NORTHHOWMUCHISYOURLOVE, Chapter 26 part 1
Chapter 26: Only Mine
“Phii…”
I called out softly to the person in front of me, furrowing my brows and pressing my lips tightly together, an overflow of emotions in my chest – joy, sadness, surprise, shock, all mixed together, before the corners of my eyes began to sting. I clenched the hand I had placed on the other’s shoulder.
“I didn’t tell you all this to make you cry.” Phii Joe said. At this moment, I was sitting on his lap, under the condition that one kiss was the price for answering one question. It took us a long time before I understood everything, and now, my lips hurt from all the kissing beforehand.
“Why…” I whispered softly, slowly leaning closer to him, shifting my hands from his shoulders into an embrace. Phii Joe tightened his hug and moved his hand to stroke my head in a comforting manner.
Why…
Why did you wait for me for so long?
Even though I’ve hardly done anything for him, why is he so good to me?
Three years. For three whole years, someone has been waiting for me. Someone who sat across from me in the game shop late into the night, someone who had only me in his eyes, someone who thought of me almost all the time, someone willing to trade anything to keep my smile intact.
“Huh…huh.” I let out a small sob as I reflected on Phii Joe’s words. I had no idea. I won’t say it was a mistake to date Ja, even though she eventually left me because at that time, I truly loved Ja. I had made my decision when I was with her, but…I just thought, why didn’t I know there was someone who loved me this much?
And now, I love him. All I can think is, why didn’t our timing match up sooner…
“Sorry…thank you.” I said with a sniffle, still crying. I had countless words I wanted to say, but they wouldn’t come together properly.
“Sigh…If I knew you’d cry like this, I wouldn’t have told you.”
“How could you not? It’s such a big deal…huh.”
“What’s bigger is you crying right now.” Phii Joe said with a tone of displeasure, then gently pushed me back a bit to look at my face. I couldn’t see him clearly through my tears, and he used his thumb to gently wipe them away.
“Why do you love North so much…huh, it’s been too long, you must have been in so much pain.” I said, still sobbing.
“It’s not as painful as seeing you cry now.” Phii Joe said, with a look of concern, “Forget it, stop crying now.”
“Okay, I’ll stop.” I said, still looking upset from crying, then I pressed my lips together trying to hold back my tears, “I won’t cry anymore.”
“Good.” Phii Joe said, giving me a faint smile.
“It’s a good thing I decided not to go to America back then.” I said, expressing what I was thinking now, “If I had gone to study in America, who knows how things would be now.” “I would’ve just visited America more often.” “…” I fell silent at his response. I never thought I would be this emotional, and that old question arose in my mind once again.
Why is he so good to me…
“Thank you, really, thank you for waiting all this time, thank you for not changing your mind.”
“…”
“North loves you, loves you a lot.”
“I love you a lot too.”
I immediately bowed my head when I heard the love confession from the person in front of me; my already pounding heart began to beat even more fiercely, to the point where I could feel the heat spreading to my ears. Not knowing what to do, I just buried myself in his embrace and wouldn’t let go.
Looking up to meet his eyes again, I hugged him even tighter as tears, from god knows where, started to flow once more.
“North…” Phii Joe called out.
No matter what, I’m not used to…Phii Joe calling my real name.
“Phii…you don’t have to call me by my name.” I said softly.
“Hmm? Then what should I call you?”
“Uh…anything else is fine.” I said. Calling me ‘you’ like before is better. Is it okay not to call me by my name? I’m completely overwhelmed by him already, even though we’re dating, but my heart can’t take it.
“…”
“My love.”
“Ha!?”
“My love.”
!! “No. No way!” I exclaimed loudly, isn’t this more embarrassing than calling me by my name? Are you trying to kill me? Are you trying to give me a heart attack?
I looked up at the person in front of me, seeing a smile at the corner of his mouth which indicated he was very pleased. It seems Phii Joe really enjoys seeing me so embarrassed that I almost want to explode in embarrassment.
“Why not?”
“Well…just no.” I didn’t know what else to say but to hug him tighter, feeling too flustered to do anything else. Before being gently pushed back a little from his embrace, our eyes met for a moment without me looking away, then his soft lips pressed down again. I slightly turned my face away due to the slight pain.
By the time I fully understood his story, we had kissed countless times…
The warm touch invaded again, and I responded to that touch. Our tongues danced together, creating an embarrassing sound, my heart still pounding heavily, warmth spreading all over my chest. I closed my eyes, one of his hands reached to press the back of my head closer as if feeling we weren’t close enough, while the other hand held mine.
The gentle kiss I received. I don’t know how long it lasted before it was reluctantly pulled away.
It had to be gentle because my lower lip had split again…
“Phii…”
“Hm?”
“It’s just…I don’t know what to do anymore, especially after hearing what you told me…” I expressed my concern. I loved him a lot, but I felt it might not be enough compared to everything that had passed. I promised myself I would do my best, but it still felt insufficient.
“I’ve already told you, haven’t I?”
“Just being by your side forever is enough.” “Is that possible?” “Yes, I promise I won’t go anywhere, I swear by everything.”
I made my promise before the tears could flow again, as if every feeling trapped in my chest was pouring out. From now on, no matter what happens, I promised I wouldn’t go anywhere. I would stay here as long as this place remains mine.
…
I’ve been living with Phii Joe for several days now. So much has happened since I moved, like the silly duck that Phii Joe said, “I bought so many things for him, but you ended up liking this duck.” After settling in, I decided to ask why he likes me, abiding by our previous agreement where each question was exchanged for a kiss.
At first, I thought I’d ask just one question, but then I just kept wanting to know more until I asked everything. After learning the whole story, I couldn’t hold back my tears.
I’ve become such an emotional person, crying until my eyes hurt.
I had no idea that the person in the Ferrari was Phii Joe, nor that the one who sat across from me at the table, appearing and disappearing, was him as well, and he was also the one who gave me that silly duck.
I was indescribably happy when I found out Phii Joe was the owner of the silly duck I had been curious about for so long. Honestly, I was very thankful, and I had already thanked him in person.
Having just moved in, I wasn’t quite used to the room yet, especially since my things were now here too. There was a new wardrobe in Phii Joe’s room that I hadn’t noticed before, which he gave to me. There was a desk and all sorts of things ready for me, and my motorcycle was sent back home because Phii Joe said he would take care of picking me up and dropping me off, which I felt very apologetic about, but I couldn’t argue. And hearing his stories helped me understand everything better, like when he came to pick me up from the bar incident. About the debt, Phii Joe said he didn’t stop me when I was acting out in his house; he could have but chose not to, so I would learn the consequences of getting drunk and being foolish. It worked well because I haven’t touched alcohol since then.
When I asked about the debt, Phii Joe just said to forget it, it’s just money. At first, he didn’t even have anything anyway. I thought he was just using it to threaten me, T^T
As for James…James is quite the scoundrel who used to tell me, “I’ll take care of you, North.” back when we were at the game shop, always inviting me out for Korean BBQ, bingsu, shabu-shabu, all sorts of buffets. Initially, I was really grateful to James, thinking how kind he was, but now I know…it was all Phii Joe’s money, and he was paying Phii Joe to take me out to eat.
James, why are you such a bad person…
We are in the same faculty, but I don’t really see James much because we’re in different years and faculties. Once you’re in your second year, you study in separate faculties, and James doesn’t care about seniority, doesn’t care about studying, doesn’t care about anything except alcohol. He just drinks and flirts with girls all day. I ran into him near the faculty’s coffee shop long after the semester started, and he looked shocked, saying, “Oh, didn’t you say you were going to America? Why were you lying?”
Lying about what? I just didn’t go, so what?
And why am I even mad at James?
“What time does your class end?” I turned to ask the person sitting next to me as the luxurious car pulled up in front of the engineering faculty. From now on, Phii Joe would probably drop me off like this every day.
“Half past six, and what time do you finish?” Phii Joe asked back. “Four, but I have cheer practice until ten.” I replied. “I’ll come and wait.”
“Yes, sir. Study hard.”
“Hmm.” Phii Joe said, then gave me a smile. I smiled back, reaching to open the door, but was pulled back by my arm first. He drew me close, leaned in, and gave me a gentle kiss, just a touch of the lips before letting go.
“Study hard.” He said, then flashed that slight smile he often does, and I always fell for that smile, feeling my heart beat faster again, my face starting to flush before I quickly opened the door to get out.
Good grief…
He’s never gentle with my heart at all.
But I like it, I really like this feeling, it’s so happy I want it to last forever.
As I was walking towards the lecture building, my phone rang. When I checked, I saw that it was my mom calling.
“Yes, Mom.” I answered the call and spoke into the phone.
(North, are you going to class today?)
“Yes, I’m about to head to class now.”
(Oh, your aunt wanted me to tell you that Non’s condition has improved) my mom said. Non is my cousin’s newborn baby. He was born a while ago, but recently he wasn’t feeling well, so everyone at home was worried. I’m quite fond of my nephew too, though I haven’t had a chance to play with him yet, I’ve only seen pictures my mom and aunt sent to boast.
“Really? That’s great. I’ll find time to visit on Saturday, this week.”
(That’s good. Don’t forget the gold for the baby’s welcoming gift.)
“Yes, Mom.” I agreed. “Oh, Mom, North has something to tell you.”
(What is it?)
“North has a new partner now.” (Really? You didn’t get back together with Ja, did you?)
“No, no.”
(That’s good. Don’t ever get back with her, ha, she broke up with you and then had the audacity to ask to reconcile, after all the effort, the morning and evening rides, feeding you almost every meal, and never missing a gift, then she breaks up on graduation day, terrible) my mom said, sounding irritated. When Ja dumped me, my mom was even angrier than I was; she was nearly ready to storm over to her house.
(So, who’s this new partner?)
“But he’s a guy, Mom.”
(Oh, who is he then?)
“His name is Phii Johan, he’s in his second year of medical school at our university, and he lives near our place too. You know, the big house that owns a lot of land around our area?”
(Ha! Really, son?)
“Yes.”
(Oh dear, my son has landed himself in the rice pot. I’ve heard that the house has a grandson, and I was even thinking of presenting you to him on a tray.)
“Mom, really?”
(Just kidding. But how did you guys end up together? I want to see what he looks like. Send me a picture.)
“It’s a long story, I will tell it later. I’ll send some photos.”
(Send them, and is he handsome?)
“Oh, handsome, very handsome.”
(Really? When you were dating Jaja, you boasted to your mom like this too. Jaja wasn’t that cute, you were just showing off your girlfriend, weren’t you?)
“Oh my. This is my boyfriend, you know.”
(Okay, you’re good, send the photos. I’ll show off to Aunt Nuch, and to the neighbor lady too, she’s always bragging about her daughter’s boyfriend.)
“The neighbor lady? Mrs. Kaew, right?”
(Yes, her daughter just graduated. Her daughter’s boyfriend is a doctor, a surgeon. She brags about it morning and night about how rich her daughter’s boyfriend is. And she keeps asking me if my son is still not done with school, if he has a girlfriend yet, warning that he might not find one, look, her daughter is planning to get married and have kids. How much does an engineer earn? Is it enough? Her daughter’s boyfriend is a surgeon, earning several tens of thousands.)
“And what did mom say back?”
(What’s all the fuss about my child? That bitch.)
“Mom…take it easy.”
(Just kidding, I just give a dry smile and then call the mason to build a higher fence, so tired of seeing her face.)
“Whose mom is this? She’s awesome.” I said, laughing. My mom is like this, her personality isn’t much different from mine, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, that’s for sure.
(Of course, are you really coming this Saturday? Bring your boyfriend too.)
“Can I bring him?”
(Yes, yes, bring him, I’ll prepare some food.)
“Okay, I’ll ask him first.”
(Okay, that way, I’ll clean the house too. But, is he really the grandson of that landlady?)
“Yes, why?” (Nothing, I am just shocked, really shocked. That family is really rich, you know. The whole market talks about how handsome her grandson is, every girl wants him. I’ll brag about it all the way to the back of the market, watch me. The market landlady is also very kind, she’s waived the booth rental fee several times now without any complaint.)
“Mom, don’t forget to pay the rent.”
(Oh, how about the house rent, I forgot to pay that too) my mom said casually, her forgetfulness matching mine.
“Please pay it, Mom, or we might get evicted. We won’t have a home.”
(Evicted? Alright, I’ll go pay it then.)
“Okay, see you on Saturday.”
(Got it, don’t forget to bring your partner too.)
“Yes, I love you, Mom.”
(I love you too) before my mom hung up. My mom is as easy going as I am, and she never restricted me from having a partner. When I was with Ja, my mom always gave advice and support, treating Ja almost like her own daughter, which is why she was so angry when Ja broke up with me as I mentioned earlier.
I try to picture Phii Joe at my house, meeting my mom and my aunt. I can’t really imagine it. But would he want to go to my house? If he’s okay with my family, that would be great. As for Mom and Aunt, they’re easy-going anyway. Okay, that’s settled.
And then there’s the question of how his family will react to me…
I walked out of the lecture hall feeling drained, getting nagged at for a long time makes one feel quite exhausted. The freshmen were gradually leaving, and there was a buzz from the group of girls. I scanned the area for the person who said they would wait for me.
I spotted Phii Joe sitting with James, and there was another senior with them. The girls were looking in their direction, whispering among themselves. I didn’t pay much attention, trying to navigate my way through the crowd. While squeezing through, I overheard the girls chatting:
“Is that Phii Johan? He’s even more handsome in person. I’ve only seen photos.”
“You’re kidding, I’m so embarrassed, why are they all so good-looking? Is that one from our faculty? I see he’s wearing a gear jacket, but I’ve never seen him before.”
“I like Phii Johan more but heard he has a partner. Look at his left wrist, he’s wearing gear.”
“Why would a doctor wear gear? Oh, his partner studies engineering.”
“Squeeeee, I’m so embarrassed right now.”
I pretended not to hear their comments, though inside I was quite flattered. It took a while to get out because, as I’ve mentioned before, the lecture hall was crowded, and when it was over, everyone was trying to push their way out. Even if you didn’t want to push, just standing in the front row would get you pushed out anyway.
“Here you are.” James immediately greeted me, “We were just talking about you. Joe got teased until he was fed up. Come here, let me tease you a bit.”
“Very funny, James. No need.” I replied. My friends were already teasing me enough as it was, “Did you wait long?” I asked Phii Joe.
“Just got here.” Phii Joe answered, “The professor just let us go.”
“But don’t classes end at half past six?”
“They do end at half past six.” Phii Joe said, “But the professor wouldn’t let me leave, made me do some work or something.”
“So, you got roped into some work at the faculty?” James asked, “Was that what you were complaining about on the phone earlier, about the professor being mad?” “Yeah, he used me, didn’t even give me an A, just a B last semester.” Phii Joe grumbled, “And I don’t know why he got mad at me. At first, everything was fine.”
“What did you do to upset the professor?” The guy sitting next to James asked.
“I told him I wasn’t available to do any work, I had to rush back, and he asked why I was in such a hurry. I said I needed to go and drink with friends, and then he got mad. Why would he be mad about that?”
“Maybe he was upset because you didn’t invite him to drink with you, Joe?”
“I did invite him, but he didn’t want to come. Doesn’t that mean he has no right to be mad?”
“Yeah, why is the professor so fussy about it?” The other guy said.
“Or maybe he’s more of a beer guy?” Phii Joe countered.
“Yeah, that could be it. Some people only drink beer, not liquor, you know.”
“What are you guys even talking about?” James said, shaking his head in mock disgust, “If the professor actually comes…”
“Then he should come, we’ll treat him.” Phii Johan said casually, “Seriously, are you really thinking of inviting a medical professor to drink with us? You can’t treat a professor to drinks, T^T.”
But…drink?
“Drinking?” I asked.
“Yes, I’m inviting.” James said, “You in? To celebrate your relationship, really, it’s something worth celebrating, the animal way, I mean. When we found out you were just talking, not even dating yet, Frank and I cried with joy.” I looked at the other guy next to James, oh, his name is Frank, right? “Now you’re actually dating. I’m so happy I don’t know what to do with myself, Joe.”
“Are you really inviting my boyfriend to drink with you?” “You’re talking about your ‘wife’ quite boldly, bastard.” James said with a slight chuckle, “Come on, you were going to come with us anyway.”
“Haven’t had a drink in a while, you invited.” Phii Joe replied, “But let me take the little one home first.”
“Aw, not coming together? We should celebrate your relationship with him there too.” Frank objected. “He wants to drink too, trust me.”
“Really?” Phii Joe turned to ask me.
“Uh…sure.” I said. I was fine either way. It had been a while since I last drank too. “Can I go in this outfit?” I asked James, who was from my faculty, since I was still in my cheering outfit, which was an engineering faculty shirt and sweatpants.
“Why not? It’s not like it’s a student uniform, and it might be nice that the bar is full of engineering shirts.” James said. He was also wearing an engineering shirt. Frank and Phii Joe, on the other hand, were in casual wear, probably having changed before coming.
“Are you sure you want to go?” Phii Joe asked me again.
“Yes, why? North doesn’t have to go if you don’t want to.” I said. If he just wanted to drink with his friends, I didn’t have to come.
“North, huh? Using your own name to refer to yourself.” James teased. I glanced at him with a slightly annoyed expression.
“No, I want you to come with me.” Phii Joe said simply, and then the four of us walked out from the engineering faculty area, with James and Frank heading to another car.
We settled at the furthest table in the bar, which was a regular place near the university, with live band music. Everyone ordered drinks and various foods.
“Finally, you two are together. Damn, I feel like I’ve just completed something in life.” James said his first sentence after the waiter left. “We’re like the original crew, right, Frank?” “Yeah, damn, it’s the best. I’m tearing up here, Joe. It feels like we’ve been through so much together, drank so much that we’re on the brink of liver cirrhosis. Can I request funds to make a vinyl banner with your couple’s picture to hang up at the university? Can we put it in front of the medical faculty and engineering faculty, maybe even mine too, just show it off everywhere.”
“That’s going too far, bastard.” Phii Joe laughed at Frank’s suggestion, and then the table conversation became about us, with James and Frank asking how it all happened, while Phii Joe let me do most of the talking.
“So, you got dumped?” James asked. I nodded in response. “Why did she break up?”
“She said…what was it…something like choosing someone with a future, so she went for another medical student.” I said, then took the drink Frank had mixed, swallowing it with difficulty. How did he mix it to make it so strong?
“Oh, why? Does she think the engineering faculty have no future?” James exclaimed, “Got dumped because the salary is lower, huh? That’s sad, you animal, Joe, how much does a doctor earn?”
“Sixty thousand, not including overtime.” Phii Joe replied, raising his glass of liquor.
“Damn, that’s a lot. And what about an engineer at a company?”
“Twenty thousand for a fresh graduate.”
“Wow, that’s a three times difference, North.” James said, turning to me, his face suddenly looking gloomy. I felt down too because we were in the same faculty, “But we have less work, it’s way more comfortable.”
“Oh, so compared to the workload, we have it easier, right, Phii?” I asked.
“No, when I said less work, I meant job positions. Not many people are taking up engineering jobs now, there are so many graduates each year, it’s depressing.” James said before taking another drink, it seemed more like he was sharing his woes, “I think we should start a business together, North, let Joe fund it.”
“What kind of business, Phii?”
“Selling Hainanese chicken rice.”
“…”
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