SMNTCERR, Chapter 26 Blue #1.

   From the numerous examples he had seen, Jaeyoung believed that if he just treated the juniors well and took care of them, he would receive affection and respect in return. Until now, there was only one junior that wasn’t attached to anyone, and that person was the one who ate pizza with a face that made people wonder if the pizza had turned into clay or something. He was like a machine whose role was to destroy food and send it into his stomach, and he himself didn’t taste bad, but he made a face as if he was eating unseasoned boiled rice. Although he didn’t seem to be a picky eater judging from the fact that he could eat cafeteria food every day without complaining.

   This year, Jaeyoung is living his fifth year as a university student. And he is very skilled at attracting juniors to join his group. His ways to impress men and women are different. For men, just ordering delivery food and then showing off on a skateboard is enough for most of them to become honest slaves. As for women, they can be treated to meals, but they have to pay more attention. They have to engage in conversations and make them laugh often to create a sense of intimacy. That’s why he thought that Chu Sangwoo might be classified as a third gender.

   Jaeyoung approached Sangwoo without choosing a method; he chose to use soft words and reduce actions that would provoke the other party as much as possible ‘but even so, there were times when he couldn’t control his playful nature’. During the presentation of a short Chinese drama, he created great benefits, provided coffee every day according to the other party’s nature of attaching importance to daily routines, sincerely imitated sketches even though the results were opposite, and even revealed his secret weapon, a skateboard, for the other party to see and deliver to his home. At this point, it can be said that he did everything he could.

   “I hope you have a bad dream, sunbae.”

   He was surprised that he had no way to get results. Jaeyoung wondered if the other party was still there, and he wanted to press the button, backspace, but because he had invested heavily, he felt proud. The more he pushed forward.

   “For robots, there must be a suitable method for robots.”

   On Sunday, while reading webtoons with his slow as a turtle laptop, Jaeyoung thought of something good. He even tore up the notebook just to get attention from the junior. His determination and conviction were not just for show. Jaeyoung was the kind of person who would be deeply engrossed in something if he paid attention to it. If he asked the other party to format the computer, he would undoubtedly be rejected. Therefore, he created bait and prepared all the necessary equipment. Then he went to an internet café to start the battle.

   Sangwoo’s actions were just as Jaeyoung had expected. When facing humans, he liked to make funny faces, but when he touched the machine, those black eyes became serious.

   “As they said, men look sexy when they work.”

   Jaeyoung felt delighted as he looked at Sangwoo sitting at the counter, providing the format without being asked, and even offering complimentary upgrades. He felt that Sangwoo looked cute in this position.

   It’s hard to explain why, but it’s because Chu Sangwoo is not the typical style of a puppy, kitten, or bunny. If I were to put it into words, even though he doesn’t have the typical characteristics of a mammal, he definitely has some adorable qualities.

   The guy standing and waiting for the traffic light at an empty intersection in the city where no one lives, the person who doesn’t think about deviating from the pre-planned map even for a step, is quite different from Jaeyoung. Jaeyoung can be called a person who takes pride in his inclination to do things based on his feelings and love for freedom. But Sangwoo’s uniqueness, which would have been overlooked before, has now become somewhat charming after going through a strange process.

   Even though he acts rough, Sangwoo answers everything asked of him and focuses on his tasks. He doesn’t misspell in Chinese class, uses correct grammar, but his pronunciation is all over the place. Those things gradually become cute. In addition, Sangwoo’s appearance always stimulates Jaeyoung’s curiosity. Underneath that dark-colored clothing hiding his fair skin lies a personality controlled by rules. The image of the other party now feels like Disneyland entering the dark side, printing it out.

   “Like a herbivorous dark-striped animal living alone without realizing any abnormalities in a world devastated by nuclear war, and with a cyberpunk backdrop [2].”

   Jaeyoung has always been able to capture attention, so it’s natural for him to be attracted to things that are hidden, things that are changed, and things that differ between the outside and the inside.

   If it stops there, it would be good. Jaeyoung begins to feel a crisis. It was good for the senior to look after a junior, but how far can he accept it? For example, the jokes that Sangwoo came up with are cute and funny, so there’s no problem with that. But what about the feeling of wanting to bite the pale white neck from behind?

   He has been thinking for a long time about wanting to take off the hat that seems stuffed on top of the leaf-like head, but he actually put it on. Once he sees a face with nothing to hide, instead of the desire to know and see being fulfilled, his curiosity increases even more. If Sangwoo takes off the jacket, removes the Tshirt, takes off the shoes and socks, how slender are those shoulders? What shape are the toes? Does his body have a lot of hair? What color are the nipples?

   ‘You’re right, Sangwoo… I’m trash.’

   Whenever he went somewhere, this thought would arise. Jaeyoung felt relieved every time Sangwoo didn’t display any extraordinary powers. If the other party could read Jaeyoung’s thoughts, he would have called 112, the number he liked, multiple times.

   The worse Jaeyoung felt inside, the more he focused on his external appearance. He often acted like a good senior. It was easy to handle situations like this—just use gentle words, lower the tone of voice, speak softly and smile frequently. People would think Jaeyoung was warm-hearted. Even Sangwoo had no exceptions. It seemed that he was hesitant between the red duck shirt and the green coat. Meanwhile, Jaeyoung went to talk to the female student who had gone somewhere with Sangwoo. Although it wasn’t necessary to do so. Even he himself felt that it was just the excitement of a preschooler.

   ‘Today you look even more handsome than the last time we met.’

   In the morning drama, he played the role of a bad-tempered husband and spoke without much intention. At the same time, he wondered why he had to be so close and familiar with this kid. Yes, it was the action of a sixteen-year-old. When Ru Jihye walked away, Jaeyoung became a high school student with a rebellious attitude. Every time they had a slight argument, it escalated into a big fight.

   It was during that time when he began to consider it as a romantic feeling. Chu Sangwoo was truly peculiar, but Jaeyoung had a tendency to seek out things that stimulated his curiosity.

   However, it was a much more problematic thought.

   First of all, Jaeyoung didn’t have much time left. He submitted an application to continue his master’s degree, and the place he applied to was the same one he previously took the entrance exam for, according to the email… If there were no problems, he should pass.

   The more serious problem was that Sangwoo was a man. A few years ago, Jaeyoung traveled to Europe and slept with a cute gay guy because he was in the mood, but even then, he never thought about dating or being in a relationship with a man. It wasn’t that he couldn’t do it if he wanted to, but when the other party he wanted was Chu Sangwoo, he couldn’t imagine it at all because the other party was the type of person who thought the world would end if they watched a movie with a man.

   No matter how you think about it, it can be concluded that it’s impossible for him and Chu Sangwoo to end up together. However, Jaeyoung thought that if that was the case, he could do more than before according to his own will.

   He was confident that there would be no “line” to cross and used that confidence as a shield, portraying himself as a good older brother. Although it was clear that Sangwoo hated himself, he still picked on Jaeyoung.

   Time passed quickly, and those two weeks were filled with unexpected and fun incidents that lasted longer than he had expected. He became closer to Sangwoo. Although not as much as he aimed for, the more the other party waited for the time when they could add or drop courses, the more disappointed Jaeyoung became.

   Maybe that’s why he prepared a short drama script so diligently. Even though he had never been interested in that elective before, he did everything from preparing costumes, props, script translation, and even receiving advice on pronunciation. He set ten alarm clocks because he was afraid he wouldn’t wake up. And the moment he saw Sangwoo’s back about to change clothes, he realized that it was all over for him.

   Even though they were on a deserted balcony with no one around, no one to see. On the other side, Jaeyoung continued walking straight with certainty and in the right posture. When Jaeyoung looked at Sangwoo, his heart raced. The other was wearing an old-looking navy blue button-up shirt, black straight-leg pants with wrinkles around the ankles, and a cap that should be burned according to the description. It may not sound like something that would make the heart race, but it really was like that. Despite wearing a million-tailed wig, Jaeyoung felt like he had turned into a romantic movie protagonist and felt flustered.

   After the short drama ended well, he thought Sangwoo opened up a little bit. But at that moment, things took a sharp turn. He approached the other side and invited him to watch a movie. Then he was rejected mercilessly. Jaeyoung never intended to provoke or harm Sangwoo as he might have thought, he just wanted to look at the side face that was staring at the screen in the darkness. That’s all. 

   And he thought that maybe the other side would agree to watch the movie, so he confidently asked, how much should he invest?

   “Why would men go out together?” “I’m tired of being with you, sunbae.” Those words made sense. Although there were many times when Jaeyoung wanted to grab Sangwoo and argue because his words didn’t get through, the other side never spoke wrong, every time he was rejected. Jaeyoung saw it as a funny matter. And he let it pass. But this time, he couldn’t let it go. He tried so hard, even before they had a chance to talk, he was angry and upset.

   Jaeyoung argued with Sangwoo right there and destroyed everything he had built. He had the ability to make others believe that he, who seemed indifferent to the world, was an angel. But in front of Chu Sangwoo, he couldn’t use any tricks at all.

   When he returned home, he thought deeply. One part of his heart said, “Damn it, I hate him so much. I have to cut ties with him.” But another part of his heart wished, “But even so, I want this to end well.” The two thoughts clashed fiercely, and in the battle between the demon and the angel, the demon was the winner.

   “But no matter what, it shouldn’t end like this.”

   It was the devil that hid the dark desire to see Chu Sangwoo’s face once again.

   The next day, Jaeyoung imagined himself calling Sangwoo before class ‘Embedded System’ began and handing him a movie ticket, as if nothing had happened, and walking away coolly. Although inside was filled with tensions, he was confident that he could do it.

   However, he waited and waited, but Sangwoo did not show up.

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[1]      Third gender. In this case, Jaeyoung divided the kind of junior caretaking by gender. Male caretaking and female caretaking are different, but when he encountered Sangwoo, none of the methods worked, so he classified Sangwoo as a new gender, the third gender.

[2]      Cyberpunk, a fusion of high technology and deteriorating quality of life.

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