SOUTHBESIDETHESKY, Chapter 12: Little Paper
“So, are you going or not?”
(What?)
“Fah, can you hear me?”
(What did you say, Hill?)
“Are you going for dinner?”
(Uh, probably not.)
“Why?”
(I’d rather not go.)
“Because of Phoon?”
(Hmm, I won’t go, the kid will feel more at ease.)
“You overthink.”
(No, it’s true, if I go, the kid won’t enjoy the meal.)
“Sigh, just talk to each other once, it’s awkward for me.” (Do you even want to talk to me? You don’t even look at my face.) “Fah.”
(What?)
“Okay, I won’t ask anymore.”
(It’s okay.)
“Every time we talk about Phoon, you act like this.”
(I’m okay, Hill.)
“I’ll tell them you’re not available.”
(Thanks.)
…
Blue or black?
I stood looking at my shirts hanging in the wardrobe, unable to decide which color to wear. I’m not good at dressing, and I don’t have many clothes. I usually wear the same color tones repeatedly, not paying much attention to my attire, but…I’m going to see Phii Fah. Maybe I’m too excited, Typhoon…it’s just a gathering with friends, not like Phii Fah will even look at me.
A year has passed, not like Phii Fah hasn’t tried to talk to me…he’s made attempts to start a conversation, it seems like he wants to greet me, but it’s me who has to avoid him.
Dad knows that my friend is dating Phii Fah’s friend. He called and scolded me, asking if I was messing with him. Of course, I wasn’t, but Dad was still angry, he didn’t believe me at all.
He called me a liar, probably afraid that I might tell Phii Fah that, in reality, he’s not the good man everyone says he is. Not the head of the family or the image he portrays to society; it’s just a facade.
He’s just afraid of the truth…but it’s still the truth. Even if I can’t say it.
After changing my clothes, I sat waiting for Ter and Phii Hill to pick me up. While sitting around in my room, my phone rang. At first, I thought it was Ter calling to say they had arrived, but the screen showed the name of the person I least wanted to talk to right now.
Dad…
It’s definitely not good if Dad is calling…
I tried to take a deep breath and compose myself before answering the call. “Yes?”
(You have to transfer universities.)
“What!…uh, what? Suddenly…”
(I’ve decided, since you didn’t pass the medical exam, there’s no need for you to stay there.)
“How…how can you say that? Didn’t you say if Phoon doesn’t bother Phii Fah, I could stay here?” My brows furrowed unconsciously, and my heart started beating faster.
(How would I know if you’re not bothering him?)
“Dad…I haven’t bothered Phii Fah at all.”
(Your friend is dating Tonfah’s friend. How can I believe that?)
“What more do you want from Phoon? This is already killing me…”
(So you’ve learned to argue now?)
“…No, not at all.”
(Transfer universities.)
“Dad. No, please.”
(Go drop out.)
“Where will I go then? There’s no home to return to, I will still have to live in a dorm anyway,” I said, feeling a tightness in my chest, “Or will you find a new dorm for me first? Which university will you want to apply to? If I don’t pass again, I’ll have to repeat the first year, you know.”
(…you)
“You didn’t plan this out, did you? You just want Phoon to hurry up and get away from Phii Fah.”
(…)
“Phoon wouldn’t say anything anyway, if Phoon was going to speak up, I would have done so a long time ago. I wouldn’t have kept my distance from Phii Fah like this.”
(…)
“No matter what…Phoon won’t leave here…Phoon finally has friends.”
(You won’t say anything, will you?)
“Yes.”
(Hmm.)
Then Dad hung up, seemingly in a bad mood, just as I thought, he hadn’t planned anything beforehand. He just wanted me to stay away from Phii Fah as quickly as possible. I let out a heavy sigh out of exhaustion; it was more emotionally draining. I don’t like talking like this.
Uncle Kong said it was good that I seemed to be getting stronger, at least I dared to say something back to my dad. This I owe to North; he’s the kind of person who speaks his mind. He never keeps things he shouldn’t keep inside, says it straight, likes or dislikes, he tells it like it is. North made me feel that living life is easier than I thought, seeing the world as it is, everything has its ups and downs, it’s normal. I have both good and bad things in my life, North said everyone is the same. No one only encounters good things all the time, and no one only faces bad things all the time either.
As for Ter, he’s like the sun…for me, Ter is cheerful, kind, always trying to help others, empathetic to everyone, sensitive yet strong at the same time.
There was a knock at the door. I went to check and saw it was Ter standing there waiting, so I opened the door immediately.
“Why didn’t you answer when I called?”
“Oh, really? Sorry, I must not have heard it.”
“Are you…okay?” Ter furrowed his brows as he looked at my face.
“I’m okay, why?”
“You looked like you were about to cry.”
“No way. I wasn’t going to cry,” I said, then rubbed my eyes, noticing there were a few tears.
“Ready? Let’s go and eat.”
“Hmm, ready,” I walked out of the room and locked the door, following Ter downstairs, “Ter…”
“Yeah?”
“I…didn’t pass the exam.”
“…You tried for medical school again?”
“Yes. Didn’t pass, so I just had a little argument with my dad.”
“…Want a hug?”
“No, I’m embarrassed in front of others.”
“Why be embarrassed, cat? Come here for a hug, believe me, you’ll feel better.”
“Funny.”
“Even North likes to hug me.”
“You’re messing around, Ter.”
“Really, come here, cat.”
“Can we hold hands first?”
“You’re so shy.”
“Phii Hill will kill me,” I said, shaking my head slightly. As I’ve said, Ter is someone who cares about those around him, sometimes making him overthink, but that’s a good thing. I reached out to hold Ter’s hand as we walked down the stairs.
“North told me…”
“What…”
“Sometimes, just being there is enough. I might not be able to help you with anything, but I’m not going anywhere, dude.”
“…Ter.”
“Oh, so touching. Don’t cry, cat,” Ter said jokingly, before reaching out to gently pat my head. It was touching, but I couldn’t cry because I was too shy. “Thank you.”
“If you cry, I’ll tease you.”
“I haven’t teased you even when you cried,” I said, trying to hold back my tears before laughing when I looked at Ter’s face, “But why do you still call me ‘cat’?”
“Cat.”
“Enough.”
“Meow.”
“Sigh.”
I don’t know since when I’ve been teased as a cat, probably because I’m often sleepy when studying, due to not sleeping well, so I must look like a cat, but I still find it annoying to be called a cat. I let go of Ter’s hand when we reached the ground floor and found
Phii Hill waiting by the car. I didn’t forget to wai to Phii Hill. Phii Hill and Phii Jo seem like hard people to approach, but since they started dating my friends, I think they’re kinder than I thought, except for Phii Jo who seems harsh when North isn’t around. Phii Arthit…we don’t talk much. As for Phii Fah…we haven’t talked at all. I got into the back seat, then the luxury car moved off.
“I miss the old days.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, puzzled by what Ter said.
“Before, it was North sitting where you’re sitting now,” Ter said,
“Now he’s moved to ride with Phii Jo instead.”
“Oh,” I nodded in understanding. When they were still roommates, Ter and North went everywhere together. I liked it when they were roommates; I could visit their room often, but now both have moved in with their partners.
We stopped to pick up Foam as well. It didn’t take long for the car to stop in front of the restaurant, which was quite spacious and had a beautiful view. Just thinking about meeting the seniors, my heart started beating faster for some reason. I haven’t seen Phii Fah for several months because it was during the break, I wonder how it’ll be. He hasn’t updated on Instagram or on his Facebook about where he’s been or what he’s been doing. I took a small breath to calm myself…
When we reached the table, I found there were indeed a lot of people. Phii Arthit, Phii Jo, and North were already there, along with three of North’s friends. I only knew their names: Duennao, Kyu, Skater, but I didn’t know them well. I didn’t see Phii Fah at all. “You’re late,” Phii Jo said to Phii Hill, smiling as he returned our wai, to me, Ter, and Foam.
“We’re fast.”
“And Fah?” Phii Jo asked.
“He’s not free,” Phii Hill answered before sitting next to Phii Jo.
“Where did he go?”
“To get far away from you.”
“You’re annoying, Hill.”
“I don’t know, he’s just not free.”
“Okay. If he’s not free, then he’s not free,” Phii Jo said, not too bothered. I sat down next to Ter, on the end because I’m left-handed, so I wouldn’t get in anyone’s way. If you line up the seating, it would be:
On that side: Phii Arthit, Phii Hill, Phii Jo, North, Skater
On my side: Me, Ter, Foam, Duennao, Kyu
“North, you’re sitting so far from me,” Ter remarked.
“Miss me?”
“No, it’s good you’re far away.”
“Alright, Ter, don’t come crying for me,” North said loudly so we, sitting far apart, could hear, “Wah, where did North go, Ter misses
North so much.”
“Pfft, whatever, North.”
“Phoon, haven’t you slept yet? It’s been since last semester.” “Who wouldn’t sleep for a whole semester, North?” I retorted, shaking my head slightly in disgust. These guys always tell me to go to sleep, before they started ordering more food.
“Hey, did you invite Dao?” North asked after we had been chatting and eating for a while.
“I did,” Ter said, “But Dao isn’t free.”
“Ah, why not?”
“Work, I guess, the deadline is coming up.”
“Freelance work?” I turned to ask Ter since Daotok, our friend from the art club, does various freelance jobs.
“Yeah.”
We sat around talking casually; it was chaotic but fun. I talked with North’s friends too, their personalities were similar to North’s, especially the one named Duennao. I thought he was really cool. Phii Jo seemed to get along well with North’s friends, having fun conversations. I was sitting across from Phii Arthit, but we didn’t talk to each other.
“Hey, Dao is calling,” Ter said in surprise, lifting his phone and answering the call.
“What’s up?” Ter raised the camera for everyone to see, and indeed, Dao was video calling.
“What are you guys doing?” Daotok, wearing glasses and hugging a cushion on his lap, seemed to be working.
“We’re having a feast, we invited you but you didn’t come,” Ter said before I leaned into the camera.
“Cat!” Daotok is the one who calls me ‘cat’ the most, probably because he likes cats, “Haven’t seen you in a while.” “Working?” I asked, still chewing my food.
“Yeah, I’m frustrated, can’t come up with any ideas.”
“What’s the project this time?”
“A book cover.”
“Drawing?”
“Yup, the brief was very broad, they want us to come up with something on our own,” Dao said, looking frustrated, “You guys seem lively.”
“Lots of people,” Ter said, turning the camera around. North waved at the camera. “Who’s that?”
“Huh, where?”
“The one sitting opposite the cat.”
“Hmm? Oh, that’s Phii Arthit, why?” Ter raised his eyebrows in curiosity, “He’s a friend of Phii Hill and Phii Jo.”
“No, no, the woman behind him.”
“Huh?”
“The woman standing behind him.”
“…Just a moment,” both Ter and I stopped smiling, looking at
Daotok who said, “There’s no one there.”
“Just kidding, why do you two look so pale?” Dao said, letting out a laugh, making me and Ter look annoyed.
Why does Daotok always prank like this? He looks so serious, and we fall for it every time because of that serious look, but Dao is good at reading fortunes. North says he’s very accurate, and North believes in him wholeheartedly, unlike me who doesn’t pay much attention to these things.
After finishing talking with Daotok, we continued to chat casually, but there was still no sign of Phii Fah.
Is Phii Fah really not coming…
Phii Hill said he wasn’t free, that’s what he said…
Or maybe…because I’m here, Phii Fah didn’t want to come.
I let out a small, unintentional sigh. Maybe it’s for the best. It would probably be too awkward anyway, and for Phii Fah…not seeing me might be better.
“Oh, you said you weren’t free.” Phii Jo’s voice made me look up.
Phii Fah…
My heart skipped a beat when I saw that familiar face, my heart beating faster as the person I was waiting for approached.
Why does my heart beat so hard like this?
Is it because we haven’t seen each other in a long time?
No…it’s because it’s Phii Fah.
Because it’s Phii Fah…my heart always beats hard.
“I thought about it…I decided being free was better,” Phii Fah replied to Phii Jo, before stopping right in front of me. I quickly ducked my head down without realizing it.
“Being free is better, what does that mean?” Phii Arthit asked.
“Arthit, move over a bit.”
“You can sit on that side, there’s plenty of room.”
“You’re left-handed, it’s bothersome.”
“You’re left-handed.”
“But I can use my right hand,” Phii Fah said, “Arhit, move a bit.” “What’s with you…okay, okay,” Phii Arthit said, sounding annoyed before moving.
Then Phii Fah…sat down opposite me.
“How are you?”
!!!
I slowly looked up when the voice from the person sitting opposite me fell silent.
Phii Fah…was looking at me, lifting one hand to his chin, giving a slight smile, which was a smile that…
Damn it…
I haven’t seen it this close in almost a year.
Does that mean he just greeted me…even though Phii Fah has never greeted me in front of friends, why… “We haven’t seen each other in a while.” Oh…
I inadvertently bit my lip slightly, lowering my gaze, my heart starting to beat stronger and stronger, so strong that I felt scared, but I remained silent…not daring to respond.
What should I do?
How should I handle this…
If I don’t respond, it would definitely seem strange…
“…Yes.”
I answered quietly, so quietly that even I could barely hear it, not looking to see what expression the other was making. I could hear others talking, but Ter, who was sitting next to me, was silent. I guessed Ter must be starting to get suspicious, and others probably don’t even know that Phii Fah and I know each other, so this sudden greeting must look very strange.
“Phoon, want some shrimp?” Ter asked. I turned to look, why ask, he knew I liked shrimp, he always served me some, or maybe he saw I was too uncomfortable and decided to start a conversation.
“Oh, uh, give me some.”
“Okay,” Ter stood up and reached for some shrimp, but North slapped his hand away first. “Don’t touch my shrimp.”
“North, you’re so stingy.”
“Order your own then.”
“Share a little, come on,” Ter pouted, “I’ve never been stingy with you.”
“You’re super stingy, Ter. You never share your chocolate with me.” “So you steal it, right? You always steal my chocolate from the fridge, North, when we lived together,” Ter said with a sulky face, making me burst out laughing, “I don’t want to live with you anymore.”
“Over just a few pieces of chocolate, you’re making such a big deal?”
“Chocolate is a precious thing in my life.”
“You choose it then, Ter, so we’re done.”
“Yeah, let’s be done then.”
“I’ll tell everyone you broke up with me.”
“Yes, I broke up with you, North, go wherever you want.” “You’re so bad, Ter, you can leave me, even though I love you so much.”
“But you stole my chocolate.”
“Listen up, Hill, just for stealing chocolate, you might get dumped,” Phii Jo said, making everyone at the table laugh even louder, including Phii Hill.
“Can’t I get a little share, brother?” Phii Hill said playfully, looking at Ter, who immediately looked confused. I laughed even harder, and North was laughing loudly too.
I glanced at Phii Fah, who was smiling slightly.
The atmosphere got a lot better, thank you, Ter…
Before a large plate of shrimp was placed in front of me. I reached out to grab one and started peeling it. While I was bending down to peel the shrimp, one that had already been peeled was placed on my plate.
“…Thank you,” I said softly, realizing that the person in front of me had peeled the shrimp for me.
Phii Fah didn’t say anything. He just picked up another shrimp and started peeling it. I placed the shrimp I had peeled on Phii Fah’s plate, and he looked slightly puzzled before smiling.
“Thank you.”
I found myself smiling without realizing it when I heard that. We didn’t talk after that, just peeling shrimp for each other, picking up things, refilling water glasses. I didn’t know what our actions meant.
But it felt comforting, without needing to say anything…
Having Phii Fah here…is really better.
However, because of the promise I made with my dad, I felt even more uncomfortable. Dad thinks I’m a liar now, and if I break the promise, I really will become a liar.
At first, I thought Phii Fah would talk to me more, but he didn’t at all, probably because I couldn’t hide my discomfort well. I’m not good at hiding my feelings. Not good at all.
But the fact that Phii Fah greeted me first might mean…Phii Fah isn’t angry anymore, or maybe he’s less angry.
If that’s the case, I want to say thank you…thank you for still bothering to greet me first.
Actually, I…wanted to tell him something.
“North.”
“Huh?”
“I didn’t pass the medical exam.”
What I said quieted the whole table. Ter looked slightly surprised that I suddenly spoke up. Since I couldn’t tell Phii Fah directly, I wanted to convey it this way.
“Uh…really?” North looked a bit confused before frowning with disappointment, “Hey, it’s okay, man.”
“Yeah, sorry.”
I apologized while still looking at North, but in reality, I wanted to apologize to Phii Fah. I wanted to apologize for not making it, even though Phii Fah had tried to tutor me. I’m sorry for disappointing him and wasting his time.
“Why are you apologizing to me?”
“I wanted to apologize.”
“Huh?”
“You might be disappointed.”
“No, what are you talking about, Phoon?” North, oh…
I’m sorry, you must be very confused.
Both North and Foam tried to comfort me, which made me feel a bit better, before the whole table changed the conversation to something else. I looked down and continued eating, at least I had said it, hoping Phii Fah would understand.
Suddenly, a piece of paper was placed beside my hand.
It was written, “It’s okay.”
I looked at that piece of paper, then looked up at the person who wrote it, Phii Fah, who gave me a kind smile, making my heart feel tight with emotion. I pressed my lips together to hold back my feelings.
Thank you…
Really, thank you.
The dinner ended when it got late enough. I followed Ter out to the parking lot, seeing that the senior doctors were going to pay. I didn’t know how they were going to split the bill, but they told us to wait outside.
“See you later, bye,” DeuanNao waved goodbye. We waved back. I didn’t talk much with North’s friends, but I could tell they were all nice and friendly.
Until it was just me, North, Ter, and Foam left.
“Phoon,” Ter called my name softly. I thought I knew what I was going to be asked, “You…”
“I’m ready.”
“Huh?”
“I think I’m ready to tell you guys,” I said, holding the small piece of paper that Phii Fah had just written. The others looked at me intently,
“Can you listen to me?”
“Yeah, I’m super curious,” Foam said, which earned him a smack on the head from Ter.
“We’ve been waiting for you to say something.”
“Hmm, thanks.”
“How about tomorrow…we’ll come to see you,” North suggested.
“I’m not free tomorrow,” Foam said.
“Where are you going?” Ter asked.
“Got some errands. Then you can tell me later, okay? Don’t leave me out of the loop.”
“Hmm,” I nodded, “So, you guys will come to see me tomorrow?”
“Yes, you coming, Ter?”
“Sure, I’m free anyway.”
Not long after, the seniors walked out of the restaurant. My heart was still beating fast, so I avoided looking at Phii Fah before we split up to get into our cars.
I got into Phii Hill’s car, secretly glancing at Phii Fah who was standing there. It seemed like he was looking this way too. The luxury car moved off until I couldn’t see Phii Fah anymore. Then I turned back to sit normally.
When Phii Hill finished dropping off Foam and was about to drive me back to my dorm, I took out the folded piece of paper to look at it again. It was just a plain piece of paper with Phii Fah’s handwriting on it. Just the words “It’s okay” which seemed ordinary.
But it was very special…
When the car stopped in front of my dorm, I said goodbye to Ter and Phii Hill before getting out of the car.
“Phoon,” Phii Hill called out, making me pause for a moment, turning back to look at him in the car.
“Yes?”
“Don’t forget to thank Fah.”
“Why…why should I?”
“Oh…I forgot I wasn’t supposed to say that.”
“…”
“Never mind.”
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