SMNTCERR, Chapter 79: <1001> #7.
“I want the same thing as that man.”
When he looked to his side, he met eyes with a man sitting two seats away.
‘I am a person with no standing point.’
Sangwoo silently complained in his heart, and then waited. As the bartender brought a glass in front of him, he took a couple of sips of the bitter liquor. Suddenly, he felt heavily drunk and blinked several times. He felt better after he put his face down on the table. He did not know how long the man who was sitting with his legs swinging in a restless position was sitting there before someone put a cocktail glass of clear liquor with a cucumber next to him.
“I’m happy. I met someone who has the same taste here.”
The man who used to sit two seats away leaned in towards Sangwoo.
Sangwoo replied while still having his face on the table.
“I’m not drinking this because it’s tasteful, but because I don’t like the other options.”
“I didn’t mean the taste of the liquor.”
“If so, then I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Are you looking for a man?”
The man leaned down and whispered in his ear. Sangwoo lifted his head and asked.
“How do you know?”
“Because I see you looking at men.”
“Please don’t assume things. It’s not about you.”
“Why wouldn’t it be about me? I’m a man too.”
‘That’s true.’
After being shown a significant and unforeseen loophole by the other party, Sangwoo scrutinized them once again. The individual had short, light-colored hair and was dressed in a suit. His eyes were piercing, and his demeanor was not very amiable. He had a tall, sturdy build, wore round, dangling earrings, and had a tattoo on the neck which boosted the score slightly. Despite all of this, Sangwoo still didn’t feel like they were similar to Jaeyoung.
“I don’t really like you. Don’t bother trying to talk to me.”
He shook his head and slumped his face onto the table again. Suddenly, a loud chuckle came from the side. The man sitting there remained still for a moment before leaning back on the bartender who was walking to the left. He pulled the chair close to Sangwoo.
“You have charm.”
“Please don’t use intimate language without permission.”
“How old are you? 23? 24?”
Sangwoo decided to just ignore the man’s lack of knowledge. But this time, his gaze wandered to the man’s hand as it moved closer to his face.
“Don’t touch me. Consider yourself warned.”
However, the annoying man didn’t listen to what he said. Sangwoo didn’t feel like dealing with such stubborn behavior and just sat there quietly for a moment. As the man’s finger was about to touch his cheek, he grabbed his hand and twisted it behind his back. The man tried to push Sangwoo, but he twisted his hand even harder. The other party grunted and cursed repeatedly.
Sangwoo opened his phone to prepare for an emergency.
“I told you.”
“Ow! Wait!”
“I’ll report you for sexual harassment.”
“Ouch. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.. Enough!”
As soon as he let go of the man’s wrist, he swore and muttered that Sangwoo was an annoying bastard. He opened his phone to deal with the emergency situation.
When he looked at the time, it was displayed on the screen in large letters— 21:41. His eyes widened. It had been this long since he started drinking without realizing it. He had no idea that it was already three in the morning. As he was drinking, he absentmindedly opened his phone and found a notification. ‘36, missed call’ and ‘6 new messages.’ Sangwoo panicked and opened the messaging app.
[Jaeyoung, ㅅㅂ♨: Are you sleeping? Are you okay? _20:42.]
[Jaeyoung, ㅅㅂ♨: I’m in front of your door. Let me in, _20:44.]
[Jaeyoung, ㅅㅂ♨: Why did you go to Yeonsokdong? _21:02.]
[Jaeyoung, ㅅㅂ♨: Why did you turn off your phone? _21:03][1.]
[Jaeyoung, ㅅㅂ♨: Sangwooya _21:06.]
[Jaeyoung, ㅅㅂ♨: Where are you? _21:30.]
He didn’t intend to make the other side worry, he just kept drinking and relaxing. There was no clock in the shop, the phone battery was dead, and all these excuses made Sangwoo not care about Jaeyoung, and it was true that he didn’t want to care too, because the other side was bothering Sangwoo. It’s no different from a thorn on the sole of the foot.
He stared at his phone screen. At that moment, a call came in. Sangwoo felt like his heart had fallen to his stomach and his breathing quickened. As soon as he touched the answer button, he attached the communication tool to his ear, and the sound of a long, heavy breath came through the line.
[What are you going to do?]
The sound of Jaeyoung’s voice sounded so pitiful that Sangwoo didn’t know how to respond.
[I asked what you’re going to do, damn it?]
The voice that he had been thinking about for the past four days, which made him feel confused, soon turned into sorrow. Sangwoo blinked and opened his mouth.
“So, what right do you have to be angry with me?”
[Why did you go there?]
“Well, you disappeared. I called and you didn’t pick up.”
[So, did you have to wear the outfit I bought for you to go see someone else?]
Jaeyoung asked crudely. At the same time, every word from the other side was filled with anger. Sangwoo didn’t answer, if he said no, it would be a lie. Sometimes, if he liked the guy who came to talk to him for a moment, he might leave his contact information.
[Why didn’t you answer?]
“It’s because you didn’t give me a clear answer. So I came to change my mood.”
He coughed after saying those words, and then took a breath. The subsequent silence was as cold and heavy as a lump of iron.
[Do you think I’m too kind to you?]
“…”
[Hey, where are you? Let’s meet in person and then talk.]
Although it was a voice that he wanted to hear for several days, the longer the call lasted, the stronger the feeling of discomfort grew. The heart that wanted to see Jaeyoung and the heart that didn’t want to see Jaeyoung had never clashed so fiercely before. What Sangwoo wanted from accepting the other side into his daily life was happiness. Not sadness and pain.
“Why didn’t you pick up my call? Are you bored of me?”
[Tell me where you are.]
“I won’t tell you, answer me first.”
[Do you really want me to scold you?]
Jaeyoung stopped talking abruptly, speaking quickly.
“I’m already crazy, so don’t make me angrier than this. Tell me where you are.”
Yoona only said that Jaeyoung would definitely come to find him, but she didn’t say if he would be extremely angry. Sangwoo felt conflicted, resisting the others who had done wrong but at the same time being angry himself. He had a flaw in controlling his anger, and had lashed out before. And he still hadn’t explained anything.
“There’s also a limit to how much I can tolerate. You keep doing whatever you want and how can you expect me to react? I already feel like my head is about to explode.”
He gritted his teeth and spat out cruel words. Jang Jaeyoung, the Veggie Venturer, studying abroad, and the waves of depression that had come in during this period were too much for Sangwoo to handle. Sangwoo tried to breathe with all his might, but he was about to drown. Even though he hadn’t done anything wrong at all, it wasn’t fair at all.
“Enough already, you stop contacting me. And then you come and insult me again, you heartless person.”
[Hey… Chu Sangwoo.]
“No matter what, I’ll already be a fucking loser.”
[I asked where you are! How many times do I have to ask?]
“Don’t try to push me around!”
He was so frustrated that he wanted to cut off the call and disappear, but the screen went black just then because the battery had died. Sangwoo laid his mobile phone on the table as if throwing it away with a feeling of hopelessness.
As he saw the bartender in the distance moving closer, he ordered another glass of liquor. He didn’t know how many glasses he had already had.. If it was a matter of calculation, he had never failed before, but he couldn’t remember at all, he felt nauseous and dizzy. The image of the bartender pouring the cocktail began to blur.
At that moment, the cocktail glass was in his line of sight. Sangwoo took a strong sip, the liquor he drank wasn’t what he ordered, it was handed over to him by the man sitting next to him. He took out a ten thousand won bill from his wallet and put it in front of the other person, but the other person’s face turned pale and he couldn’t say anything.
“Ugh… how annoying.”
Sangwoo evaluated the other’s words, there was still half a glass of liquor left, but the liquor he had ordered had been served, he sighed with his face on the table, thinking that if he drank everything he might die. At that moment, the sound of Jaeyoung’s voice grew louder in his head, making him feel restless.
“You’re a straightforward person.”
Sangwoo considered the words of the other person, there was still half a glass of liquor left, but the liquor he had ordered had been served, he sighed with his face on the table, thinking that if he drank everything he might die. At that moment, the sound of Jaeyoung’s voice grew louder in his head, making him feel restless.
‘How annoying, goddamn.’
He changed his mind and drank the remaining half glass of alcohol in one go.
Then the man sitting quietly beside him annoyed him again.
“How old are you?”
“It’s private.”
“Are you a student?”
“It’s private.”
“Why are you looking for a man?”
“…”
“Why? Is your hole itchy?”
Sangwoo took a deep breath and turned to look to his left. He might be sexually harassed by these human remains. The situation was so absurd that he had to laugh it off.
“Laughing like this during a crisis is sexy.”
That remark immediately put Sangwoo in a bad mood.
‘You look cute. The more you smile, the cuter you get.’
Jaeyoung’s voice played repeatedly in his mind, causing him to feel the four emotions – anger, sadness, frustration, and annoyance – boiling inside him like a crazy person. Sangwoo rubbed his face with his hand before he was surprised to find that his cheeks were as hot as flames.
“The person you were talking to earlier, where did they go? Did they go to the office?”
‘This damn animal.’
The trifling words of this stranger he didn’t even know kept irritating him. Sangwoo argued that he wasn’t a boyfriend and didn’t want to admit that Jang Jaeyoung would be leaving in the near future.
“Why do you talk like we’re close?”
“Sorry.”
The man easily backed off more than he expected. As soon as Sangwoo picked up the untouched glass of cocktail that was next to the on the last seat of the row, the other party also followed and sat a bit further away.
“Thank you.”
“…”
“I might be too forward, but I really like your style. If it makes you uncomfortable, I apologize.”
Sangwoo looked at the other party with a suspicious gaze, but did not take the extended hand.
“You are a student. I’m thirty-four years old and I own a fairly good personal business. I’m confident that I can take care of you. Would you like to talk to me? I’m not the type to play games and hide things.”
That man didn’t realize that a smile would make him look more polite, but Sangwoo remained unchanged.
“No, thank you.”
“May I ask why?”
“I’m quite picky about looks. They have to have a nice voice, be good at drawing, skateboard, and play basketball. And also be 27 years old.”
He finished speaking and immediately lifted the glass to drink. On the other side, the person muttered in frustration, having heard a disappointing story.
“Is he crazy or something?”
He was drunk. Very drunk. Sangwoo could feel it, after drinking all the alcohol. The annoying man still hadn’t left, the plan had failed miserably, and it was time to go home.
He went to the bathroom, planning to pay the bill afterward, but there were two English-speaking women who followed him in and invited him to chat, causing him to lose a little time. Sangwoo was confident in his English reading and grammar skills, but conversation was still difficult. No matter how hard he tried. Moreover, the music was so loud that he could hardly hear what they were saying. They handed him their phones and kept asking questions, but Sangwoo couldn’t help.
Sangwoo apologized and took his debit card out of his wallet to hand it to the bartender along with the bill.
“This is an ID card.”
“I’m sorry.”
After correcting the mistake, the woman smiled and calculated the amount, the amount written on the receipt was 45,200 won. Sangwoo wondered if he had been drinking only ten thousand won liquor. Then why was there a balance left and why was there a phone number and a smiley face symbol on the receipt?
But he stopped thinking because of his headache.
When he got up and stood, he staggered. Sangwoo put his hand on the wall, walked for a while, and thought that he couldn’t go anymore, so he leaned back against the wall at one corner and sat down. As he closed his eyes for a moment, he felt sleepy and woke up again, the song had changed, and there were many people walking around the club.
‘Ex-Friend, can’t remember which album or the name of the album, can’t remember which song, name of the song, Silence.’
Sangwoo sat there, immersed in the booming music, “thud, thud, thud.” Jaeyoung had played this song from his phone in the office to kill time. Four days ago, when he was riding in a car along the Han River with another person, he heard this song.
‘Sangwoo-ya.’
Sangwoo turned pale, feeling like tears would start pouring out.
‘Sangwoo-ya.’
He couldn’t remember what they fought about, and didn’t know why the other person was so upset.
‘Sangwoo-ya.’
In his head, there was only longing.
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[1] The sentence with a typo or an extra word in the chat was a typo according to Jaeyoung.
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