SMNTCERR, Special Chapter 12: Hello world! #3. 

“Working together and being together made us closer.”

“The more I think about it, the more surprising it becomes. We both speak in a similar embarrassed way, but until recently, I misunderstood the mother of that child. Why, I mean… Are there people who date men and women at the same time?”

What should come, came. Jaeyoung thought, Sangwoo’s father looked at his face before speaking again and again with an embarrassed expression.

“I shouldn’t say anything. When you’re older, you just keep doing things like this.”

The other party quickly drank all the alcohol and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. Then he took a cigarette out of his pocket and lit it.

“May I have one please?”

The middle-aged man looked surprised, but immediately handed the cigarette and lighter, it was a brand with a stronger taste than the one Jaeyoung normally smoked, he turned his body to light it. Then there was a heavy silence for a moment. While Jaeyoung’s cigarette flickered halfway, Sangwoo’s father burst out.

“It’s you. Sangwoo will be going abroad. I think you will miss each other, you’ve been together for a year.”

Jaeyoung felt that the time had finally come. He took a deep puff of his cigarette and exhaled a long breath.

“Sir.”

He put strength into his words so that the other party wouldn’t misunderstand. Then the kind and gentle eyes of the couple looked over.

“I’m going to quit my job and go back to school. It’s a university not far from

Sangwoo’s workplace, so we’ll live together up there.”

He never thought that one person could apply to the same university three times. Jaeyoung hesitated between moving to work at a branding company and pursuing a master’s degree, and finally chose the latter. He wanted to work on his own to test and develop his own design style more than this. Even if he didn’t want to work part-time.

Sangwoo’s father’s mouth was open, the cigarette fell to the ground, but Jaeyoung quickly picked it up and threw it in the ashtray before the fire could spread to the grass. When he locked eyes with the other party again, he found that those eyes looked so complex that he couldn’t know what hidden meaning they held. Jaeyoung couldn’t judge whether the person in front of him was angry, disappointed, or hopeless.

‘Do I have to kneel?’ 

He pondered in his heart, feeling the difficulty of making a decision. While the other party replied in silence, time passed. Jaeyoung continued to look into the eyes of the middle-aged man, his mouth slightly open.

“I’ve prepared myself to face you sir, so please listen until the end.”

The other party’s eyes just widened, with no gesture of obstruction. Jaeyoung thought of Sangwoo, who was talking to his mother in a similar manner, and felt a surge of courage.

“Me and your father’s son are not just friends. We have been in a serious relationship and have been living together since July last year. The state we are going to has legalized same-sex marriage, so we plan to request the right to live together permanently and marry in the future. I’m not sure and probably you will not allow it, but I decided to reveal this deep relationship as a secret because I felt it was inappropriate.”

Jaeyoung didn’t think of acting as a protagonist in a soap opera in the morning, but his body automatically knelt to the ground. Jaeyoung was surprised by his own actions. At the same time, he felt extremely tense as he realized that he was proposing the most suitable posture towards the opposing party.

“Hey, what are you doing?”

Sangwoo’s father quickly stood up from his chair and pulled Jaeyoung up by the arm, his grip exceeding his age. Jaeyoung got up and sat back on the chair.

Then, between them, they were surrounded by a long silence.

Not knowing how long time had passed, Sangwoo’s father picked up a cigarette and lit it with a shock of fire. Then he handed the cigarette box to  Jaeyoung…without looking at him, he extended both hands and took one roll.  This time, the other party lit it by himself. Jaeyoung brought the cigarette close to the other party with a strange feeling and soon the fire was lit. Jaeyoung took a deep breath.

The silent poet remained silent until there was only a cigarette butt left. In the meantime, Jaeyoung forgot about the tension. Once he spoke, he felt relieved and believed that he couldn’t do anything more from now on. However, Jaeyoung didn’t think of giving up just because the parents of the other party objected. So no matter what reaction he received, he had to persevere.

“Will it be okay?”

However, the reaction from Sangwoo’s father was beyond expectation. The other party had a calm and serene demeanor, no sign of anger or resentment, and the ambiguous words were difficult to understand. Jaeyoung could only respond with a clueless feeling.

“Sir you mean…”

“On the outside, it may not seem like it, but Sangwoo is very possessive.”

The middle-aged man looked into Jaeyoung’s eyes. Jaeyoung saw the concern in those eyes, which had lines around them.

“The toy he bought at the age of three. Even though it’s broken, he still fixes it, fixes it, fixes it, and keeps it. The logo he bought at the age of five is still the same, without any missing parts. Not to mention his pickup truck.

“…He is like that.”

“He is a child who, if he sets his mind on something, will possess it. No matter what happens, he will still possess it, never let it go. You have to think carefully. You may have a chance to escape only now.”

Jaeyoung hesitated, feeling like he was being cornered.

“Does sir not care that I am a man?” The middle-aged man smiled wryly.

“You said that you and him love each other.”

“Yes.”

“Does Sangwoo think the same way?”

“Same way? Yes. Of course.”

“Are you sure? I mean, have you actually heard it directly from that kid’s mouth?”

The other side fell silent for a moment, their face blushing.

 

 

I don’t really know what Sangwoo is thinking to be able to date you. It might shake you, but I have to be honest with you.”

The other side took a breath and looked up, glaring at Jaeyoung.

“Sangwoo, he understands physical desires, but he doesn’t understand love.”

The father knew his son well enough. Jaeyoung was overwhelmed with mixed emotions when he thought about the night he had cried before meeting Sangwoo. The other side looked at Jaeyoung’s face and added.

“I’m not joking, you know?”

“Okay.”

“It may sound strange. That kid has had a good head on his shoulders since he was young, but his emotional development has been slow…joy, happiness, and the desire for a meaningful relationship. As a father, I’ve been trying to teach him all along, but I’ve failed miserably too. When he turned twenty-one, I heard that he was seriously dating a girl from the same university. I was so relieved that he would finally live a life as a human being…” He sighed.

“He said it was an experiment to test if the other person was suitable for marriage. Even though I strongly disagreed, he couldn’t understand what he did wrong. I didn’t know what to say, she’s just a young girl…”

She was an older female student, two years older than Sangwoo. They happened to meet when they were working on a special project for the university’s secretary. Jaeyoung tried everything to find out who she was, but Sangwoo refused to reveal her name because it was personal information. It became an ongoing mystery for Jaeyoung.

“He’s a kid who understands that love between parents is a genetic behavior for reproductive purposes. Even though we demonstrated our love and gave each other more love than necessary, he only understands it in that way…” Even though Jaeyoung wondered how he ended up having to comfort Sangwoo’s father, he poured himself a drink without realizing.

“So, Sangwoo is very responsible.”

“Where is his responsibility of returning the money invested in raising him until now? We’re not a bank.”

“…”

Even though he’s my son, he lacks a lot of humanity. It’s all my fault… I’ve raised him wrong.”

Seeing the other side hold their head with both hands, Jaeyoung smiled from the bottom of his heart. He himself had thought something similar, but now many things have changed. 

“Don’t talk like that at all. I can clearly see in my own eyes how much

Sangwoo loves this house and respects you.”

“You’re really good at making jokes about Sangwoo.”

“No, I’m serious. Sangwoo is a child who has clearly been raised with love. Originally, his personality may have been easygoing and sincere, but I think that’s because he has been heavily influenced by you two,  his parents.”

“Easygoing…and sincere? Sangwoo?”

“Sangwoo has changed a lot. He expresses love frequently and hugs passionately. Whatever other people do, he does it all. When I asked him to marry me, he accepted and handed me a bouquet of flowers, promising to make me happy. I couldn’t refuse.”

Sangwoo’s father couldn’t believe it. Jaeyoung picked up his phone and showed him the screenshot of a message he had saved.

[Chu Sangwoo♡♡: I love you♥ _11 one month ago.] 

“…This means he did it, right?”

The middle-aged man’s mouth was agape with shock. In reality, it was something he made someone else do, but Jaeyoung was determined not to reveal it.

“Even though it’s something he’s forced to do every parent’s day[1], he refuses to use words that are filled with true emotions.”

Sangwoo’s father frowned in pain. This wasn’t the right time to feel superior, but Jaeyoung always had to pull the corners of his mouth, which had the tendency to lift, back down.

“Sangwoo is someone who is honest with his feelings. It’s just that he’s not comfortable with showing them. He expresses happiness when he’s happy and sadness when he’s sad.”

The boasting words just kept coming out of his mouth. Jaeyoung only hoped that his words didn’t sound like bragging, but even so, he thought he deserved the Nobel Peace Prize for this year.

And because he has a logical mindset, as long as we understand each other, there won’t be any arguments. There may be things to be sad about, but I have to make things better.”

Sangwoo’s father stared blankly, as if his soul had left him, ever since he saw the message.

“A half year of dating may seem like a short period of time. I try to be cautious about speaking like this, but…”

Jaeyoung’s confidence was filled with determination, contradicting his humble words. Getting to know each other took more than a year for him, it was not a short time at all. It was enough for him to decide to bet his life on it. 

“No one else has been like Sangwoo in my entire life. I truly love your son.”

He didn’t plan to speak words so repetitive like this, but almost nothing in Jaeyoung’s life went according to plan anymore. Even though it may change as he continues to live with Chu Sangwoo.

“I feel uncomfortable and guilty about being a man, but if I have your permission, I think I will confidently pursue a relationship with Sangwoo.”

Jaeyoung spoke with confidence, the uneasiness and fear he used to feel vanished without him realizing it.

After a moment of silence, Sangwoo’s father, with his head down, looked at the floor and took a breath before responding.

“If it’s what Sangwoo wants, does it really matter if I permit it or not?”

The answer was ambiguous, but at this point, it was considered good news.

Jaeyoung had prepared himself for this moment.

“You should try talking to his mother. I don’t have any authority in this house…”

The image of the family head, with a drooping neck, looked pitiful.

“Will his mother strongly oppose it?”

“Instead of opposing… Sometimes she may not understand, she might say something like ‘why does neon have two electrons in a noble gas configuration’.” “I see…”

Jaeyoung felt that he was right to rely on Sangwoo to handle his mother.

The suffocating silence continued for a moment.

“Jaeyoung.”

“Yes.”

Thank you for talking to me directly, but now my head is a mess. If you don’t have anything else to say to me, I would like to be alone for a while.”

The poet stood up and walked away from his seat. Just as he was about to say goodbye, he suddenly became curious.

“Well, before I go, may I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“How did you meet?”

The middle-aged man laughed and looked at Jaeyoung before answering.

“It was during the time I was working in Seoul… On the bus I took, there was a woman who got on at the same time and sat in the same seat every day. She was a beautiful and interesting woman.”

“Oh…”

“I wrote poems for her every month, but after a year, there was no response…

Until one day, she got on the bus and told me that my grammar was incorrect.”

“…”

“I’m a poet who writes sincere love poems, but the story is not romantic, right?”

It wouldn’t be right to say that the other party just said that. Jaeyoung covered his mouth with a hand to suppress his laughter.

As he walked into the house with laughter echoing softly in the background, the beautiful moonlight shone brightly. Jaeyoung immersed himself in this moment and missed Sangwoo greatly.

As he turned the doorknob, the large door opened gently. Jaeyoung entered the clean and tidy entrance hall, picked up the slippers labeled “Guest 1” to wear, and placed his own dress shoes accordingly.

The house was dim and cozy. Light seeped out from the partially open door in the hallway. As he walked past the room where the door was slightly ajar to go upstairs, he heard a conversation between a mother and her son.

“What’s next? How did you get him?”

“After a sudden proposal, I got him a ring.”

“Very smart. That’s the best way to hold a mate in every era.”

“He’s someone who doesn’t fuss about tiny details, so he probably doesn’t care much about wearing any accessories. That’s why I feel a bit guilty about him wearing the ring.”

Your father is the same. He didn’t think we would be together for a lifetime, only thinking about having fun and being happy.”

Jaeyoung smiled awkwardly and couldn’t speak. When he reached into his pants pocket, he touched a thin ring that he had removed for several hours.

Jaeyoung took it out and put it on his fourth finger.

________________________________________.

[1] Parents’ Day, “어버이날, : Observe enju.” It falls on May 8th and is a day designated to express gratitude for the kindness and love of parents, by giving them red carnations. 

 

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