SOUTHBESIDETHESKY, Chapter 11: Time Flies
I looked around; the airport was quite crowded. Today was the day for the parents’ meeting at my faculty, and Aunt Nuan volunteered to come in place of my father. Of course, he wouldn’t come; the seniors said it was okay if parents couldn’t make it, the teachers and dean just wanted to discuss teaching methods and career paths after graduation.
But Aunt Nuan said she wanted to come…
The last time we met was when I went back home. Since returning here, I had to report in. I didn’t join the freshman activities because I wasn’t ready yet; I’d wait until the semester starts. Honestly, I’m quite worried, afraid I won’t fit in. What if my classmates don’t like me? About the packages sent from home. I brought them back to my dorm. When I opened them up, they seemed like gifts. The first box was a robot model, the second a toy car, the third a notebook, and the last one was Lego.
Aunt Nuan couldn’t remember which box was sent in which year, but from what I could guess…if my assumptions are correct, these were birthday gifts sent to me over the years.
The Lego and toy car must have been from when I was in elementary school; kids at that age usually play with toys like these. I’m not sure about the robot model; it could be a collector’s item but looks quite expensive, so probably from middle school when I had grown up enough to take care of valuable things.
As for the notebook…the box looks the newest. I’m sure it’s the most recent one.
Whoever sent these gifts each year thought carefully about the age of the child and what would be an appropriate gift.
I’ve considered the possibility that they might have been sent to the wrong house, but if that was the case, why would my mother throw them away? If you find out they were sent to the wrong house, you should return them, or if you can’t return them, you shouldn’t dispose of someone else’s belongings.
Aunt Nuan said she never saw anyone deliver them; she’s usually up before anyone else in the house and found the boxes already placed in front of the door. At first, she showed them to my parents, who discarded them. Some years, she managed to keep them secretly because it seemed suspicious.
Aunt Nuan was as puzzled as I was, but the reason she didn’t tell me before was simple…
Fan made Aunt Nuan promise not to tell me that I wasn’t my mother’s son. I only recently found out that I was born out of wedlock. If Aunt Nuan or Fan suddenly told me that gifts were sent every year on my birthday, that would definitely make me suspicious, and my father strictly forbade it.
I can say this because now I know everything…
Now, my head is filled with hope. Even though the recipient’s name isn’t mine, they’ve been sent every March, which is my birth month, and they seem like birthday gifts. As for the recipient’s name…Ren.
It can be interpreted in many ways, but the simplest guess…it’s the name my mother gave me before my father changed it to Typhoon. I used to wonder who my mother was, where she was, if she’s well, why she left me, why she didn’t love me, why she didn’t even give me a name.
I want all these things to have a reason beyond not loving me…my mother is another person I pray for happiness and health every day, no matter where she is in the world.
There’s no evidence that my guesses are correct.
Moreover…Aunt Nuan said it’s been two years since there were no gifts, meaning there might not be any more gifts sent. These things are like they come from nowhere, with no sender’s name, no return address. Nothing at all.
I think they weren’t sent through the postal service because, one, they were placed there early in the morning, the postal service’s operating hours are from about eight to four; two, the post office wouldn’t just leave it at the doorstep; three, without a sender’s name or address, it wouldn’t go through the postal system.
That means someone placed them there…
And how can I find out…there are no security cameras around there either.
But if what I guessed is true, it would be quite wonderful. I was a child who didn’t get many toys from my parents, unlike Fan who had toys all over her room. I used to feel jealous that I had no toys to show off to my friends at school, but in reality…maybe I did have some.
“Phoon.”
“Yes,” I quickly looked up at the person who stopped in front of me, Aunt Nuan in an outfit that looked rather unusual. I don’t often see her in something so formal.
“Do I look okay?”
“Yes, you look very beautiful.”
“Should we go then, what time is the meeting?”
“My faculty has scheduled it for around one in the afternoon,” I said, standing up, “Let’s go.”
“Okay, show me around Chiang Mai a bit.”
“I’m not very confident about the routes though.”
“Do you get lost often?”
“No, I’ve gotten better, Phii Fah…” I fell silent, realizing I had accidentally mentioned Phii Fah’s name, “Phii Fah…he took me around the city so often, I’ve started to remember some of the ways.” “Oh…Tonfah,” Aunt Nuan said, as if just remembering, while we walked out to hail a ride, “He’s doing well, isn’t he?” “Yes…from what I have seen, he seems to be doing well.” “He must have grown even more handsome. When he was little, everyone was fond of him.”
“It looks like that’s still the case,” I said softly, “Aunt Nuan.” I called as we were now on a Songthaew heading back to the university.
“Hmm?”
“I…won’t be with Phii Fah anymore.”
I decided to tell Aunt Nuan everything. The other person, who listened to the whole story, looked saddened but not very surprised.
“I…am not that surprised.”
“…”
“He…no, not anymore. Now he’s not ‘he’ because he’s no longer employing me, Khun Rati…if I’m to be honest, he’s…quite selfish.” “…Yes,” I nodded slowly. It might look bad to think of my father that way, but sometimes, it’s really hard not to think so. “It must be a tough decision, deciding which way to go.”
“Yes, the toughest in my life.”
“But no matter what, you never turned your back on the family, I understand,” Aunt Nuan said in a gentle voice, reaching out to gently stroke my head, “Tonfah must understand too.” “Will he understand, even though I was so cruel?”
“He understands. Even now, he understands.”
“…”
“I was with you kids since you were little, often helping to take care of you, Fah, when he came over to play. I think…someone like Fah isn’t the type to go around digging into other people’s affairs, no matter how curious he might be. He always respects and honors others’ decisions.”
“So…Aunt, you think Fah might not know what happened. The matter of Fan’s passing isn’t something that can be kept secret for long. Even if Tonfah knows, he still wouldn’t understand why I had to distance myself.”
“…That’s true, isn’t it?”
We got off the public transport and walked into my faculty area. I came here the other day, the day I had to report for registration. At that time, I left right after my business was done. I didn’t go to greet other students in my faculty, even though the seniors advised us to get to know each other.
“I can’t go in,” I said with a worried frown; the senior standing outside the meeting room said that students shouldn’t enter, only parents were allowed.
“It’s okay, I came prepared with paper to take notes,” Aunt Nuan said, raising her bag, “To find out how this faculty works, if it’s suitable for you, Phoon.”
“Thank you,” I said with a wide smile, watching her walk into the meeting room. I went out to sit on a bench outside.
Maybe Aunt Nuan was right…Phii Fah is the type who respects everyone’s decisions. He doesn’t interfere, doesn’t meddle too much, and always honors others.
Phii Fah once told me, “I believe that every decision you make, you have thought it through well, and I will respect that decision.
It must have been the best decision at that time.”
But I can’t remember what we were talking about then, which led Phii Fah to say that. It would be best if Phii Fah didn’t know more than what I want him to know because if he knew, certainly in my father’s eyes, I would be the one at fault.
I’m not hoping for Phii Fah to understand…but I hope that one day I’ll have a chance to go back, to apologize, to explain everything, and on that day…I hope Phii Fah will forgive me.
Forgive someone as cruel as me…
“Hello.”
“…”
I turned to see a guy walking up to greet me, I guessed he was also a freshman like me. He sat down on the bench next to me, with a friendly demeanor and a broad smile on his face.
“Waiting for your parents?”
“Oh, yes…you too?”
“Yeah…there aren’t many first-years around here.”
“They must be waiting somewhere else.”
“Then, should we go to the coffee shop to wait?”
“Oh…uh, sure.”
I stood up and followed the other guy, feeling somewhat dazed. “What’s your name? I forgot to ask,” he turned to ask me with a cheerful expression.
“Typhoon.”
“Oh…I’m Ter, you can just call me Ter.”
“Hmm, nice to meet you.”
“Oh…uh.”
“What?” I asked, surprised when Ter suddenly paused. “Nothing…just thought you would make a pun, like, hmm, nice to meet you, Ter.”
“…Do I have to do that?”
“No, no. I just met someone who did that, kept calling me just Ter for several days now.” Ter let out a small chuckle, making me raise my eyebrows in surprise as we walked into the faculty’s coffee shop.
He seems so cheerful…
“Really? People still make puns like that? And for several days too.”
“Yeah, it’s my roommate.”
“Living in the dorm?”
“No, outside dorm, but they assigned roommates randomly.”
“Oh.”
We sat and chatted, getting to know each other. It’s been a while since I’ve talked like this with someone. As I mentioned before, at my old school, once I distanced myself from the more mischievous friends, I was always teased by them.
Could Ter be…the one Phii Fah was talking about?
The one who said…I would definitely meet some good friends. “Really? I like photography too,” Ter said, his eyes lighting up when we got to talking about hobbies, “But I’m not very good yet, I haven’t been practicing for long. How long has Phoon been into photography?” “For many years now.”
“So you carry your camera around all the time?”
“Yes, it’s become a habit,” I said, lifting the camera that was slung around my neck.
“Wow, that’s cool. I haven’t reached the point where I carry my camera everywhere.”
“That way, you can capture anything you want to shoot immediately.”
“Can I see some of your photos?”
“Sure,” I handed him my camera. Ter took it and started looking through the photos. We had only been sitting for a few minutes, but he had already finished two cups of cocoa, “Do you like cocoa?”
“Yeah, I do. Do you like tea?”
“I like it,” I said, picking up my own cup of herbal tea to drink.
“I’m okay with tea.”
“Why’s that?”
“It’s not sweet.”
“Is not being sweet wrong?”
“It’s wrong. Sweet drinks should be sweet. Anyone who drinks things with less sugar should be sentenced.”
“But this is tea.”
“Tea should also be sweet.”
So, he just likes sweet things, doesn’t he…
“Phoon, you take beautiful photos, wow…” the other said with wide eyes, making me smile unintentionally. Why does Ter make me smile so easily? “Which lens did you use for this one?”
“Let me see.”
And then we talked about cameras with great enthusiasm. I’ve never had someone to talk about cameras like this with. It’s not often I get to have such fun conversations.
“Why did you choose to study veterinary medicine?” I asked.
“I just like animals.”
“Oh. I think you are like an animal too.”
“Are you joking or insulting?”
“No, I mean, Ter is like a hamster.”
“Funny.”
“No, I’m serious.”
“Then Phoon is like a cat.”
“A cat?”
“Yes, a cat.”
“I’m not like that,” I protested.
“Then I’m not like a hamster either.”
“Okay.”
“And why did you choose this faculty?”
“Hmm, well…I don’t know, I guess I just passed the exam,” I said, that’s really why I got in.
Then suddenly, there was a phone ringing. Ter picked up his phone and answered it.
“What’s up?”
(…)
“I’m at the coffee shop near my faculty.”
(…)
“I’m with a friend, come join us.”
(…)
“Should I order something for you?”
(…)
“Okay, hurry up.”
“My friend is coming,” he said after hanging up.
“Oh, should we leave then?”
“Hey, why leave? Let’s stay together.”
“But isn’t your friend coming?”
“It’s fine, does Phoon feel uncomfortable?”
“No, but won’t your friend feel uncomfortable?”
“No way.”
“Okay.”
We waited for about ten minutes before someone came into the shop holding bike keys, his hair slightly tousled, probably from riding a motorcycle. He looked around the shop before spotting Ter waving at him, and then walked over and sat next to Ter.
“Phoon, this is North, my roommate.”
“North, this is Typhoon, my friend.”
“Why do you use pronouns like that?” North asked before noticing the green tea Ter had ordered for him, “Did you order it less sweet for me?”
“No, it’s normally sweet.”
“Ter, I don’t like it too sweet.”
“That’s your problem.”
“But this is my cup.”
“But I ordered it.”
“Then you drink it.”
“North, don’t be so fussy.”
“I don’t want to get diabetes like you.”
“Why, one day you’ll get gout anyway.”
“I’ll never get gout,” North said with irritation before reaching for the green tea to drink, “Oh, I forgot, sorry. I’m North.”
“Spit.”
“What’s your problem, Ter?”
“Come here, you.”
“Should I tell your friend to go fuck himself?”
“Dare you?”
“How can I dare? I just met him. How would he see me?” I couldn’t help but laugh at the nonsensical and energy-wasting argument between the two in front of me, but for some reason, I found it amusing.
“Ah, let’s start over. I’m North, just call me North.”
“North, the troublemaker.”
“Hey, why? North, Ter, Phoon, just call us by that.”
I laughed harder at North’s words, laughing so much my shoulders shook. It’s been a while since I laughed like this.
“Okay. I’m Phoon from the South, just call me Phoon.” “Okay, just Phoon,” North said.
“Sigh,” Ter let out a small sigh.
“What’s the problem, Ter?”
“Phoon, don’t listen to North, he’s nonsensical,” Ter sighed even heavier, “Oh, he studies electrical engineering.”
“Engineering?” I asked, turning to him. That didn’t seem too surprising. It seemed to fit him well.
“Yeah, and you’re studying veterinary medicine too?” “Hmm,” I nodded.
“Where are you from?”
“Phuket.”
“Wow, say something in Southern Thai dialect for us.”
“Suddenly asking me to speak, I can’t do it,” I said, unable to keep from laughing.
“Ter is from Rayong,” North said, “Rayong, hi.”
“Stop teasing me.”
“And where is North from?” I asked.
“Lampang.”
“I’ve never been to Lampang, just passed through.”
“I’ve never been to Phuket either, just passed through.”
“Passed through where?”
“Yeah, where did you pass through?” I asked the same question Ter did, which made North pause.
“Oh, can’t you pass through Phuket?”
“No,” I said, “It’s at the end.”
“Why not, I’ll show you by passing through it,” North said with irritation, “After passing through, I’ll swim across the sea, you dumbass.”
“North, just accept it.”
“It should be possible.”
“Can you not argue about stuff like this?” Ter said, shaking his head slightly, “It’s pointless.” “Looking for a fight?”
“No, Phoon, you agree, right? North, don’t steal my cocoa.” “Give it here,” North grabbed the cocoa from Ter’s hand, sucking it through the straw until it was empty, “How’s that, cry now, Ter?” “North, fuck you, I just ordered that,” Ter said, beginning to whine,
“You’re such a bastard, I don’t want to be friends with you anymore.”
“Why are we so fragile about the word ‘friend’?”
“Not yet, not ordering another one for you.”
“You’ve had enough, Ter.”
“No, send me another one, pay for me.”
I watched the two of them argue back and forth amusingly; Ter seemed like a cheerful, cute person. North, on the other hand, was funny and quite the troublemaker, utterly nonsensical. I found out that the two of them are roommates who rent an apartment together, and North studies electrical engineering. I think someone like North is the kind of person anyone would want to be around. Just being with him for a short while made me feel a lot more at ease.
He’s so different from me.
We exchanged LINE IDs and phone numbers, and then parted ways after the meeting ended. I took Aunt Nuan back to the airport and then returned to my dorm.
Today was a really good day for me.
To…Torfan
Today was the parent-teacher conference, and Aunt Nuan came in place of Dad, which made you very happy. Although I felt a bit apologetic, I’m truly grateful that Aunt Nuan came. She’s always been kind like this since we were kids, and she took good care of us, even now that Dad no longer employs her, she still cares about Phoon.
I really feel grateful, from the bottom of my heart…
Also, I have made some new friends. The first one is named Easter, who said I can just call him Ter, he’s very cute, cheerful all over, with chubby cheeks and big eyes, friendly manner, easy to talk to, kind-hearted, and we’re in the same faculty. It would be nice if we could be together.
The other one is named North, who said I can just call him North too. He’s funny, with a laid-back, cool attitude, but you can feel his mischievousness even when he’s not doing anything. When he smiles, it’s really cute.
I like these two a lot, but I don’t know if they like me. They might not like that I am quiet and don’t know what to talk about. But at least, me and Ter had a great time talking about cameras because Ter also likes photography. It would be nice if we could shoot photos together.
The new semester is about to start, just a few days away. I hope there will be more good things happening, because there have been a lot of good things lately. However, the matter with Phii Fah still makes me feel bad like before; the more I think about it, the worse I feel. I don’t know how to fix it or how long this will go on. If we happen to meet after the term starts, it would be terrible. I don’t know how to act, hoping we won’t meet often. I don’t want to keep ignoring Phii Fah; it feels awful.
Anyway, good night.
P.S. I wonder if sweet tea would be tasty, I guess I’ll have to try it because not having it sweet might get me executed!
With love and good wishes always,
From…Typhoon
I folded the letter and tucked it into the drawer as I do every day.
Thinking of Fan reminded me that…it’s been about two years since Fan passed away, and the gift boxes that were sent every year stopped coming two years ago.
The same time frame…could there be any connection, or is it just a coincidence?
Since I met Ter, I’ve also gotten to know Foam, who is in the same faculty. We became closer faster than I thought, including North. I’ve visited North’s and Ter’s room a few times, everything seems to be getting better. After making friends, at least I have someone to talk to and laugh with, to go out with.
But many times, when I come back to my room and collapse onto my bed, exhausted, I think of Phii Fah. I keep wondering how he is, what he’s doing, if he’s eaten, the same old questions keep circling in my mind.
I talk to Aunt Nuan much more often now, at least before going to bed, when she asks how my day was. We don’t talk much because Aunt Nuan is busy too, she has her own children and grandchildren to look after. Just dropping by LINE to chat for a few minutes a day is enough.
That’s enough…
I’ve never asked for much anyway.
If…if Phii Fah was still here…
I wouldn’t ask for anything else, really.
The time before the semester started was the hardest for my heart, and what surprised me was, Ter…and Phii Hill, yes, the same Phii Hill who used to call Phii Fah, those two are dating…
I was surprised from the moment they met each other, but when I found out that Phii Hill was courting Ter, that made me even more surprised. Not surprised about the courting part…but surprised at how coincidental it might be.
The first time I met Phii Fah again was when Foam took me to see Ter at the Star Moon competition. That time, I met all of Phii Fah’s friends. Whether it was Phii Jo Han, Phii Hill, and Phii Arthit. At that time, I didn’t even dare to look at Phii Fah’s face. I couldn’t stop my eyes from showing my sadness. I didn’t know what Phii Fah was thinking, if he was still angry. I’ll be honest, when I got lost with Foam, and Phii Fah volunteered to pick us up, I was happy.
But when I realized what I had done…I could no longer look at him.
It’s like we…never knew each other before.
Isn’t that right…wasn’t that what we wanted?
Even though my friend and Phii Fah’s friend are dating, it doesn’t make us meet often. Ter seems happier than ever. I’m genuinely glad that Phii Hill takes such good care of my friend; Ter deserves to be loved.
One semester has passed…and I’m still the same. Some days when I see Phii Fah, my heart aches indescribably, and I still go back to crying and writing letters like before.
I’ve met another friend named Daotok. North likes to tease him about why his name sounds like a girl’s, and Daotok sighs every time. Daotok is a friend from the drawing club, and I heard Phii Hill was going to bring everyone from his group to join too…luckily, the professors don’t allow medical students in the drawing club. It’s quite uncomfortable when we meet, but still…sometimes I still want to see him.
Yes…no matter what, I still want to be with him…
I hear news about Phii Fah from what others say. If I ask Ter, I’d probably get more information, but I’m too scared to ask. I’m afraid Ter would feel bad about what happened, so I decided it’s better not to tell him.
It’s not a story worth telling…
Then something even more surprising happened…when Ter told me that Phii Jo is courting North.
It…you could call it coincidence, right…
I knew from the beginning when Phii Jo started talking to North because Ter told me, but I hardly ever met North. By the time we did meet, they were already dating.
At first, I was worried, very worried because there were rumors that Phii Jo was a playboy, but then I thought about it; that’s North we’re talking about, he’s smart. If Phii Jo were really a bad person, North wouldn’t have gotten involved from the start. Whether it’s Phii Hill’s couple or Phii Jo’s, it’s big news for the university because they are very popular, but Ter and North probably don’t realize it much.
So…thank you Phii Jo for taking good care of North.
As for Phii Fah…he’s got more admirers now since his two friends announced they were taken. There’s news that he even had to change clubs because of issues with the girls. I just quietly followed the news about Phii Fah.
Avoiding Phii Fah has become harder. I think it’s often obvious that I’m avoiding him, and Phii Fah himself seems like he doesn’t want to get involved with me anymore; he must really hate me now.
It still hurts…more than I thought it would.
Does it hurt this much…to be hated by someone you love? Another thing that stresses me out is…the medical faculty’s entrance exam. I tried to study again to get into medical school, but I failed. It’s not easy to pass the medical faculty’s exam, especially since the results showed I didn’t make it. Of course, the first person to call and scold me was my father; he was very angry that I disappointed him. Would Fan be disappointed in me too…I couldn’t make Fan’s dream come true.
I couldn’t become a doctor…
If I don’t pass, my options are to try for the medical exam next year, but to do that, I would need to drop out since you’re not allowed to study beyond the first year for medical school, or continue with veterinary medicine, or apply to another faculty where dropping out isn’t necessary. I still can’t decide right now. My friends don’t even know that I failed the medical exam.
And over the past year, I’ve still dreamt of Fan occasionally, but not very often, considering them good dreams.
A year has passed…
It’s been a year that went by faster than I thought, studying hard, difficult exams, meeting friends, going out with friends, having fun together, participating in university activities, everything seems busy, which is good. At first, I thought it would be much more lonely, but being busy like this is better.
Ter and North both say that Phii Fah is very kind. I agree, and I think many people would agree too, he’s truly very kind. Phii Fah is the type of guy…who anyone could fall in love with easily.
Before I knew it, the second semester was about to start. During my holiday, I visited Aunt Nuan, stayed with her for almost two weeks, and she was happy about it, saying she had someone to help look after her grandchildren. That’s when I realized I like kids.
As for the gift boxes…I’ve kept them, but I don’t know what to do with them next, there’s nothing to investigate, I can only let them be for now.
Suddenly, my phone notification sounded, and I saw it was Ter calling. “Hello?”
(Phoon, are you free?)
“Yeah, I just got back, what’s up?”
(Eat together)
“Eat together? For what occasion?”
(To celebrate the start of the second year.)
“Celebrate the start of the term? Is that okay?”
(Of course, I really want to eat.)
“You just want to eat. Okay, okay, where, what time, who’s going?”
(I’ll come pick you up with Phii Hill, around five.)
“Phii Hill is coming too?”
(Hmm, why?)
“Nothing…then…”
(North and Phii Jo are going too.)
“Oh…”
(You coming?)
“Well…”
(Come on. We haven’t met in a while.)
“I think next time would be better.”
(Phoon, please, come on, Foam is going too, North’s friends are going, lots of people, it’ll be fun.)
“You…”
(I’m begging you.)
“…”
(Phoon.)
“Sigh, there will be a lot of people, right?”
(Lots, tons.)
“Then we need a big table.”
(Yeah, it’s huge.)
“Okay, I can go.”
(Great, Phoon, see you there.)
“Okay.”
I let out a small sigh after hanging up.
It’s okay…
It might be a bit awkward if we meet.
But…I still want to see him.
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