SMNTCERR, Chapter 75: <1001> #3.
“What’s wrong with you just then?”
“…”
Jaeyoung opened the door and pushed Sangwoo out. Even while walking down the iron stairs, his heart was beating so fast that it couldn’t calm down.
Sangwoo stomped his foot hard on the ground.
“Look at your face. Don’t you like this studio?”
“No.”
“Then what’s wrong? At the end of the meeting, you seem distracted.”
“I don’t know.”
Sangwoo spoke directly, he was definitely dissatisfied with something, and he was definitely afraid of something. He felt worse because he knew it was covered up, and he spoke out in anger.
“The person you are chatting to, is it me?”
“Are you stupid or something?”
“Is it me?”
“We’re joking around, you have to give me time to go out before I can date anyone, I’m always busy with work, let’s go eat something first, I haven’t had dinner yet.”
“I already ate.”
“Then you can eat again.”
Jaeyoung caught Sangwoo who was walking fast and made him turn towards him. Sangwoo protested but still followed the other quietly on the main road, which was getting darker and covered with a lot of people. Loud music came from the clothing store, bar, and restaurants lined up along the street. Neon signs above the shopping district flickered and invited people to turn their heads.
“Do you like Mexican food?”
“I already told you that I’ve eaten.”
It seemed like Jaeyoung took that as a yes, because Sangwoo was already sitting quietly in the small taco shop on the second floor. The shop, run by two dark-skinned, curly-haired foreigners, was almost too cramped to walk in. They had to wait for more than ten minutes to order two dishes with strange names.
Sangwoo tried to sit still and calm down, but maybe it was because of the chaotic atmosphere that it wasn’t easy. In the narrow shop, there was a loud and exciting type of noise that had to be shouted to be heard. The two waiters only walked around and bumped into chairs while passing by. The water was quite warm, and the tables were sticky.
Sangwoo, who was fragile and restless, tried to find something to focus on, such as the odd number of tiles in the box, the creased tissue that wasn’t neatly folded, and the picture hanging crookedly on the wall. He didn’t like any of it, but what he disliked the most was people’s gaze.
In the cramped shop, the distance between tables was so close that you could clearly see what others were doing. It seemed like everyone was looking at Jaeyoung, including the women at the adjacent table, the order-taking staff, and the person standing up to pay. They all looked at Jaeyoung as if he were a fascinating toy.
Whether Jaeyoung knew or pretended not to know, he only used his hands, feet, and chin to stare at Sangwoo. When their eyes met, the other party spoke without a sound.
“Is there something you’re not satisfied with?”
“I’m not dissatisfied with anything.”
Sangwoo quickly looked down and felt that something was wrong, the desire to flip the table. Then he climbed up and sat on Jaeyoung’s lap, kissing the other heavily. If there were curtains, he would have wanted to hang them around to prevent anyone from seeing Jaeyoung. The inexplicable and twisted feeling was churning in his stomach. Sangwoo felt suffocated and had to drink water quickly.
“Carnitas Asada Tacos, and Enchiladas, here you go.”
Two dishes were placed on the narrow table. Although Sangwoo had already eaten dinner, he still picked up a spoon and put the food in his mouth. He chewed without knowing what it was before using a fork to pick up the white powder mixture, thinking it had a strong taste like Jaeyoung’s. He didn’t do anything wrong and used his teeth to grind it.
“Are you hungry?”
Jaeyoung looked at Sangwoo while holding a fork in his hand. Sangwoo felt dissatisfied with that gaze, so he used the fork to poke the rolled-up powder like a Kimbab and cut it into large pieces. Then he handed it over to the other side without paying attention.
“What’s wrong?”
Jaeyoung slowly opened his mouth, but at the same time, he still looked suspicious. Sangwoo waited for the other side to finish eating and fed him again and again. He ate and fed alternately like that without stopping. The two dishes were finished in just thirteen minutes.
“Let’s hurry and go.”
Sangwoo breathed a little as he finished dealing with the food and wiped the seasoning stains on lips , leaving them in the cloth.
“Oh… I understand.”
Jaeyoung got up to pay for the meal. Meanwhile, Sangwoo went out to wait on the narrow, dark balcony. Then, as the other side came out onto the balcony, which was empty, he grabbed the other side’s shirt and fiercely kissed him without saying anything.
He sucked and pulled as if he was going to bite the other side’s lips and used his tongue to sweep all over the mouth without consciousness. In Jaeyoung’s mouth, it tasted spicy hot.
Sangwoo rushed in as if to swallow Jaeyoung, but that was the wrong way to solve the problem. Even if he used force, the frustration would still not go away.
He thought about pulling his lips away, but this time Jaeyoung refused to let him go. The other side used his arms to hug Sangwoo’s neck, leaned his head back, and kissed softly. His neck touched the cold wall without realizing it before his head was pushed in again. His heart beat fast, and it was difficult to distinguish whether it was due to pain or because of mutual feelings, as everything was mixed together, including anger and desire, salty and sweet taste.
Therefore, he was restless. Sangwoo couldn’t remember any advice, forgot even how to breathe, and could only hug the other side’s neck to support himself and remember the person in front of him.
“You are clearly dissatisfied with something.”
Jaeyoung whispered after the long kiss ended, his face red and his breathing heavy. Sangwoo didn’t know what to say.
“I have a disease that I can’t control.”
“This is the first time I’ve heard you speak so hesitantly.”
After picking up his hat and putting it on, he walked out. The sky was darker than before, and the half-moon shone high, making it seem like Jaeyoung knew the complex alleyways like his own home. In the dark path, there were both drunk people passing by and foreigners who took off their shirts and painted on their faces, after almost colliding with people who walked in the park from the opposite side several times. Jaeyoung hugged Sangwoo’s shoulder like hugging a friend, but closer than that, and hugged him in his arms while walking forward.
They soon arrived at the parking lot. Jaeyoung instructed Sangwoo to wait in the car while he went to pay for the parking.
“Can I have your account number? I will transfer the money for the food, parking fee, and half of the studio contract.”
“Hold on.”
“Just tell me. I don’t want to go and withdraw the money.”
Jaeyoung ignored Sangwoo’s words and drove out of the parking lot. Sangwoo looked out of the dark window, feeling slightly better sitting in the quiet car after dealing with the chaotic and confusing place. It was already after work hours, and the streets were empty and quiet. Jaeyoung simply made a phone call through the speaker and played music without saying anything.
“Psychedel, Album 2, Pressure, Track 7, Downtempo.”
“Correct.”
The first song on Jaeyoung’s playlist was quite slow. Although he didn’t know what kind of music it was, Sangwoo felt that the low sound that echoed through the building was like a heartbeat. The slow electronic music helped calm his fluctuating emotions throughout the day, making him feel weak. Sangwoo felt like he was floating in water, sinking into the seat. Then Jaeyoung turned up the volume.
Suddenly, the car was driving along the Han River, the water flowing gently with Sangwoo’s head unable to grasp it. The fifth song started playing as the car was driving on the bridge. Sangwoo opened the window and let the wind blow against his cheeks.
“Yoon Jisung, Album 1, Day and Night, Track 1, Temperature Difference.”
Although Jaeyoung didn’t say anything, Sangwoo already knew that it was the correct answer.
The car turned into the park and slowly stopped, the engine turning off along with the music and the sound of the engine.
From the parking lot of the park, the river was clearly visible. The main character of the picture was the curved bridge whose lower part was submerged in the water and shone white. The light reflected on the water’s surface like light from a light bulb, LED, flickering as if dancing every time the waves softly hit. The residential areas on both sides were connected by a bridge, shining orange in the dark as if refusing to be swallowed up by the darkness at night. Although Sangwoo had been living in Seoul for more than three years, he had never admired the night view of the river that blended with light and darkness.
“So beautiful.” [1]
Jaeyoung spoke up after a long silence, and it was so quiet that even the stars in the sky seemed to twinkle and shimmer. There were no visible stars, but everything else was illuminated.
“That’s right. It’s just because the eye’s pupils dilate more at night, allowing more light to enter.”
“No, I mean you, Sangwoo.”
Jaeyoung’s stoic face slowly revealed a smile as he looked at Sangwoo. Sangwoo quickly averted his gaze. When he lifted his hand to touch his cheek, he felt the warmth. Although he had heard compliments about his looks from adults when he went to visit relatives, the word “beautiful” was something he had never heard before in his life.
‘You, hyung are more beautiful than anyone else.’
Sangwoo contemplated in his heart, perhaps because of this, the person who had just met for the first time wanted to start a conversation. The people around him just stared, their mouths agape. Typically, Sangwoo would be working with Jaeyoung in the same room. Therefore, he didn’t know much about what the other party did when they were outside. Previously, he didn’t need to pay attention to or care about such matters at all..
‘I feel uneasy.’
He felt like he had opened a door to a room he shouldn’t have entered. He was filled with fear that something would happen in the darkness inside that would prevent him from returning to his previous state. The more he thought about it, the more afraid he became of how many people might like Jaeyoung. How many girlfriends the other person had, how many times had he driven other people here, and how many useless questions he wanted to know that constantly bothered Sangwoo’s mind.
“Now you can tell me what you’re dissatisfied with.” Jaeyoung’s voice shattered the silence.
“I’m not dissatisfied.”
“Yes, you are.”
“I said I’m not.”
“You’re clearly dissatisfied.”
Sangwoo frowned, feeling a strange feeling he wasn’t used to. Normally, just seeing the other person’s face would make him feel better, but today he just felt uneasy. Sangwoo sat up straight again and turned his face to the left [2].
He was met with a stoic face he hadn’t seen in a long time, with tired eyes that showed no hint of playfulness, and lips that were straight to the point where it was impossible to guess what the person next to him was thinking.
The other party’s hand moved closer to his eyes, and the wing of his hat turned to the side before pressing down on his shoulder.
“Sangwooya.”
Jaeyoung stared at Sangwoo with a sly expression. Sangwoo didn’t say anything, just looked back at the other party, his lips inviting him to take a deep breath before speaking softly.
“Are you angry about being held up at work?”
“No.”
“If you’re not satisfied with something, just say it, I’ll know.”
“There’s nothing.”
As he answered directly, Jaeyoung frowned slightly, his eyes wandering over Sangwoo’s face, considering whether what he heard was true or not. The other party’s gaze was so heavy and warm that he thought his cheeks were being touched, and Sangwoo’s heart felt suffocated.
“The studio, are you going back there?”
“No? We agreed to send the work by email.”
“The people at the restaurant were all looking at you.”
“So what? I didn’t feel anything.”
“Hyung, are you a flirt?”
“Not really.”
“How many people have you dated until now?”
“Five thousand people.”
‘It had to be like this.’
Suddenly, the attitude shifted to a teasing, causing Sangwoo, who was speaking seriously, to become angry again. Someone who digressed, spoke incoherently, and joked endlessly. He knew Jang Jaeyoung better than three months, so he knew the other party’s tricks well. Jaeyoung laughed silently and hugged Sangwoo’s shoulder. Sangwoo inadvertently held his breath. He didn’t understand why the other party would act like that all of a sudden. Jaeyoung rested his chin on his forehead and spoke up.
“The vacuum cleaner robot is annoying, and there are a lot of firmware developments.”
‘Are you jealous?’
____________________________________.
[1] “It’s beautiful.” The original Korean uses the word “이쁘다,” which means beautiful, cute, attractive, good-looking, and is a word that can be used to compliment both women and men.
[2] and turned his face to the left, a Korean drove a car with a left-hand steering wheel.