SMNTCERR, Chapter 91: #9.
While walking with his mind empty, Sangwoo suddenly passed by the student cafeteria. He saw a red sign in front about ten meters away. The items that reminded him of Jang Jaeyoung were everywhere in this university. The day he wrote on the blackboard with a magic marker to answer the questions in class, “Engineering Mathematics 2”, came back to his memory.
Sangwoo walked into the restaurant as if something was drawing him in. He sat down at the same table as he sat on that day and ordered the same pepperoni pizza that he ate that day. People in the pizza place were gathered in groups, but Sangwoo sat alone and ate a plate of mildly spicy and salty pepperoni pizza.
After paying and walking out of the store, he headed towards the planned shop to buy his usual coffee. As he passed through the bakery zone, the instant noodle zone, and the ice cream zone, he would come across three beverage coolers, ‘Black Holic’, located in the third cooler, on the fifth shelf, but Sangwoo’s gaze turned towards the second shelf.
“…”
He stared at a can of dark red for a moment, as if competing for attention before opening the cooler and picking the one at the very back. As he held the can at the cashier, the store owner looked at Sangwoo with strange eyes, as if he had bought an unbuyable drink.
Sangwoo sipped his caffeine drink and walked leisurely around the university. He walked without haste and didn’t think of checking the time by lifting his wristwatch before throwing the empty cola can into the trash bin in front of a student club.
After walking continuously, he arrived at a large gate. In front, on the wide lawn, a few students were resting as if completely exhausted, like a piece of dried cloth just taken out of a washing machine. It didn’t look as strange as when he saw it for the first time… Sangwoo looked at the scenery in silence before slowly walking towards it.
He walked on the grass until he reached the center and sat down to meditate before inhaling the scent of grass and glancing at the image of a white butterfly fluttering by, a little further away a female student was lying down with her legs stretched out while covering her face with a book.
Sangwoo took off his backpack and laid it on the grass before lying his head down with a sense of embarrassment. At first, he felt unnatural, but after a brief moment, he felt surprisingly comfortable. Surprising himself, a gentle moist breeze blew, carrying the feeling of early summer. He took off his black cap and placed it on his stomach, letting his horse-like hair flutter in the wind.
“Pie-nee-pie-nee-tai-pie-nee…” [1.]
Sangwoo looked at the clouds floating in the gray sky and soon fell asleep. Even though it was such a good day, he still felt empty inside, but regardless, it was still a refreshing day to the point that even sadness didn’t matter.
Sangwoo lay on the grass like a heartless person with nothing to do, pulling out emotions that have been locked away for the past four months. Jang Jaeyoung arrived forty minutes late, starting off their encounter with anger, provocation, fluidity. Unfairness. Distrust, and hatred.
Then Jaeyoung pretended to be a good person, cooked meals, drew pictures, and helped him with Chinese dramas. Sangwoo started to compete for his heart, little by little, starting from when the other side was just a “sunbae” At that time, he thought that the reason his heart was racing was because of anger, and when the other side whispered in his ear in the library, he became stiff and thought that there was something wrong with his body.
Sometimes, when their feelings of love started to grow, it seemed to be while they were creating games together. Sangwoo’s heartbeat would accelerate, his blood would rush, and he would gradually have feelings, an increased frequency of laughter and jokes from the other side, countless kisses, dates at the movies where Jaeyoung looked especially good, sex that made him feel good like never before, warm and strong embraces, walks not to reach a destination but to walk together, basketball betting that interested him more than playing, and joyrides in the car that were more thrilling than the nighttime scenery.
Jaeyoung was a person with diversity, like clothes that the owner wore. The other side was a person who adorned themselves with the colors of anxiety, the purple of happiness, the dark blue of success, the golden color of joy, and the red color of contentment in Sangwoo’s world. There were also splashes of red and purple of longing, the intense yellow of fear, the gray of worry, the white of fear, and the black of despair.
‘Miss you.’
The sentence that came up most often in his mind over the past ten days appeared once again, but even so, he knew very well that it was useless. The real world he lived in did not have magic like in the game.
‘Miss you so much.’
Nonetheless, Sangwoo continued to wander aimlessly, as if there was nothing happening, but while he was thinking like a fool, shadows began to fall on his face. Sangwoo blinked a few times, with a slight frown of irritation.
“Where have you been all this time?” And then, a miracle happened.
Jang Jaeyoung stood and turned around, allowing the sun’s rays to shine down on Sangwoo. The other side wore jeans and a white t-shirt, with crooked fingers like a talon gripping onto a red Jaws shirt worn familiarly, three earrings reflecting the sunlight, and round metal glasses perched on the nose. Sangwoo blinked his eyes two or three times, thinking that this may be a dream, but the image he saw remained the same.
“Ni hao.” [2]
“That pronunciation is the same as before. What have you been studying all this semester?”
Jaeyoung’s posture that appeared in the past twelve days seemed like nothing was happening. Sangwoo pretended to not feel anything, glanced at the sky, but his heart pounded so loudly that he was afraid it could be heard from the outside. Jaeyoung sat down next to him, leaning close.
“Good news and bad news, which news do you want to hear first?”
“I don’t want to hear either of them.”
“The good news is that I’m moving house.”
“Oh, okay.”
His slender finger moved closer and gently touched Sangwoo’s forehead.
“Because of you, I couldn’t finish my studies and broke our agreement.”
“Why is it my fault? It’s your fault for trying to improve your grades without doing anything different.”
“I miss the way things used to be.”
Jaeyoung’s laughter sounded gentle. Although he couldn’t see the image of the other person laughing with his own eyes, his body experienced numerous chemical reactions. Sangwoo chose to close his eyes.
“And the bad news?”
“The bad news is… you have to help me move.”
“No, it seems like you see me as weak, but I’m not helpless. It’s better this way.”
“You’ve finished your exams, and you have nothing else to do, right? Please help me. I’ll treat you to a meal.”
“No, thanks.”
“I’ll treat you to a drink.”
“No, thanks.”
“I’ll give you a kiss.”
“…”
Sangwoo opened his mouth but couldn’t say anything. When he turned to look to the side, his eyes met with Jaeyoung, who was trying not to laugh. Sangwoo wanted to scold him with a few words, but his mouth instead responded according to his inner thoughts.
“Forget it…for now.”
Jaeyoung laughed a little, looking very good that it hurt Sangwoo’s heart. When he looked at me with a mischievous gaze, Jaeyoung turned his head slightly and asked again.
“Here? Really?”
“Yes.”
“I’m almost graduating. It doesn’t matter, but there will be rumors about you kissing a man.”
“I don’t care.”
“No. I’ll kiss you a lot later.”
“Do it now. Don’t bother pretending to be a good person.”
Jaeyoung lifted his face with an indescribable expression. The other party lowered his gaze and approached, covering both of their heads with the jacket that used to be on their shoulders. Then the vision turned completely red. Jaeyoung, who was covered in red, quickly moved closer, and just before their lips touched, he closed his eyes and turned his head slightly to the side.
The lower lips of Sangwoo touched the tongue of Jaeyoung in a wide range. Then the lower lip was sucked into the mouth of the other party. Sangwoo forgot how to breathe and was motionless like a statue. Although he was the one who asked for it first, his heart beat uncontrollably and he couldn’t concentrate. Shortly after, the red curtain disappeared, along with the sunlight shining on their eyes again. The short and intense kiss left only the scent of vanilla on the remaining part of their lips.
“Sometimes you’re too daring.”
Jaeyoung sat still, murmuring quietly. Although he couldn’t see his face because the other party turned away, his neck and ears were stained red.
“Let’s go. House moving.”
Sangwoo stood up reluctantly.
Since he had received payment, he had no choice but to help. But Sangwoo was not satisfied with this situation, as he thought that he would never meet Jaeyoung again and would overcome his loneliness. He planned to lock himself up at home during the semester break to focus on writing code. However, Jaeyoung appeared again and disrupted Sangwoo’s plan, just like before.
Jaeyoung’s house had cheap boxes scattered throughout the house after important furniture such as the TV and desk had disappeared. Sangwoo worked quietly as if he was hired labor. Jaeyoung didn’t bother him and treated him like a younger brother calling for help in real work. Sangwoo picked up countless clothes in the closet, arranging them in boxes in the most efficient way. Then he moved the boxes to the car without complaining, before putting the garbage in large trash bags.
After finishing work, it was already six o’clock. Jaeyoung suggested ordering
Jajangmyeon to eat together, but Sangwoo was facing pressure to leave Jaeyoung quickly.
“Okay then. I’m leaving.”
“Where are you going? You should help me move to my new house.”
“This should be enough, right?”
“I’ll kiss you again.”
Sangwoo took a deep breath and turned away.
“It’s okay. I’ll do it for free.”
He felt like he had been robbed with just one kiss, and if they kissed again, Sangwoo might lose his self-control and say something strange to the other party.
Jaeyoung called the Chinese restaurant and ordered sweet and sour deepfried pork with Jajangmyeon for two. They were separated in different rooms until the food arrived. Sangwoo pretended to be busy organizing the room, but in reality, he didn’t do anything, while Jaeyoung was doing something that he couldn’t know.
After the delivery person had left, they met again in the living room and laid the newspaper on the empty space before sitting down, unwrapping the plastic. Then they started eating the food in the bowls, quietly eating together for a while. Sangwoo then asked.
“Where are you moving to?”
“You should’ve asked that from the beginning.”
“So, where are you going?”
“Near the university.”
“Why?”
“It’s my business.”
“I see.”
Sangwoo started eating again, his eyes fixed on the end of the newspaper, and he stubbornly twirled the noodles covered in black sauce in his mouth. In his mind, he wondered why the other party was looking for a new home even though he was about to start studying in another month, but he didn’t ask.
Meanwhile, Jaeyoung called his name.
“Sangwoo.”
“Yes, why?”
Sangwoo stared at the chicken soup and then answered, while his hand holding the chopsticks came into view.
“Your mouth is stained with black sauce.”
“After I finish eating, I’ll wipe it once… You don’t have to bother.”
“It’s too annoying to the point that I can’t even eat.”
Sangwoo looked up before meeting Jaeyoung’s smiling eyes, and at that moment, anger surged. While he was struggling in a broken-down body with his daily life destroyed, the other party still looked comfortable and at ease, which made him angry enough to put the bowl down with a loud sound. “What kind of habit is this?! If you’re that lazy, I can do it.”
Jaeyoung reached out without any warning and hugged Sangwoo’s neck, with his face right in front with just a blink of an eye.
“Do… do what?”
Jaeyoung didn’t answer, and that movement made his eyelashes slightly tremble. Jaeyoung was too close. The other party blinked, examining
Sangwoo’s lips before using his tongue to wipe the sauce instead of the tissue in his hand.
“…”
Sangwoo was so startled that he couldn’t react and just allowed himself to be the one being done to, even when Jaeyoung used his tongue to lick around the edges of his lips, or even when his lips were completely taken over by the other party, he could only sit there with wide-open eyes. When the other party returned to his seat and picked up his chopsticks as if nothing had happened, his heart pounded as if it would explode, the stimulation coming along with the trembling changed into anger and sadness in an instant. Sangwoo felt like crying.
“Next time, don’t do this impulsively again, okay?”
Sangwoo frowned and spoke sharply, not giving Jaeyoung a chance to respond.
“Once the agreement is made that I will help, I will help you move the items to the new house. Then I will go back home.”
“That’s fine.”
“After that, there’s no need to contact or come to see me again.”
It seemed that Jang Jaeyoung did not take Sangwoo’s tense words seriously, as he continued to eat a piece of fried pork with an unaffected expression. Sangwoo lost his appetite completely and left the other side like that, entering the room.
________________________________________.
[1] “Pie-nee-pie-nee-tai-pie-nee…” At this point, Sangwoo pronounced it incorrectly, pronouncing it like a Korean who liked to pull the sound of the first syllable together with the vowel sound of the second syllable. In cases where the consonant of the second syllable is a sound, it should be pronounced as “Phienoi-Phienoi-Tai-Phienoi….” [2] “Neeha-o.” = Ni hao.
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