NORTHHOWMUCHISYOURLOVE, Chapter 20 part 2
“My friend suggested that too, but I can’t remember.” I said. I’ve tried to remember, especially after Ter kept pressing me about it. If I want more memories from my past, they’d probably have to dissect my brain. I really can’t recall, the first time I heard Johan’s name was when he was mentioned around the university.
“Maybe Joe only remembers you?”
“Huh?”
“Like…You’ve never met Joe, right? Where’s your house? Not around here, right?”
“Yes, different province, but not that far.”
“See, Joe’s grandparents’ house is in a nearby province. You must have met a long time ago, otherwise, he wouldn’t like you this much.” Phii Prang’s words made me pause for a moment. At first, I really couldn’t figure out how we could have met, since his family lives here, and my home is in another province, “Wait, hold on, I’m in a boss gossip group chat, someone who passed by Joe’s grandparents’ house took pictures and posted them in the group, and everyone was shocked at how grand the house is. It’s even bigger than the chairman’s house here.”
Bigger than that?
Might as well call it a palace, then.
“Here, this is the house.” Phii Prang scrolled through her phone for a while and then showed me the screen.
Wait a moment.
This house.
Ch…
“Do you recognize it?” Phii Prang asked.
“It’s not just familiar.”
“I pass by it on my bike every day on my way to school.” “Hey, for real?! Are your houses close, or what? And why don’t we know each other then!!!” Phii Prang exclaimed excitedly. I was shocked too. What’s this? This can’t be real, I almost couldn’t believe it.
It’s a house that’s extremely beautiful, big enough to be called a mansion, covering half the alley. It’s beautifully decorated from the gate to the front garden. When I first saw it, I was super excited, wondering why there was a billionaire in our neighborhood. There were dozens of luxurious cars parked there. I still wonder how many people live in that house, why they need so many cars.
“No, our houses aren’t close to each other.” I said.
At first, I knew there was a big, beautiful house in another alley, and everyone around there knew each other. I even talked to my friends about whether that house had any children or grandchildren, if I could go and flirt, why they were so rich. My mom said they owned all the land around there originally, and then they built a housing estate for people to buy or rent. Even now, my mom is still paying off the house. Everything in the estate belongs to them, including the market where my mom sells her goods.
Damn…
Even my house too? You can’t own everything like this, Phii, T^T
“At first, I lived in another alley.” I started explaining to Phii Prang, “I just rode my bike around my own alley, until one day Uncle Maen, who lives at the alley entrance, got a dog named Banana. Banana really hated me, tried to bite me every time, so when going to school, I had to take a detour to another alley.” And that alley was quite complex, so by going around, I had to pass by that house every day.
“Oh dear, Banana, and you never met or heard of Joe? In the same housing estate?” “No, I’ve never heard anyone talk about any children or grandchildren from that house. Even my mom, who’s a vendor at the market, doesn’t know much, maybe they only stayed there for a short time?”
“Hmm, I don’t know about that. So, do you think Joe liked you because you rode past his house?” Phii Prang asked, making a face of disbelief.
“That’s funny, Phii Prang. Who would like someone just because they ride past their house? Think about it, how many people pass by in a day? He wouldn’t notice.” I said truthfully. If so, then what he said about possibly having seen me before must be true, but I never saw him.
“Maybe you met somewhere else.”
“Must have been like that.” I said, letting out a sigh. I’m still shocked that the house belonged to Phii Joe’s grandparents. If so, then all those luxury cars I saw might have been his.
“But I remember, Khunying, she once hinted to me that during middle school, Joe was quite the troublemaker.”
“Really?” I raised an eyebrow in question.
“Yes, yes, when he was young, he wasn’t very well-behaved, like a rich kid who spent money freely. Well, he still does that now, except now it’s his own money he’s spending extravagantly. Khunying said he was a headache, but he got better in high school, especially towards the end. He started taking his work and studies more seriously, but he still has some bad habits.”
“Bad habits?”
“Like drinking, smoking, women, that sort of thing. In university, you could still see those habits, but because he’s good at his work, the chairman and his wife didn’t say much, just let him be free, as long as he was still responsible for his work and studies. But lately, work has gotten so busy he can’t go out anymore. And that’s when I started seeing North becoming a regular in Joe’s life.” “Oh.” I nodded in understanding.
“And what do you think? Do you think Joe liked you from the start?”
“Uh, if I’m honest…No.” I paused, taking a moment to think, “At first, it seemed like he didn’t like me much. I genuinely felt that, but he gradually showed more affection.”
“Like he grew to like being with you more?”
“Yeah, I guess.” I said, feeling strangely embarrassed, thinking it was right to ask Phii Prang. Otherwise, I’d never know these things about Phii Joe; he never tells me anything, not even about general stuff like this. T^T
“Aww, look at you blushing. Who would’ve thought you were so close.” Phii Prang teased slightly. I could only give a faint smile. She glanced at her wristwatch, “I’d love to gossip more, but it’s time for me to get back to work. Can you stay here by yourself?”
“Yes.” I nodded.
“Oh, by the way, Joe asked me to give you this spare key card.” Phii Prang said, handing me the key card.
A spare key card for Phii Joe’s room?
“Thank you.” I said, taking the key card. How much does he trust me to give me a spare key card? Is he telling me I can come over whenever?
“Just so you know, no one else has a spare key card. Joe is quite protective of his personal space, like his room at home is off-limits.” Oh, right. I remembered that Aunt Da once mentioned that Phii Joe’s room at home didn’t even have a spare key.
“Hmm. Alright then, I’ll go. Don’t sneak out, or Joe will be mad when he comes back and doesn’t find you here, especially since you’re sick. Take your medicine and rest a lot. Joe should be done with his exams around three in the afternoon. So you can do whatever you need to do here.” “I understand.” I agreed. I wasn’t planning on going out anyway, and I’m too lazy to do so. I don’t know where I’d go, and I’m not up to attending classes. Even though the fever isn’t that severe, if I had to choose between studying and sleeping, I’d choose sleep. I waved goodbye to Phii Prang as she left the room.
I got up to wash the used cup at the sink, along with some unwashed dishes from the day before. Normally, there would be a housekeeper, I guess. Whatever, I’ll wash them now.
With nothing to do, I thought of messaging Nao on LINE to ask if he went to class despite being sick. When I opened Line, I noticed the engineering group chat was more active than usual, which made me think something must be up. I guessed it had something to do with the cheerleading club, but I decided to read the group chat first in case there was something else important.
Damn it.
The only word that came to mind after scrolling through the group chat messages was, “Damn it.” In summary:
Today is gear distribution day…
Everyone needs to rush to the cheerleading room before 1 PM. I guessed there must be cheer activities until evening, given the early afternoon start time. What should I do? I heard if you don’t go today, you won’t get your gear.
I really didn’t want to go out because Phii Prang had emphasized not to go anywhere, otherwise Phii Joe would get mad. But I wanted the gear, and so I decided to ask in the group chat:
North♣: If you’re sick today, can you get it later?
Primmm: North, are you sick? You didn’t come to cheer yesterday either, you’ll really get it now.
North♣: I have a fever, can I go another day? Primmm: Even if others have a fever, they still come. It has to be something serious like an accident for them to let you come another day.
North♣: Does it have to be an accident?
North♣: Should I run into traffic for a moment?
Primmm: Don’t be silly, come first. If you really can’t, you can ask to leave early, but you have to come and tell the seniors yourself, let them see that North is genuinely sick.
North♣: If I can’t make it, like I’m on the brink of death from the fever. Just lying here…
Sketh: @North♣. Have you been sick since last evening? That’s why you went to the doctor for an injection?
North♣: @Sketh, Skater, you bastard.
Primmm: North, come first, we’ll try to talk to the seniors for you. If you don’t come, you won’t get your gear, today is an important day.
North♣: TT
I only replied with that. If I could go and come back before Phii Joe returns, that would be best. I could go quickly and return before he’s back to avoid getting scolded. If he finds out I snuck out, he’d be upset for sure. It’s not just about being upset; I don’t want to worry him either.
North♣: Nao, are you going this afternoon?
☾.: Going. Are you sick too?
North♣: Yeah, thanks to you, the worst. You sneezed right into my face.
☾.: I had to get wet because of you too. Are you coming to get the gear?
North♣: That’s right. I don’t really want to go, but if I don’t, I won’t get the gear. ☾.: I’ll drag my body there. Heard Phii Prim said to tell the seniors beforehand that we’re not feeling well and ask to leave early, then pick up the gear another day.
North♣: Can we do that? Are you sure we can ask to leave early?
☾.: I think so. It would be pretty harsh if they didn’t allow it.
North♣: Have our seniors ever been kind before? And why do we need to get the gear today?
☾.: It was planned long ago. The seniors have been preparing since morning, but we don’t really care about the freshman activities, so we’re not that informed.
Yeah, that’s true. It’s not that I didn’t want to join the freshman activities, but with my part-time jobs, I haven’t been able to participate much. Even cheering, I was too lazy, so I found a way to skip like I did yesterday.
North♣: Or maybe I just shouldn’t go at all. Forget the gear.
☾.: Come on, at least for the first term, we agreed to participate in freshman activities for the gear, we almost died getting them.
☾.: Take i to your Phii Johan.
☾.: As a token of affection, you’ll be apart soon anyway, right?
☾.: Because he’s going to Boston.
North♣: Yeah, I’ll go. Let’s hope we can really leave early.
North♣: It’s in the afternoon, right?
☾.: It’s been changed. Now it’s at 12:30.
North♣: Alright, see you there.
☾.: Okay. I took the liberty of wearing Phii Fah’s shirt, which Phii Joe had borrowed to cover me last night, since I was already wearing it. It would be convenient to wash it all at once. Fortunately, there was no sun outside. Otherwise, I might have passed out on the way. The air was slightly cool. I hurried out of the room, hailed a pickup taxi back to my dorm to change into my faculty’s activity uniform.
If it weren’t for the gear distribution day, I wouldn’t have gone. I’m not that eager to get the gear, especially if it means getting scolded by Phii Joe. I’d rather not go. But as Nao said, it’s something to remember each other by when we’re apart. I wanted that, for an engineering student, the gear really is a token of affection.
I planned to just go for a bit and then ask to leave. Phii Joe would be done with his exams around 3 PM. I should have enough time to get back before he’s finished.
In my engineering activity uniform, wearing a raincoat fully zipped up and a face mask to show I was sick, I made my way to my faculty. I saw my friends lining up in front of the gear distribution area, sorted by student ID. I walked over to join them.
“Junior, what’s your ID?” asked a second-year senior.
“ID 249, uh, I can’t take off the raincoat, I’m sick.” I explained. Being sick wasn’t that bad, but the marks on my neck were another story.
“Oh, you’re sick? Can you manage?”
“Uh, not really. I was thinking of asking to leave early. My friend said it was okay to leave first, but if I’m sick, I have to inform the seniors.”
“Oh, I see. I’ll go tell them. Not sure if they’ll let you, though. Go line up with your friends first, we’re about to enter the cheerleading room.” the senior said, then led me to the line. My ID was right next to Duennao’s, who was also wearing a raincoat and face mask.
“How are you feeling?” he asked. “How do you think? I caught your cold.”
“Oh, we’re friends, right? Look at us, both wearing face masks and raincoats.”
“Is that something to be happy about?” I said, “I heard the senior from just now is going to tell the head seniors that we want to leave early.”
“But I asked another senior, and they said we could go, but we have to wait a bit, go into the cheerleading room first.”
“Yeah, that’s good then.”
We walked into the cheerleading room according to our student IDs. I just learned that the seniors required us to turn off and hand over our phones, with our IDs written on them to avoid mix-ups.
“I will return your phones after the activity, please turn them off.” a senior’s voice boomed loudly, making us flinch slightly. Why do people have to be so loud? My throat hurt just hearing it.
As soon as everyone entered and sat in the cheerleading room, the cold air from the AC hit me, making me feel cold right away. Come to think of it, we didn’t even turn on the AC last night because I was cold, but Phii Johan probably didn’t sleep very comfortably, sigh, I’ve made things difficult for him again. T^T
The seniors were briefing us on various tasks that the freshmen were supposed to do, including an annual event similar to a faculty concert, with different roles assigned, and everyone had to decide who would do what. From setting up stalls in the evening to building the stage, and various performances.
After a while, there was the usual seniors’ yelling, typical for the engineering faculty. The freshmen just sat there, heads down, eyes closed. The seniors talked about responsibilities, the cheerleading room, to teach us juniors. Then it was time to receive our gear, lining up one by one on the stage.
It took nearly an hour before it was my turn. “What time is it?” I whispered to Duennao next to me since I wasn’t wearing a watch.
“It’s almost two in the afternoon.”
“I’ve got the gear. Can we ask to leave early?” I said while looking at the gear I was holding. It was the usual gear, I had to hurry and ask to leave or things would get bad. I quietly asked a senior if I could leave early because I wasn’t feeling well, but the senior said to wait until everyone had their gear, just a little more patience.
The real issue was that Phii Joe would be done with his exam soon, T^T.
“What’s the number now?” I whispered to Nao again.
“312.”
“There are over nine hundred freshmen, holy, when will this end.” I sighed, is it really impossible to leave early? If we wait for everyone to get their gear, it’ll be evening.
“Why are you in such a rush? I don’t think the room is that cold. They’ve adjusted the AC for us.”
“I’m in a hurry.” I said, feeling restless. It would take almost fifteen minutes to get back to Phii Joe’s condo, I had to get there before he finished or he’d catch me sneaking out.
“Why the rush? Going to see Phii Joe?”
“Actually, I sneaked out. Phii Joe told me not to go anywhere, just to rest at the condo.”
“Oh shit, how did you get out?”
“He went for an exam, finishes at three in the afternoon.” I said.
“It’s just two now, will you get caught?”
“Yeah, he’ll definitely be mad.” “He’s just worried about you, you’re sick. Why would he tell you not to go out if there wasn’t a reason? See, you’re being stubborn.” Duennao said, which made me turn sharply towards him.
“I’m not being stubborn. I just wanted to get the gear quickly. You were the one who said to get it as something to remember him by, right?” I argued. I’m not being stubborn at all, they wouldn’t let me get it another day.
“You’re right about that, you can say it’s for him, he might understand. Even though you’re sick, you’re here to get gear because you want to give it to him.”
“Well, but I think he’d still be mad if he found out.” It’s better if he doesn’t know, before I coughed a bit from talking too much. The fever seemed stable, not getting worse but not improving either. For me, that’s manageable, I can live normally, just with a bit of discomfort.
“Senior, can I really not leave now?” I asked the senior standing nearby for the hundredth time. My mind was not on the activity now. It was half past two. There’s no way I’d make it on time if I didn’t leave soon.
“No, you can’t. Can’t you just wait for your friends?” the senior replied sternly. What about what they said earlier about being able to leave early? “Do you see the importance of this event?”
“But I’m sick.” I said, sounding equally annoyed. What does that have to do with the event’s importance? I am sick, for crying out loud. When they turned up the AC because someone complained about the heat, it made me feel even colder, making my fever worse.
“What was that about being able to leave, huh?” I whispered to Duennao.
“Well, the other senior said we could really leave, or maybe because it’s the head senior now, they won’t let us.” Duennao said, before starting to shiver from the cold in the room, “Damn, I’m going to die from the cold, is this a fish tank or what?” “Exactly.” Where’s Tiger? Why is he letting his ‘wife’ sit here shivering like this? “What time is it now?”
“2:42 PM.”
“I’m dead, I’m definitely dead.” I said. Damn it, why does it have to be like this? It’ll be almost five before we can actually leave, and my phone is off. Oh no, will Phii Joe worry about me? But he’ll definitely be mad, what should I do? I’m sorry, I really didn’t want to make him worry.
“You said we could leave, why isn’t it like we discussed? Why lie?” Duennao said in a hoarse voice, “We’re getting gear at the cost of our lives, is it worth it?”
“Is it really life or death? Damn it, Nao.”
“Huh?”
“I’m not calling you, just mentioning the cold.”
“Asshole, do you want to go to the bathroom? Then we can make a run for it.” Duennao suggested.
“Will they even escort students to the bathroom?”
“Why would he escort me? I’m a guy, for God’s sake, that’s so cruel.” Duennao said with a slight frown. I thought it was probably to prevent anyone from sneaking out.
“Freshman with ID 249, who is it!” The senior at the front of the stage shouted, making my heart jump when my ID was called. I quickly raised my hand and responded, “Please come to the front.”
I looked puzzled for a moment before standing up and walking to the front of the cheerleading room as instructed. I shook my head slightly when Nao asked from behind what was happening.
“Yes?”
“Your guardian has come to pick you up, you can leave now.”
?? Guardian?
Who, my mom? And why was it so easy to let me out now when before it was almost impossible? I looked confused at the senior before following him out of the cheerleading room.
!!!
Phii Johan
My heart sank when I saw Phii Joe standing outside in his student uniform, arms crossed, leaning against a pillar. When he saw me come out, he looked at me with an expressionless face.
Scary…
His eyes were clearly showing anger. I didn’t know what to do as he walked towards me. I was scared…Why does Phii Joe look so terrifying when he’s angry? My hands started to sweat, my heart began to race, before Phii Joe approached and grabbed one of my wrists, pulling me towards him.
!!
“Do you think everything I do is for what?”
“Do you know how worried I was when I got back to the room and didn’t see you?”
“Can you not just disappear from my sight like this?”
I sat in Phii Johan’s car without saying a word, the atmosphere in the car filled with tension, until the luxury car parked in the condo’s underground parking lot. I followed him up to the room, still not daring to say anything. I hated it when he was angry, it was so terrifying, it made me feel awkward and unsure of what to say or do.
“Phii…ah!” I walked over to where he had slumped onto the sofa, before being pulled to sit straddling him as usual, but no matter how many times it happens, I still feel nervous and uneasy each time. His face didn’t show much emotion, but I could tell he was angry and was trying to keep that anger in check.
Phii Johan pulled down my face mask and gently touched my lips with his finger.
“Ouch.” I said, instinctively turning my face away a little, wincing from the pain. My lips were really hurting now, and he still hadn’t said anything.
“Phii…I’m sorry, today was gear distribution day. If I didn’t go, I wouldn’t get the gear.” I tried to explain, “I didn’t mean to make you worry. I’m really sorry.” I felt genuinely guilty.
“…”
Phii Johan still didn’t say anything, but it seemed like he was waiting for me to say something more. I took one of his hands and placed my gear in his palm.
“I’m giving this to you.”
“…” He didn’t say anything, just glanced briefly at what was in his hand.
“I heard someone say, for an engineering student, giving your gear to someone means entrusting your heart to that person.”
“Can I entrust it to you?”
“…”
“I like you, you know.”
“…”
“I really like you a lot, I’m sorry, and thank you for being with me. No one has ever taken care of me like you do. I’ve never had anyone do for me what you’ve done. I used to think my days were good enough. But when you came into my life, everything felt even better.”
“…”
“Thank you, really.”
“You…”
“…” “Why are you so damn cute?”
The song “Until You” – Shayne Ward
Baby life was good to me
But you just made it better
I love the way you stand by me
Through any kind of weather
I don’t wanna run away just wanna make your day
When you feel the world is on your shoulders
I don’t wanna make it worse just wanna make us work
Baby tell me I will do whatever
It feels like nobody ever knew me until you knew me
Feels like nobody ever loved me until you loved me
Feels like nobody ever touched me until you touched me
Baby, nobody, nobody until you
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