MONSTERNEXTDOOR, Chapter 26: Differences Sometimes Help Us Understand Each Other Better.

“Red soda is good enough. Why the alcohol, I don’t know, making my life hard.”

Phii Biu grumbled while throwing a damp cloth onto Phii Ton’s face in frustration. The third horror movie hadn’t even finished, and three soldiers were already down—Phii Wan had passed out completely. How could he not? He was drinking alone like a heartbroken man.

Meanwhile, Phii Bell and Phii Ton were in a drinking contest until both were completely drunk, because Phii Ton challenged Phii Bell, saying, “If you can sit longer than I can, I’ll get you Phii Graph’s number.” In the end, Phii Bell lost.

It’s good that both Phii Wan and Phii Bell got drunk. Otherwise, they wouldn’t have slept tonight, too scared of ghosts because of the last horror movie we were watching. I wouldn’t be able to sleep either. Right now, my mind is full of images of Annabelle, the red-cheeked creepy doll.

When I turned to look at the person beside me yawning, Phii Godt isn’t afraid of ghosts. Not just normally unafraid; he said if Annabelle comes, he’ll slap her with a shoe, saying she’s already dead and still wants to haunt people with her bad manners.

He’s really cool, this guy.

I placed a bucket of warm water beside Phii Biu, seeing her, the only woman in the group, wiping down Phii Ton. Suddenly, I had an overlapping image. I wasn’t surprised anymore why Phii Biu would stay in Phii Godt’s room when he was drunk, because it seemed she was the only one who took care of their friends in the group.

“Just leave him be.”

“Shut up, you. When you’re drunk, you’re no better, Godt, and this jerk Ton is squirming around.” Phii Biu pulled Phii Ton’s arm off her neck, annoyed.

“Come on, I’ve said not to worry, I can take care of myself.”

“Like hell you can, vomiting everywhere, what if you choke on your vomit and die?” Though her voice was harsh and she was yelling at her friend, there was deep concern. Phii Godt was about to argue back with his female friend, but I stopped him.

My father once told me that his friend passed away because of alcohol; he got drunk, lay on his back, and choked to death. So I didn’t want Phii Godt to argue with Phii Biu because she was already worried enough. It’s better to waste time looking after a friend than to lose one.

Thinking like that, I went to help Phii Beert wipe down Phii Wan, who was lying red-faced on the bed. Phii Beert had his eyebrows furrowed into a knot, clearly displeased with Phii Wan’s drunken state, but beneath that displeasure was concern.

“Biu.”

“Hmm?”

“Why did Wan drink so much? He doesn’t usually drink like this,” Phii Beert asked with curiosity, his hand moving the towel over his close friend’s arm. “You didn’t say anything to upset him, right?”

Both Phii Biu and I exchanged glances… the person who spoke, he’s now with the gods of alcohol.

“Beert,” Phii Biu moved from Phii Ton to sit beside Phii Beert, then gently placed the towel on Phii Wan’s forehead.

“I’ll be honest, with you, I see no chance.”

“…”

The room fell silent, the only sound being the ticking of the clock on the wall.

“Hmm.”

“I’m not serious about you liking your friend. Godt also wants you to confess to Wan, but we don’t want to see you two fall out… If you want to keep these feelings to yourself, we’ll respect your decision. It’s all up to you, Beert.”

“I know. Just doing this feels like I’m betraying our friendship. Let’s just leave it at that.”

The somber atmosphere in the room made Phii Godt pull me away, as if not wanting me to be involved in what was happening among his friends. I know I’m not one to mingle much with people, especially in groups, I’d immediately distance myself, but I didn’t like seeing the two of them like this.

Phii Beert is like a big brother to me. As for Phii Wan, even though he’s not as warm as Phii Beert, he cares a lot about those around him, he just shows it in a blunt way.

“I’ll go sleep in the junior’s room. You guys sort out the sleeping arrangements.”

“Yeah, take care of the junior.”

Phii Godt pulled me out of his room, but before leaving, I heard Phii Beert say softly to Phii Biu:

“It’s fine, I’ll be friends with him until he doesn’t want to be friends with me anymore.”

Loving a friend in secret, it really hurts no matter which side you’re on, doesn’t it?

I think I understand the seniors a bit now. Before, I was just wondering why Phii Pee treated me like that, why he would betray our friendship, but after seeing Phii Beert… I get it now, these feelings really can’t be suppressed.

The door was gently closed before I went to greet the young master in the fish tank. Meanwhile, Phii Godt flopped down on the bed. He seemed not okay, as he came in and just sat there, staring blankly out the glass door.

“Diew, do you think Beert and Wan will be okay?” he asked in a weak voice, like someone who’s exhausted. So, I went to sit beside him, rubbing my hands whenever I felt nervous. I didn’t know what to say.

From what I’ve seen, Phii Wan doesn’t like Phii Beert more than as a close friend.

I know Phii Godt cares a lot about his friends, and Phii Beert and Phii Wan seem to be the closest to him in the group. Seeing his friends unhappy like this must be tough for someone like him. Even I, who have only recently met the seniors, feel not so good about it.

“I… don’t know.”

Phii Godt’s heavy hand landed on my head. He gently rocked it back and forth.

“Let’s go sit on the balcony.”

Phii Godt loves his dog Smile more than I do; he always says to take him wherever we go. I sat looking at Smile for a while as we went out to enjoy the cool breeze on the balcony, listening to the soft ringing of bells from both rooms. The turtle with droopy eyes now looked like Godzilla from the next room.

“Do you know, love takes time, and not just time, but also patience, trust, and care?”

His deep voice broke the silence as I was enjoying Pocky and reading a novel. I turned slightly to look at him; his calm face, his eyes flickering with emotions hard to read.

Phii Godt seemed down, and I started to worry. I don’t like seeing him like this. I like it when he smiles, acts silly. Seeing him so solemn like this, I just wanted to hug and comfort him. I didn’t want to make him feel even more burdened or sad.

“Some take a moment, some take years to click, some are friends, some are siblings, some have secret crushes, some get to know each other gradually.”

I listened intently to what Phii Godt was saying.

“Some people, after dating for over ten years, break up, some remain friends for twenty years and then fall out. Nothing is certain in life, so for me, if you like someone, it’s better to tell them, because you never know if you’ll get that chance again.”

“Hmm,” this time I won’t argue with him because what he said has its own logic.

“And I also know that you’re not okay with a friendship like this, but I still want Beert to confess to Wan. In my opinion, they are so close that if they confess and stop being friends, what would the friendship they’ve built mean?”

I nodded in agreement with Phii Godt.

“I… understand now.”

Now that I understand, I guess I was too biased against the kind of relationship where you secretly love your friend.

People’s thoughts are quite different. The first time I explained to Phii Godt why I don’t like relationships where you secretly love a friend, but this time I’ll listen to Phii Godt, given that he’s been friends with Phii Wan and Phii Beert for a long time. He probably knows what’s best.

As Phii Godt said, love requires many things, and each relationship is unique.

People are in different situations; in reality, friendship isn’t bad at all, especially if both share good feelings. Friendship can be even stronger than a new relationship where people are just getting to know each other.

My concern was probably because I worried that if Phii Beert confessed, Phii Wan might feel the same way I did.

I shouldn’t think for Phii Wan at all.

“Seeing Wan and Beert, I’m scared too, really. I’ve known them for a long time; I know everything about them. If one day they go their separate ways, I would feel terrible too.”

I offered him a strawberry-flavored Pocky, touching it to his lips, which he opened to accept without hesitation.

I didn’t know how to comfort him about this.

“Phii Godt…”

“Hmm?”

“I… I’m not good at comforting others…”

“I’m not blaming you for anything.”

“But if you… need some support… you can hug me.”

My words made Phii Godt look at me with wide eyes. He seemed surprised to hear that, even pinching my nose until I had to scrunch my face. The honey-skinned guy gave a mischievous little smile.

“Who taught you to say things like that?”

“No one.”

“You got that from a novel, didn’t you?” I bit my lip at him and then turned back to my book.

What can I do? I love reading romance novels.

Phii Godt moved closer until our arms were touching, the warmth from his body slowly seeping into mine, as if it was enveloping me.

“I think… Phii Beert and Phii Wan… won’t fall out so easily.”

I, for one, believe in the friendship between those two seniors.

“Give me a hug.”

His broad arms wrapped around me, and I felt his warm breath on my head.

“I know you’ve been alone for a long time.”

“Yeah.”

“If I touch you or do something you don’t like, you have to push me away, okay?”

“Do I have to… do that?”

“Yes, because if you don’t, I’ll take it as consent.”

He really is a bit of a rogue, isn’t he?

“I’m… not afraid of being touched.”

“Every time I touch you, you go as stiff as a rock.”

“That’s because of you… it’s because you… that’s why I get all tense.”

“Then don’t be so cute, it makes me want to nuzzle you.”

With that said, he did exactly what he mentioned, rubbing his sharp nose through my hair until I had to dodge away, but when I tried to escape, he hugged me even tighter. Phii Godt likes to nuzzle my head and cheeks, treating me like a cat.

Being with him like this every day, I’m sure to have love bruises all over.

Crack

I looked away from my book towards the wall that separates my room from Phii Godt’s. If I heard correctly, that was the sound of a glass door opening from Phii Godt’s room. I looked at the person beside me, who had his eyes closed with his earphones on, so I gently removed his earphones. I was about to reach for his phone to turn off the music but stopped when I heard voices from the balcony next door.

“Do you… like Biu?”

Phii Wan’s voice… slurring… he still seemed drunk.

“Who said that?” and Phii Beert’s voice.

Instead of grabbing my phone, I gently shook Phii Godt’s arm to wake him. Phii Godt groggily woke up, and I quickly put my finger to my lips to signal him to be quiet.

“Bell.”

No, I don’t like Biu.”

Phii Beert’s voice conveyed such sadness that it was almost heartbreaking just to hear it once.

“And what Bell said… about you liking a friend.”

“That was just a joke.”

“Really?”

Both fell silent. Phii Godt and I exchanged silent glances.

“If you like Biu… wouldn’t that be good?”

“Why would you say that?”

“Biu can take care of you, having someone to look after you is good, isn’t it?”

“You can take care of me too.”

“Me? Ha, I can’t even make a proper omelet, I turn your shirts pink when I do the laundry, and I’m almost failing my classes. You’re the only one who looks after me.”

“Exactly, I can take care of myself. I can take care of you too, so why should I look for someone to take care of me?”

“Beert…”

“Hmm?”

“I’m serious. If you like Biu, I’m happy for you and her, just tell me.”

“I really don’t like Biu.”

“Then who do you like?”

“Do you really want to know?”

“Yeah, I’m your best friend, I should know first.”

“The person I like… doesn’t like me.”

Phii Godt let out a sigh. I moved to hold his large hand to comfort him.

Don’t think too much about it; what will happen will happen. It’s better to let the two of them talk and understand each other.

“Who is it?”

“The person I like is not great, but in their own way, they’re cute. They’re noisy, but once they’ve made a fuss, they feel guilty. They always care about others before themselves but aren’t good at showing it, so after doing something wrong, they rush to apologize because they’re afraid of being scolded.”

“…”

The person I like has liked someone else for a long time. Even after they stopped liking that person, they still never looked at me.”

“Beert…”

“Do you know who I like now?”

“…”

“If you still don’t know, the person I like can’t make a fried egg flat, claiming it’s so you can eat it in one bite. The person I like dyed my university shirt pink because they accidentally washed it with a Hawaiian shirt. The person I like, when they’re upset with me, will curse, but in the end, they always bring sweets to apologize.”

“…”

“Do you know now?”

The voices went silent, and I found myself holding my breath with them. From comforting Phii Godt, it had turned into him comforting me.

I didn’t like this atmosphere at all; it was suffocatingly awkward.

“But you like Biu…”

“I don’t like Biu.”

“But Biu does those things, Biu can’t make a flat fried egg, Biu got my shirt dirty, Biu…”

I didn’t know what happened after Phii Wan’s voice was cut off; I only knew the sounds that followed were of two men breathing heavily, loud enough that Phii Godt had to cover my ears.

“Damn. You guys…”

“Phii Godt,” I looked up at the tall guy who was busy covering my ears. I squirmed away because I wanted to hear the rest of the conversation.

“Why, why do this? Don’t you like Biu? Why are you kissing me like this, why, Beert?” A kiss… Phii Wan didn’t seem that angry with Phii Beert for being kissed. If he didn’t like it, he should have been very angry, but instead, it looked like Phii Wan was upset with Phii Beert. Bang

Before something hit the wall, startling me.

“Wan.”

“You like Biu, so why…” Phii Wan was hiccupping as if he was crying even more…

“I like you.”

Phii Beert confessed.

“…”

I like you. Not Biu, is that clear?”

“But you… you…”

“Do I have to kiss you until my lips rot for you to understand?”

“Why do you go to Biu so often? When I asked Biu, she just said Beert had something bothering him. Why? I’m your best friend, why do you go to Biu? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Wan.”

“Why? Am I not enough for you, Beert?”

“Wan.”

“You can like me. You can kiss me, but give me some time, please, just give me some time, I’ll learn to like you back.”

“…”

“Don’t go to anyone else, just tell me if there’s anything, okay?”

“Okay, I won’t go to anyone else anymore.”

“I promise one day I’ll like you back.”

“Thank you.”

Both voices fell silent. I smiled with joy because I heard that Phii Wan wasn’t angry about Phii Beert secretly liking him; he had misunderstood that Phii Beert liked Phii Biu, which is why he was so upset.

Good, it’s good that they didn’t argue. Didn’t fall out.

“Don’t kiss on my balcony, it’s creepy.”

Phii Godt! I hit the person next to me who suddenly spoke out loud,

Phii Wan responded quickly, his voice clear as if he had just sobered up.

“Damn, Godt!”

“It’s good that it’s cleared up, good that you confessed, I’m glad you guys aren’t fighting.”

“And when did you come to sit here?”

“Oh, I’ve been here with Tiao for a while.”

“Shit.”

“Hey, there are bees everywhere right now. Shall we go back inside?”

The tall guy laughed, Phii Godt quickly pushed me back into the room amidst Phii Wan’s loud complaints.

Phii Godt is really the number one troublemaker.

The glass door was closed. Phii Godt and I looked at each other with smiles, Phii Godt himself must be happy to see his friends opening up to each other. I’m also happy to see Phii Beert and Phii Wan understanding and accepting each other.

I only understood today that when a friendship turns into love, it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s bad. I won’t say anymore that having a crush on a friend feels like betrayal because, no matter the kind of love, it has its good and bad aspects.

For Phii Beert and Phii Wan, their love is a friendship where neither wants the other to disappear from their life.

For me and Phii Godt, our love is about patience and understanding each other.

“Thank you… for letting me meet Phii Beert and Phii Wan,” I thanked the person standing not far away. Phii Godt came over, took my hand, and then walked backward to sit on the bed. I stood in front of him, looking down at the owner of those beautiful young-master-like eyes, his warm hand loosely holding mine.

“If it weren’t for you guys, I would probably still have prejudices about having a crush on a friend… for a long time.”

“I’m glad that today you listened to my thoughts.”

“Hmm.”

“From now on, let’s keep listening to each other, okay?”

“Khrap, I’m already doing it even if you don’t tell me.”

“I might… not say things that please you sometimes… put my own thoughts first sometimes… If I do something wrong… you have to tell me.”

“Well, you’re already doing it wrong.”

“What…”

“You’re being too cute.”

After saying this, he pulled my arm towards him until I was straddling him.

“When you do something wrong, you need to be punished.”

Before he grabbed my waist, making me squirm, our laughter echoed in the small square room.

A small world filled with happiness.

        MONSTER NEXT DOOR CHAPTERS HOME

   MONSTERNEXTDOOR, Chapter 25: The Lesson Of Relationships Begins With Trusting.

I am in the process of learning about love between two men.

I don’t know if it’s the same as a heterosexual relationship. I’m not sure how I should act when my boyfriend is a tall guy who nearly hits the doorframe, I can’t pat his head like Phii Godt often does to me because my arm doesn’t reach. I don’t know how to act when I have a boyfriend who makes women turn their heads when we go out, and I don’t feel right showing jealousy like he does. I also don’t know how to behave when Phii Godt takes care of me as if he were the woman in the relationship.

For Phii Godt, everything seems so simple. He knows how to please me, how to take care of me to make me feel okay, maybe because he’s two years older than me. That’s why he knows what being in a relationship entails.

“Let me carry it for you.”

The tall guy took my cloth bag and slung it over his shoulder, looking very pleased to do so. Despite my frequent protests that the bag isn’t heavy, with only the occasional load of books from the library, Phii Godt never listens.

On the contrary, Phii Godt carries more stuff than me. He carries my cloth bag, his own leather bag on his shoulder, various bags of snacks, and bags of personal items he bought from Big C before returning to the dorm, as if he won’t be shopping again until next year. His other hand holds an unsweetened green tea, which he drinks to combat the heat since leaving the university.

I looked at the small bag of snacks in my hand, the only thing I was carrying because he was worried it would be too heavy for me.

“Isn’t it heavy?”

“Huh?”

The guy sipping green tea glanced at me briefly. Phii Godt shook his head gently, and seeing that, I didn’t dare argue with him anymore. Every time I encountered that look, I could do nothing but give in to him.

We returned to the room early because today was my last exam day, and Phii Godt’s friends were going to gather in the room for some sort of mission, which I still didn’t know about because Phii Biu kept it a secret, saying that if she told, Phii Wan and Phii Bell wouldn’t come.

“Where should I put this?”

I picked up the black roll-on deodorant. Phii Godt, who had gone into the bathroom, peeked out with a wet face, water dripping from his hair.

“Put it in the wardrobe.”

“And the cooling powder?”

“In the wardrobe.”

“And the tissues?”

“Also in the wardrobe.”

Everything goes in the wardrobe?

I opened the wardrobe, and the sight before me explained why Phii Godt’s room looked so spacious.

It was because he stuffed everything in the wardrobe.

I was scanning around, trying to find space to place his personal items. Normally, I like to organize things neatly for easy access, perhaps because I spend a lot of time in my room and don’t like clutter. But Phii Godt is the type who packs everything together. Looking at his wardrobe drawers, I wouldn’t be surprised if I found underwear rolled up like an eight in there.

I was enjoying organizing when I stumbled upon something hidden under a pile of miscellaneous items. I moved a bottle of talcum powder aside and picked up the silver packet. At that moment, Phii Godt walked out of the bathroom.

This is…

Condoms.

“Hey!”

Phii Godt yelped. He quickly snatched the condom packet from my hand and hid it behind his back like someone caught in the act. We stood there awkwardly for a moment.

“You didn’t just buy this… right?”

“These are old.”

Indeed… seeing how the condoms were lying there like fossils, they definitely weren’t recently bought. But it’s not my business to ask if he had been with someone else before, because Phii Godt is very social, good-looking, and has a charming personality; with his social status, I wouldn’t be surprised if he had been with someone before.

He’s just another guy, after all.

It’s just… imagining him kissing someone else…

I felt jealous.

I looked down. I don’t know why, I just felt jealous, very jealous.

“Diew…”

“Yes?”

Phii Godt moved closer to me, his beautiful eyes staring into mine, making me feel a bit nervous. When he gets serious, he likes to look into my eyes as if to tell me he’s being honest because I’ve heard that eye contact signifies sincerity.

And now he looked like someone about to confess something.

“I have something to tell you… I was with a woman during my first year before I met Ping.”

“Hmm.”

“It’s just one night, really. There’s no attachment.”

“Yes.”

“Don’t you trust me?”

“No, I just…” care about you a lot.

Before we could continue, there was a knock at the door. Phii Godt seemed slightly annoyed at being interrupted.

“Who is it?”

“Open the door, you bastard!” Phii Biu’s voice came first.

“If you’re so sure, open it yourself!”

“Screw you, the ice bucket is heavy, open the door, you dog-faced!”

“Do it yourself.”

“You bastard, Godt.”

“Do it yourself.”

“I’ll tell Nong Diew that you…”

“Opening now!” Phii Godt quickly jumped away from me and rushed to open the door as if he was afraid of being burned. The tall woman walked in, looking annoyed from afar, and sat down next to me.

“It’s hot, damn hot, how high is the AC?”

“Twenty-six.”

“Can you set it to twenty-three? I’m dying.”

“Help me pay the electricity bill then.”

“Can’t the son of a cardboard factory owner like you afford the electricity bill?”

“No.”

“Damn!”

“So, will you help pay the electricity bill or not?”

Phii Biu glared at Phii Godt, but instead of responding to his friend, he turned to me and smiled, then took out a strawberry milk from a bag and handed it to me.

“You wanna know about Godt, right, Nong?”

Click, click, click.

The room owner quickly turned on the air conditioner, and Phii Biu gave a sly smile, as if she knew how to deal with this troublemaker friend.

The only weakness of Phii Godt is me.

In no time, the small square room was filled with six guys and one girl. It seemed like only Phii Biu and Phii Ton knew what they were here for today because they had been whispering to each other since Phii Ton entered the room. Phii Wan, Phii Bell, and Phii Beert were lured here under the pretense of a party to celebrate the end of exams, so they were sitting in the corner, chatting about random things while drinking red soda. Meanwhile, me and Phii Godt didn’t voice any opinions because we were already living there.

“Friends!”

“What?” Phii Wan asked Phii Biu and Phii Ton who were standing in the middle of the room, with something hidden behind their backs.

“Since we’re all here. Today we’re not just celebrating the end of exams. We have a mission.”

“What mission, Biu?” Phii Bell asked excitedly.

“Today’s mission is…”

“A horror movie marathon with three movies.” Phii Ton smiled at everyone in the room, and Phii Biu revealed what she had been hiding – three DVDs, all horror movies. I knew who would object.

“No!”

“You’re crazy!” Phii Wan and Phii Bell immediately panicked.

Of course, both of them are terrified of ghosts.

“Are you guys scared?”

“Yeah, I’m scared.”

“Hey, Ton, can we not watch? I have to go back and sleep alone.”

“You can sleep with Wan and Beert.”

“Are you kidding? Wan is scared of ghosts, Beert is as still as a lamppost. If ghosts come, they won’t bother him, thinking he’s a monk, but they’ll come for me and Wan instead. It doesn’t help at all!”

“I don’t know. Whoever leaves before today, I’ll fine five hundred each for being a nuisance and not focusing on watching… Nong Diew’s smaller than you guys and doesn’t cause trouble, right, my dear?” He turned to me and called me ‘dear’. I just smiled back before Phii Godt’s large hand covered my eyes.

“Dear, you’re already vulgar.”

“Yes, dear.”

“Yes, you bastard!”

Stop fighting already, please!

“Why… are we watching horror movies?” I asked the person sitting next to me on the wide bed. The seniors didn’t seem like the type to stay cooped up in a room, drinking soda and watching a horror movie marathon; usually, they’d have a drinking party and sing children’s songs. Phii Godt loosely hugged me, leaning slightly against me, while his other hand was holding his phone playing a paused game.

“Normally, after exams, we’d go to a bar.”

“And why…”

“Because we’re here with you.” Phii Godt gave me a warm smile, making me look away to my own hands, my heart beating unexpectedly fast.

I can’t resist this guy’s smile.

This mission started with dinner together in the room, followed by snacks piled in the middle of the room. By half past nine, everyone moved to sit in front of the TV. The first horror movie played in the darkened room was a Korean film known as one of Ton’s top scary movies. Throughout the movie, Phii Wan and Phii Bell would scream intermittently or hide behind pillows to peek. Meanwhile, Phii Beert, who wasn’t scared of ghosts, watched silently, making me wonder if he was really there.

Me, Phii Godt, Phii Ton, and Phii Biu sat in a row on the bed. We didn’t talk much, focused on the movie. It was quite scary in my opinion because the film played with the audience’s emotions well. The movie was about a group of ghost hunters trying to prove something in an abandoned hospital, leading to chaos.

Even I, who wasn’t scared of ghosts, got goosebumps.

“Scared?” asked a deep voice during the climax, and I jumped when the ghost appeared, turning to bury my face in the arm of the person next to me.

“Totally startled.”

“There, there, hush.” The tall guy gently kissed the top of my head and then pulled away, leaving only a warm sensation that spread through me, making me speechless.

By the time the movie ended, Phii Wan and Phii Bell were scared out of their wits. Finally, even the liquor lover like Phii Ton couldn’t take it anymore, so he proposed to Phii Beert and Phii Godt to go down to the 7-Eleven below the dorm to buy some alcoholic drinks.

I was playing a mobile game on the bed, with Phii Biu and Phii Bell beside me, talking about the movie we just watched. Meanwhile, Phii Wan had already passed out, his head buried in a big pillow. Someone as scared of ghosts as Phii Wan, even just the sound of crying would send him running, so how could he possibly sleep tonight?

“Why did it have to be a horror movie, Biu? There are so many love and action movies.”

“Normal movies, I was afraid you guys wouldn’t be excited.”

“You’re evil; I’m going to cry.” Phii Bell buried his face into the edge of the bed, hiccuping, “Me and Wan will stay up all night for sure.”

“How about you, are you scared of ghosts?” The only woman in the group turned to ask me while I was playing the game to kill time before watching the next horror movie. I shook my head slightly at Phii Biu, feeling her slender hand touch my hair and gently ruffle it.

She’s another one I respect like a real sister because she’s so warm.

“Seriously, Nong,” I turned to look at Phii Bell and nodded, “what has

Godt done to you yet?”

I glared at her question, and Phii Biu smacked Phii Bell’s arm with a slap.

“Hey, you hit me again.”

“Why are you asking this? It’s between the two of them.”

“True, but this little one is so cute, with such a sweet mouth and nose, can he really escape Godt’s hands?”

“It has to be taken slowly, we’ve just started dating, can’t expect things to happen right away. Not like you.”

“Usually, Godt isn’t someone who can hold back.”

I just smiled a little at Phii Bell’s words. At first, I thought the same, that he wasn’t patient at all, but from what I’ve experienced, I wouldn’t be surprised anymore why Phii Godt is willing to be patient, because everything he does is just for my comfort. Speaking of which, I had a question I wanted to ask the older ones too.

“Has Phii Godt… been with a woman before… right?” My question piqued the curiosity of the two.

“Did you know?”

I nodded in response.

“Will you survive with that face of his?”

“Even Bell keeps trying to make Godt his husband, who knows how many times.”

“Don’t be silly, you ox, good at causing trouble, but honestly, Nong Diew, Godt is just a man, he has feelings too. But back in the day, Godt was a bit of a jerk, like if someone offered themselves directly, he’d take it, but I think he’s stopped that now.”

“Oh. If he hasn’t stopped, then he’s still a jerk.”

“But it’s just one person, isn’t it? He’s never had more than that. It’s good he hasn’t gotten anyone pregnant.”

“Diew, you won’t dislike Godt, right?” Phii Biu asked, her expression serious about the answer she would receive.

If asked if I dislike him, I don’t dislike him at all; it’s normal for guys. I’m just a little worried that Phii Godt might have done something bad in the past, and whether those bad things might affect his future or our relationship. Even if those things are in the past.

“No… just…”

“You still don’t fully trust him, right?” Phii Bell said. I avoided their eyes; it’s not that I don’t trust him, Phii Godt is very trustworthy. But before we met, our worlds were different, so our lifestyles are quite different too. He’s probably met all sorts of people, but for me, I need some time to adjust to these kinds of situations.

I’ve hardly ever been intimate with anyone before.

“That’s how it is when you’re in a new relationship, you have to adapt to each other. But from what we’ve observed, he’s been getting better since the incident with Tan, the issue with Ping, until now where he’s changed dramatically, quit smoking, drinks less, and is truly faithful.”

What Phii Bell said made me scratch the back of my neck, embarrassed.

“If you overlook his patience and his strong friendships, Godt has his bad sides too,” Phii Biu added, “But that’s the past. I think people change, like Bell who used to go for anyone, now he’s only got eyes for Ton.”

“Crazy, you, I’m unbeatable, you know.”

“Really? You don’t secretly like Ton?”

“I don’t have a taste for liking friends, I’m not like Beert.” When Phii Bell said this, Phii Wan sat up from where he had seemingly been asleep. Phii Biu was startled, giving me a wide-eyed look.

Oh no… Phii Wan still doesn’t know that Phii Beert likes him.

The small guy turned to look at his friend while furrowing his brows, but Phii Bell was completely unaware that Phii Wan was looking at him with a dozen question marks over his head until Phii Biu lightly tapped Phii Bell’s arm, making the one who accidentally spoke realize his mistake.

“Who does Beert like?” Phii Wan asked in a calm voice.

“Like what? No one.”

“Don’t lie, Bell.”

“Like… he likes Biu, that’s who.”

Phii Biu sat there confused for a while before she could regain her composure and go along with Phii Bell’s statement, letting out an awkward laugh.

“Ha! Beert likes me? Crazy. You’re crazy, Bell.”

“I’m just guessing; actually, Beert might not like you.”

“Yeah, you’re crazy.”

“Friends can’t like each other, how can that be?” Phii Wan grumbled before lying down again, leaving only silence and a sense of awkwardness that was building up. Phii Biu even shook her head. It wasn’t just Phii Godt who noticed; the whole group probably knew by now that Phii Beert secretly liked Phii Wan, except for Phii Wan himself.

The woman in front of me moved closer and whispered in my ear,

“You don’t see any chance at all.”

I thought the same. Initially, I sided with Phii Wan, but now I was starting to feel a bit sorry for Phii Beert.

Not long after, Phii Godt and the others came back upstairs, and the second horror movie continued as planned. This time, alcohol was added to the mix. I looked at Phii Godt, who didn’t touch any alcohol, and I couldn’t help but wonder why he wouldn’t drink.

“Drinking once in a while… it’s probably fine, right?”

“It’s better if he doesn’t drink, Nong,” Phii Ton spoke up for his friend, “He talks nonsense when he drinks.”

Talks nonsense?

“He gets handsy,” the other friends started to reveal his secrets one by one.

“He’s a lecher.”

“Enough, you bunch of jerks!”

A soft laugh echoed in the room, but in just a moment, Phii Godt’s friends turned their attention back to the horror movie. I moved closer to the person beside me, sitting so close that our arms touched, like two joined pieces of a Chinese doughnut, one big and one small.

“What’s up, being all clingy, huh?”

“Phii Godt… I don’t distrust you…”

“If it’s about that, I admit that in the past, I didn’t behave very well, but I’ve improved now, I’m a better version of myself.”

“Hmm.”

“People in a relationship need to learn about each other, right? There might be things from my past I haven’t told you, but I don’t want to hide anything. If you want to know, I’ll tell you.”

I shook my head slightly; I didn’t really want to know about his past.

It was just coincidental.

“I promise I’ll make you trust me, and I won’t betray that trust.”

“Thank you.”

His warm hand gently ruffled my hair, the warmth spreading through me. Even though it was far from my heart, it made my heart jump like popcorn on a hot stove. Every time he ruffled my hair, I didn’t know how to react.

“I don’t want much, really. From just hearing your voice, paying for millions of Pocky sticks, without even touching your arm. Now, being able to see your face, to touch you… I’m already very happy.”

“Yes.”

“But if we could have more…”

“Wait a moment.”

I furrowed my brows and gave him a sideways glance, receiving a playful smile from the tall guy, but I didn’t hold it against him or get angry.

It’s said that in a relationship between two people, trust is the first thing that makes the relationship enduring.

In the past, Phii Godt might have been mischievous because no one is perfect, but people can always change. Now, this guy has changed for me.

I don’t expect Phii Godt to be perfect like a white cloth; I just want him to be the Phii Godt who tries to understand me, who is my support, who is my laughter, the Phii Godt I trust and can rely on. That’s enough for me.

“Actually… I… I’m not angry about anything.”

“Hmm?”

“I just… I’m jealous.”

“Ah, saying that, I guess we’ll use the condoms tonight.”

“Phii Godt!”

I both love and hate him, it’s driving me crazy.

    MONSTER NEXT DOOR CHAPTERS HOME

   MONSTERNEXTDOOR, Chapter 24: The Relationship That Started Like Listening To A Song; There Are Pauses, Stops, Or You Can Listen Until The End.

When Khun Godzilla took off his mask, another one of my hobbies became observing the expressions of the honey-colored skin owner who, in a day, could show no fewer than ten different faces. Whether it’s when eating and not quite liking the taste, or when eating sweets and saying it’s delicious, when he’s hot, his face gets all tense, and when he’s in front of the cool air, his eyes close with happiness.

Like today, when he came to eat at the cafeteria with me, along with Phii Beert and Phii Wan, and he seemed to have found food that suits his taste after complaining about Wan’s overly spicy Tom Yum noodles a few days ago.

“Is it that delicious?” Phii Wan asked his friend, who was happily munching away before someone mischievously stole some fried chicken from his plate. He gave his friend a huge glare, which made me smile at his glaring eyes.

He himself… one more glare and he’d be like Charcoal when he’s denied sausages.

“Damn, there’s not much fried chicken, and you still grab it, you jerk.”

“Yeah, it’s delicious.”

Phii Godt seemed to really like the dish I recommended today, my favorite meal:

Crispy Chicken Basil.

Even though he spent a while picking out the basil leaves because he didn’t like them.

“You’re still not over your cold?”

Phii Godt paused slightly and looked up at me. I quickly ducked my head down, hastily spooning some fried rice into my mouth.

“I’ll be over it when I’m over it.”

His small friend hummed disapprovingly, seemingly not wanting to deal with someone with a cold, but it was Phii Beert who turned around to smile at me, making me look away. It seemed like Phii Beert knew why we were both having similar, persistent colds.

The reason we haven’t recovered is because we’ve been stuck together like conjoined doughnuts. I had to ask him that we should keep some distance until our colds were gone, and then we could stick together again. Besides, we both had exams, and for someone as social as him, there were football matches, exams, an overload of projects, not to mention the extra events he took on to help out friends. If our colds didn’t clear up soon, it would definitely be a disaster.

When I gave him that reason, Phii Godt agreed to keep some distance. He changed from sitting by me like a little bird in my room to sitting and eating together on the balcony. I’d check up on his studies a bit, while the person who didn’t like reading preferred to listen to his friends tutor him over the phone because he didn’t want to leave his room.

I once asked him if his friends wouldn’t get mad that he wasn’t showing up. He responded:

“I’ve built two worlds, one for my friends and one for us. You don’t have to worry about them getting mad at me because even if I don’t go to them, they come to me all the time, damn it! Can’t I have some sweet time with you, you bastard?”

And then he turned to fight with Phii Ton, who had been visiting his room more often lately.

“Hey Godt, have you seen this, the fan account for Nong Diew?”

“Sorry.”

I choked on my fried rice when I heard what Phii Wan said. The little guy gave me a mischievous look before showing me his phone, revealing that there was indeed a fan account for me on Twitter. Before I could even look down, Phii Godt grabbed the phone. He turned off the screen and handed it back to Phii Wan.

“Don’t look.”

“Come on, having fans means people like you.”

“I won’t let you look, why?” Phii Wan snapped at his friend, and Phii Beert scolded him slightly.

“Just because you can look at Godt’s face now doesn’t mean we’ll pull him out of his world, Wan.”

“Yes, dad.”

“Who’s your dad, you bastard?”

“What’s with that, Godzilla, you dog-faced?”

I’m not actually mad at Phii Wan. He’s always been like this. He’s a high-level social human who wants to drag everyone around him into his social circle. If I had to guess, this guy is just as lonely as Phii Godt, the difference is Phii Wan says whatever he thinks. He doesn’t keep much inside, but deep down, as Phii Godt once said:

This little guy doesn’t really speak from the heart, but once he realizes it, he always brings sweets to apologize to me.

“Thank you… I’m glad… to hear I have fans.”

My tone caught the attention of the three guys who were bickering in front of me. Being stared at like this made me nervous, my hands sweaty.

“Um… it’s better to have people who like you than people who don’t… right?”

“Not true,” Phii Godt said, giving a displeased look with his tall stature, “I want you to be liked by just one person.”

“Let’s go back, Beert.”

“Why the rush?”

“I’m sick of love.”

“When will you two love each other?” the tanned guy teased his friend. Phii Wan turned to grab the shirt collar of the bigger guy, but Phii Godt seemed unfazed, just rolling his eyes as if he was used to the teasing.

“I told you, Beert is just a friend, you ox, it’s like being with you.”

“Hey, don’t compare me to him,” Phii Beert retorted.

“Yeah, Beert is better than you, you bastard.”

Phii Wan scratched his head in frustration and quickly left with his empty plate, drawing laughter from both Phii Beert and Phii Godt who seemed pleased to have teased their little friend.

“Don’t tease him too much. You know I’m closest to Wan, but not in that way.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“And you know it’s impossible.”

“Oh, and what if Wan really likes you?”

Phii Beert furrowed his brows at Phii Godt. It was the first time I had seen the warm-hearted Godt so clearly displeased with his friend’s words.

“He and I are just friends, like you and me.”

The conversation between the two went quiet for a while; the atmosphere didn’t feel so good. Then Phii Wan came back to the table, picked up his phone, and put it back into his pocket. The person who had gone to clear the dishes looked at the two friends who had become silent.

“I’m going back to the office, Godt. I’ll head out first, Nong Diew. Get well soon.”

“Thank you.”

Phii Wan led the way out. Meanwhile, Phii Beert took his own plate and held it, smiling at me.

“I’m leaving now. Take care of yourself.”

“Yes… you too, Phii Beert.”

After the two left, I turned to look at the person who was poking at the basil on his plate, looking lonely, even though the previous conversation was just playful teasing. But why did it suddenly become awkward like this?

“Can you tell that Beert likes Wan?”

Huh…

I looked up at the two men who had just left not long ago. Phii Wan was standing and complaining to Phii Beert at the emergency exit. I didn’t know what he was complaining about. Phii Beert listened quietly without responding, as if he was used to one being fussy and the other silent. Everything seemed normal.

I couldn’t tell at all that Phii Beert liked Phii Wan, but judging from the reaction when Phii Godt teased and Phii Wan countered playfully as if it was just a usual jest, but Phii Beert, he furrowed his brows in concern.

“Does Phii Beert… like Phii Wan?”

“Yes, probably only recently, but the word ‘friend’ is quite reassuring.”

“And what will you do?”

“There’s nothing to do. If Beert is happy just being with Wan like this, I can only watch. But if one day Wan gets a partner, Beert will have to accept it because he’s the one who wants to be a good friend.”

“But I think… Phii Beert is doing the right thing,” I said softly, afraid of being scolded for disagreeing, but Phii Godt didn’t say anything further. He just sat quietly, waiting to hear what I would say next.

For Phii Godt, he’s straightforward, so confessing would be his style, but for me, I’m not really okay with this kind of relationship.

“I think… friendship is important… it’s about trust, having them by my side. He’s afraid if he confess that he like him… Phii Wan might feel bad.”

Or maybe it’s because I’ve been in this situation before when I was talking to Phii Pee. I trusted him as a friend, an important friend, until our relationship ended because he liked me more than as a friend.

“That’s true.”

“But if Phii Wan likes Phii Beert too… that would be another story…”

The tall guy nodded slightly, but his expression remained neutral, not siding with what I was saying.

“For Beert, if being friends means being by Wan’s side, seeing him happy, talking about anything, that must be enough for happiness, right?”

“Yeah,” I thought so too, being friends who understand each other, who know each other’s hearts, sharing feelings.

A close friendship, in reality, is really great.

“If he gets his heart broken, then we’ll take him out for some fun.”

“If that time comes… you have to take good care of Phii Beert, okay?”

“You’re so worried, so protective.”

“He’s a friend.”

He let out a soft chuckle, mentioning Phii Beert like that really brings out the jealousy, doesn’t it?

“Good for me, that I’ve escaped the friend zone,” Phii Godt brought the conversation back to us, smiling at me, “Because if I stayed in the friend zone, I’d definitely be heartbroken to death.”

That’s true, thinking about it, I’m lucky not to have kept him in the friend zone like with Phii Pee. Although in many aspects, Phii Godt is both a good friend and a good brother, in terms of a relationship where we’re dating, I think there’s something different from just friendship. In my opinion, a romantic relationship means you can have him as a confidant, as a close brother, as someone important to talk to when you want to talk to someone, as that special someone you can hug when you’re lonely.

But if it’s any other kind of relationship, it would be limited to that status. Simply put, you get only that one role, you can’t be greedy like in a romantic relationship. For example, if you’re friends, you’re just friends. If you’re a brother, you’re just a brother.

“Thank you, Phii.”

“Huh, why?”

“If you hadn’t kept your promise… I’d just keep you in the friend zone.”

“I’m that good, huh?”

The self-absorbed person was still self-absorbed as ever.

“Yes.”

“But you can’t beat me, right?”

“Huh?”

“At making someone fall for you, I’m pretty good at that.”

I hiccuped when I heard that, my face turning red immediately.

I haven’t done anything yet; it’s you who wandered into my world, you crazy creature.

“Phii Ton once said… did you quit smoking because of me?”

While sitting reading a book on the balcony at night with someone else, I finally asked something that had been lingering in my mind for a while. Phii Godt turned to look at me; the light from inside the room clearly illuminated his face.

This man is really charming.

“It’s a secret.”

“Why?”

“I know you don’t like smokers, so I never told you I smoked. Actually, I started smoking in my first year, planned to quit when I was talking to Ping, but I couldn’t. So I decided to quit cold turkey when talking to you.”

“Was it hard?”

I bit into a strawberry-flavored Pocky, asking him the question while flipping to the next page of my book.

I knew quitting smoking requires a certain level of endurance because it’s as hard as quitting alcohol. I’ve never even noticed any symptoms from him because we’ve always talked on the balcony, I only found out after he had already quit.

“Yes, part of why I locked myself in the room was because of quitting smoking.”

“Sorry.”

Khun Godzilla’s warm hand gently ruffled my hair.

“Why apologize? You should be happy that I managed to quit.”

“Glad to hear that.”

“Keep it simple.”

“And… how did you manage to quit?”

There are many ways to quit smoking, and each person has their own method. I know of one senior who quit by using nicotine patches along with gum, so I was curious about how the person next to me did it, and also when he quit, because when I entered his room, there was no smell of cigarettes at all.

“Gum.”

“Do you chew a lot?”

“A lot, about three packs a day.”

“Wow,” I exclaimed softly upon hearing that, “That’s impressive.”

“But actually, gum helps with a lot of things.”

“Hmm,” I like chewing gum too, but I prefer it when I’m sleepy while reading.

“Besides quitting smoking, when I want to chew someone’s flesh around here, it helps a lot too.”

Chew flesh?

I sat there in shock for a while, my brain processing the phrase “chew flesh,” until I started to piece together what he meant by “chew the flesh of someone around here.”

Once I understood the meaning, I gave Phii Godt a hard smile.

“Pervert.”

“How can I not be? I’ve been imagining it alone for months.”

“Phii Godt!” I yelled at him, pushing him away, then turned back to focus on reading, though my concentration was already scattered. With the big guy blocking the doorway, my escape route was reduced to just a small gap. If he decided to do anything, what could I possibly do?

“Just kidding.”

After saying that, he took some gum from his pocket, unwrapped it, and popped it into his mouth. I looked at him chewing.

“Chewing gum because you’re sleepy, right?” I tried to think positively, assuming he must have grabbed the gum because he was sleepy from reading, not because he wanted to chew my flesh right now.

“Yes… I want to sleep with a certain someone.”

“Phii Godt!!”

Oh my god, I’m going crazy.

“I’m just joking.”

Even if he says he’s joking, his legs are shaking like someone going through withdrawal.

“You said… you wouldn’t touch me because you’re keeping a precept.”

“I am keeping a precept.”

“Keeping a precept not to touch…”

“Keeping a precept not to lie.”

“But you’re lying.”

“Do you want me not to lie?”

“…”

The cunning man moved his face close enough for me to smell the mint from the gum he was chewing, a faint mint scent mixed with the warm fragrance from his body, along with the heat from his large frame.

Just that was almost enough to give me heatstroke.

“I want to kiss, hug, make out, and just sink into you…”

“Stop, you still haven’t recovered from your cold.” I raised my hand in a gesture to ward him off, trying to push Phii Godt away. After confessing my love to him, the distance between us on the balcony had shrunk to just a few centimeters. Now, he had turned into a big dog who loved to snuggle too much.

“And when I’m better…”

“No.”

“But…”

“Don’t be whiny.”

After being rejected, Khun Godzilla went to sit gloomily by himself, his head resting against the glass door, quietly reading a thick book. Poor him.

Finally, I had some time to read for a while because usually, after coming back to the room, I would read for hours. But with Phii Godt around, my reading time was cut short, turning into time for chatting. I couldn’t harden my heart and not talk to him because this charming guy was so persistent in wanting to chat.

But when he really went quiet, I wasn’t used to it. Many times while reading, I’d glance at the person lying still beside me. The first hour was fine; he was still turning sheets, scribbling notes or checking his phone like someone who doesn’t like reading books, but once the second hour started, Phii Godt went completely silent. Only after I finished reading my sheet did I slowly look over at the person leaning against the clear glass door.

The usually talkative person was now sound asleep.

His broad back and shoulders rising and falling rhythmically indicated he was in a deep sleep, probably tired from the upcoming football match tomorrow evening, plus being in the middle of exam season.

I carefully stood up, trying not to make any noise, stepping over Phii Godt into the room to grab a pillow from the bed, then walked back to the balcony. I gently slipped my hand under his neck, then placed the pillow there.

I glanced at the young-master playing in his box not far away, then turned my attention back to the face in front of me.

The person who’s always a nuisance when awake.

When asleep, he looks so peaceful, doesn’t he, young-master?

Even though this might just be an illusion, because Phii Godt definitely moves a lot when he sleeps.

I let out a soft sigh, sat down next to him again, gazing at the starless night sky. The cool breeze on the balcony brushed against my face, and the wind chime still gave off a soft, pleasant sound.

Being alone is nice, but when someone else comes into your life, it’s nice in a different way. You have someone to talk to, to interact with, someone who adds color and warmth to your life. But deep down, there’s still a small fear, a fear that this happiness and warmth might disappear.

A fear that one day, we might argue and vanish from each other’s lives.

I rested my head against his broad chest, closing my eyes as thoughts swirled in my mind.

Until I drifted off to sleep with the faint scent of his cologne, which always made me feel at ease.

Phii Godt, he smells like something…

Oh, maybe like chocolate Pocky.

    MONSTER NEXT DOOR CHAPTERS HOME

   MONSTERNEXTDOOR, Chapter 23: When He Became A Part Of My Life, Sharing Our Feelings With Each Other Became Important.

“Sorry.”

I looked at him with concern as he coughed continuously, placing the Ultraman mask beside me and stepping back slightly. The person in front of me was covering his mouth with his fist because he suddenly started choking.

The face that had been hidden behind the mask for so long, today I finally saw Phii Godt’s face.

I had never imagined what he looked like before; all I had seen was that dot-eyed Ultraman mask, so I didn’t have any expectations about his appearance. However, I couldn’t deny that his well-defined features, with his eyes, nose, and mouth all fitting together perfectly, made him someone you would turn to look at twice if you saw him outside due to his striking appearance.

Even though his dark hair was slightly wet and disheveled from washing, and it was pointing in all directions because it hadn’t been combed yet, this messiness didn’t diminish his attractiveness at all.

Now I understand why so many girls are fans of Phii Godt. He really is very charming.

But for me, the first thing that captured my heart was his beautiful eyes, a deep, glossy brown like a vast, intriguing universe. They were captivating, with no escape in sight.

His eyes sparkled just like young-master’s.

This was the first time we had looked at each other’s eyes directly like this. Though it wasn’t for long before I had to look away first, because Phii Godt wouldn’t stop staring at me. He seemed surprised by my action, the sudden removal of his mask without any warning.

“Phii Godt… don’t be silent.”

“Diew…”

“Yes?”

“I… wasn’t prepared.”

“…”

“Suddenly taking off the mask like this… I’m embarrassed, damn it.”

I looked up at the person fidgeting in front of me. The tall man covered part of his face with the back of his hand, his gaze averted elsewhere. He took a few deep breaths before he could turn back to face me, but even then, he only managed to meet my eyes for a brief moment before turning away again, repeatedly raising his hand to cover his face, scratching the back of his neck or fidgeting.

This is it, the behavior that Phii Wan often commented on, saying,

“He’s flustered.”

Embarrassed, not knowing what to do, speaking haltingly.

Because if I hadn’t taken off the mask, I wouldn’t have known that the honey-colored skin of his ears turned as red as mine.

“You seem more excited than I am… even though… you’ve seen my face for a long time already.” I mumbled, my hands playing with my trouser legs because I didn’t know where else to put them. Having something in my hands also helped to calm my nerves a bit.

“Well, yes, but I’ve never looked straight into your eyes like this before.”

My lips tightened; his response made me want to turn around right then, not because I felt awkward, but because I could feel myself turning into a round tomato for him to mock soon.

“Okay with this?”

“I’ve decided… for a while now.” Even though I felt a bit jittery.

“And how is it? Am I as handsome as you thought?” Even when he’s sick, he’s still full of himself.

“Handsome.”

I didn’t want to compliment him much, but in the end, I couldn’t deny that the person who always praised himself was indeed as handsome as he claimed.

“Am I more handsome than Charcoal?”

The question from the fever-stricken man was sent out, demanding an answer because he was so serious about the response he would get, to the point where I was starting to think he might be jealous of Charcoal, the black dog at the dormitory who often hung out with me. He had compared his skin color to the dog’s fur before, and now he was comparing his handsomeness to the dog.

“More handsome.”

As soon as I said that, the tall man scratched his ears and neck, turning bashful like he was about to transform into a jam roll.

Finally, he outdid the dog. That must have satisfied him.

We sat in silence for a while until I gently pushed the rice bowl towards him. When Phii Godt is sick, he’s quite the whiner.

“Can you eat five more bites?… I’m worried the medicine might upset your stomach.”

“Can I do three?”

He was bargaining like it was a marketplace.

“Three big bites then.”

“You’re good at negotiating.”

Although he grumbled, he complied by taking three big bites of rice quite easily, chewing quickly and swallowing before taking his fever reducer. I knew that when you have a fever, your body doesn’t crave food, and swallowing can make you feel like vomiting due to the increased body temperature, but I wanted him to force himself to eat a little.

I watched him, his eyes half-closed as I blow-dried his hair. The chill from the air conditioner mixed perfectly with the warmth from the hairdryer, transforming Godzilla into a big, fluffy Golden Retriever.

Once he’d eaten and taken his medicine, it seemed like his body was starting to shut down. His head kept nodding, not nodding; after getting caught in the rain like that, I wouldn’t be surprised if his fever spiked.

Thinking that, I slowly placed my hand on his cheek. As soon as my hand touched his cheek, he looked back at me almost immediately. The heat radiating from his skin indicated he had a fever.

“You’re running hot now… You’d better go to sleep.”

Before I could pull my hand back, Phii Godt grabbed my wrist. His eyes, full of various emotions, stared at me.

His eyes were all red and swollen.

“Phii Godt…”

“Do you remember when I said that if one day you break the promise…”

I remember, I remember it very clearly…

“Yes… you would allow me to say one word… but if that word isn’t good enough… you would stop talking to me.”

Phii Godt smiled a little.

“And do you have that word now?”

That word, huh…

Phii Beert once told me that when the time comes, I would know what to say, and here, in just one night, I broke two promises at once. So, I had prepared a word, but when it came down to it, when I met Phii Godt’s gaze staring back at me, I suddenly felt like I’d gone mute, as if there was a rock stuck in my throat, unable to speak, my face burning hot like I was sitting in an oven.

“Uh… l…”

“Hmm?”

“lo…”

“Yes?”

“L…”

“L what?”

No…

The person who was listening intently smiled, and that was enough to make my heart melt. From being confident about saying that word, my tongue was now all tied up.

“I… I mean, I…”

Phii Godt’s smile faded. He didn’t say anything after that. He just placed his hand on my head and walked off to brush his teeth in the bathroom. Once he came out, he flopped down onto the bed without speaking to me anymore.

If it were any other time, I would have thought he didn’t want to make me feel uncomfortable, but right now, I felt like…

Is he… angry?

“Are you going to sleep now?”

“Ugh,” the tall man groaned on the wide bed, leaving me to sit with a sense of discomfort, my lips pressed tightly together, my hands damp with sweat.

It’s really bad, Diew. Why can’t you just say one simple word?

I awkwardly walked over and sat down on the floor by the bed, looking at Phii Godt who was lying with his back to me. My hand, which was about to reach out to touch him, hesitated out of human fear.

I had promised myself that if I dared to face him, it meant I was confident.

So why be afraid now, Diew?

This man isn’t scary at all, is he?

Summoning my courage, I placed my hand on Phii Godt’s shoulder and turned him to face me. The tall man met my eyes silently before I moved closer and pressed my lips against his forehead.

A gentle kiss to tell him…

I accept him now.

I allow him into my world now. I let him be a part of my life.

“Love…”

The faint word slipped from my lips, probably loud enough for him to hear.

His reaction wasn’t to jump out of bed and shout from the balcony, “He said he loves me!” or to grab his phone and type, “Shit, he said he loves me!” It wasn’t the usual loud, nerve-wracking noise he often made. Phii Godt just stared at me silently, and the more he stared, the more awkward I felt. I pressed my lips together, unsure if my words were clear enough.

Or maybe the person who always made such loud noises suddenly went deaf.

The air conditioning hummed loudly, the temperature in the room had been raised because the room’s occupant was sick, but for someone feeling fine like me, it was hot enough to make me sweat.

After a while, I got my answer that Phii Godt indeed heard it. The tall man pulled me by the neck closer, his soft lips touching mine. My body tensed automatically, surprised by the unexpected kiss, but his gentle kiss, the soft strokes of his hand on my neck, changed my fear into something else, as if I were floating on a big cloud. The light, lingering kiss, and the breath being taken by someone with a cold, started to fade away little by little.

So this is what kissing is like, huh? Awkward, breathless, feeling like there’s a lump in your chest, your ears and throat burning as if you just finished a workout, but after a while, it feels like the whole world has lightened up.

When I started to protest because I was running out of breath, Phii Godt slowly pulled his lips away. He lingered close like a big cat unwilling to move away, and I could feel his breath blowing against my cheek. The heat enveloping my body right now was a mix that I couldn’t distinguish between his fever and my own embarrassment that almost made me suffocate.

“Let me hear it again.”

I gripped his t-shirt so tightly it was almost tearing in my hands.

“Love.”

He, who had kissed me until satisfied, now hugged my head.

“I’m sorry.”

“…What for?” I whined at him.

If you’re going to apologize, apologize for possibly giving me your cold instead.

“Sorry for kissing without asking, and sorry for making you break the promise yourself.”

“Uh,” it’s okay. This promise was something I created myself. I set the rules myself without Phii Godt’s involvement. His only duty was to follow the promise, so if it’s to be broken, it would only be by me.

“I’m such a mess. Just the thought of you wanting to run away from me, being annoyed by me, makes my heart all messed up. So, I’m really happy that you dared to break your own promise. I’m so happy.”

I know, because you, you want to go slow.

Don’t worry anymore; you’ve done your best.

My hand, which had been resting on his arm, slowly moved to his hair. Even though his hair was curly, it was so soft that I didn’t want to move my hand away.

“You can sleep now.”

“Thank you, my little turtle.”

“Yes.”

“I love you too.”

Thud

My heart was beating so fast it felt like it might drive me crazy.

“Uh… yes.”

Phii Godt released my body, and soon after, he drifted off to sleep due to his fever. I slumped down beside the bed, burying my face in the bed sheets that were scented with his usual cologne. My body, now burning hot, was no different from a volcano ready to erupt.

I’m… glad too, that I dared to make this decision.

Thank you for everything, my Khun Godzilla.

“Good night.”

…

“Achoo!”

Great. I really caught Phii Godt’s cold.

A light blue handkerchief was handed to me, the same one I had once given him. I took the neatly washed handkerchief, looking up at the person who had moved to sit beside me after he had recovered. No fever, just the occasional cough and sniffle.

Last night, after I had put him to bed, I had fallen asleep beside his bed until morning, waking up around eight with a blanket covering me, and him lying next to me.

“You caught my cold.”

I gave him a slight glare, receiving a dry smile in return from his sharp face.

Who knows, someone couldn’t control themselves; knowing they had a cold, they still kissed someone else, and breathed on them too. If I didn’t catch it, then so be it.

“Oops.” His large hand came down on my head, ruffling my hair gently.

I couldn’t even get angry if I tried, as usual.

“I’m sorry about the kiss. I really couldn’t help it then.” He made a woeful sound, his face also showing guilt with drooping eyes and a pouting mouth.

“I’m not talking about the kiss…”

“But Diew, you’re angry with me.”

“I’m not angry.”

“And why did you glare at me like that? One more glare and you’d be like Charcoal when he’s denied sausages.”

“Do you think I’m a dog?”

“No.”

I’ll send young-master to bite your face off.

Speaking of young-master, I haven’t properly thanked him yet. He went out of his way to pick up young-master, and he got a fever because he got caught in the rain and couldn’t get back to the dorm.

It’s totally my fault.

“Thank you… for picking up young-master for me.” I said, looking at young-master who was waddling around in his box.

“No problem, I was happy to do it.”

“Actually, just saying thank you… might not be enough… because young-master means a lot to me.”

Young-master is almost like a significant friend in my life. Whenever I’m alone and feel the need to talk to someone, even if that someone doesn’t need to respond, young-master is always there to listen. Even if young-master doesn’t understand what I’m complaining about.

“Diew, you are also very important to me.”

I smiled a little, pulling the blanket closer to me, turning to look at the other person who was staring out the glass door. Who would have thought that the people who talked every night on the balcony would end up sitting next to each other like this, the ones who always avoided looking at each other, now looking at each other like this.

“Feel good… not having to wear the mask anymore?”

“It’s good, but I also like wearing the mask.”

“Isn’t it hot?”

“Want to try it?”

Without waiting for an answer, Phii Godt got up to fetch a new Ultraman mask from the drawer under the desk. He sat back down in front of me, gently placing the mask on my face, his slender fingers adjusting the elastic band at the back of my head as if afraid it might pull my hair. He used his other hand to hold it in place, and after fitting it, he ran his finger along my ear to tuck away any stray hairs. Not letting them stick out like when he first put on the mask. When he touched my ear, it tickled so much I had to pull my neck in like young-master.

The view was obstructed, limiting my sight to just behind the eye holes of the plastic mask. When I wore it like this, I could feel that to look at something, I had to focus on one specific point.

“It’s hard to see.”

I looked at Phii Godt’s face. Just one person’s face filled my entire field of vision.

At first, I thought Phii Godt might feel bad about having to wear a mask every day like this, but wearing the mask wasn’t as bad as I thought. Perhaps because it was a thin plastic mask, it didn’t make him feel stuffy, and it was easy to put on and take off. And most importantly, behind this mask,

you can make any expression you want. There’s no fear of being

teased.

“With the mask off like this, Diew, you can see how much I’ve been smiling.”

“I… want to see your smile.”

Phii Godt fell silent, then moved closer, pressing his lips against the mask I was wearing. I was so surprised that I held my breath for a moment. When he got close, all I could see were his beautiful eyes, clear in my sight.

He didn’t even close his eyes when he kissed me.

The tall man pulled back, with a small smile at the corner of his mouth, and his gaze showed how pleased he was.

“Diew.”

“Yes,” I responded, my voice trembling as much as my heart.

“Since we’ve come this far…”

“…”

“Do you want to go out with me?”

The serious tone from the person in front of me had no trace of jest; he was always catching me off guard when he got serious.

I, who was hiding my face beneath the mask, met his gaze with those sparkling, beautiful eyes, his captivating smile. I felt regret for seeing it so late, but I was also glad that at last, I could see his warm gaze that looked at me every time.

Even though I felt a bit worried because I had never been in a proper romantic relationship before, I thought Phii Godt would be someone I could rely on. Besides… I had already confessed. Naturally, what follows would be to build a relationship or to change our status from what it was before.

“Uh-huh.”

The person who was trying to hide his excitement with a restrained smile started to act awkwardly. Phii Godt leaned in closer, his large hands carefully removing my mask as if afraid it might scratch my skin. He was about to kiss me again, but I suddenly felt a blockage in my nose that I couldn’t control.

“Achoo!”

“Diew!”

I sneezed right at him.

“Uh… sorry.”

I hurriedly got up to wipe his face with a handkerchief. Even though it wasn’t a strong sneeze, he had leaned in close beforehand.

After wiping his face for a while, Phii Godt started laughing, his face, hidden for so long, when he laughs, it makes my world feel a hundred times brighter…

And it also accelerates my heartbeat by a hundred times.

I held the handkerchief to his lips, which were smiling happily, allowing us to lock eyes longer than we ever had before until he sneezed into the handkerchief again. “Achoo.”

It looks like neither of us will recover from this cold anytime soon.

        MONSTER NEXT DOOR CHAPTERS HOME

   MONSTERNEXTDOOR, Chapter 22: A Relationship That Gradually Develops, Allowing Us To Absorb Good Feelings For A Long Time.

“Phii Godt”

“Hmph.”

“Actually… I’ve always known what you’re like.”

The cool breeze brushed against my face, the faint scent of cologne from the person beside me still distinctively noticeable. I buried my nose into the soft head of the turtle plushie that someone had bought for me.

“I know you’re a social person… someone who’s loved by many… so I often ask if you’re okay… honestly, I don’t want you to change yourself… but in the end, I have to thank you for changing… because you changed yourself… that’s why I let you into my world.”

Since the day we first talked, I’ve felt every day how much he’s tried for me.

Both from what I’ve seen myself and what I’ve heard. Whether it’s quitting smoking because I didn’t like the smell or not going out to drink as often as before.

Can one person really change so much for another?

“I… am so happy.”

“Yes… your efforts have paid off… from now on, you don’t have to force yourself anymore… you don’t want me to force myself… and I don’t want you to force yourself either.”

Before we could talk further, Phii Godt sneezed again.

“Do you want to go back and rest?”

“I want to sit here with you for a bit longer. Plus, with this mask on, it’s safe. I definitely won’t get you sick.”

I’m not worried about that, I’m worried about you.

“Let’s name the turtle,” he placed his large hand on the soft head of the turtle, in his typical playful manner. Phii Godt squeezed the turtle’s head until it looked all squished. I looked down at the droopy-eyed turtle in my embrace.

“Do you want to name it?”

“If you let me name it, it’ll just get a bad name.”

“Like what?”

“Young Miss.”

“Stop it.”

The tall man laughed with delight, and hearing his laughter, I couldn’t help but smile.

“Smile.”

His hoarse, sore throat voice made me, who was smiling, turn to look at him. Phii Godt was already staring at me. There was some kind of attraction at that moment, an attraction that pulled us closer together. His warm hand gently touched my cheek, tender and caring.

I could clearly feel the warmth from his body.

“The name is Smile.”

Smile, which means a smile, fitting for a young-master who is shy.

Just like he once said. I smiled sweetly.

I sent a closed-eye smile to the person in front of me, intending to show I liked the name, but as Phii Godt’s face moved closer, I thought…

I shouldn’t have smiled like that.

Every time I smiled at him, he would always make a soft, coaxing sound.

Because Phii Godt really loves my smile.

The Ultraman mask moved close enough for me to look through the eye holes, and the first thing that imprinted in my memory were his beautiful brown eyes hidden behind it.

The color was like polished wood under the sunlight.

His slender fingers touched the back of my neck to keep me from turning away, sending a rush of warmth. I wasn’t sure if it was because he was embarrassed or if it was due to the fever forming from his cold.

And then… the plastic mask slowly moved down to touch my lips.

My eyes widened in shock. Even though the mask was smooth and hard, the area where my lips touched, behind that thin plastic, was his lips. Phii Godt’s action made me momentarily hold my breath, my wideopen eyes gradually closing in response to my instincts.

My free hand didn’t push him away but instead, awkwardly twisted my smile.

I don’t know how much time passed; I only knew that when I started to run out of breath, I moved my hand to rest on Phii Godt’s arm, squeezing gently to warn him that if he didn’t move back, I might die first.

It was as if Phii Godt had just realized what he had done. He quickly moved away, lifting his right hand to hold the mask.

“Sorry, it’s just… I couldn’t help it when I saw it.”

“It… it’s okay.”

I avoided his gaze, looking at Smile instead. The atmosphere was getting more awkward, but it was an awkward that leaned towards giddy because of what had just happened.

Until Phii Godt sneezed again, and we both burst into laughter.

The first kiss was strange but filled with warmth.

“I have a bento box… Have you eaten yet?”

“Not yet.”

“Do you want to eat something? So you can take your medicine after.”

“What do you have?”

Then Phii Godt and I walked into the room, opened the fridge to look at the 7-Eleven bento boxes I had bought in bulk. There was sausage fried rice and grilled pork with salt rice, and I knew Phii Godt would definitely go for the grilled pork with salt rice because it was more substantial.

I put the bento box into the small microwave, watching the person who was sniffling under his mask.

“After taking your medicine… you should go to sleep.”

“I’d say no, but I’m scared you’d scold me.”

I looked at him sideways.

“But there’s a football match today…”

My eyes went even more sideways, almost popping out of their sockets.

“Okay, I’ll sleep.”

Sometimes you have to scold people.

After the rice was heated, we sat down to eat back to back. For others, it might be strange, but for me and Phii Godt, this wasn’t strange at all.

“Diew.”

“Hmm,” I mumbled softly while scooping rice into my mouth.

“I think I understand now why you didn’t want to see my face.”

“…”

“Facial expressions and eyes can convey a lot of emotions. Words can lie, but facial expressions and eyes can’t… right?”

“Yes.”

“I only realized this when I started wearing the mask. Before, I never paid attention to anyone’s expressions or eyes. Now I understand why Beert used to say that Wan’s words don’t always match his feelings; his mouth might complain, but his eyes are all soft.” He spoke with a light laugh.

“When I met you, I finally understood what it means to care for others. I started noticing other people’s expressions and the looks in their eyes, and I realized why you didn’t want to see me.”

“Because when you look sad, my heart really breaks, and I want to make you smile again as soon as possible. But when you smile like that at Wan…”

He paused for a moment.

“I can’t think straight anymore.”

“Phii Godt!”

You pervert!

At first, I just didn’t want to see you, didn’t want to expect anything, but as time passed, my feelings changed. I wanted to get closer to you, to see your face, to be with you every day.

I stared blankly at the night sky without stars, only the street lights adding some color, making the sky seem brighter.

“I know… you might feel uncomfortable wearing the mask, it’s hot and stuffy… even when you’re unwell, you still have to wear it… but can you please bear with it a little longer?”

“I’m not rushing you.”

“I… if I ever get the courage to look at your face for real, that means

I’m absolutely confident that… I can handle your feelings…”

“Because if I’m not confident… one day I might get scared and retreat back into my own world… leaving you to hurt. I don’t want that…” I don’t want to be selfish again.

Phii Godt leaned his heavy back against mine, making me bend forward a bit. I glanced slightly at the person behind me.

“I’m not suffering at all, and I’m starting to get used to this mask.”

“That much?”

“Yes, no matter how lecherous my face looks, you can’t see it.” I moved my head to bump the back of his head with a soft thud.

Bad habit, you old lecher.

…

I couldn’t go to pick up young-master.

With both hands pressed against my temples, there was a large textbook in front of me. It was past 9 PM, and I still couldn’t leave the lab because the professor had called for a make-up session today.

Skipping class wasn’t an option as I had to stay for group work.

In the end, I had to beg Wan to have Phii Godt pick up the young master from the vet, even though he was sick and lying in his room.

I had promised him that once class was over, I would rush directly to the animal hospital, but all those plans crumbled when it started pouring as soon as class ended.

I wondered if Phii Godt had left his room yet; if he got caught in the rain again, he’d surely catch a fever.

Instead of messaging, I decided to call Phii Godt, thinking he wouldn’t check his messages, but he didn’t answer the call either. My worry intensified, especially since he was supposed to pick up the young master for me, something he would always prioritize when it involved me. Now, he might be stuck in the rain at the vet or have returned to his room drenched. But why wasn’t he answering his phone?

“Please call me a taxi.”

I told the guard at the faculty building, and it didn’t take long for a green-yellow taxi to pull up in front.

I hurried to the university’s animal hospital first, even though it was already 10 PM, nearly closing time. While in the taxi, I tried calling the person who wouldn’t pick up.

Is he still there? Why won’t he answer his phone?

The taxi stopped in front of the animal hospital, which was now dark with all lights off. I looked around, but there was no sign of anyone, let alone Phii Godt. The area was enveloped in darkness, with only the sound of the rain.

Where could he have gone?

Finally, I decided to go back to wait at his room, not forgetting to stop by 7-Eleven to buy some food for him.

I knocked on the white wooden door of Phii Godt’s room for a while, but there was no response. My worry grew until I finally messaged Phii Beert, Phii Wan, and Phii Ton. In the end, no one could reach Phii Godt.

No one knew where he had gone.

Where are you? If you picked up the young master, you should have been back by now; the hospital has been closed for a while. Where have you wandered off to, especially when you’re sick? If you knew it was raining, you didn’t have to go out.

Why are you being so stubborn?

I didn’t go into his room, sitting and hugging my knees, waiting for him to return in front of his door. I didn’t care who was coming in and out of the rooms on this floor or how they looked at me. My mind was full of worries.

I feared Phii Godt might have fainted somewhere, worried that he might get seriously ill from being out in the rain like that.

Because that man really doesn’t like carrying an umbrella anywhere.

An hour passed, and Phii Godt still hadn’t returned, two hours, three hours. There was no sign of him.

Until I began to fear that my thoughts might become reality.

I called, but he still didn’t answer, no reply messages on Line, as if suddenly Phii Godt had vanished.

I sat like that for a while until I had to close my eyes to rest because I started feeling a headache. Today, I had just managed to take my eyes off the books, planning to shower, eat, and then go to sleep once back in my room.

In the end, all my plans fell apart because I was worried about the person who hadn’t returned to his room. I knew before he often came back late, sometimes even at three or four in the morning, but this time he went out to do an errand for me, and more than that, he was sick. It made me feel guilty for asking Wan to go pick up young-master for me.

I spent some time dozing off until a warm hand touched my head, his soft cough making me slowly blink my eyes open. I saw the long legs of someone squatting in front of me, his black flip-flops wet from stepping in the rain, and his hoarse, sore throat voice sounding out.

“Waiting for me?”

He… had come back.

I didn’t look up at Phii Godt but let out a soft sigh, feeling relieved to see him back here. He hadn’t passed out somewhere.

“Where have you been?”

“I went to pick up young-master for you. But then it started raining, I couldn’t find a taxi, so I had to find shelter from the rain on the way.” My lips tightened automatically. He really did get caught in the rain.

I felt guilty.

“Want to come inside first?”

Phii Godt opened his door and walked in, and as I followed, I saw he had put on a new Ultraman mask.

The person in front of me looked no different from a drenched puppy, his wet hair plastered to his face, his white shirt soaked through, clearly showing his honey-colored skin, and more than that, the square box he had placed on the bed, with young-master walking back and forth inside, looking lively and safe, reinforcing my guilt.

“The doctor said to feed young-master on schedule, don’t overfeed him…”

I didn’t listen to what Phii Godt was saying, only knowing that I was starting to get angry at him for making me worry.

“You didn’t answer your phone…”

The tall man was silent for a while before turning to see Wan doing something on the wide bed. Then he picked up his phone, coughing softly, realizing he must have left his phone in the room.

Sigh, people are worried sick about you.

“Sorry, I forgot my phone. That’s why it was unusually quiet,” he said, scratching the back of his neck, feeling guilty.

“I was scared you might have fainted somewhere… you’re sick, and with the rain, you didn’t have to go pick up young-master.”

“It started raining right when I was coming back.”

I didn’t know what to say; I was both angry and worried.

In the end, I had to push him to take a shower because I was worried he’d get a fever.

I returned to my room to prepare some food and fever reducer for him, then sat idly, gazing out at the rain hitting the glass door. The clear raindrops sticking to it, watching the shimmering raindrops at night by the window, still one of my top favorite things to do. It gave me a sense of relief, comfort, helping to clear my cluttered thoughts.

After sitting there for a while, I heard the bathroom door open. I looked at the reflection in the large mirror, seeing the vague silhouette of the tall man walking out. He adjusted his large t-shirt, coughing softly before stopping about an arm’s length away from me. The reflection in the mirror wasn’t clear enough to see his face.

“Diew.”

“Hmm.”

“I have a headache, and my throat hurts.”

“Have some food and take your medicine first… then go to sleep.”

Phii Godt slumped behind me. He pulled the bowl of rice I had prepared towards him.

“Sorry for making you worry.”

“Just that you’re back… that’s enough.”

“But I really feel guilty. Did you wait long?”

I checked the time on my phone; I had waited for him for over three hours. Before seeing him, it felt like an eternity, but knowing he was okay, that he hadn’t collapsed somewhere, those three hours seemed so short. I could wait for him all day.

“I can wait for however long… as long as you’re safe and back.”

“Sorry.”

A cough sounded from behind along with the clink of a spoon against a bowl, indicating he wasn’t going to continue eating, even though he had just picked up the rice moments ago.

“I can’t eat anymore. Can I take the medicine now?”

“How many bites did you take earlier?”

“Two.”

“Can you have another five bites?” At least let something go into your stomach before taking the medicine.

“Can I be stubborn just for today? I feel like I might throw up.”

“Then, if I turn around now… will you eat another five bites?”

“Wait… don’t turn around yet.”

Phii Godt hurriedly grabbed the mask from the table to put it on, as if he was afraid I would see his face if I turned back.

The one strict about promises had become him now.

I wanted to see his face, that’s why I was going to turn around. It was my well-thought-out decision. Having waited for hours outside his room, worried to the point of almost going mad, I was now absolutely confident that I could share and alleviate his feelings and stories.

I slowly turned my body back towards Phii Godt, looking at the person who had put on the mask properly.

“Phii Godt.”

“Hmm?”

“Can you… take off the mask?”

“Huh! Wait.”

“Please… I don’t want you to wear it anymore.”

“But…”

“Please.”

Without waiting for his answer, I moved closer to Phii Godt, my hands touching the Ultraman mask. Even though my arms felt heavy as if weighed down by a large stone, removing Phii Godt’s mask this time was a significant decision for me, stepping out of my comfort zone.

I slowly lifted the mask from his face, my hands trembling so much that Phii Godt had to gently hold my wrists for a moment. Soon, the Ultraman mask was in my hands, revealing the face of the person who was looking straight at me.

Taking off the mask was more thrilling than anything else; both I and Phii Godt were tense. When our eyes met, his beautiful eyes framed by his well-shaped eyebrows, I felt a shiver run through my entire body, especially my heart, which was pounding in my chest.

Although I felt awkward facing him like this without the mask to hide behind, I had already made my decision.

I… wanted to see his face, to talk to him like normal people, without him needing to hide anything anymore. Whether it was his gaze, his eyes, or his expressions, I wanted to see it all – his smile, his mischievous face, the spark in his playful eyes, the expression of someone who thinks he’s so handsome that others can’t help but be captivated, or even when he’s troubled or sad.

I’m ready to share that burden with you now.

Enough with the promise of just being friends before sleep.

Since I was the one who set this rule,

I’m the only one who can break it.

    MONSTER NEXT DOOR CHAPTERS HOME

   MONSTERNEXTDOOR, Chapter 21: When Feelings Are Clear, He’ll Be Our Only Exception.

“You can’t ignore this, Godt.”

I paused while adjusting my tie around my neck when I heard the morning shouting from next door. The familiar voice sounded like Phii Ton, someone who hardly ever shows up at Phii Godt’s room. What’s going on that his voice sounds so displeased?

“I don’t want to deal with it.”

“You can’t just ignore it, go explain yourself at least.”

Their voices went quiet, making me feel uneasy. Soon after, they started up again, but this time it was Phii Godt shouting back before there was a knock on my door.

I slowly opened the door, and seeing who it was, I stepped back to let him in. Phii Godt ran in shortly after, probably having gone to get his mask. I looked up at Phii Ton, who was frowning deeply at Phii Godt in confusion.

“I told you not to mess with the kid.”

“I can’t not mess with it when you won’t say anything.”

“Why should I? Why do I have to explain myself when I haven’t done anything wrong?”

“Do you want the kid to end up like Ping?”

Phii Godt swore in frustration. He tried to pull me out of the room, but Phii Ton grabbed my other arm.

“So if the junior finds out, will you go explain then?”

“Damn you, Ton!”

What’s going on… I’m completely confused now.

“Diew.”

“Yes?”

“Godt’s fans are unhappy with you, even more so because he won’t clarify what’s going on with you.” I gasped upon hearing that, knowing well that this was bound to happen one day, but I was more worried about the honey-skinned guy beside me.

He’s getting attacked again.

“Shit, and what are you going to tell the kid? Isn’t he already overthinking things enough, you bitch?”

“What I’m saying is for you to handle it properly. If you want to make him your boyfriend, do it clearly, not this half-assed, not-committing-to anything way.”

“Don’t you get it? I want to take things slowly, I don’t want to rush.”

“Then tell them you’re courting him, that you plan to ask him to be your boyfriend one day anyway.”

The atmosphere in the room was so tense it made me shrink to almost nothing. I didn’t dare move an inch. Phii Godt let out a big, displeased sigh.

“Isn’t it because you’re not clear yourself? That’s why Ping got attacked so much by the fans.” Phii Ton tried to soften his voice. He slumped down at the edge of the bed, looking exhausted, like he was tired of persuading his friend but continued out of concern.

I didn’t know what expression Phii Godt was showing now, but I was very worried about his feelings.

“And why don’t they think that I’m human too, damn it. Just because I have fans doesn’t mean I can’t like someone, right?”

I know, Godt, but honestly. Just type one sentence saying you’re courting him. That’s all it takes to end it. Why keep it quiet and let it escalate? I know sometimes fans go too far, not letting you have a private life, but it’s because you want to be a public figure.”

Phii Godt’s hand, which was holding my wrist, squeezed gently, indicating he wasn’t okay with what he was hearing.

“If you want a private life, then just type it out. If you don’t want anyone bothering him, type it out. Let them know you’re serious about this person. There are good fans who are ready to protect you, fans who are ready to understand you. They exist, you know.”

“Fuck.”

“Once you’ve decided, just type it out. Don’t worry about him getting attacked even more after you post it. If you don’t make it clear, I think he’ll end up like Miss Ping soon.”

There was a long silence before Phii Godt let go of my hand and sat down at the edge of the bed.

“So what should I do?”

“Say what’s in your heart. As for today, I’m borrowing him for one day.”

“Fuck you, Ton!”

“Clear this up first, then we’ll talk.”

Phii Ton immediately dragged me out of the room without giving Phii

Godt a chance to protest. The last thing I saw after being pulled out was Khun Godzilla holding a phone in his hand, looking so downcast it was worrying.

I got into a taxi with Phii Ton, and as soon as we were in, he asked:

“What time is your class?”

“Half past eight.”

“It’s half past seven now; we’ve got a little time. I want to talk about something.”

I nodded in simple agreement. Not long after, the taxi stopped in front of the Engineering Faculty building. Phii Ton led me to a bench under the faculty building. The Engineering Faculty was quiet in the morning, with only the chirping of birds and the sound of cars passing by on the road, occasionally interrupted by the chatter of passing students.

It was a bit strange because I’d never been here before. Even though the Engineering and International buildings are close, just a ten-minute walk apart, the odd structure of this building caught my attention, and I found myself staring at it for a while.

Phii Godt studies here, huh? I’ve only ever looked at it from the outside, never from within.

I know it’s designed to reflect engineering, but it still looks like it’s not finished.

“Sorry for barging in like that.”

“It’s okay…” I turned my attention from the steel beams above to the person in front of me. Honestly, I was a bit startled because since knowing Phii Godt, I’ve never seen him argue with anyone seriously.

Seeing it today made me unsure how to react.

“You know about Ping, right?”

“Yes.”

“Ping was attacked by Godt’s fans, heavily criticized, to the point where she had to quit social media for a while.”

I knew about this since I had talked to Ping recently.

“The main reason was that Godt didn’t admit he was talking to Ping. When it was found out later, he got criticized for not being upfront about it. At first, I thought like Godt, that it was unreasonable, why should he have to say who he was talking to, but when Ping got attacked, I realized that being clear about it is much better. One, it cuts down on bad fan issues, two, it respects the good fans who have supported him since his first year.”

“Ugh… I understand to some extent…” Especially if it’s someone from society, someone who has tens of thousands of fans following them. I think it’s quite reasonable to care about your fans, so I won’t judge Phii Ton for speaking up because he’s concerned about his friend.

“The fans of Godt, there are two types. The first type is like Jen; I guess you already know Jen is a fan of Godt. The second type is those who will support Godt in everything but are also ready to attack anyone who gets involved with Godt if they think that person isn’t suitable for him.”

That’s why I said Phii Godt’s fans are scary.

“Don’t you know that before him meeting you, Godt was a real social butterfly, always updating his life for others to see? That’s why he has so many fans. But then he met you, and from being a social butterfly, he turned into a caveman. Do you think his fans would be happy with that?”

I could shake my head to answer Phii Ton’s question.

“Yes, on that day he was photographed, caught talking to you secretly, and then he went silent. He didn’t come out to defend himself at all, even though the whole university knows that the Ultraman mask guy is him, he remains silent. I’m mad at him because he doesn’t clear things up. The longer he doesn’t clarify, the more it piles up like mud on a pig’s tail. His fans will start to suspect, and once they start digging, they’ll find out he’s flirting with someone. That’s when the dissatisfaction starts, and he’s still stubbornly not saying anything clearly.”

I can understand everything Phii Ton said about how Phii Godt was once very social, and then he tried to adapt to be with me. I know he often forced himself to do things that weren’t true to his nature.

“I… I’m sorry.”

“It’s not our fault, nor is it Godt’s fault, but this is the result of wanting to be a public figure; there’s no privacy left. We just have to accept it and live with it.” Phii Ton sighed loudly.

Why am I so worried about Phii Godt now?

It’s not like I didn’t know; I’ve been asking him all along if his fans would be unhappy, but I always got the same answer: don’t pay attention, don’t read it, don’t care about what others say. So, I didn’t pay attention as he told me.

But what I had anticipated turned out to be true.

Phii Godt has been through a lot. I don’t know how painful it might be, from the issue with Phii Ping to now, with me.

“It’s rare to see him change himself so seriously. He doesn’t go out drinking much, he quit smoking, isn’t on social media as much as before. And for someone who was proud of his looks, he now wears an Ultraman mask every day. If he didn’t truly love, why would he do all this? That’s why I don’t want you to go through what Ping did. I don’t want Godt to be hurt again.”

“Phii Godt… smokes… cigarettes…?” I blink in surprise, looking at the person in front of me.

I didn’t know about this at all.

Yes, it says that the person next door didn’t like the smell of cigarettes so he quit smoking for good.

He never told me he smoked; I only remember that back then, the next room was smoking so much that the smell came into my room at the end of the corridor, and he cursed the neighbor. After that, there was no more smell of cigarettes.

I had no idea he quit smoking because of me.

Now, should I feel bad because Phii Godt was scolded, or should I feel good knowing that he quit smoking because of me?

Trrr

Phii Ton’s phone rang while we sat in silence for a while. Phii Ton smiled when he saw what was displayed on his phone screen. He held the phone up to me, showing me what was on it.

“Just this, how hard can it be?”

I stared at the Twitter account that was left open; there was no need to guess whose account it was. Ever since naming him Godzilla, it seemed he really liked the name. On the screen was a message that had been typed into Notes and then captured and tweeted:

GodZilla

Sorry for not clearing things up earlier. I am currently courting someone, and many of you probably know who he is. I’m speaking out today because I don’t want the junior to be attacked. He’s a good kid, not arrogant like some say; my friends can confirm this. He’s the one who made me quit smoking, the one who made me drink less alcohol, and the one who made me try to change myself to be more understanding of others. So please, be kind and let her live his private life as before, because I am very serious about him.

I apologize to my fans who have supported me all along.

Sorry for not speaking clearly before.

I’m sorry if my actions have upset many of you, thank you for everything that has happened, I will improve myself.

GODT

“How is it?” Phii Ton asked, raising an eyebrow at me. I handed the phone back to him, my hands still trembling, completely taken aback by those messages.

My heart was pounding in my chest, making me want to run away right then.

“So it’s serious, huh, this guy?”

My lips were tightly pressed together; I knew my face must have been very red, so I tried to cover it with my hands before feeling the familiar touch along with the deep, soft voice of someone like an older brother.

“Why are you here, little bro?”

Phii Beert had arrived at just the right moment.

“I was brought here to talk about Godt.”

“Huh, what did you talk about?”

“About his fans, about him not clearing things up.”

“Oh, and did he clear it up then?”

“Looking at the person who’s turned into a tomato, you can guess if it’s cleared up.”

The owner of the warm hand didn’t say anything further. Phii Beert ruffled my hair and then sat down beside me, just as Phii Wan jumped in to sit opposite me.

“How did Diew get here?”

“What are you yapping about, Wan?” Phii Beert turned to tease the smaller guy, getting a playful glare from Phii Wan in return.

“You’re such a pain in the neck,” before they both started hitting each other and ran off chasing each other.

I slumped my forehead onto my arms, slowly exhaling, trying to calm the heat on my face. Why does my heart beat so hard… just from those typed words?

‘Because I’m serious about him.’

Just that one sentence made today’s air even hotter.

Before I could move anywhere, my phone vibrated. I picked it up to check the Line notification that popped up on the screen, with Phii Godt’s name prominent, along with his message:

Godzilla

Let’s meet tonight, I want to talk.

I put my phone back in my pocket and turned to look at the face of the man who had unofficially become my senior.

“Phii Beert.”

“Yes?” The sun-like smile was warm in return.

“If I… break the promise to chat before going to bed… what should I say at that time?”

“Did the person who made the promise break it themselves?” Phii Beert said jokingly, making me roll my eyes at him.

“Don’t tease me.”

“Just say what you really want to say; because no matter what, Godt will accept it all.”

“Why… did Phii Godt change himself this much?” I asked with a whining tone while turning back to slump my face onto the table.

“It’s like this, weren’t you annoyed by Godt at first?”

True…

“When we love someone, that person becomes the exception.

Someone as confident as Godt, once he meets someone, suddenly wants to change himself. And someone who loves peace like you, what happens when you get to know Godt?”

Love, huh… that’s it… I’ve hardly ever thought about that word.

“He… brings comfort.”

“See, it’s not just Godt who’s changing; Diew has changed too.”

“Me?” Have I changed?

“Just by allowing Godt into your personal world. That’s clear enough, isn’t it?”

I was silent at Phii Beert’s words.

True, I’ve changed without realizing it. Even though I never wanted to deal with someone who’s always noisy and brash, but after talking to him, listening to his stories, getting to know his life, I opened up to let him be part of mine.

If it were anyone else, I might have pushed them away. But because this is Phii Godt, Khun Godzilla, the loud one who tried to change himself to break into my world.

I like him more every day.

The promise will certainly break soon.

“I’m back.”

I opened the balcony door, greeting my neighbor first, Phii Godt let out a small cough.

“Can I come to your room?”

His voice was slightly nasal but had an undertone of pleading like a child. I agreed without hesitation, my legs stepping straight to the door before opening it. The first thing I saw was the green color of a toy.

The tall man handed me a droopy-eyed turtle plushie, clearly suffering from a bad cold, and it seemed the medicine hadn’t helped yet.

“I bought this for you, to keep you company while you wait for the young master to come home.”

“Thank you,” I accepted the plushie, which was just the right size to hug, and quickly opened the door wider for Phii Godt to enter before gently closing it. Phii Godt went and sat down by the balcony, since it wasn’t raining today, we had a chance to go out and feel the breeze.

“Sitting out here like this… you’ll get a fever soon.”

I sat down next to him, holding the turtle plushie that I vaguely remembered was named Sammy, but it seemed Phii Godt wasn’t listening at all. He didn’t care that he was coughing and even sniffing periodically.

“I’m okay, just a small cold.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I want to talk to you more than anything.”

I sat quietly, looking at the droopy-eyed turtle, stroking its soft head while thinking about the young master who had stopped by after school. The doctor said the young master had a lot of gas in his intestines, probably from overeating, so they would give him an injection and observe him at the hospital for now. They would call when he could go home.

That relieved me a bit, happy that the young master wasn’t seriously ill. It was just overeating.

But now, instead of worrying about the young master, I was concerned about the person next to me. One was nearly recovered, and here was another getting sick.

“Sorry, I’m really stubborn.”

I’ve never been angry with you. You don’t have to keep apologizing.

“You just want to protect me. You thought ignoring it was the best way out, but you forgot what kind of person you used to be. You were someone who needed to announce to the world where you were going, what you were doing. But because you wanted to understand me, you tried to adjust, forgetting that there’s another group of people still waiting for you.”

It’s not your fault that you did all this because you wanted to get close to me.

Like Phii Ton said, because the fans have always supported Phii Godt. If one day he suddenly abandons them, anyone would be upset. It’s good that he decided to tweet like that; it might make things better, or even if it gets worse…

   I’ve already promised you. I won’t let you go.

“Is Diew okay with me being like this? I promise that when I’m with you, I won’t let the outside world disturb you.”

   You’ve never let it disturb us since we met, haven’t you?

   Isn’t it you, who, when I said I didn’t like loud noises, tried to stay quiet alone to understand me?

   Isn’t it you, who told me to ignore the words on social media because you wanted me to pay attention only to your words?

And it’s you again, who emphasized to your fans, “Let me have my private life.”

“I’m okay.”

“Sorry,” Phii Godt placed his large hand on my head, “I… achoo!”

He hadn’t even finished speaking before he sneezed loudly, making me laugh. The person hiding his face behind an Ultraman mask sucked his nose up with a cute, loud sniff.

“You are smiling again,” Khun Godzilla said with a hoarse voice, gently ruffling my hair.

“Young-master… is getting better… should be able to leave the hospital tomorrow.”

“Really? Then it seems like I’m no longer needed.”

“Don’t feel bad.”

“I am feeling bad,” he crossed his arms, acting sulky, turning away until I gently poked his arm. The tall man slowly turned his masked Ultraman face back towards me, still coughing at me.

What kind of person gets a cold and acts like a child?

I held his face, knelt down, and gently blew on his forehead.

“What are you doing?”

“Mom said… when you have a cold… blowing like this will help you get better quickly.”

“Oh, and did your mom also say that blowing like this would get you a husband?”

“Uh… no.”

I’m not talking to you anymore, you’re crazy!

        MONSTER NEXT DOOR CHAPTERS HOME

   MONSTERNEXTDOOR, Chapter 20: A Good Relationship Is About Taking Care Of Each Other, Whether In Happiness Or Sorrow.

I’ve been lying by the edge of the fish tank for nearly an hour without moving, the clock on the wall showing half past nine, and the rain was drizzling down, preventing me from sitting on the balcony. After eating, I was about to play with young-master when I noticed something unusual.

Young-master has seemed listless for three or four days now. At first, I thought he was okay because he was still moving around, and when taken out for some fresh air, he seemed lively. There were no signs that he was getting worse, but I only just noticed that neither the meat nor the vegetables I gave him were diminishing at all, even though he usually eats ravenously. Lately, he hasn’t been popping his head out to greet me, and I was puzzled why young-master has been sleeping all day recently.

Until tonight, young-master wouldn’t come out from his shell at all. No matter how much I tapped or picked him up, he was silent. I was so worried that I had to call my grandfather.

(Is the shell soft? Are his eyes swollen?)

“It’s not soft, and his eyes weren’t swollen until yesterday, but today he won’t come out at all. Normally, he’d always pop out to greet when I tap on his shell. I’m really worried.”

(There’s a veterinary hospital at the university; take him to see a doctor. I’ll transfer the treatment costs to you.)

“Young-master will be okay, right, Grandpa?”

(Let the doctor diagnose him. If you leave it too long, it might get worse.)

“Okay.”

(And are you doing well, my smart one? You haven’t called much.) The old man’s voice sounded slightly disappointed over the line. “I’m doing well, but I’m starting to feel unwell because I’m worried about young-master.”

(Don’t worry, don’t worry. Take him to the doctor and leave it to them. It’s good that we’ve been observing young-master’s symptoms, so we noticed quickly that he was getting lethargic. Let me know after you take him to the doctor, I want to talk to the doctor too.)

“Okay.”

I hung up the phone and sat looking at the Japanese turtle shell where young-master didn’t pop his head out to greet me like every morning. I picked up young-master and placed him in a box lined with a cloth to take him to the vet, looking at him with concern.

Please don’t be sick, young-master, you have to stay with us for a long time.

Knock knock

Even before I finished packing, there was a knock at the door. I went to open it, knowing who was coming. When I opened the door, I saw a tall person wearing an Ultraman mask, with faint traces of rainwater on his shoulders.

Every time it rains, Phii Godt comes to knock on my door, just like today.

“What’s wrong? Why the sad face?” He noticed I was feeling down from the first glance. I looked at the square box on the bed, then turned to let out a sigh to Phii Godt who was holding a bag of some snacks he always buys for me.

“young-master… is sick.”

“Oh, do you want me to take him to the vet?”

Khun Godzilla didn’t hesitate to volunteer as soon as he heard that. I knew what Phii Godt was like, but I was worried about young-master. If I had to just sit and wait in the room, I definitely couldn’t do it.

“I’ll go too.”

We braved the rain out of the dormitory, took a taxi straight to the university’s animal hospital. I took young-master to see the vet, only to learn we’d have to observe him there for two to three days. The vet couldn’t yet determine exactly what was wrong with young-master; turtles have complex bodily systems, and an X-ray was needed to find out where he was unwell. But by the time we arrived at the hospital, it was nearly closing time. So, the X-ray would have to wait until tomorrow morning. The doctor could only assure us that young-master was safe for now.

I sat watching the clock on the clinic wall ticking loudly after we finished all the formalities. My mind was blank ever since I left youngmaster in the room, discussed the costs, and now sat dispiritedly on a chair by the exit. The rain outside still sounded loud, and I turned to see Phii Godt squeezing his hands, then after a while, he started scratching his nose under the mask, probably because of the dampness on his body from being in the rain, then having to stay in the air-conditioned room.

He must feel as uncomfortable as I did.

“Are you cold?” I asked softly to the person next to me. Phii Godt placed his large hand on my head and ruffled it gently.

“I’m fine. Are you okay?”

“Not really…”

“It’s okay, young-master is with the doctor now. He’ll be fine.”

“Yes.”

We stood in front of the hospital as the lights slowly went out. I watched the white rain pouring down from the sky, the scent of rain making my nose stuffy, but not as much as the person next to me who sneezed loudly as soon as he encountered the rain.

“Achoo.”

Just like that day, the first day I heard his deep voice, the first day I gave him the nickname.

Khun Godzilla, my neighbor.

“Are you sick?”

“I’ve had a stuffy nose for a couple of days now. But I’m okay, I just played soccer in the rain.”

Hearing him sniffle, Godt couldn’t help but worry. I reached into my trouser pocket, pulling out a light blue handkerchief and offering it to Phii Godt. He paused slightly, seeming surprised that I carried a handkerchief, but he didn’t say anything about it.

“If you need to blow your nose… just keep it… I have plenty.”

Since I was a child, I’ve always carried a handkerchief with me out of habit from my dad. Even though I don’t always use it, I like to have one on me. I turned to look at the person beside me who lifted his mask slightly to tuck the handkerchief inside.

“Thank you.”

“Uh-huh.”

We stood watching the rain that showed no sign of letting up, and there wasn’t a single taxi passing by now. It would be risky to walk through the rain, worrying that Phii Godt might get seriously ill. So we decided to wait on the steps until the rain subsided.

“Have you eaten anything yet?”

“Not yet.” I rubbed my stomach lightly because I was so worried about young-master that I hadn’t touched my dinner since getting back to my room, only eating a small piece of banana cake.

“Then let’s buy something to eat in the room once the rain stops.”

“Okay.”

Phii Godt fell silent after that, spending time watching the thin white curtain of rain at night beside each other, before I felt something touch my left pinky finger. I looked down at our hands placed side by side; our pinkies touched slightly. The other person didn’t look down but instead gazed silently at the sky.

Comparing our pinkies, Phii Godt’s was longer than mine.

“Do you want me to say something?”

A deep voice cut through the sound of the rain.

“I know you’re worried… but I… I’m fine, really.”

“You’re lying to me again.”

I looked down at the rain hitting the concrete, making a loud pattering sound, the coldness and dampness touching my head and body. Even though it made me damp, I couldn’t deny that I liked the rain on nights like this; the smell of rain cleared my mind but also made my nose stuffy.

“I… I’m really worried about young-master… very worried.”

I didn’t want him to worry because I loved young-master as much as I loved my real father when he passed away. I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye; suddenly, the house, once full of joy and laughter, was replaced by silent loneliness. My mother, who usually stayed at home, had to go out to meet friends every day. It was my grandfather who became the source of laughter for both me and my mother.

So when young-master got sick, it felt like my world was slowly crumbling. We were together every day, checking his condition daily, but when young-master became quiet and wouldn’t even peek his head out, it made me afraid of losing him.

I probably wouldn’t be able to smile until I was sure young-master was okay.

“Diew, do you know that I don’t just want to be by your side when you’re happy?”

Khun Godzilla moved his little finger to overlap with mine, the warmth from just that small finger felt like a hug enveloping my whole body.

“I know…”

“So, if you feel not okay or can’t handle it, you can tell me.”

I nodded to him softly.

“I just… want to sit quietly for a while.”

And so, I sat with Phii Godt in silence like that. He didn’t make any silly remarks because he knew if he did, I’d have to force a smile, and he knew that. He didn’t say anything more after that. He didn’t ask if I wanted to eat anything, didn’t ask how I felt, didn’t ask when I wanted to go back. He just held my little finger, indicating he was still by my side.

It’s strange, really, someone who couldn’t sit quietly for more than five minutes is now sitting quietly for an hour for me just because I said I wanted some quiet time. Someone who said they didn’t like rain is now staring blankly at the rain under an Ultraman mask on a night like this.

“I’m sorry… for being selfish… making you sit and watch the rain in silence like this, it must be boring.”

“It’s okay, I’m sorry too, for being selfish, knowing you want quiet but still bothering you all the time.”

I smiled a little and hooked my pinky with Phii Godt’s.

With someone like you around, you always spoil me.

Why do you have to listen to me so much?

Even young-master doesn’t listen to me as much as you do.

By the time we got back to the room, it was past ten. I rubbed my head, which was wet from the rain, and looked at the other person who couldn’t stop sneezing. Godt couldn’t help but worry about him. Luckily, I had cold medicine in my room, planning to give it to Phii Godt after we ate.

Phii Godt flopped down on the floor, setting the food box beside him and tossing his wet shirt nearby. I sat down beside him; the rain outside had stopped briefly before starting again, preventing us from sitting out on the balcony today.

“Achoo.” The tall guy kept sneezing, and with the mask on, I worried it might be too stuffy for him.

“Take off the mask… please…”

“Ha. I’m okay, I’m fine.”

“It’s hot with that on.”

“No.” It turned out that the one who wouldn’t part with the mask was Phii Godt. He could just take it off to wipe his face a bit. We didn’t need to look at each other, just put it back on after, but he seemed determined not to.

“Take it off… then turn around.”

“Really?”

“Yeah… I’ll go get a towel for you.”

In the end, he complied, probably because he really wasn’t feeling well. I grabbed a towel from the wardrobe and walked over to the person sitting with his back to me, slowly removing his Ultraman mask. His broad back, his dark hair slightly wet and clinging to his neck.

Now, Phii Godt looked like Charcoal.

“Here.” His large hand reached back, intending to grab the towel from me, but instead of placing it in his hand, I placed it on his head. Phii Godt flinched, seemingly startled because I’m not usually the one to initiate physical contact. I just wanted to thank him for going to the vet with me, for sitting beside me without saying anything because the silence made me feel better, and it made me confident that the doctor would cure young-master.

“I’ll… wipe it for you.”

“Is that okay?”

“Yes.”

I sat there drying his messy hair, which had gone limp from the rain; once dried, it returned to its fluffy state.

“I just realized… you have curly hair.”

So when he doesn’t style it, it looks like he just woke up all the time, huh?

“I don’t really like it, it’s hard to style.”

“It looks good though… My grandpa said people with curly hair… look like they have thick hair… and when they get old, it’s harder to go bald.”

Phii Godt laughed.

“I was thinking about going for a skinhead.”

“And then you’ll look like Charcoal, completely hairless.”

“But I’m sure I look better than Charcoal.”

“Really?”

“Oh, why are you teasing me all of a sudden?”

I gently ruffled his hair in response because he’s just so annoying, isn’t he?

After drying his hair, I threw the towel into the basket and sat down to eat with Phii Godt. We ate with our backs against each other, which made me realize that Phii Godt’s back was as broad and comforting as a large sofa.

“If you’re not free tomorrow, I’ll go check on young-master for you, I don’t have classes tomorrow.”

I groaned in response, staring blankly at the fried rice box and letting out a faint sigh.

In just a few weeks, there’ll be exams again. And I have a mountain of projects to do, barely any time for anything else. With young-master getting sick like this, it feels like everything is piling up at once, giving me a headache.

I’m worried about young-master, and I’m worried about my exam scores.

“Normally, turtles live longer than humans, you know.”

I smiled when I heard his words, a statement that didn’t require a response.

“I read about it. To the point where we need to find someone to take care of it after us.”

Everything he said was right. My grandpa told me that turtles can live for hundreds of years, much longer than the average human lifespan of eighty years, but some turtles do have shorter lives due to diseases or accidents.

I don’t want young-master to be like that.

“My grandpa gave me young-master… because he didn’t want me to be lonely…”

Whenever I talk about young-master, I always recall the past when I first got him as a tiny turtle, the size of a ten-baht coin. By nature, turtles become aggressive as they grow, but even now, with young-master the size of my palm, there’s no sign of aggression. He’s never once snapped at me.

“I keep telling my grandpa that I’m not lonely… until today…”

I only just realized that without young-master, I suddenly feel lonely.

“That’s because you talk to young-master every day.”

“But young-master never answers me… Why does it feel lonely then?” “It’s like with people, isn’t it? If you talk to someone every day and suddenly they’re gone, you’d feel lonely, right?”

I leaned my back against Phii Godt’s broad back, looking up at the empty ceiling, the bright light in the room making my eyes feel overly white.

“Don’t worry, okay?” Phii Godt’s head rested on mine, moving slightly back and forth a couple of times.

“Feeling lonely sometimes, that’s not wrong.”

Just as my grandpa said, we all need someone to talk to.

If I didn’t have Phii Godt, I’d still have young-master. But if I didn’t have young-master, I’d still have Phii Godt. But if I didn’t have either young-master or Phii Godt, I’d definitely feel terrible.

Because today, with Phii Godt here, I can cope.

“Phii Godt.”

“Hmm?”

“Can I… have a hug?”

The person behind me went silent. I knew it was starting to get out of hand, but at times like this, I really wanted a hug from someone. Just a quick hug and then let go. That wouldn’t be a big deal, right?

Phii Godt didn’t respond. He moved slightly away from me, causing me to lean back when I was resting against his back.

“If that’s the case, may I?” Not long after, his wide arms wrapped around my waist from behind. I jolted in surprise. Even though I asked for a hug, I didn’t mean for him to hug me like this.

“Phii Godt…” My voice was trembling, looking at his long arms that loosely wrapped around my waist, the warmth from his strong arms creating a flush of heat all over.

Suddenly, I forgot why I wanted him to hug me in the first place.

My mind was only thinking, oh no, my heart is beating so fast, will he notice?

“You know, hugging is the best way to recharge energy.”

His deep voice was close to my ear, making me shiver. Phii Godt’s embrace made my heart beat so fast it felt like it would burst out of my chest. Not unlike the heart beating rapidly under someone else’s chest, which I could feel through his back.

Phii Godt, he must feel the same as I do right now.

“Just a tiny body.”

“Phii Godt.”

“Yes?” I placed my hand on his muscular arm, my lips pressed tight together.

“You…”

I wasn’t sure if I should say it, my face was burning hot, the warmth spreading across it. I could feel the warmth radiating from my own body, knowing my face must be completely red by now. I was thankful again that he was the one to initiate the hug; otherwise, I would have made some strange face for sure.

Since I could say it, it should be fine, right?

“Don’t go anywhere… please.”

“Yes.”

“I… would definitely feel lonely… if you disappeared.”

The heartbeat of the person behind me, which was in sync with mine just a moment ago, now doubled in speed. Feeling the change in the heartbeat of someone else, I had to raise my hand to cover my blushing face.

“Diew.”

“Yes?”

“My heart is going to give out.”

It’s not just you.

I feel like I’m dying too.

    MONSTER NEXT DOOR CHAPTERS HOME

   MONSTERNEXTDOOR, Chapter 19: Sometimes, with some people, there’s no need to change yourself for them at all.

Like every morning at seven, I hung a bag of pork floss bread on Khun Godzilla’s door because he came back late last night. He’d sent me a goodnight message around 11 PM, having gone to the airport to see off a senior, and I only heard his door close around 4 AM. He must be fast asleep by now.

This morning, I went to university not feeling great, with a stomachache since around 4 AM when I heard the door next door. I guessed it was due to eating an apple last night without chewing it well enough, and then going straight to bed without chatting to wait for it to digest because Phii Godt wasn’t there to distract me. Now, my stomach was cramping, making my face tense. Plus, I didn’t have time to go to the pharmacy, and the only medicine in my room was some white chalky antacid which didn’t help at all.

Luckily, today’s lab wasn’t strict, and there were no classes in the afternoon. After noon, I decided to do something light for my stomach at the faculty canteen. I thought after eating, I’d stop by the pharmacy to get something to help with the stomach pain.

“Why are you making that face?”

A familiar voice rang out beside me as I was hunched over, clutching my stomach. I looked up to see the beautiful girl standing next to me with a glass of some yellow liquid.

“It’s good, mango smoothie.”

Phii Godt’s ex-crush… the club president of the International Faculty.

“Good, Phii Ping.”

“Stomachache?” Phii Ping casually sat down opposite me in the innermost seat of the canteen. I nodded to her, my brows still furrowed.

“Indigestion or diarrhea?”

“Probably… the first one.”

Hearing that, she rummaged through her small shoulder bag and handed me some white tablets. I took them and examined them. “Aerox, for bloating and stuff, chew it and swallow. If it doesn’t get better, go see a doctor later.”

I took one tablet out, chewed it, and swallowed it as Phii Ping instructed, suddenly thinking of what Phii Godt had said when he was drunk, that no one had ever taken care of him like that because he didn’t have friends to remind him to take medicine.

Now I understand why Phii Godt once liked Phii Ping; she’s very attentive to people around her.

Khun Godzilla probably likes being taken care of like this.

“Thank you… really,” I bowed my head slightly to the woman in front of me.

“No problem,” she dismissed it as if taking care of others was just a normal thing for her to do.

Of course, because Phii Ping was the one who told Phii Jen to apologize to me and Phii Godt. She was also worried about Sister Jen being attacked by Phii Godt’s fans. She’s truly a kind-hearted woman to everyone.

Or perhaps, from another angle, it might be because she knows how unpleasant it is to be attacked with harsh words.

“With Godt, how is it going?” Phii Ping asked during a moment of silence between us.

“It’s… good.”

“I’m not asking this because I want to go back to Godt, I’m asking because I’m worried. Diew, you don’t know why Jen attacked you, right?”

I shook my head left and right for Phii Ping. I don’t know; just not reviewing the bag shouldn’t make Sister Jen resent me that much, especially since we’ve never even met before. There must be another reason she dislikes me enough to vent on social media like that and get backlash in return.

“Jen is a fan of Godt.”

Ah… that makes sense. If it was just about not reviewing her stuff, she would have cursed me out a long time ago.

“Just not reviewing something, I think that’s a small matter. You might not like it, but it shouldn’t lead to acting like a child and demeaning others. But after that day when pictures were taken secretly, some fans were unhappy, like Jen. I just want to say, don’t pay attention to it.”

I looked up at the owner of the beautiful eyes in front of me. Phii Ping gave a small smile at the corner of her mouth and a playful wink.

“When I was flirting with Godt, I got attacked too. Godt has good fans, but he also has a lot of bad ones. At first, it was just normal things like saying I have a poker face because I don’t smile much. Once Godt’s fans knew I was talking to him, I got called arrogant. Arrogant for what? Do I need to smile at everyone in the world? That’s just too much.”

Phii Ping laughed as if the past was a funny story, but deep down, I could hear the tremble in her voice. I sat quietly, being a good listener, feeling like I met someone in the same boat, someone who had been in the same situation, someone who had once been overly concerned because of others’ words.

Only Phii Ping gave up first.

“I was told I wasn’t suitable for Godt, but I never thought about changing myself either. It might be because I didn’t think I did anything wrong. Having a poker face doesn’t mean I’m arrogant. This is just how my face is.”

I nodded in understanding. Phii Ping indeed looks very serious at first glance; you wouldn’t dare to approach her just walking by, but once you talk to her, she turns out to be a wonderful senior who cares about those around her, which is why she became the club president and is beloved by many. Even the tough Sister Jen wouldn’t dare to mess with this woman.

Compared to me, I’m like a lonely turtle who doesn’t look at his conversation partner, speaking in fits and starts as if riding a bumpy songthaew. Even my smiles are rare, reserved only for those close to me, so it’s natural for some people to dislike these behaviors.

Even the singer I like gets attacked, even though he doesn’t cause trouble for anyone. It’s just his personality – quiet, not daring to speak, always looking down, not making eye contact. It’s so hard to form each word that comes out of my mouth.

I don’t know how others live their lives, but I hate people who mock others’ flaws, whether it’s about skin color, appearance, personality, or lifestyle. You don’t know what someone has been through, what made them like this. They might smile on the outside but be suffering inside.

Why don’t those people live their own lives well before judging others?

“Back then, I thought it would be better to stop talking to Godt because I couldn’t handle his fans. Now, we’re just acquaintances, we greet each other normally when we meet.”

“And… are you okay… talking to me?” Because right now, I’m someone Phii Godt is courting. I was afraid Phii Ping might feel uncomfortable talking to someone her former crush likes.

“I’m okay. Now, I think of Godt as just a friend. Maybe it’s because when we were talking, we didn’t have a status of being officially a couple. When we stopped talking, I didn’t feel much pain, but for Godt,

I think he must have felt pretty bad.”

Phii Godt… the one who always laughs and tells bad jokes. I never knew what was going through his mind, just that he overthinks things just like I do.

“I admit I made a mistake back then by listening to Godt’s fans more than Godt himself. I cared more about what others said than who I should have cared about. So, I just want to say one thing: Godt, he means well. If possible, no, what you should do is focus only on Godt, don’t mind what others say. If Godt truly chooses you, everyone will have to accept it.”

“I… will only listen to Phii Godt.”

“Good. Since we’re not causing trouble for anyone, not making Godt feel bad, there’s no need to change anything. Love is between two people; don’t let a third, fourth, or fifth person give you a headache, understand?”

Phii Ping’s slender hand gently touched mine.

“Please take care of Godt for me, and if you have any problems or just want someone to talk to, you can talk to me.”

Her smile was beautiful, unlike what many people had said badly about her. I now understand that just a few words can completely change someone’s life. Despite Phii Ping being so suitable for Phii Godt, their future could have been bright. Even though she said she wasn’t attached, deep down, she must have regretted her decision.

“Phii Ping”

“Huh.”

The person about to leave turned back to look at me. I gave a small encouraging smile.

“Thank you… and also… you have… a very beautiful smile.”

Phii Ping let out a soft laugh.

“Same to you, smile a lot.”

I closed the door, placed my bag on the bed, and walked over to greet young-master, who had retreated into his shell. Are you sleeping? I peered left and right at the shy turtle for a while before gently tapping the shell, and young-master poked his head out to greet me. I smiled at young-master.

“The outside world is so chaotic, isn’t it, young-master?”

I muttered before changing my clothes and heading to sit on the balcony in the evening. I heard the soft strumming of a guitar from the next room on a day when the weather wasn’t hot, with wind chimes jingling along to the gentle melody.

“You’re playing the guitar again?”

“I just changed the strings, does it sound nice?”

“It’s nice.”

I sat munching on Pocky while reading and listening to the music played by the creature in the next room until the music stopped. I heard the sound of the guitar hitting something hard, indicating he had put it down.

“Phii Godt.”

“Hmm, what?”

“I met Phii Ping.”

As I mentioned Phii Ping, I instinctively rubbed my stomach, which was eased by the antacid medicine, and the stomachache subsided a lot.

Khun Godzilla was silent for a moment.

“Well, I had a stomachache, and Phii Ping gave me some medicine to take.”

“And is the pain gone?”

“It’s better now.”

I closed my book, set it beside me, and then stared out at the horizon where the sun was about to set. In the distance, I could see rain clouds approaching from afar, likely to reach where I am late tonight, so I would probably sleep with the sound of rain tapping against the clear windows.

“Phii Ping told me about how she was criticized by your fans…”

“Are you still worried about this?”

“No. I’m not worried anymore. I only listen to you now.”

“You’re good at flirting.”

It’s not flirting; it’s the truth.

“I know I overthink about those words, just like Phii Ping, but I want to ask, do you overthink about those words too?”

“I do think about them. There are times I feel not okay with it. Besides, no one wants to hear bad things about someone they like, right?”

“Uh-huh,” I murmured softly in response.

“So after the Ping incident, I stopped caring about the negative comments online. I choose to read supportive messages and good comments instead.”

“Okay.”

“Those people hide behind their keyboards; they can say whatever hurtful things they want. They don’t know if what they say will cause pain or leave lifelong scars; they’re just satisfied with spewing out bad words. But we can’t stop them. We have to avoid it ourselves, protect ourselves. That’s why I’m telling you, don’t look at it, don’t read it.”

“Okay. I won’t read it.”

“Promise?”

“Okay, I promise.”

I won’t read messages that make me feel bad, won’t read messages that make me question, “Was it right to get to know this guy?” This guy who is a public figure, who has many fans, because from the start, the answer in my heart has been clear.

It was right to have met him.

This being who entered my world without trying to drag me out.

Actually, since I’ve known Phii Godt, whenever I went out, it was entirely of my own free will.

“Listen to me, just this once. I want you to trust in me. I promise I won’t make you feel uncomfortable.”

“I’m not uncomfortable.”

“Okay, but if anything comes up, tell me, okay? I can’t guess on my own, so I want you to tell me like in the early days when we talked. If you don’t like something I do, or if you want me to do something, you must tell me, understand?”

“Yes.” I scratched the back of my neck lightly because I was suddenly feeling warm.

He emphasized, ‘Tell me,’ several times until I fully understood that if I was feeling uncomfortable about anything, I should tell him.

When encountering Phii Godt in his charming talk mode, I become completely helpless.

“Phii Godt.”

“Huh?”

Why do you care about me so much?”

“If I were to answer playfully, I’d say there’s no reason, I just want to take care of you, that’s all.”

“I want a reason.”

“Because I’m happy talking to you.”

My lips pressed together so tightly it hurt.

“No matter how many times I ask, you’ll give the same answer.”

“I’m… also happy talking to you.”

“Diew,” his voice was low and gruff, making all my hairs stand on end.

“Yes?”

“Why do you always make me blush?”

At his words, I accidentally dropped the Pocky box from my lap, the pink cream-coated crunchy sticks scattering on the floor like fortune sticks. He’s not the only one blushing; this lonely human here is as red as a frying pan for eggs. I looked at my reflection in the clear glass; my face was bright red due to my easily blushing nature. I touched my cheek, rubbing it gently.

Here we go again, how can I dare to look him straight in the eye like this when everything shows on my face?

I’m glad we don’t have to face each other right now because I surely would have done something awkward.

“By the way, how did you know I like pork floss bread?”

I scooped the Pocky back into the box, suddenly reminded of the person who had put the pork floss bread on my tray the other day.

“Phii Beert told me.”

“Beert again!”

“That’s my close friend,” he laughed softly when he heard him teasing his friend, “With Phii Beert, he’s just a lovely older brother.” He explained why he liked talking to Phii Beert, because of the comforting aura he exudes, making Phii Beert quite a comfort zone for me.

As for Phii Godt, I’d label him as a “danger zone.” My heart feels like it’s going to explode every time I get close.

“And what about you?” asked the person who never gives up when it comes to me.

He already knows he’s special to me, even putting an egg in for me, why does he need to ask again?

You know, right? The promises I made, I’m about to break them myself,” I said, looking down and playing with my sweaty palms.

“I know.”

“One of them is already broken. If the other two break, I don’t even know what I’ll say to you.”

“When the time comes, we’ll figure it out.”

Figure it out, huh? That’s right. If the time comes when I want to look at his face, see his expressions and eyes, see his smile, see his serious face, if that time comes, there would only be a few words I’d want to say to him.

Because if I were the one to take off Phii Godt’s mask…

It would mean I’m really confident then.

“But if you don’t know, I’ll make you know.”

“…How will you do that?”

“Want to know? Lean your ear closer.”

I leaned my ear towards the balcony, curious to hear what he would say, before Phii Godt whispered softly on the breeze,

“I think of you.”

Thud.

My right hand pressed against my chest; my heart was beating like a drum, oh my.

“I am thinking about you a lot.”

“Phii Godt…”

“Do you think about me?”

I clenched my lips tight, scratching the back of my neck to ease the awkwardness.

“Uh.”

“Not ‘uh’, do you think about me?”

My heart was about to explode.

“I… think about you.”

“Crazy, you’re making me blush so much.”

“Phii Godt!”

Khun Godzilla laughed with delight.

“If I like you and you like me, if I think about you and you think about me, we’re this much in sync. It’s not hard at all.”

And what words do you want to hear?” I sat there, waiting anxiously for him to come up with those words.

“Anything.”

“Huh?” Anything, huh? So, what should I say then?

“Yes, except for the words, ‘stop bothering me’.”

“Why would I say that?”

“Exactly, that’s absolutely forbidden. I think it’s cutting off opportunities; if you say you hate me, I can still win you back, right? If you’re angry, I can still make you not angry, but ‘stop bothering me,’ there’s nothing I can do about that.”

“I won’t say that.”

“Then try saying it, I’ll sulk.”

“Good at sulking.”

“See?”

“I think… if that time comes… I’ll have the best words for you.”

“Make it really good, like something that makes me fall in love and can’t back out.”

“Crazy.”

He’s crazy, always saying crazy things.

“But really, any words will do. As long as you say them, I’ll be happy.”

We sat sharing stories with each other on the balcony, with the conversation revolving around pork floss bread that he likes to eat, and today was a happy day as usual.

The light-hearted stories of each day, the happiness of talking to him, the comfort of talking to him.

This is the best relationship there can be.

        MONSTER NEXT DOOR CHAPTERS HOME

   MONSTERNEXTDOOR, Chapter 18: Words from people who don’t know us well often sadden us; it depends on whether we pay attention to those words or turn to care for those around us.

Phii Godt’s flirting raises questions for me—whether his past actions were just him being friendly or if he intended to take care of me from the start. Because his actions hardly differ, his flirting primarily aims to make me feel at ease. The person in the room next door still hangs a bag of Pocky with a Post-it note on my door every morning. We still talk on the balcony as usual, eat together, then go about our own business because I have to study, and Phii Godt has to study and live his daily life with his friends.

He never let our conversations interfere with his daily life. Phii Godt remains a social person, happy to meet friends, still playing football with seniors, engaging in university activities as usual, occasionally sneaking off to drum at a concert, but every day at ten, he makes time to have dinner with me.

Besides eating, we often have ordinary conversations, like what we studied today, what we encountered, sharing our daily stories until it becomes routine.

Some days he would come to listen to music, watch the moon from my balcony, and he likes to buy snacks for me, sit and eat Pocky together, read comic books, and then go back to his room when he’s sleepy.

We learn more about each other every day.

Phii Godt often says he doesn’t like looking at the sky because he thought it was a waste of time, but seeing me enjoy it, he started looking at the night sky every day, and we compare the shapes of the moon at night.

Phii Godt didn’t like Wan’s food, but because my post-dinner snack was Pocky bought by him, he ended up eating it too, and now he likes strawberry-flavored Pocky.

Phii Godt doesn’t like waking up early, but recently, he’s been getting up earlier and going to bed earlier than usual because he wants to wake up and send me a morning message on Line.

Phii Godt doesn’t like strawberries, but he loves to buy strawberryflavored snacks for me every noon.

And today, it’s strawberry daifuku from Japan that his friend bought for him.

I blinked at the simple box on the table, a pink square box flanked by a strawberry yogurt drink in front of me and a watermelon smoothie in front of Phii Godt.

Once we got used to it, Phii Godt started coming to find me at the faculty cafeteria every day, sometimes with Phii Beert, sometimes alone like today. Even if not for meals, he likes to stop by for a watermelon smoothie and to chat before heading back to class in the afternoon. I looked at the Ultraman mask sitting with his back to the crowd, facing me in the deepest corner of the faculty cafeteria.

It turns out that this spot has become our regular lunchtime place.

“Is it good?”

Phii Godt asked while I was trying the strawberry daifuku. The chewy texture of the outer dough, sprinkled with white icing, combined perfectly with the tart, fresh strawberries inside, making me squint with delight.

“It’s good.”

“I can tell by your face.”

“How… do I look?”

“Blissful beyond belief.”

“Aren’t you going to eat?” I asked Phii Godt, chewing on the confection, Khun Godzilla shook his head slightly.

“I brought it for you to eat.”

“Thank you.”

“Your mouth is all messy.” Phii Godt pointed at the left corner of his own mouth. I used him as a mirror, wiping the right side of my mouth with the back of my hand.

“Not that side.”

“Oh.” I wiped the left side with my finger.

“Still there.”

After saying that, his slender finger touched the left corner of my mouth, gently wiping away the icing. Phii Godt’s action made my face flush so much that I had to look down at my glass of strawberry yogurt smoothie, which was now three-quarters empty.

“Your face is red like a tomato.” “Don’t… tease me,” I mumbled.

I don’t know if this is part of his courting strategy because lately, we’ve been touching each other more. Even though Phii Godt keeps some distance, most of our touches are playful.

But when he touches me out of care, I feel like I’m going to die.

Once I receive this kind of attention, my immunity drops to the ground.

We were just chatting casually. Mostly, it was Phii Godt complaining about his studies until someone stood by our table. Both Phii Godt and I turned to look at the woman before he greeted her.

“Hey, Ping.”

“Hey, Godt.”

She seemed to be another friend of Phii Godt that I hadn’t met before. I don’t know how many people know that Phii Godt wears an Ultraman mask, but from what Jen said, if people know Phii Godt wears a mask, it makes him an easier target to spot, so I’m not surprised if someone comes up to ask, “Is that Godt?” or “Hey, Godt.”

Of course, this guy seems to know almost everyone in the university. However, behind Ping stood Jen, who looked like she was not in the mood for charity.

I felt the same. Even though the faculty building is just a small square, why do we have to meet so often?

I don’t like it.

“What’s up?” Khun Godzilla asked his friend with the familiarity of someone who’s good at making conversations with others seem easy.

Ping pulled Jen to stand beside her, pointing at the girl who seemed to have been dragged there.

“I heard from Biu that Jen scolded your boyfriend, huh?”

“Cough!” I choked on the strawberry yogurt I was drinking.

“Not boyfriend yet, still flirting.”

“Move over a bit, let’s talk.”

Phii Godt and I moved to the next chairs. Then Ping squeezed in beside me, while Jen sat next to Phii Godt. The awkward atmosphere among the four of us made me afraid to look up to see what expressions everyone was making.

“As the president of the Inter-Faculty Club, I don’t want people from our faculty to have issues with you, Godt, so I brought Jen here to clear up if there’s anything you two have against each other.”

“Is this Jen?” Khun Godzilla pointed at the woman beside him. “Uh-huh.”

“You don’t like Diew?” Phii Godt asked Jen, who had been silent for a while. She glanced at me with a side-eye but didn’t respond. That was answer enough, indicating she didn’t like me.

“If you don’t like him, then you should just keep your distance, why cause trouble?”

“Listen… can I say something?” Phii Ping interjected in what seemed to be a not so smooth conversation, “When Jen posted like that, she got heavily criticized by your fans.”

“And what does that have to do with me? She’s the one who insulted and belittled the kid, right? You should acknowledge your own actions. Not just that, she also physically harmed him. It’s already good that the kid didn’t go to the police.”

“Well, yes. That’s why I made her come to apologize to you and Nong

Diew. But she physically harmed him too?”

“The folder scratched his arm badly enough to draw blood; I and Ton can testify.”

Phii Ping let out a deep sigh as if just hearing about this, furrowing his brows at Jen.

“You physically assaulted him, Jen?”

“I didn’t know, Phii Ping, maybe because I was holding the folder at the time.”

“It’s good that Biu told me. If Biu hadn’t said anything, if you did something like this again, would jail be worth it, Jen?”

“I’m sorry, Phii Ping.”

“The one you should apologize to is Nong Diew. Apologize to him.”

“Is he willing to accept my apology? If he’s not, then there’s no need. I’ll gather all the evidence of what you’ve done, from bumping into him, physical assault, to making baseless accusations that harm his reputation. You know the Computer Crimes Act, right? Cyberbullying isn’t a small matter either.” Phii Godt clearly showed his displeasure, both in his tone, his sarcastic remarks, and by crossing his arms. He didn’t even turn to look at the person beside him, just kept his gaze on me.

“What do you say, Jen?” The president of the international faculty turned to the woman who didn’t look too good. She seemed to be afraid of Phii Godt, almost not sitting on the chair.

“I’m sorry…”

“Do you mean it?” Phii Godt answered on my behalf, “If you’re not sincere, you don’t need to apologize. If you just say sorry without truly meaning it, you should keep that ‘sorry’ for yourself because you’re hurting yourself.”

“I am sincere, I let my emotions get the better of me, I’m sorry for not thinking it through, for doing this because of being rejected for the bag review, and because the kid doesn’t talk to me much, I assumed he was arrogant. But from now on, I’ll be more careful. Regarding the incident where I bumped into him and the mask, I apologize, and for the physical harm, I didn’t mean to scratch him with the folder, it was an accident because I was holding it close.”

“And did you delete the comments?” Phii Godt asked in a stern, displeased voice. The more his voice hardened, the more Jen averted her eyes, not daring to meet anyone’s gaze.

“I’ve deleted them, and I tweeted an apology last night after Phii Ping contacted me.”

“Phii Ping told you that if you didn’t apologize, there would be disciplinary action, possibly suspension from school.”

“Ping, what do you want from me?

Ping, “I don’t want anything from you, Godt. I just want Jen to apologize, because she’s part of our faculty. But the problem is that your fans told Jen to jump off a building and die. I understand that Jen was wrong.”

Ping “It’s not surprising if they don’t like Jen. they can criticize Jen, but telling her to die is too much, and I can’t ignore it. So, I want to ask you to tell your fans that Jen has apologized. But if you don’t want to do it, that’s fine. I’ll try to get Biu to help too.”

Godt, “I know that was too much, but you should understand too. Some words might be light for us, but for others, they could be heavy enough to ruin their lives. you should know this.”

Ping, “Yeah, I know. This is just the one thing I’m asking for. As the head of the club, especially when it involves someone close to me, I can’t let it slide. I’ll punish Jen for physically harming Nong Diew myself. As for the dislike between you, you’ll have to live with it. If there are any more issues, come tell me at the club.”

I sat silently watching the three people talking, then suddenly Phii Godt spoke to me.

Phii Godt: What about you, what do you say? Realizing I was drawn into this uncomfortable conversation, I started to feel a bit awkward.

What do I say? I’m not that vindictive, and besides, what Jen said had some truth to it, which helps clear things up with Phii Godt. Even though her actions were infuriating, if she apologizes, I’ll consider it over.

Nong Diew, “If… she apologizes… then let it go… from now on, we’ll just go our separate ways.”

Phii Godt, “Since he says that, then so be it. I’ll tell my fans to stop attacking you, but if you dare touch him again or hurt him, whether by words or physically, I won’t spare you.”

Jen, “I’m sorry,” she bowed in apology to both Phii Godt and me, “I won’t let this happen again, I sincerely apologize to both Phii Godt and

Nong Diew.”

With Phii Godt, forgiveness might not come easily, but for me, what’s past is past, especially since we need to look after our future. A woman like Jen had to come apologize, so she must be truly desperate.

Ping, “Sigh.”

A sigh came from the woman beside me, Phii Ping gently tapped Jen’s hand.

Ping, “Take it easy. If you don’t like each other, just keep your distance. No need to taunt or criticize, stop messing with the junior.”

Jen, “Yes, I’m sorry.”

Ping, “Alright, let’s go then. Thank you, Godt. Sorry, Nong Diew.” Phii Ping stood up with Jen, but Phii Godt called out to stop them.

“Oh, and another thing, someone like me, if I don’t like something, I won’t do it. The reason I wear a mask isn’t because I’m forced to, but because I want to. Don’t think on my behalf that I’ll feel uncomfortable; wearing a mask doesn’t make me look worse.”

Phii Godt’s words were like a straight-edged ruler, but in that seriousness, I also sensed his arrogance. Even in this tense moment, he’s still at it, isn’t he?

Phii Ping didn’t say anything after that, before she quickly led Phii Jen away. I could only watch the back of that woman until she was out of sight. When I turned back to look at the person in front of me, I found that Phii Godt had been watching me. He was sitting with his arms crossed, not speaking, looking quite displeased, and he seemed irritated, as a loud sigh escaped through his mask.

“Phii Godt…”

“I won’t forgive her,” he said in a low, almost growling voice, “I don’t like it.”

“Forget it… it’s good enough if she doesn’t cause trouble.”

I hope her apology is something she genuinely wants to do, not because she’s pressured or forced into it. If it’s the latter, once the dust settles, she might do it again, and if that’s the case, I won’t be okay with it.

Anyway, people who don’t like each other are better off just staying apart.

But speaking of which… Phii Godt’s fans are quite scary too. I know they’re protective of him, and since I came later, I want to respect his fans, but telling Sister Jen to jump off a building, that’s not okay, as Phii Ping said.

No matter how grave someone’s mistake is, I think there’s one thing we shouldn’t say, and that’s telling someone to go die.

“Your fans… they’re scary,” I muttered to Phii Godt, who was looking up from his phone.

“Telling her to go die is too harsh, I don’t agree with that either. But saying she’s arrogant, I don’t like that either. Arrogance might be just a normal word for others, but for her, is it really normal, Diew? If she thinks it’s normal, why would you sit here overthinking like this? Am I right?”

“Uh… yeah, you’re right.”

“Once something is posted on the internet, it’ll stay there until you die, even if you delete it, someone will have captured it, word spreads, and sometimes, even without knowing the truth, people just go on to spin tales. That’s why I told you not to look at it.”

Am I… getting scolded by him?

“Yes..”

“Don’t go reading it. Don’t go looking at it. If there’s any issue, let those with strong immunity handle it.”

“Wan, Biu, and Ton, they’re all social media savvy. Back in the day, when I was criticized, they were quicker than 4G, I guess.”

I nodded in response to him.

“And… will your fans… be okay… with me?”

We circled back to the question I had asked him before, because I was afraid that Phii Godt’s fans wouldn’t take kindly to him being close to me. I know how society works; I’ve seen it happen when celebrities have partners, and fans stop supporting them or even curse the celebrity’s partner as if they’ve done something terribly wrong.

Now that it’s happening to me, I feel scared.

“Diew.”

“Yes?”

“Do you think you’re a bad person?”

I shook my head in response.

“Exactly, because I’ve never mistreated you, so there’s no reason for them to hate you.”

“Hmm.”

“Listen to me, you smart one, a friendly person like me, even with fans, I’m just an ordinary person. I want to love someone, take care of them, have someone to listen to my complaints when I’m tired, have someone by my side when I’m lonely.”

“…” I could only remain silent, looking at the Ultraman mask on his face.

If I could see Phii Godt’s eyes right now… what kind of expression would he have? Sad or not, heartbroken or not. I know that being part of society means bearing many burdens, including behavior and words, caring so much for your fans that sometimes you lose your own identity.

Does he worry about online comments like I do?

And if he does, how can I comfort him?

“Being a part of society, do I not have the right to like or love someone?”

I clenched my lips tight, his words carried a hint of resentment.

One reason he approached me was to make amends for what he had done to his senior, this I knew, but the constant pressure he’s faced as a public figure, whether from when he entered university or throughout his life, I only now realize how much Phii Godt truly overthinks things, just as he says.

I was so caught up in caring about what others said that I forgot the person I should care about the most is the man in front of me. I don’t know what he’s been through. I don’t know how much hardship he’s faced. I should pay more attention to Phii Godt’s feelings because he’s a special and very important person, someone who cares about me and knows me better than anyone else.

“You can like… or love anyone… it’s your right,” I gave him a sincere smile.

“And I like… that you’re you.”

Khun Godzilla changed his posture to rest his chin on his hand, looking at me.

“Really? Then why do you have to smile sweetly at me like that?”

“…”

“You’re good at being charming.”

But I’m really annoyed by this habit of his when we’re discussing something serious. Why does he have to be so annoying!

…

Every now and then, I stop by the bakery in front of the university before heading back to the dorm to study. Besides sushi, bread is something I like. Actually, I like almost everything, but the custard bread from this place is as delicious as from those shops in Bangkok that my dad used to buy for me when I was a kid.

“Oh, Diew.”

A familiar voice sounded beside me along with a warm smile like a big sun, coming from Phii Beert. While I was picking up bread to put on my tray, I slightly bowed to him. Next to Phii Beert was another smaller person, enjoying choosing bread from the shelf.

They stick together like mischievous bananas I used to watch when I was young, except Phii Wan is smaller than Phii Beert, his head only reaching Phii Beert’s shoulder.

“You like the bread from this shop too?”

I nodded in response to Phii Beert, who approached me and placed some pork floss bread on my tray.

“Godt likes pork floss bread, take some for him.”

“Ah… thank you.”

“Is there anything bothering you?” I flinched at that question and could only give Phii Beert a dry smile. Apart from Phii Godt, the person who can notice my mood changes faster than anyone else is this guy.

This one here.

Maybe because Phii Beert is quiet, he’s able to observe those around him more meticulously than others.

“I’m… worried… about Phii Godt’s fans.”

“Oh, are you afraid of being criticized?” A little, but my concern also involves Phii Godt.

“I’m more afraid that Phii Godt… will get criticized… Has Phii Godt ever been criticized by his fans?”

“Yes,” it was Phii Wan who answered, holding a bag of bread he’d just paid for. I didn’t know when he’d been standing beside me.

I went to pay and walked back to the dormitory with Phii Wan and Phii Beert. The smaller guy told me what had happened between Phii Godt and his fans during his first year.

“Godt got heavily criticized by his fans before his second year because he liked a girl. He was pretty down during that time. He never told us how he felt, but he seemed cheerful on the outside while he was actually overthinking everything.”

“Diew, you might see Godt as someone who doesn’t care much, easygoing, but he actually cares a lot about what people say, and he’s a master at overthinking. He just doesn’t show it,” Phii Beert added before Phii Wan sighed.

“Seeing someone you love get cursed and attacked by others, no one likes that, right? Godt was stressed every day, trying to comfort the girl he liked, but she couldn’t handle the heavy attacks. So she asked to distance herself from Godt, and that was it, heartbreak, sadness, drinking until he puked.”

“Back then, we also felt sorry for Ping.”

“Ping?” I raised an eyebrow at Phii Beert, “The club president… from the International Faculty?”

“You know her?”

“Today… Phii Ping brought Jen to talk and apologize to me.”

“Really?” Phii Wan exclaimed, “That’s Godt’s old crush, but they never officially dated, just talked.”

I had no idea Phii Godt had once liked Phii Ping because they didn’t show any signs. On the surface, they looked more like good friends. “But don’t worry, they’ve cut ties because now Godt is only interested in one person.”

I looked up to see Phii Wan smiling at me.

“As for the fans, don’t mind them. If anything happens, I’ll handle it.”

“But…” Won’t Phii Wan get criticized too if Phii Godt’s fans don’t like me?

“For you, just have a lot of confidence in Godt. Don’t worry about what his fans say. Godt has his own life, he won’t let others dictate what he should or shouldn’t do, or who he can or can’t love, right?”

“Yes.”

“We, your friends, don’t want to see you care about words from strangers that you don’t know, and then leave Godt because of those words. When Ping left Godt, he kept asking us, ‘Am I not good enough? Why does she care more about what others say than me?’ Diew, try to think about it, someone as self-absorbed as Godt who praises himself three times a day before and after meals, turns around to ask me if he isn’t good enough.”

At that moment, he must have felt like he couldn’t hold onto Miss Ping.

If I heard that, I would feel terrible too; it’s not because Phii Godt isn’t good enough. He’s done his best in his role.

As for Phii Ping, I don’t want to blame her either. Others might see her as selfish, but for me, if you’re getting cursed at just for dating someone from society, I might not be able to handle it like Phii Ping.

That’s why I’ve been worried all along.

But I don’t want to lose Phii Godt just because of this, so I will listen to what Phii Godt tells me.

I won’t look at those messages anymore; from now on, I’ll only listen to what he says.

“Thank you… I will… not open Twitter to read anymore.”

Phii Beert placed his hand on my head and gently ruffled my hair.

“Have some confidence in yourself. You’re a good kid.”

I waved goodbye to both Phii Beert and Phii Wan, who were about to go their separate ways, with Phii Beert’s final words:

“Godt cares about you a lot, you know.”

I smiled at that message, looking at the pork floss bread in the bag I’d bought for someone else, my steps light as I headed back to my dorm. At that moment, several thoughts raced through my mind.

Maybe tonight before bed, I should invite Phii Godt to watch a movie, or maybe some cartoons, or should we read a book?

That’s right…

There are so many things to do instead of sitting and reading comments from people who don’t know us well.

The person we should care about is the one beside us.

        MONSTER NEXT DOOR CHAPTERS HOME

   MONSTERNEXTDOOR, Chapter 17: What Do We Want More Than Someone Who Understands Us?

I dropped my bag on the floor and hurried to my computer because my phone’s battery was dead. I opened my laptop screen, logged into Twitter, and searched for the account, ‘maboyfriend’, while scrolling through mentions thinking they might relate to the issue after my photo was tweeted not long ago.

Maboyfriend: Sorry for deleting the photo, the senior asked me to do it through a private message.

Hens: Which senior are you talking about?

Pete: @Darin, is it who I think it is? The one wearing the Ultraman mask?

ET: Yep, Phii Godt is definitely a third-year engineering student, always carrying different masks.

Ranee: Really? Does Phii Godt have a boyfriend?

34Beats: Bye!

Maboyfriend: Calm down, guys. I was told backstage it was deleted because the junior wasn’t okay with being secretly photographed. As for who the person in the mask is, Ultraman, I won’t say who it is.

Neena: @Rata, my heart hurts, my Phii Godt, T_T

Brex: Huh, when did you guys start dating? Why didn’t you say anything?

Neera: Wow, all the fans are dying now.

Mostin: Here we go again. Since the new crush, it’s not just friends talking like this anymore.

Lilalita: Just tell us straight if you’re dating, why keep it hidden?

What are you afraid of? Don’t you care about the fans at all?

FCgodd: Calm down, friends, no one has confirmed if it’s true yet.

Ging: @FCgodd, @Prae, friends from Phii Godt’s faculty confirmed it, definitely Phii Godt, he was wearing the mask, playing the drums at the canteen that day, in public, it’s definitely him, sis,

TT

FCgodd: “Squeal, dad!

Jjinthewood: Who’s stealing your boyfriend, sis? No way!

Kittaka: Fans who support should wake up. He doesn’t care about you all. Ask him, is he dating anyone? He never answers, never tells.

Anna: Calm down, wouldn’t it be better if he comes out and says it himself? It’s just a photo that was secretly taken.

Montra: Juniors are crazy these days, juniors don’t even give each other flowers anymore.

Geegee: @Vitamin, oh, your beloved has been exposed.

YouZa: It’s a bit yellowish.

Teetarat: Digging for gold.

FCgodd: @YouZa, hello, it’s 2019. We don’t discriminate anymore.

Fahfah: Even though I feel a bit sorry, I’m happy for him.

The junior is really cute T^T

Ging: @YouZa, @Teetarat. No discrimination, we’re intellectuals now. The fans are just sad. They never knew their senior was dating the younger one.

 

I closed my laptop screen and flopped onto the wide bed. I buried my face in the pillow, feeling anxious.

I know there are a lot of people who like Phii Godt, but I didn’t think it would be to the extent of having such extreme fans, because usually we only meet on the balcony, talk before going to bed, eat together, and it’s only been recently that we’ve been seeing each other more often.

I lay there watching young-master waddling around on the bed.

“Did I make the right choice, liking him? Am I making him act out of character like this?”

“Am I causing him to be attacked?”

“Will he be hurt by those words?”

“young-master… I don’t like this at all.”

My hand touched young-master’s shell, placing him back in his box before I hugged myself to sleep.

Or maybe, I shouldn’t like Phii Godt, or maybe both of us should just stop here…

I closed my eyes, letting all the chaos in my head fade away along with my fading consciousness.

Knock knock

The sound of knocking came from the door. I moved in the dark, fumbling to turn on the bedside lamp, glanced at the clock showing half past ten, then swung my legs off the bed, walking unsteadily to open the door.

The tall guy wearing a new pattern Ultraman mask was standing outside my room, holding a bag of the snacks he said he’d buy for me. I didn’t say anything, just opened the door wide and let him walk in.

But Phii Godt didn’t come in.

“What’s wrong?”

My lips tightened, my eyes lowered to look at my toes.

“Diew.”

“I’m fine…”

“Don’t lie to me.”

“I…” Did I do the right thing by liking him like this? Did I really do the right thing by making him act this way? Not being himself, forcing him to do things that make his life harder.

“Can I come in?”

“Hmm.”

Phii Godt walked into the room and sat on the floor, setting the bag of khanom bueang a little away from him. His eyes were fixed on the Ultraman mask, which was cracked, lying on the bed where I had forgotten to put it away.

His large hand picked up the mask he had entrusted to me. I didn’t know what expression he had on his face.

I just knew he would be angry if he heard what had happened.

“Who did this?”

I clenched my fists with concern, there was a moment I didn’t dare tell him because I was afraid the situation would escalate.

“Can you tell me?” But with his soft voice, I gave in completely.

“Jen… Phii.”

“Again?” His voice slightly rose, “This is going too far.”

“Phii Godt… I don’t want any trouble.”

“But she did this.”

“I won’t let her… I won’t let anyone do anything.”

“Diew.”

The warm hand of the person in front of me reached out, intending to touch my hair, but I flinched away out of fear, afraid of being scolded, afraid of being hated, afraid of doing something wrong. Phii Godt paused and withdrew his hand.

“Is there anything else?”

I turned to look at my phone, which was half-charged, opened Twitter to find the messages I had read earlier, and handed it to him.

“They… think… we’re dating.”

Phii Godt was silent, not saying anything, as if he was intently reading the Twitter mentions.

“I… don’t want… you to be attacked like that.”

“Are you worried about me?”

“Is it good… for us… to do this…?”

“Diew, no.”

“Really, Phii… both about our relationship… and what Jen said.”

“What did she say?”

My lips were clenched so tightly they hurt.

“Diew, tell me, what did they say? Why are you overthinking this so much?”

“…That you have to wear a mask… that I forced you to wear a mask… when you’re someone who’s proud of your appearance… I’m sorry… sorry for making you… have to wear a mask like this every day… you don’t have to wear it anymore…”

Thinking about Jen’s words hurt even more. I had already told Phii Wan that I didn’t want him to force himself to do something that wasn’t true to himself like this. We could just keep talking on the balcony.

“Diew.”

“I’m sorry… sorry for being selfish.”

My eyes stared at my trembling, pale hands until Phii Godt placed his hand over mine, his large hand enveloping mine, giving off a warmth that seemed to say everything would be okay.

“No. Don’t blame yourself.”

“I wasn’t forced to wear the mask, I chose to wear it myself, wearing it looks cool as hell, besides, it’s not troublesome at all, it’s kind of fun, like the ‘Mask Singer’ show.”

Even though he tried to make it sound funny, I could hardly smile.

“I’m sorry…”

“Diew… it’s just a thin plastic mask, look, it breaks with just a little twist. Easy to put on and take off, easy to slide up and down, more comfortable to breathe in than a PM2.5 mask. How is it troublesome? I only wear it when we meet face to face, I don’t wear it all the time. Not when I’m with friends. Not when I’m in class. It’s not troublesome at all. Besides, if you want me to take it off now, I don’t want to. If I don’t want to take it off, can you force me?”

I shook my head gently.

“You don’t need to apologize anymore. I won’t stop talking to you over something like this.”

“But…”

“Let them say, complain, or tease all they want. Don’t worry about it. Don’t pay attention to it, understand? You’ll just hurt yourself needlessly. I’m happy doing this, and I’ll keep doing it, understand?”

“But I… don’t want you to lose your identity… besides… I don’t want you to be sad… you have fans… so many people who love you…”

There’s hardly any need to care about a selfish person like me at all.

“Diew, I didn’t lose my identity or feel bad about anything. Sure, I have a lot of fans, but if they love me, they should accept my choices.

Let’s see who truly loves us or not.”

Can you really do that? Are you really okay with it? No one likes to be talked about badly.

“And I’m… not your boyfriend… you barely have any reason… to do this much for me.” Although our status now is ‘special’, I don’t even know what to do next. Should we keep this status, or should we step back?

Phii Godt sighed softly, muttering under his breath.

“You crazy kid, with your small frame, you think too much. So, here’s the deal… I’m your special person, right?”

I pressed my lips together, feeling an odd kind of pressure.

“Yeah.”

“Then, this special person wants to ask for one thing.”

“What?”

“Can I add something to our final promise?”

“Add?”

“Don’t think too far ahead, only in cases where the other person doesn’t think the same. But if we think the same…”

“Can I ask to flirt with you?”

I sat there, blinking, looking at him as if my heart had stopped for a moment, stunned by what came out of his mouth. Meanwhile, Phii Godt released his hands from mine and placed them on his mask, as if afraid it might slip and reveal his expression underneath.

“Don’t be quiet, it’s not good for my heart…”

“Do you… like me?” I looked down, afraid my face would show something strange.

The person in front of me didn’t directly say he liked me, but from the silence that formed…

It was a clear answer that he indeed had feelings.

“If I’m not imagining it, Diew must feel the same as me, right?”

I raised my hand to cover my face, feeling warmth spreading through my chest and throughout my body. This was bad, really bad.

I’ve been caught.

“Will you… really… flirt with me?”

“Uh-huh. If you allow it. We don’t have to tear up the agreement yet, let’s see if you can handle it if I really flirt with you.”

“I can… handle it…”

“Like, if we could get along in a different status. Since we both feel the same way now.”

His words made me feel a bit relieved. If that’s the case… then it means we can still talk like before, right? What should I call this? The contract is void because we both feel the same way, huh?

Something like that, I guess.

“Besides, I’m really good at flirting.”

“…”

“I’ve flirted with shrimp, pork, and crabs, I’ve flirted with them all.”

“Can you be serious for a moment?”

“Yes… I’ll flirt slowly. I don’t want to be too aggressive, or else you might run away from me.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Uh-huh means, is it okay or not okay?”

His teasing, no matter when, always annoyed me, but it was the kind of annoyance I wanted in my life.

“Okay…”

“Eh…” The person in front of me paused, “Really okay…”

Wait a minute…

“Phii Godt…”

The person with honey-colored skin raised both hands to his face and let out a high-pitched scream:

“Now!!!”

Can I take back what I said? I don’t want you to flirt anymore. This is giving me a headache!

Phii Godt chuckled a bit before ruffling my hair with satisfaction.

“And when I said I would court you, is that clear?”

“…”

“No one goes to such lengths for someone they don’t like, right? Are you crazy?”

I clutched my head where the warmth of his hand had lingered, the sensation still vivid in my hair, making me want to cry like mad.

Why does he do this? Is he the sun or something?

In the end, our nightly chat promise still stands, in case moving our relationship doesn’t go well or makes someone uncomfortable. We can always go back to being just chat friends before bed because neither of us wants to lose the other.

Phii Godt really knows how to win my heart over.

I don’t really know what Phii Godt means by courting me. Maybe he’ll do something crazy and bizarre to woo me, or something the common folk wouldn’t do, or perhaps it’ll be a normal kind of courting, just living our daily lives together, gradually developing feelings. I can’t imagine what form it will take.

But how did we end up in this situation, from being neighbors, to bedtime chat friends?

I yawned loudly in front of the noodle shop near the dorm, waiting for the old man who was packing stir-fried morning glory with pork into a bag. I didn’t forget to order hot rice to mix with the stir-fry. Before I knew it, a shadow loomed over me. I turned to see the tall figure under the Ultraman mask, approaching with a friend on this fine morning.

“Morning.”

“Good morning, Nong Diew,” Phii Beert gave his usual smile, his signature trait. Meanwhile, Phii Godt was rubbing his messy hair, with Phii Wan standing beside him.

“Why are you up so early? You don’t have any presentations today.”

The smaller guy asked his friend, and Phii Godt yawned again.

“Better ask if I even slept.”

“And you didn’t sleep?”

“Excited, couldn’t sleep.”

“Excited about what?”

“Not telling.” And the person with tanned skin left Phii Wan standing there looking bewildered while he moved to stand beside me, craning his neck to watch the old man scooping pork and hot soup from the pot.

“Today’s lucky color is green.”

I looked up at the person hiding his face behind an Ultraman mask. Phii Godt extended his right hand, which he had been holding closed, in front of me, then let the item hidden under his large hand drop down.

A cute soft tortoise keychain dangled from his index finger. I raised my right hand to catch it in my palm.

“Keep it with you, and you’ll be lucky.”

I gazed at the little tortoise keychain in my hand, smiling so wide my cheeks almost hurt.

So cute.

“Thank you.” If this is one of his flirting methods, then my heart is definitely not safe.

Hey, uncle, I’ll have the same pork with a little spinach in the fried rice.” Phii Godt ordered his fried rice from the vendor and then turned back to talk to me.

“Did you sleep well last night?”

“I did… how about you… couldn’t sleep?”

“Couldn’t sleep, my mind was restless.”

I didn’t respond to Phii Godt, letting his restless mind stay restless because my own heart was in a similar state. I turned to look for Phii Wan and Phii Beert, who should have been standing behind us, but they had already walked off quite far.

I don’t know why, but right now, I’d rather Phii Beert and Phii Wan be together.

Because when it’s just me and Phii Godt, my hands get all sweaty.

After buying the fried rice, we walked around to look at other food stalls. Initially, we planned to stop for some soy milk, but then I wanted something cold more. So, Phii Godt and I ended up standing at a juice blender stall not far from the fried rice shop.

“No classes today?” His deep voice asked, cutting through the sound of the blender.

No classes.”

“Have you stopped overthinking?” I looked down at my feet.

Not really, but I didn’t want him to worry.

“Uh-huh.”

“Lying to me again.”

I could only give a faint smile in response. They taught us not to lie, but if lying makes him feel at ease, I’m willing to be the little shepherd boy.

The atmosphere was awkward, with words hard to come by, gradually fading away when suddenly, Charcoal ran up to greet me, making a squeaking noise in his throat because he knew if he did that, people would soften up and forget that today he needed to buy sausages for Charcoal.

“I’ll go buy sausages… be right back.”

I walked over to pay for the sausages at the nearby food cart, and once I got two thick sausages, I returned to Phii Godt. Charcoal was wagging his tail, circling around me with his big eyes, begging for food.

This black dog is quite cute, and loves to act spoiled.

As Charcoal tried to jump on me, I had to squat down, pushing his nose away like every day, but today, someone else sat down beside me.

“You do this every day?” asked the tall guy. I nodded, “Otherwise, he’ll get spoiled and won’t eat his regular food.”

“But on busy days, I don’t give him any.”

After removing the sticks from the sausages, Charcoal devoured those two big pieces with relish.

“You really are friendly with animals.”

“Back in school… my friends used to call me… Snow White.”

“Huh, you are quite white. Compared to your skin and mine…” Not just saying it, he moved his arm next to mine to compare, not about skin color but about how much I like talking to animals. Speaking of which, I just noticed the contrast in skin color, realizing how white I really am.

But I like Phii Godt’s skin tone, it’s the color of someone who often plays outdoor sports, and it has its own charm.

“Your skin… is beautiful.”

I said softly, only then noticing that Phii Godt had gone quiet. I looked up to meet the Ultraman mask in front of me, and when I realized he was staring, my heart suddenly skipped a beat. I quickly looked away, pretending to mumble to Charcoal about what he did to get scratched, probably got into a fight with a cat and came back with three scratches.

Thank you, Charcoal, for running around here, it really helps distract from the awkwardness.

“But you beat Charcoal in terms of skin color.”

And who compares skin color with a dog, seriously?

We both stood up after Charcoal wandered off to find its owner. I watched the playful dog move away, the sound of the blender making fruit juice still humming in the background. The awkwardness made me feel like I had to say something, find a topic to talk about to ease the awkwardness, especially as our relationship becomes clearer, the more my heart races without letting me rest.

“Last night… I had a dream,” Phii Godt grumbled in his throat.

“What did you dream about? Did you dream of me?”

“I dreamt that… you were eaten by an anaconda.”

“Ha!”

“It was a huge anaconda… I dreamt we were fighting… then you chased me up to the rooftop… after that, you fell off the roof… below was flooded with a lot of water… and then you encountered the anaconda.”

“Did it constrict me?”

“You were in its mouth.”

“And then it bit off your arm… but you escaped in time… so we ran away… and because anacondas can sense body heat… we hid in a food stall.”

“Why a food stall?”

“Because when you stir-fry morning glory with chili, the heat masks human body temperature… snakes are afraid of fire, so they can’t tell us apart.”

“Prrr!” He laughed so loudly that I had to slap his arm.

“That’s a terrible laugh.”

“So, was it a thriller or a comedy?”

“I think it was a thriller.”

“But I thought it was comedy from the moment you mentioned stirfried morning glory with chili.”

“It makes sense, though.”

“But they say if you dream of a snake, you’ll meet your soulmate.”

“But it was an anaconda… not just any snake.” The ancient belief passed down that dreaming of a snake means you’ll meet your soulmate, and if it’s an anaconda, what kind of soulmate would that be? Or maybe, glancing at the person next to me, someone big, loud, and boisterous like Godzilla, when compared to an anaconda, it fits.

“Alright, got it.”

I took the glass of strawberry smoothie, sipping the cold, tangy flavor that Wan made, which helped to clear my foggy mind from the morning. All the chaos in my head slowly faded away when I got to enjoy my favorite treat like this.

“They say eating something delicious can heal your soul.”

Phii Godt’s warm hand gently rubbed my head, making me grip the smoothie glass tighter.

There you go again, don’t use your deadly charm so often.

Before we could continue talking, Phii Wan walked back, staggering slightly, but he seemed annoyed about something, his face was stern, and his eyes were glaring at the guy following not far behind. Both stopped beside us, but Phii Wan didn’t make eye contact with Phii Beert. “What’s wrong, why the long face?” Phii Godt held a watermelon smoothie while asking his smaller friend.

“Annoyed with that asshole, Beert.”

“Oh, what did you two argue about? What happened with Beert?”

“He wants me to go back and talk to Tan.” Phii Wan grumbled irritably.

Tan? Who’s Tan?

“I was just trying to help.”

“Tan chose to leave on his own, why should I go back and talk to him?”

“You still can’t forget him, can you?”

“I’ve forgotten everything, don’t remember, just annoyed.”

After venting, he walked off, with Phii Beert trailing behind him. I watched them quietly, not asking anything because I knew it wasn’t my place. It was Phii Godt who explained.

“Tan is the old friend I told you about, remember?”

Oh, the one you said was like me?

“He… came back?”

I heard he’s been messaging Beert for a couple of days now. But I think it’s best not to talk again.”

“Why?”

“Diew, you know Wan likes Tan, but Tan doesn’t like Wan back. Plus, he’s said things that hurt Wan’s feelings. It’s best they cut ties, especially since Wan gets hurt more by being around Tan. I don’t want to see him so down.”

“Oh.”

“Love, you know, it doesn’t work if it’s just one-sided.”

That’s true.

“Give me a high five.”

Khun Godzilla said, extending his hand towards me. I gently tapped his hand to signify that I wouldn’t leave him hanging. If he raised his hand, I’d reciprocate.

“Do you know why I feel good with you?”

I shook my head in a playful manner, looking down.

“Because you always listen to me.”

“I… do that?”

“Yeah. Who would be crazy enough to sit and listen to me talk about ‘One Piece’ from the first chapter to the latest one when they themselves aren’t even following the story?”

I let out a soft laugh.

That’s true. If it were anyone else, they’d probably be bored to death by now.

“So, don’t think about it anymore. You’re not forcing me to do anything; I do everything willingly, just as long as you’re by my side.

That’s all I need. Okay?”

“Uh-huh,” I responded quietly, glancing over at Phii Beert and Phii Wan who seemed to have reconciled. Seeing that, Phii Godt led me to join them to go back to the room for lunch. While in the elevator, Phii Godt spoke out of the blue:

“People don’t need much, really. Just someone who can listen to our complaints endlessly, that’s enough.”

“Complaining about what?”

“Figure it out yourself, who listens when you complain about your heartbreak every day?”

Phii Wan turned to look at Phii Beert.

And who listens to you complain about your troublesome little brother every day when you come back from home?”

Phii Beert looked back at Phii Wan.

“Let go of those you’ve left behind, the ones you should care about are those who are right next to you, right?”

They both fell silent for a moment, until the sound of the elevator moving could be heard. Then Phii Wan lightly tapped Phii Beert’s arm, speaking softly with a sense of guilt:

“Sorry, I guess I was too hot-tempered.”

“It’s okay, I apologize too, I won’t do it again.”

Phii Wan and Phii Beert are closer to each other than anyone else in the group, plus they are roommates. I don’t want to see the two of them fight either. Even though I’ve only recently met them, I can see how much they care for each other.

“By the way,” Phii Wan suddenly laughed, “You’ve been quiet lately, you brat.”

I was taken aback when I suddenly became the topic of conversation.

Phii Beert chuckled softly.

“What are you talking about?”

Lost your cool, huh? I just found out from Beert here that you sent something.”

“Stop.”

“Just Godt alone.”

“I told you to stop!”

“Diew, look, what did he send to Beert?”

“Hey, don’t!”

Phii Wan handed me Phii Beert’s phone before Phii Godt could grab it. I quickly took the phone and looked at the screen where Phii Beert’s LINE was open with a conversation with Phii Godt:

Godzilla

Hey Beert

The kid allowed me to flirt with him

Fuck, the kid allowed me to flirt with him I’ve completely lost my cool, fuck fjdsaklfjdsakljfdsakl

And so, today I learned one more thing about the creature next door, that Phii Godt is very good at hiding his feelings. His face might look calm, but who knows how much he’s screaming inside.

This might be another moment where I think… he’s… insanely cute.

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