MYMOON, Chapter 3:
‘Auntie Tiam’s Curry Rice Shop’
The small figure stood looking at the shop’s sign on the wall while queuing to order food. He shifted his gaze from the sign when he heard the friendly voice of Auntie Tiam, the shop’s owner, asking him a question. Klai smiled at Auntie Tiam, who was holding a plate of rice. Even though she knew his favorite dish, she always waited for his answer.
Auntie Tiam probably thought he might change his order someday.
But Klai never did.
He’d been eating the same dish for a month.
“Same as usual, right, dear?” “Yes, Auntie,” Klai replied. “Wait just a sec, okay?”
“Sure.”
While waiting for Auntie Tiam to scoop his favorite dish onto the plate, Klai glanced around to see which other shops were open in the morning. Only Auntie Tiam’s shop and a drink stall were operating. Most food stalls opened around noon, when students from nearly every faculty had their break. From midday onward, there’d be more food options, and the cafeteria would be packed with people.
But no matter how many other stalls there were, whether it was six in the morning or noon, Klai always chose to eat at Auntie Tiam’s. Once he found something he liked, he rarely changed his mind.
Unless Auntie Tiam closed her shop.
Then he’d have to let it go…
“Here you go, fried chicken with a perfectly cooked sunny-side-up egg on rice,” Auntie Tiam announced.
“Thank you, Auntie,” Klai said, handing her the exact amount for the meal. He took the plate, which held neatly sliced fried chicken and a sunny-side-up egg atop steaming white rice.
“The chicken dipping sauce is by the spoons, dear.”
“Got it, Auntie.”
Klai set his plate down near the jar of dipping sauce. As he was scooping some sauce, he heard footsteps stop behind him. Turning around, he saw it was his close friend.
“What’s you eating? Want me to order for you?” Klai asked.
“What’re you having?” Kant, who was the same height, leaned over to peek at his plate, then shook his head slightly. “Nah, not what you’re having. I don’t like dry rice dishes.”
Klai chuckled softly before pointing at a large pot in Auntie Tiam’s shop. “They’ve got clear soup today.”
“Then I’ll have clear soup instead.”
“Okay, I’ll order it for you.”
“No need. You go find a seat, I’ll order it myself.”
Klai nods. He walks to a table near Aunt Tim’s shop. After placing his plate and bag down, he goes to buy water. He buys two bottles of plain water, one for Kant as well.
“How much for the drinks?”
“No worries, I’ll cover it.”
“No way, tell me how much.”
“Two baht,” Klai says in a teasing tone. Kant glares at him and lightly pushes his head. “It’s just a small thing, don’t overthink it.”
“How can I not overthink? I still haven’t paid back the money I borrowed from you last month.”
“Since when did my friend Kant become such an overthinker?”
Kant chuckles softly, looking down at his plate before saying, “Once I get my paycheck, I’ll pay you back right away.”
“Kant…” Klai sighs lightly. He reaches to pull Kant’s plate away. Kant, whose breakfast is being taken, looks up and quickly pulls the plate back. “I’m not trying to steal your food, but I’m calling out someone who’s avoiding eye contact… feeling guilty, huh?”
“It’s been days past the date I promised to pay you back, so I feel bad.”
“We’ve been friends for so long, Kant should know I don’t mind this kind of thing.”
“That’s exactly why I feel bad—because I know what kind of person you are.”
“The money you borrowed from me… what did you use it for?” Klai already knows what his best friend used the money for, as Kant told him the reason from the start.
Kant frowns slightly while looking at him. “I used it to pay for my mom’s medicine, like I told you.”
“Then you don’t need to feel guilty or worry about me.”
“…”
“And stop working yourself to death just to pay me back quickly. If you get sick too, who’s going to take care of your mom?”
“…”
“Twenty thousand isn’t a small amount… for me or anyone else.”
“…”
“And because it’s not a small amount of money, I know you needs more time to pay me back,” Klai said, giving his close friend another smile before continuing, “You once told me… that you’d be my friend forever.”
“Yeah, and I’m still saying that now,” Kant replied.
“Even if I didn’t have a single baht to my name right now… I’d still think that promise is worth more than all the money in the world.” “…”
“Thank you so much, Klai… you’re always there for me,” Kant said.
“If I didn’t have you, I’d be in a mess too,” Klai replied.
Klai thought both of them knew that friends aren’t just important when you need help—they’re important in every moment of your life.
A true friend isn’t someone who can help with everything or be with you all the time.
A true friend is someone who’s always ready to give chances and forgive.
“You’re getting so sappy I can’t even eat,” Kant teased.
“Why can’t you eat?” Klai asked.
“I’m too full—full of joy from having a great friend like you,” Kant said with a grin.
Klai laughed before saying, “Full or not, you’ve got to eat. If you’re sitting in class with your stomach growling, I can’t help you there.” “You’re such a cute person, you know that?” Kant said.
“Can we change ‘cute’ to ‘handsome’? I want to be handsome for once,” Klai joked.
“Nah, I think ‘cute’ suits you better,” Kant replied.
Klai smiled softly before taking a bite of rice. He scooped some fried chicken to share with his friend. Kant returned a smile, the worried look in his eyes from earlier now gone. Klai felt an indescribable joy knowing he could ease his friend’s worries. Even though he knew Kant still had plenty of things troubling him, at least when they were together, Klai hoped someone as kind and grateful as Kant could take a moment to breathe. Even if it was just for a split second, letting his friend unburden himself from the heavy weight on his chest was enough.
“Want more chicken, Kant?” Klai asked.
“Nah, you eat it,” Kant replied.
Klai nodded and took a bite of the fried chicken. Before he could finish chewing, he shoved more rice into his mouth. Now, he was chomping away, completely ignoring Kant’s laughter.
“Your mouth’s only so big. You can’t stuff that much chicken and rice in there,” Kant said, laughing.
Klai kept chewing and raised his wrist, showing his watch to his friend as if to say he was running out of time before class. If he didn’t hurry up and eat, he’d definitely be late. But as he glanced at Kant sitting across from him, Klai didn’t expect to catch sight of someone who had just walked into the cafeteria.
Someone familiar from the past…
Perhaps because he was sitting facing the entrance, it wasn’t unusual for him to notice people coming into the cafeteria. Phii Shin, whom he hadn’t seen in months, quickly passed by their table. Klai thought Phii Shin probably didn’t notice the two of them.
Because if Phii Shin had seen them… he’d likely have walked out already.
“Klai… what are you looking at?”
Klai shook his head in denial, but Kant raised an eyebrow slightly, as if unconvinced. He turned to look behind him and saw Phii Shin buying food at Aunt Tim’s stall. Klai glanced at the tall, good-looking guy for a moment before lowering his head to continue eating.
Klai no longer looked at him with that kind of feeling.
Instead, he looked with the feeling of…
“It’s been a while, hasn’t it?” “Are you doing okay, Phii Shin?” Just as a younger sibling would.
Since Klai hadn’t seen Phii Shin in so long, running into him by chance brought back memories of the past…
“How was watching the team captain practice basketball yesterday?”
Klai turned to the owner of the voice, who was helping him carry a cooler of cold water to the side of the court, and said, “He’s really skilled, just as you’d expect from the team captain.”
Though his answer didn’t quite match the question, the way he spoke with a smile… I could tell he was really happy yesterday.
“…Is there anyone who knows me better than you, Kant?”
“I don’t think so… but, well, there’s one other person, right?”
“Klai… what are you looking at?”
Klai shook his head in denial, but Kant raised an eyebrow slightly, as if unconvinced. He turned to look behind him and saw Phii Shin buying food at Aunt Tim’s stall. Klai glanced at the tall, good-looking guy for a moment before lowering his head to continue eating.
Klai no longer looked at him with that kind of feeling.
Instead, he looked with the feeling of…
“It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”
“Are you doing okay, Phii Shin?”
Just as a junior would.
Since Klai hadn’t seen Phii Shin in so long, running into him by chance brought back memories of the past…
“How was watching the team captain practice basketball yesterday?”
Klai turned to the owner of the voice, who was helping him carry a cooler of cold water to place by the court. “He’s as skilled as you’d expect from a team captain.”
“Though his answer didn’t quite match the question, the way he spoke with a smile… I could tell he was really happy yesterday.”
“Is there anyone who knows me better than Kant?”
“I don’t think so… but come to think of it, there’s one other person.”
“Phii Jeab, right?”
Kant laughed, knowing we’d read each other’s minds. “Yup, Phii Jeab is the one who gets me the most—number one. I’m fine being number two.”
“If Phii Jeab knew you were letting her take first place, she’d definitely bake you some butter cookies,” Klai teased.
“Next week, I’m coming over to your place to work on our report. Make sure you tell Phii Jeab this story. I want more of her butter cookies,” Kant said.
Klai chuckled softly. “Deal. I’ll relay every single word.”
“Perfect…” Kant said, glancing at him as they carried the heavy cooler together. “You’ve been crushing on Phii Shin since joining the club, haven’t you? Ever thought about actually getting to know him,
Klai?”
Thud!
The sound of the cooler hitting the long wooden table by the basketball court interrupted their conversation. It signaled that Kant had finished helping Klai with his reserve duties for the basketball club. Meanwhile, the main players were due to start their practice.
Next week, their school’s basketball team was competing in the high school championship finals. The club’s teacher had reserved club time for the main players to practice, leaving reserves like Klai and a few other freshmen to sit by the sidelines until the period ended.
“Didn’t we already get to know Phii Shin?”
“That’s not getting to know him, Klai. That’s just introducing yourself to the club members.”
Klai gave a small smile. He knew Kant was right. Standing up and introducing himself to everyone in the basketball club on his first day wasn’t the same as getting to know Phii Shin. It’s like you think just doing that counts as getting to know him, Kant.
It’s not that he didn’t try to approach the person he liked. After several attempts, Klai realized he wasn’t memorable to Phii Shin at all. So, he decided… quietly watching Phii Shin from the sidelines was enough.
The moment that led to this realization was when Klai and the other reserve freshmen were tasked with filling cups from the cooler and serving them to the players during breaks. Klai always made sure to bring water to Phii Shin.
The first week he brought water to Phii Shin:
“Thanks.”
“Y-Yes, sir.”
“What’s your name, kid?”
“It’s Klai. My name is Klai.”
“Thank you, Klai.”
Klai was thrilled to talk to Phii Shin, even if it was just a brief conversation. If you think about it, some people might not feel as happy, considering they’ve been in the same club for a month, and he only now asked for his name. But Klai thought it was already great that he made Phii Shin remember him a little.
And then the second week came.
Klai remembers bringing water to Phii Shin. He smiled at him and said, “Thank you.”
The same phrase. Klai smiled, guessing the next sentence would be the same too.
Phii Shin probably remembered his name by now, since he told him just last week.
“Thank you, Imm.” Phii Shin frowned slightly while looking at him.
“…Or is it not Im? Did I get your name wrong?”
“…My name is Klai.”
Im was the name of another junior who was a reserve like him. As far as Klai could recall, Im had never brought water to Phii Shin, not even once. Hearing someone else’s name stung a bit, but it didn’t discourage him. The following week, he hurried to the club and carried the cooler to the long wooden table by the field with the other juniors. Klai filled a glass of water for Phii Shin as usual.
The third week…
Klai didn’t have high expectations.
Because he’d heard the saying: Don’t expect, and you won’t be disappointed.
“Thank you…”
Phii Shin stared at him with a thoughtful expression. “What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I ever remember your name?”
“…”
“I heard you’re friends with Kant… Let me ask your name one last time, and I won’t forget it next time.”
This time… Klai wasn’t disappointed.
“My name is Klai.”
But that was only in his thoughts, not his feelings.
Because thoughts can still be controlled.
But feelings…
…No one can resist them.
And that’s why Klai thought… it’s best to focus on his duties without slipping up and just watch Phii Shin from the sidelines.
Klai shook off the memories that cautioned him not to hope too much, then turned to his close friend, who was standing with hands on hips, looking at him.
“Should I introduce you to Phii Shin?” Kant asked.
Even now, with his best friend trying everything to get him to connect with Phii Shin, Klai still thought, “I think things are fine as they are.”
“I think if you got to know him, talked to him more, it’d be better than how things are now… Phii Shin’s graduating in a few months, you know,” Kant said.
“…”
“I hate seeing you just sit there watching him without ever talking,” Kant added.
“But I’ve talked to Phii Shin a bit before… and the result was…” Klai trailed off.
“Just when you gave him water. I was watching the whole time. Phii Shin said a couple of words to you, then went back to practice. You were too shy to keep the conversation going,” Kant pointed out.
“…”
“I know you don’t expect to date Phii Shin… just having a crush on him is enough,” Kant said.
“Yeah, I think just having a crush makes me happy enough,” Klai admitted.
“But it’d make you even happier if you got closer to him,” Kant countered.
“…”
“Phii Shin doesn’t know you like him, trust me,” Kant assured.
“I’ll try to get to know Phii Shin properly again,” Klai decided.
“That’s the spirit, my friend!” Kant said, giving him a light pat on the shoulder before running back to the court as the coach blew the whistle to resume practice.
Klai nodded to encourage himself, then walked back to the long wooden table beside the cooler. As he sat watching the seniors and his friends practice basketball, he noticed a junior girl from another club cheering for Phii Shin as he battled for the ball against an opponent. Klai wasn’t surprised that Phii Shin couldn’t remember his name after just a few weeks—plenty of people were trying to get close to him.
Klai figured he should stop overthinking and forgive someone as popular as Phii Shin for not remembering his name. While lost in his thoughts and watching the players on the court, a pair of eyes belonging to the tallest person on the court met his. Klai instinctively looked away when he realized Phii Shin was looking in his direction.
Klai was certain Phii Shin didn’t mean to lock eyes with him, but that unintentional moment made his heart race, his blood pumping so fast he felt a flush of heat spread through his body. Sitting next to the cooler, Klai grabbed a white plastic cup, filled it with cold water from the cooler, and drank to cool himself down. But he thought even a thousand liters of cold water wouldn’t be enough to tame the soaring heat inside him.
Klai believed… only someone secretly in love would understand this feeling.
After the club session ended, a junior substitute asked to take the cooler to the storage room in exchange for collecting dozens of basketballs with Klai. The juniors had to rush off to a chemistry tutoring session. Since Klai had no tutoring or urgent errands after the club today, he agreed to swap duties with them.
“Come on… let me help.”
Klai, who was bending down to pick up the orange-brown basketballs, looked up at his close friend. Kant, with his backpack slung over his shoulder, ready to help his mom sell desserts at the market, stood there smiling at him.
“Today, your mom’s selling desserts at the market, right, Kant?”
“Yeah, I’ll help you finish collecting the basketballs and then head over.”
“No, no, I can handle it alone. You should go now… otherwise, there’ll be no one to help your mom set up the stall.”
“I already called and told her I’d get to the market a bit late,” Kant said, walking over to drag the cart used for storing the basketballs.
“Kant, just go. Trust me… it’s Friday. Traffic’s crazy in the evening, and you’re taking the bus. If you leave any later, your mom will have to carry all the heavy stuff by herself.”
Kant let out a big sigh before saying, “No one knows my weaknesses better than you, and you always use them to shoo me away, you little rascal!”
Klai laughed and walked over to put a basketball in the cart. “I’m not chasing you off, Kant. I’m just telling the truth.”
“…”
“Hurry up and go, your mom’s waiting.”
“Alright, I’ll help pick up a couple more balls.”
“No need! Just go!” Klai said, pushing his best friend with his hands.
“Okay, okay!”
Klai waved goodbye to Kant, who flashed him a smile while jogging out of the gym. Glancing around, Klai realized he was alone in the wide court. He quickly started picking up the basketballs scattered on the floor, eager to head home himself.
But the sound of footsteps entering the court made Klai look up quickly. He guessed it was Kant coming back to help with the balls, as he always felt guilty leaving Klai alone. But the person who appeared in front of him made Klai’s breath catch.
Thump, thump, thump.
The thump, thump, thump wasn’t his heart beating out of rhythm—it was the sound of the orange-brown basketball slipping from his hands, bouncing on the floor, echoing in sync with his racing heartbeat.
“Ph-Phii Shin,” Klai stammered.
“Where’d everyone else go?” Phii Shin asked.
“Uh…” Starting a real conversation caught Klai off guard, and he fumbled. “They’ve all gone home.”
“So, you’re stuck cleaning up the balls alone?”
Klai…
Phii Shin remembered his name.
“Yeah, but there’s only a few left to pick up,” Klai replied.
“Then let me help. It’ll go faster,” Phii Shin offered.
“Y-Yes, khrap.”
Klai glanced at the basketball that had slipped from his hands, rolling to a stop at Phii Shin’s feet. Phii Shin looked at it, bent down to pick it up, and stood back to his full height.
“Since joining the club, has you played any basketball?” Phii Shin asked.
“I have, but I’m not great at catching the ball. One time, I missed a catch, and the ball hit me in the face, giving me a nosebleed. The coach told me to just watch the others for now and said he’d find time to teach me later,” Klai explained.
Phii Shin laughed before saying, “I’m guessing you doesn’t really like playing sports. Am I right?”
Phii Shin guessed right, Klai doesn’t really like sports.
“Then why did you choose this club?”
“Because last year, I was in the art club. I love art and was pretty good at it. This year, I wanted to try something different. I wanted to see if I could do well in something I don’t like and don’t think I’m good at, just like I do with things I enjoy.” Klai pauses, then lets out a soft laugh. “But the results just confirm that next year, I should go back to the art club.”
Phii Shin laughs and steps a bit closer to him before saying, “It seems like you don’t have any good memories in this club. So, before you return to the art club next year, can I help create some good memories for you first?”
Klai wanted his world to be more than just an orange-brown basketball and a cooler. So, he nodded in agreement without hesitation. He didn’t know what made Phii Shin remember his name or why Phii
Shin approached him first. But with only a few months left before Phii Shin graduates from high school, there was too little time for Klai to overthink.
Maybe Phii Shin felt guilty for not remembering his name.
Or now that he remembered it, he wanted to get to know him.
Or perhaps Kant had introduced him to Phii Shin.
Whatever the reason… right now, his heart was swelling.
“Have you ever shot a basketball?”
“I have, but it never goes in.”
Phii Shin, holding the basketball, laughs before walking to stand behind him. Klai purses his lips as he feels the taller guy move closer. Phii Shin passes the ball to him from behind, and Klai, with sweaty hands, catches it with both hands.
“Bend your knees a bit more, Klai. Don’t tense up.”
“Y-Yes.”
“This time, look at the hoop, aim carefully, and shoot the ball.”
Klai follows the team captain’s instructions. But just as he’s about to shoot, the large hands of the guy behind him move to gently guide both of his hands.
…
“Keep the ball aligned with your aim.”
“Y-Yes, Phii Shin.”
“I’ll help…” Phii Shin says, then adds force to push the ball in Klai’s hands up into the air.
“…”
Thud, thud, thud.
The sound of thud, thud, thud wasn’t his heartbeat this time, as it usually was. It was the sound of the same basketball failing to go through the hoop to score. But Klai didn’t feel the least bit disappointed about missing the shot.
Instead, he felt an indescribable joy…
“It’s your first time trying, so it’s like this. I’ll teach you again next week, okay?” Phii Shin said.
Klai turned to face the person behind him. “Thank you, Phii Shin.”
“I should be thanking you, Klai, for letting me create good memories with you,” Phii Shin replied.
After that day when they talked, Klai continued to chat with Phii Shin regularly. They grew close so quickly that even Kant was surprised. Normally, they only saw each other during club activities, but lately, before final exams, Phii Shin had been joining him for lunch during breaks.
“I’ll head out now, Klai. The chemistry professor always wants us in class fifteen minutes early,” Phii Shin said.
“Okay, don’t run, Phii Shin. You just ate—you’ll get a stomachache,” Klai warned.
“Got it,” Phii Shin replied with a nod before walking away.
“Klai… help me indulge in a little wishful thinking here, okay?” Kant started the conversation as soon as Phii Shin left, staring at him with a serious expression. “Does Phii Shin like you?”
“N-no way,” Klai stammered.
“Then why would Phii Shin leave his group of a dozen friends to come eat lunch with you? And the weird thing is, I didn’t even introduce you to him. He went out of his way to get to know you himself. When you’re sitting by the court during club time, Phii Shin always hangs out with you. Some of his friends even tease that he’s gotten too close to you,” Kant said, lightly tapping the table before continuing. “I’m telling you, Phii Shin definitely likes you.”
“But Kant, you’ve heard that Phii Shin likes girls, right?” Klai countered.
“Yeah, Phii Shin’s friends said he dated a girl from another school for a while and then broke up. That was back when he was in grade 11. You hadn’t even joined the basketball club yet—you were still drawing in the art club,” Kant explained.
“Back then, I didn’t even realize…” Klai trailed off.
“Exactly. Back then, you didn’t even know you liked guys until you met Phii Shin at the basketball club. See, Klai? Everything can change.
Maybe Phii Shin’s just figuring out his own feelings, like you did,” Kant said.
“Some of Phii Shin’s actions and words do seem like that, but I don’t want to get my hopes up. Just being able to talk and see him every day is already great. I don’t dare hope for more than that,” Klai admitted.
“If you’re not brave enough to hope, then you’ve got to let the other person hope instead,” Kant said with a sly smile.
“What do you mean by that, smiling like that?” Klai asked.
“It means… if Phii Shin really likes you, he’s probably hoping for more than just a senior-junior relationship with you,” Kant explained.
“…”
“One day, he’s definitely going to confess his love to you.”
Klai chuckled softly, shaking his head. He wished Kant would secretly fall for someone, just so he could experience how confessing to a crush is harder than the physics exams his friend complained were so tough he wanted to jump into the river to escape. “Confessing love isn’t that easy,
Kant.”
Kant frowned while looking at him. “True… otherwise, everyone in the world would have their love reciprocated.”
And because it wasn’t as easy as he said, even now, when Phii Shin had graduated and came to celebrate at the school, Klai still hadn’t confessed his feelings. He’d thought about confessing to Phii Shin several times, but the courage he had was always crushed by one significant reason.
That reason was: If their feelings weren’t mutual, At best… they could still be like siblings, as they were.
At worst… he might lose Phii Shin entirely.
Lose him in every possible way.
Right now, Klai knew he wasn’t ready to lose Phii Shin. His heart couldn’t bear it if their relationship ended, even if it was just a seniorjunior bond. For someone secretly in love like him, that connection was too precious to risk losing.
Today, Klai brought a gift for Phii Shin to congratulate him on graduating. He’d commissioned a portrait of Phii Shin and had it beautifully framed. Klai was waiting in the basketball court because Phii Shin said he wanted to talk privately. He’d come find him after finishing taking photos with other juniors.
“Klai…”
Klai, who was looking at the portrait, looked up when he heard the familiar voice. He broke into a smile as he saw the person in front of him, who seemed to have stepped right out of the drawing.
“…”
“Have you been waiting long?”
“Not long, Phii.”
Phii Shin walked over and stopped in front of him, then said, “Today,
I graduated… Is there anything you want to say to me, Klai?”
“Uh… yes, there is.” In truth, Klai had so many things he wanted to tell Phii Shin. But because his fear outweighed his courage, the truth remained hidden. So today, all he could manage was, “Congratulations,
Phii Shin.”
Phii Shin gave a faint smile before saying, “Thanks, Klai.”
“Yeah… I also brought something for you, Phii,” Klai said, handing him the portrait. Phii Shin took it and broke into a wide smile.
“Did you draw this yourself, Klai?”
“No, I commissioned it. My skills aren’t this good. If I had drawn it for you myself, I don’t think you’d be smiling this widely.”
Phii Shin laughed and stepped closer to Klai. “Can I get a hug?”
“O_O”
Klai’s eyes widened as the taller figure pulled him into an embrace. He’d never imagined receiving such a warm touch from Phii Shin, and now he didn’t know what to do—should he hug back or just stand still and let Phii Shin hold him?
“Thanks for giving me good memories to carry with me for the time I have left,” Phii Shin said.
“I want to thank you too, Phii Shin,” Klai replied, slowly raising his arms to return the hug. But before he could, Phii Shin released him. Klai quickly dropped his arms back to his sides.
“Anything else you want to tell me, Klai?”
Yes, I like you so much, Phii Shin… it’s turned into love. But all I can say is… I hope you have a happy university life.
Klai managed, “I hope you will have a happy university life.”
Phii Shin looked down, a hint of confusion in his eyes, before saying,
“Thanks again, Klai.”
“You’re welcome, Phii Shin.”
That look in Phii Shin’s eyes left Klai with questions. He couldn’t decipher what Phii Shin was trying to convey through his uncertain, confused gaze. Just as Phii Shin couldn’t read his heart, Klai couldn’t guess the other’s feelings either. If they truly understood each other’s hearts, Klai would have had his answers long ago.
Now, Klai had graduated from high school. He and Phii Shin still kept in touch regularly, though they didn’t talk or meet daily like before. They never went too long without contact, though.
Klai thought that next month, they’d likely see each other every day again. He had chosen to attend the same faculty and university as Phii Shin, though in a different major. His decision wasn’t solely because Phii Shin was there. Klai had researched the curriculum during the university’s open house, sought advice from seniors, and even consulted Phii Shin. He found the university’s program solid and decided to enroll. Whether it was life’s coincidence or fate’s design, it brought him back to Phii Shin.
Klai picked up his phone to check the last message he’d sent Phii Shin a week ago. It had been read but not replied to. Klai didn’t feel upset or angry—Phii Shin had mentioned being busy lately.
Without expecting a reply, Klai sent another message, just wanting Phii Shin to know he’d be joining the same faculty and hoping they’d see each other often, like old times. glaijai: Phii Shin, I’ve decided to study in the Faculty of Arts.
The message was read quickly, and this time, a reply came.
Chin: Which university, Klai? glaijai: The same one as you, Phii Shin.
Chin: For real?
glaijai: Yup, for real.
Chin: Awesome! We’ll get to see each other a lot.
Klai smiles widely, his heart swelling when he realizes the other person also wants to see him often. glaijai: But I chose to study Aviation Business, as I mentioned
before.
Chin: Choosing a field you like and are interested in is the best decision, because it keeps you from giving up easily.
glaijai: Klai thought about it a lot, and I like this field the most.
No matter how tough the studies get, I won’t give up easily.
Chin: That’s great. glaijai: Kant is studying at the same university as me, but he chose
to study in the Faculty of Business Administration.
Chin: Oh, Kant is already smart. He can study anything and do well.
Chin: If I haven’t been replying much lately, I’m sorry. I’ve been a bit busy with some family matters.
glaijai: It’s okay, Phii Shin.
Chin: I’ll head off now, Klai. I need to drive my mom to run some errands. glaijai: Alright, travel safely, Phii Shin.
Chin: Thanks.
Chin: See you at the freshman orientation.
After that day they talked, Klai counted down the days, and the day he was waiting for finally arrived. He sat at the Faculty of Liberal Arts’ freshman orientation booth. Klai watched the second-year seniors explaining the schedule and activities for the orientation, then stole a glance at the tall figure standing with arms crossed. Phii Shin briefly met his eyes and broke into a smile. Klai felt heat from his entire body rushing to both of his cheeks. He looked down and rubbed his ears, guessing they must be bright red by now, because his ears felt even hotter than his cheeks.
It’s always like this when he’s shy…
Not a red face or red cheeks like others.
But his ears turn bright red…
“Hey, Shin, who’re you smiling at?”
Klai looked up immediately when he heard a senior ask.
“Nothing…”
“Who? Which freshman made Phii Shin smile?”
He was looking down, avoiding the seniors’ gazes after hearing the question.
“…”
“Is that him? He’s got his head down big time.”
“Yeah, that’s definitely him. Come on out!” one of the seniors said, pointing at him.
“Don’t tease the kid,” a familiar voice spoke up, defending him.
And of course, that voice belonged to… Phii Shin. “That’s him for sure. Shin’s protecting him like crazy!”
“He’s a junior from my school,” Phii Shin said.
“Then he’s gotta get hazed hard!”
“Yeah, come on, show us the grilled chicken dance!”
“Shin, you went to pick up your junior from school, so bring him out!”
As the senior finished speaking, Phii Shin walked over, stopped in front of Klai, and extended his hand. Klai broke into a smile before reaching out to take it. He stood up to his full height and walked past his peers sitting on the floor. Klai bowed his head to thank everyone who shifted to make way for the two of them. Perhaps because he was busy doing that, he moved a bit slowly, and Phii Shin turned to look at him, tightening his grip on Klai’s hand.
At that moment… Klai’s heart was beating so fast it felt like it might burst out onto the floor.
Phii Shin led him to stand at the front, where hundreds of his peers were staring at him. Klai took a deep breath, filling his lungs to calm the excitement bubbling inside him. But then, a large hand gently touched his head, making him forget every other feeling. He turned to look at the owner of that warm touch standing beside him. Phii Shin gave him a smile before pulling his hand away.
“Even patting his head? What’s up with that, Shin?” someone teased. “Don’t share!” Phii Shin replied.
Klai was already embarrassed when Phii Shin’s friends teased him.
But hearing Phii Shin say that… Klai’s embarrassment skyrocketed.
“At first, I was gonna make Klai dance the grilled chicken song, but I didn’t want him to think I’m mean for not giving him a choice,” the senior said.
“…”
“So, I’ll let you choose between the grilled chicken song or the hippo song. Which one do you want to dance to, Klai?”
Klai turned to look at the tall guy standing beside him. “Uh…”
“Don’t worry, I’ll have Shin dance with you so you won’t feel too shy,” the senior added.
“Hey! I’m not dancing!” Phii Shin protested.
“Come on, Shin, dance with your junior. It’s just a little thing… can’t you do it for him?” another senior teased.
Klai was about to tell Phii Shin that he didn’t have to dance with him, knowing full well that Phii Shin didn’t enjoy doing things like this. But then Phii Shin lowered his head, let out a soft laugh, and looked him in the eyes.
“I’ll dance with you. Which song do you want, Klai?”
Because Phii Shin’s tone and gaze didn’t show any sign of reluctance,
Klai decided to answer, “Let’s do the Grilled Chicken song.”
“Nong Klai chose the Grilled Chicken song! Man, go hit the drums!”
“Got it!”
“Everyone, sing along too!”
Klai raised both arms, preparing to dance the Grilled Chicken moves. He tried to ease his embarrassment by telling himself, “It’s just acting like a chicken skewered and grilled—it’s not hard. You can do this, Klai.” But his shyness was overwhelming, and he couldn’t shake it off.
Right now, Klai’s limbs felt stiff. The drumbeat, speeding up, urged everyone to sing the Grilled Chicken song with wild enthusiasm. But he, the dancer, was still awkwardly moving his arms and legs, stiff and hesitant.
“Klai…”
Klai shifted his gaze from his peers in front of him to the source of the voice. “Y-Yes, Phii Shin?”
“Don’t look at anyone else… just look at me.”
Klai nodded and focused on Phii Shin, who, despite not liking this kind of thing, was dancing the Grilled Chicken song with all his might, flashing him a smile. Klai saw his own smile reflected in Phii Shin’s eyes, and it warmed his heart.
Now… Klai could dance the Grilled Chicken song.
He became the happiest chicken ever.
No longer a chicken flapping its wings awkwardly.
“Thank you, Phii Shin!” Klai tried to shout over the booming drums and the even louder singing of his friends. But it seemed Phii Shin didn’t hear him, as he leaned in closer while still dancing.
“What did you say just now?”
We’ve never been this close before…
“Tch, thank you, Phii Shin!”
Phii Shin smiled and reached out to ruffle his hair. “That’s all? I’d do this for you any day, Klai.”
The sound of Klai’s racing heartbeat right now… it completely drowned out the drums Big Bro Man was playing.
After the freshman orientation activities ended, as per the faculty’s schedule, full-time classes began. Unlike other faculties that were still holding orientation events—like Kant’s, where he had to participate for another month or so—Kant only had time to hang out with him during lunch breaks. But this evening, Kant was free to go out with him, as midterm exams were starting this week. The seniors had paused orientation activities until the exam period was over.
Klai had been waiting for Kant in front of the Faculty of Business Administration for a while. He had a meetup planned with Phii Shin at a steakhouse near the university, where Phii Shin would bring his old midterm exam summaries from his freshman year. Last week, Klai overheard Phii Shin saying he missed Kant, so he invited his best friend to join them for steak.
“Klai… been waiting long?” Kant asked.
“Not too long—”
“Let’s hurry. Don’t want to keep Phii Shin waiting.”
“Phii Shin just called and said he’ll be a bit late. Traffic’s bad.”
“Doesn’t he have classes today?” Kant asked.
“Nope, he’s free today.”
“It’s his day off, and he’s still driving all the way here to give you exam summaries… This freshman named Klai must be pretty important to Phii Shin, huh?” Kant teased.
“Teasing me again, Kant,” Klai said, pressing his lips together to hide a smile. He started walking away from the spot. If he stayed, Kant would probably keep teasing until his ears turned red.
“Klai! Wait for me!” Kant called out.
“Not waiting for you!” Klai laughed, quickening his pace. But his best friend caught up anyway.
“What exam summaries are they? You’re not even in the same major. He’s not bringing summaries for his core courses, is he?” Kant asked.
“They’re for math. It’s a basic course all freshmen have to take. Phii Shin took it too and kept his summaries. He noticed the content is similar to what we’re studying, so he’s letting me borrow them to review.”
“I’m taking that course too, same course code as you,” Kant said, furrowing his brow in suspicion. “Why didn’t Phii Shin offer me any summaries?”
Klai shook his head lightly, a smile breaking through. Kant loved saying things like this to make him, the secret admirer, hold onto a bit more hope for this crush. In true Kant fashion, he was blunt: he wanted Klai to let himself hope a little.
“Probably because Phii Shin doesn’t see you as often,” Klai said.
“It’s possible, Klai. I mean, Phii Shin might feel the same way about you. Come on, let yourself hope a bit, buddy,” Kant urged.
Klai laughed, turning to look at his best friend, whose face was unusually serious. Every time he thought about letting himself hope, his heart whispered, Don’t.
Is that your brain or your heart telling you not to?
“…”
“Maybe it’s your brain telling you to stop hoping because it’s scared of disappointment. But deep down, your heart’s ready to go all in,” Kant said.
Klai looked at Kant, still wearing that rare serious expression. He shifted his gaze from his friend to the light yellow sneakers his father had bought him. Klai wasn’t counting his steps, but when he had something important to ponder, focusing on those yellow sneakers helped him talk to his heart in the quiet.
This time, talking with his heart, His heart said… trust what you feel.
…And go for it!
“You’re smiling like that, so…”
Klai, having sorted things out with his heart, turned to his best friend walking beside him and said, “My heart is really ready to go for it, but the problem is… I don’t know how to start.”
Klai wanted to tell Kant, who had been cheering him on for so long, to forgive a secret admirer like him with so little experience. This was Klai’s first time having a crush, and he still didn’t know how to act. He didn’t know how to develop the relationship beyond just being a junior and senior.
Especially for someone as shy as him.
It was even harder…
“That’s the spirit, my friend!” Kant jumped with excitement upon hearing him say that, showing as much joy as when they won the basketball championship. “Don’t worry about that. I’ll help you figure out how to start.”
Klai smiled and nodded before saying, “Thanks, Kant.”
“No need to thank me. I just want to see my friend succeed in love.”
When Klai and Kant arrived at the steak restaurant, he saw Phii Shin and his friends from another faculty already waiting at a table inside. Klai hurried over, thinking Phii Shin and his friends must have been waiting for a while.
“Have you been waiting long, Phii Shin? I’m sorry, Klai and Kant were talking while walking, so we got here late. I thought it’d take longer for you to arrive.”
“It’s fine, Klai. No need to apologize. I only got here a few minutes before you. Look, the staff just brought the menu.” Phii Shin patted the chair next to him, invitingly, and continued, “Come sit next to me.”
“Okay,” Klai replied, then sat down on the chair. He glanced at Kant, who sat next to Phii Shin’s friend.
“You didn’t invite Kant to sit with you, Phii Shin.”
“Haha, don’t feel bad.”
“I’m not upset, because I’ve seen you take care of Klai for a long time now… I’m telling you, Shin~”
“You’ve seen it so often you’re used to it, huh?” Phii Shin said, laughing.
“Exactly.”
Klai stole a glance at the person next to him, who was looking at the menu. Kant often said things that made Klai seem like someone special to Phii Shin. He once explained that saying these things made it easier to gauge Phii Shin’s feelings by observing his reactions. Sometimes, Klai worried that Phii Shin might feel uncomfortable or uneasy. But not once did Phii Shin show any signs of displeasure when hearing such comments. He always responded in good spirits.
“Hey, Max, what’d you order?”
Klai looked at the senior sitting across from him, engrossed in his phone. He knew Max was Phii Shin’s friend from another faculty because whenever Phii Shin joined him for lunch, Max often tagged along.
“I ordered the fish steak earlier,” Max replied.
Phii Shin furrowed his brows while scrolling through the menu, then turned to Klai. “What do you want to eat, Klai? The usual tuna salad?” Tuna salad… his favorite dish.
Klai gave a small smile and nodded. “The usual tuna salad, please, Phii Shin.”
“Alright, I’ll order it for you,” Phii Shin said.
A favorite dish ordered by his favorite person… it would probably taste a hundred times better.
“One black pepper chicken steak and one tuna salad,” Phii Shin said, glancing away from the waitress to Kant, who was looking down at the menu. “What about you, Kant?”
“I’ll have the black pepper pork steak,” Kant replied.
“One black pepper pork steak as well,” Phii Shin added.
“Got it,” the waitress said, jotting down the orders on a small piece of paper before collecting the menus.
Phii Shin glanced at Klai briefly, then turned to the other side to grab something from his shoulder bag. Soon, a thick stack of A4 papers was handed to him.
“Math exam summaries… I included the finals too, so it’s a lot,” Phii Shin explained.
Klai’s eyes widened. “I’m shocked! I thought it was just the midterm summaries,” he said, laughing as he took the stack. He looked at the handwriting on the pages—numbers scattered everywhere, leaving barely any empty space. Klai smiled when he noticed colorful pens underlining key points to highlight their importance.
He hadn’t expected Phii Shin to use cute colored pens like this.
Phii Shin’s secretly a bit adorable, isn’t he?
“My handwriting’s terrible, so bear with it, okay, Klai?” Phii Shin said.
“Let me see…” Kant said, reaching out. Klai handed him the summaries. Kant frowned slightly before speaking. “This isn’t bad at all, Phii Shin. Your handwriting’s really nice… unlike mine, which is actually terrible.”
“Shin’s always downplaying himself like that,” Max chimed in.
Klai nodded in agreement. “Yeah, Phii Shin’s always so humble, even though he’s practically good at everything.”
“You’re praising me too much, Klai,” Phii Shin said, looking a bit shy.
Klai smiled at the blushing senior. “Not at all. To me, Phii Shin’s the best.”
“But Shin really is good at everything…” Max said, smirking before adding, “Even at secretly liking someone.”
“You damn jerk, Max!”
“Why are you cursing me? I’m just telling the truth.”
“I shouldn’t have let that slip… now a lousy friend like you keeps teasing me about it.”
“If you hadn’t gotten drunk that day, I wouldn’t have known you’ve been secretly crushing on a junior at school for two years… and now, in your second year of college, you still haven’t mustered the courage to confess.”
“…”
“My friend’s a pro at secret crushes, huh?”
Phii Max’s words made him turn to look at the person sitting quietly beside him. It wasn’t just him staring—Kant, with slightly widened eyes, was also fixed on Phii Shin. Normally, Phii Shin never shied away from anyone’s gaze; he was always ready to meet any stare head-on. But this was probably the first time he didn’t dare hold eye contact, choosing instead to look at the empty plate in front of him.
Klai didn’t want to get his hopes up too much, but when he thought it over carefully, he realized he might actually be the junior Phii Shin had a crush on. After all, they’d been talking for two years now, and Phii Shin always treated him differently from other juniors at school. The female juniors who cheered during basketball games? Phii Shin never paid them any attention. He’d even said before that he’d never been as close to any other junior as he was with Klai.
Klai had once heard a saying long ago…
“There’s nothing wrong with getting your hopes up. But it might hurt…”
So, Klai had always been cautious. He tried not to let himself get carried away with wishful thinking. But perhaps because his heart was ready to take a chance, he allowed himself to hope a little now. Still, he didn’t let his hopes blind him to reality. Klai knew he might either succeed or fail in this love, but after weighing everything, there was a real possibility it could work out.
It’s just the way of the world… There’s good and bad.
Fulfillment and disappointment.
But no matter the outcome, he could only accept it. The world doesn’t offer many choices—just two: happiness or suffering.
In the past, Klai didn’t know how to handle the two outcomes the world gave him. When everything went as he’d hoped, he’d be so overjoyed he’d forget his tears. But when things didn’t go as expected, he’d be so heartbroken he’d cry and forget his own smile. Klai thought the world was slowly teaching him how to adapt, and it was as if this round world was also telling him… “Don’t let the things that happen affect your life and heart too much.”
So, Klai realized… whether the outcome was happiness or suffering, He had to accept it.
Because neither would stay with him forever. The only thing that would always be with him… was himself.
Klai has now learned how to handle every outcome the world throws at him.
That is… to smile and shed tears in equal measure.
Don’t let one outweigh the other.
Klai believes this realization benefits him, as it gives him the courage to make a decision. He will confess his love to Phii Shin. He’s now ready to accept any outcome. If their hearts align, he’ll cherish this relationship to the fullest. But if Phii Shin sees him only as a junior, Klai is prepared to face the heartbreak.
Though Klai once said that just talking and being around Phii Shin every day was enough, deep down, no one who secretly loves another wants to stay in that state forever. Those who love one-sidedly sometimes long to be loved back—mutual love, not feelings that pass each other by.
Expressing one’s true feelings to the other, no matter the outcome, at least frees you from the state of secret admiration.
“Fish steak, ma’am.”
“This way, please.”
Klai turned to see the waitress place the fish steak in front of Max before glancing at the person beside him, who remained as silent as ever. Even now, Phii Shin was avoiding everyone’s gaze.
“Just talking about secret crushes… and my friend’s completely stunned, huh?”
“Stop talking so much… just eat your fish steak already.”
“Tuna salad?.”
“That’s mine.”
Klai raised his hand above his head to signal his location to the waitress. She brought the salad and placed it in front of him. He looked at the small pieces of red tomato sliced and placed on the green leafy vegetables. Klai didn’t particularly like eating them. Normally, Phii Shin would take them off his plate, but this time, Klai thought Phii Shin wouldn’t bother with his salad. Yet, his salad plate was slowly slid to the side.
Klai watched as the plate stopped in front of Phii Shin. He used a spoon to scoop the small tomato pieces onto his own empty plate before sliding the salad back to Klai.
“I took the tomatoes out for you… you can eat now.”
Klai smiled and said, “Thank you, Phii Shin.”
Phii Shin nodded and lowered his head to eat the small tomato pieces Klai disliked. Phii Shin once said he wasn’t fond of red tomatoes either, but since Klai seemed to dislike them more, he ate them instead.
At that moment, Klai looked at his salad with a smile. When he looked up at his close friend, he saw Kant’s smile. Kant nodded at him, as if confirming that what Klai was about to do was the right choice.
Klai thinks… he’ll confess his love to Phii Shin before the last exam day.
Because the last exam is math.
After confessing, Klai might get encouragement from Phii Shin too.
🙂
KantHimself: Klai, you done with your exam?
KantHimself: Phii Shin is waiting for you at the library, same table as usual. Not many people there now. glaijai: Done, I’m on my way.
KantHimself: Okay, hurry up, come on.
glaijai: Yeah.
Klai quickly puts his phone in his back pocket after sending the last message to Kant. Today, he’s determined to confess his love to Phii Shin. Klai planned to invite him to the library in the evening, claiming he had a question about a problem from Phii Shin’s exam review sheet, but in truth, Klai already understood everything.
As for Kant, who doesn’t have an exam today, he came to the university to support him. Kant said he’d watch from a distance because he wanted Klai and Phii Shin to talk privately. He’d only show up after Klai confessed. Klai smiles as his close friend’s words echo in his mind.
“When it works out, Klaijai… please ask Phii Shin to take care of my best friend.”
Kant said he’d say this after the confession. Klai shakes his head slightly, smiling even wider. He quickens his pace to reach the library as fast as possible.
At the library, he sees Kant hiding by a bookshelf in a corner, far from the window-side table where Phii Shin is waiting. Kant nods and gives him a two-finger salute. Klai smiles back before walking toward Phii Shin.
Today seems like a perfect day for a confession. Besides the three of them and the librarian, there’s no one else in the library.
Probably because Phii Shin is engrossed in his book, he doesn’t notice Klai’s arrival. Klai quietly pulls out the empty chair across from him and sits down.
“Hey… you’re here?”
“Yes, have you been waiting long, Phii Shin?”
“Not long. I was reading, and it’s kinda fun, you know.”
“…”
“So, which problem is you confused about?”
Klai swallows hard before reaching into his backpack to pull out a piece of paper—not Phii Shin’s review sheet. He looks at the words he wrote by hand on the white paper.
The text on the paper reads…
The problem goes like this… If Klai were to say that he’s secretly loved Phii Shin for a long time, ever since they were in the basketball club, Klai tried several times to get to know Phii Shin, but never succeeded. Not once did Phii Shin remember Klai. Until one day, Phii Shin approached Klai to get to know him. At that moment, Klai was overjoyed, and we grew closer day by day. Phii Shin didn’t just create good memories for Klai alone; he made something grow stronger every single day… That something was “love.”
Klai took a deep breath before handing the paper in his hand to the other person. Phii Shin frowned slightly and took it. Klai watched him read the text on the paper intently. After a brief moment, Phii Shin looked up and met his gaze. Klai stared deeply into those sharp eyes before speaking to complete the unfinished problem on the paper.
“The result of this problem… I wonder… Is it possible that you feel the same way as me?”
His hands began to tremble as the confused and uncertain look in Phii Shin’s eyes returned, like a vivid memory from the past flashing before him. Klai swallowed hard and pressed his lips together tightly. He had prepared himself somewhat, in case their hearts weren’t aligned.
And now…
If the result is… that our feelings are not aligned,
Another truth in this world is… the phrase “prepare your heart” doesn’t really exist.
And there’s another truth: Klai would probably be in a lot of pain.
Klai…
“Yes, Phii Shin?”
“I don’t know where to begin,” Phii Shin said before sighing. It was the first time Klai had seen him look so troubled. That handsome face looked up to meet his eyes before continuing, “I don’t feel that way about you, Klai.”
…
“I only think of you as a younger brother.”
“…”
“I’m sorry… if I did anything to make you think I acted out of liking him.”
Klai thought the sentence, “I don’t feel that way about you, Klai,” was painful enough. But hearing this sentence, why did it hurt even more?
“I really can’t think of you in that way.” The confused and uncertain look in Phii Shin’s eyes now turned steady and resolute. He bit his lip before saying, “Can you stop loving me like this?”
The truth is… pain has no end. We can keep hurting, over and over, until our heart feels completely numb.
Soon, the steady and resolute look in his eyes turned empty and indifferent. “I’ve never asked you for anything. But this time, I’m asking… Please stop loving me like this.”
Klai admitted that he started losing track of Phii Shin’s words from the sentence, “Can you stop loving me like this?” But he forced himself to keep listening to what Phii Shin said next, even struggling to understand what was being asked of him. Klai closed his eyes and took a deep breath, just like when he handed that piece of paper to Phii Shin. He was about to open his eyes, but a stinging sensation in his nose warned him to pull himself together before meeting Phii Shin’s gaze again.
Klai kept his eyes closed. He chose to lower his head and give himself time to compose. It felt like he had already destroyed the good relationship between them, ruined by his own hands. Klai opened his eyes, looked up, and met the empty gaze of the other.
“If I…” Klai paused to catch his breath, his voice trembling. He took another deep breath before continuing, “If I stop loving you like… sob…” “…”
Klai tried. He really tried.
“…If I can stop loving you as a lover…” Klai tightly gripped his trembling hands. His vision of the person in front of him began to blur, obscured by a veil of tears. “Phii Shin… sob… can things go back to how they were?”
“…”
“Can you still love and care for this younger brother like before?” As tears fell, Klai saw the person in front of him clearly again.
Phii Shin didn’t respond. Instead, he turned to look out the window.
“…”
“I’ll stop loving you as a lover, I promise… Just please, don’t change, Phii Shin.”
Phii Shin turned back to meet his gaze and said, “I’m sorry…”
“It’s not your fault, Phii Shin. It’s mine for not controlling my feelings.” Klai roughly wiped the tears from his face and quickly continued, “It’s my fault for making you uncomfortable. From now on, I won’t make you feel uneasy or troubled again. I promise.”
Phii Shin looked down, avoiding his eyes. “You don’t need to make any promises to me, Klai. Just… stop loving me. That’s enough.”
Klai nodded, raising both hands to wipe the endless stream of tears.
“Yes… I can definitely do it.”
Klai thought the most painful thing was making a promise without knowing if he could keep it, like picking up shattered glass to piece it back together. Even though he knew it could never be the same, he kept trying, his hands covered in wounds.
It wasn’t that he didn’t notice the blood on his hands.
He saw it. He knew.
But he still hoped… hoped that everything could go back to how it was.
Hoped that the empty gaze would once again be warm.
“And one more thing I want to say, because I think you might have misunderstood this point too.”
“…”
“That day when Max said I had a crush on a junior at school, I admitted I did like a junior… but that junior wasn’t Klai.”
“…”
“She’s a female junior studying Japanese Arts.”
“…” But now, the Chinese Arts student who used to study in the classroom next to the Japanese Arts student felt a numbing pain coursing through his entire body.
Phii Shin looked up and let out a heavy sigh. “I’ve told you the whole truth… so I’ll take my leave now.”
“Y-Yes.”
Klai nodded in response. The moment Phii Shin stood up and left the table, Klai let his tears flow without shame. He sobbed like a child, asking himself…
“Didn’t you say you could handle any outcome, Klai? So why are you crying like a kid? Aren’t you embarrassed in front of others?”
But Klai had no answers for himself… only words of consolation.
“It’s just a rejection… it doesn’t hurt that much, come on. Don’t cry too much, or your eyes will swell. And don’t stay weak for too long,
Klai.”
Klai looked up as someone’s hand rested on his shoulder. When he raised his face, he saw Kant standing there, offering him a smile. Kant gently rubbed his shoulder.
“Kant…” Klai bit his trembling lip. He wiped the tear stains from his face and said, “I didn’t get what I hoped for… sob… but at least I’ve escaped the state of secret admiration.”
Kant nodded, his close friend’s eyes red. “I’m sorry I only prepared words of congratulations for when you succeeded… I didn’t prepare any words of comfort for when you were disappointed.”
Klai laughed through his tears before leaning his head to playfully bite Kant’s stomach. Kant continued to rub his shoulder, then used his other hand to gently stroke Klai’s hair.
“So, can I use the words I prepared? But I’ll adjust them to fit the situation.”
“Yeah, go ahead.”
“Congrats, man… for breaking free from the state of secret admiration.”
Klai closed his eyes and nodded. “Thank you, Kant… thank you for always being there for me, no matter what state I’m in.”
“I’ll be your friend forever.”
Kant’s comforting words from their time at the university supported Klai’s weary body and fragile heart all the way back to his condo. Kant said he wanted to stay over tonight, not wanting Klai to be alone, afraid he might break down and cry heavily again. But Klai insisted he could handle being alone, and Kant reluctantly let him spend the night by himself.
Klai placed his backpack on the desk before walking over to grab the study notes he’d prepared for other subjects. Tomorrow, he had exams in three more subjects. Right now, Klai needed to clear his mind of all thoughts to focus on doing his best.
Klai can feel sad and disappointed,
But his father, who’s always been his support,
Must not feel sad or disappointed in him…
He uses the same method he always does before studying for exams. His slightly swollen, almond-shaped eyes from crying slowly close. The pitch-black darkness now helps manage the flood of chaotic emotions swirling in his mind. As long as his brain and heart remain in turmoil, Klai absolutely won’t start studying.
And luckily this time…
His brain and heart aren’t too stubborn.
His pale eyelids flutter open. He grabs a thick stack of exam review notes and places it in front of him. Klai glances at the yellow cup holding pens. He picks out a colored pen and grabs a blank sheet of paper. Klai studies the review notes diligently. The key points from each subject that he doesn’t remember well, he writes down again on the blank paper.
His father taught him this trick…
His father said… even if we’ve summarized the content well,
It doesn’t mean we’ll remember everything.
Writing out the key points separately… is the best way to review.
Klai finishes reviewing the notes for two subjects just past midnight. But there’s still one subject left. Although he’s gone over the review notes for that subject many times, he should review them again for confidence.
The person staring at his backpack sighs, then reluctantly pulls it toward him. Klai unzips it to take out the math review notes and continue studying. Just seeing the handwriting of Phii Shin, the words and the look in his eyes that he tried to bury deep in his heart come rushing back.
Every emotion Phii Shin conveyed through his eyes feels like a knife cutting into his heart repeatedly. Right now, Klai admits he can’t focus on studying at all. But the exam schedule, which says he has a math exam tomorrow, leaves him with little choice.
Klai thinks he must force himself to finish reviewing these notes as quickly as possible. But when he tries to read through each page, he realizes it’s incredibly difficult for his eyes to follow the words. Still, he keeps reading until the text in front of him starts to blur. What obscures the words, which keep reminding him of his heartache, is, as always, his tears.
Klai doesn’t dare blink, afraid the clear tears pooling at the edges of his eyes will fall onto Phii Shin’s review notes. Phii Shin was kind enough to lend them to him, so Klai should take good care of them. They must be returned to their owner in their original condition, unblemished by anything.
Especially… his tears.
But then… the tears he tried to hold back fall onto the review notes of the person he’s secretly loved for so long. Klai hurriedly grabs a tissue to wipe the teardrops from the paper, then uses the back of his hand to wipe the tear stains from his cheek.
Klai thought he had quickly wiped the tears from Phii Shin’s exam summary, but the tears born of heartbreak seeped deeply and swiftly, the content was thus stained with traces of his sorrow.
In the end… Klai let himself cry without holding back. The reason he didn’t want to cry often was that he didn’t want to see himself weak for too long. But Klai also understood that a fresh, newly inflicted wound couldn’t heal in just a few hours. Yet, there was one thing that could ease the pain, even just a little… That thing was
“Tears.”
He wasn’t any bigger than others, so why did he have so many tears? Perhaps because the unstoppable flood of tears was distilled from the pain deep within his heart.
That’s why there were so many…
His slender hands pressed against his wet, warm eyes. Klai thought he had cried too much and tried to stop by pressing his palms against his eyelids. He applied more pressure until it hurt slightly. Klai wasn’t trying to hurt himself; he just hoped the tears would stop.
But they wouldn’t stop.
They kept flowing like that all night… until he fell asleep.
Three days after the exam, his mental state began to improve. Klai messaged Phii Shin to return the exam summary. Phii Shin said he’d pick it up during lunch break at the cafeteria. So, Klai sat eating lunch with Kant while waiting. Since confessing his feelings that day, Phii Shin hadn’t joined the two of them for meals, rarely replied to messages, and didn’t answer calls. But Klai wasn’t angry with Phii Shin.
The truth was… he had no right to be angry with Phii Shin.
He had no right to demand anything…
Klai…
The one called looked up. “Phii Max.”
“Yeah, it’s me… Shin asked me to pick up his notes.”
“Where’s Phii Shin, Phii Max?” Kant, sitting across from him, asked. “Sitting at the table in front of the noodle shop. I asked why he didn’t come sit with us, but he didn’t answer…” Phii Max sighed before continuing, “Did you guys fight or something?”
Klai thought there was no better answer than… “Not exactly.”
“Then what’s going on?”
“Phii Max, you should take the notes back to Phii Shin. He might be waiting,” Kant said, grabbing the exam summary from Klai’s hand and shoving it into Phii Max’s, who frowned slightly.
“Fine… I’ll go.”
Klai sighed after Phii Max walked away. He didn’t know how to respond. He didn’t dare say more because Phii Shin hadn’t told his friends about this. Klai shouldn’t say anything either.
“Dude, you okay?”
“I’m okay.”
“Your mouth says okay… but your heart’s not okay.”
“…”
“Yesterday, Phii Shin went to see his friend at my faculty. When he saw me, he quickly walked away.”
“…”
“It’s obvious he was avoiding me on purpose.”
“I’m sorry, Kant… it’s all because of me that Phii Shin isn’t talking to you either.”
“You don’t need to apologize to me. Phii Shin’s grown up, shouldn’t he know better?”
“…”
I get that he’s not ready to face you, I can understand that… but avoiding me too? I don’t quite get it.”
“Is Phii Shin scared of having to answer something?”
Kant shook his head in frustration before saying, “I might seem selfish for siding with my friend right now, but I’ll be that selfish guy. If I get to confront Phii Shin face-to-face, I’d say… Phii Shin, you’re freaking cruel.”
“…”
“If you don’t want to see us like before, that’s fine, but don’t act like we’re strangers.”
“…”
“A smile would’ve been nice.”
“…”
“It’s because of me that everything’s changed.”
“…”
“No one’s cruel, Kant… everyone has their own reasons.”
“…”
“You don’t need to worry about me, Kant. You know how strong I am,” Klai said with a smile to his friend. Kant sighed and shook his head, clearly not buying what he saw. “I’m okay, really.”
“Go fool someone else… don’t try to fool your close friend like me.”
“…”
“If it hurts, say it hurts… got it, Klai?”
The bitter smile slowly faded, replaced by burning eyes. “Yeah… I understand.”
“…”
“It hurts so much, Kant.”
“My Klai…” Kant gently ruffled his hair to comfort him. “Come back to being the amazing Klai soon, okay?”
“Yeah… give me a little time. It won’t be long. The awesome Klai will be back soon.”
The phrase “won’t be long” means different things to different people. For some, it might only take a few months. For others, it could stretch to a year. Klai thought the reason this phrase could drag on for so long was due to something uncontrollable.
Like people’s thoughts and words.
For instance, right now, his confession to Phii Shin had become a topic of interest among his classmates. Klai had spent weeks healing his heart. He was almost succeeding in bringing back the “amazing Klai,” nearly making “not long” less than a year. But everything he’d worked for crumbled in a split second, just because he overheard a conversation among his classmates.
“Isn’t that the guy who confessed to Phii Shin?”
“Yeah, that’s him.”
“I saw him dancing with Phii Shin at the freshman booth.”
“Heard he’s a junior from the same school… probably had a crush on
Phii Shin for a long time.”
“But Phii Shin doesn’t like him.”
Honestly… he shouldn’t have confessed. Now he’s lost both a senior and a friend.”
“Klai probably thought Phii Shin liked him, right?”
“Delusional, huh?”
“Yeah.”
Even though Klai had heard conversations like this many times, he never got used to it. His heart still ached, and memories kept replaying in his mind. He chose to sit in the front row to avoid hearing these discussions, but he could never escape them. The voices of his classmates always managed to slip through.
“Klai…”
The person called turned to see his close friend, who gently rubbed his arm. “I am okay, Cake.”
Because his confession to Phii Shin had become a hot topic in the department last week, Klai decided to tell his two close friends about it. He had never told Cake or Som before that he had a crush on Phii Shin. When they found out, they comforted him wholeheartedly.
“Okay? That’s crazy,” Som, sitting next to Cake, spoke up before turning to the classmates sitting behind them. “Can you guys talk a bit quieter?”
“The professor hasn’t arrived yet… it’s not wrong to talk loudly, is it?”
“Manners… try having some manners.”
“Som…” Klai interrupts as he sees Som arguing with that group of girls, “Don’t start trouble because of me.”
Som looks annoyed at being stopped, then turns to him, “They’re so rude, Klai.”
“What they’re saying is the truth… there’s nothing we can do but accept it.”
“…”
“I believe it won’t be long before something else replaces our story.”
“…”
“They’re just looking for something fun to gossip about in their group. Once they leave the classroom, they go out, watch movies, eat together happily… they don’t care if they’ve hurt someone’s feelings. So, we need to leave the bad feelings they’ve caused, without realizing, behind in this room. Don’t carry them home with you.”
“…”
“Because if we go home and suffer alone… no one’s going to take responsibility for our feelings.”
“Klai… you’re too kind,” Som sighs before continuing, “I promise, when I go make merit, the first thing I’ll ask from the Buddha is… I’ll pray you find a good lover, someone so great the whole world will be jealous.”
Klai chuckles softly and nods to his close friend, “Thanks, Som… what I said earlier wasn’t just a reminder for myself, but for you and Cake too. If something like this happens again, don’t argue back unless it’s necessary.”
“…”
“But if someone exaggerates too much… then we can speak up.”
“…Because it’ll pass soon enough.”
Yeah… it’ll pass soon, Klai.”
“You still don’t know who started spreading this in our department, right?” Cake asks.
The small-framed boy shakes his head slightly, thinking it over again before saying, “Only me, Phii Shin, and Kant knew about this… and that day in the library, there was no one else around our table.”
“Kant, your friend from another faculty, wouldn’t say anything, right? You said he’s a close friend from high school… I don’t think your best friend would talk.”
“I know Kant definitely wouldn’t say anything.”
“…”
As for Phii Shin… I’d say he’s even less likely to talk, because Phii Shin hasn’t even told Phii Mak, his close friend, about this…” Klai pressed his lips together to hold back his emotions before saying, “The person who wants to forget that day the most… there’s no way they’d tell anyone about it. Phii Shin probably wants to hide it somewhere and run far away from it.”
“Right… because if Phii Shin spoke, he’d know this story would get passed around again. Then it’d never end… people would keep talking about it for ages,” Cake said.
Som nodded as if agreeing with Cake. “…And Phii Shin would have to hear about it over and over, which he probably doesn’t want at all.” “Then let’s rule out Phii Shin,” Cake suggested.
“If we really rule out Phii Shin, that means we’ve run out of options… no suspects left,” Som replied.
“The truth is, we could trace it back to the first person. Just keep asking who they heard it from, and we’d eventually find out who it was,” Klai said quietly before continuing, “At first, I really wanted to do that… but after thinking it over carefully, not knowing who started it might be better.”
“…”
“Why waste time doing that… when what everyone’s saying is the truth anyway?”
“…”
“But there was a moment when I thought… if that person hadn’t spread this to everyone in the department, I might have healed faster, because I wouldn’t have to hear it repeatedly.”
“Honestly… whoever that person is, they shouldn’t have shared something like this with everyone. Not because it’s embarrassing to be rejected… but because it’s something that deeply affects someone’s feelings.”
“…”
“Someone who’s been rejected… it’s not just about love, but whatever the reason, they’re bound to feel hurt. How much they hurt depends on their expectations and emotional resilience. But what everyone should understand is that someone who’s been disappointed… they might be trying so hard to move past something, or they’re just starting to get stronger.”
“…”
“But… everything comes crashing down because of just a few words that prod at the heart.”
“…”
Cake sighed before speaking after Som finished, “Matters of the heart… they’re so hard to talk about.”
“Not just hard to talk about, Cake. They’re hard to heal too,” Som added.
Som’s words sank deep into his heart, probably because, deep down, Klai felt the same way. What his friend said hit so hard that he was left speechless.
Klai knew everyone had the right to speak, and he didn’t think the person who talked about him was wrong, because they were telling the truth. But Klai just wished people would show a bit more empathy.
Not just for him.
But please have compassion for everyone going through tough times.
Don’t let our words become someone’s nightmare.
Because no matter how hard you try to forget… if the nightmare repeats every day, how can you move on?
“Is it possible, Klai… that someone from our department secretly saw you in the library when you confessed to Phii Shin?”
“Would it really be that coincidental, Cake? The person who overheard just happens to be from our department?” Som asked, frowning even more.
Klai thought back to that day before saying, “That day in the library, it was just me, Kant, Phii Shin, and the librarian.”
The more certain he was that no one else was there, the less he wanted to know who started spreading the story among friends in the department. The only way Klai could protect his heart from feeling as awful as it did weeks ago was to hold onto trust.
Klai trusted Kant… and Klai trusted Phii Shin.
That was enough… Klai didn’t want to know anything more.
That was enough… Klai didn’t have to fear heartbreak anymore.
Klai had heard the saying, “If seeking the truth brings pain, let it stay hidden.” So he chose to let the truth remain concealed, with no intention of chasing it. Klai didn’t need any truth to prop him up and keep moving forward. He would overcome every ordeal on his own.
“I really want to know who the blabbermouth was that spread this until the gossipers had a field day talking about it.”
“Don’t bother wanting to know, Som… let’s think about it,” Cake said, turning to smile at him. “Let’s just blame the librarian, how about that? …Thinking like this feels better, right, Klai?”
Klai let out a soft laugh and nodded. Cake probably thought the same way he did. Klai knew his friend wasn’t suggesting he avoid the truth, but just wanted him to grow stronger quickly.
“No need to blame the librarian, Cake. I feel bad for him,” Klai said with a chuckle before continuing, “I like to think it’ll pass eventually… that alone makes me feel better.”
Even though he knew it wouldn’t pass easily.
“Stay strong, Klai. We’re rooting for you.”
“I’m cheering for you too.”
But Klai would get through it…
After class, Klai and his two close friends packed up to head home, but he seemed more rushed than usual, prompting Som to ask curiously, “Where are you hurrying off to today, Klai?”
“Today, I’m heading back home… my driver is picking me up. He just called to say he’s been waiting in the parking lot for a while. I feel bad for making him wait, so I’m going to quickly pack up and head down to the lot,” Klai said while zipping up his backpack.
“Look at Cake… he’s even considerate of his family’s driver.”
“I believe good people are protected by the heavens.”
The small-framed person being talked about let out a soft laugh before looking up at his two friends. “So, where are you and Som going today?”
“I’m heading up to see my boyfriend on the twelfth floor.”
“I’m going to submit some work to the professor on the fourteenth floor.”
“Oh… so no one’s going downstairs with me, huh?” “Nope~”
“Can you handle going down in the elevator alone?”
Klai burst out laughing before nodding confidently. “I am nineteen now, you know. I can handle the elevator just fine.”
“Okay… then let’s go wait for the elevator together.”
The slightly taller small-framed boy walked out with his two female friends to wait for the elevator. Not long after, Klai waved goodbye to Cake and Som as they entered the elevator together. Now, he stood waiting alone, his sharp eyes fixed on the downward arrow indicating that the right elevator was descending from the twelfth floor to pick him up. But then, the left elevator’s upward arrow switched to a downward one. Klai gave a small smile, realizing he had two options.
“Whichever one’s less crowded, I’ll take that.”
While waiting, Klai shifted his gaze from the red arrows to a group of second-year seniors standing nearby. If he remembered correctly, he’d seen this group at the freshman booth.
“Got chewed out like a dog, man.”
“Serves you right. You did such sloppy work for the professor.”
“Not only did I get torn apart, my ears are still ringing.”
Klai wasn’t intentionally eavesdropping, but since they were standing close enough, he could clearly hear their conversation. From what he gathered, this group of seniors had probably just submitted their work at the faculty office.
Ding!
The sound snapped Klai’s attention away from the seniors, and he looked at the opening elevator doors. As he stepped into the right elevator, he saw the group of seniors filing into the left one. That left him alone in this rectangular box.
His slender finger reached to press the button to close the doors. Klai watched the reflective metal doors slowly slide toward each other. But a familiar voice slipping through the tiny gap made him quickly press the open button.
“Wait, please!”
Klai didn’t open the doors just because the voice’s owner had asked.
But because he knew who the voice belonged to,
And when the door opened wide enough,
“Phii Shin…”
It made Klai realize… all the efforts he’d made over the past few weeks
“…”
Still weren’t enough to face the cold, indifferent eyes of the other person.
Klai stood silently, staring at Phii Shin. He kept pressing the “open” button, still hoping Phii Shin would join him in the elevator. But Phii Shin avoided his gaze and quickly stepped into the elevator on the left instead. The sound of the neighboring elevator’s weight limit warning pierced Klai’s heart with a sharp pang.
Whether it was because his elevator was too quiet or because the second-year seniors were talking louder than usual, Klai could hear the conversation of the group in the left elevator…
“Shin, get out, damn it.”
“Yeah, it’s over the weight limit.”
“Can’t I come with you guys?”
“No way, go wait for the next one.”
“I saw a little guy in the other elevator, all alone. Why didn’t he just squeeze in with us?”
These conversations…
“I’d rather go with you guys.”
Made Klai move his finger from the “open” button to the “close” button instead.
He pressed it to close… to close the heart that still held onto hope.
To shut his heart completely… and truly let go.
Klai watched the steel doors slowly come together once more. When they closed fully, he saw his reflection in front of him. At that moment, his nose stung, and the reflection began to blur. Klai bit his lip, knowing the wall of tears forming was about to collapse soon.
Though he couldn’t see clearly, habit guided him to know which button to press to get out of there as quickly as possible. He pulled his ice-cold hand back to his side after selecting the floor. Klai tried to shake every thought from his mind.
At this moment… emptying his mind was probably the best thing to do.
But suddenly, a song he’d listened to on repeat last week echoed in his mind. The melody rang so clearly it felt like it was playing right now, even though he stood alone in the rectangular box.
And a fragment of a song lyric echoed in his mind:
“Force yourself a little. Even if you still love him, but he doesn’t love you, we have to let go… let him go for the better.”
It made the fragile veil of tears
“And it will pass, and your heart will change, and one day he’ll fade away… even if today you still feel, even if you still miss him… with every breath.”
Along with a deeply wounded heart… crumbling all at once.
And a body collapsing to the floor…
Klai felt his legs weaken, forcing him to sit on the ground. He wrapped both arms around his knees before letting the tears flow. One slender hand rose to cover his lips, muffling the sobs. Klai thought someone might see him crying through the CCTV camera in the elevator, but the pain at that moment made him care about nothing else. He begged his tears to wash away the cold, indifferent gaze of someone and the conversation that made him feel invisible from his heart.
The elevator moved slowly downward, giving Klai time to compose himself after letting the tears flow uncontrollably. The small figure looked up at the numbers above the elevator door, decreasing steadily, like a countdown signaling that in just a few floors, he’d escape this lonely space. The slender hand resting on his lips moved to wipe the tear stains from his cheeks instead. Klai let the song’s sound loop in his mind without trying to drown it out with other thoughts.
Because Klai knew…
This was his way of encouraging himself.
“And it will pass, and your heart will change, and one day he’ll fade away… even if today you still feel, even if you still miss him… with every breath.”
He could stand up again… even with tear stains on his face. That was probably because Klai chose to use the song “Let Go” to uplift himself, not to make himself feel worse.
Klai now knew… the most important encouragement was the encouragement that came from within himself.
Ding!
The alert sounded before the elevator doors opened. Klai took a deep breath, filling his lungs, and stepped out, leaving the traces of his heartbreak behind. He hurried to the parking lot because the driver, Uncle, had been waiting for a long time. As soon as he reached the large white van, he saw Uncle Mean, who had driven him since kindergarten, smiling at him.
It was a warm smile that never changed. Klai remembered how, as a child, he’d cry because his father was busy with work and picked him up later than his classmates. His mother had Uncle Mean pick him up instead. After that, Klai never cried from sadness again. He’d smile widely every time he saw Uncle Mean standing by the car, holding a lemon-flavored candy.
“Hello, Uncle,” Klai said, raising his hands to wai the other.
“Hello, Young Master.”
“I’m sorry for making you wait so long, Uncle.”
“It’s alright, little one… are you tired today?” Uncle Hmai said, pulling something out of his pants pocket. Klai pursed his lips when he saw a lemon-flavored candy, now a different brand. Uncle Hmai probably couldn’t find the old brand anymore, so he switched to a new one. But the color of the plastic wrapper around his favorite candy was still the same as before. “I know this won’t make your tiredness go away, but this candy might make you feel a bit better.”
The small figure nodded heavily before taking the lemon candy. Klai wanted to thank Uncle Hmai, but something welled up in his throat, making him only able to lower his head and unwrap the plastic.
“…”
“Can you open it, little one? Want me to do it for you?”
The one being asked gave a faint smile and shook his head slightly to decline. Klai just realized how hard it is to hold back tears in front of someone you love. He forced the widest smile he could to hide the clear liquid pooling at the corners of his eyes. “Today, I probably studied too much… I’m so exhausted, I barely have the strength to pull this wrapper.”
On a day when the little one was too drained to do anything, Uncle Hmai stepped closer to Klai, took the lemon candy from his trembling hands, quickly unwrapped the plastic, and handed it back to him as before. Then he said, “I’ll be right here… I’ll always help you, little one.”
Klai lowered his head, nodded heavily, and said in a trembling voice,
“Thank you, Uncle.”
“Let’s head home, little one.”
“Okay.”
Uncle Hmai probably knew he was feeling uneasy because, ever since they got in the car, he kept glancing at him through the rearview mirror. Every time their eyes met in the reflection, Klai would send Uncle Hmai a smile to put Uncle Hmai at ease…
The small figure leaned his head against the window, exhausted. Klai looked at the azure sky. The white clouds floating above showed clear, open weather. Today, the sky was vast, brighter, and more vibrant than usual. Even though the scene before him confirmed there was no sign of rain, Klai felt like a storm was brewing all the time.
Not rain from the sky, though.
But rain falling in his heart…
When Uncle Hmai drove him home, Klai quickly got out of the car and headed straight to the kitchen. The smell of freshly baked butter cookies wafted through the house. He quickened his pace, walking faster than usual to find the person making those deliciously fragrant butter cookies as soon as possible.
The small figure stopped at the kitchen door when he saw Phii Jeab bending down to take a tray of cookies out of the oven. Klai had seen Phii Jeab making cookies in the kitchen since he was a child—it was a familiar sight that never stirred much feeling before. But today, one emotion seeped into his heart.
Klai felt grateful…
“…”
Grateful that Phii Jeab wasn’t ill.
“Oh, when did you get here?”
“Thank you for still finding joy in baking cookies in the kitchen, Phii Jeab.”
“Klai has been secretly watching the beautiful you for a while now, hasn’t he?”
“Such a sweet talker… come here and give Jeab a big hug.”
Thank you for a world that isn’t too cruel to the people he loves.
Phii Jeab took off the pink oven mitts she wore to handle hot cookie trays and gently rubbed her hands on her yellow apron. She opened her arms wide and flashed him a warm smile. Klai stepped forward to embrace her, filled with longing. He hadn’t been home in weeks. Klai thought that even in his misfortune, there was still some luck left, as this week the professors hadn’t assigned too much work, allowing him to come home and rest.
“Even now, I still wonder why you didn’t choose to study at a university closer to home,” Phii Jeab said, pulling back from the hug. She reached up to brush a strand of hair from his face, her eyes always conveying love and care.
“Because there’s no program like this near home… that’s why I had to reluctantly study far away.”
“Look at you… you’ve come back this time even skinnier than the last.”
“Well, the condo doesn’t have delicious food made by you, does it?”
“Talking like that… should I just move in with you?”
Klai let out a soft laugh before reaching for a cookie on the tray. But it was too hot, and he accidentally dropped it.
“I completely forgot you just took this tray out of the oven…” He looked at the butter cookie, now shattered into pieces on the floor, and bent down to pick up the crumbs. “I’m sorry, Phii Jeab, for not being careful.”
Klai looked up at the sound of soft laughter. Phii Jeab crouched down to help him pick up the cookie pieces and said, “It’s just a small thing… no need to apologize, KhunKlai.”
“…”
“I know… some things, you didn’t mean for them to happen.”
“…”
“Don’t blame yourself anymore, okay?”
Klai wasn’t sure how the situation led to such a serious conversation. Phii Jeab’s words felt like they were comforting him about something else entirely. Perhaps because she had raised him since he was a child, even if she didn’t know exactly what had happened, she could sense something was wrong. That’s why she spoke like this.
Phii Jeab knew he often spoke indirectly rather than being straightforward.
“But I was the one who dropped it… it shattered because of my hands.”
“But deep down, KhunKlai didn’t mean for it to happen, right?” Phii Jeab scooped up the cookie crumbs into her hands, offering a smile that soothed his heart. “Look at these cookie pieces, KhunKlai… no matter what we do, they can’t be put back together the way they were.”
“…”
Even though you know it broke because of your own hands… the only thing you can do is throw it away.
“…”
And pick up a new cookie instead.
“…”
“Don’t let yourself feel too guilty about anything… to the point that your feelings and heart shatter like this cookie.”
“…”
“You need to blame yourselves less and forgive yourselves more,
KhunKlai.”
“…”
“Do you know why I’m is saying this, KhunKlai?”
“I’ve been with Phii Jeab for so long… I understand, of course. Because blaming ourselves is easier than forgiving ourselves… Klai thinks we might blame ourselves a hundred times but forgive ourselves fewer than ten.”
“Exactly.”
“…”
“I’m not teaching you to refuse responsibility, but I’m just wants to tell you that… when we know we’re wrong, we should forgive ourselves so we can have the chance to improve and fix what we messed up.”
“…”
“Let every experience be a lesson that makes us stronger, that makes us better than before… don’t let mistakes become a burden that holds us back until we’re too afraid to do anything else.”
Klai wonders if Phii Jeab has some kind of superpower to read minds, because she’s saying exactly what he feels. Klai feels guilty for letting his heart fall too deeply, crossing the line of a relationship that was meant to stay just senior and junior from the start, causing his relationship with Phii Shin to fall apart.
If Klai lets himself carry that burden, as Phii Jeab said,
The thing he’d be too afraid to do again is fall in love with someone.
But deep down, he still wants to fall in love again someday.
“I promises… from now on, I will try to forgive myself for everything… no matter how serious the mistake was.”
Even though he told himself he wouldn’t fall in love again.
“Great job, KhunKlai… no matter what happens, I will always be here to support you.”
“Thank you, Phii Jeab.”
It must be because of those cookies and Phii Jeab’s teachings that made Klai feel so much better about himself. That’s why he had the energy to want to cook dinner and wait for his dad to come home to eat together. Klai showed off his skills by making his dad’s favorite braised egg dish. As for the other dishes, he left those to the talented chef, Phii Jeab.
Klai placed the bowl of braised eggs on the table, and soon other housemaids came to help set the dining table. The moment everything was perfectly arranged, the true owner of the house appeared.
“Klai…”
His dad looked up with wide eyes as he called out to him. Klai laughed and walked over to tightly hug the big man. He hadn’t told his dad he was coming home—only Uncle Hmai and Phii Jeab knew. His return must have been quite a surprise for his dad.
“I missed you so much, Dad.”
“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming home? I would’ve hurried back to see you,” his dad said, pressing his nose into Klai’s head before continuing, “I missed you with all my heart, but I understood you were busy with studies and probably didn’t have much time to come stay at home.”
“The past week, I had exams, and the professors gave me tons of assignments. So… I thought it’d be better to get through the busy period first. That way, I could come home and stay over without worrying.”
“How many days are you staying this week?”
“Three days. I’ll head back Monday morning.”
“Huh? You’re leaving Monday morning?” His dad pulled his nose away from Klai’s head. Klai looked up at the man, who was frowning in confusion. “If I remember correctly, don’t you have a class at 10 a.m. on
Monday?”
“Yes… but I think if I leave the house by 6 a.m., I should make it to class on time.”
“…”
“I want to stay at home longer… because I miss everyone so much, Dad.”
His dad laughed and said, “My little boy… But you didn’t drive back home yourself, right? I didn’t see our car.”
“No, I left the car at the condo. Uncle picked me up from the university.”
“Then on Monday, I’ll drive you to the university myself.”
“No need, Dad. You have to get to work.”
“I can manage my time, Klai,” his dad said, gently ruffling his hair with one hand. “Let me do my job as a dad. If your mom were here, she’d scold me for not fulfilling my fatherly duties.”
“You’re not failing at being a dad… I understand how busy you are.”
His dad smiled and hugged him tightly again. “I love you with all my heart, Klai.”
“Well, look at that… as soon as the master arrives, you forget all about me,” came a voice from behind.
Klai laughed before pulling away from his dad’s hug. “I’ve already given you plenty of hugs. Let Dad have some too!”
“Fine, I will share with the master… I feel for him, working hard all week.”
“If I don’t work hard all week, you’re going to keep Klaijai all to yourself, aren’t you?”
Klaijai led Dad by the hand to sit at the dining table. Phii Jeab walked over with a pot of rice and stood beside him. She scooped hot, steaming rice onto a plate for him before turning to answer Dad.
“Yes.”
“Jeab… you’re so stingy.”
Normally, Dad wouldn’t say something like this, and combined with the slightly sulky tone he used, it made both him and Phii Jeab burst out laughing.
“If you keep teasing me, I’ll keep KhunKlai all to myself, you know.”
“What, I don’t even get to negotiate with you, Jeab?”
Klaijai smiled amusedly as he listened to the conversation between Dad and Phii Jeab. He reached out to scoop some braised egg onto Dad’s plate before serving himself. Just as Klaijai was about to take a bite of rice, he paused and looked up at Dad. He noticed Dad staring at the braised egg on his plate. But a few moments later, Dad turned and smiled at him.
“Both of us remember well that… braised eggs were also a favorite of the person up in the sky.”
Last week, Dad had taken the braised eggs Jeab made to offer to the monks.
“Tomorrow, Klaijai will wake up and make some of my own braised eggs to offer to the monks.”
“That’s great… because for Mom, no one could make braised eggs as delicious as her Klaijai.”
Klaijai nodded firmly before lowering his head to continue eating. Dad scooped a large, peeled salted baked shrimp onto his plate. Besides braised eggs, shrimp was another of Klaijai’s favorites.
“Eat a lot, okay, son?”
“Thank you, Dad.”
The atmosphere at the dinner table this evening was filled with smiles and laughter. Even though our family only has a few members, the love and care we share with each other make us feel overwhelmingly full.
The last braised egg—Dad gave it to Klaijai.
“Thank you, Dad.”
“Eat a lot, okay, son?”
“Yes,” he replied before continuing to eat. But Klaijai felt like Dad still hadn’t taken his eyes off him. When he looked up, he saw those same eyes truly watching him.
“Is something bothering you lately, Klaijai?”
Dad knew him just as well as Phii Jeab did. Both of them could always sense when something was hidden in his heart. Every time Klaijai fell into sadness or grief, Dad and Phii Jeab always knew.
“…”
“If you’re feeling down… come back home, Klai.
Everyone is always waiting for KhunKlai.”
And it was still those two who pulled him out of the dark spiral.
Yes… everyone was ready to stand by Klai no matter what happened.
Klai nodded in acknowledgment before saying, “Thank you, Dad, Phii
Jeab.”
Dad smiled and finally looked away from him, but now it was Klai who couldn’t take his eyes off his father. Klai watched his source of strength eating dinner. Coming home this time didn’t make the wounds in his heart heal quickly or erase the traces of sorrow.
But coming home this time made Klai realize that… besides time, family was another thing that could heal the wounds in his heart.
“I’ll come home often, okay?”
And he truly tried to keep his word. After that visit, Klai came home much more frequently. Even if some weeks were packed with work, Klai still chose to go home. He even brought his work with him, thinking that at the very least, he could recharge his strength at home before returning to fight again.
Dad and everyone seemed so happy to see him every week. Dad drove to pick him up every Friday evening and drove him back to the university on Monday mornings, just like always. Klai’s life followed this routine until the final exams period.
Today was the last day of exams before the semester break of his first year. Klai always felt grateful to himself for enduring and staying strong through the tough times. But the people he should thank the most were his family and friends who stood by him, like Kant, Som, and Cake.
However, his two close friends would no longer be studying in the same faculty as him. Cake and Som had decided to switch faculties because they couldn’t handle the current faculty and major.
“Klai… I’m sorry.”
“We’re sorry too for leaving you to study alone.”
“You don’t need to apologize… Cake and Som, you guys didn’t do anything wrong,” Klai, walking in the middle, ruffled the heads of his two close friends. “You guys made the right choice.”
“…”
“If it’s too much, you don’t have to force it… but you have to choose your new faculty carefully, okay?”
“This time, I’m sure this faculty will work out.”
“Good.”
“If you still don’t have new friends when the semester starts… call us,
Klai. We’ll come eat with you.”
Klai laughed before saying, “Don’t worry about me… how old is me now? You’re worrying like I’m a kid.”
“I don’t care if you’re a kid or not… but if anyone messes with you again, call and tell me right away.”
The small person laughed softly, then nodded in acknowledgment. Klai wasn’t one to tattle since childhood, so this response was for his friend’s peace of mind. “I’ll call to snitch super-fast later.”
“Second-year aviation studies will definitely be tougher. Klai, you’ve got to fight on!”
“Mm, you guys are kinda the same, huh?”
Both nodded before coming in to hug him. Cake pulled away from the hug with a sulky face, while Som let out a big sigh. Klai smiled at his two close friends, who were waving goodbye.
His slender hand waved back at them. “See you when the semester starts!”
“Okay…”
“Get home safe, Klai!”
“Mm… get home safe too!”
After parting ways with his friends, Klai walked to wait for his dad in front of the faculty building, across from the parking lot. The vibrating phone in his pocket prompted him to pull it out. Seeing the name on the screen, Klai answered immediately.
“…Dad…”
“I am waiting at the usual spot, Dad.”
[“Alright, Klai, I’m almost at the university.”]
“Okay, Dad.”
Klai hung up and slipped the phone back into his pocket. As he looked up at the parking lot across the street, he spotted someone he hadn’t seen in a while. He followed the tall figure getting into a black sedan.
The small person smiled when his heart didn’t ache at the sight of the other. This love experience had taught him many things and helped him grow in both thought and feeling.
Though Klai had managed to do as the other had asked, he had no intention of telling Phii Shin. Whether he could move on or not didn’t matter, as Phii Shin had long removed him from his orbit.
Though the memory of that day was still vivid, the pain of the past had been softened by time and the support of those he loved, leaving no trace of regret.
Klai shifted his gaze from the black sedan to a smoky gray sports car pulling up in front of him. He broke into a wide smile before running to open the car door. The first thing he saw was a warm smile and kind eyes.
“Sorry for making you wait, Klai. There was a bit of traffic at the university entrance.”
“It’s fine, Dad.”
“Ready? Hop in… I’ll hurry and get you home for some cookies.”
“Okay!”
Klai nodded and quickly got into the car as his dad instructed. As his dad drove out of the university, Klai glanced at the rearview mirror and noticed Phii Shin’s car following behind. However, he chose to look away from the black car and instead turned to smile at his dad.
He still remembered well how to handle every outcome the world threw at him. Now, it was time for Klai to smile as much as he could, to let his smiles match the number of tears he had shed.
And now, Klai had his own orbit.
An orbit filled only with people who loved him.
He no longer had to try to fit into anyone else’s orbit…
The current Klai, sitting in the cafeteria, let out a smile as the old movie playing in his head came to an end. His life was filled with many stories to watch, each one tear-jerking. Sometimes, when Klai thought back to past events, he could hardly believe he had made it through. But now, he knew he could handle any hardship or heartbreak, thanks to the experiences he had faced.
Klai watched Phii Shin walking out of the cafeteria with a bottle of water in hand before turning his gaze back to the person in front of him, who was staring at him. Kant furrowed his brows, seemingly deep in thought. Klai didn’t know how long Kant had been looking at him, as he had been lost in memories of the past after spotting Phii Shin.
“Are you thinking about that thing?” Kant asked.
“It just crossed my mind… so I thought back a little.”
“Forget the bad stuff, Klai. Like that thing with that jerk, Phii Shin.”
Klai laughed when he heard this, as Kant usually never referred to Phii Shin with such a term. Strangely, even though so much time had passed, Kant seemed more upset about it now than before.
“No one can completely forget their past, Kant. Honestly, the past teaches us a lot of things.”
Like this story, which taught him that…
People who say they’re strong,
People who say they can handle love,
People who say they understand love well enough— All of them have stumbled because of love at some point.
But after losing balance, after breaking apart, a new heart forged from pain makes us stronger than before. From the experiences he had gone through, Klai believed they taught him how to handle love. But he would never fully understand love—
Not until… he met the one who was his other half.
The missing piece.
The piece that completes him, making him a full moon.
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