NORTHHOWMUCHISYOURLOVE, Chapter 19 part 2

“He said he’d take me on a trip during the break, and told me to think about where I want to go.” I said. Honestly, there are so many places I want to visit, but deciding which one to go to first is quite hard. “But many things would probably depend on him, right? So maybe I should go wherever he wants.”

“I don’t know. Just talk it out with him. Hey, North, are you hungry? I’m starving.” “It’s so late, yeah. But you’re always hungry at this time.” I said. Ter eats a lot, especially sweets, to the point where I’ve considered learning how to manage diabetes care. But he said we need to control his diet first, which is the hardest thing for Ter. “There’s a rule not to eat after midnight.”

“Afraid of getting fat?”

“Afraid of running out of money.” I sighed, “We can’t just eat whatever we want every night, Ter. Like that time you wanted to eat dumplings at midnight. Who would be open to selling to you?” I remembered the torturous night when Ter wanted dumplings at midnight, and in the end, he settled for snacks from a convenience store, thanks to Phii Hill who could afford to treat him.

“But we’re at a coffee shop, there’s plenty of stuff for sale downstairs. Let’s get something. Aren’t you hungry?”

“Yeah, I am hungry.” I admitted, starting to feel the hunger. If we waited longer, I’d be even more famished, but then I remembered I didn’t bring my wallet. “I didn’t bring my wallet. If you’re paying, we can go get something.”

“North, I always treat you. Go ask the owner, little dog.”

“I don’t want to.” I shook my head, suddenly having to ask for money was awkward.

“Wag your tail and stick out your tongue, the owner will give you a treat. If that’s not enough, you can fetch a stick too.” Ter said with utmost seriousness, which was quite annoying.

“Spit, bastard. I won’t eat it then, I’ll just take it from you.”

“You’re so bad, stop snatching other people’s food. Go ask for some.”

“…”

“Quickly.”

“Alright, alright.” I agreed reluctantly. It shouldn’t be a big deal. Just asking to buy something to eat. Maybe he’s hungry too, studying for so long. I stood up and walked over to sit on the empty chair next to him. Phii Johan glanced at me slightly.

“Phii…I forgot my wallet.”

“How much do you need?”

“Huh? Oh, not much. Just going to get something to eat downstairs.” I was slightly taken aback by Phii Joe asking how much I needed, like he immediately knew I was asking for money, T^T.

Phii Johan didn’t say anything, just handed me a thousand baht note. I took the money and nodded slightly in thanks.

“Do you want anything?” I asked.

“An Americano, you make it.” Phii Joe said before turning his attention back to the sheet in front of him.

“Joe.” Phii Arthit called out.

“What?”

“Where’s the bathroom?”

“Don’t know, why are you asking me?”

“Aren’t you the owner of the shop?”

“I don’t know.”

“What kind of owner are you?”

“I just signed the checks, that’s all.” Phii Johan said. I wasn’t too surprised; it’s just like Phii Prang said.

“It’s on the second floor, Phii Arthit, go down and turn left at the hallway.” I said, knowing almost everything since I work here.

“Yeah, you should know this stuff.” Phii Arthit said before heading downstairs to use the bathroom. Ter and I went downstairs to buy something to eat as well, ordering a sweet drink each and some snacks since we ran out of rice. “Uh, can I make the Americano?” I asked, remembering Phii Joe asked me to make it. I guessed it wouldn’t taste very good, as Phii Arthit had said it was too bitter, but Phii Joe probably likes this taste, which is why he asked me to make it.

“Uh, is that okay?” one of the employees hesitated before turning to Phii Kim, “The customer wants to make his own coffee.”

“Oh, sure, did Joe order it?” Senior Kim raised an eyebrow, “Come on in.”

“Is the owner here?” the female employee said, twisting her body in embarrassment, “Oh, he’s so handsome, does he like Americano? I’ll practice making it every day.”

“He’s really, really handsome, isn’t he? How can someone be that good-looking, and he’s rich too, right? He’s perfect, like a model, tall, over 180 cm, and with such a great body.”

“All his friends are handsome too, I saw when they went upstairs.”

“Second-year med students are all the same, I see them on the page often. Oh, there’s version two of the page now, after the first one got shut down. The admin just made a new one the other day.”

“That’s good, I’ll go like it later. Why isn’t there a fan club page for him by the way? I’d be the first to scream, what kind of person makes your heart race just by looking at them? Ugh, I want him to be my husband, just my husband.”

And there were countless more compliments that made me smile shyly as I listened, feeling embarrassed on his behalf. Why so much praise? I was making coffee at the same time. Phii Joe must be used to such compliments by now, but if it were me receiving them, I’d be floating out of this world by now.

I walked back upstairs with Ter, carrying snacks and drinks. I placed the Americano on the table and returned to my usual spot to eat the snacks. It was midnight now. They said they’d study until around one, right? I was starting to feel sleepy.

“Hey, North. You said you had a headache, and now you’ve eaten something cold, won’t that make you worse?” Ter said, looking surprised as if he just remembered.

“It’s too late now.” I said. Why warn me now when I’ve nearly finished half the cup? “It should be fine. I don’t feel any worse.” I said, going by how I felt. It’s just cold water, how bad could it get? But was the rain outside getting heavier? It felt so cold.

“It’s no big deal if you’re fine, North, but your face is all red.”

“Really?” Ter touched my forehead and quickly withdrew his hand as if it was too hot. Was it that hot? I was starting to feel a bit hot and cold.

“Really hot, damn, I forgot you shouldn’t drink cold stuff, your face is redder than before.”

“Uh…just…” I couldn’t finish my sentence before I started coughing, my throat itchy. “Damn…” I coughed again when I tried to speak, why was my throat so itchy? The iced green tea, being both sweet and cold, made it worse.

“This is bad. Tell Phii Joe.”

“No way. I won’t tell him, he’ll definitely scold me.” I said worriedly. He’d surely scold me, T^T. I was so confident about not getting sick.

“Well, I think it’s too late for that.” Ter said, glancing behind me. It looked like someone was approaching.

“…”

“Didn’t you say you wouldn’t get a cold?”

Phii Joe…

“…” I didn’t respond, just turned to look at the person who had knelt down beside me, his strong hand gently touching my face with a look of concern mixed with displeasure.

“Are you not feeling well?” Phii Fah asked, looking my way. “Yeah.” Phii Joe answered.

“Caught in the rain?” Phii Fah asked.

“No, I think I caught it from a friend.” I said truthfully. I’ve never gotten sick from being in the rain, I can repeat that as many times as necessary, I’m sure it’s because of Nao.

“Take him to the hospital.” Phii Hill suggested.

“Hmm.”

“No, I don’t want to.” I quickly interjected at the mention of the hospital. I don’t want to go to the hospital, T^T, “It’s nothing. It’s not serious enough to go to the hospital.”

“…” Phii Joe didn’t respond. I lowered my head to avoid the terrifying gaze from the person beside me before Phii Johan got up, grabbed Phii Fah’s raincoat, and draped it over me, “I’ll return this later, Fah.”

“Sure, and now what?”

“Where’s the nearest hospital?”

“I really don’t want to go to the hospital.” I interjected again. It’s not that I’m scared of doctors or hospitals, but it’s just a cold. There’s no need for a hospital visit, and besides, he still needs to study for exams, “I really don’t want to go. Please, finish studying first.”

“…”

Phii Johan ignored my words, moving as if to carry me, but I backed away slightly, which only seemed to make him more displeased.

“Phii, I really don’t want to go. It’s just a cold, I’ll get better soon.”

“North.”

“…”

Phii Johan called my name in a low voice, as if he had run out of patience to listen to me. He then scooped me up instead of supporting me. I gasped in surprise as I was suddenly lifted off the ground, squirming a little but starting to feel lightheaded.

“Quick, he’s feeling faint.” Phii Fah said.

“Yeah.” Before Phii Joe carried me downstairs to the car, my vision started to blur. I didn’t understand why I felt this sleepy, it was like I saw Phii Fah coming down with us, bringing my bag to the car.

“You can go to my family’s hospital, I’ll call ahead. If you need to stay overnight, I’ll reserve a special room for you.” Phii Fah said while opening the driver’s side door, and Phii Joe gently laid me down on the seat.

“Hmm, thanks, Fah.” Phii Joe said before taking the bag Phii Fah handed him and walked around to the other side, throwing the bag in the back before starting the car. I could feel the car moving because of the heavy rain still pouring outside. Even without the air conditioning on, it was very cold. I hugged myself tighter before drifting off to sleep.

So cold…

I wasn’t sure if I was awake or dreaming; it felt more like a half-sleep state. I slowly opened my eyes to see everything blurry, with dim light from above. I curled up to stay warm under the thick blanket covering me, but I was still feeling cold and wanted something even warmer.

“Cold.” I managed to say, my voice hoarse, as if I saw someone sitting next to me, leaning against the headboard.

“You’re already covered with three blankets.”

Is that Phii Joe…

Ah, it’s so cold.

I slowly moved towards the voice.

“What are you doing?” he asked, sounding slightly surprised as I moved closer and burrowed into him. Why was he so warm? “…” Phii Joe didn’t say anything more, just used one arm to pull me closer. I noticed his other hand was holding something. Once I was close, I moved even closer.

It smells so good, what is that scent? Why does it feel so comforting? I burrowed further to catch the scent, and he seemed a bit awkward when I rubbed my nose against his neck.

So warm, and it smells good too, I want to stay like this for a long time.

“Hmm, give me a hug.”

“…”

“Phii Joe, hug me.”

“You…”

…

“Ugh.” I half-woke up, the first sensation being warmth, then a slight headache. I saw a familiar room, dimly lit with light from a bedside lamp. As I became more aware, I realized I was leaning back against Phii Johan’s chest, with Phii Joe propped against the bed, one arm around me, the other holding some papers.

“Phii…” I whispered, calling out to him softly as I shifted slightly.

“Sore?”

“No, how about you?” I asked back, feeling that he was probably the one who should be feeling sore. How long had I been lying like this? “How did I end up here?” I mean, how did I end up in this position?

“You said you were cold.” Phii Joe said. That made me raise an eyebrow in surprise, meaning I had burrowed into his embrace myself…

“I’m sorry, are you sore? I can get up if you need.”

“It’s fine, aren’t you cold?”

“Yes.” I let myself stay in his embrace. I really like it…How can one person’s embrace be this warm, and it feels so good too. No one has ever held me like this when I was sick before.

“Are you studying for tomorrow’s exam?” I asked when I glanced over and saw Phii Joe reading some exam sheets. Not only was I not really understanding, but I was even more confused when I saw it was all in English. Because I got sick, he didn’t stay to study with friends, had to come back, and then said he was going to take me to the hospital. I don’t know if we went or not, I’ve been asleep the whole time, T^T.

“Hmm.” was all he answered while his eyes were still on the paper. The only light on was the bedside lamp, perhaps because he was worried I wouldn’t sleep well? But wouldn’t it be bad for his eyes to study in such dim light?

“You can turn on the light if you want.”

“You should be able to sleep by now.” Phii Joe said, tightening his embrace a bit. I still felt hot, isn’t he hot when he holds me like this?

I tried to close my eyes as he suggested, but I couldn’t fall asleep.

“What time is it now?”

“Three AM.”

“Wow, you should be able to sleep too then.”

“In a bit.”

“Do you usually study this late?”

“Yes.”

“What about when you said you’d take me to the hospital?”

“We’ve been and the doctor said it’s not too serious.” Phii Joe responded.

“Oh…I was actually talking to Ter about going on a trip. Ter said he’s going to Japan with Phii Hill during the break.” I said, remembering, but then realized I shouldn’t bother him now since he was studying. I shouldn’t disturb him. “Do you want to go?”

“Yeah, Japan sounds nice.”

“Really? But I don’t want to go with Hill, and I’ve been to Japan often.”

“But I can’t think of anywhere I want to go.” I said, “Usually, people who haven’t traveled abroad go to Japan first. I’ve never been abroad either.”

“The Northern Lights.”

“Huh?”

“Do you want to see them?”

“The Northern Lights…Wow, I’d love to see them. Just seeing pictures, I know they’re incredibly beautiful, are you going?” I asked with excitement, I wanted to go too, but isn’t it far? The expenses would be quite significant.

“Hmm, want to go?”

“I do…but.” I said softly, of course, I wanted to go. Who wouldn’t? But there are a lot of things to consider, and can I even go? “Can I go?”

“Hmm, let’s go after the term ends.”

“Where?”

“Norway.”

Norway!!

Norway, really!

“Norway!?” I exclaimed in surprise, and because I used too much voice, I ended up coughing. I sat up on the bed to avoid infecting Phii Joe, before he handed me a glass of water. I quickly took it, “Thank you.” drinking water helped a lot.

“Wow, isn’t that too far? Norway, I mean. I don’t know if my family would let me go.” I said, but if you ask me, I think my family would allow it. My mother likes me to gain new experiences, or she wouldn’t have let me do part-time work, but going abroad might need another ask.

“I can explain it to you later.” “Thanks.” I thanked him again. Phii Johan put down the papers and lifted me onto his lap, facing him, almost straddling him. This position made me feel nervous. I could hear the rain outside because the balcony door next to the bedroom was slightly open, and the soft light from the lamp made his face clearer.

“You said you wouldn’t get sick.” Phii Joe asked in a flat tone that made my hair stand on end, his face calm but clearly angry.

“Uh…Well. I really didn’t get sick from the rain, I got sick from Duennao.” I said truthfully. Sitting like this felt even stranger, the heat in my chest spreading to my stomach, my breath warm. I didn’t know if it was the fever making my body this hot, and this sitting position made me have to look down.

“But you’re still sick?”

“…”

“Sorry…uh.” before a strong hand pressed on the back of my head, pulling me in for a fierce kiss. I closed my eyes tightly, gripping his shirt with both hands, while his other arm pulled me closer until our lower bodies were touching. The fever made my breath even hotter.

I responded to the touches cautiously, as his hot tongue intertwined with mine, sweeping all over as if to claim everything, making my heart beat faster and faster until it felt like it would burst out, creating a hollow feeling in my stomach.

Phii Johan reached out and took my hand, placing it around his neck when he realized my arms were weak.

“Ah!” I gasped in surprise and opened my eyes when his hand gently squeezed between my thighs and moved closer, just that touch was enough to send my body into turmoil. Phii Joe was also breathing faster, seemingly aroused, and his other hot hand lifted my oversized shirt, tracing from my waist and slowly moving up.

And the heat from his touch made me feel even hotter. “Uh, Phii…ah!” I mumbled through our kiss, while his hands still roamed over my body. Phii Johan slowly pulled away from the kiss, trailing his lips down to my neck, then softly biting and sucking there.

“Ah! …oh.” I let out a sound when the warmth of his tongue circled my neck and ear, his hand that was at my waist lifted my shirt further until his fingers touched my nipple, pressing lightly and then circling, sending shivers across my chest.

“Ugh, no, no more.” I protested, even though my mind was going blank with the fever making me feel heavy-headed. Encountering something like this made it even harder to think. My breathing was rapid, both through my mouth and nose, feeling like I was drowning again as my heart worked overtime. I was genuinely scared it might explode; the feeling of emptiness in my stomach and the heat rising in my chest intensified.

I winced slightly as I felt a sharp pain in my throat, wanting to move away but unable to. I was completely drained of resistance. Why would you do this to someone who’s sick?

“Ugh.” my chest might be embarrassed, but…it felt good. The pain in my private area was growing, becoming unbearable. I was seriously on the verge of a heart attack.

“Phii, that’s enough…” I said quietly. Phii Johan gave a small, pleased smile at my reaction before moving closer, whispering softly in my ear.

“…”

“Do you know how much I had to endure just now?”

“…”

“How should I punish a liar?”

🙂

   Punish!?

  

   NORTH HOW MUCH IS YOUR LOVE CHAPTERS HOME

NORTHHOWMUCHISYOURLOVE, Chapter 19 part 1

   Chapter 19: A Bad Liar

   “…”

I didn’t say anything, letting the sound of the rain cover everything, drowning out even the sound of my own heartbeat, but I could still feel how strong it was beating. The person next to me didn’t say anything either.

I took a small breath before deciding to voice something that was on my mind.

“I already think about this thing I am doing with you, you know.”

My words made Phii Johan look back at me again, his expression unreadable.

“But I think…it would be better if we could be together.”

“If you feel like you’re shouldering everything alone, I’ll be right there beside you.”

“So…can you try to cut down on smoking?”

“…” “I’m worried about you.”

As I said this, my heart was beating even stronger. It was quite dark here since the balcony light was off, only the light from inside the room seeping through the curtains. I hoped the dimness would hide my embarrassed demeanor from his gaze. I didn’t even dare to turn and look at his expression.

“What did you say again?”

Phii Johan’s words made me turn back to look at him, a slight smirk on his lips, looking somewhat pleased.

Phii…

Is that…?

“If you want to ask for something, what should you do in return?”

With that sentence, I instantly understood its meaning.

And I knew I couldn’t escape or avoid it now. My heart was still pounding hard, and it seemed to be beating even harder. I took a few steps closer to him, then stopped, looking up at him who hadn’t spoken further.

I stood on my tiptoes as our faces got closer. I closed my eyes instinctively, and before I could do anything more, one of his strong arms pulled me closer, lifting me slightly before pressing his lips onto mine, the faint smell of cigarette smoke from him reaching me.

Suddenly being pulled in, I was startled enough to open my eyes briefly, catching sight of the red glow from the cigarette being extinguished. His hand that held the cigarette let it drop carelessly, and then both hands lifted me until I was off the ground, not breaking the kiss.

“Ah!” I gasped in surprise as my feet left the floor. Phii Johan lifted me and placed me on a high table used for storage. I only then noticed there was a table there, high enough that my feet didn’t touch the ground, which brought our eyes to the same level. The kiss deepened, and soon his warm tongue met mine, exploring thoroughly. I responded to the touch, squeezing my eyes shut, gripping his shirt tightly. One of his hands pressed the back of my neck, pulling me closer as if we weren’t close enough.

I heard the voices of others in the room, fully aware that only a glass door and curtains separated us from them, but my mind went blank. I couldn’t think, could only let my heart race as if it might burst, feeling heat spread across my chest. Phii Johan wrapped both arms around my waist, drawing me even closer.

“Ugh.” I let out a sound as Phii Johan’s kiss intensified, pressing and nibbling on both my upper and lower lips. My arms and legs felt like all strength was being siphoned away, embarrassing sounds escaping as his warm breath lingered around my cheeks and ears, making me feel even hotter despite the rain outside or the cool atmosphere.

I was breathing heavily, not understanding the fluttering sensation in my lower abdomen, only aware that my heart felt like it was about to explode. The warmth from his touch only grew, as if Phii Johan would not stop easily. The intense kiss lasted for nearly ten minutes or maybe longer.

No matter how fast I was breathing, it felt like I couldn’t catch my breath, like I was drowning. I tried to push the other person away to make him stop, and Phii Johan withdrew the kiss willingly, but his eyes remained fixed on my lips as if he didn’t want to look away, and once again, I couldn’t meet his gaze.

I was breathing heavily, both through my nose and mouth, and as with every time, even after we had stopped kissing, the sensation lingered, the feeling on my lips and inside, it felt like I was still being kissed by him. I pressed my lips together slightly to chase away the numbness, secretly wiping my lips when I felt they were too swollen.

“…” I flinched slightly when Phii Johan raised his hand, using his thumb to gently press on my lips, and what made me more flustered was the way those eyes looked at me.

They said everything…

We stared at each other for a while, the backdrop being the curtain of rain, the dim light from inside casting over us, before the person in front of me slowly leaned down to kiss me gently again. I closed my eyes, letting my hands fall to my sides, when our hands touched, Phii Johan turned his hand to hold mine, pressing his lips there for a moment before pulling away.

Phii Joe glanced at me briefly. No one spoke after that, and then he lifted me off the high table, leading the way to the balcony door. I followed slowly after regaining some of my composure.

When we walked back into the room, almost every pair of eyes turned to look at us, except Phii Arthit and Phii Hill who seemed uninterested, and Ter, who was sitting next to Phii Hill, looked at me and then quickly averted his gaze.

Ter…how many times have I told you not to do this, it makes me even more embarrassed, T^T

“Guess the pack of cigarettes is empty now.” Phii Arthit teased without looking away from his phone screen. Phii Johan shrugged indifferently before sitting back down.

“Tit, do you have that with you?” Phii Joe asked. I went to sit next to Phii Joe because I didn’t know where else to sit. I couldn’t sit in my original spot with Ter, as he was with his partner.

“What?”

“Nicotine gum.” “Oh, yeah, got it.” Phii Arthit looked up to answer, “Do you want some?” “Can I have some?” Phii Johan’s response made Phii Arthit reach into his bag, rummage for something, and then pull out some kind of package, tossing it to Phii Johan, who caught it.

“Are you quitting?” Phii Fah, who was sitting across from them and next to Phii Arthit, asked.

“Hmm, does this help?”

“Look at Arthit, he carries them every day, but only smokes two or three a day. The best way is to quit cold turkey like Hill.” Phii Fah said.

“Trying is helping a bit, you might not want it much.” Phii Arthit added, “But I still want to smoke, man.”

“Yeah.” Phii Johan replied, pulling out something from a pack and popping it into his mouth. He told me it was nicotine gum, which I assumed was for quitting smoking.

So, Phii Joe intends to quit smoking…

   Because I asked him to?

   I’m so happy.

   Even if he hasn’t completely quit yet, just thinking about it is good.

   “Did the little one ask you to quit?” Phii Fah raised an eyebrow, looking at me.

“Yeah.” Phii Joe answered while chewing the gum, then grimaced slightly, “It’s not tasty, bastard.”

“Gum doesn’t really help that much. Just quit abruptly like Hill.” Phii Fah repeated, “Yeah, but it must be hard. You smoke more than Hill.”

“Right, Hill doesn’t smoke as heavily as us.” Phii Arthit said, “How’s it chewing?”

“Tastes like dog food.” Phii Joe remarked, “But it’s good for a direct nicotine hit. Didn’t even finish a cigarette earlier.” “It’s just another way of getting nicotine. It’s just less likely to give you lung cancer.” Phii Fah explained, “It would be better if you also reduced your workload. Otherwise, you’ll die first.”

“I know already.”

“Know what?”

“Let’s see first.”

“Okay.” Phii Fah nodded in disgust, then Phii Hill returned to his seat, signaling the end of the break. It was time to continue studying. I went back to sit with Ter. It was past nine, almost midnight. They had planned to meet at eight to study for hours, with just a fifteen-minute break, but I overheard that there wasn’t much content left to cover. We could probably leave by one.

“North, you’re really not going to tell Phii Joe?” Ter asked as we were lounging around. I was in a half-sitting, half-lying position, wanting to sleep but couldn’t because of the hanging chair.

I was feeling dizzy…

   And it was getting worse.

   “I won’t tell.” I replied.

“Why? Are you worried?”

“No, I feel…I’ve lost a bet.” I answered according to how I felt. I had bragged earlier that I never get a cold from the rain. I was also quite surprised. I’ve never gotten a cold from being in the rain.

It must be because that bastard Nao sneezed right in my face.

   The most evil person…

   T^T, I have to get sick because someone sneezed in my face!

   “How do you feel right now?” “Dizzy, maybe I’m just hungry.” “Really? You look sick, your face and lips are so red.” Ter remarked, “Wait, or is your face and lips red because…” He deliberately left the sentence unfinished, giving me a teasing smile.

“Ter, stop teasing.” I said, making a face at him.

“Tell Phii Joe you have a headache.”

“No, it might just be nothing.” I shook my head in denial.

“Hey, hey, North, I almost forgot, just now…Oh, I’m embarrassed, hold on.” Ter seemed excited as if he just remembered something, “Do you use Instagram? I think you should see it for yourself, oh man, my heart can’t take it.”

“Instagram?” I echoed, thinking, “I haven’t used it in a while, but I have an account, why?”

“Have you ever checked out Phii Joe’s Instagram?”

“No, I don’t even use it, why?”

“Check it out, damn, I feel embarrassed just thinking about it.” Ter said before wriggling in embarrassment and giving me a light tap to vent his embarrassment, “It’s just…shit, I can’t handle this anymore. I’m done shipping.”

“What is it? Show me.” I asked, before Ter gave me Phii Joe’s Instagram handle. What could it be? Just show it to me and that’s it. I opened my Instagram; I’m not someone who likes to post much on social media, I only post occasionally, but when I was with Jaja, I posted a lot because she said it was a space for memories. When we were together, went out or ate something, I’d take pictures and post them. More than ninety percent of my Instagram space was filled with Jaja’s photos, with the other ten percent being random stuff. After breaking up with Jaja, I had to go through and delete most of the pictures, so now there are only a few left. After that, I just let it go idle.

“It’s a private account.” I said, showing my phone screen to Ter. The profile picture was a small black and white image, so small you couldn’t tell if it was Phii Joe, and the bio was almost empty. I guessed Phii Joe would be too lazy to fill it out. There were only thirty-five posts. At first, I thought he would have more followers, but because it’s private, if it wasn’t private, he’d definitely have a lot more followers.

“Really? Then I’ll show you.” Ter said, tapping on his phone screen, then showing it to me, “This is the latest picture on Phii Joe’s Instagram.”

It was a picture of me…

   It was a photo of me standing with my back to the camera in Phii Johan’s kitchen. I was cooking at that time, wasn’t I? The shirt in the photo is the same one I’m wearing now, which means it was taken when I was cooking earlier in the evening, and Phii Joe was sitting at the table behind me.

   The image was black and white, slightly blurred, as if it wasn’t taken with much intention. Plus, it was from behind, making it hard to recognize who it was.

   I scrolled down to look at the caption beneath the photo, which was just one emoji.

   A dog emoji.

   Phii Johan posted a picture of me!?

   And he called me…

   A dog?

   Me?

   Does he see me as a dog? T^T

   “Phii Johan’s little dog, huh?” Ter teased with a mocking smile. I looked at him with annoyance but didn’t reply, my mind focused on the image on the phone screen. Honestly…it’s quite touching.

But I’m happy. And I like it too. The fact that he posted my picture means a lot. At the very least, it shows he’s not afraid to let others know about my existence, and then there’s the cigarette thing from earlier…

Damn, don’t make me like you even more…

Why does one person have to be so good for my heart…

“You’re smiling sweetly.” Ter teased again, himself smiling broadly.

“It’s cute. Look, this is the only photo of you as a person, the rest are all views or objects.” Ter said, handing the phone back to me after scrolling through more. I took the phone from him.

The latest picture was of me, holding a glass of liquor that Ter had once shown me.

Yes…the picture holding the liquor glass with the caption, “Anxious.”

It matched the time when I was secretly working at the bar and didn’t reply to his messages…Was he anxious because I was gone then?

It’s true.

I’m really happy he was worried, but I also feel guilty for lying at that time…

As for the other pictures, just like Ter said, they were mostly landscapes, various objects. Some landscape photos clearly weren’t taken in Thailand, but there was no indication of who he went with. He didn’t even have a single selfie, and my picture was the first one of a person.

“This one’s beautiful.” I said, showing the phone to Ter. It was a picture taken from inside a coffee shop, looking out at a beautiful street and buildings, seeming like an old part of some city.

“Where is that? Oh, it’s beautiful, looks like a place worth visiting.” Ter said, looking at the phone screen, “Does Phii Joe travel abroad often?”

“Probably.” I said. There were several photos with check-ins, Boston, Miami, London, LA, but I think he’s been to even more places than what’s shown in the pictures. “Oh, speaking of traveling.” I said as I remembered.

“Huh?”

“Do you have any travel plans?” I asked. Phii Joe said to think about where I’d like to go, but I’m not sure where to suggest. If I ask for somewhere far away, I’m not sure if it would be too much trouble or not.

“I’m planning to go to Japan with Phii Hill during the break, already got permission from home.” Ter said, “Why? What about you? Going somewhere with Phii Joe?”

“Yeah, Japan.” If I were to go abroad for the first time, Japan would definitely be one of the top choices, “I want to go, it would be nice to go together, go on dates, and remember, I have another boyfriend, don’t forget.”

“Pfft. You always have this, have you asked the owner for permission yet, little dog?” Ter said, gently patting my head with an affectionate look, as if I really were a dog. I looked back at him with narrowed eyes.

“I’ll bite you.”

“You’re fierce, so you admit you’re a dog now?”

“Ha, and this break is after the finals, right?”

“Yeah, are you really going?” Ter raised an eyebrow in question.

 

   NORTH HOW MUCH IS YOUR LOVE CHAPTERS HOME

NORTHHOWMUCHISYOURLOVE, Chapter 18 part 2

We encountered a bit of traffic, but since it was a motorcycle, it was more convenient. Phii Joe didn’t drive as fast as last time, seeming to take extra caution because the road was slippery.

I found myself clinging tightly to the person in front out of fear. Even though it wasn’t as fast as before, it was still fast for me, especially with the rain making everything more nerve-wracking. The raincoat wasn’t waterproof, and the heavy rain soaked through to the inside. I was like a drowned rat now, and with Phii Joe not wearing a raincoat, how cold must he be feeling from the wind of the ride? Eventually, we stopped under Phii Johan’s condo. I initially thought he would drop me off at my dorm, but thinking about it, that wouldn’t make sense. It would be too much trouble for him to drop me off at the dorm and then return to his condo.

I, looking like a drowned puppy, and Phii Johan, who looked like he stepped out of a rainy day fashion shoot, were quite the contrast. He casually ran his hand through his wet hair, which looked incredibly good, almost envy-inducing, like he belonged in a magazine. Once inside, the condo owner turned on the lights and tossed a towel to me.

“Go take a shower.” he threw some clothes for me to change into.

“Uh, you can shower first.” I said, thinking Phii Joe should go first since he was the one driving and got more wet.

“You shower, or we shower together?”

“…”

“Okay, I’ll shower first.” I said, quickly retreating into the bathroom. Shower together? No way! After my shower, I came out and sat on the sofa, waiting until he finished his.

“Phii, have you had dinner yet?” I asked.

“No, why?”

“I’ll make some…I can cook. I haven’t had dinner either.” I offered, remembering the time I looked in the fridge and saw some fresh ingredients. I guessed it might have been the housekeeper or someone who bought them, because someone like Phii Joe probably wouldn’t think to stock fresh food in the fridge. I can really cook since my aunt runs a food stall and I’ve helped out, but baking is a different story. Just look at the cake that scored two out of twenty-five.

And then,

“Sure.” With permission, I walked into the kitchen area, checking the fridge to see what I could make.

“Is there anything special you want to eat?”

“Anything is fine.” Phii Johan leaned against the doorway watching me, then came over to help by reaching for items on the high shelf that I couldn’t reach. I nodded slightly in thanks, and then Phii Joe went to sit at the dining table.

“I just found out what kind of company your family’s business is, Phii Prang told me.” I said, “It’s really close to home.” I continued, speaking while preparing the food.

“What did she say?”

“That it is an electronics equipment company. I already knew about it, the professors mention it a lot. Everyone in our faculty wants to work there.”

“And you?”

“Huh. Me?” I raised an eyebrow, surprised, turning to look back at him. “Yeah, I’d like to, but I don’t think I’ll make it.”

“Why?”

“Your company sets the grade requirement too high. Like over three-pointsomething. I’m not sure if I’ll even reach a three in my entire academic life.”

“Hmm.” Phii Johan didn’t seem surprised, “If your grades aren’t up to par, you can’t intern there. Better focus on not getting retired from the university first.”

That stings…T^T

Retirement here means…being asked to leave if your GPA doesn’t meet the minimum, and I feel like I’m at risk of that every day, T^T.

“Is studying hard?” Phii Joe asked. I felt a bit odd that he was the one asking me first, and with such a straightforward question.

“Yeah, it’s hard for me.” I replied. “What about you?”

“Hmm, it’s hard.” “And about the work in Boston? The two weeks, is it about meeting clients?” I turned back to continue preparing the food. I was thinking of making something simple like crispy pork with kale, but, wait, where’s that simple? Let’s just make egg fried rice. It’s decent, and at worst, it’s just bland if not tasty, as long as I don’t burn it.

“Did Phii Prang tell you that?”

“Yeah, she told me everything, including company secrets. I might sell it.”

“…”

“What an idiot.”

“Phii Prang?”

“You.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle a bit at our conversation. Even though Phii Joe didn’t seem that cheerful, it wasn’t bad either. I felt proud of my nicely yellow omelette before I served it on the table.

“And the rice?”

Oh no.

I forgot to cook the rice.

T^T

“Forgot?”

“Yes.” I admitted readily, went back to search for the rice cooker and the rice in the lower cabinet, and quickly started cooking.

“You forget everything, don’t you?” Phii Johan said, resting his chin on his hand with a tone of exasperation, “Forget your wallet, forget to pay the dorm fees, tuition fees.”

“…”

And most recently, I forgot Duennao’s car key. I remembered this when my phone screen showed Nao calling. I guessed he must be calling to ask for his key back, so I answered right away, stepping slightly out of the kitchen area. There was nothing else to do except wait for the rice to cook.

By the time the rice was done, the omelette would be cold, T^T

(North, I came to the gym to find you, why weren’t you there?) The first thing I heard when I answered was Duennao yelling in annoyance, and I could still hear the rain from his end of the line, indicating he had gone through the rain to find me at the gym.

“Nao, I’m sorry, truly from the heart, I’m back now. I apologize, please forgive me.”

(See, I used to think your brain was full of sawdust, but now I know there’s nothing in there, you forget everything.)

   “Nao, don’t scold too harshly, I feel guilty, I’m about to stab myself with a knife.”

(And what now? Where are you? At your dorm? I’ll come to you.)

   “I’m at Phii Joe’s condo.”

(Alright, what should I do if my key is sleeping with your husband?)

   “Come get it, I’ll bring it down. Or you can wait until tomorrow.”

(If I wait until tomorrow, my bike won’t be there anymore, yeah, I’m coming, send me the location, and don’t send me dolphin pictures, you beast, or whale pictures, or penguin pictures, I don’t want any of that.)

   “Hey, why do you have to block me?”

(Is it time to be annoying? Don’t let me catch you, bastard)

   “Okay, I won’t let you catch me. Don’t you need the keys then?”

(Fuck, you asshole, North)

   “Got scared, huh, why are you so hot-headed?”

(Yeah, whatever, send me your location)

   “Blocking by asking for the location?” (Yeah) and then Duennao hung up. I held back a small laugh at Duennao’s temper. I didn’t mean to do it, really, but if I don’t hurry back, it’ll get late. It’s already nine, and the rain hasn’t stopped.

“My friend’s coming.” I went back into the kitchen, “Just to pick up some stuff, I’ll take it down to him.” I told Phii Johan beforehand. Phii Joe didn’t say anything, just nodded slightly, his attention focused on his phone. I caught a glimpse of numbers lined up like a chart. Phii Joe seemed to notice me looking and pulled me onto his lap.

Wait…what?!

“What are you looking at?” he asked while one hand wrapped around my waist. The other held his phone.

“What are those?” I asked.

“Stocks.”

“Wow…” I said, slightly amazed. It’s not surprising that Phii Joe would deal with stocks, but I was just astounded by the complexity of it all; it’s something I never understood, even when explained by friends.

“Hmm, you don’t need to understand.”

I looked at his phone screen, still not comprehending, as he tapped here and there, trying to read but making no sense of it, filled with numbers and English terms. Then I heard the rice cooker beep, and Phii Joe released his arm.

I scooped the rice into a bowl and placed it on the table. During the meal, we didn’t talk much, as Phii Joe seemed preoccupied with his stocks. After we finished eating, I put the dishes in the sink, and right then, Nao called.

“I’ll go down to meet my friend for a moment.” I told him before heading downstairs. I saw Tiger on his shiny black bike with Nao riding on the back. I walked up to them, and they both gave me looks of utmost surprise.

“What?” I asked. “You’re really not just anyone, huh?” Tiger said.

“Even the clothes you’re wearing are his, huh?” Nao teased a little before taking back his car key, both of us were completely soaked, “If you don’t come to class tomorrow, I’ll know why, North.”

“Fuck off, what are you talking about? And you came all the way here in the rain after going to the gym?”

“Yeah, whose fault is that? You dog-faced creature.” Nao scolded.

“Come on, I’ve apologized. Tomorrow, I’ll treat you to some drinks.”

“Treat me, too.” Tiger chimed in.

“Fine, I see you both got wet together, but Nao, why is your face so red? Are you not feeling well?” I asked, approaching and placing my hand on his forehead. Nao made a disgusted face at me before sneezing.

“Hachu!!”

“Damn, Nao, you sneezed right in my face, you’re so evil.” I scolded him, stepping back in shock. How bad does someone have to be to sneeze in someone’s face?

“You’ve caught a cold now, haven’t you?” Tiger said. Nao nodded slightly.

“Yeah, I got a cold for sure, it’s all your fault, you bastard North.”

“Come on, I didn’t mean to, don’t think too much about it. I’ll get you an excused absence to rest tomorrow, Tiger, take good care of my friend.” I said, squinting at him, “Or do you normally take good care of him?”

Hey, I’m trying to help you out here. You should say something!

“I have to go to class too.” Tiger said in a flat tone.

This guy is such a loser…

I bid farewell to both of them and walked back up. After knocking for a while, Phii Joe opened the door, still preoccupied with stock matters. He went back to sit on the sofa and pulled me into a hug again, positioning me between his legs like before, but this time I didn’t protest. Protesting wouldn’t change anything. The eyes of the person behind me seemed focused on the stocks on his phone screen, while his other arm loosely hugged me.

“Can I lean back?” I asked softly.

“Hmm.” Phii Johan just said that. I leaned back slightly, resting my back against his chest. I hope I’m not too heavy for him, but for sure, my heart is working overtime…

But…

   It’s quite warm like this.

   The rain outside made the atmosphere very cold-like. Before, we had just been out in the rain together, and now, being like this felt warm. I was starting to realize that I really enjoyed these moments with him.

   I don’t know…

   It felt warm,

   Safe,

   Happy,

   And I wanted to stay like this forever.

   “Should I turn on the TV?” I asked, thinking the room was too quiet, and the sound of the heavy rain outside was loud. If it was like this, I was sure to fall asleep.

“Sure.” Phii Johan simply said. I reached for the remote and turned on the TV, flipping to a documentary channel because it seemed the most interesting among the options.

“Does it bother you? Should I turn down the volume?” I asked. I wasn’t sure if stock trading required concentration, but I guessed it did. I didn’t know if the TV sound would disturb him. “It’s fine, I’m done.” Phii Joe said, placing his phone on the sofa beside him. He then wrapped his other arm around me, gently nudging my neck with the tip of his nose, moving back and forth, making me feel ticklish. My already fast-beating heart beat even faster, then he stopped and rested his chin on my shoulder.

“Are you tired?”

“Hmm.”

“…” I didn’t reply because I wasn’t sure what to say, just gently holding his hand around my waist. His hand was so warm, and even the size of our hands was quite different, even though I thought my hands were quite large.

“Will the work in Boston be very tough?”

“It’ll probably be the toughest job I’ve ever done.” Phii Joe whispered since we were so close. It must be really tough, dealing with important clients.

“Good luck.”

That was all I could think to say for encouragement.

“Hmm.” he made a soft sound in his throat before tightening his embrace.

I didn’t say anything more. Maybe it was just my imagination, but Phii Joe, who was both tired and stressed, seemed to be holding me like I was his refuge, as if being with me made things better. It might not relieve his stress, but sometimes, just having a moment to rest is good too.

“Have you ever been to Boston?” I asked to break the silence that had settled in the room for a while.

“I have.”

“Is it beautiful? I’ve never been, actually, I’ve never been abroad.” I said truthfully.

“Really? Do you want to go?”

“Yes, but it’ll probably be a while before I can save up enough money.”

“During the break.” “Huh?”

“During the semester break, I’ll take you. Where do you want to go?”

“…”

“Uh…” I hesitated for a moment when asked so suddenly, does he really mean to take me? I’m not sure myself where I want to go. I’ve thought of many places, but when I think about the reality of needing to work and save money first, my travel dreams get tucked away, “I haven’t decided yet.”

“Hmm, when you do, let me know.”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For saying you’ll take me.”

“You…do you thank people for everything?” Phii Johan asked. I was slightly puzzled by this question. Do I really thank people that much?

“For everything that others do for me, yeah. It’s ingrained from home. If someone gives me something and I don’t thank them, or if I don’t bow to someone older, my mom would hit my hand.”

“I’ve seen that.”

“Seen that?”

“Hmm.”

“Seen my mom hit me?”

“Really?! How could you tell?” I asked in shock. Wait, did he see my mom hit me? Come to think of it, I still don’t know why he likes me. Did we know each other before? I tried to remember where my mom had hit me, but thinking about it made my eyes water. My mom hit me wherever she felt like it: at the market, in the parents’ room, at the game store, at home.

“Uh, Phii, I want to ask something.”

“What?” “When you said…uh, that you like me, can you tell me about it?” I decided to ask, thinking if I didn’t ask now, I’d forget later. Saying that my brother liked me was the hardest thing to say, it was super embarrassing.

“…”

“No.”

Well!

Just as I was about to continue, the phone next to the sofa vibrated. Phii Joe picked it up with a somewhat annoyed look. I glanced at the screen and saw it was Phii Hill calling.

Phii Joe sighed slightly before answering.

“I should have put on Do Not Disturb.” Phii Johan growled into the phone, his voice slightly irritated. Since we were so close, I could also hear Phii Hill’s voice from the other end.

(Why? Am I disturbing you?)

   “Yeah, you are.”

(I timed it, waited for you to finish with your stocks.)

   “Fine, Hill, what do you want?”

(Let’s study together.)

   “Fuck no, what the hell are you reading now?” Phii Joe started to get angrier. “I haven’t even slept yet, you asshole, can you stop and think for a second, Hill?”

(I did think. I thought we should study because the first block exam is coming up.)

   “How soon?”

(Tomorrow.)

   “Now that’s too close.”

(At your coffee shop, around three in the morning, it’s open 24 hours, right?) “Wait, so you’re planning to study from three in the morning until the exam?”

(Fah said that, he’s fit, wants to go for four points gpa)

   “And you?”

(I can’t, I want to spend my time with Ter)

   “Stuck with your damn husband.”

(And what about the one you are hugging there?)

   Phii Hill!! T^T

“9 PM, can we do 10?”

(Should be able to)

   “11 PM.”

(That works)

   “1 AM.”

(Early morning is fine too)

   “Okay, see you in front of the exam room.”

(That’s bad, let’s say 10 PM, don’t forget. You have to study, Fah emphasized, because you hardly go to class, he doesn’t want you to fail.)

   “Yeah, won’t fail, not at this level.”

(At this level, you won’t fail?)

   “At this level, I’d drop out before failing.”

(Alright, hanging up, see you.)

   “See you.”

And then Phii Johan hung up the call. Do they really need to study for exams from the start of the term like this? That’s brutal, T^T, from what I’ve heard about the medical faculty.

Their exams are not like other faculties; usually, there are just midterms, finals, or whatever mini-tests the professors decide, but the medical faculty has exams in blocks, meaning there’s constant testing. If you don’t keep up with studying, you’re doomed.

I was slightly startled when suddenly I was scooped up and lifted into the air. Phii Johan carried me and placed me on the bed. Why does he lift me so easily? I think I’m quite heavy, right? Then the room owner turned off the lights and lay down beside me, still pulling me into a hug like before.

“Are you going to sleep now?”

“Taking a nap, wake me up at around half-past three.”

“Oh, okay.” I agreed, setting an alarm for half-past three as instructed, and with the heavy rain outside, the cool atmosphere, and the warm embrace, I drifted off to sleep without realizing it.

I woke up startled by the alarm clock. When I opened my eyes, the room was already lit up. I saw Phii Joe standing by the table, packing things. So I got up from the bed and changed my clothes. They wouldn’t leave me alone in the room, right? No way. And with the rain still pouring, the atmosphere was super creepy, T^T.

Once everything was packed, we headed down to the underground parking lot. The luxury car drove through the rain to the familiar coffee shop. Upon arrival, we noticed new staff had taken over. Hold on, why new staff? Does that mean I won’t be working here anymore?

Phii Khim greeted Phii Johan first, introducing him as the owner to the staff. The two young women, probably around our age and likely also students, maybe even from the same university, seemed quite shy when looking at Phii Joe, especially when they found out he was the owner.

We went up to the top floor to find that everyone was already waiting. This time, the table was set up nicely, but there was still the usual lounge area. Ter was there too, wearing a large shirt that clearly wasn’t his, definitely Phii Hill’s. “Is wearing your partner’s shirt the new trend?” Phii Arthit said with a look of annoyance. I went to sit next to Ter in the hanging chair in the lounge area, while Phii Joe joined the others. When I sat down, I felt slightly dizzy, but I ignored it, probably just my imagination.

I chatted with Ter for nearly an hour amidst the tense atmosphere in the room. This is what it’s like when doctors are studying together, huh? It was kind of stressful just watching. Everyone seemed so focused, like they were zeroed in on their studies, not a single one distracted or unfocused. They asked questions when needed, then went back to silently reading their own materials.

“Is it usually like this?” I whispered to Ter.

“Yeah, this isn’t too bad. During finals, everyone becomes like zombies.”

“Really?”

“Really. Don’t you get like that?”

“Me?” I asked, “Not really, I’m not that good. I’ve given up on trying.”

“You’re the one at risk of academic retirement.”

“Exactly.” I raised an eyebrow at him, indicating my pride in my situation, “High grades aren’t exciting. But with low grades like mine, it’s exciting all the time, not knowing when I’ll get kicked out. How often do medical students have exams anyway?”

“Hmm, often, huh? Several blocks each term, I’m more worried about Phii Joe, that’s for sure.” Ter teased, even though we were whispering.

“Yeah, I’m worried.”

“Uh, you’re no fun to tease, but I’m glad the ship is sailing, you bastard. You worry about him too, leave some matchmaking for me, leave some room for a wingman like me.” Ter said with a big, exaggerated expression of joy. What kind of wingman is this good? I might need to learn from him. Maybe my Tiger Duennao ship will start to sail too. After nearly an hour and a half, it was probably time for a break. Ter immediately went to sit with Phii Hill, but when I looked at Phii Johan, I saw him heading out to the balcony.

“Tit, aren’t you going to smoke with Joe?” Phii Fah asked.

“Enough, I’ve had two already today.”

Phii Johan went out to smoke. I decided to follow him. He seemed slightly surprised when I was the one who opened the balcony door before standing next to him.

“Go back inside.”

“It’s okay.” I shook my head because the balcony was wide here, and I wasn’t getting wet from the rain. Phii Joe looked out at the curtain of rain ahead before exhaling a puff of gray smoke.

“Do you smoke often?” I asked.

“Hmm, often.” he said, before lifting the cigarette to his lips, taking a drag, and exhaling again.

“How often?”

“Don’t like it?”

“No.” I shook my head slightly, “It’s not that I don’t like it, I both like and dislike it.” I explained my usual thoughts about cigarettes.

“…”

Phii Johan didn’t say anything, as if waiting for me to continue.

“Because my dad, who passed away, was a heavy smoker. I like it because it reminds me of him. When I smell cigarettes, I think of this one man, a man who smiled a lot and was always kind, but always had a cigarette in his mouth.” I said, recalling the face of the person I missed. It was a memory from long ago, but it was deeply ingrained in my heart. A child and the scent of his father’s cigarettes, when I’m lonely or miss him a lot, it makes me want to cry. “How long has it been since he passed?”

“Several years.”

“Do you get lonely when you miss someone?”

“Yeah, I do. When I was little, I was super attached to my dad. It’s strange, really. It’s been so long, but I still miss him. But that’s all I can do, miss him, and that’s why I hate it, because it reminds me of him but there’s nothing I can do about it. He’s gone.”

“…”

Phii Johan didn’t say anything, just glanced back at me before gently pushing my head with his hand.

“So, when I smell smoke…”

“…”

“You’ll think of me too, right?”

 

   NORTH HOW MUCH IS YOUR LOVE CHAPTERS HOME

NORTHHOWMUCHISYOURLOVE, Chapter 18 part 1

   Chapter 18: Always Taste Like You

   Phii Johan finally let me go after hugging and kissing my cheek several times, as I was practically dying from embarrassment under the many eyes watching, making me feel and act awkwardly, just bowing my head in embarrassment. I eventually moved to sit next to Phii Joe instead. I found myself leaning towards him.

I didn’t know what to do anymore. I was too embarrassed to look up, afraid of meeting the eyes of those watching, T^T

“Cute.” Phii Fah said, looking at me with a fond expression.

“Leave him alone.” Phii Joe said before pulling me even closer, as if I was trying to hide from something by burrowing into the person next to me, and Phii Joe was allowing it.

Wait a minute…

Wouldn’t this make people look even more?

Realizing this, I adjusted myself slightly but still stayed close.

Phii Arthit, who had been playing basketball, came back over. Even though he had been playing for nearly ten minutes, he showed no signs of being tired.

“Hill told you to play.” Phii Arthit said, taking off Phii Johan’s basketball jersey.

“Why?”

“Aren’t you in this club?”

“Then why didn’t you play instead of me?” “It’s your club.” Phii Arthit said, then took off the shirt and handed it back to Phii Joe. Phii Joe raised an eyebrow, looking slightly puzzled, “Here’s your shirt, what are you questioning?”

“You’ve already worn it. What am I supposed to wear for practice?”

“Wear mine.”

“No, you beast.” Phii Joe said firmly, “I’m going to burn it.”

“Hmph.” Phii Arthit cursed under his breath, giving him a dirty look, “You burn mine, what about the one the kid’s wearing?”

“Tell Hill I’m not playing.”

“Ignoring me again.”

“Joe, hurry up.” Phii Hill called out, looking somewhat displeased. He seemed busy selecting new members and talking with the professors. Phii Hill appeared to be involved in every activity, being the faculty month, university month, and also the president of the basketball club, which indeed had a lot of members, so many that I began to wonder if it was really just the medical faculty, how could there be so many people?

“I don’t have a shirt.” Phii Joe shouted back, but Phii Hill didn’t hear.

“What about you?”

“I said I don’t have a shirt.”

“Come here.”

“No, you come.”

“They’re going to argue again for sure.” Phii Tonfah said, shaking his head slightly in disgust, “Joe, stop bothering Hill, his shirt isn’t even sweaty yet.”

“Bothering what? If you had let Tit do it from the start, it would all be over.”

“What’s with you?” Phii Hill walked over, looking annoyed, and Phii Joe had the same expression, like they were about to have a real argument, “Isn’t this your responsibility?”

“Can’t Arthit do the selection?”

“Tit just wants to play around, he’s not interested in selecting first-years.” Phii Hill said.

“I’m not interested in selecting first-years either.”

“You’re a nuisance, you’ve been hanging out with Tit too much.” Phii Hill sighed in frustration, “Just help me out, I’m tired, there are too many people.” His irritated demeanor, combined with his sweat-soaked appearance, indicated he was really exhausted.

“I’m tired too, I haven’t slept yet.”

“Is that my problem?”

“Wow, you must care so much about me.” Phii Johan said, “With me, you’re so strict, but with Ter, you tell him to rest if he’s even a little tired. I’m nearly dead here.”

“You complain too much, just change your shirt.”

“What do I get if I help you?”

“What do you get? Isn’t it your duty?”

“Do my lab sheets for me.” Phii Joe raised an eyebrow and gave a slight smirk, “Deal?”

“…” Phii Hill didn’t respond, just made a disgusted face, before letting out a small resigned sigh, “Yeah, deal, I’ll wait over there.” and then he walked off. Phii Hill in his sports gear looked good in a different way, or maybe it was just him; he looked good in anything, from sports jackets to track pants.

“Okay, fine.” Phii Johan said before getting up, bending down to tie his shoelaces, then taking off his shirt and changing into the one Phii Arthit had just returned. It was a quick change, but the crowd around the court cheered just like when Phii Arthit changed. This was the first time I had seen Phii Joe shirtless, and I noticed his abs were really impressive. You could tell he seriously works out. “End up wearing Arthit’s shirt in the end.” Phii Joe said with irritation before walking onto the court.

“Do you know, Joe finished all the lab sheets. He cleared all his pending work before going to Boston.” Phii Arthit said.

“Yeah, that’s amazing, then why tell Hill to do more? Why does he like to bug Hill so much?” Phii Fah shook his head again, “If I were Hill, I’d have a migraine by now. Actually, as for me, I’m starting to feel one coming.”

Finished the lab sheets but tricked Phii Hill into doing more?

Whoa. If he were pranked like that, I’d be furious too.

I watched Phii Johan on the court selecting first-year students, both male and female, with the girls getting special attention. Whenever they got close to Phii Joe or Phii Hill, they’d smile broadly.

I overheard Phii Fah and Phii Arthit talking about the rain that didn’t seem like it would stop anytime soon, which was quite frustrating considering how heavy it was. Before I could think any further, my phone started to notify me of a call.

Duennao was calling…

   I answered immediately.

“What’s up?”

(North, you asshole, you bastard, where are you?)

   “At the basketball gym, why the sudden outburst?”

(You have my bike keys, damn it. Where did you go? To see your doctor boyfriend? If you want to show off that your boyfriend’s a doctor, fine, but return my keys, how am I supposed to get back? You left me stuck in the rain, and I’m soaked)

   “It’s supposed to be cold, but you’re making me hot-headed. Go back with Tiger then.” I felt in my pocket and indeed found Nao’s motorbike keys because I had ridden his bike here, but I forgot to give the keys back and brought them with me. My forgetfulness was no ordinary level; I just recently forgot to pay my tuition, T^T

(And what about my bike?)

   “Just leave it there.”

(What if it gets stolen?)

   “Just buy a new one, you’re rich.”

(Yeah, right, rich as if money has no value, rich to the point where I don’t know what to do with the money anymore. And where am I rich? I’m nearly broke, almost at the point of stealing dog food from in front of the dorm to eat) Duennao’s words made me laugh out loud, how could someone be that poor, pitiful.

“I mean Tiger is rich, get him to buy you a new one.” I said.

(Spit. You’re at the gym, right? You better watch out, I’ll come find you.)

   “Why? Are you coming?”

(Yeah, wait for the rain to stop, I’ll borrow Kyu’s bike to come see you. Or have Tiger drop me off.)

   “Will the rain ever stop? What if it keeps raining until tomorrow morning?”

(Then I’ll just sleep here, damn it, I’m so pissed off, can’t even practice, and now I’m all wet) Duennao said. I could totally picture his face, Nao gets angry easily, quite the opposite of his name, he’s always getting heated.

“And what about everyone else? Who are you with?”

(With the football club guys, sheltering from the rain in a building, what building, I don’t know, it’s the closest one. But by the time I ran there, I was already soaked. Yeah, I’m hanging up now, need to save my battery, just called to vent my frustration to you.)

   “It’s like I’m your punching bag, yeah, if the rain stops, we’ll talk then, you’re coming to get the key, right?” (Yeah, uh-huh, bye, hanging up.)

   And then Duennao hung up. When I turned back, I couldn’t see Phii Arthit anymore. Only Phii Fah was sitting nearby, he seemed to have heard something about going somewhere.

“Where’s Phii Arthit?” I asked.

“Oh, he went out to smoke.” Phii Fah answered. I nodded to show I understood. I wasn’t too surprised about the smoking; I’ve heard that many who study hard or are under a lot of stress smoke, supposedly to relieve stress. I wonder if it really helps. If so, then Phii Joe must smoke too.

“Does Phii Joe smoke?” I decided to ask. Phii Fah seemed like the person you could ask anything, unlike some of the other seniors, because he has that kind of approachable vibe.

“Oh, yeah, he does. Most in our faculty smoke a lot, it’s quite stressful, but Hill quit, though, because of his boyfriend.” Phii Fah explained, “Don’t you like people who smoke? Joe is actually quite good.”

“Oh, no, not really.” I shook my head, “I don’t dislike it.” I said truthfully. I don’t really dislike people who smoke. If I say I both like and dislike it, would that sound strange?

“But it would be good to tell him to slow down, I think. If he keeps going like this, he might not live to see forty.” Phii Fah said about Joe.

“Why’s that?”

“He’s doing everything that people who die young do: smoking, overworking, heavy studying, not enough rest, high stress, coffee addiction, and lately he’s been having trouble sleeping. Even when he’s exhausted, he can’t sleep.” Phii Fah explained in a flat tone, sounding like a doctor giving a professional opinion. “No matter how capable he is, he’s still human.”

“Is he really that bad off?” I asked.

“Fairly so. Even though he still acts like a troublemaker, he doesn’t seem as cheerful as before. Deep down, he’s probably stressed, but he doesn’t show it much around us. It’s like he’s forcing himself. So how is he when he’s with you?” Phii Fah asked with a concerned look, which was understandable. He wouldn’t ask me like this if he wasn’t worried.

I’ve heard that Phii Fah’s family is all in the medical field; his father is the dean of the medical faculty, they own a hospital, his mother is a psychiatrist running her own clinic, so Phii Fah likely picked up a lot of doctor-like habits, like worrying about and caring for others.

“He seems…well, he’s always irritable, quick to anger, stressed, and doesn’t talk much. I’ve only seen him talk a lot when he’s with you guys, here.” I added that he’s also quite mischievous, but that part isn’t surprising. Sometimes when he scolds or teases me, he shows his playful side.

“Hmm.” Phii Fah bit his lip slightly, pausing as if in thought, “Then I guess that might be his current self.”

“How so?”

“Well, people aren’t just one-sided. During times of extreme stress, it can make us not want to talk to anyone, be in a bad mood, be easily irritated all the time, and angry. Joe is probably like that, but he chooses not to show that side much around us. He can still talk normally, but with you, he doesn’t talk much, right?”

I nodded.

“People under stress usually don’t want to talk a lot. It means he chooses to show this current part of himself to you, without forcing himself to act like everything’s okay, whereas many people do the opposite, they try hard to show they’re fine, even if they’re falling apart inside.”

“…” “Which do you think is better?” Phii Fah asked, giving me a faint smile. I think I understand what Phii Fah explained just now.

“I think…however he’s feeling, he should express it that way, that’s all.” I said, following my thoughts. This period might be tough for him, but with me, he doesn’t need to act like he’s okay. If he’s upset or irritated, I’ve never minded, that’s just how he is. Even if it’s bad, it’s okay.

My answer made Phii Fah smile even wider.

“Hmm, I understand now, that saying he’s good because it’s you, it’s true.”

“Yes? It’s good because it’s me?” Phii Fah’s words reminded me of Phii Prang, who said something exactly the same, “How is it good?”

“In many ways, I began to understand from the Jia incident.” I raised an eyebrow, looking confused, indicating I needed more explanation. Phii Fah understood, but I didn’t fully get it, “Have you ever thought that when he acts like this, it’s like he’s stressed from work and taking it out on us?”

“…?” I tilted my head, puzzled by what he said. Hmm…I’ve never thought about it that way, “Uh, no, I’ve never thought that. He’s really stressed, expecting him to be in a good mood isn’t realistic.”

“Exactly, that’s why it’s good that he is with you. You don’t overthink things. He doesn’t have to pretend everything’s okay, it’s easy to be around him, and he can express how he feels.”

“…”

I didn’t respond because I was trying to think. If what Phii Fah said is true, there are indeed people who pretend to be okay in front of friends, lovers, or family. But there should be someone with whom you don’t have to pretend, someone with whom you can show that you’re feeling bad, stressed, irritated, or angry without worrying about whether they’ll leave or not. No matter how bad you feel, that person remains by your side, and they don’t have to force themselves to tolerate being with you either.

But thinking about it…Phii Fah seems to understand everything, doesn’t he? Is it a special skill of medical students to always see through people, or is it just that I’m easy to read? Phii Hill is the same, Ter often tells me how easily he’s read too. And they do have psychology in their curriculum.

After nearly ten minutes of chatting with Phii Fah, I asked about almost everything, from Phii Joe’s work to his studies. It wasn’t much different from what I had thought; medical school is known to be very demanding. I just couldn’t picture it.

Phii Joe came back and slumped down in his usual spot, looking slightly exhausted.

“Almost dead?” Phii Fah asked immediately.

“Almost, or maybe already dead.” Phii Johan replied, “And what were you guys talking about so seriously?”

“This, being protective.”

“Talking about what?”

“Your stuff, I’ll tell you later.” Phii Fah said, “I get it now, what you meant when you said it.”

“Really?” Phii Joe raised an eyebrow slightly, then seemed to dismiss it, looking tired but not worn out.

“Where is Arthit?”

“He’s coming back now.” Phii Fah said, pointing at Phii Arthit who was walking back. “You’re really tough to kill, huh? Have you finished selecting?”

“Not yet, taking a break first, too many people, might have to continue another day. Hill is talking with the coach.” Phii Joe said, looking towards Phii Hill on the other side of the court. “Arthit, are you going to Miami?” “Yeah, you coming?”

“I have to go to Boston. Are you going with me?”

“Maybe.”

“Why go? What’s so great about Miami?”

“Just want to travel.”

“You’re rich, aren’t you?” Phii Johan said sarcastically, “You don’t even have to do anything and you’ve got money to travel.”

“That’s right.” Phii Arthit nodded, raising one eyebrow. “I’ll treat you too, Joe, if you want.”

“Really? Treat me then.”

“Quit your job and let Arthit support you, rich boy.” Phii Fah said with annoyance.

“Yeah, good idea.” Phii Johan agreed, nodding.

“Spit, how many millions would I need to earn monthly to support this asshole Joe?” Phii Arthit said with disgust, “He spends money like it’s paper, filthy rich, bastard.” That phrase sounds familiar, like I’ve heard it recently. “So you’re really not bringing the kid to Boston?” Phii Arthit asked again what had already been asked. “What if something happens and you die in Boston and never come back to Thailand?”

“I said no.” Phii Johan reiterated. “Gotta get through the school stuff first.”

Though it stung a little, I agreed. Prioritizing school was the right choice. For nearly two weeks, I definitely wouldn’t be able to catch up on the work like he could.

Just this is already risking academic suicide. T^T

… After a while, the basketball club session ended, but we couldn’t leave anyway because of the rain. Many had umbrellas or raincoats and were leaving. Phii Hill had already left, saying he was going to pick up Ter from the art club…

Art club

But I’m here, aren’t I?

Damn it.

I completely forgot about that…

During our first term, Ter, Phoon, and I joined both the art club and the football club, but that was just because the university required it. By the second term, the casual football club was no more, it became a serious sports day football club, but the art club was still around. Importantly, Ter signed me up for it because he got hooked on drawing. Initially, Phii Hill was there too, and he even signed up some other friends without their knowledge, but the art club’s advisor didn’t allow medical students to join, saying they were already studying too hard and didn’t need to join such clubs, just sports clubs would do.

“I’m heading out.” Phii Fah said, grabbing an umbrella, “If we wait for the rain to stop, it’ll take forever.”

“Yeah, see you.”

“See you.” and with that, Phii Fah left, leaving only Phii Johan and Phii Arthit, who clearly didn’t bring umbrellas. The parking lot was quite far, but the motorcycle was parked near the front of the gym. Earlier, Phii Arthit had ridden through the rain to get here.

“Are you going back?” Phii Joe turned to ask Phii Arthit.

“I can go back now, are you chasing me away?”

“Not chasing you away, just asking.”

“Whatever, riding in the rain isn’t a problem, what about you?” “I can ride too, but that’s not the issue.” Phii Johan said, then looked at me, “If I knew, I would’ve asked Hill or Fah to take you back.”

So Phii Joe brought his motorcycle today. That means when he said the problem wasn’t about riding in the rain, he meant the problem was me having to ride on the back of the motorcycle and get wet, T^T.

“Can you ask Fah to come back with his car?”

“Probably can, try calling him.” Phii Arthit’s answer made Phii Joe pick up his phone, looking like he was about to call Phii Fah, but I spoke up first.

“Uh, it’s okay, no need to bother Phii Fah.” I said. I told you I’m not fussy about getting wet in the rain. I won’t catch a cold, and making Phii Fah come back with his car in this traffic at 6 PM when everyone’s getting off work would be a hassle. The roads around the university are all congested right now.

“Are you sure?” Phii Joe turned to ask me.

“Yes.” I said, nodding to confirm.

“Are you going to wait for the rain to stop or come with me?” Phii Arthit asked.

“Wait for the rain to lighten a bit.”

“Normally, even with a storm, you can ride. Okay then, I’ll go. See you later.”

“See you.” Phii Johan replied. Phii Arthit waved slightly before dashing out into the rain, starting his sleek motorcycle and speeding off like a rocket.

Now, it was just me and Phii Johan sitting together, though there were still a few people scattered around the gym, and quite a few standing outside waiting for the rain to stop.

“Did you bring your motorcycle today?” I asked, even though I sort of knew the answer.

“Yes.”

“Did you wake up late?”

“Something like that.” “What time did you wake up?” I asked, noticing him looking at me with a slight suspicion. What, did I ask too many questions? T^T. In the end, Phii Joe didn’t say anything, just answered my question.

“Woke up at nine, for class at nine.”

“Wow, and what time did you sleep?”

“Almost six in the morning, I guess.”

“Do you have any work today?”

“No, unless something urgent comes up.”

“Oh…” I fell silent for a moment, not knowing what to say next. I didn’t look at the person sitting beside me, so I wasn’t sure what he was doing. The rain outside was loud, and the air was getting colder as evening approached.

“Should we head back? I think it might get worse.”

“Yeah, are you sure you won’t catch a cold?”

“Yes.” I nodded.

“Good.” That was all he said before he stood up. Initially, I wanted to give back the jacket, thinking the rider should wear it since they’d get hit by more rain, but Phii Johan didn’t take it. Eventually, we ran through the rain to his motorcycle. I struggled to get on, but finally, we managed to ride out of the gym area.

 

   NORTH HOW MUCH IS YOUR LOVE CHAPTERS HOME

NORTHHOWMUCHISYOURLOVE, Chapter 17 part 2

“Who told you to come out in the rain?” Phii Joe asked in a displeased tone, leaving me speechless for a moment before he turned to grab a towel and threw it over my head. “If you catch a cold, you could end up dead.” He said, still sounding very annoyed. I caught the towel in confusion and started to dry my hair with it before Phii Joe’s jacket was draped over me.

“Wear this.”

“Thank you.” I mumbled, bowing my head slightly before thanking him. This was actually the first time someone had given me a jacket in this cold weather.

Thank you for being kind to me…

“Where’s Phii Prang? Why did she let you get wet?” Phii Joe asked, deliberately ignoring Phii Arthit who seemed about to say something.

“Phii Prang dropped me off at the gym entrance, but I told her I could walk through the rain. It’s fine.” I explained. Phii Prang didn’t leave me in the rain at all. Initially, she wanted to drop me off closer, but I declined, “I can handle the rain, it’s no problem.”

“Really?”

“Yes, I never get a cold no matter how much I get rained on.”

“Don’t let me see you sick then.” Phii Johan said, still looking somewhat annoyed.

“Joe, my debt, when are you going to pay it back?” Phii Arthit brought up.

“What debt?”

“Fifteen thousand, for the photo.”

“You took it like you were using your heel to take the photo, and you have the nerve to ask for payment?” Phii Joe remarked.

“Come on, you told me to take it.”

“Yeah, yeah, annoying.” Phii Johan said before taking out his phone, pressing here and there for a moment before looking up to continue talking to Phii Arthit, “Are you happy now?”

“That’s it. Should’ve transferred it from the start.” “I was talking to Fah’s father, okay? As soon as I was done, I rushed here.” Phii Joe said, “Hill kept pushing me, it’s insane.”

“Yeah, just now Hill said you need to start practicing.” Phii Fah mentioned.

“I’m not going.”

“Come on.”

“I’m lazy.”

“Joe.” Phii Hill called out again, and Phii Joe immediately sighed.

“Damn it, you’re good at making me work, Tit, you go practice in my place.”

“Where would I do that? If you don’t practice, what will you compete with?” Phii Arthit said.

“Whatever, just go practice in my place for now.”

“Alright, where’s your shirt?”

“In the bag.”

“Okay.” Phii Arthit got up and walked over to the bag Phii Joe pointed at, took off his shirt, and changed into a basketball jersey amidst the gazes of everyone in the gym. There was a buzz of excitement, especially from the girls, almost all of them turning to look. Phii Arthit had the expected athletic build of a sportsman, with a darker skin tone to boot.

Phii Joe also has a good physique, like someone who seriously works out, even if I’ve never seen him shirtless.

I think the girls who came to watch basketball are probably more interested in watching the players than the game itself. They likely came to see Phii Hill and Phii Johan, but today Phii Arthit is practicing instead, and even though Phii Joe isn’t practicing, there are still plenty of eyes on him.

“Can you practice for him?” Phii Fah asked.

“Hmph, why not? It’s just selecting first-years, anyone can do it.”

“The basketball club has a lot of people.” “And your club? When did you get here anyway?” Phii Joe turned to ask Phii Fah.

“Just before the rain started. When you were asleep, my club had nothing today, so I came to hang out with you guys. I’ve got nothing to do.” Phii Fah said, “How did talking to dad go?”

“Oh, nothing much, but it seems two weeks is a bit too long. He’s worried about complications.” Phii Johan explained. I’m not sure if it’s just my imagination, but there seemed to be a noticeable difference in how Phii Fah talks compared to Phii Arthit. Phii Fah does seem genuinely kind-hearted.

“There are already problems. Earlier, Arthit said he’s going to America too, after midterms.”

“Going to America?”

“Yeah, just for a few days, I heard.” Phii Fah said, letting out a small sigh, “But it’s not likely to be just a few days. Me and Hill will definitely have our hands full with work.”

“Where are you going?”

“Miami.”

“Figures.” Phii Johan said, not looking too surprised. When Miami was mentioned, I thought about car races, having seen them in movies often.

“Come here.” Phii Joe said, pulling me towards him, and then lifted me onto his lap as usual, but…

This is in the gym…

   And there were so many people around…

   But the other party didn’t seem to care much. Phii Fah furrowed his brows, looking at the other person’s actions with a bit of disbelief. Now, I found myself being hugged from behind again.

   Like…

   I was already embarrassed normally. With so many eyes on me, it made me feel even more embarrassed by who knows how much. I tried to squirm away but to no avail, as always. Phii Johan hugged me even tighter, seemingly annoyed when he saw me struggling.

   Oh man, everyone’s watching! T^T

   “Joe, everyone’s watching.” Phii Fah said.

“Let them.”

It wasn’t exactly sitting on his lap; it was more like sitting between his legs, and then being hugged so my back was pressed against his chest, with his chin resting on my shoulder like he did last time when he was complaining about being tired.

Phii Arthit, who was on the field, turned to look with a disgusted expression and nudged Phii Hill to look as well.

“Hill doesn’t mind, he has Nong Ter to hug.” Phii Fah said, looking disappointed, “It’s the single folks like us who suffer.”

!!!

I couldn’t help but flinch when suddenly the person behind me leaned in close, pressing his nose and mouth against my cheek, breathing softly as if to take in my scent, staying like that for a moment before pulling back.

“Phii, what are you doing?” I tried to protest as quietly as possible because I was embarrassed by others. I didn’t even dare to turn around to see how others were looking at us, immediately lowering my head in embarrassment. No way. No, not like this in front of so many people!!

Come on, there are so many people watching, why doesn’t he care about others’ eyes?

“Don’t squirm.”

“Damn you!”

“What?”

“…”

Hy!!!!

“Sometimes you go too far.” Phii Fah said, shaking his head slightly. “The kid might have a heart attack one day.”

Phii Fah!!

“Yeah, I agree.”

In the end, I couldn’t escape, feeling extremely embarrassed under the gaze of everyone in the gym…I wondered if I was being secretly photographed like last time, but the person holding me seemed completely unbothered.

I reached for my backpack, took out a water bottle because my throat was very dry, drank through the straw, and then handed it to the person behind me.

“Water?”

“Hmm.” and I ended up holding the water for Phii Johan like that before putting the bottle back in my bag.

“You guys are so sweet.” Phii Fah said with the utmost annoyance. “This is what a tiger without claws looks like.”

A tiger without claws…?

   I’m so embarrassed

   T^T

   “Will you take the kid to Boston too?” Phii Fah asked. I raised my eyebrows, slightly surprised by his words.

“No.” Phii Joe replied. “Or do you want to go?”

“Huh. Me?” I asked, taken aback. “I have classes.”

“Hmm. You wouldn’t be able to keep up with the work anyway.” Phii Johan said in a flat tone. I certainly couldn’t go; I’m not as capable as him to catch up with nearly two weeks of work. I’d probably die trying.

“Will you go right after the midterms?” I asked. “Yes.”

“Then you’ll have to study and prepare for work at the same time.”

“Hmm.”

“Wow.” I said, almost in disbelief. It’s really too much, isn’t it? Medical exams are already life-threatening enough, aren’t they?

“…”

“I asked a friend. He said that in Boston right now, it’s freezing, below zero by several degrees, and there’s snow too. Make sure to take a lot of warm clothes.”

“Hmm.”

“Phii.”

“Huh?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know you had work yesterday. I shouldn’t have invited you to watch a movie. You had to rush back to work without sleeping because I insisted on watching a movie.”

“Forget it.”

“…”

“No matter where you want to go.”

“…”

“I’ll take you.”

The song “Dear no one” by Tori Kelly:

   But sometimes, I just want somebody to hold

   Someone to give me their jacket when it’s cold

   Got that young love even when we’re old

   Yeah, sometimes, I want someone to grab my hand

   Pick me up, pull me close, be my man

   I will love you till the end

   But sometimes, I just want someone to hug me

   Someone who will offer me their jacket when I’m cold

   Having love like we’re still young, even though we’ve grown up

   Sometimes, I just want someone to hold my hand

   To lift me up, pull me close, and be my man

   And I will love you for life

  

   NORTH HOW MUCH IS YOUR LOVE CHAPTERS HOME

NORTHHOWMUCHISYOURLOVE, Chapter 17 part 1

   Chapter 17: Dear No One

   After sitting in the car with Phii Prang for about fifteen minutes, one thing I didn’t quite understand was why the traffic was so bad. Normally, it would only take a few minutes to leave the university, but I wasn’t sure if there was some event happening today. Earlier, I saw Phii Arthit on his big bike, riding through the rain, overtaking us at a speed that made me secretly worry he might crash. He was swerving left and right as if in a rush, just like when I rode with Phii Joe, but Phii Arthit seemed even scarier.

During those fifteen minutes in the car, Phii Prang and I chatted casually until I asked about Phii Joe’s job. Honestly, I never knew the details of what he does. Through our conversation with Phii Prang, I learned that Phii Joe’s father’s company is one of the top electronics equipment manufacturers in the country, with branches both domestically and internationally. They are expanding their business, exporting to many countries, and importantly,

It’s a company I’m quite familiar with.

“I didn’t think it was Phii Joe’s company.” I said, exhaling to calm my excitement, because this company collaborates with my university specifically for producing personnel in this field. My professor mentioned this during the freshman orientation. From what I remember, the professor said something like…

It’s not just our Faculty of Engineering but also other faculties involved in the electronics market. This company provides support in terms of scholarships and educational resources to produce high-quality professionals. By the fourth year, this company becomes the most sought-after for internships, and upon graduation, it’s one of the top places students want to work at.

“North, you’re studying Electrical Engineering, right? Would you like to intern there?” Phii Prang asked.

“Yes, I’d love to. Everyone wants to intern at this company. I even want to work there right away.” I said truthfully. Having heard the teachers mention it often, it’s natural to be interested. When I asked seniors or looked up information, they all agreed it’s a great place to work, whether it’s the salary, work quality, standards, or anything else, it’s the best.

“Of course, it was tough for me to get in too. The standards are very high, you know that, right?”

“I know.” I nodded, because the company’s standards are high, so are the standards for employment, “What did you study, Phii Prang?”

“I majored in engineering too, didn’t I tell you?”

“No, you didn’t.”

“Really? I’m your senior then. What grade point average did you get?”

“I got a 3.47 GPA, Phii Prang?”

“Wow, I had a 3.34, now I feel old.” Phii Prang gave a wry smile without turning to look at me, “I did major in engineering. At first, I worked in my field, but as my position changed, I ended up working as a secretary somehow.”

“And does Phii Joe manage the company?” I asked further. “Yeah, something like that. How should I put it, he’s in the phase of proving himself to the president, I guess. So it’s really heavy for him. He’s trying to show that he has the potential to take over the company. This is the hardest time for him, the president is teaching him the ropes intensely. Going to Boston is similar.”

“What is he going to do in Boston?”

“He’s going to talk to a major client. If it goes through, we could expand the business. The client would start using our equipment primarily, oh my, it would increase the company finances by who knows how many times. It gives me goosebumps just thinking about it. The money the company has now could already fill Mars.”

“Wow, that’s a kind of work and money I can’t even fathom.” I said, thinking about it. For a regular person like me, tens or hundreds of thousands is already a lot. But for a company of that size, dealing with international clients…

“Hundreds of millions, or even close to a billion, I can’t imagine that much money either.” Phii Prang said, “And it’s not just the first deal. Once the investment is in, the money will keep coming, right?”

I nodded to show I understood. With such a big deal, does he feel the pressure? No, there has to be pressure. And another thing I thought of was how much Phii Johan must prove himself to show everyone he can take over. The company is full of talented, experienced people. You have to make them see that you are capable enough.

Phii Prang said it’s not easy for someone younger to become the head of hundreds or thousands, the real world is all about competition. That’s why Phii Johan works so much harder than anyone else.

And Phii Joe’s father seems to be pushing too hard. If he waited until after graduation, things wouldn’t have been this intense. Seeing that his son is capable and performs well, Phii Prang said she wasn’t sure if it was support or imposition, but she knew Phii Johan never refused.

“It’s also a matter of social prestige. As a father and CEO, he can proudly say his only son is studying medicine. Just studying medicine alone is a source of great pride, not to mention he can also brag that his son, at such a young age, is very good at work, you know? He’ll hand over the business in a few years, that’s how it goes. Do you realize that the new products everyone is using are overseen by my son in terms of design, production, and sales?”

“…”

“The latter part, I just copied from what the chairman said.”

“Wow, Phii Joe must be the son his parents are incredibly proud of.” I said, understanding from his father’s words just how much pride he takes in his son. It’s indeed something to be proud of, studying medicine for his mother and working for his father.

“Exactly. Go for it with the internship, you might want to talk to Joe about it, but flattery won’t work with him.” Phii Prang said with the utmost exasperation, “Normally, when we bring gifts, bosses tend to favor us, right? This one, nope. He told me back then, ‘Phii Prang, better spend your time doing documents for me.’“

“Really?” I couldn’t help but chuckle a little at Phii Prang’s words. That sounds like Phii Joe.

“Yes, and he’s really good at making use of people, efficiently dividing tasks, but with me, he makes me do everything. If it weren’t for the high bonuses, I’d be done for.” Phii Prang started to complain as the car pulled up near the basketball gym.

“Is Phii Joe here?” I asked.

“Yeah, I heard so. Do you have an umbrella? I don’t have one in the car.”

“It’s fine, I’ll just run for a bit.” “No, no, what if you catch a cold? I’d be in trouble, North. Joe would kill me, and I don’t want to look for a new job.” Phii Prang said with concern, “Here, take my jacket to cover up.”

“It’s okay, I won’t catch a cold from just a bit of rain.” I assured her.

“Really?”

“Really, I don’t get colds easily. I could stand in the rain for an hour and still be fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“I am.”

“Alright, then run carefully. If you fall, it’ll be worse. I’m the one who’s in trouble here, I should’ve driven you right to the gym.”

“No need to do that, I’m fine.” I said as I opened the car door. It was pouring heavily, the front view obscured by a curtain of rain, “I’m going now, thank you for dropping me off and thank you for the tuition as well.” I said quickly. Phii Prang nodded to show she understood. Then I ran out of the car.

Just running from the parking lot to the front of the gym made me completely soaked. Once I was out of the car, I realized how bad it was outside because of the wind too, and I didn’t have a raincoat. How ironic, the day I wear a raincoat, it doesn’t rain.

I lifted my hand to lightly shake out my hair to get rid of some water. I’ve never worried about catching a cold from the rain, because since I was born, I’ve never caught a cold from being in the rain. I wonder why people get colds from rain, it’s not different from taking a shower, you get wet either way. There was one time I rode back to the dorm in the rain with Ter’s friend, Phoon, who was sitting behind me with a raincoat, and he still got a cold. Meanwhile, I, who was driving and soaked like a drowned rat, didn’t get sick at all. It’s quite puzzling. I walked into the gym where there were lots of lively people. Some were practicing on the field, others were sitting in the stands. I scanned the area and spotted Phii Hill in the far corner, near the medical faculty banner, talking to a group of people. So, I walked over to him.

“Phii Hill.” I called out with a smile, and Phii Hill turned towards my voice.

“Oh, North, here to see Joe?” I nodded in response. Phii Hill pointed towards someone leaning against the first row of the stands, covered by a hoodie, looking like he was dozing off, not far from Phii Arthit and Phii Fah.

I smiled at Phii Hill again before mustering the courage to walk over. Phii Fah and Phii Arthit immediately looked at me.

“Nong North, did you come through the rain? You’re soaked.” Phii Fah remarked lightly. I gave a wry smile before sitting down next to Phii Joe, who was dozing off.

“Joe seems tired. He probably didn’t sleep last night, you can wake him up if you want.” Phii Fah said.

“It’s okay.” I whispered, better to let him rest.

“How do you wake him up? I tried earlier and he wouldn’t wake.” Phii Arthit said. With my wet hair, I knew I wasn’t seeing things; the person I saw riding the big bike and cutting in front of people earlier was indeed Phii Arthit. The outdoor football club must have been canceled due to this heavy rain.

“Why do you need to wake him up? Better to ask what for, to talk to you?” Phii Fah asked.

“To get my money back, he hasn’t transferred the fifteen thousand to me yet.”

“Get your money back? Joe owes you money?”

“Yes.”

“Joe? What’s fifteen thousand for?”

“A photo.” “What kind of picture?”

“I can’t tell you, Fah, it’s really a secret.”

“Whatever, do what you want.”

“Arthit.” Phii Hill shouted from where he was standing talking with someone. Phii Arthit turned towards the call.

“What?”

“Wake up Joe, he needs to practice.”

“Huh? He’s not awake yet?” Phii Arthit shouted back, “Should I check his pulse?”

“Yeah, do whatever.” Phii Hill said before turning away.

“Fah, check his pulse.”

“Arthit, he’s just sleeping deeply, not dead.”

“Not sure, he told me I was dead just for waking up late.” Phii Arthit said with a look of frustration. I held back a slight smile as I remembered.

“You really hold a grudge against him, huh?” Phii Fah said with a small laugh, “Why don’t you try waking him, North?”

“Me?”

“Yes, give it a try.”

“Okay.” I nodded slightly before reaching over to shake Phii Joe’s arm and calling his name several times. He finally opened his eyes with the most irritable look.

He always gets grumpy when woken up like this, T^T

“What?” Phii Johan furrowed his brows at me, then sat up. “Is it raining?”

“Yes, it’s raining.”

 

   NORTH HOW MUCH IS YOUR LOVE CHAPTERS HOME

NORTHHOWMUCHISYOURLOVE, Chapter 16 part 2

“Yeah, I’ve felt like that, do you feel like you want Phii Joe to hug you again or something?” Ter said, squinting at me, “You were hugged just now, weren’t you?” Then he gave a smirk that was quite annoying.

“I’m not talking to you anymore, you annoying ass.” I said, about to get up from the chair, but Ter grabbed my arm.

“Wait, wait, I’m not teasing anymore. Tell me.”

“Yeah…I felt that way, it…felt warm, I guess.” And I liked it when he patted my head too. Even if it was someone else patting my head, I wouldn’t like it as much. Like when Phii Tharn patted my head, I almost died of annoyance inside.

“That’s good then. Is it like this when you’re with him?”

“How so?”

“Skinship.”

“What’s that?”

“Like touching, holding, hugging.”

“Oh.” If skinship means what Ter is describing, then Phii Johan must really like skinship. I wonder if he does that with everyone or if it’s just with me, which would be nice. Uh…

“North, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Your face is really red.” I touched my face lightly. The thoughts I just had indicated that I’m starting to like him more, don’t they? From thinking I had already opened up, now I’m liking him more and more.

“Hold on, I need a timeout.” I said, lifting one hand as a signal to stop, while the other covered my face before I bent over, breathing deeply to compose myself.

“You’re so cute when you’re embarrassed.”

“No need for compliments, but thank you anyway.” I said before letting out a big sigh, then looked up at Ter again, “Okay now.”

“That’s funny.” Ter said, chuckling a bit at my demeanor, “And what are you getting embarrassed about?”

“Uh, well.”

“Looks like I, as your wingman, am not needed anymore.” he said, making a face like he was sulking, “I wanted to scream and shout in the restaurant. When I found out Phii Joe gave his card to Phii Hill to treat you, I was super embarrassed on your behalf, but I had to keep it in.”

“Did you keep it in?” I said, remembering how Ter had kicked my chair, which startled me completely.

“Guess he’s liked you for a long time.”

“…”

“You’re getting embarrassed again.”

“Stop, no teasing, you beast.” I said loudly, feeling embarrassed just thinking about it. I thought Phii Hill had always been kind to me, but it turns out it was Phii Johan all along.

Oh my… “See, you get mad when you’re embarrassed.”

“Do you like being insulted? You keep teasing me.”

“I’ll stop teasing. About Phii Joe going to work in Boston, what are you going to do?” Ter asked.

“What can I do?”

“Go with him.”

“Are you crazy? I have to study, right?” I said. With nearly two weeks worth of work piling up, Phii Joe would definitely be overwhelmed too.

“Phii Joe also has to study. Isn’t this too much work? Seriously, if he is studying, shouldn’t he not be working this much?” Ter said with a thoughtful look, “Aren’t you going to tell him to take a break?”

“Probably not.” I shook my head. While I’m concerned about him working so hard, I don’t really want to tell him to rest because I think someone who works this hard must be very driven and struggles with themselves a lot. Telling him to rest out of the blue might just discourage him for no reason.

“If he really can’t handle it, he might tell me quietly, but he probably knows his own limits, I guess.” I said, following my thoughts, “My job is just to support him.”

“You’re exemplary, not stopping him no matter what he does, always there to support him, huh?” Ter said, squinting at me again, which was getting too annoying, always looking for ways to tease.

“Oh right, North, I forgot to tell you.”

“What?”

“About the dorm fee, I’ve already paid it.”

“Huh? How? I haven’t given you any money yet.” “Yesterday evening, the dorm manager messaged me saying if we didn’t pay quickly, she’d cut off the water and electricity, so I had to transfer the money to her.”

“Oh, well, that’s good then, I’ll pay you back later.” I said, thinking he initially said he didn’t have the money, if he had paid it upfront, it would have been settled. We wouldn’t have risked losing water and electricity like this.

“You don’t have to pay me back, pay Phii Joe back.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, tilting my head in confusion.

“How would I have the money to pay for you in advance? It was really urgent, so I messaged Phii Joe last night. I tried messaging you too, but you had no money, so Phii Joe transferred seven thousand for the dorm fee to me.” Ter explained before pulling out his wallet and handing me some money, “Here’s the change, I withdrew it to give back to you.”

I took the change, still a bit confused.

“Wait a minute, Ter…then why did I borrow fifty thousand from Phii Joe for? I was planning to use eleven thousand for the dorm fee.” Because the gold was forty thousand, right? The extra eleven thousand was supposed to go towards the dorm fee, since my other money was for tuition.

“Tuition fees.” Ter said.

“No, I already had eleven thousand, I have money for tuition.”

“I don’t know, but it was urgent. The dorm manager messaged at ten, asking if I could transfer before ten-fifteen. She said if the electricity was cut, it would take another two or three days for it to be turned back on.”

“So, in the end, there’s extra money now?”

“Giving it to you.” “I’m not taking it. It’ll just add to my debt.” I said, holding my head, why does Ter do things without asking me first? That’s an extra 7,000 baht in debt, and even if I borrowed it, Phii Johan won’t accept it back in cash.

“Sorry, I didn’t know about your debt conditions at first…thought you could pay it back later. I didn’t know he wouldn’t accept cash back.” Ter’s voice got quieter and quieter as he spoke, and then he slapped my arm.

“Ouch, why did you hit me?”

“What are the conditions for repaying the money, man? Damn, you’re making me embarrassed, why can’t you be gentle all the time, huh?” Ter said, shaking my arm back and forth to deal with his embarrassment. Why is he so intensely embarrassed? My arm is all bruised now.

“Have you even started counting how much you’ve paid back?”

“Uh.” I shook my head slightly, “How am I supposed to keep my composure to count?”

“Phii Joe probably knows already.”

“What?”

“That you can’t keep count.” I widened my eyes as I realized, that’s right, Phii Joe probably knows I wouldn’t be able to count it. Honestly, who could count in that situation? My mind was going blank, and I had to count how many times we kissed, with each time lasting who knows how many minutes, when would I count?

“Damn him…he’s cheating.”

“Nao, hurry up!” I turned around and shouted for Duennao who was walking with a grumpy face on the sidewalk, while I was on his motorcycle, waiting for him from a distance.

“Hurry your left nut, you’re just teasing me.”

“Hurry up, or you’ll miss football practice, and I won’t wait for you.” “Oh, you jerk.” Nao, hearing this, ran towards me. As he got close, I teasingly moved the bike further away.

“Come on, when are we going?”

“North, you bastard, I’m in a hurry!”

“I’m in a hurry too. You’re slow. Should I head to the football field and wait for you there?”

“You’re just teasing me!” Nao shouted loudly, making me laugh, because Nao didn’t have a helmet which is a requirement to drive in the campus, so he had to walk to the front gate because the guard wouldn’t let him in without one, and he still hadn’t reached me yet, truly slow.

“It’s my bike, North.”

“Can you run faster? I am not waiting anymore.”

“Asshole.” Duennao shouted at me again, and after a while, he did come over. Once I got on, he slapped my head once. Even though I was wearing a helmet, it still stung, confirming what Tiger said about Nao being heavy-handed.

Today is Monday.

Since we finished watching the movie yesterday, I haven’t talked to Phii Johan, and today marks the first day of Sport Day activities. There will be various activities like sports practice, cheering squad rehearsals. As the midterms approach, activities will stop to allow time for studying, and after nearly two weeks, it will be the day of Sport Day itself.

And that’s when Phii Joe will go to Boston.

At first, I was puzzled about why the activities period was so long, but after seeing last year’s Sport Day event, I realized it was quite grand, starting from early morning and going on until the night, essentially combining both a day and night sports event. I managed to skip the brutal cheering squad of the engineering faculty by pretending to be a soccer player. Other faculties allow you to do something else instead of joining the cheering squad, but in engineering, everyone has to participate, even if they play sports. However, I thought if I pretended to be part of the sports team, I’d have an easier chance to skip out.

I rode my bike to the big football field and parked there. Kyu followed with Skater on the back. Today was the day for selecting the soccer club members to find the starters and reserves for the competition. Those who don’t make it have to go back to the cheering squad. The only ones trying out today are Nao and Kyu. Meanwhile, I and Kett just came to hang out.

“Oh, North.” I turned towards the voice calling me, and it was Phii Arthit. He was with the medical faculty’s football team. I had to walk past them a bit to get to our engineering group, which means the selection for both the medical and engineering faculties are close by. Wow, it’s intense right from the selection phase.

Tiger, who’s the captain of the engineering team, said the faculty they least want to compete against is the medical faculty because Phii Arthit is their captain, and these two faculties have been vying for the championship for several years.

“Hello Phii Arthit.” I greeted him immediately. Phii Arthit in his sports attire looked even better than usual; the sports outfit really suits him.

“Are you competing in soccer too?”

“Oh, no, I’m not. Just here to watch my friends.”

“Not joining the cheering squad?”

“I’m skipping it, hehe.” I said, giving him a dry smile before letting my other three friends go ahead, “So, uh, has the medical faculty started their selection yet?”

“Today is the day, waiting for the freshmen to arrive.” “Oh.” I nodded, indicating that I understood. “And…where is Phii Joe?” I asked inadvertently. I just wanted to know what he was up to, that’s all. We haven’t talked at all, and I didn’t dare to message him either.

“Huh?” Phii Arthit raised his eyebrow slightly, “Oh, he was called by Fah’s father again. If he’s done talking, he’s probably at the basketball club.”

“Oh…I see.” Phii Fah’s father, the dean, right? So, the matter of asking for leave isn’t settled yet, huh?

“Uh, can we take a picture together?” Phii Arthit asked, which made me look at him with confusion. Why would he suddenly want to take a picture with me?

“Uh…sure.” I agreed, even though I was still confused, before smiling for the camera when Phii Arthit set it up to take the photo.

“Can I post it?”

“You can.”

“Then I’ll tag you, give me your Facebook.”

“Here.” and then I gave him my Facebook name. So, Phii Arthit actually posted a picture with me and even tagged me, “But why did you take the photo?”

“Huh?”

“Never mind, I just wanted to tease someone.”

Oh no, this is bad…

I opened Facebook to find that he had indeed tagged me in the photo, and in the picture, Phii Arthit looked really good compared to me. Then I looked at the caption…

ArthitSw, added 1 new photo – With North Natchanan, @JohanCt.

   He even tagged Phii Joe…

The likes and comments were coming in fast. Wait, am I the one in trouble here? Not only does my face not look great in the photo, but I might also get criticized.

Phii Fah commented too: PowarutTf.: You went to tease him, and you even tagged him.

   ArthitSw: @PowarutTf. Wanted to see someone get heated up.

   And there were comments asking who I was, and they tagged Phii Johan as well, why so many comments? And various other comments, which I didn’t feel like reading right now.

“North, come here!” I heard Duennao shout. At first, I wanted to ask Phii Arthit something, but I had to excuse myself to go find Nao. I saw Phii Arthit looking at his phone, chuckling slightly before answering a call, putting the phone to his ear. Since I left before hearing who called, I didn’t know who was on the other end.

Incoming call from: Johan’

(delete)

   “You have a fast response.”

(Arthit)

   “I won’t delete.”

(You’re annoying, where are you now?)

   “At the football field, coming here?”

(Can’t go, the dean is being a pain in the ass.)

   “Why?”

(He’s called me until I’m sick of it.)

   “And you’re still at Fah’s dad’s office?”

(In front of the office, waiting to talk business with someone, don’t know who.)

   “Didn’t you already sort everything out?”

(Yeah. If the dean office still doesn’t get it after this, then there’s no need to talk anymore. This will be the last time they talk to me, or they can talk to my dad, they can choose.)

   “If your dad comes, everything will explode.” (Exactly. If they don’t want that mess, they should let me go, or I’ll end up killing someone.)

   “Hot-headed, am I making you even more hot-headed?”

(Yeah, delete the message, you beast.)

   “I won’t delete.”

(Arthit)

   “What?”

(You are…annoying.)

   “If you want me to delete it, transfer the money.”

(Are you so broke that you have to scam money from me now?)

   “No, I don’t want your money. If you want me to delete it, just transfer.”

(How much?)

   “Two.”

(Two thousand?)

   “Two thousand, twenty thousand, two hundred thousand, whatever.”

(Beast)

   “Okay, I’ll delete it. I found a way to make money.”

(Joe these days, he’s working easy.)

   “Joe. Do you think I’m Joe?”

(Isn’t it the same? And where are you now?)

   “Football field.”

(What are you doing?)

   “Waiting for the first-year students to try out.”

(Not talking about you, don’t think you’re so important.)

   “Oh, the junior is the important one then.”

(…)

   “Hanging out with friends, said they skipped cheerleading practice to just hang out here, they asked about you earlier too.”

(Really?)

   “Smiling secretly, huh?”

(What are you talking about, send a picture. Not of you, though. Don’t show your face.)

   “How much for a picture?”

(Tit, if we didn’t know each other, I’d think you were short on cash.)

   “So, how much are you offering?”

(How much do you want?)

   “Three thousand per photo, I’ll send them as an album.”

(Okay, make sure you take good pictures.)

   “Got it.”

…

The weather was quite chilly even though it was only a little past four in the afternoon, and there was not much sun, truly fitting for the winter season even if it’s not exactly winter-like, but for Thailand, this is good enough.

“It looks like it might rain.” Skater remarked while Duennao and Kyu were changing their shoes.

“You’re annoying, North, on a cold day you don’t wear a jacket, but on days when it’s boiling hot, you choose to wear one.” Kyu said. The reason I wore it wasn’t for the weather, it’s because Phii Hill mentioned that a hot compress could help. So, I applied a hot compress all night, and the red mark on my neck actually went away. I must thank Phii Hill for that.

Phii Joe must have known about this too, but why didn’t he tell me? T^T

“Hey, Nao.” I called out to Nao, suddenly remembering something, “Your brother, he’s in Boston, right?” I recalled that Duennao had told me he had a twin, and he had shown off several pictures of him, named ‘Dannuea’, the older brother who went to study in America.

I like the names of these two, Dannuea and Duennao, they really fit together. Even though they might cause some confusion.

“Yeah, why?”

“Phii Joe is going to work in Boston.”

“Really, that’s pretty far.” Skater said with a slightly surprised look, “Won’t that affect his studies?”

“I heard he’s taking time off from studying.” I said.

“How long will he be gone?” Kett asked.

“About two weeks, I guess.”

“Wow, the studies are already tough enough for doctors, now he’s going to work as well, is he a superhuman or what?”

“Daniel called me the other day, he said it’s really cold in Boston right now, with snow and everything, the temperature is below zero by several degrees.” Duennao said.

“Daniel?” I repeated, who is Daniel?

   “It’s Dannuea…When he moved there, people started calling him Dan, thinking it was short for Daniel. So I often teased him, calling him Daniel until it stuck.”

“Oh, I see. That’s cool.” I said, thinking that with a name like that, he could fit in abroad, “How many hours is it from Bangkok to Boston?”

“Eleven, it’s like a day and night switch.”

“I’ve never met your brother. I’ve only seen pictures. Doesn’t he ever come back to Thailand?” I asked. I’ve only heard Nao talk about him, bragging about his brother this and that, but never got a chance to meet him in person.

“Nah, but I’m planning to save up and fly there to surprise him.”

“Really? When are you going?” “Waiting for my holiday and to save up money first. But I’ve never been abroad. I’m not sure if I can make it.” Nao said, looking slightly worried.

“Take Tiger with you, doesn’t he go abroad often?” I suggested. I’ve been quietly shipping this little ship for a while now, often subtly pushing and helping out, but the issue is that the captain is too clumsy. At this rate, there might not even be a ship to begin with, it might just be me swimming alone.

“I asked him. He said he’s not free, so I’m disappointed.”

“Really? He said he’s not free?”

“Yeah.”

I made a face of disbelief. Tiger isn’t free for Nao? That can’t be true. The only reason must be that he’s playing hard to get. He doesn’t seem to care much about Nao when others are around, but behind the scenes, he’s all over him, buying food, snacks, all sorts of ginger stuff for Nao until one might think he owns a ginger farm.

“Try asking him again.” I said.

“Why?”

“He might think you’re joking. Just beg him, ask him a lot.” This might be the time we see the tiger (of jealousy) collapse from a heart attack.

“Pfft, ask how? But I’ll try asking him again later.” Duennao said, “I miss Dan. I’m really worried when someone goes far away, especially Dan. I don’t know if he’s getting teased over there.”

“Do you guys call each other all the time?” I asked.

“Yeah, all the time. The last time he called, he was crying saying he missed home, it nearly broke my heart, my brother, sigh.” He let out a big sigh. I don’t quite understand sibling relationships since I never had any, especially twins who have been together since birth. It’s natural for them to love each other deeply. After a while of chatting, the coach called for all the athletes to gather, leaving just me and Skater sitting here. I had already arranged with Tiger to register both myself and Skater as reserves. If the cheerleading senior comes by, they’ll see me around the field and I can pretend I’m here to practice.

While sitting there, my phone rang.

Incoming call from: Phii Prang’

   No matter if it’s a message or a call, seeing Phii Prang’s name always sets me on edge.

“Hello, Phii Prang.”

(North, what’s our student ID number?)

   “Hmm…Me? It’s 249.”

(Oh, Electrical Engineering, right? From the Engineering Faculty.)

   “Yes, what’s up?”

(I came to pay the tuition fee, almost missed it, nearly got your credits dropped, did you know? Joe told me to hurry over.)

   “Huh? Tuition fee, what do you mean?”

(I’ll call back later, but I need to pay first.)

   Then Phii Prang hung up. I completely forgot about the tuition fee, just yesterday I was talking about it with Ter, but today I completely forgot. Actually, the deadline for paying the tuition was almost up, but Phii Prang said she was paying it now.

Ten minutes later, Phii Prang called again, and I quickly answered.

(It’s good you caught it in time, getting credits dropped would’ve been bad.)

   “I’m really sorry. I forgot about it.” I said, feeling guilty. Why am I so forgetful? T^T I need to fix this urgently.

(No worries, I got a lot of overtime pay from the boss for this.)

   “Did Phii Joe pay my tuition?” (Yeah, it’s been added to the debt.)

   “…”

“Oh, that’s bad.” I said in a low voice, letting out a big sigh.

(I was going to ask you first, but it’s really urgent) Just like with Ter’s dorm fees, why does everything seem so urgent to me? T^T

“How much is the tuition fee, sister?”

(Ten thousand six hundred, hold on, let me check our debt, I just calculated it) the voice on the phone said before there was a sound like they were rummaging through a bag, (In total, two hundred seventy-nine thousand nine hundred thirty baht.)

   (Just seventy baht more and it would be two hundred eighty thousand, can we round it up?)

   “No way. Absolutely not, seventy baht still counts.” I quickly said. Every baht matters now.

(Then shall I top up your phone credit? Let’s make it a nice round number. I find accounting hard.)

   “Oh, Phii Prang, okay then.” and Phii Prang topped up my phone credit. So, my total debt is two hundred eighty thousand, why is it so much? It’s almost three hundred thousand. T^T

(About the debt, has it been reduced at all?)

   “Huh? What did you say, sister?”

(Has the debt been reduced, like…uh, oh, I’m embarrassed.)

   “Phii Prang…you know about that too?”

(Uh, I had to pry it out of him almost to death, oh, it’s too much, really too much, but somehow it feels good.)

   “Phii Prang, please don’t tease me. I beg you.” damn, it’s so embarrassing, I want to hide, bury myself under the ground and disappear with the lava beneath the Earth’s crust, T^T

(Come on, you can trust me. No need to be embarrassed with me, this way, accounting will be a bit easier.)

   “Phii Prang…” I dragged out the word because I didn’t know what else to say. It’s embarrassing, isn’t it? How can she say I don’t have to be embarrassed when it’s this mortifying!

(Yeah, where are you? I’ll come pick you up, I’m in the university now, come pay the money.)

   “Huh? Pick me up to go where?”

(To find Joe, he told me to pick you up, and then we’ll go deliver you to him.)

   “I’m at the football field, right in front of the university, the big field.”

(Okay)

   I immediately packed my stuff when I heard Phii Prang was coming to pick me up. When I saw the black car stop nearby and the driver’s window rolled down to reveal Phii Prang, I ran towards her.

“Hey, North. Where are you going?” Skater grabbed me, asking with confusion.

“Oh…uh.”

“To see a doctor.”

“Huh? Are you sick?”

“I’ll be going, see you later.” I said and quickly ran off. I wasn’t lying, I really was going to see a doctor. If I had said I was going to see Phii Joe, I’d get teased again.

I got into Phii Prang’s car, and she gave me a kind smile. After a while, the rain that had been threatening to fall all morning started to come down. With it being the end of the school day and the rain, the university traffic was terrible.

“It starts raining now when we’re about to leave.” Phii Prang complained a little, “Oh yeah, here, I made a note, check if it’s correct.” She handed me a small piece of paper, and when I looked down, I saw it was a list of my debts that Phii Prang had calculated.

Tuition, dorm fees, motorcycle repair costs, plus the fifty thousand I borrowed.

Two hundred and eighty thousand…

   “It’s a lot, isn’t it?” Phii Prang said.

“Yes, it’s quite a lot.” I said, letting out a sigh in frustration.

“And the terms for paying back the debt…how would you feel if I told you I saw the marks on your neck and lips? Oh, at my age, I shouldn’t be embarrassed by something like this.” Phii Prang raised a hand to touch her cheek.

“Phii Prang, stop.” I quickly covered the spot on my neck. The mark had faded, but if you looked closely, you could still see faint traces, though they were very subtle.

“Okay, okay, I won’t ask. So, how much do you want to reduce the debt by? Just write it down.”

I looked at the paper with a heavy heart. How much should I reduce it by? I guessed…might as well guess generously. After writing, I handed the paper back to Phii Prang.

“Wow, fifteen thousand off? Oh, I won’t tease you anymore. Does that include hugs?”

“…”

“North, don’t blush and sulk at me, you’re too easy to tease.”

“Phii Prang, don’t tease.” I said, making a face at her. “Oh, right, I have more to tell you. First thing, you don’t have to work at the shop anymore, both shops. I heard you’re pretty busy with activities, but if you want to go, you can, and I’ll pay you daily instead.”

“Oh, I see.” I nodded, indicating that I understood. But I was still worried. If exams are coming up, I really won’t be able to work.

“If you want more snack money, you can ask Joe. Same conditions for paying off the debt.”

“…”

“Okay, okay, I won’t tease you, you’re too easy to tease.” Phii Prang said, chuckling and gently ruffling my hair in an affectionate manner, “Also, you don’t have to transfer the debt back to me. I won’t take cash back, you know that, right?”

I nodded slowly.

“Another thing…this is very important.”

“Yes?”

“Joe, he’s going to Boston, you know that, right?”

“Yes.”

“He’s going after the exams, with both work and studies, it’s a lot. Last night he didn’t sleep at all, there was urgent work. He sent it off early in the morning. He had an extra class scheduled in the morning, but by the time he got back to work, it was almost evening, and he finished almost at dawn.”

“I didn’t know where he went. Normally, if there’s work, he always rushes back to work first.”

“…”

That’s bad…

   So when he dropped me off at the dorm and seemed in a hurry, that was…

   I feel guilty now. I shouldn’t have invited him to watch the movie. If there was work, he could have told me. I’m not that unreasonable, and now he has to rush back to work without even sleeping.

   “Joe wasn’t always this irritable or short-tempered, he was more cheerful before. Sometimes when he’s quiet and doesn’t talk much, it’s because of the stress from work. The pressure from various directions, plus the exhaustion, how much can a person of his age handle? But Joe has always managed well.”

“But lately, it’s gotten heavier. Not long before he met you, his father wanted to hand over all the business before he graduates. I advised against it, suggesting he should wait until after graduation, but Joe insisted he could handle it. I don’t know where he gets this workaholic spirit from.” Phii Prang continued while I listened intently. Outside, it was raining, and there was traffic, so we had plenty of time to talk.

“Joe is really talented, I’ve never seen anyone work as hard as him before. And he’s studying medicine too. For a normal person, just studying medicine is draining enough, isn’t it? So you can see why he doesn’t attend classes much; he often misses out on the work at his faculty because he’s busy at the company.”

“Actually, for someone as busy as him, I still can’t believe he can be a ladies’ man too, but that might just be his way of responding to advances without thinking much. If someone offers, he just goes along with it. Am I being too harsh with my words?” Phii Prang said with a hint of concern before shifting gears as the car started moving.

“Not at all.” I said, shaking my head.

“That’s what I thought. But if those women met Johan the way you have, they probably wouldn’t stand a chance. Even if they could handle it, it wouldn’t be easy, and whether Joe would stick around is another story.” “What I want to say is, I’m glad it’s you, North. Joe has told me a little, but really just a little, so I hardly know anything.”

“What did he tell you?” I interjected, curious about what Phii Johan had shared about me.

“I won’t tell you that, but let’s just say it’s really good that it’s you. Even though Joe doesn’t need anyone to look after him, still…How should I put this? It seems like things are better with you around.”

Things are better with me around…

   “If things are better with me around, then I won’t go anywhere.”

 

   NORTH HOW MUCH IS YOUR LOVE CHAPTERS HOME

NORTHHOWMUCHISYOURLOVE, Chapter 16 part 1

   Chapter 16: There, For You

   I sat there, clutching my hands tightly, as my brain processed his words. A mix of emotions swirled within me, leaving me utterly confused. I sat in silence, letting the loud beating of my heart fill the void, hoping I was the only one who could hear it.

I was happy,

I was overjoyed,

and I was so embarrassed I could almost go mad…

The luxurious car was still parked in the medical faculty’s parking lot, not moving anywhere. I tried to take deep breaths to gather my thoughts. Phii Johan was someone who could make me lose all sense of direction, not for the first or the last time. Whether it was through his actions or his words, he made me feel like sometimes I wasn’t myself at all.

It felt like I could really go crazy. “Um…yes…thank you.”

I spoke softly, but inside the car, it was so quiet that my voice became the loudest sound. I really wanted to say thank you. I was so happy that he said that, thank you for considering my feelings. Even if I didn’t think much about it, having someone think about how you feel, that’s a really good thing, isn’t it?

And most importantly…

Thank you for having only me…

“Thank you.” I finally managed to say. At the very least, I should voice out what I felt in my heart.

“…” He didn’t respond. I didn’t dare look up, not wanting to meet his gaze, before deciding to change the topic to break the silence.

“Uh, Phii Joe, Ter and Phii Hill are going to watch a movie.” I mentioned. I wasn’t sure if someone like Phii Johan would usually watch movies, but like Ter said, it would be nice if we could all go out together sometimes. “Should we go too?”

“Watch a movie?”

“Yes.”

“Do you want to watch it?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Okay.” Phii Johan said without much thought. I was a bit surprised, raising an eyebrow slightly. I didn’t think it would be this easy.

“Really?” I said, delighted, “I want to watch a horror movie, but if you don’t want to, that’s okay. Or maybe we could ask Ter to join us, he said he doesn’t have anything special he wants to watch. Or do you want to watch something special?”

“Anything is fine…”

“Ah…okay.”

“But then, what do I need to do to go with you?”

…?

I looked up at the person beside me, confused.

“Huh?”

:It probably isn’t going to happen…

That statement immediately reminded me of last night’s incident, where no matter how much I pleaded or tried to push him away, Phii Johan wouldn’t stop. My head was spinning then, especially when he told me to count how many times we kissed. I told him I couldn’t count, until Phii Johan said if I wanted something, I should initiate the kiss first.

“Uh, I might not go then.” I said, making a face to myself, furrowing my brows when I understood what Phii Johan wanted. I glanced at him before looking away. Just thinking about it made my heart start to race again.

“Quickly.” Phii Johan said in a low voice, appearing as if he had no patience to wait from the start. This made me feel anxious. Oh no. I’m too embarrassed. My heart feels like it’s about to give out just from this!

“If I have to do it, you might end up with another split lip.”

!!!

Damn him!

All I could do was curse in my mind. He always resorts to threats and coercion. Why is he always like this? Now, I can’t think of any way to escape this situation. No matter what, I’m going to be forced…

I half-closed my eyes, leaned in slightly, moving closer to the person in the driver’s seat. I leaned my face closer and closer. Phii Johan stared intently at my eyes and lips without blinking. I closed my eyes when our lips were about to touch… When I gently pressed my lips against his soft ones, I intended to pull away quickly, but I was held back. A firm hand pressed the back of my head closer, deepening the kiss, holding it for a moment before letting me go.

“…” I returned to my normal sitting position, my breathing slightly quickened, unknowingly biting my lip, feeling a warmth spread across my chest and face, despite the car’s air conditioning being so cool that my hands were sweating.

Before I could think about it any further, there was a knock on the car window. It was Phii Hill knocking on Phii Joe’s side.

Oh no…

Did Phii Hill see us just now?

Well…but the car has tinted windows, it should be fine, I guess.

Phii Johan rolled down the window, and Phii Hill looked inside, letting out a small sigh.

“Am I interrupting something?”

!!!

“What is it?”

“Wanna watch a movie?”

“Sure.” Phii Joe said, nodding slightly.

“How about dinner?”

“What do you want to eat?”

“Ter said it’s up to North.” Phii Hill said. My eyebrows shot up in surprise at the statement from the person outside the car. Why did Ter throw it to me like that?

“Me?”

“Yes.” Phii Hill confirmed. “Then let’s meet up at the mall first.”

“Okay.” Phii Johan agreed before rolling up the window again. The luxurious car moved out of the faculty parking lot. The cool air from the car’s AC couldn’t calm my racing heart. Before this, Phii Hill must have known because my face was probably very red.

No matter how many hundreds of times this happens, I doubt I’ll ever get used to it. I don’t know why I’m supposed to initiate the kiss first, but I know Phii Joe seems to like it a lot.

And me…I’m super embarrassed having to do that.

“Damn it…”

Embarrassed to the point of wanting to cry, T^T

…

“How long has it been since we last had a meal together?” Phii Johan asked, looking at Phii Hill who was sitting across from him. Right now, the four of us are sitting at a steakhouse. Initially, we didn’t know what to eat, so Ter and I played rock-paper-scissors for a while until we ended up here. I’ve never eaten here before, but from the advertisement outside, it feels like if I normally ate here once, I’d have to eat instant noodles for the whole month after. “Maybe since our first year.” Phii Hill said while browsing through the menu. So I looked at the menu too. Does Ter usually eat at such expensive places with Phii Hill? I’m so jealous, having a wealthy boyfriend is nice like this, T^T

Hmm, but speaking of which, whenever I go out with Ter and Phii Hill, Phii Hill always treats me too.

“North. What do you want?”

“I don’t know, I feel full all of a sudden. Can I just order mashed potatoes?” I said half-jokingly, knowing that the mashed potatoes here probably cost a hundred baht or more. I could just mash and eat at the dorm, but I said it anyway as if it were a real option, “And you?”

“I don’t know either.” Ter said, shaking his head. “If you don’t like it, we can go to another place.” Phii Hill suggested, and Ter gave a small, polite smile indicating it was fine. “Nong North, you don’t need to feel obligated.” Phii Hill added, speaking to me. I nodded in acknowledgment, feeling a bit guilty that Phii Hill always has to treat me.

“Phii Hill, you always pay for me, so I feel bad, thank you.” I said, giving a dry smile.

“You’ve thanked the wrong person.” Phii Hill said, pulling out a black card and handing it to Phii Joe, “Here.” I watched, puzzled, as Phii Johan took the card. What kind of card is that?

“You’re really something.” Phii Johan said, shaking his head as he put the card away in his wallet, “Why are you staring?” Phii Joe turned to ask me, probably noticing I was looking.

“Well…Phii Hill just said I thanked the wrong person.”

“Oh, you should thank Joe instead, I haven’t been paying for you, it’s all Joe’s money.”

:!!

“Ha!?” I widened my eyes in shock, Phii Joe’s money? So that card was Phii Joe’s that Phii Hill used to pay for me. For several months now, every time we go out together, paying for every meal and buying lots of things too, it must add up to thousands.

“Is that yours?” I raised an eyebrow, turning to Phii Joe.

“Uh, why are you so shocked?”

“Well…”

I was quite surprised because at first, I thought Phii Hill had been paying for everything. If it was Phii Joe’s money all along, that means…he’s liked me for a long time. Plus, he…

Bought everything I wanted. “Joe does feel bad when you say you don’t want anything.” Phii Hill said, letting out a small sigh. “The owner of the money insists that I make you spend it quickly.” He spoke, looking at Phii Johan with a hint of exasperation.

Oh…that’s why Phii Hill asked if I wanted a house or a condo recently.

Oh my, that’s too much. Just feeding me is enough, and it’s only a few thousand, T^T

“Uh, thank you.” I said with a slight sense of embarrassment, but I had to express my gratitude. I’ve eaten a lot of good food because of him. If I have the chance and the money, I’d like to treat Phii Joe back, emphasizing if I have the chance and the money.

“Hmm.” Phii Joe responded, not seeming too concerned.

“May I take your order?” the waiter asked, stopping at our table. I decided to order something simple I’ve had before. Once the order was taken, the waiter walked away.

“North.” Phii Hill called me.

“Yes?”

“A hot compress might help.” Phii Hill suggested. I cocked my head, puzzled by his words, before he pointed to his own neck, making me understand instantly…

“…Yes.” I replied, nodding with a shy look. “Thank you.”

“Oh, Hill.” Suddenly Phii Johan called Phii Hill as if he just remembered something.

“What?”

“I’ve been granted the position, make sure to keep the work in order.”

“You got it for real? How many days?”

“About two weeks, almost three weeks.” “Isn’t that too long? You won’t be able to catch up with work and exams.” Phii Hill said, his face showing slight concern. From what I gathered, Phii Joe was about to go somewhere else, “How did they approve your leave?”

“Man, Fah’s dad nearly bled me dry to get it. He said if the medical faculty gets a new building, it’ll be all my money.” Phii Johan said with frustration. “I had to sign a ton of documents.”

“If it was easy, you’d just sign one document.”

“What document?”

“A resignation letter.”

“Beast.”

“And how are Joe and I supposed to work to support you, Joe? Seriously.” Phii Hill asked with a serious tone, feeling that the atmosphere at the table had shifted to a more serious mode, “There’s also the board exams.”

“Just do what you can, I’ll sort things out when I get back.”

“Yeah, when are you going?”

“After midterms.” Phii Joe answered.

“Alright, you’ll also have to study.”

“Work is piling up too.” Phii Johan said, not sounding too pleased, “I might end up dying there, and not long after I get back, it’ll be finals.”

“Take the junior with you.” Phii Hill said, glancing at me for a moment.

“What’s up?” I finally decided to ask, I had a general idea from their conversation, but I wanted some details too.

“You haven’t told him yet?” Phii Hill raised his eyebrows, slightly surprised.

“Not yet.” he answered plainly before turning to me, “I’m going to work, almost two weeks.” Phii Johan said.

“Oh.” I nodded, indicating I understood. From what I heard, that was about the gist of it. “Where to?” I asked.

“Boston.”

“Wow.” I said in shock, Boston, huh? That’s in America, right? Almost two weeks, how will that not affect your studies? Missing almost two weeks, especially in medical school.

“Can you take leave from classes?” I asked.

“Well, to get leave, Joe had to talk with Fa’s father several times.” Phii Hill explained.

“Phii Fah’s father?” Ter asked.

“Uh, Fah’s father is the dean of the medical faculty.”

Hmmm?

For real?! That’s amazing, the dean of the medical faculty, huh? Phii Fah is really something, I’ve heard his family is quite wealthy, but I didn’t think it was to this extent.

“And what did they say?” Phii Hill turned to ask.

“Lots. I have to submit all the work, catch up on all the minor exams and hours later. The point is about the donations; I donated enough to build a new building, I guess. You guys better thank me when you get to use the new equipment.”

Donate enough to build a new building? How much donation is that, T^T

“Will I get to see a new building named after you?”

“Maybe. If they don’t secretly take it for themselves.”

“Defaming your friend’s father.”

“Not really.” Phii Joe said, before the food we ordered started being served at the table. “Two weeks after two midterms, it’s just right for Sport Day, isn’t it?”

“Probably. You should participate in the competition too.”

“Make use of me to the fullest.” “Our faculty’s stand is next to the engineering faculty.” Phii Hill mentioned. I looked up from chewing my steak. If we’re talking about Sports Day, I have to cheer because it’s my duty as a freshman. I’ve been lying awake thinking about how to get through it.

“Really, our faculty’s stand is next to the medical faculty?” I asked.

“Yes, I heard.”

“Oh, I see.”

“Are you going to cheer from the stands?” Ter asked me.

“Every engineering student has to cheer. What about you?”

“I’m doing other stuff instead of cheering.”

“Nice, I said I wanted to participate in sports, but my senior told me I have to cheer too, practice for both cheering and sports. That’s insane, right? I’m just one person.” I grumbled to Ter, my face showing utmost annoyance.

As we talked about Sports Day, I learned that Phii Hill and Phii Johan are both in the basketball club, Phii Arthit is in the football club, and Phii Fah is in the tennis club. I probably knew this before but forgot. Second-years are in charge of the freshmen, so their workload is heavy too. And Phii Johan has to study, read, participate in activities, plus he has work.

Honestly, I was starting to get worried. This might be why Phii Joe is so addicted to coffee because he works so hard. Isn’t it too much?

“What movie do you want to watch?” Phii Johan asked as we stopped in front of the cinema. Earlier, Phii Joe treated me again, and while I wanted to say it was okay, I couldn’t afford to pay for myself either, T^T

“The Long Night, it’s a horror movie.”

“Afraid but still want to watch?”

“Uh, yes.”

“Idiot.” “…”

T^T

   What’s that about? A lot of people who are afraid of ghosts still want to watch horror movies.

   “What do you want to watch, Ter?” Phii Hill asked, wait, why is this so different from how Phii Joe asked me? What kind of standard is this?

“There’s nothing I particularly want to watch. How about watching a horror movie with North?”

“Sure, but won’t you be scared?”

“I am scared, but I still want to watch.”

“Okay. If you get scared, you can hug me.”

Damn it.

   Get me out of here, T^T

   “There are first-class seats available.” Phii Hill said, pointing at the sign above. That’s true. But what’s the deal with this first-class cinema anyway? I’ve never been in one, and you don’t have to ask why. Who would have that kind of money!

“Then I’ll book it.” Phii Johan said. Eventually, we all ended up watching the horror movie, which was great. I once watched a horror movie where I was the only one in the entire theater. At that time, I tried inviting others, but no one was available, and the movie was about to leave theaters. Watching a movie alone in an entire theater was really lonely, I was scared almost to tears, and the movie was terrifying.

“Do you want popcorn?” Ter nudged me, pointing at the popcorn sign, “It’s on sale too.”

“Nah. Last time I bought popcorn to eat while watching a horror movie.”

“And how was that?”

“Scattered all over, the asshole next to me is all tense.” “That’s awful.” Ter said with a laugh. Entering the cinema felt quite unfamiliar; there was a full range of food and drink options at the front, as expected for the price. Once inside, we found that there was no one else there, just us.

The first-class experience was quite luxurious, just as one would expect, but above all, it was very private, with sofas and thin blankets provided. I sat next to Phii Johan on the couch, while Ter and Phii Hill sat next to us.

The lights dimmed slightly before the advertisements started playing. I never thought I’d be watching a movie like this with Phii Johan.

“Do you often watch movies?” I asked quietly, since there was no one else around.

“No.”

“You don’t come to the cinema at all?”

“Hmm, the last time I came was years ago.”

“Wow, are you that busy with work?”

“Yes.”

I fell silent because I didn’t know what else to ask, until the movie began. The sofa was so comfortable, I could have fallen asleep if it wasn’t for the fact that it was a horror movie.

“Shit!” I tried to keep my scream as low as possible. It was scary, and why was the music so intense? I instinctively lifted my legs, fearing someone would pull at them like in the movie. I glanced at Phii Johan who looked completely unfazed.

Suddenly, the music cut off, replaced by the heavy breathing of the character. The heroine in a blood-stained white T-shirt, holding a flashlight, slowly walked into a storage room.

“Why go in there, fuck, get out!” I shouted when suddenly a shadow appeared at the window, and without realizing it, I burrowed into Phii Johan. Phii Joe didn’t seem too surprised; he just pulled me into a hug.

Then he hoisted me onto his lap, wrapped me in the blanket, and used both arms to embrace me from behind because the sofa was very wide, allowing me to tuck my legs up. I was scared of having my legs pulled, T^T

I wasn’t thinking much beyond hoping the heroine could finally get out of that storage room, which was used for some ritual, why did she go in there? Her child isn’t in there, come out!

“Aaaaah!” I screamed again when something popped up, but I didn’t see what it was. The next thing I realized, I had turned into Phii Johan again. Phii Joe didn’t say anything, just pulled the blanket over my eyes and gently patted my head.

I don’t know why…

Normally, whether watching alone or with friends, there’s always a sense of unease, feeling unsafe all the time, but it wasn’t like that this time. I felt comforted, though I couldn’t quite describe it.

Throughout the hour or so of the movie, I would usually make a fuss when being held on someone’s lap, but with the movie in front of me, I didn’t think about it much. Phii Johan didn’t say anything, just held and comforted me when I was scared, but he also teased me when I asked if the ghost had gone, Phii Joe said it had, only for me to open my eyes to find the ghost still all over the screen, T^T

…

“Phew.” I sighed with relief as we walked out of the cinema, finally over, adrenaline was pumping for over an hour.

“You screamed really loudly.” Ter remarked. “Well, there weren’t many people.” I said truthfully, because there was no one else, so I could scream. If there had been, I would’ve just muffled my screams like usual, “But I didn’t really get it.”

“How could you understand if you didn’t watch it?” Phii Johan chimed in, “You had your eyes closed the whole time.”

“It was scary.” I defended myself quietly.

“Where was it scary?”

“And why did the heroine’s daughter disappear at the end?” I asked, Phii Joe watched it like it was just another movie. No surprise or signs of fear at all, even during the peak scenes. He watched it like it was just an ordinary film.

“The heroine never had a daughter to begin with. What you saw was a hallucination.”

“Oh, really? Then what about the doll, they said the daughter loved that doll so much.”

“It represents the child she miscarried.”

“Well, how was I supposed to know that? I thought she had a real daughter.”

“…”

“Man, did you watch it or did I?”

I walked back to the room with Ter after we had our meal and watched the movie. Phii Joe seemed a bit rushed, but I didn’t ask why. On the way back to drop me off at the dorm, we didn’t talk much as usual.

“Ter.” I called out while Ter was taking things out of his bag, “Just now, during the movie.”

“Yeah?”

“Did we hug?”

“…” Ter looked at me with a surprised expression, “Why are you asking?”

“Answer me.” “Well…being hugged, what about it? Why do you ask?” Ter replied before showing a slight hint of embarrassment at my odd question.

The first time I was hugged, I thought it felt a bit strange, but as time passed, I didn’t feel it was so odd anymore. Until just now, it turned out that I started to feel good, warm, and I wanted to be hugged again. This feeling isn’t too bad, right?

“Have you ever felt like…you wanted to be hugged again?” I asked him, which made Ter even more confused. He shifted his attention from his bag to sit beside me, looking at me with a surprised expression before giving a small, teasing smile.

“What do you mean by that?”

“Answer first.” I said, not wanting to be teased just yet.

 

   NORTH HOW MUCH IS YOUR LOVE CHAPTERS HOME

NORTHHOWMUCHISYOURLOVE, Chapter 15 part 2

Phii Johan got out of bed. I followed because he mentioned taking me along.

“Do I have to go too?”

“Uh-huh.”

“But I have to go to work today, at the café.”

“…”

“Yes.” I nodded reluctantly. I mean, the café owner isn’t going to fire me, right? “Is Ter there?” I asked again, having heard that the guys wanted me to stay with Ter at the café downstairs.

“Yes.”

I had to reluctantly borrow Phii Joe’s scarf to cover the marks around my neck from last night. Lately, I’ve been wearing something like this all the time; the old marks have just started to fade. Luckily, the weather isn’t too hot. Otherwise, I might have fainted by now. Even so, wearing this is still hot.

Why doesn’t he think about me when he does things?

“I’m hot.” I muttered under my breath as we walked down to the parking lot.

“Who told you to wear it?”

“You did. Who made the marks? If I don’t cover them, it’s going to be bad if others see them. What would we do then?”

“It’s because I want them to see.”

The sweat shirt might cover up some of the marks, but not all, if you look closely, you can see them. Or if the shirt collar shifts, you’d see them too. What’s important is that the person who did it doesn’t seem to care at all, T^T

I opened the door of the luxurious car and sat in the passenger seat. It’s an Audi, still too fancy for me, and Phii Johan’s driving still scares me. Tiger mentioned that Phii Joe used to race at the same track as him, along with Phii Arthit. But recently, Tiger went to the track and saw that Phii Johan hardly goes anymore. Phii Arthit only goes occasionally.

So, the reason for this scary driving must be because he used to be a racer, right? T^T

Does he know that every time I ride with him, I have to pray? My heart almost jumps out of the window. When the fancy car pulled into the medical faculty’s parking lot, I stepped out with a sigh of relief. At least I’m still alive to meet Ter.

“What time is your class until?” I asked as I followed him down the walkway under the building. I noticed several eyes watching our way, probably looking at Phii Johan. Even though we’re in the same faculty, they’re not used to him yet.

“Eleven.”

“Oh, okay. Should I wait with Ter then?”

“Yeah, think about what you want for lunch.”

“Okay.”

I agreed before stopping at the stairs, where we would part ways since I needed to head to the coffee shop to find Ter.

“Study hard.” I said with a smile.

“Hmm.” I watched Phii Johan walk into the building. When I turned the other way, I saw several people looking at me. What’s this about? Why are they staring? As soon as I looked back at them, they averted their gaze.

   “You’re here early.” Ter remarked as soon as I sat across from him, “Phii Hill said you might be late because Joe often is.”

“Really? Well, I’m here now.” I replied.

“Order something first.”

“I don’t have any money.”

“Poor you, I can treat you, I heard you have a lot of debts these days.” Ter said, shaking his head. I looked at him with the utmost gratitude.

“You are a true friend in times of need, a friend for life.”

“Just treating you to some snacks makes me your true friend?”

“I’m truly grateful.”

“Really grateful?”

“Yeah. Just two days, that’s all the gratitude I’ll need, I’ll forget it soon.” I said before opening the menu, probably just ordering a sweet drink would be enough, “Can we just sit here for a while?”

“Yes, today sunday’s class is small too.”

“It’s small now?”

“It is just second-year supplementary classes, some might be coming to work.”

“Really, second-year med students, scheduling all year?”

“Maybe not that many. Just some groups.”

“And what were you thinking, coming here to hang out instead of staying in your dorm?”

“I was feeling lonely. Didn’t want Phii Hill to have to come back for me, anyway, I have to come out to eat. Nothing to do, might as well wait here, and you’re here too.” Said Ter while plugging in his phone charger, planning to stay for a while, “You don’t want to be alone in Phii Joe’s room either, I know.”

“Ask me first, I might want to just chill alone.”

“You, alone? Heh, you’d definitely cry and whine.”

“Ter, you underestimate me too much.”

“So you can be alone then?”

“No, I’d definitely call you.”

“See, that’s why we’re here together, there’s Wi-Fi, it’s easy.” What Ter said was right. I’m okay with any situation, but I can’t be alone because I’m extremely afraid of ghosts, so I can’t sleep alone, not even during the day. I don’t like being in unfamiliar places alone.

“And how long do we have to stay?” I asked.

“Until the seniors finish class, we’ll go eat, I was thinking about watching a movie afterward, then back to the dorm.”

“Are you going to the movies? What movie?”

“I don’t know yet, I’ll check at the theater, wanna come?”

“Are you inviting me? I’m shy.” I said, pretending to be shy, “Let’s go, just make sure I sit between you and Phii Hill.”

“For what?”

“Hey, I’m also your friend, right? You don’t even consider me?”

“Cut it out, please. You don’t have to go.” Ter said with a sigh, just as the server approached. I ended up ordering a green tea and a sandwich. Speaking of which, Phii Joe hasn’t had breakfast yet today, right? His classes are too early, he must be starving by now.

“Have you ever gone to the movies with Phii Joe?”

“No, why?”

“But you’ve kissed?” Ter looked at me, puzzled. “Uh, yeah, see, I’m still confused about what world we’re living in. We didn’t even have a proper conversation before, no dinners, barely any movies.” I said truthfully, this is quite different from other couples.

“Invite Phii Joe to watch with you. The horror movie you wanted to see is playing now.”

“Really? Are you going?” I asked, excited. I’ve been waiting for this horror movie for so long. I’m scared of ghosts because I love watching and listening to ghost stories, which makes my imagination run wild.

“No, I’ll end up not sleeping again. Remember last time, we had to sleep with the lights on until almost morning.”

“Oh, come on, then why invite me?”

“We can go together, but watch in different theaters.”

“Nah, then how would I sit between you and Phii Hill?”

“Enough, consider it me asking nicely, North.” I chuckled at Ter’s bored reaction, teasing him until he seemed annoyed or jealous.

“Invite Phii Joe. Have a normal date for once, don’t you guys go out because he is never free?”

“Probably.” Phii Johan hardly seems to have any free time. Before this, we didn’t see each other because, well, we just didn’t, like I said.

“You were going to tell me something?”

“Oh.” I recalled that I promised Ter yesterday that I would tell him everything. I hesitated again, wondering if I should tell because…um, it’s, uh, quite embarrassing. Just thinking about it makes me embarrassed.

“It’s like…I’m going to tell you everything. Are you okay with that?”

“Okay, totally okay.”

“Really? Don’t tell anyone, I trust you, you know?” “North, let me remind you, I’m not like you. Whatever anyone tells me, I keep it a secret. Unlike you, when you told me about you and Phii Hill, I specifically told you not to tell anyone.”

“I didn’t tell anyone.” I said, tilting my head with a puzzled look.

“Yeah, but you told Phii Hill right away, you bastard, spreading rumors like that.”

“Phii Hill isn’t just anyone.”

“Asshole.” Ter swore at me again in frustration while sipping his cocoa. I’ve tried to keep everyone’s secrets. Right now, the only secret I’m keeping is Tiger’s, and Duennao will never know…I hope. I’ll try my best.

“I’ll tell you. Do you remember the day with that bastard Day, when I didn’t go back to the dorm?”

“Ah.”

And so, I told Ter everything, because I had thought he would be the one to listen to me, and having a friend you can trust to listen is good.

“…”

“You, that’s complicated.”

“Isn’t it?” I said, picking up a sandwich to eat.

“Shit, but I’m thrilled, my ship is sailing fast, I’m confused, blink and we’re at the Pacific…”

“…”

“So, that red mark on your neck then…”

“…” I quickly covered my neck when Ter pointed at it.

“It’s like…shit, but the good part is that he likes you, right? And you’ve opened up. Why not just start dating, given how things are going?” Ter said, furrowing his brow in thought, “It’s hard to say, I think, because there’s the money issue too, but you’ve already borrowed fifty thousand, right?” “Right.” I nodded, “Got it really fast, like borrowing fifty baht.”

“Absolutely amazing, rich because you earn your own money, just like you.”

“Like me? I just do some part-time work.”

“It’s still admirable, I like that you make your own money, it inspires me to try part-time work too.” Ter suddenly complimented, making me accidentally put down my sandwich.

“Now I’m embarrassed, you beast.”

“Embarrassed and then cussing.”

“Why the sudden praise?”

“Well, have I praised you for this before?”

“Thanks, I’m so embarrassed I could cry. Order something, I’ll treat you.”

“Pfft, save your money for tuition.”

“Ouch.”

“And to go back to my question, why not just start dating?” Ter repeated his earlier question.

“Oh…” I paused for a moment to gather my thoughts, “How should I say this? For me, I might not overthink things usually, but when it comes to relationships, I do think about it.”

“How so?”

“Well…if we’re going to date, there should be a lot of things like now, what he likes, what he doesn’t, I still don’t know. I’ve heard he studies hard, works hard too. If we’re going to date, we need to take care of each other, so I want to get to know him better.”

“Plus, I’m not very confident yet. I’m okay with anyone, I can get along with everyone. But can he be with someone like me? Like when I dated Ja, Ja was selfcentered, moody, and annoying, but I could handle it.” “And when you said your heart was broken, you just didn’t care?” “That’s different, that was a case where I fell for her, and she might have been playing me. But in the case of actually dating, it’s different. If I have a boyfriend, I want to take care of him, not hurt him. So I want to know more, take time to learn. If we date, I’ll be more serious than this.”

“Oh, more serious than this, and if it fails?”

“It’ll be a total disaster.”

“You’re really serious when you date, aren’t you?”

“Of course, we’re not kids anymore.”

“A role model, oh, right, about that, I wanted to discuss something with you. Initially, I was thinking about you staying with Phii Johan. Then this idea came up.”

“What idea?”

“We might…not live together anymore.”

“Why…”

“North, I don’t want to leave you.”

“Ter, don’t make it so dramatic, tell me in detail.”

“Actually, Phii Hill has wanted me to move in with him for a long time. But I didn’t go because I was worried about you.”

“Oh, am I going to be a thorn in Phii Hill’s side?”

“And Phii Hill said Phii Johan wants you to move in with him too.”

“No way.”

“No way, right?” Ter said, “Honestly, I’m not that serious about moving in with Phii Hill. I do want to go, but…we’ve been living together for so long.”

“Exactly, Ter. You can’t abandon our little dorm.”

“It’s the first dorm I stayed in after moving from home. You were my first friend in university. If we separate rooms, we might not see each other as often anymore. Just thinking about it breaks my heart.” Ter said, looking a bit sad. I felt the same; we’ve been together for a semester.

“Then just tell Phii Hill you won’t move.”

“I told him. But I don’t know. He didn’t seem very pleased. If Phii Hill talks to Phii Johan, that’s it.”

“Why?”

“Heh, he already bought the shop where you work and had you kicked out. Recently, he bought all the shops. If he just buys the dorm…”

“…”

“No, no way.” I said, raising both hands to my temples. That would definitely be bad, buying the dorm and kicking me out wouldn’t be hard at all. No. I want to stay with Ter, and I won’t move into a tiger’s den, nope.

“No, Ter, no way. You have to convince Phii Hill, okay?” I held Ter’s hands, pleading until he raised his eyebrows in surprise at my actions.

“North, calm down first.”

“Ter…”

“North, you don’t want to move in with Phii Johan that much? I heard his room is really luxurious.”

“Uh…yeah, it’s luxurious, even has a kitchen area, the bathroom is spacious, unlike our tiny room and our makeshift bed, the whole room only has a microwave, a fridge, and an electric skillet.”

“Which is broken…can’t even warm up leftovers properly.”

“Just like our makeshift bed.”

“You’ll have to continue sharing a pillow with me, Ter.”

“Goosebumps, alright, I won’t leave you anywhere. I’ll tell Phii Hill again, can you give me a good reason, help me think of one.” “The reason is I don’t want to leave you.” “Phii Hill told you to go live with Phii Joe, it’s more comfortable, more convenient, and I agree on that part, your quality of life would improve.” Said Ter. I let go of his hand in frustration.

“We’ve always lived together, eating, gaming, doing laundry. When we’re sick, we’re together, we go everywhere together, I’d be heartbroken.” I said, making a frustrated face at Ter. Seriously, Ter is one of my best friends, even though we’re in different faculties. If we separate rooms, we’d drift apart.

“Drama queen. Well, yeah, I’d be heartbroken too. Anyway, go talk to Phii Joe about it.”

“Wouldn’t it be better to talk to Phii Hill? I definitely don’t want him pushing me.”

“Right.”

“I think, if he sees me being stubborn, he’ll be even more displeased, he’d be so annoyed.”

“Then you’ll talk to Phii Hill too, okay?”

“Hmm, okay, we can talk after class. Do I need to squeeze out some tears?”

“You don’t have to go that far, but can you even cry?”

“Hold on, what do you take me for? Even lunatics can cry.”

“I’ve never seen you cry, no matter how stressed out you were, I can’t imagine it. When was the last time you cried?”

“Oh…” I thought, “High school, probably senior year or the year before that.” I remembered, it was a blurred memory and just thinking about it gave me goosebumps.

“Why did you cry?”

“Mom.”

“Your mom hit you until you cried? Why? Did it hurt so much you went to cry alone in the corner of the room?” “No, I cried while she was hitting me. I didn’t want to cry, it’s not even like I was trying to cry. Just the pain made the tears come out by themselves. Since my tears were already flowing, I just let myself cry, hoping she would feel sorry for me.”

“Did she feel sorry?”

“Not at all, man. Why are you crying! Are you a man or not! Stop it! She said, and then she hit me until the stick broke.”

“What did you do to get beaten like that?” Ter said, looking at me with pity, but he was secretly laughing, I could tell.

“I told her I was going to work with friends, but I sneaked off to the game shop all night.”

“Oh, yeah, you deserved it.”

“Yeah, it’s good. Sometimes she’s too harsh, but she raised me alone, maybe that’s why.”

“I can see that your toughness comes from your mom.” Ter said, “The fact that you don’t overthink things, is that from your mom too?”

“Yes, even when my dad died, she didn’t cry. She said he had gone to a better place. Don’t pity the dead, pity those who are left behind.”

“Wait.” Ter burst out laughing, “Did she really say it like that?”

“Yeah, I couldn’t fully mourn my dad.”

“Your mom didn’t even mourn, right?”

“Exactly, and dad probably wouldn’t want us to mourn either. Back then, our family…wasn’t as bad as it could have been. But why are we talking about my dad anyway?” I said, realizing how we got onto the topic of my dad.

“Yeah, that’s true. So, how did Phii Johan come to like you?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“Come on, you don’t know?” “No.” I shook my head slightly, “Yeah, I forgot. Never asked.” “Really? Don’t you want to know?” “I do want to know, but I forgot, when you asked, I remembered, yeah, why does he like me?”

“You’ve never met before, right?” I shook my head to answer, “Think about it, maybe you’re like him in some way.”

“No way, I’m not that innocent.”

“Hold on, that sounds like you’re insulting me.”

“No, no, I’m just saying there’s no way. I remember the people in my life, I’ve never met Phii Joe or anyone like him.” I said. Thinking back, I really hadn’t met him before. The first time was when Phii Joe came to pick up Ter to meet Phii Hill, and the next real encounter was at the bar.

“Are you sure about that? Absolutely sure?”

“Ter, you’re making me doubt myself.”

“Come on, you’re still not confident?”

“Once you’ve said it, I start to doubt a bit, but as far as I remember, there’s nothing. Really nothing.”

“Have you ever crossed paths?”

“Yeah, I wouldn’t know about that. Who remembers that kind of thing? But can people like each other just from passing by?” I wondered.

“You never know, maybe just a bit of interest, and after looking at each other, you might like each other.”

“Really?” I furrowed my brows, not quite convinced, “I doubt it. I’m not special or anything, even if I’m good-looking.”

“Pfft, how can you still compliment yourself?” Ter made a face, “What did you do in your past life, in case there are small details that might have led you to meet him?” “Me? Hmm…” Why do I need to reminisce about the past so often? “Monday to Friday, just regular school. On Saturdays, I helped mom sell vegetables at the market. Sometimes I’d skip out and go to a gaming cafe, I didn’t have any extra classes. In the evening, I’d help my mom; some days I had part-time work. In the mornings, I helped Uncle Bai next door sell soy milk at the market entrance.”

“Hmm, your life sounds pretty ordinary.”

“I told you, I’m not someone special.”

“You never met anyone, like regular customers at your part-time job?”

“Nah.” I shook my head in denial, “The part-time job place didn’t have anything special.”

“Excuse me.”

“Yes?” I turned towards the voice of someone who had just approached our table. It was a woman with long, light brown hair, wearing a student uniform with a fairly tight skirt, probably a senior. She didn’t look too pleased.

“You got out of the car with Phii Joe earlier, right?”

“Yes.”

“Would you like to talk with me for a bit…is that okay?”

“Sure.” The woman slowly walked out. I stood up intending to follow, but Ter grabbed my wrist first, clearly showing worry on his face.

“This won’t be good, North.”

“Yeah. It’s fine.”

“You. You don’t have to go.”

“It’s okay.” I said before gently removing his hand.

“Should I tell Phii Joe?”

“No need. Don’t tell Phii Hill either, I’ll be back soon.” I placed Ter’s hand back on the table and gave it a light squeeze to reassure him. But why am I comforting him? “Are you really okay? Should I come with you?” “It’s fine, trust me, I’ll be back.”

“Be careful, call me if anything happens.”

“Yeah, yeah.” I agreed and walked out of the shop. I saw the same woman waiting. I followed her to the back of the faculty building where there weren’t many people. I saw three other women already waiting.

“Is there something wrong?” I asked as I stopped in front of the four women, all of whom were rather beautiful.

“Little brother…what’s your name again? You’re a freshman, right? What faculty?”

“Yes, North, Electrical Engineering.”

“Oh.”

“Um, Engineering, huh. At first, I heard Joe’s new person was from that department. Didn’t expect it to be a guy. Oh, I’m Jia, I’m Joe’s girlfriend.” Said the woman who had come into the shop to fetch me.

“Oh, sure.” I nodded slightly.

“Wow, saying you’re his girlfriend doesn’t affect you at all, huh? So confident?”

“That’s right, thinking you’re the new one and you can just push aside everyone else? Don’t be too confident. Johan is most serious about me.”

I furrowed my brows because I didn’t understand what all the older sister was saying. After a while, a bunch of curses were thrown at me. Am I being picked on here? Is this what you call a scolding session? Is this how girls usually pick a fight?

   “Hey. Say something!” Phii Jia approached me and shoved me back slightly.

“Are you all picking on me?”

“Yeah, so what? I told you to stop messing with Joe. You’ve been riding someone else’s boyfriend’s car. Aren’t you ashamed?” Why don’t you tell Phii Joe to stop messing with me instead? I haven’t done anything.

   “Is that all you have to say?”

“Yeah, why? Got a problem?”

“Sister, let me tell you, if you were a guy, I would’ve punched you for pushing me like that.” I said in a calm tone, but as I’ve told you, I’m pretty hot-headed. Now, I am starting to get heated. I’m not the type to just take it.

“I don’t know how girls usually fight, but if you’re just here to scold me without doing anything else, it won’t work on me.”

“…”

“Do you want to do something about it? Normally, I only fight guys.”

“Hey! I’m a woman, you coward, would you hit a woman?” Phii Jia shouted in my face, her face red with both anger and fear.

“Do I look like a good guy to you?”

Phii Jia seemed to reach her peak of anger, raising her hand as if to slap me.

“Go ahead. I’ll hit back, just warning you.”

I said, and that made Phii Jia lower her hand while her friends intervened.

And I wasn’t joking. I’m not so good that I’d just stand there and take it when someone picks a fight with me. It’s just that I’ve never had a woman start a fight like this before. Don’t bring gender into this. She’s the one who attacked me first.

I wouldn’t want to imagine what your pretty face would look like after I hit it, Phii Jia. You wouldn’t dare come to classes for days after that.

“Using just brute force. People without brains, how could Joe like someone like that?” one of Phii Jia’s friends said.

“Hold on, your friend was about to hit me first, remember?”

“Whatever, he’ll just dump you soon anyway.”

“Exactly, who would want someone like that?” “…” “Do you know?”

“That you’re picking a fight with me because deep down, you feel like you’re about to lose, and you might lose Phii Johan?”

“It only lowers your self-worth, you know. Especially when you’re as beautiful as you are. I suggest you stop doing this. You study medicine, right? If your record isn’t good, it will be bad for your career.” I warned her about what I just thought of, then sighed to cool down, turned around, and walked out, hearing her shout insults behind me.

“How did it go?” Ter asked immediately when I returned to sit at the table.

“Hot-headed, that bitch, not at all like a man should be, sigh.” I sighed thinking about it before taking a big gulp of green tea, “My green tea has gone completely flat.”

“Was she looking for trouble?”

“Yeah, like in a soap opera.”

“What did she say?”

“Told me to stop interfering, hah, tell your person that I’ve never interfered.”

“What did she insult you with?”

“Lots of stuff, too lazy to listen. She just insulted me, and couldn’t do anything to me anyway. So, I asked if she wanted to try something, but normally, I only hit guys.”

“You threatened her back?”

“Not threatened, if she hit me, I’d hit back.”

“Wow, that’s awesome. You…

“You’re really something, aren’t you?” I raised my eyebrows, “What am I supposed to do? Be a punching bag? She picked the wrong person to mess with. And her reasons were completely ridiculous.” “I was also worried that some of Phii Joe’s flings might come to pick a fight with you. I’ve experienced that too, but not to the extent of being called out to be insulted. Just some snide remarks.”

“And what did you do back then?”

“Well…nothing. Didn’t know what to do.”

“Oh, poor you.”

“Aren’t you angry now?”

“Not exactly angry. Just got heated up as usual, but I’m actually quite calm about it now. If she were a guy, I would’ve punched back when she pushed me. Plus, I even warned her. That was pretty cool.”

“She pushed you too? Why so hard?”

“Yeah, that. I don’t like it. Who would like being picked on?”

“Are you mad at Phii Joe?”

“Nah, why would I be? He hasn’t done anything to me.”

“A little sulky then? His ex came to bother you.”

“Not at all, it’s nonsense. I’m not sulking, but I’m not that good-natured either. I’ll tell Phii Joe about it.”

“Tell him what?”

Phii Hill?

   And Phii Fah too.

   Phii Hill sat down next to Ter, while Phii Fah took a seat at the head of the sofa, since we were all in the lounge area. Did they finish early? Why haven’t I seen Phii Joe and Phii Arthit?

“Can I tell?” Ter asked.

“Yeah.” I nodded while sipping my now melted green tea.

“That girl…long brown hair, petite, what’s her name again? Do you know her name?” “Jia.” “Right, Phii Jia, she just picked a fight with North, even pushed him.” Ter said, making a face at Phii Hill. Phii Hill raised an eyebrow slightly before looking at me.

“She pushed you?”

“Well, yeah, but I didn’t fall.”

“Phii Fah, do you know her?”

“Sort of, Jia from the Pharmacy, right?” Oh, she’s from Pharmacy. I thought she was studying Medicine. “What did Jia say?” Phii Fah turned to ask me.

“She just cursed at me, all sorts of things, told me to stop messing around.”

“Has Joe not cleared things up yet?” Phii Hill said, slightly irritated.

“It’s been settled. Joe must have talked to everyone about it. It’s just that the other side won’t accept it.” Said Phii Fah.

“Oh, where is Phii Joe then?” I interjected.

“Joe and Arthit were called by the teacher, they haven’t been let go yet because they’ve been frequently missing classes since the beginning of the term. We got tired of waiting, so we came down first.” Phii Fah explained, with an aura of kindness quite different from Phii Johan.

“Okay, it’s fine, right?”

“It’s fine.” I replied.

“Who would dare to do something to North?” Ter said, “You even threatened to punch her.”

“Really?” Phii Fah said, letting out a small chuckle.

“Uh, well, she came looking for trouble with me first. I’m not just going to stand there and be a punching bag.” I said, “But I didn’t do anything, and I already warned her.” “You’re really something.” Phii Fah said, looking at me with affection. Why is he so gentle, even more than Phii Hill? T^T

“Don’t worry too much, everyone Joe has ever been involved with comes looking for him themselves. He tells everyone from the start that he’s not serious looking for a relationship. If they can’t handle it, they shouldn’t continue, but some people still persist, like they don’t understand.”

“Joe isn’t really at fault, I think.” Said Phii Fah. I nodded in understanding. I remember when it was like with Phii May, she had also said she talked to Phii Joe about not getting too involved in each other’s business.

“It’s much better now.”

Suddenly, Phii Johan and Phii Arthit, who knows when they arrived, joined us. Phii Joe sat down next to me before Phii Arthit went to sit beside Phii Fah.

“Joe.” Phii Hill called out with a tone of displeasure, and Phii Joe immediately furrowed his brows.

“What?”

“Jia, the pharmacist.”

“Who’s that?”

“You don’t even remember her.” Phii Fah said.

“Why?”

“She came looking for trouble with the junior.”

“Huh?” Phii Johan raised an eyebrow in confusion before looking over at me, “Is that true?”

“Yes.” I nodded, wait a minute…why does Phii Johan have such a scary look? Ugh, I’m scared, really scared, can I move to sit next to Ter? You can feel the atmosphere around us changing.

“Tell me.” “Uh…Well, she told me to stop messing around with you, and she scolded me too.”

“She even pushed him.” Phii Hill said.

“I think if it’s nothing serious, you should tell Joe about it.” Phii Arthit chimed in. “There won’t be anyone named Jia in the Pharmacy faculty anymore.”

“Joe, you are making the junior scared of you now.” Phii Fah remarked after noticing my worried frown. “Stay calm, it’s like what I told you yesterday.”

“Did you talk to Jia?” Phii Hill asked.

“Yes.”

“How did it go?”

“It’s cleared up.”

“Does she understand?”

“I think so.”

“Can you calm down first?”

“I am calm.”

“Really calm, huh?” Phii Arthit added, “He’s fine, right?” turning to ask me. I nodded, still a bit confused.

“Uh, yes. I’m really fine.”

“I’m really not angry at you, Phii, it’s just this small thing.”

“Wait here.”

Phii Johan said that before walking out of the shop, leaving everyone at the table bewildered. I watched him leave, it seemed like Phii Joe went out to take a phone call.

“Just like what you said, Arthit.” Phii Fah said, glancing outside at the person who had just left. “See, I told you.” Phii Arthit said, “That hot-headed beast. You can tell just by looking. Since we’ve known each other, Joe has always been so calm, it’s the creepiest thing. And about Jia, is that true?”

“It’s true.” Phii Hill answered.

“It’s chaotic, gives me a headache just thinking about it. This girl came after Joe herself, right?” Phii Arthit said, “If I remember correctly, he never approaches anyone first, does he?”

“Almost never.” Phii Hill said, “Probably never, actually.”

“Maybe when he’s drunk.”

“Joe gets drunk too? I’ve seen him drink crates of beer without getting drunk.” Phii Fah remarked. Wait, who in their right mind can drink crates of beer without getting drunk? That’s not possible, right?

“Even the person being picked on isn’t as hot-headed as he is, right?” Phii Tit said.

“Me?”

“Yes, be careful, my friend’s case is more severe.”

“Huh?”

“What are you gossiping about me?” Phii Johan said as he sat down beside me again. Phii Fah and Phii Arthit immediately shook their heads as if they intended to tease him. Phii Joe didn’t say anything, just made a disgusted face. Then there were some small talks on the table, and soon we all dispersed.

“So, are we going to watch a movie?” Ter asked me as we walked to the parking lot.

“Well, what do you want to do?”

“Ask Phii Joe.”

“He still seems to be in a bad mood.” I said, glancing at Phii Johan walking ahead, “Let’s ask later.” After finishing my conversation with Ter, I got into the car on the passenger side. The atmosphere in the car was quiet as usual, but I felt uneasy.

“Uh, Phii?”

“Are you hurt anywhere?”

“Ah, no. I’m fine.”

Phii Johan reached out with one hand to touch my face and gently stroked my cheek.

“Next time something happens, you tell me first, got it?”

“Okay.”

“I only have you.”

!!

   Just me?

  

   NORTH HOW MUCH IS YOUR LOVE CHAPTERS HOME

NORTHHOWMUCHISYOURLOVE, Chapter 15 part 1

   Chapter 15: Kept Me Warm

   “Yes. I probably won’t go to your company for a while.”

“…”

“Hmm, give my regards.”

“…”

I hung up the phone and walked back into the room.

Asleep already…

I looked at the other person who had likely drifted off to sleep while I was outside discussing business with the company. The TV was still on; he falls asleep so easily. Just a few minutes ago, he looked quite suspicious of me.

I approached the sofa where he was sleeping and lifted him into my arms. Ever since I first brought him back from the bar, I’ve been amazed at how small he is, as if a gentle breeze could blow him away!

Carefully, I laid him down on the bed. The red marks on his neck and shoulder from earlier were visible because the shirt was too big for him. His lips, slightly swollen and stained with blood, just as Arthit had pointed out. I must have been too harsh.

It must have hurt a lot, but I couldn’t stop myself either.

He’s not that fragile, but I was just too intense…

Once I kissed him, I wanted to kiss him again, and once I kissed him again, I didn’t want to stop.

Just seeing him, I wanted to pull him into my arms and mark him all over.

I sat down on the bed, gazing at him as he lay there obliviously. At first, I never thought it would turn out like this, it started with that first kiss. I admit I was very angry and tried my best to control myself.

That’s why I told him to go back…

But he chose to come to me.

I gently traced my finger over his soft lips, circling around his still red cheeks, unable to resist leaning in for a light kiss before pulling back. The faint sweet scent and the steady sound of his breathing…the kiss on the couch earlier, I had to endure a lot to not do more.

Does he realize at all that he’s not safe around me?

If we’re alone, just the two of us…

:Damn it

This is definitely not good…

I intended not to do anything, not until he was willing.

How long can I hold out?

There’s an incoming call from: Fah’

“Fah.”

“Fuck. I’ve never been this glad that you called.” I quickly answered the call and immediately walked out of the bedroom.

(Why, man?) “Shit…”

“Glad it’s you calling.”

“If it were that Tit, shit would’ve hit the fan for sure.”

(Joe. What’s up with you, calm down first.)

   “If you had called just a little later…” I said while raising my hand to my face, trying to regain my composure, before slumping down onto the sofa.

(You seem restless.)

   “Yeah.”

(Oh, did you take the little one to bed, how did it go?)

   “How did it go? I’m about to go crazy here.”

(You fought with yourself, right?)

   “Yeah. Do you think I’m someone who can stop at just a kiss? I need to be really strong-willed, how many times do I need to pray, and that kid, damn…”

(That’s why I called to bring you back to your senses, right?)

   “Yeah. If you had been a minute later, even if the kid was crying, I wouldn’t know if I could stop myself.”

(That’s heavy, my friend.)

   “Heavier than you think.”

(Really that bad, huh? The kid is cute, right?)

   “Yeah, and he let me kiss him. If he had seriously refused from the start, I wouldn’t have minded.”

(The kid allowed just a kiss, huh. That should be enough, right?)

   “Enough my ass, I kissed her until her lips were chapped, and I still felt it wasn’t enough, damn it! What’s wrong with me?” I cursed, feeling utterly frustrated with myself.

(Joe, I told you to cool down first)

   “Fah, I’ve tried.”

(You’re scary, I want to take the kid away from you.)

   “Try it then.”

(You’re scary, pity the kid. I saw this morning, the kid was blushing like crazy because of you.)

   “So I don’t want to stop even more.”

(The kid looks really strong usually, but when with you, seems fragile all over. Be gentle for once.)

   “Even Hill told me.”

(Did you do it?)

   “Did it.”

(You did with him already?)

   “Yeah.”

(The kid is so cute and adorable, why not be more gentle?)

   “Can you not be so annoying, Fah?”

(I compliment and you get possessive.)

   (When did you become so possessive?)

   “Am I?”

(Oh, I’ve never seen you like this with your past people. At first, when Arthit told me, I almost didn’t believe it. Didn’t think you’d be this much.)

   “I really don’t know about this one.”

(Have you calmed down yet?)

   “Not yet.”

(I meant your heart.)

   “Oh. What did you think I meant?”

(Well, but for someone like you, that’s pretty good. You’re quite patient, the kid has survived this long. Keep your composure, don’t do anything more than kissing.) (Joe, I’m serious. If you’re serious about this. You shouldn’t treat the kid like you did with the others.)

   “Yeah.”

(Really.)

   “What.”

(Just like Arthit said that you don’t argue. Normally, you’d argue until the cows come home about stuff like this.)

   “What do you want me to say?”

(But I think it’s good that it’s him.)

   “How so?”

(I heard Hill say that the kid is easy-going, doesn’t get angry at people often. Not an overthinker, and very strong, otherwise, he wouldn’t be able to handle someone like you.)

   “…”

“Not because it’s good that it’s the kid, but because it’s the kid, that’s what makes it good.”

(Umm, okay, so what’s the plan for tonight, will the kid survive your company?)

   “Don’t know, man.”

(Sleep on the sofa, let the kid sleep in the room.)

   “Is this my room or what?”

(Then you go to sleep outside.)

   “Bastard.”

(We’re just talking about your stuff here.)

   “Do you have something else?”

(Have you seen my cheat sheet? The one I brought to study with Hill today, I can’t find it, and I need it tomorrow.) “I saw it.”

(Where?)

   “Tit took it.”

(When did he take it?)

   “While packing.”

(He took it, and you saw but didn’t say anything.)

   “It’s not finished yet.”

(Hmm, good, took it without even asking.)

   “I asked, but he wouldn’t give it.”

(Learn to do it yourself.)

   “Is it worth my time, Fah?”

(Sigh, tell him to bring it back to me tomorrow, don’t forget, if he forgets, he’s in for it.)

   “Tell him yourself.”

“I’m too lazy to talk to him.”

“Pointless again.”

(Tell him not to forget, please.)

   “Yeah.”

(I have another thing to talk about with you, let’s talk now or I might forget again.)

   “Go ahead.”

(You seem stressed out lately, these past one or two months. Not that you’re overly stressed, but you seem to get irritated easily, mood swings, Hill said. Are you working hard?)

   “Yes. Just like Hill said.”

(Do you have to work that hard? You’re missing classes more than last semester.) “I have to. They said they’d hand everything over before I graduate, in just a couple of years.”

(Is it stressful?)

   “I don’t know, man. It’s not that much pressure. Just tired.”

(If you have so much family business, why study to be a doctor? I’ve asked you several times. Why not study something easier?)

   “Like what?”

(Management or something, so you can help with the work too.)

   “I already manage things well.”

(Then why become a doctor? Don’t tell me it’s because your mom said you should apply and if you get in, you have to study.)

   “Just so she can go around telling people that her only son is studying to be a doctor, and he can handle the family business too, and in a few years, he’ll take over. That’s enough to make her face shine, who knows how much.)

(Umm, I understand, just like Hill, or is Hill even worse off?)

   “Hill might be worse off, he was basically forced into it.”

(So, none of you actually want to be doctors, huh? Sigh. Have you regained some composure now?)

   “Yeah. You got me talking about work and studies.”

(Good, and when you met the kid, did it make you feel any better? Less stressed?)

   “Not really, but it’s not like it’s bad either.”

(How so?)

   “Don’t know, man.”

(Like seeing a rest stop when you’re tired, huh?)

   “Right.” (Umm, the good thing is if you’re still being a playboy, you won’t ever find someone to come back to when you’re tired or discouraged, like having a home to return to.)

   “It’s something like that.”

(I’m hanging up now, don’t forget to call Tit to return my cheat sheet.)

   “OK”

And then I hung up, still agreeing it was good that Fah called. It helped remind me of many things. Not just me, those two are the same.

I called Arthit as Fah had just told me to.

(Why call so late?) the moment the other side picked up. I heard chaos from the other end of the line; more notably, the sound of cars.

“Are you at the stadium again?”

(Yes, I’m betting tonight, but the stakes are too low, the other side isn’t very daring.)

   “How much?”

(Three hundred thousand.)

   “Why so little?”

(That’s what I thought. When you’re not around, the odds drop like this.)

   “But you still went.”

(I don’t go often. Just tonight, I was bored, interested?)

   “No.”

(Are you sleeping with the kid?)

   “Not sleeping, just finished talking with Fah. Bring him his sheet back tomorrow.”

(Yeah, got it. Is that why you called?)

   “Yes, Fah asked me to.” (Hmm, just the girls complaining they miss you, saying why hasn’t Johan shown his face for so long. You haven’t come for months, have you? Even when you do, it’s not often.)

   “I’ve been working.”

(I already told them you’ve got a lot of work, hardly any sleep.)

   “Yeah, sometimes I feel like quitting and just living idly, wasting time like you.”

(You won’t do that.)

   “I am keeping an eye on the kid first.”

(Oh, the inspiration that changed Johan the asshole into Johan the workaholic, like now, huh?)

   “You’re good at being annoying.”

(How’s it going, sleeping with the kid, gone mad yet?)

   “You’re asking just like Fah, yeah, I’m about to go crazy.”

(Feel sorry for you, if you can’t bear it, you don’t have to.)

   “It’s because you’re like this that I’m glad it was Fah who called first.”

(Heh, I’m heading out to the field now.)

   “OK. Good luck, stay safe.”

(Hope you win.)

   “Have you ever lost to anyone besides me?”

(Two matches, one win each, and you’re still talking.)

   “Yeah, I’m hanging up.”

(Yeah, sweet dreams.)

   …

This feels so uncomfortable…

I slowly opened my eyes, the first sensation was warmth. The image in front of me wasn’t very clear due to the dimness of the room. I guessed it wasn’t morning yet, but I could barely move. Ugh…

When I tried to move, I felt someone’s arm tighten around me, pulling me into a firmer embrace.

Phii Johan…

Is he hugging me?

I could feel the cold air from the AC, the thick blanket providing more warmth, but the warmth from the other person’s embrace was even more comforting. I tried to move because of the soreness, but I couldn’t move much, as the person behind me had their arms wrapped around me.

He couldn’t have been hugging me all night, could he?

Just the thought of being hugged all night made my heart beat faster again. I wasn’t imagining that each kiss was getting longer, but the intensity hadn’t decreased much, what decreased was Phii Johan’s patience. Several times his large hand moved up to touch me but stopped just before.

As for the kissing…I thought it was way too much, so I secretly wondered if he wasn’t tired of it, but the moment I accidentally asked…

My lips hurt…

My lips probably hadn’t cracked again, right?

Sometimes I’m secretly scared. Last time I had cracked lips and he didn’t stop.

What kind of person am I, really? T^T

I reached out to grab my phone, which was lying nearby. I opened the screen to find it was past five in the morning. With someone holding me like this, how could I sleep? The image from yesterday on the sofa was still lingering in my mind. Plus, there was the warm breath of the person behind me caressing my neck and ear, indicating how close we were…

Oh, how can I even try to sleep now? I shouldn’t have woken up, T^T

Can’t sleep… Not being able to sleep, I just lay there quietly thinking about random things, couldn’t move, definitely couldn’t wake Phii Joe. Checking my phone, I found that fifty thousand baht had been transferred into my account. Must be what I borrowed from him yesterday…Why is money so easy to get? That’s fifty thousand, T^T

And about the debt…

Why do I have to keep track of it? Who can even count it all? Just thinking about it drives me crazy!

Incoming call from: Phii Hill

   I groggily woke up to the sound of my phone ringing. Initially, I thought I wouldn’t be able to sleep, but the drowsiness along with the warm, cozy atmosphere made me sleepily drift off without realizing it.

Phii Hill called…

Is this the first time Phii Hill has called me since we met?

“Hello.” I answered quickly.

(Is Joe there?)

   “Oh, yes, he’s here.” I said, glancing back at the person still holding me. Behind me, Johan was asleep, sound asleep, and I quickly turned back, realizing we were too close.

(Can I speak with him?)

   “Uh, Joe is asleep. Should I wake him?”

(Wake him up, please.)

   “Phii Joe.” I called, “Phii Hill wants to talk to you.”

“…” As I called him, it seemed like Johan woke up, but it looked more like he didn’t want to deal with it.

“Phii Joe…” I called out again while shaking the other’s arm. Phii Johan loosened his embrace as if annoyed, then turned me around, and now he was straddling me as I lay on my back, leaning down to kiss me softly. “Ugh…” I accidentally let out a sound when the person in front of me pressed his lips down harder and repeatedly. It wasn’t as aggressive as before, but my heart was beating so hard I could feel it. I closed my eyes tightly as I felt like I was running out of breath, and tried to push him away.

Again…

It’s happening again…

Are you trying to give me a heart attack or what!

(North) Phii Hill’s voice came from the phone, making Phii Johan reluctantly pull away from the kiss, somewhat displeased. Seeing him just woken up made me wonder how someone could look this good right after waking up.

(Are you still there?) Phii Hill called again, bringing me back to my senses.

“Yes, uh, sorry, it’s just…”

   (You can put it on speaker, I’ll talk.)

   “Yes.” I pressed the speaker button as instructed by Phii Hill.

(Joe)

   “What.”

(You’re up early.)

   “Yeah.”

(Attached to the kid, huh.)

   :!!!

Did Phii Hill just say Phii Johan is attached to me? I glanced at Phii Johan who looked a bit grumpy from being woken up, then had to look away as I felt too embarrassed. I wasn’t sure what exactly was making me feel this embarrassed, but every time our eyes met, my embarrassment grew.

   What does it mean by ‘attached to me’? Is it about the kissing just now…

   Oh my. What should I be embarrassed about first?

   “…” (Why isn’t the call going through?)

   “I’m annoyed with you.”

(Come to class with me.)

   “No.”

(Joe)

   “Why?”

(Come to class.)

   “No.”

(Planning to cuddle with the kid all day?)

   “Yeah.”

!!!

(Hurry up and come.)

   “…”

(This time, I’m not doing your assignments for you.)

   “Okay, fine.”

(Can you contact Tit?)

   “Why? Can’t you contact him yourself?”

(Hmm, he turned off his phone just like you. Since morning, Fah’s been complaining there’s no lab sheet.)

   “Really? We just saw each other briefly.”

(Is he dead or something?)

   “Probably, he was racing last night.”

(Hmm, I’ll tell the professor. Which form do I need to sign?)

   “He could be sick, maybe he’s in the hospital.”

(What should I say?)

   “Car accident, critical condition.”

(Alright. Hurry up, bring the kid too.)

   “Why?”

(So he can come stay with Ter, or do you want the kid to be alone?)

   “Where am I going?”

(The café under the building.)

   “OK.”

(OK.)

   Then Phii Hill hung up. I was surprised because he said Phii Arthit was critically injured and in the hospital. Can they just decide things like this? Actually, Phii Arthit might just be sleeping in late, this is too much of a prank!

 

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