MONSTERNEXTDOOR, Chapter 16: Having Him As Someone Special Makes My Heart Flutter.
Put a plaster on it for now.” A bright pink plaster was placed on the back of my wrist.
I looked at the pink plaster in silence for a while before breaking into a smile.
I really like pink, don’t I?
We chatted about random things like we do every day, but now instead of just hearing his voice, I could see him sitting next to me. Apart from playing with young-master, Phii Godt made sure our conversation never fell into silence. One of the popular topics these days was him telling me about “One Piece” from the beginning to the latest chapter he read.
I never felt bored listening to him talk about the cartoons he loves; instead, I enjoyed hearing the stories he shared. Besides “One Piece,” Phii Godt also likes reading various types of manga, watching sci-fi movies, and his hobby is playing the guitar. He further explained that because he hadn’t played the guitar in a long time, it now just decorates his room.
Phii Godt added that he’s an only child, his father is into partying, and his mother is a socialite, so he naturally likes socializing. He said he can’t live without friends, just as I had mentioned before, he’s someone who gets lonely easily.
After listening to his stories, we decided to heat up some convenience store meals that I had stocked in the fridge, too lazy to go downstairs to cook, living the typical dorm life.
I watched him struggle a bit with eating; it seemed like he was deciding whether to turn around to eat more comfortably. Seeing that, I took the liberty to move closer to him, kneeling.
“Huh, what are you doing?”
My hand slightly lifted Phii Godt’s mask, revealing his well-shaped lips. It seemed like Phii Godt was startled by my action. He then pressed his lips together.
“Diew…”
“Eat like this… it should be easier.”
The tall guy scooped some rice into his mouth and chewed, while his other hand held the Ultraman mask to look down at the food box. This was the first time we sat and ate next to each other like this. Phii Godt is a big guy; I would guess he eats a lot.
“Don’t do that again.” His voice was low, making me slightly worried that I might have done something he didn’t like.
“I… did something… you didn’t like?” Or maybe it was because I touched his mask. That’s why he didn’t like it.
“I like… I like it a lot.”
“And why…”
“Too many questions, let’s eat, or I’ll steal it.”
I quickly lifted the food box away from the mischievous one while sticking out my tongue at him.
“Dream on.”
Before I could even retract my tongue, Phii Godt touched it with his finger, making me jump back in surprise, the tall man laughing heartily. As for me, the taste of his finger was so salty that I couldn’t help but make a face.
What kind of prank is this!
“Yuck.”
“Disgusted?”
“It’s salty.”
“Stick it out again. This time, all five fingers, full council, thumb, index, middle, ring, and pinky.” He said, raising his hand as if to tease seriously. I immediately made a gesture to stop him.
“Not sticking it out anymore.”
“Then I’ll stick mine out.” Phii Godt stuck his tongue out at me. I got him back by pressing my finger down on his tongue, but before I could pull my hand back, he grabbed it. Instead of letting go, he licked my finger.
It was obviously playful, but this kind of play…
It’s not okay for my heart at all.
I tried to pull my hand back with concern, my heart beating fast, my face burning. If it were before, I would have knocked him out. But since he’s someone I secretly like, doing something like this is totally crazy.
“Phii Godt,” it seemed like he just realized what he had done. He quickly let go of my hand and pulled his mask back over his mouth, apologizing as he did so.
“Sorry, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.”
“It’s okay… I’m not mad.”
We both turned away from each other, both flustered, the one who did it and the one who was done to.
I looked down at my finger, still feeling the wetness, and wiped it on my shirt. Does he normally play like this with friends?
I tried to imagine Phii Godt licking Phii Beert’s or Phii Ton’s finger, but I just couldn’t picture it at all.
The cool breeze accompanied by the sound of two bells chiming in unison from my room and the room next door. I gazed out at the sky, which lacked starlight tonight, with only a crescent moon peeking out to greet the night.
“The moon is beautiful, isn’t it?” came a deep voice. I nodded in response.
“Beautiful… but when it’s full, it’s not like this crescent moon today.”
“Really? I haven’t noticed. I’ve been too busy to look up at the sky.”
That’s right, for someone like him, always social, the little free time he has probably isn’t spent looking at the sky like someone with lots of free time like me.
“But from now on, I’ll look at it more often.”
“Huh?”
“We’ll be looking at the same moon.”
“Xiao.”
“How do you know? My Chinese name is Xiaoqing, you know?”
“Xiaoqing?”
“Qingqing, actually.”
Wow! I didn’t want to know any of this!
After several hours of lounging on the balcony, Phii Godt excused himself back to his room because he had to discuss family business over the phone. I sat quietly leaning against the turtle pillow, now alone again without the chatter beside me. Without his constant noise, a small sense of loneliness crept in.
Lonely? Probably not.
More like I’m not used to it because normally he’s always so lively.
I sat there, enjoying the night breeze with my eyes half-closed, even though I should have been sleeping by now. But tonight, I wanted to spend more time on the balcony, long enough to reflect on various feelings because the damp touch at my fingertips was still vivid even after wiping it away. My heart, which was beating rapidly, had calmed down, but I could still feel it was different from before.
And the image of his lips, so clear in my memory, his well-shaped lips, different from my own smaller ones.
I try to shake off the chaotic thoughts battling in my mind, shifting my focus to the sound of the wind chimes on the balcony. They still sound
as beautiful as always, along with the phone playing soft music. Before it transitions to the next song by my favorite singer.
Soft, soothing music can truly embrace people’s feelings. Even though everyone’s music taste varies, our favorite songs might be noise to others, and others’ favorites might not appeal to us. But every song has its own value.
Just like my favorite singer. Even though their style is quite unique, many of their songs are my favorites, ones that touch me deeply whenever I listen.
“You, just made my day and everything turns right
I’m not movin on. Just wanna sit here and lookin’ your brown eyes
And babe it’s you, You tell me bout’ that situation
I should really turn back. And it’s fine. To know that you think we just friends
But I’ve gone too far with my thoughts, it’s my fault for letting my mind wander.
He’s just too good for you, it’s my fault for overthinking.
I pick up a pen to write a letter, but my heart isn’t brave enough fearing you won’t forgive me.
If I miss you, if I tell you I love you and you see it you’d be so angry.
So I put the pen back in my pocket keeping the words of my heart silent.
Just loving you is enough for me one life is as good as it gets.”
<<
I hum along softly, not in any language, watching Young-Master toddle around on my lap.
It’s true, as someone once said, when we’re in love, listening to love songs makes us feel it even more. If we’re sad, sad songs make us sadder. If we’re happy, happy songs enhance our happiness.
Especially when we’re in a situation similar to a song’s lyrics. It just feels like, why, how can one’s life align so perfectly with the lyrics of a song?
“Diew”
“Hm,” I grunt in response to the voice from the next room, interrupting the music.
“Right now, am I still your important person?”
Phii Godt’s question makes me jolt, sitting up abruptly. He must not have caught on, right? That my status as an important person has already changed to someone special.
“Why did you ask that?”
“You didn’t just think that yourself, did you, that sometimes… we’re like siblings?”
I accidentally held my breath when I heard those words, my face burning hot, my arms tightly hugging the pillow on my lap, burying my nose into it to hide the slight embarrassment that was slowly building up because I must have made a strange face, which Phii Godt definitely noticed.
This is bad. Really bad.
“I’m just… shy,” I tried to explain with all my heart. I don’t know when I showed it to him, I just know I must have blushed at him several times, but being shy and embarrassed, they’re different things, aren’t they?
Even without seeing each other face to face, I can barely contain myself like this.
“Being shy and embarrassed, they’re not the same.”
“…”
If you feel something more for someone important…
Will you stop talking to me… or disappear like I did to you last year?
Or will you be mad because I’ve come to like you?
I’m sorry…
“Don’t forget to put eggs in for me.”
Huh?
“Because I want to be special with eggs.”
You’re crazy, Phii Godt! Is this really the time for this?
“Do you want to be special?” I asked with a teasing tone. I didn’t know if the other person was joking or being serious.
“It depends on whether the person here wants me to be.”
“… Maybe… I guess?”
“Did you find ‘maybe’ in a temple or something?”
“Yes. I’ll become a monk and never disrobe.”
“No way. I won’t let you become a monk.”
“Stop bothering me already, please!
“So, do you want me to be your special person?”
Can I be?” During the time waiting for his answer, even though it was just a few minutes, it felt like an eternity. I almost held my breath waiting to hear his response, filled with anticipation and excitement for the words I was about to hear.
He doesn’t despise me, right? He won’t leave me, will he?
“Yes, I want to be anything; I can be everything for you.”
Phii Godt’s answer was like a warmth spreading, enveloping my little heart.
I could only sit there with a smile… because suddenly, I thought Phii Godt was incredibly cute.
Noon sharp should have been my peaceful time, sitting alone in the cafeteria, eating while scrolling through Twitter, enjoying my strawberry yogurt smoothie. But today, there were chattering voices breaking the silence.
I watched Phii Biu and Phii Bell arguing about calories in food for a while now. Meanwhile, the four guys were sitting at the table behind as Phii Ton said he didn’t want to leave me alone. So they all came to eat at my faculty’s cafeteria.
Nong Diew, what cream do you use? I want nice skin too.” After arguing with Phii Biu, Phii Bell turned her attention to me, who was chewing with a full mouth.
“Is good skin because you like to eat strawberry yogurt?”
“Really? I might have to bathe in it then.”
I don’t use any special skin creams. I just like eating fruits and vegetables since I was a kid, love strawberries rich in Vitamin C, love yogurt, and hardly ever expose myself to the sun.
While sharing skin care tips for a bit, Phii Wan sat down beside me, the owner of those beautiful eyes looking at me with concern.
“The Twitter thing is okay now; the photo has been deleted.”
“It’s okay… I’m not bothered by it.”
“People these days, huh? They know each other superficially and still talk smack. They type whatever they want without thinking if the reader will be hurt.” Phii Bell complained, “It’s good that Godt doesn’t show his face. Otherwise, his fans would go wild.”
“Just try it. Anyone with a smart mouth, I’ll deal with them all. Have you met Godzilla wearing an Ultraman suit?”
“Wolf in sheep’s clothing, huh?”
I couldn’t help but smile.
Phii Godt was sitting at the table behind me, with Phii Ton and Phii Beert, so he could easily take off his mask to eat. That’s why we chose to sit back-to-back like this.
“But you, when will you let the juniors see your face? Wearing a mask like this every day, I’m starting to forget what you really look like,” Phii Ton asked amidst the noisy canteen. I looked down at the glass of strawberry smoothie with condensation forming rings on the wooden table.
“Just remember that I’m very handsome, that’s enough, friend.”
“I’m going to go throw up.”
“But actually, it’s good,” added the only girl in our group, “We know
Godt is a social person; wearing a mask makes it easier to go around.”
“Take it off backstage.”
“Take off what, Bell?”
“Clothes.”
“Yay!”
“Stop it, guys.”
The person behind me dropped his heavy head against the back of mine, making my heart skip a beat again.
“Take it off when you take it off, then.”
“Take off what, Godt?”
“Clothes.”
“Yay!”
This is such a headache.
My once quiet and lonely lunch was now filled with the chaos of the Godzilla gang. From a table where I always sat alone since I started studying here, now Phii Godt’s friends were sitting with me, along with their laughter and boisterous shouts, not unlike when they were loud beside the classroom.
I can’t deny that after getting to know them, Phii Godt’s friends are all very kind.
After finishing the meal, the seniors excused themselves to go back to their faculty building, which wasn’t far away.
I stood watching the honey-skinned guy adjust his Ultraman mask on his face, muttering to himself since we left the canteen.
“What’s wrong, Godt?” Phii Beert asked his friend who was fiddling with his mask, but before he could reply, I heard a slight sound as the mask slowly slipped off the face of the man in front of me.
The elastic broke!
“Shit!”
Phii Godt exclaimed in a strained voice, quickly grabbing the Ultraman mask that was about to fall due to gravity and putting it back in place. Meanwhile, my heart had already fallen to the pit of my stomach.
Not because I was afraid to see his face… but because I felt… regret.
Regret? What for? Regret not seeing his face?
There you go again, Diew… the promise still stands, doesn’t it? If I saw his face now, I wouldn’t have any good words prepared. If I say something that doesn’t please him and he disappears, it would be terrible.
“That was close.”
Phii Beert smiled at me.
“We’ll head out now. Take care of yourself, okay?” I nodded back at him, before Phii Beert walked away to join Phii Wan who was waiting not far away. Meanwhile, Phii Godt was busy with his mask.
Sometimes, I feel sorry for him too.
I turned Khun Godzilla, the big one, to face the other way, gently patting his back.
“You don’t need to wear it anymore… you can go back to the building now.”
“Do you want anything to eat tonight? I’ll buy something for you.”
“Are you… coming to my room?”
“Can I?”
Can I? Sure, but it’s not really good for my heart when I’m close to him.
“Yeah.”
“I’ll buy some khanom bueang for you later.”
“Okay… you can go back to the building now… your friends are waiting.”
“Diew, are you sad?”
“Huh?” Why is he teasing me again?
“Please take care of yourself.”
After saying that, the tall guy handed me the Ultraman mask he often wears and briskly walked off to catch up with his friends who had already left. I looked down at the original pattern Ultraman mask that Phii Godt wore more than any other, noticing how the elastic was already broken from frequent use. My lips automatically curved into a smile.
My fingers touched the back of the mask, still feeling the warmth from someone else’s face.
If that day comes when we can look at each other face-to-face…
Will I be able to do it?
Will I dare to look into his eyes?
I walked back into the building, pressed the elevator button to head up to the lab for the next afternoon class, and the elevator doors opened just as Jen looked up from her phone.
We meet again, huh?
Jen didn’t say anything. She walked past me like I was invisible, but she stopped in her tracks when she saw the Ultraman mask in my hand. “Playing dress-up or something?”
“Can you not say that?”
“Seriously, how long do you think you can keep this up? If Godt’s fans found out, they’d be heartbroken.”
I froze when I heard what Jen said. She knows that the person wearing this mask is Phii Godt?
“Why…”
“Why do I know? Oh, come on. Everyone in this university probably knows it’s Godt by now. Someone already said it on Twitter. Godt is pretty famous around here. Everyone knows him.”
“I… I’m not involved… with Phii Godt.”
“Staring like that and you say you’re not involved, and with this mask, enough already. Godt’s face is good enough, why does he need to wear a mask around? You’re not forcing him to do that, are you?” Jen snatched the Ultraman mask from my hand. I widened my eyes in shock, trying to grab it back but too late. She broke Phii Godt’s Ultraman mask with a loud crack.
“This is too much.”
“Godt doesn’t need to wear something like this, it’s ridiculous.”
I looked up and met Jen’s gaze with anger. I never thought I could be this angry at someone in my life, feeling my face flush with heat, now understanding what it means to be so furious that smoke comes out of your ears. Jen seemed surprised by my intense stare; she stepped back before I could snatch the mask back.
“Even though you’re older than me… it seems like you don’t have a brain.”
“Hey!”
“If you don’t like my face, why do you keep bothering me? Stop bothering me already… because I don’t like your face either.”
After saying this, I quickly walked away towards the emergency exit stairs. The last thing I saw on Jen’s face was fear, probably because she didn’t expect me to talk back to her. But my mother always taught me not to yield to anyone. I cursed that woman in my mind with anger all the way.
I hope her bag shop goes bankrupt, no one reviews it, and she loses all her money.
Before I sat down on the stairs leading to the third floor, looking at the broken Ultraman mask silently.
If what Jen said is true…
Are his fans unhappy? Did I do something wrong?
Phii Godt…