head, he thought it felt good, but even so, it didn’t solve any problems.

   He had drunk too much; he was probably drunk.

   “Thank you for your concern. I’ll do what you said.”

   Jihye’s answer fell silent for a moment, then she spoke again.

   “Sangwoo sunbae, aren’t you going?”

   “Don’t worry about Sangwoo. I’ll take him home myself.”

   “Huh?”

   “It’s already dark outside. How can I let him go alone? Who knows what might happen?”

   “…”

   “Be careful, Jihye.”

   He seemed to be about to say something, but Sangwoo blinked his eyes. As soon as he managed to forget and open his eyes, he saw Jihye’s back disappearing from the tent. He had to go home, but he had no strength left.

   The people in the tent were busy clearing the tables. Jaeyoung looked away and said something, and that side turned to look at Sangwoo. When their eyes met, Sangwoo couldn’t control the muscles on his face and burst into laughter.

   ‘Ah… I must look like a fool.’

   Sangwoo turned away with an unwilling face, his heart beating irregularly and anxiety building up. At that moment, a large hand moved closer and covered his eyes, causing his vision to darken, his heart to tremble, and his mouth to involuntarily open.

   “Hyungjin, do you know where my car is?”

   “Yes.”

   “Take this child and put him in the seat next to the driver.”

   “Yes! Can I have the car keys, too? And what about you, hyung? Aren’t you coming back?”

   “Where can I go like this? I have to change clothes and wash my makeup first.”

   “That’s true. Oh, well, let’s go then. Thank you so much today, really. Because of you, the store sold a lot; it’s become a legend. I heard you were busy, thank you so much for listening to our request.”

   “No problem, I had fun too.”

   “Initially, you said you would only help when the restaurant opened., but you ended up staying until it closed. I’m grateful, really.”

   “It was only a few hours, after all.”

   When Jaeyoung removed his hand, light shone through Sangwoo’s eyelids once again. As soon as Sangwoo blinked his eyes, he saw the back of the vampire walking away. “I’m sorry.”

   Someone forcefully shook Sangwoo’s shoulder.

   “Wake up, please. Go wait in Jaeyoung’s car.” Frankenstein tugged on Sangwoo’s arm nonchalantly.

   ________________________________________.

[1]                 Cafe. Here, it refers to an online community type in Korea, similar to Facebook pages or groups used in Thailand.

[2]                 Duck eggs in Naktong River. Derived from the idiom 낙동강

   오리알

   “nakdonggang orial”, meaning “duck eggs in Naktong River.” which refers to being alone and isolated, having nothing in an unclear place.

[3]                 Al-bap “알밥”. Rice mixed with fish roe may include other side dishes as well.

      SMNTCERR CHAPTERS HOME

SMNTCERR, Chapter 40 <110> #4.

What is called a festival is filled with messy activities as expected. When passing through the university during the event, he had thought about this. Signs fluttered in the wind, colorful tents, strange people dressed strangely shouting and singing, creating an atmosphere that stimulates the ears and eyes. It can be said to be a place where everything that creates excitement for the ears and eyes is gathered together.

“Oh, wow, that’s impressive, isn’t it?”

Sangwoo thought that Jihye was usually a conscientious and flexible student, but today she seemed different. Her eyes were sparkling, and she said everything tasted delicious and admired everything she saw.

Sangwoo met Jihye at 11:00 a.m. and went to watch a magic club performance that could defy the laws of physics and deceive people’s eyes. At 12:02 p.m., they went to a café called “Paiyupsee” and endured the temptation of trickery with illustrated cards while enjoying sandwiches. At 12:42 p.m., they went to watch a music performance by the music club that almost blew their ears off. From 1:13 p.m. onwards, they drank water and read manga comics at the messy café of the cartoon club. At 3:43 p.m., Jihye walked out of the cartoon café with swollen eyes because she cried while reading the manga.

“I didn’t think Aran would die, was it leukemia?! I’m really sad. And to make matters worse, they have different mothers from Hee Hyul… It’s such a shocking twist.”

“It is not a real person, why are you crying like that?”

“Because it’s sad. So what are you reading?”

“Son Hee and Jaeyoung.”

“Is that story fun?”

“No.”

Ever since he was born, this was the first time he had ever read a story that was not fun at the end. He just kept flipping the pages without thinking, just to see the repeated appearance of the title.

They left the cartoon café and walked on the campus for a while. In the meantime, Jihye mentioned that she liked to forget about everyday life and wrote a daily diary with pictures. She insisted that it was necessary to have pictures of friends together, so they stopped walking for a moment to take selfies together.

Then Sangwoo’s footsteps stopped in front of a poster on the wall.

[Legendary Game Club is hosting! Arcade Game Tournament]

Although it was an unconscious response to the word “game.” he passed by without paying much attention. No, he didn’t. When he looked at the poster closely, he noticed that among the prizes, there was a mechanical keyboard, something he had been trying to find but ultimately failed to obtain.

“Oh! Oppa, shall we participate in this? This prize includes a mechanical keyboard, which is something I wanted to buy before.”

“Really? now?”

It was an activity that fulfilled the desires of both parties, a beneficial challenge, unlike the activities that made them look like fools in the past.

There, a large crowd had already gathered. The competition consisted of four games: Tetris, Bubble Bobble, Tekken, and Metal Slug. They began to plan and discuss strategies before filling out the application forms.

“Do you want this, oppa? Super Formic Com CX [1].”

“Um, it’s the grand prize of the Tetris game.”

“Tetris is my own responsibility.”

Jihye confidently tied up her long hair in a peculiar and charming way. She had heard that she used to play Tetris online when she was a child. She excelled in the game since elementary school, becoming a “Tetris Master.” and even reached the level of a “god.” distancing herself from the villagers without a trace. Although Sangwoo didn’t trust her abilities much, he entrusted Tetris to Jihye.

 

 

As for the keyboard, it’s the grand prize of Techken, right? I’ve never played this game before. Do you play it?”

“I play this game myself.”

Tekken Switch. Even though it had been a long time, he had played the arcade game several times before, so he knew how to handle it. It was a fighting game with simple gameplay. Sangwoo thought he would choose a character from the internet and memorize the combos [2] in advance. This was just a small competition, and he believed that even if he tried his best, he had a chance to win.

Sangwoo and Jihye looked at each other intently.

“Let’s go win the prize and exchange it afterward!”

“Sure!”

They submitted their applications and waited for a while. About fifty people gathered together, mostly congregated around the Tekken area, and they were all men. There was only Jihye and one other woman. While sitting on the stairs, there was a vacant space next to the Tetris game. Jihye stood up, turned her head left and right, and spoke to Sangwoo with a confident expression.

“Trust me, I’ll go get the game console for you.”

She walked along with the sound of her footsteps and sat down on the low chair. Tetris wasn’t about fighting but scoring points. Jihye immediately selected the highest difficulty level, and half of the screen was filled with obstacles, which descended rapidly.

Sangwoo watched Jihye’s hand movements as if she was being possessed by a haunting melody playing in the background. The blocks fell into position without any useless movements controlled perfectly by Jihye, who had excellent dynamic vision, decision-making skills, and complete control. She also minimized the number of rotations and left-right movements without any conditions. Every time a wall made up of long stacked blocks descended four rows at a time, Sangwoo felt a deep sense of satisfaction in his heart.

“See? I told you.”

After sitting for fourteen minutes, the speed at which the blocks fell became too fast to follow. Jihye accepted defeat and secured first place without a doubt, with a score tens of thousands higher than second place. Assuming nothing went wrong, she would be the owner of the game console.

“You’re amazing!”

Sangwoo’s face brightened with admiration as he reached out his hand to shake it, and she extended her hand for him to grasp gladly. Then Jihye smiled proudly and sat down next to Sangwoo, her cheeks turning red with excitement from the game.

While waiting, Sangwoo searched the internet for two Tekken characters and studied combos until he became proficient. As he continued to wait, it was finally his turn.

“Oppa, please pass.”

“I’ll do my best.”

Sangwoo walked straight to the Tekken corner, where there were two arcade machines facing each other like fighting games. There were many spectators here, unlike other games, and there were two commentators.

“Okay. Who’s the next competitor? Let me see the application… Oh, jesus!

It’s another computer engineering student friend.”

“Are these computer science majors gathering here?”

The man sitting opposite Sangwoo appeared older, with a good physique, wearing a baseball cap and a checkered shirt.

“It’s a computer engineering student challenge! You’re the first one to choose this character, right? Are you choosing a character that’s failed or this… are you really skilled?”

Ed vs. Tristan… That’s strange. What they have in common is that they are both computer characters. If you don’t control them well, they become useless characters. Oh, it’s starting now!”

The power analysis was completed in ten seconds. When he saw how the game was being handled, he realized how well the other side understood the game. Sangwoo’s fighting partner sitting in that spot had defeated five consecutive opponents, but the opposing side was moving too advantageously and the reaction was slow.

“Ah, he’s fallen! Ed! Ed! He destroyed the computer of the defending side and then taunted like that! Wave Dash looks beautiful! Ah, he collapsed with that kind of fishing stance [3]!”

“It’s a fantastic play! Among today’s competitors, who has this level of skill? I bet 500 won he must be the son of the owner of the game arcade.”

Too easy. Sangwoo’s fighting partner slumped back awkwardly. Then the next challenger came in, another person wearing a similar cap and looking very young. Sangwoo chose the same character again and started the game.

“Ed vs. Tristan again? It’s teasing for a worm-like bug, do I really need to use all my power or not?”

“Maybe I can just play with two characters. Oh wow! Look at that! Using blocks moves so quickly.”

“Cornered now. Totally cornered. Wow… Is the next challenger confused?

Com-bo-not-un-der-stood! It’s sliced to pieces. Truly amazing.”

The next round of matches was easy. Sangwoo raised his hand to Jihye, who was cheering not far away. The next opponent, the next one, and the next one were easily defeated. They were all newcomers who didn’t know how to use computers well but were randomly pressing buttons. Sangwoo won continuously against fourteen people.

 

 

It seems like today is the birth of the Tekken King. In this way, seizing victory won’t be a problem, and enduring for just ten more minutes. There’s only one challenger left. In the end, can our Ed-Tristan friend preserve the kingdom…”

“Alright then. The final challenger has arrived. Is he from the Cosplay Club? He has a unique style, oh! And looking at the application… he’s not an engineering student.”

Sangwoo secretly glanced at the other side with suspicion. The person sitting across was wearing an outfit that seemed to come directly from mid-century Europe: a white shirt covered with a red jacket, black pants, and formal black shoes. On the back, he wore a high-collared cloak and a dokkaebi mask[4].

‘He’s an intriguing character.’

Sangwoo chose his original character without thinking much.

“Go, Sang-chu!”

When he heard Jihye’s cheer, Sangwoo raised his sculpture. But at that moment, the opposing character rushed forward, releasing a stunning pose. He swiftly used evasive moves, so the character didn’t float in the air, but HP decreased significantly.

“This isn’t easy.”

“Wow! This is an attack as sharp as a knife. Our challenger’s Ed character seems to be skilled at countering Rosé.”

“Rosé is a strong character on her own. Will our defending champion student be able to withstand the goddess Rosé… It’s very exciting to follow.”

The opposing character moved continuously, releasing quick strikes. His movements were excessively small and chaotic, making it difficult to anticipate. However, he didn’t approach the defending side too closely, maintaining an appropriate distance and demonstrating animal-like precision.

Almost hit the wall just now. The defending champion’s character seems clearly bright.”

“Ohhh, while the challenger was sliding forward, hands clashed. It’s a chance to send the fighting pair to the next world in the blink of an eye…”

“Even if I missed, my hands are still fast as ever. Upper strike, upper strike, lower strike, ohh, fast as a ghost. Hard to predict patterns at all.”

When under heavy pressure, he couldn’t perform combos. Sangwoo observed the complex playing style of the opposing side and switched characters, aiming only to make his opponent float in the air. He chose a character capable of doing that on the screen and attacking from angles that would make the opposing side float.

“Tristan, suddenly pops up, Wind God Fist! Four RP [5] four RP, four RP, and here we go again. And here we go again. Ah… Tristan is truly imposing.

Unexpected uppercut!”

“JUG-GLE-COM-BO [6]! Devil, Spin! Both Wind God Fist, both Spinning Demon, how many moves will there be? The combo never stops! What era is that person from? Is he our junior?”

“I don’t know either. I’ll call him “sunbae.” Our friend, Rosé, has released her hand. His concentration must have been broken by now. Takeout!

Knockout!”

When one character from the opposing side died, the substitute character took its place. Sangwoo hesitated for a moment and was counterattacked by the opposing side’s combo.

“Wow! Challenger, are you ready to fight? You started it, so let’s go.”

“Trick with a low blow and then use combo moves like that. Who will be the winner can’t be said anymore.”

The fierce battle continued. Then Sangwoo’s character fell while the opposing side’s HP decreased by only 30%. He pulled out the remaining character. From here on, it was a decisive battle where there was no turning back.

“This challenger is not easy at all. He’s really skilled in psychological warfare.”

“Our defending champion seems to be using the macros button [8] heavily.

No loopholes! Can he win fifteen matches in a row?”

They exchanged blows lightly, taking turns attacking two or three times. The opponent used a left hook macro, but Sangwoo didn’t allow himself to be attacked and disrupted that move. Then Sangwoo’s consecutive attacks were also blocked. This was the round that determined the outcome.

While he focused intently on the game, the shaking of the opponent’s legs made him annoyed. The extended knee from the arcade cabinet looked familiar, but he couldn’t quite place where he had seen those legs before.

“Looks like you are done with studying.”

At that moment, he heard a low grunt that made his hair stand on end. Sangwoo evaded the opponent’s attack and moved his character to the corner before stretching his neck to look at the opposite screen. The opponent wore a mysterious mask, but he sensed that they were locked in a battle of wits.

“I’m prepared and ready to have some fun.”

“Jang… Jaeyoung? What are you doing… here…”

Sangwoo turned his gaze back to the screen and picked up the controller sticker, but he had lost his coolness.

“I’m just here to play a game.”

Sangwoo’s Ed character was hit by the simultaneous attack of Jaeyoung’s Lillith hands and fell without a chance to fight back.

“My Sangwoo.”

 

 

The fatal strike aimed at the lower area made him think of dodging, but it was too late.

“You seem confident in your techniques, let’s see how it goes.” The opponent’s kick reduced Ed’s HP by more than half.

“Just waiting for the right moment.”

And then, Deathly Arrow from Lillith made him fall.

The two commentators spoke excitedly, but Sangwoo couldn’t hear anything anymore. return 0;.

________________________________________.

[1]      Super Famicom, known as Super Family Computer “SNES”, is a video game console developed by Nintendo.

[2]      Combo refers to executing consecutive attacks using the same move or different moves, or in team-based games, it can involve multiple team members performing continuous attacks in unison.

[3]      Bread and Butter “BnB” or BnB combos are basic combo moves that should be practiced for each character. They are easy to perform and have a decent level of strength, similar to common food combinations like bread and butter. In some cases, they may also be referred to as Auto Combos.

[4]      Tekken, a Korean giant.

[5]      RP stands for Right Punch.

[6]      Juggle Combo refers to combos where our character is on the ground while the opponent is floating, similar to juggling a ball in midair.

[7]      Devil Spin is a shortened term for the move called Spinning Demon.

[8]      Mouse macros are used to record all actions that occur, making our gameplay easier, especially for games that require cheat codes or multiple button presses simultaneously.

 

   SMNTCERR CHAPTERS HOME

SMNTCERR, Chapter 39 <110> #3.

   The notebook should have been left blank but was filled with numerous drawings. There were pictures of various cars and guns on a couple of pages, while the rest were drawings of people, all of them cartoon characters, SD, wearing black caps, pointing fingers, with dark eyes that extended down to the cheeks, big heads, and thin bodies like tree branches. When flipping through a few more pages, he came across a cartoon series called “Killing, Chaseo…”

   ‘When did he draw these pictures?’

   In the four-panel cartoon, Sangwoo in the form of SD was cut in half, crushed into powder, blown up like a balloon and burst, and had his cap snatched away until he fell ill and died. Each image was peculiar and absurd, but because they were drawn as cartoons, Sangwoo chuckled softly when he saw them. However, the final picture didn’t look like the usual line drawings by Jaeyoung—it was a side view of a man wearing a hat, drawn so realistically it resembled a photograph.

   ‘Is this me?’

   The drawing was so well-done that it could pass for a celebrity—slightly lowered eyes with eyelashes arranged neatly, a prominent nose, lips drawn with soft curves, a neck with carefully rendered lighting and shadows, an extended Adam’s apple and muscles connecting to the shoulders. There was even a fly perched on the shirt collar. Sangwoo looked down at his own collar and realized for the first time that there was a fly sitting there too.

   “Does Jang Jaeyoung know that you’re here? Don’t just sit there, try calling him.”

   The person stealthily hunting animals behind him spoke up. Sangwoo slid the notebook into his backpack once again and closed it shut.

   “I don’t have any plans today, so it’s okay to wait a little longer.”

   “And if he doesn’t come, well, I feel uneasy. It’s nothing, can you make the call instead?”

   “Whatever, go ahead.”

   The person hunting animals blew air through their mouth and picked up the phone. After a moment, they dialed a number and switched on the speaker mode, and he heard the familiar ringing sound.

   Doot… Doot… Doot…

   The louder the ringing sound became, once, twice, three times, repeating continuously, the more frustrated he became, but Jaeyoung didn’t answer. Even after calling two more times, it was still the same. The person who stealthily hunted and insulted him, saying ‘let’s see who will win’ but no matter how many times he called, the outcome remained unchanged.

   “That guy must be intentionally ignoring me, huh? Here, let me try calling him with your phone.”

   Sangwoo responded to that request politely, called Jaeyoung, and handed the phone to the other party. This time, the person who stealthily hunted pressed the speakerphone button as usual.

   Beep… Beep… Beep… Beep… Beep… Beep….

   [Hello.]

   “What’s wrong with you? Why don’t you answer my calls!”

   [Are you with Sangwoo?]

   The person who stealthily hunted glanced with dark, piercing eyes.

   “Where are you?”

   [Home. I asked if you’re with Sangwoo?]

   “This kid came to the office and refused to go there. He is just sitting there with a dissatisfied face. Not doing anything! I’m suffocating to death here.

   Come and pick him up now.”

   A soft sigh could be heard from the speaker.

   [Got it.]

   The conversation ended. The other party hung up.

   “I wonder if this guy thinks I’m so easy, thinking he has no need to answer immediately, deliberately ignoring me.”

   The person who stealthily hunted made a gurgling sound before handing the phone back to Sangwoo. Sangwoo put the communication device in his backpack and picked up a book.

   “Um… So, Chu Sangwoo.”

   “Please remember other people’s names correctly.”

   It seemed like he had talked about this issue ten times before.. Sangwoo had tried to remember the name of the person who stealthily hunted, but he hadn’t recorded the information. However, he saw the gold necklace around the other party’s neck, with the name ‘Choi Yoona’ written on it.

   “Do you mind if I call you Choi Yoochwe?”

   “That’s not a big deal.”

   “Then from now on, I’ll call you that. Choi Yoochwe.”

   “…”

   Sangwoo seemed somewhat uncomfortable when he saw the face of the other party. It was true that their interactions were limited to arguments during their time together, so the impression wasn’t great. Even though he didn’t necessarily need to have a good relationship with such a tough guy.

   “Are you guys fighting or something…? I haven’t seen you here recently. And looking at Jang Jaeyoung’s expression…”

   “Forget the pressure to engage in pointless conversations. Act like I’m not here. You can do whatever you want. Choi Yoochwe.”

   “I’m asking out of curiosity. Are you fighting? Why are you fighting?”

   “We’re not fighting. And you don’t need to know either.Choi Yoochwe.”

   Hyungnim and I drank together and then kissed. After that, our opinions about the future diverged into two sides, and that wasn’t good. So Sangwoo kept his mouth shut.

   Suddenly, he glanced over and saw Yoona’s desk. When he saw the tangled mess of wires, it reminded him of his own situation, and he couldn’t stand it. Sangwoo got up and walked towards the girl’s table. Her eyes, surrounded by dark circles, looked up at Sangwoo.

   “If you are not doing anything, just take a break, okay?”

   When he saw Sangwoo gesturing for her to come out, the girl stood up. Sangwoo controlled the mouse and keyboard to save the work of the twelve programs that were open, then shut down the computer, turned off the speakers, closed the computer screen, found the buttons of the devices that looked like switches and turned them off, and closed the devices under the desk that he didn’t know what they were for. Then he started dealing with the cables.

   He unplugged the hard drive cable halfway and inserted it into the case, rolled up the mouse cable, tablet charger cable, and put it in the drawer, unplugged the mouse and keyboard cables, and placed them next to each other. Then he began organizing the power cords for the computer screen and CPU, which were tangled messes, and plugged them back in, installed a four-port extension plug behind the computer screen, neatly arranged the remaining device cables so they wouldn’t tangle, and after that, the desk looked much cleaner.

   Sangwoo used a yellow rubber band lying on the table to tie up the loose cables neatly and revealed a satisfied expression. The speaker wires were not short, but it was because the person who used them was careless. People often mistreat machinery.

   “You should turn on the TV and watch programs like “Master in the House

   [1]” or something.”

   “Next, organize it like this because I like to plug in unused items all over the place. The table is cluttered with things.”

   “I use all of them.”

   “Well then, go ahead and do it like that.”

   While both of them were talking, the office door opened. Jaeyoung kicked the door closed with his foot and took a long step, wearing a white sweatshirt with a baseball team logo on the front and black trousers. He walked past Sangwoo and sat down at his own desk.

   “Oh, so the grumpy old man is here.”

   Upon hearing Jaeyoung’s sarcastic remark, Yoona burst into laughter.

   “Why are you so grumpy?”

   “Ask yourself.”

   Jaeyoung played with his mobile phone nonchalantly without responding. Sangwoo looked at the other side silently, but Jaeyoung kept staring at the phone screen without saying anything. The side profile of the other person’s face showed a cool and somewhat disdainful expression, which made Yoona chuckle uncontrollably.

   “Hey… Why are you guys arguing? Quickly make up and be friends again.”

   “We’re not arguing, but it’s a weirder situation than that.”

   Jaeyoung crossed his legs and put his chin on his knee, examining his own fingernails.

   “Why are you here? I know you probably came to ask about the job, but I haven’t done anything, so what should I do? Should I just stand here raising my hand?”

   “No. About the offer from the senior… I said I would consider it and let you know by tomorrow, right?”

   “Yes, that’s right.”

   “I think I’ll let you know in advance today, so I came here.”

   Jaeyoung’s gaze intensified as he sneaked a look at Yoona’s back and spoke to her.

   “Hey, is it time for you to smoke, Yoona?”

   “Do you want me to leave? Well, that’s a way to chase someone away.”

   “Come back in ten minutes then.”

   “That’s funny. How about paying the rent?”

   Jaeyoung’s command was unfair, and it seemed like Yoona strongly opposed it, but she just expressed her dissatisfaction. Then she grabbed her mobile phone and wallet.

   “You guys have made the working atmosphere abnormal enough. Take responsibility and fix it. I’ll be gone for just ten minutes, really.”

   The young woman cursed under her breath and walked backward. When she opened the door and left, there were only two people left in the room.

   Silence ensued for a moment. Jaeyoung, who had been playing with his phone and putting it in his pocket without realizing when, looked at Sangwoo. There was no hint of playfulness behind the lens of his glasses, his eyes didn’t even blink because he had encountered the other party for the second time in two weeks, and Sangwoo’s body had already undergone a chemical reaction.

   “The proposal from you, hyung… I agree. I think it makes sense. Besides, you have more experience. So I’ll give extra points starting from next week.”

   Sangwoo calmly explained his decision to Jaeyoung. It was a purely sexual desire, 100% pure affection, with no other intentions. Sangwoo was like a wild person who had never touched civilization, holding a club and hunting down unnecessary desires that bothered him.

   Jaeyoung listened with an indifferent face and spoke one word.

   “What is the proposal? Please explain clearly.”

   “It’s giving permission for both parties to engage in normal dating activities.”

   “With the purpose of resolving sexual desires?”

   “Yes.”

   “Sleeping together… like that, right?”

   “Yes.”

   “Damn it, you bastard.”

   Sangwoo doesn’t understand Jaeyoung’s reaction. He is the one who presented the problematic proposal that goes against moral ethics. And now he acts as if Sangwoo did something wrong.

   “Honestly, I didn’t think you would agree and I don’t know what to say.

   Well… let’s see.”

   “Alright then, I’ll get in touch later.”

   As Sangwoo finished speaking, he prepared to stand up from his seat, but Jaeyoung’s voice stopped him.

   “Wait.”

   Jaeyoung didn’t move, he looked at Sangwoo with the same expression on his face as before, and spoke with a cool tone.

   “Why don’t we start today like it’s Monday? Do we have to prepare?”

   “Yes. And we have to study too.”

   “Study what?”

   “Do I have to tell you?”

   Jaeyoung pursed his lips, his face changed profoundly.

   “Um… I think I already know what you’re going to say, so Monday… the hotel, right?”

   “I understand it that way too.”

   Jaeyoung exhaled and rubbed his face with his hand, making a loud sound,  “Hoo.”

   “Okay, I understand now. So there’s nothing today. We haven’t seen each other for two weeks, so maybe there’s a lot of accumulated desire, isn’t it?”

   “How can we do something about it today? I didn’t prepare anything.”

   “It’s not about that, but there are other things we can do here.”

   Jaeyoung has a tendency to speak ambiguously. So when talking to Sangwoo, he often had to think again, but this time it wasn’t difficult.

   “Last Saturday, we went to the liquor store, remember?”

   “Doing it again won’t kill us, right?”

   ‘That’s true.’

   Sangwoo stretched his legs and pushed the chair back with his foot. Then he approached Jaeyoung gradually. As the chairs collided, Jaeyoung’s chair was pushed back slightly. Sangwoo reached out and held onto the chair, then raised his head. Jaeyoung, who was only inches away, widened his eyes. Sangwoo could clearly feel the desire swirling inside him.

   “I want to kiss you, but… Should we lock the door first?”

   “Go ahead.”

   Sangwoo stood up and walked over to press the round doorknob. Then, when he turned around, Jaeyoung appeared in front of him without making a sound.

   “Oh, jesus..”

   Jaeyoung’s hands quickly cupped both sides of his cheeks. As the other party’s lips pressed down, Sangwoo couldn’t say anything anymore. Sangwoo closed his eyes, overwhelmed by the scent of vanilla from Jaeyoung’s lips. He couldn’t know what components were in the saliva of the other party that made it taste sweet. A storm of emotions raged, making his mind clouded and unable to focus, as if a heavy rain just fell with thunder and lightning at the same time.

   Sangwoo’s tongue swept across Jaeyoung’s entire mouth, showing the overwhelming feeling that was difficult to control. His head was filled with thoughts of wanting to conquer and devour the other party who made him feel strange sensations, but it was hard to distinguish whether it was a good or bad feeling.

   When he couldn’t breathe anymore, Sangwoo pushed Jaeyoung away before taking a deep breath as if he had just finished running. Then he used the back of his hand to wipe the corners of his mouth. Jaeyoung bit his lower lip slightly and whispered softly.

   “You don’t look like that on the outside. And why are you so intense like this?”

   The low, hoarse voice provoked Sangwoo’s desires even more. Why did he do this? It only made things worse. It didn’t solve any problems. Sangwoo didn’t know how to deal with this overwhelming desire, so he took a deep breath.  ‘If I endure until Monday, maybe the problem can be solved.’ One pair of serious eyes stared almost piercingly at Sangwoo’s face.

   “I’m really confused whether you’re an idiot or a genius.”

   “I don’t understand what you’re saying, but I’ll leave first.”

   Sangwoo returned to his seat, slung his bag over his shoulder, and felt that if he stayed here, he might commit some kind of crime, so he quickly left the office.

   return 0;.

   ________________________________________.

   [1] Life Master, translated from the name of a South Korean television program, SBS’s “Saenghwal-eui Dal-in” “Master in the House”, which presents the lives of people who have worked in one field for many years and have become experts and role models in their lives.

      SMNTCERR CHAPTERS HOME

SMNTCERR, Chapter 38 <110> #2.

   Sangwoo remained silent until Jaeyoung finished smoking a cigarette. The other party used the heel of his shoe to extinguish the cigarette and then raised his hand to wipe his face as if washing it. Not sure if Sangwoo was looking at the time, but he felt like only a short while had passed. When the waiting time came to an end, Sangwoo locked eyes with Jaeyoung.

   “Okay, it’s clear then. If you understand just that, then it can be called desire.”

   Jaeyoung murmured with a cool smile, flicking his finger as a signal to come closer. The other party didn’t smile at all, which made Sangwoo feel slightly tense.

   “Hurry up before I get angrier than this.”

   Sangwoo slowly crawled on his knees towards the other party, while Jaeyoung only flicked his fingers with a cool gaze. Sangwoo kept moving forward until there was a distance of about one table’s width between them, then he stopped.

   “What’s the matter?”

   Suddenly, Jaeyoung lifted his hips and moved forward, grabbing Sangwoo’s hand from the floor and holding it firmly before he could react, causing Sangwoo to stiffen.

   “I’ve got your hand now.”

   The young man extended his hand and cupped Sangwoo’s cheek, slowly tracing the edge of his lips with his thumb.

   “Kissed and done.”

   Sangwoo felt a shiver and took a small step back, but Jaeyoung tilted his head back and wrapped his arms around him once again, the whispered words of the other party sending chills down Sangwoo’s arms.

   “So now it’s just about sex, right? Isn’t that so?”

   Sangwoo’s cap bumped into Jaeyoung’s forehead before falling back and following it with a loud thud. It was difficult to tell from their soft, light-colored eyes whether they were mocking, taunting, or genuinely making a heartfelt offer. Moreover, Sangwoo’s heart was pounding excessively, and his skin failed to regulate his body temperature, making it impossible for him to focus on rational thinking.

   “I have two questions.”

   Sangwoo struggled to gather his scattered consciousness and spoke.

   Jaeyoung moved his mouth slightly, urging him to continue.

   “First question, men can’t have sex together. If that’s the case, how do we satisfy our desires?…”

   “It can be done.”

   “Really? How?… What is it?”

   “If you don’t know, then stay ignorant until I take care of it myself.”

   “Why are you so confident? Have you ever tried it?”

   “Yes, I have. Next question.”

   Jaeyoung, who had been staring at Sangwoo almost piercingly, turned his face away. Sangwoo received no other answer besides the information that the other party had experienced on the men satisfying their desires towards each other. However, he decided to go on and explore further and moved on to the next question.

   “Second question, what good can come from such an abnormal relationship?”

   “Why don’t you think you would do it if you were in a fort surrounded by the enemy ?”

   Jaeyoung replied softly, tightening the hands intertwined in a whisper.

   “There are enemy soldiers camped outside. If we let them be like this, they will surround us, shoot arrows, cut off our water supply, and create chaos in every possible way. Well, there are two options now.” Jaeyoung’s index finger flicked up.

   “I don’t care, I’ll be waiting for them to disappear on their own.”

   Sangwoo remained silent, thinking that he already knew what the other party’s issue was, while Jaeyoung slowly raised his middle finger.

   “Alright, if you were to go deal with those bastards, how do you prefer to handle it?”

   “…”

   “Originally, when there is a problem, we should approach the heart of that problem and eliminate the root cause as quickly as possible, shouldn’t we?

   You seem like that kind of person.”

   Sangwoo paused without saying anything, reminiscing about his experiences in graduate school. During that time, there were bees before the military problems, so he wore a chemical protection suit and caught the bees himself.

   Jaeyoung tapped his finger right around his heart.

   “Two, if you had to go deal with those bastards yourself. How do you prefer to handle it?”

   “…”

   “Initially, when there’s a problem, we should get to the heart of that problem and eliminate the root cause as quickly as possible, right? You seem like someone who would do that.”

   Sangwoo remained silent, his mind drifting back to his experiences during his twenties in the army. Back then, there were bees that invaded the military camp prior to a crisis, so he wore a chemical protection suit and caught the bees himself. Jaeyoung tapped his finger around his heart area as a sign of solidarity.

   “If you want your desires to calm down, there’s only one way, don’t avoid it, don’t act indifferent. Try going all the way with me, see for yourself how it feels when you fully reach it, maybe the disturbing feeling you have might disappear.”

   ‘It sounds motivating. Plus, we can continue with the project.’

   According to Sangwoo’s principles, he should reject that he couldn’t do it, and the majority opinion on the Internet says that ‘bed-friends’, meeting to satisfy sexual desires, is an immoral form of relationship. No matter how strong the sexual desire is. As a rational human being, he should overcome it, but when he listened to Jaeyoung’s standpoint, it had an unexpected rationale.

   Above all, sweat was seeping out from his hands that were holding each other, and Sangwoo wanted to maintain that state. He wanted to look, to touch, to kiss, and to do more with Jaeyoung than that. It was a desire born in his heart that seemed like it wouldn’t easily disappear just by overlooking it.

   Really? If you want to deal with desires, do you have to walk into the heart of it? It’s a pity that it’s an anxiety he has never experienced before, and therefore, he doesn’t have enough cushion to make a decision.

   “First, let go of me first.”

   Sangwoo pushed Jaeyoung difficulty, pulling his hand away, and he stepped back, distancing himself from the other party. Although it was a tempting offer, Sangwoo wasn’t someone who made important decisions based on momentary desires. He picked up his hat, put it on, and spoke.

   “I need time to consider the proposal.”

   “Okay, how long will it take then?”

   “Two weeks.”

   “Two weeks? Do you know that I don’t have much time?”

   “I know, but next week I have mid-term exams. If you check the schedule, you’ll see that I don’t have any free time for two weeks. During that time, I will consider your proposal. As for graphic work, you can follow the schedule. And compress the files for upload through FTP[1] on the 26th of April.”

   “You stubborn brat.”

   After finishing his words, Sangwoo stood up, his hand still held by Jaeyoung.

   As he walked past Jaeyoung, the other party called out to him.

   “Chu Sangwoo.”

   “What’s the matter?”

   “For you, is there something difficult?”

   “I don’t understand what you’re saying. Let’s discuss it in the next meeting.”

   “Meaningless meeting.”

   As he walked to the door, Sangwoo felt adrenaline coursing through his veins.  return 0;

   For Sangwoo, the exam period was not much different from normal times. However, he was already reviewing the lessons every day. The exams just had a slightly increased amount of content to read. This semester, he had to try harder because initially he didn’t pay much attention to studying. But after Jaeyoung withdrew from the class in the second week, he gradually caught up with the lessons, so it wasn’t that difficult. As for the game, since there was no meeting scheduled, he had plenty of time to fully immerse himself and complete all the quests.

   On Wednesday, Ru Jihye invited him to read a book together. Sangwoo thought that the subject “Contemporary Culture and Cultural Theory” was his weak point, so he agreed and hoped for help from the other party. On Saturday, he took a break from his part-time job as it was during the exam period and had a date with a girl at the coffee shop she chose. They spent valuable time exchanging explanations of theory and checking each other’s understanding, as well as supplementing the missing content.

   A busy week of exams passed by. Although most of them were written exams, there were some oral exams like the Chinese language course, and some subjects assigned assignments instead of exams. None of the subjects were overly difficult. In each semester, Sangwoo never missed the top rank in his class, counting only five subjects.

   “It’s still difficult, isn’t it?”

   After finishing the exam for the subject “Contemporary Culture and Cultural Theory.” Jihye asked.

   “Especially question 15, it requires knowing the origins of theories at the city level to answer correctly. Isn’t it too detailed, like setting up a test to answer it wrong?”

   “But regarding question 22, it’s complicated.”

   “Oh, really? Is it a critical commentary question using the ideas of modern postmodernism[2] with the concept of Adorno[3]? When we checked it before, you knew about these two perspectives, so why is it difficult?”

   They discussed the exam in detail and went to have lunch at the cafeteria.

   Jihye had high expectations for the exam results as she was a dedicated student.  “From what I’ve heard, it seems like you can handle it better than me. If we remove question 22, which might cost some points, you won’t make any mistakes, right?”

   “Well, maybe.”

   “What if, I’ve explained everything to you, and you’ve done well on your own so far. Isn’t it too much now?”

   “But if I deliberately answer incorrectly, you won’t be able to help me again, will you?”

   Jihye pursed her lips, indicating that she didn’t understand the feelings of the other party who was sad but willing to help someone who understood the lessons less than herself. Sangwoo made a big decision to speak kindly to her because he understood deeply what someone once said, that humans are emotional beings.

   “In the past, I was good at memorizing, but I didn’t grasp this subject well.

   You’ve been able to explain it better.”

   “Are you saying this seriously? Really?”

   ‘So, you want to hear some kind words twice.’

   Sangwoo ignored the other party and continued eating. After finishing their meal, they stopped by a convenience store to buy coffee. Jihye followed him closely and grabbed a coffee can, then said:

   “Oppa, let me help you study and I’ll even buy you coffee. Can you also listen to my request a little?”

   “Is this some kind of trap?”

   “Yes, you’ve indebted to me. Please listen to my request.”

   Jihye sweetly smiled, looking a bit scary, and Sangwoo tried to guess what the other party would ask for. But all he could think of were requests like treating her to a meal or helping her carry something. It didn’t matter how much she asked for those kinds of matters.

   “Alright, try telling me first.”

   “During the festival, what will you be doing?”

   When he heard unexpected words above his expectations, Sangwoo frowned slightly. He didn’t feel good about festivals. He had never participated in any festival activities, and usually, the university would have a week off during the festival, so he would find something useful to do with his time.

   “I’m working, you know.”

   “Oh, you already have something to do? But even so, I’ve helped you a lot already. Can I have one more day, please?”

   “Why?”

   “On Monday. Let’s go to the festival together.”

   “Why?”

   “I want to enjoy the festival, but I don’t have any friends to go with.”

   “Why do you need friends to go with?”

   “Stop asking, please. It’s my request. Just agree to it, okay? Hurry up.”

   It was not a situation where Sangwoo could refuse. Jihye had helped him a lot, and if he refused this request, she would use elegant words to manipulate him. Reluctantly, Sangwoo agreed without enthusiasm, and upon hearing that, Jihye smiled and scheduled to meet at the main entrance at eleven o’clock.  return 0;

   The exams are all finished. The exam results turned out as expected, except for the Cultural Theory subject, which was better than anticipated. The rest were not disappointing.

   Sangwoo went out for meals, bought coffee, and took strolls, feeling more excited than usual.

   During the busy two weeks, there was something missing from his life that used to be there. Because of its absence, he felt like he had done something wrong abnormally. His concentration decreased, but he had set a date to meet again, so he endured it for about one week. On his desktop, there was a folder named ‘Jang Jaeyoung’ as well.

   ‘Don’t avoid it, don’t ignore it. Try it out until the end with me and see how it feels. Maybe the unsettling feeling you have will disappear.’

   The long exam period was an opportunity to test two ways of dealing with problems. If what Sangwoo felt was just a temporary confusion, it would disappear in two weeks. But if after the exams, that feeling still remained, he would have to confront it head-on. Sangwoo often avoided uncertainties, but the problem would still be a problem. There wasn’t much he could do now except wait in a state of uncertainty and be vigilant.

   The experiment ended along with the exams. Sangwoo separated reasoning and emotions from each other and observed himself meticulously in his daily life. The results were clear. If he left the enemy soldiers outside the fortress without paying attention, they would become more aggressive and gain strength.

   He missed the face of Jang Jaeyoung, the voice of Jang Jaeyoung, the gestures of Jang Jaeyoung, the facial expressions of Jang Jaeyoung, the tone of voice of Jang Jaeyoung, the scent of Jang Jaeyoung, thinking about everything that was different in each day of Jang Jaeyoung’s life, even things he used to hate at first. Even though he looked at the pictures and videos of the other person repeatedly and listened to Jaeyoung’s playlist before going to bed, the emptiness was not easily filled. The more he let go of his desires, the stronger they became each day, and there was a tendency for them to contaminate his mental world.

   When one option becomes invalid and only one option remains, there are still two days left until the scheduled announcement date. However, Sangwoo made his decision earlier. He went to his office without saying a word. There was only one female design student in the room who was two years older than Sangwoo but in the same year.

   “Jang Jaeyoung isn’t here.”

   The girl wore a jacket full of animal fur, making her look like a stealthy hunter. She noticed Sangwoo’s posture and lowered the volume of the song playing. Tangled around the falling speakers were cables, a keyboard, a mouse, a tablet, phone charging cables, hard drives, computer screens, wires, USB cables, two power strips with four outlets, all scattered in one messy place.

   “The speakers these days have short cables, huh?”

   The stealthy hunter complained as she dealt with the fallen speakers. Sangwoo learned that if the question sounds silly, he had nothing to say. He sat down in an empty seat and looked automatically at Jaeyoung’s seat, cleaned up the trash, and picked up a cigarette box, lip balm, an umbrella case, earphones, and a lighter from the ashtray.

   When he opened the ashtray, he saw something familiar. It was a 2,000-won notebook that Jaeyoung had forced Sangwoo to sell. He had been using this design notebook for several years, and there was no way he could forget it. It was the first week of the new semester back then, and now six weeks had passed without him realizing it, a time when Jang Jaeyoung followed him like stalking and maliciously taunted him. Sangwoo felt strangely nostalgic and opened the notebook to take a look.

   ________________________________________.

[1]      FTP, short for File Transfer Protocol, is used for transferring large files from one server to another or from a user’s device to a server for file storage.

[2]      Postmodernism, also known as the postmodern perspective or the postmodernist mindset, sometimes referred to as “postmodernity” or “the postmodern era.” is an intellectual, philosophical, cultural, social, musical, and other perspective that diverges from the traditional perspectives of the world.

[3]      Theodor Adorno, a German philosopher and sociologist.

      SMNTCERR CHAPTERS HOME

SMNTCERR, Chapter 37 <110> #1.

Sangwoo was on his way back home after finishing his part-time job. Yesterday’s incident had made him feel uneasy all day, and every tired and irritating step drained his energy. As he walked into the alley in front of his house, Sangwoo genuinely felt like collapsing onto his bed.

There was a person sitting disrespectfully in front of the building, wearing gray sports pants and a bright yellow hoodie, with a hood covering their head, and chewing bubblegum. On the other hand, it looked like an arcade game machine. Bubbles popped out of its mouth before it burst loudly.

It was unbelievable that he had kissed that person twice now and Sangwoo wasn’t in the mood to talk to the other party, so he hurriedly walked towards the apartment entrance. But before he could enter, Jaeyoung, who had been sitting still without moving, walked over and blocked the door, lifting his leg to block it. Just as Sangwoo thought of crossing over, the backpack on the back of his jeans was grabbed and pulled back until he stumbled.

‘This is sexual harassment.’

Because the other party’s hand touched his hip, at this time he wanted to speak out like that, but unfortunately, Sangwoo didn’t have the right to speak.

“Just like that, where are you going? Are you crazy?”

Jaeyoung stood up and blocked the door, observing the atmosphere and demeanor of the other party. It wouldn’t be surprising if he was scolded. Sangwoo calmly looked for a loophole. If he really decided to act, he could break through, but he might get caught while entering the door code.

“Why shouldn’t you have any principles like this? If you kissed someone twice, shouldn’t you have to explain something? How is what you did different from sexual harassment?”

“…”

He checked several times to make sure the other party was really asleep.

Then how did the other party know? Sangwoo hesitated before speaking.

“The first time… I have nothing to say. I was wrong, I apologize. As for the second time, it can be considered a mistake on both sides, so let’s pretend nothing happened.”

“Mistake on both sides?”

“Well, hyung you came and touched my face first… And then spoke in a strange manner, saying it was a mistake caused by alcohol. Normally, I’m not someone who does things without thinking, but because I was drunk…”  Jaeyoung just stared at Sangwoo. When the other party smiled, his face looked lively, but when he put on a blank face, it seemed devoid of any real emotion. Sangwoo felt uncomfortable seeing the cold gaze of the person in front of him.

“Do I need to apologize?”

“Yes. Let’s apologize to each other and make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

The corners of Jaeyoung’s lips twisted into a forced smile, but his eyes remained cold.

“What should I do? I don’t feel guilty at all. And I can’t guarantee that I won’t do it again in the future.”

However, what came back was an unexpected answer. Even though Sangwoo was confident that the other party must consider this a mistake and want to overlook it, he hesitated before speaking.

“Why? What’s good about it is that you, hyung, can speak without feeling embarrassed…”

“It’s not a mistake. And why do you have to try to overlook it? Don’t you feel like I do?”

“Feel what? It’s just an abnormal sexual desire.” Jaeyoung blinked as he heard something unexpected.

“Abnormal sexual desire…?”

“The complex biological mechanism of human development has evolved into a form of experiencing sexual feelings to produce offspring of the second generation. Although I think it is an inefficient method, it is true that humankind exists and reproduces through the process of heterosexual mating and complex pregnancy. The desire for same-sex attraction is just an illusion without meaning. It does not contribute to survival or evolution at all.” Jaeyoung blew so many balloons that they turned into big ones and popped, making it difficult to tell what he was thinking.

 

 

So, did I come here to study biology?”

Jaeyoung tilted his head, seemingly not listening to the explanation at all.

“No need to talk much, answer first. Did you go up yesterday or not?”

“What do you mean, ‘go up’?”

“What do I mean? It’s your reproductive organs down there, hyung That’s the one.”

Sangwoo didn’t think he would be asked such personal questions, but he also thought there was nothing he couldn’t answer. Sexual desire is a human instinct. Even if there were mistaken pairings, sexual desire is not something to be ashamed of.

“I don’t plan on denying my own desires. If it’s with you, hyung, my reproductive organ is often stiff.”

“…Use appropriate language.”

“Then what can change? The chance of your chromosome Y changing to X is

0%, already.”

Carving with a carving, positive with positive, north pole with north pole, it’s all impossible. Sangwoo took a deep breath and continued.

“If you’re going to be direct, let’s just say it like this for a while. It’s just a temporary state, it will get better on its own, but right now something went wrong and I can’t control my own desires, sometimes it might take some time, because until now I’ve been attached to you, hyung, but even so I don’t want to leave Veggie Avengers.”

Jaeyoung just laughed out loud.

“You don’t want to see my face, but you still want to use my design, right?”

“Even if we have to work remotely, it’s okay, but I want to finish it. So, please don’t withdraw. I’m begging you.”

Jaeyoung put his hand on his hood and turned around, his face devoid of words, and took a step closer, causing Sangwoo to step back.

Just look at yourself, you must have a brain structure abnormality. Don’t you think I’ll feel uncomfortable?”

“Are you uncomfortable, hyung?”

Jaeyoung stepped closer. Sangwoo stepped back.

“In a situation like this, do you still want to create games? Why are you thinking on your own, you rude kid? Shouldn’t you ask about my feelings or thoughts?”

“What are you thinking, hyung?”

Sangwoo’s face showed dissatisfaction. As the other party accelerated towards him, he quickly stepped back.

“Hey, are you doing this on purpose to tease me?”

“I asked because I genuinely didn’t know.”

Finally, Jaeyoung stopped his footsteps, his face turned away slightly, and he took a deep breath with a loud sigh.

“How can I stop now? You want me to let you off like this and continue making the game? It’s not possible anymore!”

“If you control your sexual desires. And…”

“Damn it. I can’t do that.”

“Calm down. I’m a man.”

Sangwoo spoke in that way and felt like a fool, Jaeyoung smirked. Even now,

Sangwoo thought the other party looked good. At the same time, he felt helpless.

“I don’t care about evolution and chromosomes. I’m not like you. I don’t define who I am, what I will do tomorrow. What matters most is what is here right now.”

Jaeyoung pointed to his chest and took a step closer, his shoulders seemed wider as they reflected the light from the streetlamp. Sangwoo felt a growing fear.

Whether it’s abnormal attraction or whatever. I hope it attracts me. But even so, because you’re a man, because you’re someone who breaks the rules a little, I get nervous. I pay attention to that. I’m not a gentleman, but what about you?

Don’t you know that this is not just about you, but about us?”

Finally, Sangwoo touched the wall without realizing it, his terrifying thoughts made his white brain go blank, and he had some techniques to fight against someone bigger coming into his mind.

‘When did he get this close?’

While Sangwoo was panicking, Jaeyoung got even closer, their lips were only inches apart. Sangwoo became more afraid, thinking that if it continued like this, what happened yesterday might happen again.

“You’re the one who switches on and off by yourself, so don’t tell me to stop in the middle. Who are you to…?”

‘Right now!’

Sangwoo used his elbow to push Jaeyoung’s waist with all his strength and escaped.

“Hey, crazy guy, we are still talking! Come here right now.”

He heard screams from behind but continued to run towards the building, although the distance was too short to increase his speed. Sangwoo was then grabbed by Jaeyoung and held firmly against the dirty glass door.

Jaeyoung locked Sangwoo’s neck and attempted to grab one of his arms from behind. Sangwoo resisted and fought back to free his neck from the hold. On the other side, he elbowed Jaeyoung in the stomach. The two struggled and grappled with each other.

“Let go!”

Sangwoo kicked his leg back, hoping to trip the person behind him, but Jaeyoung relied on his different body size and hugged Sangwoo tightly. They both fell down together. Jaeyoung fell on his back and let out a painful cry.

 

 

Sangwoo contemplated taking advantage of that moment and tried to headbutt the other person, but Jaeyoung had already used his legs to lock Sangwoo’s waist and flipped him over.

‘Damn it. If only I had a piece of wood.’

Their bodies were not much different in size, but it was strange that he found himself in a situation where he couldn’t exert any force. When Sangwoo regained his senses, he realized he was lying on the floor helplessly, and someone else was embracing him. Jaeyoung pressed his lower thighs tightly against Sangwoo’s calves, holding both of Sangwoo’s wrists on either side.

Sangwoo forgot his wrestling skills and fell into a deep sleep.

“What are you going to do?”

“That’s right, who’s running away? I’m talking about something important here.”

Jaeyoung exerted force with his hands, and the person on top had the advantage. In this position, lying like this, no matter how much strength was exerted, the other person couldn’t shake him off.

“Now, do you feel like talking?”

“What is there to talk about? I have nothing to say.”

“Hey, look at me.”

“…”

“Forget it, if you can’t talk then we can kiss.”

Sangwoo raised his head immediately, his heart pounding wildly. He didn’t know if it was because their bodies were too close or because the other person’s face was too near. Although Sangwoo didn’t want to show it, his chest tightened rapidly. He thought of the Korean national anthem in his mind. While Jaeyoung started speaking earnestly, unaware of what Sangwoo was thinking.

“Listen carefully, I’ve already told you that even if you’re a man, I don’t care. Choose whether you want to start with me or end everything, including the game. And then we don’t have to meet again, no middle ground.”

“Start what?”

“What do you think?”

The light from the streetlamp reflected on Jaeyoung’s cheeks. His eyes gleamed with a special orange light, and the words of the other person were difficult to interpret. Sangwoo could somewhat guess why the person in front of him was angry and what they were about to do, but he had to confirm to be sure.

“So, hyung are you going to do that… Do that to me?”

The final words that came out of his mouth were more muffled than he had expected. Moreover, his voice was lacking and intermittent.

“Do that? What do you mean?”

“Even if I’m a man, if you, hyung, hold hands, kiss, have sex, and pretend to be like a heterosexual couple to satisfy sexual desires, what about that?”

“Pretending to be in a relationship? Is that…”

Jaeyoung raised his clenched hand and gently touched Sangwoo’s wrist, lowering his face close enough to create shadows on Sangwoo’s eyes.

“Let me ask you one thing. What do you think being in a relationship means?”

“Being in a relationship between a man and a woman to develop towards marriage. Like a trial version of a program, you know?”

“Oh, so two men can’t do it then?”

“Is that a question?”

At that moment, both hands were set free. Jaeyoung released Sangwoo’s wrists and sat down on the ground with a face devoid of words. His skin, bathed in the light from the streetlamp, cast a full orange shadow. Jaeyoung spoke softly.

“Wait, let me think for a moment. If you run away, you’ll definitely die.”

Jaeyoung spat out a cherry pit and tossed it into the trash can before pulling out a cigarette from his pocket, just as the tip of the cigarette ignited in the darkness. Smoke escaped from his mouth and wafted into the air, as Jaeyoung’s cheeks puffed up and deflated repeatedly. Sangwoo stood up, then knelt down, keeping a slight distance from the other party.

________________________________________.

 

   SMNTCERR CHAPTERS HOME

SMNTCERR, Chapter 36 <101>.

   ‘Let’s make a game together. I need a skilled designer.’

   ‘Um… alright, I understand.’

   Completion  according to plan.

   Sangwoo shot two birds with one stone; he obtained the most talented designer in the university and successfully pulled Jang Jaeyoung back into his life. This was the best start he could come up with. If everything went as planned, he would be able to create another game and regain control over his own abnormal behavior.

   That was an accurate analysis because the minor issues that arose when Jaeyoung disappeared slowly dissipated when he reappeared and had another encounter with the other party. The night of his determination to attend classes and read books in the library for only a few hours came back again. Sangwoo spent four hours studying and devoted all the remaining time to game development.

   Because there was a meeting in the afternoon, he felt restless in the morning.

   As the time for the meeting approached, he felt increasingly worse. In the last

   30 minutes or so, he felt so bad that he sweated in his hands and his heart raced.

   He immersed himself in the first meeting, researching the latest information and typing up necessary documents meticulously. He also stopped by the convenience store to buy various snacks and kept them unpacked. However, he was disappointed with Jaeyoung’s attitude. Being late for twelve minutes might be a habit, but his expression and tone were unusually tense. Although the other party did not appear as intimate or clingy as before, it didn’t seem like they would cooperate on the project.

   It was midnight, the appointed time. No matter how Sangwoo refreshed his email inbox, there was no draft sent according to the agreement. When he borrowed the landline phone from the neighboring house and called the other party, he heard a billiard ball sound in the background. The next day, he realized that the other party hastily sketched out the concept art. He didn’t pay attention, but it made Sangwoo feel even more disappointed.

   ‘I’ll do it again.’

   However, Sangwoo couldn’t refuse Jaeyoung’s request. He regretted wasting the whole day, and it was time to start taking action. But just when he confronted the other party directly and asked for an explanation, the other party requested more time. He gave up his weekend off for that.

   Temporary names: Vegie Venturer, Veggie Venturer.

   But then, during the Tuesday meeting, Jaeyoung came with something impressive—a side-scrolling shooting game with jump action. Although it wasn’t a completely novel idea, it had its uniqueness. The concept art looked complete, as if it were already released. Moreover, the document included appropriate descriptions of all the components. Sangwoo really liked Jaeyoung’s plan.

   One of the two characters in the concept art caught Sangwoo’s attention. The character had eye-catching hair color and a cute face. If Jaeyoung became a character in the game, he must have looked exactly like this—Sangwoo thought that Jaeyoung would like other characters, but Sangwoo insisted on using this character because he believed that people would like a beautiful and adorable character like this.

   With the plan in place, the work progressed smoothly. He worried that Jaeyoung might forget this or that, but the other party’s work skills were impeccable. The problem didn’t lie with the project but elsewhere.

   “You’ve never been to Sin Gam Gwang, right? Come along, let’s go see my workspace and have a cup of tea.”

   The problem was entering that messy room. Just having a five-minute meeting without any issues would be enough, but because of his curiosity about what Jang Jaeyoung’s workspace looked like, he followed the other party. Even though he had imagined the worst, after opening the door, Sangwoo encountered the most horrifying place in the world.

   The cluttered workspace had too many things, mostly junk that even the owner himself didn’t know what they were for. In one corner of the room, there was a woman wearing colorful clothes, raising her eyebrows, wearing a neck brace, and rolling her eyes to the sound of strange music. Sangwoo felt like folding up the entire room and throwing it in the trash. How could the other party work in such a chaotic room?

   Besides having multiple personality disorders and the habit of constantly changing personalities, there were mental illnesses, sadists, and human cancers. He never thought he was wrong—his personality was garbage, lazy, selfish, malicious, attention-seeking. And this was another mess in the sewer. The only thing Sangwoo liked about the other party was their design and drawing skills. If it weren’t for their abnormal physical appearance, he probably wouldn’t associate with such a person. Sangwoo complained silently while helping the other party clean up.

   When the cleaning was done, the office looked somewhat presentable. At that moment, Sangwoo noticed the posters hanging on the wall, perhaps because he had seen Jaeyoung’s works frequently, so he saw other black and white images. Only Jaeyoung’s works stood out with vibrant colors. Now, Sangwoo was studying Jaeyoung, wondering in which year those posters were made.

   The spectacle-wearing person with a hazy gaze, who switched to a focused and sharp-eyed individual when starting work, controlled two different devices proficiently, moving them in the most efficient manner. The eyes enhanced various facial expressions. In normal times, he became a meticulous supervisor, examining the steps and results accurately. That was Sangwoo’s feeling when he realized he had entered the workspace of a true expert.

   He thought that five minutes seemed too short for a meeting. Then, five minutes turned into an hour, and one hour turned into three and a half hours. Even though he was aware of the strange reactions his body might have, he persisted. Although he had to endure the annoyance of repeatedly cleaning the space that had been pre-set to be cluttered and often had peculiar women in one corner of the room, Sangwoo began to dislike leaving the workspace.

   During the two weeks of working together, Sangwoo gathered new information and learned that Jaeyoung had a twin brother. Jaeyoung was close to his grandfather. In addition to Korean, Chinese, and English, Jaeyoung was also fluent in sign language and French. Jaeyoung didn’t like swimming. 

   Jaeyoung frequently changed the desktop wallpaper to female celebrities. Jaeyoung preferred books over comics. Jaeyoung liked movies more than comic books. Jaeyoung could tolerate everything but not eat unappetizing food. Jaeyoung preferred cats over dogs. Jaeyoung was enthusiastic about cyberpunk themes. Jaeyoung was not good at playing games and many other things.

   Sitting upright in the seat of someone who had gone through military service, Sangwoo always felt the presence of Jaeyoung. He absorbed information from the other side, secretly recorded and memorized it. His ears stored the replay of the sounds before going to sleep. Every day, he would glance through, around, and directly at Jaeyoung’s face, observing him without being noticed. Sangwoo felt as if he could close his eyes and draw a picture of Jaeyoung. Even though he didn’t possess that ability. Sangwoo gradually succumbed to Jaeyoung’s influence, slowly like being poisoned by heavy metals [1].

   When it reached that point, he should have stopped, even after sixteen days of working with Jaeyoung, a Friday that marked complete deterioration. Sangwoo couldn’t forget that day.

   On that day, Sangwoo planned small things such as rewards for each stage, leveling up status, attack power, and HP[2] of NPCs, as well as the level of difficulty. As for Jaeyoung, he completed two or three large UI tasks. Jaeyoung sat in his chair for hours, only getting up from it after submitting his work and wandering aimlessly to his bed, where he collapsed. Usually, he would lie down, play with his mobile phone, talk nonsense, or listen to music. But on that day, he must have been unusually tired, so he lay on his side and closed his eyes.

   Fifteen minutes later, Sangwoo turned to call him, but Jaeyoung was still sound asleep. The other party had said he would only sleep for fifteen minutes. So Sangwoo should have woken him up, but why… Sangwoo turned back to his own work as if he hadn’t seen the time. Then time passed and it was already 4:00 AM, time to go home.

   ‘It’s time for me to go back now.’

   No response, it was clear that Jaeyoung was fast asleep. Sangwoo had already slung his backpack on and could have left, but he walked towards the bed for a mysterious reason.

   ‘Senior, are you asleep? Are you… really asleep?’

   He changed the question to confirm that Jaeyoung was indeed sound asleep. 

   At the same time, he slowly moved closer step by step.

   Sangwoo stopped by the face of the sleeping person and stared silently. His messy hair made it difficult to see his eyes clearly. Sangwoo gradually sat down, leaning closer to Jaeyoung’s face. The closer he got to Jaeyoung’s face, the stronger his slightly suffocating heartbeat became. It felt like his heart was being squeezed, similar to a heart attack. Sangwoo unconsciously loosened the tension in his body and used his fingertips to brush away the messy hair of the other person, looking calm.

   Then he thought, ‘Looks good.’ That was the simplest thought. He felt like he could sit and stare at that place all day without getting bored. He wanted to possess the other person, to touch their eyelids, the tip of their nose, and even their lips. Sangwoo’s gaze fixed on the slightly parted lips of Jaeyoung.

   Sangwoo watched quietly before realizing that he had misunderstood something. It wasn’t something he wanted to touch with his hands, but he wanted to do something else. This made him agitated. It was something he would never do if Jaeyoung was awake. It was only a brief moment, a small opportunity that he had. A crime that no one would know if he kept his mouth shut. He acted decisively, doing something he wouldn’t do in normal circumstances.

   Sangwoo leaned closer to Jaeyoung’s sleeping face and pressed his own lips against the other person’s lips. Then he retreated.

   After taking a few steps, he slumped down and sat leaning against the wall in the hallway of the office. He felt a sense of relief, consciousness, self-control, happiness, decision-making, and humaneness that he had maintained for fifteen years without any problems collapsing all at once.

   ‘No problem, no one knows.’

   Sangwoo recited lines from the protagonist of a crime novel and headed back home, fooling himself into thinking that nothing had happened. He ignored the pounding heart and closed his eyes.

   But the difficulty didn’t end there. While his mind was crumbling, an incident that would bring him to his knees occurred the next day.

   ‘Oh, come out. Let’s go together.’

   When his heart raced after seeing the smiling face of the guy at the internet cafe through the storefront, he realized that something abnormal had happened and thought he should escape. This group often lived with regrets later on. His decision-making skills would cause serious problems without fail.

   [printf[3]”No, I’m busy, and I don’t want to see your face, hyungnim. 

   Goodbye.”;]

   He was confident that he had fed the information like that, but the result turned out to be…

   ‘Sure, where am I going?’

   That result led to a major accident.

   Sangwoo picked up his hat and put it on, then walked towards the cashier calmly. He paid half the bill and left the restaurant, running all the way back home. After brushing his teeth, washing his face, and changing clothes, he crawled under the blanket. But even that didn’t mean that what he had done disappeared.

   He kicked the blanket hard, causing it to fly up to the ceiling and fall down, covering his face. Sangwoo’s body trembled in the darkness.

   ‘Am I becoming slaves of love?’

   ‘Do I have to graduate from this university?’

   ‘Do I still have value to keep living or not?’

   That day, he was disturbed by numerous questions, to the point of exhaustion.

   The strong sexual desires that manifest in an individual during adolescence. Sangwoo remembered the soft heartbeat that occurred on the bus when a girl walked by with a pleasant scent. In high school, he secretly admired a beautiful teacher, and as an adult, he had officially dated someone of the opposite sex once, but he had never experienced such intense desire before ‘the kind that would want to do that super sexual thing to the other person while they sleep, the kind that he loses self-control in someone else’s workplace’.

   Moreover, Jaeyoung is not a woman. When it comes to men, he has encountered countless experiences, both in all-boys middle school, all-boys high school, engineering faculty, and the military, but Sangwoo has never encountered such a case where he felt like this before. It is an occurrence that he never even thought about, just like when his father married his mother, or when his aunt married his uncle. Sangwoo thinks that one day he will hold hands with a woman, kiss, have sex, and get married.

   But there is one person who acts like an Error in that equation, who has already taken control of one of those steps.

   [1] Heavy Metal Poisoning occurs when certain metals accumulate in the body through food, water, industrial chemicals, or other sources. [2] Hit Point “HP” is the life force value of a character in a game.

   [3] The printf” function, also known as “print format.” is used to display data on a screen, whether it be characters, text, numbers, or variable values.

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