SOUTHBESIDETHESKY, Chapter 14: Chocolate Milk
“Will that work?”
“Why?”
“How can Phii Fah not know it’s Phoon?” North raised his eyebrows. We’ve been talking about my letter for about five minutes now, “he can probably recognize the handwriting, and how would you talk to him? People usually don’t write letters to strangers, it’s unlikely.”
“Hmm, what North said is right,” Dao agreed.
“But I want you to talk with him, if our condition is that Phii Fah can’t know it’s Phoon, hmm…” North fell silent for a moment, furrowing his brows as if deep in thought, “What about chatting?” “That probably won’t work, Phii Fah doesn’t chat with people he doesn’t know, he might even block you, that’d look pretty creepy,” Ter said.
“Still, I want to write a letter,” I said, expressing my feelings, “I kind of like writing letters, and it feels nostalgic.”
“Then write a letter,” North concluded, “It’s up to you.” “Okay,” I nodded.
“Then let’s think about the next step, how to get Phii Fah to write back to you,” Ter suggested, “Give it a high school vibe, like when you see a friend secretly sending letters or snacks to their crush.” “But I think it might work,” Dao said, “Even if Tonfah doesn’t reply to the letter, at least he’ll know someone likes him this much.” “Yeah, I agree with that,” North nodded. It had turned into a topic where everyone was seriously exchanging ideas, “If you love someone, you have to let them know. If you secretly like Phii Fah, you should do something for him. Not just secretly like him for nothing.”
Secretly like him for nothing…
Okay…T^T
“I like that phrase, ‘secretly like him for nothing’,” Ter repeated the words and chuckled slightly.
“Well, it’s true, if you can’t do it, it’s fine, but if you can, then do it. Let him know how much you love him, that you’re ready to take care of him, to listen, to be there to support from a distance. He won’t know unless you send your feelings.”
“Ah…” I fell silent, pondering. Feelings only matter when they’re conveyed…North is right, if he doesn’t know…then our feelings won’t help him at all.
The feeling I want to send…when Fan started writing letters to me, the reason was like this as well.
“When you realized you liked Phii Jo, what did you do?” I asked.
“I showed it, I was straightforward, even gave him chocolates.” “You gave chocolates before you were even dating?” Ter said. “It’s not a big deal, my heart was already with him, why should I deny it?”
“I really like you, man,” Ter said, laughing, “You’re truly the charge-forward type.”
“I couldn’t do what you did,” I said softly, about being the type to charge through everything like North. I just couldn’t do it. “You don’t have to do it like me, just do it your way,” North raised his eyebrows and said, “Express it in your own way.” “Yeah, that’s right,” I nodded in understanding.
“So, let’s do this…we start by sending the first letter,” Daotok was silent for a while, probably thinking during our conversation, “Along with something small, like a bottle of water. You don’t have to write much.”
We all fell silent to listen to Dao speak.
“It won’t seem like you’re coming on too strong, at first, don’t send letters too often. Gauge Tonfah’s reaction first. If he seems okay with it, then we can send letters more frequently, but if he doesn’t seem okay, we might need to back off.” “Back off?” Ter asked.
“Yeah, it means he’s not interested. Being too persistent might make you seem like a stalker.”
“Oh, right, right,” Ter nodded rapidly, “I remember, Phii Hill told us that Phii Fah once had a stalker. At first, they sent normal gifts, which Phii Fah accepted kindly, but then it got too intense, it was really scary.”
“And what happened?” I asked, frowning with concern.
“Phii Jo handled it,” North said, “Phii Jo told me about it too.” “Yeah, it wasn’t hard to track him down, Phii Hill said, and at that time, Phii Jo was really angry too,” Ter continued, making me feel even more uncomfortable.
“So, will Phii Jo come after me?”
“…cat.”
“…Phoon.”
“What…what?”
“You shouldn’t ask such things,” North sighed slightly, “If they knew it was you, Phii Jo wouldn’t do anything, but how would Phii Jo know it’s you?”
“Then we need to be careful not to get caught,” Ter said. “We’ll just send it normally, like you’re just a junior who secretly likes Phii Fah, there’s nothing strange about that. How many people do you think send things or snacks to Phii Fah each day?” “…That’s true,” I agreed with what North said. Phii Fah probably gets a lot of stuff every day, so would he even read my letter… “It’s fine, our advantage is consistency,” North said, “Keep sending them, he’ll soften up eventually. We have another four years before
Phii Fah graduates from university.”
“Four years?”
“Are you discouraged, Phoon? How long have you loved Phii Fah?”
“Since I knew what love is.”
“So, all your life so far.”
“Yes, all my life so far.”
“Then can you love him for another four years?”
“I can love him for the rest of my life from now on.”
I said this and couldn’t help but smile, which made the other three smile along with me.
I started writing the first letter. Technically, it wasn’t the start of the semester yet, but the third-year medical students had already begun classes. They said it was make-up for classes they hadn’t even taken yet. Today, the senior med students were in class, so North and Ter could come over to my room. Otherwise, it would be hard to go out. Daotok taught me how to write in a different handwriting style, which was pretty tough but I was starting to get the hang of it. North said we’d probably have to entrust it to someone they don’t know or sneak it into the classroom where Phii Fah would be studying. The first rule was that no one should see us, and the second was to make sure Phii Fah would receive it.
“They have a lab session this afternoon,” Ter said while looking at
Phii Hill’s class schedule on his phone, “Should we sneak it in?” “Isn’t that a bit risky?” Dao asked with a concerned look. “It’s eleven o’clock now, probably in another building, but the real issue is whether there’ll be anyone in the lab.”
“It’s so complicated if we’re going to do it this way. We don’t have to go through all this trouble, do we?” North asked.
“Start with this for now, if it progresses later, we can arrange to leave something somewhere,” Dao said, “Just make sure one of Phii
Fah’s friends sees it, maybe they’ll give it to him.”
“And, Phoon, have you finished writing?”
“Hmm, can I just put a smiley face?”
“Oh, Phoon, what was the point of having Dao teach you to write then?” North held his forehead, “Write something.”
“Eat well?”
“That’s too ordinary.”
“North, what do you want, something more dramatic?” I turned to ask. I had already written a lot, unsure of what to write, having thrown away plenty of paper into the trash, “Study hard?”
“It’s too ordinary, Phoon. We need to be different to stand out, not like everyone else who sends things to Phii Fah. Something like…when you read it, you go, ‘Damn, that’s good, it sticks in your mind, man.’” North folded his arms, his expression serious.
“Phii Fah…I freaking like you so much.” I said it jokingly.
“…Damn, that works.”
“Oh shit, that one’s really good,” Ter said, laughing loudly, “It’s memorable, really stands out.”
“Hey, I was joking. You guys…” I sighed deeply. Why did I have to say I liked him in such a hardcore way?
“I agree too.”
“…Dao.”
“It’s funny, Phii Fah will definitely laugh.” Really?
“Go for it, Phoon, trust me, I think it’ll work. I’m like Cupid, every ship I board sinks.”
I looked at the speaker, what did that mean? And in the end, after being heavily persuaded by everyone, especially since I’m easily influenced:
“Okay, I’ve written it.”
“Here…”
“Like this…”
Phii Fah…I fucking love you so much.
“Is your love this intense?” North said with a big laugh, “But calling him ‘Phii, he knows you’re his junior.” “Yeah, won’t it be too obvious?” I said.
“Nah, the way you talk isn’t like you at all,” Ter said, “If it were me,
I wouldn’t think it’s you.”
“Alright then.”
“Alright then.” Really?
While all my friends seemed confident, I felt my heart sink into the pit of my stomach, especially with North who seemed more confident than the others.
We came to the medical faculty where not many people were downstairs, probably because most were in class. The place looked secretive, hidden, a group of four guys that didn’t seem trustworthy at all.
“Did you buy snacks?”
“Yeah, one pack. I don’t know if Phii Fah will like it, but I want to give it to him,” I said. It was a brown paper bag, with “To…Phii Tonfah” written on the front. Inside were snacks, a drink, and a piece of paper.
“Won’t it look like you’re trying too hard? Dao himself said to be careful, and this word is pretty strong,” I whispered, worried, looking at the paper bag in my hand with uncertainty.
“What are you afraid of, Phoon? Make an impression, I told you not to be ordinary like others, believe me, he’ll be interested in you.”
“Interested in a negative way?”
“Not negatively, Phii Fah will like it, trust me.”
I didn’t want to trust North’s words, “Trust me.”
“Hey, hey, hey, you, you…That’s Phii Arthit, right?” Ter nudged, looking up to see Phii Arthit walking down to the bathroom. “Put it in front of the bathroom, then Phii Arthit will take it to Phii
Fah,” North suggested, “Come on, I’ll put it there myself.” North snatched the paper bag from my hand, took it into the bathroom, and then quickly ran back. We waited eagerly to see the result, hoping Phii Arthit would come out with the paper bag.
He really came out with it…
I hope Phii Arthit doesn’t open the bag to look.
Oh…he opened it anyway.
North tried to hold back his laughter when he saw Phii Arthit take out that piece of paper, and then he burst out laughing, put the paper back in the bag, and took out some snacks.
Don’t mess with my stuff…
“Wait, he’s eating it right away,” North said, “Phii Arthit is eating my snacks, why would he do that? I bought them for Phii Fah!” “I think we gave it to the wrong person.”
“Yeah, that’s it.”
“It’s like…”
“It’s okay. It’s just snacks, the paper should reach him.”
“How sure can we be about that?”
“Why did it have to be Phii Arthit who went to the bathroom?” I said with a big sigh. Even though it wasn’t anything expensive, I intended to give it to Phii Fah. Well, let’s just say we treated Phii Arthit to some snacks; maybe he skipped breakfast and was hungry. “Phii Arthit…” Daotok called out the name of the snack thief. We turned to look at the person sitting next to us. I was drinking fresh milk. We were now at the coffee shop behind the university.
“What is it?”
“Oh, nothing. Just thinking that…”
“That?”
“Nothing.”
I raised my eyebrows slightly in surprise before we paid no more attention to it. Daotok is always like this, like someone with a lot on his mind but doesn’t speak out. We’ve tried to ask before. I think it’s just his nature not to talk much. The opposite of North, who talks a lot…
“Your love is turning into shit now, Phoon.”
“Fuck, that’s a harsh thing to say, North,” I raised my hand to my forehead at the words of the guy sitting across from me, “It’s just snacks, snacks! He eats snacks, not my love.”
“Let’s pray that the paper reaches Phii Fah,” North changed the subject, “and pray that the message on that paper works too.” “Why do we need to pray if you’re so confident?” I asked, furrowing my brows.
“Seriously, Phoon?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m not confident at all. I was just messing with you.”
“Fuck you, North!!”
“Phoon.”
“Huh?”
“Someone asked me to give you this.” Arthit sat down next to me, placing the brown paper bag on the table. I didn’t look up because I was too focused on my writing.
“What’s this?”
“An empty bag.”
“An empty bag?”
“Kidding, there’s snacks in it too.”
“But you ate them already?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay.” I shrugged slightly, not paying much attention; Arthit is always like this. I’m used to it, and besides, I don’t even like snacks.
“Why don’t you look inside?”
“You said there were only snacks.”
“There’s something else too.”
I reached for the paper bag, opened it, and found a small bottle of water and a piece of paper inside.
“Why is it?” I turned to ask; there wasn’t anything particularly strange about it.
“Read it first, you’re just asking questions all the time.” “Arthit, you sound like you don’t want to submit any work this term,” Johan, who was sitting across from me, spoke up while still bent over his work.
I reached for the piece of paper, and when I read the sentence written on it, I was quite surprised.
Phii Fah…I freaking like you so much.
“Why are you smiling, Fah?”
“No reason.”
“…”
“It’s cute.”
Time passed, about one week, until the second year started after giving that piece of paper to Phii Fah. Nothing more came of it, and when North told me it was just a prank, my confidence took a big hit.
“Hey, I said it was a prank, but it might work, you know, ouch!”
“You pranked me, huh?”
“Ter, help me, Dao, why is your cat so aggressive?”
“Serves you right, North, it’s good that you get some too. It won’t hurt, it’s just a pillow.”
I got back at North by hitting him in the face with the pillow from the sofa in the shop.
Sigh…it’s not that bad, Phoon, it might be a good start like North said, if it wasn’t for the fact that the snacks were eaten too. Now it’s past eight in the evening. I’ve finished studying. Even though I’m not sure if I should take the doctor’s exam again, it’s better to study just in case I decide to do so. If I do, I’ll have to stay away from these guys, which I’m not too keen on.
The group chat notification sounded; it’s the group with the four of us, named “Taking the Cat for Vaccinations.” North changed the group name after I hit him with the pillow that day.
SS: The new term is starting.
It was Daotok who texted, the “SS” being short for Shooting Star, which means Daotok.
-dust-: That’s right, Dao, are you excited? lol ss: No, it’s the cat that should be excited.
-dust-: Why? ss: @Northe
North♣‘: What the fuck
North♣‘: Going to sleep Easter: Wrong group?
North♣‘: Oh, sorry, lol
North♣‘: About the letter for Phii Fah.
North♣‘: Have you started writing? Tomorrow is the start of the term, we’re going to give it to him. -dust-: Okay, are you sure this time?
North♣‘: Yeah. No more pranks, lol
North♣‘: Just write normally, you can add some snacks or something. -dust-: Okay
-dust-: sends sticker
I went back to sit at the table and started thinking about the letter again. At first, when I said I wasn’t confident, I thought it was better not to write it, but after the chat just now, I guess I have to move forward because there’s no other way, and everyone is trying to help this much.
The notification sound rang again. This time, it was Daotok messaging separately.
SS: The cat
:. I’ve thought about telling you many times.
ss: But I didn’t dare.
-dust-: What is it? ss: It’s just that… ss: What you wrote said you like him.
-dust-: Oh, why’s that? -dust-: Is it not okay, TT? ss: No, no. Just writing it like that, it’s obvious that it’s from a second-year student.
: Because at that time, the first years weren’t there yet. ss: But the cat once said Tonfah tutors a junior, right?
ss: It probably won’t be too obvious then.
Oh…it’s messed up now.
-dust-: It’s probably really obvious, indeed.
If you use “I” and “you” like that, it definitely means you’re a second-year student. The chance of it being a first-year is slim because they wouldn’t know much yet, and they wouldn’t know that the doctor has classes before the term starts.
Why didn’t I think of this before, Phoon?
-dust-: What should we do… ss: If Tonfah hasn’t received the letter yet, then it should be fine. ss: But if he has received it, we’ll have to say it was written by mistake. Or just say it was a prank. ss: Just a suggestion, but the cat can do whatever.
-dust-: Okay, thanks for letting me know. -dust: Guess I’ll have to say it was a prank.
ss: No problem. ss: Hope tomorrow is a good day for the cat!
-dust: Hope it’s a good day for Dao too.
“Why does it have to be chocolate milk?”
“Because I like it,” I replied. Today, I invited North out early to send the letter. Now, we’re at 7-Eleven to buy snacks for Phii Fah, right near the engineering faculty. “Just one box of milk?”
“A whole pack would be fine.”
“Are you trying to be Typhoon, the big spender?”
“Uh-huh.”
“One box of milk, some bread should be enough, I guess.”
“Right.”
“And what about the letter?”
“I don’t know,” I said, slightly annoyed, “I haven’t written it yet. I don’t know what to write.”
“We’ve already made a grand entrance. We need to keep up the extravagant theme.”
“Enough already, why do we have to go big every day?” I said as North and I walked out of the store after buying everything. I put the items into the bag I had prepared. I bought one box of chocolate milk and a tuna sandwich, choosing only things I liked.
“Do you have a bag too?”
“Giving a 7-Eleven bag might make it look too simple.”
“Hurry up and write it, I have class soon.”
“Yeah, I know.” I sat down on a bench, taking out a pen and paper to start writing, “How should I do this? Do you have any ideas?” “Hmm…” North went quiet, thinking, “Phii Fah. I fucking love you so much.”
“You’re crazy, are you going to write the same thing again?” “I don’t know, Phoon, I’m not delicate enough to understand, I guess.” “Probably so.”
I fell silent, pondered for a while, then decided to start writing on the paper: To…Tonfah,
I guess you might not have had breakfast yet; this sandwich is pretty good. I can confirm because I eat it often, and the chocolate milk is tasty too, plus milk is good for health. Please drink it.
I hope you won’t be sleepy after studying today.
…
“Why do I have to study and not feel sleepy?”
“Normally, doctors look sleepy during lectures.”
“And why does it have to be me and you?”
“Dao said using ‘I’ and ‘you’ makes it obvious that it’s from a secondyear,” I explained. North’s eyes widened in surprise, guessing he hadn’t thought of it either, just like me. Then we parted ways. I don’t know who North entrusted it to, but he said he trusted them. So did I.
…
Until the evening when classes ended, I immediately called North.
“How did it go?”
(Well…he accepted it.)
“Just that?”
(Yeah, he accepted it, and there was nothing else.)
“Okay…”
(Don’t get discouraged, I told you we need to be consistent.
Everyone falls for consistency.)
“I know. That’s all for now.”
(K.)
:
We might have overlooked one important point: how many people are consistently with Phii Fah…Ah, well. It’s fine. No one has loved Phii Fah as long as I have, at least I’m confident about that.
I continued sending snacks and letters, but not every day, because North said that Cupid isn’t always free. I don’t know who North entrusts it to, but it must be quite a bother for them, and Dao suggested not to send it every day. So, I’ve been sending it every two to three days.
A month has passed…
Hmm…
“It’s been a month,” Ter said with a worried frown. Now we’ve gathered again to discuss our problems. This time even Foam joined,
“Has there been any progress?”
“Hmph,” North shook his head, “My Cupid said Phii Fah accepted it with a smile. That’s it.”
“Received with good intentions,” Foam said with a sigh, “Phii Fah’s friend, your boyfriends don’t mention you at all?”
“None/nothing,” North and Ter shook their heads in unison.
“Cat, how are you doing with the letter?”
“Just the usual, wishing for a good day, eat well,” I said, my shoulders slumping. I knew it was too ordinary, but what could I do? This is me. If you ask what I want to do for someone I love, this is the answer.
“Isn’t it too ordinary?” said Foam.
“I’m just an ordinary guy, I can’t do anything more special.” “It’s alright,” North spoke up, “This kind of ordinariness is what lasts the longest,” he said, revealing a smile.
I smiled broadly; Phii Jo fell for your smile, North, he wasn’t kidding.
“Let’s move forward.”
“Keep doing it like this, huh?” I raised an eyebrow, asking.
“Yeah, keep being this ordinary. Just be yourself, Typhoon.”
“Uh, thanks, North.”
On some days, I noticed that Phii Fah looked tired. I would send more snacks than usual, some coffee, and write lots of encouragement. The thought of missing someone only means something if it reaches them, right? Here, at least, it has reached him. At least, Phii Fah ate the snacks I bought, read my little letters. It might not mean much to Phii Fah, but my encouragement has been delivered.
“Being like this might not be so bad.”
“You seem okay,” North raised an eyebrow, taking the snack bag from my hand, “Are you okay with just loving from afar?”
“It’s not bad. Even if I want to talk, if this is all I can get, then so be it,” I shrugged lightly and gave him a smile. North himself let out a small smile.
“You don’t look sad, I think that’s good.”
“Yeah, at least it has reached him.”
“That’s good, as long as you’re at peace with it.”
“Huh.”
I watched North walk away from the shop area. If you really count the time, it’s been two months since I’ve been doing this. It’s become a habit for me to wake up early to buy things, wait for North, and then give him the stuff.
Daotok started worrying that his plan might not work, but I told him it’s fine, there’s nothing better than Dao’s plan; this is the best way to go. (Typhoon.)
“What’s with you, giving me goosebumps.”
(Typhoon, are you free?)
“What’s wrong with you, North?”
(Just kidding, it feels weird to speak politely.)
“Damn, what’s up?”
(Come here.)
“Why?”
(Come down here, I’m under the faculty.)
“Come on, I’m in class.”
(Sneak down for a bit, I need to get back to my faculty, or Phii
Jo will find out.)
“Alright.”
I asked the professor to go to the bathroom and went down to meet North under the faculty. Even though I didn’t know why he came, I went to meet him.
“What’s up?” I asked North, who was waiting there.
“Here.” The other handed me a bag.
“What’s this?”
“Open it and see.”
I took the bag and opened it to look inside.
It was one box of chocolate milk and a tuna sandwich, with a small piece of paper in the bag that read…
The chocolate milk and sandwich are really delicious, really.
Please eat it all: )
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