MONSTERNEXTDOOR, Chapter 21: When Feelings Are Clear, He’ll Be Our Only Exception.

“You can’t ignore this, Godt.”

I paused while adjusting my tie around my neck when I heard the morning shouting from next door. The familiar voice sounded like Phii Ton, someone who hardly ever shows up at Phii Godt’s room. What’s going on that his voice sounds so displeased?

“I don’t want to deal with it.”

“You can’t just ignore it, go explain yourself at least.”

Their voices went quiet, making me feel uneasy. Soon after, they started up again, but this time it was Phii Godt shouting back before there was a knock on my door.

I slowly opened the door, and seeing who it was, I stepped back to let him in. Phii Godt ran in shortly after, probably having gone to get his mask. I looked up at Phii Ton, who was frowning deeply at Phii Godt in confusion.

“I told you not to mess with the kid.”

“I can’t not mess with it when you won’t say anything.”

“Why should I? Why do I have to explain myself when I haven’t done anything wrong?”

“Do you want the kid to end up like Ping?”

Phii Godt swore in frustration. He tried to pull me out of the room, but Phii Ton grabbed my other arm.

“So if the junior finds out, will you go explain then?”

“Damn you, Ton!”

What’s going on… I’m completely confused now.

“Diew.”

“Yes?”

“Godt’s fans are unhappy with you, even more so because he won’t clarify what’s going on with you.” I gasped upon hearing that, knowing well that this was bound to happen one day, but I was more worried about the honey-skinned guy beside me.

He’s getting attacked again.

“Shit, and what are you going to tell the kid? Isn’t he already overthinking things enough, you bitch?”

“What I’m saying is for you to handle it properly. If you want to make him your boyfriend, do it clearly, not this half-assed, not-committing-to anything way.”

“Don’t you get it? I want to take things slowly, I don’t want to rush.”

“Then tell them you’re courting him, that you plan to ask him to be your boyfriend one day anyway.”

The atmosphere in the room was so tense it made me shrink to almost nothing. I didn’t dare move an inch. Phii Godt let out a big, displeased sigh.

“Isn’t it because you’re not clear yourself? That’s why Ping got attacked so much by the fans.” Phii Ton tried to soften his voice. He slumped down at the edge of the bed, looking exhausted, like he was tired of persuading his friend but continued out of concern.

I didn’t know what expression Phii Godt was showing now, but I was very worried about his feelings.

“And why don’t they think that I’m human too, damn it. Just because I have fans doesn’t mean I can’t like someone, right?”

I know, Godt, but honestly. Just type one sentence saying you’re courting him. That’s all it takes to end it. Why keep it quiet and let it escalate? I know sometimes fans go too far, not letting you have a private life, but it’s because you want to be a public figure.”

Phii Godt’s hand, which was holding my wrist, squeezed gently, indicating he wasn’t okay with what he was hearing.

“If you want a private life, then just type it out. If you don’t want anyone bothering him, type it out. Let them know you’re serious about this person. There are good fans who are ready to protect you, fans who are ready to understand you. They exist, you know.”

“Fuck.”

“Once you’ve decided, just type it out. Don’t worry about him getting attacked even more after you post it. If you don’t make it clear, I think he’ll end up like Miss Ping soon.”

There was a long silence before Phii Godt let go of my hand and sat down at the edge of the bed.

“So what should I do?”

“Say what’s in your heart. As for today, I’m borrowing him for one day.”

“Fuck you, Ton!”

“Clear this up first, then we’ll talk.”

Phii Ton immediately dragged me out of the room without giving Phii

Godt a chance to protest. The last thing I saw after being pulled out was Khun Godzilla holding a phone in his hand, looking so downcast it was worrying.

I got into a taxi with Phii Ton, and as soon as we were in, he asked:

“What time is your class?”

“Half past eight.”

“It’s half past seven now; we’ve got a little time. I want to talk about something.”

I nodded in simple agreement. Not long after, the taxi stopped in front of the Engineering Faculty building. Phii Ton led me to a bench under the faculty building. The Engineering Faculty was quiet in the morning, with only the chirping of birds and the sound of cars passing by on the road, occasionally interrupted by the chatter of passing students.

It was a bit strange because I’d never been here before. Even though the Engineering and International buildings are close, just a ten-minute walk apart, the odd structure of this building caught my attention, and I found myself staring at it for a while.

Phii Godt studies here, huh? I’ve only ever looked at it from the outside, never from within.

I know it’s designed to reflect engineering, but it still looks like it’s not finished.

“Sorry for barging in like that.”

“It’s okay…” I turned my attention from the steel beams above to the person in front of me. Honestly, I was a bit startled because since knowing Phii Godt, I’ve never seen him argue with anyone seriously.

Seeing it today made me unsure how to react.

“You know about Ping, right?”

“Yes.”

“Ping was attacked by Godt’s fans, heavily criticized, to the point where she had to quit social media for a while.”

I knew about this since I had talked to Ping recently.

“The main reason was that Godt didn’t admit he was talking to Ping. When it was found out later, he got criticized for not being upfront about it. At first, I thought like Godt, that it was unreasonable, why should he have to say who he was talking to, but when Ping got attacked, I realized that being clear about it is much better. One, it cuts down on bad fan issues, two, it respects the good fans who have supported him since his first year.”

“Ugh… I understand to some extent…” Especially if it’s someone from society, someone who has tens of thousands of fans following them. I think it’s quite reasonable to care about your fans, so I won’t judge Phii Ton for speaking up because he’s concerned about his friend.

“The fans of Godt, there are two types. The first type is like Jen; I guess you already know Jen is a fan of Godt. The second type is those who will support Godt in everything but are also ready to attack anyone who gets involved with Godt if they think that person isn’t suitable for him.”

That’s why I said Phii Godt’s fans are scary.

“Don’t you know that before him meeting you, Godt was a real social butterfly, always updating his life for others to see? That’s why he has so many fans. But then he met you, and from being a social butterfly, he turned into a caveman. Do you think his fans would be happy with that?”

I could shake my head to answer Phii Ton’s question.

“Yes, on that day he was photographed, caught talking to you secretly, and then he went silent. He didn’t come out to defend himself at all, even though the whole university knows that the Ultraman mask guy is him, he remains silent. I’m mad at him because he doesn’t clear things up. The longer he doesn’t clarify, the more it piles up like mud on a pig’s tail. His fans will start to suspect, and once they start digging, they’ll find out he’s flirting with someone. That’s when the dissatisfaction starts, and he’s still stubbornly not saying anything clearly.”

I can understand everything Phii Ton said about how Phii Godt was once very social, and then he tried to adapt to be with me. I know he often forced himself to do things that weren’t true to his nature.

“I… I’m sorry.”

“It’s not our fault, nor is it Godt’s fault, but this is the result of wanting to be a public figure; there’s no privacy left. We just have to accept it and live with it.” Phii Ton sighed loudly.

Why am I so worried about Phii Godt now?

It’s not like I didn’t know; I’ve been asking him all along if his fans would be unhappy, but I always got the same answer: don’t pay attention, don’t read it, don’t care about what others say. So, I didn’t pay attention as he told me.

But what I had anticipated turned out to be true.

Phii Godt has been through a lot. I don’t know how painful it might be, from the issue with Phii Ping to now, with me.

“It’s rare to see him change himself so seriously. He doesn’t go out drinking much, he quit smoking, isn’t on social media as much as before. And for someone who was proud of his looks, he now wears an Ultraman mask every day. If he didn’t truly love, why would he do all this? That’s why I don’t want you to go through what Ping did. I don’t want Godt to be hurt again.”

“Phii Godt… smokes… cigarettes…?” I blink in surprise, looking at the person in front of me.

I didn’t know about this at all.

Yes, it says that the person next door didn’t like the smell of cigarettes so he quit smoking for good.

He never told me he smoked; I only remember that back then, the next room was smoking so much that the smell came into my room at the end of the corridor, and he cursed the neighbor. After that, there was no more smell of cigarettes.

I had no idea he quit smoking because of me.

Now, should I feel bad because Phii Godt was scolded, or should I feel good knowing that he quit smoking because of me?

Trrr

Phii Ton’s phone rang while we sat in silence for a while. Phii Ton smiled when he saw what was displayed on his phone screen. He held the phone up to me, showing me what was on it.

“Just this, how hard can it be?”

I stared at the Twitter account that was left open; there was no need to guess whose account it was. Ever since naming him Godzilla, it seemed he really liked the name. On the screen was a message that had been typed into Notes and then captured and tweeted:

GodZilla

Sorry for not clearing things up earlier. I am currently courting someone, and many of you probably know who he is. I’m speaking out today because I don’t want the junior to be attacked. He’s a good kid, not arrogant like some say; my friends can confirm this. He’s the one who made me quit smoking, the one who made me drink less alcohol, and the one who made me try to change myself to be more understanding of others. So please, be kind and let her live his private life as before, because I am very serious about him.

I apologize to my fans who have supported me all along.

Sorry for not speaking clearly before.

I’m sorry if my actions have upset many of you, thank you for everything that has happened, I will improve myself.

GODT

“How is it?” Phii Ton asked, raising an eyebrow at me. I handed the phone back to him, my hands still trembling, completely taken aback by those messages.

My heart was pounding in my chest, making me want to run away right then.

“So it’s serious, huh, this guy?”

My lips were tightly pressed together; I knew my face must have been very red, so I tried to cover it with my hands before feeling the familiar touch along with the deep, soft voice of someone like an older brother.

“Why are you here, little bro?”

Phii Beert had arrived at just the right moment.

“I was brought here to talk about Godt.”

“Huh, what did you talk about?”

“About his fans, about him not clearing things up.”

“Oh, and did he clear it up then?”

“Looking at the person who’s turned into a tomato, you can guess if it’s cleared up.”

The owner of the warm hand didn’t say anything further. Phii Beert ruffled my hair and then sat down beside me, just as Phii Wan jumped in to sit opposite me.

“How did Diew get here?”

“What are you yapping about, Wan?” Phii Beert turned to tease the smaller guy, getting a playful glare from Phii Wan in return.

“You’re such a pain in the neck,” before they both started hitting each other and ran off chasing each other.

I slumped my forehead onto my arms, slowly exhaling, trying to calm the heat on my face. Why does my heart beat so hard… just from those typed words?

‘Because I’m serious about him.’

Just that one sentence made today’s air even hotter.

Before I could move anywhere, my phone vibrated. I picked it up to check the Line notification that popped up on the screen, with Phii Godt’s name prominent, along with his message:

Godzilla

Let’s meet tonight, I want to talk.

I put my phone back in my pocket and turned to look at the face of the man who had unofficially become my senior.

“Phii Beert.”

“Yes?” The sun-like smile was warm in return.

“If I… break the promise to chat before going to bed… what should I say at that time?”

“Did the person who made the promise break it themselves?” Phii Beert said jokingly, making me roll my eyes at him.

“Don’t tease me.”

“Just say what you really want to say; because no matter what, Godt will accept it all.”

“Why… did Phii Godt change himself this much?” I asked with a whining tone while turning back to slump my face onto the table.

“It’s like this, weren’t you annoyed by Godt at first?”

True…

“When we love someone, that person becomes the exception.

Someone as confident as Godt, once he meets someone, suddenly wants to change himself. And someone who loves peace like you, what happens when you get to know Godt?”

Love, huh… that’s it… I’ve hardly ever thought about that word.

“He… brings comfort.”

“See, it’s not just Godt who’s changing; Diew has changed too.”

“Me?” Have I changed?

“Just by allowing Godt into your personal world. That’s clear enough, isn’t it?”

I was silent at Phii Beert’s words.

True, I’ve changed without realizing it. Even though I never wanted to deal with someone who’s always noisy and brash, but after talking to him, listening to his stories, getting to know his life, I opened up to let him be part of mine.

If it were anyone else, I might have pushed them away. But because this is Phii Godt, Khun Godzilla, the loud one who tried to change himself to break into my world.

I like him more every day.

The promise will certainly break soon.

“I’m back.”

I opened the balcony door, greeting my neighbor first, Phii Godt let out a small cough.

“Can I come to your room?”

His voice was slightly nasal but had an undertone of pleading like a child. I agreed without hesitation, my legs stepping straight to the door before opening it. The first thing I saw was the green color of a toy.

The tall man handed me a droopy-eyed turtle plushie, clearly suffering from a bad cold, and it seemed the medicine hadn’t helped yet.

“I bought this for you, to keep you company while you wait for the young master to come home.”

“Thank you,” I accepted the plushie, which was just the right size to hug, and quickly opened the door wider for Phii Godt to enter before gently closing it. Phii Godt went and sat down by the balcony, since it wasn’t raining today, we had a chance to go out and feel the breeze.

“Sitting out here like this… you’ll get a fever soon.”

I sat down next to him, holding the turtle plushie that I vaguely remembered was named Sammy, but it seemed Phii Godt wasn’t listening at all. He didn’t care that he was coughing and even sniffing periodically.

“I’m okay, just a small cold.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I want to talk to you more than anything.”

I sat quietly, looking at the droopy-eyed turtle, stroking its soft head while thinking about the young master who had stopped by after school. The doctor said the young master had a lot of gas in his intestines, probably from overeating, so they would give him an injection and observe him at the hospital for now. They would call when he could go home.

That relieved me a bit, happy that the young master wasn’t seriously ill. It was just overeating.

But now, instead of worrying about the young master, I was concerned about the person next to me. One was nearly recovered, and here was another getting sick.

“Sorry, I’m really stubborn.”

I’ve never been angry with you. You don’t have to keep apologizing.

“You just want to protect me. You thought ignoring it was the best way out, but you forgot what kind of person you used to be. You were someone who needed to announce to the world where you were going, what you were doing. But because you wanted to understand me, you tried to adjust, forgetting that there’s another group of people still waiting for you.”

It’s not your fault that you did all this because you wanted to get close to me.

Like Phii Ton said, because the fans have always supported Phii Godt. If one day he suddenly abandons them, anyone would be upset. It’s good that he decided to tweet like that; it might make things better, or even if it gets worse…

   I’ve already promised you. I won’t let you go.

“Is Diew okay with me being like this? I promise that when I’m with you, I won’t let the outside world disturb you.”

   You’ve never let it disturb us since we met, haven’t you?

   Isn’t it you, who, when I said I didn’t like loud noises, tried to stay quiet alone to understand me?

   Isn’t it you, who told me to ignore the words on social media because you wanted me to pay attention only to your words?

And it’s you again, who emphasized to your fans, “Let me have my private life.”

“I’m okay.”

“Sorry,” Phii Godt placed his large hand on my head, “I… achoo!”

He hadn’t even finished speaking before he sneezed loudly, making me laugh. The person hiding his face behind an Ultraman mask sucked his nose up with a cute, loud sniff.

“You are smiling again,” Khun Godzilla said with a hoarse voice, gently ruffling my hair.

“Young-master… is getting better… should be able to leave the hospital tomorrow.”

“Really? Then it seems like I’m no longer needed.”

“Don’t feel bad.”

“I am feeling bad,” he crossed his arms, acting sulky, turning away until I gently poked his arm. The tall man slowly turned his masked Ultraman face back towards me, still coughing at me.

What kind of person gets a cold and acts like a child?

I held his face, knelt down, and gently blew on his forehead.

“What are you doing?”

“Mom said… when you have a cold… blowing like this will help you get better quickly.”

“Oh, and did your mom also say that blowing like this would get you a husband?”

“Uh… no.”

I’m not talking to you anymore, you’re crazy!

        MONSTER NEXT DOOR CHAPTERS HOME

   MONSTERNEXTDOOR, Chapter 20: A Good Relationship Is About Taking Care Of Each Other, Whether In Happiness Or Sorrow.

I’ve been lying by the edge of the fish tank for nearly an hour without moving, the clock on the wall showing half past nine, and the rain was drizzling down, preventing me from sitting on the balcony. After eating, I was about to play with young-master when I noticed something unusual.

Young-master has seemed listless for three or four days now. At first, I thought he was okay because he was still moving around, and when taken out for some fresh air, he seemed lively. There were no signs that he was getting worse, but I only just noticed that neither the meat nor the vegetables I gave him were diminishing at all, even though he usually eats ravenously. Lately, he hasn’t been popping his head out to greet me, and I was puzzled why young-master has been sleeping all day recently.

Until tonight, young-master wouldn’t come out from his shell at all. No matter how much I tapped or picked him up, he was silent. I was so worried that I had to call my grandfather.

(Is the shell soft? Are his eyes swollen?)

“It’s not soft, and his eyes weren’t swollen until yesterday, but today he won’t come out at all. Normally, he’d always pop out to greet when I tap on his shell. I’m really worried.”

(There’s a veterinary hospital at the university; take him to see a doctor. I’ll transfer the treatment costs to you.)

“Young-master will be okay, right, Grandpa?”

(Let the doctor diagnose him. If you leave it too long, it might get worse.)

“Okay.”

(And are you doing well, my smart one? You haven’t called much.) The old man’s voice sounded slightly disappointed over the line. “I’m doing well, but I’m starting to feel unwell because I’m worried about young-master.”

(Don’t worry, don’t worry. Take him to the doctor and leave it to them. It’s good that we’ve been observing young-master’s symptoms, so we noticed quickly that he was getting lethargic. Let me know after you take him to the doctor, I want to talk to the doctor too.)

“Okay.”

I hung up the phone and sat looking at the Japanese turtle shell where young-master didn’t pop his head out to greet me like every morning. I picked up young-master and placed him in a box lined with a cloth to take him to the vet, looking at him with concern.

Please don’t be sick, young-master, you have to stay with us for a long time.

Knock knock

Even before I finished packing, there was a knock at the door. I went to open it, knowing who was coming. When I opened the door, I saw a tall person wearing an Ultraman mask, with faint traces of rainwater on his shoulders.

Every time it rains, Phii Godt comes to knock on my door, just like today.

“What’s wrong? Why the sad face?” He noticed I was feeling down from the first glance. I looked at the square box on the bed, then turned to let out a sigh to Phii Godt who was holding a bag of some snacks he always buys for me.

“young-master… is sick.”

“Oh, do you want me to take him to the vet?”

Khun Godzilla didn’t hesitate to volunteer as soon as he heard that. I knew what Phii Godt was like, but I was worried about young-master. If I had to just sit and wait in the room, I definitely couldn’t do it.

“I’ll go too.”

We braved the rain out of the dormitory, took a taxi straight to the university’s animal hospital. I took young-master to see the vet, only to learn we’d have to observe him there for two to three days. The vet couldn’t yet determine exactly what was wrong with young-master; turtles have complex bodily systems, and an X-ray was needed to find out where he was unwell. But by the time we arrived at the hospital, it was nearly closing time. So, the X-ray would have to wait until tomorrow morning. The doctor could only assure us that young-master was safe for now.

I sat watching the clock on the clinic wall ticking loudly after we finished all the formalities. My mind was blank ever since I left youngmaster in the room, discussed the costs, and now sat dispiritedly on a chair by the exit. The rain outside still sounded loud, and I turned to see Phii Godt squeezing his hands, then after a while, he started scratching his nose under the mask, probably because of the dampness on his body from being in the rain, then having to stay in the air-conditioned room.

He must feel as uncomfortable as I did.

“Are you cold?” I asked softly to the person next to me. Phii Godt placed his large hand on my head and ruffled it gently.

“I’m fine. Are you okay?”

“Not really…”

“It’s okay, young-master is with the doctor now. He’ll be fine.”

“Yes.”

We stood in front of the hospital as the lights slowly went out. I watched the white rain pouring down from the sky, the scent of rain making my nose stuffy, but not as much as the person next to me who sneezed loudly as soon as he encountered the rain.

“Achoo.”

Just like that day, the first day I heard his deep voice, the first day I gave him the nickname.

Khun Godzilla, my neighbor.

“Are you sick?”

“I’ve had a stuffy nose for a couple of days now. But I’m okay, I just played soccer in the rain.”

Hearing him sniffle, Godt couldn’t help but worry. I reached into my trouser pocket, pulling out a light blue handkerchief and offering it to Phii Godt. He paused slightly, seeming surprised that I carried a handkerchief, but he didn’t say anything about it.

“If you need to blow your nose… just keep it… I have plenty.”

Since I was a child, I’ve always carried a handkerchief with me out of habit from my dad. Even though I don’t always use it, I like to have one on me. I turned to look at the person beside me who lifted his mask slightly to tuck the handkerchief inside.

“Thank you.”

“Uh-huh.”

We stood watching the rain that showed no sign of letting up, and there wasn’t a single taxi passing by now. It would be risky to walk through the rain, worrying that Phii Godt might get seriously ill. So we decided to wait on the steps until the rain subsided.

“Have you eaten anything yet?”

“Not yet.” I rubbed my stomach lightly because I was so worried about young-master that I hadn’t touched my dinner since getting back to my room, only eating a small piece of banana cake.

“Then let’s buy something to eat in the room once the rain stops.”

“Okay.”

Phii Godt fell silent after that, spending time watching the thin white curtain of rain at night beside each other, before I felt something touch my left pinky finger. I looked down at our hands placed side by side; our pinkies touched slightly. The other person didn’t look down but instead gazed silently at the sky.

Comparing our pinkies, Phii Godt’s was longer than mine.

“Do you want me to say something?”

A deep voice cut through the sound of the rain.

“I know you’re worried… but I… I’m fine, really.”

“You’re lying to me again.”

I looked down at the rain hitting the concrete, making a loud pattering sound, the coldness and dampness touching my head and body. Even though it made me damp, I couldn’t deny that I liked the rain on nights like this; the smell of rain cleared my mind but also made my nose stuffy.

“I… I’m really worried about young-master… very worried.”

I didn’t want him to worry because I loved young-master as much as I loved my real father when he passed away. I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye; suddenly, the house, once full of joy and laughter, was replaced by silent loneliness. My mother, who usually stayed at home, had to go out to meet friends every day. It was my grandfather who became the source of laughter for both me and my mother.

So when young-master got sick, it felt like my world was slowly crumbling. We were together every day, checking his condition daily, but when young-master became quiet and wouldn’t even peek his head out, it made me afraid of losing him.

I probably wouldn’t be able to smile until I was sure young-master was okay.

“Diew, do you know that I don’t just want to be by your side when you’re happy?”

Khun Godzilla moved his little finger to overlap with mine, the warmth from just that small finger felt like a hug enveloping my whole body.

“I know…”

“So, if you feel not okay or can’t handle it, you can tell me.”

I nodded to him softly.

“I just… want to sit quietly for a while.”

And so, I sat with Phii Godt in silence like that. He didn’t make any silly remarks because he knew if he did, I’d have to force a smile, and he knew that. He didn’t say anything more after that. He didn’t ask if I wanted to eat anything, didn’t ask how I felt, didn’t ask when I wanted to go back. He just held my little finger, indicating he was still by my side.

It’s strange, really, someone who couldn’t sit quietly for more than five minutes is now sitting quietly for an hour for me just because I said I wanted some quiet time. Someone who said they didn’t like rain is now staring blankly at the rain under an Ultraman mask on a night like this.

“I’m sorry… for being selfish… making you sit and watch the rain in silence like this, it must be boring.”

“It’s okay, I’m sorry too, for being selfish, knowing you want quiet but still bothering you all the time.”

I smiled a little and hooked my pinky with Phii Godt’s.

With someone like you around, you always spoil me.

Why do you have to listen to me so much?

Even young-master doesn’t listen to me as much as you do.

By the time we got back to the room, it was past ten. I rubbed my head, which was wet from the rain, and looked at the other person who couldn’t stop sneezing. Godt couldn’t help but worry about him. Luckily, I had cold medicine in my room, planning to give it to Phii Godt after we ate.

Phii Godt flopped down on the floor, setting the food box beside him and tossing his wet shirt nearby. I sat down beside him; the rain outside had stopped briefly before starting again, preventing us from sitting out on the balcony today.

“Achoo.” The tall guy kept sneezing, and with the mask on, I worried it might be too stuffy for him.

“Take off the mask… please…”

“Ha. I’m okay, I’m fine.”

“It’s hot with that on.”

“No.” It turned out that the one who wouldn’t part with the mask was Phii Godt. He could just take it off to wipe his face a bit. We didn’t need to look at each other, just put it back on after, but he seemed determined not to.

“Take it off… then turn around.”

“Really?”

“Yeah… I’ll go get a towel for you.”

In the end, he complied, probably because he really wasn’t feeling well. I grabbed a towel from the wardrobe and walked over to the person sitting with his back to me, slowly removing his Ultraman mask. His broad back, his dark hair slightly wet and clinging to his neck.

Now, Phii Godt looked like Charcoal.

“Here.” His large hand reached back, intending to grab the towel from me, but instead of placing it in his hand, I placed it on his head. Phii Godt flinched, seemingly startled because I’m not usually the one to initiate physical contact. I just wanted to thank him for going to the vet with me, for sitting beside me without saying anything because the silence made me feel better, and it made me confident that the doctor would cure young-master.

“I’ll… wipe it for you.”

“Is that okay?”

“Yes.”

I sat there drying his messy hair, which had gone limp from the rain; once dried, it returned to its fluffy state.

“I just realized… you have curly hair.”

So when he doesn’t style it, it looks like he just woke up all the time, huh?

“I don’t really like it, it’s hard to style.”

“It looks good though… My grandpa said people with curly hair… look like they have thick hair… and when they get old, it’s harder to go bald.”

Phii Godt laughed.

“I was thinking about going for a skinhead.”

“And then you’ll look like Charcoal, completely hairless.”

“But I’m sure I look better than Charcoal.”

“Really?”

“Oh, why are you teasing me all of a sudden?”

I gently ruffled his hair in response because he’s just so annoying, isn’t he?

After drying his hair, I threw the towel into the basket and sat down to eat with Phii Godt. We ate with our backs against each other, which made me realize that Phii Godt’s back was as broad and comforting as a large sofa.

“If you’re not free tomorrow, I’ll go check on young-master for you, I don’t have classes tomorrow.”

I groaned in response, staring blankly at the fried rice box and letting out a faint sigh.

In just a few weeks, there’ll be exams again. And I have a mountain of projects to do, barely any time for anything else. With young-master getting sick like this, it feels like everything is piling up at once, giving me a headache.

I’m worried about young-master, and I’m worried about my exam scores.

“Normally, turtles live longer than humans, you know.”

I smiled when I heard his words, a statement that didn’t require a response.

“I read about it. To the point where we need to find someone to take care of it after us.”

Everything he said was right. My grandpa told me that turtles can live for hundreds of years, much longer than the average human lifespan of eighty years, but some turtles do have shorter lives due to diseases or accidents.

I don’t want young-master to be like that.

“My grandpa gave me young-master… because he didn’t want me to be lonely…”

Whenever I talk about young-master, I always recall the past when I first got him as a tiny turtle, the size of a ten-baht coin. By nature, turtles become aggressive as they grow, but even now, with young-master the size of my palm, there’s no sign of aggression. He’s never once snapped at me.

“I keep telling my grandpa that I’m not lonely… until today…”

I only just realized that without young-master, I suddenly feel lonely.

“That’s because you talk to young-master every day.”

“But young-master never answers me… Why does it feel lonely then?” “It’s like with people, isn’t it? If you talk to someone every day and suddenly they’re gone, you’d feel lonely, right?”

I leaned my back against Phii Godt’s broad back, looking up at the empty ceiling, the bright light in the room making my eyes feel overly white.

“Don’t worry, okay?” Phii Godt’s head rested on mine, moving slightly back and forth a couple of times.

“Feeling lonely sometimes, that’s not wrong.”

Just as my grandpa said, we all need someone to talk to.

If I didn’t have Phii Godt, I’d still have young-master. But if I didn’t have young-master, I’d still have Phii Godt. But if I didn’t have either young-master or Phii Godt, I’d definitely feel terrible.

Because today, with Phii Godt here, I can cope.

“Phii Godt.”

“Hmm?”

“Can I… have a hug?”

The person behind me went silent. I knew it was starting to get out of hand, but at times like this, I really wanted a hug from someone. Just a quick hug and then let go. That wouldn’t be a big deal, right?

Phii Godt didn’t respond. He moved slightly away from me, causing me to lean back when I was resting against his back.

“If that’s the case, may I?” Not long after, his wide arms wrapped around my waist from behind. I jolted in surprise. Even though I asked for a hug, I didn’t mean for him to hug me like this.

“Phii Godt…” My voice was trembling, looking at his long arms that loosely wrapped around my waist, the warmth from his strong arms creating a flush of heat all over.

Suddenly, I forgot why I wanted him to hug me in the first place.

My mind was only thinking, oh no, my heart is beating so fast, will he notice?

“You know, hugging is the best way to recharge energy.”

His deep voice was close to my ear, making me shiver. Phii Godt’s embrace made my heart beat so fast it felt like it would burst out of my chest. Not unlike the heart beating rapidly under someone else’s chest, which I could feel through his back.

Phii Godt, he must feel the same as I do right now.

“Just a tiny body.”

“Phii Godt.”

“Yes?” I placed my hand on his muscular arm, my lips pressed tight together.

“You…”

I wasn’t sure if I should say it, my face was burning hot, the warmth spreading across it. I could feel the warmth radiating from my own body, knowing my face must be completely red by now. I was thankful again that he was the one to initiate the hug; otherwise, I would have made some strange face for sure.

Since I could say it, it should be fine, right?

“Don’t go anywhere… please.”

“Yes.”

“I… would definitely feel lonely… if you disappeared.”

The heartbeat of the person behind me, which was in sync with mine just a moment ago, now doubled in speed. Feeling the change in the heartbeat of someone else, I had to raise my hand to cover my blushing face.

“Diew.”

“Yes?”

“My heart is going to give out.”

It’s not just you.

I feel like I’m dying too.

    MONSTER NEXT DOOR CHAPTERS HOME

   MONSTERNEXTDOOR, Chapter 19: Sometimes, with some people, there’s no need to change yourself for them at all.

Like every morning at seven, I hung a bag of pork floss bread on Khun Godzilla’s door because he came back late last night. He’d sent me a goodnight message around 11 PM, having gone to the airport to see off a senior, and I only heard his door close around 4 AM. He must be fast asleep by now.

This morning, I went to university not feeling great, with a stomachache since around 4 AM when I heard the door next door. I guessed it was due to eating an apple last night without chewing it well enough, and then going straight to bed without chatting to wait for it to digest because Phii Godt wasn’t there to distract me. Now, my stomach was cramping, making my face tense. Plus, I didn’t have time to go to the pharmacy, and the only medicine in my room was some white chalky antacid which didn’t help at all.

Luckily, today’s lab wasn’t strict, and there were no classes in the afternoon. After noon, I decided to do something light for my stomach at the faculty canteen. I thought after eating, I’d stop by the pharmacy to get something to help with the stomach pain.

“Why are you making that face?”

A familiar voice rang out beside me as I was hunched over, clutching my stomach. I looked up to see the beautiful girl standing next to me with a glass of some yellow liquid.

“It’s good, mango smoothie.”

Phii Godt’s ex-crush… the club president of the International Faculty.

“Good, Phii Ping.”

“Stomachache?” Phii Ping casually sat down opposite me in the innermost seat of the canteen. I nodded to her, my brows still furrowed.

“Indigestion or diarrhea?”

“Probably… the first one.”

Hearing that, she rummaged through her small shoulder bag and handed me some white tablets. I took them and examined them. “Aerox, for bloating and stuff, chew it and swallow. If it doesn’t get better, go see a doctor later.”

I took one tablet out, chewed it, and swallowed it as Phii Ping instructed, suddenly thinking of what Phii Godt had said when he was drunk, that no one had ever taken care of him like that because he didn’t have friends to remind him to take medicine.

Now I understand why Phii Godt once liked Phii Ping; she’s very attentive to people around her.

Khun Godzilla probably likes being taken care of like this.

“Thank you… really,” I bowed my head slightly to the woman in front of me.

“No problem,” she dismissed it as if taking care of others was just a normal thing for her to do.

Of course, because Phii Ping was the one who told Phii Jen to apologize to me and Phii Godt. She was also worried about Sister Jen being attacked by Phii Godt’s fans. She’s truly a kind-hearted woman to everyone.

Or perhaps, from another angle, it might be because she knows how unpleasant it is to be attacked with harsh words.

“With Godt, how is it going?” Phii Ping asked during a moment of silence between us.

“It’s… good.”

“I’m not asking this because I want to go back to Godt, I’m asking because I’m worried. Diew, you don’t know why Jen attacked you, right?”

I shook my head left and right for Phii Ping. I don’t know; just not reviewing the bag shouldn’t make Sister Jen resent me that much, especially since we’ve never even met before. There must be another reason she dislikes me enough to vent on social media like that and get backlash in return.

“Jen is a fan of Godt.”

Ah… that makes sense. If it was just about not reviewing her stuff, she would have cursed me out a long time ago.

“Just not reviewing something, I think that’s a small matter. You might not like it, but it shouldn’t lead to acting like a child and demeaning others. But after that day when pictures were taken secretly, some fans were unhappy, like Jen. I just want to say, don’t pay attention to it.”

I looked up at the owner of the beautiful eyes in front of me. Phii Ping gave a small smile at the corner of her mouth and a playful wink.

“When I was flirting with Godt, I got attacked too. Godt has good fans, but he also has a lot of bad ones. At first, it was just normal things like saying I have a poker face because I don’t smile much. Once Godt’s fans knew I was talking to him, I got called arrogant. Arrogant for what? Do I need to smile at everyone in the world? That’s just too much.”

Phii Ping laughed as if the past was a funny story, but deep down, I could hear the tremble in her voice. I sat quietly, being a good listener, feeling like I met someone in the same boat, someone who had been in the same situation, someone who had once been overly concerned because of others’ words.

Only Phii Ping gave up first.

“I was told I wasn’t suitable for Godt, but I never thought about changing myself either. It might be because I didn’t think I did anything wrong. Having a poker face doesn’t mean I’m arrogant. This is just how my face is.”

I nodded in understanding. Phii Ping indeed looks very serious at first glance; you wouldn’t dare to approach her just walking by, but once you talk to her, she turns out to be a wonderful senior who cares about those around her, which is why she became the club president and is beloved by many. Even the tough Sister Jen wouldn’t dare to mess with this woman.

Compared to me, I’m like a lonely turtle who doesn’t look at his conversation partner, speaking in fits and starts as if riding a bumpy songthaew. Even my smiles are rare, reserved only for those close to me, so it’s natural for some people to dislike these behaviors.

Even the singer I like gets attacked, even though he doesn’t cause trouble for anyone. It’s just his personality – quiet, not daring to speak, always looking down, not making eye contact. It’s so hard to form each word that comes out of my mouth.

I don’t know how others live their lives, but I hate people who mock others’ flaws, whether it’s about skin color, appearance, personality, or lifestyle. You don’t know what someone has been through, what made them like this. They might smile on the outside but be suffering inside.

Why don’t those people live their own lives well before judging others?

“Back then, I thought it would be better to stop talking to Godt because I couldn’t handle his fans. Now, we’re just acquaintances, we greet each other normally when we meet.”

“And… are you okay… talking to me?” Because right now, I’m someone Phii Godt is courting. I was afraid Phii Ping might feel uncomfortable talking to someone her former crush likes.

“I’m okay. Now, I think of Godt as just a friend. Maybe it’s because when we were talking, we didn’t have a status of being officially a couple. When we stopped talking, I didn’t feel much pain, but for Godt,

I think he must have felt pretty bad.”

Phii Godt… the one who always laughs and tells bad jokes. I never knew what was going through his mind, just that he overthinks things just like I do.

“I admit I made a mistake back then by listening to Godt’s fans more than Godt himself. I cared more about what others said than who I should have cared about. So, I just want to say one thing: Godt, he means well. If possible, no, what you should do is focus only on Godt, don’t mind what others say. If Godt truly chooses you, everyone will have to accept it.”

“I… will only listen to Phii Godt.”

“Good. Since we’re not causing trouble for anyone, not making Godt feel bad, there’s no need to change anything. Love is between two people; don’t let a third, fourth, or fifth person give you a headache, understand?”

Phii Ping’s slender hand gently touched mine.

“Please take care of Godt for me, and if you have any problems or just want someone to talk to, you can talk to me.”

Her smile was beautiful, unlike what many people had said badly about her. I now understand that just a few words can completely change someone’s life. Despite Phii Ping being so suitable for Phii Godt, their future could have been bright. Even though she said she wasn’t attached, deep down, she must have regretted her decision.

“Phii Ping”

“Huh.”

The person about to leave turned back to look at me. I gave a small encouraging smile.

“Thank you… and also… you have… a very beautiful smile.”

Phii Ping let out a soft laugh.

“Same to you, smile a lot.”

I closed the door, placed my bag on the bed, and walked over to greet young-master, who had retreated into his shell. Are you sleeping? I peered left and right at the shy turtle for a while before gently tapping the shell, and young-master poked his head out to greet me. I smiled at young-master.

“The outside world is so chaotic, isn’t it, young-master?”

I muttered before changing my clothes and heading to sit on the balcony in the evening. I heard the soft strumming of a guitar from the next room on a day when the weather wasn’t hot, with wind chimes jingling along to the gentle melody.

“You’re playing the guitar again?”

“I just changed the strings, does it sound nice?”

“It’s nice.”

I sat munching on Pocky while reading and listening to the music played by the creature in the next room until the music stopped. I heard the sound of the guitar hitting something hard, indicating he had put it down.

“Phii Godt.”

“Hmm, what?”

“I met Phii Ping.”

As I mentioned Phii Ping, I instinctively rubbed my stomach, which was eased by the antacid medicine, and the stomachache subsided a lot.

Khun Godzilla was silent for a moment.

“Well, I had a stomachache, and Phii Ping gave me some medicine to take.”

“And is the pain gone?”

“It’s better now.”

I closed my book, set it beside me, and then stared out at the horizon where the sun was about to set. In the distance, I could see rain clouds approaching from afar, likely to reach where I am late tonight, so I would probably sleep with the sound of rain tapping against the clear windows.

“Phii Ping told me about how she was criticized by your fans…”

“Are you still worried about this?”

“No. I’m not worried anymore. I only listen to you now.”

“You’re good at flirting.”

It’s not flirting; it’s the truth.

“I know I overthink about those words, just like Phii Ping, but I want to ask, do you overthink about those words too?”

“I do think about them. There are times I feel not okay with it. Besides, no one wants to hear bad things about someone they like, right?”

“Uh-huh,” I murmured softly in response.

“So after the Ping incident, I stopped caring about the negative comments online. I choose to read supportive messages and good comments instead.”

“Okay.”

“Those people hide behind their keyboards; they can say whatever hurtful things they want. They don’t know if what they say will cause pain or leave lifelong scars; they’re just satisfied with spewing out bad words. But we can’t stop them. We have to avoid it ourselves, protect ourselves. That’s why I’m telling you, don’t look at it, don’t read it.”

“Okay. I won’t read it.”

“Promise?”

“Okay, I promise.”

I won’t read messages that make me feel bad, won’t read messages that make me question, “Was it right to get to know this guy?” This guy who is a public figure, who has many fans, because from the start, the answer in my heart has been clear.

It was right to have met him.

This being who entered my world without trying to drag me out.

Actually, since I’ve known Phii Godt, whenever I went out, it was entirely of my own free will.

“Listen to me, just this once. I want you to trust in me. I promise I won’t make you feel uncomfortable.”

“I’m not uncomfortable.”

“Okay, but if anything comes up, tell me, okay? I can’t guess on my own, so I want you to tell me like in the early days when we talked. If you don’t like something I do, or if you want me to do something, you must tell me, understand?”

“Yes.” I scratched the back of my neck lightly because I was suddenly feeling warm.

He emphasized, ‘Tell me,’ several times until I fully understood that if I was feeling uncomfortable about anything, I should tell him.

When encountering Phii Godt in his charming talk mode, I become completely helpless.

“Phii Godt.”

“Huh?”

Why do you care about me so much?”

“If I were to answer playfully, I’d say there’s no reason, I just want to take care of you, that’s all.”

“I want a reason.”

“Because I’m happy talking to you.”

My lips pressed together so tightly it hurt.

“No matter how many times I ask, you’ll give the same answer.”

“I’m… also happy talking to you.”

“Diew,” his voice was low and gruff, making all my hairs stand on end.

“Yes?”

“Why do you always make me blush?”

At his words, I accidentally dropped the Pocky box from my lap, the pink cream-coated crunchy sticks scattering on the floor like fortune sticks. He’s not the only one blushing; this lonely human here is as red as a frying pan for eggs. I looked at my reflection in the clear glass; my face was bright red due to my easily blushing nature. I touched my cheek, rubbing it gently.

Here we go again, how can I dare to look him straight in the eye like this when everything shows on my face?

I’m glad we don’t have to face each other right now because I surely would have done something awkward.

“By the way, how did you know I like pork floss bread?”

I scooped the Pocky back into the box, suddenly reminded of the person who had put the pork floss bread on my tray the other day.

“Phii Beert told me.”

“Beert again!”

“That’s my close friend,” he laughed softly when he heard him teasing his friend, “With Phii Beert, he’s just a lovely older brother.” He explained why he liked talking to Phii Beert, because of the comforting aura he exudes, making Phii Beert quite a comfort zone for me.

As for Phii Godt, I’d label him as a “danger zone.” My heart feels like it’s going to explode every time I get close.

“And what about you?” asked the person who never gives up when it comes to me.

He already knows he’s special to me, even putting an egg in for me, why does he need to ask again?

You know, right? The promises I made, I’m about to break them myself,” I said, looking down and playing with my sweaty palms.

“I know.”

“One of them is already broken. If the other two break, I don’t even know what I’ll say to you.”

“When the time comes, we’ll figure it out.”

Figure it out, huh? That’s right. If the time comes when I want to look at his face, see his expressions and eyes, see his smile, see his serious face, if that time comes, there would only be a few words I’d want to say to him.

Because if I were the one to take off Phii Godt’s mask…

It would mean I’m really confident then.

“But if you don’t know, I’ll make you know.”

“…How will you do that?”

“Want to know? Lean your ear closer.”

I leaned my ear towards the balcony, curious to hear what he would say, before Phii Godt whispered softly on the breeze,

“I think of you.”

Thud.

My right hand pressed against my chest; my heart was beating like a drum, oh my.

“I am thinking about you a lot.”

“Phii Godt…”

“Do you think about me?”

I clenched my lips tight, scratching the back of my neck to ease the awkwardness.

“Uh.”

“Not ‘uh’, do you think about me?”

My heart was about to explode.

“I… think about you.”

“Crazy, you’re making me blush so much.”

“Phii Godt!”

Khun Godzilla laughed with delight.

“If I like you and you like me, if I think about you and you think about me, we’re this much in sync. It’s not hard at all.”

And what words do you want to hear?” I sat there, waiting anxiously for him to come up with those words.

“Anything.”

“Huh?” Anything, huh? So, what should I say then?

“Yes, except for the words, ‘stop bothering me’.”

“Why would I say that?”

“Exactly, that’s absolutely forbidden. I think it’s cutting off opportunities; if you say you hate me, I can still win you back, right? If you’re angry, I can still make you not angry, but ‘stop bothering me,’ there’s nothing I can do about that.”

“I won’t say that.”

“Then try saying it, I’ll sulk.”

“Good at sulking.”

“See?”

“I think… if that time comes… I’ll have the best words for you.”

“Make it really good, like something that makes me fall in love and can’t back out.”

“Crazy.”

He’s crazy, always saying crazy things.

“But really, any words will do. As long as you say them, I’ll be happy.”

We sat sharing stories with each other on the balcony, with the conversation revolving around pork floss bread that he likes to eat, and today was a happy day as usual.

The light-hearted stories of each day, the happiness of talking to him, the comfort of talking to him.

This is the best relationship there can be.

        MONSTER NEXT DOOR CHAPTERS HOME

   MONSTERNEXTDOOR, Chapter 18: Words from people who don’t know us well often sadden us; it depends on whether we pay attention to those words or turn to care for those around us.

Phii Godt’s flirting raises questions for me—whether his past actions were just him being friendly or if he intended to take care of me from the start. Because his actions hardly differ, his flirting primarily aims to make me feel at ease. The person in the room next door still hangs a bag of Pocky with a Post-it note on my door every morning. We still talk on the balcony as usual, eat together, then go about our own business because I have to study, and Phii Godt has to study and live his daily life with his friends.

He never let our conversations interfere with his daily life. Phii Godt remains a social person, happy to meet friends, still playing football with seniors, engaging in university activities as usual, occasionally sneaking off to drum at a concert, but every day at ten, he makes time to have dinner with me.

Besides eating, we often have ordinary conversations, like what we studied today, what we encountered, sharing our daily stories until it becomes routine.

Some days he would come to listen to music, watch the moon from my balcony, and he likes to buy snacks for me, sit and eat Pocky together, read comic books, and then go back to his room when he’s sleepy.

We learn more about each other every day.

Phii Godt often says he doesn’t like looking at the sky because he thought it was a waste of time, but seeing me enjoy it, he started looking at the night sky every day, and we compare the shapes of the moon at night.

Phii Godt didn’t like Wan’s food, but because my post-dinner snack was Pocky bought by him, he ended up eating it too, and now he likes strawberry-flavored Pocky.

Phii Godt doesn’t like waking up early, but recently, he’s been getting up earlier and going to bed earlier than usual because he wants to wake up and send me a morning message on Line.

Phii Godt doesn’t like strawberries, but he loves to buy strawberryflavored snacks for me every noon.

And today, it’s strawberry daifuku from Japan that his friend bought for him.

I blinked at the simple box on the table, a pink square box flanked by a strawberry yogurt drink in front of me and a watermelon smoothie in front of Phii Godt.

Once we got used to it, Phii Godt started coming to find me at the faculty cafeteria every day, sometimes with Phii Beert, sometimes alone like today. Even if not for meals, he likes to stop by for a watermelon smoothie and to chat before heading back to class in the afternoon. I looked at the Ultraman mask sitting with his back to the crowd, facing me in the deepest corner of the faculty cafeteria.

It turns out that this spot has become our regular lunchtime place.

“Is it good?”

Phii Godt asked while I was trying the strawberry daifuku. The chewy texture of the outer dough, sprinkled with white icing, combined perfectly with the tart, fresh strawberries inside, making me squint with delight.

“It’s good.”

“I can tell by your face.”

“How… do I look?”

“Blissful beyond belief.”

“Aren’t you going to eat?” I asked Phii Godt, chewing on the confection, Khun Godzilla shook his head slightly.

“I brought it for you to eat.”

“Thank you.”

“Your mouth is all messy.” Phii Godt pointed at the left corner of his own mouth. I used him as a mirror, wiping the right side of my mouth with the back of my hand.

“Not that side.”

“Oh.” I wiped the left side with my finger.

“Still there.”

After saying that, his slender finger touched the left corner of my mouth, gently wiping away the icing. Phii Godt’s action made my face flush so much that I had to look down at my glass of strawberry yogurt smoothie, which was now three-quarters empty.

“Your face is red like a tomato.” “Don’t… tease me,” I mumbled.

I don’t know if this is part of his courting strategy because lately, we’ve been touching each other more. Even though Phii Godt keeps some distance, most of our touches are playful.

But when he touches me out of care, I feel like I’m going to die.

Once I receive this kind of attention, my immunity drops to the ground.

We were just chatting casually. Mostly, it was Phii Godt complaining about his studies until someone stood by our table. Both Phii Godt and I turned to look at the woman before he greeted her.

“Hey, Ping.”

“Hey, Godt.”

She seemed to be another friend of Phii Godt that I hadn’t met before. I don’t know how many people know that Phii Godt wears an Ultraman mask, but from what Jen said, if people know Phii Godt wears a mask, it makes him an easier target to spot, so I’m not surprised if someone comes up to ask, “Is that Godt?” or “Hey, Godt.”

Of course, this guy seems to know almost everyone in the university. However, behind Ping stood Jen, who looked like she was not in the mood for charity.

I felt the same. Even though the faculty building is just a small square, why do we have to meet so often?

I don’t like it.

“What’s up?” Khun Godzilla asked his friend with the familiarity of someone who’s good at making conversations with others seem easy.

Ping pulled Jen to stand beside her, pointing at the girl who seemed to have been dragged there.

“I heard from Biu that Jen scolded your boyfriend, huh?”

“Cough!” I choked on the strawberry yogurt I was drinking.

“Not boyfriend yet, still flirting.”

“Move over a bit, let’s talk.”

Phii Godt and I moved to the next chairs. Then Ping squeezed in beside me, while Jen sat next to Phii Godt. The awkward atmosphere among the four of us made me afraid to look up to see what expressions everyone was making.

“As the president of the Inter-Faculty Club, I don’t want people from our faculty to have issues with you, Godt, so I brought Jen here to clear up if there’s anything you two have against each other.”

“Is this Jen?” Khun Godzilla pointed at the woman beside him. “Uh-huh.”

“You don’t like Diew?” Phii Godt asked Jen, who had been silent for a while. She glanced at me with a side-eye but didn’t respond. That was answer enough, indicating she didn’t like me.

“If you don’t like him, then you should just keep your distance, why cause trouble?”

“Listen… can I say something?” Phii Ping interjected in what seemed to be a not so smooth conversation, “When Jen posted like that, she got heavily criticized by your fans.”

“And what does that have to do with me? She’s the one who insulted and belittled the kid, right? You should acknowledge your own actions. Not just that, she also physically harmed him. It’s already good that the kid didn’t go to the police.”

“Well, yes. That’s why I made her come to apologize to you and Nong

Diew. But she physically harmed him too?”

“The folder scratched his arm badly enough to draw blood; I and Ton can testify.”

Phii Ping let out a deep sigh as if just hearing about this, furrowing his brows at Jen.

“You physically assaulted him, Jen?”

“I didn’t know, Phii Ping, maybe because I was holding the folder at the time.”

“It’s good that Biu told me. If Biu hadn’t said anything, if you did something like this again, would jail be worth it, Jen?”

“I’m sorry, Phii Ping.”

“The one you should apologize to is Nong Diew. Apologize to him.”

“Is he willing to accept my apology? If he’s not, then there’s no need. I’ll gather all the evidence of what you’ve done, from bumping into him, physical assault, to making baseless accusations that harm his reputation. You know the Computer Crimes Act, right? Cyberbullying isn’t a small matter either.” Phii Godt clearly showed his displeasure, both in his tone, his sarcastic remarks, and by crossing his arms. He didn’t even turn to look at the person beside him, just kept his gaze on me.

“What do you say, Jen?” The president of the international faculty turned to the woman who didn’t look too good. She seemed to be afraid of Phii Godt, almost not sitting on the chair.

“I’m sorry…”

“Do you mean it?” Phii Godt answered on my behalf, “If you’re not sincere, you don’t need to apologize. If you just say sorry without truly meaning it, you should keep that ‘sorry’ for yourself because you’re hurting yourself.”

“I am sincere, I let my emotions get the better of me, I’m sorry for not thinking it through, for doing this because of being rejected for the bag review, and because the kid doesn’t talk to me much, I assumed he was arrogant. But from now on, I’ll be more careful. Regarding the incident where I bumped into him and the mask, I apologize, and for the physical harm, I didn’t mean to scratch him with the folder, it was an accident because I was holding it close.”

“And did you delete the comments?” Phii Godt asked in a stern, displeased voice. The more his voice hardened, the more Jen averted her eyes, not daring to meet anyone’s gaze.

“I’ve deleted them, and I tweeted an apology last night after Phii Ping contacted me.”

“Phii Ping told you that if you didn’t apologize, there would be disciplinary action, possibly suspension from school.”

“Ping, what do you want from me?

Ping, “I don’t want anything from you, Godt. I just want Jen to apologize, because she’s part of our faculty. But the problem is that your fans told Jen to jump off a building and die. I understand that Jen was wrong.”

Ping “It’s not surprising if they don’t like Jen. they can criticize Jen, but telling her to die is too much, and I can’t ignore it. So, I want to ask you to tell your fans that Jen has apologized. But if you don’t want to do it, that’s fine. I’ll try to get Biu to help too.”

Godt, “I know that was too much, but you should understand too. Some words might be light for us, but for others, they could be heavy enough to ruin their lives. you should know this.”

Ping, “Yeah, I know. This is just the one thing I’m asking for. As the head of the club, especially when it involves someone close to me, I can’t let it slide. I’ll punish Jen for physically harming Nong Diew myself. As for the dislike between you, you’ll have to live with it. If there are any more issues, come tell me at the club.”

I sat silently watching the three people talking, then suddenly Phii Godt spoke to me.

Phii Godt: What about you, what do you say? Realizing I was drawn into this uncomfortable conversation, I started to feel a bit awkward.

What do I say? I’m not that vindictive, and besides, what Jen said had some truth to it, which helps clear things up with Phii Godt. Even though her actions were infuriating, if she apologizes, I’ll consider it over.

Nong Diew, “If… she apologizes… then let it go… from now on, we’ll just go our separate ways.”

Phii Godt, “Since he says that, then so be it. I’ll tell my fans to stop attacking you, but if you dare touch him again or hurt him, whether by words or physically, I won’t spare you.”

Jen, “I’m sorry,” she bowed in apology to both Phii Godt and me, “I won’t let this happen again, I sincerely apologize to both Phii Godt and

Nong Diew.”

With Phii Godt, forgiveness might not come easily, but for me, what’s past is past, especially since we need to look after our future. A woman like Jen had to come apologize, so she must be truly desperate.

Ping, “Sigh.”

A sigh came from the woman beside me, Phii Ping gently tapped Jen’s hand.

Ping, “Take it easy. If you don’t like each other, just keep your distance. No need to taunt or criticize, stop messing with the junior.”

Jen, “Yes, I’m sorry.”

Ping, “Alright, let’s go then. Thank you, Godt. Sorry, Nong Diew.” Phii Ping stood up with Jen, but Phii Godt called out to stop them.

“Oh, and another thing, someone like me, if I don’t like something, I won’t do it. The reason I wear a mask isn’t because I’m forced to, but because I want to. Don’t think on my behalf that I’ll feel uncomfortable; wearing a mask doesn’t make me look worse.”

Phii Godt’s words were like a straight-edged ruler, but in that seriousness, I also sensed his arrogance. Even in this tense moment, he’s still at it, isn’t he?

Phii Ping didn’t say anything after that, before she quickly led Phii Jen away. I could only watch the back of that woman until she was out of sight. When I turned back to look at the person in front of me, I found that Phii Godt had been watching me. He was sitting with his arms crossed, not speaking, looking quite displeased, and he seemed irritated, as a loud sigh escaped through his mask.

“Phii Godt…”

“I won’t forgive her,” he said in a low, almost growling voice, “I don’t like it.”

“Forget it… it’s good enough if she doesn’t cause trouble.”

I hope her apology is something she genuinely wants to do, not because she’s pressured or forced into it. If it’s the latter, once the dust settles, she might do it again, and if that’s the case, I won’t be okay with it.

Anyway, people who don’t like each other are better off just staying apart.

But speaking of which… Phii Godt’s fans are quite scary too. I know they’re protective of him, and since I came later, I want to respect his fans, but telling Sister Jen to jump off a building, that’s not okay, as Phii Ping said.

No matter how grave someone’s mistake is, I think there’s one thing we shouldn’t say, and that’s telling someone to go die.

“Your fans… they’re scary,” I muttered to Phii Godt, who was looking up from his phone.

“Telling her to go die is too harsh, I don’t agree with that either. But saying she’s arrogant, I don’t like that either. Arrogance might be just a normal word for others, but for her, is it really normal, Diew? If she thinks it’s normal, why would you sit here overthinking like this? Am I right?”

“Uh… yeah, you’re right.”

“Once something is posted on the internet, it’ll stay there until you die, even if you delete it, someone will have captured it, word spreads, and sometimes, even without knowing the truth, people just go on to spin tales. That’s why I told you not to look at it.”

Am I… getting scolded by him?

“Yes..”

“Don’t go reading it. Don’t go looking at it. If there’s any issue, let those with strong immunity handle it.”

“Wan, Biu, and Ton, they’re all social media savvy. Back in the day, when I was criticized, they were quicker than 4G, I guess.”

I nodded in response to him.

“And… will your fans… be okay… with me?”

We circled back to the question I had asked him before, because I was afraid that Phii Godt’s fans wouldn’t take kindly to him being close to me. I know how society works; I’ve seen it happen when celebrities have partners, and fans stop supporting them or even curse the celebrity’s partner as if they’ve done something terribly wrong.

Now that it’s happening to me, I feel scared.

“Diew.”

“Yes?”

“Do you think you’re a bad person?”

I shook my head in response.

“Exactly, because I’ve never mistreated you, so there’s no reason for them to hate you.”

“Hmm.”

“Listen to me, you smart one, a friendly person like me, even with fans, I’m just an ordinary person. I want to love someone, take care of them, have someone to listen to my complaints when I’m tired, have someone by my side when I’m lonely.”

“…” I could only remain silent, looking at the Ultraman mask on his face.

If I could see Phii Godt’s eyes right now… what kind of expression would he have? Sad or not, heartbroken or not. I know that being part of society means bearing many burdens, including behavior and words, caring so much for your fans that sometimes you lose your own identity.

Does he worry about online comments like I do?

And if he does, how can I comfort him?

“Being a part of society, do I not have the right to like or love someone?”

I clenched my lips tight, his words carried a hint of resentment.

One reason he approached me was to make amends for what he had done to his senior, this I knew, but the constant pressure he’s faced as a public figure, whether from when he entered university or throughout his life, I only now realize how much Phii Godt truly overthinks things, just as he says.

I was so caught up in caring about what others said that I forgot the person I should care about the most is the man in front of me. I don’t know what he’s been through. I don’t know how much hardship he’s faced. I should pay more attention to Phii Godt’s feelings because he’s a special and very important person, someone who cares about me and knows me better than anyone else.

“You can like… or love anyone… it’s your right,” I gave him a sincere smile.

“And I like… that you’re you.”

Khun Godzilla changed his posture to rest his chin on his hand, looking at me.

“Really? Then why do you have to smile sweetly at me like that?”

“…”

“You’re good at being charming.”

But I’m really annoyed by this habit of his when we’re discussing something serious. Why does he have to be so annoying!

…

Every now and then, I stop by the bakery in front of the university before heading back to the dorm to study. Besides sushi, bread is something I like. Actually, I like almost everything, but the custard bread from this place is as delicious as from those shops in Bangkok that my dad used to buy for me when I was a kid.

“Oh, Diew.”

A familiar voice sounded beside me along with a warm smile like a big sun, coming from Phii Beert. While I was picking up bread to put on my tray, I slightly bowed to him. Next to Phii Beert was another smaller person, enjoying choosing bread from the shelf.

They stick together like mischievous bananas I used to watch when I was young, except Phii Wan is smaller than Phii Beert, his head only reaching Phii Beert’s shoulder.

“You like the bread from this shop too?”

I nodded in response to Phii Beert, who approached me and placed some pork floss bread on my tray.

“Godt likes pork floss bread, take some for him.”

“Ah… thank you.”

“Is there anything bothering you?” I flinched at that question and could only give Phii Beert a dry smile. Apart from Phii Godt, the person who can notice my mood changes faster than anyone else is this guy.

This one here.

Maybe because Phii Beert is quiet, he’s able to observe those around him more meticulously than others.

“I’m… worried… about Phii Godt’s fans.”

“Oh, are you afraid of being criticized?” A little, but my concern also involves Phii Godt.

“I’m more afraid that Phii Godt… will get criticized… Has Phii Godt ever been criticized by his fans?”

“Yes,” it was Phii Wan who answered, holding a bag of bread he’d just paid for. I didn’t know when he’d been standing beside me.

I went to pay and walked back to the dormitory with Phii Wan and Phii Beert. The smaller guy told me what had happened between Phii Godt and his fans during his first year.

“Godt got heavily criticized by his fans before his second year because he liked a girl. He was pretty down during that time. He never told us how he felt, but he seemed cheerful on the outside while he was actually overthinking everything.”

“Diew, you might see Godt as someone who doesn’t care much, easygoing, but he actually cares a lot about what people say, and he’s a master at overthinking. He just doesn’t show it,” Phii Beert added before Phii Wan sighed.

“Seeing someone you love get cursed and attacked by others, no one likes that, right? Godt was stressed every day, trying to comfort the girl he liked, but she couldn’t handle the heavy attacks. So she asked to distance herself from Godt, and that was it, heartbreak, sadness, drinking until he puked.”

“Back then, we also felt sorry for Ping.”

“Ping?” I raised an eyebrow at Phii Beert, “The club president… from the International Faculty?”

“You know her?”

“Today… Phii Ping brought Jen to talk and apologize to me.”

“Really?” Phii Wan exclaimed, “That’s Godt’s old crush, but they never officially dated, just talked.”

I had no idea Phii Godt had once liked Phii Ping because they didn’t show any signs. On the surface, they looked more like good friends. “But don’t worry, they’ve cut ties because now Godt is only interested in one person.”

I looked up to see Phii Wan smiling at me.

“As for the fans, don’t mind them. If anything happens, I’ll handle it.”

“But…” Won’t Phii Wan get criticized too if Phii Godt’s fans don’t like me?

“For you, just have a lot of confidence in Godt. Don’t worry about what his fans say. Godt has his own life, he won’t let others dictate what he should or shouldn’t do, or who he can or can’t love, right?”

“Yes.”

“We, your friends, don’t want to see you care about words from strangers that you don’t know, and then leave Godt because of those words. When Ping left Godt, he kept asking us, ‘Am I not good enough? Why does she care more about what others say than me?’ Diew, try to think about it, someone as self-absorbed as Godt who praises himself three times a day before and after meals, turns around to ask me if he isn’t good enough.”

At that moment, he must have felt like he couldn’t hold onto Miss Ping.

If I heard that, I would feel terrible too; it’s not because Phii Godt isn’t good enough. He’s done his best in his role.

As for Phii Ping, I don’t want to blame her either. Others might see her as selfish, but for me, if you’re getting cursed at just for dating someone from society, I might not be able to handle it like Phii Ping.

That’s why I’ve been worried all along.

But I don’t want to lose Phii Godt just because of this, so I will listen to what Phii Godt tells me.

I won’t look at those messages anymore; from now on, I’ll only listen to what he says.

“Thank you… I will… not open Twitter to read anymore.”

Phii Beert placed his hand on my head and gently ruffled my hair.

“Have some confidence in yourself. You’re a good kid.”

I waved goodbye to both Phii Beert and Phii Wan, who were about to go their separate ways, with Phii Beert’s final words:

“Godt cares about you a lot, you know.”

I smiled at that message, looking at the pork floss bread in the bag I’d bought for someone else, my steps light as I headed back to my dorm. At that moment, several thoughts raced through my mind.

Maybe tonight before bed, I should invite Phii Godt to watch a movie, or maybe some cartoons, or should we read a book?

That’s right…

There are so many things to do instead of sitting and reading comments from people who don’t know us well.

The person we should care about is the one beside us.

        MONSTER NEXT DOOR CHAPTERS HOME

   MONSTERNEXTDOOR, Chapter 17: What Do We Want More Than Someone Who Understands Us?

I dropped my bag on the floor and hurried to my computer because my phone’s battery was dead. I opened my laptop screen, logged into Twitter, and searched for the account, ‘maboyfriend’, while scrolling through mentions thinking they might relate to the issue after my photo was tweeted not long ago.

Maboyfriend: Sorry for deleting the photo, the senior asked me to do it through a private message.

Hens: Which senior are you talking about?

Pete: @Darin, is it who I think it is? The one wearing the Ultraman mask?

ET: Yep, Phii Godt is definitely a third-year engineering student, always carrying different masks.

Ranee: Really? Does Phii Godt have a boyfriend?

34Beats: Bye!

Maboyfriend: Calm down, guys. I was told backstage it was deleted because the junior wasn’t okay with being secretly photographed. As for who the person in the mask is, Ultraman, I won’t say who it is.

Neena: @Rata, my heart hurts, my Phii Godt, T_T

Brex: Huh, when did you guys start dating? Why didn’t you say anything?

Neera: Wow, all the fans are dying now.

Mostin: Here we go again. Since the new crush, it’s not just friends talking like this anymore.

Lilalita: Just tell us straight if you’re dating, why keep it hidden?

What are you afraid of? Don’t you care about the fans at all?

FCgodd: Calm down, friends, no one has confirmed if it’s true yet.

Ging: @FCgodd, @Prae, friends from Phii Godt’s faculty confirmed it, definitely Phii Godt, he was wearing the mask, playing the drums at the canteen that day, in public, it’s definitely him, sis,

TT

FCgodd: “Squeal, dad!

Jjinthewood: Who’s stealing your boyfriend, sis? No way!

Kittaka: Fans who support should wake up. He doesn’t care about you all. Ask him, is he dating anyone? He never answers, never tells.

Anna: Calm down, wouldn’t it be better if he comes out and says it himself? It’s just a photo that was secretly taken.

Montra: Juniors are crazy these days, juniors don’t even give each other flowers anymore.

Geegee: @Vitamin, oh, your beloved has been exposed.

YouZa: It’s a bit yellowish.

Teetarat: Digging for gold.

FCgodd: @YouZa, hello, it’s 2019. We don’t discriminate anymore.

Fahfah: Even though I feel a bit sorry, I’m happy for him.

The junior is really cute T^T

Ging: @YouZa, @Teetarat. No discrimination, we’re intellectuals now. The fans are just sad. They never knew their senior was dating the younger one.

 

I closed my laptop screen and flopped onto the wide bed. I buried my face in the pillow, feeling anxious.

I know there are a lot of people who like Phii Godt, but I didn’t think it would be to the extent of having such extreme fans, because usually we only meet on the balcony, talk before going to bed, eat together, and it’s only been recently that we’ve been seeing each other more often.

I lay there watching young-master waddling around on the bed.

“Did I make the right choice, liking him? Am I making him act out of character like this?”

“Am I causing him to be attacked?”

“Will he be hurt by those words?”

“young-master… I don’t like this at all.”

My hand touched young-master’s shell, placing him back in his box before I hugged myself to sleep.

Or maybe, I shouldn’t like Phii Godt, or maybe both of us should just stop here…

I closed my eyes, letting all the chaos in my head fade away along with my fading consciousness.

Knock knock

The sound of knocking came from the door. I moved in the dark, fumbling to turn on the bedside lamp, glanced at the clock showing half past ten, then swung my legs off the bed, walking unsteadily to open the door.

The tall guy wearing a new pattern Ultraman mask was standing outside my room, holding a bag of the snacks he said he’d buy for me. I didn’t say anything, just opened the door wide and let him walk in.

But Phii Godt didn’t come in.

“What’s wrong?”

My lips tightened, my eyes lowered to look at my toes.

“Diew.”

“I’m fine…”

“Don’t lie to me.”

“I…” Did I do the right thing by liking him like this? Did I really do the right thing by making him act this way? Not being himself, forcing him to do things that make his life harder.

“Can I come in?”

“Hmm.”

Phii Godt walked into the room and sat on the floor, setting the bag of khanom bueang a little away from him. His eyes were fixed on the Ultraman mask, which was cracked, lying on the bed where I had forgotten to put it away.

His large hand picked up the mask he had entrusted to me. I didn’t know what expression he had on his face.

I just knew he would be angry if he heard what had happened.

“Who did this?”

I clenched my fists with concern, there was a moment I didn’t dare tell him because I was afraid the situation would escalate.

“Can you tell me?” But with his soft voice, I gave in completely.

“Jen… Phii.”

“Again?” His voice slightly rose, “This is going too far.”

“Phii Godt… I don’t want any trouble.”

“But she did this.”

“I won’t let her… I won’t let anyone do anything.”

“Diew.”

The warm hand of the person in front of me reached out, intending to touch my hair, but I flinched away out of fear, afraid of being scolded, afraid of being hated, afraid of doing something wrong. Phii Godt paused and withdrew his hand.

“Is there anything else?”

I turned to look at my phone, which was half-charged, opened Twitter to find the messages I had read earlier, and handed it to him.

“They… think… we’re dating.”

Phii Godt was silent, not saying anything, as if he was intently reading the Twitter mentions.

“I… don’t want… you to be attacked like that.”

“Are you worried about me?”

“Is it good… for us… to do this…?”

“Diew, no.”

“Really, Phii… both about our relationship… and what Jen said.”

“What did she say?”

My lips were clenched so tightly they hurt.

“Diew, tell me, what did they say? Why are you overthinking this so much?”

“…That you have to wear a mask… that I forced you to wear a mask… when you’re someone who’s proud of your appearance… I’m sorry… sorry for making you… have to wear a mask like this every day… you don’t have to wear it anymore…”

Thinking about Jen’s words hurt even more. I had already told Phii Wan that I didn’t want him to force himself to do something that wasn’t true to himself like this. We could just keep talking on the balcony.

“Diew.”

“I’m sorry… sorry for being selfish.”

My eyes stared at my trembling, pale hands until Phii Godt placed his hand over mine, his large hand enveloping mine, giving off a warmth that seemed to say everything would be okay.

“No. Don’t blame yourself.”

“I wasn’t forced to wear the mask, I chose to wear it myself, wearing it looks cool as hell, besides, it’s not troublesome at all, it’s kind of fun, like the ‘Mask Singer’ show.”

Even though he tried to make it sound funny, I could hardly smile.

“I’m sorry…”

“Diew… it’s just a thin plastic mask, look, it breaks with just a little twist. Easy to put on and take off, easy to slide up and down, more comfortable to breathe in than a PM2.5 mask. How is it troublesome? I only wear it when we meet face to face, I don’t wear it all the time. Not when I’m with friends. Not when I’m in class. It’s not troublesome at all. Besides, if you want me to take it off now, I don’t want to. If I don’t want to take it off, can you force me?”

I shook my head gently.

“You don’t need to apologize anymore. I won’t stop talking to you over something like this.”

“But…”

“Let them say, complain, or tease all they want. Don’t worry about it. Don’t pay attention to it, understand? You’ll just hurt yourself needlessly. I’m happy doing this, and I’ll keep doing it, understand?”

“But I… don’t want you to lose your identity… besides… I don’t want you to be sad… you have fans… so many people who love you…”

There’s hardly any need to care about a selfish person like me at all.

“Diew, I didn’t lose my identity or feel bad about anything. Sure, I have a lot of fans, but if they love me, they should accept my choices.

Let’s see who truly loves us or not.”

Can you really do that? Are you really okay with it? No one likes to be talked about badly.

“And I’m… not your boyfriend… you barely have any reason… to do this much for me.” Although our status now is ‘special’, I don’t even know what to do next. Should we keep this status, or should we step back?

Phii Godt sighed softly, muttering under his breath.

“You crazy kid, with your small frame, you think too much. So, here’s the deal… I’m your special person, right?”

I pressed my lips together, feeling an odd kind of pressure.

“Yeah.”

“Then, this special person wants to ask for one thing.”

“What?”

“Can I add something to our final promise?”

“Add?”

“Don’t think too far ahead, only in cases where the other person doesn’t think the same. But if we think the same…”

“Can I ask to flirt with you?”

I sat there, blinking, looking at him as if my heart had stopped for a moment, stunned by what came out of his mouth. Meanwhile, Phii Godt released his hands from mine and placed them on his mask, as if afraid it might slip and reveal his expression underneath.

“Don’t be quiet, it’s not good for my heart…”

“Do you… like me?” I looked down, afraid my face would show something strange.

The person in front of me didn’t directly say he liked me, but from the silence that formed…

It was a clear answer that he indeed had feelings.

“If I’m not imagining it, Diew must feel the same as me, right?”

I raised my hand to cover my face, feeling warmth spreading through my chest and throughout my body. This was bad, really bad.

I’ve been caught.

“Will you… really… flirt with me?”

“Uh-huh. If you allow it. We don’t have to tear up the agreement yet, let’s see if you can handle it if I really flirt with you.”

“I can… handle it…”

“Like, if we could get along in a different status. Since we both feel the same way now.”

His words made me feel a bit relieved. If that’s the case… then it means we can still talk like before, right? What should I call this? The contract is void because we both feel the same way, huh?

Something like that, I guess.

“Besides, I’m really good at flirting.”

“…”

“I’ve flirted with shrimp, pork, and crabs, I’ve flirted with them all.”

“Can you be serious for a moment?”

“Yes… I’ll flirt slowly. I don’t want to be too aggressive, or else you might run away from me.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Uh-huh means, is it okay or not okay?”

His teasing, no matter when, always annoyed me, but it was the kind of annoyance I wanted in my life.

“Okay…”

“Eh…” The person in front of me paused, “Really okay…”

Wait a minute…

“Phii Godt…”

The person with honey-colored skin raised both hands to his face and let out a high-pitched scream:

“Now!!!”

Can I take back what I said? I don’t want you to flirt anymore. This is giving me a headache!

Phii Godt chuckled a bit before ruffling my hair with satisfaction.

“And when I said I would court you, is that clear?”

“…”

“No one goes to such lengths for someone they don’t like, right? Are you crazy?”

I clutched my head where the warmth of his hand had lingered, the sensation still vivid in my hair, making me want to cry like mad.

Why does he do this? Is he the sun or something?

In the end, our nightly chat promise still stands, in case moving our relationship doesn’t go well or makes someone uncomfortable. We can always go back to being just chat friends before bed because neither of us wants to lose the other.

Phii Godt really knows how to win my heart over.

I don’t really know what Phii Godt means by courting me. Maybe he’ll do something crazy and bizarre to woo me, or something the common folk wouldn’t do, or perhaps it’ll be a normal kind of courting, just living our daily lives together, gradually developing feelings. I can’t imagine what form it will take.

But how did we end up in this situation, from being neighbors, to bedtime chat friends?

I yawned loudly in front of the noodle shop near the dorm, waiting for the old man who was packing stir-fried morning glory with pork into a bag. I didn’t forget to order hot rice to mix with the stir-fry. Before I knew it, a shadow loomed over me. I turned to see the tall figure under the Ultraman mask, approaching with a friend on this fine morning.

“Morning.”

“Good morning, Nong Diew,” Phii Beert gave his usual smile, his signature trait. Meanwhile, Phii Godt was rubbing his messy hair, with Phii Wan standing beside him.

“Why are you up so early? You don’t have any presentations today.”

The smaller guy asked his friend, and Phii Godt yawned again.

“Better ask if I even slept.”

“And you didn’t sleep?”

“Excited, couldn’t sleep.”

“Excited about what?”

“Not telling.” And the person with tanned skin left Phii Wan standing there looking bewildered while he moved to stand beside me, craning his neck to watch the old man scooping pork and hot soup from the pot.

“Today’s lucky color is green.”

I looked up at the person hiding his face behind an Ultraman mask. Phii Godt extended his right hand, which he had been holding closed, in front of me, then let the item hidden under his large hand drop down.

A cute soft tortoise keychain dangled from his index finger. I raised my right hand to catch it in my palm.

“Keep it with you, and you’ll be lucky.”

I gazed at the little tortoise keychain in my hand, smiling so wide my cheeks almost hurt.

So cute.

“Thank you.” If this is one of his flirting methods, then my heart is definitely not safe.

Hey, uncle, I’ll have the same pork with a little spinach in the fried rice.” Phii Godt ordered his fried rice from the vendor and then turned back to talk to me.

“Did you sleep well last night?”

“I did… how about you… couldn’t sleep?”

“Couldn’t sleep, my mind was restless.”

I didn’t respond to Phii Godt, letting his restless mind stay restless because my own heart was in a similar state. I turned to look for Phii Wan and Phii Beert, who should have been standing behind us, but they had already walked off quite far.

I don’t know why, but right now, I’d rather Phii Beert and Phii Wan be together.

Because when it’s just me and Phii Godt, my hands get all sweaty.

After buying the fried rice, we walked around to look at other food stalls. Initially, we planned to stop for some soy milk, but then I wanted something cold more. So, Phii Godt and I ended up standing at a juice blender stall not far from the fried rice shop.

“No classes today?” His deep voice asked, cutting through the sound of the blender.

No classes.”

“Have you stopped overthinking?” I looked down at my feet.

Not really, but I didn’t want him to worry.

“Uh-huh.”

“Lying to me again.”

I could only give a faint smile in response. They taught us not to lie, but if lying makes him feel at ease, I’m willing to be the little shepherd boy.

The atmosphere was awkward, with words hard to come by, gradually fading away when suddenly, Charcoal ran up to greet me, making a squeaking noise in his throat because he knew if he did that, people would soften up and forget that today he needed to buy sausages for Charcoal.

“I’ll go buy sausages… be right back.”

I walked over to pay for the sausages at the nearby food cart, and once I got two thick sausages, I returned to Phii Godt. Charcoal was wagging his tail, circling around me with his big eyes, begging for food.

This black dog is quite cute, and loves to act spoiled.

As Charcoal tried to jump on me, I had to squat down, pushing his nose away like every day, but today, someone else sat down beside me.

“You do this every day?” asked the tall guy. I nodded, “Otherwise, he’ll get spoiled and won’t eat his regular food.”

“But on busy days, I don’t give him any.”

After removing the sticks from the sausages, Charcoal devoured those two big pieces with relish.

“You really are friendly with animals.”

“Back in school… my friends used to call me… Snow White.”

“Huh, you are quite white. Compared to your skin and mine…” Not just saying it, he moved his arm next to mine to compare, not about skin color but about how much I like talking to animals. Speaking of which, I just noticed the contrast in skin color, realizing how white I really am.

But I like Phii Godt’s skin tone, it’s the color of someone who often plays outdoor sports, and it has its own charm.

“Your skin… is beautiful.”

I said softly, only then noticing that Phii Godt had gone quiet. I looked up to meet the Ultraman mask in front of me, and when I realized he was staring, my heart suddenly skipped a beat. I quickly looked away, pretending to mumble to Charcoal about what he did to get scratched, probably got into a fight with a cat and came back with three scratches.

Thank you, Charcoal, for running around here, it really helps distract from the awkwardness.

“But you beat Charcoal in terms of skin color.”

And who compares skin color with a dog, seriously?

We both stood up after Charcoal wandered off to find its owner. I watched the playful dog move away, the sound of the blender making fruit juice still humming in the background. The awkwardness made me feel like I had to say something, find a topic to talk about to ease the awkwardness, especially as our relationship becomes clearer, the more my heart races without letting me rest.

“Last night… I had a dream,” Phii Godt grumbled in his throat.

“What did you dream about? Did you dream of me?”

“I dreamt that… you were eaten by an anaconda.”

“Ha!”

“It was a huge anaconda… I dreamt we were fighting… then you chased me up to the rooftop… after that, you fell off the roof… below was flooded with a lot of water… and then you encountered the anaconda.”

“Did it constrict me?”

“You were in its mouth.”

“And then it bit off your arm… but you escaped in time… so we ran away… and because anacondas can sense body heat… we hid in a food stall.”

“Why a food stall?”

“Because when you stir-fry morning glory with chili, the heat masks human body temperature… snakes are afraid of fire, so they can’t tell us apart.”

“Prrr!” He laughed so loudly that I had to slap his arm.

“That’s a terrible laugh.”

“So, was it a thriller or a comedy?”

“I think it was a thriller.”

“But I thought it was comedy from the moment you mentioned stirfried morning glory with chili.”

“It makes sense, though.”

“But they say if you dream of a snake, you’ll meet your soulmate.”

“But it was an anaconda… not just any snake.” The ancient belief passed down that dreaming of a snake means you’ll meet your soulmate, and if it’s an anaconda, what kind of soulmate would that be? Or maybe, glancing at the person next to me, someone big, loud, and boisterous like Godzilla, when compared to an anaconda, it fits.

“Alright, got it.”

I took the glass of strawberry smoothie, sipping the cold, tangy flavor that Wan made, which helped to clear my foggy mind from the morning. All the chaos in my head slowly faded away when I got to enjoy my favorite treat like this.

“They say eating something delicious can heal your soul.”

Phii Godt’s warm hand gently rubbed my head, making me grip the smoothie glass tighter.

There you go again, don’t use your deadly charm so often.

Before we could continue talking, Phii Wan walked back, staggering slightly, but he seemed annoyed about something, his face was stern, and his eyes were glaring at the guy following not far behind. Both stopped beside us, but Phii Wan didn’t make eye contact with Phii Beert. “What’s wrong, why the long face?” Phii Godt held a watermelon smoothie while asking his smaller friend.

“Annoyed with that asshole, Beert.”

“Oh, what did you two argue about? What happened with Beert?”

“He wants me to go back and talk to Tan.” Phii Wan grumbled irritably.

Tan? Who’s Tan?

“I was just trying to help.”

“Tan chose to leave on his own, why should I go back and talk to him?”

“You still can’t forget him, can you?”

“I’ve forgotten everything, don’t remember, just annoyed.”

After venting, he walked off, with Phii Beert trailing behind him. I watched them quietly, not asking anything because I knew it wasn’t my place. It was Phii Godt who explained.

“Tan is the old friend I told you about, remember?”

Oh, the one you said was like me?

“He… came back?”

I heard he’s been messaging Beert for a couple of days now. But I think it’s best not to talk again.”

“Why?”

“Diew, you know Wan likes Tan, but Tan doesn’t like Wan back. Plus, he’s said things that hurt Wan’s feelings. It’s best they cut ties, especially since Wan gets hurt more by being around Tan. I don’t want to see him so down.”

“Oh.”

“Love, you know, it doesn’t work if it’s just one-sided.”

That’s true.

“Give me a high five.”

Khun Godzilla said, extending his hand towards me. I gently tapped his hand to signify that I wouldn’t leave him hanging. If he raised his hand, I’d reciprocate.

“Do you know why I feel good with you?”

I shook my head in a playful manner, looking down.

“Because you always listen to me.”

“I… do that?”

“Yeah. Who would be crazy enough to sit and listen to me talk about ‘One Piece’ from the first chapter to the latest one when they themselves aren’t even following the story?”

I let out a soft laugh.

That’s true. If it were anyone else, they’d probably be bored to death by now.

“So, don’t think about it anymore. You’re not forcing me to do anything; I do everything willingly, just as long as you’re by my side.

That’s all I need. Okay?”

“Uh-huh,” I responded quietly, glancing over at Phii Beert and Phii Wan who seemed to have reconciled. Seeing that, Phii Godt led me to join them to go back to the room for lunch. While in the elevator, Phii Godt spoke out of the blue:

“People don’t need much, really. Just someone who can listen to our complaints endlessly, that’s enough.”

“Complaining about what?”

“Figure it out yourself, who listens when you complain about your heartbreak every day?”

Phii Wan turned to look at Phii Beert.

And who listens to you complain about your troublesome little brother every day when you come back from home?”

Phii Beert looked back at Phii Wan.

“Let go of those you’ve left behind, the ones you should care about are those who are right next to you, right?”

They both fell silent for a moment, until the sound of the elevator moving could be heard. Then Phii Wan lightly tapped Phii Beert’s arm, speaking softly with a sense of guilt:

“Sorry, I guess I was too hot-tempered.”

“It’s okay, I apologize too, I won’t do it again.”

Phii Wan and Phii Beert are closer to each other than anyone else in the group, plus they are roommates. I don’t want to see the two of them fight either. Even though I’ve only recently met them, I can see how much they care for each other.

“By the way,” Phii Wan suddenly laughed, “You’ve been quiet lately, you brat.”

I was taken aback when I suddenly became the topic of conversation.

Phii Beert chuckled softly.

“What are you talking about?”

Lost your cool, huh? I just found out from Beert here that you sent something.”

“Stop.”

“Just Godt alone.”

“I told you to stop!”

“Diew, look, what did he send to Beert?”

“Hey, don’t!”

Phii Wan handed me Phii Beert’s phone before Phii Godt could grab it. I quickly took the phone and looked at the screen where Phii Beert’s LINE was open with a conversation with Phii Godt:

Godzilla

Hey Beert

The kid allowed me to flirt with him

Fuck, the kid allowed me to flirt with him I’ve completely lost my cool, fuck fjdsaklfjdsakljfdsakl

And so, today I learned one more thing about the creature next door, that Phii Godt is very good at hiding his feelings. His face might look calm, but who knows how much he’s screaming inside.

This might be another moment where I think… he’s… insanely cute.

    MONSTER NEXT DOOR CHAPTERS HOME

   MONSTERNEXTDOOR, Chapter 16: Having Him As Someone Special Makes My Heart Flutter.

Put a plaster on it for now.” A bright pink plaster was placed on the back of my wrist.

I looked at the pink plaster in silence for a while before breaking into a smile.

I really like pink, don’t I?

We chatted about random things like we do every day, but now instead of just hearing his voice, I could see him sitting next to me. Apart from playing with young-master, Phii Godt made sure our conversation never fell into silence. One of the popular topics these days was him telling me about “One Piece” from the beginning to the latest chapter he read.

I never felt bored listening to him talk about the cartoons he loves; instead, I enjoyed hearing the stories he shared. Besides “One Piece,” Phii Godt also likes reading various types of manga, watching sci-fi movies, and his hobby is playing the guitar. He further explained that because he hadn’t played the guitar in a long time, it now just decorates his room.

Phii Godt added that he’s an only child, his father is into partying, and his mother is a socialite, so he naturally likes socializing. He said he can’t live without friends, just as I had mentioned before, he’s someone who gets lonely easily.

After listening to his stories, we decided to heat up some convenience store meals that I had stocked in the fridge, too lazy to go downstairs to cook, living the typical dorm life.

I watched him struggle a bit with eating; it seemed like he was deciding whether to turn around to eat more comfortably. Seeing that, I took the liberty to move closer to him, kneeling.

“Huh, what are you doing?”

My hand slightly lifted Phii Godt’s mask, revealing his well-shaped lips. It seemed like Phii Godt was startled by my action. He then pressed his lips together.

“Diew…”

“Eat like this… it should be easier.”

The tall guy scooped some rice into his mouth and chewed, while his other hand held the Ultraman mask to look down at the food box. This was the first time we sat and ate next to each other like this. Phii Godt is a big guy; I would guess he eats a lot.

“Don’t do that again.” His voice was low, making me slightly worried that I might have done something he didn’t like.

“I… did something… you didn’t like?” Or maybe it was because I touched his mask. That’s why he didn’t like it.

“I like… I like it a lot.”

“And why…”

“Too many questions, let’s eat, or I’ll steal it.”

I quickly lifted the food box away from the mischievous one while sticking out my tongue at him.

“Dream on.”

Before I could even retract my tongue, Phii Godt touched it with his finger, making me jump back in surprise, the tall man laughing heartily. As for me, the taste of his finger was so salty that I couldn’t help but make a face.

What kind of prank is this!

“Yuck.”

“Disgusted?”

“It’s salty.”

“Stick it out again. This time, all five fingers, full council, thumb, index, middle, ring, and pinky.” He said, raising his hand as if to tease seriously. I immediately made a gesture to stop him.

“Not sticking it out anymore.”

“Then I’ll stick mine out.” Phii Godt stuck his tongue out at me. I got him back by pressing my finger down on his tongue, but before I could pull my hand back, he grabbed it. Instead of letting go, he licked my finger.

It was obviously playful, but this kind of play…

It’s not okay for my heart at all.

I tried to pull my hand back with concern, my heart beating fast, my face burning. If it were before, I would have knocked him out. But since he’s someone I secretly like, doing something like this is totally crazy.

“Phii Godt,” it seemed like he just realized what he had done. He quickly let go of my hand and pulled his mask back over his mouth, apologizing as he did so.

“Sorry, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.”

“It’s okay… I’m not mad.”

We both turned away from each other, both flustered, the one who did it and the one who was done to.

I looked down at my finger, still feeling the wetness, and wiped it on my shirt. Does he normally play like this with friends?

I tried to imagine Phii Godt licking Phii Beert’s or Phii Ton’s finger, but I just couldn’t picture it at all.

The cool breeze accompanied by the sound of two bells chiming in unison from my room and the room next door. I gazed out at the sky, which lacked starlight tonight, with only a crescent moon peeking out to greet the night.

“The moon is beautiful, isn’t it?” came a deep voice. I nodded in response.

“Beautiful… but when it’s full, it’s not like this crescent moon today.”

“Really? I haven’t noticed. I’ve been too busy to look up at the sky.”

That’s right, for someone like him, always social, the little free time he has probably isn’t spent looking at the sky like someone with lots of free time like me.

“But from now on, I’ll look at it more often.”

“Huh?”

“We’ll be looking at the same moon.”

“Xiao.”

“How do you know? My Chinese name is Xiaoqing, you know?”

“Xiaoqing?”

“Qingqing, actually.”

Wow! I didn’t want to know any of this!

After several hours of lounging on the balcony, Phii Godt excused himself back to his room because he had to discuss family business over the phone. I sat quietly leaning against the turtle pillow, now alone again without the chatter beside me. Without his constant noise, a small sense of loneliness crept in.

Lonely? Probably not.

More like I’m not used to it because normally he’s always so lively.

I sat there, enjoying the night breeze with my eyes half-closed, even though I should have been sleeping by now. But tonight, I wanted to spend more time on the balcony, long enough to reflect on various feelings because the damp touch at my fingertips was still vivid even after wiping it away. My heart, which was beating rapidly, had calmed down, but I could still feel it was different from before.

And the image of his lips, so clear in my memory, his well-shaped lips, different from my own smaller ones.

I try to shake off the chaotic thoughts battling in my mind, shifting my focus to the sound of the wind chimes on the balcony. They still sound

as beautiful as always, along with the phone playing soft music. Before it transitions to the next song by my favorite singer.

Soft, soothing music can truly embrace people’s feelings. Even though everyone’s music taste varies, our favorite songs might be noise to others, and others’ favorites might not appeal to us. But every song has its own value.

Just like my favorite singer. Even though their style is quite unique, many of their songs are my favorites, ones that touch me deeply whenever I listen.

“You, just made my day and everything turns right

I’m not movin on. Just wanna sit here and lookin’ your brown eyes

And babe it’s you, You tell me bout’ that situation

I should really turn back. And it’s fine. To know that you think we just friends

But I’ve gone too far with my thoughts, it’s my fault for letting my mind wander.

He’s just too good for you, it’s my fault for overthinking.

I pick up a pen to write a letter, but my heart isn’t brave enough fearing you won’t forgive me.

If I miss you, if I tell you I love you and you see it you’d be so angry.

So I put the pen back in my pocket keeping the words of my heart silent.

Just loving you is enough for me one life is as good as it gets.”

<<

I hum along softly, not in any language, watching Young-Master toddle around on my lap.

It’s true, as someone once said, when we’re in love, listening to love songs makes us feel it even more. If we’re sad, sad songs make us sadder. If we’re happy, happy songs enhance our happiness.

Especially when we’re in a situation similar to a song’s lyrics. It just feels like, why, how can one’s life align so perfectly with the lyrics of a song?

“Diew”

“Hm,” I grunt in response to the voice from the next room, interrupting the music.

“Right now, am I still your important person?”

Phii Godt’s question makes me jolt, sitting up abruptly. He must not have caught on, right? That my status as an important person has already changed to someone special.

“Why did you ask that?”

“You didn’t just think that yourself, did you, that sometimes… we’re like siblings?”

I accidentally held my breath when I heard those words, my face burning hot, my arms tightly hugging the pillow on my lap, burying my nose into it to hide the slight embarrassment that was slowly building up because I must have made a strange face, which Phii Godt definitely noticed.

This is bad. Really bad.

“I’m just… shy,” I tried to explain with all my heart. I don’t know when I showed it to him, I just know I must have blushed at him several times, but being shy and embarrassed, they’re different things, aren’t they?

Even without seeing each other face to face, I can barely contain myself like this.

“Being shy and embarrassed, they’re not the same.”

“…”

If you feel something more for someone important…

Will you stop talking to me… or disappear like I did to you last year?

Or will you be mad because I’ve come to like you?

I’m sorry…

“Don’t forget to put eggs in for me.”

Huh?

“Because I want to be special with eggs.”

You’re crazy, Phii Godt! Is this really the time for this?

“Do you want to be special?” I asked with a teasing tone. I didn’t know if the other person was joking or being serious.

“It depends on whether the person here wants me to be.”

“… Maybe… I guess?”

“Did you find ‘maybe’ in a temple or something?”

“Yes. I’ll become a monk and never disrobe.”

“No way. I won’t let you become a monk.”

“Stop bothering me already, please!

“So, do you want me to be your special person?”

Can I be?” During the time waiting for his answer, even though it was just a few minutes, it felt like an eternity. I almost held my breath waiting to hear his response, filled with anticipation and excitement for the words I was about to hear.

He doesn’t despise me, right? He won’t leave me, will he?

“Yes, I want to be anything; I can be everything for you.”

Phii Godt’s answer was like a warmth spreading, enveloping my little heart.

I could only sit there with a smile… because suddenly, I thought Phii Godt was incredibly cute.

Noon sharp should have been my peaceful time, sitting alone in the cafeteria, eating while scrolling through Twitter, enjoying my strawberry yogurt smoothie. But today, there were chattering voices breaking the silence.

I watched Phii Biu and Phii Bell arguing about calories in food for a while now. Meanwhile, the four guys were sitting at the table behind as Phii Ton said he didn’t want to leave me alone. So they all came to eat at my faculty’s cafeteria.

Nong Diew, what cream do you use? I want nice skin too.” After arguing with Phii Biu, Phii Bell turned her attention to me, who was chewing with a full mouth.

“Is good skin because you like to eat strawberry yogurt?”

“Really? I might have to bathe in it then.”

I don’t use any special skin creams. I just like eating fruits and vegetables since I was a kid, love strawberries rich in Vitamin C, love yogurt, and hardly ever expose myself to the sun.

While sharing skin care tips for a bit, Phii Wan sat down beside me, the owner of those beautiful eyes looking at me with concern.

“The Twitter thing is okay now; the photo has been deleted.”

“It’s okay… I’m not bothered by it.”

“People these days, huh? They know each other superficially and still talk smack. They type whatever they want without thinking if the reader will be hurt.” Phii Bell complained, “It’s good that Godt doesn’t show his face. Otherwise, his fans would go wild.”

“Just try it. Anyone with a smart mouth, I’ll deal with them all. Have you met Godzilla wearing an Ultraman suit?”

“Wolf in sheep’s clothing, huh?”

I couldn’t help but smile.

Phii Godt was sitting at the table behind me, with Phii Ton and Phii Beert, so he could easily take off his mask to eat. That’s why we chose to sit back-to-back like this.

“But you, when will you let the juniors see your face? Wearing a mask like this every day, I’m starting to forget what you really look like,” Phii Ton asked amidst the noisy canteen. I looked down at the glass of strawberry smoothie with condensation forming rings on the wooden table.

“Just remember that I’m very handsome, that’s enough, friend.”

“I’m going to go throw up.”

“But actually, it’s good,” added the only girl in our group, “We know

Godt is a social person; wearing a mask makes it easier to go around.”

“Take it off backstage.”

“Take off what, Bell?”

“Clothes.”

“Yay!”

“Stop it, guys.”

The person behind me dropped his heavy head against the back of mine, making my heart skip a beat again.

“Take it off when you take it off, then.”

“Take off what, Godt?”

“Clothes.”

“Yay!”

This is such a headache.

My once quiet and lonely lunch was now filled with the chaos of the Godzilla gang. From a table where I always sat alone since I started studying here, now Phii Godt’s friends were sitting with me, along with their laughter and boisterous shouts, not unlike when they were loud beside the classroom.

I can’t deny that after getting to know them, Phii Godt’s friends are all very kind.

After finishing the meal, the seniors excused themselves to go back to their faculty building, which wasn’t far away.

I stood watching the honey-skinned guy adjust his Ultraman mask on his face, muttering to himself since we left the canteen.

“What’s wrong, Godt?” Phii Beert asked his friend who was fiddling with his mask, but before he could reply, I heard a slight sound as the mask slowly slipped off the face of the man in front of me.

The elastic broke!

“Shit!”

Phii Godt exclaimed in a strained voice, quickly grabbing the Ultraman mask that was about to fall due to gravity and putting it back in place. Meanwhile, my heart had already fallen to the pit of my stomach.

Not because I was afraid to see his face… but because I felt… regret.

Regret? What for? Regret not seeing his face?

There you go again, Diew… the promise still stands, doesn’t it? If I saw his face now, I wouldn’t have any good words prepared. If I say something that doesn’t please him and he disappears, it would be terrible.

“That was close.”

Phii Beert smiled at me.

“We’ll head out now. Take care of yourself, okay?” I nodded back at him, before Phii Beert walked away to join Phii Wan who was waiting not far away. Meanwhile, Phii Godt was busy with his mask.

Sometimes, I feel sorry for him too.

I turned Khun Godzilla, the big one, to face the other way, gently patting his back.

“You don’t need to wear it anymore… you can go back to the building now.”

“Do you want anything to eat tonight? I’ll buy something for you.”

“Are you… coming to my room?”

“Can I?”

Can I? Sure, but it’s not really good for my heart when I’m close to him.

“Yeah.”

“I’ll buy some khanom bueang for you later.”

“Okay… you can go back to the building now… your friends are waiting.”

“Diew, are you sad?”

“Huh?” Why is he teasing me again?

“Please take care of yourself.”

After saying that, the tall guy handed me the Ultraman mask he often wears and briskly walked off to catch up with his friends who had already left. I looked down at the original pattern Ultraman mask that Phii Godt wore more than any other, noticing how the elastic was already broken from frequent use. My lips automatically curved into a smile.

My fingers touched the back of the mask, still feeling the warmth from someone else’s face.

If that day comes when we can look at each other face-to-face…

Will I be able to do it?

Will I dare to look into his eyes?

I walked back into the building, pressed the elevator button to head up to the lab for the next afternoon class, and the elevator doors opened just as Jen looked up from her phone.

We meet again, huh?

Jen didn’t say anything. She walked past me like I was invisible, but she stopped in her tracks when she saw the Ultraman mask in my hand. “Playing dress-up or something?”

“Can you not say that?”

“Seriously, how long do you think you can keep this up? If Godt’s fans found out, they’d be heartbroken.”

I froze when I heard what Jen said. She knows that the person wearing this mask is Phii Godt?

“Why…”

“Why do I know? Oh, come on. Everyone in this university probably knows it’s Godt by now. Someone already said it on Twitter. Godt is pretty famous around here. Everyone knows him.”

“I… I’m not involved… with Phii Godt.”

“Staring like that and you say you’re not involved, and with this mask, enough already. Godt’s face is good enough, why does he need to wear a mask around? You’re not forcing him to do that, are you?” Jen snatched the Ultraman mask from my hand. I widened my eyes in shock, trying to grab it back but too late. She broke Phii Godt’s Ultraman mask with a loud crack.

“This is too much.”

“Godt doesn’t need to wear something like this, it’s ridiculous.”

I looked up and met Jen’s gaze with anger. I never thought I could be this angry at someone in my life, feeling my face flush with heat, now understanding what it means to be so furious that smoke comes out of your ears. Jen seemed surprised by my intense stare; she stepped back before I could snatch the mask back.

“Even though you’re older than me… it seems like you don’t have a brain.”

“Hey!”

“If you don’t like my face, why do you keep bothering me? Stop bothering me already… because I don’t like your face either.”

After saying this, I quickly walked away towards the emergency exit stairs. The last thing I saw on Jen’s face was fear, probably because she didn’t expect me to talk back to her. But my mother always taught me not to yield to anyone. I cursed that woman in my mind with anger all the way.

I hope her bag shop goes bankrupt, no one reviews it, and she loses all her money.

Before I sat down on the stairs leading to the third floor, looking at the broken Ultraman mask silently.

If what Jen said is true…

Are his fans unhappy? Did I do something wrong?

Phii Godt…

    MONSTER NEXT DOOR CHAPTERS HOME

   MONSTERNEXTDOOR, Chapter 15: Attention Can Conquer Everything, Including Matters Of The Heart.

Creak, creak, creak

What’s shaking so much?

I moved to sit up on the bed in confusion, my hands groping around to find my phone because last night I fell asleep while playing with it, so it ended up tucked under the blanket near my legs.

I picked it up, opened the screen to check the messages from Phii Wan.

Wann: Are you asleep yet?

Text me when you wake up.

Wake up, come on!

Wake up!

 

OnlyOne: I’m awake.

Wann: Someone took a photo of us with Godt.

*Sending photo*

 

I furrowed my brows looking at the picture Phii Wan sent, it was a screenshot from an account on Twitter named “maboyfriend.” The tweeted photo was of me standing with Phii Godt, with a purple flower tucked behind my ear, looking at the Ultraman mask.

 

OnlyOne: Was it taken secretly?

 

Wann: Yes, should I ask him to delete it?

 

OnlyOne: If it can be deleted, that would be good.

 

Wann: Okay, I’ll ask him to do it now.

 

Then Phii Wan disappeared, leaving me to stare at that picture in silence, with a growing sense of anxiety. Even though no one knows who I or the other person are, I didn’t like my photo being on a Twitter account followed by thousands of people, especially since the photo was taken without my knowledge.

I looked at the picture of myself and someone else, my eyes in the photo fixed on the Ultraman mask at that moment. What was I thinking?

“How can I not overthink it? You’re important to me, aren’t you?”

“It suits the flower well.”

My lips tightened, my hands gripping the phone. The wall I had built around this important person had now completely crumbled, leaving no trace, until I felt it wasn’t even a wall anymore. It was just a thin curtain that was torn down without care, leaving only the clear truth that I had fallen for Phii Godt.

I dropped my phone onto my lap, covering my face with my hands while rubbing my eyes slightly. My face felt hot every time I thought of him, the fluttering feeling in my chest when I was near him, clearly indicating that I liked him, not just as a friend, not as a brother, not as a father, but more than just someone important.

It could be said that he’s more special than just an important person.

Liking him secretly, like the way Phii Biu put it, liking everything about him, his actions, his voice, his attentiveness, his thoughts, his words, the scent of his body when I can smell it, the sound of his voice when I hear it, the times I get to be his important person, including when he defends me.

Even though I was the one who initiated the friend chat agreement, confident that we wouldn’t cross the boundary of friendship, in the end, I’m the one breaking that promise. I don’t like myself for being this way, but what if Phii Godt doesn’t feel the same? What if everything Phii Godt does is just general care, like he does with everyone else? What if I betray his feelings, which are those of a brother for me?

Then I’m no different from those seniors, aren’t I?

But… Phii Godt also said that I’m an important person to him.

His important person… what kind of important? Important like a friend, a junior, or something special?

I don’t know.

I was lost in a thousand thoughts in my head before I was startled by my phone vibrating again, but this time it wasn’t a message from Phii Wan, it was from the living being next door who seems to wake up earlier every day.

Godzilla: Morning

The auspicious color for today is pink.

He also attached a picture of strawberry-flavored Pocky with a Post-it note that read:

‘So sweet!’

Did he eat it to say it was sweet? Someone who hates strawberries but ate the strawberry Pocky because I said it was delicious, someone who doesn’t like bingsu but ate melon bingsu because I told him to try it.

He didn’t have to force himself like this.

I got up from the bed, went to wash my face and brush my teeth in the bathroom, prepared to shower and change clothes for university as usual. After getting ready, I sat at my computer to check on the project that’s due in a few days, and while at it, I checked Twitter to see if the account, maboyfriend, had deleted the picture yet.

When I checked, the picture was still up; it had been about ten hours since it was posted, since I got back from the concert, it had been retweeted over a thousand times, and that made me even more worried. Where has this picture gone to?

Besides that, there were long, kite-like threads of mentions. I tried to look away from those mentions because I knew the first rule of the internet is not to read the comments.

But it was really hard to resist.

I clicked to read the mentions under my photo. Just the first few mentions made me furrow my brows.

 

Katy: Nong Diew studies international chemistry, so cute.

 

JenJen: he’s arrogant.

 

Youmine: Really, Jen?

 

NanaMoo: That’s bad, he’s quite cute, though.

 

JenJen: Yes. He doesn’t talk much, maybe he thinks he’s very good-looking.

 

Jobs: What a pity, the junior looks so cute.

 

Youmine: Oh, that’s bad.

 

Bastard: I heard he doesn’t even attend the freshman orientation.

 

Minnie: @Bastard, internationals aren’t forced to attend.

 

Nithan: In the department he studies, there are only a few people.

No need to attend. 

 

Trixtor: Just a moment, we study the same major, the junior isn’t arrogant, just not good at socializing.

 

Katy: Is not being good at socializing considered arrogance, or is it just because the junior doesn’t talk to you that you think he’s arrogant?

 

FastandNine: How would the junior feel if he saw this? Just sitting there and being called arrogant, do I have to talk to everyone in the world?

 

Mity: Isn’t it because she already dislikes the junior, Jen? I heard it’s because he refused to do a product review for her, so she’s badmouthing him.

 

JenJen: Others don’t seem to have this problem, he is the only one making it an issue. Is it so hard to just do a product review?

 

MissKim: Your logic is so sick, isn’t it?

 

Aliss: Even friends get it. He didn’t review the bag for her, and she got all mad about it.

 

OfferK: Isn’t it his right to choose what to review?

Why review a bad product, anyway?

 

Bell: Oh, the secret’s out, @Biw, @Tonton, @Wann

 

Nana: I study the same major as him, Diew isn’t arrogant at all.

He’s just not good at talking, but if you initiate a conversation, he always smiles in response.

 

Biw: He won’t talk if you’re not close friend, @Bell

 

Bell: I don’t talk to strangers either, oops.

 

Tonton: Who says Nong Diew is arrogant? Come on, man.

 

Biw: Dear person, have you ever talked to him directly? He’s just not good at socializing, not arrogant.

 

JenJen: I doubt it, maybe he only smiles at guys, right?

With a face like that, he might not even be a real man (straight).

 

Biw: Hey, why are you messing with his appearance?

 

Bell: You never stop talking trash, why not let the junior sue you so you learn your lesson? You’ll be out of business selling bags, and it will be over.

 

Inndra: I don’t understand why you would attack him.

 

Tonton: Think before you type, please. When you can’t win by calling him arrogant, you start attacking his looks, that’s just awful.

 

Wann: Please delete the photo, the person in the photo asked for it.

I closed the computer screen with a sigh, picking up my phone to check the latest message from Phii Wan.

Wann: Don’t look at Twitter.

 

Too late. I’ve seen it all, including what that woman wrote, and how Phii Biu and others defended me.

I tried to ignore those messages, turning back to my normal life. They’re just words from people who don’t know me well. Plus, Jen is the senior who mocked me in the elevator for not reviewing her bag. She even took it to Twitter. She must really hold a grudge against me.

I adjusted my tie slightly while checking my reflection in the mirror. I looked at my own face reflected there.

This face doesn’t look very masculine.

I knew I’d encounter comments like these. I wasn’t born with the sharp, masculine features others have, because my father has a sweet, soft face, so I inherited traits from both parents. I was teased by friends since childhood for looking like a girl, and they used to hide my pants and give me skirts to wear instead. I remember my dad stormed into the school and scolded the parents of those kids.

It’s strange, isn’t it, that our own bodies can cause so much trouble for others?

I closed the door to my room, grabbed the Pocky bag hanging outside, and smiled a little. At least on bad days, there’s still something good. I carefully opened the Pocky box, took one, and bit into it while looking at the message on the pink Post-it note.

‘So sweet’

Thank you for being a source of happiness on such a bad day.

I went to university like every day, entered the lab like every day, had lunch like every day, then went back to class in the afternoon, and in the evening, I ordered a strawberry yogurt smoothie to take back to the dorm.

Phii Godt sent me a LINE message in the afternoon saying he would wait for me behind the building, as he didn’t want others to fuss over his Ultraman mask. He didn’t want to attract too much attention.

It’s too late for that, though; wearing it has become his signature. An Ultraman walking around the university, who wouldn’t look?

“Strawberry yogurt is ready.”

I took the cup of strawberry yogurt, paid, and walked toward the emergency stairs to go down, but on the way, I ran into Jen, who was coming up. She and her friends looked at me with clear disapproval. I didn’t look at her, diverting my gaze elsewhere, trying to remove myself from a situation that seemed to promise trouble.

I’m not that surprised to run into Jen. We often cross paths since we study on the same side of the building. Even though I tried to squeeze myself against the wall to pass her, Jen moved closer and pushed me against the wall, causing the lid of my strawberry smoothie to fly off, spilling all over my shirt. I looked at her with displeasure.

“Why, can you look at me now?”

“Jen… don’t mess with him.”

“Annoying, don’t let me see your face again.”

I looked down at my shirt, stained with strawberry smoothie. Just thinking about how to wash it back to its original white color made my head feel hot. I tried to chant “shrink and expand” in my mind, attempting to be someone who doesn’t hold grudges, because I didn’t want any trouble, so I looked away to ignore it, but if I thought I could just let it go without saying anything, that wouldn’t be right either.

Do you think you’re the only one annoyed?

“It’s a bit bad… I guess we’ll be seeing each other’s faces until graduation.”

I hope you choke on your own words.

Not waiting to hear her loud complaints, I quickly walked downstairs. My left hand, holding the now sticky strawberry smoothie cup, was almost half-empty from the spill, but I didn’t want to throw it away.

So, I kept drinking it.

“Diew!”

Phii Godt’s voice came from behind. I, who was waiting for him at the back of the building, turned to see Khun Godzilla wearing an Ultraman mask. Besides Phii Godt, Phii Ton was also there, frowning at me with curiosity.

Why are you so stained?”

I looked down at my white student shirt, now smeared with pink stains, all sticky.

“Someone… just bumped into me.”

“I doubt it.” Phii Ton walked closer, grabbing my left wrist which had a cut on the back, visible because I was wearing a short-sleeved shirt. The fresh red blood stood out against my pale skin. It happened so fast that I didn’t realize what had cut me; it must have been the edge of Jen’s folder when she rushed into me, causing this cut.

“Who did this?” With Phii Ton, it was one thing, but with Phii Godt, once he saw the cut, his voice became low and intimidating. He looked like the real Godzilla now.

“It’s… nothing.”

“Don’t lie to me.”

“Was it Jen?” It was Phii Ton who asked.

“Which Jen?” The tall guy turned to ask his friend. I didn’t know if Phii Godt was aware that we had been secretly photographed and the pictures posted on Twitter, because besides his friends who went to defend me online, it seemed like Phii Beert and Phii Godt knew nothing about it.

The one I told you about, the one who was badmouthing the junior.”

But it seems like Phii Ton had already told Phii Godt everything. So, I could only give them both a strained smile.

“Did she really do that? You could report it, you know.”

“I… I’m fine.”

“Fine what? Did she bump into you causing the smoothie to spill?” I nodded hesitantly in response.

“That’s too much, too much. She’s already got a sharp tongue, now she’s physically attacking too.”

“Calm down, man.” Phii Ton squeezed his friend’s shoulder, “Let’s hang out here for meals more often, so we can keep an eye out, right, Nong Diew?” The playful one sent a sweet smile my way. I avoided his gaze, not used to it.

“Yes… but I… I’m really okay… no need to worry.”

“How can we not worry? If she does anything more…”

“She… won’t dare.”

“Why do you think so?”

Because… I have you.” I smiled at the person whose expression I couldn’t read. Phii Godt, who had been squeezing my shoulder, slowly let go, the tall man letting out a big sigh.

If Khun Godzilla is around, anyone who dares to do anything would surely be thrown out of this world.

“Let me know if anything happens, okay?”

“Yeah.”

Thank you for worrying about me.

I pushed the door to my room, putting my bag down on the desk. Meanwhile, Phii Godt sat on the floor next to the bed. Phii Ton had gone to find Phii Beert before we returned to the dorm, so now it was just me and Phii Godt alone.

This was the first time Khun Godzilla from next door had officially entered my room. Not counting the time he barged in to help chase away a spider, even though he was afraid of spiders too.

Once in my room, I excused myself to shower because I was sticky all over, leaving Phii Godt to hang out in my room. When I came out of the bathroom, I rushed to get my young-master, excited to introduce him to Khun Godzilla. We’ve talked for so long, but he’ll meet young-master in person today.

Young-master was waving its arms at the edge of the fish tank. I picked up young-master and placed it on my palm, introducing it to Phii Godt who was sitting cross-legged, hugging a turtle pillow.

“Here… this is young-master.”

“Hello, young-master. I am young madam.”

I rolled my eyes with a weary heart.

“Does it bite?”

“No, it doesn’t bite.”

“Diew, will it bite me?”

“Do you want to be bitten?”

“Come on, go ahead and bite.” He said jokingly, even extending his arm in front of me in a teasing manner. I shook my head gently, stroking young-master’s shell before letting it wander in its square box, then sat down in front of Phii Godt.

“Thank you… for caring.”

His large hand touched my hair.

“You’re okay, right? Not too bothered by the comments?”

“Yeah.”

Tell the truth, don’t lie to me.”

“Well… a little bit… I was bullied when I was younger, so… I’m not very confident about my looks… I’ve been told… I look like a girl… and I was teased by friends.”

This is somewhat of a secret and not a pleasant memory to revisit, part of the reason I don’t dare make direct eye contact with others, because if you do, you can see how they are looking at you.

“Is that why you stay in your room?”

I shook my head slightly in response to Phii Godt.

“The reason I like staying in my room… isn’t related to being bullied…

I do it because… I genuinely find happiness in it.”

“If it makes you happy, then that’s good. I don’t want you to feel negative about the outside world just because of one outing.”

No, I don’t hate the outside world that much, because going to listen to music with someone I like, it’s very enjoyable. Walking back to the dorm together, talking along the long path, I am truly happy.

“But the concert… I really enjoyed it.”

Yes, you know, I’m really happy that you like it. At least it’s something to be proud of, taking you out of your room and you not hating me.”

I don’t hate you at all. Even if you’ve been through this before with an old friend who ran away, you might feel it’s a scar on your heart. You’re afraid to take an introverted human out of their private world, but because it’s you, because you’re patient and caring, it doesn’t feel forced.

“As for the comments, don’t read them next time.” Phii Godt rested his head on my bed and looked up at my ceiling, “If it affects you emotionally, just ignore them. Don’t care about what anyone says, let it all go.”

“Yeah.”

“But I want to ask one thing.”

“What?” I raised my eyebrows at him, and Phii Godt turned to look at me, grabbing my left wrist, revealing a red scratch mark on the back of my hand. The little bit of blood had already dried up.

“Don’t lie to me.”

I pressed my lips together, looking down at young-master, who was also looking up at me.

If you encounter anything, you must tell me. If you feel anything, you must say it. Whether you like or dislike something, you must tell me, okay?”

I nodded in response, even though my heart wasn’t in it.

Sorry, young-master. We can’t make that promise to him.

Because right now, I’m lying to him that he’s an important person.

But I’ve actually started to like him.

“As for the looks,” Phii Godt’s slender fingers touched my cheek gently. He brushed some hair behind my ear. Just the touch of those slender fingers against my ear sent a rush of heat through me.

“You’re this cute. Anyone who messes with you, I’ll slap their mouth shut.”

Heh.

He truly lives up to the name Godzilla, the fire-breathing one. That’s him.

    MONSTER NEXT DOOR CHAPTERS HOME

   MONSTERNEXTDOOR, Chapter 14: The Admiration I Have For Him Keeps Growing.

Godzilla: See you at the event.

OnlyOne: Sure.

I shook my shirt because of the hot evening air, sitting on the university tram that slowly moved along the route before stopping by the roadside. After that, I had to walk along the pedestrian path to reach the football field where the big concert for the engineering faculty was being held. The sight of students passing by wasn’t something I was used to. Normally, I never walked around the university in the evening, so I didn’t know if this was the usual number of people or if it was due to the concert.

Both my hands were sweaty, anxious every time I had to be around so many people like this, but because Phii Godt promised not to force me and not to make me feel uncomfortable, I decided to come. Just to listen to the music, and leave right after it was over.

Pat

As I stood looking around for Phii Godt’s group, I flinched when someone tapped my shoulder. Turning around, I saw a wide smile from Phii Biu, the only woman in Khun Godzilla’s friend group.

“Hey.”

“Uh… I’m good.”

“Godt went to buy water, he’s on his way.”

I nodded in acknowledgment and sat down on the curb a bit away from the entrance. Today, Phii Biu was dressed comfortably in a T-shirt and long jeans. Her dark, long hair was tied in a ponytail, making her look quite agile.

“If it gets too much, just tell Godt, he’ll take you back to the dorm. I know it can be uncomfortable with so many people, and it’s damn hot today too.”

I gave a small smile to Phii Biu, who seemed genuinely concerned for me. I wasn’t sure if I was forced to come, but being with Phii Godt’s friends didn’t make me feel uncomfortable at all, or maybe it was because the atmosphere of Phii Godt was still around, giving me the sense that if anything happened, Phii Godt would be there by my side, making me feel at ease.

“Thank you.”

“No problem. We’re friends, right?” Phii Biu winked at me. At that moment, a thought crossed my mind that she looked very cool in my eyes.

“Speaking of which, why do you like talking to Godt?”

I was playing with my hands. There’s no need to think of a reason why.

“Because… I like it.”

“Like it, like how? As a friend, a brother, or something else?”

Something else… I turned to look at Phii Biu, who was smiling at me, my mind slowly processing one word that popped up:

‘Like him or it…’

Wait, it’s not like that…

“He’s… an important person.”

“Is that so? Is there a chance he could be more than just an important person?”

I shook my head.

“No chance?”

“I… don’t know.”

Phii Biu didn’t ask further; she changed the topic to something else, like how hot it was today, or which bands were performing, and also told stories about Phii Godt and her group of friends, until ten minutes had passed.

“Oh, there they are.”

A clear voice accompanied by a round face nodding towards a group of four men, one of whom was a tall guy wearing an Ultraman mask, walking unsteadily with a bag of water bottles.

Besides him were Phii Wan, Phii Beert, and someone else I didn’t know.

“Where’s Bell?” Phii Biu asked for someone who wasn’t standing there, so the man standing next to Phii Godt wasn’t Phii Bell. If I had to guess…

“That’s Ton.”

It was Phii Ton, the friend Phii Godt had told me about, describing him as quite mad.

“Isn’t that your husband, Biu?”

“My husband is a ghost now!”

“Seems like you’re flirting with Graph at the event.”

“You’re bad, leaving your friends,” the only woman in the group grumbled, snatching the bottle of water from Phii Wan’s hand before leading the way into the event.

“And who’s this?” Phii Ton pointed at me, who was blinking, watching the seniors. I bowed my head slightly to him, avoiding eye contact by looking at the concrete floor, before someone’s back blocked my view. The familiar scent of cologne indicated that the owner of the broad back was Phii Godt.

“Not telling.”

“Is this the kid Wan was talking about, Godt?”

“None of your business.”

“Don’t mess with the junior, damn Ton,” Phii Wan snapped at his friend, but Phii Ton seemed not to listen. He grabbed Phii Godt’s arm and leaned in to look at me, greeting and introducing himself in a friendly manner, flashing a white-toothed smile typical of a friendly person.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Ton.”

“Uh… yes, sir.”

“Are you interested in planting Ton’s love with me?”

I shook my head rapidly at him.

“And are you interested in planting Ton’s love with me in hell?” Phii Godt exuded displeasure towards his friend. “Get away from him.” Plus, the big man’s heavy hand tried to push his troublesome friend’s head away.

“Why so violent with him, huh?”

“Because you’re being an ass.”

“You’re so mean!”

“Go far away,” Phii Godt pushed Phii Ton away again.

“Don’t touch, don’t touch, don’t mess with the baby.”

“Go away!”

“Junior, my friend here is…” Phii Beert’s hand covered his friend’s mouth while trying to drag him into the concert. Phii Ton struggled until he was free, “Godt is just…”

“Ahem! Cough! Oh, something’s stuck in my throat, it’s so itchy, ahem!”

Before I could even hear the sentence to the end, Phii Godt let out a loud cough that made me look up at him, the person hiding his face behind an Ultraman mask, who managed to attract quite a bit of attention from the people around. Sometimes, I wonder which would draw more eyes, his real face or the Ultraman mask.

I looked down at my toes and then at Phii Godt’s, before the honeyskinned man extended a cold bottle of water towards me.

“It’s hot today, better to bring some water with you.”

“Thank you.” I took the bottle, feeling the cold drops causing me to shake it off a bit.

“Are you ready?”

“Yeah.”

“If you feel uncomfortable, just tell me, I’ll take you for bingsu instead,” he said softly. Why does Phii Godt turn into a warmer Khun Godzilla whenever we’re face to face? Back at his balcony, he barely gives me a moment’s peace.

We walked into the concert area. I didn’t know where the other seniors had gone, only Phii Ton was left, leaning against a corrugated iron wall built to keep outsiders out. Phii Godt led me to stand at the very back, looking out at the large crowd standing in the dark, with occasional flashes of light from mobile phones.

“The Toys are going on early. No need to wait long,” said Phii Godt. I nodded in understanding.

For nearly an hour as we listened to other bands, I occasionally glanced at Phii Godt because of the heat. He was still wearing that mask.

Wouldn’t he suffocate in this heat?

“Phii Godt,” I said softly, but the music was too loud, and the person enjoying the music didn’t hear me.

“Phii Godt!”

Even when I shouted, he didn’t hear, so I touched his arm, making him jump slightly. Phii Godt moved his ear closer to my lips, an action that seemed normal but made my heart beat faster… too close.

Too close.

“What’s up?”

“Aren’t you hot?” I whispered into his ear, but he didn’t respond. He just placed his hand on my head and gave a gentle rub, shaking his head slightly before turning his attention back to the stage.

Again…

His touch

It made what was already hot become even more scorching.

Why does he like to do this so much?

I tried to shake the thoughts out of my head, turning my attention to the stage instead, focusing intently. It seemed like Phii Ton noticed I was sweating profusely from the heat. He handed me a small fan. I looked at the fan for a moment before Phii Ton shouted at me:

“Take it and fan yourself; your face is all red from the heat.”

Ah… I quickly bowed to thank him and took the fan in my hand, looking at the Hello Kitty pattern and smiling slightly.

Phii Godt’s friends, they’re all so kind.

It wasn’t long before The Toys came on stage to sing. After being distracted by those around me, once The Toys started, I couldn’t take my eyes off the stage. Even though I was far away, even though the singer looked like a tiny green bean, this was the first time I heard him perform live.

At that moment, it felt like I was disconnected from the outside world, disconnected from everyone around me because of his sweet voice.

I’ll take you floating into space, where there’s only you, you, and no need to be afraid.

I’ll take you floating into danger, there will only be you, you, but no need to be afraid.

Think of me a little each day while you still can, just a little each day is enough.

Love won’t fall into a hole, love makes you fall in love.

Are you tired? I want you to rest before I take you floating.

I saw the crowd moving together, saw people smiling at each other in front, saw couples and groups of friends who turned to each other, smiling and singing happily.

People living in the outside world, each happy in their own way. When I looked back at the person next to me, leaning against the corrugated iron wall, his face directed towards the stage.

If it were before, my happiness would have been listening to music quietly in my room, in my own private world, but now, I want to bring someone else to sit and listen to music with me. It feels good to be standing here, quietly listening to music next to Phii Godt, without having to push into the crowd.

At that moment, I didn’t realize I was being watched. I didn’t even know that Phii Ton was planning something with Phii Biu, who had just squeezed through the crowd with Phii Bell. My eyes were fixed on the large crowd in front. I was absorbed in listening to the music, soaking up the good feelings and the soft voice of the singer.

By the time the second, third, fourth, and fifth songs had passed, someone stumbled into me, causing me to bump into Phii Godt who was drinking water. The impact from the right made the tall man’s arms wrap around me to steady me. Besides that, I inadvertently stepped on his foot with full force, making Phii Godt yelp, and the bottle he was drinking from fell to the floor, accompanied by shouts from Phii Ton and Phii Biu.

“Why bump into us when there’s so much space!”

“Don’t push!”

“Are you okay?” Phii Godt’s voice rose as the song ended, silencing the previous murmur of the crowd, my ears ringing momentarily.

“Diew.”

The silence was replaced by a sound that was terrifyingly loud.

Thud-thud.

My own heartbeat.

“Diew, are you okay?” Phii Godt crouched down, gently holding my wrists as I looked down at the Ultraman face just right. I couldn’t tell if he was concerned, but his voice sounded worried about my strange condition. I shook my head slightly, then managed to speak with difficulty.

“I’m okay… but can we… go back?”

The tall man didn’t reply. He stood up and shouted over the music that was starting again.

“Hey, I’m taking him back first!”

Phii Godt immediately led me out of the concert, as promised if I felt uncomfortable or wanted to leave. The heat in my body gradually subsided as we got outside into the fresh air.

But even so, my heart, beating like a drum inside my chest, wouldn’t calm down.

“Do you want to go back to the dorm, or do you want to eat bingsu first?”

It was so hot, so bingsu would be good.

“Eat… bingsu then.”

“Alright.”

We walked along the quiet, deserted paths of the university campus at night. Phii Godt didn’t say anything since we left the concert. He just walked ahead silently, and I looked at his broad back.

Usually, he talks non-stop, so why is he so unusually quiet today?

Before my eyes turned to notice the path lined with purple flowers.

So beautiful.

I’ve never walked this way before, so I never knew the university had such purple flowers. It drew me closer, and it seemed like Phii Godt knew I had stopped to look at the flowers. He walked back towards me.

“Do you like them?”

“I… I’ve never seen them before.”

“Beautiful, aren’t they?”

“Yes, beautiful.”

The tall guy crouched down to pick up a fallen purple flower from the ground. He brushed off the dust from the flower, played with it for a moment before standing up.

“And what about the concert today… did you like it?” I looked up at the Ultraman mask with its bright eyes, trying to sense the silence that had built up.

“Are you… worried?”

Phii Godt was silent for a bit. He raised his hand to touch his own neck.

“Yes, I was worried it would make you uncomfortable. I just wanted you to hear the band you like.”

A wide smile spread across my lips.

“Thank you… I’m not… uncomfortable at all.” I wanted to leave earlier because I was too close to him; once I had some distance, it was okay.

“Good that you liked it. Just for today is enough, we can sit and talk on the balcony next time; it’ll be more relaxing.”

I shook my head at the tall man in front of me.

“Being next to you is comforting… you… don’t have to overthink it.”

“How can I not overthink it? You’re important to me, aren’t you?”

After saying that, Phii Godt moved his hand closer to my hair. I didn’t know what he was doing, only that he was tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear, and when he withdrew his hand, the purple flower was gone from his hand.

“It suits the flower well, doesn’t it?”

My lips were tightly pressed together as I looked down, avoiding those eyes. My face felt hot, these feelings becoming clearer and clearer along with the fear.

Why has it become like this?

Shouldn’t he be yelling, scolding me? … Why does he have to act like this?

The more he acts like this, the more the wall I built around the important person crumbles.

Soon after, we found ourselves sitting in a bingsu shop near the dorm. Phii Godt, who doesn’t like sweet things, didn’t order anything. I initially wanted to order strawberry bingsu but changed my mind to the recommended melon bingsu because I wanted the other person to try it.

When the melon bingsu was served, I handed him a metal spoon and held onto mine.

“Huh,” Phii Godt grunted, as if questioning.

“Want to eat?”

“I don’t eat sweet stuff, Diew, you eat it.”

“Have you… tried it before?”

He shook his head slightly.

“Want to try?… It’s not that sweet.” I said, scooping up a small green melon ball into my mouth, chewing it. The aroma with a hint of sweetness was just right, giving a refreshing feeling.

Seeing him scrutinize the bingsu for a while, I understood not to force him to eat something he didn’t like. So I didn’t insist, but just wanted him to try it since it wasn’t as cloyingly sweet as the chocolate he dislikes. Eventually, he scooped up a ball, slightly moved his mask, and put the melon into his mouth, chewing for a moment.

“It’s delicious.”

I smiled at Phii Godt.

“Told you.”

“But it’s still sweet.”

“Melon… is sweet?” I looked at the ball in my spoon, or maybe because I’m used to eating sweet things, it didn’t seem that sweet to me.

“Melon isn’t that sweet, but other things are very sweet.”

Other things…

“Then… don’t put… condensed milk in it.”

I quickly moved the cup of condensed milk away from him as if it were forbidden, hearing a faint laugh from him.

“Want to eat here again?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you want to go eat anything else? I can take you anywhere.” He asked while scooping another piece of melon into his mouth, chewing until his mask moved, making him accidentally laugh.

“Anything… I’m easy to please.”

“Grilled mouse?”

Uh… I don’t eat that.

And our conversation shifted to the weird foods he had encountered, like grilled mouse, alligator meat, frogs, fried insects, and many more. I sat listening while finishing off my bingsu.

It was a conversation that was pleasant and never boring.

After we finished eating bingsu, we both headed back to the dorm. Phii Godt stopped in front of his door after unlocking it. I looked at the person next to me, who stood still.

“Thanks for coming out today.”

I gripped the doorknob tightly, looking at the white door that hadn’t been pushed open yet.

“Thank you… for inviting me.”

“Hmm… Goodnight, little turtle.” The tall guy pushed his door open. I noticed something, it was his hesitation, like he wanted to say something but didn’t dare to, even though normally he would say whatever he wanted.

“Phii Godt…”

“Huh?” The person who had walked into his room quickly stepped back out, making me jump.

“Well… if you’re free tomorrow… would you like to meet youngmaster?”

He was silent for a moment, making me feel awkward, even though we had agreed to be chat buddies before bed, but here I was, inviting him out. I just thought that since we could meet outside now, I wanted to introduce him to young-master.

“Then, I’ll rush back to my room after classes.”

Khun Godzilla said with a cheerful tone, seeming happy that I had invited him into my room.

Does he enjoy me inviting him into my room?

The silence, the hesitation, because he wants me to invite him into my room?

Thud-thud

My heart beating rapidly under my chest made me quickly wish the person in the room next door a good night.

“Good night.”

Before rushing into my room and closing the door, I sat down on the floor, hugging my knees tightly, heat rushing to my face.

This is bad, really bad.

“Young-master…”

“I…”

“Do I really like him?”

    MONSTER NEXT DOOR CHAPTERS HOME

   MONSTERNEXTDOOR, Chapter 13: Having Him As An Important Person Doesn’t Feel As Good As Being An Important Person To Him.

My toothbrush was neatly tucked into my bag, and I scanned Phii Godt’s bathroom. Whether it was the cup with a pink toothbrush, the salt formula toothpaste, or the stickers of Hello Kitty and friends adorably stuck on the tiles above the toilet, it was all too cute to describe.

I now believed he really liked the color pink.

I checked my reflection in the mirror; my pale face had a surprising flush on both cheeks.

Phii Godt’s words kept echoing in my head.

“Finally, I’ve seen you.”

Even though I couldn’t see his face, his voice was tinged with happiness at seeing me, leaving me at a loss for words. We sat in silence for a while, awkwardly, until Phii Godt started telling stories, which made me feel more relaxed. We spent several hours chatting about trivial things on the balcony, just like every day. Even without the wall between us, our conversation remained the same, unchanged, including playing phone games, talking about young-master, until I started to feel sleepy. So, I excused myself to brush my teeth and wash my face.

I thought the first time would be incredibly awkward, but Phii Godt managed to ease the tension quickly, proving to be a person with excellent interpersonal skills.

If it were someone else, I would have put up another wall to keep them at a distance, like with Phii Pi, with whom I used to talk, because I never felt anything more than friendship or brotherhood. When he confessed his feelings, it made me sad enough not to want to continue. But with Phii Godt, it’s different, probably because deep down, I secretly admired many of his actions.

Though I have a bit of insecurity, I realize he’s important, and I don’t want him to disappear.

I slowly opened the bathroom door, and inside the room, all the lights were off except for the bedside lamp. Phii Wan and Phii Biu were already asleep.

The clock on Phii Godt’s wall showed past one in the morning. My eyes lingered on the tall figure of the honey-skinned man still reading a manga on the balcony, using the balcony light to see. That broad back was becoming more familiar bit by bit.

Is this how he sits when he talks to me?

Sitting cross-legged on the balcony floor, leaning against the glass when he gets tired. Without the cushion I have.

Doesn’t it get tiring?

I flopped down on the bed, looking from the balcony back to the simple black desk lamp, then my gaze caught a small shoulder bag with a Luffy keychain hanging from it.

He actually hung it on.

That’s great.

When you buy something for someone and they like it, it feels like this, a strange kind of satisfaction.

The cool air in the room made me burrow under the covers that carried Phii Godt’s scent. After talking for so long, imagining various things about him, when I finally met him, nothing matched my expectations.

Khun Godzilla, despite being noisy, is actually more composed than you’d think.

I didn’t lie there thinking for long when the sound of the glass door closing indicated that Phii Godt had come back into the room. I shifted to the edge of the bed as much as possible, not wanting to encroach on his sleeping space.

Phii Godt is big. Just by lying with his arms and legs spread out, he would take up the whole bed.

He flopped down onto the bed with a soft yawn, and I felt something soft touch my back, probably because the room’s owner had put a body pillow between us under the dim light beside the bed. Phii Godt reached past me to turn off the lamp and lay down.

Even lying apart, I could still feel the warmth from the person next to me.

Or maybe because I’ve been sleeping alone for so long, I never realized how far someone’s body heat could reach, especially since we weren’t even an arm’s length apart.

I lay there tense in the darkness for a while until Phii Godt’s deep voice spoke up.

“Good night, little turtle.”

We say good night to each other every day, but never has it made my heart beat as fast as this time.

“Yes,” I replied softly, getting a gentle humming sound in response. “Don’t worry about anything, I keep my vows. I won’t touch the crow.”

“Phii Godt!” I responded in a high-pitched voice, this guy never misses a chance to tease. The person who loves to tease let out a soft laugh.

“You can sleep now. It’s late.”

“Yes, good night.”

I adjusted myself to a more comfortable position than when I was nearly falling off the bed, letting out a gentle sigh. I lay there looking into the darkness for a while before trying to close my eyes to sleep.

I didn’t know if it was because of the unfamiliarity or because of the person next to me, but I couldn’t sleep until morning.

Heavy.

Something was pressing on my neck making it hard to breathe. I slowly opened my tightly shut eyes, not remembering when I fell asleep, but it was past six now. I felt dizzy from lack of sleep, trying to gather my senses to understand what was happening.

The first thing I saw when I regained full consciousness was the long arm of the person sharing the bed, draped over my neck. I lay on my side, stiff as a rock, too tense to move my neck, just staring straight at the wall in front of me, blinking rapidly and in shock that Phii Godt’s arm was around my neck like this. The way his arm was turned up indicated it wasn’t intentional; he probably thrashed in his sleep until his arm landed on me.

I carefully lifted Phii Godt’s heavy arm off me. I didn’t turn to look at how he looked while sleeping, just slid off the bed, my eyes searching for my wallet and phone. I quickly grabbed my personal items and left the room quietly, not wanting to disturb the seniors who were sleeping. I closed the door softly before letting out a sigh of relief.

Escape mission, accomplished.

At 7 AM, I hurried downstairs to inform the housekeeper about the spider, but she wouldn’t be free until the afternoon, so I planned to spend my day off sleeping in the café below the dorm.

A strawberry smoothie was placed on the light brown wooden table at the same time as my head slumped down in exhaustion.

I’m not used to sharing a bed with others, especially when that other person is Phii Godt, Khun Godzilla, the chaotic neighbor who’s always avoided face-to-face meetings.

Even though it was just a short stay, I felt unnecessarily worried, and my heart was beating rapidly, trembling for a while, especially when I was close to him.

I was afraid that I would be the one to break our bedtime chat agreement.

Because I got too close to him.

I sighed and looked out the window where a few students were walking by on this Saturday. The soft classical music playing in the background was making me even sleepier. I yawned widely, about to close my eyes…

“Diew, you didn’t wake me up!”

I jolted, looking up at the tall man who had placed a coffee cup on the table and sat down opposite me. His Ultraman mask, which hid his face, attracted the attention of others in the café, but since I chose a seat almost at the back, I didn’t have to worry too much about those looks.

The hair of the person in front of me was sticking out in all directions, and he was wearing the same clothes as last night, looking like he had just woken up.

“Sneaking… after me?”

“No, I just followed you.”

“…” Which means he was sneaking after me! “I… couldn’t sleep.”

“Was the bed uncomfortable?”

A whining sound came from his throat. I shook my head slightly.

“It must be… because it’s strange, I guess.”

I looked at the coffee cup on the table before raising my eyes to meet the yellow eyes of the Ultraman mask, staring at each other for a while with question marks popping up in my head.

“How are you going to drink… with the mask on…”

Phii Godt fell silent, his arms that were folded across his chest loosening as if he just remembered. He sat up straight, slightly shifted the mask to create a gap, and then bent down to sip the coffee. The sight made me burst out laughing.

“You laugh well.”

He’s cute, but actually, it’s more funny than cute.

“Is my humor too shallow?” asked the deep voice. I straightened up to talk to him more comfortably.

It’s not that his humor is shallow. It’s just that sometimes, both his words and actions make me feel like…

This is naturally comedic.

“You… like to act funny.”

“Then smile often, I can be funny all the time.”

“And what about me… am I funny?… I’m not… just giving a dry smile… right?”

“Not at all. Not funny at all, you’re cute.”

Khun Godzilla’s words made me pause; my heart skipped a beat, causing me to look away from him. Knowing that I was being watched with an unreadable gaze through the dot eyes of the mask made me even more concerned about making a strange face.

“You really are shy, aren’t you?”

I bowed my head to him, waving my hands through the air.

“Actually, if it’s someone close… I’m not that shy.” Like with my grandfather, my mother, or relatives.

“So you’re not close with me?”

Close… with you, I’m too close to the point where I’m starting to feel scared.

“It’s just…”

“But I’m close to you.”

I nodded in response.

“You… are important,” my voice was soft, almost a mumble, because I didn’t look up at the Ultraman mask. Even if I did look up, I wouldn’t see his eyes, so there was no need to guess what expression he might make.

I told him last night that he was important, and I would emphasize again that he truly is important, someone I don’t want to lose, someone I want to keep like this.

“So… I feel embarrassed… if I do something wrong… and leave.”

Godzilla’s hand reached out, placing it on my head, ruffling my hair gently. This action from the man in front of me made my face flush hot.

I raised my hand to cover my face with concern.

“You’re also important to me; I wouldn’t blame you for anything.”

His large hand withdrew. I just sat there, head bowed, not knowing what to do next, gripping the strawberry smoothie cup tightly. The condensation around the glass made my sweaty hands wet.

Am I important to him?

Really?

Besides my dad and mom, in this life, only Phii Godt has ever said these words to me, to a human, an introvert who barely leaves his room, who sets up his own rules, isn’t good at socializing, feels shy, stutters, and thinks slowly like a turtle.

I feel so happy to hear this.

“Why… am I… important?”

“Diew, you know I have a lot of close friends.”

“Yes.”

“But friends who listen to everything, there aren’t many.”

I knew this to some extent because sometimes when we talked on the balcony, Phii Godt would accidentally slip and talk about friends he wasn’t quite happy with. He’s the type who says what he thinks without holding back, so it’s not surprising that some people might not like his words. For example, when someone’s cooking isn’t tasty, I might say it’s too salty, bland, or tasteless, but Phii Godt would say, “It’s not good” or “Even a dog wouldn’t eat it.”

“So, you’re important to me, and I don’t want you to go anywhere either.”

“I won’t disappear.”

I won’t disappear, as long as you’re still here.

The two of us chatted casually. Mostly it was Phii Godt who didn’t stop talking, whether about the spider in the room or asking if I was okay with us meeting like this. Actually, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, probably because I couldn’t see his eyes or facial expressions, so I had no expectations. No expectations that he would smile at my words, laugh, or even look sad or displeased.

Until Phii Godt’s phone rang. I then excused myself to lie down because I was starting to feel a headache from not sleeping enough. Phii Godt said he would go up to see Phii Biu and Phii Wan and come back later, so the busy guy let me rest.

I slept deeply for almost two hours and woke up only when I heard a car horn from outside the coffee shop. I slowly rubbed my eyes while looking up at the two people sitting in front of me.

Phii Beert and Phii Godt.

“Hey, you’re awake now?” Phii Beert’s smile was still distinctive. He put down the book he was reading on the table, and I greeted him with a surprised gesture; why was Phii Beert sitting here?

The other person was slouched against the chair back, his neck limp like a dried fish. I looked at Phii Godt quietly, but it seemed his face was full of question marks, so Phii Beert answered for the silent one.

“He’s asleep, said he couldn’t sleep last night.”

He couldn’t sleep either… I thought I was the only one.

“Did you sleep in his room?”

I nodded in response to Phii Beert’s question. He slid a sushi box towards me, and I noticed that the one in front of Phii Godt was already empty.

“Godt said you came down to sleep since morning, probably haven’t eaten anything yet, eat up, he bought it for you.”

“Oh… thank you.”

I carefully opened the sushi box. Every time the seniors bought food for me, I always felt embarrassed, but when I tried to express it, they would always interrupt until in the end, I learned to just say, “Thank you.”

I took a big bite of the shrimp and egg sushi roll, chewing happily. Even though I was sitting with two big guys, I didn’t feel awkward at all because both Phii Beert and Phii Godt tried to understand me, so they didn’t ask me many questions, or if they did, it was just casual without expecting an answer.

While I was enjoying the sushi, Phii Beert rummaged through his bag for something. He handed me a strange-looking stiff card that looked like a concert ticket.

“In three days, there’s an engineering concert, so I bought a ticket for you.”

I… have never been to a concert before.

“Actually, I never thought about going, but I didn’t dare to refuse Phii Beert.

“It’s okay if you don’t go. We’re not forcing you,” Phii Beert must have seen that I was frowning, which is why he said that. I gave him a dry smile. It’s not that I dislike it or anything; it’s just that concerts are places with lots of people, and when there are many people, I feel uncomfortable.

“Sorry.”

“Godt wanted me to invite you to see it. He said you like this singer.”

The hard ticket in front of me was flipped over, revealing the face of the singer I often listen to. I blinked and looked at the singer’s name for a minute, then looked up at Phii Beert. What I said earlier about feeling uncomfortable with lots of people, I’ll take it back for now.

“Will you go?”

“… Can I stand at the back?”

“Sure, stand right against the back fence. You can leave whenever you want.”

I slowly took the concert ticket in my hand, feeling uneasy. I comforted myself by saying it’s just going to listen to him sing and then come back; that’s all there is to it. I’ve wanted to hear him sing live for a long time but never got a good chance because of myself. Just thinking about the word ‘crowd’ made me not want to go out and face anyone.

“Thank you.”

“Sure.”

“Stop staring at Wan like that; bees might sting your eyes,” said the hand of someone who knows when to wake up, slapping down on the friend’s arm with a loud smack. Phii Beert turned to look at me with a pleading face and then rubbed his arm.

“Is the sushi good?” Phii Godt stretched to relieve his stiffness and then asked me while I was putting sushi into my mouth, chewing.

“Yes.”

“If you like it, eat a lot.”

I sat there, putting sushi into my mouth, chewing amidst the gaze of two men. Normally, I would eat just fine, but when stared at, I felt it hard to swallow. Seeming to realize this, Phii Beert looked out the window, while Phii Godt pulled out his phone to play with.

“Do you use any social media?” asked the creature from the next room, catching Phii Beert’s eyes as they turned to look at me. Phii Godt looked back and forth between me and Phii Beert.

Should I tell him? If I do, will he breathe fire? Because Phii Beert and Phii Wan barged into my room. Plus, they got my Line ID before him.

“What, why are you looking at each other like that?”

“I… have had Phii Beert’s Line for a long time.”

“Ha!” Phii Godt almost brought the table over to me, “How?”

“I’ve been asking for a favor for a while now. In case I need help with something.”

“The country is going down the drain because of people like you, you cheating bastards!” The honey-skinned man yelled at his friend, receiving a faint smile from Phii Beert.

“Wan has one too, given by Nong Diew.”

“Very good.”

Khun Godzilla breathed fire at his friend. He also raised his hand to choke his friend, shaking him; if he could destroy the shop, he would have done it by now. Phii Godt breathed fire for a minute before he could regain his composure and sit down to talk properly.

“Diew.”

“Hmm?”

“Could I have your LINE ID, please?”

Phii Godt’s phone was passed to me, with the bright screen showing the Line ID entry. I took his phone, carefully typed each letter, and then added him as a friend.

“Is there a friend contract on LINE?” Khun Godzilla asked jokingly.

A friend contract on LINE… there isn’t one.

I don’t want to make any more contracts.

“Just don’t send games… that’s enough for me.”

“Then I can send this.”

After saying that, Phii Godt sent something. I furrowed my brows, picked up the phone to check.

Godzilla

[LINE CookieRun], You have received one heart  from Godzilla. Don’t forget to send one back.

I told you not to send games, you crazy brother!

    MONSTER NEXT DOOR CHAPTERS HOME

   MONSTERNEXTDOOR, Chapter 12: Coincidences Can Happen Many Times, To The Point Where Sometimes One Might Think That Fate Is Just Playing A Prank.

Finally, the package arrived. I took the small box with excitement, eager to give it to someone in the next room, so I opened it while still in the elevator. Inside the box was a Luffy keychain, just the right size to hold.

Would he like it?

When I got back to my room, I put the keychain into a bag, wrote a note on a pink Post-it, and stuck it on before walking out to hang it on his door handle.

I stood there, proud of my work for a while, before going back to my room to flop down on the bed and roll around.

“Young-master, do you think he’ll like the keychain?”

Come to think of it, I’ve never asked Phii Godt if he likes “One Piece” or not, but seeing him read, I just assumed he did, which started to make me a little worried.

“Do people need to learn this much about each other to become close, young-master?”

With young-master, guessing what he likes is incredibly easy. If young-master turns away, I know he doesn’t like something to eat. If young-master likes something, he’ll eat it, or if he doesn’t want to talk to me on any given day, he’ll retreat into his shell.

But I can’t see what Phii Godt likes or dislikes, and it’s hard to guess from his tone of voice.

I’ll ask him later.

I went into the bathroom, took a shower, got dressed, and then stood in front of the mirror, staring at my brown, curly hair, and the corners of my mouth twitched into a small smile. The touch from Khun Godzilla’s hand was still vivid in my memory, and when I compared my hand to his, Phii Godt’s hand was indeed much bigger than mine, just as I had imagined.

How can Godzilla be so warm when he’s supposed to be a monster?

My feelings towards the being next door have started to change again. From thinking I wouldn’t care, I’ve become more curious about his story. From keeping him in the friend zone, within days he’s moved to the brother zone. And when he ruffled my head, I inadvertently put him in the important person zone.

Khun Godzilla, who has broken through my double-layered walls, and this third wall, I hope it won’t collapse easily because if the wall of important people falls, I don’t know what will happen after that.

There might only be two choices: either to retreat or to advance, and right now, the scales seem to tilt more towards retreating.

Maybe it’s because of the deep-seated fear that if I let him into my world, Phii Godt might change, might not be the same person he is now.

And my fear has several reasons. The first one is:

Humans can change all the time.

It’s not like Phii Godt will always be like this. I’ve seen changes too many times: friends from primary school, friends from high school, neighbors, relatives from my father’s side. At first, they seem to understand each other, but in reality, no one has ever tolerated the monotony of my life. Especially not Phii Godt. If I force him into my quiet and seemingly boring world, I’m not sure he’d be able to handle it.

And if he can’t, what would I do then?

I shook off those thoughts and turned my attention to reading instead, making the most of my time like every day. When the clock struck ten, I heard voices talking outside the next room.

“Huh. Who hung this paper bag here?”

“Hey, Biu, don’t touch it.”

“Is it just one?”

I heard Phii Wan’s voice, Phii Godt’s voice, and a woman’s voice, probably Phii Biu. The three of them chatted for a while before it went quiet, and not long after, I heard the bell ringing from the next room, so I rushed to open the glass door to talk to Phii Godt.

“Is it the Luffy keychain?”

“Do you like it? I wanted to find something to give in return, but I didn’t know what to get. I thought you might like Luffy.”

“Godt is grinning like a monkey’s butt now, Nong Diew,” Phii Wan shouted, interrupting with a chuckle alongside Biu. After that, Phii Godt swore back at his friend in a flurry. Meanwhile, I just looked down at my hands, feeling a small sense of joy hearing that he liked it.

“I like it, I like it a lot, thank you.”

“I’m glad you like it.”

“I’ll hang it on my bag, take it everywhere.”

I laughed at the person who was so excited about the toy.

“Such a toy lover.”

“Wow, you’re really good at loving toys.”

“Shut up, you guys,” Phii Godt argued with his friends for a while before I heard him close the balcony door. Now, all that was left was the sound of the jingling bells and the breeze brushing past my face at night.

“Wan and Biu are staying over tonight.”

“Okay.” It must have become routine for him to report his friends’ comings and goings, probably because he was afraid I’d get annoyed if they were loud again.

“I’ve already eaten. Have you eaten?”

I turned to look at the lunch box on the table, shaking my head slightly.

“Not yet.”

“Waiting for me?”

“There was someone fussing about not eating together, so I waited.”

“I was wrong, I’m sorry, it’s Biu’s fault, she made me sit and eat with her.”

“No problem, I’m not mad.”

“Go get your food and eat, I’ll be here.”

“Alright, just a moment.”

I went back into my room to grab the lunch box and sat down to eat on the balcony, listening to him go on about his friends from the faculty, enjoying the typical chatter of someone with many friends. From what I’ve heard, Phii Godt has five main close friends: Phii Beert, Phii Wan,

Phii Bell, Phii Biu, and another person named Phii Ton, whose name I’ve never heard before.

“Why have I never seen Phii Ton?”

“Ton doesn’t come to my room often, which is good.”

Is he loud?”

“No, those loud ones are usually not close. Ton is kind of… crazy.”

“Are you saying I’m crazy too?”

“Wait a minute, wait… you’re going to get it.”

Well, it’s true though.

From what I’ve observed of his friends for a while, no one is as crazy as Khun Godzilla.

I finished eating and excused myself to go back to my room to throw away the trash and wash my hands. Everything should have been like every other day: throw out the trash, wash hands, grab some water from the fridge, go back out to chat with Phii Godt, then come back to sleep.

If it wasn’t for something hidden behind the fridge.

At first, I wasn’t sure what it was because I only saw a bit of its leg sticking out, but when I leaned in to look closer, the long brown legs made my hair stand on end.

A spider!

What do I do, what do I do?

I hate spiders. If there’s a spider like that in the room, there’s no way I can sleep.

And it seemed like the spider knew I didn’t like it; it slowly moved out from its hiding spot. From what I thought was just a small one, when it fully emerged, it was the size of a hand, and I nearly fainted. I ran to the balcony without thinking twice and called out to the person next door in a trembling voice.

“Phii Godt!”

“Huh, why are you trembling, what’s wrong?”

“There’s… a spider in my room…”

He was silent for a moment.

“Ha, are you playing the ‘I’m scared’ card? Come on, you’re not kidding.”

Scared? What nonsense!

“It’s really a spider! I’m really scared of spiders!”

“Oh, what do we do then? Can’t you just chase it away with a stick or something?”

“No… I don’t dare,” I said in a pitiful tone to him. Just looking in its direction was scary, let alone chasing it away with a broom. What if it got angry and bit me?

“Then what should we do, should I chase it away for you?”

If you’re not scared…” I clung to the balcony with both arms, my eyes glancing toward the top of the refrigerator where the huge spider still sat. If it didn’t leave, I was the one who had to go. We can’t coexist, no way!

I heard the sound of the glass door opening from next door, accompanied by Phii Godt talking to his friends.

“Hey, Wan, Biu. Are you guys scared of spiders?”

“Huh, why ask? If it’s small and clear, I’m not scared, but if it’s big, then bye-bye.” “You, Biu?”

“It depends on how big it is.”

“Diew, is the spider really big?” Phii Godt shouted to ask. I turned to gauge the size of the spider on top of the fridge.

“Hand-sized.”

“Damn, hand-sized, is that a spider or what the hell?”

“You come with me, Biu.”

“Where are we going?”

“To chase the spider away for the junior!”

“Oh, then why do you need the mask?”

“That’s my business, get up, I’ll open the door for you!”

Sigh! I hate spiders so much!

I hurried back into the room, which meant passing by the fridge to get to the door, and that problematic spider was huge. So, I had to muster my courage, sticking close to the wall on the other side, silently praying for mercy.

Don’t jump at me.

Don’t jump at me.

Don’t move.

Damn, it moved!

I quickly opened the door, and Phii Biu and Phii Godt rushed in. I saw Phii Godt wearing an Ultraman mask, but this wasn’t the time to care about his Ultraman mask.

“Where is it?”

“Behind the fridge.”

Phii Biu, the only woman in Phii Godt’s group, calmly walked to the fridge without any fear, plastic bag in hand ready to battle the big spider.

I saw Phii Godt following her, and then Phii Biu shrieked.

Eww, it’s huge, really huge, super huge, I can’t handle it!”

“You came in, so you have to deal with it.”

“You deal with it, Godt. You’re bigger than me.”

“Damn, Biu, it’s moving.”

“What do I do? What should I do?”

“What are you guys yelling about?” Phii Wan pushed the door open and entered the room, looking at me hiding behind the door before turning to the tall man and woman who were arguing by the fridge about who would be brave enough to catch the spider.

“Wan, it’s too big. I’m going to faint.”

“Just cover it with a box, a box.”

“What box? What do you expect me to find now!”

“Are you going to let it escape?”

“Catch it then, here, take my plastic bag.”

“Damn, Biu!”

I stood watching the two arguing over who would catch the spider for a minute, sighing, then turned to look at Phii Wan standing beside me.

He seemed to be waiting to see who would actually catch the spider.

“Are you scared of spiders?”

“Yes… if there’s one… in the room… I can’t stay…”

I said with a drooping voice. I can handle lizards and cockroaches, but this one, I really can’t deal with.

“Hey, Biu, it’s going to hide under the bed!”

“Wait, wait, I’m still psyching myself up.”

“Damn it, bring the bag here!”

Then Phii Godt climbed onto my bed and lunged at the spider that was about to disappear behind the bed.

“Damn, too late!”

Crap.

I was on the verge of tears. If we couldn’t find it by tonight, I definitely wouldn’t be able to sleep in this room again.

Everyone in the room fell silent as they searched for a good while but there was no sign of the spider emerging from behind the bed. I looked at Phii Biu and Phii Godt, who were bending over and looking under the bed, and I felt both sorry and grateful.

“Phii… I’ll… sleep at the café… it’s better.”

Finally, I decided that if the spider was going to stay in this room, I would indeed sleep downstairs at the café.

“Can’t you sleep here at all?” Phii Wan turned to ask. I nodded weakly until Phii Biu came over and patted my shoulder. She was taller than me, pretty, wearing a faculty jacket and long jeans, and she gave me a smile.

“Then go sleep in Godt’s room.”

“Hey,” Phii Godt exclaimed.

“Why not, the junior is in trouble, just for one night, tomorrow we’ll inform the housekeeper to come catch it,” Phii Wan added in support of the woman in front of me. I felt embarrassed, trying to refuse, but Phii Wan covered my mouth and shook his head at me.

Is this whole gang a bunch of dictators or what?

“Yeah, just one night, with me and Wan here. Don’t worry, right?”

And so, in the end, I had to take my stuff and go sleep in Phii Godt’s room.

What should I call it, a coincidence maybe? After living here for so long without seeing a spider, and suddenly when I do see one, it appears.

Phii Godt’s door was pushed open, revealing the interior of his room for the first time. Unlike my room, which was cluttered with lots of small items, Phii Godt’s room looked spacious and had very little in it. The furniture was all the original stuff from the dorm, with just an acoustic guitar leaning against the wall next to the bed, student pants and shirt draped over a chair, and a messy pile of sheets on the study desk.

I slowly sat down on the floor, feeling uneasy and anxious, this being the first time I had to leave my room to sleep in someone else’s, not knowing how to behave. I didn’t know where to look or what to touch, so I just stared at the balcony where wind chimes hung. Meanwhile, Phii Wan was setting up the bedding; I saw him lay out a cloth on the floor and tap it lightly, before Phii Biu and Phii Godt followed into the room.

“Only one name? I’ve never seen it.” Phii Biu sat down in front of me. Meanwhile, Phii Godt walked past and sat outside on the balcony. Since we left my room, Phii Godt hadn’t said a word to me.

“Yes…”

“Sleep on the bed with Godt, me and Wan will sleep on the floor.”

I looked at Phii Biu, waving my hands to refuse. I felt embarrassed.

“Just… just let us share the room… that’s enough… I can sleep on the floor.”

“It’s okay, me and Wan always sleep on the floor. Right, Wan?” The beautiful-eyed woman turned to talk to Phii Wan, who had just flopped down onto the sheet they’d laid out. His response was a long yawn.

“Sleep on the bed then. Our backs are stiff.”

“But…”

“Come on, consider it as thanks for looking after Godt.” Phii Biu smiled, patting my shoulder before she went to lie down on the sheet next to Phii Wan, then picked up her phone to play with it.

Now, in the square room, there was the sound of the TV and the conversation between Phii Wan and Phii Biu. The room’s owner had been sitting quietly on the balcony for quite some time.

Not knowing what to do, the first thing I did was place my personal items on Phii Godt’s bed, clearly dividing the space. Since Phii Godt is big, I didn’t want to encroach on his space, especially since he’s my neighbor whom I’ve never seen face-to-face, worrying that he might be displeased if we shared the bed like this.

Sigh

I really hate spiders.

My legs walked over to stop beside Phii Godt, and I sat down next to him, looking at the other person who was hiding his face under the Ultraman mask, but Godt couldn’t help but laugh. Phii Godt’s neck was stiff; he hadn’t looked at me since we entered my room. Probably because he was afraid our bedtime chat promise would be broken.

Honestly, I was both scared and anxious, and I was sweating with nervousness, but what could I do? Today was out of necessity, and it was quite the coincidence that the spider appeared in my room despite my cleaning it weekly.

“Thank you…,” I looked down at my hands, tightly clasped together.

“Are you worried?”

“A little… I feel more embarrassed for you.”

“If you’re not okay with it, just say so, I can go sleep downstairs.”

“No,” my hand grabbed his arm instinctively before I quickly let go. “I’m… okay… you don’t… have to worry.”

After nearly a month of talking on the balcony, this was the first day we sat side by side. At first, it felt a bit strange to hear his deep voice so clearly like this, but it was a good feeling, one hard to describe.

“The… promise…” I spoke softly, squeezing my hands tighter.

“Let’s make it void for just one day.”

“…Oh.”

“I want to respect what you want to do.”

“Okay.”

“But… do you expect a lot from me?” Phii Godt’s deep voice, when heard up close, seemed even more pleasant.

My eyes were unfocused, looking at his red string wind chime with a goldfish pattern, different from mine, but despite the different designs, the sound they made was just as melodious.

“Yes… I think… you’re the only one I can trust… that’s why… I don’t want you to change.”

The person next to me nudged my side gently.

“Really, huh? With such a small body, you think about so much.” Phii Godt leaned back against the half-opened glass door before shifting to sit more comfortably with one knee up. “People change all the time. It depends on how they change. I know I might change in the future, but even if I do, there’s one thing I think I’ll keep doing the same. That’s wanting to be part of your world.”

“My world… it’s not… suitable for you.”

“Maybe so, but if I’m with you, any world would be worth living in, right?”

I turned to look at him, Khun Godzilla, who was hiding his face behind an Ultraman mask. There was a moment when I wanted to see his expression when he said those words, but I was also afraid to see his eyes.

“You talk as if… you feel something for me… more than just senior junior.”

“And if that’s true?” My eyes widened in disbelief at what he had said, “If it’s true, would Diew push me out of your life, or would you want to keep talking to me?”

“But it…”

“…”

“It’s in the third clause of our agreement, you know that well, we’re not supposed to think beyond that, right?”

My lips were pressed so tightly they hurt, not because I was surprised to hear that he thought of me as more than just a brother.

Because I felt more than that too.

“And you, Diew, do you still think of me as just an older brother?”

“…”

“If you don’t want to answer, that’s fine, I’m not forcing you, just do what makes you comfortable…”

My hand grabbed onto his sleeve, holding it tight as if afraid it would slip away.

“I… I’m afraid you’ll disappear… afraid you’ll… stop talking to me.”

“I’m not going anywhere, I’ll be here bugging you every day.” His warm hand gently touched my head before adding weight and ruffling my hair like that day, the warmth spreading through me, clearly indicating I liked his touch.

“You are… someone important to me.”

As my words ended, Phii Godt turned to look at me for the first time. I stared into the dot eyes of the Ultraman mask, and realizing I was being watched, I looked away towards the balcony.

“Is something… funny?” I asked him. I knew my body’s reactions were slow; thinking and speaking was exhausting, which is why I rarely spoke much in front of others.

“Not at all.”

“You must be laughing… inside.”

“Not at all. I’m just happy.”

“…”

“Finally got to see you.”

 

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