SOUTHBESIDETHESKY, Chapter 22: Falling
“North.”
“Hmm.”
“Am I small?”
“No, you’re big like a bear.”
“…”
“What?”
I looked at him until he turned his gaze away from the drawing he was working on and looked at me.
“Yesterday…Phii Fah patted my head and said I was really small.”
“…”
North furrowed his brows at me. In truth, during these art club sessions, the one who suffers the most is North because he says he’s terrible at art, and I think that’s true. North isn’t skilled in this area at all.
“North, why do you need so much concentration?” Since I had finished my drawing, I went to bother him. “Hey, can I have some time to myself, please?” “Do you want Dao’s help?” I suggested.
The person in question was currently painting on the opposite side.
Dao glanced over when he heard his name.
“Why do your face look green now?”
“I’m concentrating, holding my breath to draw.”
“My friend is going to suffocate.”
“North, my friend, don’t force it,” Ter leaned over to look at North who was sitting there with a tense expression, “You might die, you know.”
“Sigh” North exhaled loudly, “I can’t do it, Dao, help me out.”
“You should just call my name.”
“Uncle Daotok.”
“Sigh,” Dao let out a small sigh before getting up to sit in North’s place and continued drawing, “Hmm…should we use a new sheet of paper?”
“You’re quite forceful, huh?’ North whispered to me while patting my back, watching Dao take away the sheet North had been drawing on and start fresh with a new one, “So, what about it, little one?”
“Uh…little one.”
“Is that a polite way of saying he is short?”
“…Did Phii Fah call me short?” I made a surprised face, “No way, right?”
“North, you’re just…” Ter spoke up, although his eyes were still focused on his own drawing, “It’s a cute way to call someone.” “Oh?” North furrowed his brows, thinking, “And what did Phii Fah say?”
“He said, really small, too.”
“Why did he have to say ‘really’ too?”
“I don’t know,” I shook my head gently, “But Ter…he didn’t mean
I’m short, did he?”
“No, I told you not to listen to North too much,” Ter said, giving
North an annoyed look, while North raised his eyebrows cheekily at
Ter, “It’s cute, that’s all.”
“Really?” At first, it felt…how should I say it, but hearing Phii Fah say that made me blush in a way I couldn’t describe, and after that, we didn’t talk much more until we went to study and then parted ways to go home.
“Another thing you should focus on is that he patted your head.” “…Yeah,” I fell silent, thinking back to yesterday’s event made me smile involuntarily; it still felt warm in my heart even after several hours had passed.
“Yeah, and have you talked on LINE?”
“Huh?”
“With Phii Fah, you said when you distanced yourself, you blocked him on LINE,” North’s words reminded me, honestly, I hadn’t even thought about that with all that had happened in the last couple of days. I quickly took out my phone and opened LINE. “Should I unblock and message him?” I asked hesitantly.”
“That’s good, then Phii Fah will know you’ve unblocked him.” “Oh…about LINE…I also blocked Phii Fah on Fan’s LINE,” I suddenly remembered. I hadn’t told Phii Fah anything about Fan yet, “Sigh, damn it, if I say I lied about Fan, will Phii Fah get angry?” I said, feeling worried. Why do my mistakes have so many angles? “If you tell him about your sister, it’s…” North said with a serious expression, “Honestly, at first, you lied because you blurted it out, right? But when you wanted to tell the truth, your father wouldn’t let you, right?”
“…Yeah,” I nodded, “Something like that. I was going to apologize for blurting it out like that; I didn’t think about it at all, I was just scared at the time, but in the end, my father wouldn’t let me tell.”
“Then tell him the truth and apologize again.”
“I guess I’ll have to do that,” I felt a sense of gloom I couldn’t describe, as if we had just reconciled the other day, and now, after not long, I had to confess and apologize again, “It would be good if I could take Phii Fah to see Fan.”
“Why don’t you invite him?” Ter suggested, “You could do it during this break, after the finals are over.”
“Oh, right, then explain everything at once,” I said, and everyone nodded in agreement. I would try to invite Phii Fah to visit our hometown during the break, take him to see Fan, and then confess about lying that she was still alive.
I unblocked Phii Fah on LINE and decided to send him a sticker, but it still hadn’t been read. I wondered if Phii Fah still used this LINE account.
“Do you guys study every day?” I asked.
“Yes. The med students have to study every day. We study with them too. Are you going today?”
“Yeah, Dao, are you interested in joining us?”
“To study?”
“Yes, will you come?”
“I’d rather not. I have work.”
“More work? You haven’t stopped taking on work even during the exam period,” North said, ruffling Daotok’s hair hard. Dao just frowned and let North tease him like that. Once North let go, Dao slowly fixed his hair quietly, “But have you eaten anything today?” “I have,” Dao said quickly, startling us. Why did he look so flustered? “I’ve already eaten, and it was a lot too, so don’t scold me.” “What are you eating?” Ter asked.
“Skewered pork with sticky rice.”
“How much of each?”
“One skewer of pork, half a pack of sticky rice.”
“…” The three of us just looked at each other in silence. That’s half the amount a normal person would eat. Usually, one would eat two skewers of pork with one pack of sticky rice, right? “That’s not what normal people eat, Ter. Normally, you eat two skewers, don’t you?”
“Five skewers still wouldn’t fill me up, damn it.”
“See, Dao, use Ter as an example.”
“Ter can eat a lot. I can’t keep up with that.”
After finishing our club work, we chatted for a while, and as usual, Dao would leave first to rush back to his job. The three of us would wait for the doctors.
“Dao, you are diligent, huh? Are you saving up for a car?” North asked. After we sat down at Phii Gibb’s coffee shop, I secretly picked up the things Phii Fah had left for me in the morning, and I also left something with Phii Gibb. We walked in and sat at the innermost table.
“You’re so nosy.”
“Well, I’m a curious kid, so what did Phii Fah leave?” “Here we go again with the curiosity,” I said, and North immediately pouted and furrowed his brows at me.
“Come on, let me see.”
“North, don’t push, move away,” I pushed North away when he tried to get closer to look at the contents of the bag in my hand.
“Just a little, let me see too.”
“You…”
“Hey, hey, hey, what is it? Wow, I’m excited.”
“Always overreacting,” Ter said, laughing at North’s reaction. I pulled out the item from the bag; it was a Polaroid photo of sunrise. Phii Fah had taken this photo and sent it to me, with today’s date written on it, as if this photo was Phii Fah’s sky for today.”
Turning around, North was already back in his original seat, next to Ter and opposite me, probably tired of teasing and squeezing. Despite this, he’s not really one to pry into others’ business.
I put the drawing back into the bag as usual. Before I could even take out the letter to look at it, I remembered I shouldn’t open it now. What if the medical students came? So, I put the bag back into my pocket.
And just as I thought, not even fifteen minutes later, all the medical students started coming in one by one, except for Phii Fah, who was standing at the counter at the front. I caught a glimpse of him picking up the items I had just left with Phii Gibb.
…
Tonfah
“Thank you,” I said as I took the items and thanked her. Phii Gibb smiled back, though if you looked closely, there was a hint of discomfort on her face, probably because of both yesterday and today. I usually come in the morning to pick up things, but now I’ve come in the evening, and both days I’ve run into Phoon, “Has he been gone long?”
“…Uh, for a while now.”
“Does he know that I came to get the stuff in the evening?” “Oh…no, I didn’t tell him,” Phii Gibb said with a smile, “And why did you come in the evening? Were you waiting for someone?” “No,” I answered honestly. Yesterday, I didn’t plan to wait for Phoon when I came to drop off the items, but Hill told me that Phoon wouldn’t be going with him, saying he had some errands. That made me guess what those errands might be. I didn’t want Phoon to go through the trouble of dropping off things for me and then having to take a taxi to the café.
So, I…waited for the time when I thought Phoon would have finished giving the items to Phii Gibb before I entered the shop, which seemed to be perfectly timed with when Phii Gibb was making cocoa. As for today, I came here because everyone had made plans to meet up.
“Oh, doctor.”
“Yes?” I was about to leave when Phii Gibb called me back.
“Ask you something.”
“Yes?”
“Have you been talking with the person from the letters for long?” “Um…” I was quiet for a moment, calculating the time, “It’s been almost two months I think.” Because he’s been sending me letters since the start of the semester for about two months until the midterm when I sent a letter back, and now we’re in the finals.
“‘It’s been quite a while, huh?”
“I guess so.”
“And what are you going to do when the finals are over and it’s the summer break?”
“…Oh, I haven’t thought about that yet.”
I’ve been thinking for a while that if we keep writing letters like this, we won’t talk during the summer break because no one will be here, Phii Gibb’s shop will be closed, and during the break, which lasts for months, most people go back home. Phoon probably won’t be at the dorm either.
“Fah, what do you want to eat?”
“I don’t know,” I said before sitting down on the sofa at the table next to Arthit. It seemed like the conversation at the table was now about dinner.
“You’re not giving any suggestions,” Jo said, sounding annoyed,
“Let’s just go with whatever Ter wants.”
“Me again?” Ter furrowed his brow and asked, come to think of it, ever since my birthday, when it comes to deciding what to eat, all six or seven of us just go along with whatever Ter wants, “Hmm…I feel like sushi.”
“Which sushi place?” Hill asked.
“I read some reviews the other day; there’s one that looks delicious,” Ter said, his eyes lighting up. And so, we went to the sushi place that Ter had found.
“Phoon, are you coming too?” Ter asked, and Phoon seemed hesitant. Usually, Phoon would go with Hill.
“Phoon can go with me,” I suggested, which made the little one pause slightly, and suddenly, his face started to turn a faint red before he slowly walked over to me.
“I’ll go with Phii Fah,” Phoon said, Ter nodded and walked out with Hill. I secretly smiled with satisfaction when the little one decided to come with me, before we got into the car.
“Phii Fah.”
I slowly turned to look at the person who had just called my name.
Why, I wonder…it’s never been like this before.
I’ve never been called by my name and felt that my name sounded so pleasant.
“Yes?”
“I…uh, I sent a message to you on LINE.”
Oh…so you’ve unblocked me on LINE then.
“Oh, what’s up?”
“Nothing, just sent a message.”
“I’ll reply when I get back.”
“Okay.”
The person next to me went silent. I handed the bag of gifts I had just received to Phoon, who looked quite flustered when he saw the white paper bag.
“Can you hold this for a bit? I need to drive.”
“…Okay.”
I started the car and drove off, glancing at him from time to time. He seemed very tense, not even daring to touch the paper bag, because he kept looking out of the car window, leaving me to see only a glimpse of his flushed face, including his ears which were starting to turn red.
That made me wonder, why could one person be this adorable?
“Phoon, can you help me with something?”
“What is it?”
“Can you take out what’s in the bag?”
“…” Since I was focusing on the road ahead, I didn’t see what expression he was making, but I guessed he must be really nervous.
“What’s in the bag?”
“Uh…Polaroid photos, a letter, and…some snacks.” Hearing his shaky voice made me unable to suppress a smile.
So cute…
“What kind of photos are they?”
“Photos…of flowers.”
“Can you read the letter to me, please?”
“…Is that okay?”
“Yes, I want to know what the letter says, but I’m driving, so you, please read it to me.”
“…”
Phoon was silent for a moment. I secretly saw that he was slowly taking the letter out of the bag and unfolding it.
“To…to you.”
I stayed quiet, waiting for Phoon to read the letter, trying not to smile.
The sweet, pleasant voice slowly read the contents of the letter in a low, somewhat halting tone for some sentences. The content of the letter wasn’t much different from our usual conversations. I was curious to see how embarrassed Phoon would be having to read out the messages he wrote for me like this, but from his face and cheeks, which were red to the point of almost bursting, I could guess well enough.
“Is that all?”
“…Yes.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” Phoon said with a sigh, then put the letter back in the paper bag.
The reason I wanted Phoon to read it out loud was partly to tease him, but the main reason was…I wanted to hear the voice of the letter’s author, to have him tell me the stories in his own voice, not just read from the text.
And now I know that
The real author of the letter is even cuter than I had imagined.
…
Typhoon
I didn’t dare to even look at the paper bag that had just been placed on my lap, my heart beating so fast I couldn’t control it, glancing at the road and the view outside the window. I didn’t dare to look at the person beside me to see what expression he was making.
Phii Fah…
Why did you make me read the letter?” Damn…
I bit my lower lip tightly without realizing it, my hands trembling slightly. I didn’t know how I should feel about having to read my own letter to someone I like, and the content I wrote in the letter was like…
So embarrassing…
I was so embarrassed I wanted to stuff my face into the car’s air vent!
I bet my face must have been very red, so I tried to turn away to avoid being noticed by the other person. During the drive, we didn’t talk anymore, and by the time I noticed, the car had turned into a restaurant I wasn’t familiar with.
“This place is…” I tried to look at the sign at the front of the store, realizing it wasn’t the sushi place Ter mentioned. Did Phii Fah get lost? Unlikely, why didn’t he go to that place with the others?
“Oh.”
“This place is good, give it a try,” the person beside me said with a smile, unbuckling his seatbelt and getting out of the car. As I was about to open my door, I noticed Phii Fah had walked around to open the door for me.
…Open the door for me?
“Thank you,” I said in a faint voice, still surprised by what had just happened, and I followed him into the restaurant.
So, it means we’re eating just the two of us…
Oh…this is bad. I’m afraid I’ll be so nervous I won’t know what to do, like just now when I was reading, my face was all flustered, my voice shaky, and my tongue almost got tied up.
We walked into the restaurant, which was beautifully decorated, and the staff led us to a table inside. I was a bit tense because I’m not used to such fancy places; the times I’ve been to nice restaurants were when I went out with Uncle-Kong, and he took me to good places.
Speaking of Uncle-Kong, it’s been a while since we talked. We ordered our food, and once the atmosphere at the table turned silent again, I felt awkward. Probably because we hadn’t talked in years, and now that we’re talking again, it felt a bit uncomfortable.
“When do your finals start?”
“‘Oh…um, the twenty-sixth,” I said. Late November to early
December is the final exam period, and I’ll be retaking exams in March, which leaves me with just this much time. I’m not sure if I can manage it. Normally, people prepare for university entrance exams for years. I did read about it, but I’ve forgotten some of it.
“What about you, Phii Fah?”
“From the twentieth to about mid-month.”
“Oh, how many exams do you have?”
“Just three finals, because we’ve been having block exams all along,” Phii Fah explained. I nodded to show I understood; it seems like in the medical faculty, midterms or finals are tough but not numerous because they’ve been having exams spread out. In simple terms, it’s a continuous strain because you’re always taking exams.
We talked about how the finals were going to be. I hadn’t told Phii Fah yet that I was planning to retake my exams. I was still considering whether to tell him because Phii Fah has always encouraged me to study what I love from the start.
After a while, the food was served.
“Phii Fah.”
“Yes?”
“I…am planning to retake the exams.”
“Another year, huh?”
I nodded instead of answering.
“Won’t it be too late? Now you are in his second year, if you retake, you’ll have to start from the first year again while your friends are in their third year,” I asked hesitantly. Honestly, this reason is another one that worries me; it does feel bad to graduate later than my peers.
“No. Two years is a small price for a lifetime of work; it’s worth it.”
“…That’s true.”
“Where are you planning to retake?”
“I want to study photography.”
“Hmm…” the person sitting across from me drew out the sound, looking up at me with interest, “Photography?”
“Yes.’”
“Hmm…good then, Phoon really likes it, doesn’t he?” Phii Fah said. I caught a slight twitch of his lips into a smile, as if he had something on his mind, “But does that major accept art students?”
“Yes, it accepts art students,” I said, meaning I wouldn’t have to take the hard physics, chemistry, and biology exams for the science majors, just the basic ones.
“So, the content won’t be too much. Have you been preparing for a while?”
I shook my head slightly, “Not yet, I just started reading recently,
I’m a bit worried I won’t have enough time.”
“You’ll have enough time,” Phii Fah smiled, “Would you like me to tutor you?”
“…”
I looked at the person sitting across from me in amazement, all the memories I could recall from when I asked Phii Fah to tutor me were…when I was rude to him.
“Phii Fah, what are you explaining? I don’t understand at all!” “Forget it, even if I teach you won’t understand anyway, let’s just drop this chapter.”
“You don’t have to teach this part, it’s fine.”
Even though I behaved so badly…Phii Fah still offers to tutor me? “…Yes, please tutor me” I said after pursing my lips tightly, feeling a tightness in my chest, “Thank you,” I expressed my thanks with a firm voice, although deep down, I wanted to say sorry again. “It’s no problem, but can we do it after I have finished his finals?” “Yes, yes,” I nodded quickly, smiling broadly.
Why is Phii Fah so kind?
And deep down, I’m quite greedy myself.
Because I want Phii Fah to be kind only to me.
“Phii Fah.”
“Yes?”
“‘So…um, about the letter.’
I decided to bring up the topic of the letter since Phii Fah had me read it, indicating he wasn’t trying to hide it from me. But I had no idea how Phii Fah felt about the person in the letter. Asking subtly shouldn’t be a problem, right?
“So…that letter, um…”
Because I was just standing there, unsure what to ask, Phii Fah, who was waiting to listen, raised his eyebrows in curiosity.
“You can ask, what’s up?”
“It’s just…like…”
If I were someone who knew nothing about the letter, if this were the first time I’d seen that letter, what should I ask?
“Who is it?”
“Oh…” Phii Fah was silent for a moment before shaking his head slightly, “I don’t know.” “Oh…you talk to each other?”
“Yes.”
“But you don’t know who it is?”
“I don’t know.”
“You talk even though you don’t know who it is?” I pretended to furrow my brows, asking with the most curious expression I could muster.
“Yes, he didn’t say who he is.”
“Oh…so you exchange letters like pen pals?” “Something like that,” Phii Fah said.
“Oh…”
What to ask, what to ask, stay calm, Typhoon, be patient, keep your face as natural as possible!
“Phii Fah, you hardly know anything about him, right?” I looked up at the person sitting across from me, who had his hand under his chin, glancing at me with a voice that seemed to carry a hint of strange cunning, but I probably imagined it.
After talking for a while, the food we ordered was taken care of, the staff cleared the empty plates and told us to wait for dessert to be served.
But…
What does that look Phii Fah is giving me mean?
Damn it.
I couldn’t even meet his eyes…
“Hasn’t he told you anything about himself?” I asked back, trying to keep my voice from trembling.
“Hmm, he hardly says anything, doesn’t answer when asked.”
“Oh…that’s bad.”
“Exactly.”
“…” I immediately raised my eyebrows to look at Phii Fah upon hearing that because he wasn’t showing much expression, but I guessed he must not be okay with it.
Really…
Just as I thought…
How can someone like Phii Fah, who knows almost nothing about the other person, find stability in this relationship? Even if I say I’ve gotten close to Phii Fah, it’s probably not close enough to make him feel secure.
“But it’s okay, this is fine too.”
“When you say it’s okay…” I said, “Is it okay to keep talking without even knowing their name?”
“If it’s a point where he’s comfortable, I’m okay with it.”
“…”
“This is as close as it gets.”
“Oh…” That word hurt, “How long have you been talking?”
“Hmm, it’s been several months.”
“How much longer can this go on?”
“‘Anytime is fine.”
“…”
Listening to it…it seems like Phii Fah really likes the person from the letters, doesn’t he?
And there’s no need to ask for any reasons.
My heart was beating hard, swelling up as if it might float away, creating a warmth that couldn’t be described in words.
I’ve fallen in love with you again.
And this must be the millionth time I’ve fallen in love with you.
“Phoon, are you okay?” Phii Fah asked, probably because he saw me go quiet. I showed a faint smile and shook my head slightly.
“I’m fine. Just thinking it’s nice.”
“What’s nice?”
“That you and that person exchange letters.”
“Hmm, why?”
“Well…it seems, um,” because even I didn’t quite understand what I was saying, I didn’t know how to respond, “It’s kind of cute, I guess, like not many people send letters to each other anymore.”
“Right? I like it.”
“That’s why it’s nice.”
“Hmm…but there are some downsides.”
“What?”
“Like, if I want to meet, I can’t meet, if I want to hear their voice, I can’t hear it,” Phii Fah said, which made me pause slightly, “Also…if he disappears, I wouldn’t know what to do.”
“Oh…yeah, if he disappears…” I accidentally repeated Phii Fah’s words. I don’t know why, seeing Phii Fah with his hand under his chin looking at me like this made me feel uneasy, as if I were being watched.
“Right? If he were to disappear, he must be quite cruel.”
“Must…must be cruel?”
“If he makes me love him this much, isn’t it a bit cruel to just disappear?”
“…”
“If he’s going to act that cute, you should learn to take responsibility for feelings, right?” Uh…what does that mean?
What…what?
Cute?
Someone acting cute?
That cute…take responsibility for feelings Oh…uh…what does that mean?
Leave a Reply