SOUTHBESIDETHESKY, Chapter 20: Are With You
Tonfah
I glanced out the window while sitting on the hanging chair in my room.
I leaned back against the chair and inhaled deeply. It seemed that this matter had quite an impact on my heart, just as Jo had said. I got up from the chair and went to rummage through the cupboard, finding an old notebook of Phoon’s from when we were together.
I brought that notebook from the table, along with the daily letters I received and the birthday gift Phoon had just given me. It’s not the same, the handwriting of Phoon compared to the handwriting in the letters.
But…Phoon’s handwriting has changed.
He might not even realize it himself, because writing two different styles every day, there’s a high chance that both styles could merge. The words “Happy Birthday” written on the gift, they seemed like a blend of Phoon’s real handwriting and the handwriting from the letters.
When I first received the gift, I didn’t notice it right away. While reading a book with friends at the shop, I suddenly felt something was off; when I looked at it again, I was surprised. Although there was no evidence, I was more than ninety percent sure in my feelings that the person in the letters was Phoon…
Shortly after, the lights in the shop went out. As soon as the commotion started, the first thought that popped into my head was, what about Phoon…
“I wasn’t too surprised when the power went out because, in this area, if it rains heavily, accidents happen often. When the lights went out, everyone started turning on their phone flashlights and shining them around, but I didn’t see Phoon in the room. Ter said Phoon had gone to the bathroom. The next thing I knew, I was running out because there were two bathrooms in the shop. At first, I thought Phoon would be in the closer one, but when I checked, no one was there, so I quickly ran downstairs.
Amid the pounding rain and thunderclaps, I heard someone crying and shouting inside, claiming the door latch was broken. Without thinking, I broke down the door.
Phoon rushed into my arms, trembling with fear, making me worry deeply. All I could do was hug him, comforting him that everything was okay now. The person in my embrace continued to cry and speak incoherently, like someone who couldn’t control their emotions, from the initial words of apology. I wasn’t angry anymore; I just needed that apology. Now, with the tearful apologies filled with guilt, I realized that Phoon truly felt very guilty towards me.
It made me feel secretly happy, knowing that Phoon still considered my feelings.
As I’ve said, I’m someone who is often forgotten when it comes to feelings, probably because I’m too kind to others, so people think a simple apology is enough, or worse, they think someone like me can’t get angry or doesn’t have the right to be angry.
“Hic, sob, Phii Fah, please don’t be angry with me, I…hic, I won’t do it again.”
“I am not angry anymore,” I said in response to my feelings that I was no longer angry, hoping to calm the other down, gently wiping the tears from his face.
No matter the time, the only person I would refer to myself by name when talking to is really just Phoon.
“Okay now?”
“Yes.”
“Then let’s go back upstairs.”
“Yes.”
I reached out to hold his hand, and he didn’t say anything before following me quietly.
“Thank you.”
Amid the sound of the heavy rain that drowned out the sound of my heart, the thanks from the other person rang out. I wasn’t quite sure what he was thanking me for.
“But…”
“Thank you too.”
I responded with thanks.
It was a thank you for coming back and a thank you for the care, attention, letters, and photos, all the love that Phoon expressed for me to feel.
I used to see Phoon only as a little brother, and Phoon himself acted like he was just a little brother.
Because Phoon never showed how much he loved me. If Phoon had let me know from the beginning that he could love me this much, I wouldn’t have let so much time pass.
If it’s like this,
How could I not fall in love with you?
‘Happy Birthday to you’
Happy Birthday. I think you’ve already received many birthday wishes, but I’m sure I’m one of the few who prayed for you. Tonight, I prayed that you would only have happiness because your smile is one of the wonders of the world, whether in your studies or work. I know you’re already good, so I’ll pray that you’re not tired anymore, that you sleep well every night and wake up as fresh as the sun in the morning.
Would it be too funny if I said thank you for being born, lol, but I really want to say that. Thank you for being you today because you are you, that’s more special than anything in this world, just like over twenty years ago when God blessed this world, and that blessing was you.
I bought you a Polaroid camera as a birthday gift. If it’s not too much trouble, I’d like to invite you to take photos together. You might not like taking pictures much, but give it a try, it’s a good hobby. We can share photos from each day, but if you don’t like it, please keep it for future use. I’m sure it’ll be useful: )
I smiled when I read the message on the paper. When it’s in a letter, it’s so long, but when handed to me face-to-face, it’s just this much. That means this year, I got two gifts from the same person. I reached into the bag to see what was inside…
There was a box for a Polaroid camera. I opened it to look and turned to see my own Polaroid camera that I had just bought. I bought it a few days ago with the intention of taking pictures to send to him, but when he…
I put my Polaroid camera back in the storage cabinet, there’s nothing I can do about it. In the bag, there was a Polaroid picture of a clear sky without a single cloud, with a message written underneath, “My prayers are with you: )”
“I smiled broadly again when I saw that message.
Yes…your prayer has reached me.
“Hill.”
“Hmm?”
“Can you take a look at this?”
Hill looked up at me. I placed my phone in front of him; the first image I showed him was of Phoon’s handwriting, and then I swiped to the next image, which was the handwriting of the person in the letter.
“What do you think?”
“Think what?”
“Is it the same person?”
“No,” Hill shook his head, “Not at all, but people can change their handwriting, right?” “Not similar?”
“Yeah. Not similar.”
“Then look at this,” I swiped to another image, the third one was
Phoon”s handwriting that wrote, “Happy Birthday,” on a gift for me,
“Do you think this handwriting matches either of the first two?”
“…” Hill was silent for a moment, “Both.”
I stayed quiet, waiting for him to explain further.
“…No,” Hill swiped back and forth between the three images, “It’s more like the first one, but it also resembles the second one somewhat.”
“Hmm…try analyzing it.” “Hmm? Why?”
“I just want to know if you think the same as I do.”
“Oh…” Hill started to furrow his brows a little, looking quite serious, his hand swiping back and forth between the images, after a while he said, “These three types of handwriting belong to the same person.”
“…Hmm.”
“The first style is what he’s been writing all along, the second style is new, but I’m not sure why he would combine the two into a third style, or maybe because…”
“He writes the two styles interchangeably all the time, so when he writes normally, he accidentally mixes them without realizing it.” “Right, it’s like he got used to writing the other way,” said the person in front of me, lifting his hand to rest his chin, “If the first style is his usual handwriting, and he’s gotten used to writing the second style, it means he must have been very deliberate when writing in the second style, so when he goes back to writing normally, he mixes them up.”
“Exactly,” I nodded, Hill thinks just like me. At first, I was confident in my own thoughts, but after Hill said this, I became even more confident, “I think the first style is his normal writing because the strokes are more natural.”
“Hmm, the second style looks stiffer, which shows he’s trying to write…” “Ah-ha.”
“And then what, do you want me to analyze this for…”
“I’ve found the person who was sending the letters.”
“Huh? You found them?”
“Not exactly, but he came to me himself.”
“Because of the handwriting?”
“Yeah.”
“If it weren’t for you, who would notice? If you hadn’t asked, I wouldn’t have tried to observe,” Hill raised his eyebrows, “So, it’s
Phoon then?”
“Yes,” I answered before picking up my phone again. If it had been anyone else, I would’ve been a bit surprised at how they knew it was Phoon without me saying anything, but this is Hill we’re talking about. From the content and handwriting, one could guess.
“Have you started looking at Phoon differently?” I nodded to answer his question, “And do you like Phoon like you liked the person in the letters?”
“Hmm, I like him the same, if Phoon is the person in the letters, I like Phoon, there’s no one else.”
“It’s a pity Phoon never showed it before,” the other person’s voice was calm. Right now, it was just me and Hill at the table. Jo and Arthit had gone somewhere, “When you were together, was there nothing? Did Phoon like you from the start or what?”
“Hill, I haven’t seen Phoon in almost four years, and when we met again, it was at university. What could there be?” I said, “I feel like
Phoon might like me, but just by looking, you’d know how much
Phoon likes me. Phoon never showed more than brotherly affection.
Sometimes I even think I might be imagining it.”
“…Oh, because Phoon doesn’t really show his feelings, does he?” “Yeah…Especially back then when Phoon wasn’t very nice to me and then disappeared, I thought Phoon didn’t like me anymore.”
“…”
“When it came to the letter…”
“You like that the person in the letter cares about you, right?” “Yes…in a way no one has ever done, and he’s also the type I like. Honestly, I never knew Phoon had this side to him, this side that he writes to me in letters, the words, or anything like that, I’ve never seen
Phoon do that.”
“How do you feel now that you know?”
“I think…I can’t see Phoon just as a younger brother anymore.”
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