NORTHHOWMUCHISYOURLOVE, Chapter 24 part 2
“What?” I said, confused.
“What do you think about this, North? I’m ready to write it down, considering you work to support yourself through school.” Palm asked, pen ready to note down my thoughts. Why choose such a headache-inducing topic?
“What topic are we even on? Hold on, there’s too much going on.” I swore as I got killed in the game, and after a while, that game round ended.
“So, let’s focus on the point about people who are rich because of their parents not being considered rich.”
“Oh.” I paused for a moment, “What would you call it if not rich? Does wealth count by the amount of money or not? It’s not about whether you earned it yourself. If I won the lottery and got ten million, would they say I’m not rich because I didn’t earn it? But I’d have ten million, man.”
“Okay, got it.” Palm nodded in understanding and jotted it down before looking up to continue, “And about being born rich, from a wealthy family, where you don’t have to do anything.”
“What am I supposed to do about that?” I said, picturing it, “I’m rich, what should I do? Should I cut ties with my parents and go wash dishes to support myself? That’s crazy. What parents would want their child to suffer? If they have money, they want their children to spend it.”
“North, calm down, why do you sound so passionate?”
“I am passionate, especially about money stuff, I’m super passionate.” I admitted, laughing at myself, “So, what do you want me to do? I’m rich, you know?” I said, still laughing, “Man, I get passionate about this stuff so easily. I wish I could say stuff like this in real life.”
“Yeah, I get it now. You get into it way too easily.” the person next to me laughed again, though not too loudly because there were others around, “So, about not having to do anything because you’re born into wealth?”
“What should they do then? What do you want them to do?” I countered.
“Yeah, I don’t know about that one.”
“Just saying ‘rich kids’ makes it sound bad, but they’re people too, right? Everyone has asked their parents for money at some point. You’ve asked, I’ve asked sometimes too, and my money runs out mid-month, it’s sad.”
“But when you’re born into a wealthy family, it’s already comfortable. You don’t really have to do anything, you don’t even need to study, don’t need to work, right?” Palm raised an eyebrow.
“Um, that’s true, but being born rich doesn’t mean they lack ability.”
“…”
“We use the term ‘your parents are rich’, and we overlook a lot of things. They might have their own pressures, pressures that we don’t understand. Being rich means they have social expectations, right? Not to mention the comparisons. Life isn’t easy no matter what. They might be trying hard but no one notices, which can be really discouraging.”
“North, you’re giving me chills.”
“Why…did I say something good?”
“No, I just feel like I need to go to the bathroom.”
“You’re a bastard, always with crude jokes.” I said before letting out a small laugh, “So, any more questions? Hurry up, I want to continue my game.”
“There’s one more. What about people who just keep using their parents’ money without caring about anything else, spending it until they die or something like that?” Palm looked down at the report again, reading the question.
“Honestly, I think that’s their business. But are they really okay with living like that?”
“And if they are?”
“Then it’s fine, they should just keep doing it.”
“Don’t you ever think the world is unfair? Like, being born rich means you’re born successful. People like you work so hard.”
“The world has never been fair, has it? What are you going to do about it? Just keep complaining without doing anything, cursing the rich won’t make you rich. It’s annoying.” I said, before diving back into my game. I was starting to get a headache. Why did Palm choose such a hard topic? “If the world isn’t fair, we just have to try harder.”
“So that’s why you work part-time jobs?”
“Partly, but honestly, I just wanted to help my family a bit. Using money you earned yourself feels much prouder, you know? Deep down, it feels better than, say, those rich kids you mentioned. If they want to use their parents’ money until they die, it’s not wrong, it’s their right, but deep down, don’t they feel a bit worthless? Do they really feel okay being looked down upon like that all the time?”
“…”
“Why not improve your life even more when you’ve already got a good start? From rich to super-rich, so rich that those who love to gossip and envy you drop dead, slap them with your own money, is there a problem with that? Slap them with a wad of thousand-baht notes, make their head burst.”
“Damn, slap them with banknotes until their head bursts, how big should that wad be?”
“Exactly, but I think it would be damn satisfying, really. Look down on me, huh? I’m rich, so what? This is my money. Keep talking, I’ll buy the world and kick you out to Mars, so you’ll know what the power of money is like,” I said.
“Damn, that’s brutal, man, I’m scared now.”
“Yeah, it’s pretty damn cool,” I said, holding back laughter along with the person sitting next to me.
♣♣♣
The words of that soybean milk kid kept spinning in my mind, even though hours had passed. I was out for my usual night out, the music in the bar was loud, along with the noise of the crowd. I held a cigarette in one hand, bringing it to my lips again, inhaling and then blowing out the gray smoke.
“But being a rich kid doesn’t mean they have no skills at all…”
“They might try hard, but no one sees it until they give up.”
“The world has never been fair, has it? If the world isn’t fair, we have to try harder.”
Those many phrases echoed in my mind like someone was replaying a tape…The world really isn’t fair, but all we can do is try harder. But the idea of effort never crossed my mind. I’m already rich, after all. Everything seems so easy, I could live like this until I die.
“If they want to use their parents’ money until they die, it’s not wrong, it’s their right, but deep down, don’t they feel worthless? Do they really feel okay being looked down upon like that all the time?”
Yes…deep down, I’m not that happy with who I am, because of the words saying that without my parents’ money, what would be left of me? The answer is nothing.
No one is okay with being looked down upon like this all the time.
“Why not improve your life even more when you’ve already got a good start?”
“Using money you earned yourself feels much prouder, you know?”
That’s right, that kid earned his money by himself, even though he’s younger than me. Not from a well-off family, but why does he think like that?
“Joe.”
“Hmm?”
“What are you zoning out about?” James asked as he set his drink down, moving his other hand to wrap around the waist of a woman sitting nearby. “Which girl are you eyeing tonight?”
“Nah, I think I’ll head home.” I said, putting out my cigarette in the ashtray with a sigh, feeling quite bored. The conversation with that kid had been stuck in my head all evening, making it a less than fun night.
“Oh, leaving us just like that?”
“Sorry, see you later.”
“Sure, sure.” I walked out of the game shop, got into my favorite car, and drove home before midnight. Grandma would surely be surprised to see me back so early. My mind was still replaying those words.
Damn, it’s so irritating.
“James, do you remember that kid who sells soy milk?” I asked James while we were at school during lunch break. That kid had kept me up almost all night with too much thinking.
“Yeah, I remember him, but you, you don’t. Why?”
“Tell me about him.”
“You mean…North, right?”
“His name is North?” I raised an eyebrow, questioning.
“Yeah, North is a cute kid, lives near our place, Joe. Why don’t you know him? You drink his soy milk every day.”
“The soy milk that makes Joe here wants to go inject himself with insulin.” Frank interjected, “I didn’t think it was sweet.”
“It is sweet.” I argued, “Continue, James.”
“Why the interest?”
“No reason, just heard him talking to a friend yesterday.”
“Ah, got his heart, huh? I figured. Too bad you were there to hear it, it was clearly about you.” James said, chuckling a little, “I felt a bit choked up for him, but he was right, wasn’t he?”
“If it didn’t hit you in the heart, you wouldn’t think this way, right, Joe?” James asked again, making me sigh slightly, “Seriously, that kid is completely different from you, polar opposites. I heard his dad passed away a long time ago. He lives with his mom and aunt, I guess, because his family isn’t wealthy, so he does parttime work too.”
“Really?” Frank raised an eyebrow in surprise, “He’s in high school, right?” “He’s been working since middle school.” James said, “Now look at you, Joe, born into a rich family but doing absolutely nothing, you’re the opposite.”
“Yeah, damn it.” I cursed in frustration.
“Oh, now you’re irritated.” Frank teased slightly.
“North is an optimist, he’s super laid back, so much so that anyone around him feels at ease.” James said, “He’s also very understanding.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
♣♣♣
“Today, can I go stay over at a friend’s house?” I said cheerfully into the phone, talking to my mom about not coming home tonight because tomorrow was Saturday, and I was still playing games at the shop.
“What about your homework?”
(What work?)
“Group project, need to help Te and Ball with it.”
(Okay, okay, what time will you be back? Should I pick you up?)
“Not sure yet, but North can get back on his own.”
(Okay, son.)
“Yes, mom.”
♣♣♣
“Is that really okay, North? If your mom finds out, you’re in big trouble.” Tae, who was sitting next to me, said with a worried look. These guys knew well how strict my mother could be.
“It’s fine, I’m at your place for a group project, right?”
“But the work is already done.” “Yeah, but I really want to play this game all night, can’t do that at home.” because I don’t have a computer, T^T, and so me and my two friends, Tae and Ball, stayed at the shop playing games late into the night.
My girlfriend was stuck reading books. Normally we don’t talk much because she’s quite the bookworm, and I’m not complaining; I let her read while I play games with my friends.
After more than an hour, suddenly the door to the game shop opened with a loud bang. A woman stood at the doorway, looking extremely angry, holding a stick of star gooseberry in her hand.
Mom…
Damn.
She’s here.
“Mom…” I called out to the person walking in with a mix of fear and apprehension, swallowing hard, feeling a chill run down my spine from the weapon in her hand. My knees felt weak.
“North, oh shit, what do we do, we’re all dead.” Ball nudged me, his voice trembling as well.
“Start praying.” I whispered, feeling terrified, oh no, T^T.
“North!! Didn’t you say you were doing group work? Tae! Ball!”
“Yes, ma’am!” my two friends responded immediately.
“I’ve already called your parents, they’ll be here to pick you up soon.” my mother said kindly to my two friends, though her voice was cold enough to freeze hearts. Their faces turned pale instantly – they had lied to their parents too about group work, “As for you North…”
“Yes…ma’am.” “Come here!” “Ouch, ouch, Mom, don’t pull, Mom.” I cried out loudly when she yanked my ear to make me stand up. Thank goodness the shop was empty late at night. I glanced over to see James watching with amusement, what’s so funny, Phii? T^T
“Were you lying? Huh!”
“Ouch!” I yelled when the gooseberry stick struck me. Why does she hit so hard? It hurt so much, T^T, and then she struck several more times.
“Group work? Lying to your mother now? I never minded your gaming, but to not even come home, do you know how worried people at home were? Don’t be so reckless!”
“Ouch, ow, it hurts, Mom, please don’t hit me, it really hurts, I promise I won’t do it again.” I begged for mercy, but to no avail. The gooseberry stick came down again, this time it broke.
Tears are flowing now…it hurts so much that tears are coming out.
And so, the tears of this grown boy just came out, T^T
“Sniff, Mom, it hurts.” Since the tears were already flowing, I just went ahead and cried, hoping my mom would feel sorry for me.
“Why are you crying!”
“Ouch!”
“Are you a man or not! Hold it in, the more you cry, the more I’ll hit you!”
“Ouch! Mom!”
“What, why are you calling me?”
“Uh, I love you, ouch!”
“Don’t try to cover it up with ‘I love you’, the old tricks don’t work anymore!”
“Ouch!”
I watched the scene before me in astonishment because it was late, and I was planning to go out to a club, having spent the whole day in James’s shop. But when I stepped out and stopped at the corner of the stairs, I heard a commotion. What’s going on?
Did someone;s mom come to take their kid back home?
I saw the soybean milk-selling kid being hit by a woman who I assumed was his mother. He probably stayed out late playing games and didn’t go home. James, who was with us, seemed to find it amusing.
Good grief.
If my mom came looking for me while I was out, I wouldn’t be too happy about it either. That kid must feel the same, getting hit in front of friends like that – isn’t it embarrassing?
“Uh, Mom, if you hit me too hard, you’ll complain about your hand hurting again.”
“Oh dear, this is love. If not, I wouldn’t care, my hand is all red now.”
“See, I have realized my mistake, let’s go eat something nice instead, so you’ll be in a good mood, right?”
Why is he still in such a good mood? What James said about him being easygoing might be an understatement; isn’t he even a little angry or upset?
“I understand you’re worried, I apologize. I promise I won’t do it again, okay?” I said, making a cute pleading face to appease my mother, hoping she’d stop being angry. Eventually, she couldn’t help but laugh.
“There you go, you’re smiling now, right? Let’s go get something to eat instead, let’s go.” I said my goodbyes to my friends and walked out awkwardly due to the pain from the beating.
Even after being punished like that, why wasn’t I angry? Because I understood she was worried, right? If that’s the case, then maybe James was right when he said being with someone like North would make you feel at ease. ♣♣♣ Just hearing a few words from him…
Words like, ‘doesn’t mean they don’t have any ability at all.’ I don’t know, it was something no one had ever said to me before. Because all my life I’ve only heard things like, ‘You were born rich, you don’t need to do anything.’
Those few sentences from that day made me rethink things over and over until I decided…I wanted to try doing something on my own.
And that was the small spark that made me start taking an interest in him.
The first thing that surprised me was…
Why does this person look so bright and cheerful? Can someone really have this much positive energy? He smiles a lot, whether he’s selling soy milk, at the game shop, or just talking to others.
And I found myself getting more and more addicted to that smile.
“Joe, aren’t you going out to the club anymore? I hardly see you.” a girl from my school walked up to ask, wearing her school uniform, “Do you know that I miss you?”
“Oh, I still go out. Haven’t you seen me?”
“Go to club my ass, Joe.” James chimed in, “You haven’t been out for days, didn’t you notice?”
“Really?” I raised an eyebrow at the other, “Do you really miss me?” I then turned to ask the same girl.
“Yes, I miss you a lot.”
“Then we’ll meet up later, okay?”
“Uhmm, call me, I’ll be waiting.” She whispered softly into my ear, giving a sweet smile before walking away. She had a nice smile, but it didn’t compare to his.
“Joe, seriously, what’s up with you?” Frank asked with a serious tone, “You haven’t been going out for days now, is something wrong?”
“Yeah, I was going to ask the same. Usually, you go out every day, but since last week came around, you’ve just been playing games at my shop and then going straight home.” James added.
“I don’t know, I’m just bored.” I said, expressing how I felt, “No matter how beautiful the women are, I start to feel bored with all of them.”
“The saturation point of a playboy, huh?” Frank asked.
“Probably, I need a break.” I said.
“Sure, do whatever you feel like.” James said, shaking his head slightly in disgust. Yeah…I kind of don’t understand myself either. It’s boring, everything is just boring. No matter how beautiful, sexy, or cute a woman is, I’m bored with it all. Maybe I’ve reached the saturation point as Frank mentioned.
But there’s someone’s smile that makes me want to see it every day. No matter how much I look at it, it’s never enough, to the point where I want to buy it just so I can look at it alone.
I don’t really understand myself right now either, but sitting at the corner table of the shop playing games has become my daily evening ritual, just to see that one smile, to listen to what the junior talks about with friends. I don’t know why I’m so drawn to one person’s laughter, and to see the same person selling soymilk from the cart in front of the market every morning, smiling at everyone who comes to buy, no matter how tired he might be.
But I still wonder when this junior will understand the phrase, ‘no sugar’, for once.
“James.” I called out while the three of us were sitting in the innermost room of the game shop. The shop wasn’t crowded yet since it was still daytime.
“What’s up?” “I’ve got a question for both of you.” I said, turning towards Frank. “Sure, go ahead.” “If I like someone, but they’ve never done anything for me, would that be weird?” My question made the other two look at each other in surprise immediately.
“Huh, what kind of question is that? It’s not weird, why? Who do you like?” James said.
“Really? Someone like you, Joe?” Frank asked, with a look of disbelief.
“Why, what’s wrong with someone like me?” I asked back.
“What the hell.” Frank said, “And then what? Who do you like? Do you really like them?”
“I don’t know, but I know I like them. Not sure if it’s serious or not.” I said it according to my feelings. It’s a-like, but I’m not sure if it’s serious, because I’ve never been serious with anyone. I don’t even understand what ‘serious’ means.
“Who is it?”
“It’s the kid.” I answered.
“The kid? Oh, the one who sits opposite you at my shop all the time, I thought so, I’ve seen you looking often.” James said, “I was wondering, so in the end, you’ve fallen for him.”
“Nong North, huh?” Frank raised an eyebrow. I nodded in confirmation, “Well, that’s good. If you like him, just say it, be straightforward.”
“And why do you like him?” James asked.
“I’m not sure myself, that’s why I asked if it’s strange. Liking someone who hasn’t done anything for me.”
No, saying he hasn’t done anything for me isn’t entirely accurate. If I say he’s like a motivational force that makes me want to change myself, that wouldn’t be too strange, I guess.
As for North, he’s just being himself…and that’s why I like him even more.
“It’s not strange. What do you expect him to do for you, jump in front of a bullet like in a drama? That’s foolish, this is real life. You don’t need a reason to love someone, you just do, right?”
“Yeah.”
“And how do you like him, explain it.”
“Well, I like him. I want to see him smile, want to keep it for myself, don’t want him to be cute for others to see, damn, I want to buy him and keep him at home just for me.”
“That’s not just liking, Joe, that’s being smitten, you animal.”
“Yeah, he’s the one who makes me feel like I want to stop fucking around, the first person who made me feel this way.”
“So that’s why you’ve been going out less lately.”
“Probably, something like that.” I answered.
“Would you call this being serious, Joe?” James furrowed his brow, “But for someone like you, who’s never been serious with anyone, this must feel unsettling.”
“It does.” I said.
It felt like I was losing my balance more and more, to the point where I didn’t feel like myself, constantly thinking about how great it would be if he was by my side. But another part of me wondered if someone like me could take care of him.
“I think.” James started, with a slight smirk.
♣♣♣
“North.” I turned around at the call from behind to find James calling my name before he sat down in the chair next to me. Today, I was back at the same game shop. Although the hourly rate is a bit expensive, the system where you can accumulate points for free play is great. I’ve been getting a lot of free hours lately. “Yes?” “I’ve got something to ask.”
“Oh, sure, what is it?” I turned my attention to the person beside me immediately, wondering what was on his mind.
“Well, one of my friends really likes you.”
“Huh?” I raised an eyebrow, surprised by his words, “Yes, and then?”
“Honestly, he probably wanted to tell you himself, but I thought I’d ask first. Do you have anyone special yet?” James asked. Who could it be? One of James’s friends likes me? I don’t even know any of his friends.
“Oh…I have a girlfriend now, sorry about that.”
“…” James looked stunned for a moment, “Really? You have a girlfriend now? Seriously? Why didn’t I know about this? You’ve always said you were single.”
“We just started dating yesterday.” I said, offering him a shy smile.
“Damn it.” James muttered softly while holding his forehead, “My friend really likes you, you know. At first, he said he wanted to court you himself, but I said I could definitely talk to you, so I took the initiative.”
“Oh…but I have a girlfriend now.”
“Hey, seriously, when are you going to break up?”
“James, that’s not nice.” I said, making a sour face at the person beside me, “We just started dating yesterday, why would we break up?”
“Just break up, trust me, my friend is way better.”
“What? That doesn’t matter. I have a girlfriend now.” I reiterated, noticing how James seemed uneasy. Would his friend be very disappointed?
“I’m sorry.” I apologized again.
“North, my friend is really rich, super handsome, perfect in every way.”
“James, what’s this? Are you trying to persuade me?”
“Yes, I’m cheering for my friend. Why not give it a chance?” “But I already have a girlfriend. Talking to someone else would be cheating, and I wouldn’t do that.” I said, shaking my head slightly in refusal, “I’m not the type to cheat on my girlfriend.”
“What’s her name?”
“Her name is Jaja, why do you ask?”
“My friend might love North more than this someone named Jaja does. He might take better care of you. If you close yourself off like this, you might miss out on someone who loves you more, don’t you think? Won’t you give it a chance?”
“Uh…” I was silent for a moment, swallowing hard. I get what James is saying, but still…”Even if that’s the case, he’s come at the wrong time, I guess. Maybe he’s the right person, but at the wrong time.”
“Wow, North, when you talk like that, it breaks my heart. My friend is quite the playboy, but he’s thinking about stopping for you.”
“Really?” I said softly. If what James is saying is true, then that guy must really like me, right?
“…”
“But…he’s still too late.”
“…”
“I’m sorry.”
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