SMNTCERR, Chapter 61: Yellow #3.
Jaeyoung never thinks about the future, as the distant future is just a present of some day. Therefore, he believes in doing what he wants at the moment and living happily, and now, at the present moment. Jaeyoung is currently infatuated with Chu Sangwoo. And what could be the problem with that?
He lit a cigarette and took a deep drag, which made him feel better. Then he exhaled slowly until his lungs were empty.
“I mean, seriously… Why do you care about those things? Who knows if we’ll still feel the same way about each other when that time comes? Just focus on the present, it’s already complicated enough. I don’t have the energy to think about those things.”
Jaeyoung spoke rudely. The other person told him to start counting down the days from today and then practice crying and saying goodbye, make matching rings, and promise not to forget each other even when they’re apart.
It’s pointless.
What’s worse is that Chu Sangwoo, who is afraid of getting bad grades, doesn’t understand that having such a strong sexual desire could be heartbreaking for someone who has to go back to school abroad in two months.
They are different.
“Just do those stupid things by yourself. Don’t force them on others.”
Yoona remained silent for a while and just looked up at the empty sky while smoking two cigarettes in a row. Jaeyoung waited patiently.
“That’s right. Maybe it’s because the situation is too similar. I just got carried away.”
Finally, Yoona said what she wanted to say, “Sorry for being confused.” Jaeyoung respected the other’s straightforwardness. Although their personalities and ideas are different, it’s because of that that they have been friends until now.
“Well… have you been gay since the beginning?”
“Probably not. I don’t know.”
Jaeyoung answered directly. He never really thought about it seriously.
“Jaeyoung-ah.”
Yoona only called him that when she’s teasing him.
“Even though you have to part, please behave yourself a little, it will hurt the kid.”
The girl frowned and spoke in a teasing manner, not realizing how he’s been living lately.
“Oh, poor thing… You can tell that kid has never had a boyfriend before. I don’t know what he did to end up with this crazy guy.”
Jaeyoung laughed as if it were a joke. Who knows who’s really caught up with whom. From Jaeyoung’s perspective, it’s Chu Sangwoo who’s caught up with him and is struggling, while the one who’s fishing doesn’t even realize that there’s a fish on the hook because they’re too busy looking elsewhere. Although Yoona may be misunderstanding, Jaeyoung has no intention of explaining anything.
“Do you think that kid is stupid or something? He said he’s had a boyfriend before.”
“He’s lying.”
“What’s the lie? Even if someone like him were to be threatened with death, he wouldn’t lie.”
“I can’t imagine it at all.” Yoona tilted her head.
Jaeyoung didn’t respond. He had thought like that before, but now it was different, like a whirlpool that was hard to see at first glance. Once you stepped in, you could only be sucked down. Jaeyoung didn’t delude himself into thinking that he was the only one who saw the charm of Chu Sangwoo in this world.
“In the end, won’t you still have to leave things off? There are two people in there, do not do the annoying things.”
Yoona ran down the stairs outside the building, waving her hand without looking back. Jaeyoung reached into his pants pocket and looked up at the sky.
Then he hurriedly walked back into the building.
⌘W.
“Beautiful, isn’t it?”
The atmosphere was so beautiful that he blurted it out to himself, the sky at sunset chasing after indigo [1] and purple tones.
The atmosphere at dusk looked clear and was perfect for skateboarding, but Jaeyoung was chained to his desk by his evil boss to work like a slave.
The graphics side. There were some changes to Flow Chart [2] and there was a part that needed some minor adjustments, and the main work was to make it compatible with various devices. Most of the design work was done, so he could breathe a sigh of relief, but on the development side, they were fighting tooth and nail against bugs. On Sangwoo’s screen, even people who knew nothing about coding like Jaeyoung knew that it wasn’t a good sign.
‘Because the reset isn’t complete… ‘Blah blah blah.’ The code that manages the data, ‘Blah blah blah.’ As for the central variable…’
He remembered asking the other party what it meant. And in the end, he didn’t get anything back, so he didn’t think about trying again.
Jaeyoung looked out the window for a moment. When he returned to his seat, he saw that Sangwoo had stopped working and was looking at him. Jaeyoung guessed that the other party might have something to ask for.
“What’s up?”
“I see that you just keep looking out the window.”
“It’s just because the weather is nice today.”
If you want to go out, you can go.”
What was this about? Chu Sangwoo had never allowed him to take a break without reason before. Was he being kind because their relationship was progressing? Jaeyoung thought it would be good if it was the latter.
“Then I am going to go out today. See you tomorrow.” Sangwoo spoke happily and stretched his back.
The other person couldn’t be called stupid. Even though they were just joking around, they were actually someone who didn’t think much. They just thought, “He probably wants to go on a trip,” or something like that. They didn’t think about who he wanted to go on the trip with. Jaeyoung looked up at the sky before spinning his chair in a circle.
“Sangwoo.”
“Yes?”
“Let’s go play basketball.”
The sound of typing stopped. Sangwoo was silent for about ten seconds before answering.
“I don’t think I’m free for that.”
Suddenly, the other person became soft like jelly. Jaeyoung, who originally thought the answer would be “I’m not free,” smiled widely before lazily leaning over and kissing Sangwoo’s cheek without hesitation.
“I’m going out first. Follow me after you finish packing.”
Sangwoo hesitated before following, and the two walked down the stairs without saying anything, as if they were lost in thought until they came out into the darkness. When he saw the other person blushing like when they walked together at the Jeonryundong Wall, Jaeyoung felt his heart skip a beat as if he had just had his first girlfriend.
“Hyung, are you good at basketball?”
The other person asked during that time.
“I don’t think I am bad.”
He answered modestly, but the truth was that basketball was Jaeyoung’s most confident sport. He had been obsessed with it since high school and played it frequently. When he was in college, he even joined the basketball club with his friends and competed in friendly matches.
“Then I’ll probably lose. I haven’t played since the end of high school.”
“Just play for fun. Don’t worry about it.”
Even so, I don’t want to lose.”
When he thought about it, Sangwoo had said before that he wasn’t good at playing games. Even though he was someone who excelled in competition and had higher standards than others, he didn’t seem that way on the outside. That’s why Jaeyoung thought the other person was interesting and suitable for learning, whether it was software or hardware.
“Basketball is over here.”
“I’m going to get it.”
The basketball that Jaeyoung was talking about was at the student club. This was the second time he had come here with Sangwoo, after they had come to find clothes for a short Chinese-language play. While they were walking up the stairs, Jaeyoung asked.
“Have you been here before? Do you remember?”
“On Friday, March 8th, right? That day, you took off my hat in the dressing room. I was so angry.”
“…”
It would be better not to talk about it at that time. Moreover, what made
Jaeyoung startled was that it had been two months since then… If he had told himself at that time that the relationship between the two of them would turn out like this, he would not have believed it and would have laughed it off.
He walked alongside Sangwoo until they reached the door. Even though it was late, there were still loud noises coming from inside the room, as if they were having a meeting. During this time, they were preparing for the annual performance, and while he thought that they were preparing inside, he knocked on the door twice. As soon as he opened the door, the loud noise suddenly quieted down.
“I just came to get something. Please continue.”
As he walked inside, the younger members made murmuring sounds.
“Hey, sunbae!”
“Oh, you’re here, sunbae! We’ve been waiting for you!”
“Please have a seat right here, big brother.”
He knew the president, vice president, and secretary, but the other four people were kids he didn’t know. Jaeyoung hid his hand that was trying to grab him. Then he walked to the box to look for something, and the club president walked over and patted his shoulder.
You must be very tired during this time. It’s been tough working all the time.”
“Oh, yes, please take your hand off me.”
It seemed like more of a rubbing of the shoulder than a massage. The vice president handed him a black can of drink and said, “Please have a drink.” The logo on the drink can looked familiar, and he was surprised that there was still “Black Holic” left in the club room. It never expired or anything.
“…It’s better if I don’t drink that.”
He refused politely and picked up the basketball that was in his shoe pile. As he was about to leave the room, he was grabbed by both arms and forced to sit on the sofa. Sangwoo, who was standing at the door, hugged his chest and laughed at him.
“What do you have there?”
In fact, he knew very well that these people had been asking him to play the lead role, direct, and design the poster for the annual performance since the beginning of the year. Although he seemed to have given up on the poster, he was still contacted to participate in the performance until the latest phone number of the club president was added to the spam list.
Jaeyoung had to refuse. The first reason was that he was already busy with part-time jobs, hobbies, daily life, and relationship issues. The second reason was that he had taken on the roles of lead actor, director, and poster designer for the play “The Death of Salesman” last year. Although Jaeyoung had some thick skin, when he thought back to the time when he was promoting the play, “The Final Stage Play” his face suddenly became hot and he wondered how he could show his face in a theater performance again.
“Senior… can’t you help us out? I heard you say that you are busy, so we changed to performing smaller roles instead.”
“Just this once, please? Why won’t you answer my calls lately?”
“We need to cherish our valuable memories before we graduate. Please, can you understand just this once? Can you? There are people waiting to see your final performance, can you give me the list?”
Jaeyoung pushed past the younger students, hugged the basketball tightly, and walked past each person blocking the exit.
“You said it was the last festival I would help with, didn’t you? You said to think of it as if I’ve already graduated.”
But it’s not over yet!” Jaeyoung quickly closed the door before the club president, who seemed to be about to burst in, could come out.
“Hmph.” He shook off his scattered thoughts and straightened his wrinkled shirt. After he tucked the basketball under his arm, he looked to the side and saw Sangwoo covering his mouth and laughing. He didn’t know if he had thought of it himself or if he had noticed the other side’s changing expression.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
Jaeyoung’s tone indicated that he didn’t really understand. He replied that he didn’t know either and started to walk away. Once outside, he picked up the basketball and headed towards the court. He showed off his special ability by throwing the ball high and catching it. Then he spun the ball on his finger before Sangwoo asked with his mouth covered,
“What role did they ask you to play?”
“It’s a guest role that takes about five minutes. I declined because I’m not available, so I can’t come.”
“What kind of role is it?”
“I don’t know, maybe a pirate or something. It’s a role that comes out for five minutes and then dies.”
Sangwoo remained silent. Although Jaeyoung liked the dry and hoarse voice of the other side, he also liked it when it was quiet like this. Maybe it was because it was a beautiful evening, everything looked good. Although there was nothing special, it was another day that would be remembered for a long time. He felt that today would be like that for sure, the dark purple sky made him feel like he was in a fantasy world, and Jaeyoung liked that he was going to play basketball with a boy who had no romantic angle at all. “It’s a shame.” At that moment, Sangwoo perked up.
“What’s up?”
“I’ve never been to a drama club performance before. And now I won’t have the chance to see one.”
Jaeyoung turned to look at Sangwoo’s profile. It was an incomplete sentence and didn’t sound like Sangwoo’s usual way of speaking. But he didn’t ask what the other meant. He couldn’t ask such a question before the feeling of suffocation, like drowning, that had arisen during this period subsided.
Jaeyoung started bouncing a basketball.
Inadvertently, they both ended up standing on the green court. Jaeyoung walked to the center line and looked at Sangwoo, who was standing far away. The other’s skin looks paler than usual, having been surrounded by intense ultramarine color [3].
“Wanna bet ten points?”
“Sure.”
____________________________________.
[1] Indigo, a color. Color code: #3F00FF.
[2] Flow chart, a diagram that shows the sequence of movements or actions of people or things involved in various systems.
[3] Intense ultramarine color, the blue color on a basketball court.