SOUTHBESIDETHESKY, Epilogue Chapter: Grow Old Together
I woke up early in the morning as usual, always an early riser. Even though I was tired from yesterday’s walk around the zoo, thanks to North and Ter, who couldn’t just walk normally but kept wanting to play piggyback or something, acting like kids. That’s why they need me to take care of them.
I found that the person who usually sleeps beside me was not there. At half past five, this is when Phii Fah should be sleeping. No matter how much studying he has to do, he goes to bed by two in the morning; that’s our agreement, and Phii Fah has never broken this promise or agreement even once.
This means he didn’t just not go to sleep; he’s already woken up. I slowly got out of bed, opened the bedroom door, and saw the person I was thinking about sitting at the desk.
“You’re up early,” I greeted.
“Yes, good morning.”
“What time did you wake up? And what time did you go to bed last night?”
“I woke up around half past four, went to bed at nine.”
“You slept early,” I said, because usually, nine o’clock is when Phii Fah would be studying intently.
“I was a bit tired, I guess.”
“And why did you wake up so early today?”
“I thought I’d go for a run today.”
“Oh, you haven’t gone running in a while.”
“Yes, will you come?”
“Yes, I’ll go with you.”
Since Phii Fah exercises quite often, I’ve noticed that all the doctors exercise regularly. At first, I wasn’t very keen, but when we had free time, we went to the fitness center or the gym together, and once I started exercising, I got hooked. Phii Fah said it helps clear the mind.
I’ve also heard that exercise can improve brain function, so if that’s true, this might be another secret to the doctors’ academic success. Since Phii Fah doesn’t have much time, he doesn’t go to the gym often, preferring to run in the morning instead. If he doesn’t stay up late studying and can wake up early, he always invites me, who wakes up early anyway, to go running at the university’s sports field. Of course, I go with him. Last time we went, we ran into North and Phii
Jo. I wonder if we’ll see them again this time.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Phii Fah asked, repeating the same question for maybe the third time since yesterday evening when we got back from Suan Sathorn and I got a little wet from the rain. Not that I was out in the rain, just got splashed a bit while we were trying to avoid it; it was just a few drops, “You didn’t wake up with a headache, did you?” “No, I’m fine,” I answered.
“Good to hear, will you run with me, or just sit and watch like last time?”
“I never just sit and watch,” I protested.
“Okay, I will count walking about twenty meters as running then.” “Last time, I played with North because he was tired, and you guys didn’t wait for us,” I said, referring to Phii Jo and Phii Fah, who ran off without waiting for us, so we had to sit and play while waiting because we couldn’t keep up. “Then let’s run together this time.”
“Yes,” I nodded before going to change into a t-shirt, track pants, and running shoes that Phii Fah bought for me without asking first, saying that if he had asked, I wouldn’t have let him. Who would let someone buy such expensive shoes? But Phii Fah said they were safer, so he bought them.
In exchange, I would exercise more often to make it worth the price.
Okay, today I’ll make sure to exercise enough to justify the cost of these shoes!!
“Are you okay?” Phii Fah asked with concern as we walked back to our room together, after I said I would run to make the shoe price worth it. I’ll say here that I did my best; a little more and I could have trained to be in the SEALs, “You did great for two laps.”
“I managed two and a half laps.”
“Yes, yes, ran two laps, walked half.”
“We’ll go again tomorrow, and I will run like a SEAL.”
“That much? SEALs don’t just train by running.”
“Just running is enough, I’m already exhausted.”
“I will go to class now, do you want to go anywhere today?”
“Uh, no, I’ll stay in the room.”
“Okay, I finish at three in the afternoon, I’ll hurry back.”
“If I could drive, it would be good.”
“Huh?”
“I could drive you to class and pick him up, so you wouldn’t have to drive yourself.”
“Oh, do you want to drive?”
“Yes, but I can ride a motorcycle, right? Should I take a big bike to drop you off at school?” “Would your legs reach?”
“Big bikes are too tall, but I can reach a regular motorcycle.”
“Oh, that’s true.”
“What’s the matter?”
“Nothing, then I should go to class first.”
…
Tonfah
“What’s wrong, Fah?”
“Huh? Me?”
“Is your name Fah?”
“Uh, just thinking about something,” I answered Hill, taking my eyes off the study sheet to look at the person sitting opposite me,
“Have you ever thought about the day when you’re not here?”
“Dead?”
“Uh.”
“Why suddenly ask that?”
“I don’t know, have you ever thought about what would happen if you suddenly died, what would Ter do?”
“Is the question too hard?” Jo asked when he saw Hill looking troubled. Hill nodded in response.
“I’ve thought about it, but I don’t want to think about it. I don’t want to leave Ter.”
“You don’t want to, who would want to? But it’s not up to you whether you want it or not.”
“Jo, do you have some serious illness? Why are you suddenly talking about dying?” Jo asked, “Did you find out something from a check-up? Just having Arthit with AIDS is enough.”
“Jo, I don’t have AIDS.”
“Have you taken your medicine today?” Hill teased.
“I have, damn it, you too?”
“I’m not sick with anything,” I replied, “I just thought, what if I die?”
“Ah, I could be your funeral host if you’re going to worry this much. How big of a funeral do you want, just leave your instructions.” “That’s not what I mean, Jo. I mean, what about Phoon? Who will take care of him? He’s still so forgetful and clumsy, worrying about everything he does, getting sick from just a little rain.” “Oh,” Jo nodded, furrowing his brows, “You worry too much.”
“Sigh. How can I not worry? And will I be able to die in peace?”
“How old are you, Fah? You sound like an old man,” Arthit asked, “Last time it was about kids, now you’re talking about dying in peace.”
“He is the type who likes to plan for the future,” Hill said, “But I never thought he’d plan for his own death.”
“It’s good to think ahead. I think,” I said, “What do you guys think?”
“Hmm. I don’t know, but you’re right, it doesn’t hurt to think about it. I want Ter to be able to take care of himself when I’m not here, I will probably save up a lot of money so Ter won’t have to struggle,” Hill said, letting out a small sigh, “Talking about this really makes me feel old.” “And you, Jo?”
“To be honest, I plan to sign a will leaving all my assets to North, but there’s one condition: no new husband, no new wife.”
“Still jealous even after death,” I teased.
“Yeah, using my money for a new partner? That’s too much disrespect.”
“Yeah, if I die, I wouldn’t want Ter to have someone new, but who would take care of him, damn.” “You seem confused, Hill,” I said.
“Hey, Fah, if Phoon gets a new partner after you die, would you be okay with that?” Jo asked me.
“I don’t know, but if Phoon has someone to look after him, it would be good, right? Even thinking about it makes me mad, though.” “Damn,” Jo said, laughing a bit, “That’s so like you, but I think
Phoon won’t have anyone, he’s only had one person his whole life.” “That’s what makes me more worried.”
“It’s good that you think ahead, but aren’t you thinking too much?
It’s like you think you’re going to die tomorrow,” Hill said, furrowing his brows, which made me sigh a little, I guess I was overthinking it.
“Yeah, look at Arthit, he’s not thinking this much even though he might die tomorrow.”
“Why bring me into this? I was just quietly staying out of it, damn.” “So, what do you plan to do?” Hill asked again.
“Same as you, I guess, save a lot of money so he won’t struggle, do as much as I can.”
“Did you teach Phoon to take care of himself?” Hill asked.
“Uh, Phoon always tries to take care of himself, so I don’t worry. Like yesterday at the zoo, he seemed okay, mainly the issue was getting lost. If he graduates and gets a job, with the money I’ve saved, if he can drive himself around, there shouldn’t be much to worry about.”
“Do you realize, Fah?”
“What?”
“You’re like a father,” Hill said.
“Yeah, that’s right,” Jo added, “Like a father making sure his child has a job, an income, savings, can take care of himself, then there’s nothing much to worry about, more than a partner.”
“Is that so? But I think that way. It’s not that I don’t want to take care of him, but I’m afraid I won’t be able to do it forever, so I want him to take care of himself.”
“Uh, I understand,” Hill nodded slightly, “I think the same way, do as much as you can while you have the time. But why do I sound like
Fah is about to die?”
“Don’t curse me, if I can, I’d like to be with Phoon for a long time.” “Ha, you don’t seem afraid of dying, Fah, you look like you’ll live the longest.” “Why’s that?”
“You don’t drink, hardly smoke, drive safely, exercise, and live a good life,” Jo said, turning to look at Arthit.
“Me again?”
“I didn’t even say anything yet.”
“But I want to live long too,” Arthit said, “Even if I drink, smoke, and drive like crap, I still exercise.”
“Can exercise really compensate for everything?” I asked.
“Yeah, even cancer can be cured by lifting weights.”
“No wonder you’re studying to be a doctor,” Hill said, letting out a big sigh, “But being stupid can’t be cured by lifting weights.” “Exactly, Jo’s been lifting weights for a year and he’s still not smart.”
“Hill is insulting you, you ox.”
“Is Hill insulting me?”
“No, just stating facts, did he mention your name?”
“Yeah, Jo, you ox.”
“Talking about death, you might just get hit by a car while walking,
Arthit.”
“That car would have to be a black Audi,” I said, because a black Audi is Jo’s favorite car.
“No, a truck, to make sure you die on the spot.”
“Jo you’re not gentle at all,” Arthit said, making a grumpy face at Jo.
…
Typhoon
And so, my day was spent redecorating the balcony. Originally, it was just an empty space with a few potted plants, but because I had some free time and wanted to surprise Phii Fah, I decided to give it a new look. I took an old mattress I found in the storage room, cleaned it, and left it out to dry.
Well, it can’t really be called a surprise because Phii Fah saw me drying the mattress, and I even had to ask him to help me carry it since I couldn’t lift it alone. He asked what I was doing, and when I told him I was redecorating the balcony, he didn’t say anything. I laid out the old mattress to make a bed and strung up some decorative lights around it. I added pillows, bed sheets, and blankets too. The bed was just the right size for the balcony. I placed several pillows around the bed, put a small side table next to it, and moved the potted plants so they wouldn’t be in the way.
Will this be okay, or will I get scolded for doing this? Probably not.
They didn’t say anything when I took the bedding out to air it. While I was standing there admiring my work, Phii Fah came back.
“Phii Fah, Phii Fah!”
“Yes? What’s up, you look excited.”
“Close your eyes.”
“Huh?”
“Close your eyes, please.”
“Oh, okay, is there a surprise?”
“Just want to make you anticipate,” I said, before the person in front of me slowly closed his eyes after taking off his backpack. I held his hand and led him to the balcony. When we stopped at the newly arranged area, I let go of his hand, “Don’t open your eyes yet, please.” “Okay.”
I moved to turn on the decorative lights on the balcony, which were there for beauty; once it’s dark, just turning them on makes the atmosphere really nice.
“You can open your eyes now.”
Phii Fah slowly opened his eyes, looking a bit surprised at what was in front of him before giving me a big smile.
“It’s beautiful, you’re so good, did you do this all day?” “Yes, but I cleaned the bathroom, swept and mopped the room, organized things, and cleaned the kitchen before doing this.”
“You worked hard, thank you.”
“Hehe, do you like it?”
“I do.”
“As long as you like it, it was worth the effort,” I smiled, then walked over and sat down on the bed, “The atmosphere is nice like this, right? You could come out here to study, but we need to spray for mosquitoes first.”
Phii Fah didn’t say anything, just came and sat next to me. When we’re together like this, the atmosphere is really nice, truly romantic, with the yellow light reflecting on his handsome face, which looked a bit tired.
“How was your day?”
“Huh?”
“Was studying tiring? Tell me about it.”
“Phoon you asks me every day.”
“I want to listen.”
“Then let’s talk about you first. Was work tiring? Actually, you don’t have to do it, we can hire a housekeeper like before.” “Am I not as good at cleaning as the housekeeper?”
“No, that’s not it. I’m just worried you might get tired.”
“Phii Fah you asked me from the start, and now, I want to do it. It’s okay, you don’t need to hire a housekeeper anymore, just hire me.”
“Cleaning this well, the wages would be quite expensive.”
“Not expensive, just one kiss.”
“What are you saying, now you’re being very cute.”
“Hehe, I say this, and you get all shy, you are cute.”
“No need,” Phii Fah said before pulling me onto his lap, embracing me from behind, and gently kissing the side of my lips. He pulled away shortly after, “Here’s today’s wage.”
“Uh.”
“And you’re the one getting shy.”
“I am not shy, it’s you Phii Fah who’s blushing.”
“Yes, yes,” Phii Fah said with affection, leaning back against the pillows I had prepared, which allowed me to rest against his chest again. I stretched out my legs for comfort, “What’s next?” “Hmm? I just did the cleaning like every day. Nothing interesting.”
“You can tell me, I want to listen, I like listening to your voice.” “…Uh, when you went to class, I washed the dishes and put them away, then cleaned the bathroom, but it was already clean so just polished the sink and organized the toiletries, swept and mopped the room, washed the cleaning cloth. Initially, I was going to do the laundry too, but there were no clothes to wash, your lab coat was already ironed, then I organized the room, refilled the water in the vase, took out the trash, and then arranged this balcony.”
“Oh, you really worked hard, are you interested in getting a raise?” “…Uh, that’s enough, thank you,” I said, frowning slightly, “Tell me about your day, Phii Fah.”
“In the morning, I had a lecture. In the afternoon, it was lab time. With finals coming up, the professor is pushing the content a bit, saying he’s afraid he won’t cover everything in time.”
“Wow, is there too much content?”
“Exactly, there’s a lot. I might not even get to sleep, should I tell the professor to reduce it a bit? My boyfriend is already worried.” “That would be bad to say,” I said but didn’t turn around, “I also peeked at your textbooks.”
“How was it?”
“I didn’t understand anything, and it’s all in English too.”
“That’s how it is, if you want to be a doctor, you’ll face this.”
“That’s good then, I would definitely die, especially if I have to dissect. When I was studying biology, dissecting a frog was already a big deal,” I said, thinking back to the first frog dissection made my stomach churn.
“At first, you said you wanted to be a doctor.”
“That was then, this is now. I’m not up for it anymore.” “Uh, studying what you like is good, so you can do work you enjoy.”
“What about you Phii Fah?”
“Huh?”
“Do you like being a doctor?” I asked softly because Phii Fah once said he didn’t know what he truly liked, “When you told me before, you said you were always expected to be one, so you didn’t know what your real dream was.”
“I know now.”
“What is it?”
“You and the kids”
“…”
“Really. Studying medicine now isn’t bad, it’s something I can do well. Plus, if I weren’t a doctor, I wouldn’t know what else to be.
After graduation, I’d work for my father, fulfilling my parents’ expectations. I don’t want to go against them because I don’t have any strong dreams myself. If I had clearer dreams, maybe I would oppose my parents, but since I don’t, I don’t know what else to do.”
“Because what you’re doing isn’t bad, right?”
“Yes, and now I have another dream which is to take good care of you and our kids. If I can continue my father’s work, it’s a stable job that can provide a comfortable life for you and the kids, isn’t it?”
When he says it’s stable enough, it’s probably an understatement. Being the owner of a private hospital with multiple branches across the country is beyond just ‘stable enough.’
“I want you to stay at home and look after the kids. I will work.” “Are you crazy? I had to work too,” I argued immediately.
“You can take on some photography jobs, but don’t work too hard.”
“That’s not fair, then you will work hard alone.”
“I can do it.”
“And will you have time for the kids?” I asked, my tone turning a bit serious, “you must make time for the kids; they won’t love you if you don’t.”
“Wow, being threatened that the kids won’t love me, that hurts.” “Uh, you need to spend a lot of time playing with the kids.” “Then I will save up first, a lot, before we have kids. That way, I won’t have to work too hard then.”
“How much is a lot?”
“Would a hundred million be enough? I want to send the kids to an international school.”
“…”
What kind of person asks if a hundred million is enough? “International schools are better, they’ll meet diverse people and learn languages naturally.”
“You’ve planned everything out, huh?” I said, but I wasn’t surprised if Phii Fah had plans or thought about the future; that’s just like him, “I guess so, I need to practice languages then. Otherwise, I won’t be able to talk with our child’s friends.”
“Start practicing from now.”
“Yes, I will start practicing tomorrow,” I said, then realized we were talking about children without any embarrassment, which made me feel a bit shy, “But why does it need to be a hundred million? Is international school tuition that expensive?”
“It’s not just the tuition, Phoon, there are so many other expenses, like housing, cars…”
“Uh, yes, I seem to not think about planning at all.”
“It’s okay, let me handle the planning for this,” said the deep voice of the person hugging me from behind, “Phoon.”
“Yes?”
“I will do everything possible, if one day I am not here, will you be okay?”
“…Phii Fah.”
“Oh, did I make it sound too sad? It’s just a hypothetical scenario.”
“Are you seriously ill?” I asked immediately, pulling myself out of his embrace, sitting cross-legged to look at Phii Fah with a serious, concerned, and worried expression that made my heart ache.
“…You sound just like Jo.”
“Phii Fah, do you have cancer, or is it heart disease? No, diabetes? No, Phii Fahyou don’t like sweets, gout? No, no, you don’t smoke much, right? Not lung cancer then. You don’t drink a lot either, you sleep too little, it must be related to blood pressure, I’ve told you so many times not to sleep so little, you sneak in after two in the morning, don’t you? Phoon will beat you, why don’t you listen? What do we do now? Have you seen a doctor? They have medication for blood pressure now, don’t give up yet.”
“…Phoon.”
“We need to call uncle, I will ask him to send someone, I will request for you to be admitted, or should we call an ambulance, an ambu…”
“Phoon, calm down, your voice is cracking.”
“Don’t take diseases lightly!” I said seriously, looking at Phii Fah until he stopped, quickly getting up from the bed to grab the phone to call his uncle, but Phii Fah held me back first.
“Calm down first, I am fine.”
“Don’t lie, Phii Fah is lying to make me feel comfortable, right? It’s okay, you can talk about anything with me, no need to be scared. Medicine has come a long way now, but wait, Phii Fah you are a doctor, he should know.”
“…Yes, I know.”
“Are you tricking me?” I furrowed my brow immediately upon seeing that the other person seemed not at all distressed, “This kind of trick would be too cruel.”
“I’m not tricking him at all, I haven’t even said a word about any illness.”
“Then why suddenly talk about death?” I protested while making a pouty face. Phii Fah gave a small smile before pulling me into the same embrace, resting his chin on my shoulder and nuzzling my cheek in a conciliatory manner.
“I am just hypothesizing that in ten years, if I am not here, could you manage?”
“…Hmm,” I bit my lip without realizing when I understood what the other was trying to convey, something like, if one day Phii Fah isn’t here, could I cope? I don’t know, bringing this up out of the blue like this…”
“I just thought of it, that’s all.”
“Then, if it were the other way around, if I wasn’t here, what would you do?”
“…Oh, I can’t even imagine it.”
“I can’t imagine it either,” I said softly, “If I said I couldn’t live without you and followed you, you would definitely be very angry with me.”
“Very angry, yes, don’t ever do that,” he said in a deep voice while tightening his embrace.
“I know, I won’t do it. It depends on the timing, I suppose. If, hypothetically, you aren’t with me when I am very old, it might not be so bad because soon we’d be together again.”
“…”
“If you aren’t here when I am in my sixties, but with grandchildren around, I would be a grandfather playing with our grandchildren, telling them lots of stories about you, thinking of you every day, but who knows if I would still be able to cry at that age.”
“…”
“If you aren’t here when I am middle-aged, around forty when the children are growing up, I would be strong for the kids, and still think of you every day, telling the kids lots of stories about you. At that time, he’d probably still cry, maybe cry alone in bed without you, but
I wouldn’t cry in front of the kids.”
“…”
“If you aren’t here when we’re around thirty, we’d probably be starting a family, right? With little kids around, it would definitely be very hard because I would have to raise the kids alone, but I would have to keep fighting, right? Maybe he’d hug the kids and cry, tell them lots of stories about you, and think of you like before, but it would take some time before he could be strong again.”
“…”
“If Phii Fah isn’t here just after we graduate, in our early twenties, we might not even have a family yet. Then I wouldn’t have a family at all. I would probably become a photographer, saving money to travel the world, carrying a picture of you everywhere to feel like he’s traveling with you. I spend the rest of my life traveling around the world, and in the final moments of my life, I would come back here, to the place where we lived together.”
“…”
“But if you aren’t here now…it would be terrible, really, I can’t even imagine how to handle it.” “Ah…I understand. Don’t cry.”
“I’m not crying at all.”
“You’re so good. Not being stubborn anymore.”
“Yeah, I am good already,” I said while furrowing my brows, wiping away a small tear. I’m not crying, really. Just a tear or two,
“What about you Phii Fah?”
“Huh?”
“If I were gone, what would you do?”
“I would go on living alone like this, if there are kids, I’d take the best care of them. I’d look after everything that was ours, be the one to remember our stories, think of you every day, not letting a single moment pass without the memories. Your smile, voice, embrace, laughter, warm tears, scent, I’ll remember them all very well.”
“Would you not have anyone else?”
“Would you want me to have someone else?”
“Well…if I die, I’d want someone to take care of you.”
“You feel the same, I’d want someone to take care of you Phoon.”
“No way. It’s not necessary at all. Having just you is enough, the memories of a lifetime are all about you, how could anyone replace that?”
“I feel the same. There’s no one else.”
“Then take good care of yourself, if I am not here.”
“Saying that sounds so sad, even though it’s just a hypothetical scenario.”
“Well, you brought it up first. Promise to take care of yourself?”
“Yes, I’ll take good care of myself just like you take care of me. you should do the same, take good care of yourself like I take care of you.”
“Might not be as good, but I’ll try.”
“We’ve promised each other,” Phii Fah said as we linked our little fingers together, symbolizing our promise to take good care of ourselves if the other isn’t here, “But if possible, don’t go anywhere, okay?”
“Be my ghost, you mean?” My question made Phii Fah let out a small laugh.
“No, not that. Not going anywhere here means not leaving, staying together like this.”
“Oh, right, yes, if possible, I don’t want to go anywhere, want to stay together for a long time, and don’t want you to leave either.” “Yes, don’t want to go anywhere,” Phii Fah said, tightening his embrace, “Even if we become centenarian grandfathers, I still want to hug you like this.”
“Even if I’m a hundred and fifty, I still want you to hug me like this too.”
“Hmm, then let’s go for two hundred.”
“Wow, two hundred might be pushing it. Realistically, even a hundred might be too much. Let’s do this instead, I don’t know how long I will live, so let’s grow old together.” “That sounds good, growing old together.”
“As uncles, grandfathers, great-grandfathers together.”
“Yes, I will be a papa, a grandfather, and then a great-grandfather along with you Phoon.”
Hearing that, I turned to give Phii Fah a broad smile, filled with warmth in my heart, because if not this person, there would be no one else for the rest of my life, today, tomorrow, next month, next year, ten years, twenty years. No matter how many decades, it would still be this person.
In the many decades to come
We’ll probably be two old men who walk hand in hand, smiling at each other, taking care of each other just like always.
“Phoon loves Phii Fah.”
“Phii Fah loves Phoon too.”
Because no matter what, it has to be this person.
So let’s grow old together, okay? Happy Ending
Let’s grow old together: )
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