SMNTCERR, Chapter 37 <110> #1.

Sangwoo was on his way back home after finishing his part-time job. Yesterday’s incident had made him feel uneasy all day, and every tired and irritating step drained his energy. As he walked into the alley in front of his house, Sangwoo genuinely felt like collapsing onto his bed.

There was a person sitting disrespectfully in front of the building, wearing gray sports pants and a bright yellow hoodie, with a hood covering their head, and chewing bubblegum. On the other hand, it looked like an arcade game machine. Bubbles popped out of its mouth before it burst loudly.

It was unbelievable that he had kissed that person twice now and Sangwoo wasn’t in the mood to talk to the other party, so he hurriedly walked towards the apartment entrance. But before he could enter, Jaeyoung, who had been sitting still without moving, walked over and blocked the door, lifting his leg to block it. Just as Sangwoo thought of crossing over, the backpack on the back of his jeans was grabbed and pulled back until he stumbled.

‘This is sexual harassment.’

Because the other party’s hand touched his hip, at this time he wanted to speak out like that, but unfortunately, Sangwoo didn’t have the right to speak.

“Just like that, where are you going? Are you crazy?”

Jaeyoung stood up and blocked the door, observing the atmosphere and demeanor of the other party. It wouldn’t be surprising if he was scolded. Sangwoo calmly looked for a loophole. If he really decided to act, he could break through, but he might get caught while entering the door code.

“Why shouldn’t you have any principles like this? If you kissed someone twice, shouldn’t you have to explain something? How is what you did different from sexual harassment?”

“…”

He checked several times to make sure the other party was really asleep.

Then how did the other party know? Sangwoo hesitated before speaking.

“The first time… I have nothing to say. I was wrong, I apologize. As for the second time, it can be considered a mistake on both sides, so let’s pretend nothing happened.”

“Mistake on both sides?”

“Well, hyung you came and touched my face first… And then spoke in a strange manner, saying it was a mistake caused by alcohol. Normally, I’m not someone who does things without thinking, but because I was drunk…”  Jaeyoung just stared at Sangwoo. When the other party smiled, his face looked lively, but when he put on a blank face, it seemed devoid of any real emotion. Sangwoo felt uncomfortable seeing the cold gaze of the person in front of him.

“Do I need to apologize?”

“Yes. Let’s apologize to each other and make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

The corners of Jaeyoung’s lips twisted into a forced smile, but his eyes remained cold.

“What should I do? I don’t feel guilty at all. And I can’t guarantee that I won’t do it again in the future.”

However, what came back was an unexpected answer. Even though Sangwoo was confident that the other party must consider this a mistake and want to overlook it, he hesitated before speaking.

“Why? What’s good about it is that you, hyung, can speak without feeling embarrassed…”

“It’s not a mistake. And why do you have to try to overlook it? Don’t you feel like I do?”

“Feel what? It’s just an abnormal sexual desire.” Jaeyoung blinked as he heard something unexpected.

“Abnormal sexual desire…?”

“The complex biological mechanism of human development has evolved into a form of experiencing sexual feelings to produce offspring of the second generation. Although I think it is an inefficient method, it is true that humankind exists and reproduces through the process of heterosexual mating and complex pregnancy. The desire for same-sex attraction is just an illusion without meaning. It does not contribute to survival or evolution at all.” Jaeyoung blew so many balloons that they turned into big ones and popped, making it difficult to tell what he was thinking.

 

 

So, did I come here to study biology?”

Jaeyoung tilted his head, seemingly not listening to the explanation at all.

“No need to talk much, answer first. Did you go up yesterday or not?”

“What do you mean, ‘go up’?”

“What do I mean? It’s your reproductive organs down there, hyung That’s the one.”

Sangwoo didn’t think he would be asked such personal questions, but he also thought there was nothing he couldn’t answer. Sexual desire is a human instinct. Even if there were mistaken pairings, sexual desire is not something to be ashamed of.

“I don’t plan on denying my own desires. If it’s with you, hyung, my reproductive organ is often stiff.”

“…Use appropriate language.”

“Then what can change? The chance of your chromosome Y changing to X is

0%, already.”

Carving with a carving, positive with positive, north pole with north pole, it’s all impossible. Sangwoo took a deep breath and continued.

“If you’re going to be direct, let’s just say it like this for a while. It’s just a temporary state, it will get better on its own, but right now something went wrong and I can’t control my own desires, sometimes it might take some time, because until now I’ve been attached to you, hyung, but even so I don’t want to leave Veggie Avengers.”

Jaeyoung just laughed out loud.

“You don’t want to see my face, but you still want to use my design, right?”

“Even if we have to work remotely, it’s okay, but I want to finish it. So, please don’t withdraw. I’m begging you.”

Jaeyoung put his hand on his hood and turned around, his face devoid of words, and took a step closer, causing Sangwoo to step back.

Just look at yourself, you must have a brain structure abnormality. Don’t you think I’ll feel uncomfortable?”

“Are you uncomfortable, hyung?”

Jaeyoung stepped closer. Sangwoo stepped back.

“In a situation like this, do you still want to create games? Why are you thinking on your own, you rude kid? Shouldn’t you ask about my feelings or thoughts?”

“What are you thinking, hyung?”

Sangwoo’s face showed dissatisfaction. As the other party accelerated towards him, he quickly stepped back.

“Hey, are you doing this on purpose to tease me?”

“I asked because I genuinely didn’t know.”

Finally, Jaeyoung stopped his footsteps, his face turned away slightly, and he took a deep breath with a loud sigh.

“How can I stop now? You want me to let you off like this and continue making the game? It’s not possible anymore!”

“If you control your sexual desires. And…”

“Damn it. I can’t do that.”

“Calm down. I’m a man.”

Sangwoo spoke in that way and felt like a fool, Jaeyoung smirked. Even now,

Sangwoo thought the other party looked good. At the same time, he felt helpless.

“I don’t care about evolution and chromosomes. I’m not like you. I don’t define who I am, what I will do tomorrow. What matters most is what is here right now.”

Jaeyoung pointed to his chest and took a step closer, his shoulders seemed wider as they reflected the light from the streetlamp. Sangwoo felt a growing fear.

Whether it’s abnormal attraction or whatever. I hope it attracts me. But even so, because you’re a man, because you’re someone who breaks the rules a little, I get nervous. I pay attention to that. I’m not a gentleman, but what about you?

Don’t you know that this is not just about you, but about us?”

Finally, Sangwoo touched the wall without realizing it, his terrifying thoughts made his white brain go blank, and he had some techniques to fight against someone bigger coming into his mind.

‘When did he get this close?’

While Sangwoo was panicking, Jaeyoung got even closer, their lips were only inches apart. Sangwoo became more afraid, thinking that if it continued like this, what happened yesterday might happen again.

“You’re the one who switches on and off by yourself, so don’t tell me to stop in the middle. Who are you to…?”

‘Right now!’

Sangwoo used his elbow to push Jaeyoung’s waist with all his strength and escaped.

“Hey, crazy guy, we are still talking! Come here right now.”

He heard screams from behind but continued to run towards the building, although the distance was too short to increase his speed. Sangwoo was then grabbed by Jaeyoung and held firmly against the dirty glass door.

Jaeyoung locked Sangwoo’s neck and attempted to grab one of his arms from behind. Sangwoo resisted and fought back to free his neck from the hold. On the other side, he elbowed Jaeyoung in the stomach. The two struggled and grappled with each other.

“Let go!”

Sangwoo kicked his leg back, hoping to trip the person behind him, but Jaeyoung relied on his different body size and hugged Sangwoo tightly. They both fell down together. Jaeyoung fell on his back and let out a painful cry.

 

 

Sangwoo contemplated taking advantage of that moment and tried to headbutt the other person, but Jaeyoung had already used his legs to lock Sangwoo’s waist and flipped him over.

‘Damn it. If only I had a piece of wood.’

Their bodies were not much different in size, but it was strange that he found himself in a situation where he couldn’t exert any force. When Sangwoo regained his senses, he realized he was lying on the floor helplessly, and someone else was embracing him. Jaeyoung pressed his lower thighs tightly against Sangwoo’s calves, holding both of Sangwoo’s wrists on either side.

Sangwoo forgot his wrestling skills and fell into a deep sleep.

“What are you going to do?”

“That’s right, who’s running away? I’m talking about something important here.”

Jaeyoung exerted force with his hands, and the person on top had the advantage. In this position, lying like this, no matter how much strength was exerted, the other person couldn’t shake him off.

“Now, do you feel like talking?”

“What is there to talk about? I have nothing to say.”

“Hey, look at me.”

“…”

“Forget it, if you can’t talk then we can kiss.”

Sangwoo raised his head immediately, his heart pounding wildly. He didn’t know if it was because their bodies were too close or because the other person’s face was too near. Although Sangwoo didn’t want to show it, his chest tightened rapidly. He thought of the Korean national anthem in his mind. While Jaeyoung started speaking earnestly, unaware of what Sangwoo was thinking.

“Listen carefully, I’ve already told you that even if you’re a man, I don’t care. Choose whether you want to start with me or end everything, including the game. And then we don’t have to meet again, no middle ground.”

“Start what?”

“What do you think?”

The light from the streetlamp reflected on Jaeyoung’s cheeks. His eyes gleamed with a special orange light, and the words of the other person were difficult to interpret. Sangwoo could somewhat guess why the person in front of him was angry and what they were about to do, but he had to confirm to be sure.

“So, hyung are you going to do that… Do that to me?”

The final words that came out of his mouth were more muffled than he had expected. Moreover, his voice was lacking and intermittent.

“Do that? What do you mean?”

“Even if I’m a man, if you, hyung, hold hands, kiss, have sex, and pretend to be like a heterosexual couple to satisfy sexual desires, what about that?”

“Pretending to be in a relationship? Is that…”

Jaeyoung raised his clenched hand and gently touched Sangwoo’s wrist, lowering his face close enough to create shadows on Sangwoo’s eyes.

“Let me ask you one thing. What do you think being in a relationship means?”

“Being in a relationship between a man and a woman to develop towards marriage. Like a trial version of a program, you know?”

“Oh, so two men can’t do it then?”

“Is that a question?”

At that moment, both hands were set free. Jaeyoung released Sangwoo’s wrists and sat down on the ground with a face devoid of words. His skin, bathed in the light from the streetlamp, cast a full orange shadow. Jaeyoung spoke softly.

“Wait, let me think for a moment. If you run away, you’ll definitely die.”

Jaeyoung spat out a cherry pit and tossed it into the trash can before pulling out a cigarette from his pocket, just as the tip of the cigarette ignited in the darkness. Smoke escaped from his mouth and wafted into the air, as Jaeyoung’s cheeks puffed up and deflated repeatedly. Sangwoo stood up, then knelt down, keeping a slight distance from the other party.

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