SOUTHBESIDETHESKY, Prologue Chapter
Sky, Dream, and, Dust
Today…not many people are around.
Is it because it’s the rainy season?
They say the sea isn’t beautiful during this time.
I don’t understand how the sea can be beautiful or not, because for me, the sea looks the same every day.
But the sky…it’s never the same day.
Yet it’s still…captivating every day.
…
The sky begins to turn brick red; the sun is about to set. I lift my camera from around my neck to take another photo, I’ve lost count of how many photos I’ve taken here today.
I probably won’t be back here for a while.
I’ll keep these photos as memories.
The sea breeze blows lazily. I don’t know where it brought this loneliness from. It makes me feel so aimless, I look towards the furthest edge of the sea that I can see.
The scene before me raises questions, questions that I myself have never been able to answer. Are we looking at the same sky… But if we’re not looking, it doesn’t matter.
Back then…I was probably only ten years old.
In an old storage room, belonging to fishermen who no longer use it. There’s no place more suitable to be our “secret base” than here. We secretly brought things from home to decorate this place together until it became our secret spot, and we promised not to tell anyone. I sat down, leaning against the wall before turning to look at the dark, overcast sky, letting the raindrops fall incessantly. My soaked self could only hug myself to fend off the cold.
I bit my lip tightly to hold back the sobs, but not for long before I had to let myself cry out again, burying my face in my arm, letting tears flow uncontrollably.
This is the only place I want to be when I feel like I have nowhere to go.
Because I don’t want to go home.
Crack!!
I jumped out of my skin when I heard the sound of thunder.
No.
No thunder!
I heard what sounded like a door opening, quickly looking up, seeing a boy about my age, a bit taller than me, with bright white skin, holding an umbrella but still drenched, as if he had run through the rain in a hurry, looking worried and concerned.
He was the only one I hoped would find me.
And he always found me.
“It’s dangerous, you know, coming here near dusk when it’s raining like this.”
I quickly got up and ran to hug him immediately.
“Did the thunder scare you?”
“Uh-huh.”
“It’s okay, I am here now.”
The person in front of me hugged me comfortingly and gently stroked my head. Phii Fah is one of the few who knows what I’m scared or not scared of. One thing I’m scared of is thunder.
Even though I’m Typhoon, I’m afraid of thunder…
“Phoon.”
“Yes?” I responded.
“Why are you here?”
“…”
“Don’t want to go home?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“I’m scared.”
“Scared of aunt?”
“Yes, mom is scary.”
“Why do you think that your mother is scary?”
“Mom turns into a giant.” I said, my voice muffled in his embrace before Phii Fah slowly let me go. I looked down, not daring to meet his eyes, “Mom is scary.”
“Phoon.”
“…”
“Look up, look at me.”
“…”
I looked up to see his ever-present kind smile directed at me.
“It’s okay, I will go back with you.”
“I have to go back anyway.”
“No, I will go back with Phoon.”
“…”
“Is that okay?”
“But…”
“Let’s go back together.”
“No, Mom will hit me, I will get hurt.” I clenched my lips tight; the memories were scary. I didn’t want to get hit again; I remembered that pain more than anything, “Today, I was a bad kid, Mom doesn’t like it.”
“How were you a bad kid?”
“I didn’t pass the math exam.”
“Does not passing make you a bad kid?”
“Yes.”
“Then I am also a bad kid.”
“Why? Phii Fah, did you not pass the exam too?”
“No,” Phii Fah said while shaking his head slightly, “But today, I also sneaked out of the house.”
That’s right, his parents didn’t allow Phii Fah to leave the house when it was raining, but Phii Fah sneaked out to look for me. “Phii Fah, you should go back, you’ll get hit, it hurts.” I said urgently, pushing him towards the door.
No, I couldn’t let Phii Fah get hit like me, because it was very painful, that’s why.
But Phii Fah grabbed my wrist first.
“Won’t you go back?”
“I don’t want to be hit by Mom.”
“I will come with you.”
“No.” I was still stubborn.
“Fan is worried about you.” Phii Fah said with a more serious expression and tone, “Fan won’t eat dinner if you don’t come back.”
“Fan is worried?”
“Yes.”
“Did Fan cry?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t want Fan to cry.”
“Then come back with me.”
“…Okay.”
“Good.”
I reached out to take the hand that was already waiting for me, stepping under the same umbrella, walking slowly behind the person holding my hand. I kept sneaking glances at Phii Fah all the way home.
It’s okay.
As long as Phii Fah is here…everything will be fine.
And then, what happened next?
I walked until the end of the path and found the ruins of what was once familiar to us. Our secret base was no longer there, but Phii Fah probably didn’t know, right? I heard that soon, this place would be renovated into a new storage shed.
There would be no more traces of our memories.
I lifted my camera to take a photo of it.
Not sure why I took the picture…
Ah…right, that day when I got home, Fan cried a lot. She came right to hug me and asked where I had been, if I was hurt anywhere. Fan is my older sister, just a year older than me. She’s the same age as Phii
Fah, but I prefer to call her Fan rather than calling her ‘sister.’
I wasn’t hurt anywhere that day; I just cried because I didn’t want to get scolded.
But Mom didn’t ask if I was hurt.
Mom asked…how many points did you get on the exam?
Why does she love Fan more than Phoon…
I used to wonder and ask myself that many times, but now I don’t want to ask those questions anymore because the answer is too painful…
The breeze doesn’t bring loneliness; it’s me who has always been lonely.
Fan likes…no, Fan loves Phii Fah. Just looking, you can tell.
Because I’m the same…
I’ve been in love…for a long time.
My parents respect Phii Fah’s parents because they have been kind to our family and since our houses are next to each other, we three always played together.
As a child, I always watched the two of them.
Fan and Phii Fah, they are my whole world.
Fan and Phii Fah are smart kids, good at studying, good at everything, unlike me who fails at everything in my parents’ eyes. Why can’t I be like Phii Tonfah, why can’t I get good grades like Fan, why are my grades only this much, why don’t I study, why do I only do meaningless things, why have I failed the exam again, why why, why…
Yes…why indeed?
Why don’t you hug me…
But it’s okay. Just having both of them is enough. I used to think that way…no, it was like that, for a child who needs acceptance, needs attention.
A child who needs love…like me.
Until the day Phii Fah had to move away to attend high school at another school, somewhere too far for me to visit again. “I will study hard, I will pass the medical exam, and then go be a doctor with you Fah.”
“Yeah. I’ll study hard too, so we can become doctors together.” I stood watching both of them say their goodbyes. They shared the same dream of becoming doctors, and Fan had a gift for Phii Fah, but I had nothing because I didn’t know what to give. More than anything at that moment, I felt sadness and disappointment.
Why must they leave me behind…
“Phoon.”
“…” I looked up at the call.
“Take care of yourself.”
“Yes.”
“You look like you’re about to cry again.” Phii Fah said, reaching out to gently pat my head when he saw I was about to cry.
“Will we see each other again?”
“Yes.”
“Phoon, don’t cry.” Fan, standing beside him, consoled me while gently squeezing my shoulder, “We’ll definitely see each other again, and we’ll be together again.”
“Hmm.”
We’ll be together again…
“Good luck.”
Those were my last words before we parted ways.
Looking back now, I should have said something better to Phii Fah…
Suddenly, my phone rang. Startled while I was walking and lost in thought, I quickly picked it up to see who was calling, causing me to let out an involuntary sigh. “Yes?” I answered the call.
(It’s almost time.)
“Yes.”
(Don’t miss your flight, can you go to the airport alone?)
“Yes.”
(All the stuff has been taken care of. Including the school uniforms, have you got the room key?)
“Yes.”
(Do you want someone to pick you up? Where are you now?)
“It’s okay, I’ll go by myself.”
(Are you sure?)
“Yes, there’s one place I want to stop by first.”
(Okay, then hurry back.)
I stopped to buy a few things, heading to that one place, which I visit every time, whether I’m happy or sad. Once I go there, I probably won’t come back. Even though I’ve somewhat prepared myself, it’s still hard to let go.
Today, I won’t be able to stay long, so I only intended to stop by and say goodbye.
I walked to the same old spot, slowly knelt down, and gazed at the familiar picture of a woman with a sweet face adorned with a warm smile that I miss so much.
And I placed flowers in front of her picture…
“Fan…”
“I am going to find Phii Fah now.”
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