SMNTCERR, Chapter 53: La Dame Du Mercredi #2.

Jihye stared at the changing eyes of the person in front of her, from arrogant to playful. And then  fierce. At the same time, she waited for him to continue speaking.

“Are you planning to confess your love after dinner tomorrow? Suppose you say, “Let’s date.” how do you think I would respond? Can’t you guess?”

“…”

“No, this semester I have to focus on studying and game development.

There’s no time for romance.”

Jaeyoung raised his eyebrows slightly and spoke with a face that said he wouldn’t accept it, mimicking the way certain people speak. If it weren’t for this situation, Jihye would probably burst out laughing as well.

“Or maybe just say, ‘There’s no time for trivial matters like that,’ would suffice.”

After playing the role Chu Sangwoo, Jaeyoung returned to his usual demeanor, and the tense atmosphere seemed to dissipate. Jihye was pulled back to face Jaeyoung once again, feeling terrible. The words chosen by the other party seemed too real, as if they came directly from Chu Sangwoo himself. Even though there was no romantic relationship yet, she felt like she had been rejected beforehand.

However, she had prepared herself to be rejected, not expecting to immediately start dating the other party. But the idea of a romantic relationship was to make Chu Sangwoo see her as a woman. After that, they would gradually get to know each other, even if it wasn’t within this semester.

But there was still hope for one day, that was Jihye’s plan.

“I understand what you’re saying, but if I can’t fight against you, then why did you ask me out?”

Jihye could no longer control her facial expressions. She looked at the older student with sharp eyes, unable to reserve her posture anymore. Jaeyoung followed Jihye’s gaze silently before responding.

“You are irritating to the ears and eyes.”

The words that came out didn’t sound pleasant, if Jaeyoung didn’t even consider her as an equal competitor. And that made Jihye feel slightly offended.

“Lately, I’ve been quite sensitive. Whenever I think about Sangwoo attending classes, talking, eating, or going out with someone else without me knowing, it makes me feel jealous.”

A headache was starting to come on. This situation reminded her of a movie where a mother-in-law doted on her son so much that she didn’t get along with her daughter-in-law, and a husband who suspected his wife of cheating and wouldn’t allow her to associate with anyone. This man… even though she had heard that he was cool, seeing this situation… she didn’t know how those words came out like that.

“A romantic relationship in this kind of situation is complicated. Even though I know it’s pointless, I don’t like it. I don’t want you to talk about those things with Sangwoo, and I don’t want Sangwoo to listen to anything like that either.

Understand, right?” Jaeyoung continued.

She knew what he wanted to convey, but she still didn’t understand. If he had that much confidence in himself, why would he bother worrying about Chu Sangwoo, who seemed to have no interest in her at all? Furthermore, Jihye found it strange that she, who could choose to date the most beautiful and outstanding woman in the university, ended up falling in love with Chu Sangwoo, who was indifferent and unpredictable.

‘Why is he like that?’

After pondering over Jaeyoung’s narrow-minded and delusional words, she noticed something.

When reading literature, Jihye never understood the fascination that Chu

Liang had for Madame Renal[1] and the obsession that Quasimodo had for Asmerlada[2]. She had never felt such intense emotions before and thought it was just a story in a novel. However, she could see the strong and courageous feelings she had never experienced before from the person in front of her, the man who was angry like fire because he knew she had dinner and went out with Chu Sangwoo.

‘Maybe it’s not just one-sided love.’

Jihye felt defeated, and it wasn’t just that…

‘I don’t like him… No, that person. I don’t know what to do anymore.’

‘It’s… Jaeyoung, Jang… It seems like he has a girlfriend.’

‘If you agree, come to the ‘Tree Olive’ restaurant today at six o’clock.’

Jihye’s mind quickly assessed the situation she was facing, why didn’t she notice before? Besides playing games and explaining cultural theories during battles, there was nothing about Jang Jaeyoung that made Chu Sangwoo look so excited.

‘Sometimes it may not be just one-sided love.’

Jihye felt like she was running out of strength to continue fighting, and that assumption locked everything down. Chu Sangwoo had such preferences, it would make sense that he didn’t look at her. Maybe both of them were already dating. Jaeyoung might be lying because he was concerned about Sangwoo.

Jihye used her hand to cover her face, feeling defeated every time.

“I’m sorry. I don’t have time to wait for you to think endlessly, and I don’t feel like waiting either. I’ll just say what I want to say and then leave.”

Just then, Jaeyoung started talking incessantly. Jihye paused and adjusted her hair before looking straight at the person in front of her again. The other party’s expression was still as emotionless as when she walked into this café.

“Chu Sangwoo, he’s really interesting, isn’t he? I understand, he’s intelligent, charming, law-abiding, has a beautiful neck, and once he has finished his studies he will probably make good money.”

‘Hmm… What about that?’

Jihye stared, but Jaeyoung didn’t pay attention to that, he continued speaking methodically.

“I have no right to tell you to give up on him. Whether it’s following Sangwoo blindly, continuing as you are now, or even just this much, it’s your decision.”

Jihye laughed nervously. Just a while ago, she seemed to be forcing her to stop getting involved with Sangwoo, and now she was telling her to make her own decision. She was completely confused about what he wanted to do.

Jaeyoung laughed and spoke again.

“… if I still confirm that you will continue to pester him, then be prepared to deal with me. I’m not like you, because I am the real obstacle.”

“…”

“Let’s see how chaotic it will be.”

‘I already thought it would be like this.’

Jihye smirked, even though she had lost her motivation. When she walked into this café, she intended to clearly reveal her position and then leave immediately. However, she ended up being bitten and hurt. Jihye mustered her last bit of strength and asked.

“Are you threatening me, sunbae?”

“Yes, didn’t I say from the beginning that this was a threat.”

“I didn’t hear it that way at all.”

“Well, if this is considered a threat, then it’s just this much. From now on, it will be intimidating.”

Jaeyoung picked up a large envelope from the chair next to him and handed it over. Jihye took it with a puzzled expression.

‘Don’t tell me it’s money?’

Conflicting thoughts surged within her, but when she opened it, she found A4-sized documents.

Each page contained a photo along with brief personal information. Jihye frowned and glanced through the names passing by: a politician’s son, a musician, medical students, law students, a percussionist, a baseball player, a robotics developer, a voice actor, an executive at a foreign company… The profiles of many men flashed before her eyes.

“I don’t know what your specifications are, so I chose some for you first. I can arrange meetings with anyone of these whom you will want. No limits. If you don’t like anyone, I’ll find more for you.”

“How many people are there?”

“50 people.”

“Erik Smithson? Who is this person…”

There was even someone from Sweden.

“That person speaks Korean very well. Maybe even better than you.”

“How is this possible?”

Jihye felt the situation was absurd to the point where she couldn’t help but laugh. She laughed dryly with a sense of hopelessness as she continued to open the documents until she reached the last page and came face to face with a familiar face.

[Park Hyung Jin / 21 years old / 180 cm / Philosophy major at Hankuk University / President of the Drama Club /pires to be an actor. Highly responsible. Sincere and sensitive when it comes to love.]

This person, who is a Frankenstein, isn’t?”

“Do you still remember that day when you put on such heavy makeup?”

“How can I forget? You sent him to my table so many times!”

“From now on, I’ll find a way for him to approach you, it seems like he likes you.”

Jihye pouted her cheeks and couldn’t believe that the owner of this face was roughly the same age as her, but what caught her attention was the word

“philosophy.”

“So, the first person is Hyung Jin?”

“No, I haven’t said that yet.”

Jihye put the introduction documents for the blind date back into an envelope and stuffed it into her bag. Then she straightened her back and looked at Jaeyoung again. Although it seemed like she was willing to remember his threats and coaxing, she didn’t want to appear easily swayed.

“Alright, I understand. I’ll try to think about it seriously.”

“It’s good that we’re talking about it.”

“Don’t misunderstand, I didn’t give in because of your threats or proposals. It’s just that I didn’t lose my composure to the point of being shaken like you did. I just don’t want to be the third party in a relationship that seems so serious and intense.”

Jaeyoung laughed without saying anything, as if saying, “Whatever happens, it doesn’t matter’ Jihye hesitated for a moment before deciding to ask.

“But can we still be friends?”

“No, you didn’t listen to anything I said before, did you?”

The other party immediately responded. Jihye felt a sense of injustice and started to raise her voice.

 

 

“Why? You know that he doesn’t care about me anymore! Every day, he treats me like a machine that explains cultural theories. When he pressed a button, there’s an explanation. I explain something wrong, he looks at me as if

I’m a malfunctioning machine. And he even says I have to study twice harder!”

“Treat him as if you’ve never met him before.”

“I don’t just like him as a man, okay? When I’m with him, Sangchu oppa, I feel fun and happy. I want to be friends with him forever.”

“Because you think you’re his little sister? Even if you are from the same bloodline, why do you have to call him “oppa”? And who are you to come from and call someone older than you a vegetable name[3]? No manners at all.”

“Sangchu-oppa said I could call him that!”

“But I don’t like it, don’t call him that.”

“Then what should I call him?”

“No need to call. If there’s something important, just call him, ‘Hey, you!’.

Like that.”

Jihye laughed dryly and took a breath at the same time, Jaeyoung himself laughed as if it was meaningless, so she couldn’t tell if it was a joke or if he was serious. So she couldn’t figure out what was going on.

‘What is this situation?’

Mixed feelings of sadness and joy overwhelmed Jihye, leaving her confused.

“Oh, really… Sangchu-oppa… No. Does he know? Does Sangchu-oppa know that you are…  like this?”

“I don’t know, maybe lately Sangchu-oppa has become a talented designer.”

“I’m really sorry, Sangchu-oppa.”

“If you knew how difficult it is for me, you wouldn’t say that.”

Jaeyoung pondered before taking out his phone to check the time. Jihye glanced at the person in front of her who was standing up.

“I have to since now. If anyone is interested in him, they can contact me.”

“I understand.”

“But don’t call, Sangwoo might misunderstand.”

“Then what should I do?”

Jihye accidentally raised her voice.

“You must think I am just joking, right?”

Jaeyoung said that and left. Jihye sat there for a moment, laughing out loud.

‘It has become like this.’

It’s good to withdraw from a competition that can’t be won. It’s a very smart choice. Although she comforts herself like that, she still can’t help but feel regret.

She regrets the efforts she has made, thinking how ridiculous she looks, wondering why she couldn’t be outstanding like this. She wonders what kind of feeling is the passionate love in novels or movies, she can only think, think, and keep thinking. Even this time, the driving force is still the brain. Not the heart.

Jihye didn’t think of hating herself for being like that. This is the 21st century. 

It’s not the era where Romeo and Juliet would kill themselves anymore.

I guess I should focus on studying only.”

Jihye sighed lightly and stood up. At least she might do better on the final exam than Chu Sangwoo, who was always busy with love affairs. Even though he would get higher scores in the middle of the semester, 8 points, she still wouldn’t give. Jihye pushed open the café door and met the special clear sky.

“The weather is so nice it’s annoying!”

The 4th love affair of Ru Jihye, which ended before it even began.

New criteria for screening future lovers – “Don’t date good-looking men who act humble but deceive you.”

________________________________________.

[1]       Julien Sorel and Madame de Rênal, characters in the French novel “The

Red and the Black” “Le Rouge et le Noir”

[2]       Quasimodo and Esmeralda, characters in the French novel “Notre-Dame de Paris.” the hunchback of Notre-Dame.

[3]       Vegetable name. In this case, it refers to the nickname “Sangchu.” which means vegetable.

 

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SMNTCERR, Chapter 52: La Dame Du Mercredi #1.

‘Ru Jihye’, a 21-year-old female student, is infatuated with romantic French literature. She is someone who sees the world realistically contrary to her outward appearance. Although she enjoys the works of VictorMarie Hugo, Gustave Flaubert, and Marcel Proust, in reality, she does not desire such love. Instead, she chooses to use her three failed relationships as a filter for future lovers’ personalities rather than drowning in sorrow.

For example, she doesn’t show off, wears excessive makeup, has too many friends, speak overly sweetly, is self-centered, wears tight-fitting clothes. She doesn’t smoke, and has an okay temper when drunk. She doesn’t boast.’

From what has been said, Chu Sangwoo is the perfect boyfriend candidate for her. He possesses all the qualities that Jihye has set as criteria. Although he doesn’t exactly match the dreamy boy specifications, getting to know him better makes him someone she can rely on. However, their initial impression of each other wasn’t particularly good.

Three months ago, Jihye intended to transport her belongings in advance and ended up packing even books she didn’t plan to read. Her greediness led her to struggle with heavy loads. It was at that time that Jihye encounteredChu Sangwoo passing by. Their first meeting wasn’t considered fateful or romantic in any way.

Normally, if we see someone struggling to carry something heavy, shouldn’t we have the compassion to help them? Jihye thought that when he saw her

 

 

struggling with the box, causing the contents to scatter all over the floor, it

would touch his heart and he wouldn’t just walk by indifferently.

‘How far away is far enough?’

The first word that came out of the sarcastic mouth sounded coarse, just like the face that seemed expressionless. Black down jacket, black hat, bell-bottom jeans. It seemed like he didn’t pay much attention to his appearance. His personality was probably as intense as ever. But in that area, besides Sangwoo, there was someone else to ask for help.

‘It must weigh more than 30 kilograms. Even if you’re a hired mover, you should charge extra for this.’

She didn’t know why those words stuck in her mind. Sometimes, Sangwoo might be warning her about how she could afford to feed herself with such hard work. But when Jihye heard it, she thought it was just a figure of speech from a cold person who wanted to ask why she was carrying such a heavy load alone.

Since then, everything has changed. The face that used to look stiff now appeared responsible. The appearance that she used to think was ordinary turned warm. So she asked for his name, faculty, student, and even his address. Although the other party made a face that seemed annoyed, he answered every question thoroughly. As they walked halfway, the other party took off his down jacket and draped it over his arm. She didn’t know why that gesture looked so cool, with sweat on his forehead and muscles in his arms that were visible enough to stare at. But Ru Jihye wasn’t romantic. She didn’t fall in love with Chu Sangwoo at first sight.

She gradually liked him, bit by bit. From a stranger to someone special, someone useful, someone good, and someone honest. Until eventually, after spending half a semester together, he became someone she didn’t want to let go of.

But the problem was that the other party didn’t care about her at all, not even a bit. Even when they had a chance to talk, it wasn’t that their personalities didn’t match, but. Sangwoo hardly glanced at her.. He didn’t.

When they were together, he didn’t even bother to look at her.

‘Am I not pretty?’

She tried dressing according to the style that men supposedly liked. She tried changing her makeup style based on the internet trends, but it didn’t work.

Sangwoo didn’t care about Jihye at all.

But even so, Jihye didn’t give up. She thought that if she kept trying, one day he would realize her true feelings. In fact, during their outing at the festival, their relationship seemed to improve a little, but then something unexpected happened.

Jang Jaeyoung.

Just a few months ago, he was just an older brother figure who looked as good as a celebrity, a popular guy whom close friends adored like actors, a handsome guy who made people around him turn into fish-face uglies. He had a tall and well-built body with a style that resembled high-class Italian restaurant staff. He was a star of the drama club, and just the rumor of his appearance in a performance sold out tickets in an instant.

She never thought she would get to know someone who seemed unreal like this, but Chu Sangwoo made her acquainted with him. When they talked while eating in the cafeteria, Jihye felt excited. Who wouldn’t enjoy sitting and having a meal with such a good-looking person of the opposite sex? However, he was not just an impressive older brother.

‘It seems like you’re getting close to my  Sangwoo. Calling him by his first name.’

‘Don’t worry about Sangwoo. I’ll take him home myself.’

The first time she was bumped into at the cafeteria, she thought he might just have a slightly peculiar habit, so she didn’t pay much attention. But at the liquor booth during the festival, the other side started to reveal more, becoming visibly tense. If Jihye’s intuition is correct, that is a warning for a heartbreaker.

“Do you like Sangwoo?”

Jaeyoung asked abruptly while both had a chance to be together two by two, causing their friends to look jealous. Jihye was startled and almost jumped up, even though her butt had barely touched the chair for less than a second.

Jihye examined the face of the other party with indescribable feelings, but the bright eyes in front had no answer. Jaeyoung simply sipped his whiskey, looking bored, wearing a black T-shirt with a printed image of a mischievous child, several sharp earrings in his ears, and she just noticed that there was a tattoo on his arm. Although Jihye felt scared, she wanted to improve things.

“Yes.”

She replied firmly. Mr.eyoung stared at Jihye with a blank expression.

“If you and Sangwoo fell into the water together. And there was only one life jacket, what would you do?”

After overlooking the first question that seemed meaningless. Jihye had to face the following question, or was this a test? But no matter what she thought, she couldn’t come up with a meaningful answer, so she answered the question without any sense of purpose.

“I would probably give it to myself first.”

Even though Jihye had good feelings for Sangwoo, it was still just one-sided love. Besides, this is the 21st century. And… it’s not the era of dying for love like Romeo and Juliet.

“In that case, Sangwoo would have drowned, right?”

The meaningless question made Jihye look so bad. She hesitated before responding.

“Otherwise, I would die.”

“Which means if you don’t like him that you will sacrifice yourself for him, so you should let it go.”

“How can you summarize things like that?”

The difficult-to-understand situation made Jihye feel dizzy, and she responded back sharply.

“Then if it were you, would you give the life jacket to Sangwoo and willingly drown yourself?”

“I don’t like swimming, so I wouldn’t go to a place like that in the first place.

Sangwoo himself doesn’t like swimming either.”

Jihye couldn’t speak, only blinked her eyes at the person in front of her, who was both a senior with a louder voice, a popular person in the university, and someone closer to Chu Sangwoo than her. Even though she was inferior in many ways, she didn’t want to lead by the nose with such meaningless methods, she fought back as a determined woman.

“Or maybe you like Sangwoo?”

Jang Jaeyoung is a man. Chu Sangwoo is also a man. If possible, she doesn’t want to ask such direct questions because it could be a sensitive matter, but the other party keeps harassing her, and she can’t stay silent anymore.

“Yeah.”

However, Jaeyoung easily accepted it. Jihye inadvertently looked around, the university cafe at three o’clock on Thursday afternoon was almost empty, and it seemed like he intentionally chose this secluded corner from the beginning.

Jaeyoung glanced at the drink and spoke again.

“I have to admit that I like him enough to accept it straightforwardly. Even though I know he might take issue with me announcing it directly.”

Here we go again. The way of speaking that makes the other party look bad,

Jihye is not someone who speaks carelessly, and she’s not foolish enough to pretend to be innocent just because she was harassed by an older male student who likes the same gender.

“You have good instincts, don’t you?”

Jaeyoung asked provocatively. Jihye frowned slightly.

“No, not at all.”

“Yes, that’s right. I have a bad character. If you don’t like it, he even plays mind games skillfully.”

“Then what should I do?”

“I don’t care how you talk about me.”

Jaeyoung pulled the chair closer to the table, his previously indifferent gaze suddenly changed.

“But if anything happens to Sangwoo, I won’t let it go.”

Like a loose knot, his gaze that looked at her seemed ready to do anything, and that made Jihye instantly become frightened, but she managed to regain her composure.

‘I have to stay calm! I haven’t done anything wrong!’

It’s just wanting to be in a relationship with an older student studying together. What’s wrong with that? If those two are dating, they should just say it straightforwardly, but Chu Sangwoo doesn’t seem to have any intention of doing so, so what she encountered now is not overly unjust. Jihye slapped both cheeks to call herself back to reality.

“I’ll keep this as a secret myself. There’s no need for you to scare me like that.”

First, the wild animal that is raging must be calmed down.

“And I never knew before. If you two are dating, then I have to accept it.”

Jihye sighed with relief, and she caught the other party sneaking a glance. If they are dating, maybe this senior is just a message through Sangwoo, asking her to stop following them, and Jaeyoung probably doesn’t have to call her for a private conversation like this. Jihye concluded that they have nothing to do with each other.

“You’re too smart to the point of being annoying.”

Jaeyoung laughed jokingly, but it didn’t seem like a compliment at all. Jihye also laughed, “Haha.” with a tense face, wiping sweat off her forehead and adjusting her posture to sit up straight so as not to look too bad. After letting the silence linger for a while, Jaeyoung spoke up.

“We’re not dating, I only like him.”

Suddenly, the young man said something that made him look vulnerable and unaware of anything, glancing briefly at Jihye.

“But even so, there must be something different.”

They have to be different… If they were dating, Jihye would become an annoying obstacle, but if Jang Jaeyoung is only in love with one person like her, then they would be equal competitors.

“If both you and I are in the same situation, then there’s no reason for me to give in.”

“No, you’re misunderstanding.”

Jihye pursed her lips, unable to figure out where she misunderstood. Jaeyoung looked at his hands before bending down to look at his fingertips, his lowered face resembling a model in an advertisement. She couldn’t fathom how someone with such a personality could have such a good-looking exterior. Jihye could only wonder.

“You can not possibly be thinking that we’re fighting over Sangwoo, no. Not at all.”

“Then what is it?”

Jihye couldn’t think of any other possibilities… If she didn’t plan to eliminate her, then why would he have to find her phone number and call her to talk?

Jaeyoung leaned back in his chair and chuckled softly.

“You can’t fight against me.”

“What?”

“You’re not even an obstacle in the relationship between me and Sangwoo, it’s only Chu Sangwoo himself who is the obstacle.” ________________________________________.

 

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SMNTCERR, Chapter 51 <111> #6. 

Time in the office always passed quickly. After working for two hours,

Sangwoo would drink water and have a meaningless conversation with Jaeyoung before checking the work that Jaeyoung had completed. Then he would work for another hour before going to the bathroom. When he returned, it was time to go home.

“You didn’t really disturb me today. And you didn’t tease me either. You’re very patient.”

Sangwoo said that as he packed up his notebook and mouse, there was a lot of work done on both graphic work and system development that should be done efficiently. Jaeyoung lazily twisted his wrist to look at the wall clock.

“It’s already four o’clock. Are you leaving now?”

“When it’s time to go, I have to go.”

Sangwoo put his notebook in his backpack and zipped it up. As he slung the backpack over his back, preparing to leave the room, Jaeyoung called out.

“Sangwoo.”

When he turned his head to look, saw the other person pulling down the folded shoelaces of his sneakers, if he was about to go outside. He didn’t know where he was going.

“I want to send you home. What do you think?”

“Why?”

“Should I tell you the truth or the plan?”

“The truth.”

“I already told you earlier, that Sense came, do you want to hear the planned version?”

“Just stop it.”

Sangwoo left the office, and not long after, the door opened and Jaeyoung followed suit. He felt compelled to express whether he liked it or not.

The distance from the university to Sangwoo’s dormitory is approximately 1.8 kilometers. If he were to ride a bicycle, it would take about 8 minutes. The average walking speed for humans is around 4 kilometers per hour. Therefore, the walking time would be approximately 27 minutes.

“You don’t watch EPL[1] or NBA[2]?”

“I don’t follow sports, and I don’t watch them either.”

Even though he knew that, Sangwoo still pedaled his bicycle slowly. It was one of the most pointless things he had ever tried in his life, but it didn’t help because he had already told Jaeyoung that he would do it.

“It’s strange that you say you’re not interested. Your body seems to be exercising.”

“Watching and doing are different. I have to sit at the desk to work for a long time, so basic physical strength is necessary.”

It’s unbelievable how aimless and meaningless conversations can make him feel good. While riding his bicycle on the road every day, Sangwoo learned how many signs he had never seen before and how many streetlights there were. The warm atmosphere in the middle of the night was concealed by humidity, but the damp feeling under the shoulder strap didn’t make him annoyed.

“I like both. How about playing basketball together next time?”

“Off work hours, please.”

Jaeyoung remained silent for a while. Sangwoo glanced at the side of his face without expression before looking straight ahead again. The streetlights dyed the entire road orange. Although the goal was to walk home, he felt a sense of regret as the distance gradually shortened.

“We’re here already.”

“When it’s time, it has to be reached.”

Looking at the clock, it took longer than the expected 27 minutes, about 22 minutes longer. That meant they were walking slower than the normal speed.

Jaeyoung stopped walking in the alley where the apartment building could be seen. At the same time, Sangwoo’s footsteps slowed down even more. He parked and locked his bicycle in the designated parking area. Although it was the slowest thing he had ever done, it didn’t take long to finish. Next, it was time to walk into the building, but Sangwoo turned to look back.

Jaeyoung hadn’t gone anywhere. He stood with both hands in his pockets and looked at Sangwoo. Without whispering any teasing words or pretending to be asleep, he just stood there, seemingly indifferent. But who knows… maybe it was just an illusion caused by the streetlights. Sangwoo forgot completely that they had been together all day and wanted to see Jaeyoung’s face up close.

When being with the other party, Sangwoo often felt a tightness in his chest.

Whether it was a feeling of a faster heartbeat or blood rushing faster than usual, it was all unpleasant. At that moment, Sangwoo felt a stronger dissatisfaction than ever before.

‘Being patient is not easy.’

Chu Sangwoo was a complete human being with a perfect brain. In his world, there was a control center that controlled everything perfectly for twenty-five years. However, the power called sexual desire, which had been suppressed and controlled in his mind during normal times, recently rose up to resist, and no matter how much it was suppressed, instead of being uprooted, it grew stronger day by day, causing him headaches.

Sangwoo’s eyes were fixated on Jaeyoung’s silhouette, surrounded by an orange light, without consciousness. The mere act of standing there caused intense frustration because he stood too far away. It was an irrational feeling, but he couldn’t help but be indifferent.

He was unable to control it.

Even though he had rejected Jaeyoung’s advances during this period, it was useless. The stimulus that he thought he could overcome had been building up repeatedly, and the moment he crossed the crisis point. Sangwoo’s feet automatically moved closer to the distance between them.

Sangwoo walked slowly towards Jaeyoung. In his mind, he searched for excuses, but he realized that he couldn’t bear it anymore. It would be better to be a person without morals, rather than having the flag of desire conquer Sangwoo’s fortress.

“Jaeyoung-hyung… it’s me…”

Sangwoo stopped in front of Jaeyoung. The other party just stared Sangwoo without moving.

“There’s something I’ve wanted to do for the past few days.”

With a serious gaze-Sangwoo hesitated to speak and expand on his thoughts.

But the other party spoke up at that moment.

“I know.”

“Can I do it?”

“Oh, go all out.”

Sangwoo paused and took a step closer to Jaeyoung. Now that he had received permission, there was no need to hesitate anymore. This time, he approached Jaeyoung willingly, with his complete self and full consciousness. As leaned his face down and lifted his foot, Jaeyoung retreated into the shadow of the alley, using his finger to block Sangwoo’s lips that were about to plunge in.

“Now, let’s do it gently, slowly, touch little by little. Can you do it?”

Sangwoo wanted to brush away that finger right now, but the seriousness of Jaeyoung made him have to suppress his impatience. Then, Jaeyoung’s hand slowly withdrew from the edge of his lips.

Sangwoo buried the advice in his mind and pushed Jaeyoung against a dark wall. Then, he lifted his foot again and swallowed the edge of the other’s lips, the hat brims brushing against the other man’s foreheads before falling back. The scent of vanilla, the smell of cigarettes. Sangwoo gladly inhaled the scent of Jaeyoung along with it. As he sent his tongue inside, he felt the hand that was touching his back pause.

‘Oh, it must be tender.’

He closed his eyes tightly, unsure of what to do because he had never been so eager to kiss like this before.

“Remember to breathe through your nose.”

Following the second piece of advice he had heard softly, Jaeyoung gently pushed in, their lips meeting and rubbing against each other, Sangwoo’s wet saliva coating the smooth surface of Jaeyoung’s lips as he used his tongue to lightly lick and draw the upper lip alone.

He hoped the other would do something soon. Sangwoo felt impatient, causing him to lower his head instinctively. Jaeyoung hugged Sangwoo’s waist and touched the inside of his mouth, soft and slow, making Sangwoo melt.

His tongue slipped between his teeth. Sangwoo tried to slowly, but it wasn’t very smooth. Before the tips of their tongues could meet, Jaeyoung’s hand slid over, gently caressing his earlobe, causing him involuntary shudder. Then the other side reached around and whispered.

“Breathe.”

As Sangwoo took a breath through his forgotten nose, the other tilted his head and sent his tongue deeper to lick the base of his tongue.

‘Slowly, just touch.’

The sensory nerves used for eating that had awakened throughout the day were different, the feeling swirling in his head, making him tightly hold onto Jaeyoung’s neck, more than this, more than this, closer than this. Jaeyoung was easily overwhelmed by him.

‘And gently.’

Jaeyoung’s tongue slid along the gum line before slipping out, leaving a lingering regret for Sangwoo to use his teeth to lightly bite the slippery edge his lips, a faint sound escaping, held back, the palm of Jaeyoung’s hand cupping Sangwoo’s cheek, he tilted his head at an angle of ninety degrees, changing the angle to rub against the edge his lips.

 

 

Huh, huh…”

This time it wasn’t because he couldn’t breathe, but because of the intense emotions. Sangwoo could only push the other away. Jaeyoung slowly opened his mouth.

“I told you my senses are accurate, maybe I should lay out a blanket for your fortune-telling.”

His face looked slightly flushed in the darkness. Unsure if it was due to emotions or the light.

“I surrender.”

“I’ve already said it’s not a competition.”

“I didn’t lose to you, but rather lost control of my desires.”

“Desires are also a part of you, aren’t they?”

This is not the time for arguments because kissing sucks the soul out of existence. The desire to taste greater happiness clashes with the need to escape to safety, and what is stronger is fear.

“I’ll go now.”

“Okay.”

Jaeyoung bent down and picked up a hat, tilting it onto Sangwoo’s head.

“Sweet dreams Sangwoo-ya.”

“…You too, hyungnim.”

Before feeling more embarrassed than this, Sangwoo quickly turned around and walked towards the building.  return 0;

“Hello.”

[Did you make it home safely?]

“It took less than thirty seconds, how could I not make it? Why did you call?”

[I wanted to hear your voice.]

“Oh, so you like listening to people’s voices.”

[No, I just wanted to hear your voice.]

“…”

[…]

“Hyungnim.”

[Hmm?]

“Why are you so good at it?”

[…]

Have you practiced a lot?”

[…I don’t know, really.]

“If there’s nothing to say, then never mind.”

[No, tell me what happened today.]

“Today? Today I attended the class “Contemporary Culture and Cultural Theory.” I didn’t quite understand much about studying classical literature, but my classmate explained it well and helped a lot…”

[Is it Jihye?]

“Yes. After that, I went to have lunch… We had beef soup, snail noodle salad, glass noodle stir-fry, and yogurt…”

[Did you eat together with Jihye?]

“Yes. Then we went for a walk…”

[With Jihye?]

“Yes. Oh, and this Friday I might be late compared to usual. Just letting you know in advance.”

[Why?]

“I have a dinner appointment.”

[Why?]

“I heard someone wants to talk to me.”

[Sangwoo-ya?]

“Yes.”

[What have we been doing lately?]

“Making games, mostly.”

[Besides that?]

“Hyungnim…  Are you waiting for me?”

[Waiting for what?]

“Do I have to say it?”

[MMmh.]

“To have sex with you.”

[And why do I want to do that with you?]

“I don’t know. That’s a matter for you, Hyungnim.”

[Understood. Can I have Jihye’s number, please?]

“Why do you need it?”

[It’s been a long time since you asked about personal matters.]

I can’t provide my personal information. If I ask again on Friday, and she says it’s okay. I will tell you then.”

[Okay, that’s it. See you at the next meeting.] Sangwoo paused.

“See you tomorrow.”

________________________________________.

[1]     EPL, English, Premier, League.

[2]     NBA, The, National, Basketball, Association.

[3]     Silhouette, Backlit, Turns into a Shadow.

SEMANTIC ERROR VOLUME 3 

 

   SMNTCERR CHAPTERS HOME

SMNTCERR, Chapter 50 <111> #5.

   “I kept your number, Choo… Sang Choo, all right!”

   “Help meme with your real name, please.”

   Yoona ignored those words. Sangwoo brought up the phone’s contact list. When he typed, ‘Virtual Arts Design, Choi Yu,’ he paused. He was confident that the next character couldn’t be ‘Choi’ for sure, but when he called like that frequently, became confused.

   “Please.”

   Jaeyoung, who was looking at the screen together side by side, said meaningfully. When he pressed the save button, the phone disappeared from his hand immediately. It was Jaeyoung who pulled his own number.

   When he saw the name displayed on the screen, he smirked.

   “I didn’t raise my hands, it’s not fair like this. I didn’t successfully catch you back then.”

   “Once I give you a name, I don’t like changing it. Besides, I rarely use my mobile phone anymore… unless I’m searching for something while outside.”

   “There’s 1 and 2 as well.”

   “I deleted them before.”

   Jaeyoung opened the contact list. Then, a few names appeared. Sangwoo didn’t understand why the other party wanted to see his contact list, but since nothing was lost, he let the other party do it.

   [Kim Wonjung, Dongmun High School.

   Kin Chung-ho, Dongmun High School.

   Im Se-won, Dongmun High School.]

   “Are they your neighborhood friends?”

   “Yes.”

   “Were you close?”

   “Do you go out for drinks or play games together?”

   [Sunbae Park Sungjung, Mechanical Engineering.

   Im Minho, Mechanical Engineering.

   Internet cafe manager.

   NonPaddler 3.

   Ru Jihye, French major.]

   “Is this Park Sungjung your senior?”

   “…”

   “Seems like you don’t know him, then delete it.”

   Please go ahead.”

   “Who is Im Min-ho? Can I delete this person too?”

   “Seems like he’s the one who bought a graphics card last semester, but maybe not. Delete it.”

   Jaeyoung seemed to have nothing else to do, so he organized Sangwoo’s contact list. However, the problem was that his deletion standards were too strict. He would delete numbers of people who hadn’t been in contact for more than three months, but he would hesitate to delete those who were not within his scope. For example, Ru Jihye, who currently studied together and would likely need to contact Sangwoo until the end of the semester, but he tried to delete her without considering it.

   When Jaeyoung promised not to delete according to his own preferences, Sangwoo was handed his phone over again. The other party scrolled down before abruptly stopping.

   “What’s this? Who is this?”

   Jaeyoung muttered with a puzzled face. As Sangwoo glanced at the screen, he saw the name, ‘Jeonghan ♥’, even though it was recorded in a strange format. But just as he was about to ask how he got this, Sangwoo felt a slight annoyance and withdrew his hand.

   “That’s enough, you can return the phone now.”

   “I asked who it was.”

   “Give it to me. I know that you, hyung are constantly pulling time because you don’t want to work.”

   “I’m asking who it is.”

   Finally, Jaeyoung spoke up with a serious expression. Sangwoo hugged his chest and stared at the other side. This crazy guy couldn’t keep up the act of being good for more than a few days before revealing his true nature. Jang Jaeyoung should really seek treatment for his inability to control anger as he originally thought.

   “Here.”

   The other party spoke with a frustrated face and tone.

   “I’ve been asking. I asked twice.”

   “Name, Chu Jeongja, Hanja[1] age 55, occupation poet. Are you satisfied or not?”

   Jaeyoung looked at Sangwoo and then glanced at the phone screen, his face unable to express his words. On the other hand, Sangwoo opened his mouth but only managed to let out a laugh. Then he frowned and raised his hand to cover his eyes.

   “Who in this world has a father with that kind of name?”

   When Sangwoo bought his first mobile phone, he saved his father’s phone number under his real name, “Chu Jeonghan.” But when his father saw it, he went on a heavy drinking spree. When he came back, he claimed that his son had acted coldly towards his family. He called everyone in the family to gather and cried for them to see. After that, Sangwoo was scolded and asked to change the name. In the end, the result was something that could be seen as expected.

   “You keep inserting hearts, which leads to misunderstandings.”

   “I didn’t keep inserting them continuously. If I didn’t have a father, maybe

   I wouldn’t have been born.”

   “Jesus the insanity.”

   Just then, Yoona screamed and left the office, the sound of the door closing loudly. Jaeyoung looked through all the contacts, his scrolling hand pausing once again.

   “So, Chu Sanghee is your older sister?”

   “Yes.”

   “Why don’t you insert hearts?”

   “Why should I? Siblings are enemies from birth.”

   Whenever he thought of his older sister, Sangwoo would suddenly become angry. He would rather break his own finger than have to insert a heart after a girl’s name.

   “Your sister must be beautiful. If she looks like you, she must be pretty.”

   “You’re incredibly annoying.”

   “Don’t you have a picture?”

   “I don’t keep pictures of strange animals.”

   Jaeyoung looked through the contacts without saying anything. The last entry was “Hwang Geumrye.”

   “Is that your mother? There’s no heart here either.”

   “She didn’t ask for it.”

   Jaeyoung paused and closed the contact list. Sangwoo reached out his hand, thinking it was time to ask for it back, but the other person opened an album of photos. In the album were a few whiteboard pictures and another folder.

   “Is this the folder…”

   “Give it back, please!”

   Sangwoo lunged at Jaeyoung before the latter could touch the folder. However, no matter what was stored in the computer, it had already been discovered. Seeing the mobile version probably wouldn’t make much difference, but even so, he didn’t want to give the other side a chance to imitate him like this, face to face.

   Hey, what have you been doing, you psycho kid…”

   Jaeyoung reached his hand behind until Sangwoo’s phone was within his reach, so he grabbed the other’s arm and pulled it towards him without caution. Then, the edges of both touched each other as if they were embracing.

   “Where are you touching?”

   Sangwoo froze for a moment before realizing that his hand was resting on the inside of Jaeyoung’s thigh. Although he quickly withdrew his hand, the unashamed smile on the other man’s lips lingered, and Jaeyoung’s tongue appeared briefly, tracing the edges of his lips before disappearing. Sangwoo was greatly defeated by such teasing, and this time was no different. His awakened spirit was stirred up.

   The last time he did the freaky-freaky was nine days ago. Will the edges of his lips still smell like vanilla? The office, the liquor store, the office, Jaeyoung’s car—every piece of information about their fleeting kiss resurfaced in his mind, but memories alone were not enough, just memories…

   Even though Jang Jaeyoung said he would wait, at the same time, the other party was also eager to sleep with Sangwoo once more. However, even though they were in a position where their hips were pressed together, Jaeyoung still had a calm and cool expression, as if he knew about Sangwoo’s desire to run his fingers through his hair and kiss him passionately.

   Sangwoo felt a painful ache, as someone invisible was squeezing his heart. However, Sangwoo was part of a civilization that had evolved far beyond that. Once trembling with physical desire and immersed in carnal pleasure, he had managed to suppress the flames of desire. For educated people, sexual stimulation was just something to be controlled. If left unchecked, they wouldn’t be different from those deprived individuals.

   Sang closed his mouth tightly, stretched out his arm to swing the mobile phone that had been hanging in the air back and forth, and immediately turned around to protect the dignity of his civilization. Then he heard a faint whisper.

   “What a pity.”

   Since he couldn’t stand being in the office any longer… Sangwoo unplugged the notebook and neatly stored it in his bag.

   “You’re really good at enduring.”

   “I’ve always been like this.”

   “Useless.”

   “Is this praiseworthy or condemnable?”

   “Condemnable.”

   He doesn’t care about those words, it’s time to go home.

   return 0;.

   The more complete the graphics of <Veggie Venturer> the more the image drawn by Jaeyoung on his arm fades. Even though he didn’t intentionally rub the soap on his left arm, after two days, the details of the picture disappeared. As the line of the pen softened, the tension in the office gradually intensified.

   He heard that Jaeyoung would wait, he heard that it was up to him, and he thought he could focus on his work, but it seemed like an excessive thought. Although Jaeyoung didn’t force anything as promised, he still stimulated Sangwoo, so there were more frustrating situations every day, and at that point, Sangwoo was also at fault.

   ‘You have dry lips. Do you apply lip balm?’

   Although he knew that the shedding of skin cells was natural, Sangwoo couldn’t say it out loud.

   ‘Yes, it’s necessary.’

   When he regained his composure, Jaeyoung moved his chair closer until their knees touched. There was a chance that just asking for lip balm would be enough, but Sangwoo’s unreasonable expectations hindered him.

   When he sat still, Jaeyoung opened a white stick-shaped product and held a pen. Normally, Sangwoo never wore lip balm, and the left hand of the other party naturally touched his chin and held Sangwoo’s face before slowly extending the lip balm to the edge of his lips, along with a direct gaze.

   There were many times when he felt that Jang Jaeyoung’s face was special, like when he invited him to watch a movie at the library or when he gave him a seat belt in the car, and today was no exception. Jaeyoung made him feel threatened like someone holding a sharp weapon rather than makeup.

   In his mind, there were endless questions, such as whether the touch on the edge of his lips was really lip balm. If so, why did it move so slowly and gently? Why did his heart beat so fast? Why was the office so hot?

   ‘Why are you closing your eyes?’

   Jaeyoung left with a chuckle and returned to his place, while Sangwoo hurriedly went to wash his face with cold water in the bathroom. The faint scent vanilla remained on the edge of his lips, a scent he knew before applying it himself. He wanted to erase that smell, but at the same time, he wanted to keep it. This conflicting feeling prevented him from returning to his workspace for a long time.

   …

   The next day, Sangwoo entered the office with anxiety about what would happen today. He examined Jaeyoung’s desk for unexpected factors, such as lip balm, but there was only normal trash like cola cans, nothing that caught his eye.

   “I’m here now.”

   Jaeyoung was frowning and looking at the computer screen.

   “Are you here? Dinner is ready.”

   “I’ve eaten.”

   The general conversation came to a halt, and today Jaeyoung was unusually quiet. After testing the prototype yesterday, he mentioned that he wasn’t satisfied with something and would fix it, whether it’s the UI, something new, or if that issue will remain unresolved. Jaeyoung fidgeted with the mouse, his expression dissatisfied. Meanwhile, Sangwoo picked up his notebook and mouse and placed them on the empty desk. Then he sat down and stared at the ceiling while waiting for the boot-up process.

   Normally, Jaeyoung would have to make small talk before settling into silence. Sangwoo started up an engine game and resumed working on the tasks he left unfinished yesterday after several days of intense work. Finally, he brought up the images for display and added the finishing touches to the animations. After fixing the collision of objects, he thought about dealing with server issues and performance optimization.

   After working for about five minutes, Sangwoo’s gaze shifted to the adjacent seat. Even though he pulled his gaze back to the computer screen, his head automatically turned in that direction.

   Why don’t we have a constant connection like this? Where is the person who feeds me wonton noodles, who wastes hours drawing on my arm, who applies lip balm for? And why do they still bother me with pointless things on weekends? And why today?

   “Are you not doing anything today?”

   He asked out loud. Then the side of his face that had been locked onto the computer screen showed a slight wrinkle, as if that’s what he wanted to see. Sangwoo felt a strange sense of satisfaction. At the same time, a mischievous smile appeared on the corner of his lips. Jaeyoung tapped the table with his fingertips in response.

   “What kind of answer do you want? The sincere version or the planned version?”

   “The sincere version, please.”

   “Today, I felt like taking a chance and waiting to see.”

   That answer didn’t really address Sangwoo’s question, but it was true that Jaeyoung had only started speaking up two days ago. So, Sangwoo wasn’t surprised.

   “Come on, tell me the planned version.”

   Jaeyoung tried to suppress a laugh before quickly erasing the smirk from his face and looked at Sangwoo. The disappearing smirk seemed more unbelievable than a magic show at a university festival.. Jaeyoung took a soft breath and lightly tapped his forehead with his fingertip.

   “The work that can’t be fixed as desired, it’s frustrating. I guess I’ll have to go out and have fun with you.”

   ‘Look at that crazy guy.’

   Thinking that saying that would make him easily go out and have fun, but there’s a lot of work to be done. Sangwoo turned his attention back to the notebook.

   Sangwoo laughed at the fluidity of the other party’s conversation. The brief conversation with Jaeyoung made him feel refreshed and brighter.

   “I will focus on work now. You can stop talking to me”

   “Oh, okay…”

   Jaeyoung followed what was said, he only held the mouse and keyboard with a serious expression, as if Sangwoo wasn’t in the office. Under this slight tension, the flexibility in work speed increased. His left eye glanced at the right hand pressing the keyboard, sometimes the sound of typing caught his attention, but the light fluttering heartbeat helped him concentrate more. That was the only advantage Jaeyoung gave to Sangwoo, which was actually a good efficiency.

   ________________________________________.

   [1] Chu Jeongja, Hanja. When introducing the names of parents to someone older than us but younger than our parents, we add the word ‘Ja’ “자/字” after each syllable of the name “no need to add it after the surname”. This is done to show respect. In this case, Sangwoo’s father’s name is Choo Jeonghan. When Sangwoo had to tell Jaeyoung his father’s name, he said, “Chu Jeongja Hanja.”

      SMNTCERR CHAPTERS HOME

SMNTCERR, Chapter 49 <111> #4.

“Do you want more to eat?”

“…Sure.”

Jaeyoung fed the remaining portion into Sangwoo’s mouth with an indifferent expression. Sangwoo chewed on the dumpling stuffed in his mouth. Whether it was because he ate too much or because the dumpling was hot, he felt the surrounding atmosphere becoming warmer.

“Why is it so hot today?”

“That’s just how it is.”

Jaeyoung placed the tray down and took off his hat, placing it on the table. With both hands, he grabbed the collar of his sweatshirt and pulled out in one motion, revealing the white T-shirt underneath that hugged his belly, making Sangwoo forget how to breathe. That belly, there were visible muscles occupying the space.

Jaeyoung tossed his own shirt onto the folding bed and put on the hat again. His bare arms, unseen at first, drew attention, and Sangwoo carefully observed the muscles and veins on Jaeyoung’s arms, some which were hidden beneath the sleeves. Although he didn’t want to think about what he did to those arms on the car that night, he couldn’t stop himself from doing so.

Suddenly, Jaeyoung turned to meet the gaze. Startled, Sangwoo quickly looked back at the computer screen that hadn’t booted up yet and pretended to adjust the mouse that he hadn’t lifted.

“This is the first time you have seen this.”

Jaeyoung lifted his shirt sleeve, revealing a strange tattoo9467.

“I saw it before.”

“When? Oh…”

A brief silence ensued. Sangwoo took out a water bottle from his backpack and poured it down his throat. After drinking it all, he used the back of his hand to wipe away the water dripping from the corners of his mouth. It was at that moment that Jaeyoung spoke up.

“You must have seen it when we were close together in the car.”

Luckily, he had finished drinking water, or else he would have sprayed out for sure. When Jaeyoung mused, “That day was really good.” Sangwoo felt that they should change the topic seriously.

“Why did you get a tattoo?”

“Why? Is it like a gangster?”

“Just a little bit.”

“It’s a signature design from a few years ago. You can think of it as a drawing.”

“Why did you draw on the skin?”

Because I wanted to draw?”

Jaeyoung was busy eating rice. Sangwoo sat on a chair and looked at the signature imprinted on. Jaeyoung’s arm. He used to think that tattoos were only for delinquents, but maybe because it was on the other side, it didn’t look that bad. Upon closer inspection, it looked like a bird, like an unfamiliar country’s letter, like a falling star, and like flickering flames.  Sangwoo felt that the drawing resembled Jaeyoung in a way that he could never know his true identity.

“It’s quite impressive.”

“I’ve never seen anything like that before.”

“If you are surprised by something like that, I’ll draw something on your arm too.”

Sangwoo hesitated at first, feeling resistant, but then his curiosity and desire to see something new surged up. If he had a drawing on his arm, how would it make the other person feel? While Sangwoo was contemplating, Jaeyoung finished dealing with the app and tossed the paper cup aside, then turned on his computer.

“Do you have a preferred shape?”

Sangwoo was lost in his contemplation and absentmindedly looked at the side of Mr.eyoung’s face. Jaeyoung seemed to sense that gaze and spoke confidently.

“Can’t be me, and nothing else. Drawing a tattoo doesn’t make a person beautiful.”

“Are you crazy?”

If he didn’t speak up, horns would sprout his mouth. Sangwoo made a frustrated sound, pondering how to dispel the misunderstanding that tarnished his reputation. He didn’t take long to come up with an idea because there were only a few things he liked so much that wanted to draw them on his arm.

“Draw a backhoe truck, please.”

“Okay.”

Jaeyoung turned on his computer screen and opened a web browser to search for images. Sangwoo moved closer to him to participate.

“I prefer a wheel type. Not a trackball.”

“What is a trackball?”

“I’m looking at this one. It’s a spider wheel. I don’t want the belt-driven type, I want a wheel type. A wheel.”

Jaeyoung only clicked on unrelated pictures. Sangwoo was getting frustrated that the other party didn’t understand what he was saying.

“That one is a small joystick. Wait, I told you it’s a small joystick.”

But I think this one is the most beautiful.”

 

 

 

“It doesn’t have to be 0.8 tons to be able to move something. Damn it…

You don’t know anything.”

“You can stop with the teasing now. You do it yourself.”

As Jaeyoung handed over the mouse, Sangwoo had already found his favorite model and opened it on the screen. Jaeyoung stared at the computer screen for a minute. Then he opened the drawer and took out two or three thick-barreled pens, different from the regular pens sold in the market.

“Where should I draw?”

He spoke while still looking at the screen. Sangwoo thought about the point where he could make a mistake, but it didn’t bother him in his daily life, and he didn’t reveal it to the outside world. Then he extended his left arm.

“Above the elbow.”

Jaeyoung turned the chair and brought a pen close. He grabbed Sangwoo’s wrist, unbuttoned the cuff, folded it up to the shoulder, and brought his left arm close to Sangwoo’s arm, using his palm to gently touch the soft flesh under the forearm.

Maybe because of the hot weather, the other party’s skin was also warm, and he felt a tingling sensation as if there were insects crawling on his skin. Although Sangwoo was uncomfortable, once he allowed it, he could only sit still.

“Let’s start.”

“…Okay.”

Jaeyoung blinked and used his teeth to pull off the pen cap. Although there was nothing, his posture looked provocative. He used his other hand to pick up the capless pen and placed it on the table. Then he moved the chair closer, firmly held Sangwoo’s arm, and started drawing with the thickbarreled pen.

 

The sound of the pen moving smoothly on the skin became louder, straight lines, straight lines, straight lines. Then curves, gripping the pen tip up. Then tilting down, the thickness of the line changed every time the posture changed. Moreover, every time Jaeyoung tilted his head, the perspective of the face he saw was different. Sometimes he saw the bridge of the nose under the brim of the hat, sometimes he saw the eyes focused on the drawing, because Jaeyoung was focused on drawing. Sangwoo could secretly look at him, opportunities like this didn’t come often.

“In the first class of ‘Embedded System’, do you use this pen to write on your hair?”

Mr.eyoung made the line disappear.

…I guess so.”

He said he was tracing the connecting line.

“Suddenly asked why?.”

“I’m thinking it probably won’t erase easily. That day, I erased it until I was tired.”

“I intended to draw this size, so it would be easy to erase. But it didn’t work.”

Then Jaeyoung continued drawing the wheel quietly. Sangwoo thought that the person who was so close and drew the picture he liked the most on his body was none other than Jang Jaeyoung, he couldn’t help but feel that way. Here. Jang Jaeyoung + a backhoe. His heart couldn’t be normal anymore. Luckily, he was in a state of complete consciousness. If he were intoxicated to the point where he lacked inhibitions, he might cling to the other side without caring about the rules.

Sangwoo quietly enjoyed the mixed feelings of joy, excitement, anxiety, and desire. When he felt that way for the first time, he didn’t know what to do, but now that he has experienced that feeling several times, it no longer feels strange to him.

Apart from the sound of the pen, the drawing appeared in the midst of perfect silence. Jaeyoung started drawing from the wheel, up to the body of the car, and ended at the robotic arm. Sangwoo felt excited by the appearance of the large machinery slowly emerging on his arm.

“Hyungnim.”

“Why?”

“You are like a wizard, aren’t you?”

The corner of Jaeyoung’s lips drew a curve. He wanted to look into the other person’s eyes, but the brim of the cap blocked his view. Sangwoo hated baseball caps, even Major League Baseball teams.

“Take off the cap, please.”

“Why?”

“I won’t tell you.”

Huh, Jaeyoung’s shoulder trembled, causing the sketch he was drawing to twist. Sang screamed in his heart, and at that moment, the other person used the wide end of the pen to cover the messed up part and started drawing again underneath it.

After a while, Jaeyoung spoke up.

“No, you also have to suffer.”

‘Say something?’

Sangwoo shut his mouth and looked up.

“If it bothers you, just say directly that it bothers you.”

Jaeyoung just laughed and continued drawing without saying anything.

return 0;

The next day, it had been a long time since Sangwoo lived peacefully like this. Although he and the designer disagreed on the issue of releasing it for free play[1] it wasn’t a heated argument.

At 20:43, Yoona said she would order pizza because she would stay up late tonight and asked for opinions on what type of food they wanted.

Jaeyoung hesitated and said he wouldn’t eat unless it was a specific brand. Despite not being the one paying, Yoona scolded him for being picky but still ordered pizza from the mentioned restaurant.

“Hello… another three minutes? Okay then!… The pizza has arrived. Chu-

Sangwoo, go downstairs and get it.”

Yoona spoke after receiving a phone call from the pizza delivery person.

Sangwoo stared at the card the girl handed him silently.

“Why do I have to?”

“Because you’re the youngest.”

“Where are the younger ones here?”

“Don’t be annoying. In situations like this, it’s the duty of the youngest person.”

“Just because you’re younger doesn’t mean you’re less tired that your time is less valuable.”

“Enough, let’s just finish this!”

The idea that a young person had to take charge of everything was an illogical and unsuccessful way of thinking. He thought of his sister’s anxious face, calling him urgently to help turn on the lights before Sangwoo made a decision to fight Yoona. Jaeyoung walked past them.

“Where are you going?”

“To smoke.”

“Then bring the pizza with you, here’s the card.”

Yo handed over her credit card, but Jaeyoung walked to the door without stopping to take it. He left a final sentence before leaving the room.

“I’ll pay. Don’t order from Sangwoo like that next time.”

“What?”

Yoona asked back in confusion, but Jaeyoung had already left. Yoona sighed and guessed that it wasn’t a big deal after all. She thought about the illusion that Jaeyoung created, which made her appear to be a bad person.

“It seems like he’s pretending to be a good person because of work with the boss, but don’t be fooled, you know.”

I know. I’ve encountered it many times.”

“Sangwoo-ya~. Sangwoo ya~, hey… What is it? Anyone can tell that it’s fake…”

Just as Yoona was about to speak, she closed her mouth, her face turned angry and then changed to sadness. She remained silent for a while.

“I’ll go smoke a cigarette. Be right back.”

Then the young woman left the office. Sangwoo didn’t care, he saved his work and cleared the desk, removing the trash from Jaeyoung’s table. He then went to wash his hands in the bathroom, but when he returned to the room, Jaeyoung and Yoona hadn’t come back yet. It had been thirteen minutes since the pizza was supposed to be delivered. Well, fifteen minutes had passed.

He sat there floating, waiting for another two minutes. The door opened, and Yoona walked in and sat at her own desk. Jaeyoung came in holding a large pizza box along with a cola. He placed it on Sangwoo’s table. As he opened the box, he took out a slice of pizza and handed it over.

AlthoughSangwoo was suspicious of the unnecessary kindness, he accepted the slice of pizza and started biting from the tip. The pizza was still warm.

Jaeyoung picked up another slice and put it in his own mouth, while Yoona pulled a chair to their table.

“Why don’t you give me some?”

“Don’t you have hands or feet?”

“I don’t want to talk…”

The young woman forcefully pulled out a piece of pizza and stuffed it into her mouth, half a piece at once. They ate without saying anything for a while. After they had each eaten two or three pieces, Yoona suddenly spoke to Sangwoo.

“Hey, can I have your number?”

The phone screen that was handed to her had cracked lines like spiderwebs, and it was covered with a shiny orange jelly case that was quite shocking.

“What do you need it for?”

“Just wanted it. Maybe we’ll have something to contact each other about since we work in the same office, right?”

‘Probably not.’

Sangwoo understood the difference in her mind but still unlocked his phone and gave her his number.

Then Yoona made a call for about five seconds and hung up.

________________________________________.

[1] Play for free, or F2P. The term used to refer to games or applications that allow users to play or use the service for free without having to pay money.

 

   SMNTCERR CHAPTERS HOME

SMNTCERR, Chapter 48: <111> #3.

“Then how many seconds should we change it to?”

“Don’t worry about time, make it bigger for a bit and then smaller.”

“What size… 110%. Is that okay?”

“Don’t think about numbers, go with your gut feeling.”

Without realizing it, Jaeyoung placed his hand on the back of Sangwoo’s hand holding the mouse. Jaeyoung was focused on the computer screen.

Sangwoo missed the timing to withdraw his hand.

‘Uh… ah, huh?’

In the midst of confusion and fluster, Jaeyoung held onto his hand and clicked the mouse, moving it nonchalantly to adjust the timeline and resize the image.

“How’s the preview?”

Upon hearing that, Sangwoo regained his composure, pulled his hand away, and pressed a shortcut key. Then the result of Jaeyoung’s actions appeared in a new window. The same duration as before, but with added effects that made it more lively. Sangwoo stared at the computer screen.

“Chu Sangwoo.”

“Yes.”

“This is not a competition. Remember that we’re working together. Who do you think is  better at graphics, is it you or I?”

“You hyung.”

“So who should be the leader?”

“You hyung… .”

Jaeyoung remained silent for a moment. When Sangwoo turned to look, he found a pair of eyes staring at him. Then suddenly, Jaeyoung spoke out loud.

“Choi Yoona!”

Yoona continued to nod her head and work as usual. Once he was sure that no one was eavesdropping, Jaeyoung lowered his voice and continued speaking.

“Human relationships are the same. They don’t happen on one side alone. It’s about coming to an agreement together. Can one person make decisions and cancel them?”

Suddenly, the topic of conversation changed. It seemed that Jaeyoung was no longer interested in looking at the computer screen. Sangwoo faced the piercing gaze of the other party.

“No.”

“Did you do something wrong?”

“I don’t know.”

“What you said about stopping, I can’t accept it. Let me explain the reasons to you again and listen carefully.”

Jaeyoung spoke without averting or blinking his eyes.

“You said you were upset because you were beside me and had feelings, right? You probably don’t know. Normally, in times like that, we should get closer to each other to fulfill our desires. This is a proven method. We haven’t done enough to make a decision that it has failed. You rushed to a conclusion too quickly.”

“I’ve tried my best.”

“I think the main reason you wanted to stop suddenly is because of the video clip. You haven’t searched enough.”

“Not… not enough?”

“Yes, there are only two of us. Why did you watch the videos for three people or eight people? And who would have a horse rocking with a vibrator at home? If one does that, then maybe they would end up at the hospital every time, right? Tell me honestly, did you download the entire chart?”

“…I think high download counts can guarantee the usefulness of the data.”

“The pornography industry is based on people’s imagination. Did you overlook that? I have no idea how you’re different from those ancient guys who believed that playing games, FPS[1] would turn them into murderers.”

“Hyung, aren’t you speaking a bit too harshly?”

“Well, it’s wrong from the conditions, you know. In our relationship, there are only two people involved, just you and me. No one else has a way to interfere. And I don’t want to be hit, nor do I want to hit you. That’s not right, it’s not correct, understand?”

The reasoned criticism made Sangwoo unable to speak, as Jaeyoung said. It seems that he didn’t consider the specific nature of the information he was unfamiliar with, but even so…

“Let’s just say the data I saw was heavily distorted, but I didn’t study it solely from the video. In most of the text I read, it mostly stated the insertion of sexual organs into the rectum directly…”

“Stop teaching biology for now.”

Jaeyoung shouted ‘Choi Yoona!’ again to check if she was still paying attention to the song. Then he leaned down slightly and whispered something.

“Sangwooya.”

“…”

“When we agreed to have sex, yours… mine… rectum… damn it… and let’s just say it’s not necessary, please, remember that we’re just two people together. If one person enters… the other doesn’t have to do anything.”

“Really? You don’t have to do it equally.”

“It’s not a punishment at all. If you don’t want to be on the receiving end, just be the opposite, well… From what I’ve heard and seen, the one on the receiving end also feels very good, so this should alleviate the desire, right?”

“Did you hear that? What if you’ve tried it before?”

Jaeyoung’s face became complicated beyond description, and he glanced at Sangwoo.

“What do you think? Try using your imagination a bit.”

Sangwoo’s two sides of the brain worked quickly. Jang Jaeyoung clearly stated that he had slept with men before, and sexual intercourse between men has something to do with the prostate. Jang Jaeyoung said he didn’t feel that. Therefore, there are two conclusions. If it’s not because of the lack of expertise that makes you feel nothing, then it must be because…

“Um… so hyung, you…”

Sangwoo automatically bent his left finger into a circle. Then he inserted his right index finger into the empty space of that circular shape. Jaeyoung looked at Sangwoo making hand gestures and just laughed, which seems to be true from the fact that he didn’t deny it.

“So… what about me?”

Sangwoo continued to observe his left hand in a posed position, okay, before stopping imagining things he had never tried.

“Keep that in mind for later, my dear… whether to tie me up like in the clip, or… well, let’s say we don’t need those devices, I won’t use force on you either, I promise.”

Jaeyoung hurriedly spoke without pausing for breath, “Phew.” he raised his face and continued speaking without giving Sangwoo a chance to respond.

“And I will propose the next option, so listen carefully.”

“An option? What is it?”

Jaeyoung paused and changed his sitting position. He rested his elbows on his knees, and his hands searched each other. The image resembled a composition on the cover of an action adventure game.

“I haven’t changed anything, I still want to hold your hand, kiss you, and have sex with you just like before.”

Jaeyoung spoke casually as if it were a normal topic, like wanting to eat pizza, fried chicken, and naengmyeon [2].

“It seems like your mind is more complex and chaotic than mine, so I’ll wait.”

“What do you mean?”

“It means taking things slowly, not forcing anything from you. If you don’t willingly offer, then I won’t do anything.”

“Really? If during that time, I don’t feel like doing it anymore, can I stop in the middle?”

“If you don’t want to, then what can I do? Should I insist on doing something?”

Sangwoo paused, he often worried when faced with Jaeyoung. What would the other party say? Would they do something beyond reason? Would they confuse him? But today was only today, different from before.

“This isn’t a competition, don’t forget that it’s teamwork.”

Three days ago, the other party still stubbornly said that they wanted to stop everything. Now, Jaeyoung didn’t know what inspired him, but that day he looked truly shaken. However, today he spoke in a way that was understood and seemed calm.

Jaeyoung remained silent for a moment before reluctantly getting up from his seat.

“Alright, I acknowledge that. Then I’ll go take a break, you can continue working here.”

“…”

“If you want kisses, wake me up first, then we can do it.”

“I won’t do it. No!”

The other party smiled with their eyes and walked past Sangwoo. Sangwoo looked at the back of Jaeyoung lying on the folding bed before grabbing his belongings in the office and turning off the lights. Then Yoona took off her headphones angrily.

return 0;.

Just when he thought the project had collapsed, it revived and progressed smoother than before, after completing the basic restructure about a week ago. Jaeyoung began to actively participate in animation production. Although initially it was difficult to adjust to the other party who evaluated results with phrases like ‘a little bit more’ ‘too much’ and ‘just enough’ Sangwoo learned techniques through trial and error.

For example, if he heard the phrase “a bit bigger.” he would scale it up to 109%. If he heard “too small.” he would adjust it to 134%, and so on. Then he kept a mental manual and listened to detailed feedback from Jaeyoung, adjusting accordingly.

On Friday, Sangwoo arrived at the office at 6:31 PM. He worked on the assigned tasks under the guidance of the designer, fixing all the basic movements of the character and changing the animation when using weapons.. When Yoona saw it, she said that one of the characters looked like Sangwoo. Even though another character resembled Jaeyoung more, she couldn’t tell. Sangwoo thought that as a designer, his vision was sharp, but the other party’s vision was not.

At 9:03 PM, the three of them ordered fried chicken and wasted time on meaningless conversations, so they didn’t work after that. While leaving the office at 10:00 PM, Sangwoo realized that Jaeyoung hadn’t touched him except when he sent the chicken legs.

There were no meetings on the weekend, both on Saturday and Sunday when he returned home after part-time work. Jaeyoung would call at 10:01 PM. On Saturday, he asked about the storage capacity, and on Sunday, he inquired about the differences in the designs. Sangwoo answered in detail with admiration for Jaeyoung’s efforts to improve the game. On both days, Jaeyoung didn’t hang up immediately.

‘By the way, where were you born?’

It’s unknown why the other party asked such questions. When he answered that he was born in Daejeon City, the end of the line asked where he grew up and which school he attended. He replied that he was born and raised in Daejeon City, with a brief moment in Dongmun District until the age of nineteen. He graduated from middle school at Kwonmoon Middle School and high school at Dongmun High School. Then, the end of the line asked about his shoe size and the cost of his glasses. He answered that his shoe size was 270, and the cost of his glasses was 1.0 for both eyes. The other party complained sadly that he wore shoes in sizes 270 and 275, and his vision was 0.7, causing blurriness whether he wore glasses or not.

After hanging up, he was surprised by the duration of the call, which lasted 29 minutes one day and 34 minutes another day. Even though they didn’t talk much, it was strange that he spent such a long time on the phone.

On Monday, in the first week of May, Sangwoo went to class and went to the library to read books. After dinner, he went to the office and met Yoona as she opened the door. Until recently, she had to wear animal fur, but now the other party was wearing a sleeveless shirt.

“Oh, Chu Sangwoo, hi.”

“Hello.”

“I’m about to go out and find something to eat. Do you want to come along?”

“No, thank you.”

Sangwoo walked past the girl into the office. Inside, it was so hot that he understood why Yoona dressed as if it were summer. Sangwoo took off his jacket and hung it on the chair, then walked to the window. When he fully opened the window, his body encountered warm air, and it seemed like the air was unreasonably hot without his awareness.

At that moment, the door opened halfway. Sangwoo turned around and locked eyes with Jaeyoung, who was holding a white plastic bag. He was wearing a blue baseball cap on his head and bright knee-length jeans, which were dazzling.

“So you’re here.”

“Yes.”

“Why is it so hot today?”

Jaeyoung walked briskly and placed his bag on the table, while Sangwoo looked outside again.

“In the true month of May, but it feels like summer[3.]”

“Because using fossil fuels carelessly accelerates the greenhouse effect, you know.”

“Still eating.”

“Yes.”

There was a loud crackling sound from the back as the plastic bag was rustling. Sangwoo followed his gaze to the illuminated university landscape before returning to his seat. Jaeyoung was stirring something in a paper cup.

Although he didn’t ask, the other party mentioned that it was almond milk. Then he took out a foam box from the bag. When he removed the

rubber band, six large dumplings were revealed.

“Why is there only you left?”

“Jaeyoung went out for a stroll.”

“Then we’ll be together. That’s nice.”

Jaeyoung said something with a spoonful of plastic in his mouth. Sang didn’t know how to respond, so he turned his face away, feeling as if the words had hit him suddenly, and his throat went dry. Sangwoo picked up a notebook from his backpack and placed it on the table, then stared at the black screen as if trying to penetrate it.

“Sangwoo.”

The other party just called him as usual, but he didn’t know why he felt so embarrassed. Sangwoo struggled to respond.

“Yes.”

“Eat the dumplings, I bought them from a famous shop.”

That was an order, not an invitation. When he turned to look to the side, Jaeyoung had already used chopsticks to pick up a large dumpling. The edges of the dumpling were soaked in soy sauce.

“Put it down. I’ll eat it later.”

“Hurry up. My arm hurts.”

The dumpling moved closer to the point of almost touching his face… Sangwoo couldn’t help but open his mouth. As he bit into the large dumpling, Jaeyoung took the remaining half of the dumpling and dipped it in soy sauce before stuffing it into his mouth.

“I’ve already eaten that.”

“Why should I care? We’ve already kissed.”

Each word from the other party today disturbed him strangely, and it was difficult to argue logically that if he was worried about infection, he should have been worried since they exchanged saliva before this.

________________________________________.

[1]       FPS “first-person shooter.” Or, a first-person perspective shooting game, a type of game that revolves around firearms and attacks using weapons through a first-person perspective, meaning players experience the action through the eyes of the selected character.

[2]       Naengmyeon, Korean cold buckwheat noodles.

[3]       “The true month of May, but feels like summer.” The month of May in Korea is still within the spring season.

 

   SMNTCERR CHAPTERS HOME

SMNTCERR, Chapter 47 <111> #2.

   The next day, Sangwoo’s daily life was the same as yesterday. No matter how he tried to study programming, it didn’t sink in. When he tried to read ahead to prepare for future lessons, there was no motivation.

   ‘Just one day off won’t hurt.’

   Midterm exams were over, and he had no classes. On top of that, he encountered something shocking. He had the right to take a break, just like a tired person, a person with a long back, a lazy person like Jang Jaeyoung.

   But it’s harder than he thought. If he doesn’t play games or take a nap during the day, time doesn’t go by. Sangwoo doesn’t know how to be lazy, at his mother’s house there are plenty of toys to play with to kill time, but when he goes out alone with his focus on studying, he never takes those things with him.

   He walks around in a small room looking for something to do, and in the end, he wastes time moving furniture that is already clean, cleaning the bathroom, doing laundry, and going out to buy things to fill the shelves.

   Even though he pretends like it’s nothing, the stress still weighs heavily on his emotions like walking on thin ice. It’s not much during the day, but the closer it gets to midnight, the worse it becomes. Sangwoo analyzes Jaeyoung’s behavior and speculates wildly.

   [1.) Jaeyoung thinks about continuing the inappropriate relationship.

2.)         Jaeyoung gives up on the idea of continuing the inappropriate relationship but wants to create a new game.

3.)         Jaeyoung just sent the file he had previously prepared.]

   Generally, he thinks that option two is the most likely, but it contradicts what was said before. The other party always does something beyond Sangwoo’s expectations, making it difficult to speculate on what he is thinking.

   ‘Let’s see how today turns out, then I’ll probably know.’

   Sangwoo refreshes his email inbox and waits until midnight. Five minutes before the deadline, he gets ready and walks back and forth in the room before sitting in front of the computer. At that moment, the mobile phone on the table lights up, and both of Sangwoo’s hands grab the communication device and bring it to his face instantly.

   [NonPaddler 3: Before the deadline, 5 minutes left_23:55.]

   [NonPaddler 3: Memory alert – create a prototype [1]_23:55.]

   Sangwoo looks at the message with an indescribable expression. He never thought there would be a day when Jaeyoung would warn him about the deadline.

   ‘I wonder what he is going to do.’

   Although Jaeyoung is a strange person, this is too strange. No matter how hard he tries, he can’t understand the other party, and he can’t predict anything, like a difficult problem that Sangwoo cannot solve no matter how hard he tries. And at that moment, it’s midnight.

   When he refreshes his email inbox, there are emails just like yesterday.

   The sender is ‘Jae. J’, and the subject of the email is today’s schedule and all the postponed tasks. As he was about to click and open the email, Sangwoo’s gaze shifted to the bright phone screen. There was an incoming call.

   When he saw who was calling, he reached out and grabbed the phone to answer the call immediately, without having time to consider if it was appropriate or not. His body responded before he could think. Sangwoo opened his eyes wide and held the phone like that for a moment. It was strange whether he answered without saying, “Hello.” or held the line without saying anything. Sangwoo slowly raised the phone to his ear.

   [Hello.]

   The sudden greeting almost made him drop the phone. Sangwoo held the phone tightly, pursed his lips several times before reluctantly letting out a voice.

   “What’s up?”

   [It’s time, but I haven’t heard from you.]

   “I’ve prepared the prototype, but since there’s no meeting, I didn’t bother showing it.”

   [That’s great. I thought you wouldn’t do it again.]

   “I’m not your hyung.”

   Then the words stopped. Sangwoo wondered about the faint interference that followed the line. How would Jaeyoung, who was also holding his phone, look like, what posture he was in, what type of pajamas he wore, whether he wore glasses or not, and felt strange thinking such things.

   [Have the past two days been good?]

   “There’s no reason not to be comfortable.”

   [Why, maybe you are not comfortable.]

   “Well, I’m comfortable.”

   [Alright then.]

   The conversation ended again, speaking, speaking, speaking without substance, wasting radio waves meaninglessly, but now isn’t the time for endless talking, they have a problem to solve between them.

   “Jaeyoung-hyung.”

   He called the other party again, but there was no response.

   “Why did you send the file? What happened yesterday made our relationship worse to the point where I thought of canceling the event again.”

   Jaeyoung remained silent for a moment, pretending to cough as if asking whether it was such a difficult question. Sangwoo tightly gripped the phone in his hand, which was damp with sweat.

   [Maybe I should find a way to earn money for further studies.]

   The answer that came back was beyond expectations. Jaeyoung was like a cloud that couldn’t be grasped, like snow melting when trying to reach out and touch it. Sangwoo felt slightly annoyed.

   “I wanted to do that too, but you said that working with me was suffocating and that you couldn’t separate work from desire. Isn’t that right?”

   [What else, I’m talking about something like that…]

   “‘Listen carefully, I’ve already told you that even if you’re a man, I don’t care. Choose whether to start with me or to end everything, whether it’s the game or anything else. And we don’t have to meet again, there’s no middle ground’ hyung you said it like this.”

   [Are you crazy? Why do you remember things like that?]

   “If it’s about you, hyung, I remember all of that.”

   The longest-lasting silence swallowed the radio waves, waiting is really difficult for Sangwoo. He doesn’t want to get involved in meaningless matters, like the idiom, ‘pouring water into a cracked cup [2],’ which he hates. If Jaeyoung clearly states that he will withdraw from the project, he thinks he will find someone else.

   [I don’t intend to stop.]

   After a moment, Jaeyoung spoke softly, making Sangwoo’s hand holding the phone tense up. The communication tool that was already intimate with his ear was pressed even tighter than before.

   [Well then, I’ll continue.]

   Well then, ‘I’ll continue,’ is it? That’s a strange use of words.

   [There are three main reasons: First, a lot of work has been done. It would be regrettable to cancel it now, and the results should turn out well.]

   “I agree.”

   [Second, you said you wanted to make a good portfolio, right? If I can help you achieve that, I’d like to do my best.]

   Those words made his heart beat like a drum, regardless of whether Sangwoo knows how his own heart feels. Jaeyoung continues to speak as if nothing has happened.

   [And the third point…]

   Then he fell silent and refused to speak any further.

   [I want to tell you this next point.]

   “Okay, then. If that’s the case.”

   [What about you? Will you continue?]

   “I thought you were going to stop for sure. But if you say you’ll finish it, I have no reason not to do it.” [Okay. Then sleep well. And…] Jaeyoung trailed off.

   [See you at the meeting tomorrow.]

   The call was cut off before Sangwoo could say anything.

   The conversation lasted for twenty-one minutes. This was the first time he had talked on the phone with someone for so long. Sangwoo’s cheeks were as hot as the temperature of the phone screen. He turned off the light and walked to the bed, like a zombie before falling down.  return 0;

   “Chu Sangchu, it’s been a long time since we last met.”

   “The last time we met was less than a week ago.”

   “He used to come every day.”

   Sangwoo entered the office room while listening to Yoona’s nonsensical words. Although Sangwoo had entered, Jaeyoung, who was sitting with his back turned, didn’t even pretend to notice. Sangwoo took out his bag from the adjacent seat and sat down on the chair.

   “I’m here, senior.”

   At that moment, Jaeyoung finally used his foot to turn the chair around.  Even though the other party was acting cool, he could still tell that the face he hadn’t seen in a while looked tired and it was difficult to pinpoint where the problem was, but it seemed like things weren’t going well.

   “Is there something bothering you?”

   “He has been busy with work for the past two days.”

   Yoona spoke as if she was Jaeyoung’s spokesperson. Sangwoo felt his face turning red. At the same time, he raised his hand and covered his eyes.

   ‘You fool, who told you to work all night.’

   Even though he had given up looking for a cause, he didn’t know why he was acting like this all of a sudden. Sangwoo didn’t feel any better. At the same time, he picked up his phone.

   “I’ve prepared the titles, character status, partial world maps, and level 1 farms. The damage still needs to be balanced, so take a look at all of this first.”

   He opened the files that he had transferred to his phone in advance and handed them to Jaeyoung. Then he sat back and looked at the ceiling.

   “Is this a test app? I want to see it.”

   “It’s still just a prototype.”

   “I have high expectations.”

   While Jaeyoung played as an example, Yoona stood behind him, commenting along.

   “Oh wow, cool, huh?, Oh… it doesn’t seem very continuous. Oh… um, like this, whoa-ho-ha! What’s that? Why is it moving like that? It’s super weird…”

   While Yoona kept criticizing, Jaeyoung only looked at the phone screen and used his long fingers to play the game with a tired expression. Initially, Sangwoo didn’t think much of it, but when he saw that the other party’s expression didn’t change, he felt a little worried.

   “This is still just an example, so it looks a bit rough.” “But even so, it doesn’t mean we can make it perfect.” Sangwoo raised an eyebrow.

   “Yes, that’s right… this is going a bit too far, it’s not even a total breakthrough, but the game looks interesting.”

   Yoona returned to her seat and picked up her headset. Then, not long after, Jaeyoung skillfully peeled the wrapper off his eyes and placed Sangwoo’s mobile phone down.

   “Chu Sangwoo.”

   “Yes?”

   “When we first met, didn’t I already tell you that it’s just the system working is not everything?”

   Sangwoo paused with an inexplicable look on his face. Finally, he made eye contact with Jaeyoung for the first time today. The other party’s gaze seemed more elusive than one could guess what he was thinking. He looked at Sangwoo silently before lowering his eyes as if tired.

   “The title is too slow.”

   “How slow? Well, 1.8 seconds, as agreed upon…”

   “Fix it then, it looks too slow. Make it faster when changing scenes, when fading in the image, it’s slow, the transitions are slow.”

   “That’s the same…”

   “Fix it then, it looks slow, so try speeding it up. The basic movements of the characters don’t look natural. Have you heard what Choi Yoona said? Being able to make a flying hand explode is very strange. And when attaching the crystal [3] to the avatar, it would be good to add effects…

   Let’s talk about this next time.”

   Sangwoo kept Jaeyoung’s words in mind, but the other side didn’t say how he should do it, leaving him confused. Jaeyoung pointed out two or three more points that needed improvement.

   “If you’re just an ordinary game developer, then go ahead with it like this. But if you want to hang a sign that says “creator.” you can’t do it without feeling.”

   His blackened heart sank even deeper. Just being scolded by Jaeyoung at times, finding him boring and lacking imagination, but while working together, Jaeyoung was the only one who tended to get annoyed. Yes, it was the first time he encountered such a situation. Although he didn’t like it, Sangwoo had nothing to say.

   “Don’t make that face, remember that this is teamwork.”

   “How should I look then?”

   “I don’t know… Look like you scored 79 on an exam, or something like that. Put on a poker face first; I’ll tell you what it means later.”

   Sangwoo opened his notebook without saying anything, feeling uncomfortable with the atmosphere that was different from usual, perhaps due to lack of sleep. Jaeyoung didn’t complain or tease as usual, and there was no mischievousness on his face. In the past, the other party was like a wild horse that had to be both cajoled and provoked to be able to move forward. But today, for some reason, it felt like a partner who took things seriously.

   “Do seniors not know how to use an avatar?”

   “I tried searching just now. The GUI[5] seems to work fine. As for the parts I don’t know, you can tell me. Open the title first.”

   Jaeyoung entered Sangwoo’s realm. They sat next to each other, close but without unnecessary physical contact. Their eyes were fixed on the computer screen. Despite this, Sangwoo felt flustered, as if he was being watched or scrutinized.

   ________________________________________.

[1]                 Prototype. In this case, it refers to the prototype of the game.

[2]                 Drowning in the bottomless pit, a Korean idiom meaning trying hard but not feeling proud or satisfied, or just trying in vain.

[3]                 Critical hit, abbreviated from Critical. It refers to a more powerful attack than a normal attack, with a random chance of occurring.

[4]                 Afterimage, a temporary visual illusion that appears after an object that you have seen disappears.

[5]                 GUI “Graphical User Interface”, the graphical part of the user interface, which is a way of operating a computer through symbols or images rather than just text. GUI elements include icons, windows, menus, buttons, and mouse usage, even touchscreens.

      SMNTCERR CHAPTERS HOME

SMNTCERR, Chapter 46 <111> #1.

   Memories.

   Sangwoo often feels intellectually inferior due to his frequent memories of high school when he succumbed to the attempt to differentiate between boys who looked alike and while in the military. Without a name pinned on the outside, he might not be able to live a normal daily life at all.

   The first memory that made him uncomfortable was when he was seven years old. Sangwoo traveled to his relatives’ house on New Year’s Day in Korea, and he made his older and younger cousins, who were five years older than him, cry while playing together.

   ‘Don’t make fun of my name. You… you ill-mannered person!’

   ‘I didn’t call her names.’

   The other party ran with tears streaming down their face to find their own parents and accused Sangwoo of calling their aunt by name. Therefore, the adults asked for the root cause, and he said in front of them that his aunt’s name was “Chukkoja.” Then he saw his father angry for the first time.

   On the way back home, his father apologized for making him scared and warned him not to mock others by changing their names. When Sangwoo said that he didn’t mock anyone, just mentioned his aunt’s name, his older sister mocked him as a fool who doesn’t even know his aunt’s name. She asked about the names of each older and younger sibling, and Sangwoo honestly answered, but when she asked for the eleventh name, he mistakenly answered with the eighteenth name. His father sighed, and his mother remained silent for a moment before saying that they should test his IQ.

   The following week, Sangwoo went to a large hospital with his parents. The doctor in a white gown reassured Sangwoo that there was nothing to worry about and invited him to play various fun activities. However, while saying that, she forced him to draw five pictures and repeatedly asked useless questions.

   ‘Wow, that was fun, wasn’t it?’

   ‘No, I want to go home.’

   In the end, he played a memory game and solved puzzles of geometric shapes he had drawn on paper. There was only that moment when he felt fun.

   Later on, he learned that those activities were deep psychological tests of all thirteen types, including memory tests, personality tests in various aspects, mood tests, intelligence tests, and social skills tests. His mother also showed him the test results and explained them when Sangwoo was thirteen years old. That was when a similar conflict occurred at school and he was called stupid.

   “There is no diagnosis of frontal brain damage. So you  don’t have to worry. The suspected symptoms of facial blindness occur because there is not enough attachment, and it is called selective forgetting. It is not an intellectual problem. I am afraid that you will become arrogant, so I didn’t tell you. But in reality, you my child, your outstanding memory skills are excellent among the gifted.”

   ‘Did I do something wrong?’

   ‘Of course not. Originally, the human brain likes to eliminate unnecessary information. Your brain simply prioritizes differently from others and works more efficiently.’

   ‘I am happy that I’m not stupid.’

   ‘Don’t talk like that. And the doctor said that your emotions are stable, but I don’t feel it’s a problem. Besides, there are some minor symptoms of obsession with something, and you know it too.’

   ‘Is it really dangerous?’

   ‘No, it’s not that bad. It doesn’t affect our daily life. You don’t have to worry about it. I have similar symptoms, but I’ve been living without any problems.’

   The ability to choose to forget is the ability to delete useless memories and retain only necessary ones. Now it’s an essential ability, but it’s strange that the brain doesn’t function normally.

   The memory from yesterday is still vivid. Despite being in a weakened state due to excessive drinking, the moments after getting in Jaeyoung’s car were as clear as a high-resolution video. Not just visuals and sounds, but also smells, touches, and even taste. He remembered scenes of what Jang

   Jaeyoung’s skin tasted like. How tight was the embrace, and how hot was it in the car?

   The scent of sweat on the forehead, the feeling of the heart dropping when leaning against the back, the sound of Jaeyoung’s cracking joints echoing through the teeth, every whispering word near the ear, every swearing word sprayed with anger.

   The time when he couldn’t remember was only before his hand fell into Jaeyoung’s hands. The rest, Sangwoo remembered in excessive detail.

   “Mom, I’m in trouble.”

   Sangwoo groaned softly and got up from bed, doing nothing until lunchtime. After taking a shower, he picked up pre-cooked rice and instant curry from the wall-mounted pantry to warm and eat. And when he finished washing the dishes, he went to sit in front of the computer.

   Now, ‘VR, Venture’ has collapsed. Until he found another designer, working seemed meaningless, and he didn’t feel like playing games either. Sangwoo sat still without turning on the computer, but for a moment, he saw a flicker of light from the machine.

   “What is it?”

   He had the habit of turning off the computer when not in use to save electricity. So, he couldn’t leave the computer on for more than ten hours. As he moved the mouse, the screen brightened. Sangwoo looked at the messy folders and downloads folders open on the desktop and found videos about gay sex missing.

   “…”

   He started to panic, checked the trash bin to see if he accidentally deleted them, but there was none. When he checked the access log, he found a record that the folder was deleted at 00:55:21.

   “Jang Jaeyoung!”

   Sangwoo cursed himself, thinking that he had deleted the videos, but he was wrong. The other side couldn’t see the folder showing off on the desktop. He didn’t know what the consequences would be after Jaeyoung found out that all his information available on websites was stored there.

   Unable to bear the frustration, Sangwoo permanently deleted the Jang Jaeyoung folder. His hands trembled, his face flushed, and he lived his life exposed. There was never a reason to be embarrassed, but this group only brought unfamiliar feelings. Sangwoo felt lost in the vastness of a wide ocean.

   ‘Sangwoo? Are you crying?’

   Yesterday, he burst into tears. It was a memory he wanted to erase like a folder. Sangwoo’s last cry was during military training, when he took his sister’s magazine and slapped mosquitoes with it, getting it stained and then scolded by his sister. She sought revenge and he shed tears. He also cried when he ate spicy chicken that he bought, believing the seller’s lie that it wasn’t spicy, only to have it fill his mouth and overwhelm him with words.

   Sangwoo always thought people cried too much. For example, when children gathered together on the last day of camp, lit incense, sang soft songs, and stimulated emotions. Among the sobbing crowd, like broken cogs, Sangwoo often stood out as someone who remained unaffected.

   ‘Hey, kid, why are you the only one not crying?’

   ‘I’m not sad.’

   Even if he watched a sad movie, he wouldn’t be moved because no matter how sad it was, it was just a story in a film. It didn’t affect Sangwoo. At least for him crying was a reaction when something fake entered his eyes, but this time he learned one thing: when the mind feels unjust and oppressed to the extreme, tears flow out, and no matter how hard he tries, they don’t stop and continue to flow like that.

   Sangwoo sat for a while and wanted to cry again. He had never known before that his ability to cope with his own stress was so pitiful. A life without anything soothing was a chaotic life. He thought the period when Jang Jaeyoung wore a red down jacket was the most difficult, but compared to what happened during this time, that period seemed peaceful.

   He couldn’t overcome his desires and started an inappropriate relationship with the other party. It was as if he wanted to release his desires in the most violent way possible, almost like having something sneaked in. While trying to do something he had never done before, he was no different from a penguin trying to take wide steps to follow a phoenix with wide legs [1].

   This ill-fated relationship ended just like that, starting from a group project. Even a small mistake could turn into an error that affected both the program, but Sangwoo couldn’t detect the semantic error named Jang Jaeyoung, so it’s better to stop here. Before it gets worse and hurts more than this, cutting the other party out of his life may make his condition worse, but he thought everything was the price of a completely wrong decision.

   “I want to go home.”

   This is the first time in his life that Sangwoo missed home so much, a home where everything went according to his mother’s plan, a home where everything was where it should be and nothing posed a danger to him. Sometimes he thought that being able to be alone might just be a boast because the world he used to believe was logical and reasonable. But once he got to know it for real, it became full of turbulent waves and pirates who brought great hardships that shot cannons at Sangwoo’s sinking ship.

   Sangwoo slammed the keyboard and slowly slumped his face down before the ship sank, while scattered thoughts emerged in his mind as he was in a daze.

   ‘I want to see… when you dressed up as a pirate gangster.’

   When he realized that endorphins were released in this situation, he was almost going crazy. It was time to go see that doctor again to check if his brain had any abnormalities.

   Sangwoo moved the mouse to open the browser while still slumping at the table, and clicked on Jaeyoung’s SNS from his bookmark list. However, the last post was still a photo taken with Sangwoo during a Chinese drama performance. He clicked and searched only a few times, and images uploaded by someone he didn’t know appeared.

   Search, click, click, capture, search, click, capture, click, search, capture, click, search, capture.

   #Hankuk Festival, #Competition, #Spirit Liquor Booth, #Hankuk Drama Club.

   A smiling white-faced vampire, a pale-faced vampire, a frightening-faced vampire, a vampire with plates and cutlery held in one hand, on one arm, and three bottles of soju in the other hand. Jang Jaeyoung, who had removed his makeup but still looked radiant in the group photo, wanted to see more pictures, but he found only eight images.

   Sangwoo opened the data recovery program and restored Jang Jaeyoung’s folder. Then he renamed the saved images according to the format.

   ‘I probably can’t delete them… for now… I still can’t do it… let’s try again later.’

   One day seemed endlessly long. Sangwoo took a long nap to deal with extreme stress. Then he got up and cleaned every nook and cranny of the house before having a simple dinner. Afterwards, after playing a few games, he removed all the keycaps from the keyboard to clean off the dust and dirt. After that, there was still some time left, so he exercised as usual, starting with floor exercises and other five sets. When he finished, he took a shower, and by the time he finished preparing to sleep, it was almost midnight.

   At midnight, he usually reserved a seat in the library and checked his email. He didn’t need to go to university because he had no classes until Wednesday, so he skipped the seat reservation process and opened his inbox, but there was nothing interesting. There were only newsletters from game companies he had subscribed to and grammar lesson emails in English that usually came once a week. He opened and organized them all into categories. Then there was one more email.

   [0430 Assignment.

   Sender │Jae. J.

   4/30, Assignment Details.

   Edit the requested particle[2].

   Add object[3] of weapon category.

   Maps, Lv7-10.

   Reset Nolimit mode.

   UI of Ladder Ranking[4].

   Large attachment file: 0430.zip.]

   Sangwoo opened the email and just stared at it for three minutes. He didn’t know what the other party wanted him to do. After creating that chaos, the other party acted like nothing happened. What’s more, even though Sangwoo had requested it multiple times, Jaeyoung never sent the work via email at midnight. If he didn’t upload the file, he would bring the hard disk with him to the meeting.

   When Sangwoo downloaded the attached file to check, he was surprised. There wasn’t a single file name that matched the guidelines or was spelled correctly, not even one file.

   “It can’t get any more complete than this.”

   The other party did a lot for one day. He followed the schedule and completed 50% of the postponed work, but despite that, there was no trace of the burned work at all, even after careful inspection, not even a single mistake. After organizing the files according to the headings… Sangwoo felt a little excited. Then he closed the program window.

   ‘Well, I know it’s designed well, but what does it all mean?’

   He tried checking his phone for incoming messages, hoping to find something, but found nothing. Sangwoo was left in a state of confusion. return 0;.

   ________________________________________.

[1]                 The phrase “뱁새가, 황새를, 따라가면, 다리가, 찢어진다”

   means “If a

   pheasant follows a crane, its legs will be torn apart.” It means doing something beyond one’s ability, imitating someone superior even when one lacks wealth or ability.

[2]                 Particle. Various effects, details of things. In games, such as maps, characters, items.

[3]                 Object. For games, it refers to various components within the game, such as characters, items, obstacles like trees, walls, buildings.

[4]                 Ladder, Ranking, ranking based on total scores, subtracting wins from losses.

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