MONSTERNEXTDOOR, Special Chapter 0: Going Back Home

A shake on my shoulder woke me up. “We’re almost there.”

I looked out to see houses lined up on both sides of the road, whereas before I fell asleep, there were fields of grass on either side of the way.

“Are we there already…?”

I had fallen asleep without realizing it. I intended to keep Phii Godt company while he drove, so we went to buy coffee, but after drinking it, I fell asleep with my head down, and when I woke up, we were already in the village.

The black sedan stopped in front of a two-story modern-style house, and I quickly opened the car door and pushed through the gate. The first thing I saw was the back of an elderly man standing by the fish pond in the garden, humming his favorite song happily. Seeing that, I rushed over and hugged him out of longing.

“Grandpa~”

“Well, why are you so early, you little rascal? I thought you’d arrive around ten or eleven at night.” Grandpa laughed before turning to face me. Before he could say anything else, he froze, his eyes under his square glasses focusing on the person behind me who was walking in.

“Hello, Grandpa.”

“Oh, good, good.” Grandpa looked at my face and whispered softly, “A friend?”

“No.”

“Oh. Who is he then?”

“My boyfriend.”

The atmosphere at the dinner table was dead silent, with only the sound of utensils clinking. Tonight’s dinner was simple home-cooked dishes like omelet, stir-fried water spinach, and fried pork ribs, all made by Mom. The fried pork ribs were Grandpa’s favorite, and he would always compliment how tasty they were, but since we revealed that Phii Godt was my boyfriend, no one said anything. Both Mom and Grandpa kept their eyes on their rice bowls as if expecting something to sprout from them.

As for Phii Godt, although he’s usually very talkative, never stopping, and good at being mischievous, he was quiet and reserved in front of elders, sitting still, almost blending into the chair from his awkwardness, even hesitant to eat.

Though the atmosphere felt tense, it was a good sign that Mom didn’t start yelling. She’s the type to speak her mind if she doesn’t like something, not one to keep things bottled up. Grandpa, on the other hand, didn’t look stern or displeased; instead, he pushed the omelet dish towards Phii Godt, seemingly concerned that he might not reach it.

“You act like you’re close.” Mom teased Grandpa for passing the omelet to Phii Godt, and the big guy quickly put his spoon down.

If you wanted to see Phii Godt out of his element, today provided plenty of opportunities.

“Well, he’s my grandson’s boyfriend. How can I treat him like a stranger?”

“Be careful, you might spoil my grandson rotten.”

“With just one grandchild, who are am I going to please? Are you crazy?”

“That’s the crazy one, Dad.”

“No, you’re the crazy one. It’s good that the grandchild has such a big boyfriend. If anyone teases him, he can protect him.”

“Who would tease him? Don’t you think this big guy might tease

Nong Diew?”

“You’re delusional. If he teased him, how could the grandchild like him?”

Exactly, haven’t you heard of ‘Stockholm Syndrome’, Dad? Who knows if he was forced to be his boyfriend or not?”

Phii Godt actually broke out in a sweat and smiled dryily to the grandmother.

“And you, do you like him?” Mom turned to ask me. I nodded slightly in response. “Now tell me why you like him.”

“Do people need a reason to like each other?”

“Dad, can you stop for a moment? I want to talk to my son.”

“I like him because he’s patient and tries hard. He’s my hero.”

My answer made both my mom and grandpa, who were arguing, fall silent for a moment. I turned to look at Phii Godt, who looked back at me with a surprised expression. He probably didn’t expect me to speak so directly because I’m usually shy and stammering around him, taking a lot of time to think before speaking.

We had discussed introducing ourselves to the family many times. The topic of boyfriends is quite delicate, especially since we’re both guys. But since Phii Godt said not to worry about his parents hating me, I didn’t want him to worry that my grandparents would hate him either. My grandparents have enough reason not to chase him out of the house, and they use a rational approach to discuss matters.

I dared to talk about this with my family because mom and grandpa aren’t strangers, and it’s better than keeping it a secret and them finding out later. Grandpa has always taught me to tell him everything, and from childhood to adulthood, I’ve never lied to them. “So if you don’t like him, it’s okay… but I like him.”

Mom let out a high-pitched screech.

“Look. Look at him, teaching the grandchild to be selfish. Look at what he’s saying, isn’t this forcing me to like him?”

“But grandpa told me to speak directly.”

“It’s true what the grandchild says. If you don’t like him, what can you do? In the end, you’ll give in to your child anyway.”

“Dad! Here you are, siding with the grandchild, that’s why he’s like this.”

“And what if I do? Is there a problem?”

“Dad! Look at Diew, he’s teasing me!”

“Stop arguing, please, it’s embarrassing.” I interjected before the two could escalate further. Even though I knew Grandpa and Mom never really fought, they just teased each other, and in five minutes, they’d forget about it!!

“And you, how old are you? Have you graduated yet?”

With no one siding with her, Mom turned to question Phii Godt instead.

Last semester, I came back to Phuket alone because Phii Godt had to deal with internship paperwork. This semester, coinciding with his graduation and the completion of his internship… I decided to bring Phii Godt to meet Grandpa and Mom. Phii Godt didn’t object to the idea.

I was a bit worried that Mom and Phii Godt might not get along, but after dinner, after we cleared and washed the dishes, and after spending nearly half an hour setting up the guest room, when I came out to the living room, I saw Phii Godt and Mom laughing, having moved on to another topic. Plus, there was a plate of snacks; if Mom didn’t like him, there wouldn’t even be any snacks.

“They’ve gotten close so quickly.”

I whispered to Grandpa, who had just come out of the bathroom.

Grandpa peeked at his daughter, making a tired face.

“Well, she’s just like her mother.”

“Was Grandma like this?”

“She complained a lot, but she always indulged her children. Whatever makes them happy is her happiness too. And you, how did you two end up together? Tell me all about it.”

“He’s my next-door neighbor, Grandpa.”

“And what’s his personality like?”

“At first, I thought he was talkative and annoying.” Grandpa furrowed his brows. “But he’s a good person. He tried to be patient to talk to me from the balcony without seeing my face, trying to be a part of my world. Grandpa knows how hard that is.”

Grandpa nodded in agreement. Since he raised me, I’ve never had a single friend.

“When I asked you before if I had to step out of my comfort zone to talk to someone, it was about him.”

“Oh, this guy?”

“Yeah, but people in relationships need to watch each other over the long term, Grandpa. It’s not like he’ll always be like this.” In the future, Phii Godt might change, who knows? These things depend on time and care.

“It’s good that you think like this; grandpa won’t have to worry.”

Grandpa squeezed my shoulder lightly, taking my hand in his with concern, “I’ve talked with your mom about having a boyfriend. I couldn’t imagine whether you’d have one or stay single. If you stay single, that’s fine, you can be a friend to me and your mom. But if you have a boyfriend, like I said, I want someone who can protect you.

Grandpa has taken good care of you.”

“I didn’t think I’d have a boyfriend either.” I mostly stay in my room, and life is already fulfilling. Even now, I’m puzzled about how I ended up with Phii Godt, and he’s such a handsome guy too.

“By the way, does your boyfriend like turtles?”

Grandpa asked with a serious look, and for turtle conservationists, turtles come first.

“He likes them. He enjoys playing with young-master.”

“Good, I won’t accept anyone who doesn’t like turtles.”

After saying that, he walked into the study room, leaving me to look at the two people laughing at each other at the dining table. Seeing Phii Godt smile after sitting quietly for so long made me feel a bit relieved.

Both mom and Phii Godt are the same type of people who love to talk, enjoy socializing. Having them sit and stare at each other for a long time in a battle of nerves wouldn’t be their style; they need to open up and talk to see if they click, if there’s anything they need to adjust to each other.

I was happy to see that mom and Phii Godt gelled quickly, pleased that mom seemed happy talking with Phii Godt because I don’t talk much with her. Mom has lots of friends and gets lonely easily, while I have few friends and talk so little you could count my words.

Seeing this, it was heartwarming to see both of them happy, chatting about various topics.

“I’m glad that your mom is okay with me dating him,” Phii Godt said, playing with his hands, showing his nervousness.

“Overthinking. If I wasn’t okay, it might be about your personality, which you’d have to observe over time. But if it’s about two guys, I don’t care about that. It’s even better that someone can take care of him. Nong Diew has been raised without much pressure from us since he was little; he can do what he wants, what makes him happy. I don’t like to control my child. I just want him to have some friends because I’m afraid he’ll be lonely.”

“Yes.”

“He might be a bit selfish, but he’s actually a good kid. But how about your parents? Are they okay with Nong Diew?”

My parents are quite open-minded, they raised me with freedom. They don’t care who I date as long as I can take care of myself, which is enough for them.”

“That’s good. Mom doesn’t want Nong Diew to worry about these things. My son has always been a deep thinker since he was little.”

As they talked, it turned into mom telling Phii Godt stories from my childhood, like how I was indifferent to my kindergarten teacher to the point where the teacher complained about my silence, or how I was teased by friends until grandpa had to go to school about it, and various mischievous deeds that gave mom and grandpa headaches.

Nothing compares to the time right after Dad passed away when I was still expecting every evening that Dad would drive back home. I would often hear him, telling Grandpa and Mom that he had come back. But they thought because I was a child, I could see ghosts. A few days later, Mom brought monks to chant, put a protective talisman on the front door, as if they were afraid Dad would come to take me away.

In reality, I had just heard things, and Mom only found out a few years ago when we talked about childhood antics. She was so mad she didn’t talk to me for a week. Well, I was only five then. I had even forgotten about it if Mom hadn’t dug it up.

I stood listening to their laughter until Phii Godt turned to meet my gaze. Seeing his smile made me feel embarrassed that he had to learn about my mischievous childhood deeds, so I quickly spun around and went back to my room.

He must like it, huh? I’ve never told Phii Godt about my childhood.

My life is so mundane; apart from family matters, I don’t know what else there is to tell.

I turned on the light for young-master’s fish tank and sat down on the bed, picking up a novel to read while playing soft music in the background. Even at home, I like to stay in my room, reading, watching movies, listening to music, just like at the dorm. Occasionally, I’d go play with the turtles at Grandpa’s workplace or rarely go to the beach.

But rarely, because I don’t like the heat.

Not long after, the door opened, and Phii Godt came in, closing the door with a loud sigh.

“I thought your mom wouldn’t like me for sure.”

“Why would you think that?” I looked up from my book at him unpacking his clothes. Phii Godt draped a towel over his shoulder and walked to turn on the bathroom light.

“I don’t know, I just thought she must be very protective of you.”

By the time I was fifteen, Mom let me come home by myself.”

“I didn’t mean that.”

“Then you mean…”

“With a son as cute as you, anyone would be protective.”

After he said that, he disappeared into the bathroom, and not long after, I heard the shower running, leaving me sitting there with my face flushed from his words. The one who’s protective because of my cuteness isn’t Mom… it’s you. Mom worries because I’m slow at doing things, more afraid that I’ll fall behind others.

Phii Godt didn’t take long in the shower and came to sit beside me on the bed. Not knowing what to do, he leaned over to see what I was reading. I looked up at him; his beautiful eyes played with the light from the fish tank, reflecting a shiny gleam that I couldn’t help but stare at.

“Go to sleep. Aren’t you tired?”

After driving for so long, I felt tired just sitting still, and the driver barely got any rest.

“I’ve always wondered how you were raised, why you turned out to be such a sweet, well-mannered kid. After meeting your mom and grandpa, I understand why you’re so good.”

“I’m not that good. I was quite mischievous when I was younger.”

Phii Godt laughed. From what mom told him, he must now understand how much of a troublemaker I was.

“And whose personality did you inherit?”

“From my dad and grandpa.”

“But I think you got a bit from your mom too.”

“Where exactly?” I put the book down beside me and turned to talk seriously with Phii Godt instead. The big guy rested his head on my lap, looking up at me with a thoughtful expression.

“The part where you’re decisive.”

“Huh?”

“Do you remember when we set the rule of talking before sleeping?”

“I remember.”

“I thought, wow, this kid is so decisive. No stranger would set such a rule and expect it to be followed.”

“I think at that time, I was more selfish.” I muttered while lightly rubbing my nose, “Back then, I thought if we didn’t meet face-to-face, I’d feel better, and I didn’t care if you followed the rule because if you didn’t, I would just stop talking.”

See, I just said you’re decisive, very determined.”

“You have to thank yourself for agreeing to follow that rule.”

“I don’t know, for me, setting that rule wasn’t selfish at all.” Phii Godt’s hand moved to gently touch my cheek. He caressed my face tenderly, just like the first time we touched.

“I thought, if I could do it, what would happen?”

“You’ve always been optimistic.”

Phii Godt’s thumb touched my lips, stroking them in a way he liked. At first, I didn’t think much of it, but when he gave me a slight smile, all the heat in the world seemed to gather on my face.

“It’s good. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have gotten to be the boyfriend of someone as cute as you.”

I pretended to look away; the more we made eye contact, the deeper I fell.

“Always saying I’m cute.”

I caught his mischievous thumb, then lightly kissed the tip of it.

“It’s you who’s cute.”

Phii Godt froze and widened his eyes, his ears turning red, indicating his embarrassment. His hand then held mine, and he kissed it affectionately.

“Look at you, grown up and good at flirting.”

“I’m not.”

“Here’s the evidence.” He showed the thumb I had kissed, but before we could say anything more, there was a knock at the door. In just a fraction of a second, the door was opened by Grandpa, and Phii Godt jumped up so quickly that his head hit my chin hard.

“Ouch!”

It hurt!!!

I lay back, holding my chin silently, with tears welling up from the sharp pain. The one at fault let out a dry laugh towards Grandpa, probably scared that he would get caught for lying on my lap moments ago.

“Oh, what’s wrong with you, Diew?”

Grandpa had come at the perfect moment, and Phii Godt had forgotten to lock the door; my chin was all sore now.

“Oh, he just has a stomachache, Grandpa. Maybe he ate too fast.”

Stomachache, huh…

“Are you okay, Diew? Should I get some medicine?”

I shook my head at Grandpa, unable to speak due to the pain in my chin. When Phii Godt’s head hit my chin, my teeth clashed with a loud clack in my head, leaving me dizzy.

“Okay, okay, I came to ask if you want to go to the center with me tomorrow.”

“The center?” Phii Godt asked with a confused tone, but soon he remembered, “The turtle conservation center?”

“Yes, let’s go together.”

“Sure.”

“But if you’re not better from the stomachache by ten tomorrow, let me know, okay?”

“Okay, good night, Grandpa.”

“Oh oh, sweet dreams Nong Diew, if you can’t sleep, you can knock on my door, I’ll give you some medicine.”

“Uh.”

The door closed, Phii Godt quickly got up from the bed to lock the door, then he rushed back to me and gently stroked my chin while blowing softly.

“Oh oh, I’m sorry. It doesn’t hurt, right?”

Doesn’t hurt, my ass. After that slap.

I glared at him.

“Why don’t you try getting hit once, then you’ll know if it hurts or not.”

“Mean, where does it hurt? Does it hurt a lot?”

“Here, it hurts a lot.”

Phii Godt moved closer, slightly lifted my chin, and kissed the tip of my chin, making me flinch.

“Phii Godt…”

Why kiss my chin like this?

Even though I called out his name in protest, Phii Godt didn’t listen. This time, he moved his lips up to press a kiss on my lips, lingering there, before pushing me down to lie on the bed and pinning both my wrists to the bed.

The heavy breathing from the person above made me lose myself in the kiss that was more than just a touch of lips. Now, it was filled with desire. All I could do was moan softly, my breath ragged as it followed the rhythm set by the person above. The gentler Phii Godt was, the more my arousal heightened.

“Phii Godt… uh.”

In the brief moment my lips were free, I quickly protested, but instead of stopping, Phii Godt kissed me even more passionately. This time, I could barely find my senses; I only knew that if Phii Godt didn’t stop now, the emotions rising wouldn’t calm down easily.

“Phii Godt.”

Finally, he released my lips, his warm breath lingering beside my cheek. The big guy laughed, seeming to enjoy teasing me.

“I’m telling you, if this wasn’t at your home but at the condo, or if it was at the dorm, you wouldn’t get away.”

Instead of letting me go free, Khun Godzilla hugged me and lay down on the narrow bed together, even though I had already made the bed for him. He refused to go down to sleep, instead, he lay on top of me like this. How could I dare to make him go down to sleep?

I nestled my face against the broad chest of the person beside me, exhaling gently, the heat still lingering on my face, my heart still pounding loudly like a drum in my chest. But I didn’t want to move away.

Because lying next to this man was so warm, warm enough that we hardly needed a blanket.

The morning birdsong indicated a clear day with a bright sky and gentle sunlight. I walked over to the turtle nursery, where the small turtles were swimming around in the water. I looked over at Phii Godt, who was chatting with my grandfather.

Because Phii Godt is kind, cheerful, and good at talking, he managed to become friendly with my family in less than twenty-four hours. Before we left the house this morning, my mother even packed some snacks for him.

Maybe he’s loved more than me now.

I stood there, chin on my hands, watching the turtles for a long while, thinking this and that. Not long after, Phii Godt came to stand beside me.

“Wow, this is the young-master gang, isn’t it?”

“Do you like turtles?”

I asked him softly. Since we’ve been together, I’ve never asked if Phii Godt liked turtles. He never showed any signs of dislike towards the young-master; in fact, he often sat and chatted with him, so I assumed he didn’t hate them.

“I like them, they’re quite cute.”

“In the past, my father really loved turtles.”

When I mentioned my father, Phii Godt’s smile faded. We stood there watching the small turtles swimming in the clear pond. We weren’t allowed to touch the turtles in the nursery because our hands might be dirty and affect their health.

“I’ve never told you about my father, until Wan asked who I got my personality from. I answered, my father and grandfather.”

“If you don’t want to talk about it, it’s okay.”

“I want to.”

Thinking back to the past, the reason my father got along well with my grandfather was because they shared similar interests, unlike my mother who didn’t like turtles at all. As a child, she was bitten by a turtle, which left a lasting impression. Even now, she never goes near the turtles in our home pond.

“My dad once said that turtles are creatures that live long, for hundreds of years, because I wanted my dad to live for a hundred years. So I bought a turtle from a temple fair for my dad, but I didn’t know that turtle was sick.”

Phii Godt moved closer until our arms were touching. I knew he was worried because I had to talk about the past.

But I wasn’t sad anymore.

“Mom said that on the day that turtle died, my dad had an accident. Dad didn’t die then, but he died in the hospital because they couldn’t save him in time, even though he had always been the one saving lives. But on that day, no one could save him.”

I didn’t know why mom still hates turtles to this day, whether it’s because of childhood memories or because of that turtle.

“After that, I never thought of buying another turtle from the market, until recently when grandpa was the one who gave me ‘young-master’ to take care of. Grandpa didn’t say where he got young-master from, just told me to take good care of him. So I cherished and loved young-master a lot.”

Phii Godt’s warm hand rested on my head, gently rubbing to comfort me.

“Do you remember when young-master was sick, and I felt bad… it made me think of dad.”

“It’s not wrong to think of him, but if dad is watching, he would want you to smile more, Wan.”

I smiled at the person next to me while holding his hand.

“Do you know, you remind me a lot of my dad?”

“Hmm?”

“My dad was the one who brought laughter to our family all the time. After he passed away, I didn’t smile for anyone anymore. You were the first person in years that I smiled for because you told me my smile was beautiful.”

Yes, because of those words from him, I felt like I wanted to smile more, to smile every day. Even if smiling all the time might seem crazy, whenever I’m with Phii Godt, I want to smile for him.

“And when you make mom and grandpa smile, I feel even more that you’re just like dad.”

“Then, I’ll stay by your side, make you smile, make your mom and grandpa smile often.”

His big hand held mine, not too loose, not too tight, but with the certainty that he would never let go. I held Phii Godt’s hand in return, the warmth from his hand undeniably enveloping my heart with warmth.

I know in the future we might have disagreements, some things might not go as planned, or some things might not work out, but I don’t want to let go of his hand, because Phii Godt is both my smile and my happiness from the first day, today, and into the future.

“Does that one has color on it too?”

Phii Godt pointed to a small turtle with green spots on it.

“Do you want to name it?”

“Is that allowed? Won’t it lose its color as it grows?”

“I don’t know either, but if we come back next time, it should be grown.”

“Do you have any name in mind? We’ve got Young-Master, Smile, what should this one be?”

Hmm. I stood there thinking for a long time.

“Godzilla,” I mumbled the specific name.

“Why use my name for a turtle?”

“It’s cute, and when we come back, we’ll see how big your Godzilla has gotten.”

“You want to see, but you didn’t say so. My Godzilla is going to be huge.”

“I am talking about turtles!” I turned to tease him, getting a playful smile in return. I looked at the turtle with small green spots on its back, swimming among its friends. Even though it was just tiny spots, they stood out from all the others in the pond.

It’s true that I’ve always been afraid that if I give someone a turtle as a gift, my father’s nightmare would come back to haunt me. But now, I’m not afraid at all. If this little Godzilla is a gift for Phii Godt,

I hope that every year when we come back here, Phii Godt will be standing next to me, holding my hand like this.

For a long time, long enough to see this little turtle grow big.

“If it grows up, I’ll bring young-master to live with Godzilla.”

“And who’s the male, who’s the female then?”

I nudged the person beside me.

“My young-master is fierce, you know.”

“Oh really, can it be as fierce as mine, huh?”

“Crazy.”

I pulled away from the playful person and walked off before hearing the laughter chasing after me. I looked up at the bright sky of today, clouds drifting by casting shadows over our bodies, a cool breeze brushing against my face, making the mobiles hanging on the poles chime.

Instead of walking on, I stopped and waited until Phii Godt caught up to walk beside me.

And then we both walked on together.

We just kept walking together.

“But, will your family really be okay with me?” Hearing Phii Godt talk to his mom about Wan brought this concern back to my mind. No matter how many times I asked, Phii Godt always gave the same answer, ‘They’re totally okay with it,’ but I’ve never actually met his parents face to face.

“Oh, wait, I’ll video call my mom.”

After saying that, he immediately started a video call with his mom. I was at a loss, wait… you just decide to call like that?!

It didn’t take long for Phii Godt’s mom to answer, and his dad was sitting beside her. It looked like they were both interested in something.

I had just seen Phii Godt’s mom for the first time, and I could immediately tell that Phii Godt had inherited his eyes from her. “Mom.”

(“What, why call?”), Phii Godt’s mom spoke curtly to her son.

“This is my boyfriend.” He adjusted his arm so that the phone could capture both of us in the frame. I quickly raised my hands to pay respects to Phii Godt’s mom. She leaned closer to the screen, scrutinizing me for a moment, making me swallow audibly.

(“Oh. He’s cute, is this the one you mentioned?”)

“This is him, you act like there are many.”

(“Bring him over, take good care of him, don’t embarrass us, understand?”)

“Yes, ma’am.”

(“When you have time, bring him to meet me.”)

“Yes, ma’am.”

(“If that’s all, I want to watch TV.”)

She ended the call. As for me, I stood there with my eyebrows furrowed. Could it really be this easy? When I turned to look at Phii Godt, who was humming a tune and smiling happily, my doubts only grew.

“Is it really this easy?”

“It’s easy. I chat with mom every day, I know exactly what you’re like, my parents aren’t old-fashioned. As long as you’re a good partner, supportive, and take care of each other, that’s all they need.”

“Chat… what did you tell your mom about me?”

“Well… I sent her your picture, told her I like this one, isn’t he cute?

Mom said you’re cute, with a nice nose and mouth, good facial features. You don’t look like my son at all, he’s so big.”

Gasping for air like a fish out of water,

“I said you likes to read books. You don’t like going out, you like taking care of turtles, watching series, doing quiet things in your room. You don’t drink alcohol, doesn’t go out causing trouble, studies hard, and is very good at it too. Your studies internationally, chemistry as well, um, what else…”

Is there anything more? It seems like you’ve covered almost everything.

“Good attitude, speaks well, has manners, and…”

I listened intently to what Phii Godt was going to say next.

“I want to protect you.”

“…”

“Want to make you happy.”

“…”

“Want to tell you I love you every day.”

“Is that what you told mom?” I looked away, Phii Godt placed his hand on my head, just like the first day we met.

“I told her once.”

“…”

“I love you.”

“…”

“Muah muah.”

“Yuck.”

I hate his “muah muah” the most, it gives me goosebumps, seriously.

   MONSTER NEXT DOOR CHAPTERS HOME

   MONSTERNEXTDOOR, Epilogue Chapter : Because Your Smile Is More Charming Than Anyone’s.

“And after that… Will told Clark… do you know what, Clark… you…

“Hmm?”

“…ah… are…”

“What’s wrong?”

“Don’t… don’t look at me like that.”

“But you told me to look.”

I pushed the face of the person lying on the bed away until I heard a chuckle.

Sigh.

I exhaled softly, covering my face with the book to hide the flush of heat caused by his sharp gaze. When he looks at me, what should be fluent speech turns into stuttering.

“You can take a break.”

“Uh,” I replied with a tired moan in my throat.

Since starting my third year, there’s one thing I’ve been trying to achieve: speaking fluently in front of others.

No one forces me to do it. I just want to try changing something, like thanking the staff at 7-Eleven while looking them in the eye, starting conversations with classmates, trying to make eye contact with the teacher and friends during presentations.

It’s incredibly hard for an anxious kid like me. My grandfather once consulted a friend who’s a psychiatrist about this issue. The doctor said it depends on mental state; yes, stuttering when anxious can go away, for instance, if you feel relaxed or comfortable with someone, you’ll speak smoothly, but once you feel uneasy, it comes back.

There are several ways to help with this, one of which is practicing reading aloud clearly, using long sentences in front of others.

But where in my life am I surrounded by many people who would sit and listen to me read without getting bored or falling asleep? There’s only one person, the big guy lying on the bed, staring at me.

For this reason, Phii Godt has become an essential assistant in my practice. If I can speak fluently under his gaze, everything else should become easy because his eyes make me so nervous and embarrassed that my speech falters every time.

“Phii Godt.”

“Hmm?” Phii Godt propped his chin up to look at me, slightly tilting his head.

“With that serious face, what’s wrong?”

“I… still can’t read fluently.” I scooted up to sit next to him on the bed, then lay on my side, looking at his honey-colored arm which seemed a bit lighter, probably because he’s been working in airconditioned rooms and hasn’t been out in the sun. Phii Godt lay down to stare at my face in return.

“You don’t have to force it; this way is cute too.” His warm hand pressed against my cheek, gently stroking it.

No matter how many years the person in front of me ages, one thing that never changes is the look in his eyes when he gazes at me.

Warm, yet filled with playfulness.

“I… want to speak more fluently, want to try changing some things.”

If it were before, Phii Godt would have said I didn’t need to change anything, that how I am is fine. But as he’s grown older, Phii Godt doesn’t speak his thoughts as directly. He tends to support what I’m trying to achieve rather than discouraging it. If I say I’m giving up, he’ll say it’s okay, at least I tried.

One day I might lose my character because he’s been too indulgent with me.

I’m afraid I might become too self-centered, making him feel uncomfortable.

“If I sit and watch, you might get too nervous. How about reading it to Biu?” Phii Godt suggested his female colleague who works at the same place.

“Phii Biu… is terribly busy.”

“Busy with what, she’s at the pub at 3 am, only gets back to the condo by 5 am.”

“She needs to let loose sometimes… from all that stressful work.”

“Stressful what, she just sits there gossiping all day,” grumbled the big guy, also showing his displeasure by making a face, “Besides, I don’t want to go. The pub is too loud, it’s better if I stay with you.”

After saying that, he nuzzled his head into my arm, clinging to it in a cute manner.

The giant Godzilla from that day has now turned into a big golden retriever today.

Come to think of it, since we’ve known each other, Phii Godt has seriously given up drinking, rarely seen drinking with work friends, and never getting drunk like he did back in school days. If he wants to drink something, a can of beer would be his choice, and he would only drink it at the condo or in my room. He said he wants to keep his health, doesn’t want anything to happen to him, doesn’t want to leave me alone, doesn’t want me to become a widower. He cares.

I began to understand what Phii Biu often complains about, that Phii

Godt is becoming more like an old man attached to his wife every day.

A little drink doesn’t hurt, going out with friends, bonding with colleagues, but I didn’t dare to say it. He feels comfortable this way. I don’t want to contradict him; it’s better this way, so I don’t have to worry about him getting drunk and causing trouble for Phii Biu to take care of.

“If so, I have one method, do you want to try it?”

“Method?”

“Yes, I used to do it in middle school. It might help, but if it’s forced, you don’t have to do it. You can just talk to me.”

I grabbed the hem of the oversized T-shirt of the guy in front of me.

Although I was slightly hesitant, I nodded in agreement.

“I… want to try.”

The car stopped in front of the Autism Foundation. I opened the door and got out, squinting a bit as I met the sunlight filtering through the leaves of the large tamarind tree, Ton. My hands were sweaty. Phii Godt walked off in another direction.

The clock now showed half past three in the afternoon. The sound of chatter came from not far ahead; you could see about ten children being led by caregivers, walking out from a room towards a hexagonal gazebo with a dark green roof. The area was surrounded by a colorful flower garden.

The children sat down neatly at first, but soon the line broke. However, they remained under the green roof, not running far from the area. Some sat still, looking around with curiosity, some rocking back and forth, making noise or being playful because they couldn’t stay still.

These were special children.

Phii Godt came back to stand beside me after finishing his conversation, placing his hand on my shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze.

“Ready?”

I was ready, had been since Phii Godt mentioned we were coming here. I even searched and prepared several storybooks.

I took a deep breath, gripping the storybook tightly, gathering all my courage to walk with the tall guy. When we entered the gazebo, the female caregiver gave a smile. She clapped her hands a couple of times, giving a brief introduction.

“Alright, kids, today he’s going to tell us a story. Listen carefully, everyone.”

“Yes!” The responses were lively and full of life.

I positioned myself in front of the more than ten children, swallowing hard, their bright eyes looking back at me with excitement to hear the story. I inhaled deeply, looking up at Phii Godt for encouragement, receiving a beautiful smile that made my heart race.

“To… today… I’ll tell you a story…”

My speech still stuttered like a radio losing signal, but the children’s reactions weren’t of furrowed brows or questions about what was wrong, what condition I might have, or why I spoke disjointedly. Their faces weren’t full of confusion; instead, they were filled with smiles, their eyes sparkling.

Seeing those eyes, I began to tell the story.

The first story I picked up was an easy, light-hearted tale; the Frog Prince was the first fairy tale I heard from my grandfather, making me feel more connected to it than to other stories. Once upon a time, a prince was cursed to become a frog, and he could only return to human form when kissed by true love. The Frog Prince did everything in his power to find that woman.

For me, the Frog Prince fairy tale has a different storyline from the ordinary Frog Prince. It’s about a Frog Prince who must put effort into learning, understanding, and making the woman fall in love with him in his frog form, looking beyond the exterior to the heart, to the true essence of the prince. It’s a Frog Prince who must take time on his journey, not one who gets everything easily.

Throughout my storytelling, apart from the children sitting quietly, some moved to sit beside me, surrounding me with small bodies. They were interested in the illustrations in the storybook, the colors of the frog, the sky, and the image of the beautiful woman. The kids wrapped themselves around me, and when they heard laughter, I couldn’t help but smile and laugh along.

I had never done something like this before. Once I started doing it… it felt like some kind of happiness was enveloping my heart.

When I was narrating the story, speaking stutteringly and slowly, I would sneak glances at Phii Godt from time to time. The smile on Phii Godt’s face was warmer than ever. I wanted to thank him, grateful that he brought me here, happy that I got to experience life outside a bit. Being among the children didn’t make me feel uncomfortable at all; instead, I felt so good I almost wanted to cry.

So this is how it feels, because all this time, people have only given me happiness, so I didn’t know how good it feels to be the one giving happiness to others.

These children were abandoned just because they were different from other kids. They crave love from their family, so when someone comes to give them treats, tell stories, or organize activities, they rush towards it, hugging, snuggling, and laughing happily. They need warmth; even as we grow into adults, we still need someone’s embrace. They’re still so small; of course, they need hugs to show that someone is still by their side.

Four or five children came close, hugging my arms and legs. Besides the children surrounding me, some seemed fascinated by Phii Godt’s height and his strong arms, which could lift the little ones into the air as if they were flying in the sky. Around us, there were children, laughter, smiles, and happiness until time ran out.

That moment of joy was so brief, but the smiles of those children, I will never forget.

I stood watching until the last child disappeared into the room, waving goodbye to them, then turned to walk back to the car and buckled up.

Silence settled between us as if what just happened was merely a dream.

After a while, we looked at each other and smiled.

“Thank you.”

“Whenever you’re tired or bored, you can come again, I can bring you here anytime.”

“Yeah,” I murmured softly to the person beside me.

“Diew.”

“Hmm?” I turned slightly to look at Phii Godt’s profile; he wasn’t looking at me, his gaze focused outside.

“I knew I wasn’t wrong to like you.”

His words brought all the warmth to my face. I averted my gaze to look outside the window.

“What… saying that out of nowhere?”

“When you smiled at the kids, it was so bright, you know? It made me think, why is this kid so kind-hearted, what made him like this, what does he eat to be this cute? Did you fall from heaven or something?”

I pushed Phii Godt’s arm away hard. “Stop talking like that.”

“Human or angel, huh, or maybe a little deity?”

“Phii Godt!”

“Embarrassed, huh? Making you embarrassed.” He laughed, clearly enjoying teasing me. “About speaking, don’t overthink it, take it slow, you know?”

“Uh.”

“What’s ‘uh’? What are you saying, huh? Turn here, turn.”

The big guy turned me to face him, then pressed his lips gently against mine, catching me off guard, making me jump. His soft lips moved delicately on mine, slowly tugging at my heart, so light it made me hold my breath.

Phii Godt pulled his lips away. Not worried about anyone seeing because the car windows were so dark he once got pulled over by the police. His warm breath brushed my cheek. Even though he pulled back, it was just less than a foot, as if he didn’t want to let go.

“Are you happy?”

“Uh.”

“You need to be happy every day, you know? I want you to be happy every day, smile like this every day.”

“Yes.”

“Your smile is cuter than anyone’s.”

I reached out to touch Phii Godt’s cheek, and the big guy nestled his face into my hand.

Your smile is something I’m enamored with too.

“You… have to be happy… every day too.”

After that, every Sunday, the day Phii Godt had off, he would take me to tell stories to the children. One week passed, two weeks passed, until the fifth week when Phii Godt wasn’t available to go with me. So, I went alone, told the stories, and returned to my room as usual, took a shower, finished the pending work, and sat reading aloud on the bed with youngmaster waddling around in his square box.

The sound of the key turning came from the front of the room just past midnight; the tall figure opened the door and entered.

“Oh, you haven’t gone to bed yet?” Phii Godt called out in surprise. I shook my head in response.

The big guy put his personal items on the fridge, threw his socks into the laundry basket, stood there checking his phone while muttering about this and that, as one does after working on a day off. Tomorrow, he would take a day off. Luckily, I didn’t have any morning classes tomorrow, just a lab session in the afternoon, so I didn’t need to go to bed early.

I looked up from the book in my hand, turning my attention to the person who could freely come and go in this room. He said he was held up by a meeting, and there was traffic in the city too.

“What’s with everyone and Sundays?”

Phii Godt took off his belt, throwing it over a chair, then opened the fridge to grab green tea and drank it down. After that, he grabbed a towel from the wardrobe and disappeared into the bathroom.

He must really be tired. Normally, he would need a lot of convincing to take a shower.

It didn’t take long before Khun Godzilla came out of the bathroom. Without a word, he flopped onto the bed, scooted over to hug my waist, and buried his face there, making a cute, sleepy noise.

“Coming home to sleep and hug is so comforting.”

His soft hair made it impossible for me not to put my hand in it, gently ruffling his hair playfully until Phii Godt looked up.

“How was today?”

He shifted to lie on his side, facing me, with his legs clamped around the Godzilla plushie.

“It was good.”

“Just good?”

“I spoke more fluently… uh… a little.”

Phii Godt smiled, “Very good.”

Actually, today I met a woman who happened to bring snacks for the children at the foundation. She listened to me tell the story until the end, and we chatted a bit afterwards. There was one sentence that kept repeating in my head since I came back:

“Let’s not think they will judge us; think that what we do comes from our heart.”

I used to think I might look ridiculous to others when I stutter, but after going to the foundation and telling stories to the kids, it helped me appreciate myself more, realizing there’s no need to care about others’ gazes.

What’s important is that I do it with intention.

“Phii Godt.”

“Hmm?”

The person who had closed his eyes opened them again, his beautiful, narrow eyes staring at me intently.

“I want to try… reading again… can I?”

“But I’m sleepy.”

“Just for a moment… please?”

“Okay.” Once he heard the coaxing, he gave in, sitting up to pay attention, holding a teddy bear to his chest, looking straight at me.

His sharp gaze has always been my weakness; when he looks at me, I feel a flush of heat like I’m coming down with a fever, sometimes making me do strange things or even act impulsively.

Phii Godt is the big boss of this challenge.

I picked up the book, the one I had left off at that sentence, the sentence I thought was beautiful, perhaps the most beautiful in this book.

I am determined to do this because I want Phii Godt to see that I’m not tense around him.

I want Phii Godt to know that when I’m with him, I can be myself.

I want Phii Godt to be happy, to ease his tiredness from work.

My eyes focused on that text, inhaling deeply, exhaling slowly to avoid conveying that I was holding my breath to rush through the words. “Will told Clark that…”

“…”

“…Do you know something, Clark? You’re the only reason I want to wake up in the morning.”

From being on the verge of sleep, Phii Godt’s eyes widened slightly. I closed the book, moved closer to the person in front of me, kneeling up and placing both hands on his cheeks.

The next sentence I was about to say wasn’t from the book, but something I wanted to tell him, over and over again.

“You are the reason I want to wake up in the morning.”

“Diew…”

“It’s the reason I smile every day.”

“…”

“Just like how I want to see your smile, because your smile…”

“…”

“Is the most adorable thing.”

“Diew, you are stingy.”

“So, let me be your happiness, Phii Godt.”

He hugged my waist tightly, pressing his sharp nose against my shoulder with a soft laugh.

“You’re not stuttering anymore.”

The big guy hugged me like that until we locked eyes, both of our faces adorned with smiles. Phii Godt’s hand touched my cheek, caressing it gently.

“My smile, my love, so cute.”

After saying that, he playfully pulled my cheeks, laughing brightly and contentedly.

Watching his smile like this, it truly warms my heart.

No matter how much time passes,

No matter how long it’s been,

No matter what obstacles we encounter,

I want this person to always have smiles, to always have happiness.

I want him to be loved by everyone.

Because your smile is more charming than anyone else’s.

     MONSTER NEXT DOOR CHAPTERS HOME

   MONSTERNEXTDOOR, Chapter 29: A Coin Has Two Sides, But Ultimately, It’s Still The Same Coin.

The light filtering through the curtains touched my eyelids, making me slowly blink awake. Even though the room didn’t face east, just a little light was enough to wake me. The first thing I saw was those beautiful, deep brown eyes already looking at me. Phii Godt gave a faint smile while placing his hand on my cheek, gently stroking it until I nestled my face into his warm palm. His slender fingers traced my skin before he wiped the sleep from the corners of my eyes, causing me to squint.

“Good morning.”

His distinctive deep voice was still etched in my heart as on the first day I heard it.

“Good morning.”

I greeted him with a sleepy voice and buried my face back into the pillow. Now that the term was over, from having to wake up early every day, I just wanted to spend more time in bed. Lying spread out on the bed is the happiness many university students dream of, not having to rush anywhere. Phii Godt’s hand moved to gently ruffle my hair.

“Wake up later than me… are you sleepy?”

I’m not that sleepy; I went to bed early last night. I just feel embarrassed when I wake up and see him lying next to me, so I hide my face with the big pillow, that’s all.

The smell of my shampoo that usually clings to the pillow is now mixed with the scent of his cologne, and I’m starting to get used to it.

“Today I’m helping out downstairs in the dorm. They contacted me last night.”

“Oh, what kind of work?”

I asked the person next to me out of curiosity.

“A birthday party.”

“Oh.”

“Such a good ‘oh,’ acting all grumpy like a cat, but you can’t be a cat, because you’re a turtle, little Diew.” After he finished speaking, he ruffled my hair again and pressed his nose to the top of my head before pulling away. His actions made my lonely heart beat so fast I felt like I could melt into the bed.

I’m never used to Phii Godt’s touch.

It’s warm, yet it can be irritating too. In summary, it’s a mix of warm annoyance, but I just love this irritating warmth so much.

The tall guy moved off the bed, stretching lazily beside it a few times before walking into the bathroom, leaving the bed slightly sunken. My hand moved to touch where he had just risen from, the warmth of his body still clearly lingering on the bed. I looked up at Smile, who was lying with his head and tail reversed not far away.

He’s so warm, isn’t he, Smile?

Phii Godt has a high body temperature, probably from playing sports, so when you’re next to him, you feel this constant warmth, like he’s a heater emitting heat continuously, sometimes even too hot.

“Diew, come brush your teeth, then we’ll go downstairs for some fish porridge.”

“Is the shop open today?”

My feet touched the floor before I walked into the bathroom, picking up the toothbrush from a pink Hello Kitty cup and sitting down on the toilet lid. Phii Godt squeezed some toothpaste onto my brush.

“It’s open, why would it be closed?”

“Isn’t today… a day off?”

“Today is Tuesday.”

“But, Phii… it’s closed every Tuesday,” Phii Godt furrowed his brows at me, probably because he doesn’t eat rice porridge often so he doesn’t know which days it’s actually closed. Most of the time, he sticks to just Korean barbecue and sushi.

“Really?”

“Yeah, the rice porridge place… is closed every Tuesday… the sukiyaki place is closed on Sunday.” After saying that, he stuffed the toothbrush into his mouth.

“So what should we eat then, Korean barbecue again?”

“Uh, whatever is fine.”

“What did you say, little one? I couldn’t understand.”

Pulling the toothbrush out of his mouth with foam all over, he said,

“Korean barbecue is fine.”

“Aren’t you tired of it?”

I shook my head slightly at the person in front of me. I’m someone who can do the same thing for a long time, eat the same food for months without any issue. Plus, just a few days ago, the uncle at the Korean barbecue place told me they had a new menu, so I thought about taking Phii Godt to try it. We hadn’t had Korean barbecue for three or four days now.

After finishing brushing my teeth, I spat out the water and grabbed a small towel hanging on the rack to hand to Phii Godt, who was washing his face after brushing his teeth. I took another towel to wipe my mouth.

“The uncle said… there’s a new menu too.”

“A new menu? Is there braised pork? I want to eat braised pork.”

“Not braised pork… but it’s Korean barbecue… with crispy pork and tofu.”

The person in front of me made a hissing sound when he heard the word “crispy pork.” After all, Phii Godt loves pork.

“Why do you… like pork so much?” I smiled slightly while looking at him through the mirror, busily dealing with his messy hair, before he turned around and stole a kiss from me unexpectedly. After the kiss, he gave a big, pleased smile, clearly happy about teasing me.

“I also like eating mice, you know.” [1] Thai word for rat is Nuu but it is also used in conversation as a pronoun for a younger person, so in this case nu means Diew

I raised the back of my hand to cover my flushed face. What a bad personality!

“And today… what time will you be done with work?”

“I’ll help out at five, finish by six, just for an hour.”

“Only… an hour?”

“Yeah, I actually wanted to refuse, but I couldn’t because my nephew requested it.”

“Why… did he request you?”

“Because he’s taken with how cute I am.” After he finished speaking, he poked my cheek. I didn’t feel cute at all.

“Go then, go.”

I pushed the tall guy out of the room. The area around the dorm was quite quiet, except for the chatter of the owner’s grandchildren, because it’s the school break, while everyone else had gone home. Phii Godt and I were stuck at the dorm because his parents were traveling abroad. As for me, I couldn’t go back to Phuket due to the storm that had hit Phuket for almost a week.

We stood ordering kuay teow (noodles) at a cart with no one around in the early morning. The good weather made me take a deep breath, the aroma of pork bone soup from the noodle stall still being the signature scent in front of the dorm, which anyone passing by would try at least once.

“What do you want to eat?”

“I’ll have… crispy pork and tofu kuay teow, please.”

“Two of those then, but in one bag, just a little morning glory, please.” Looks like you really hate morning glory, huh?

“Oh. Not wearing your Ultraman mask anymore?” The old man asked the one whose eyes were sparkling with interest in the crispy pork in the display case.

“No, uncle. Why? Do you like it?”

“Yeah. It adds color, the kids around here like it. But why wear it?

Isn’t it uncomfortable?”

“I can handle being uncomfortable, but I can’t stand making others uncomfortable.” After he spoke, he turned to pat my head, ruffling my hair with satisfaction until it stood up in all directions. I couldn’t even get annoyed at him; he always had some trick up his sleeve that left me speechless.

Just these simple words, I don’t know why they made me feel embarrassed.

After buying the kuay teow, we had to take it back to the room to eat. Besides the noodles, I also stopped by to buy some sushi for the afternoon, so we wouldn’t have to go down to make anything else to eat. As for dinner, Phii Godt said he would bring something back after he finished work.

I watched the person who refused to pour the Korean barbecue into the bowl because he was too lazy to wash it. Even though I said I would wash it for him, Phii Godt still mixed the rice with the barbecue in the bag. The person in front of me looked so happy with today’s new menu, both in his expression and the sparkling look in his eyes. I smiled as I watched him keep saying how delicious the crispy pork was, melting in the mouth. It’s rare to find a place that fries pork so well – not tough, not hard, not too greasy, and the fried tofu complemented it well. No rancid smell, not too hard to chew. In conclusion, the uncle’s new menu was now my favorite.

From now on, he probably wouldn’t ask for anything else. The Korean barbecue uncle would surely get money from Phii Godt every morning. “Eat slowly, I’ll steal it,” he said, trying to snatch my fried tofu. I quickly dodged.

“I’m angry!”

“I’ll make it up to you.”

“Make up how?”

“Make uuuup.”

“No way!”

Our daily routine remained the same. I still lived in the small square room with young-master and Smile, while Phii Godt would go out to meet friends or work because he can’t stay still. By evening, Khun Godzilla would barge into my room, and we’d spend time doing this and that. After that, we’d go to bed together, except on the days when Phii Godt was forced to go out drinking. He wouldn’t enter my room because he didn’t want it to smell like alcohol.

Phii Godt said my room had a smell he liked, one that made him feel at ease, aside from his own perfume scent which he sometimes brought in. He didn’t want other smells to cover it.

And the smell he liked was just my shampoo and body wash.

That’s why Phii Godt liked to nuzzle my hair often.

If he liked the smell that much, why didn’t he use it himself?

Phii Godt doesn’t like to use my personal items. It seems like he has a habit of still being considerate of the room’s owner. That’s why he bought his own shampoo and soap to keep in my bathroom, in case his room was occupied by friends. He would come over to shower, eat, and sleep with me.

I once spent some free time just looking at the items in the bathroom, which usually didn’t have much. Now, there were Hello Kitty cups, two toothbrushes, two face towels, different shampoos, different soap brands, and even cute Hello Kitty stickers that Phii Godt got from fans, sticking them here and there, making everything look cute and lively.

Besides the bathroom, looking around the bedroom, on the bed besides Smile lying on his back, there was also a cute blue Godzilla toy that he had bought from a Japanese store, even though he initially rejected the name “Godzilla”. Eventually, Phii Godt grew to like it so much that everything around him turned into Godzilla.

There are also Phii Godt’s bag, the plant-themed figure he ordered. I don’t know why he had to place it in my room. He said if he put it in his room, he was afraid his friends would break it, especially Phii Ton who has clumsy hands. Then there are his oversized T-shirts mixed in my wardrobe, the small Godzilla keychain he bought to pair with my turtle keychain because Phii Godt likes small, cute trinkets, like the wind chimes he once bought for me. Oh, and there are also three or four One Piece comic books on the study desk.

No matter where you look, there’s a hint of Phii Godt everywhere, as if he’s always here in this room.

He doesn’t leave any space at all, this chaotic person.

But I love it, I love this chaotic essence of him.

My world has become much brighter because of it.

…

After ten, I slowly got out of bed, not knowing if the birthday event downstairs was over yet. I switched from lying down listening to music to sitting at the foot of the bed reading a book, while chatting with young-master who was pacing in his square box.

“Young-master, next week we’ll go back to Phuket, okay?”

I gently stroked young-master’s shell.

My grandfather called me in the evening, saying he would come to pick me up to go back to Phuket next week. Initially, we talked about me flying back alone, but since he had business in Bangkok, he decided to have an intern driver come to help.

“When we go back this time, I’ll find a friend for young-master, okay?”

I know young-master isn’t lonely because we’re always together, but I want to get him a friend because I think having friends isn’t a bad thing.

Young-master would have someone to chat with.

“Or does young-master want a little brother?”

Knock, knock.

Before I could talk more with young-master, there was a knock at my door. I was a bit surprised because looking at the phone screen, Phii Godt should have been done with work by now, and since he has a spare key to my room, why would he knock?

Since there’s no peephole, I had to get up to open the door. When the door opened, the first thing I saw was…

A tall bear mascot holding a pink balloon.

From the height…

Phii Godt…

“Why do you look so shocked? I’m cute, aren’t I?” After saying that, he twisted his body like a jam roll, looking insanely beatable.

The tall bear handed me a pink balloon. I slowly took it before Phii Godt squeezed into the room. He took off the mascot head, revealing his dark hair, grabbed a strawberry Pocky from the table, put it in his mouth, and mumbled about forgetting the room key. Then, he turned to face me as I was examining the bear head on the table.

Memories from old days rushed back.

‘Did you see the balloon in front of the room? I used it to make amends.’

I remember questioning where he got that balloon from that day…

“If you don’t like it, you don’t have to let it float away in front of me, that’s cruel.”

“The one who used it to apologize should have punctured it in the room, what’s your heart made of?”

“Such a lonely turtle, so cruel.”

I remember how he complained when I let the balloon he gave me float out of the room…

‘Wish me luck on the exam, okay?’

And only now did I remember that the tall, slender bear mascot at the birthday party under the dormitory, with the look that seemed to say, “Hug me, hug me,” was the same mascot Phii Godt was wearing today.

I blinked rapidly at the bear taking off his costume, the tall person walked closer to me. From standing apart, now Phii Godt was so close that I could feel the warmth from his body.

“To be honest, I just remembered this myself.”

“Last birthday party. Someone small said, ‘Wish me luck on the exam, okay?’ and then came up to hug me.”

My lips tightened, my face felt hot and I couldn’t hide it.

It was true.

He was that bear.

We hugged before we even met face to face.

Honestly, if I hadn’t seen this bear mascot today, I would have almost forgotten about it. The memory was quite vague because back then, I was focused on memorizing exam questions. I only knew that the bear was as tall as Phii Godt, was warm like him, and the embrace was just as wide, no difference at all.

“We’re so bad, I stole a hug from you first. Not fair.”

“I didn’t know that…” I didn’t know that you were the bear mascot that day. I didn’t even know how tall you were back then. I didn’t know your embrace would be this warm. I didn’t expect to see you at that time.” And then… didn’t you recognize me?”

“I couldn’t remember. Back then, we had just made an agreement, so I didn’t think I’d see just one face. Plus, it was hot, I barely paid attention to who was who; I was just annoyed. All I could think about was, ‘I want to smoke,’ and ‘When will this end?’ Everything in front of me was just a blur.” And then he laughed softly.

That’s right. If I look back, that was the period when Phii Godt was trying to quit smoking cold turkey.

Phii Godt’s hand rested on my cheek, caressing it gently as if I were something very precious to him. His other hand wrapped around my waist, pulling me close until there was hardly any space between us.

“But I remember that the person in my arms back then was this small, this delicate, and smelled this good.”

After he spoke, his prominent nose nuzzled into my cheek, rubbing back and forth as he often does, making me squirm and pull away.

“Thank you for allowing me into your world.”

“Thank you.”

Phii Godt’s lips pressed against mine, slowly and tenderly, to the point where I accidentally let go of the balloon, which floated up to stick to the ceiling. Hundreds of clouds seemed to envelop my body whenever he kissed me, with the faint scent and taste of strawberry from the Pocky he once said he didn’t like but later couldn’t do without. His breath tickled my nose, his warmth spreading over my body.

I love having him here.

When he pulled his lips away, Phii Godt broke into a wide, happy smile, accompanied by our laughter once again in the small square room, again and again, as each day passed.

This small square room where our story was beginning to be recorded.

The scent of memories just starting, and no matter how it ends, I won’t regret having met him.

Because at one point, I’ll remember that my little world isn’t just mine anymore.

The man named ‘Lonely,’ the man who was human, an introvert, who always lived alone, alone, happy in his own private world, content with doing things alone,

Today, he’s not lonely anymore.

Ever since the day I met Khun Godzilla, the chaotic one next door. No matter how many days or months pass, no matter how annoying, grumpy, whiny, or easily offended he might be, Phii Godt is still someone I want to be with, through ordinary days, special days, days when I feel like hugging someone, days when I feel lonely.

Phii Godt taught me many things, including how to open up to someone new in my life, how to accept differences and broaden my perspective, how to let go of old prejudices, and how to respect fellow humans.

Phii Godt taught me that the world outside isn’t as scary as I thought, and having friends isn’t as bad as I thought.

Our world, it’s like a coin with two sides. It depends on which side of the coin we choose to look at, but that doesn’t mean the other side is always bad. We just need to adjust our viewpoint. Try looking from a different angle, and we’ll see…

That the other world, the other perspective, is just as beautiful.

Thank you, the ever-busy Khun Godzilla next door.

Khun Godzilla, who tried to enter my world with understanding and patience.

Khun Godzilla, who is the opposite kind of person from me.

An extrovert human, trying to understand this introvert human.

Even though we are different, having you in my world has been the best gift.

Godzilla’s mission to invade my world.

Mission complete.

And I hope you all find your own Godzilla one day.

“By the way… have I ever told you… that your eyes are like youngmaster’s?”

“Is this supposed to be romantic?”

“They’re beautiful eyes.”

“Crazy, they’re a man’s eyes, how can they be beautiful?”

“Phii Godt!”

“Hehe”

:: THE END::

    MONSTER NEXT DOOR CHAPTERS HOME

   MONSTERNEXTDOOR, Chapter 28: People Who Are Honest With Their Feelings, Especially With Their Loved Ones, Are Really Lovable.

The chirping of birds made me look around for the source of the sound while I was closing the door to the professor’s room. Small sparrows were chasing each other on the concrete wall under the cool breeze even though the sun was directly overhead. I gave a faint smile while looking at Ton, the big tree, where clusters of leaves moved like clouds, rustling with the wind like a kind of music.

From above, I saw the owner of the honey-colored skin stretched out on a stone bench in the garden under the faculty building. Phii Godt was dozing off, eyes half-closed. Today, he was wearing a black T-shirt under a navy blue shirt, and it can’t be denied that he looked very good dressed like this.

Like a prince, right?

But a tough kind of prince.

“Oh, Diew.”

A familiar, clear voice rang out as I was walking down the stairs from the third floor. I looked up from my white sneakers and the steps I was playfully jumping over to see a small woman in a student uniform smiling at me. Phii Ping stood in front of the student club room, holding a medium-sized paper box full of documents before she placed it in front of the room.

“Haven’t you finished your exams yet?”

“I’ve finished… just… came to submit some work.”

“Are you going back now?” Though she asked, she was already busy organizing the messy items. I glanced left and right, and seeing no one around to help Phii Ping, I thought it would be okay to let Phii Godt wait a bit longer since we had planned to eat together at the university’s central canteen after I finished submitting my work.

Phii Ping staggered a bit when lifting a large box, prompting me to rush over to help her carry it.

Although I was already on summer break, there were still some who hadn’t finished their exams, so it wasn’t surprising to see Phii Ping or some students still studying under the building. “You don’t have to.”

“It’s okay… I… was going this way anyway.”

“Then, please help me.” The beautiful-eyed woman placed one box in my hands, then turned to pick up another. We both walked, carrying the paper boxes down to the lower floor, heading towards the lockers to store the items.

“Sorry for asking you to help. Every time it’s the semester break, I have to clear stuff out of the dorm room; it’s so messy, it’s about to become a rat’s nest.”

“And… what about the others?”

“They’re caught up with exams, some have gone back to their provinces since the day before yesterday, so I’ve been carrying everything up and down by myself.”

Hearing that, instead of just carrying one box as I had thought, I helped Phii Ping carry all the boxes that were piled up in front of the room down to the lockers below because I didn’t want her to go up and down alone. She’s smaller than me; if she carried everything, she’d probably faint from exhaustion.

“Thanks, Nong Diew. Do you have any plans? Want to have dinner together? I’ll treat you as thanks for helping with the moving.”

“Oh… actually, I… have plans with Phii Godt.”

“Oh,” Phii Ping said softly, “As for Godt, everything’s okay now, right? I saw the fans apologize.”

“Yes.”

“That’s good,” she said, sliding the cardboard boxes into place. Even though there was a smile on her face, I could clearly see that Phii Ping wasn’t feeling great about it.

“Phii Ping…”

“Hmm?”

“Back then… did Phii Godt’s fans… apologize to you too?”

Phii Ping got hit harder than I did, but no one mentioned that fans apologized to her. It’s like everyone forgot that once they made a woman suffer.

The person in front of me fell silent, trying to keep her hands busy as if not wanting them to be idle. I gently touched her shoulder, and she jumped as if her mind was somewhere else.

“No. Back then, nothing was cleared up. We just drifted apart. No further words were spoken, the unresolved matters just stayed unresolved. But I’ve moved on from it, let it go if you can.”

That’s really sad. If possible, I’d like Phii Ping to get an apology too, but there’s not much I can do alone unless Phii Godt helps to speak up again.

“Uh… if you… don’t mind… would you like to join us for dinner?”

“Are you crazy? I’d just be a third wheel,” she laughed slightly.

“It’s fine… let’s go together.”

Phii Ping is Phii Godt’s friend after all, there’s no reason to feel bad about her.

That’s what I think.

The atmosphere at the dining table was awkward, different from how Phii Godt and Phii Ping used to chat comfortably that day. Today, it felt like they didn’t really want to face each other.

The actual purpose of inviting Phii Ping was to clear up misunderstandings with Phii Godt. I don’t know the details of how bad things were between Phii Ping and Phii Godt’s fans, I just know that back then, Phii Godt didn’t clarify things as clearly as he did with me, which might have made Phii Ping feel bad.

Phii Godt was pushing the carrots around on his plate, while Phii Ping kept sipping her mango smoothie, setting the glass down, and picking it up again after a while.

I, as the mediator, wasn’t very good at talking, so the whole table ended up in silence.

Until someone’s chatter broke the silence.

“Damn, calling me out here now, I should thank Bell if he doesn’t slap me.”

“Did you come by motorcycle or by tortoise, you’re so slow.”

“I came as fast as I could, you buffalo, any faster and I’d be The Flash.”

“Terrible!” Phii Godt yelled at Phii Biu, who was wearing a comfortable t-shirt and jeans, her large t-shirt crumpled and her hair messily tied back, suggesting she rushed over as she said. She muttered complaints as she sat down next to Phii Ping.

“How did you come?” Phii Ping asked Phii Biu. It seemed both were particularly close since the incident with Phii Jen. I heard from Phii Ping that it was Phii Biu who told her about Phii Jen’s situation, leading to Phii Jen coming to adjust his attitude with me and Phii.

“Godt called us here, said Ping was eating with you, and wanted us to come and sit with her.”

Phii Ping tightened her lips, gripping her mango smoothie glass until it made a crunching noise.

“We’ve already eaten. But if you’re uncomfortable, we can leave.”

“Wait,” Khun Godzilla protested, “It’s not that I’m uncomfortable, I called Biu because I was worried Ping might be uncomfortable eating with just me.”

“I’m okay, besides, there’s no need. If you are busy, you don’t have to come.”

“Crazy. I’m not busy, I came quickly because it’s about Ping.” Phii Biu smiled at the smaller person beside her. “So, what’s your problem, you bastard? Did something happen with Ping? I thought you guys weren’t talking anymore.”

“I don’t have a problem, Ping and I are friends.”

“And then what?”

I slowly raised my hand like a child afraid that raising a hand in class would get them scolded by the teacher.

“I was the one… who invited Phii Ping to have dinner,” I said softly, “I just… wanted Phii Ping to know… back then… Phii Godt didn’t disregard you… he might just not have known… how to handle his fans.”

All the sounds around us quieted down, leaving only the chirping of birds that had sneaked in to eat the crumbs on the nearby table, like in a comedy show where there’s a crow’s caw for a bad punchline.

“This is what it’s about, huh?” Phii Biu sighed softly, “Diew, you think Ping is upset about Godt’s fans?”

I nodded quickly before feeling Phii Godt’s large hand ruffle my hair.

“You’re thinking too much again.”

“I’m not… I just… if you’re going to be friends, shouldn’t you clear up what’s unresolved… isn’t that right?”

Everyone fell silent again. I didn’t know what expressions they had because my eyes were now fixed on the small eggplants scattered on the plate after eating the green curry with crispy chicken and pushing them aside, staring at them as if there was nowhere else to focus.

“Diew,” Phii Ping spoke up, making me lift my head to meet her gaze. Strangely enough, with Phii Ping, I didn’t feel awkward looking into her eyes at all; when I looked at Phii Ping, it was like seeing myself reflected back, fragile yet strong at the same time.

“Thanks for caring about me. It’s true I was upset that back then Godt didn’t say anything clearly, but the past is the past, we can’t change it, so there’s no need to worry.”

“I just… understand… what you’ve been through.”

“I know, because we’re similar, that’s why I don’t want you to care about what others say. I’ve been through a lot, been insulted, cursed, because I cared more about others’ words than those close to me, leading to bad decisions, but now I’ve gotten past it. And I think it was the best lesson.”

“Sorry for what happened,” a deep voice spoke after pushing carrots around until satisfied, “I know I did many wrong things back then that hurt Ping a lot, but like I said, if we’re going to be friends, I don’t want it to be unresolved.”

“I don’t hold any grudge against Godt, and I don’t care about the fans anymore. It’s just that sometimes I think back to the old times, but I won’t let it give me a headache.”

“That’s good. It’s good to be stronger. Other people’s words are just hot air, let them pass.”

“Yeah, thanks.”

“But if anyone insults Ping again, I’ll knock their teeth out.” Phii Biu clearly defended the person beside her. “All talk on screen, let’s see what happens off-screen, you bastards, heads will shrink in rows.”

“You’re so fierce, do you like Ping or what?”

“Ass.”

“Come on, you just got insulted, so I’ll ask for real, do you like Ping?” Ass again.”

“See, you’re losing your composure.”

Phii Ping laughed and gently patted Phii Biu’s shoulder.

“Biu doesn’t like Ping, but Biu has always been there for me, both when I felt bad and when I was sad.”

“See, bow to my feet, Godt, I’m the one always cleaning up after you.”

“Yes, mother, thank you.”

“Do it again. You should thank me for taking care of Ping.”

“Thank you for taking care of Ping, mother.”

Seeing the tension slowly dissipate made me feel relieved.

“I’m not angry with Godt, I don’t care about the fans anymore. It’s just sometimes, the old stuff comes back to mind, but I don’t want to let it give me a headache.”

“That’s good. It’s good to be stronger. Words from others are just hot air, let them pass.”

“Hmm, thank you.”

“But if anyone insults Ping again, I’ll knock their teeth out.” Phii Biu clearly defended the person beside her. “All talk on screen, let’s see what happens off-screen, you bastards, heads will shrink in rows.”

“You’re so fierce, do you like Ping or what?”

“Ass.”

“Come on, you just got insulted, so I’ll ask for real, do you like Ping?”

“Ass again.”

“See, you’re losing your composure.”

Phii Ping laughed and gently patted Phii Biu on the shoulder.

“Biu doesn’t like me, but she’s always been by my side, both when I felt terrible and when I was sad.”

“See, bow to me, Godt, I’ve been the one cleaning up after you all the time.”

“Yes, ma’am, thank you.”

“Again. You should thank me for taking care of Ping.”

“Thank you for looking after Ping, ma’am.”

Seeing the tense atmosphere slowly relax, I felt relieved.

Then, I’ll excuse myself. Please help clean up the dishes, Biu, there’s a kid who needs teaching.”

Phii Godt stood up, grabbing his shirt that was draped over the chair and slinging it over his shoulder. Phii Ping furrowed her brows, not understanding what Phii Godt meant, just as I didn’t.

Only Phii Biu seemed to know what Phii Godt was implying.

“Don’t be too harsh on the kid, okay? At least he made you and Ping face each other again.”

“What will you do?”

“Teach him a lesson.”

Teach me a lesson? What lesson?

“Why teach him a lesson? Did Diew do something wrong?”

“Hey, where in the world would a new boyfriend to invite an ex girlfriend to dinner? That’s a sin!” Uh…

“But you… aren’t Godt’s ex, Biu.”

“You were almost one.”

Before we could discuss anything further, Phii Godt dragged me out of the cafeteria. I could only blink and follow him, not knowing where Phii Godt was heading, just that he kept walking until we stopped at the deserted garden behind the building, where a large tree blocked the sunlight, casting shade. I stood quietly looking at the lotus pond in front of me, where you couldn’t see the fish, only my reflection on the water’s surface, and suddenly remembered what Phii Biu had said.

“Where in the world would a new boyfriend to invite an ex-girlfriend to dinner?”

I… didn’t even think about that.

“Seriously,” Phii Godt said, his long legs stopping next to me, the warmth from his body hitting me instantly.

“Uh… yes.”

Suddenly, my voice stuttered uncontrollably.

“If I was to inviting your ex to eat with me, won’t you be jealous at all?”

“But…”

“And you didn’t even ask me, just brought Ping here and told her to eat with us.”

I… didn’t mean to.”

“Anyone else would be so jealous their eyes would pop out.” “But you… and Phii Ping… are friends…” aren’t you?

“Let’s start over, I’m already good friends with Ping. There’s no feelings if I talk to Ping again, but won’t you jealous?” His deep voice that was distant a moment ago moved closer, and I could feel Phii Godt’s breath near my ear, leaving me standing there stiffly.

“If I chat with Ping on LINE, if I greet Ping, if I smile at Ping… won’t you be jealous?”

“…”

My hands clenched into fists, my lips pressed together, my breathing became irregular.

If Phii Godt chats with Phii Ping behind my back. If Phii Godt greets Phii Ping every time they meet. If Phii Godt smiles at someone else besides me, with that warm smile he always gives only to me…

No… I don’t want that.

“Huh…”

“Hmm.”

“Jealous.”

“Hmm, what was that? Say it louder.”

“I would be jealous!” I grabbed the black t-shirt of the person next to me, clutching it tightly as heat rushed to my face, unable to distinguish between the embarrassment forming and the fluctuating feelings called ‘jealousy’ and ‘possessiveness’. I felt hot all over.

“I just… wanted… you and Phii Ping to clear things up… but I didn’t want you… to do that.”

“What was that supposed to be?”

I turned to look at Phii Godt, staring at him intently, and he seemed surprised by the sudden hardness in my eyes.

“Don’t smile… at anyone else.”

“Wait…”

“Don’t smile at others… the way you smile at me.”

“Diew.”

“I really mean it.”

“Shit,” the person in front of me muttered softly, then in a blink of an eye, he shook off his shirt and covered my head with it. His lips touched mine under the cover of his large shirt, the warm touch of his tongue making me instinctively pull back my neck. Phii Godt pressed his kiss down until I felt some kind of change happening.

It wasn’t a light kiss anymore. It was a kiss that made my whole body feel weak.

He pulled his lips away as I was still breathing heavily.

“Why do you have to be so cute when I was just playing around?”

I could only open my mouth like a fish out of water for a while until Phii Godt burst into laughter.

“Bad manners.” I pushed the tall man hard until he released me, the cool breeze hitting my face after escaping from under the shirt allowed me to take a deep breath.

But my heart racing in my chest and my face, hot like an oven, made it hard to recover.

I sat down on a stone bench not far from the lotus pond, resting my head on my arm while looking at the person beside me, the honeyskinned man who gently brushed the hair from my face behind my ear. Phii Godt’s slender fingers made me want to touch them more. I moved my fingers to hold his large hand, pressing my palm against his, observing the difference between our hands, then started playing with his beautiful fingers.

“Phii… are you mad… that I… invited Phii Ping to have dinner?”

“Not at all. I was just surprised. Normally, a new boyfriend wouldn’t get along with an ex.”

I pouted in displeasure, making Phii Godt smile.

“Hey. Isn’t it true? Am I right? If I’m wrong, why would you pull me like that?”

“Phii Ping… is just a friend now.”

“Yes, we’re just friends.”

“Besides… Phii Ping is… a good person, you know… She didn’t have to give me medicine, but Phii Ping did.”

“Yeah, Ping likes to take care of others, just like us.”

“But… when you say that… I… really am jealous.”

“Come on, being genuinely jealous is good, it’s super cute when we’re jealous, your face, ears, and neck all turn red.”

“Phii Godt!” I bared my teeth at him, and Phii Godt laughed, ruffling my hair into a mess even though he was just being gentle with it a moment ago.

Truth be told, if it were you, I’d be insanely jealous.”

“Hmm.”

“If you went back to talking with your ex, I wouldn’t be Ultraman, I’d be Godzilla, eating both of you up.”

This is my fault; my feelings are slower than a million-year-old tortoise.

…

“Sorry…”

“It’s okay.”

“But… you brought me here… aren’t you afraid of the monitor lizards?” I asked the person who was putting gum in his mouth. Phii Godt blew a bubble with the gum and shook his head slightly.”

The area where we were sitting wasn’t a place where many people would come. The grass was overgrown, and it was next to a canal, surrounded by old buildings with moss on the walls. If it weren’t for the big Ton tree providing shade, it would be left as a wilderness full of reptiles.

But the person chewing gum happily didn’t seem to think that way; Phii Godt actually seemed to like this place a lot.

“Not afraid.”

“Really… but I’ve seen… ones as big as crocodiles.”

I spread my arms wide to show him how big they were, the ones I had seen. Aren’t you afraid? The monitor lizards at this university are known to be fierce, they can easily take on a big python.

“…”

“Actually, the reason not many people come here is that the guard raised one here, it’s big, named Lucky, it loves meatballs, and it even has a collar.”

“…” The koala wouldn’t let go.

“…Oh… there it is, speak of the devil.”

I froze when I heard that, goosebumps rising all over like chicken skin. To be honest, besides spiders, the creatures I’m most afraid of are reptiles, especially lizards.

At first, I thought Phii Godt was just teasing to scare me, but when I turned around and saw the large monitor lizard crawling out of the water, I widened my eyes in shock and quickly ran to hide behind Phii Godt, clinging to him like a koala.

“Scaredy-cat.”

Well, that’s a lizard, right? What the hell is that?”

“Phii Godt… I… I’m scared.”

“Hmm, why are you scared? Lucky, come here, come to daddy,” he called Lucky with a click of his tongue as if it were an adorable little puppy. Instead of running away like other wild animals when it saw people, Lucky walked straight towards us as if it was used to coming here for meatballs.

“Phii Godt!”

“Huh, why are you scared? It won’t bite.”

“I’m out of here!”

The closer Lucky got, flicking its tongue, the more my arm hairs stood on end. I ran away from there with Phii Godt’s laughter chasing after me.

“Wait!”

“I’m not playing anymore, sorry,” he said, still laughing. I gave him a glare, which he answered with a mischievous smile.

If he teases me again, I might just push him to be Lucky’s meal instead of the meatballs.

“Phii Godt!!”

Before I could take another step, a female student in a uniform shouted a greeting. She ran over here, and Phii Godt quickly pulled me behind him. This action meant that this woman was definitely not his friend, maybe someone else, a classmate, a junior, or a senior he wasn’t close with.

“I thought you went back, nice to see you, Phii Godt.”

“Nice to see you too, Nong Ging.” Ging… I remembered seeing that name somewhere, it didn’t take long to recall, Gink was one of Phii Godt’s fans whose tweet Phii Wan had screenshotted for me to read.

“My friend saw you walking out of the cafeteria and so I followed you.”

“Oh, how are you? It’s been a long time since we’ve seen each other.”

“I’m fine, more worried about you, you’ve been gone for a while.”

“Just hanging around here.”

“You really didn’t notice, you haven’t been at the faculty at all.”

“Really? That’s too bad.”

“It’s good, take some personal time. You don’t have to show your face all the time. Just update Twitter occasionally. This is from Phii Praew and the other friends for you.”

“What is it?”

“Sweets.”

“Are you sure it’s just sweets?”

“Yes, sweets.”

“Thank you very much.”

“And this is for Nong Diew too.” Upon hearing my name, I instinctively grabbed the back of the wide-shouldered person in front of me. A gift… for me too?

“It’s sweets too. I asked Phii Wan what you like to eat and brought them for you. I also want to apologize to you, and there’s something from Phii Ping in the bag too. Letters and plush toys from people who came to apologize, I know we’ve done many things wrong and want to apologize for many things but haven’t had the courage until now. With this issue, we want everything to end here. Phii Godt, don’t worry too much, live your life happily.”

“Thank you, I’m not angry anymore. And if you want to give a gift to Diew…”

Phii Godt moved to the right, allowing me to see the woman in front clearly, just as she was surprised to see it was me.

“Oh, Nong Diew.”

“Hello…”

When faced with someone I don’t know, my tension was quite evident. Phii Godt placed his hand on my shoulder and squeezed gently to let me know he was by my side.

“This is from me to you, sorry for what happened before. There’s one plush toy from me and something from Phii Ping. Please give it to her too.”

A brown paper bag was handed to me. I took it reluctantly.

“Uh… thank you.”

“This is Ging, Ging and Praew are like the main representatives of my fan club,” Phii Godt introduced the person in front of me.

“Got it.”

“You’re so cute, Phii Diew,” Gink smiled at me, “Just like Phii Wan said, you’re all white.”

“See, he’s very protective of this one.”

“Oh, just a little compliment, many people have become fans of him because of how adorable he is.”

“I am still here and still protective.”

Okay, okay, then I’ll leave you two alone, you jealous one. Take care, I’m off, Nong Diew.”

“Got it.”

Ging ran back the way she came, leaving only silence between me and Phii Godt. The person next to me rubbed his neck a couple of times before we started walking along the path behind the school building.

“Is it like this every year?”

I opened the snack bag in my hand; three boxes of strawberry-flavored Pocky were inside. There were also strawberry marshmallows, and besides the snacks, there were letters and small trinkets like the tiny dolls Ging mentioned. I took out a soft, fluffy rabbit doll and squeezed it.

So cute, what should I name it? How about Sunshine, like the sunlight today? Maybe because I don’t often leave my room, I don’t get much sunlight, so I didn’t realize how good it feels to be outside in the sun, to see the vivid colors of the trees and grass, to see Phii Godt’s beautiful eyes clearly.

My gaze turned to Phii Godt, who picked up an expensive-looking square box from the paper bag. He sighed heavily, muttering in slight annoyance.

“I told them not to bring this stuff, but they still do.”

“What’s this?”

I craned my neck to see what was in the small square box; a sparkling, expensive watch almost blinded me.

“Wow, is it Gucci?”

“It’s expensive. I don’t know why they bring this, these kids still have their hands out asking for money from their parents.”

“If you don’t want it… then don’t take it.”

“I’ve refused hundreds of times. Sometimes if I don’t accept it, they send Wan and others to insist, or Beert relentlessly pressures me to accept. The worst is when they hide it in a snack bag, those kids.”

“And what do you do in return for these things?”

“I just update my daily life, tell them what I’m doing. I’ve actually asked why they give me these things; I’m not struggling financially, I can buy these things myself without any hair loss issues. But they say that when you like someone, you want to give them gifts or something to return their cuteness.”

“It’s a pretty strange relationship, huh?”

“They… seem to really love you.”

“Yes, with Ging, it’s like she’s my little sister, and with Praew, it’s the same. With Ping, I really think of her as a little sister too.”

“A lot of little sisters…”

“There are a lot of little brothers too. If Wan wasn’t the same age as me, I’d think of him as a younger brother.”

“And what about me?”

“Saying that, do you want to be my nong, huh Diew…”

Phii Godt went silent before he could finish his sentence. He stopped walking, making me stop too. When I turned around, I saw someone trying to hide their face behind their big hands.

“Phii Godt…”

“I forgot, I haven’t officially asked you to be my boyfriend yet, have I?”

My brain processed that sentence for a minute before heat rushed to my face. I was just teasing. I didn’t mean it seriously at all. We’re already dating, aren’t we? Isn’t it obvious when you’re dating someone that you’re their partner? But it seems Phii Godt doesn’t think that way.

“But you… already asked to date… right?”

“We’re dating. We just need to be official partners.”

“It’s the same thing…”

“It’s not the same for me.”

“Oh. If it’s not the same, then it’s not the same.”

Phii Godt walked closer to me with a smile on his face, his beautiful brown eyes even more captivating when the sunlight hit them, like a universe waiting to be explored. It still confirms my previous words that Phii Godt’s eyes are as beautiful as a young master’s.

“Diew.”

It was a brief moment where I could see everything around me moving slowly, whether it was the clouds drifting away from the sun, causing the light to shine on his face, revealing the smile of someone who was trying in every way to get to know me, even though he didn’t have to do any of it.

Or even his lips, which gradually shifted from a shy smile to moving, uttering short words from his well-shaped lips, while the cool breeze passed over our bodies, like a video you wouldn’t want to forget even for a second.

“Can you be my boyfriend?”

His deep voice echoed in my mind, making my heart swell like a balloon floating in the sky.

How many times will I be asked to be his boyfriend? There’s only one answer to that.

“Yes.”

The world outside, when there’s Phii Godt, it’s so beautiful, isn’t it?

        MONSTER NEXT DOOR CHAPTERS HOME

   MONSTERNEXTDOOR, Chapter 27: Love At The Beginning Is About Accepting Each Other’s True Selves.

“Hey.”

I looked up from my phone at the unusually early-rising small guy, on a good weather morning after the exams, Phii Wan sitting in front of 7Eleven with a can of porridge and a bottle of cold water. Seeing him sitting alone, I automatically looked around for the other person.

“Beert isn’t up yet.”

Oh, come to think of it, last night, Phii Godt and I didn’t get back to our room until after three. But I’m the type who, no matter how late I sleep, will wake up early by habit. If I get sleepy during the day, I’ll just take a nap.

“Where is Godt?”

“He’s not up yet… either.”

Because I was worried he’d freak out not seeing me beside him when he wakes up, I wrote a post-it and stuck it on Phii Godt’s forehead saying I was down at 7-Eleven. If he wakes up and wants to come down, he should lock the door because I took the room key with me.

Phii Wan nodded. He lightly patted the chair next to him, wanting me to sit and chat.

“About last night, I’m sorry.”

I shook my head gently at him.

“No need… just seeing you two talk… makes me happy.”

“Actually, last night I was so dizzy, I can’t remember what I said.”

I could only sit quietly by him, swallowing hard. I didn’t dare to say anything, especially when Wan, Phii Wan, was acting like a sulky child, repeating, “Phii Beert likes Phii Biu,” and also complaining about Phii Beert like a possessive kid who doesn’t want his best friend talking to anyone else.

If I were to tease him, I might end up getting hit.

“And… do you remember what Phii Beert said?”

Phii Wan was silent for a moment. He stirred his porridge with a spoon before resting his head on his arm. He sighed softly.

“He likes me.”

At least… he wasn’t so drunk he forgot everything. Otherwise, we’d have to start over.

“Isn’t that good… Phii Beert is both a friend… and a lover?”

“Not a lover yet,” the smaller man said with a slight laugh.

“Yet,” but in the future, probably.

“I didn’t even realize Beert liked me.”

“And do you… like Phii Beert?” The person beside me paused. He scratched the back of his neck slightly.

“Well… we’ve been together for three years, we understand each other. As for whether I like him, I enjoy spending time with him, but I’ve never thought about becoming lovers. Diew, think about it. Normally, I don’t even like myself. If I really dated Beert, would he tolerate my foolish behavior?”

“Why do you think that way?”

“I don’t know, I just don’t like my own personality.”

The sounds of cars passing by and the noise from the 7-Eleven didn’t interrupt our conversation, except for Charcoal, who ran up the stairs to me as soon as he saw me.

I scratched the head of the short-haired dog until it closed its eyes and happily licked its lips.

Let’s be honest. Isn’t it Phii Beert who confessed that he likes Phii Wan? Phii Wan who can’t make a proper omelette, Phii Wan who turned his university shirt pink, and Phii Wan who always buys snacks to apologize whenever he does something wrong.

But actually, it’s not just Phii Wan who doesn’t like himself.

“I myself… have also disliked my own personality at times.”

“About enjoying being alone?”

“No, it’s about… how I have prejudices against many things… too easily.” Perhaps because in my world, everything is so perfect, in my own comfortable private world where nothing disturbs the mind, being alone and quiet, so when I encounter something that affects me even a little, I quickly become prejudiced against it before really understanding it.

Like with seniors from different years, or even with Phii Godt, I used to judge him before even talking to him, thinking he was annoying.

For me, getting to know an extrovert like Phii Godt has taught me that everything in this world has two sides, like a coin, it depends on which side you look at, but that doesn’t mean the other side you don’t see is always bad.

“With Phii Godt… he never complained… even when I said things he didn’t like to hear.”

“Well, he’s okay with everything.”

“But that… makes me have bad habits.”

Because I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, I never improve.

Phii Godt, he’s really good at indulging people.

“Phii Beert once said… if you love someone… that person becomes an exception for you.”

“Even if they’re annoying?”

Yeah, even if they’re annoying. I’ve called Phii Godt annoying I don’t know how many times.

“I believe… Phii Beert is a good listener… if he were to hate Phii Wan… he would have hated him a long time ago… not that the two of you have been living together… all this time, right?”

“Yeah, we’ve been living together all this time.”

“Then… there’s no need to worry, right?… People don’t decide to like each other in a day or two.”

The small guy burst out laughing when he heard that.

“Right, must be overthinking it.”

We sat in silence for a while before I excused myself to go into 7Eleven to buy some food. I chose simple sandwiches, boiled eggs, and black pepper chicken for Phii Godt, along with sugar-free green tea.

After paying, I came out to sit and peel the eggs next to Phii Wan.

What I can do. It’s not carrying Phii Godt’s bag, not carrying heavy sheets back home for him, nor carrying heavy stuff bought from the store, but doing smaller, more delicate things. Like if he wants to eat boiled eggs, I’ll peel them for him. If I see something he likes, I’ll buy it for him. Or even if he wants to watch “One Piece,” I’ll watch it with him.

“But about your relationship, with Godt, is it okay?”

“What do you mean…?”

“Like, life after being lovers, lifestyle, preferences, do they differ a lot? Does it feel awkward?”

I thought about it while Phii Wan was speaking his long sentences.

My preferences and Phii Godt’s are as different as night and day, our thoughts differ sometimes, but Phii Godt and I chose to talk openly more than anything else. Maybe because we came from different worlds before, I find it easy to adapt to him. It’s not like Phii Godt just started being charming recently; he’s been like that from the start.

“It’s okay…”

“Good, and it has to stay that way, understand?”

I nodded with a small smile.

“Understand.”

“And about Godt’s fans, you don’t worry about them anymore, right?”

About Phii Godt’s fans. Since Phii Godt tweeted an apology to his fans, I haven’t paid attention to Twitter anymore. I only check it occasionally for movie or music news, but I don’t read things that might make me anxious.

“I don’t think about it anymore.”

“Godt, after he tweeted that apology to his fans, he’s been trying to make them love you as much as he does. Just recently, a few days ago, his fans tweeted apologies to Godt and you.”

I turned to look at Phii Wan, who was pressing something on his phone. He handed his phone to me.

“Want to read what Godt has been up to? I know he won’t tell you.

Otherwise, you’ll go check for yourself.”

The boiled eggs were put back into the box. I wiped my hands clean on my pants and then took Phii Wan’s phone to look at it.

“Don’t worry, this time there are no bad comments.”

 

Following the issue of secretly taken photos at the engineering concert and the various discussions that arose afterward,

The team from “maboyfriend” and the main fan club “FCgodd” sincerely apologize to Phii Godt and Nong Diew. We have been negligent regarding the long-standing campaign against nonconsensual photography, but this time we did not consider things thoroughly, leading to criticism that has caused both physical and emotional harm to the individuals in the photos.

We must deeply apologize to both of them and request that you stop any negative criticism towards them. From now on, if negative tweets are spotted, we will capture them as evidence and report them.

Thank you for your understanding.

 

FCgodd

The “FCgodd” household has personally sent an apology message to Phii Godt. For those who are currently upset, please read this message to decide whether to continue supporting him.

To begin with, “FCgodd” was born because we fell in love with this honey-skinned man at the freshman welcoming event. Phii Godt has been our source of laughter, happiness, and smiles. We’ve been afraid several times that he might leave us because he’s quite hard to read, but he has never abandoned us, even though he was heavily criticized at first.

Over the past two years, we’ve made many mistakes. We’ve tried to decide how Phii Godt should live his life, who he should date, and insisted he should inform us about everything he does. But in reality, we haven’t considered that he’s just a person, a man with his own life. Just a simple tweet from him saying “morning” is enough for our happiness, isn’t it?

Therefore, “FCgodd” doesn’t want Phii Godt to disappear just because we’ve acted unpleasantly. Please be open-hearted and listen to those we love. After the incident with “Priew”, we’ve learned our lesson. No one wants Phii Godt to disappear for months again, right? Moreover, Nong Diew has helped him quit smoking and he doesn’t go to bars as often as before. Isn’t he a good person for Phii Godt?

In conclusion, “FCgodd” wants to apologize to both Phii Godt and Nong Diew for both intentional and unintentional actions that have caused this situation. We will continue to be the “FCgodd” house that always supports him, and more than that, we will support the person he loves.

Thank you everyone for your understanding.

For Praew and friends, as long as Phii Godt is happy, we are happy too.

With love, FCgodd

 

Aside from those apology messages, there are other messages that Phii Wan captured, all of which are from Phii Godt trying to defend me.

Neera: So, are you dating him now?

Godzilla: We’re currently in the courtship phase, and I think I’ll ask him out soon.

Fahfah: Phii Godt, is it true that the junior is arrogant?

I don’t want you to meet bad people.

Godzilla: He’s not arrogant at all, Fah. He’s just shy and not good at socializing.

Montra: Why didn’t you tell us until now? If no one had secretly taken photos, would you have told us at all?

Godzilla: I’m really sorry for telling you late. I didn’t want fans to feel bad, and besides, I’m very serious about this person, and I won’t let him go no matter what. I hope you can understand.

Anna: @Montra, really, last time you just said you were talking with Phii Ping, and you guys attacked Phii Ping so badly. It’s understandable why Phii Godt would be scared.

Montra: Well, it’s up to you. I will still support you. Just worried that your boyfriend might make you sad.

Godzilla: Not at all. He’s a good kid. I’m not sorry at all for knowing him.

Ging: Phii Godt, I’m here supporting you, I believe you’ve chosen what’s best for yourself. For the past incidents, we sincerely apologize to you; it shows that you didn’t come out to talk about dating Nong Diew this time because you were afraid that Nong Diew would be attacked. Please apologize to Nong Diew for us too.

FCgodd: After that incident, anything you want to do is fine, just don’t disappear like you did then.

Ging: I really couldn’t handle it when you disappeared; you weren’t at the faculty, your Twitter wasn’t updated, your Facebook was closed, oh my, I felt like my heart was breaking, Phi Praew.

Godzilla: Thank you both so much for looking after each other all this time. There was indeed a moment when I wanted to disappear because of the worry, but now I’m okay.

GingG: Love you, senior. Take good care of yourself and Nong Diew too.

Godzilla: Yes, I will take the best care of him.

Bostin: So, you like guys, huh? That’s so not cool, bro.

Godzilla: Boss, what’s wrong with me liking guys? Moreover, I like him for who he is, I like his attitude, his worldview, I like how he lives his life happily every day with himself, I admire him. It has nothing to do with him being a man or a woman, I love him for being himself.

Tonton: @Bostin, grow up, you can’t even think properly.

Bostin: Sorry, I just saw the latest and thought you were flirting with Priew.

Tonton: Ping is Ping, Diew is Diew, are they the same person or what, you buffalo?

Bostin: What do you particularly hate about me, Ton?

Godzilla: I don’t know if you guys will gossip about me or not, Boss. Whether you curse me out, say I am a player, whatever, it’s your business, I don’t care because I love him, and he loves me.

That’s all it takes for my life to be complete. So what if I’m gay?

Aren’t gays people too, you bastard?

Tonton: That’s how it should be, friend.

Bostin: Sorry, man.

Godzilla: Mind your own business, you want to have your mouth broken?

Tonton: Hehe

 

Tap

Tears fell onto the screen of Phii Wan’s phone. I didn’t even realize when I started crying.

“Hey, don’t cry.”

Phii Wan pulled back his phone and placed his hand on my back, gently patting it. The more he comforted me, the more I cried until I was sobbing uncontrollably. I used both hands to wipe away the endless flow of tears, as if all the pent-up frustration had been released. These weren’t tears of sadness but tears from the bottom of my heart.

It was overwhelming.

“Damn, I’m not good at comforting people.”

“Uhh.”

I now understand what it’s like to cry so hard you can’t control your voice.

“Let’s go find Godt, shall we?”

Unable to console me to stop crying, Phii Wan grabbed our things and hurried me back to the room. On the way, I couldn’t stop crying, only managing to wipe my tears as I followed the one leading the way.

We hadn’t even reached the room when the door was opened by Phii Godt, who stepped out. I looked up at the tall man, my vision blurred by tears.

“Diew! Why are you crying?”

Upon seeing Phii Godt, I cried even harder. The tall man quickly came to me, pulling me into a hug, his warm embrace like a large mountain.

Everything seemed to force my wall of strength to crumble completely.

“Phii… huaa…”

“Wan. What did you do to him?”

“I just had him read the messages.”

“Ha! What messages?”

“The ones on Twitter where people apologized to you both, and the ones where you defended him, after which he just wouldn’t stop crying.” Phii Wan sounded worried. I couldn’t see what expression Phii Godt had because it seemed like he was keeping this a secret, not wanting me to know.

The secret of him being a hero without telling me, protecting me every day from the harsh words on the internet.

“You go back, I’ll handle this.”

“Okay… sorry.”

“No need to apologize.”

“Why not? I made him cry this much.”

“It’s not because he’s sad, he’s probably crying because he’s so happy.”

“Happy enough to cry like that?”

“Yeah, he’s been holding it in for so long, worrying alone. He must be relieved to see everything resolving.”

Phii Godt took me back into the room, and as soon as the door closed, the tall man leaned against it, letting me cry into his chest until I didn’t know how much snot and tears had stained his shirt.

Phii Godt’s warm hand touched my hair, gently rubbing it the way he likes to do.

“Ohh.”

Just as Phii Godt said. I cried because I was happy to see those messages. After holding it in for so long, trying to comfort myself that it was fine, that there was nothing wrong, seeing those apology messages, seeing that our silence finally made them accept us, it was something to be truly happy about.

More than that, the reason I cried so hard was because of Phii Godt’s messages.

‘Where’s the problem with me liking a guy? Besides, I like him for who he is, like his attitude, like his view of the world, like how he lives his life, happy every day with himself. I admire him. It has nothing to do with whether he’s a man or a woman.’

For someone who always teases others like him, he has such a cool side.

‘I love him for being himself.’

And he’s incredibly straightforward too.

At first, he was just Godzilla, the loud, annoying, and chaotic neighbor.

This guy never stops surprising me.

If I hadn’t met him, sure, my life might have continued to be happy in my own little world, but I can’t deny that having him by my side is the most special gift in my life.

I love him for being himself too, no matter how loud or chaotic he might be.

“I’m not crying anymore. Ohh.” Slender fingers wiped the tears from the corners of my eyes, Phii Godt blew gently on my eyelids, making me squint a little while still sniffling.

“Thank you… sir.”

“Sure, stop crying quickly.”

“I… can’t.” The more he told me to stop crying, the more tears flowed like a dam breaking, turning from “Ohh” to a deep laugh from the person holding me.

“Seriously, I was shocked, thought Wan was pranking us or something. You’ve cried so much your face is all red and swollen.”

I couldn’t help it; by the time I realized it, tears had filled the boiled eggs.

“Will you stop?”

Can’t stop.

[Kiss]

His lips touched mine, making me momentarily pause from my sobbing; the gentle kiss from the taller man made my breathing falter, and the tears that had been flowing stopped as if someone had flipped a switch. I looked into Phii Godt’s beautiful eyes in surprise, and soon after, I felt something odd.

“Hic.”

“Wow, just a hiccup now.”

From sobbing, it turned into hiccups.

“Hic.”

“Prrd.” The tall man let out an ugly laugh, causing me to push him away.

The hiccups, which didn’t seem like they would go away anytime soon, made me step back from his embrace. I didn’t forget to give him a glare. I was about to walk to the fridge to get some water, but before I could take a step, I was pulled back. The playful one kissed me again, making me jump.

His lips gently caressed mine, a slow and gentle touch without any aggression. For almost a minute, he didn’t let me breathe until I had to struggle free. I gasped for air like my life depended on it, coughing continuously, my face hot as if radiating heat towards the person beside me.

“Suddenly kissing me like that… you scared me.”

“Hmm, but you’re not hiccupping anymore.”

True… the hiccups were gone.

“I didn’t believe at first that being startled could stop the hiccups.”

“…”

“But now I do.”

“Believing it now… why?” The person in front of me gave a mischievous smile. He looked completely untrustworthy.

“So that in the future, I can kiss you to stop your hiccups.”

“Crazy.”

I went to grab Smile, who was sleeping on the bed, and threw him at him, but it was ineffective; Phii Godt caught Smile easily in his arms. Plus, he started laughing, a deep laugh like Wan’s, a laugh of someone overflowing with happiness, laughing like a madman.

And I guess I must be mad too, because I even like that crazy laugh of his.

        MONSTER NEXT DOOR CHAPTERS HOME

   MONSTERNEXTDOOR, Chapter 26: Differences Sometimes Help Us Understand Each Other Better.

“Red soda is good enough. Why the alcohol, I don’t know, making my life hard.”

Phii Biu grumbled while throwing a damp cloth onto Phii Ton’s face in frustration. The third horror movie hadn’t even finished, and three soldiers were already down—Phii Wan had passed out completely. How could he not? He was drinking alone like a heartbroken man.

Meanwhile, Phii Bell and Phii Ton were in a drinking contest until both were completely drunk, because Phii Ton challenged Phii Bell, saying, “If you can sit longer than I can, I’ll get you Phii Graph’s number.” In the end, Phii Bell lost.

It’s good that both Phii Wan and Phii Bell got drunk. Otherwise, they wouldn’t have slept tonight, too scared of ghosts because of the last horror movie we were watching. I wouldn’t be able to sleep either. Right now, my mind is full of images of Annabelle, the red-cheeked creepy doll.

When I turned to look at the person beside me yawning, Phii Godt isn’t afraid of ghosts. Not just normally unafraid; he said if Annabelle comes, he’ll slap her with a shoe, saying she’s already dead and still wants to haunt people with her bad manners.

He’s really cool, this guy.

I placed a bucket of warm water beside Phii Biu, seeing her, the only woman in the group, wiping down Phii Ton. Suddenly, I had an overlapping image. I wasn’t surprised anymore why Phii Biu would stay in Phii Godt’s room when he was drunk, because it seemed she was the only one who took care of their friends in the group.

“Just leave him be.”

“Shut up, you. When you’re drunk, you’re no better, Godt, and this jerk Ton is squirming around.” Phii Biu pulled Phii Ton’s arm off her neck, annoyed.

“Come on, I’ve said not to worry, I can take care of myself.”

“Like hell you can, vomiting everywhere, what if you choke on your vomit and die?” Though her voice was harsh and she was yelling at her friend, there was deep concern. Phii Godt was about to argue back with his female friend, but I stopped him.

My father once told me that his friend passed away because of alcohol; he got drunk, lay on his back, and choked to death. So I didn’t want Phii Godt to argue with Phii Biu because she was already worried enough. It’s better to waste time looking after a friend than to lose one.

Thinking like that, I went to help Phii Beert wipe down Phii Wan, who was lying red-faced on the bed. Phii Beert had his eyebrows furrowed into a knot, clearly displeased with Phii Wan’s drunken state, but beneath that displeasure was concern.

“Biu.”

“Hmm?”

“Why did Wan drink so much? He doesn’t usually drink like this,” Phii Beert asked with curiosity, his hand moving the towel over his close friend’s arm. “You didn’t say anything to upset him, right?”

Both Phii Biu and I exchanged glances… the person who spoke, he’s now with the gods of alcohol.

“Beert,” Phii Biu moved from Phii Ton to sit beside Phii Beert, then gently placed the towel on Phii Wan’s forehead.

“I’ll be honest, with you, I see no chance.”

“…”

The room fell silent, the only sound being the ticking of the clock on the wall.

“Hmm.”

“I’m not serious about you liking your friend. Godt also wants you to confess to Wan, but we don’t want to see you two fall out… If you want to keep these feelings to yourself, we’ll respect your decision. It’s all up to you, Beert.”

“I know. Just doing this feels like I’m betraying our friendship. Let’s just leave it at that.”

The somber atmosphere in the room made Phii Godt pull me away, as if not wanting me to be involved in what was happening among his friends. I know I’m not one to mingle much with people, especially in groups, I’d immediately distance myself, but I didn’t like seeing the two of them like this.

Phii Beert is like a big brother to me. As for Phii Wan, even though he’s not as warm as Phii Beert, he cares a lot about those around him, he just shows it in a blunt way.

“I’ll go sleep in the junior’s room. You guys sort out the sleeping arrangements.”

“Yeah, take care of the junior.”

Phii Godt pulled me out of his room, but before leaving, I heard Phii Beert say softly to Phii Biu:

“It’s fine, I’ll be friends with him until he doesn’t want to be friends with me anymore.”

Loving a friend in secret, it really hurts no matter which side you’re on, doesn’t it?

I think I understand the seniors a bit now. Before, I was just wondering why Phii Pee treated me like that, why he would betray our friendship, but after seeing Phii Beert… I get it now, these feelings really can’t be suppressed.

The door was gently closed before I went to greet the young master in the fish tank. Meanwhile, Phii Godt flopped down on the bed. He seemed not okay, as he came in and just sat there, staring blankly out the glass door.

“Diew, do you think Beert and Wan will be okay?” he asked in a weak voice, like someone who’s exhausted. So, I went to sit beside him, rubbing my hands whenever I felt nervous. I didn’t know what to say.

From what I’ve seen, Phii Wan doesn’t like Phii Beert more than as a close friend.

I know Phii Godt cares a lot about his friends, and Phii Beert and Phii Wan seem to be the closest to him in the group. Seeing his friends unhappy like this must be tough for someone like him. Even I, who have only recently met the seniors, feel not so good about it.

“I… don’t know.”

Phii Godt’s heavy hand landed on my head. He gently rocked it back and forth.

“Let’s go sit on the balcony.”

Phii Godt loves his dog Smile more than I do; he always says to take him wherever we go. I sat looking at Smile for a while as we went out to enjoy the cool breeze on the balcony, listening to the soft ringing of bells from both rooms. The turtle with droopy eyes now looked like Godzilla from the next room.

“Do you know, love takes time, and not just time, but also patience, trust, and care?”

His deep voice broke the silence as I was enjoying Pocky and reading a novel. I turned slightly to look at him; his calm face, his eyes flickering with emotions hard to read.

Phii Godt seemed down, and I started to worry. I don’t like seeing him like this. I like it when he smiles, acts silly. Seeing him so solemn like this, I just wanted to hug and comfort him. I didn’t want to make him feel even more burdened or sad.

“Some take a moment, some take years to click, some are friends, some are siblings, some have secret crushes, some get to know each other gradually.”

I listened intently to what Phii Godt was saying.

“Some people, after dating for over ten years, break up, some remain friends for twenty years and then fall out. Nothing is certain in life, so for me, if you like someone, it’s better to tell them, because you never know if you’ll get that chance again.”

“Hmm,” this time I won’t argue with him because what he said has its own logic.

“And I also know that you’re not okay with a friendship like this, but I still want Beert to confess to Wan. In my opinion, they are so close that if they confess and stop being friends, what would the friendship they’ve built mean?”

I nodded in agreement with Phii Godt.

“I… understand now.”

Now that I understand, I guess I was too biased against the kind of relationship where you secretly love your friend.

People’s thoughts are quite different. The first time I explained to Phii Godt why I don’t like relationships where you secretly love a friend, but this time I’ll listen to Phii Godt, given that he’s been friends with Phii Wan and Phii Beert for a long time. He probably knows what’s best.

As Phii Godt said, love requires many things, and each relationship is unique.

People are in different situations; in reality, friendship isn’t bad at all, especially if both share good feelings. Friendship can be even stronger than a new relationship where people are just getting to know each other.

My concern was probably because I worried that if Phii Beert confessed, Phii Wan might feel the same way I did.

I shouldn’t think for Phii Wan at all.

“Seeing Wan and Beert, I’m scared too, really. I’ve known them for a long time; I know everything about them. If one day they go their separate ways, I would feel terrible too.”

I offered him a strawberry-flavored Pocky, touching it to his lips, which he opened to accept without hesitation.

I didn’t know how to comfort him about this.

“Phii Godt…”

“Hmm?”

“I… I’m not good at comforting others…”

“I’m not blaming you for anything.”

“But if you… need some support… you can hug me.”

My words made Phii Godt look at me with wide eyes. He seemed surprised to hear that, even pinching my nose until I had to scrunch my face. The honey-skinned guy gave a mischievous little smile.

“Who taught you to say things like that?”

“No one.”

“You got that from a novel, didn’t you?” I bit my lip at him and then turned back to my book.

What can I do? I love reading romance novels.

Phii Godt moved closer until our arms were touching, the warmth from his body slowly seeping into mine, as if it was enveloping me.

“I think… Phii Beert and Phii Wan… won’t fall out so easily.”

I, for one, believe in the friendship between those two seniors.

“Give me a hug.”

His broad arms wrapped around me, and I felt his warm breath on my head.

“I know you’ve been alone for a long time.”

“Yeah.”

“If I touch you or do something you don’t like, you have to push me away, okay?”

“Do I have to… do that?”

“Yes, because if you don’t, I’ll take it as consent.”

He really is a bit of a rogue, isn’t he?

“I’m… not afraid of being touched.”

“Every time I touch you, you go as stiff as a rock.”

“That’s because of you… it’s because you… that’s why I get all tense.”

“Then don’t be so cute, it makes me want to nuzzle you.”

With that said, he did exactly what he mentioned, rubbing his sharp nose through my hair until I had to dodge away, but when I tried to escape, he hugged me even tighter. Phii Godt likes to nuzzle my head and cheeks, treating me like a cat.

Being with him like this every day, I’m sure to have love bruises all over.

Crack

I looked away from my book towards the wall that separates my room from Phii Godt’s. If I heard correctly, that was the sound of a glass door opening from Phii Godt’s room. I looked at the person beside me, who had his eyes closed with his earphones on, so I gently removed his earphones. I was about to reach for his phone to turn off the music but stopped when I heard voices from the balcony next door.

“Do you… like Biu?”

Phii Wan’s voice… slurring… he still seemed drunk.

“Who said that?” and Phii Beert’s voice.

Instead of grabbing my phone, I gently shook Phii Godt’s arm to wake him. Phii Godt groggily woke up, and I quickly put my finger to my lips to signal him to be quiet.

“Bell.”

No, I don’t like Biu.”

Phii Beert’s voice conveyed such sadness that it was almost heartbreaking just to hear it once.

“And what Bell said… about you liking a friend.”

“That was just a joke.”

“Really?”

Both fell silent. Phii Godt and I exchanged silent glances.

“If you like Biu… wouldn’t that be good?”

“Why would you say that?”

“Biu can take care of you, having someone to look after you is good, isn’t it?”

“You can take care of me too.”

“Me? Ha, I can’t even make a proper omelet, I turn your shirts pink when I do the laundry, and I’m almost failing my classes. You’re the only one who looks after me.”

“Exactly, I can take care of myself. I can take care of you too, so why should I look for someone to take care of me?”

“Beert…”

“Hmm?”

“I’m serious. If you like Biu, I’m happy for you and her, just tell me.”

“I really don’t like Biu.”

“Then who do you like?”

“Do you really want to know?”

“Yeah, I’m your best friend, I should know first.”

“The person I like… doesn’t like me.”

Phii Godt let out a sigh. I moved to hold his large hand to comfort him.

Don’t think too much about it; what will happen will happen. It’s better to let the two of them talk and understand each other.

“Who is it?”

“The person I like is not great, but in their own way, they’re cute. They’re noisy, but once they’ve made a fuss, they feel guilty. They always care about others before themselves but aren’t good at showing it, so after doing something wrong, they rush to apologize because they’re afraid of being scolded.”

“…”

The person I like has liked someone else for a long time. Even after they stopped liking that person, they still never looked at me.”

“Beert…”

“Do you know who I like now?”

“…”

“If you still don’t know, the person I like can’t make a fried egg flat, claiming it’s so you can eat it in one bite. The person I like dyed my university shirt pink because they accidentally washed it with a Hawaiian shirt. The person I like, when they’re upset with me, will curse, but in the end, they always bring sweets to apologize.”

“…”

“Do you know now?”

The voices went silent, and I found myself holding my breath with them. From comforting Phii Godt, it had turned into him comforting me.

I didn’t like this atmosphere at all; it was suffocatingly awkward.

“But you like Biu…”

“I don’t like Biu.”

“But Biu does those things, Biu can’t make a flat fried egg, Biu got my shirt dirty, Biu…”

I didn’t know what happened after Phii Wan’s voice was cut off; I only knew the sounds that followed were of two men breathing heavily, loud enough that Phii Godt had to cover my ears.

“Damn. You guys…”

“Phii Godt,” I looked up at the tall guy who was busy covering my ears. I squirmed away because I wanted to hear the rest of the conversation.

“Why, why do this? Don’t you like Biu? Why are you kissing me like this, why, Beert?” A kiss… Phii Wan didn’t seem that angry with Phii Beert for being kissed. If he didn’t like it, he should have been very angry, but instead, it looked like Phii Wan was upset with Phii Beert. Bang

Before something hit the wall, startling me.

“Wan.”

“You like Biu, so why…” Phii Wan was hiccupping as if he was crying even more…

“I like you.”

Phii Beert confessed.

“…”

I like you. Not Biu, is that clear?”

“But you… you…”

“Do I have to kiss you until my lips rot for you to understand?”

“Why do you go to Biu so often? When I asked Biu, she just said Beert had something bothering him. Why? I’m your best friend, why do you go to Biu? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Wan.”

“Why? Am I not enough for you, Beert?”

“Wan.”

“You can like me. You can kiss me, but give me some time, please, just give me some time, I’ll learn to like you back.”

“…”

“Don’t go to anyone else, just tell me if there’s anything, okay?”

“Okay, I won’t go to anyone else anymore.”

“I promise one day I’ll like you back.”

“Thank you.”

Both voices fell silent. I smiled with joy because I heard that Phii Wan wasn’t angry about Phii Beert secretly liking him; he had misunderstood that Phii Beert liked Phii Biu, which is why he was so upset.

Good, it’s good that they didn’t argue. Didn’t fall out.

“Don’t kiss on my balcony, it’s creepy.”

Phii Godt! I hit the person next to me who suddenly spoke out loud,

Phii Wan responded quickly, his voice clear as if he had just sobered up.

“Damn, Godt!”

“It’s good that it’s cleared up, good that you confessed, I’m glad you guys aren’t fighting.”

“And when did you come to sit here?”

“Oh, I’ve been here with Tiao for a while.”

“Shit.”

“Hey, there are bees everywhere right now. Shall we go back inside?”

The tall guy laughed, Phii Godt quickly pushed me back into the room amidst Phii Wan’s loud complaints.

Phii Godt is really the number one troublemaker.

The glass door was closed. Phii Godt and I looked at each other with smiles, Phii Godt himself must be happy to see his friends opening up to each other. I’m also happy to see Phii Beert and Phii Wan understanding and accepting each other.

I only understood today that when a friendship turns into love, it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s bad. I won’t say anymore that having a crush on a friend feels like betrayal because, no matter the kind of love, it has its good and bad aspects.

For Phii Beert and Phii Wan, their love is a friendship where neither wants the other to disappear from their life.

For me and Phii Godt, our love is about patience and understanding each other.

“Thank you… for letting me meet Phii Beert and Phii Wan,” I thanked the person standing not far away. Phii Godt came over, took my hand, and then walked backward to sit on the bed. I stood in front of him, looking down at the owner of those beautiful young-master-like eyes, his warm hand loosely holding mine.

“If it weren’t for you guys, I would probably still have prejudices about having a crush on a friend… for a long time.”

“I’m glad that today you listened to my thoughts.”

“Hmm.”

“From now on, let’s keep listening to each other, okay?”

“Khrap, I’m already doing it even if you don’t tell me.”

“I might… not say things that please you sometimes… put my own thoughts first sometimes… If I do something wrong… you have to tell me.”

“Well, you’re already doing it wrong.”

“What…”

“You’re being too cute.”

After saying this, he pulled my arm towards him until I was straddling him.

“When you do something wrong, you need to be punished.”

Before he grabbed my waist, making me squirm, our laughter echoed in the small square room.

A small world filled with happiness.

        MONSTER NEXT DOOR CHAPTERS HOME

   MONSTERNEXTDOOR, Chapter 25: The Lesson Of Relationships Begins With Trusting.

I am in the process of learning about love between two men.

I don’t know if it’s the same as a heterosexual relationship. I’m not sure how I should act when my boyfriend is a tall guy who nearly hits the doorframe, I can’t pat his head like Phii Godt often does to me because my arm doesn’t reach. I don’t know how to act when I have a boyfriend who makes women turn their heads when we go out, and I don’t feel right showing jealousy like he does. I also don’t know how to behave when Phii Godt takes care of me as if he were the woman in the relationship.

For Phii Godt, everything seems so simple. He knows how to please me, how to take care of me to make me feel okay, maybe because he’s two years older than me. That’s why he knows what being in a relationship entails.

“Let me carry it for you.”

The tall guy took my cloth bag and slung it over his shoulder, looking very pleased to do so. Despite my frequent protests that the bag isn’t heavy, with only the occasional load of books from the library, Phii Godt never listens.

On the contrary, Phii Godt carries more stuff than me. He carries my cloth bag, his own leather bag on his shoulder, various bags of snacks, and bags of personal items he bought from Big C before returning to the dorm, as if he won’t be shopping again until next year. His other hand holds an unsweetened green tea, which he drinks to combat the heat since leaving the university.

I looked at the small bag of snacks in my hand, the only thing I was carrying because he was worried it would be too heavy for me.

“Isn’t it heavy?”

“Huh?”

The guy sipping green tea glanced at me briefly. Phii Godt shook his head gently, and seeing that, I didn’t dare argue with him anymore. Every time I encountered that look, I could do nothing but give in to him.

We returned to the room early because today was my last exam day, and Phii Godt’s friends were going to gather in the room for some sort of mission, which I still didn’t know about because Phii Biu kept it a secret, saying that if she told, Phii Wan and Phii Bell wouldn’t come.

“Where should I put this?”

I picked up the black roll-on deodorant. Phii Godt, who had gone into the bathroom, peeked out with a wet face, water dripping from his hair.

“Put it in the wardrobe.”

“And the cooling powder?”

“In the wardrobe.”

“And the tissues?”

“Also in the wardrobe.”

Everything goes in the wardrobe?

I opened the wardrobe, and the sight before me explained why Phii Godt’s room looked so spacious.

It was because he stuffed everything in the wardrobe.

I was scanning around, trying to find space to place his personal items. Normally, I like to organize things neatly for easy access, perhaps because I spend a lot of time in my room and don’t like clutter. But Phii Godt is the type who packs everything together. Looking at his wardrobe drawers, I wouldn’t be surprised if I found underwear rolled up like an eight in there.

I was enjoying organizing when I stumbled upon something hidden under a pile of miscellaneous items. I moved a bottle of talcum powder aside and picked up the silver packet. At that moment, Phii Godt walked out of the bathroom.

This is…

Condoms.

“Hey!”

Phii Godt yelped. He quickly snatched the condom packet from my hand and hid it behind his back like someone caught in the act. We stood there awkwardly for a moment.

“You didn’t just buy this… right?”

“These are old.”

Indeed… seeing how the condoms were lying there like fossils, they definitely weren’t recently bought. But it’s not my business to ask if he had been with someone else before, because Phii Godt is very social, good-looking, and has a charming personality; with his social status, I wouldn’t be surprised if he had been with someone before.

He’s just another guy, after all.

It’s just… imagining him kissing someone else…

I felt jealous.

I looked down. I don’t know why, I just felt jealous, very jealous.

“Diew…”

“Yes?”

Phii Godt moved closer to me, his beautiful eyes staring into mine, making me feel a bit nervous. When he gets serious, he likes to look into my eyes as if to tell me he’s being honest because I’ve heard that eye contact signifies sincerity.

And now he looked like someone about to confess something.

“I have something to tell you… I was with a woman during my first year before I met Ping.”

“Hmm.”

“It’s just one night, really. There’s no attachment.”

“Yes.”

“Don’t you trust me?”

“No, I just…” care about you a lot.

Before we could continue, there was a knock at the door. Phii Godt seemed slightly annoyed at being interrupted.

“Who is it?”

“Open the door, you bastard!” Phii Biu’s voice came first.

“If you’re so sure, open it yourself!”

“Screw you, the ice bucket is heavy, open the door, you dog-faced!”

“Do it yourself.”

“You bastard, Godt.”

“Do it yourself.”

“I’ll tell Nong Diew that you…”

“Opening now!” Phii Godt quickly jumped away from me and rushed to open the door as if he was afraid of being burned. The tall woman walked in, looking annoyed from afar, and sat down next to me.

“It’s hot, damn hot, how high is the AC?”

“Twenty-six.”

“Can you set it to twenty-three? I’m dying.”

“Help me pay the electricity bill then.”

“Can’t the son of a cardboard factory owner like you afford the electricity bill?”

“No.”

“Damn!”

“So, will you help pay the electricity bill or not?”

Phii Biu glared at Phii Godt, but instead of responding to his friend, he turned to me and smiled, then took out a strawberry milk from a bag and handed it to me.

“You wanna know about Godt, right, Nong?”

Click, click, click.

The room owner quickly turned on the air conditioner, and Phii Biu gave a sly smile, as if she knew how to deal with this troublemaker friend.

The only weakness of Phii Godt is me.

In no time, the small square room was filled with six guys and one girl. It seemed like only Phii Biu and Phii Ton knew what they were here for today because they had been whispering to each other since Phii Ton entered the room. Phii Wan, Phii Bell, and Phii Beert were lured here under the pretense of a party to celebrate the end of exams, so they were sitting in the corner, chatting about random things while drinking red soda. Meanwhile, me and Phii Godt didn’t voice any opinions because we were already living there.

“Friends!”

“What?” Phii Wan asked Phii Biu and Phii Ton who were standing in the middle of the room, with something hidden behind their backs.

“Since we’re all here. Today we’re not just celebrating the end of exams. We have a mission.”

“What mission, Biu?” Phii Bell asked excitedly.

“Today’s mission is…”

“A horror movie marathon with three movies.” Phii Ton smiled at everyone in the room, and Phii Biu revealed what she had been hiding – three DVDs, all horror movies. I knew who would object.

“No!”

“You’re crazy!” Phii Wan and Phii Bell immediately panicked.

Of course, both of them are terrified of ghosts.

“Are you guys scared?”

“Yeah, I’m scared.”

“Hey, Ton, can we not watch? I have to go back and sleep alone.”

“You can sleep with Wan and Beert.”

“Are you kidding? Wan is scared of ghosts, Beert is as still as a lamppost. If ghosts come, they won’t bother him, thinking he’s a monk, but they’ll come for me and Wan instead. It doesn’t help at all!”

“I don’t know. Whoever leaves before today, I’ll fine five hundred each for being a nuisance and not focusing on watching… Nong Diew’s smaller than you guys and doesn’t cause trouble, right, my dear?” He turned to me and called me ‘dear’. I just smiled back before Phii Godt’s large hand covered my eyes.

“Dear, you’re already vulgar.”

“Yes, dear.”

“Yes, you bastard!”

Stop fighting already, please!

“Why… are we watching horror movies?” I asked the person sitting next to me on the wide bed. The seniors didn’t seem like the type to stay cooped up in a room, drinking soda and watching a horror movie marathon; usually, they’d have a drinking party and sing children’s songs. Phii Godt loosely hugged me, leaning slightly against me, while his other hand was holding his phone playing a paused game.

“Normally, after exams, we’d go to a bar.”

“And why…”

“Because we’re here with you.” Phii Godt gave me a warm smile, making me look away to my own hands, my heart beating unexpectedly fast.

I can’t resist this guy’s smile.

This mission started with dinner together in the room, followed by snacks piled in the middle of the room. By half past nine, everyone moved to sit in front of the TV. The first horror movie played in the darkened room was a Korean film known as one of Ton’s top scary movies. Throughout the movie, Phii Wan and Phii Bell would scream intermittently or hide behind pillows to peek. Meanwhile, Phii Beert, who wasn’t scared of ghosts, watched silently, making me wonder if he was really there.

Me, Phii Godt, Phii Ton, and Phii Biu sat in a row on the bed. We didn’t talk much, focused on the movie. It was quite scary in my opinion because the film played with the audience’s emotions well. The movie was about a group of ghost hunters trying to prove something in an abandoned hospital, leading to chaos.

Even I, who wasn’t scared of ghosts, got goosebumps.

“Scared?” asked a deep voice during the climax, and I jumped when the ghost appeared, turning to bury my face in the arm of the person next to me.

“Totally startled.”

“There, there, hush.” The tall guy gently kissed the top of my head and then pulled away, leaving only a warm sensation that spread through me, making me speechless.

By the time the movie ended, Phii Wan and Phii Bell were scared out of their wits. Finally, even the liquor lover like Phii Ton couldn’t take it anymore, so he proposed to Phii Beert and Phii Godt to go down to the 7-Eleven below the dorm to buy some alcoholic drinks.

I was playing a mobile game on the bed, with Phii Biu and Phii Bell beside me, talking about the movie we just watched. Meanwhile, Phii Wan had already passed out, his head buried in a big pillow. Someone as scared of ghosts as Phii Wan, even just the sound of crying would send him running, so how could he possibly sleep tonight?

“Why did it have to be a horror movie, Biu? There are so many love and action movies.”

“Normal movies, I was afraid you guys wouldn’t be excited.”

“You’re evil; I’m going to cry.” Phii Bell buried his face into the edge of the bed, hiccuping, “Me and Wan will stay up all night for sure.”

“How about you, are you scared of ghosts?” The only woman in the group turned to ask me while I was playing the game to kill time before watching the next horror movie. I shook my head slightly at Phii Biu, feeling her slender hand touch my hair and gently ruffle it.

She’s another one I respect like a real sister because she’s so warm.

“Seriously, Nong,” I turned to look at Phii Bell and nodded, “what has

Godt done to you yet?”

I glared at her question, and Phii Biu smacked Phii Bell’s arm with a slap.

“Hey, you hit me again.”

“Why are you asking this? It’s between the two of them.”

“True, but this little one is so cute, with such a sweet mouth and nose, can he really escape Godt’s hands?”

“It has to be taken slowly, we’ve just started dating, can’t expect things to happen right away. Not like you.”

“Usually, Godt isn’t someone who can hold back.”

I just smiled a little at Phii Bell’s words. At first, I thought the same, that he wasn’t patient at all, but from what I’ve experienced, I wouldn’t be surprised anymore why Phii Godt is willing to be patient, because everything he does is just for my comfort. Speaking of which, I had a question I wanted to ask the older ones too.

“Has Phii Godt… been with a woman before… right?” My question piqued the curiosity of the two.

“Did you know?”

I nodded in response.

“Will you survive with that face of his?”

“Even Bell keeps trying to make Godt his husband, who knows how many times.”

“Don’t be silly, you ox, good at causing trouble, but honestly, Nong Diew, Godt is just a man, he has feelings too. But back in the day, Godt was a bit of a jerk, like if someone offered themselves directly, he’d take it, but I think he’s stopped that now.”

“Oh. If he hasn’t stopped, then he’s still a jerk.”

“But it’s just one person, isn’t it? He’s never had more than that. It’s good he hasn’t gotten anyone pregnant.”

“Diew, you won’t dislike Godt, right?” Phii Biu asked, her expression serious about the answer she would receive.

If asked if I dislike him, I don’t dislike him at all; it’s normal for guys. I’m just a little worried that Phii Godt might have done something bad in the past, and whether those bad things might affect his future or our relationship. Even if those things are in the past.

“No… just…”

“You still don’t fully trust him, right?” Phii Bell said. I avoided their eyes; it’s not that I don’t trust him, Phii Godt is very trustworthy. But before we met, our worlds were different, so our lifestyles are quite different too. He’s probably met all sorts of people, but for me, I need some time to adjust to these kinds of situations.

I’ve hardly ever been intimate with anyone before.

“That’s how it is when you’re in a new relationship, you have to adapt to each other. But from what we’ve observed, he’s been getting better since the incident with Tan, the issue with Ping, until now where he’s changed dramatically, quit smoking, drinks less, and is truly faithful.”

What Phii Bell said made me scratch the back of my neck, embarrassed.

“If you overlook his patience and his strong friendships, Godt has his bad sides too,” Phii Biu added, “But that’s the past. I think people change, like Bell who used to go for anyone, now he’s only got eyes for Ton.”

“Crazy, you, I’m unbeatable, you know.”

“Really? You don’t secretly like Ton?”

“I don’t have a taste for liking friends, I’m not like Beert.” When Phii Bell said this, Phii Wan sat up from where he had seemingly been asleep. Phii Biu was startled, giving me a wide-eyed look.

Oh no… Phii Wan still doesn’t know that Phii Beert likes him.

The small guy turned to look at his friend while furrowing his brows, but Phii Bell was completely unaware that Phii Wan was looking at him with a dozen question marks over his head until Phii Biu lightly tapped Phii Bell’s arm, making the one who accidentally spoke realize his mistake.

“Who does Beert like?” Phii Wan asked in a calm voice.

“Like what? No one.”

“Don’t lie, Bell.”

“Like… he likes Biu, that’s who.”

Phii Biu sat there confused for a while before she could regain her composure and go along with Phii Bell’s statement, letting out an awkward laugh.

“Ha! Beert likes me? Crazy. You’re crazy, Bell.”

“I’m just guessing; actually, Beert might not like you.”

“Yeah, you’re crazy.”

“Friends can’t like each other, how can that be?” Phii Wan grumbled before lying down again, leaving only silence and a sense of awkwardness that was building up. Phii Biu even shook her head. It wasn’t just Phii Godt who noticed; the whole group probably knew by now that Phii Beert secretly liked Phii Wan, except for Phii Wan himself.

The woman in front of me moved closer and whispered in my ear,

“You don’t see any chance at all.”

I thought the same. Initially, I sided with Phii Wan, but now I was starting to feel a bit sorry for Phii Beert.

Not long after, Phii Godt and the others came back upstairs, and the second horror movie continued as planned. This time, alcohol was added to the mix. I looked at Phii Godt, who didn’t touch any alcohol, and I couldn’t help but wonder why he wouldn’t drink.

“Drinking once in a while… it’s probably fine, right?”

“It’s better if he doesn’t drink, Nong,” Phii Ton spoke up for his friend, “He talks nonsense when he drinks.”

Talks nonsense?

“He gets handsy,” the other friends started to reveal his secrets one by one.

“He’s a lecher.”

“Enough, you bunch of jerks!”

A soft laugh echoed in the room, but in just a moment, Phii Godt’s friends turned their attention back to the horror movie. I moved closer to the person beside me, sitting so close that our arms touched, like two joined pieces of a Chinese doughnut, one big and one small.

“What’s up, being all clingy, huh?”

“Phii Godt… I don’t distrust you…”

“If it’s about that, I admit that in the past, I didn’t behave very well, but I’ve improved now, I’m a better version of myself.”

“Hmm.”

“People in a relationship need to learn about each other, right? There might be things from my past I haven’t told you, but I don’t want to hide anything. If you want to know, I’ll tell you.”

I shook my head slightly; I didn’t really want to know about his past.

It was just coincidental.

“I promise I’ll make you trust me, and I won’t betray that trust.”

“Thank you.”

His warm hand gently ruffled my hair, the warmth spreading through me. Even though it was far from my heart, it made my heart jump like popcorn on a hot stove. Every time he ruffled my hair, I didn’t know how to react.

“I don’t want much, really. From just hearing your voice, paying for millions of Pocky sticks, without even touching your arm. Now, being able to see your face, to touch you… I’m already very happy.”

“Yes.”

“But if we could have more…”

“Wait a moment.”

I furrowed my brows and gave him a sideways glance, receiving a playful smile from the tall guy, but I didn’t hold it against him or get angry.

It’s said that in a relationship between two people, trust is the first thing that makes the relationship enduring.

In the past, Phii Godt might have been mischievous because no one is perfect, but people can always change. Now, this guy has changed for me.

I don’t expect Phii Godt to be perfect like a white cloth; I just want him to be the Phii Godt who tries to understand me, who is my support, who is my laughter, the Phii Godt I trust and can rely on. That’s enough for me.

“Actually… I… I’m not angry about anything.”

“Hmm?”

“I just… I’m jealous.”

“Ah, saying that, I guess we’ll use the condoms tonight.”

“Phii Godt!”

I both love and hate him, it’s driving me crazy.

    MONSTER NEXT DOOR CHAPTERS HOME

   MONSTERNEXTDOOR, Chapter 24: The Relationship That Started Like Listening To A Song; There Are Pauses, Stops, Or You Can Listen Until The End.

When Khun Godzilla took off his mask, another one of my hobbies became observing the expressions of the honey-colored skin owner who, in a day, could show no fewer than ten different faces. Whether it’s when eating and not quite liking the taste, or when eating sweets and saying it’s delicious, when he’s hot, his face gets all tense, and when he’s in front of the cool air, his eyes close with happiness.

Like today, when he came to eat at the cafeteria with me, along with Phii Beert and Phii Wan, and he seemed to have found food that suits his taste after complaining about Wan’s overly spicy Tom Yum noodles a few days ago.

“Is it that delicious?” Phii Wan asked his friend, who was happily munching away before someone mischievously stole some fried chicken from his plate. He gave his friend a huge glare, which made me smile at his glaring eyes.

He himself… one more glare and he’d be like Charcoal when he’s denied sausages.

“Damn, there’s not much fried chicken, and you still grab it, you jerk.”

“Yeah, it’s delicious.”

Phii Godt seemed to really like the dish I recommended today, my favorite meal:

Crispy Chicken Basil.

Even though he spent a while picking out the basil leaves because he didn’t like them.

“You’re still not over your cold?”

Phii Godt paused slightly and looked up at me. I quickly ducked my head down, hastily spooning some fried rice into my mouth.

“I’ll be over it when I’m over it.”

His small friend hummed disapprovingly, seemingly not wanting to deal with someone with a cold, but it was Phii Beert who turned around to smile at me, making me look away. It seemed like Phii Beert knew why we were both having similar, persistent colds.

The reason we haven’t recovered is because we’ve been stuck together like conjoined doughnuts. I had to ask him that we should keep some distance until our colds were gone, and then we could stick together again. Besides, we both had exams, and for someone as social as him, there were football matches, exams, an overload of projects, not to mention the extra events he took on to help out friends. If our colds didn’t clear up soon, it would definitely be a disaster.

When I gave him that reason, Phii Godt agreed to keep some distance. He changed from sitting by me like a little bird in my room to sitting and eating together on the balcony. I’d check up on his studies a bit, while the person who didn’t like reading preferred to listen to his friends tutor him over the phone because he didn’t want to leave his room.

I once asked him if his friends wouldn’t get mad that he wasn’t showing up. He responded:

“I’ve built two worlds, one for my friends and one for us. You don’t have to worry about them getting mad at me because even if I don’t go to them, they come to me all the time, damn it! Can’t I have some sweet time with you, you bastard?”

And then he turned to fight with Phii Ton, who had been visiting his room more often lately.

“Hey Godt, have you seen this, the fan account for Nong Diew?”

“Sorry.”

I choked on my fried rice when I heard what Phii Wan said. The little guy gave me a mischievous look before showing me his phone, revealing that there was indeed a fan account for me on Twitter. Before I could even look down, Phii Godt grabbed the phone. He turned off the screen and handed it back to Phii Wan.

“Don’t look.”

“Come on, having fans means people like you.”

“I won’t let you look, why?” Phii Wan snapped at his friend, and Phii Beert scolded him slightly.

“Just because you can look at Godt’s face now doesn’t mean we’ll pull him out of his world, Wan.”

“Yes, dad.”

“Who’s your dad, you bastard?”

“What’s with that, Godzilla, you dog-faced?”

I’m not actually mad at Phii Wan. He’s always been like this. He’s a high-level social human who wants to drag everyone around him into his social circle. If I had to guess, this guy is just as lonely as Phii Godt, the difference is Phii Wan says whatever he thinks. He doesn’t keep much inside, but deep down, as Phii Godt once said:

This little guy doesn’t really speak from the heart, but once he realizes it, he always brings sweets to apologize to me.

“Thank you… I’m glad… to hear I have fans.”

My tone caught the attention of the three guys who were bickering in front of me. Being stared at like this made me nervous, my hands sweaty.

“Um… it’s better to have people who like you than people who don’t… right?”

“Not true,” Phii Godt said, giving a displeased look with his tall stature, “I want you to be liked by just one person.”

“Let’s go back, Beert.”

“Why the rush?”

“I’m sick of love.”

“When will you two love each other?” the tanned guy teased his friend. Phii Wan turned to grab the shirt collar of the bigger guy, but Phii Godt seemed unfazed, just rolling his eyes as if he was used to the teasing.

“I told you, Beert is just a friend, you ox, it’s like being with you.”

“Hey, don’t compare me to him,” Phii Beert retorted.

“Yeah, Beert is better than you, you bastard.”

Phii Wan scratched his head in frustration and quickly left with his empty plate, drawing laughter from both Phii Beert and Phii Godt who seemed pleased to have teased their little friend.

“Don’t tease him too much. You know I’m closest to Wan, but not in that way.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“And you know it’s impossible.”

“Oh, and what if Wan really likes you?”

Phii Beert furrowed his brows at Phii Godt. It was the first time I had seen the warm-hearted Godt so clearly displeased with his friend’s words.

“He and I are just friends, like you and me.”

The conversation between the two went quiet for a while; the atmosphere didn’t feel so good. Then Phii Wan came back to the table, picked up his phone, and put it back into his pocket. The person who had gone to clear the dishes looked at the two friends who had become silent.

“I’m going back to the office, Godt. I’ll head out first, Nong Diew. Get well soon.”

“Thank you.”

Phii Wan led the way out. Meanwhile, Phii Beert took his own plate and held it, smiling at me.

“I’m leaving now. Take care of yourself.”

“Yes… you too, Phii Beert.”

After the two left, I turned to look at the person who was poking at the basil on his plate, looking lonely, even though the previous conversation was just playful teasing. But why did it suddenly become awkward like this?

“Can you tell that Beert likes Wan?”

Huh…

I looked up at the two men who had just left not long ago. Phii Wan was standing and complaining to Phii Beert at the emergency exit. I didn’t know what he was complaining about. Phii Beert listened quietly without responding, as if he was used to one being fussy and the other silent. Everything seemed normal.

I couldn’t tell at all that Phii Beert liked Phii Wan, but judging from the reaction when Phii Godt teased and Phii Wan countered playfully as if it was just a usual jest, but Phii Beert, he furrowed his brows in concern.

“Does Phii Beert… like Phii Wan?”

“Yes, probably only recently, but the word ‘friend’ is quite reassuring.”

“And what will you do?”

“There’s nothing to do. If Beert is happy just being with Wan like this, I can only watch. But if one day Wan gets a partner, Beert will have to accept it because he’s the one who wants to be a good friend.”

“But I think… Phii Beert is doing the right thing,” I said softly, afraid of being scolded for disagreeing, but Phii Godt didn’t say anything further. He just sat quietly, waiting to hear what I would say next.

For Phii Godt, he’s straightforward, so confessing would be his style, but for me, I’m not really okay with this kind of relationship.

“I think… friendship is important… it’s about trust, having them by my side. He’s afraid if he confess that he like him… Phii Wan might feel bad.”

Or maybe it’s because I’ve been in this situation before when I was talking to Phii Pee. I trusted him as a friend, an important friend, until our relationship ended because he liked me more than as a friend.

“That’s true.”

“But if Phii Wan likes Phii Beert too… that would be another story…”

The tall guy nodded slightly, but his expression remained neutral, not siding with what I was saying.

“For Beert, if being friends means being by Wan’s side, seeing him happy, talking about anything, that must be enough for happiness, right?”

“Yeah,” I thought so too, being friends who understand each other, who know each other’s hearts, sharing feelings.

A close friendship, in reality, is really great.

“If he gets his heart broken, then we’ll take him out for some fun.”

“If that time comes… you have to take good care of Phii Beert, okay?”

“You’re so worried, so protective.”

“He’s a friend.”

He let out a soft chuckle, mentioning Phii Beert like that really brings out the jealousy, doesn’t it?

“Good for me, that I’ve escaped the friend zone,” Phii Godt brought the conversation back to us, smiling at me, “Because if I stayed in the friend zone, I’d definitely be heartbroken to death.”

That’s true, thinking about it, I’m lucky not to have kept him in the friend zone like with Phii Pee. Although in many aspects, Phii Godt is both a good friend and a good brother, in terms of a relationship where we’re dating, I think there’s something different from just friendship. In my opinion, a romantic relationship means you can have him as a confidant, as a close brother, as someone important to talk to when you want to talk to someone, as that special someone you can hug when you’re lonely.

But if it’s any other kind of relationship, it would be limited to that status. Simply put, you get only that one role, you can’t be greedy like in a romantic relationship. For example, if you’re friends, you’re just friends. If you’re a brother, you’re just a brother.

“Thank you, Phii.”

“Huh, why?”

“If you hadn’t kept your promise… I’d just keep you in the friend zone.”

“I’m that good, huh?”

The self-absorbed person was still self-absorbed as ever.

“Yes.”

“But you can’t beat me, right?”

“Huh?”

“At making someone fall for you, I’m pretty good at that.”

I hiccuped when I heard that, my face turning red immediately.

I haven’t done anything yet; it’s you who wandered into my world, you crazy creature.

“Phii Ton once said… did you quit smoking because of me?”

While sitting reading a book on the balcony at night with someone else, I finally asked something that had been lingering in my mind for a while. Phii Godt turned to look at me; the light from inside the room clearly illuminated his face.

This man is really charming.

“It’s a secret.”

“Why?”

“I know you don’t like smokers, so I never told you I smoked. Actually, I started smoking in my first year, planned to quit when I was talking to Ping, but I couldn’t. So I decided to quit cold turkey when talking to you.”

“Was it hard?”

I bit into a strawberry-flavored Pocky, asking him the question while flipping to the next page of my book.

I knew quitting smoking requires a certain level of endurance because it’s as hard as quitting alcohol. I’ve never even noticed any symptoms from him because we’ve always talked on the balcony, I only found out after he had already quit.

“Yes, part of why I locked myself in the room was because of quitting smoking.”

“Sorry.”

Khun Godzilla’s warm hand gently ruffled my hair.

“Why apologize? You should be happy that I managed to quit.”

“Glad to hear that.”

“Keep it simple.”

“And… how did you manage to quit?”

There are many ways to quit smoking, and each person has their own method. I know of one senior who quit by using nicotine patches along with gum, so I was curious about how the person next to me did it, and also when he quit, because when I entered his room, there was no smell of cigarettes at all.

“Gum.”

“Do you chew a lot?”

“A lot, about three packs a day.”

“Wow,” I exclaimed softly upon hearing that, “That’s impressive.”

“But actually, gum helps with a lot of things.”

“Hmm,” I like chewing gum too, but I prefer it when I’m sleepy while reading.

“Besides quitting smoking, when I want to chew someone’s flesh around here, it helps a lot too.”

Chew flesh?

I sat there in shock for a while, my brain processing the phrase “chew flesh,” until I started to piece together what he meant by “chew the flesh of someone around here.”

Once I understood the meaning, I gave Phii Godt a hard smile.

“Pervert.”

“How can I not be? I’ve been imagining it alone for months.”

“Phii Godt!” I yelled at him, pushing him away, then turned back to focus on reading, though my concentration was already scattered. With the big guy blocking the doorway, my escape route was reduced to just a small gap. If he decided to do anything, what could I possibly do?

“Just kidding.”

After saying that, he took some gum from his pocket, unwrapped it, and popped it into his mouth. I looked at him chewing.

“Chewing gum because you’re sleepy, right?” I tried to think positively, assuming he must have grabbed the gum because he was sleepy from reading, not because he wanted to chew my flesh right now.

“Yes… I want to sleep with a certain someone.”

“Phii Godt!!”

Oh my god, I’m going crazy.

“I’m just joking.”

Even if he says he’s joking, his legs are shaking like someone going through withdrawal.

“You said… you wouldn’t touch me because you’re keeping a precept.”

“I am keeping a precept.”

“Keeping a precept not to touch…”

“Keeping a precept not to lie.”

“But you’re lying.”

“Do you want me not to lie?”

“…”

The cunning man moved his face close enough for me to smell the mint from the gum he was chewing, a faint mint scent mixed with the warm fragrance from his body, along with the heat from his large frame.

Just that was almost enough to give me heatstroke.

“I want to kiss, hug, make out, and just sink into you…”

“Stop, you still haven’t recovered from your cold.” I raised my hand in a gesture to ward him off, trying to push Phii Godt away. After confessing my love to him, the distance between us on the balcony had shrunk to just a few centimeters. Now, he had turned into a big dog who loved to snuggle too much.

“And when I’m better…”

“No.”

“But…”

“Don’t be whiny.”

After being rejected, Khun Godzilla went to sit gloomily by himself, his head resting against the glass door, quietly reading a thick book. Poor him.

Finally, I had some time to read for a while because usually, after coming back to the room, I would read for hours. But with Phii Godt around, my reading time was cut short, turning into time for chatting. I couldn’t harden my heart and not talk to him because this charming guy was so persistent in wanting to chat.

But when he really went quiet, I wasn’t used to it. Many times while reading, I’d glance at the person lying still beside me. The first hour was fine; he was still turning sheets, scribbling notes or checking his phone like someone who doesn’t like reading books, but once the second hour started, Phii Godt went completely silent. Only after I finished reading my sheet did I slowly look over at the person leaning against the clear glass door.

The usually talkative person was now sound asleep.

His broad back and shoulders rising and falling rhythmically indicated he was in a deep sleep, probably tired from the upcoming football match tomorrow evening, plus being in the middle of exam season.

I carefully stood up, trying not to make any noise, stepping over Phii Godt into the room to grab a pillow from the bed, then walked back to the balcony. I gently slipped my hand under his neck, then placed the pillow there.

I glanced at the young-master playing in his box not far away, then turned my attention back to the face in front of me.

The person who’s always a nuisance when awake.

When asleep, he looks so peaceful, doesn’t he, young-master?

Even though this might just be an illusion, because Phii Godt definitely moves a lot when he sleeps.

I let out a soft sigh, sat down next to him again, gazing at the starless night sky. The cool breeze on the balcony brushed against my face, and the wind chime still gave off a soft, pleasant sound.

Being alone is nice, but when someone else comes into your life, it’s nice in a different way. You have someone to talk to, to interact with, someone who adds color and warmth to your life. But deep down, there’s still a small fear, a fear that this happiness and warmth might disappear.

A fear that one day, we might argue and vanish from each other’s lives.

I rested my head against his broad chest, closing my eyes as thoughts swirled in my mind.

Until I drifted off to sleep with the faint scent of his cologne, which always made me feel at ease.

Phii Godt, he smells like something…

Oh, maybe like chocolate Pocky.

    MONSTER NEXT DOOR CHAPTERS HOME

   MONSTERNEXTDOOR, Chapter 23: When He Became A Part Of My Life, Sharing Our Feelings With Each Other Became Important.

“Sorry.”

I looked at him with concern as he coughed continuously, placing the Ultraman mask beside me and stepping back slightly. The person in front of me was covering his mouth with his fist because he suddenly started choking.

The face that had been hidden behind the mask for so long, today I finally saw Phii Godt’s face.

I had never imagined what he looked like before; all I had seen was that dot-eyed Ultraman mask, so I didn’t have any expectations about his appearance. However, I couldn’t deny that his well-defined features, with his eyes, nose, and mouth all fitting together perfectly, made him someone you would turn to look at twice if you saw him outside due to his striking appearance.

Even though his dark hair was slightly wet and disheveled from washing, and it was pointing in all directions because it hadn’t been combed yet, this messiness didn’t diminish his attractiveness at all.

Now I understand why so many girls are fans of Phii Godt. He really is very charming.

But for me, the first thing that captured my heart was his beautiful eyes, a deep, glossy brown like a vast, intriguing universe. They were captivating, with no escape in sight.

His eyes sparkled just like young-master’s.

This was the first time we had looked at each other’s eyes directly like this. Though it wasn’t for long before I had to look away first, because Phii Godt wouldn’t stop staring at me. He seemed surprised by my action, the sudden removal of his mask without any warning.

“Phii Godt… don’t be silent.”

“Diew…”

“Yes?”

“I… wasn’t prepared.”

“…”

“Suddenly taking off the mask like this… I’m embarrassed, damn it.”

I looked up at the person fidgeting in front of me. The tall man covered part of his face with the back of his hand, his gaze averted elsewhere. He took a few deep breaths before he could turn back to face me, but even then, he only managed to meet my eyes for a brief moment before turning away again, repeatedly raising his hand to cover his face, scratching the back of his neck or fidgeting.

This is it, the behavior that Phii Wan often commented on, saying,

“He’s flustered.”

Embarrassed, not knowing what to do, speaking haltingly.

Because if I hadn’t taken off the mask, I wouldn’t have known that the honey-colored skin of his ears turned as red as mine.

“You seem more excited than I am… even though… you’ve seen my face for a long time already.” I mumbled, my hands playing with my trouser legs because I didn’t know where else to put them. Having something in my hands also helped to calm my nerves a bit.

“Well, yes, but I’ve never looked straight into your eyes like this before.”

My lips tightened; his response made me want to turn around right then, not because I felt awkward, but because I could feel myself turning into a round tomato for him to mock soon.

“Okay with this?”

“I’ve decided… for a while now.” Even though I felt a bit jittery.

“And how is it? Am I as handsome as you thought?” Even when he’s sick, he’s still full of himself.

“Handsome.”

I didn’t want to compliment him much, but in the end, I couldn’t deny that the person who always praised himself was indeed as handsome as he claimed.

“Am I more handsome than Charcoal?”

The question from the fever-stricken man was sent out, demanding an answer because he was so serious about the response he would get, to the point where I was starting to think he might be jealous of Charcoal, the black dog at the dormitory who often hung out with me. He had compared his skin color to the dog’s fur before, and now he was comparing his handsomeness to the dog.

“More handsome.”

As soon as I said that, the tall man scratched his ears and neck, turning bashful like he was about to transform into a jam roll.

Finally, he outdid the dog. That must have satisfied him.

We sat in silence for a while until I gently pushed the rice bowl towards him. When Phii Godt is sick, he’s quite the whiner.

“Can you eat five more bites?… I’m worried the medicine might upset your stomach.”

“Can I do three?”

He was bargaining like it was a marketplace.

“Three big bites then.”

“You’re good at negotiating.”

Although he grumbled, he complied by taking three big bites of rice quite easily, chewing quickly and swallowing before taking his fever reducer. I knew that when you have a fever, your body doesn’t crave food, and swallowing can make you feel like vomiting due to the increased body temperature, but I wanted him to force himself to eat a little.

I watched him, his eyes half-closed as I blow-dried his hair. The chill from the air conditioner mixed perfectly with the warmth from the hairdryer, transforming Godzilla into a big, fluffy Golden Retriever.

Once he’d eaten and taken his medicine, it seemed like his body was starting to shut down. His head kept nodding, not nodding; after getting caught in the rain like that, I wouldn’t be surprised if his fever spiked.

Thinking that, I slowly placed my hand on his cheek. As soon as my hand touched his cheek, he looked back at me almost immediately. The heat radiating from his skin indicated he had a fever.

“You’re running hot now… You’d better go to sleep.”

Before I could pull my hand back, Phii Godt grabbed my wrist. His eyes, full of various emotions, stared at me.

His eyes were all red and swollen.

“Phii Godt…”

“Do you remember when I said that if one day you break the promise…”

I remember, I remember it very clearly…

“Yes… you would allow me to say one word… but if that word isn’t good enough… you would stop talking to me.”

Phii Godt smiled a little.

“And do you have that word now?”

That word, huh…

Phii Beert once told me that when the time comes, I would know what to say, and here, in just one night, I broke two promises at once. So, I had prepared a word, but when it came down to it, when I met Phii Godt’s gaze staring back at me, I suddenly felt like I’d gone mute, as if there was a rock stuck in my throat, unable to speak, my face burning hot like I was sitting in an oven.

“Uh… l…”

“Hmm?”

“lo…”

“Yes?”

“L…”

“L what?”

No…

The person who was listening intently smiled, and that was enough to make my heart melt. From being confident about saying that word, my tongue was now all tied up.

“I… I mean, I…”

Phii Godt’s smile faded. He didn’t say anything after that. He just placed his hand on my head and walked off to brush his teeth in the bathroom. Once he came out, he flopped down onto the bed without speaking to me anymore.

If it were any other time, I would have thought he didn’t want to make me feel uncomfortable, but right now, I felt like…

Is he… angry?

“Are you going to sleep now?”

“Ugh,” the tall man groaned on the wide bed, leaving me to sit with a sense of discomfort, my lips pressed tightly together, my hands damp with sweat.

It’s really bad, Diew. Why can’t you just say one simple word?

I awkwardly walked over and sat down on the floor by the bed, looking at Phii Godt who was lying with his back to me. My hand, which was about to reach out to touch him, hesitated out of human fear.

I had promised myself that if I dared to face him, it meant I was confident.

So why be afraid now, Diew?

This man isn’t scary at all, is he?

Summoning my courage, I placed my hand on Phii Godt’s shoulder and turned him to face me. The tall man met my eyes silently before I moved closer and pressed my lips against his forehead.

A gentle kiss to tell him…

I accept him now.

I allow him into my world now. I let him be a part of my life.

“Love…”

The faint word slipped from my lips, probably loud enough for him to hear.

His reaction wasn’t to jump out of bed and shout from the balcony, “He said he loves me!” or to grab his phone and type, “Shit, he said he loves me!” It wasn’t the usual loud, nerve-wracking noise he often made. Phii Godt just stared at me silently, and the more he stared, the more awkward I felt. I pressed my lips together, unsure if my words were clear enough.

Or maybe the person who always made such loud noises suddenly went deaf.

The air conditioning hummed loudly, the temperature in the room had been raised because the room’s occupant was sick, but for someone feeling fine like me, it was hot enough to make me sweat.

After a while, I got my answer that Phii Godt indeed heard it. The tall man pulled me by the neck closer, his soft lips touching mine. My body tensed automatically, surprised by the unexpected kiss, but his gentle kiss, the soft strokes of his hand on my neck, changed my fear into something else, as if I were floating on a big cloud. The light, lingering kiss, and the breath being taken by someone with a cold, started to fade away little by little.

So this is what kissing is like, huh? Awkward, breathless, feeling like there’s a lump in your chest, your ears and throat burning as if you just finished a workout, but after a while, it feels like the whole world has lightened up.

When I started to protest because I was running out of breath, Phii Godt slowly pulled his lips away. He lingered close like a big cat unwilling to move away, and I could feel his breath blowing against my cheek. The heat enveloping my body right now was a mix that I couldn’t distinguish between his fever and my own embarrassment that almost made me suffocate.

“Let me hear it again.”

I gripped his t-shirt so tightly it was almost tearing in my hands.

“Love.”

He, who had kissed me until satisfied, now hugged my head.

“I’m sorry.”

“…What for?” I whined at him.

If you’re going to apologize, apologize for possibly giving me your cold instead.

“Sorry for kissing without asking, and sorry for making you break the promise yourself.”

“Uh,” it’s okay. This promise was something I created myself. I set the rules myself without Phii Godt’s involvement. His only duty was to follow the promise, so if it’s to be broken, it would only be by me.

“I’m such a mess. Just the thought of you wanting to run away from me, being annoyed by me, makes my heart all messed up. So, I’m really happy that you dared to break your own promise. I’m so happy.”

I know, because you, you want to go slow.

Don’t worry anymore; you’ve done your best.

My hand, which had been resting on his arm, slowly moved to his hair. Even though his hair was curly, it was so soft that I didn’t want to move my hand away.

“You can sleep now.”

“Thank you, my little turtle.”

“Yes.”

“I love you too.”

Thud

My heart was beating so fast it felt like it might drive me crazy.

“Uh… yes.”

Phii Godt released my body, and soon after, he drifted off to sleep due to his fever. I slumped down beside the bed, burying my face in the bed sheets that were scented with his usual cologne. My body, now burning hot, was no different from a volcano ready to erupt.

I’m… glad too, that I dared to make this decision.

Thank you for everything, my Khun Godzilla.

“Good night.”

…

“Achoo!”

Great. I really caught Phii Godt’s cold.

A light blue handkerchief was handed to me, the same one I had once given him. I took the neatly washed handkerchief, looking up at the person who had moved to sit beside me after he had recovered. No fever, just the occasional cough and sniffle.

Last night, after I had put him to bed, I had fallen asleep beside his bed until morning, waking up around eight with a blanket covering me, and him lying next to me.

“You caught my cold.”

I gave him a slight glare, receiving a dry smile in return from his sharp face.

Who knows, someone couldn’t control themselves; knowing they had a cold, they still kissed someone else, and breathed on them too. If I didn’t catch it, then so be it.

“Oops.” His large hand came down on my head, ruffling my hair gently.

I couldn’t even get angry if I tried, as usual.

“I’m sorry about the kiss. I really couldn’t help it then.” He made a woeful sound, his face also showing guilt with drooping eyes and a pouting mouth.

“I’m not talking about the kiss…”

“But Diew, you’re angry with me.”

“I’m not angry.”

“And why did you glare at me like that? One more glare and you’d be like Charcoal when he’s denied sausages.”

“Do you think I’m a dog?”

“No.”

I’ll send young-master to bite your face off.

Speaking of young-master, I haven’t properly thanked him yet. He went out of his way to pick up young-master, and he got a fever because he got caught in the rain and couldn’t get back to the dorm.

It’s totally my fault.

“Thank you… for picking up young-master for me.” I said, looking at young-master who was waddling around in his box.

“No problem, I was happy to do it.”

“Actually, just saying thank you… might not be enough… because young-master means a lot to me.”

Young-master is almost like a significant friend in my life. Whenever I’m alone and feel the need to talk to someone, even if that someone doesn’t need to respond, young-master is always there to listen. Even if young-master doesn’t understand what I’m complaining about.

“Diew, you are also very important to me.”

I smiled a little, pulling the blanket closer to me, turning to look at the other person who was staring out the glass door. Who would have thought that the people who talked every night on the balcony would end up sitting next to each other like this, the ones who always avoided looking at each other, now looking at each other like this.

“Feel good… not having to wear the mask anymore?”

“It’s good, but I also like wearing the mask.”

“Isn’t it hot?”

“Want to try it?”

Without waiting for an answer, Phii Godt got up to fetch a new Ultraman mask from the drawer under the desk. He sat back down in front of me, gently placing the mask on my face, his slender fingers adjusting the elastic band at the back of my head as if afraid it might pull my hair. He used his other hand to hold it in place, and after fitting it, he ran his finger along my ear to tuck away any stray hairs. Not letting them stick out like when he first put on the mask. When he touched my ear, it tickled so much I had to pull my neck in like young-master.

The view was obstructed, limiting my sight to just behind the eye holes of the plastic mask. When I wore it like this, I could feel that to look at something, I had to focus on one specific point.

“It’s hard to see.”

I looked at Phii Godt’s face. Just one person’s face filled my entire field of vision.

At first, I thought Phii Godt might feel bad about having to wear a mask every day like this, but wearing the mask wasn’t as bad as I thought. Perhaps because it was a thin plastic mask, it didn’t make him feel stuffy, and it was easy to put on and take off. And most importantly, behind this mask,

you can make any expression you want. There’s no fear of being

teased.

“With the mask off like this, Diew, you can see how much I’ve been smiling.”

“I… want to see your smile.”

Phii Godt fell silent, then moved closer, pressing his lips against the mask I was wearing. I was so surprised that I held my breath for a moment. When he got close, all I could see were his beautiful eyes, clear in my sight.

He didn’t even close his eyes when he kissed me.

The tall man pulled back, with a small smile at the corner of his mouth, and his gaze showed how pleased he was.

“Diew.”

“Yes,” I responded, my voice trembling as much as my heart.

“Since we’ve come this far…”

“…”

“Do you want to go out with me?”

The serious tone from the person in front of me had no trace of jest; he was always catching me off guard when he got serious.

I, who was hiding my face beneath the mask, met his gaze with those sparkling, beautiful eyes, his captivating smile. I felt regret for seeing it so late, but I was also glad that at last, I could see his warm gaze that looked at me every time.

Even though I felt a bit worried because I had never been in a proper romantic relationship before, I thought Phii Godt would be someone I could rely on. Besides… I had already confessed. Naturally, what follows would be to build a relationship or to change our status from what it was before.

“Uh-huh.”

The person who was trying to hide his excitement with a restrained smile started to act awkwardly. Phii Godt leaned in closer, his large hands carefully removing my mask as if afraid it might scratch my skin. He was about to kiss me again, but I suddenly felt a blockage in my nose that I couldn’t control.

“Achoo!”

“Diew!”

I sneezed right at him.

“Uh… sorry.”

I hurriedly got up to wipe his face with a handkerchief. Even though it wasn’t a strong sneeze, he had leaned in close beforehand.

After wiping his face for a while, Phii Godt started laughing, his face, hidden for so long, when he laughs, it makes my world feel a hundred times brighter…

And it also accelerates my heartbeat by a hundred times.

I held the handkerchief to his lips, which were smiling happily, allowing us to lock eyes longer than we ever had before until he sneezed into the handkerchief again. “Achoo.”

It looks like neither of us will recover from this cold anytime soon.

        MONSTER NEXT DOOR CHAPTERS HOME

   MONSTERNEXTDOOR, Chapter 22: A Relationship That Gradually Develops, Allowing Us To Absorb Good Feelings For A Long Time.

“Phii Godt”

“Hmph.”

“Actually… I’ve always known what you’re like.”

The cool breeze brushed against my face, the faint scent of cologne from the person beside me still distinctively noticeable. I buried my nose into the soft head of the turtle plushie that someone had bought for me.

“I know you’re a social person… someone who’s loved by many… so I often ask if you’re okay… honestly, I don’t want you to change yourself… but in the end, I have to thank you for changing… because you changed yourself… that’s why I let you into my world.”

Since the day we first talked, I’ve felt every day how much he’s tried for me.

Both from what I’ve seen myself and what I’ve heard. Whether it’s quitting smoking because I didn’t like the smell or not going out to drink as often as before.

Can one person really change so much for another?

“I… am so happy.”

“Yes… your efforts have paid off… from now on, you don’t have to force yourself anymore… you don’t want me to force myself… and I don’t want you to force yourself either.”

Before we could talk further, Phii Godt sneezed again.

“Do you want to go back and rest?”

“I want to sit here with you for a bit longer. Plus, with this mask on, it’s safe. I definitely won’t get you sick.”

I’m not worried about that, I’m worried about you.

“Let’s name the turtle,” he placed his large hand on the soft head of the turtle, in his typical playful manner. Phii Godt squeezed the turtle’s head until it looked all squished. I looked down at the droopy-eyed turtle in my embrace.

“Do you want to name it?”

“If you let me name it, it’ll just get a bad name.”

“Like what?”

“Young Miss.”

“Stop it.”

The tall man laughed with delight, and hearing his laughter, I couldn’t help but smile.

“Smile.”

His hoarse, sore throat voice made me, who was smiling, turn to look at him. Phii Godt was already staring at me. There was some kind of attraction at that moment, an attraction that pulled us closer together. His warm hand gently touched my cheek, tender and caring.

I could clearly feel the warmth from his body.

“The name is Smile.”

Smile, which means a smile, fitting for a young-master who is shy.

Just like he once said. I smiled sweetly.

I sent a closed-eye smile to the person in front of me, intending to show I liked the name, but as Phii Godt’s face moved closer, I thought…

I shouldn’t have smiled like that.

Every time I smiled at him, he would always make a soft, coaxing sound.

Because Phii Godt really loves my smile.

The Ultraman mask moved close enough for me to look through the eye holes, and the first thing that imprinted in my memory were his beautiful brown eyes hidden behind it.

The color was like polished wood under the sunlight.

His slender fingers touched the back of my neck to keep me from turning away, sending a rush of warmth. I wasn’t sure if it was because he was embarrassed or if it was due to the fever forming from his cold.

And then… the plastic mask slowly moved down to touch my lips.

My eyes widened in shock. Even though the mask was smooth and hard, the area where my lips touched, behind that thin plastic, was his lips. Phii Godt’s action made me momentarily hold my breath, my wideopen eyes gradually closing in response to my instincts.

My free hand didn’t push him away but instead, awkwardly twisted my smile.

I don’t know how much time passed; I only knew that when I started to run out of breath, I moved my hand to rest on Phii Godt’s arm, squeezing gently to warn him that if he didn’t move back, I might die first.

It was as if Phii Godt had just realized what he had done. He quickly moved away, lifting his right hand to hold the mask.

“Sorry, it’s just… I couldn’t help it when I saw it.”

“It… it’s okay.”

I avoided his gaze, looking at Smile instead. The atmosphere was getting more awkward, but it was an awkward that leaned towards giddy because of what had just happened.

Until Phii Godt sneezed again, and we both burst into laughter.

The first kiss was strange but filled with warmth.

“I have a bento box… Have you eaten yet?”

“Not yet.”

“Do you want to eat something? So you can take your medicine after.”

“What do you have?”

Then Phii Godt and I walked into the room, opened the fridge to look at the 7-Eleven bento boxes I had bought in bulk. There was sausage fried rice and grilled pork with salt rice, and I knew Phii Godt would definitely go for the grilled pork with salt rice because it was more substantial.

I put the bento box into the small microwave, watching the person who was sniffling under his mask.

“After taking your medicine… you should go to sleep.”

“I’d say no, but I’m scared you’d scold me.”

I looked at him sideways.

“But there’s a football match today…”

My eyes went even more sideways, almost popping out of their sockets.

“Okay, I’ll sleep.”

Sometimes you have to scold people.

After the rice was heated, we sat down to eat back to back. For others, it might be strange, but for me and Phii Godt, this wasn’t strange at all.

“Diew.”

“Hmm,” I mumbled softly while scooping rice into my mouth.

“I think I understand now why you didn’t want to see my face.”

“…”

“Facial expressions and eyes can convey a lot of emotions. Words can lie, but facial expressions and eyes can’t… right?”

“Yes.”

“I only realized this when I started wearing the mask. Before, I never paid attention to anyone’s expressions or eyes. Now I understand why Beert used to say that Wan’s words don’t always match his feelings; his mouth might complain, but his eyes are all soft.” He spoke with a light laugh.

“When I met you, I finally understood what it means to care for others. I started noticing other people’s expressions and the looks in their eyes, and I realized why you didn’t want to see me.”

“Because when you look sad, my heart really breaks, and I want to make you smile again as soon as possible. But when you smile like that at Wan…”

He paused for a moment.

“I can’t think straight anymore.”

“Phii Godt!”

You pervert!

At first, I just didn’t want to see you, didn’t want to expect anything, but as time passed, my feelings changed. I wanted to get closer to you, to see your face, to be with you every day.

I stared blankly at the night sky without stars, only the street lights adding some color, making the sky seem brighter.

“I know… you might feel uncomfortable wearing the mask, it’s hot and stuffy… even when you’re unwell, you still have to wear it… but can you please bear with it a little longer?”

“I’m not rushing you.”

“I… if I ever get the courage to look at your face for real, that means

I’m absolutely confident that… I can handle your feelings…”

“Because if I’m not confident… one day I might get scared and retreat back into my own world… leaving you to hurt. I don’t want that…” I don’t want to be selfish again.

Phii Godt leaned his heavy back against mine, making me bend forward a bit. I glanced slightly at the person behind me.

“I’m not suffering at all, and I’m starting to get used to this mask.”

“That much?”

“Yes, no matter how lecherous my face looks, you can’t see it.” I moved my head to bump the back of his head with a soft thud.

Bad habit, you old lecher.

…

I couldn’t go to pick up young-master.

With both hands pressed against my temples, there was a large textbook in front of me. It was past 9 PM, and I still couldn’t leave the lab because the professor had called for a make-up session today.

Skipping class wasn’t an option as I had to stay for group work.

In the end, I had to beg Wan to have Phii Godt pick up the young master from the vet, even though he was sick and lying in his room.

I had promised him that once class was over, I would rush directly to the animal hospital, but all those plans crumbled when it started pouring as soon as class ended.

I wondered if Phii Godt had left his room yet; if he got caught in the rain again, he’d surely catch a fever.

Instead of messaging, I decided to call Phii Godt, thinking he wouldn’t check his messages, but he didn’t answer the call either. My worry intensified, especially since he was supposed to pick up the young master for me, something he would always prioritize when it involved me. Now, he might be stuck in the rain at the vet or have returned to his room drenched. But why wasn’t he answering his phone?

“Please call me a taxi.”

I told the guard at the faculty building, and it didn’t take long for a green-yellow taxi to pull up in front.

I hurried to the university’s animal hospital first, even though it was already 10 PM, nearly closing time. While in the taxi, I tried calling the person who wouldn’t pick up.

Is he still there? Why won’t he answer his phone?

The taxi stopped in front of the animal hospital, which was now dark with all lights off. I looked around, but there was no sign of anyone, let alone Phii Godt. The area was enveloped in darkness, with only the sound of the rain.

Where could he have gone?

Finally, I decided to go back to wait at his room, not forgetting to stop by 7-Eleven to buy some food for him.

I knocked on the white wooden door of Phii Godt’s room for a while, but there was no response. My worry grew until I finally messaged Phii Beert, Phii Wan, and Phii Ton. In the end, no one could reach Phii Godt.

No one knew where he had gone.

Where are you? If you picked up the young master, you should have been back by now; the hospital has been closed for a while. Where have you wandered off to, especially when you’re sick? If you knew it was raining, you didn’t have to go out.

Why are you being so stubborn?

I didn’t go into his room, sitting and hugging my knees, waiting for him to return in front of his door. I didn’t care who was coming in and out of the rooms on this floor or how they looked at me. My mind was full of worries.

I feared Phii Godt might have fainted somewhere, worried that he might get seriously ill from being out in the rain like that.

Because that man really doesn’t like carrying an umbrella anywhere.

An hour passed, and Phii Godt still hadn’t returned, two hours, three hours. There was no sign of him.

Until I began to fear that my thoughts might become reality.

I called, but he still didn’t answer, no reply messages on Line, as if suddenly Phii Godt had vanished.

I sat like that for a while until I had to close my eyes to rest because I started feeling a headache. Today, I had just managed to take my eyes off the books, planning to shower, eat, and then go to sleep once back in my room.

In the end, all my plans fell apart because I was worried about the person who hadn’t returned to his room. I knew before he often came back late, sometimes even at three or four in the morning, but this time he went out to do an errand for me, and more than that, he was sick. It made me feel guilty for asking Wan to go pick up young-master for me.

I spent some time dozing off until a warm hand touched my head, his soft cough making me slowly blink my eyes open. I saw the long legs of someone squatting in front of me, his black flip-flops wet from stepping in the rain, and his hoarse, sore throat voice sounding out.

“Waiting for me?”

He… had come back.

I didn’t look up at Phii Godt but let out a soft sigh, feeling relieved to see him back here. He hadn’t passed out somewhere.

“Where have you been?”

“I went to pick up young-master for you. But then it started raining, I couldn’t find a taxi, so I had to find shelter from the rain on the way.” My lips tightened automatically. He really did get caught in the rain.

I felt guilty.

“Want to come inside first?”

Phii Godt opened his door and walked in, and as I followed, I saw he had put on a new Ultraman mask.

The person in front of me looked no different from a drenched puppy, his wet hair plastered to his face, his white shirt soaked through, clearly showing his honey-colored skin, and more than that, the square box he had placed on the bed, with young-master walking back and forth inside, looking lively and safe, reinforcing my guilt.

“The doctor said to feed young-master on schedule, don’t overfeed him…”

I didn’t listen to what Phii Godt was saying, only knowing that I was starting to get angry at him for making me worry.

“You didn’t answer your phone…”

The tall man was silent for a while before turning to see Wan doing something on the wide bed. Then he picked up his phone, coughing softly, realizing he must have left his phone in the room.

Sigh, people are worried sick about you.

“Sorry, I forgot my phone. That’s why it was unusually quiet,” he said, scratching the back of his neck, feeling guilty.

“I was scared you might have fainted somewhere… you’re sick, and with the rain, you didn’t have to go pick up young-master.”

“It started raining right when I was coming back.”

I didn’t know what to say; I was both angry and worried.

In the end, I had to push him to take a shower because I was worried he’d get a fever.

I returned to my room to prepare some food and fever reducer for him, then sat idly, gazing out at the rain hitting the glass door. The clear raindrops sticking to it, watching the shimmering raindrops at night by the window, still one of my top favorite things to do. It gave me a sense of relief, comfort, helping to clear my cluttered thoughts.

After sitting there for a while, I heard the bathroom door open. I looked at the reflection in the large mirror, seeing the vague silhouette of the tall man walking out. He adjusted his large t-shirt, coughing softly before stopping about an arm’s length away from me. The reflection in the mirror wasn’t clear enough to see his face.

“Diew.”

“Hmm.”

“I have a headache, and my throat hurts.”

“Have some food and take your medicine first… then go to sleep.”

Phii Godt slumped behind me. He pulled the bowl of rice I had prepared towards him.

“Sorry for making you worry.”

“Just that you’re back… that’s enough.”

“But I really feel guilty. Did you wait long?”

I checked the time on my phone; I had waited for him for over three hours. Before seeing him, it felt like an eternity, but knowing he was okay, that he hadn’t collapsed somewhere, those three hours seemed so short. I could wait for him all day.

“I can wait for however long… as long as you’re safe and back.”

“Sorry.”

A cough sounded from behind along with the clink of a spoon against a bowl, indicating he wasn’t going to continue eating, even though he had just picked up the rice moments ago.

“I can’t eat anymore. Can I take the medicine now?”

“How many bites did you take earlier?”

“Two.”

“Can you have another five bites?” At least let something go into your stomach before taking the medicine.

“Can I be stubborn just for today? I feel like I might throw up.”

“Then, if I turn around now… will you eat another five bites?”

“Wait… don’t turn around yet.”

Phii Godt hurriedly grabbed the mask from the table to put it on, as if he was afraid I would see his face if I turned back.

The one strict about promises had become him now.

I wanted to see his face, that’s why I was going to turn around. It was my well-thought-out decision. Having waited for hours outside his room, worried to the point of almost going mad, I was now absolutely confident that I could share and alleviate his feelings and stories.

I slowly turned my body back towards Phii Godt, looking at the person who had put on the mask properly.

“Phii Godt.”

“Hmm?”

“Can you… take off the mask?”

“Huh! Wait.”

“Please… I don’t want you to wear it anymore.”

“But…”

“Please.”

Without waiting for his answer, I moved closer to Phii Godt, my hands touching the Ultraman mask. Even though my arms felt heavy as if weighed down by a large stone, removing Phii Godt’s mask this time was a significant decision for me, stepping out of my comfort zone.

I slowly lifted the mask from his face, my hands trembling so much that Phii Godt had to gently hold my wrists for a moment. Soon, the Ultraman mask was in my hands, revealing the face of the person who was looking straight at me.

Taking off the mask was more thrilling than anything else; both I and Phii Godt were tense. When our eyes met, his beautiful eyes framed by his well-shaped eyebrows, I felt a shiver run through my entire body, especially my heart, which was pounding in my chest.

Although I felt awkward facing him like this without the mask to hide behind, I had already made my decision.

I… wanted to see his face, to talk to him like normal people, without him needing to hide anything anymore. Whether it was his gaze, his eyes, or his expressions, I wanted to see it all – his smile, his mischievous face, the spark in his playful eyes, the expression of someone who thinks he’s so handsome that others can’t help but be captivated, or even when he’s troubled or sad.

I’m ready to share that burden with you now.

Enough with the promise of just being friends before sleep.

Since I was the one who set this rule,

I’m the only one who can break it.

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