NORTHHOWMUCHISYOURLOVE, Chapter 28 part 2

“Who is that? He’s so handsome.”

“He’s my boyfriend.”

“Huh? Really? And that black Audi is his?”

I nodded in response, “Which means he must be very rich. He’s good, North. He’s really good, heh, and so handsome. Plus, he looks great, has a good body, and he’s rich too. I’m so jealous.”

I didn’t say anything because I didn’t know what to say, just gave a shy smile back. Honestly, I like it when people compliment Phii Joe; it somehow makes me feel shy too.

Then, Cartoon bombarded me with questions about Phii Joe. She even wanted to take a picture of him, but I wouldn’t let her. What would she do with a picture?

“North…”

“Yes?” I turned towards Phii Johan’s call, it seemed he had finished his business call. He walked over to me, and Cartoon looked all excited and flushed seeing Phii Joe up close.

“Uh, hello, are you North’s boyfriend?”

“Yes.”

“I’m North’s neighborly sister, my name is Cartoon.”

“Oh…yes.” Phii Joe gave a small smile but didn’t seem too interested in her. “Excuse us.” before he reached out to put his arm around my shoulder, leading me back into the house. I gave a small smile to Cartoon as a goodbye gesture.

Once inside, I found my mom setting up the dining table. We waited a bit until everything was ready, then we started eating dinner. I really missed Mom’s cooking. While we ate, we chatted about various things until Mom remembered something.

“Oh right, Young North, you’re such a show-off when it comes to his boyfriend.”

“Mom, please don’t.” I protested loudly. Since I started dating Phii Joe, I’ve been bragging about him to Mom all the time, it’s been like this for a while now. But the one thing I didn’t want to happen was for Mom to tell Phii Johan about it.

“Really?” Phii Joe asked with interest, “What did he say?”

“He said his boyfriend is very handsome.”

“Is that so?” The person next to me turned to ask me, revealing a slight smile. I quickly looked down and continued eating.

“It’s not just that…”

“Mom!” I started to whine a bit, making a pouty face, but it didn’t have any effect.

“He called to tell me, he’s so kind, he’s so attentive, he doesn’t know what to do, he loves him so much, you know…”

“Mom…” I called out in a hushed tone, this is why I didn’t really want them to meet. But it seems like Phii Joe enjoyed hearing mom’s stories, he was very interested.

“Do you know, mom, he’s the first person that made me want to better himself, I will study hard now too, and when we’re not together, I feel something weird, I don’t like it, I miss him so much, I’ve never felt like this with anyone else, have you ever felt like this with dad?” “Mom…I won’t tell you anything anymore.” I said, pretending to be sulky, covering my face with my hands, feeling the heat reaching my ears now.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

“Phii…”

“Here, North, why don’t you tell him these things?”

“Mom…” Who would dare tell Phii Joe these things? Because of the habit of talking about everything with mom. When I was dating Jo, I talked like this with mom too, but she never told Jo these things.

“Go ahead, say you’ve even thought about marriage.”

“Mom…”

“Hmm?” Phii Joe raised an eyebrow slightly, “Marry me?” before giving a satisfied half-smile. Who let him smile like that!

“…”

“North gets embarrassed, doesn’t he?” Mom teased lightly, “Or is it just with him? Your ears are all red now, dear.”

“I don’t want to talk anymore.” I said quietly.

“North, he is quite the one to show off his boyfriend, I’ll tell you, especially with Joe.” Mom said, turning to Phii Joe, “He bragged about everything, seems to be very proud of you, huh?”

“…” I continued eating my rice, trying to ignore them. They can tease all they want. I feel like I’m about to explode!

After dinner, mom said she’d clear the dishes herself and told us to go rest. My bedroom is upstairs. I opened the door to my room, feeling embarrassed. I never thought Phii Joe would actually agree to sleep in my room.

“It’s a bit cramped.” I mentioned.

“Not that cramped.” “Just me here.” I mumbled. Phii Joe walked in and scanned the room with his eyes, a typical boy’s room with posters, comic books, a guitar, a study desk, and a bed that wasn’t particularly large, “Do you want to take a shower?”

“Shower together?”

“N…no.” I immediately declined. He gave a small smile at my shy demeanor, and then we went to take our showers separately since there were bathrooms both upstairs and downstairs. When I came back to the room, he had already finished his shower and was sitting on the bed.

“Ah!” I exclaimed in surprise as I was suddenly pulled into a hug from behind. Phii Johan tightened his embrace and nuzzled his nose against my neck.

I caught the faint scent of soap from him as I leaned back against his chest.

“Phii Joe, are you okay with my home?”

“It’s okay.”

“That’s good, Mom and Aunt seem to really like you.” I said with joy, snuggling closer to him, “They might end up loving you more than me. What if I am left behind?”

“And you, North?”

“Huh?”

“Do you love me?”

“Uh…why are you asking that out of the blue?” I asked, stammering a bit, surprised by the sudden question.

“Answer.”

“I love you.”

“Hmm.”

“Just you; North loving me is enough.”

“…” I fell silent and let my heart continue to beat strongly. I’ve grown quite accustomed to and fond of Phii Joe’s hugs and physical affection, because it warms my heart a lot, but even so, it still makes me shy.

“I heard you’re a show-off.”

“…”

“When we’re not together, do you miss me a lot? Have you ever felt like this with anyone else?”

“Phii!”

“He’s the first one who made me want to change for the better.”

“…” I buried my face into the blanket to hide my flushed face. Why does he have to tease me and then whisper in my ear, stop it already, T^T.

“It’s the same for me.”

“Ha?”

“North, you are the first and only person who made me want to better myself.”

“…Ah, uh, yes.” I buried my face even deeper into the blanket, my words barely audible before Phii Joe pulled me closer, pressing his lips hard against my cheek, lingering there until I didn’t know what to do, “Ah…what’s this?”

“You let Gene kiss your cheek.”

“…I always let you kiss my cheek too.”

Phii Joe didn’t reply, just smiled with satisfaction and kissed my cheek again, holding it there for a moment before letting go. I turned to kiss his cheek in return, and we continued talking about today’s visit to my house along with other things.

Suddenly, my phone rang, and I saw it was Tiger calling.

“Speakerphone.” Phii Joe said in a calm voice, which made me jump a little. It seemed like he didn’t like it much when we were together and someone interrupted.

“What’s up, Tiger?” I answered, putting the call on speaker as instructed. (Duennao…)

   I was startled by the noise of music and commotion coming from the other end, I barely had time to lower the volume. It sounded like he was outside, probably at a bar, I guessed.

(Duennao…)

   “Are you drunk?”

(No.)

   “Oh, what’s going on then?”

(Duennao…)

   “If you keep just calling for Nao, how am I supposed to understand anything?”

(Duen…Nao…)

   “I can’t take it anymore, my friend.” I said, letting out a sigh. There must be something wrong for Tiger to be this drunk, “Calm down, man.”

(I don’t want to be like this at all.)

   “What’s wrong with you?” Phii Joe asked in a low, deep voice that gave me goosebumps. I don’t know why.

(Oh, you’re there too?)

   “Yeah.”

(That’s good, you’re together.)

   “Tiger, what’s going on?” I asked again.

(I don’t know, just leave me alone.)

   “Come on, but you called.”

(Yeah, Phii.)

“What?”

(That bastard North owes me money, Phii.)

   “…” (He swindled me out of hundreds of thousands, North, he threatened me really well about Duennao.)

   “This is ridiculous, Tiger, what would I threaten you with? You’re just drunk and talking nonsense.” I said with frustration. What is he on about, owing him hundreds of thousands?

(I don’t know, Field, get me more drinks.)

   (Annoying, and who did you call?) Garfield’s voice, a friend of Tiger, probably out drinking with him.

(Drunk and just talking shit, bastard.)

   There you go, sounds just like me.

(Is this North?) Garfield’s voice got closer to the phone, he must have successfully taken the phone from Tiger.

(Sorry about that, Tiger’s a bit drunk.)

   “Is it about Nao?” I asked.

(Must be it, it’s all messed up. Don’t know what happened.)

   “Okay, take good care of him when you bring him back.”

(Yeah, sorry for the disturbance) and then he hung up. What was that about? When it comes to Duennao, Tiger gets so delicate.

“Are you going to fleece him?” The deep voice from behind startled me again, before Phii Joe made me turn around to face him and sat me on his lap.

This isn’t good at all…

“Tiger is just drunk.”

“But you do fleece him, right?”

“Well…yes.” I admitted with a slight pout. It’s not really fleecing, just asking him to treat me to some drinks or something.

“I’m curious, how scary are you to threaten him to get hundreds of thousands?”

“…” “Come on, show me how you do it.”

“Are…are you crazy?” I said, turning my gaze away, looking at him with an expression that clearly showed he was deliberately trying to embarrass me.

“Quick, I want to see.”

“I don’t really fleece money from him, just asks him to buy water or something sometimes.” I said truthfully. I’ve never outright asked for money from Tiger.

“And why don’t you ever ask me?”

“…”

I fell silent because I felt the situation was getting tricky after seeing the smile at the corner of his mouth.

“What did you say before? That you could get anything you want from me, right?”

“Well…um, I’m considerate of you, you know, oh!” His hand pressed the back of my neck down, and his lips met mine instantly. Phii Joe seemed not too fond of my being considerate, then his hot tongue darted in, pressing against my lips firmly. I responded to the touch, my breathing starting to get faster, before Phii Joe pulled back from the kiss.

“What did you say just now?”

“No…no.” I averted my gaze, feeling my heart start to beat faster again.

“Do you understand?”

“I understand.”

“Hmm. That’s good.”

“But next time, I won’t ask.”

“Hmm?”

“I will just steal, when you’re asleep, I’ll steal your wallet, I’ll even take your room keys, the TV, the fridge, the sofa, all your expensive stuff, I will take it all. And when you wake up, I will have vanished without a trace.” I said with a playful smile, and the person in front of me responded with an indulgent smile.

“Will you disappear too?”

“Yes. You definitely won’t find me.”

“Then take it all, but North, don’t disappear.”

Cheater…

   Why are you so good at sweet-talking…

   I immediately pouted when I heard his words, my face suddenly feeling hot, I knew it must be turning red. I lowered my head to hide it. Phii Joe seemed quite pleased with my reaction.

   “Why are you so good at getting embarrassed?”

“It’s because of you. Don’t tease.”

“Then why are you so good at being cute?”

!!

“Uh…stop it.” I protested a bit before Phii Joe made me sit up and kissed me gently on the lips. When he pulled back, I rested my forehead on his shoulder as if needing a moment to catch my breath.

“Oh, right, do you want to hear me play the guitar?” I asked, remembering. I had always thought if there was a chance, I’d like to play the guitar for Phii Joe once, especially a song I would sing for him.

“Will you play?”

“Yes, but I’m not very good at it.”

“Hmm, I want to listen.” Phii Joe said. I gave a wide smile before getting up to fetch the guitar leaning against the wall, “Since when have you been playing?”

“Since high school, actually, but it’s been a while since I’ve played.” I said, strumming the guitar strings to check if they were out of tune, “There’s one song I’d like you to hear, by the way.” “What song?”

“‘Fix You,’ but, um, I can’t play it.”

“That’s okay, you have been wanting me to listen to that for a long time.”

“What do you mean?” I looked puzzled by his words, but Phii Joe didn’t seem too keen on explaining further, “If that’s the case…consider that I have played it for you, even if I’m not actually singing it.”

“Hmm, play another song then.”

“Oh, let’s go with an easy one then, just a moment, let me find one.” I said, pulling out my phone to search for a song that was both pretty and easy to play, “Come to think of it, we never had a proper courtship moment, so North will sing a song to court you.”

“Hmm?” Phii Johan raised an eyebrow, surprised by my words, then let out a small laugh, making me laugh along, even though I was embarrassed by what I said.

“What are you laughing at?”

“Let’s hear it then, I’m eager to listen to your courtship song.”

“I’ll make you blush, just watch.” I said, chuckling again at my own words. Being together for a while now, I’ve started to feel more confident joking around like this with him.

I found a song I thought was easy to play and fitting, though I haven’t played for a long time, I was worried I might mess up the chords, so I checked the lyrics and chords on my phone several times.

“Found a song?”

“Yep.”

“Which one?”

“‘Everything Has Changed,’” I said. I already liked this song, and when you look at its meaning, it fits, feeling like everything has changed since meeting him. I started to play somewhat awkwardly because I was out of practice, but after a while, it got better.

While I was playing, I looked up from the guitar to see Phii Johan holding his phone, recording me. I gave a small laugh to the camera.

“…Please don’t record.” I said, but he didn’t stop filming.

I played on with a slightly annoyed look until I finished the song.

“Posted on Instagram, have you?” After we started dating, Phii Joe has been posting on his Instagram stories more often, mostly about me. The news of us dating had spread throughout the university. But since I’m not one to care much about comments, I let them talk.

As for the people who added me or sent messages, I didn’t pay them any mind either. Whenever I went out, I often got strange looks, but I didn’t care about that either.

“Yeah, posted it.”

I checked to see what he posted, and found a story video of me playing the guitar just now, with the caption, “Someone said they’d play guitar to woo me: )”

I couldn’t help but smile when I saw that, it was really cute.

Phii Joe’s Instagram used to be all black and white from the very first post, but recently it’s turned to color, and mostly it’s pictures of me. If not my pictures, it’s photos related to us, like hand-holding, gifts we’ve given each other, or places we’ve been together.

I really like this kind of thing…

The latest picture was of me playing the guitar, with the caption from a line in the song:

‘Making Up For Lost Time…’

   “Can I post some photos too?” I asked.

“Sure. No need to ask.” “Can I hold your hand for a moment?” I smiled. Phii Joe extended one hand towards me, not quite understanding. I took a photo of us holding hands, with the guitar resting on my lap visible as well.

I posted the photo on my own Instagram, adding a caption from another part of the song:

‘All my walls stood tall, painted blue

   I’ll take them down, and open up the door for you.’

  

   NORTH HOW MUCH IS YOUR LOVE CHAPTERS HOME

NORTHHOWMUCHISYOURLOVE, Chapter 28 part 1

   Chapter 28: Painted Blue

   I felt a bit excited about bringing Phii Johan to my house. By the time we arrived, it was almost evening. My house is nothing special, not big or spacious. Within the same compound, there are two houses: the front one where I live with my mom, and the back one where my aunt lives, separated because they live as a family with Uncle. They have an older son in middle school named Knight, and the youngest son, Non, who was just born.

Initially, I thought we’d stop by to see Phii Joe’s grandparents first since we were staying at my place, but it seemed like his grandparents weren’t home. Mother Gene had come to see Phii Joe this morning, bringing gifts for my mom. Before leaving, she gave me a big kiss on the cheek, saying if I was going to meet Grandpa and Grandma, it would be better to meet Joes’Dad too at the same time.

So, it turns out next time I’ll meet Grandpa, Grandma, and Dad all at once.

Just thinking about it made me feel like I couldn’t breathe properly.

But above all else, I’m curious about how Mom will react when she meets Phii Joe. I haven’t even sent Mom a picture of him, thinking it’s better for them to meet in person.

The luxury car pulled up in front of the house. I got out and rang the doorbell, and after a moment, my mom came out looking like she had just finished showering, still with a towel draped over her shoulders.

“Oh, North, back home?” Mom called out, looking quite surprised.

“Isn’t that what you told me to do, to come back on Saturday?”

“Oh, did I say that?” I couldn’t help but think, why is Mom so forgetful? Before she walked over to open the gate, “Whose car is that? Why is there such a fancy car parked in front of our house?”

“It’s Phii Joe’s car. Mom, you said to bring my partner home. How could you forget?”

“…”

My mom’s eyes widened as she looked at the black car parked in front of us. Then the luxury car drove in and parked inside. Our house has space for two cars, one for my uncle, and the other spot was empty.

“Wow, how many millions is this car worth?” Mom walked up to me and asked. I shook my head slightly, indicating I didn’t know, “When Uncle takes his car out, he’ll have to be careful. If it gets scratched, what will we do?” Uncle is my aunt’s partner.

His car…? Then my mom froze when she saw Phii Johan stepping out of the car, she covered her mouth with her hand before a soft exclamation escaped.

“Wow, holy…”

“Mom…” I couldn’t help but chuckle a bit at her words. That’s just how my mom is, very youthful, you can tell from the end of the alley who my mother is.

“Fucking-Handsome-st, North, hold me or I might fall.”

“Take it easy.” I said, catching her arm, pretending to hold her up. But when Phii Joe turned around, she immediately composed herself and draped her towel over my shoulder instead.

Wait a minute, Mom…this towel is wet.

“Hello.” Phii Joe greeted with a wai. My mom responded with a stiff wai, why is she so stiff? He should be the one nervous about her, “Mom asked me to bring this.” and he handed her a beautiful blue paper bag. I didn’t know what was inside either, but from Gene, it’s bound to be something special.

“Thank you, really, you didn’t have to go through the trouble.” She smiled sweetly, taking the bag. Then we all walked into the house and sat down in the living room on the sofa.

“North, come help me a bit.” Mom called out. I walked into the kitchen to assist her, “What snacks should we get? Does he have any favorites?”

“He doesn’t like sweets, but I do, let’s go with that.”

“I am not even letting you have any.”

“Oh, come on.” I pouted, looking annoyed.

“North.”

“Yes?”

“Why is your boyfriend so handsome? Is he really your boyfriend, not just some playboy?” My mom was still visibly excited since meeting Phii Johan for the first time, “Mom’s heart is really fluttering.” She said, placing her hand over her heart, her face slightly red.

“He’s not a playboy.”

“Really? He’s so handsome, is he an actor or something? How did you get him to chase after you? Did you play hard to get?”

“No, he came after me.”

“Hmm.” Mom dragged out the sound as if she didn’t quite believe me, “That guy dresses so well, my dear. I feel like sweeping the floor again, worried his feet will get dirty.” Oh, when I’m at home, I’m the one who sweeps the floor all the time, T^T.

   “I hate when you say ‘that guy’.” I grumbled quietly.

“He’s really handsome, you know. At first, I almost couldn’t believe it. When North bragged about him, but like…oh, Mom’s heart might give out, I thought, ‘Is this really my future son-in-law?’, he’s just too handsome.”

“Mom, you are overpraising him more than me now.” I chuckled again, before bringing water and snacks to the living room table. I sat down next to Phii Joe on the sofa, and Mom followed, sitting on the sofa opposite us.

“Your name is Johan, right? Can I just call you Joe?”

“Yes.”

“You’re in your second year, so you’re one year senior to North, right? Is he naughty?”

“He’s pretty naughty, very much so.”

“North, don’t be naughty with him, okay?”

“Ha? Me, naughty?” I protested slightly when suddenly I got scolded by my mom. I’m not naughty, I’m a good kid, easy to teach, almost to death. I looked towards Phii Joe, who just shrugged, indicating he didn’t really care. “Young North has been stubborn and mischievous since he was a child. You need to scold him firmly. If you don’t, he won’t stop.”

“Sure.” Phii Johan gave a slight smile. There was no need for her to tell him to scold me; I was already scolded enough as it was. T^T, “Was he stubborn even as a kid?”

“Mm-hmm, very stubborn.” my mom put down her glass of water, ready to roast me thoroughly, “Before, he got picked on a lot by others, came home with bruised knees sometimes, or bumps on his head, so I solved the problem by sending North to learn boxing.”

“Boxing?” Phii Joe raised his eyebrows slightly in surprise at my mom’s words, “He learned boxing?”

“Since middle school.” I explained. When other parents have issues with their child being bullied, they might handle it differently, but my mom solved it by sending me to learn boxing.

“Wow, so my little North was quite the tough guy.” Mom said, letting out a laugh, “Just like his father.”

“That’s right, Mom, the blood of the father runs strong. We walked the path of the tough guys before.” I said jokingly, “It was an all-boys school, fighting for supremacy at Suzuran.”

Mom told me that when she first met dad, it was during high school. He was studying at a nearby technical school, which has since closed down. I once asked what she liked about dad, and she said even she couldn’t find the words to explain it herself, and then they started dating. After high school, neither of them went to college because they didn’t have the money; my grandmother couldn’t afford to send them. Both my mom and aunt only finished grade six, then worked for about two years before I was born. My mom is only thirty-eight now.

   When people ask why her son is so grown but she still looks young, my mom would answer, “Oh, I got married early.” and that’s my mom for you. I still find it funny, and there are still people who don’t know and try to flirt with her.

   “By the way, about North liking to fight?”

“I didn’t like it. They came looking for trouble.” I said, “Mostly.”

“Everyone who had issues with North ended up leaving the school. I wonder if the teachers thought it was too much.”

“Probably.” I said without much thought. I’ve wondered about it too; many who picked fights with me ended up transferring, especially those who really bullied me, they didn’t last long.

Or maybe

I turned to look at the person next to me.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Phii Joe asked, raising an eyebrow, but the slight smile on his lips confirmed my suspicions. I used to complain about these things at the game shop all the time.

Why do I feel a little scared of him now…

“At first, I thought sending him to boxing would change him into something fiercer, but no, North remained…North, just the same.” Mom said, letting out a sigh, “Still stubborn, mischievous, playful to a headache-inducing degree, and just not serious.”

“How do you eat and make such a mess?” The person next to me said, reaching out to wipe crumbs from the corner of my mouth. I unintentionally made a face at him, catching a glimpse of my mom watching us, looking a bit embarrassed.

“It’ll be evening before you know it. I’ll go prepare dinner first, do you want anything special?” She turned to ask Phii Joe. Wait, shouldn’t she be asking me? I haven’t had mom’s cooking in so long, T^T.

   “I’m hurt.” I said, pretending to sulk. “Even if you sulk, I won’t coax you.” Mom teased.

“Oh, I’m crying now.”

“Kidding, kidding.” Mom squeezed my cheeks with affection, “What do you want to eat? I’ll make it.”

“Anything is fine.”

“Annoying.” Mom said with a sigh before letting go, “That’s why I didn’t want to ask North. And what about you, do you want anything special?” She asked Phii Joe again, who shook his head slightly to say it was fine, and then my mom disappeared into the kitchen.

“Should I help with something?” I offered to help.

“Please do.”

“What can I do?”

“Just sit still.”

“…Okay.” I said, returning to the same sofa.

“Your mom is so cute, isn’t she?” Phii Johan commented.

“Of course, she’s my mom.” I said proudly, then heard the sound of the back door opening. I turned to see my aunt walking while carrying the baby. I rushed over to my little cousin immediately.

“Let me hold him.” I asked, and my aunt handed the baby to me. I looked down at the infant wrapped snugly in a blanket, “He’s wrapped up like a little burrito.”

“See, and this…”

“Hello.” Phii Joe greeted her with a smile, my aunt looked stunned since she laid her eyes on Phii Joe, her face starting to go red, she pulled me aside a bit.

“Who is that?”

“My boyfriend, the one I said I’d bring home.” I replied while playing with the baby, making faces at the tiny burrito, his little hands so small, chubby cheeks that looked like they needed a nibble, and his arms all wrinkly. “Really!”

“Shh, you scared the child.” I said, soothing the baby in my arms, “There, there, don’t cry.”

“The one you said is the grandson of our landlord, right?”

“Yes.”

“Wow, he’s so handsome, North.”

“Aunt, calm down.”

“North, I think he’s not ordinary. He’s very handsome, my heart skipped a beat just now, I almost wanted to divorce my husband.” my aunt said excitedly, truly like my mom.

“I’ll definitely tell Uncle.”

“He’s not home, went drinking with friends, ha, I have a husband, but he doesn’t love me right.”

“He’s just gone out for drinks with friends, what’s wrong with that?” I said, “You don’t have to look at my boyfriend like that, he’ll get embarrassed.”

“Acting all possessive, tell me honestly, how did you manage this? When your mom told me North said his boyfriend is handsome, I almost didn’t believe it, but then I saw him, wow, holy cow.”

“Ya’s awake now, isn’t he, Non?” I said, bending down to nuzzle my cousin’s cheek, “Don’t want to stay with Auntie Nuch anymore? Better to stay with me, Phii North.” I said, before sitting back on the sofa with the baby.

“Your nephew?”

“Yeah, would you like to hold him?”

“No.” Phii Joe said, turning his attention back to the TV. I figured Phii Joe probably isn’t much of a kid person. “Phii Joe’s not interested in you.” I talked to the baby, feeling like I turned 500% cuter when talking to kids. Then I brought Non closer to Phii Joe, “Phii Joe, hold him, please, hold him.”

“…” He looked at me but still wouldn’t play along, until little Non reached out to touch the air.

“He wants to play with you.”

“Phii North.”

“Oh, Knight.” I turned towards the voice, then handed Non back to my aunt, “What brings you here?”

“Phii North, I missed you so much.” and then Knight ran in from behind and hugged my neck because I was sitting on the sofa. This is usually how lively our house is, and now with a new baby too, relatives come to visit constantly, “Who’s that?”

“My boyfriend.”

“Wow…he’s insanely handsome.” The words slipped out from the mouth of the middle schooler, Knight, without thinking. He quickly covered his mouth in embarrassment after realizing he had spoken too loudly. Phii Joe gave a small smile at his reaction, “Phii North, do you think he heard what I just said?”

“He heard it, or else why would he smile?”

“Damn, now I’m embarrassed.”

“Come sit properly, Knight.” I said, and Knight walked around the sofa to sit next to me, giving a respectful wai to Phii Joe.

“Is he really your boyfriend, Phii North?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Oh my, I was going to show off to Phii North.” Knight said, rummaging through his pocket for something, then pulled out his phone to show me a picture, “I am courting this one, I’ll show him off later.” “Who’s this?” I took Knight’s phone. The picture was super blurry, but if I’m not mistaken, he’s wearing boys’ school trousers, “A guy?”

“Mhm.”

“What’s his name?”

“Oscar.”

“Do you have a clearer picture?”

“I do.”

“Then why not show me that?”

“Too cute. I don’t want you to see him.” I turned to look at Knight with a slightly disgusted expression at the term ‘too cute, don’t want you to see’ and showing a blurry picture; it felt oddly familiar, just like that engineering junior who was annoying.

“Well, okay. How’s the courting going?”

“By secretly looking at him.”

“Secretly looking isn’t courting, Knight.”

“That’s all I can do.”

“Night…” I called out to him with a hint of pity, then gently patted my little brother’s head, “Have some courage, soon you’ll be like my friends. If you can’t get a boyfriend now, it’ll be hard even until university.”

“How should I ask him out?”

“I don’t know.” I shook my head slightly, “Have you talked to her at all?”

“Yeah.”

“What did you talk about?”

“About Oscar, and where the bathroom is.”

“Asking for directions, huh? When did you start talking?”

“First year of high school, when he was new and didn’t know his way around the school.” “Night…” I patted my brother’s head affectionately, why am I surrounded by such cases, it’s so disheartening, T^T, “Fight for him, Phii.”

“I want to give him a gift. What do you think I should give, Phii North?”

“I don’t know, how about flowers?”

“But he’s a boy, who gives flowers to a boy?”

“Just give him a Gundam model then.” I said with resignation, “I’ve got some old Gundam models in my room, I can give you one.”

“Wow, what’s that? I’m giving a gift, and it has to be yours?” Night said, looking quite forlorn, because my uncle is quite strict, so Night doesn’t often get permission to buy things. So I often give him my stuff. After chatting for a while, it seemed like Night really wanted to talk to Phii Joe but was too shy, just kept looking at him, clearly embarrassed.

Then Phii Joe excused himself to go outside for a phone call.

“Phii North, is your boyfriend an actor or a model or something? Why is he so cool, and tall too? I want to be that tall, how can I look that good?”

“He’s not, but you will probably grow tall, Uncle is tall too.”

“His name is Phii Johan, right? Even his name is cool; what does he study?”

“He’s in his second year of medical school.”

“Wow, then he’s super smart too, why is Phii North so lucky?”

“Exactly.” I said before petting Night’s head affectionately once more. Everyone in the house really seemed excited to meet Phii Johan. It wasn’t like this when I brought friends over before.

“Here, Night, a snack allowance from me.” I handed some money to Night. His eyes widened with joy, and he quickly gave a respectful wai to thank me before taking the money from my hand.

I’ve been giving Night snack money since before because I do part-time work. If Night behaves well or gets good grades, I would buy him things or give him some money. Since I hadn’t been home in a while, I thought this would be a good opportunity.

“Thank you so much, Phii North; you are the best!”

“Night, it’s time to go back.” Aunt Nuch called out.

“What? I want to play with Phii North some more.” Night said, coming in for another hug.

“You’re still attached to cousin North. You need to go back; you haven’t done your homework yet, have you? And the baby needs to sleep too.” Aunt said. I suddenly remembered something and stood up to fetch something from my bag.

“Aunt, here, I got this as a gift for the new baby.” I said, handing her a box containing gold. She looked puzzled as she received it, but her eyes went wide when she opened it.

“Wow, gold like this? North, you’re amazing, thank you so much, my nephew is really something, at this age, buying something like this, come here for a kiss.” Aunt said happily before leaning in to kiss my cheek. I gave her an embarrassed smile. “You’re really something, Night, take your cousin as an example.”

The gold for the baby was from Phii Joe’s money, so by praising me, they were indirectly praising him, T^T.

   Before I went to see Aunt and Night off back home:

“Is your boyfriend staying the night here too?” my aunt asked.

“Yes, he’s staying.”

“That’s good, take good care of him, he’s not easy to find. I’m even jealous.”

“Ha ha, yes.” I replied with an embarrassed smile, watching as my aunt led Night back into their house. I returned to my own home, seeing my mom busy with preparing dinner, which seemed almost ready. I went outside to sit at the marble table in front of the house next to Phii Joe, who seemed to be in a serious conversation, probably about work. I sat down beside him quietly, looking at him with concern, wondering if something was wrong.

“North.” I heard a whisper calling my name, turned around to see where it came from, and found it was Cartoon, my neighbor Mrs. Kaew’s daughter, whom mom had told me about. I saw Cartoon leaning over the wall, waving at me, so I walked over.

“Yes?”

 

   NORTH HOW MUCH IS YOUR LOVE CHAPTERS HOME

NORTHHOWMUCHISYOURLOVE, Chapter 27 part 2

“You’re all talk, North.” Ter remarked before picking up his cards, “Are you going to be the dealer, Dao?”

“Sure.”

“Wait, what’s going on here?” Phoon asked, looking confused and slightly annoyed at us, “At first, North was going to check his fortune, wasn’t he? How did it turn into playing poker?”

“Open your cards, Cat.” Daotok said.

“Damn it…Officer, please stop these guys.” Phoon said, “Why do we have to play this?”

“Open your cards, Cat.” I repeated what Daotok said. “What’s all this?”

“Open your cards, Cat.” Ter repeated.

“Oh, fine!” Phoon exclaimed, out of patience, and picked up his cards to reveal them, “Poker nine, you animal!”

“Oh, fine!” Phoon said, out of patience, picking up a card to look at, “Pocket nines, bastard!”

“Wow, what’s that?” I placed my cards down with a sigh. Our card game only lasted a few rounds because Daotok’s luck was too good. What kind of dealer is this? But we weren’t betting money since none of us had any, and why was my luck only good for the first hand? When I went back for another fortune reading, Daotok said that my luck was very good now, especially financially.

“Really? Then I must buy a lottery ticket.” I said.

“Lottery again, North? You’ve only won once since you started buying, and you used it to buy drinks for your friends.” Ter remarked.

“People need faith, Ter. I’ve got my eyes wide open, dreaming of getting rich quick, you know? Think about it, Ter. I buy a lottery ticket for just a few hundred, and if I win, it’s millions. That’s the life, bastard. No need to work till your back breaks, it’s a real investment for profit.”

“I heard your boyfriend is rich, isn’t he?” Ter asked.

“But I’m not rich, am I? While Phii Joe is asking for thousands from the ATM, I’m still wondering why the machine doesn’t give out twenties.”

“Let’s see.” Phoon suggested. Daotok nodded, shuffled the cards, and laid them out again. Phoon picked the cards as instructed.

“Cat…”

“Huh?”

“Do some good deeds.” “Wow, Dao is telling you to do good deeds.” I said, laughing. Phoon looked really shaken, “Why, Dao? Am I going to have terrible luck?”

“No, just kidding.”

“Dao, you scared me.” Phoon said, “My heart just dropped.”

“For the cat, there will be something about love…”

“All students!!”

We all turned sharply towards the voice, finding that the club advisor had come in. Today we were assigned to draw objects that the teacher had prepared, aiming to create the most dimensional drawings. I felt quite uncomfortable with drawing. When I first joined the club, Ter and Phoon were just as bad as me, but over time their skills improved, leaving me alone here…

Plus, the teacher was quite strict, which is why there are so few people in the club even though it’s specifically for drawing.

“Wow, Dao, are you trying to outdo me with your watercolors?” I peeked over at Daotok’s painting while I was trying to cover up my own mistakes with charcoal. Daotok was using watercolors, “You’re mean, you know that.”

“Is it wrong to use colors?” Dao said, making a face at me, “The teacher said it was okay.”

“And here I am, still struggling with shading.” I said in despair, before lifting my drawing board to look at my work, “Art and I just aren’t meant to be. It’s not my path.”

“North, let’s see.” Phoon said, leaning in to have a look, “What’s this? Why do your leaves look so pitiful?”

“Shut up, or I’ll hit you with a dried fish.”

“Hit a cat with a fish?” Ter asked, bursting into laughter. After I finished my own work, I went to sit next to Daotok to watch the way of the artist. No matter how many times I watch it, I’m still amazed. How can he paint so beautifully? Ter and Phoon are also good at drawing.

   Damn, it really feels like a complex thing in my life, T^T.

   “Dao?”

“Ha?”

“Why do you have to be named Star when you’re a guy?” [1] Dao means Star

“Oh. It comes from my parents praying to a falling star for a child. They wanted to name me Daotok regardless of whether I was a boy or a girl.”

“Really? Why pray to a falling star? If they prayed to something else, would you have a different name?”

“Why do you have an issue with my name?” Dao asked while still focused on his watercolor painting, “I don’t have any problem with my name though.”

“Are you calling me annoying?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s right, you’ve got some guts now.” I said, which made Daotok chuckle a bit, “And why does it have to be a falling star? Could it have been something else? A falling star is like a meteorite fragment, right?”

“Do you want me to be named Meteorite then? That’s not it, North.”

“Change the language then, what’s it in English, Meteor?”

“…”

“Mete-or?”

“…”

“…”

“Hey, why does it have to be Daotok? I don’t get it. If someone calls a name Dao, it sounds like they’re calling a girl.”

“Why does it feel like I’m being bullied?” “Yeah. Don’t bully the one who’s doing your work for you, North. You’re so bad, bastard. You don’t attend club activities, and you don’t do the work, so Dao has to draw two pictures every time. You really don’t have any sense.”

“Wow, what’s that?”

“Don’t take it to heart, Dao. North is just like that.” Ter said.

“Exactly.” Phoon chimed in.

“I think the one being bullied right now is me.”

“And why is your name North?” Daotok turned to ask me, his brush moving back and forth in his hand.

“My mom said North means ‘above’ or ‘north,’ so why not just name me ‘North’ and be done with it? I was confused too.” I said, having asked my mom about my name before, but she just wanted it to mean ‘north.’

“And what about Ter and Phoon?”

“Oh, it comes from the Easter festival, my mom went abroad on Easter and liked it, and my younger sibling is named Christmas, also a festival theme.” Ter explained, having told me this story before when I asked.

“Your sister, Christie, she’s really cute.” I said, “If I were Phii Hill…”

“North, you’re such a villain.” Ter said, throwing a piece of paper at me.

“Come on, what’s that?”

“And what about Typhoon?” Dao looked up to ask.

“It’s to match with my sister’s name.”

“You have a sister, Phoon?” I raised an eyebrow in surprise, “That’s great, I wish I had a sibling. What’s her name?”

“Thofan.”

“How do they match?”

“Phoon and Fan, they sound similar.” And then we talked and worked at the same time. After a while, it was time to end the art club meeting, and my work score was embarrassingly low. Daotok left early, leaving just the three of us. Ter also needed to wait for Phii Hill, so I decided to go with him.

“Phoon, what are you going to do?”

“Yeah, what should I do?”

“Want to grab something to eat together? There’s food at the cafe under the medical building. You’re free now, Phoon.” Ter suggested. Phoon hesitated for a moment before nodding in agreement.

We sat down to eat and chat. I had texted Phii Joe to let him know I’d be waiting with friends. We chatted for a while, then the medical seniors entered the cafe, all of them together. Phii Hill sat next to Ter, and Phii Joe sat next to me.

“Oh, Phoon you are leaving?” I commented when I saw Phoon getting up.

“Yeah, I’m off, see you.”

“Okay, see you.” Ter and I said, a bit confused, as Phoon stood up and walked away. Was it just my imagination, or did he seem to be in a hurry? He was quite calm before, and then suddenly he dashed off.

When I turned back to our table, I thought I saw Phii Fah looking after the person who had just left, but he quickly looked away again.

Before we could continue our conversation, there was a buzz from the people in the cafe. I turned to see what everyone was looking at, and there was a woman standing in front of the cafe, visible through the clear glass.

Beautiful…

Really beautiful, stunningly so. No wonder everyone was so excited. She had long hair down to her waist, probably in her late twenties, wearing a pantsuit and high heels, giving off an aura of a celebrity or an idol, or maybe she was a celebrity I just didn’t recognize. “Gene…” I heard Phii Johan call out like that, then he got up from the table and walked out of the cafe.

gene?

Someone Phii Joe knows?

“Is she an acquaintance?” I asked the others. Phii Hill was about to answer when another scream erupted in the cafe. I quickly turned to look.

A cheek kiss…?

That woman had kissed Phii Joe’s cheek, and he didn’t seem to react much to it. I was stunned by what I saw, mixed with confusion, before both of them walked into the cafe.

“Come here.” Phii Joe called out to me, and I noticed the woman walking over to another table. As the two of them entered the shop, it seemed like everyone was watching, they made an impressive pair standing together.

I got up and followed Phii Joe, still not understanding anything, and sat down next to him. I raised my hands in a respectful greeting, and she returned the gesture. Phii Johan sat there, resting his chin on his hand with a bored look, but I was the one feeling uncomfortable.

What…what is this?

Why are they staring like that?

I inadvertently looked away because of all the eyes on us. She then propped her chin on her hand, looking at me and giving a slight smile, which was very beautiful.

Why do I feel like I’m about to be swallowed whole? It’s like when Phii Joe looks at me, the gaze is very similar.

“What are you looking at?” Phii Joe said, sounding a bit annoyed, but the smile of the person opposite us didn’t fade. She just shifted her gaze from me to Phii Joe.

“Can’t I look a bit?” “No.”

“Just a little, he’s getting shy.”

“Gene.” The person next to me said, his voice lowered slightly but still sending shivers down my spine. She then broke into a broader smile, noticing Phii Joe’s displeased demeanor.

“Hmm?”

“…”

“Wow, that’s scary. I’ve never seen you like this before, Joe.” She said, lowering her hand from her chin. “Oh, I won’t tease anymore. I just wanted to see how cute he is, since he’s managed to make you fall head over heels.”

Mom…?

   Is this Phii Joe’s mother…?

   She’s as beautiful as Phii Prang described, even more so than I had imagined.

   So, the guess that she was in her late twenties must be wrong then.

   “You’re so cute.” She said, reaching out to pinch my cheek, but before she could, Phii Joe’s hand intervened. “What’s this? Can’t I even touch?”

“No.”

“Yep. You are quite protective of what’s yours, having waited for three years now.”

My mom’s teasing words made me give a dry smile out of embarrassment.

“And so, why have you come?” Phii Joe asked.

“Just driving by this area, wanted to see my son in his medical student uniform, thought it would be better to stop by.” She said in a cheerful manner, she really seems like a lively mom, but why wouldn’t he want me to meet her?

“You’ve seen him now.” “You look so handsome with this hairstyle, can I take a photo?” She said, pulling out her phone to take a picture of Phii Joe, “Really handsome, this style suits you perfectly.”

“It’s normal, handsomer than your boyfriend, even.”

Topping being called handsome by saying you’re handsomer than your mom’s boyfriend, that’s the ultimate level of confidence!

Phii Joe’s words made his mom burst out laughing immediately.

“Fine, fine, I won’t argue, even handsomer than your dad when he was young. Let me introduce myself, I’m Johan’s mom, my nickname is the same as what Joe calls me. I’ve been called this since he was little because I asked him to call me that way, I like it. It gives a friendly vibe.” She introduced herself cheerfully, “And what about this, are you two dating?”

“Yes.” I replied with a broad smile.

“Oh my, how delightful, let me tell you, the story starts when my grandma told me that Joe was coming home drunk almost every day, and wouldn’t tell anyone what was going on. He had never been this drunk before. When I visited that day, I found Joe drunk again, and no matter how much I asked, he wouldn’t tell, until he fell asleep and started talking in his sleep.”

“Talking in his sleep?” I repeated her words, looking at Phii Joe who didn’t react at all, but I was the one feeling embarrassed, why, T^T.

“Yes, your name is North, right?”

“Yes.”

“That’s it, I started investigating until I found out it was someone who lived nearby, but Joe got really mad at me when I tried to approach you.”

“Approach me?”

“Yes, for some reason, he got angry.”

“And why would you go?” Phii Johan asked with a hint of annoyance. “Come on, why not? I was even thinking of proposing to North’s family, my dear. With a dowry of a hundred or two hundred million, twenty bars of gold, we’d take the engagement gifts right from grandma’s house and send them to North family. Or I could start by getting to know your mom first, asking for her son for my son. I promise to take good care of him.”

“…”

I couldn’t help but chuckle a little at her words. Why is Phii Joe’s mom so charming?

   “Hey. He complains that the soymilk is too sweet, but he drinks it every day.”

“Really?” I said, turning to look at the person beside me, not expecting he’d eat it all.

“When grandma found out Joe was complaining it was sweet, she stopped forcing him to eat it. But then he had been visiting to buy it every day on his own, whether he wanted the soymilk or just to sneak a peek at the cute seller.”

“…”

I broke into a wide smile and instinctively raised my hand to cover my mouth slightly from the embarrassment. I didn’t dare look at Phii Joe, so he did come to sneak looks at me every day?

“He’s cute, isn’t he?” Phii Joe’s mom continued to tease.

“He is cute. If he wasn’t, why would I go every day?”

!!

I placed my arm on the table and slid my hand to cover my face a bit, almost unable to hold back my smile. My face felt hot, and my heart started beating faster. How could he say something like that so casually?

“Sometimes you’re too straightforward, I’m embarrassed for him.” Mom said, covering her face with her hand, “And about work, he works for you, dear.” “Me?” He works for me? At first, Phii Joe told me it was because of me that he started taking an interest in the family business, and I was really happy about that.

“I heard him say…”

“Joe wants to be someone you can rely on.”

“…”

“After that, he started working harder and decided to inherit the family business. I was wondering why he accepted the offer when he’s still only in his second year, but then it clicked, because you’re here, Joe has become even more serious about work.”

Because of me…Phii Joe decided to take over the family business? That’s why his work has been so intense…

   “But when there’s someone new, he suddenly wants to spend more time with them. He’s always been all in with work, but after finishing the project in Boston, he said he wanted to put some work aside for now.”

“Well, I have someone to take care of now.”

“…” I lowered my head and bit my lip tightly, feeling my heart swell with joy upon hearing the words from the person beside me. I was so happy that he said he wanted to spend time with me. I’ve never had a problem with him not having time for me; I’ve always said I understood, but it does feel better knowing I’m someone he wants to make time for.

“That’s good then. I don’t want you to overwork, you’re still studying too. You can work more after you graduate, but once you start working, you might not have as much time. Will you understand that, North?” Mom asked, turning to look at me. “He might even work harder than before.”

“I understand.” I said, “But if he overworks, I’ll worry, you know.”

“Can I hug you? Why are you so adorable? And you’re someone my son loves so much.” Mom said, standing up from her chair and walking over to sit beside me. “Gene, no.” Phii Joe said, pulling me closer, “That’s why I said I didn’t want you to meet.”

“What’s wrong? I’m just happy, why is he so cute? I can see why Joe likes him, just one little hug.”

“No.”

“Aww.” Mom said with a sigh, sitting back down, “But I want to thank you, thank you for everything. If there’s time, I’d like to treat you to something nice to eat, but I’m sorry, I have to rush off now.” She said, glancing at her wristwatch.

“That’s okay.” I replied.

Then Mom asked me some general questions like what I was studying, if my studies were going well, before she had to leave in a hurry. We walked her to her car.

“Bring him home sometime, I’ll talk to your dad about it.”

“Will Dad have time?” Phii Joe asked.

“He’ll have to find the time one of these days, we’ll meet soon, and Joe, take good care of him, you’re so protective.” Mom teased again, then rummaged through her bag for something, “Ah, here, for snacks.”

“No need, I can pay for him.”

“Really? Oh, I forgot, my little Joe probably has more money than me. Then, can I at least give him a kiss?”

“No.”

“A hug then?”

“Gene, I made things clear.”

“So fierce.” Phii Joe’s mom said, making a pouting face at Phii Joe. I think they’re a really cute mother-son pair, “Mom’s starting to get scared now, what if someone messes with the kid, won’t they die? Oh, but there’s already one person.”

“Ha? What?” I looked at her with a puzzled expression. “The person who messed with you, dear, be careful, this one is very protective. If he gets really protective, someone might actually die.”

“Ha, what do you mean?”

“It’s nothing, so I will go now, Joe, you should come home too, you can come back with him.”

“Alright.” Phii Joe said, before my mom got in the fancy car and it drove off.

“Your mom is so cute.” I remarked as we walked back to the original coffee shop. It seemed like my mom was quite touchy-feely like Phii Joe, always wanting to hug or kiss, maybe that’s why he didn’t want them to meet.

“Is she?”

“And what did mom mean by what she said earlier?”

“Hmm, what?”

“About someone messing with me.”

“Oh. Just that.” Phii Joe said with an air of not caring much. He had this attitude that told me asking wouldn’t get me any further answers.

 

   NORTH HOW MUCH IS YOUR LOVE CHAPTERS HOME

NORTHHOWMUCHISYOURLOVE, Chapter 27 part 1

   Chapter 27: Cat and Fortune

   I felt like I had a fever…

And a hangover too.

Right now, we were lying on the bed with Phii Joe holding me from behind as he usually does. It’s almost always like this when we’re together, and I like it, I like being held by him like this.

But now…

“Uh, p…please, enough.” I said with a hoarse voice, trying to move away after being kissed at the nape of my neck. The events of last night made me feel even more embarrassed around Phii Joe, but as soon as I tried to escape, I was pulled back into his embrace.

“Still have a headache?”

“A bit, yes.” “It’ll get better soon.” Phii Joe said, because he had already gone out to buy painkillers and hangover remedies for me when we first woke up. Now, I am feeling gradually better.

“Cough.” I coughed as my throat felt sore and dry, then accepted the water bottle he handed to me, “Thank you, my throat really hurts.”

“You were moaning so loudly last night.”

“Phii!” I protested, but my voice came out hoarse, I furrowed my brows and made a pouty face before taking a sip from my water bottle and placing it back on the table. It wasn’t just my throat that’s sore, my hips were aching too.

Who’s fault was that? And he still has the nerve to tease me!

“It’s all your fault…”

“I told you not to be mischievous. If you can’t get up, don’t blame me.”

“I was drunk…” I argued back a little, embarrassed by the teasing, my face getting hot as I remembered last night, both at the bar when someone was bothering Phii Joe and I didn’t like it. So I…

Why did I even dare to do that? Frank and James were there, T^T, next time I see them, I’m definitely going to be teased like crazy, not to mention what happened in the car and back in the room.

Why does he have to be like this!

With my hips in pain, I leaned back against the person behind me for support. I tried to get up, but it was almost impossible, but I thought it would get better after a while like last time. I woke up to find myself in pajamas. Phii Johan must have bathed me and changed my clothes.

“Do you have class?” I asked.

“I do, in the afternoon, do you?”

“I do too, both morning and afternoon, but I’ll miss the morning class.” I said, “I already asked a friend to excuse me for the morning.” “Then I’ll drop you off at the faculty in the afternoon, right?” “Yes.” I nodded in agreement. Since we started living together, a lot has changed. From waking up in the morning, I’d often find myself still being cuddled. If I got up first, after a while, Phii Joe would wake up because I wasn’t there. I noticed that every time I got out of bed, he’d start looking for me, and if he didn’t find me, he’d wake up in a huff.

I like these things, it’s like he can’t sleep without holding me, and he doesn’t want me to go anywhere. I’m the same way, just like Ter said, I’m addicted to snuggling up to him. If I’m not being held, I can’t sleep either.

Getting up to make breakfast felt like being back at home. We’d eat breakfast together, then he’d drop me off at class before heading to his own, and we’d come back together after classes.

I took one of his hands in mine. I really like his hands; they’re so warm. After playing with his hand for a while, I noticed the tattoo on his arm.

“Should I get a tattoo too?” I said playfully.

“Do you want one?”

“Yeah, does it hurt?”

“For Phii, it didn’t hurt.”

“Uh…you don’t have to refer to yourself as ‘Phii’ for me.” I said, still not used to this kind of talk. Even though recently Phii Joe has been referring to himself as ‘Phii ’ more often.

Phii Joe has changed quite a bit since we started dating. Not like before we were together at all, or maybe I should say he’s back to how he used to be. It might be because he was stressed from work. He once told me that he didn’t want to pursue me earlier because when he’s stressed from work, he gets easily irritated, but I had my issues with Temp before that. Once the work from Boston was done, there wasn’t much to stress about anymore.

So, he teases me a lot now, T^T

He leaned his face close to mine, gently pressing the tip of his nose against my cheek before pressing down harder.

But when he pulled back, I turned and kissed his cheek in return. It wasn’t the first time I’ve kissed him on the cheek. We’re dating now, after all, it’s one way of showing affection. Even though I’m still a bit shy, I still want to do it.

“Are you teasing me?”

“Not at all.” I said, “You do it yourself, and you don’t need to refer to yourself as ‘Phii’ for me.” I reiterated.

“Why not, when last night North; you were still calling me ‘darling’?”

“…”

“Does Phii Johan belong only to North?”

“Phii Joe!!” I protested when he teased me by repeating the same sentence I said yesterday, oh my, how embarrassing, why does he tease me so well? Seeing me get flustered, he smiled and let out a little laugh, seemingly very pleased, “It’s because of that person, how could you let him hug you like that?”

“Are you jealous?”

“…Yeah, I…I have to be jealous, Phii you’re North’s boyfriend.”

“Yes, I am North’s boyfriend.”

“…”

“I am the only boyfriend of North.”

“Stop teasing me. Please.” I said, burying my face in the blanket. That deep voice whispering in my ear just now nearly gave me a heart attack, I was so embarrassed I felt like crying. It’s me, T^T.

“I like it.” “Huh?” I asked, confused when he suddenly said that. “I like it when you get jealous like this.” “…”

“When you’re this cute, how could I go anywhere?”

“Phii Joe!!”

I think I can’t handle this anymore, my hands are all cold. I tried to take deep breaths to calm down and slow my heart rate a bit, otherwise, I might really have a heart attack.

“Uh…Phii.” I called him, remembering something, “My mom invited us to our house, is this Saturday okay for you?”

“It’s fine, do you want me to come?”

“Yes.”

“Hmm. If that’s the case, then let’s go.”

“Um, and about your home…Can I go there?” I hesitated before deciding to ask, and he seemed surprised by my question.

“Do you want to go?”

“Yes.”

“You can go, but I’m not too keen on you meeting my mom.”

“Huh? Why not, is she strict?”

“Not at all.”

“Oh. So, should we meet your dad then?”

“Hmm, but he’s usually busy, do you want to meet my grandparents?”

“Alright, is your grandma the one who lives near my house?”

“Hmm, we’ll go to both places on Saturday then.” Phii Joe said before leaning down to rub his nose between my neck and cheek as he likes to do, and that still made my heart race, “Will we stay over?” “Uh, I guess we’ll have to stay over since it’s Saturday. Would you like to stay at grandma’s house? I think my mom would like you to stay over too.”

“We’ll stay at your house then.”

“…Okay.”

I said softly. No matter what, I’m still not used to using his real name, for heaven’s sake.

I initially thought I was feeling much better and could go to class, but ultimately, Phii Joe wouldn’t let me. I watched him as he changed into his student uniform to go to class.

“Can I really not go?” I asked again. I really didn’t want to miss class because lately, I’ve been studying more seriously. Partly because of Phii Joe; he has been quite an inspiration to me.

“No need to go.”

“But…” I said, making a slight pout, before Phii Joe came over and sat beside me.

“If you go to class like this…”

“I’ll be so worried I won’t be able to focus on anything.”

“…”

“Do you want me to worry?”

“No, I don’t.” I answered quietly, shaking my head.

“Hmm, good.” He then leaned in close, kissing me softly and holding it for a while before pulling away. I felt a slight warmth on my face and gave him a shy smile.

“What time will you be back?”

“Class ends at six-thirty, I’ll hurry back.” He said, then reached up to gently stroke my head. I smiled lightly back at him. I’m not usually one for having my head patted, but with Phii Joe, it’s an exception. After Phii Joe left the room, I was left with nothing much to do. Even though it was hard to walk, I could manage. I spent nearly two hours playing on the computer, and just as I was about to make some Ovaltine, Ter sent me a message.

Easter: North, come to the club today.

   North♣: Huh, which club?

   Easter: Art club.

   Easter: You’re in the art club, remember?

   Easter: sends an image

   I scrolled to open the image Ter sent, finding it was a photo of an attendance sheet where my name was barely marked, indicating I hardly ever attend the club.

Easter: One more absence and you won’t pass the club activities.

   North♣: Oh no, what time do I have to go?

   Easter: Four o’clock, but we’re already waiting.

   Easter: sends an image

   Ter sent a picture of himself with Typhoon and Daotok sitting together on a marble bench near the old art building, which is where our art club is located. When we’re in the club, we don’t stay in a room; we draw at the marble bench area.

North♣: Tell Phoon to get some sleep.

   North♣: He looks like he hasn’t slept in eight years.

   Easter: What about me?

   North♣: You, Phoon?

   Easter: You’ve been out of sight for a while.

   Easter: Dao asked about you, by the way.

   North♣: Why would she ask about me?

   Easter: Are you coming today?

   North♣: I’ll go, the teacher has marked my name in red so many times.

   Easter: Come on then.

   “Ouch!” I exclaimed in surprise when the hot water meant for Ovaltine scalded my hand, causing me to drop the glass, which shattered all over the floor.

Damn it…

North♣: Phii…I am sorry, T^T

   North♣: sends picture

   I sent a picture of the shattered glass all over the floor. Why do I manage to mess up his room in just a moment, T^T

I was a bit surprised when suddenly Phii Joe called. I thought he was in class and wouldn’t have time to reply to messages.

(Are you okay?)

   “Uh, oh, uh. I’m fine. Just got a little scalded by hot water.”

(Why do you always make me worry?)

   “Phii…” I said softly, feeling immediately guilty when he scolded me. When Phii Johan scolds me, I really do feel down, “I’m sorry.”

(At least try to be careful when I’m not around.)

   “…”

(How can I leave North alone like this?)

   “Sorry, I will be careful from now on.” I said, feeling guilty.

(And did you get cut by the glass?)

   “I didn’t get cut.”

(Hmm. Don’t clean it up then, don’t walk over there either.)

   “Yes, Phii Joe, I’ll have to go to the club soon, I’ll fail activities if I miss it again, can I go?”

(What club?)

   “The art club.” (Oh…Hill) Phii Joe said, calling out for Phii Hill, but not loudly, probably they’re together.

(The art club where you signed us up, right? From the first semester?)

   (Yes, why?)

   (Ter is there, right? Then why isn’t the art club listed on my university website?) Phii Joe asked.

(The professor doesn’t allow it. They don’t let medical students join.)

   (Oh…and what time do you have to go?) Phii Joe asked me again.

“Four o’clock, but the others are already waiting.” I replied.

(Then I’ll come pick you up.)

   “Okay.” I said before hanging up. It wasn’t long before Phii Joe arrived to take care of the burn on my hand. It wasn’t a serious burn, but the water was hot enough to sting. I got scolded a bit; Phii Joe was probably worried about me. I should have been more careful, really.

He had called the maid to clean up the mess. Then he drove me to the art club, which I hadn’t attended in a while. Just seeing the building made my spirit sink.

“Do you have cheer practice today?” Phii Joe asked.

“No, I’ve already told a friend to excuse me, said I wasn’t feeling well.” I said. The sports day was coming up in just a few days, so our cheerleading practice had been intensifying, ending later and later each day, and I was feeling more and more discouraged. Going to cheerleading felt like being drained of energy.

At first, Phii Joe had told me I didn’t have to go if I didn’t want to. If there were any problems, he would handle them for me. The idea of him handling things for me gave me goosebumps in a way I couldn’t describe. In the end, I did join in the faculty activities, after all, it’s just something you do once as a freshman.

“If anything comes up, just call me.” Phii Joe said. I nodded in acknowledgment. Before he leaned in for another kiss, but this time it wasn’t just a peck like before; it was more than that. We kissed for a while before pulling apart, “It’s just club activities, nothing too serious, right?”

“Yes, um…study hard, Phii.” I said before opening the car door and stepping out. He always kisses me whenever we’re about to be apart. Even so, I still felt quite embarrassed.

I walked over to sit at the same table as my three friends, sitting next to Ter with Phoon and Daotok sitting across from us.

Phoon is Ter’s friend from the same faculty. Daotok, on the other hand, is a friend from the art club, and he’s a guy. I still don’t get why he’s named after a star when he’s a guy, but he’s in the science faculty and draws beautifully, like animal beauty, breathtaking. Whether it’s black and white, colored pencil, watercolor, pastel, oil paint, or even house paint, he can draw it. He even does freelance work in this field, but he studies science because his family doesn’t support his art.

“North, do you know that when you don’t show up for the club, Dao has been doing all your work?” Ter said, which made me raise my eyebrows in surprise.

“Really?”

“Yeah. Otherwise, you would have failed activities a long time ago.”

“Dao, why are you so nice?” I said softly, truly touched by how others always have to do work for me, but why didn’t I tell him I also needed to submit work?

“Everyone’s nice, except you.” Ter retorted.

“That hurts, bastard.”

“North, so you’re dating Phii Johan, Phii Hill’s friend?” Phoon asked. I nodded in response, “Oh, I hope you guys last long. But how did it all happen? I’ve been confused ever since Ter told me.”

“It’s a long story.”

“So, have you guys moved rooms now?” Phoon asked, then made a pouty face at us, “Oh, that’s so boring. Why do you have to be like Foam, why do you have to ditch friends when you get a partner? Where am I supposed to go to take a nap now?”

“Cat is sulking, Ter.” I said.

“Cat, don’t sulk.”

“Another cat.” Phoon said with a sigh, “Why does it have to be a cat?”

“Because you look like a cat, a sleepy one. Seriously, how many hours do you sleep in a day?” I teased lightly, “You look like you’ve never had a full night’s sleep in your life.”

“I’ve slept, North, this is just my normal face.” Phoon said, making a slightly petulant face. Phoon often gets teased for looking like a sleepy cat, especially since he’s known to nap a lot during the day at school.

“Uh, Dao, can I have one of those?” I asked, remembering something because I hadn’t seen Dao much lately, forgetting the most important thing. Dao looked up at me slightly.

“Are you asking for another one, North?” Ter asked.

“Do it for fun, Ter.” before Dao pulled out a deck of cards from his pocket, placed them face down, and laid them out in front of us.

“Oh. Are we looking at cards today?” I asked.

“Yeah, today’s good for reading cards.” Dao said.

“Wow, that’s exciting.” I said with excitement, “What do I do?”

“Choose two cards first.”

I’m someone who quite believes in fate, and since Dao said he could read fortunes, I often came to him for readings because they were really accurate. Last time I won the lottery because of Dao, and even my Line ID, which is my nickname followed by a club symbol, was on Dao’s advice that it would bring good luck.

It’s too easy to believe in stuff like this… I hesitated for a while before picking up two cards.

“Hey!!”

“What’s up, North?”

“Two-card poker nine!”

“…”

Everyone at the table went silent before bursting into laughter, “I told you to check your fortune, not to play poker, you animal, and you even got a two-card nine.” Ter said, still laughing.

“Does this mean today is my lucky day, dao?”

“Are you crazy? It’s not related at all.”

“Oh, well then, what now? Dao, it’s your turn.”

“Ha, why would I pick?”

“Pick.” I insisted, until Daotok, who was sitting across from me, had to pick up two cards as well, “I win! Pay up.”

“Oh, are we really playing poker now?” Daotok asked before gathering the cards in his hand, “Let’s do it.” and then he started shuffling and dealing to everyone.

“Come on, today I’m definitely on a roll.” I said confidently.

 

   NORTH HOW MUCH IS YOUR LOVE CHAPTERS HOME

NORTHHOWMUCHISYOURLOVE, Chapter 26 part 2

“And we’ll name the shop, ‘Engineering’s Chicken Rice’.”

“Sounds good, James. I can already picture myself slicing chicken at the front of the shop.” I said, putting my hand over my heart in mock sadness, “Don’t tease me, Phii. Are you saying we’ll stick together as fellow engineers when we’re both out of work?”

“North, I’m touched, I think I can’t handle it, I’m about to cry.” James said, making a sad face, and drank again, “It’s not for nothing that kids from our faculty come to the bar often, it’s for venting. What should I do after I graduate? Will I have a job? Will I be retired? Come, North, let’s toast to that.” I raised my glass to clink with James’s.

“This is pathetic.” Phii Joe commented, watching me and James who were starting to get drunk.

“North, I’ll give you a shortcut to get rich.” James said. I turned to look at him with interest, “The person sitting next to you, North, you can just act cute and ask for pocket money. I bet if you act cute, you might even get a black card, with at least a million credit limit.” I switched from an interested to a disgusted look at James. No way I’m acting cute. Absolutely not.

Phii Joe shrugged slightly, not caring about the suggestion, then took another sip of his drink.

“Hey, Frank, how’s your faculty? I hear there’s a lot of complaining.” James asked. “Same here. I can’t see any light at the end of the tunnel, damn it. Why didn’t I get into medicine? At least I’d have a job for sure.” Frank said with a sigh, “Why would you study medicine if you already have a job?” before turning to Phii Joe.

“I’ve heard this question a hundred times already.” Phii Joe said, “If I had a choice, I wouldn’t want to study, damn, it’s so hard.”

“You’ve got people helping you, like Tonfah, and Hill, who are both super smart, aren’t they?”

“They are good, but for me, it’s about the work. I’m lazy when it comes to work.” Phii Joe explained, letting out a small sigh, “But Fah is a good guy, he does my work without me even asking, because he knows I’m busy.”

“And Hill?”

“Hill is also good, but lately, he’s been all about his wife, leaving my work behind.”

“Ha, when you say ‘all about his wife,’ it’s not just Hill, is it?” James teased, “So, what about Arthit? Has he come back from Brazil yet? That’s so wild, can someone really be that detached from reality? I’m baffled.”

“He’s back, with a medical certificate from Brazil saying he got bitten by piranhas. The whole faculty was puzzled.” I chuckled at the story, finally, Arthit is back, and the piranha thing must be true.

“Aren’t you drinking, Joe?” Frank asked after seeing Phii Joe only take a small sip.

“Nah, I’ll pass. I’ll drive later.” Phii Joe said.

“Just here to watch over his ‘wife’, I guess. At first, he said he wanted to drink, but now that you’re here, he doesn’t drink at all.” James teased further, “But normally, he can drink a lot without getting drunk, can’t he?”

“I won’t get drunk, but if we run into a checkpoint, I’ll be in trouble.”

“So, the little one can get drunk?” “Yeah, I’ll be here. It’s fine.” Phii Joe said casually, which made me smile secretly, feeling like someone was taking care of me.

The conversation at the drinking table shifted around. In a group of guys drinking, the talk can get a bit rough, but I didn’t mind, and James seemed particularly keen on getting me drunk.

“North, why are you holding your liquor so well? We’re not just playing around here.” James said. I, starting to feel dizzy, turned to look at him.

“Phii, I’m about to collapse.”

“Can you handle it?” Phii Joe asked. I turned to give him a wide smile, my mind not quite there. “James, stop mixing drinks for him.”

“Wow, we’re here to celebrate you two finally getting together.”

“But isn’t it weird, James? When Joe got heartbroken by our junior, we drank, and now we’re celebrating him being in a relationship, we drink.” Frank questioned.

“Can’t help it, the heart loves what it loves.” James said.

“That’s enough.” Phii Joe said, pulling the glass of liquor away from my hand.

“But I want more.” I started to whine, the alcohol now coursing through my body. James is really good at mixing drinks, and they’re delicious too.

“Enough. What will you do if you get sick?” He said with a slightly stern tone, which made me pout immediately. I’m not that strong of a drinker, and with the drinks James made, claiming they were mixed the same way for Phii Joe, who never seems to get drunk no matter how much he drinks. Here I am, after just two glasses, already losing my balance.

“All this tenderness, warmth, and concern, what’s all this about? Will I ever get some of that from Joe, or not?” James teased again, “Oh, I forgot, I am not North.” “Uh-oh, Joe, trouble’s brewing.” Frank said, making Phii Joe furrowed his brows in confusion before turning to look in the direction Frank was looking, and I turned to look too.

Who is that…

She’s really beautiful.

“Joe.” The woman called out softly, standing behind the sofa where we were sitting, slowly draping her arms around Phii Joe’s neck from behind, “Fancy seeing you here. Out for fun?”

“…” Phii Joe didn’t reply, just removed her hands, but she wouldn’t let go.

“Oh, how cold. Last time we were in bed together, it wasn’t like this.” She whispered into his ear, making everyone else at the table look around awkwardly.

“Grace, are you drunk?” James asked.

Grace…? Isn’t that the name someone mentioned before, the one who was supposed to be Phii Joe’s girlfriend, the third-year dental student, right?

   Damn, why does my head feel so dizzy?

   “I’m not drunk, James, I’m perfectly fine, and I miss my dear one so much, you know…Grace’s dear one.” Her voice was sweet and teasing. I looked over to see Phii Joe being hugged by this woman, but he didn’t do anything. He just glanced at me.

What does that smile mean?

Waiting to see what I’ll do…

“Why did you need to break up with me? Do you know how much I love you, Joe? I would give everything for you.”

“…”

“…”

“Come back to me.” She said sweetly once more, then walked around the sofa, attempting to sit in Phii Joe’s lap. But…

…

Phii Johan smiled slightly, wrapping his arms around my waist. I, being quite drunk, only knew that this spot was mine. I moved to sit on Phii Joe’s lap, my arms reaching around his neck.

“Looks like it’s getting serious.” Someone at the table teased me, but I paid no mind to anything else.

“Phii…”

“Hmm?”

“Phii Johan belongs to me; I am North…he is only North’s.” I said, making a pouty face at him, not fully aware of what I was saying, “You’re only mine, right? Answer me now.”

“Yes, I’m only North’s.”

“Joe…” Grace said, looking stunned before starting to protest slightly, but James pulled her away first.

“Grace, don’t mess with Joe.” James interjected, trying to pull Grace back, but she resisted, shaking off James’s hand and stepping forward, reaching out to pull me away.

However, Phii Joe caught her hand first, glancing at her with clear disapproval, squeezing her wrist tightly until she yelped in pain. Grace tried to pull her hand back, but Phii Joe let go abruptly.

“Leave, don’t cause a scene here.” Frank said quietly. Grace bit her lip to suppress her emotions and stormed off, her high heels clicking angrily against the floor.

“Ugh, why do there have to be others?” I asked. “Don’t want me to have others?” Phii Johan asked, turning his gaze back to me. We locked eyes as if spellbound. Normally, I wouldn’t dare to look into those eyes, but with alcohol running through my veins, I felt braver.

“Can’t there be just me? Just look at me alone, can you?”

“If you’re asking for that, what do I get in return?” His deep voice whispered, his handsome face just inches away, a slight smile indicating his satisfaction. He pulled my waist closer, and I slowly leaned in, touching our lips gently before a warm, aggressive touch took over. I responded to the kiss, the scent of alcohol from both of us filling the air.

The dim lights of the bar, the slow rhythm of the music, combined with my inebriated state from drinking too much, the sound of kissing was embarrassingly loud, and the person in front of me, who was perfectly sober, didn’t seem to be stopping anytime soon. I felt a flush of heat all over my body, especially a tingling warmth from my lower abdomen rising up.

“Mm.” The kiss was intense, tongues entwining, lips pressing and nibbling on each other, the hollow feeling in my stomach intensified. My thighs tensed as the pain in my crotch grew, my eyelids remained shut, my breathing became quick and shallow like someone drowning.

“Can you take it easy? Even if we’re at the darkest corner of the bar where no one can see, we’re still here, you know.” Someone remarked, and then Phii Joe slowly broke the kiss.

“Ugh.” I whimpered without realizing, and the person who had just pulled away seemed quite pleased with my reaction.

“Want to head back with your junior, Joe?”

“Yeah, let’s go.” Phii Joe said, pulling out his wallet to drop some money on the table.

“Wow, Papa’s paying for us.” “Thanks, James, Frank.” The man in front of me said before lifting me up. I still had my arms around his neck, barely conscious in my drunken state.

“Phii…” I called out to the person carrying me, it seemed like we were already walking out of the bar. I remembered that Phii Joe had parked far away because there was no space nearby, in an area not frequented by many people, “Cold…”

“We’ll be in the car soon.”

“I don’t like it.”

“…”

“I don’t like it when others look at you. Even back at the faculty.”

“Hmm, really?”

“Yes. Can you make them stop looking? Don’t let others look at you.”

“You’re drunk.” His deep voice remarked, opening the car door and setting me down on the passenger seat, adjusting it to recline, before Phii Joe got into the driver’s seat.

“Mm, Phii…”

“What is it?”

“Phii Joe…” I turned towards the driver, the reclined seat making me lie down, looking at him even in my disoriented state, reaching out to gently touch his face.

“Why are you so handsome?”

“…”

“Ah!” I exclaimed in surprise as I was pulled in, sitting on his lap facing him. We were in the driver’s seat.

“Is this how you usually are when drunk?”

“Uh.” I shook my head, “No, but earlier I was angry. How could that woman touch you? I’m jealous too, you know.”

“How can someone be this cute when drunk?” “…” I didn’t reply, and my brain couldn’t process much anymore, before my consciousness began to fade. I leaned into the person in front of me, resting against him when I felt I had no strength left.

Even though I was about to fall asleep, I felt like I wanted to hug him tighter.

“Can I hug you a bit more?”

“…” The other person didn’t say anything, just tightened his embrace. Being this close, I could feel the familiar warmth, and one of my hands reached out to hold his warm hand, touching the bracelet with my gear on it.

“Someone who used to not even want to have perfume on him, now dares to wear a gear to show everyone he has someone in his heart.”

James’s words from earlier made me smile broadly.

“Phii Johan belongs to North.” I declared, usually someone who talks a lot, and even more so when drunk.

“North isn’t usually jealous, but with you, I don’t want anyone else to look at you. What’s Grace’s beloved compared to North’s beloved?”

“…”

“Do you understand? You’re the only beloved of North’s.” I muttered softly, snuggling closer and closer, the faint scent making me want to nuzzle even more, pressing my nose against his neck.

“Hey…” He whispered gently by my ear.

“Yes?”

“My dear.”

“…”

“If you keep doing this…”

“…”

“I might not be able to wait until we get to the room.” The soft whisper in my ear made me unconsciously hold my breath, his large hands began to roam up my back, his lips pressing down in a fierce kiss, our tongues entwining and creating sounds from the contact. My body, already flushed from the alcohol, grew even hotter under his warm touch.

I didn’t hear any sounds from outside indicating that the car was parked quite far from people, and the car itself was soundproofed with tinted windows all around.

As my consciousness was on the verge of slipping away, I responded to the sensations. Phii Johan lifted my shirt, slowly breaking the kiss to press his lips against my chest, his hands holding me to arch my back.

“Ah, mm.” I gasped when the warm tip of his tongue licked my nipple. I arched my back inadvertently to meet his touch, and Phii Joe’s nibbling intensified, making my whole body twitch, sending shivers from my chest down to my stomach and to the core of my being.

And since I was wearing sweatpants, they were easily pulled down. I winced slightly in pain as he left another mark on my neck, his warm breath teasing my ear, the ache in my core growing into a sweet torment.

“Ah! mm, oh.” I startled when one hot hand touched my core, slowly caressing the tip, moving up and down until I felt more aroused.

“Mm, P…Phii.” I called out in a hoarse voice, my legs now completely powerless. The alcohol was taking its toll, my mind spinning as he trailed kisses from my neck to my ear.

“Oh, ah! Mmh.” I cried out loudly when his slender fingers moved from my shaft to the back-hole, pressing and circling. Phii Johan slightly lifted his head before kissing me again, his hot tongue moving over mine, the familiar rhythm of his kisses making my heart pound so hard it felt like it might burst out. No matter how fast I breathed, I couldn’t catch up with the intensity. The tip of his finger pressed against the back, that touch alone sending waves of sensation through my stomach to my thighs, closing my eyes tightly, not daring to look at him, but I could sense that Phii Joe was also breathing heavily, seemingly getting aroused as well. His long, slender finger slowly entered me, the pain making me wince immediately.

“It hurts! Ahhh, mmh!” I broke the kiss from the man in front of me, but then he pressed my nape to kiss me again, all I could do was moan through my throat, before his finger started to move in and out, quicker each time, and I involuntarily moved my hips to the rhythm of his motions.

My powerless legs were slightly lifted by his control. I was only stripped of my pants. Phii Joe hadn’t removed a single piece of his clothing.

And…now we were in the car.

“Ahh! Mm.” I cried out louder when he added another finger, the adjustment of the seat providing more room, but the car was still too cramped, our faces only centimeters apart. I could barely make out the features of the face I found so captivating, blurred by the effects of alcohol.

I reached out and lightly touched the front of Phii Johan, feeling through the jeans that it was starting to get hard. Phii Johan didn’t say anything, just watching to see what a drunk me would do.

I unzipped his pants, still surprised even though I had seen it once before, pulled down his underwear, and lightly touched what I saw, noticing a small tattoo at his waist. I traced the tattoo gently, it made him look even more fiery, and at that moment, another finger joined the one already moving behind me.

“Ah!”

“Don’t rile me.”

“…”

“If you won’t be able to get up tomorrow…don’t be mad at me.” !!

“Ahhh! ah, ah, ah!” I bent forward, leaning against Phii Joe’s chest as the force from behind was too much, biting my lip in pain, but soon the three long fingers were withdrawn. I found myself moving my hips instinctively seeking a replacement for those fingers.

“Now try it yourself.”

A deep whisper in my ear made me look up at him in confusion. Phii Joe smirked slyly, then pulled me up again so I was kneeling between his legs instead. Phii Johan pressed my hips down, the large shaft touching my back passage, and as he continued to press down, it entered me more and more.

“Again! it hurts, it hurts, ahhh!” The pain shot through me, and he too grimaced slightly as he tried to push inside me, until finally, he was fully in. Then he paused, looking at me, until I had to turn away because I couldn’t handle his gaze.

What…what is this?

I was breathing heavily, feeling the presence inside me, and it still hurt a lot. Plus, it was embarrassing with him looking at me like that.

“Ah!” I jumped when suddenly my shirt was removed. It was warm in the car. Without clothes, I felt even more exposed.

“Phii…”

“…”

“P…Phii”

“Hmm?”

“Uh…that…”

I didn’t understand what was happening right now…

“Can you do it?”

!!!

“I…North is not good at it, Phii.” “Try moving.”

I bit my lip in embarrassment to the point I felt like I might explode, his strong hands gently supporting my waist, guiding me to move up and down slowly.

“Mmm.” I moaned from my throat, trying to move on my own like this almost drove me crazy. The initial pain turned into a tingling sensation that slowly built up, my mind started to blank out, my consciousness scattered more than before due to the alcohol.

“Ah, ah, mm.” I cried out louder as the pleasure intensified, both painful and arousing, spreading through my body. I quickened my pace with his guidance until he let go of my waist, allowing me to take the lead.

I moved timidly but by this point, I couldn’t think anymore. Whenever I hit a spot that felt particularly good, I would press down there more.

“Ahhh, ah, ah.” I was nearly driven mad by the heated sensations.

The look in Phii Johan’s eyes, his expression…

Good grief…

He’s insanely sexy.

I reached out to gently touch Phii Joe’s face, leaning in to kiss his lips, feeling something akin to an outpouring from my chest.

“Mmm…”

“You’re almost driving me crazy, you know that?” Phii Joe whispered hoarsely in my ear after I broke the kiss, nibbling his own lip slightly before his hand pressed on my hips, pushing me down deeper.

Then he took control again, moving my hips faster. I was moaning incoherently as he thrust up against my rhythm, making the sensation even more intense, reaching deep into my abdomen, until you could hear the sounds of flesh meeting.

“Ahhh, more, ah, ah, Phii…brother, please…” When I couldn’t take it anymore, I let go, at the same time, something warm was released inside me, spilling out. “Mm.” I breathed heavily, my chest heaving, leaning back against his chest, utterly exhausted, even though he was still inside me. The effects of the alcohol combined with what we just did made me lose consciousness.

I groggily awoke to find myself being carried, then placed on a bed.

“…Phii Joe?” I called out to the person laying me down, noticing I was fully clothed again, except for the pain around my hips.

“You’re awake?”

“Uh!” As soon as I was laid on the bed, Phii Joe kissed me forcefully, crushing his lips against mine as if not allowing me a moment’s rest, moving up onto the bed to straddle me, before the headache from the lingering alcohol returned.

“Uh.” I made a sound in my throat as my mouth was covered, my pants were quickly removed, and slender fingers entered me swiftly, making me jump. I closed my eyes tightly; this time it didn’t hurt as much since we had done it before.

But…but

Are we going to do it again…

“Ah! ah, ahh.” The fingers moved in and out quickly, then withdrew. I slowly opened my eyes a bit, looking up at him.

Phii Johan leaned back slightly, glancing at me beneath him before he took off his shirt, revealing his beautiful muscles, defined abs, and that tattoo at his waist once more.

Oh, for heaven’s sake…

I might die from that sly smile and gaze.

With a quick motion, he brushed his hair back, hands moving to the waistband of his pants where the edge of white underwear peeked out, before he removed his pants. My face flushed with heat, and I looked away.

I’m going to have a heart attack because of him. Does he know… Before I could react, my shirt was off, and I felt pain at my chest and neck. I guessed there were red marks all over me now. Phii Joe lifted my legs and inserted himself once more.

Again.

“Ah! ahhh, ah ah ah.” I raised my hands to cover my face in embarrassment, trying to hold back my moans but failing as the thrusts were so forceful, shaking my body with each movement.

“Ah! ah! ah!” I cried out with each thrust, the rhythm fast and intense, overwhelming me. The sound of flesh hitting flesh was loud, emphasizing the sensitive spot repeatedly. I twisted under him.

My hands gripped his arms to vent the overwhelming sensation spreading through me.

I can’t take it anymore…I really can’t take it.

“Mmm.” I reached my peak again and released, Phii Joe slowly slowed down, allowing me to open my eyes and look at him. But before I could see anything clearly, he turned me to lie on my side.

Then he lifted one of my legs over his shoulder and thrust in powerfully once more.

Changing to this side position changed how everything felt. I gripped the bedsheet tightly and moaned louder than before. In this position, there was no denying that it felt different, but it still felt good…too good, to the point where I lost all sense.

“Ahhh, ah, mmh.” I bit down hard and buried my face into the pillow.

It’s tingling…so much.

I…I’m going to lose my mind. When he hit that sensitive spot repeatedly with force, I couldn’t help but cry out, even though I had no strength left. I was panting heavily, my consciousness fading, this position allowed him to go in so deep.

“Ah! ah, ah.” I was about to release again as I reached the climax, “No…no, I can’t anymore. Mmh, ah.”

“Are you about to finish?” He asked in a deep voice. I struggled to open my eyes, seeing the handsome face smiling as if satisfied, “Mmh, I’m…I’m going to…Ahhh, ah!” Phii Johan turned me around again and entered once more, his pace slowing down as if teasing me.

“Oh, no…please don’t.”

“Don’t finish yet, please.”

“I…can’t anymore…please. Mmh.” I still moaned in a lost voice with the slow rhythm of his body, but the deep thrusts were still going to the end, pulling out completely and then thrusting back in.

“Hmm, why don’t you try acting cute for me?”

“…”

“Mmm.” I bit my lip, gripping the bed sheet tightly, with the sensation of his large core moving in and out slowly, no…I can’t. I’m going to go crazy.

“Please…please.”

“…”

“Please…North can’t take it anymore.”

“Is that all?”

“…”

“…My dear.”

“Pl…please, a bit faster.”

“…”

“Yes…yes, please.” !!! “Ahhh!!” And the intense rhythm returned, a few thrusts to the same spot, and I released a cloudy white fluid, nearly losing consciousness from the intensity. Although I had finished, the other hadn’t yet. I tried to maintain some awareness, but soon felt his body twitch slightly as warmth filled me again, before he withdrew. I felt the warmth trickling down my leg.

Phii Johan pulled me into a hug, kissing away my tears before planting a kiss on my forehead. The familiar scent and warmth made me nuzzle into him a little more, before my consciousness finally slipped away.

“Sweet dreams.”

“…”

“The only beloved of mine.”

 

   NORTH HOW MUCH IS YOUR LOVE CHAPTERS HOME

NORTHHOWMUCHISYOURLOVE, Chapter 26 part 1

   Chapter 26: Only Mine

   “Phii…”

I called out softly to the person in front of me, furrowing my brows and pressing my lips tightly together, an overflow of emotions in my chest – joy, sadness, surprise, shock, all mixed together, before the corners of my eyes began to sting. I clenched the hand I had placed on the other’s shoulder.

“I didn’t tell you all this to make you cry.” Phii Joe said. At this moment, I was sitting on his lap, under the condition that one kiss was the price for answering one question. It took us a long time before I understood everything, and now, my lips hurt from all the kissing beforehand.

“Why…” I whispered softly, slowly leaning closer to him, shifting my hands from his shoulders into an embrace. Phii Joe tightened his hug and moved his hand to stroke my head in a comforting manner.

Why…

   Why did you wait for me for so long?

   Even though I’ve hardly done anything for him, why is he so good to me?

   Three years. For three whole years, someone has been waiting for me. Someone who sat across from me in the game shop late into the night, someone who had only me in his eyes, someone who thought of me almost all the time, someone willing to trade anything to keep my smile intact.

   “Huh…huh.” I let out a small sob as I reflected on Phii Joe’s words. I had no idea. I won’t say it was a mistake to date Ja, even though she eventually left me because at that time, I truly loved Ja. I had made my decision when I was with her, but…I just thought, why didn’t I know there was someone who loved me this much?

And now, I love him. All I can think is, why didn’t our timing match up sooner…

“Sorry…thank you.” I said with a sniffle, still crying. I had countless words I wanted to say, but they wouldn’t come together properly.

“Sigh…If I knew you’d cry like this, I wouldn’t have told you.”

“How could you not? It’s such a big deal…huh.”

“What’s bigger is you crying right now.” Phii Joe said with a tone of displeasure, then gently pushed me back a bit to look at my face. I couldn’t see him clearly through my tears, and he used his thumb to gently wipe them away.

“Why do you love North so much…huh, it’s been too long, you must have been in so much pain.” I said, still sobbing.

“It’s not as painful as seeing you cry now.” Phii Joe said, with a look of concern, “Forget it, stop crying now.”

“Okay, I’ll stop.” I said, still looking upset from crying, then I pressed my lips together trying to hold back my tears, “I won’t cry anymore.”

“Good.” Phii Joe said, giving me a faint smile.

“It’s a good thing I decided not to go to America back then.” I said, expressing what I was thinking now, “If I had gone to study in America, who knows how things would be now.” “I would’ve just visited America more often.” “…” I fell silent at his response. I never thought I would be this emotional, and that old question arose in my mind once again.

Why is he so good to me…

“Thank you, really, thank you for waiting all this time, thank you for not changing your mind.”

“…”

“North loves you, loves you a lot.”

“I love you a lot too.”

I immediately bowed my head when I heard the love confession from the person in front of me; my already pounding heart began to beat even more fiercely, to the point where I could feel the heat spreading to my ears. Not knowing what to do, I just buried myself in his embrace and wouldn’t let go.

Looking up to meet his eyes again, I hugged him even tighter as tears, from god knows where, started to flow once more.

“North…” Phii Joe called out.

No matter what, I’m not used to…Phii Joe calling my real name.

“Phii…you don’t have to call me by my name.” I said softly.

“Hmm? Then what should I call you?”

“Uh…anything else is fine.” I said. Calling me ‘you’ like before is better. Is it okay not to call me by my name? I’m completely overwhelmed by him already, even though we’re dating, but my heart can’t take it.

“…”

“My love.”

“Ha!?”

“My love.”

!! “No. No way!” I exclaimed loudly, isn’t this more embarrassing than calling me by my name? Are you trying to kill me? Are you trying to give me a heart attack?

   I looked up at the person in front of me, seeing a smile at the corner of his mouth which indicated he was very pleased. It seems Phii Joe really enjoys seeing me so embarrassed that I almost want to explode in embarrassment.

   “Why not?”

“Well…just no.” I didn’t know what else to say but to hug him tighter, feeling too flustered to do anything else. Before being gently pushed back a little from his embrace, our eyes met for a moment without me looking away, then his soft lips pressed down again. I slightly turned my face away due to the slight pain.

By the time I fully understood his story, we had kissed countless times…

The warm touch invaded again, and I responded to that touch. Our tongues danced together, creating an embarrassing sound, my heart still pounding heavily, warmth spreading all over my chest. I closed my eyes, one of his hands reached to press the back of my head closer as if feeling we weren’t close enough, while the other hand held mine.

The gentle kiss I received. I don’t know how long it lasted before it was reluctantly pulled away.

It had to be gentle because my lower lip had split again…

“Phii…”

“Hm?”

“It’s just…I don’t know what to do anymore, especially after hearing what you told me…” I expressed my concern. I loved him a lot, but I felt it might not be enough compared to everything that had passed. I promised myself I would do my best, but it still felt insufficient.

“I’ve already told you, haven’t I?”

“Just being by your side forever is enough.” “Is that possible?” “Yes, I promise I won’t go anywhere, I swear by everything.”

I made my promise before the tears could flow again, as if every feeling trapped in my chest was pouring out. From now on, no matter what happens, I promised I wouldn’t go anywhere. I would stay here as long as this place remains mine.

…

I’ve been living with Phii Joe for several days now. So much has happened since I moved, like the silly duck that Phii Joe said, “I bought so many things for him, but you ended up liking this duck.” After settling in, I decided to ask why he likes me, abiding by our previous agreement where each question was exchanged for a kiss.

At first, I thought I’d ask just one question, but then I just kept wanting to know more until I asked everything. After learning the whole story, I couldn’t hold back my tears.

I’ve become such an emotional person, crying until my eyes hurt.

I had no idea that the person in the Ferrari was Phii Joe, nor that the one who sat across from me at the table, appearing and disappearing, was him as well, and he was also the one who gave me that silly duck.

I was indescribably happy when I found out Phii Joe was the owner of the silly duck I had been curious about for so long. Honestly, I was very thankful, and I had already thanked him in person.

Having just moved in, I wasn’t quite used to the room yet, especially since my things were now here too. There was a new wardrobe in Phii Joe’s room that I hadn’t noticed before, which he gave to me. There was a desk and all sorts of things ready for me, and my motorcycle was sent back home because Phii Joe said he would take care of picking me up and dropping me off, which I felt very apologetic about, but I couldn’t argue. And hearing his stories helped me understand everything better, like when he came to pick me up from the bar incident. About the debt, Phii Joe said he didn’t stop me when I was acting out in his house; he could have but chose not to, so I would learn the consequences of getting drunk and being foolish. It worked well because I haven’t touched alcohol since then.

When I asked about the debt, Phii Joe just said to forget it, it’s just money. At first, he didn’t even have anything anyway. I thought he was just using it to threaten me, T^T

As for James…James is quite the scoundrel who used to tell me, “I’ll take care of you, North.” back when we were at the game shop, always inviting me out for Korean BBQ, bingsu, shabu-shabu, all sorts of buffets. Initially, I was really grateful to James, thinking how kind he was, but now I know…it was all Phii Joe’s money, and he was paying Phii Joe to take me out to eat.

James, why are you such a bad person…

We are in the same faculty, but I don’t really see James much because we’re in different years and faculties. Once you’re in your second year, you study in separate faculties, and James doesn’t care about seniority, doesn’t care about studying, doesn’t care about anything except alcohol. He just drinks and flirts with girls all day. I ran into him near the faculty’s coffee shop long after the semester started, and he looked shocked, saying, “Oh, didn’t you say you were going to America? Why were you lying?”

Lying about what? I just didn’t go, so what?

   And why am I even mad at James?

   “What time does your class end?” I turned to ask the person sitting next to me as the luxurious car pulled up in front of the engineering faculty. From now on, Phii Joe would probably drop me off like this every day.

“Half past six, and what time do you finish?” Phii Joe asked back. “Four, but I have cheer practice until ten.” I replied. “I’ll come and wait.”

“Yes, sir. Study hard.”

“Hmm.” Phii Joe said, then gave me a smile. I smiled back, reaching to open the door, but was pulled back by my arm first. He drew me close, leaned in, and gave me a gentle kiss, just a touch of the lips before letting go.

“Study hard.” He said, then flashed that slight smile he often does, and I always fell for that smile, feeling my heart beat faster again, my face starting to flush before I quickly opened the door to get out.

Good grief…

He’s never gentle with my heart at all.

But I like it, I really like this feeling, it’s so happy I want it to last forever.

As I was walking towards the lecture building, my phone rang. When I checked, I saw that it was my mom calling.

“Yes, Mom.” I answered the call and spoke into the phone.

(North, are you going to class today?)

   “Yes, I’m about to head to class now.”

(Oh, your aunt wanted me to tell you that Non’s condition has improved) my mom said. Non is my cousin’s newborn baby. He was born a while ago, but recently he wasn’t feeling well, so everyone at home was worried. I’m quite fond of my nephew too, though I haven’t had a chance to play with him yet, I’ve only seen pictures my mom and aunt sent to boast.

“Really? That’s great. I’ll find time to visit on Saturday, this week.”

(That’s good. Don’t forget the gold for the baby’s welcoming gift.)

   “Yes, Mom.” I agreed. “Oh, Mom, North has something to tell you.”

(What is it?)

   “North has a new partner now.” (Really? You didn’t get back together with Ja, did you?)

   “No, no.”

(That’s good. Don’t ever get back with her, ha, she broke up with you and then had the audacity to ask to reconcile, after all the effort, the morning and evening rides, feeding you almost every meal, and never missing a gift, then she breaks up on graduation day, terrible) my mom said, sounding irritated. When Ja dumped me, my mom was even angrier than I was; she was nearly ready to storm over to her house.

(So, who’s this new partner?)

   “But he’s a guy, Mom.”

(Oh, who is he then?)

   “His name is Phii Johan, he’s in his second year of medical school at our university, and he lives near our place too. You know, the big house that owns a lot of land around our area?”

(Ha! Really, son?)

   “Yes.”

(Oh dear, my son has landed himself in the rice pot. I’ve heard that the house has a grandson, and I was even thinking of presenting you to him on a tray.)

   “Mom, really?”

(Just kidding. But how did you guys end up together? I want to see what he looks like. Send me a picture.)

   “It’s a long story, I will tell it later. I’ll send some photos.”

(Send them, and is he handsome?)

   “Oh, handsome, very handsome.”

   (Really? When you were dating Jaja, you boasted to your mom like this too. Jaja wasn’t that cute, you were just showing off your girlfriend, weren’t you?)

   “Oh my. This is my boyfriend, you know.”

(Okay, you’re good, send the photos. I’ll show off to Aunt Nuch, and to the neighbor lady too, she’s always bragging about her daughter’s boyfriend.)

   “The neighbor lady? Mrs. Kaew, right?”

(Yes, her daughter just graduated. Her daughter’s boyfriend is a doctor, a surgeon. She brags about it morning and night about how rich her daughter’s boyfriend is. And she keeps asking me if my son is still not done with school, if he has a girlfriend yet, warning that he might not find one, look, her daughter is planning to get married and have kids. How much does an engineer earn? Is it enough? Her daughter’s boyfriend is a surgeon, earning several tens of thousands.)

   “And what did mom say back?”

(What’s all the fuss about my child? That bitch.)

   “Mom…take it easy.”

(Just kidding, I just give a dry smile and then call the mason to build a higher fence, so tired of seeing her face.)

   “Whose mom is this? She’s awesome.” I said, laughing. My mom is like this, her personality isn’t much different from mine, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, that’s for sure.

(Of course, are you really coming this Saturday? Bring your boyfriend too.)

   “Can I bring him?”

(Yes, yes, bring him, I’ll prepare some food.)

   “Okay, I’ll ask him first.”

(Okay, that way, I’ll clean the house too. But, is he really the grandson of that landlady?)

   “Yes, why?” (Nothing, I am just shocked, really shocked. That family is really rich, you know. The whole market talks about how handsome her grandson is, every girl wants him. I’ll brag about it all the way to the back of the market, watch me. The market landlady is also very kind, she’s waived the booth rental fee several times now without any complaint.)

   “Mom, don’t forget to pay the rent.”

(Oh, how about the house rent, I forgot to pay that too) my mom said casually, her forgetfulness matching mine.

“Please pay it, Mom, or we might get evicted. We won’t have a home.”

(Evicted? Alright, I’ll go pay it then.)

   “Okay, see you on Saturday.”

(Got it, don’t forget to bring your partner too.)

   “Yes, I love you, Mom.”

(I love you too) before my mom hung up. My mom is as easy going as I am, and she never restricted me from having a partner. When I was with Ja, my mom always gave advice and support, treating Ja almost like her own daughter, which is why she was so angry when Ja broke up with me as I mentioned earlier.

I try to picture Phii Joe at my house, meeting my mom and my aunt. I can’t really imagine it. But would he want to go to my house? If he’s okay with my family, that would be great. As for Mom and Aunt, they’re easy-going anyway. Okay, that’s settled.

And then there’s the question of how his family will react to me…

I walked out of the lecture hall feeling drained, getting nagged at for a long time makes one feel quite exhausted. The freshmen were gradually leaving, and there was a buzz from the group of girls. I scanned the area for the person who said they would wait for me.

I spotted Phii Joe sitting with James, and there was another senior with them. The girls were looking in their direction, whispering among themselves. I didn’t pay much attention, trying to navigate my way through the crowd. While squeezing through, I overheard the girls chatting:

“Is that Phii Johan? He’s even more handsome in person. I’ve only seen photos.”

“You’re kidding, I’m so embarrassed, why are they all so good-looking? Is that one from our faculty? I see he’s wearing a gear jacket, but I’ve never seen him before.”

“I like Phii Johan more but heard he has a partner. Look at his left wrist, he’s wearing gear.”

“Why would a doctor wear gear? Oh, his partner studies engineering.”

“Squeeeee, I’m so embarrassed right now.”

I pretended not to hear their comments, though inside I was quite flattered. It took a while to get out because, as I’ve mentioned before, the lecture hall was crowded, and when it was over, everyone was trying to push their way out. Even if you didn’t want to push, just standing in the front row would get you pushed out anyway.

“Here you are.” James immediately greeted me, “We were just talking about you. Joe got teased until he was fed up. Come here, let me tease you a bit.”

“Very funny, James. No need.” I replied. My friends were already teasing me enough as it was, “Did you wait long?” I asked Phii Joe.

“Just got here.” Phii Joe answered, “The professor just let us go.”

“But don’t classes end at half past six?”

“They do end at half past six.” Phii Joe said, “But the professor wouldn’t let me leave, made me do some work or something.”

“So, you got roped into some work at the faculty?” James asked, “Was that what you were complaining about on the phone earlier, about the professor being mad?” “Yeah, he used me, didn’t even give me an A, just a B last semester.” Phii Joe grumbled, “And I don’t know why he got mad at me. At first, everything was fine.”

“What did you do to upset the professor?” The guy sitting next to James asked.

“I told him I wasn’t available to do any work, I had to rush back, and he asked why I was in such a hurry. I said I needed to go and drink with friends, and then he got mad. Why would he be mad about that?”

“Maybe he was upset because you didn’t invite him to drink with you, Joe?”

“I did invite him, but he didn’t want to come. Doesn’t that mean he has no right to be mad?”

“Yeah, why is the professor so fussy about it?” The other guy said.

“Or maybe he’s more of a beer guy?” Phii Joe countered.

“Yeah, that could be it. Some people only drink beer, not liquor, you know.”

“What are you guys even talking about?” James said, shaking his head in mock disgust, “If the professor actually comes…”

“Then he should come, we’ll treat him.” Phii Johan said casually, “Seriously, are you really thinking of inviting a medical professor to drink with us? You can’t treat a professor to drinks, T^T.”

But…drink?

“Drinking?” I asked.

“Yes, I’m inviting.” James said, “You in? To celebrate your relationship, really, it’s something worth celebrating, the animal way, I mean. When we found out you were just talking, not even dating yet, Frank and I cried with joy.” I looked at the other guy next to James, oh, his name is Frank, right? “Now you’re actually dating. I’m so happy I don’t know what to do with myself, Joe.”

“Are you really inviting my boyfriend to drink with you?” “You’re talking about your ‘wife’ quite boldly, bastard.” James said with a slight chuckle, “Come on, you were going to come with us anyway.”

“Haven’t had a drink in a while, you invited.” Phii Joe replied, “But let me take the little one home first.”

“Aw, not coming together? We should celebrate your relationship with him there too.” Frank objected. “He wants to drink too, trust me.”

“Really?” Phii Joe turned to ask me.

“Uh…sure.” I said. I was fine either way. It had been a while since I last drank too. “Can I go in this outfit?” I asked James, who was from my faculty, since I was still in my cheering outfit, which was an engineering faculty shirt and sweatpants.

“Why not? It’s not like it’s a student uniform, and it might be nice that the bar is full of engineering shirts.” James said. He was also wearing an engineering shirt. Frank and Phii Joe, on the other hand, were in casual wear, probably having changed before coming.

“Are you sure you want to go?” Phii Joe asked me again.

“Yes, why? North doesn’t have to go if you don’t want to.” I said. If he just wanted to drink with his friends, I didn’t have to come.

“North, huh? Using your own name to refer to yourself.” James teased. I glanced at him with a slightly annoyed expression.

“No, I want you to come with me.” Phii Joe said simply, and then the four of us walked out from the engineering faculty area, with James and Frank heading to another car.

We settled at the furthest table in the bar, which was a regular place near the university, with live band music. Everyone ordered drinks and various foods.

“Finally, you two are together. Damn, I feel like I’ve just completed something in life.” James said his first sentence after the waiter left. “We’re like the original crew, right, Frank?” “Yeah, damn, it’s the best. I’m tearing up here, Joe. It feels like we’ve been through so much together, drank so much that we’re on the brink of liver cirrhosis. Can I request funds to make a vinyl banner with your couple’s picture to hang up at the university? Can we put it in front of the medical faculty and engineering faculty, maybe even mine too, just show it off everywhere.”

“That’s going too far, bastard.” Phii Joe laughed at Frank’s suggestion, and then the table conversation became about us, with James and Frank asking how it all happened, while Phii Joe let me do most of the talking.

“So, you got dumped?” James asked. I nodded in response. “Why did she break up?”

“She said…what was it…something like choosing someone with a future, so she went for another medical student.” I said, then took the drink Frank had mixed, swallowing it with difficulty. How did he mix it to make it so strong?

“Oh, why? Does she think the engineering faculty have no future?” James exclaimed, “Got dumped because the salary is lower, huh? That’s sad, you animal, Joe, how much does a doctor earn?”

“Sixty thousand, not including overtime.” Phii Joe replied, raising his glass of liquor.

“Damn, that’s a lot. And what about an engineer at a company?”

“Twenty thousand for a fresh graduate.”

“Wow, that’s a three times difference, North.” James said, turning to me, his face suddenly looking gloomy. I felt down too because we were in the same faculty, “But we have less work, it’s way more comfortable.”

“Oh, so compared to the workload, we have it easier, right, Phii?” I asked.

“No, when I said less work, I meant job positions. Not many people are taking up engineering jobs now, there are so many graduates each year, it’s depressing.” James said before taking another drink, it seemed more like he was sharing his woes, “I think we should start a business together, North, let Joe fund it.”

“What kind of business, Phii?”

“Selling Hainanese chicken rice.”

“…”

 

   NORTH HOW MUCH IS YOUR LOVE CHAPTERS HOME

NORTHHOWMUCHISYOURLOVE, Chapter 25 part 2

“What about you, Joe, didn’t you meet anyone in LA for a whole year?” Frank asked, “I thought you’d be partying more than you did back in Thailand.”

“Yeah, I was wilder there.” I admitted truthfully. Whether it was women, alcohol, cigarettes, or other things, I also studied and worked more while in LA. My dad even said if I kept it up, he could hand over the business to me soon. “You called to tell us about it, you really lived life to the fullest, top of your class, did well at work, and made the most of your youth.” James said, “But you still came back to die over the same old issue.”

“You’re good at twisting the knife, aren’t you?” I said with a sigh, “Has he broken up with his girlfriend yet?”

“Not yet, saw a picture of them having hot pot together yesterday.” James said, “They’ve been dating for over a year now.”

“Fuck.”

“And what about you? After meeting so many people there, wasn’t there anyone you clicked with?” Frank asked again.

“No.” I met many people, at school, at work, and when I went out, “I just couldn’t open my heart to anyone.”

“You don’t want to get serious with anyone, then.”

“Do I look like I want to be like this?”

“So, in short…you still can’t move on, right? Even after not seeing him for a year.” James repeated. I was silent for a moment before nodding slightly in affirmation, “At this rate, you might never forget him in your lifetime.”

“Sigh…” I exhaled to release the frustration building inside, “I don’t know, James, I like him, I really do, and the more I think about him now, the more I want to see him. Why is it like this?”

“Sigh, it’s exhausting just listening to you. If you want to see him, then go see him.”

I looked at the snack packet being handed to me in confusion. Eventually, I decided to return to the game shop. When the kid came to the shop and saw someone sitting at the table opposite, he left for a while and then came back with the snack packet.

On the packet was a note that read: ‘Please stay and keep me company like before. I’m scared of ghosts, TT’

   Is this intentional teasing or what…

“Seriously, man, I think he knows and he’s teasing you.” Frank said, laughing as I smoked beside him, “Damn, who could move on from this? That’s cruel to your friend.”

“Yeah, exactly. No mercy for my friend at all, please have some sympathy, North, have some heart for your friend’s friend.”

“You guys are too good at teasing.” I said, feeling annoyed, while exhaling grey smoke, “Why do you do this?”

“Isn’t that just how the junior is? But when someone’s smitten, we’ll fall for anything they do.”

“…Damn it.”

And…my attempt to move on failed yet again.

I went back to living like before I went to LA, stopping my bad habits and having only the junior in my life as usual. But something new was added: university entrance exams. I wasn’t sure what course I wanted to study, so my mother suggested I try for the Faculty of Medicine, and when I got in, she was ecstatic. So, I decided to study there, too lazy to apply for another program anyway.

“You’ve held out well, Joe, liking the junior all the way through high school.” James said.

“Yeah, but once I get into university, I won’t go see him anymore.” I replied, thinking that with time, I might get used to it. Once in university, I probably wouldn’t go back to see the junior again.

No matter how many times I tried to let go, I always found myself back in the same place.

No matter what, the junior was the only one I ever wanted to get serious with. And I…almost stopped hoping for anything else.

So…I completely gave up on getting serious with anyone else.

When I started university, I met people like Hill, who was very capable, Tonfah, who was good-hearted, and Arthit, who was the biggest jerk. I still acted like I used to, partying without caring much about others, being quite the playboy, but I stopped initiating with others because I was bored. And I did what I had planned; I didn’t go back to see the junior.

And sometimes when I thought of the junior, the feeling was more of fondness than pain. I didn’t quite understand why that was.

(Joe, do you know about the junior?) The words from James on the phone made me raise my eyebrows in surprise. Both James and Frank were studying at the same university as me, James in the Faculty of Engineering, and Frank in Political Science.

“…”

“Why?”

(The junior got a scholarship to study in America.)

   “Really?”

(Yeah, today’s his graduation day at his school.)

   “And why are you telling me this? I’ve already said I won’t go see him.”

(Yeah, I know, but you’ve liked him for so long, are you really not going to see him? He’s going to be on the other side of the world, man. Isn’t it good to see him one last time, to congratulate him on graduating?)

   …

And before I knew it, I found myself driving back to the same place I hadn’t been to for a year. I barely knew anything about what the kid had been up to. I didn’t know how he’d been doing since James closed the game shop, but from what I saw on Instagram, he was still posting pictures with his girlfriend, dating from the fourth year to the sixth year of high school.

It’s impressive that he could study abroad in America on a scholarship. So from now on, the distance between us would be even greater.

Whatever, it wouldn’t have changed anything anyway.

I walked into the school hosting the graduation ceremony. I didn’t bring flowers or a gift. I just wanted to see if he was doing well, that’s all, to see how happy he would be having graduated, secured a scholarship, and still being in a good relationship with his girlfriend.

I saw his friends standing by the booth for the sixth graders, but there was no sign of him. He should be with his friends, right? Where did he go?

♣♣♣

“North. I want you to understand. We’re all grown up now. We need to choose someone with a future. We can’t just date for fun like when we were kids, right?”

“…”

“You…understand me, don’t you? You’ve always understood me, haven’t you?”

“Uh-huh, I understand.” I said, clenching my jaw to keep the feelings that were welling up inside at bay, my hands gripping each other tightly. I was sitting on a stone bench by the building, and Jaja was standing in front of me, saying the very thing I didn’t want to hear.

Jaja was breaking up with me…

   “I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me. You did everything for me, but…”

“You’ve chosen Temp, haven’t you?” I looked up at her, her face full of tears, her eyes and words full of guilt towards me.

“Uhmm. I’m sorry.” “It’s okay, I understand.” I forced a smile, “Then, could you tell Temp to promise me that he’ll take care of you in my place?”

“Uhmm…I understand.”

“Good luck.”

“Good luck then, goodbye.” She said, her voice trembling. I looked down, only seeing her feet as she walked away, since everyone was busy with the graduation ceremony, so there was no one else here.

I looked at the bouquet of flowers beside me, which I had brought to congratulate her on graduating, but she didn’t take them and decided to express what had been on her mind for a long time.

I had somewhat realized that her love for me had been fading ever since she met that guy, but I chose to overlook it and continued to take care of her as best as I could.

Why, though…

When my eyes started to feel hot, I quickly wiped away the tears.

I shouldn’t be sad on such a celebratory day. If I go back to meet with friends like this, it would definitely spoil the evening’s celebration.

My heart felt like it was being squeezed tightly, and my hands, which were tightly clasped, began to loosen. I didn’t even have the strength to stand, why, had everything I did been in vain, was it all worthless, what else should I understand? I just didn’t understand anything anymore.

Damn…why is it like this?

Soft sobbing

…

Because I saw that my friend wasn’t with the group, I walked around looking for them for a while until I found them sitting there. Then her girlfriend seemed to be saying something to her before walking off, but just that was enough to guess what happened.

I looked at the scene in front of me; so many feelings were mixing inside me. I once said I absolutely love her smile, and I didn’t want it to disappear, so why did that girl…

Her smile, damn, it’s so precious to me.

Why doesn’t she take care of it at all?

I let out a frustrated sigh. I hate seeing her look like she’s about to cry, especially when she’s given everything for that woman. It seems she won’t leave this place easily, and with her nature of not wanting to worry others, she probably won’t go to meet her friends until she sorts out her feelings.

I feel like I need to do something.

I quickly dialed the last number on my phone, waiting for a moment until James picked up.

(What’s up, did you meet your junior?)

   “James, he got dumped by his girlfriend.”

(Huh!? What?)

   “He got dumped by his girlfriend, what should I do?”

(Oh, no, why did she do that? Why treat my friend like this?)

   “What should I do? I don’t want him to cry.”

(Go comfort him.)

   “Damn, where would he know me from?”

(Then buy him something, he might be happy with that, write him a little card too.)

   “Where did you buy it?” (There should be some shops around there selling stuff. Mostly on the last day of the term, they like to set up stalls selling gifts, but it’s pretty late, so they might have all packed up by now.)

   “Uh.” I hung up and rushed out to check the shops as James had suggested. Indeed, all the shops around there were closed, probably because it was so cold. I then spotted one shop just about to close its doors.

“Don’t close yet.” I called out. The shopkeeper turned around, looking bewildered.

“Oh, young man, are you buying something? Sorry, but I’ve sold out of everything.”

“Not even one item left?” I asked. Otherwise, there wouldn’t be any shops open. Driving to another place to buy something wouldn’t make it in time.

“Well, there is one item left. Want to have a look?”

“Yes.” I answered immediately. The shopkeeper disappeared inside, then came back out holding a duck plush toy.

What in the world is this duck thing…

“Want it? I’ll bag it up for you.” She offered.

“Uh…okay.” I sighed slightly before accepting the bag with the toy. Why does the first gift I buy for my junior have to be this duck with a turned-up beak?

“Two hundred and fifty baht, and do you want a card? It’s on the house.”

“Yes.” I said, pulling out my wallet. The shopkeeper handed me some paper and a pen, but when I checked my wallet, I found no cash. “Do you take cards?”

“What kind of card? I don’t really deal with cards.”

“Uh…”

“You should start carrying cash, Joe. Not every shop takes cards.” Hill’s words echoed in my mind. At that moment, I never thought I’d be in a shop that doesn’t accept cards.

I sighed in annoyance, took off my left wristwatch, and handed it over. The other party took it, looking puzzled.

“I don’t have any cash on me. Can I trade with this?”

“Oh…wait, young man, I can’t accept something this valuable.” The shopkeeper shouted after me, but I didn’t care much. I walked back into the school, wrote a little on the card, and left the duck plushie and card for my junior.

♣♣♣

“You are North, right? Someone left this for you.” I looked up to the voice calling me. It was a schoolgirl from the same school, though I didn’t recognize her much. In her hand was a plush toy…a duck?

She handed it to me. I didn’t fully understand, but I accepted it.

“Thanks. Did someone ask you to give it to me?”

“I don’t know, it got passed along through several people, I guess. I’ve got to go.” She said, and then she walked away. I looked at the stuffed toy in my hand, puzzled.

A duck…?

Is it supposed to be a duck? Why does it look like a pig with those puffy cheeks? I couldn’t help but laugh at its funny face. There was a piece of paper attached to it, with the message, “Smile a bit :)”

   I found myself smiling broadly when I read the note. The person who sent this duck must be really sweet, and it somewhat lifted the gloom in my heart. It felt like someone was waiting for my smile, if not for anything else, at least this silly duck’s owner.

I let out a big sigh, took some time to compose myself, and decided to throw away the bouquet I had bought; it wouldn’t be needed anymore. Then, holding the goofy duck, I went back to my friends.

“Hey, North, so what did she want to talk to you about?” “Oh, she broke up with me.” I replied nonchalantly, and my friends looked shocked. “What’s with the shock? It’s not that surprising. I kind of knew it was coming.”

“I am shocked at how chill you are.”

“Whatever, let it go. Look at this duck. Isn’t it cute?” I showed them the duck, and both Tae and Ball burst out laughing.

“It’s cute, but why does it have such a mischievous look? Did someone give it to you?”

“Yeah, someone did. They even wrote a card.” I said, showing them the note attached to the duck. “Cute, right?”

“Wow, I bet they like you. The handwriting is pretty amazing.” Teak said, “You’re quite popular, huh?”

“Nah.” I shook my head slightly. Then, I wanted to know who sent the duck, so I went looking for the person who had given it to me earlier. I kept asking around but only got the answer that it wasn’t someone from school and they had already left.

“Couldn’t find them in the end?”

“Yeah, it’s a pity. I really wanted to thank them.” I said with a bit of disappointment. It was already late in the evening, and everyone was starting to head home. We had plans to continue celebrating with our classmates, so we had to go.

I pulled out my phone and opened Instagram, looking at my profile filled with photos of me and Jaja. I decided to delete all those pictures and posted a single photo of the silly duck along with the card as the only picture on my Instagram.

I captioned it, ‘Smiling now : ) thank you #TheOwnerOfTheSillyDuck’

   Whoever that person is, I was genuinely thankful to them. From then on, I cherished that silly duck and the card. I even liked the duck so much that I took a photo of it and set it as my LINE profile picture, and I couldn’t help but smile every time I saw it.

…

I glanced at my phone screen, at Instagram which I hadn’t checked in a while. From having over a hundred photos, now the owner of the IG had deleted them all, leaving just one picture – the one of the duck and the card I had left.

‘Smiling now : ) thank you #TheOwnerOfTheSillyDuck’

   I thought I was over him, but I drove all the way back there. Initially, I just didn’t want him to cry, but now, encountering this, it made me realize…

That I…haven’t changed at all.

Not since the day I realized I fell for that smile…

I returned to the bar near the university around past ten at night, too lazy to call any friends to join me. I let myself drown in my feelings, the sharp taste and burn of alcohol going down my throat, not knowing how many glasses I had, along with a cigarette in my hand, touching my lips, inhaling the smoke and blowing it out. It took a while before I started to get drunk, but smoking made my mind cloud over faster.

He broke up with his girlfriend…

But now he’s going to be far away from me instead.

Why does our timing never align?

When I heard the incoming call sound from my phone, I stubbed out my cigarette and picked up the phone.

‘Incoming call: Hill’

   I answered,

“Yeah.”

(Joe. You left your MacBook, do you need it? Should I bring it over?)

   “No need.” (Where are you? Why is it so noisy?)

   Bar

(Drunk?)

   “Yeah.”

(Alone?)

   “Yeah.”

(Hey, going to drink alone until you get drunk, is that okay?)

   “No, I’m not okay at all, Hill.”

(Wait, I’ll come find you. Where are you?)

   “Midnight.”

(Alright, I’m coming. Should I call Fah and Arthit too?)

   “Up to you.”

(Okay.)

   Then Hill hung up. It’s good that Hill is coming; I’m in no condition to drive. Shortly after, Hill arrived and sat across from me, his eyebrows furrowed as he looked at me with confusion.

“What happened? Why would you drink to this extent?”

“I don’t know, Hill. I don’t understand myself.” I said before taking another sip from my drink, then lit a cigarette and put it in my mouth. “I just don’t get it, Hill.”

“You’re completely wasted.”

“Sigh, why, Hill, why the hell…”

“I don’t know either, just calm down, Joe.”

“I hate feeling like this, I really don’t like this feeling, damn it.” I started to ramble, swearing out of frustration, and the person across from me looked concerned. If it were James or Frank, they might understand my state, but for Hill and the other two, I’ve never told them about ‘him’. “Yeah, Fah’s got some business to attend to, so he can’t come out, but he said to call if you need help. As for Arthit, he’s racing and will come after he’s done, so he asked me to order some drinks for him.”

“Ha. Even if I didn’t say anything, the table’s already full.” I said.

“Are you going to drink all this by yourself, and smoke too?”

“Want one?” I asked before offering the cigarette pack to Hill. Hill took one, smoked it, but didn’t touch the alcohol.

“You look terrible, Joe. I’ve never seen you like this.” Hill remarked.

“Hmm. Not surprising, I haven’t been like this in a long time either.” I said, exhaling another puff of grey smoke, “Hill.”

“Hmm?”

“Have you ever wanted someone to be in your life, but it just couldn’t happen?”

“…”

“Without any conditions, you’d give them everything just to see them smile.”

“…”

“But why, why can’t I have this person by my side?”

“Joe…damn.” Hill was silent, listening to me ramble for a while before letting out a sigh, “If I said I am in the same boat as you, would you believe me?”

“Really? For someone who doesn’t care about anyone like you?”

“It’s less believable for someone like you if you wanted to tell. Go ahead, tell me.” Hill said, and in my drunken state, I spilled everything about the girl to Hill. He listened intently, “Hard to believe someone as carefree as you could have something like this. Is this why you said you’d never get serious with anyone?”

“Probably. If it’s not him…I don’t want anyone.”

“Hmm…I understand.” Hill nodded slightly. Hill was quite good at keeping his feelings to himself, in other words, he was patient, and the pained look in his eyes I saw wasn’t lying. “Tell me yours then, your story.” I said, sliding the glass of alcohol towards him. Hill hesitated for a moment before letting out another sigh, grabbed the glass of pure liquor, drank several glasses, and began telling me his story.

“His name is Ter, right?” I asked, leaning back on the sofa and closing my eyes, my head throbbing, “Easter, as in East, huh? That’s fitting, and North means North too.”

“Yeah, exactly, and he’s going to study in America?” Hill asked, his eyes slightly squinting from the intoxication. Hill could hold his liquor pretty well, “That’s too bad, especially since he’s now single.”

“Actually, I could’ve bought the scholarship to America and removed his name from it, but since he wants to go…If things keep going like this, I’ll probably be flying back and forth to America often to see him. Hopefully, he won’t find a boyfriend or girlfriend there.”

“And what about you? Got dumped, huh?” I asked.

“Yeah, probably, I wouldn’t be surprised if he did feel that way. I kind of hate myself too.”

“Ha, nothing ever goes as planned, does it, Hill?” I said, clinking my glass with the one across from me again. “We’re both a mess, totally screwed.”

“Sigh, so what are you going to do next, Joe?”

“Don’t know. Maybe just let it go like this. I can’t follow him to America, my dad would kill me if I dropped out of university now.” I said before taking another drink. “Or should I just buy out his scholarship?”

“Are you crazy? Would you ruin his dream?”

“Just saying. Who would actually do that?” I said. “Come to think of it, you’ve waited a long time, yet you’ve never been able to let him go. How do you manage that?” “There’s nothing to it, Joe. I just can’t let go. I end up back where I started, just like you.”

“Hmm.” I responded, before we ordered more drinks and continued drinking for a while. The bad feelings didn’t go away, but it was still better than nothing, and I believed I would continue to feel this way.

I asked about Ter from Hill, and he asked about North from me. Both of us were drunk to the point where we could barely keep our composure. I looked at the picture of the person on Hill’s phone.

“Cute.”

“Yeah, your friend is cute too.” Hill said, handing the phone back to me, equally drunk. “His name’s North, right?”

“Yeah, Hill.”

“Huh?”

“If it’s tomorrow, can you pretend you’ve forgotten about today? Everything, including what I told you.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t want to think about it either.”

“Hmm.”

Arthit looked at the two friends in a drunken state, puzzled. Hill had called to say that Johan was drinking alone and seemed quite down. After finishing his race at the track, he rushed over.

What’s with this drunken mess…

And with the table full of liquor like this, are you two drinking it all?

“Huff. Come out, both of you look like dogs.”

(Are you both wasted? I specifically asked Hill to look after Joe, why did you end up getting drunk with him too?)

   “I don’t know, but for sure, both Joe and Hill are knocked out. Can you imagine how much they’ve had?”

(Oh…I guess the bar will be out of liquor today. I’ll head out, wait there. Don’t you start drinking too.)

   “Got it.”

Arthit hung up with a sigh. Instead of enjoying a drink after winning a car race, he had to go pick up these two.

And who are Ter and North that these two were babbling about?

Tonfa rushed to the bar in his car after receiving the call from Arthit, entering the place worriedly looking for his two friends who were completely out of it. Johan was a tough drinker, needing cigarettes to get drunk, and Hill wasn’t much different. Tonfah guessed that the liquor covering the table now was just the tip of the iceberg; the staff must have cleared the table several times already.

“Should we take them home? Did you pay the bill yet?” Tonfah asked, seeing the high prices.

“I’ve already paid. Let’s go back. You take Hill.” Arthit said. He had already settled the bill before Tonfah arrived, shocked at the nearly forty thousand baht bill. Damn, these guys really drank.

Arthit helped Johan up from the table, while Fah supported Hill. The four of them parted ways to go home. The next day, Johan woke up on his sofa, unable to remember anything about Ter, but Hill remembered North. Both were then forced by Tonfah to get checked for any health issues that might arise from excessive drinking.

As for Arthit…he had already forgotten the names Ter and North.

♣♣♣

I decided to decline the scholarship to America in the end. Initially, I thought I’d give it a shot. I’m not an academic type, and I had to put in a lot of effort to win that scholarship, but in the end, I didn’t go because I was worried about my mom. I could go after finishing my bachelor’s degree.

At first, I got into engineering in the first round of exams. I heard Jaja say she chose Temp because he got into medical school, saying she chose someone with a brighter future. I understood that ‘future’ meant job security, and being a doctor fit that bill.

I gave up my spot in the engineering program in the first round to go for the scholarship to America, but even after securing it, I hesitated again. What about my mom? How worried would she be? Maybe now wasn’t the time to leave. So, I relinquished the scholarship and reapplied to the engineering faculty in the final round.

When I got in during the last round, it was literally the last minute; the semester was about to start. This meant I couldn’t find a dorm in time; Tae and Ball already had their accommodations sorted. I had to find whatever dorm was available at the time and ended up living alone.

Fortunately, the dormitory randomly assigned roommates. There were many who came from the provinces alone and couldn’t afford the rent, needing someone to share the cost with. That’s how I ended up rooming with Ter, who was from out of town, alone. He didn’t know anything about this place, and to be honest, neither did I. I am from around here but never actually lived here.

Before the start of our first year, Ter told me about a senior doctor who was pursuing him. When I listened, I tried my best to give advice and support. Ter and that doctor had a really complicated story. I knew Ter wasn’t telling me everything, but I didn’t press because it was up to him how much he wanted me to know. As I began to understand things better, I saw that the doctor was actually a good person and really loved Ter. I started rooting for them. And on the day I saw Ter and the doctor publicly declare they were dating, it stirred up my feelings again.

“Why are you standing out here in the cold, you’ll catch a chill.” I said when I noticed Ter standing absentmindedly on the balcony for a long time. He was slightly startled. “What’s with the sudden cold? Because we’re near the mountains?”

“Probably. Why don’t you know, you’re a local.” Ter asked.

“My home isn’t near the mountains.” I replied. “Ter, can you close the window? I’m cold.” Ter closed the window and came back inside.

“What are you doing?” Ter asked.

“Cleaning the room.” I answered.

“It’s already clean.”

“It can be cleaner.”

Ter sighed at my response because sitting idle just made him think about the doctor. So, he got up to clean the room even though it was already clean. It seemed like Ter’s doctor had disappeared, and Ter had been looking gloomy for a couple of days.

“Aren’t you going to work at the pub?” I asked. I knew that before the semester started, Ter had been working at a pub, where he met the doctor.

“I’ve already taken the photos. He said the job’s done, so I don’t need to come anymore.” Ter said, looking like he was zoning out again. His mind must have been full of various thoughts.

“You don’t look okay.” I said.

“Yeah, I’m really not okay.”

“No sign of the medical student?” I teased. For some reason, teasing Ter was just too fun; even a little tease would make him flustered. “Right, he’s vanished, it’s been two days now.”

And then Ter and I talked for a while before he excused himself to take a shower. As I was lounging in the room, I heard a knock at the door.

“Coming.” I shouted, then got up to open the door, facing someone I didn’t recognize. I looked up, puzzled, and he looked back at me, seemingly surprised that I was the one opening the door.

“…”

“Uh…who are you looking for?”

It had been two days since Hill disappeared. Normally, his disappearance wouldn’t be an issue, but what was worrying was the situation at home. He wasn’t at the condo, his car was gone too, and he wasn’t answering calls.

Hill…do you know how worried Nong Ter is about you? He’s been calling me morning, noon, and night.

And then, out of the blue, the number that had been unreachable for almost two days called back. I raised an eyebrow in surprise when I saw that, quickly answering the call without even having the chance to speak first.

(Joe, I want to see Ter.)

   “Seriously, that’s the first thing you say to me after calling?”

(Go pick up him and bring him to me, I can’t drive right now.)

   “Fine. Aren’t you going to explain anything? You’ve got everyone worried.”

(Thanks, but can you help out?)

   “And if I say no?”

(Just go, and you’ll find something good.)

   “What’s that?”

(Trust me, just go pick up Ter.)

   “Okay, okay.” Why do I always get roped into this kind of stuff? I drove to the dorm where Ter was staying, guided by the location Hill sent, walked up to the room number he indicated, and stood there, somewhat annoyed, before knocking on the door.

   “Coming.” I heard from inside, then the door opened.

!!

   North…?

   Why did I end up here…

   “…”

“Um…Are you looking for someone?”

“Is Ter here?” I asked.

“Oh, yes, he’s taking a shower. I’ll go tell him.” The junior said before turning to go back inside. “You can come in if you want.”

“No, just tell Ter to hurry up.” I said, then stepped back to wait by the door.

Why did you end up here? Weren’t you supposed to study abroad in America? Being here means you’re studying here, right? And sharing a room with Ter, no less.

   What the hell am I feeling…

   “Phii Johan.” I heard Ter call out, “Why are you smiling?”

“Nothing.” I replied, straightening up from the wall, “Just saw something good.”

…

“You’ve made up your mind for sure, right? You’re done getting involved with others?” Hill asked, reiterating a question he had asked me many times before, while things between Hill and Ter were going well. I decided to stop messing around and start pursuing North seriously, especially since he was no longer with his girlfriend. And he was right here, not on the other side of the world as I had once thought.

“Finally, I have my chance.” “…”

“The chance I’ve been waiting for three years.”

“But are you sure? Why not go for it now?” Hill asked.

“You know how I get when I’m stressed with work. I don’t want to stress him out with my work issues. Plus, I don’t have much free time.” I said honestly, because my workload had been increasing, so I decided not to approach her just yet.

“Hill, look after him for me, okay?”

“Got it. But about the money, you don’t have to, I can support Ter.” Hill said, picking up the black card I had just given him.

“I feel bad that as his almost-boyfriend, I have to let someone else take care of him.”

“Yeah, it’s up to you. When will your work be finished?”

“After coming back from Boston.” I said, the plan being to keep working until the big project in Boston was done. After that, work would lighten up, “Take care of him, Hill, buy him whatever he wants.”

“Yeah, I understand.”

“And send me some pictures of him.”

“Got it.”

One night, while I was working at my condo, out of nowhere, I got a call from Hill.

(Joe. Are you free?)

   “Not really.”

(Your junior’s got into some trouble at a bar.)

   “Ha!” (He went out drinking, got drunk maybe, and then got into a fight with…uh, from what his friend told Ter, probably the new boyfriend of his exgirlfriend.)

   “…”

(It sounds like it was a big fight. Besides the bar demanding compensation for the damages, there’s a chance it might escalate to the university level, which could lead to suspension or even expulsion. But if you’re not free, I’ll go myself.)

   “I’ll go.”

“Which bar is he at?”

 

   NORTH HOW MUCH IS YOUR LOVE CHAPTERS HOME

NORTHHOWMUCHISYOURLOVE, Chapter 25 part 1

   Chapter 25: Try To Fix You

   “Joe, you can’t keep going to see the kid every day and then come here to drink every day like this.” James’s voice rose above the music and chatter in the bar. I didn’t even glance at the person beside me.

“That’s my business.” I said, lifting my glass of alcohol to take another drink, letting the sweet mixture flow down my throat quickly, emptying the glass in seconds, then placing the empty glass on the table and picking up another full one. “Give up, just keep drinking.” Frank, who was sitting at the same table, said, one hand holding a glass of alcohol, the other around a woman’s waist.

I looked at the scene in front of me, which was starting to blur, the table crowded with bottles of various brands of alcohol, mixed together in a chaotic blend, but I no longer cared about the taste.

“Starting to get drunk, huh?” James said, “It takes you so long to get drunk, asshole, we’ll run out of alcohol in this place.”

“The downside of having a strong tolerance, you drink a lot.”

“James, pour.” I said before placing my empty glass in front of him, noticing that all the glasses were empty now. James shook his head slightly.

“Enough already. You’re drinking a lot, do you realize that?”

“Not as much as yesterday.” Frank interjected, “Straight vodka. You’ve got a strong tolerance, Joe.”

“James.” I called his name again to insist he pour more alcohol, and eventually, he relented, opening a new bottle and pouring for me.

“And how did it get this bad?” Frank asked.

“At first, it wasn’t that bad, but later on, North started bringing his girlfriend to play at the shop, and my friend went crazy every day.” James said before sliding the glass of alcohol towards me, “The liquor bill per day, who knows how much. At first, he said he just liked him, and didn’t think it would get this serious.”

Yes…at first, finding out the junior had a girlfriend wasn’t a big deal. I just felt a bit down, thinking I probably didn’t like him that much, but when he started bringing his girlfriend to the shop, every conversation they had, every smile I used to enjoy looking at, became something he gave to someone else.

It seemed like everything the junior tried to do was to make that girl happy.

And I started to think…

Why wasn’t that person me? “Damn, when are they going to break up?” I cursed in frustration because all I could think about was why it wasn’t me there, why it had to be that girl, why did the junior have to have a girlfriend, and why didn’t I even have a chance to approach him?

“While the junior is sitting there being sweet with his girlfriend, cut to the person at the opposite table, sitting there cursing for them to break up.” Frank said with a laugh, “We’re already assholes.”

“Yeah, when did I ever say I was a good person?” I retorted.

“Has the junior been dating his girlfriend for almost two months now?” James asked, “Yeah, almost two months already.”

“But you still meet the junior every day.” Frank raised his eyebrows in question, “Watching him with his girlfriend, it’s pathetic, man.”

“I want to see him, not his girlfriend, but he brings her almost every day.” I said irritably, lifting my glass to drink again and again until my senses began to fade. Today, I drank more than usual because I heard the junior say ‘I love you’ to his girlfriend.

I don’t understand myself either, how could it have gotten this bad?

Does it always hurt like this when you want to be serious with someone?

Why does everything seem so hard?

“You’ve started working with your family, right?” James changed the topic, “What does your dad say about it?”

“He was a bit surprised, but he agreed to teach me the ropes. He said if I’m serious about working, I could go stay with my uncle in LA.” I said, recalling when I told my dad I wanted to try working. My dad was slightly surprised, asked a bunch of questions, and then allowed me to work, but it was really tough. I had just realized how hard it is to work on your own.

“LA, huh? And what are you going to do?” James asked. “I’ll see first. Right now, I don’t want to go.” I said before taking another sip from my glass, “But my dad wants me to go, says I can learn the business quickly there. Maybe I’ll go in the second semester.”

“That’s just a few months away, will you be gone for long?”

“Probably about a year, then I’ll come back to take the university entrance exams.” I explained. Currently, I’m in the first semester of eleventh grade. If I go to LA, I’d be back in time for the second semester of twelfth grade, then prepare for university entrance.

“And what about the kid?” Frank asked, “Right now, you’re a mess, Johan, the handsome one.”

“I don’t know.” I shook my head lightly, placing the empty glass down and picking up another one, while James kept pouring as I asked.

“Get over it.” James said.

“That might be it. It hurts, man. At first, I thought it would be fine, but it hurts like hell. Why does it hurt so much?” I said, frustrated, leaning back on the sofa feeling drained, letting out a small sigh to push away the turmoil in my chest.

“If you think you love someone, you have to prepare for the pain that comes with it. That’s just how it is, Joe, but for someone like you who never intended to really love anyone, it’s hard, I know. That’s why it’s hitting you so hard.” James said, “But I feel for you, for someone who makes you love them this much, why don’t you even get a chance to try for him?”

“Yeah, the kid is just rejecting me outright, asshole.” Frank chimed in, “But it shows he’s someone who loves genuinely. If he broke up with his girlfriend to date you, one day, if someone else came along with the same intensity, he might leave you for them too.”

“Ha, I wouldn’t break up. No matter what, I won’t break up. If anyone messes with him, I’ll kill them all, fuck.” I said angrily. “Brutal even before you’re dating.” James noted.

“Yeah, just let me date him, I’d do anything, I just want him to be with me.” I said.

“Your case is pretty severe, Joe, I must say.” James said, shaking his head slightly in disgust, “Imagine how you’d be when you’re actually dating. How smitten would you be? You’re almost crazy just from this.”

“Does the kid even realize someone is going crazy over his smile?” Frank remarked.

“But that’s all there is to it, damn.” I muttered again in frustration.

Just as Frank said, does the junior have any idea that there’s someone who’s almost going crazy because of his smile? That person is me. I’m practically living and dying for it every day. I’m addicted to the junior’s smile, I really love it when he smiles. After starting work, I feel tired, but seeing him makes things better. Just hearing him chat with friends, listening to what he’s encountered today, seeing that brightness, he’s like my refuge without even knowing it.

“Sometimes you have to give up, Joe, let go. I’m telling you straight, it doesn’t look like they’ll break up easily. The junior seems to love his girlfriend a lot. If you keep being stubborn like this, you’re the one who’ll suffer. Can you handle the pain? Seriously.”

“I can’t.”

“Then the first thing you need to do is stop going to see the junior.”

“…Yeah.”

♣♣♣

I felt a bit surprised not hearing any sound from the table opposite me because usually when I come to the shop, there’s always someone sitting there. Even though I’ve never seen his face because the partition is too high, and if I were to peek, I’d have to stand on my tiptoes, which wouldn’t look good, but the person who sits there every day, on some days when I stay late and everyone else has left, James doesn’t often come out to watch the front, preferring to stay inside. So it’s just the two of us in the shop, at least I feel comforted knowing there’s someone else because I’m scared of ghosts.

There were several times when he shared snacks with me when I complained about being hungry but was too lazy to go out and buy something. He would pass it through the small gap between the tables. I never dared to initiate a conversation or ask him anything, just thanked him for the snacks. I felt like he didn’t want to talk to me for some reason; maybe he found my whining about hunger annoying, like, “Just shut up already.”

And now, if I have to stay alone tonight, what should I do? Usually by ten or eleven, everyone goes home because this area is far from the city, and people here go to sleep early. Unlike in the city where game shops can stay open till morning and still have customers. James’s shop stays open until the last customer leaves.

I have to wait here until ten because that’s when the junior finishes his evening classes. If you ask why I don’t go home and wait, the answer is I want to play games more, there’s no computer at home, and my mom doesn’t mind, she just tells me to take care of myself and my girlfriend, to be a gentleman and look after her.

Today, the person sitting opposite me didn’t come, huh? I even bought snacks to return the favor, but he hasn’t shown up, it’s almost ten. Is he sick, or has he stopped playing games, or maybe he’s playing at another shop now? Does he find me too loud or is he tired of James’s excessive greed with the high hourly rates?

“North, I’m going to buy some glass noodles salad from the shop next door, you want some?” Tae, sitting next to me, asked. I, still playing, turned towards the voice.

“Yeah, get me one bowl.”

“Add chili and onion?” “Put it in, tell Aunt to put everything in, the pan, spatula, the gas stove.”

“How is she going to put it in?” Tae burst out laughing a bit at my words before he left the game shop to buy glass noodle salad from the store in front, which came in small foam cups for us to eat at the game shop.

Suddenly, the computer I was using turned off. When I tried to turn it back on, I found that the code James had given me was no longer working.

“Hey, Ball. Come check this out.” I called over my other friend to look.

“Did the code get rejected?”

“Yeah, what do I do?”

“Ask the shop owner.”

“Okay.” I said, then looked around for James, but he wasn’t there. He must have gone inside with his friends again. I walked towards the hallway where there was a sign saying, “No Outsiders Allowed.”

What should I do? The computer wasn’t working, and James wouldn’t come out. So, I decided to go in. The first thing that stopped me was the strong smell of cigarettes mixed with loud chatter. Was this some kind of gathering spot? The smell of cigarettes mixed with other unfamiliar odors. What were they doing there?

   “James.” I called out, peeking into the room. James was sitting on the floor playing guitar, with two or three other friends also sitting around in the spacious room.

“North, what are you coming in for, didn’t the board outside say no outsiders?” James turned to say, but I didn’t pay much attention, walking further into the room, scanning around. I’ve been playing games here for so long but had never been inside the shop like this before.

“What are you looking for? He’s not here.”

“What are you talking about, Phii?” I raised an eyebrow in confusion, sitting down next to James. “The friend I told you about who likes you. No need to look for him.” James said. After I had refused him that day, James talked to me a couple more times. I had started to wonder who it was, but James wouldn’t tell me. Oh well, if he won’t tell, then I guess I don’t need to know, “No outsiders, go out.”

“James, what do you mean by outsider? I’ve been here so often it’s almost like my second home, and you’re still calling me an outsider? Why do you have to exclude me?” I said, feigning a slight pout, “And you play guitar too?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Really? I’m learning to play too.” I said excitedly because recently I’ve been practicing guitar myself, with a friend’s guitar.

“Really? Want to learn from me?”

“Sure, sure.” I answered quickly, forgetting the point of why I was even in this room, then took the guitar from the other person. Three more of James’s friends were sitting on the sofa in the corner of the room. It seemed like James had come here to play guitar alone. No, not alone, there were some small items lying opposite him, “Is someone else here?”

“Yeah, a friend of mine, but he went to the bathroom.” James said, “It’s better this way.”

“Why?”

“Never mind, so, how far have you gone with playing?” James asked.

“Just simple chords, my fingers hurt when I play, some chords I can’t even reach.” I said, making a frustrated face.

“Oh, because you have short fingers.”

“James.” I called him out with a disgusted look, James chuckled a bit at my expression, “Not true, I should be able to reach them one day.”

“Why not try playing the ukulele, North? Your fingers will definitely reach those.” “James, why are you so harsh?” I said, making a sour face at him. James started teaching me various chords quickly, then got me to start playing a song.

“What song do you want? What genre do you like?” James asked while looking for the chords.

“Recently, I’ve been into folk music, I’m feeling really down about life.”

“Down about life? You? Why?”

“I don’t know, just feeling down and annoyed with the girlfriend, we’ve been going through a rough patch lately.” I blurted out because it’s something that’s been bothering me recently.

“Tell me more.” James turned to ask with interest immediately, “Hand me the guitar, don’t play yet, tell me first.”

“Why are you so curious?”

“You can call me a nosy bastard if you want, but I want to know, spill it.”

“Oh, James…” I liked that he admitted to being nosy, “I don’t know, we’ve been dating for over two months now, right? When we were just talking and flirting, it wasn’t for long, so I guess we didn’t really know each other’s personalities well. She doesn’t seem very okay with me being around her.”

“Not okay? How so?”

“She doesn’t seem very happy with me by her side. She’s always overthinking, suspecting I might be interested in someone else, starting to become more selfish, like she’s constantly worried. I don’t mind that, but she really doesn’t seem comfortable when I’m with her. We argue sometimes about me coming to the game shop, she tells me to quit playing games, that I’m grown up now.”

“Hey, why treat my regular customers like this? If there’s no you, how would my shop survive? A part of your shop’s profit comes from us, you know.”

“Wow, that really shows how often I come.” I chuckled slightly at James’s words.

“So, what’s next?” “Some days, she says she’s too tired from studying, doesn’t want to see me…which I understand, she’s tired. But if possible, I’d rather be the one to help her feel less tired, like I could be her resting place.”

“Feeling like you’re not needed by her, huh?”

“Guess so, it seems like having me around doesn’t make things better for her at all.” I said, giving a wry smile to the other, “I used to think that if I had a girlfriend…”

“Think what?”

“There’s this one song I absolutely love. I want to share it with someone who feels better just because I’m there. Someone who wants me by their side when they’re tired. No matter what they’ve been through each day, no matter how bad it might be, I will try to help them.”

“…” James went quiet, as if intently waiting to hear what I was saying.

“But with my girlfriend, it’s nothing like that, Phii. It feels like I can’t help her at all, even though I’ve tried everything.” I said softly, “It’s like I’m not meant to be there, like I’m not the person she needs, somehow.”

“…”

“So I just keep thinking, yeah. It would be nice if there was someone who really wanted me to be with them.”

“What song?”

“Huh?”

“The song you mentioned, the one you want to play for that person.”

“Fix You by Coldplay.”

“Oh…that song, yeah, it’s really good, touches on every part, doesn’t it?”

“Exactly, the light will guide you home, and ignite your bones, and I will try to fix you.” I quoted my favorite part, but truthfully, I like every part of the song. From the beginning to the end. That’s why I said if there was someone who felt that way about me, I’d want to dedicate this song to them.

But with Jaja…it’s not like that at all.

   But what can I do? I already love her.

   “Is what you said true? If there’s someone who feels better having you by their side, someone who sees you as a place to rest when they’re tired, would you really want to play this song for them?”

“Yes, of course, and I would do what the song says too, but forget about it. I have a girlfriend now.”

“Hmm, that’s too bad.” James said, letting out a small sigh, “But North, you said it yourself, right? About someone feeling that way.”

“Yes, why?”

“Nothing. If you say that, I bet this song will become someone’s favorite soon.”

And the tears come streaming down your face

   When you lose something you can’t replace

   When you love someone, but it goes to waste

   Could it be worse…?

   Lights will guide you home

   And ignite your bones

   And I will try to fix you

   …

“Someone who feels better because I’m there. Someone who wants me by their side.”

   “Someone who needs me to be with them when they’re tired.”

   “Whatever they face each day, no matter how bad it is, I’ll try to help them…”

   “It’s you, Joe, the person the junior wants to play this song for, it fits you perfectly.” James reiterated, from that evening when I wasn’t in the room because I had gone to the bathroom. When I came back, I saw the junior sitting with James. At first, I thought I’d just ignore it and go sit on the sofa instead, but I was caught by the sentence about having issues with his girlfriend.

“The junior said things aren’t going well with his girlfriend?” Frank asked for clarification.

“I heard that, the junior wants someone who needs him, but his girlfriend doesn’t seem to be like that.”

“Yeah, and here this idiot is, saying he’d cut his feelings off, not go see the junior, it’s been two nights and there’s no improvement.” Frank said, “Now with the junior saying stuff like this, look at you, you’re back to getting drunk again.”

“The junior keeps asking about the person who always sits opposite him, asking if he’s not coming anymore, and now who will keep him company late at night.” James said, “He brings snacks every day, just in case you come back and he can return the favor.”

“Sigh, why ask about it? It’s already hard as hell to get over him, you animal.” I said in frustration, another day where I had to sit and drink like this. During the time I didn’t see him, it wasn’t easy dealing with school, work, feeling tired, wanting to see him, hear his voice, see his smile, and especially today…

If he were by my side, it’d be like the song he mentioned he wanted me to listen to.

   “This song, he didn’t give it to you directly, but look, you’re the person who wants him to be by your side and feels better when he’s there. Wow, it’s clear as day.” James emphasized again, “I feel sorry for you, man, for real.”

“Why?” I asked back.

“You need him by your side, and he needs someone who wants to be with him. You two are like, perfectly matched, but damn, you missed each other by just a step, Joe. Why, man, why, you bastard?” James said angrily, lightly kicking the table.

“James, calm down.” Frank chided, “When it comes to Joe and the kid, it’s just full of ‘whys’, why, why, I’m so over it.”

“And how are you holding up, Joe?” James turned to ask me.

“It’s shit, it’s the worst, especially with this song, I want him by my side even more.” I said, frustrated with myself.

“I think, Joe.” Frank spoke up, “Just go after him and persuade him to have sex with you. For someone like you, you can do it. Or at least talk to his girlfriend a bit, she might break up with him anyway. Trust me.”

“Frank, you asshole.” James turned to scold.

“I’ve thought about it.” I admitted. I really had thought about it. Since I was just late, why don’t I even have the right to try? “But I won’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“If I did that, wouldn’t the one who’d be most hurt be him?”

Because I love his smile so much.

   I don’t want it to go away.

   And so…my first attempt at moving on was a failure.

   The song, “Fix You” by Coldplay.

   When you try your best, but you don’t succeed

   When you get what you want, but not what you need

   When you feel so tired, but you can’t sleep

   Stuck in reverse

   When you’ve tried your hardest, but it doesn’t work out

   When you get what you want, but it’s not what you need

   When you’re utterly exhausted, but you can’t fall asleep

   Stuck with failure

   And the tears come streaming down your face

   When you lose something you can’t replace

   When you love someone, but it goes to waste

   Could it be worse?

   And tears stream down your cheeks

   When you’ve lost something irreplaceable

   When you love someone, but your love is of no value

   Could anything be worse?

   Lights will guide you home

   And ignite your bones

   And I will try to fix you

   The lights will lead you back home

   And ignite the fire within you

   And I will try to mend you

   After that, for nearly a month, my life kept revolving around the same routine: waking up early to meet the junior at the tofu shop before school, meeting him again at the game shop in the evening, and ending the day at the bar. Lately, though, I’ve cut back on the drinking because I have to work with my family.

“Call us sometimes.” James said as we were celebrating my departure to LA, where my dad wanted me to intern with my uncle for about a year. I was supposed to board the plane tomorrow.

“Sure.” I promised.

“Honestly, I think it’s perfect for you to go there. I know you’re not planning to heal or anything, but some distance might do you good.” Rong said, blowing out a cloud of gray smoke.

“Yeah, I agree.” James added, handing me a freshly poured drink, “The LA thing is perfect, did your dad force you?” “Not really.” I answered, “He just wants me to go.”

“Hmm, that’s good.” James said, taking a sip from his glass, “Seriously, I think you should be done with this guy. At first, I thought if you couldn’t move on, you should just keep waiting. But like this, I don’t think you can wait anymore. Not only are you in deep, but it doesn’t look like they’ll break up easily. For all we know, they might not break up at all.”

“Umm.” I responded, then took a cigarette from the pack, placed it between my lips, and lit it with a lighter.

“But I respect you, Joe. While you were waiting for him, you didn’t flirt with anyone else.” Frank said, “From someone who never slept with the same girl twice, to not having sex anyone for months, if I were him, I’d be ecstatic.”

“I don’t know.” I shook my head slightly, “Once I realized I was waiting for him, I didn’t want to mess around with anyone else.”

“If you’re going to wait, then don’t be with anyone else. But if you’re going to move on, then it’s not wrong to be with someone else, right?” James chimed in.

“I don’t want to wait anymore.” I said, taking a drag from my cigarette, feeling the coolness spread through my throat before exhaling a gray cloud, “It hurts, it really hurts like hell.”

If I had to wait, I think I could wait. No matter how long.

   I just need to know how long I’ll have to wait.

   Not this aimless waiting.

   “Just keep waiting. See how serious he is.” James said, cursing in frustration, “He once said he wanted to get married, for real, ask yourself, my friend might die of liver cirrhosis before that happens.”

“Yeah.” I agreed, the cigarette making me feel even more drunk because I’m someone who doesn’t get drunk easily. When I want to get drunk enough to forget everything, I smoke and drink. “Smoke more, you’ll be totally plastered today.” Frank said, “A farewell before heading to LA?”

“Probably.”

“Yeah, give it your all, tomorrow we’ll carry you to the airport ourselves.” James said. I nodded, then raised my glass to drink again, not sure how many times.

“James…” I called out to the person sitting nearby in a low voice, as the room started to blur, indicating I was getting drunk.

“Huh?”

“James, take care of the junior for me.”

“Is that the talk of someone who said he’d let go?”

Going to LA exposed me to many things I’d never encountered before, from studying to working, to new social circles. I enjoyed exploring new places, going out more than I did in Thailand. This was another attempt at moving on for me, and it led me back to my old, less admirable ways before I met the junior.

Yes…for some people, when it’s impossible, it really should just end.

♣♣♣

I looked at the bag of soy milk and Chinese donuts next to me with a sense of disappointment. It was almost time to close up, but the uncle who drove the Ferrari hadn’t come. Usually, he’d come every day, albeit a bit late, so I always saved a set for him.

“Isn’t that uncle coming to our shop anymore?” I asked casually while the shop owner was beside me, packing up other things.

“Help me pack up. He stopped coming because you made it too sweet for him.”

“Really? It wasn’t that sweet. I tasted it.” I said, making a sour face at myself. After that uncle kept saying he didn’t want it sweet, I started to wonder if it was really sweet. I put in less syrup now, and if I don’t add any at all, it wouldn’t taste good. “He hasn’t come for a month now, maybe he’s cheating on us and buying from another shop.” I asked the person beside me.

“Maybe. Did he go to the shop behind the market? He might have found someone who suits him better.”

“What? Why would he cheat like this? I’m so disappointed.” I grumbled in regret, got up to help the shop owner close the shop, and ate the set of soy milk and donuts instead. My school isn’t very strict; we line up for the flag ceremony around 8:30, and since the school is close to the market, I could easily walk to school after closing up.

And after drinking this soy milk, I realized…soy milk with less sugar isn’t tasty at all. Why did he always order it without sugar?

Besides the uncle who used to come every day for soy milk, the person who sat at the opposite table at the game shop has also disappeared again. After being gone for a while, when he came back, I had the chance to return the snacks, but now he’s gone again.

“How’s it going with your girlfriend?” James asked while punching my game shop card, “How many months has it been?”

“Oh, six months, half a year now.” I said, recalling that we had just celebrated our six-month anniversary with dessert. The girls are nice, caring about little things like how many months we’ve been together.

“Everything okay now? You said at first she wasn’t really paying attention to you.”

“Yeah, it’s okay now.” I said truthfully. Me and my girlfriend, we understand each other better now. Everything is going well.

“Really? That’s good.” James smiled and handed me the loyalty card, “What time will you leave today?”

“Ten PM as usual, got to pick up my girlfriend.” I said. “Nice, I’ve got some errands outside today. If everyone else has left by ten, and I’m the last one, please lock up the shop for me.” James requested. As I mentioned, by around ten, everyone else starts leaving. James won’t be here, leaving me alone in the shop for sure.

“How can you be the shop owner like this?” I sighed, “Then I might as well go home. I don’t want to be alone.”

“Hey, North. Come on, just do it. Since you’re free, I’ll give you two hundred.”

“Wow, tempting me with two hundred?”

“Five hundred then.”

“James, I’ll definitely stay until ten.” I grinned widely, accepting the five hundred.

“Same as always. We’ll play on the counter computer instead. Anyone who comes to play, just take their details and give them the code, and make sure to charge correctly.” James reiterated. Besides being a regular customer, I come so often that the owner trusts me to watch the shop.

“Got it. I’ve looked after the shop so often people think I’m the owner now.” I said. Being alone always made me think of the person who used to sit across from me at the table.

It wasn’t until I reached the second semester of eleventh grade, the uncle who drives the Ferrari came back for soy milk. I was quite surprised to see the same Ferrari that hadn’t been around for almost a year parked on the opposite side of the road. Then the uncle walked over to order the unsweetened soy milk as usual, emphasizing several times that he didn’t want it sweet.

“You’ve been gone for a long time, huh?” I teased lightly while scooping soy milk into a bag.

“Oh, the young master was studying abroad.” the uncle said with a smile. “The young master? Ah, you’re buying it for someone else?” I asked, it’s my habit to chat with people, though I’m not sure why. There weren’t any other customers at the moment either, “I thought you were buying it for yourself.”

“No, it’s for the young master. He’s waiting in the car.”

“Ah.” I nodded in understanding. I thought so, with such an expensive car, it must mean they’re very wealthy, “Doesn’t the young master like sweet stuff? I’ve been practicing making it less sweet too, just enough syrup to make it tasty.”

“That’s good. The young master doesn’t like sweet things.”

“And he just came back from abroad?”

“Yes, just the other day.”

“Oh…if that’s the case, welcome back then. Here, I’ll throw in some extra donuts.” I said with a wide smile, adding more donuts to the bag.

“…”

“No need to pay. It’s on me. Please tell your young master that I’m glad to have him back, he’s been gone for so long, why leave without a word? I’ve been saving the last bag for him every day, waiting for him to come back.”

…

“Did he say that?” I asked before glancing at the soy milk and donuts in my hand.

“Yes.”

I sighed slightly while looking out through the car window, thinking all the time that the nearly one year in LA would help me get over the junior. But many times while I was there, I found myself missing him subtly, especially when facing tough situations. I often thought about what he would do, what he would think about this.

I admit, not seeing each other for a long time did make me forget a bit.

But when I saw him again…

“Did you fall off the wagon?” James said as he picked up a donut from the bag to eat, “What’s this, you go to LA for a year, and the first time you see the junior…” “Hearing ‘waiting everyday for you to come back’, that killed my friend.” Frank teased before laughing and grabbing a donut too, “Hey, these are good.”

“Damn, what the hell, all my efforts for a whole year.” I said, sighing again. The junior’s words kept echoing in my head.

“Why leave without a word…waiting everyday for you to come back.”

Damn…

“Take it easy. You’re just confused.” James tried to console, “The junior just sees you as a regular customer.”

“James, you…even I would be swayed, someone you’re super into, you try to let go, but they tell you they’ve been waiting for you every day, it’s disorienting.” Frank said, “Especially at the game shop, the junior’s waiting for you.”

“Fate.” I cursed, not in the best mood.

“It’s good, it’s pitiful, is it the smile or the weed? I’m asking seriously, what has my friend become so addicted to?” James said, “Or did North do something to my friend?”

“Yeah, or maybe the junior did something to me.”

“Hold on, what’s with accusing the junior of doing something when you’re the one who got hooked on him?”

“Isn’t that right, Frank? Damn it.” I cursed in frustration again. James and Frank exchanged a brief look before both sighed.

“I bet you’re stuck in the same loop.” James said.

 

   NORTH HOW MUCH IS YOUR LOVE CHAPTERS HOME

NORTHHOWMUCHISYOURLOVE, Chapter 24 part 2

“What?” I said, confused.

“What do you think about this, North? I’m ready to write it down, considering you work to support yourself through school.” Palm asked, pen ready to note down my thoughts. Why choose such a headache-inducing topic?

“What topic are we even on? Hold on, there’s too much going on.” I swore as I got killed in the game, and after a while, that game round ended.

“So, let’s focus on the point about people who are rich because of their parents not being considered rich.”

“Oh.” I paused for a moment, “What would you call it if not rich? Does wealth count by the amount of money or not? It’s not about whether you earned it yourself. If I won the lottery and got ten million, would they say I’m not rich because I didn’t earn it? But I’d have ten million, man.”

“Okay, got it.” Palm nodded in understanding and jotted it down before looking up to continue, “And about being born rich, from a wealthy family, where you don’t have to do anything.”

“What am I supposed to do about that?” I said, picturing it, “I’m rich, what should I do? Should I cut ties with my parents and go wash dishes to support myself? That’s crazy. What parents would want their child to suffer? If they have money, they want their children to spend it.”

“North, calm down, why do you sound so passionate?”

“I am passionate, especially about money stuff, I’m super passionate.” I admitted, laughing at myself, “So, what do you want me to do? I’m rich, you know?” I said, still laughing, “Man, I get passionate about this stuff so easily. I wish I could say stuff like this in real life.”

“Yeah, I get it now. You get into it way too easily.” the person next to me laughed again, though not too loudly because there were others around, “So, about not having to do anything because you’re born into wealth?”

“What should they do then? What do you want them to do?” I countered.

“Yeah, I don’t know about that one.”

“Just saying ‘rich kids’ makes it sound bad, but they’re people too, right? Everyone has asked their parents for money at some point. You’ve asked, I’ve asked sometimes too, and my money runs out mid-month, it’s sad.”

“But when you’re born into a wealthy family, it’s already comfortable. You don’t really have to do anything, you don’t even need to study, don’t need to work, right?” Palm raised an eyebrow.

“Um, that’s true, but being born rich doesn’t mean they lack ability.”

“…”

“We use the term ‘your parents are rich’, and we overlook a lot of things. They might have their own pressures, pressures that we don’t understand. Being rich means they have social expectations, right? Not to mention the comparisons. Life isn’t easy no matter what. They might be trying hard but no one notices, which can be really discouraging.”

“North, you’re giving me chills.”

“Why…did I say something good?”

“No, I just feel like I need to go to the bathroom.”

“You’re a bastard, always with crude jokes.” I said before letting out a small laugh, “So, any more questions? Hurry up, I want to continue my game.”

“There’s one more. What about people who just keep using their parents’ money without caring about anything else, spending it until they die or something like that?” Palm looked down at the report again, reading the question.

“Honestly, I think that’s their business. But are they really okay with living like that?”

“And if they are?”

“Then it’s fine, they should just keep doing it.”

“Don’t you ever think the world is unfair? Like, being born rich means you’re born successful. People like you work so hard.”

“The world has never been fair, has it? What are you going to do about it? Just keep complaining without doing anything, cursing the rich won’t make you rich. It’s annoying.” I said, before diving back into my game. I was starting to get a headache. Why did Palm choose such a hard topic? “If the world isn’t fair, we just have to try harder.”

“So that’s why you work part-time jobs?”

“Partly, but honestly, I just wanted to help my family a bit. Using money you earned yourself feels much prouder, you know? Deep down, it feels better than, say, those rich kids you mentioned. If they want to use their parents’ money until they die, it’s not wrong, it’s their right, but deep down, don’t they feel a bit worthless? Do they really feel okay being looked down upon like that all the time?”

“…”

“Why not improve your life even more when you’ve already got a good start? From rich to super-rich, so rich that those who love to gossip and envy you drop dead, slap them with your own money, is there a problem with that? Slap them with a wad of thousand-baht notes, make their head burst.”

“Damn, slap them with banknotes until their head bursts, how big should that wad be?”

“Exactly, but I think it would be damn satisfying, really. Look down on me, huh? I’m rich, so what? This is my money. Keep talking, I’ll buy the world and kick you out to Mars, so you’ll know what the power of money is like,” I said.

“Damn, that’s brutal, man, I’m scared now.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty damn cool,” I said, holding back laughter along with the person sitting next to me.

♣♣♣

The words of that soybean milk kid kept spinning in my mind, even though hours had passed. I was out for my usual night out, the music in the bar was loud, along with the noise of the crowd. I held a cigarette in one hand, bringing it to my lips again, inhaling and then blowing out the gray smoke.

“But being a rich kid doesn’t mean they have no skills at all…”

   “They might try hard, but no one sees it until they give up.”

   “The world has never been fair, has it? If the world isn’t fair, we have to try harder.”

   Those many phrases echoed in my mind like someone was replaying a tape…The world really isn’t fair, but all we can do is try harder. But the idea of effort never crossed my mind. I’m already rich, after all. Everything seems so easy, I could live like this until I die.

“If they want to use their parents’ money until they die, it’s not wrong, it’s their right, but deep down, don’t they feel worthless? Do they really feel okay being looked down upon like that all the time?”

Yes…deep down, I’m not that happy with who I am, because of the words saying that without my parents’ money, what would be left of me? The answer is nothing.

No one is okay with being looked down upon like this all the time.

“Why not improve your life even more when you’ve already got a good start?”

   “Using money you earned yourself feels much prouder, you know?”

   That’s right, that kid earned his money by himself, even though he’s younger than me. Not from a well-off family, but why does he think like that?

“Joe.”

“Hmm?”

“What are you zoning out about?” James asked as he set his drink down, moving his other hand to wrap around the waist of a woman sitting nearby. “Which girl are you eyeing tonight?”

“Nah, I think I’ll head home.” I said, putting out my cigarette in the ashtray with a sigh, feeling quite bored. The conversation with that kid had been stuck in my head all evening, making it a less than fun night.

“Oh, leaving us just like that?”

“Sorry, see you later.”

“Sure, sure.” I walked out of the game shop, got into my favorite car, and drove home before midnight. Grandma would surely be surprised to see me back so early. My mind was still replaying those words.

Damn, it’s so irritating.

“James, do you remember that kid who sells soy milk?” I asked James while we were at school during lunch break. That kid had kept me up almost all night with too much thinking.

“Yeah, I remember him, but you, you don’t. Why?”

“Tell me about him.”

“You mean…North, right?”

“His name is North?” I raised an eyebrow, questioning.

“Yeah, North is a cute kid, lives near our place, Joe. Why don’t you know him? You drink his soy milk every day.”

“The soy milk that makes Joe here wants to go inject himself with insulin.” Frank interjected, “I didn’t think it was sweet.”

“It is sweet.” I argued, “Continue, James.”

“Why the interest?”

“No reason, just heard him talking to a friend yesterday.”

“Ah, got his heart, huh? I figured. Too bad you were there to hear it, it was clearly about you.” James said, chuckling a little, “I felt a bit choked up for him, but he was right, wasn’t he?”

“If it didn’t hit you in the heart, you wouldn’t think this way, right, Joe?” James asked again, making me sigh slightly, “Seriously, that kid is completely different from you, polar opposites. I heard his dad passed away a long time ago. He lives with his mom and aunt, I guess, because his family isn’t wealthy, so he does parttime work too.”

“Really?” Frank raised an eyebrow in surprise, “He’s in high school, right?” “He’s been working since middle school.” James said, “Now look at you, Joe, born into a rich family but doing absolutely nothing, you’re the opposite.”

“Yeah, damn it.” I cursed in frustration.

“Oh, now you’re irritated.” Frank teased slightly.

“North is an optimist, he’s super laid back, so much so that anyone around him feels at ease.” James said, “He’s also very understanding.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

♣♣♣

“Today, can I go stay over at a friend’s house?” I said cheerfully into the phone, talking to my mom about not coming home tonight because tomorrow was Saturday, and I was still playing games at the shop.

“What about your homework?”

(What work?)

   “Group project, need to help Te and Ball with it.”

(Okay, okay, what time will you be back? Should I pick you up?)

   “Not sure yet, but North can get back on his own.”

(Okay, son.)

   “Yes, mom.”

♣♣♣

“Is that really okay, North? If your mom finds out, you’re in big trouble.” Tae, who was sitting next to me, said with a worried look. These guys knew well how strict my mother could be.

“It’s fine, I’m at your place for a group project, right?”

“But the work is already done.” “Yeah, but I really want to play this game all night, can’t do that at home.” because I don’t have a computer, T^T, and so me and my two friends, Tae and Ball, stayed at the shop playing games late into the night.

My girlfriend was stuck reading books. Normally we don’t talk much because she’s quite the bookworm, and I’m not complaining; I let her read while I play games with my friends.

After more than an hour, suddenly the door to the game shop opened with a loud bang. A woman stood at the doorway, looking extremely angry, holding a stick of star gooseberry in her hand.

Mom…

Damn.

She’s here.

“Mom…” I called out to the person walking in with a mix of fear and apprehension, swallowing hard, feeling a chill run down my spine from the weapon in her hand. My knees felt weak.

“North, oh shit, what do we do, we’re all dead.” Ball nudged me, his voice trembling as well.

“Start praying.” I whispered, feeling terrified, oh no, T^T.

“North!! Didn’t you say you were doing group work? Tae! Ball!”

“Yes, ma’am!” my two friends responded immediately.

“I’ve already called your parents, they’ll be here to pick you up soon.” my mother said kindly to my two friends, though her voice was cold enough to freeze hearts. Their faces turned pale instantly – they had lied to their parents too about group work, “As for you North…”

“Yes…ma’am.” “Come here!” “Ouch, ouch, Mom, don’t pull, Mom.” I cried out loudly when she yanked my ear to make me stand up. Thank goodness the shop was empty late at night. I glanced over to see James watching with amusement, what’s so funny, Phii? T^T

“Were you lying? Huh!”

“Ouch!” I yelled when the gooseberry stick struck me. Why does she hit so hard? It hurt so much, T^T, and then she struck several more times.

“Group work? Lying to your mother now? I never minded your gaming, but to not even come home, do you know how worried people at home were? Don’t be so reckless!”

“Ouch, ow, it hurts, Mom, please don’t hit me, it really hurts, I promise I won’t do it again.” I begged for mercy, but to no avail. The gooseberry stick came down again, this time it broke.

Tears are flowing now…it hurts so much that tears are coming out.

And so, the tears of this grown boy just came out, T^T

“Sniff, Mom, it hurts.” Since the tears were already flowing, I just went ahead and cried, hoping my mom would feel sorry for me.

“Why are you crying!”

“Ouch!”

“Are you a man or not! Hold it in, the more you cry, the more I’ll hit you!”

“Ouch! Mom!”

“What, why are you calling me?”

“Uh, I love you, ouch!”

“Don’t try to cover it up with ‘I love you’, the old tricks don’t work anymore!”

“Ouch!”

I watched the scene before me in astonishment because it was late, and I was planning to go out to a club, having spent the whole day in James’s shop. But when I stepped out and stopped at the corner of the stairs, I heard a commotion. What’s going on?

Did someone;s mom come to take their kid back home?

I saw the soybean milk-selling kid being hit by a woman who I assumed was his mother. He probably stayed out late playing games and didn’t go home. James, who was with us, seemed to find it amusing.

Good grief.

If my mom came looking for me while I was out, I wouldn’t be too happy about it either. That kid must feel the same, getting hit in front of friends like that – isn’t it embarrassing?

“Uh, Mom, if you hit me too hard, you’ll complain about your hand hurting again.”

“Oh dear, this is love. If not, I wouldn’t care, my hand is all red now.”

“See, I have realized my mistake, let’s go eat something nice instead, so you’ll be in a good mood, right?”

Why is he still in such a good mood? What James said about him being easygoing might be an understatement; isn’t he even a little angry or upset?

“I understand you’re worried, I apologize. I promise I won’t do it again, okay?” I said, making a cute pleading face to appease my mother, hoping she’d stop being angry. Eventually, she couldn’t help but laugh.

“There you go, you’re smiling now, right? Let’s go get something to eat instead, let’s go.” I said my goodbyes to my friends and walked out awkwardly due to the pain from the beating.

Even after being punished like that, why wasn’t I angry? Because I understood she was worried, right? If that’s the case, then maybe James was right when he said being with someone like North would make you feel at ease. ♣♣♣ Just hearing a few words from him…

   Words like, ‘doesn’t mean they don’t have any ability at all.’ I don’t know, it was something no one had ever said to me before. Because all my life I’ve only heard things like, ‘You were born rich, you don’t need to do anything.’

   Those few sentences from that day made me rethink things over and over until I decided…I wanted to try doing something on my own.

   And that was the small spark that made me start taking an interest in him.

   The first thing that surprised me was…

   Why does this person look so bright and cheerful? Can someone really have this much positive energy? He smiles a lot, whether he’s selling soy milk, at the game shop, or just talking to others.

   And I found myself getting more and more addicted to that smile.

   “Joe, aren’t you going out to the club anymore? I hardly see you.” a girl from my school walked up to ask, wearing her school uniform, “Do you know that I miss you?”

“Oh, I still go out. Haven’t you seen me?”

“Go to club my ass, Joe.” James chimed in, “You haven’t been out for days, didn’t you notice?”

“Really?” I raised an eyebrow at the other, “Do you really miss me?” I then turned to ask the same girl.

“Yes, I miss you a lot.”

“Then we’ll meet up later, okay?”

“Uhmm, call me, I’ll be waiting.” She whispered softly into my ear, giving a sweet smile before walking away. She had a nice smile, but it didn’t compare to his.

“Joe, seriously, what’s up with you?” Frank asked with a serious tone, “You haven’t been going out for days now, is something wrong?”

“Yeah, I was going to ask the same. Usually, you go out every day, but since last week came around, you’ve just been playing games at my shop and then going straight home.” James added.

“I don’t know, I’m just bored.” I said, expressing how I felt, “No matter how beautiful the women are, I start to feel bored with all of them.”

“The saturation point of a playboy, huh?” Frank asked.

“Probably, I need a break.” I said.

“Sure, do whatever you feel like.” James said, shaking his head slightly in disgust. Yeah…I kind of don’t understand myself either. It’s boring, everything is just boring. No matter how beautiful, sexy, or cute a woman is, I’m bored with it all. Maybe I’ve reached the saturation point as Frank mentioned.

But there’s someone’s smile that makes me want to see it every day. No matter how much I look at it, it’s never enough, to the point where I want to buy it just so I can look at it alone.

I don’t really understand myself right now either, but sitting at the corner table of the shop playing games has become my daily evening ritual, just to see that one smile, to listen to what the junior talks about with friends. I don’t know why I’m so drawn to one person’s laughter, and to see the same person selling soymilk from the cart in front of the market every morning, smiling at everyone who comes to buy, no matter how tired he might be.

But I still wonder when this junior will understand the phrase, ‘no sugar’, for once.

“James.” I called out while the three of us were sitting in the innermost room of the game shop. The shop wasn’t crowded yet since it was still daytime.

“What’s up?” “I’ve got a question for both of you.” I said, turning towards Frank. “Sure, go ahead.” “If I like someone, but they’ve never done anything for me, would that be weird?” My question made the other two look at each other in surprise immediately.

“Huh, what kind of question is that? It’s not weird, why? Who do you like?” James said.

“Really? Someone like you, Joe?” Frank asked, with a look of disbelief.

“Why, what’s wrong with someone like me?” I asked back.

“What the hell.” Frank said, “And then what? Who do you like? Do you really like them?”

“I don’t know, but I know I like them. Not sure if it’s serious or not.” I said it according to my feelings. It’s a-like, but I’m not sure if it’s serious, because I’ve never been serious with anyone. I don’t even understand what ‘serious’ means.

“Who is it?”

“It’s the kid.” I answered.

“The kid? Oh, the one who sits opposite you at my shop all the time, I thought so, I’ve seen you looking often.” James said, “I was wondering, so in the end, you’ve fallen for him.”

“Nong North, huh?” Frank raised an eyebrow. I nodded in confirmation, “Well, that’s good. If you like him, just say it, be straightforward.”

“And why do you like him?” James asked.

“I’m not sure myself, that’s why I asked if it’s strange. Liking someone who hasn’t done anything for me.”

No, saying he hasn’t done anything for me isn’t entirely accurate. If I say he’s like a motivational force that makes me want to change myself, that wouldn’t be too strange, I guess.

   As for North, he’s just being himself…and that’s why I like him even more.

   “It’s not strange. What do you expect him to do for you, jump in front of a bullet like in a drama? That’s foolish, this is real life. You don’t need a reason to love someone, you just do, right?”

“Yeah.”

“And how do you like him, explain it.”

“Well, I like him. I want to see him smile, want to keep it for myself, don’t want him to be cute for others to see, damn, I want to buy him and keep him at home just for me.”

“That’s not just liking, Joe, that’s being smitten, you animal.”

“Yeah, he’s the one who makes me feel like I want to stop fucking around, the first person who made me feel this way.”

“So that’s why you’ve been going out less lately.”

“Probably, something like that.” I answered.

“Would you call this being serious, Joe?” James furrowed his brow, “But for someone like you, who’s never been serious with anyone, this must feel unsettling.”

“It does.” I said.

It felt like I was losing my balance more and more, to the point where I didn’t feel like myself, constantly thinking about how great it would be if he was by my side. But another part of me wondered if someone like me could take care of him.

“I think.” James started, with a slight smirk.

♣♣♣

“North.” I turned around at the call from behind to find James calling my name before he sat down in the chair next to me. Today, I was back at the same game shop. Although the hourly rate is a bit expensive, the system where you can accumulate points for free play is great. I’ve been getting a lot of free hours lately. “Yes?” “I’ve got something to ask.”

“Oh, sure, what is it?” I turned my attention to the person beside me immediately, wondering what was on his mind.

“Well, one of my friends really likes you.”

“Huh?” I raised an eyebrow, surprised by his words, “Yes, and then?”

“Honestly, he probably wanted to tell you himself, but I thought I’d ask first. Do you have anyone special yet?” James asked. Who could it be? One of James’s friends likes me? I don’t even know any of his friends.

“Oh…I have a girlfriend now, sorry about that.”

“…” James looked stunned for a moment, “Really? You have a girlfriend now? Seriously? Why didn’t I know about this? You’ve always said you were single.”

“We just started dating yesterday.” I said, offering him a shy smile.

“Damn it.” James muttered softly while holding his forehead, “My friend really likes you, you know. At first, he said he wanted to court you himself, but I said I could definitely talk to you, so I took the initiative.”

“Oh…but I have a girlfriend now.”

“Hey, seriously, when are you going to break up?”

“James, that’s not nice.” I said, making a sour face at the person beside me, “We just started dating yesterday, why would we break up?”

“Just break up, trust me, my friend is way better.”

“What? That doesn’t matter. I have a girlfriend now.” I reiterated, noticing how James seemed uneasy. Would his friend be very disappointed?

“I’m sorry.” I apologized again.

“North, my friend is really rich, super handsome, perfect in every way.”

“James, what’s this? Are you trying to persuade me?”

“Yes, I’m cheering for my friend. Why not give it a chance?” “But I already have a girlfriend. Talking to someone else would be cheating, and I wouldn’t do that.” I said, shaking my head slightly in refusal, “I’m not the type to cheat on my girlfriend.”

“What’s her name?”

“Her name is Jaja, why do you ask?”

“My friend might love North more than this someone named Jaja does. He might take better care of you. If you close yourself off like this, you might miss out on someone who loves you more, don’t you think? Won’t you give it a chance?”

“Uh…” I was silent for a moment, swallowing hard. I get what James is saying, but still…”Even if that’s the case, he’s come at the wrong time, I guess. Maybe he’s the right person, but at the wrong time.”

“Wow, North, when you talk like that, it breaks my heart. My friend is quite the playboy, but he’s thinking about stopping for you.”

“Really?” I said softly. If what James is saying is true, then that guy must really like me, right?

“…”

“But…he’s still too late.”

“…”

“I’m sorry.”

 

   NORTH HOW MUCH IS YOUR LOVE CHAPTERS HOME

NORTHHOWMUCHISYOURLOVE, Chapter 24 part 1

   Chapter 24: The Other Side

   About three years ago…

   “Umm, ah…” The sound of moaning from the person in front of me ceased. I slowly withdrew, pulling off the condom and tossing it into the trash bin beside the bed, then got up and walked into the bathroom to clean myself up before returning to the bed in just my pants.

I glanced at the beautiful, fair-skinned woman lying on the bed without any clothes, her face flushed and breathing heavily from our earlier activity. “Joe…” She called out softly, then propped herself up and hugged me from behind. “That was amazing, it was really good just now.”

“Was it? Want another round?” I asked, turning to look into her eyes. She looked back for a moment before averting her gaze.

“Don’t look at me like that, I’m embarrassed.” She said with a slight embarrassed look, then let go of the hug and sat next to me on the bed instead. She looked at me with a flirtatious gaze, her hand touching my chest and slowly running down to my stomach.

“God, you have an insane body.”

I didn’t reply, just gave a small smile, then picked up a cigarette from the pack, placed it in my mouth, and lit it with a lighter, inhaling deeply until I felt the coolness in my throat, then exhaled the grey smoke.

“Smoking again.”

“Don’t like it?”

“No, not at all. As long as it’s you, I like everything.” She said with an embarrassed smile, but I felt nothing for her words or her actions. I took out my phone to check the time, seeing it was almost 2 AM, and there were several messages from different people.

I thought about replying to the messages first, but had to put the phone down when she moved closer.

“Who were you talking to?”

“No one.” I said, placing the phone down beside me.

“Hmm, really?” She said in a low voice, making a slight pout, “Johan.” calling my name again, before looking up, her eyes fixed on my face.

“Hmm.”

“You’re so handsome, whose boyfriend are you?” She touched my cheek softly and caressed it, “Am I the only one?” “Indeed, what do you think?” I said half-jokingly, then lifted my hand to gently remove hers from my face.

“That’s right, so can it just be me? Can you break up with the others?” The slender, naked figure leaned into me for another hug, trying to be coy.

It’s not just her; every woman who gets involved with me knows I’m not serious with anyone, yet they still choose to come to me. Some think they can stop me, others come for different reasons, but I don’t care, as long as I can have fun day by day.

“So, what do you want to do?” I asked, before she moved to straddle my lap, wrapping her arms around my neck, her seductive gaze and smile something I’ve seen so often it’s almost tedious. The person on my lap shifted slightly, the light scent of perfume wafting up, “Perfume?”

“Yes, new Gucci scent, do you like it?”

“I do like it, but I prefer your natural scent. Next time, no need to wear any.” I said, my words making her smile broadly with satisfaction.

Not really…

Because the perfume would stick to me, and others would smell it too.

“Do you really like it? Then I’ll go take a shower.” She said, leaning in to whisper in my ear, “We can go for another round.”

I gave a slight, amused twitch of a smile at her words.

But now…I’m getting bored.

“We need to leave soon.”

“Aw, why?”

“I’ll go ahead.” I said, moving my hands to her waist to lift her off my lap, despite the touch of her soft, bare skin. I saw her pristine, unclothed body, but I felt no desire anymore; after just a few encounters with the same person, I get bored.

“Wait, no!” “Kiss me, please. Ever since we’ve been together, all we do is have sex. We’ve never kissed.” She said, making a pleading face again, leaning in close, her lips lightly touching mine, but I didn’t reciprocate.

“I don’t like kissing, sorry.” I said, gently pushing her away, standing up and putting my shirt on, leaving her alone on the bed with a disappointed look. Yes…I don’t kiss my sexual partners.

And I’ve never kissed anyone before.

I can’t even imagine…if I would ever kiss someone out of love.

“Joe, are you really leaving?”

“Yeah, I have to go. See you later.” I said, heading towards the door. This room was in a hotel that I had rented, and I paid for it. It’s more accurate to call it a love hotel, one where they don’t check your age in the tourist area. As long as you have money to pay, it’s fine. She can check-out herself in the morning.

“Wait…just a second.” She quickly put on a robe and followed me, grabbing my arm, “Joe, tell me you love me, before you go, can you? You’ve never said you love me since we’ve been together.”

“Sure.”

“…” She looked like she was waiting for my words.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Joe.” She said, smiling happily. I patted her head lightly before leaving the room. Those ‘I love you’s when I don’t actually love…I’ve said them countless times, as long as they want me to say it.

Even though I know deep down it’s all lies…

“Johan is so lucky, born with everything, handsome, rich, living a luxurious life without needing to do anything.”

   “With that much money, who wouldn’t like it? Plus, he’s incredibly good-looking, any woman would want him, it’s only natural. Who doesn’t like rich people?”

   “I’m jealous, seriously, he doesn’t even need to study. The money his parents make now could last him lifetimes. If I were him, I wouldn’t study either.”

   “Born rich, that’s the good life, huh. Doesn’t have to do anything, born into comfort with money to spare.”

   Hah…idiots.

I cursed under my breath in frustration, exhaling cigarette smoke to ease the irritation inside. At this late hour, the annoying words of people often resurface in my mind, even when I try not to think about anything.

And it always manages to piss me off.

What made it even more irritating was that what they said was true.

I was born into a family that could be described as well-off, involved in electronics businesses and many other ventures. From birth to adulthood, everyone treated me like I was special because I was the only son of the owner of one of the nation’s largest companies.

“It’s because of your good looks and money, so how can you tell who’s really serious about you if you had nothing left? Just see who would still like you.”

The words of a childhood friend echoed in my mind as I stepped into my car, started it, and drove back home.

Am I not thinking straight?

If you had nothing, who would like you?

I’m not a womanizer because I think like that, you know, like ‘no one takes me seriously, so I don’t have to take anyone seriously either.’

No, I’m a womanizer purely because that’s my nature.

I’ve never been serious about it when someone says they like me because of my money or looks. It’s not strange for people to like someone for such reasons.

I parked the car at the large house’s driveway, my grandmother’s home, who owns all the land around here. I moved in with her since high school because my parents rarely had time. This kind of neighborhood is quite peaceful, but the downside is that the school I attend is far away, and so are the places to hang out.

I went up to my room, took a shower, and then flopped onto my bed. Tomorrow I’d have to go to school again…oh well.

“Young Master…Young Master, it’s time to wake up.” I was roused by the voice of the butler uncle, waking me up. It was late again, wasn’t it? I quickly got dressed into my not-so-neat school uniform, didn’t tuck in my shirt, and my socks and shoes were out of regulation, but who cares?

“You’re late again.” Grandma said as she walked me to the car.

“But you, you look beautiful again.” I teased a bit before going in for a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

“Always flattering, you little charmer.” Grandma said, gently pinching my cheek. “Now hurry up. You never have time for breakfast. Rong, make sure to buy food for Joe as usual.”

“Yes.” Uncle Rong nodded. I looked at him with a slight annoyance.

“Can’t I drive myself for once?”

“No, later in the evening, if you go out, make sure to come back for dinner before going out at night, understand?” Grandma said with the same old phrase. Uncle Rong drives me to and from school because if I drive myself, I’ll sneak out and not come back for dinner at home.

At the very least, I have to come home for dinner, then I can go out wherever I want. Grandma is very indulgent with me; she never opposes me, especially not about money.

I sat in the back seat of the car while Uncle Rong drove past the market in front of the village before stopping.

“Can’t we not eat that?” I asked, irritated, glancing outside. This car has tinted windows, so people outside can’t see in. “No, Young Master, Khunying has instructed.” Uncle Rong replied.

“Don’t let that kid make my milk again.”

“That would be rude. We can’t choose who makes it.”

“Then tell him I don’t want it sweet.” I reiterated a phrase I’ve said countless times.

“Yes.” Uncle Rong agreed before closing the car door and heading to buy soy milk from the market stall. Since I always wake up late and miss breakfast, Grandma usually tells Uncle Rong to stop for soy milk for my morning meal, saying it’s good for health.

Really?

I might die of diabetes at this rate.

I sighed while glancing out, the old man selling it does a good job, but that kid makes it ridiculously sweet. No matter how many times I say I don’t want it sweet, every bag is sweet.

After a while, Uncle Rong returned with soy milk and Chinese donuts in hand. I reached out to take them.

Sweet…

Again.

I frowned at the overly sweet taste filling my mouth. I don’t like sweet things, especially something this sweet, but I have to drink it every morning. What a fate.

“Why did that kid make it again?” I grumbled slightly.

“I can’t tell him not to make it, that’s not right, Young Master. He’s quite nice. He even threw in extra donuts.” Uncle Rong said before starting the car, “I guess he remembers that I come every day. He really pays attention to his customers.”

“It would be even better if he paid attention to my blood sugar levels too.” I said with a sigh. “How should one feel when a friend steps out of a Ferrari, but he’s carrying a bag of soy milk to drink at school every day?” ‘James’ , one of my friends, came over to greet me as I got out of the car in front of the school, because I hadn’t finished it, so I had to bring it to school to continue eating.

“Why not? Can’t I drink it?”

“Are you that fond of the soy milk vendor? Why do you have to drink it every day?”

“No, but I have to drink it, don’t I? Where else can I choose from?” I grumbled.

“It’s not that sweet, right? From what I tasted when I tried it last time, it was delicious.” James said.

“It’s insanely sweet. I have to take insulin after drinking it.” I sighed, then tossed the empty soy milk and doughnut bags into the trash, walking into school with James.

“But the one who sells it, do you remember him? The senior who often comes to my shop.” James asked. He runs a game shop near my neighborhood, but the school I’m at is really far from the neighborhood, though it’s better than the schools closer to home.

“I didn’t.”

“You drink him soy milk every day and still can’t remember?”

“Do I have to remember?” I turned to ask the person beside me.

“You can’t even remember the name of the girl you slept with last night, can you?” James teased. I didn’t argue because I really couldn’t remember. “I’ve got something new. Want to try it out?”

“Really? From where?”

“From England.”

“Have you tried it?”

“It’s top-notch.” James said. “Sounds good, let’s go this afternoon.” I agreed. As I mentioned, I’m not that good of a person; drinking, chasing girls, and other not-so-great things. James and Rong are the same. This ‘new thing’ he’s talking about is a vape from overseas.

“You two.” a voice called out from behind, making us both turn around immediately. It was the discipline teacher we’ve encountered often enough to recognize, “Your shoes are against the dress code, why isn’t your hair in the proper style, why isn’t your shirt tucked in properly, and your socks are too short again.”

“Oh, come on, teacher, it’s just these things.” James said with the mischievous tone we often use when dealing with strict teachers. We’ve been caught so many times it’s practically routine.

“Who told you to wear sneakers to school? Inside the Nike ones, limited edition or not, the teacher will confiscate them all. It’s against school rules. How many times do I have to say this? You three are the worst.”

“But there’s only two of us here.” I said, “Did you see anyone else besides us?” Then I looked around the room, feigning ignorance, which only made the teacher angrier.

“I meant your friend Frank too, you three are the most frequent violators of the school rules.” the teacher said with a displeased look, “Go to the disciplinary room now.”

“Wow, this is easy.” I said, “Better to sit in the cool air-conditioned room than to study, huh, James? We don’t have to go to class.”

“Yeah, that’s right, I agree, Joe, right? We can even go get some coffee from the teacher’s room. Teacher Sukontha’s coffee is the best. Last time, I snuck in to make some.”

“Hey, you all!”

“Oh, but you told us to go to the disciplinary room.” I questioned, “Or do you want us to go back to class?” “Oh, my head hurts, just come during lunch break then, go line up for the flag ceremony now.” the teacher said, exasperated, before leaving. Me and James exchanged a small laugh before heading to the lineup.

At lunch break, me and my two friends headed to the school gate, planning to sneak out.

“The teacher was really annoyed, why didn’t we go when we were supposed to?” James said.

“We’ll go apologize later, teacher.” I said before throwing my backpack over the fence, then climbing over with the other two following. It didn’t take long before we were outside the school.

“Are we going to your shop, James?” Frank asked while starting the car. I and James were sitting inside.

“Yes.”

“Did you get new stuff? That was quick.”

“Just the usual, VIP customers get first dibs.” James said proudly, raising his eyebrows. We then headed back to James’s game shop, where a friend was helping to open it for us. We entered through the front, which was just an ordinary game shop, but further inside was our hangout spot, with a sign that said ‘No Outsiders Allowed.’

We often hung out here when we had nowhere else to go; bars and other entertainment spots aren’t open during the day. If you ask why we don’t stay in school, I’d just say we’re bored of it. And it’s not just us; many of our friends like coming here too.

“Hey, what’s up?” a friend from another class greeted us as we walked in, “Joe, heard you were out with a kid yesterday?”

“I don’t know, not really a kid anymore, I guess.” I said, slumping down on the sofa. “How was it? Give us a review.”

“She’s not that bad.” I said, taking the vape from James, “She’s sweet like animal feed, but smooth.” I added after trying the new vape that James recommended.

“Not that bad, really? That’s the school star of the girls’ school, man.”

“Well, it’s not that bad, even when she was on top, I wasn’t in the mood.” I admitted my thoughts. Everything about my words, actions, and thoughts clearly shows I’m really a bit of a jerk, and people with similar attitudes tend to stick together like all of us here.

Living life for daily fun without caring about tomorrow, doing whatever we want, everything we desire can be bought with money.

Yes…no need to try hard at anything.

Just being born rich already judges you.

My phone rang, and I saw it was my dad calling. I let out a small sigh at the sight of the caller ID before stepping away to answer the call, still holding the vape in my other hand.

(Johan)

   “What?”

(Skipping school again? The teacher called to complain.)

   “Oh, right, then why ask?” I grumbled back, then took another drag from the vape.

(Why aren’t you attending classes?)

   “I’m lazy.”

(When will you stop acting like this? I won’t say anything if you don’t want to study, come work with me then. Don’t just spend your days drinking, smoking, and chasing women. You’re smoking right now, aren’t you?)

   “…” (I’ve never minded you spending money, you can spend however much you want, but don’t just waste your days like this, can you?)

   “…”

(Stop acting like a loser.)

   “How many times have you said that now? Aren’t you tired of it?”

(Of course I’m tired, I’m tired of nagging.)

   “Then stop nagging. I’m hanging up now.”

(Hold on, Joe, I still want to talk to you about…)

   I hung up, not in the best of moods, the same old words my father keeps pouring into my ears almost every day when we’re in the same house. Now that I’ve moved in with Grandma, he still calls to say the same things. Why does it have to be so annoying?

Is he allergic to dogs or something?

Hah, and so what?

I walked back inside just as James was coming out of the room.

“Did your dad call again?” James raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah.”

“Let’s go play some games to cheer up, shall we? I’m about to go watch the shop, it’ll get busy when school lets out.” the other suggested. I nodded slightly before heading outside.

♣♣♣

I rode my motorbike to the front of the tutoring school and parked. When the bike stopped, the person riding behind me slowly got off, glancing back at me.

“I’ll go up first, remember to pick me up at half past six, okay?”

“Sure.” I smiled in acknowledgment, watching Jaja walk into the tutoring school. Jaja is the only girl I’m currently talking to, or rather, trying to court, but we’re not dating yet. I had about two and a half hours to kill before she was done, and the usual place I go to pass the time is James’s game shop.

“You’re late today, North.” James remarked when I walked into the shop.

“I had some errands.” I said, “I’ve completed my hours, right, James? You said after I play for a certain amount, I get two free hours.” I handed over the game time card. James is a senior to me by one year, we go to different schools, and his school is supposedly very posh with high tuition fees.

“You’re a regular customer now.” James teased a bit before looking at the card, “Ah, okay, free play for two hours, same table as usual?” I nodded. I like sitting at the table in the corner; the place is very spacious, and each table has its own partition, offering a lot of privacy.

I took the activation code and sat down at my usual spot.

The smell of cigarettes…

I frowned slightly at the faint smell of cigarettes drifting from the person at the table opposite mine, definitely. The partition is too high for me to see who it is, and it would be rude to peek.

After playing on the computer for a while, my phone rang. It was a friend from the neighborhood calling. I answered immediately.

(North. Are you at home? I want to come over.)

   “I’m not at home, I’m at the game shop, what’s up?”

(Homework for Research class, my group has to submit it tomorrow. Can you help?)

   “Come over, I’m at James’s game shop.”

(Can I come? I need to ask you some questions. Will it bother others?)

   “Probably not. There aren’t many people right now, hurry up.” I said, before Palm hung up. It was around 4 PM. Normally, I’d be here earlier since my school finishes early. It’s not a very strict school, just a small one.

But lately, I’ve stopped coming to the game shop first thing. I have to drop off my girlfriend at her tutoring session first, and after she’s done, we eat together, then I take her home.

I was already into my game when Palm walked in, sat down at the table next to mine, and pulled out his research report.

“Alright, let’s start then, North.”

“Hold on, Palm, I’m focusing.” I said, eyes still on the computer screen in front of me, “What’s your group’s topic?”

“It’s about people’s perceptions of wealth, like the rich versus the poor.”

“Wow…” I said, sounding impressed, “Your group’s topic seems meaningful. Look at mine, asking what brands of kibble different dog breeds prefer, how am I supposed to know that? It depends on the individual dog’s taste. Not every Beagle likes Pedigree, you know.”

“Who chose that topic, seriously?” Palm asked, laughing.

“Asshole Tae.”

“I knew it. That’s so pointless.”

“It’s useful information for people just starting to own dogs.” I explained, “So they can choose the right brand of kibble for the breed, to make sure the dog likes it. But in the end, if the dog says it wants to eat pork larb, then that’s it.”

“North, you’re something else.” The person next to me called out my name and burst into laughter, holding his stomach, “You’re in a good mood today.”

“Isn’t that normal? And have you asked others already? Why do you have to ask me?”

“Well, the target for the survey had to be from our school and the same grade. We’ve asked a few people, but I thought it’d be better to ask you directly, especially since you’re pretty knowledgeable about money matters, North.”

“I’m really into the money talk.” I said while clicking my mouse to play the game, listening to Palm through one ear, while my brain tried to process two things simultaneously, “What about the others, what did they say?”

“Well…” Palm went silent for a moment as he opened the report, “I asked something like, what do they think about rich people? They all pretty much said they’re jealous, especially of those born with a silver spoon, you know, born rich. They don’t have to do anything and they’re comfortable.”

“Oh, right, go on.” I said, having listened but not really processed it because I was focused on the game.

“People who got rich on their own are more respectable, those who are rich because of their parents aren’t really considered rich.”

“Why’s that?” I inquired.

“I asked around a lot, and that’s what I wrote down. They also said the worst are those who just spend their parents’ money day in and day out, like they were born to make their parents struggle, leeching off them, even though they themselves don’t do anything, just waiting to spend the money.”

 

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